Page 7 - Episode 278: Crying Into My Gravy

Episode Date: November 8, 2018

Jackie and Molly are feeling smooth this week as they talk about the Sunday funny pages, Food Network Thanksgiving specials, and Idris Elba. Thanks to Simple Health for supporting Page 7. Try Simple H...ealth and get the $20 prescription fee waived by going to http://www.simplehealth.com/page7 or use promo code: page7. Get your first refill pack free at http://getquip.com/page7 Get an extra 25% off when you keep all items in your box at http://stitchfix.com/page7 Want even more goss? Patreon supporters ge Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 And it's just like the ocean Another moon It's the same as sweet emotion That I get from you You got the kind of love That could be so smooth And give me your heart Making real
Starting point is 00:00:24 Yeah, guys Who is feeling smooth today I uh I woke up with that in my head And I wanted to eat a bullet But I decided not to. A little bit of Rob Thomas, a little bit of Santana, makes me feel a little smooth on a Wednesday. I'm furious with you. I cannot believe that you passed that on to me. Oh my God, I have not thought
Starting point is 00:00:52 about that song in definitely multiple years. I can't say which year it's been since, but it has been full 365 day units of my life where I have never once spent a single second thinking about that sign. You are. Welcome. I wish that everyone could see the look of just complete disgust on Molly's face the second I started singing that song. I just woke up with it. You know what?
Starting point is 00:01:24 I know I've said this on here before. I'm not a big Santana fan. I respect what he does. It's just not my kind of music usually. I'm not into like the jamming. And that is definitely. I know that's not even a true example of Santana because you got a Rob Thomas in the mix.
Starting point is 00:01:40 But I really truly hate that song. Yeah, somehow that song is much worse. I would rather listen to Santana by a million fold. And I would rather listen to Matchbox 20, just on its own than that song. It's 3 a.m. I must be lonely. I would listen to that song 20 times for every one time I had to listen to
Starting point is 00:02:03 what's it called, smooth. Smooth, baby. It's smooth, baby. Welcome to page seven. I hope that you are just as upset as Molly and I are. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Neffle, and Marcus Parks has not left the studio in a rage
Starting point is 00:02:18 because Jackie's saying smooth. He didn't even start here, so don't worry. And he did it. We didn't scare him away. He's just not here. That was it. He finally gave up on the show. Yvonne was just like, you know what?
Starting point is 00:02:30 I can't possibly deal with her anymore, and I'm out. No, the boys at last podcast are doing they're nothing but trouble tour right now, and now they're making nothing but trouble. All they wanted was a vacation, but all they got is nothing but trouble, which is now throwing it out there, now down to 5% on Rotten Tomatoes, and that, you know, it just, I know that everyone again has heard my rant about Rotten Tomatoes before, as if I don't check the Rotten Tomatoes score of almost every single thing that I watch, but it went from an 8% when I started yelling
Starting point is 00:03:03 about nothing but trouble down to a 5%. and I want to know who is responsible. Yeah. Because I think it has something to do with write in reviews. There's some sort of data manipulation going on, I think. You know, I think that I'm not sure if there's like an anti, if it's a negative response to you or if, you know, there's something going on with this Rotten Tomatoes downturn.
Starting point is 00:03:30 And I do think that you are responsible because who else must be, no one else must be talking about nothing but trouble as much as you are. I mean, maybe a lot of people are. I got to find these people, though. I feel like we need to have some sort of support group. We'll make it like an Alan on. Like an Alan, nothing but trouble on.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Yeah, bitches. Yeah, I slapped it in there. You need to find the 5% of people who think that it's a good movie. Yeah, and then we're all going to become friends. And then we're going to have... We're going to watch it every week. We're going to have drinking games.
Starting point is 00:04:01 We're going to find more and more things out about the movie every week. At the beginning, can I just harken back to some, it's not exactly pop culture, but it is something that we all share, which is the Sunday funnies. And Jackie will often compare herself to Kathy and who can't relate. I need my coffee. Just standing in a dressing room three out of four days, you know, of your week. Just always upset, except I'm never usually covered in cats. That's the only difference between Kathy and I.
Starting point is 00:04:40 Same haircut at this point, too. I need to get a haircut. I need to figure it out because my hair's getting limp and it's getting sad. And I'm getting extra Kathy. And I, you know, often also identify with Kathy, but I decided this morning that if you are Kathy, I am the mom from better or for worse because I got stress lines coming off of my head. Oh, no!
