Page 7 - Episode 273: Romp Tromp

Episode Date: October 4, 2018

Jackie, Molly, and Marcus discuss Lindsay Lohan's slap-happy week, "Dancing with the Stars: Juniors" and kick off Halloween month with some movie recommendations. Not enough hot goss? Patreon supporters get weekly bonus content! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Thanks to Outdoor Voices for supporting Page 7. To receive 20% off your first order of $100 or more, visit http://outdoorvoices.com/page7 and use promo code page7 Go to http://phlur.com today and use promo code PAGE7 to get 20% off your custom Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yeah, it's an oldie but a goodie, guys. You got a fast call. Fast enough we can fly away. We gotta make a decision. Leave tonight, live and die this way. Man, all right, can I just say real fast? I almost broke up with my boyfriend over the weekend because he hates Tracy Chapman.

Hello, my name is Jackie Zabrowski, and I don't know if I can date my boyfriend anymore. I'm Marcus Parks and I kind of sort of agree with him. I'm Molly Neffle and I think that we can have people that we love can have horrible opinions. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible opinions.

I played it for him. We're in the car and I was singing it and I'm really getting it into it. It's like an agi, I had a feeling that I'm loud. And I looked at it and I was like, why aren't you singing with such gusto? And he's like, I'm sorry, babe. I really hate this fucking song. What does any normal person do? I burst into tears.

As one should. That makes me normal. I think that that is the, you've got to, you can't change yourself for someone, you know? You're right. And I appreciate that he told me the truth. And I appreciate that after 45 more minutes of listening to Tracy Chapman that I forced him to do, he still did not like Tracy Chapman, but at least he gave it a shot. Oh, so yeah, so there's this artist.

She's got this one song that everybody loves, and, you know, it's really popular. And, you know, it's pretty much like the ultimate song by this artist. Ah, you know what, actually, I hate that song. Well, why don't you try the rest of her stuff? Why don't you try to teach us? I know you hate her most popular song. and you really hate it, but why don't you just take a deep dive into the rest of the catalog? Just try it on for size.

Sometimes you find something you like. I understand. It is a uniquely unpleasant experience to be in the car listening to music that you are so excited to be listening to. And you know that the other person in the car with you who you love does not care about the music. It's a real bummer. It's a huge bummer, yeah. And I completely get it. That's why it's exactly like how Henry and I talk.

We have our dad. together. And so Natalie's not interested. Jeff is not interested. So we will always go see people like Elton John together and we will cry and we will drink and we will sing and we'll have a great time because you know what? I don't want someone that's not going to have a great time. I agree. I agree completely. You can't share everything with your partner. And that's okay. You can be two separate people. But also speaking of Elton John, did you guys see the teaser trailer for Rocket Man? I saw a little bit of it this morning.

How do you feel about it? It looks fine. Will you describe it to me? I have not seen it. I would say fantastical. I would say that I am proud of Taryn Egerton for, I believe that he is singing the music in it. He looks fantastic.

It's about like the rise of Elton John. He's killing it looks wise, for sure. And I'm worried that it's going to be the kind of situation that I just want it to be good so badly that I will not, until I see further evidence, I will not say that it's not going to be good. It looks like it's going to be one of the,

like it's going to be super cute, right? Like it's going to be fantastical and it's not going to be an actual biopic. It's going to be more like a dream of Elton John. I think that they are going to get into the nitty-gritty of the beginning part of his, you know, it's like when he was married to a woman and going through all that.

I'm pretty sure they're bringing all of that kind of stuff into it. So I am excited about it. And I just love this song, Rocket Man. And in the teaser, they do the really slow from the beginning of Benny the Jets. They go to the Duh, and then they give you a small scene. Dant. And they give you a small scene. Dant.

And it was like, Pretty of the Jets. Boney of the Jets. I just love Elton Jod so much. Did you guys see the picture of the little teaser picture of Tom Hanks as Mr. Rogers? Did I? I'm still Captain Crank about it. I'm not, I'm skeptical, but I do think that he looks very good. He looks so perfect.

He looks like one of the old men. You know when old men laugh and they laugh with their whole body? And you can just see in this picture that that's what Tom Hanks does because he's pure. He really does. He looks more like, he, he looks more like, He looks more, not only physically, but like in his face with his emotions, he looks more like Fred Rogers than I thought was possible. So I will admit that something magic is going on with the acting there.

With his little shoes and his little cardigan. And he's so cute. I'm excited about it. It's going to be great. We're all going to cry our buns off. Yeah. And as long, you know, they made, don't you be my, won't you be my neighbor? Don't you be my neighbor?

Don't you be my neighbor. Oh, good. Get out of here, don't you be my neighbor? Coming around here telling me where my magnolia tree can and cannot be getting into my chocolates that have been sent to me in the mail, don't you be my neighbor? So I guess as long as there is, won't you be my neighbor, if you need your real Mr. Rogers fix, you can just go and watch that and just weep and weep and weep. And then if you need your Tom Hanks fix combined with a little Mr. Rogers sprits on top, you can go have your Fred Rogers' biopic. I'm going to watch the hell out of it. Have you seen won't you be my neighbor, Marcus?

Not yet. I haven't gotten around to it. I'm afraid of how it's going to make me feel. It will make you feel. It will definitely make you feel. Especially going into it being like, all right, what scandal is it? It's like, oh, no, it's just a feel good story. Oh, I know.

I know it's a very good thing. But you know how sometimes, like, you're not ready to feel good? Oh, yeah. Yes. Yeah. All the time. I understand. That's why the other night I watched Blue Valentine alone.

Why? Why? Do you remember Blue Valentine? Never watched it, no. I think that they just put it on Netflix. It's from 2011. It's Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling. You talked about this in 2011, I think.

I know because I saw it then and I haven't seen it since. And I was like, I remember this was upsetting. Hey, why don't I put this on for size? And then just six hours, because I was also packing. And I'm going, open up all these boxes that I haven't looked at since I moved from New York. and I'm going through all these things, and I'm just like, love doesn't exist. And people in time grow, and no matter how happy you are,

it's going to go away. And it's a very real portrait of the beginning of a relationship and the end of a relationship when people, it's like all the things you love about somebody that eventually you just learn to hate. And all the hope that was there turns into just failure. Wow. Oh.

