Page 7 - Episode 270: Eeples and Baneenees

Episode Date: September 13, 2018

Jackie, Molly and Henry discuss the Paul McCartney GQ interview, "Great British Bake Off" goss and debate if Alex Trebek is a daddy. Go to http://phlur.com today and use promo code PAGE7 to get 20% off your custom Phlur sample set! Want even more daddies? Support us on Patreon for access to bonus content! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Bossa Bossa, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I know who I want to suck my teeth Did you just steal my phone over? I know who I want to suck my kid. You saw me taking a big breath as I was about to go into a song. You know that I was about to sing. It's my baby. I know that's a better song than what I was going to sing, but you guys want to know what I was going to sing?

Yes. Hey, Mr. DJ put a record on I want to dance with Males, baby. Wow, wow. Wow. Mine was about nursing because Molly's got a nurse today. Molly is a nurse every day. Every day. All day, every day.

I'm so curious. What are you curious about? I'll answer any of your questions. We can just turn this episode into an AMA. I'm a breast feeder, you know? So you make milk right now? All the time. It's always there.

Wow. Whoa. Wait, have you started going through your shirts yet? That happens more at the beginning when your body is like, Like, ooh, I don't know how much milk I need. But, yeah, yeah, that has definitely happened. Like if you, like one time I was at the bar and I was nursing her on one side and then, you know, just big old. Nursing a beer on the other side?

Big old puddle on the other side. Oh. Whoa. Yeah. You can drink beer and nurse? You can drink like one beer and nurse. Wait, do you. That's awesome.

Do you do like Monday, Wednesday, Friday she uses the right? and then Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, she uses the left. What? You know, she eats like eight to ten times a day. So it's like, I kind of alternate throughout the day. Man, eight to ten times a day, I wish. I wish I had that kind of metabolism. What?

Eating eight to ten times a day. You can, but you've got to eat the smaller meals. You've got to eat nuts and anchovies. You could probably eat breast milk eight to ten times a day. You've been drinking to breast milk? I mean, I've never, like, drank a lot of it. But, you know, I think it's like a nutritionally sound food. If Jackie wanted to try some sort of like breast milk diet, you could, you know,

people donate their milk to other people so that their babies or perhaps independent adults can have it. Just giddy and drink it? Yeah, it's just about to ask. Can you really do it? No, the only thing is that when you're making a bottle, you want to make sure that it's not too hot. And so you put a little drop on your wrist and then you can taste it. It tastes like sugary milk. Whoa.

You should put it in coffee. They make it out. They make ice cream out of it. I've considered what it would be like in coffee, but I've never put, but it would be great. It's like sugar milk. You guys love milk. You would love breast milk. Ooh, okay.

Welcome to page seven because no one introduced the chef. So I guess I'm going to do it. This is page seven. This is with the host. We don't need to introduce the show. You always have to introduce the show. That's how it goes. This is how podcast has to.

have a beginning. Molly Neffle. I am Molly Neffle. You are Henry Zabrowski. Yes. I'm Jackie Zabrowski. That's it. That's how you have to start it. So people know the show is starting, even though we've been talking about breast milk the entire time. You started, you immediately jumped into asking your questions about breast milk. Because that's my job. My job is to be curious man on the outside because my breasts will never be filled with milk. I hope mine aren't, but who knows what's going to happen. You are you taught, you want, you want children. You want this. I would rather, I just wish that I could make them produce milk and get puppies and nurse the puppies. Uh-huh.

Man, I was watching a big old hog get sucked on by its kids. Where was this at the mall? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not supposed to call on that anymore. No, I was at a farm, and I was scared of the sheep. What are you do it on a farm? I was scared of the sheep, because sheep are a lot bigger than you think that they are. Yes, and they're strong.

They're too big. Their head was the size of my whole breast torso. or so. Ugh. Yeah. That's interesting because I still look at them. It's like, it's whatever I can eat. Yeah, you can eat them.

But if you make them wet, they get smaller because the hair gets smaller. Well, they were in a barn. They're a muscular species, man, and they're angry and they are a herd animal that if you've, if you've ever seen a herd of sheep, it's a little bit terrifying. Whoa. That and like, if you ever get, you ever been surrounded by goats? No. It's very scary.

Why are you getting all this nature in you all? all of a sudden, where you been? I was in the mountains. I was on a farm. You're changing a lot. You're trying to become a mountain woman, and I see some of it makes a difference. I could see it. You make beans every day now.

I don't make beans every day. You make beans every day? No, I don't make beans every day. I don't make beans every day. When you make milk, do you have to eat more protein to make more milk? You're supposed to eat. I'll tell you what the damn lactation consultant told me when I left the hospital. She was like, breastfeeding burns about 500 calories a day.

So be sure to eat a little bit of extra food. Roughly one avocado. That's it? That's all the extra? Fuck off lactation consultant. I've been eating much more than one avocado per day. Yeah, I imagine. Screw that.

Yeah, you got somebody gnawing on you? That's a burrito. As far as I'm concerned. Yes, for sure. But also, man, those piglets were just nond. They're gnawn on them. I guess are they udders still? Yes.

Is it still udders on a pig? Yes. I'd say it's teets. I think it's technically teets. I don't think I like the word teets. Who does? Not me. No.

No, you never call her breast teats because you're not a dog. Although I will say that this experience has made me very aware of the fact that I'm a mammal. and it's very odd. I feel very much like, I tried to watch planet Earth the other night, and I couldn't even enjoy it because I was weeping about all the babies, you know, who needed their mothers

to give them food because it was too real. And I was like, I'm a mammal. I'm not, us humans think we're so different than animals and we're just all, I'm a mammal. Oh God, that's horrible. And Gideon's like, I'm just going to go outside. Just because all this is getting frightening. John, she's eating popcorn.

She's in, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Molly, you're a mammal. Man, do you ever see those videos of the whales? And when they take the babies away from the whales? And now the whales, in different pods, they speak different languages, different whale languages. But when you put two, hey, don't, don't, it's very sad you listen to my story. If they put them into the tanks, these are the bad SeaWorld people. And then they take the babies away from them.