Starting point is 00:05:01 Too many kids. When Molly said this to me via text earlier, I was very upset, though, because everyone knows that for better or for worse is the worst Sunday funny. Very much the worst. I had a period of my life where I was obsessed with it. I would get, this sounds sadder than it was. I would get drunk and read the archives of for better or for worse going back as far as I could. and back in like the 70s when those kids, because that comic went on for a long time.
Starting point is 00:05:36 Those adult children, they started off as young children. Yeah, that's true. I like that they progressed. You know what? I just looked up for better or worse. I looked it up because in my brain, I mixed it up with Family Circle. So I take back, I rescind what I said
Starting point is 00:05:50 about it being the worst comic of all time because it's not, Family Circle is the worst comic of all time. Yes, that I agree with. But for better or for worse is pretty fucking bad. Yeah. I like the dog, though. Here's a big old flapping turn. The thing about for better or for worse is that it's like serious.
Starting point is 00:06:07 It's like a soap opera in Sunday funny form. There's never any jokes. And every pan, the last panel is just always the mom with like big eyes and stress lines coming off. And it's always like a kid being like, I guess I'll just have a cookie anyway. And the mom's like, whoa. Yeah, but what a great punchline. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:27 that kid getting that cookie. I feel like I need to get some sort of compendium of for better or for worse. Yeah. Do I need to read this? Do I need to follow the story? Well, at least as of about 2007, all the archives were online.
Starting point is 00:06:40 So I do recommend going back into a for better or for worse whole. I had like, we had, our college comedy group had a radio hour where we would just like try to fill time on the radio station. And we used to do like dramatic readings of the for better or for worse strips because, like, it really, they're very dry and very serious. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:03 I don't know what year this one is from, but I guess Lawrence is gay. And it just said, there's two panels that says, he says, this isn't going to be easy. And then the mother says, don't worry, honey, whatever it is, we'll handle it together, calmly and sensibly. And he says, I'm gay. And then she says, don't be ridiculous. And that's what. What? Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:07:25 That's what Never mind I don't think I'm gonna read it What? Oh my Jesus Never mind I mean at the same time I know that it's like dated And I know that it's barely old
Starting point is 00:07:38 But um That's interesting Iakes Well you know Maybe they got more woke over the years You know I think that Sunday Funnies just shouldn't try to be topical I think they should live in a kind of You know for whatever it's worth family circus
Starting point is 00:07:54 is just always like a horrible creepy Jesus 50s, you know, wet dream. And it stays there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like that it stays there because at least I always know that I, but the problem is I hate read it. And it's not like I, it's like, well, I'll never read it. But I always read it and it makes me so mad. That's not only, I don't only hate read family circus.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Circus. Yeah, family circus. But I say family circle. Everyone calls it family circle for some reason. You're not the only one. Well, because you know what at the same time, Family Circle is the magazine form of Family Circus. I got Family Circle for probably seven years for some reason. And it's a garbage magazine.
Starting point is 00:08:35 It's a real garbage magazine. Did you ever look at the cartoons of Family Circus where it's like all of the little lines showing you where Jeffrey went? And not only do I read Family Circus and hate read it, I would actually follow all the little lines. Like I would like go down, I would be like, oh, let's see what you. where Jeffrey went, and I would like spend a few minutes looking at it. Looking at it? Oh, good Lord. Yeah. What a waste of time. Ew. It's all, oh, it's so, I didn't realize it's very Bibley.
Starting point is 00:09:05 Yeah, super, super, super Christian. Jeffrey just asked Daddy, did God turn Lot's wife into a pillar of salt for real, or was it all just done with CGI? That was, don't, Valley, don't laugh at it. Don't laugh at him out. Now that's funny. That was in 2015. But at the same time, at least it's not trying to be topical.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Bible humor is always there, you know? Yeah, exactly. Whereas for better or for worse, I think they tried to be like, I don't know what they were trying to be. They were trying to be like a television program, but just like 20 million times more boring. But there was so many characters. and and just like regular mundane dramas of life.
Starting point is 00:09:56 And I read that so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's why, but that's why Garfield is the perfect comic. It never gets too much. You just follow a fat cat. And right now they're posting all the ones about like all the Thanksgiving ones because I love Garfield's Thanksgiving special, almost as much as I love the Christmas and the Thanksgiving specials.