Like broken glass in your mouth. Watch will you be my neighbor, Marcus. It'll put a nice comfort to you. I watch as your joy turns to ashes in your mouth. Yeah, it felt like my mouth was filled with ashes. And the whole thing is that the director put them, made them like between like, they recorded the beginning part of their. relationship. They, and then they were supposed to age six years. So he made them live together

for like three months in a house and like actually just coexist together. So by the end of it, so the end of part of their relationship, none of it was written. They were just given intentions for every scene. Holy shit. So they did. And also it was like six months after Heath Ledger passed. So Michelle Williams was all fucked up. And Ryan Gosling was really there for her, but she also didn't want him to be there for her. So it brought up all the shit in the movie. I don't, I think it's cool that we do this to actors. Your husband just died.

Now live in a house with a man and think about all your emotions about relationships. Use it. Yeah, use it. And then they, and then, you know, Michelle Williams seems fine. But then when they have a hard time with drugs or sadness, we're like, oh. Oh, man, you can't handle it, huh? Yeah, right. Can't handle it.

Oh, poor cry, baby, I can't handle it. Well, Michelle Williams did just secretly get remarried, so I am proud of her. Goodfaha. Yeah, she lives kind of near me, so we're basically neighbors. Oh, my God. And I'm always assuming that I'll, like, see her being a normal person in the neighborhood, but I don't think she isn't normal. They're just like us. Maybe she drinks Mangaritas.

Yeah. I'll see her on her stooped. drinking a mangarita. Man, I had the most failure of trying to ice someone the other day. I was so excited and I iced my friend. I was just like, you just got iced. And it was a friend of mine that does not listen to the show and is not aware of a lot of other things.

And she's like, what do you mean? And I said, well, you got, and I explained it. She's like, but why? And I was like, just give me the ice. Ice myself. Ice backs. I iced back to myself. And then I drank the ice.

You drank the ice? Yeah, but it felt tank. How was the ice taste-wise? Does it still taste like Skittles? Yes. Did it taste like bitter ashes in your mouth? It was bitter ashes in my mouth. Guys, I'm having a rough week. And there's a lot of transition happening in my life and my brother's getting married and I'm going to cry for the next two weeks. True. I love that you watch Blue Valentine on the eve of your brother's wedding. You know, it's a really good movie. That's it. That's all I've got to say. I think you guys should watch it. If you want to cry. I had a really hard time for my wedding. My wedding dance party playlist was like very easy and fun collaboration to make with like all of the greatest hits.

But I also wanted, I had like a playlist for like when people were just like hanging out and getting food and stuff like when it wasn't going to be dancing. And I was like, okay, I need to make a list of my favorite love songs. All my love songs are sad. Every single one. And it was very hard to come up with a list of happy love songs that aren't about breaking up. Yeah. Most of the best love songs are horrifically sad. Yeah.

Yeah. Think about your broken heart. Think about it again. How about three minutes later? Think about it one more time. You know, even the fast love songs sometimes are the saddest as well. Because then it's just like, I just want to dance until my heart stops. At least I'm not having as bad of a week as Lindsay Lohan is having.

So we got that going for us. What's the whole deal? Explain to me what this is. Yeah, this is fun. I have not seen the extent of this story yet. She got slapped. Bitch got slapped. See, the thing is, it deserved it.

I don't know. All right, so Marcus, so the whole setup of this, it was an Instagram live that Lindsay Lohan was doing. She was following a family. Oh, yeah, that's the best part. She got slapped live. Oh, yeah, baby. She was following a family because she believed that the family was sex

trafficking the children that they were with. She had no reason to believe this. A Syrian family. Yes. And she just, for some reason, thought that the children were being human trafficked. Where was she? London?

In Moscow. Moscow, I'm so wrong. Seems like someone's doing a little winter yachting. Yeah, I mean, I had some cold yachting, girl. Hope you got enough vodka for you. Man, I bet she's probably, she's going to wake up next to that vodka-soaked dancing. Bear. Remember the one from Roundtable? I remember that. So she was in

Moscow because she'd just come from Paris from Fashion Week and she had hopped out of the car that she was in to approach this family that were just walking down the street. Just a normal family. Yeah. Yes. And she immediately, she started off with saying like, Hey everyone, I can't even do the fake Arabic accent that she was doing because problematic. Hey everyone. I just wanted to show you a family that I met.

A Syrian refugee family that I'm really worried about. They really need help. She's just following this family on the street. But the thing is that intermittently, she's speaking in between Arabic and English in a very heavy, accented English as well, very deep. And I think that she's trying to sound as if she is Arabic. And she's screaming at them as they're walking down the street. Log story short, eventually the mother turns around, starts screaming at her, fucking pops her in the face.

And then she's on the ground. She's on the ground. And she points the camera at herself. She drops the accent. And she's like, I'm really scared. I'm really scared about what just happened. Those boys have to get in my car. But the thing is, is that, of course, hearing the story,

it's like, Lindsay Loane is a fucking monster. She is, she, but I really think that she's like off her rocker. Yeah. I think it's way, I mean, we've said this in the past. And, but it's, it's, she looked deranged. Yeah, this is tough because ordinarily I wouldn't root for somebody. I wouldn't root against somebody who so clearly, like, definitely needs help. I just feel like the satisfaction of, you know, of the mom being like, get the fuck out of my face and punching her is.

It's hilarious. It's so good. Because also, if I was a mom being followed, I would do the same fucking thing. Yeah. Yeah, and people are assuming that you're human trafficking your children. Like, so it's, I definitely am rooting for the mom, but right, that all said, something is not right with Lindsay Lohan, and that's, that's probably not her fault. Because it's like, I feel like there's a lot of things that we haven't been covering on page seven,

but I've been following Lindsay Lohan pretty closely. Like, you know, I don't, I mean, if you guys caught on the internet what the kids have been talking about, where she was doing that insane dance at her, like, at Mekino, her Mekino's club, that everyone took and made into a bunch of memes because she also looks like she's peeled out of her fucking brain, dude. And like that was just also like, Ah, Lindsay Loand, look at her and Mika knows having a fucking time about it. But, yeah, she's really lost it.