And then the mothers mourn in the tank. because they're separated from their babies, and then the other mothers come, and even though they don't speak the same language, they comfort them because they know that they were taken. Because sadness is international. Do we feel that these were the slower whales, which is how they got into the tanks in the first place?

And you wonder if they were just a little bit faster, or if they wanted a little bit more, they would have never have gotten there. Are you blaming the whales for being put into the tanks? I'm saying they're far bigger than the hunters And if they didn't want to go in the tanks They should have protested a bit much more Than they did

Whales are a peaceful animal Henry Have you ever heard baby beluga Yes God I hate Rafi Well I'll tell you what We had a postmaids delivery man the other day Whose name was Rafi And I thought it was gonna be him

Did you ask him He opened up and go Bring ring ring ring ring Banana phone No No Okay a couple of things about Rafi. First of all, he's a big Bernie Sanders guy and a big

leftist. And he's really great on Twitter. It's because he doesn't have any hair. And two, you hate Rafi? Yes. You know what? It's time for everyone to know. She's very controversial with that stance. I have a neutral stance on Rafi. I'm against Rafi. I think that there's something about, you know what it is? I feel like I put it in the same category as children's singing, which is why I will never watch the sound of music. The sound of music is good though.

Those are not children. Those are back, this is back in the day when kids were more professional. I don't want them to be professional. I understand that you're, I support and understand your hatred of children singing,

but you're really drawing lines that are too hard because first of all, Rafi is an adult, not a child. And just because children sing along with him doesn't mean it's children singing. Like, it's not, they're not like,

baby balloon. That's what you hate, Jackie. That's what you hate. Yeah, you don't mind children's voices. You don't like kids that are trying to sound like adults. But I also don't like adults with an acoustic guitar going like, Baby Balooke in the deep,

because that's the man that snaps and murders all the children. That is because you, when you were struggling in New York, you had the job, you worked at the pie shopping, you worked at other things. You were a nanny for a while. I'm going to say, and that's where a lot of your hardship comes from. I love kids. But sure.

But when you were... I love them. I love children. But when you work at the pie shop, it's like, you've never really had a true to do the truly degrading performances you have to do when you're trying to be like, I'm going to make it as the performer. Where it's like I did those shows where I sang to children,

where you're going to... It was a weird time period of my life. When did you sing to children? There was a period in time where I forget what the fucking job was. But I went with children. We were entertaining children. What the fuck was that job? I want to say it was when I did Enterprise and we had Kids Day.

And it happened every six months or so where I'd have to go and sing songs because they brought the kids to work because these were mothers. They didn't have time. They didn't have daycare. They didn't have the money for that. This was for when I was working for the not-for-profit realty company. Sounds like a scam. But see, the thing is, though, if you're going to sing the children, do it the way Jack Black does it in School of Rock. I'm very pro school of rock.

I don't know. I am a real, real hard. The two pieces of media that my child will have unlimited access to are all Mr. Rogers episodes and all Rafi concerts. And the thing about Rafi, I was hanging out with my two-year-old and one-year-old nephew recently. And the thing about Rafi is that he has a song about everything in a kid's life. And it's great. My nephew had something in his shoe.

And I was like, trouble with my foot. There was something in my shoe. And you always, if you're a real Rafi aficionado like I am, then you can always have a song about any topic that comes up in a kid's life and it's very useful. I guess this is growing up. I guess this is growing up. See, I would just make up my own songs

though. It's like, shoe, shoe, there's goo in my shoe. Oh, no, there's goo in my shoe. But that's only because you're going to be half filled with wine spritzer whenever you're talking to your children. Very true. There's going to be times when you're not, though, and you're going to want a preloaded song that's already done. That is true. Your child's going to come up and be like, Yeah, my mother's breath always smelled like wine sprints her

And she used to make up terrifying songs But there's a friend of mine Which I think is something that I hold dear Of what I would hope to achieve as a mother Is that she said every time I hear ice in a rocks glass I think of my mother And I was like, that's the kind of mom I want to be That is a great goal

I think it's going to be good Like Joan Crawford Yeah and those kids came out, they're great They all those kids came out great I'm not going to strap the kid to the bed. Molly is a real mother. So now she understands. This is what you have to do.

When you're playing kid songs all day long, is it all day long? You're going to start, but you're going to have to give them some pop punk, right? That was where you came from. Wasn't you a skanker? Oh yeah.

Whoa, hey. Yeah. Big skanker. No, my goal is, I'm just going to play her in my wedding playlist all her life honestly because that, you know, I think that, like, power ballads are as much in the kid, like,

as Rafi songs are because you just need like repetitive, emotional. You know, those are the two things that you want. Oh, yeah. Does Rafi sing the bumblebee song? You know the bumblebee song? No. Which one? Oh, that one.

Don't, no, no, no. Big it out my baby bumblebee. Won't my mommy be so proud of me. I'm bringing home my baby bumblebee. Ouch. It's done me. Yeah, and then you fucking kill it. I think that rapese songs are not that annoying.

Like, Eples and Beninis is annoying, you know, but I think that... God, I hate Eples and Beninis. Yeah, I honestly... I hate... Well, it's mostly... We don't like the term Eples or Beninis. It makes me really upset. But a part of it also got to do with it.

But if not... What I am trying to reduce is my... Less of my negativity on things. that give some very dumb people joy. And I don't want them to, I don't want to take their joy. If you like Eples and Beninis, don't do what the fuck it is

that you want to do with your worthless life. No. That's not what I meant. I'm just saying, it's not worthless. It's like saying puppers. I still don't enjoy the term puppers. I don't understand why you don't like the term puppers.

Because it's, I don't like intentionally babyified language. I'm with you, Henry. I don't like when people say puppers either. Or dogos. But I'm not going to say don't. Yeah. See, I think those are cute.