Starting point is 00:10:16 and the Halloween specials, although the Halloween one is still my favorite. But I love the Thanksgiving one because it's really, really sad, you know, because John, um, he's, at least he's got family. Does John have family? Yes, he's got a very, his mother really, really loves him, and his dad is, like, a simple farmer, and his brother's, like, a really simple farmer, and they all live together, and, like, his mother just wants to feed everybody, which I identify with. Wait, is that the part of Garfield and Friends where it was the, and Friends and all the, like,
Starting point is 00:10:46 farm animals. Was that like in, was that all in the same universe? Was that like John's extended family? No, no, no, no. That's just more like, that's just like the farm life. That's like the farm life of those animals. So they follow the animals. But like John's family, itchy, they show up in the comics every once in a while. Okay. But they're very nice. And it made me really sad because all of my friends giving's plans have fallen through. And I decided that I was going to make a mini Thanksgiving. What mini Thanksgiving is, which I started singing, I didn't start singing the song. My boyfriend started singing this song, mini Thanksgiving, it's kind of misleading because you make just as much food, but nobody comes to it.
Starting point is 00:11:26 And that's what I'm planning on doing this weekend, where I just make a full Thanksgiving dinner for like two or three people. I think that's great. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You get more food. Yeah, you got leftovers then. It's like who needs friends for Thanksgiving? Right.
Starting point is 00:11:41 That's not a holiday. about togetherness. I'm just crying into my gravy. I'm trying to coin the term Jacksgiving, but I think that has other connotations that I probably don't need to incorporate into Thanksgiving. Yeah, what I like to do with my Friendsgiving is that each year has a subtitle.
Starting point is 00:12:04 What do you mean? Like, for example, Friendsgiving 2017, the subtitle was Welcome to Hell. I don't remember why. I think that I was upset about. something political. And this year, the subtitle for Friendsgiving is Friendsgiving, 2018, colon, Fred's giving for Freddy.
Starting point is 00:12:24 I love it for Freddie. That's great. But is everyone going to dress like Freddie Kruger? Because I think that would be fun. They would be welcome to, I guess. So your subtitle of your mini thanks, it could be many thanks, whoever, the two people you're sending the invitation to, you know, it could be mini Thanksgiving, 2018, colon, Jacksgiving. Ooh, I like it. Yeah, but do you want Freddy's name so closely related to Jacksgiving, though?
Starting point is 00:12:57 You know, you're her Auntie Jackie, you know, Auntie Jackie. So that's okay? I mean, she's going to understand what Auntie Jackie is doing. I mean, again, like, every time my niece likes my Instagram pictures, I'm just like, don't look at my trash. Oh, no, no, I'm not going to let Freddie know you that well until she was ready. Come on. I'm great with kids. I know you are. I, you're made-up song about many Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 00:13:33 This is not even going to translate because there's no way to convey the annoyingness of when your partner that you live with slash spouse that you live with. slash spouse that you live with makes up a song and sings it but for the Heidi Kloom Halloween party, me and Gideon were Mr. Rogers and Mr. McPhilee. Yes, which also I need to hear your side of Heidi Kloom's party
Starting point is 00:13:55 but please continue. Yes. So Mr. McPhile is the postman right? He comes and he delivers the packages. Gideon for some reason thought that Mr. McPhile was the mayor and kept telling everybody that he was going as mayor McPhilly no matter how many times I would correct him
Starting point is 00:14:13 and then just invented just for at least the week leading up to the Heidi Klune party and several days after we just walk around the house going May or McPhee like I think maybe to the tune of like blurred lines like May or McPheely Controversial But it's whatever we Because we recently accidentally both got blurred lines in our head on accident
Starting point is 00:14:36 And we couldn't get it out of our heads But every time we would sing it we would correct each other because that song is not welcome in our house. It's not good. But it's very hard to get it out of your head once it's there. You find yourself walking around being like, I know you want it. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:14:53 Why are you doing this to me, Molly? I got one hard for you. I heard from Santana in my head. Smooth. Smooth. It weren't right. And now I need it. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:15:08 It's so problematic. But the Mayor McPhilee song isn't exactly to the tune of blurred lines. I think it's just inspired by both of us trying to get it out of our fucking head. So he's just walking around screaming, Mayor McPhee for like a week and a half. And so, you know, I can relate to your many Thanksgiving song, although I think that your mini Thanksgiving song is actually pretty good. Yeah, there's a lot more stanzas that he kept coming up with about, um, about how pathetic? many Thanksgiving is, but I'm fine with it.