I'm worried she's going to get killed on a yacht. I am very concerned that she's going to get killed on a yacht. Because remember those blind items that we were talking about where she's like stealing jewelry from the wealthy UAE? clients that she has? I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah, those guys don't fuck around. No, man, and that's the thing is I really feel like, I don't know if we have enough time in 2018, but I'm definitely slapping it on a 2019. She's on the fucking death list, man. I'm worried that she is going to, her time will end too soon. I think she's been on her death list for a long time, though.

I was going to say she's been there before, right? Yeah, and this year really hasn't, there hasn't been really, have there been any surprises this year? Because like, Bert Reynolds was the last one, but that was not a surprise anyway. Yeah, that was just like a graceful exit. Yeah, it was just like an old man died. Yeah. He were old.

But, because like the thing is that she really thought she was saving these children. Yeah. I really think she truly thought that. And because even afterwards, she does not like, she's apologizing for what happened, but she's like, I was trying to stand up for these children when no one else would. Yeah, that's. That's rough. Yeah.

It's rough that, like, now that I'm in my early 30s, it's weird. The weird thing is that you realize that, like, other people can be, like, we're not, like, we're literally not young people, like, anymore, such that, like, White House administration officials are our age, right? And, like, thinking about Lindsay Lohan, who I'm pretty sure is my age, maybe she's your age, Jackie. I believe she's 36. Oh, so she's older than me. So she's my age. Yeah, yeah, she's a little bit older than us. And it's like, I feel like the kind of antics of being like all druggie and stuff.

Like when you're in your 20s, it's kind of like, oh, you're a child star and you're all druggie. And it's like you're having a hard time. And then I feel like there's just something about being in your mid 30s when kind of things are a little, you're kind of supposed to slow down a little bit. If it's getting worse, at that point, it becomes like real kind of red alert, alarming stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, it's real scary. And I mean, and we're coming up on the mean girl's anniversary date or whatever the October 3rd. So maybe she's just having, you know, scary times because she realizes she's getting older.

Maybe that's what it is. Guys, it can't just be the pills and the yachting and the jewels and the booze, right? No, she's just having a midlife crisis. She's just like us. How did she end up in the UAE? She just started wealthy businessmen started. calling her up and offering her large sums of money to go on yachts and have sex with her. Yotting.

Just like many of the others. Just like many of us deal with our midlife crisis as well. Man, I wish, please someone invite me onto a yacht. I will go yachting. I don't know if I would. Really? Well, I don't know if I would. It sounds weird.

I mean, it's definitely weird and it's definitely, I mean, you have to consent for it to be okay. I'm not going to force you to go yachting. Is it sex work or is it like explicit sex? It's explicit. Yeah, yachting is a definite term for paying a somewhat famous person to have sex with you. It's not just like, or not escorting or is it? It is. I mean, kind of.

I don't know if escort it, if those are a distinction without a difference. Escort can mean both. Like, escort can mean that, you know, just kind of hanging out, having company. But most of the time, escort work, it's pretty under, like the, the, line between escort work and sex work is a razor sad. Uh-huh, got you. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaking of this conversation, did you see the lineup of who's on dancing with the Stars juniors, Molly? Yeah. Can we please talk about dancing with the Stars juniors? My friend J.T. from So You Think You Can Dance the Next Generation is there. He's a little tiny guy who likes to Pogo stick and he's so cute. And he's partnered with a girl's skateboarder.

That's not dancing. That's Pogoing. Pogoing is a whole day. different thing. He likes to dance. It's just a hobby that we learned about on dancing with the stars that he's really good at pogo sticking. He can pogo stick like 500 times in a row.

Anybody can go pogo stick. I can fuck a pogo stick. Give me a pogo stick. I'll fucking do it. Pogo sticking is harder than you'd think. I can pogo stick, but it is, I had to learn it. I actually weirdly cannot ride a bike. I can't ride on roller skates or rollerblades, but I can use a pogo stick.

Yeah. Interesting fact about me. Don't sell yourself short. It's a skill. It's pretty, you know, it's not too bad. It's not too bad. I'm pretty good at it. I haven't done it in maybe 20 years, but I think, you know what?

I say we have a pogo off. Get this kid from Dancing with the Stars. Let's go at it. I'm ready to do it. Yeah, I'd pogo stick right now. Who are some of the other little children on Dancing with the Stars? Makes me very angry. Very, very mad.

I don't want to watch any of these children dance. You don't want to watch Honey Boo Boo Boo Dance? Honey Boo Boo's there. You know I love Honey Boo Boo Boo, but did you see the weird video? of her over the weekend. She was at some sort of county fair and she slapped a wrestler in the face. Yeah, girl, you get it. You get it, girl, yeah. Yeah.

That's a slap I can root for. Giddy up them larynxes because no one wants to use their indoor voices. We use our outdoor voices to up the ears of every little trash panda can snacking cause we loud and we proud and we got things to run about

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and using promo code page seven. Let's get Princey with it. I love Honey Boo Boo, but I just feel like it's a lot of... I don't think. I think what aggravated me so much and the reason why I am talking about this today is that children of celebrities should not be included in this if they have not done anything themselves.

Agreed. Right? And who are the children of celebrities that are included? You've got Stevie Wonder's son, I believe. Yeah, it's his son. Stevie Wonder's son, Mandla Morris. I guess that he is, well, it says he's bringing his dad's musical skills to the ballroom, which doesn't make any sense.

And for some reason that just really, really made me very angry. We've also got, well, yeah, we've got the skateboarder, but you know what? Go for her. She's killing it. And I actually like the team that you were talking about. I'm gonna end up watching this fucking show And it makes me so mad just because I hate it so much It's the only reason why I want to watch it

Well speaking to Stevie Wonder Actually the boy that Honey Boo Boo is dancing with is blind Interesting Blind ballroom dancing Interesting How? How is he gonna catch her? They say they formed a special bond I mean that is awesome

Actually that's really fucking cool That's that is he all right You know what I take a bet That's fucking great Good for him The thing about kids competition shows, and you know this from Master Chef Jr., is that the kids are so good to each other. And it's really nice to watch kids competition shows because they're always like, I need help,

I'm not going to finish in time. And then all the other kids are like, I'll help you. And it's like just melts your cold dead heart, you know. But the thing is, I like the baking of Master Chef Jr. I like that talent. There's something just about like, it's like when I go see my niece's dancing recital. I feel weirded out watching little girls in short. outfits covered in makeup, grab it on their cooch. It doesn't have to be, you're watching the particularly creepy way that for some reason dance studios teach girls to dance, which is why I quit dancing. There was humping.