Like, borkies. You like borky? Sort of, but I don't call it like my little borky. Bork, pork, pork, pork, bork. Yeah, but she's not a borky. Wendy, technically, is too smart to be a borky. She is too smart to be a borky. You're right.

There's definitely tears of puppers and borkies. No, it's, I call it. What do you just call her? Because then you just call her your little girl. Yeah. It's a dog. She's a dog. I call the dog.

I call her my little monkey. See, there you go. But that's cute. It's very cute. But I think I'm pro doggos and puffers, but I understand. How do you feel about all that heckin stuff, you know? I don't feel, I feel nothing anymore. Yeah.

I'm just one giant callous. One giant internet callus. Yeah, but what if you just decided to start, um, eat, E, E, Pos and Beninis. I don't like it. Do you like to... How do you feel about opals and bononos? Ah!

I'm fine with those. Opals and bononos makes more sense. I guess. It's like when our cousins called our grandma, we'd call our grandmother Ma'mar, but they called her Mimi, and something about it made me mad. You called your grandmother MoMar?

Mimar. Eam's dead. She's fucking dead. Yeah. But you know, was not dead yet, Paul McCartney. How? I don't know how he's not dead yet. You know what?

He's only 72 years old and I thought he was a lot older than that. Only 72. You're kidding. Oh, 76. Excuse me, 76. Wow, still. He does look tight, though. Well, this is an old picture. That's him from, I know. That's 1963.

I know that. Paul McCartney looks fantastic. He's looking really good for 70. But have you guys heard anything about this GQ interview that Paul McCartney did? I saw it and I was like, I don't even really want to look into it. I know that he, on Howard Sterny came out and he straight up said that John Lennon broke up the Beatles, which is fine. He's been saying stories for fucking 25 years. Yeah, but these are news stories.

But I want to hear the stories about the threesomes. See, that's the thing, is that it's all the sex stories now. But what I was really, so when I first saw the article and everyone was like, it's like all over the place, was like, all right, let's get some dirt. You know what, the dirt wasn't even that good. No. Honestly, maybe it's, I know it's a different generation. It's a different time.

However, like, reading this stuff, it's like, oh, they all, see, the Beatles used to, like, they used to circle jerk. Yeah, but it was way more, I guess, but like Marcus used to circle jerk. Yeah, huh. But Marcus is not a good example. It's true. They were just, like, bored boys in Texas. Yeah, but that's what the thing is, you're bored boys.

Me and my friends never circle jerked each other because we had a fucking, that we just didn't, we just didn't do that. Yeah, I think it's still, I think despite the fact that we know somebody who's done it, I still think it's still a rather exceptional thing to do. I think so, but it seems to be they were, it was like a partying moment. No, they did

it often. But also at the same time, you got that much money. Them's many drugs. You're hanging out and you could fuck whoever you want, whenever you want. What else are you going to do? See, it's just very

strange British games because they said they would call out names and then masturbate. They would go like, Bridget Baldow. And then everyone would just start jerking off. And then John would go, Winston Churchill. And they go, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then they still jerk out. They wouldn't come. Well, they don't really understand if you're in mid jerking off, I'm not jerking off to do it halfway.

Yeah, I just like, but I do like the way that he throws it. He's like, it wasn't a big thing. But, you know. You got to do the voice. I know. It wasn't a big thing. But, you know, it was just a good thing. It didn't think much of it was just a gruel.

Oh, yeah, it's quite wrong to you when you think about it, but there's so many things like that from a little kid, you look back and it's like, did we do that? But it was just good one with fun. It didn't hurt anyone, not even Bridget Baldow. You, oh my God, I thought Paul McCartney was in the room, and I was like, hey, man, don't take out your dick.

Once I was a lot, get a wibety rip, I go down the octopus's garden, I make a couple of ropes. And another one of the stories is just essentially that John Lennon is just like, oh, you want me to do it? Oh, Joan Lennon, June Lennon. He, oh, he found an old bird. The old bird fancied him. So he said, hi, old bird.

Come on back to my shag. And then when they shag, he had, she had, the bird had a husband. And then the husband started to watch. Sorry to change. I think you're doing a great job. You're just not doing, you're doing a cockney. You're doing like the. Oh, is that what it is?

It's too low class. Yes. Yeah, you're doing like the trash. Trashy person who was hanging out with them. So the man was a cuck then? Yes. Now known as a cuck. Hey man, whatever makes you squirt your juice.

But all I know is you got to be cucked by a legend. Yeah, if you got cucked by John Lennon, I mean, doesn't get any better than that. I don't know. To me, it does get better than that. I would say it would be like a Charles Barkley. Do you think that Gideon, if you wanted to lay pipe with John Lennon and Molly, Would you think that Gideon would want to watch? I thought you were going to ask about the like celebrity exceptions, you know, if we had celebrity exceptions.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that would also make sense. I don't think we have a celebrity cuck list, but we have a. Oh. Maybe you guys should think about it. You are married. What are you five years in at this point? No.

Five years? Three years. Three years of marriage, almost. Two and a half years. Wait, what's on your exceptions list? Idriselba. Yeah. It's just a list.

It's just a list of 100 pages with Idriselba's name on it, basically. Yeah. That's great. What's Gideon's? You know, he doesn't talk about who he finds hot as often as I talk about who I find hot. Good for you, girl, go for you.

And also, whenever he does, I'd never let him forget it. He'll be like, I think Emily Blunt is pretty. And then every time she's on the screen, I'm like, do you want to marry her? You know. I'm just going to step outside. It's Gideon's new catchphrase. John's still just eating popcorn watching.

Well, you guys have a list, right? No. You don't have like a, like if, if, you know. Well, Natalie will never say, but it seems to be the beat's up because then she always makes fun of the people that I imagine she would be attracted to where I always say like an Antonio Van deris. Yeah, or slash or some of those people are like, like, or, like, or Danzig.