Starting point is 00:15:43 This episode of page seven is brought to you by Simple Health. Go to simplehealth.com slash page seven for a free birth control prescription. Babies, don't want babies yet. If you're looking forward to becoming a modern Stone Age family, I support you fully. But for those of us out there looking for a wham-bam, but without the bam-bam, try Simple Health. A convenient birth control service where they get rid of the doctor's offices, waiting rooms, or pharmacy lines, and you can get birth control prescribed or nude and delivered
Starting point is 00:16:13 from wherever you are on your schedule. Ain't got to worry about your petties and you know floor car, because simple health gives you access to birth control wherever you is. Geographic proximity to a doctor, insurance status, or income should never be barriers when it comes to accessing birth control. Simple health is a club in those barriers, getting hitched caveman style. And ain't nobody need to know what I'm using to keep my jaws of life, say. birth control is a personal choice and simple health is a discreet and comfortable option no labels in the package or having a caveman spaying your squirties needs to an old man just you and your phone at home simple health only offers trusted brands of birth control they ain't making their own birth control they got licensed doctors help and build the product and they review every patient with rigor and care ain't got to slurp down some quarry swill that wilma says might do the trick this time deino is Isn't a dog, well ma, treat him with respect.
Starting point is 00:17:12 Simple health doctors can prescribe the pill, patch, or ring, and will personalize a recommendation based on your health profile and personal preferences. They offer affordable care regardless of insurance. But they do take insurance if you got it, and birth control is free with most insurance plans. That's a yabba-dabba, do it to me one more time once is never enough. For those without insurance like, me don't tell the government. The average cost is $18 a month, depending on the type prescribed,
Starting point is 00:17:40 and delivery is free. The service is not a replacement for routine evaluations by your primary care physician or gynecologist, but it's the most convenient and comfortable way to get your birth control. I remembered when I got my birth control for the first time. Did any of y'all have a very conservative mother? Rough and a half. Cold clampins and old fengies don't get my jellies off, and I really hate the weird early 30s. You sure you don't want to right now, guilt they throw at me. Wrap me in a fur, baby, daddy. I don't want to deal with it again.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Simple Health was so easy to use and convenient. I ain't never turning back. Ugh, no more OBGY Fred think of my squirty bird as some sort of horn. Don't yank me, bro. The prescription is usually $20, but Simple Health is offering you a prescription for free. Just go to Simplehealth.com slash page seven
Starting point is 00:18:29 or enter the promo code page seven at checkout. That's a free prescription when you go to simplehealth.com slash page seven or enter promo code page seven to check out. Yabodabadoo! I'm eating Thanksgiving. You know what? Thanksgiving's early this year. I'm eating Thanksgiving all month.
Starting point is 00:18:44 I got a couple more weeks. And I want to eat as much Thanksgiving as humanly possible. Yeah, it's a month-long holiday as far as I'm concerned. Hell yeah, it is. I feel like it's not getting enough of its due respect. Everyone having many Thanksgiving. Make a turkey. Why the hell not?
Starting point is 00:19:00 And the turkey's not even the best part. It's just the sides. and I think that's what I'm doing for a mini Thanksgiving. I think I'm not even going to make a turkey. I think I'm just going to make the signs. That's a great idea. Especially because I've been watching the ultimate Thanksgiving challenge on Food Network. Molly, have you watched it yet?
Starting point is 00:19:15 I have not watched it yet, but I, okay, so I need to look this up pronto because Thanksgiving programming on Food Network is my favorite genre of programming on Food Network. Fuck the Halloween Wars, whatever that bullshit is. I don't want to see a bunch of people make like creepy cupcakes. And I don't even, I'll watch holiday baking championship, but it's like, I get it. Everything is gingerbread. But. Yeah. It's also, oh, look, it's another red and green cookie.
Starting point is 00:19:41 Yeah. I don't give an age. Exactly. But Thanksgiving is like, yeah, I want your ideas. And I love Thanksgiving programming. I've been obsessed with Food Network's Thanksgiving Live ever since it happened. I think one year only. And I think 2014 and everyone got so drunk.