I watched my young niece hump, and I don't need to see that. But so you think you can dance the next generation, which is not famous people, it's just kids who are really fucking good dancers. That was just kids who are really fucking good dancers. and it's not like creepy girl dance recital dancing. It's like all, like there was a tap dancer. There's like, you know, hip hop dancers and break dancers. And J.T., the kid I like is like a ballroom dancer.

And they're just little kids who are just really like actually fucking good at dancing. And then they do like Broadway songs and they do one of them did a, you. Not like this Marcus, I don't think, but it was a tap dance to We Will Rock You. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I'm going to sell you on it. But that show was fucking great. Dancing with the Stars, I've never watched because the whole premise to me is stupid.

But with children there, I just think that it is, I think that it's going to be less creepy than the dance recitals you describe, which I agree are creepy as hell. This is amazing. You know who is one of the kids? Tripp, Johnston. Yes!

Bristol Palin's son No Bristol fucking B trip Remember The trip The trip

Wow Yes that was at the end of the list I was like of course they saved that for the end of the list Bristol Palin's son Yeah the one that Isn't that the son that was like born like in the midst of all Illigitimate Yeah I guess so that kid's what probably nine now

Eight nine yeah Yeah because that was what 10 Yeah ten actually Oh shit, 10. But it also made me realize how old we are guys. Yeah, because that was like 2008. We are old. Christ.

Yeah. At 10 years since 2008. Yeah. That was a decade ago. So, yeah, that kid is now on Dancing with the Stars and welcome to your deeper dive into our modern dystopia. Well, you know, I'm going to give Tripp John's than a chance. Maybe he's going to be different than his mother and his grandmother. It's possible.

He looks nice. I really like his purple suspenders. He's cute. He's very cute. Yeah, he looks nice. Oh, well, I'm rooting for you, Tripp. And then you can really just maybe take a couple steps away from the political ideology that you come from. But you do your dancing, and I'm not going to hold your family against it.

But at least he's able to dance. Yeah, I didn't know Bristol Palin is on dancing with the stars regular. Yeah. I didn't know that either. See, I'll rehabilitate Trip any day. I'm not going to rehabilitate Bristol. I just feel like what makes me upset about this where it's like the dancing or the so they think

these kids are gonna dance on the stage. That's fine because these are kids that like to dance. These are all rich kids that are like, it's like Scotty Pippen's daughter. Yeah. Which I'm not saying that the little girl can't dance. I'm just saying that you grew up really rich and now she gets to dance in front of millions of people.

And as a child, I'd be upset about it. Yeah, I hear you. being in general, even so you think you can dance, made me a little bit nervous because like anytime kids are famous, the possibility for it to go wrong is just so ever-present. Pretty high. And so it does make me nervous

anytime there is like a vehicle to showcase kids' talent, even though sometimes it really is just like, isn't it cool that these kids are so talented, but then it can get weird. And yeah, I mean, it's certainly not like kids' fault if they're like the children of rich people or people with weird politics. but like it is

maybe probably we shouldn't just have, be creating a kind of like elite class of like super children. An elite class of dancers? Elite class of dancers, yes. But by audition, not by. Yeah, but not by how much money you have. This isn't Scientology.

Yeah. But I am interested to kind of see remember Addison from Master Chef Jr.? The one that won like the spunky little one that was from like Chicago and she always had the backwards cap on. Yes, I do remember her. She's dancing.

Oh. I guess that's fine, but take her out of the shackles of these tiny little dresses. Yeah, and again, I do worry about the pressure, you know. I love the kids cooking competition shows because they all help each other, but I don't like that they eliminate the kids. Just let them all stay for fuck's sake. I just feel like I look at all of these children's pictures and I just hear, I've got a castle, Lola Club.

I like to go there. read moistly. Little fucking orphan girls. Crying at all is not allowed. Not in my castle on a cloud. I was thinking about this the other day. Whatever happened to Mrs. Hannigan?

Does she go to jail? For child maltreatment? Yeah. In what? Annie. In Annie. Because it's like, it's like the whole song is like it's a hard knock life for us. It's like instead of kisses we get kicked and all that stuff. It's like she gets put in jail, right?

How does Annie end? I've never seen Annie. I know nothing really about Annie. Yeah, I don't think anyone goes to jail at the end of Annie. I don't think anyone goes to jail either, unfortunately. In the perfect world, maybe Danny Warbucks would go to jail. You know, he's definitely a war profiteer. But... Was he really war profiteer? Or was

Warbucks just like, that was just a name? I think that was his name because he was a war profiteer. I think he was a weapons manufacturer. But doesn't he buy Annie in the end? He does buy the child at the end. No one goes to jail. Then the small red-headed girl disappeared forever. I don't know if they like updated the new Annie, which I have not seen, but which I like my some of my, one of my schools they did musicals and we watched the like hard knock life version from 2014.

And they had like updated it to be instead of an orphanage like a foster home. And so I don't know if they updated other things like the. adult who neglects the children gets, you know, flagged by ACS or something? I'm not sure if they did those updates. It's a good question. Hmm, it seems like you've unfairly pegged Daddy Ward Bucks because after World War I, he became a philanthropist

as his fortune had been built to $10 zillion. Zillion dollars. Zillion dollars! Was his fortune built by weapons manufacturing? Well, for World War I, but, you know, on the side of the good, but on the side of the allies. Of the wars,

that is an okay war to war, profiteer for it. And World War II as well. And he always leaves an IOU when he raids Annie's piggy bank. Ew. What is he raiding Annie's piggy bank for? You watch out, little girl.

I know I bought you, but it's time to raid your piggy bank. Don't worry, I'm leaving I owe you for you. No, Daddy Work us. Cash that in any time. He's richer than God. What is he going into the kid's piggyback? bank for?