Yeah. She said that she almost threw up when I said dancing. So she has not thrown down any names. No, I don't know what she's thinking. See, the problem with a man is that eventually it could boil down to just straight up, just being like, the woman I saw at the coffee bean. Yeah. There's the woman at the coffee bean who's nice to me the one time.

I bought the kind bar and she said it was her favorite. That sounds really scary? What do you mean? Is that not scary? Or is that just how love starts and I just don't understand? What do you mean? It must have been What are you talking about?

Buying a kind bar for someone Just because it's like, I know that this is the one she eats And then I think about when the bar is inside of her mouth And then it's like my mouth is on her mouth. No, you're saying you're thinking it's, you think it's flirting Because you buy the kind bar and you're so broken on the inside And then she just offhandedly says, oh, I love that kind of kind bar. And you're just like, I'm in.

We're just like, that means nothing. I think you're just a romantic. Those cashiers are liars. Oh yeah, I mean, I lied about that shit all the time. What, yeah? I worked at a pie shop for eight years, and you know what? I don't like pie. Yeah, but you grew to not like pie.

I never really liked pie. I don't like the consistency. I'm with you. It's sludgy. I'm a cake person. Yeah. I like cake more of a cake. I'm more of an ice cream cake.

Ooh. I have been jones and for some frozen yogurt lately, and I tell you, I haven't gotten it yet. Go get it. I want it right now. You can walk and go get it anytime. We live next to the yogurt land. I think that I can't go get frozen yogurt and put all the fixons on it the way I want to if I'm by myself. Is that sad?

No, you can. Why? I've done it. But you're a mother. No, I did well before I was a mother. Yeah, she's just living her best life. Yeah. I think I just feel like I'd be judged.

Put some chopped up candy bars on it, man. No one's going to judge you. They're all at the frozen yogurt store. Yeah, they're all there. It's sitting like a bunch of junk. drooling fiends trying to put jelly beans and everything. The last time I went to a yogurt land, I, for two people, I spent $19 on frozen yogurt. Yeah, yeah, that's where they get you because they make some of the top and taffier than you

think of it is. They're so heavy. Yeah. Yeah, that's not a reflection on the amount of yogurt you were eating. It's a reflection on how much they charge. You're right. You're right. You know what? Thank you. You're right. It's a problem with the yogurt land. You got to listen to Molly. Because Molly, you understand. Now that she's a mother. She's a mother. Now that she's a mother, she's got a certain wisdom.

The wisdom comes out of her uterus. I don't know. I don't know. There's cells in her. Yeah, it comes out. Now look how wise she is. You are very wise. It's like one of those kinder chocolate balls where you break it and then there's a surprise inside.

I liked it when they had all the minions toys inside of those. I hate the minions. Actually, I'm neutral on the minions. I don't know anything about them. I think they're a lot of fun. They have a banana. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-na-na. No, isn't that a thing?

I don't understand any of this. This gives you from hanging out with children. I don't understand. Potato. I hate it. I hate it. I'm moving past neutral to hate. And you lasted about 10 seconds.

Yes, that's it. Immediately flipped up. Immediately filled with rage. Talk about not immediately filled with rage. The new season for Great British Bake Off, which you have not seen, Molly, right? You just started watching it I watched my first

Okay so you know I watch Food Network like 23 Of 24 hours a day I just it's just on always I know I know every Food Network person And I really that's my shit And everyone

My whole life has been like You would love great British bakeoff You like nice people And you like cooking shows But I don't It's like made for you That's what everyone says But I really like the trash

Like I like how trashy Food Network is. Like, I like, it's like petty, you know, and like, and, and, uh, I mean, I don't always like the pettiness because I like the kids shows where they all help each other. But like, I was like, I don't know if I want a bunch of stodgy British people. But then I, so I've, I've seen one episode and I admit that it is a lot of fun. It is very charming. It will crawl into your brain. And what it is is that you already, you still live in New York, so you're still used to be things being difficult. When it's like, well, all of a sudden, when you get back out of him, you pop out of New York, You're like, oh, what about ease?

Yeah, life is nice. Isn't it? You could look a great British baking show, and it's nice because they don't fight. But it's all about, you learn about all the different types of cakes. But I will say, the newest season, I think is actually better than any of the previous seasons. So the whole thing, so Molly, what episode, like, what, where did you jump in? I don't, okay, so the episode, I could tell you what they were making, but I don't know if that's going to help. Was it Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry and then the two lady hosts?

Yes. See, I'm a diet. hard. Those are the OGs. I love that teeming. Absolutely. And Henry told me to start watching the newest season because they moved from BBC to Channel 4 and so thusly lost Mary Barry, lost the two women, and had to get two new hosts. They still have eyes of steel, Paul Hollywood, which thank Christ, and also follow him on Instagram because man does he love to race motorcycles. He loves motorcycles. Oh my God, his eyes can just, oh, Cut through a diamond.

You're really attracted to Paul Hollywood? You know, I like his confidence. He's like a guy who you're supposed to be attracted to. No offense, Jackie. I know, of course. Well, honestly, if only she was with him, maybe you could do somebody who could help our family. Maybe having that kind of money flow into the house could help the entire family.

I already had another daddy struggle this week. I know you had a daddy struggle. I had a big daddy struggle with Alex Trebek. Why? Because of the beard? Yeah, because he came out with a beard And everyone Like flooded the internet with

You know, Zaddy, he's our daddy Yeah, but Zaddy's our smart daddy But he's just like everyone was into like smart daddy And I, this is difficult for me to say Because I really struggled with it I don't think I want to fuck Alex Trebek Yeah, I don't think it's for you But you know what?