Starting point is 00:20:00 It was live TV. It was a shit show. Wait, what did they do? What do they do? Tell me about this. Oh my God. I dream of Thanksgiving Live. Every year I hope that they'll rerun it, but they don't because it was such a mess. It was Bobby Giatta, Alton Brown, and Ina Garten. Ooh. The Dark Horse all together, four large egos, all live. None of them are used to doing live TV. They were all talking over each other, talking over each other. So, much and drinking and trying to talk about how well really the way you do a turkey is this way it was so hostile it was so passive aggressive that's amazing and at one point they were so drunk they were getting so drunk and giata cut herself and she got herself really bad no how what was she doing oh you know it's chopping something but like they were all just like just frantically
Starting point is 00:21:00 trying to get a word on edgewise. And she cut herself and she was like, oh, I'm fine. And then, like, it was like one of those things where, like, three minutes later was like, Giata just wasn't there anymore. She's not fine. She's definitely not fine. Especially if you're drinking that much, you're going to be bleed all over the place. Woman, you know that.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Oh, God. It was so good. And then they, I don't think that they brought it back because I think that the next year, they maybe replayed it. But every year, like, because my friend's giving is always the weekend before Thanksgiving. And that was when Thanksgiving live. was and I'm always like give me that sweet sweet food network programming and they've never redone it because presumably because of Giazza's disfiguring injury. Did they each take different parts
Starting point is 00:21:43 of the meal to make? I think that that was theoretically the setup but like, you know, they're all like the biggest assholes on earth so they can't just watch Ina Garton make a, if anything, she had the hardest time. I will say everyone kept trying to talk over her. She's very short and she's just so sweet. And she's like so just like kind and soft spoken. She can't compete with God, I love on the garden. I know. She can't compete with Alton and Bobby and so everyone was talking, but you know, they can't just
Starting point is 00:22:11 sit there and watch somebody fucking butterfly a turkey or whatever. They have to be like, well, what I would do is this. And they pretend like they're all having fun, but they're not having fun. Oh my God. I have to, I got to look this up. You said you watch it every year though? Like it's out somewhere? I can probably find on YouTube. It's got to be somewhere. I can't be the person who is obsessed with Thanksgiving Live. And that's the reason I watch the weekly show The Kitchen because it's as close to the fuckfest of Thanksgiving Live as you can get because you know that everyone on that show hates
Starting point is 00:22:38 each other, but you can't quite tell how much. And you also know that probably at least some of them are fucking each other. And you can't quite tell how much. Oh, yeah. Ooh, I wonder if Chiata and, what's his name? What's, uh... Bobby? Bobby Flay.
Starting point is 00:22:53 I wonder if they were banging when Thanksgiving Live happened, which is why maybe why it didn't happen again. Yeah, I think that, I mean, but also they work together for Food Network Star. So they're like inextricably linked, even though they definitely are ex-lovers, and it must be very awkward for them. Don't shit where you eat. Everybody knows this. We've all made this mistake before, but also Giata and Bobby, y'all are old enough to know
Starting point is 00:23:16 by now. Well, it always upsets me because Giata is so, I'm not, she's not my type, but I can objectively tell that she is so, so far out of Bobby's league. That the fact... And she's just so yum. She's so yum. And the fact that Bobby Flae got to sleep with her is... Just makes me angry at the world.
Starting point is 00:23:37 It's not fair. It's not fair. Bobby Flee doesn't deserve her. And especially once you start watching the Ultimate Thanksgiving Challenge, which is hosted by Giata. Oh, oh, she can come over and make me a turkey in a day. Yeah, her food is good. Give me that turkey. Her food is... But at the same time, I usually follow Ina Gardens recipes the most.
Starting point is 00:23:58 Me too. Especially when I'm making chicken for Jeffrey. Oh my God, I forgot I've got a Jeffrey. Why am I not making it roast chicken every Friday? Oh my God, you got to make Jeffrey roast chicken every Friday, and you got to talk about it. Oh, I'm going to start recording myself making chicken every Friday, whether he likes it or not.
Starting point is 00:24:18 Jeffrey loves his chicken. And if he starts going out to Fire Island with his boys, I understand. You know what? It's a part of my track record, so I'm fine with it. Jeffrey, would you like some chicken? I think that if I started talking like that, then would probably terrify him. Because then I sound like a psychopath.
Starting point is 00:24:37 You also have to just go into the room when he's trying to do something else and be like, I brought you some brownies. You know, and he's trying to work. Like, what did you say? Oh, don't worry, Jeffrey. I think you're really going to enjoy these brownies, Jeffrey. And he has to be like, oh, thanks.