Because occasionally he is reduced to poverty. It seems like he's got a bit of a rubber band. Gambling problem. I think it's gambling problem. It sounds like he's got a horrific gambling problem, yes. There was only remedied when Vietnam rolled around. And then that's when his fortune's popped up again. We need to start another war.

Looks like we're going to be going on to South America. Dwight Eisenhower naming the military industrial complex. been bad for business. Get to Korea. Was Daddy Warbooks ever played by Patrick Stewart? Am I just making that up? Making that up. Oh, it sucks.

I think it's just because I was watching Logan over the weekend. I did it. Maybe that's why you're so sad. I've heard that Logan is devastating. Logan is very, very sad. And Patrick Stewart's really good in it. That had a good child actress in it. Brava!

But also Hugh Jackman, good gravy. Can you imagine? So Hugh Jackman has played Wolverine for what, 20-something years at this point? Yeah, they're about since high school. And he gets to be Wolf fucking Rine that you wanted to, like I've always wanted to bang Wolverine. And at the end of the day, after all these years of being Wolverine, he still has to go home to his wife and lie about being a heterosexual. You're Wolverine. Live your own life, man.

Everyone's scared of you and wants to fuck you. Have we ever considered that Hugh Jackman maybe likes both girls and boys? This has been in a conversation that we've been having in my household the last few days. And Carolyn actually comes down on the side of a bisexual. Yeah, maybe he is happy sexually with his wife. I hope so. I really, really hope so. But also happy with his longtime man companion.

He's got a mannion? Yo, he's had a manion for years. Is it his, like, cockpit lover? I think it's, I think it's pronounced come manion. I don't think it's just a manion. Come manion, yeah, but I imagine he goes, banana. I just imagine a minion with a huge cock. Give me your manion.

Yeah, shut your eye. Just shut that eye. Don't look at me. I guess minions are a little bit fallic, aren't they? They look more like big turds to me. Yeah, yeah, I think they're more like jelly beans. I guess it's like a clit thing, but I don't think it is. I think they're just like jelly beans.

I think I just like jelly beads, and I like minions because they're cute. They are cute. They are cute. I went down a weird, a very rough hole yesterday. I did not ask him if I could talk about this, but I think it's fine. You know, our friend, a good friend Craig who was also one of the stars of your pretty faces going to hell with Henry, an adult swim. And he has been doing this thing on Instagram that every day, for it's been about a year and a half, that he does Instagram stories. And he's been doing the song, oh, the girls are calling.

The girls are calling. The girls are calling. Yeah, the girls are calling. But for a year and a half, every single day, he has been singing the girls are calling. this song in many different ways to the point that he goes now through like month-long segments that are almost as if they are long sketches of what is happening. Right now he's at the girls are calling, the girls are calling Wahelness retreat for his mind, body, and soul. And this is after a fake child wrote in to say how much he loved the girls are calling woohoo network that he created inside of his brain and that the child wrote him about how much he loved him.

wanted to meet him. Child, he goes, quote unquote, to India to meet said child. Child dies. He has to go to his funeral. And that's why he gets to go to the girls are calling, well, who, well, hellness retreat for his mind, body, and soul. But this has been a year and a half of me watching it. And I haven't said it aloud to anyone. He doesn't. His name is Craig Rowan. And he is one of the funniest people I've ever met. And if you will sit and watch, I did it for about an hour yesterday of watching over a year and a half's worth. Because I've been watching it pretty much every day and have not said it to anyone. You know, you follow people like that on Instagram where you're like, is anyone else aware

of how amazing and weird this is? Yeah. So I just wanted to throw that out there because it's really, really fucking funny. And I think that I'm worried that his wife might leave him for it. But it's very well crafted. I did the same thing while I was watching like one of those DIY hack videos the other day about taking old underpants, putting them around. your breasts and putting a string through the crotch hole up over your neck and then putting the

string underneath around the sides of your breasts and tying it in the back to make your old underwear into a t-shirt. Oh, so you're getting into hobo chic now. That's what you're doing. No, I don't do it. You're wearing garbage. That's garbage fashion. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

How many holes are there and where? Your arms go through the leg holes? You just lay it atop your chest. And so the crotch part is up by the nape of your neck. And so you put a string over it so it's like a halter top. You exit around your back. And then it goes up through where like the hip part of your underpants are. So the open, big open hole is at the bottom underneath.

your breasts. Uh-huh. It's not over your body. Yeah, it's like on like a bikini or something. Okay. And then you wear your old underpants as a halter top, basically. It's garbage. You're wearing trash.

Also, old underwear. I want to try it. By the time I decide I can't wear underwear anymore, it has been through the ringer, you know. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, it's absolute, you're wearing garbage. I feel like I wear my underwear until it's like, well, that's just down around my knees, can't get, like it won't stay up anymore, I guess, maybe, or should I keep them just in case? And then like I have like a whole half of a drawer filled with my just in case underwear.

For what? What I worried is going to happen? I keep my just in case underwear too. And I just like, it's interesting you say it, like three days ago, I was like, I got to get rid of this. This is like a symbolic thing. I got to shed this weight. Yeah. I wear underwear until the, what is it, the band rips off. Well, I'll be pulling it on one day and it just rips off.

And even then, I only throw it away when the band rips completely off. If it's still half off, then it's still good. Then it's still fine, because why get rid of it? Yeah, that means if the band's only half off, that means it's still got about four more wares. Yeah, no, I completely, I completely understand because it's at the same time, like, who sees it? Your partner? Eh. Yeah.

They're going to fuck you no matter what. It's true, but isn't the whole point of queer that we owe it to our partners to take mild care of each other and not wear our... Interesting, yes. ...disintegrating underpants. Well, you know, that's the thing is that she never sees me in my underpants. If I got my underpants on, that means I got my pants on. You know, and so if I don't have my underpants, yeah, it's... And so when I get home, it's like, fuck my pajama pants go on with no underpants.

Ah, oh, so your underpants and your pants are a two-fer. Yeah, my underpants and my pants, like those two things are like glued together. Uh-huh, I hear you. So it's just, for me, underwear is just an out and about thing. When I'm in the house. Hell yeah, good for you. I'm proud of you. Thank you.