You'd be surprised how much he fucking drinks That's what you'd like about him Does he? Dude is fucking... You just want to get drunk with Alex Trebek back. I mean, I'm into that. He is blind-ass drunk. What? Yeah. No. Yeah. I mean, he's been doing the same thing every day at 3.30 for like 25 years. It's

got to be rough. Yeah, he's fucking hammered. But go back, while you look this up for proof, the Green British Bake Off, the new one is really good because it's finally actually funny. Like the two new hosts are actually funny. They're not just cute. They're making me laugh out loud. You're starting to see that actually Maybe the problem of the show Was Mary Barry Hey But listen, I love skeleton mouth Mary Barry

I love her little butthole lips I love how she eats things only a crumb at a time And she says scrummy I miss all of that But the problem is is that Oh, so scrimmy Scrummy Oh, so scrimmy

There's a good crumb on this It's got a good bake No soggy boy And she will be smelled And she will be smelled We'll be smelled. And that's how you get Adam Levine to fall in love with you. You ain't got to be a Victoria's Secret model.

You just got to smell like one. I mean, I guess it would help to look like one, but screw that. I'm lodging in charge of my crevoss essence, because babies, I use flur. Bring the feeling back into fragrance with flur, because you can touch all you. you want of my round towns, but baby a smell is worth a thousand caresses. Get to know flurred scents with pictures, words, and music on their site, and if you like

what you hear and see, odds are you like the scent, because that woman from Dillards is squirt grabsie, and who needs that kind of finger perfumed gropes? Never in a Dillard's! That's a down-low Macy's move. Each flur's scent is created by world-class perfumers and, and in the inspired by real moments for your real life. Not some silly idea that a celebrity or a clothing designer thinks you should live up to. Adam Levine knows I will be smelled, but he ain't asking me to be no Prince Lou, am I right? Slap them smellies right at your doorstep and try them on your own skin. I'm sorry, Dillard's salesperson ain't no free perfume massage needed, because I know your ploy.

You just like my tender meats. The best part after watching the forlorn look of rebuffed smells woman, Fleur is a completely transparent fragrance company. They tell you every ingredient in their perfumes and why it's there. No secrets, no nasty ingredients, and no BS. But I do bet their squirt hands are utter soft, so I'll definitely dream about it. Their scents are gender-free, like the hepcat I dig.

It's the perfect amount of smoky with none of the cat. Garfield wishes he could smell this good. Or maybe he's more leaning towards a zanya moussereil, but you feel me. The scent sticks around all day, so the smells people know 25-7 that I am sent tethered to Flur, and they can't have me. Don't you try to suck my essence, you fragrance, death eater? Flore creates a sustainably crafted award-winning perfumes, delivered with transparency at an honest price.

What's not to love? Man, I bet death eaters give great downstairs kiss a death though Gimmy, give me sucky, sucky. Go to fleur.com today and use promo code page 7 to get 20% off your custom flur sample set. Pick three cents to try and get credit towards a full-sized bottle of your favorite. That's promo code page 7 at flur.com to try three flur fragrances of your choice at 20% off. P-H-L-U-R dot com. Come grab my round tones.

Aw, she misses her soggy bottoms. She tweeted that out. Yeah, well, she caused tension on set. Her and Paul used to fight a lot. And I think that they used to bring that up. And also the constant needling of Paul. Now the two hosts are having more fun. They're a little more inclusive with Paul.

He's doing bits now with them. And it's kind of fun. He's doing a good job. He's getting loose. He's whipping his dick out. You know, the interesting thing that I know about Paul Hollywood is speaking of his dick, he fucked Marcella from

Food Network. Really? Which one's Marcella from Food Network? She's real hot. Hotchi-Machi. Talk about following her on Instagram. I follow her on Instagram obsessively and I think that they both ruined the marriages they were currently in with their affair.

Oh, that's right. We're talking about that in like a blind item or something? You know what? I know you're not supposed to like destroy marriages or anything, but you know what? Good for them. Have a row. This is what you're saying for them to have her off. Now she's with this other guy and she's got two really cute kids with him. So I think she came out on top.

But yeah, that Paul Hollywood guy definitely like had a scandalous affair with another like baking lady. There was rumors. There was rumors too that he was maybe sliding in to some of the contestants as well. There's, of course he was. Remember that dumb idiot that looked like a Bambi deer? The hot one. Yes. I hated her.

And she talked like this And she was a Major of philosophy And she was just Oh, I don't think it's going to be very good I liked her hipster vibe Oh, she was a dumb nuts And she was definitely

Jealous Jealous of her connection to Paul Hollywood Maybe Yeah, this is what sounds like it You don't like the fact that his fucking breadstick Got slick with her butter or not yours Yeah Well my butter's got garlic in it

Ugh. Jesus Christ. In other terms, though, Alex Trebek is an alcoholic. Oh, yeah, of course. Confirmed. Confirmed, alcoholic. Okay, I take it back. I do want to have sex with him.

This is what I'm saying? Okay, I'm into it. What does it say here? Well, the whole thing, Molly, I don't know. Did you see the picture of him? He came out that, so he, you know, he had the iconic mustache for a really long time, then he shaved it off, there was national upset, and now he came. came back in a new season and he has a full beard.

Oh, look at this. This is so funny. He did a whole thing he may retire on a whim for the Hollywood reporter and he kind of a couple of good lines where he says, I no longer drink when I drive. I pull over to the side of the road. Right on how much the brunch costs. I think it's $350. I got my money's worth because I was the only one drinking at the table.

Yeah. Alex Shrek. All right. Daddy. I like the beard better. I like the beard. I do. too. Yeah, I like it. It's impersonations of Hollywood icons that Trebek really nails,

though he doesn't really like to let on how much effort he puts into the routines. I've noticed in last few years I don't think I'm very good at them anymore. He told the Jeopardy audience during one time out, probably a factor of too much alcohol. If I could learn to stop drinking the morning of taping, that would help a lot. But you see, I have trouble sleeping. Yesterday, for an instance, I woke up at 2 o'clock and was awake until 515, and then my alarm went off at 525. Today I woke up at 3 and I was awake until 520. I'm of the old school. which says it's five o'clock somewhere, so why not now? Yeah, Alex are back!

Wow! That's alcoholism. What a fun alcoholic. Yes, but he also, like, he listens to a lot. He goes to a church quite a bit. I mean, you can be both. There's a lot of wine with that Jesus Christ. It's the blood of the Christ.