I usually got something on, you know. I'm a clothed person. I wish. I want to be a nakey. When do we get, what age do you become a nakey? Yeah, I've actually gotten less naky as I've gotten older. Really? Yeah.

I think it's like how you can just taste cilantro or you can't, you know, I think some people are just naked. Some people want to sleep naked. It seems weird, not weird in a judgmental way. Physically, I don't want that. It's physically uncomfortable for me to wear any clothes at all while I'm sleeping. Really? Very much so, yeah.

And I think that is just such an individual thing where it's like, I need something taping down my breasts. And most people are like, how do you sleep in, like, jogging bras? If I don't, they get all sore and wobbly. Oh, I hate sleep. One of the things that I resent most about breastfeeding is that I like have, I don't anymore, but at the beginning I had to like sleep in bras and I was like, I'm so depressed about this.

I definitely will not wear bras sleeping. Why, we all have different preferences. See, this is nice, guys. This is good. We have to, you know what? Open communication is key to building friendships. We're still learning about each other all these years in. Isn't that nice?

I mean, also, we did learn about a big thing over the weekend, guys, because Bish got come. Gupt. Goopters. Quaintiff Paltrow got married. Quineth Paltrow got married. That's what happened. Goop.

Goop got cupped. And I am, you know what, weirdly happy for her. You mean, when you say cupped, you mean like, isn't consciously cupped? Consciously coupled. Thank you for understanding what I mean. Knock, knock. Who's there? Eric Estrada.

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okay, so she's got this thing. So what is conscious coupling? And conscious coupling is essentially what I feel like we didn't really get into when she got unconsciously uncoupled. Consciously uncoupled. Consciously unconsciously unconsciously. Yeah, he just popped her in the face like, I'm out, bitch. What I think, so essentially it's that like people think that you should be, monogamy is an old school idea because we lived a lot less, younger. We died faster.

We died younger. Got you. We lived a lot less. We lived a big more. We lived a lot less. And that like, so when you agree that like, oh, we have both grown and moved on and are different people, so you, so you part ways. Because we were not meant to live this long. Uh-huh.

And it's why you shouldn't have one partner for your entire life. That's what they meant when they said consciously uncoupled. Yes. But then conscious coupling is essentially just like, make sure you fuck. and I know that that is in so many words but essentially it's make sure you fuck and I hear you loud and clear all these are fine ideas

it's just that some of Winnet Patro's ideas are fine it's just that she has to be so pretentious about it it's like listen put on some face cream you know but don't pretend like you're the first person to think of it yeah but Molly she's so pretty she is very pretty

you know she's seeped with the eyes of a dead rat. That's what I got. That's what I have. I think it's more of a dead lizard though, isn't it? Because of her, they're on opposite sides of her head. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I'm thinking more of Cameron Diaz's breasts. Those are her guana breasts. But also, she was the one that Cameron Diaz went, she went to, Goop turned to Cameron Diaz for wedding advice. and Cameron Diaz was just like, have fun! Which I didn't know that they were really great friends. So maybe it's because their eyes and their boobs have so much in common.

I think you're really right. But also Apple has grown up and she's a very attractive young lady now. Yeah, she's cute. She's gotten better looking. She's a cute kid. I think her face got bigger. She kind of grew into her. She grew into it.

Yeah, she grew into the rest of it. But it seems like, I feel like it's one of those things too where Gweth Paltrow is like, this is a super secret wedding. And then like, oops. Blink, blink, wink, wink, someone found out about it. Wink, wink, wink. Jerry Seinfeld did the rehearsal dinner.

Wink, wink, wink, it's like, okay. You wanted everyone to know you were getting married, but you didn't want everyone to know you got married. Everyone knew you were getting married. Where are her and Jerry Seinfeld friends? Yes, right? That feels like a real throwback. Yeah.

I know he, like, is doing stuff now still, but there's something about her relationship to Jerry Seinfeld that makes me feel like it's stuck in the 90s. Why? Where were they hanging out? I mean, I guess rich people just end up hanging out together no matter what. I think that is what it is. In their like L.A. Holmes?

I don't know. Yeah. Those Hollywood nights. Her dude is pretty hot. And I feel like, I mean, she's still very high and tight, I guess. Yes. He's like, he's one of the co-creators of American Horror Story and he's like a writer on it too. He's also American Crime Story and Glee.

and pose. So it's like this dude, you know, don't need the money, that's for sure. Oh, yeah, I know that dude you're talking about. Yeah. Oh, he's kind of cutie, right? Yeah, wow, I think I'm happy for him. This is what she said on why she was ready to tie the knot.

I've decided to give it a go again, not only because I believe I found the man I was meant to be with, but because I have accepted the soul-stretching, pattern-breaking opportunities that terrifyingly are made possible by intimacy. Just be like, I like him. I like him. I like him. I got cuffed, bitches. I got cupped.

That's what it should have said. Yeah, she's just too pretentious. It's like, do your goop blog about how hard it is to be a mother who has a million amounts of money and a million dannies and be like, oh, I'm a mom. I had to put sliced apples in a bag for my child and like, do it. But like, just don't act like you're so pretentious. Yes. And that's what essentially what she's saying That this is like the first adult relationship

She's ever been in It just sounded like Chris Martin wouldn't fuck her Would only fuck other people It's really what it sounds like Well she was always out of Chris Martin's league And I still don't understand that relationship Yeah Chris Martin's a dumb bow head Although you know what I was listening

What is it the political scientist What is it? Like that old X and Y Like the old school cold play the other day I did it. I've been having a week. I've been having a week. You haven't been having a week.

Listen to a cold play watching Blue Valentine. Yeah, was it all yellow? Yeah, it was. No, I was listening to the like, lights will God you home. You don't remember that song? No. I will try to fix you. I want to be fixed.

Someone fix me. But that's why I also did watch Mandy two more times this week. So. Got to see Mandy finally. What did you think? Fuck. It's so good. Do?

Mandi. Tell me about Mandy. It's a revenge flick. It's got Nicholas Cage in it. It's visually beautiful. It's a heart-rending. It's fucking, it's violent. So violent.

Oh my God, it's violent. And also, but it's also beautiful. It's a beautiful movie, hauntingly beautiful film. Interesting. I've seen it now three times, and my favorite part is that you have so many questions after you watch it. And none of them ever get answered. It's a great movie to, like, watch with someone and then, like, talk about it. like what did the holy shit what did you think like what do you think about this part and that part like

it's really cool and nick cage is there dick cage is the main character interesting yeah he is so good at it and also did you know he was supposed to play the cult leader yeah he was originally like he was supposed it was written for him to be the cult leader but he wanted to play red instead and i'm really fucking glad he did yeah because if he would have played the cult leader then it would have been like okay nicholas cage be a nicholas cage another nick cage movie who gives a shit but with him as the hero, it's fucking awesome. All right. You definitely sold me.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You got to watch it. It's fucking. I mean, it's brutal. It's really, really brutal. But it's fucking great. How do I watch it?

It's like, you can get on like Apple TV or whatever. I got it on Google Play. Okay. Oh, yeah. We just ended up buying it because I was like, you know what? I'm just going to keep watching this. Yeah, we ended up buying it too. Yeah, let's just have it.

I think it's a great late night movie where you just a little too stoned to just be like, Because that was what I was, I was like, well, the first time I saw it, I was like, blitzed out of my gourd. It's like, maybe that's why I didn't get everything that was happening. No, Stone Cold Sober last night when I watched it, so. Yeah, I was Stone Cold Sober when I saw it too. It was still fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how about Cheddar Goblin? Oh, cheddar goblin's a bet you'll love Cheddar Goblin.

You're going to love Cheddar Goblin. Now we have a cheddar goblin in our home. Oh, that's sweet. Our friend Shane, who built Cheddar Goblin, who killed it. I mean, Cheddar Goblin is amazing. But that is really the full crumb of the movie. We won't get into it too far. Molly should watch it.

Everyone at home, please watch it. You can rent it on streaming or buy it because you might want to watch it more than once. Just throwing that out there. Yeah, you might want to watch it again just to see what you missed the first time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a really good endorsement.

Yeah, it's a great movie. I put it up near that. You know what else is really great? The Predator. The new one? The new one. It's fucking awesome. Hell yeah, I'll watch it.

Yeah. It's fun and it's stupid and it's great. There's nothing else to it. That's just what we need. Yeah, that's just what we need. It's fun, great, stupid, awesome. And also, we were recording on October 1st. Guys, welcome to Halloween.

This is Halloween. This is Halloween. Halloween. I already started watching my scary movies over the weekend. I watched The Sacrament again. Have to see it. It is so good. And then I also watched Trick or Treat for the first time.

Oh. Sacrament's fucking great. The Sacrament is great. Yeah. To the point that it's like you can't even really have sex after you watch the sacrament. Like you need some time. But trick or treat is a lot of fun. I haven't seen trick or treat.

I thought it was just going to be a humdrum blowjo. But it really wasn't. It was a it had topsy turpees that I did not expect. And it was fun and it's an hour and 20 minutes long. Between the classics, if you know how I've been going on my classics every year, if I'm going to choose between, I did Halloween, like between, you know, Chuckie and Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th in those ones. Where should I start?

Hellraiser. Hellraiser. Dude, Hellraiser. Yeah, yeah. That counts as in that classics. Hell raisers without a doubt in the classics. Yeah, Hellraiser, you got like Hellraiser 1 and 2. Ayah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's his name? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, pinhead. No, I was thinking of the other centobite. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, chompers. Chomper. Chombers? Chomperbox. Yeah, chatterbox.

I don't know why I said chomper's. Chompers. It is, I mean, it is sexy. Okay. Well, I mean, as much as a skinned person can be. Maybe sexual. Sexual. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's very sexual. Yeah, it's very sexual. S&M type of stuff, like, pain. Yeah. Yeah. Pain is pleasure. Yeah.

But it's really good. Yeah. It might creep you out, though. It'll creep you. Oh, it'll creep the fuck out of you. But the first two are like, you can watch those two and you can be, Fine. All right.

Yeah, start on the, it's, go down the Hellraiser hole. There's always Wishmaster. It's on HBO. I want to die on wishes. All right,

it's time for, the list. Who's on the list? Marcus, got to have that list. I guess it's appropriate bringing up the horror movies and such as celebrities

who've had ghost encounters. Ooh. This is Halloween. This is Halloween. Kate Hudson says that her mom can see dead people. Believe it. Both her and her mom can boast it. They can both see spirits.

They seem like spirit people. Mm-hmm. I wonder if the spirit of Goldie Hawn's old lips come out of her mouth. I was big enough. But I would think, yeah. I mean, Goldie Hawn's seen some shit in her day. Yeah.

Oh, Kate Hudson's so beautiful. She's all pregnant right now and she's so beautiful. I've always had such a crush on Kate Hudson. Hudson. Yeah, she's real pretty. Jessica Alba said that she had a guy, I mean, her, she had sleep paralysis when she was a kid pretty much and no one told her what it is. Oh, Jessica

Alba did? Mm-hmm. Why? Was she seeing the man in the hat? Her ghost encounter, she's like, I felt a pressure, I couldn't get up, I couldn't scream, I couldn't do anything. And then she said she finally got up and ran and screamed. It's like, oh, that's sleep paralysis. Yeah, that is. Someone needs to just tell you what that is.

Honey, that's not a ghost. I'm not going to call her honey, though. But at the same time, sleep paralysis is terrifying. Yes, very much so. Have you guys, I mean, I know I've talked about it on here, but also the nightmare is still on Netflix, and you guys should watch it if you haven't seen it. Oh, yes.

Yes, very good. Yeah, I've been having real good dreams about, well, I guess I can't talk about what exactly it is I've been having dreams about because it very much relates to the episode that we're going to be doing on last podcast on the left this week. But once that comes around, I'll be sure to tell everyone about the horrifying,

terrifying dreams that I've been having. I can only imagine. Yeah. I've been having a lot of stress dreams. You know, it's like when you have dreams about like, it's like, oh, I made a really big mistake. Like in very different ways in my life. And I keep waking up with that guilt, awful, hating myself feeling. And it's like, but I didn't.