Well, he came out with the beard, and now Stephen Colbert, who also has recently grown a beard, which, Daddy Alert, looking great. He has challenged him to a trivia face-off because he has. he said that both of them can't have beards. So he, like, called out Alex Trebek and is asking him to come on the show to have a trivia off with him and whoever loses has to shave off the beard on live television. What is with the big PR grab for Jeopardy? Honestly, why are they putting so much effort in, not that I don't think Jeopardy deserves it,

but why are they... Maybe he's dying. He could be dying. Well, he might leave. And he said there's a surprise for Jeopardy as well that's not his beard that he's trying to to do. But it does, it's very strange where they're, this is a full rollout. This is the most we've heard from Alex Trebek and fucking a long-ass time. It might not be that he's dying, but that the people who watch Jeopardy are dying. See, I, see, I guess I forget that not all people,

on the Twitch stream we do every week, we talk about Jeopardy a lot because our good friend Kellyn has moved from New York to Florida, lives with his father and also has started watching Jeopardy every night at 7.30. Well, that's become, he's living the life of a retiring. Yes, and so his alarm goes off every day at 730 to remind him to go watch Jeopardy. And I was just like, who watches Jeopardy anymore? You know what? I watched an episode of Jeopardy not that long ago. Delightful. Yeah, Jeopardy's wonderful. Why don't we watch Jeopardy? Oh, it's always fun. Always. It's great. I don't want it to go anywhere. You don't like trivia. I am very smart. I'm not saying you're dumb. I'm just saying that you don't particularly enjoy trivia.

I hate trivia too, Jackie. Yeah, we hate trivia. trivia. I don't know anything. Just release. Yeah, I don't know anything. And even if it's bar trivia, unless it's like pop music of this week, like I could do that. I was in the quiz bowl in elementary school and in high school.

I did very well in both levels. And I was constantly roasted by this one. Me? By saying that I, because I like trivia and I do like trivia. And it will be, I will eventually be on Jeopardy, but I'm hoping it's easy celebrity Jeopardy Jeopardy Jeopardy Jeopardy Easey Jeopardy Jeopardy? Yes. Oh, yes.

That's the whole premise of like SNL Celebrity Jeopardy is that they're just celebrities, the celebrities are such dumb shits, except for Cream Abdul Jabbar who's very smart. Really? Very smart. Very tall. Is it, is that, you think it's something to do with how tall they are that they get more smarts in there because they got more meat and more blood? Kissel can barely read, so no.

Very true. That's not true. Kistle can't read. No, he's very smart. and he knows a lot about politics, but also, speaking of blood, have you heard about these vampire facials? Oh, what is this?

Um, I, I guess this has been a thing for a while that I was not aware of because I don't, I'm not a goop. You know, I don't know a whole lot about what's going on in the health and, and, uh, body segment of life. I thought you do read a lot of goop.

I hate goop. But I thought that you, that's why you read it. I mean, yeah, I do look through it a lot. But I try not to retain any information because as previously stated, I hate it. trivia. So this stuff though, vampire facial is basically they take out vials of your blood and then they

take little needles and they shove the blood back in your face with tiny needles into your face and then you're covered in blood. What a stupid, stupid world we live in. And it's been going on for a long time because I think it was in 2013 or 2014 Kim Kardashian got it done. But she was pregnant at the time so she couldn't take any like pain relievers or anything. So she was just like, that was like, not. Not fun. Who are? What's wrong with all of these fucking... Even if you're pregnant, I don't think that you should have, like...

You're not supposed to get a tattoo when you're pregnant. I don't know if you should have, like, vials of your own blood injected into you. Into your own face! But now there's a big widespread spread problem because with dirty needles and such, there's a lot of blood-borne infections like HIV and hepatitis B and C that are getting spread because of it. What is wrong with us? We deserve whatever we get. Whatever happens to these people...

If you want blood to rush to your feet... face, just do a headstand. Yeah, just slap yourself in a face a couple of times. Yeah, or slap yourself. Or get a loved one to do it. Don't look at me like that. Don't hit me. Don't hit me.

Help, no, it's like, Molly, I'm going to show you how. I'm not going to hit bad, but look at how much younger, Jackie's going to look. You ready? He's going to hit me bad. Oh, God. No, no, no, but look how much younger you are. Look, wait, wait. Ow.

You're so much younger like this. Do I look younger? You look like you're nine. Do I? You have to remember, I'm the younger sibling, too. I cannot ally with you. Well, the problem is that John is living with you now, so that means he loses big brother privileges, right?

If he lives with you, does he lose big brother privileges? Well, we haven't actually really done slap fights, you know, since we were teenagers. So I don't know. But look how beautiful, Jackie look. You guys are keeping it in a lot. He keeps slapping me. Someone help me. Maybe you should, when the second you leave

the podcast room, Molly, maybe you should start slapping John in the face. Yeah, maybe that's his problem because he doesn't look young enough. Yeah, and then I'll tell him that it was Henry Zabrowski's idea. Yeah, and it'll be like, good, another big brother's idea, I'll take it. As long as he hears it's from another big brother, he'll understand.

I mean, you have to accept each other's words of wisdom. Ow! I just say you like purse your lips in such an evil way before you slap me. That's how you know what's coming. Yeah, it's like tremors before an earthquake. Yeah, Trevor's before my fucking take a dump. What? No.

I'm sorry. I was talking about worms. I'm always talking about worms. My name's Jackie. I like worms, you know, like my good one. Big shoes, my dumpy. Real good one. Molly, do you still want to sleep with Drake?

Drake. I never wanted to sleep with Drake. You never went to sleep with Drake? Absolutely never. I am going to not try not to stereotype, but I feel like you would. Because I'm a cryy baby. No, but you like sensitive men.

That is true. It's true. I do like sensitive men, but Drake is too sensitive. Whoa. Well, Heidi Kloom said on Ellen that she wanted to sleep with Drake. This was a while ago. And he immediately got her number from somebody. Yeah.

Hit her up. As he should. As he should. And then she never fucking responded. Oh. Oh, but she's, because she's fucking, I think, her bodyguard now, right? No, she's fucking this 28-year-old, I believe he's a drummer from a band called Tokyo Hotel. Oh, look at that.

Yeah, yeah, he's pounding that. Dude, he has got a, he's got the beard, he has got the eyes for it, and it's like, go for you, girl, fucking pound that 28-year-old. Ride him. Ride him till he's a fucking skeleton, Heidi Klum. But Heidi Klum is such a bee. What do you mean? She's a bitch. That guy, that little nerdy guy?

Yeah, dude. He's not, is he a little nerdy? I think it's nice, man. It's guy, you know, it's like, you know, it's that Tom Petty song. You never lose us. Get lucky sometimes. But he's a drummer for like a fancy band. Yeah, but that's how equalize everything.

That's why I'm a comedian. He looks like the kid from a Christmas story. Yeah, that's awesome. You what I'm saying, this is the whole point. What I like is that he's kind of ugly. And when he's a little ugly and you're a little under. nourished and you want to equal as you want a hot fucking girlfriend. You got to be in a band

you've got to be a comedian. That's how it goes. That's the whole thing. I equal. Like I'm ready to quit. I got the, I'll have my my hot, my heart, the dream wife. And that's the only thing I wanted. Now I can finally go and sell my... That's all you wanted. That's all I wanted. And now what I can do is I can sell shoes.

You'll be great to tell you. Daniel Day Lewis. Danny DeLewis just made shoes. Oh. Well, this dude, at least he's a, she's really excited about because he's another German as well. So they can just like, you know, start slapping people and start hitting people with writing crops all they want

because that's what they do. Because she's mean. Did you ever watch Project Runway, Molly? I didn't. I missed, for whatever reason, I was like very into Tyra Banks, but I missed Next Top Model and Project One Way like completely. You have to, Project One Way is wonderful.

But they're leaving. Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum are leaving because they're going back to, I don't know why they're leaving. I know. It makes me so mad. But Heidi Kloom, this is the thing, right? I think that on paper, Heidi Kloom, yes, is obviously, could be considered to be very mean. But I think it's actually the opposite.

I think that if you're on her good side, she's like a lot of fun. Why do you say that? Because you know that kind of mean woman? You know that it's a type of mean woman. Well, yeah, mean people are like that. They're nice to some people. And then when they're nice to, you're like, ooh, I'm special. Yeah.

That is true. Yeah, that's what I like. I feel like if you're really. her inner circle. She's probably really funny. She probably says things that are wildly inappropriate all the time. Yeah, because she can, because she's gorgeous. Yeah. And she's a business woman. Yes. She's an entrepreneurist.

I'd like to see what, put a microphone to Martha Stewart's house and catch one out of five sentences that she says in that house and tell me she's going to be a nice person. But Martha Stewart is hilarious. But Martha Stewart, cutting, rich, powerful. You know she's saying she has some alternative ideas. Is it horrible that I feel like I don't trust her or like her because she's so pretty? I think that that's a natural maybe inclination. I like really pretty women,

but there's something about the bitchiness added on to it with the rich words. Like Martha Stewart, I love, but also Martha Stewart, I mean, back in the day she was, but slam, slam, slam. But not anymore. And I think that makes me like her more. You haven't seen her nude in a long-ass time. You don't know what she was like in present. used to be hat?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, look up old pictures of her. She was hot to chit. Yeah, she was slamming. But I would say, too, it's like you don't know what she got down in those showers, her with like Lily Rose,

what's her name, from Orange and New Black, all soap and each other? Martha Stewart? Yeah. She's not no. That's not her type. Right?

I had no idea that she used to be hat. Oh, yeah, dude. Is she? She's not a lesbian? No. Huh. In my brain, she fuck Snoop Dog, but I know that's not true.

No, no. You ever watch her? of those little videos, though, it's pretty great. They're very charming. Yeah, they're fun. She's also a judge on Chopped now. Yes. They wrote a rap about it for the promo. There's a new

judge on the chop scene. It's really, really, really unfortunate. I like that, though. You should do the whole rap, Molly. Yeah, learn it. Also, I do want to throw it out there, Molly. This is just for you that one of the Property Brothers, the single one, the forever single one,

the John of it, yeah. has been asked to be on the bachelor three times, and he said no all three times. And his brother is like, get him drunk. He'll say yes. Whoa. What else does he said yes to while drunk? Wow, that's dark.

That's sad. But also, he probably just doesn't want his brother living on his compound anymore. Yeah, get the fuck out on my fucking compound. You know? They just really love each other. I don't know, guys. We all live with our siblings.

This is yes. Yes. However, in a week and a half, I won't be living with my sibling anymore. Yeah, Jackie, you'll be able to make love in a building, in a room, excuse me, ugh. That's I almost threw up thinking about it. Ugh. She'd be able to go and have private time without sharing a wall with her brother.

Yeah, I can go make kiss. Up on top. I tried to rebrand me and John as the property brothers of podcasting for a while. I like that idea. It didn't catch on. It didn't catch on. I'm into it. Incredibly.

Oh, man. I forgot my new catchphrase. If you want to keep this, you better treat this. I don't think that's yours. I think that's somebody else's. I think I just made it up. Oh. Have you been saying that to Jeffrey?

I've been saying it yes to my significant other, and he really likes it. Are you dating Jeffrey simply because it's the same exact name as Ina Garden's husband? Maybe. And I make him a nice roast chicken. Jeffrey loves chicken on Friday. Yes, and then he goes out with his boys out to Fire Island, and that's okay because you know what? Jeffrey looks great in tiny shorts, and man does he smile when he's out with his boys riding those waves? Jeffrey's a gay man.