I didn't make any mistakes. Everything is okay. Yeah. I know that feeling. Yeah. Claudia Schiffer. That's how I don't know. Said that there are ghosts in her house.

Emma Stone said that she talks to her grandfather a lot who's dead. She's just trying to be quirky. Yeah, she is trying to be quirky. I don't know. You know what? I'm a flip-flopper on Emma Stone. I know this is a horrible thing to say. I think I'm a flip-flopper.

I tried to watch maniac. I think I'm a flip-flopper. Yeah. I don't like her because my husband thinks she's cute. I asked him, who do you think is hot? Who's famous? And he's at Emiststone. and now I'm like, I hate her.

I'll agree with him on that one. She is hot. Oh, yeah, she's super hot. She's hot, but like you said, Jay, she's hat and like a quirky, which is good. You know, we're all quirky. I know it's good. I know it's good. But I completely understand, Molly.

Good for quirky. Yeah, no, I get the same thing. It's why I'm scared of watching the craft this year. Too quirky? No, no, no. I just know that my dude is just like, yeah, the girl's from the craft. I'm like, okay. I'm doing all I can.

Yep. But this is a list that I did not think was going to bring out so many emotions in all of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you got another one? No, it's really, no, it's just bubbling a lot of things up here. A lot of the things are bubbling to the surface here. All of our issues. You know what it is?

It's because we're recording on a Monday and because, guys, do we hate Mondays? Scarfield! All right, it's time for blind items. We can't see them. Because I want to move on to this. I've only got one, but I think this is one that might make you happy. It might especially make you happy, Jackie. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Look for this reforming band to go in an entirely different direction for their reboot. It is a permanent A-list group that might be replacing the A-plus list male with an A-plus list female. Insync! No. I don't know if they're A-plus anymore. Think about your dad rock. Okay, my dad rock. Think about your dad rock.

Think about the biggest dad rock star to die in the last year. In the last year, Dad Rock. Dad rock star to die. Yeah. 70s. Be huge in the 70s, but it was still big in the 80s and the 90s. Who died this year? Marcus, it's Monday.

So hard to remember. Who died? He was living. Yeah. Living like a. A refugee top of it. Yeah, I know. Guys, I feel great.

Wait, who are they replacing him with? Well, there are two possibilities right now. The first one, let's just say that it might be a little crazy on them to choose this one. Janice Joplin's dead. Crazy. You found you.

Exactly. Anne Wilson from Heart. Oh, I was thinking of Janice Choplin. No, I was wrong. Yeah, yeah. But you sang that is a hard song, yeah. Oh, yeah, I know. I was thinking it was Janis Chapplin

because it's Monday. Song came up probably 15 years after Janice Stoplin died. Yeah, cool, go, no, no, no, no, spice, spice, my, yeah. But I think that would be fun. But the other one. The ghost of Janice Chopin. But the other one is one that you really might enjoy because she is a,

on tour right now but has been having a bit of trouble with her main band but of course she's kind of always had trouble with her main band Mariah Carey? No someone from the 70s Stevie Nix? Stevie Nix! So we could possibly have Tom Petty's band and Stevie Nix touring together soon.

Wow, that would be the first good thing to happen this year. Except for Mandy But you haven't see Mandy yet Yes but I believe you I mean I did see them Because they performed all the time Together I saw them At Bonnaroo years and years ago

When they both performed together And it's fucking amazing Because they did They had that whole album together Oh my God that would be great I would watch the fuck out of that And I'm so mad that I didn't get to see Tom Petty again

Before we fucking died Yeah How do you feel about it How did I feel about Tom Petty dying Just about them replacing him. I do feel weird about him being replaced just so they can keep making more money, though. Well, I don't know if they're going to be playing Tom Petty heads or maybe. I mean, but even so, go ahead.

I say go on ahead, you know? I guess. Make your retirement fund. Go ahead. Do it, brothers. And I'm sure that Tom Petty would have condoned it as well. Because it's like, did you watch the three-hour Tom Petty documentary? No.

I did. And it was, I mean, it wasn't of my choice, but I do love Tom Betty. It was just a lot of like, oh, I like the guitar. It's like, yes, I know you like the guitar. But I think that he would have, because he would have just played until he died. Yeah. What she, I guess, did. Didn't mean for that to happen as fast as he thought.

I don't think, yeah, I don't think you would care at all because, and that's the other thing is that if people are pissed off about it, they don't got to buy tickets for it. Exactly. And also most of the heartbreakers are people that he's been, like he had worked with his entire life too. Yeah. And I think that they wouldn't do anything that would be against what his wishes would be. Mm-hmm. All right, I'll see it. Have you guys ever heard the DJ Earworm mashup of Free Fallin with the Beyonce song if I were a boy?

I never have. It is a romp. I highly recommend it. Is it? I love it. I'll give it a romp, Trump. Yeah. DJ Whom like takes, he's like, a very...

very, very good mashup artist and if I were a boy and Free Fallen have the same chord structure and it's really satisfying as a Beyonce fan. Wait, is Tom Petty also sampled in it? I don't understand how these things work. It's called if I were a free fallen boy and it's just like it's like her singing over his guitar playing basically and him singing also. It really works. Well, I'm definitely on board because as we all know, Beyonce is being tried as a witch right now, but that's a whole other story. Drummer thinks she's a witch, but, you know, she's just a strong woman.

That's all I have to say. Don't fuck with us, bitches. Thank you guys. Thank you everyone for listening today. Thank you guys so much for joining us. And going on my Brainswild ride. And, you know, give me some lasagna. Gonna go kick O.D. off of a table.

And that's how you turn. a Monday Upside Down. Thank you again for joining us. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. I'm Molly Nuffel.

I'm MJKL Kat. Marcus Parks for everything. And if you would love to, please mozy on over to our Patreon page is patreon.com slash page seven podcast. And we had a great time watching Cruel Intentions last week. But also we're coming up on some

oaky, spooky Halloween dukees for you very soon. And we are going to be watching them and we are going to be drinking through this October guys because everybody is stressed the holidays are coming but everyone is smiling and I love a rainbow smile see you next week