Jeffrey likes his roast chicken. That's all that matters. It's confusing because people think Jeffrey is gay for a lot of like pretty seemingly appropriate reasons, but also, So Ina Garten exclusively hangs out with gay men as friends. And so I think that sometimes people's like the gay jokes that are available whilst talking about Barefoot Contessa can get a little bit confused, you know, because she like, she loves gay men as friends and then is seemingly married to a closeted gay man. I understand.

I have dated many a homosexual man that has come out afterwards. I completely get where she's coming from. But also it's like maybe Maybe Ina Garten is a cuck I mean I don't know But I think the cuck is different I don't know as a like Molly Would you be more comfortable watching Gideon make love

To another man in front of you Well I'm not gonna get that specific But in general two men kissing is very nice See You you you you you you you're just trying to find a way To make more milk Property Brothers pawn

Where is the Property Brothers porn? I don't want to see it. I want to see them demolish each other's assholes. Oh, wait, we have a list. Oh, we've got the list. Yeah. What is the list? 32 celebrities who have insane phobias.

Oh, this is a good one, Jackie. Yeah. I'm going to do, Jackie, you don't look at it, and I'm going to read them to Molly. Okay. Don't look at it. Christina Ricci has a fear of indoor plants. What? That's fun.

Am I supposed to guess or something? No, this is your... I can't Jackie look. I don't know. I like it, though. I like it. Don't you look. I'm not looking.

It's just the sun is... Oh, you're so young. Molly. Hattray, stop it. She's so beautiful. Now, look at it. Oh, she's four. Megan Fox is a fear of paper.

I like paper. I cut it with scissors. You want me to do? for the rest of it? I don't know why. I like B. Eminem's in my nose. What does this mean?

On an episode of The Tonight Show, Fox told Jimmy Fallon that she hates and fears dry paper. Fallon needs to sink into the ocean. The beauty confessed that when she reads script, she keeps a cup of water by her side, so she can dip her fingers before turning the page.

She also's got those weird fingers. Yeah, she got bad thumbs. I don't know why I'll always remember that, but also Megan Fox really was one of of those ones that she was so smoking and now she's an alien. Yeah, agreed. Are you going to get filler worked on Molly? You're going to get your lips bigger?

I don't live in L.A., so I don't talk that way. Hmm, fair. Alfred Hitchcock had a fear of eggs. Oh, maybe that's why he made birds. Oh! Jackie makes up a thing she doesn't like

every year of a different food, and for a while it was eggs. Eggs are at my stomach, but I like. like that, but I don't like the gooiness of the middle of an egg. Oh, that's the best part. Oh, for Winfrey has a fear of gum. They just got time to make this shit up. I think that that makes sense, because I feel like it's the kind of thing that, like, mom would lie about. Where she's like, oh, she's got a fear of gum.

It's just because she doesn't want gum anywhere. Yeah, exactly. I don't want gum in my house. Oh, I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid of gum. It's called chicklephobia. I don't believe that. Chicklophobia.

I've never heard of that. Winfrey attributes it to her grandmother's habit of lung. lining up pieces of chewed gum in a cabinet. Ew. Sounds like your grandmother's got fucking problems. Yeah, problem. Sick time. Winfrey has reportedly banned gum from the offices of Harpo Studies.

Studios. Interesting. Ellen Page is a fear of tennis balls. What does that even mean? She's scared of them. What? She can't even watch tennis on the television? People are too sensitive.

There was a time in this country where there was a draft. Or you'd have to go and fight the Nazis. What are these people going to do? If there's a draft. Well, hopefully there's no tennis balls in Germany. Kira Cedric has a fear of talking food. She's scared of the California raisins. Kevin Bacon, who's her husband, so he had to turn out an M&M commercial.

You know what? You know how, like, after I started waking up all night to feed the baby, I kept getting weird songs in my head. One of them was that singing Billy Bass, but it wasn't the Billy Bass. it was the McDonald's commercial parodying the billy bass where a fish is a billy bass and the style of a billy bass and the fish is going,

give me that filet of fish, give me that fish. I remember that. Oh, yeah. Give me that fish. Give me that flayalaya fish. Give me that fish. I remember that.

What if it were you hanging up on the wall? If it were you in that sandwich, you wouldn't be laughing at all. Man, you know the words to do that. I know the words. I'm really proud of you. Jennifer Lawrence is a fear of annoying people, which essentially just means stop casting her in movies.

Please, we don't want to see her anymore. Whoa. Shots fired. She's fine. Don't hit on other people's pleasures, remember Henry? You're right, that's all I ever say. You're Unagi now. Lance Bass has a fear of things that buzz.

Like Buzz Light Ear? Oh, now he's mad. He's tapped out. He's mad about it. He's mad about it. That's Jeffrey Lee. Where we coop up for the evening, like little old seagulls getting into the nest. Thank you guys so much for joining us today.

Henry, it's always a pleasure. Grazie. It is a great pleasure to talk with you, Henry. If you have any more questions about breastfeeding, you can just leave me a Marco Polo. I will, and I'm sorry I have so many, but I'm curious just because I think womenhood and motherhood is such a special thing. It's a magical gross thing Yep, it's very I mean definitely gross

But also I pleasure you Molly And thank you Also I think this is the first time The three of us have been a pairing And I thought that was a lot of fun Yeah, I really like it I think it's true

Yeah, we got something going here I think this was really great A bit of a trafecta This is wonderful Thank you guys so much for tuning in My name is Jackie Zabrouse You follow me on Instagram At Jack That Worm

My name is Molly Neffel I am MJK L-Cat Whoa, it's a lot of letters I know I didn't I I started my Instagram with the idea that nobody would follow me And I did not stick to that Me too mine was Dr. Fantasty And I forgot it because that was my Halo Gamer Tech

I like Dr. Fantasey though I think it works for you It did its job Hell yeah And if you guys love this and want a little more content Please hit up our Patreon page It is at patreon.com slash page 7 podcast We got some great extra content on there We're gonna be slapping more

shit in your ear holes every month and I dig it and I think you might like it Merrill Streep is a fear of helicopters Thank you guys. We'll talk to you next week. May. Bye. Have fun.