Starting point is 00:24:52 I'll see you later when I've done working. Thank you. I still have work to do. No, it makes me think, I was telling him about that too when I was going to the vocal therapist, and she's like, you speak too loudly. You need to speak a lot softer. Most people don't talk as loudly as you do.
Starting point is 00:25:07 It sounds like you're always yelling. And I was like, so you would like me to start talking like this instead? And when I went to work the next day and I started talking like this, everyone thought that I had finally snapped. And that I was going to take out a bat and start beating people to death at work. But I did it. And I had to stop because everyone was like, I don't know what you're saying. I'm used to this level of you speaking.
Starting point is 00:25:32 But that was kind of fun. In other words, you needed it to go from a Rachel Ray to a Naina Garten. Don't you ever call me, Rachel Ray? Rach. Don't. No, no from here. All right, I'll be in Naina Garden. I'm going to start.
Starting point is 00:25:48 I need to get more billowy shirts. Maybe that's why you and I gravitated towards each other because we both just scream all the time. And when I listen to like podcasts that aren't hosted by us and that are hosted by women who, and I'm not trying to hate on women because women are hated on no matter how they talk. And I definitely like don't. Oh yeah, we're hated on for talking like this. So it's like, you know, what are you going to do? And women are hated on for like up talk and all these, all these things that are like just,
Starting point is 00:26:14 just different ways to hate women, right? But like when I do listen to women who talk like, so actually I was curious. So I looked into it. And here's what I found. I'm just like, how do you- So why aren't you anxious about something? How do you contain yourself like that, you know? Let it go, man.
Starting point is 00:26:33 Just like feel every emotion. I cried like seven times yesterday, mostly for happy things. And it's like, you know what? Just feel it. Just have that. Yeah, I just, I project, you know? I just can't stop projecting. Maybe I should do projection 2019.
Starting point is 00:26:51 Molly, we're coming up on a new year soon. And Mesh 2018, was a hit for me and my breasts. And I'm going to continue doing mesh through 2019, but I think I need to do something else. I need a new thing. I've got a lot of ideas, though. Have art, is on the ideas,
Starting point is 00:27:10 is there either glitter or sequins? I was definitely thinking Sparkle 2019. I was thinking Sparkle 2019, because that incorporates a lot of different things. Yes, Sparkle is good. It's an umbrella term. Exactly. I need an umbrella term because sometimes,
Starting point is 00:27:25 my breasts get cold. And I love mesh 2018 and I wear so much mesh that now my breasts get scared and lonely when they're not out. You know what I mean? So I feel like Sparkle 2019 would work really well because it's like I'm rock at the Fannie Packs. But I don't know. It's like what are other ideas though? I don't even know. Sparkles are really the only thing that I like that aren't in the kind of masculine clothing realm. Like I like mostly I wear you know masculine clothing but I all anything that's glittery and sparkly, I take it. Like, I like sparkly sneakers, sparkly bags, sparkly eye makeup. So, you know, sparkly nail polish.
Starting point is 00:28:03 So I don't even know what the kind of other options are for accessorizing. I don't know either. So if anybody, if you guys have any ideas, please hit me up on Instagram and Twitter. If you've got great ideas of what you think I should do for 2019, because I'm trying to mold a whole line here only for myself. And I think it's kind of fun. The problem is, though, I went, you know, the day after Halloween, you got to hit all the Halloween stores because everything is like 75% off. And I bought a bunch of glitter makeup.
Starting point is 00:28:31 The only issue is, which I think it might be a great issue, is that everything I have is immediately covered in glitter. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I think that that's a good thing. I think it's a great thing. I'm ready to do it. Are you going to go back to sock arm 2019?
Starting point is 00:28:49 Sack arm 2019? Yeah. Yeah. I support you. I support you doing sock arm 2019. You could start using the permanent marker to like make different designs on them. Wait, when was I saw was, what year was I sock arm before? Never, I'm just assuming.
Starting point is 00:29:07 I'm assuming at one point in your SCA lifetime that you wore socks on your arms. I was an arm band like 2000, it would have been like arm band 2003, you know. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to bring that back? I loved armbands. I did, and if they were, I would bring them back. You know, I miss my armbands. I enjoyed them quite a lot.
Starting point is 00:29:32 I like wrist accessories. That's where my jewelry goes. Really? Yeah. You're more bracelet kind of. Yeah, but what were they like snap? Snap bands. I wore silly bands for like many years after they were cool until they like dissolved.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had them on all the time, but I liked it. It gave you a pop-a-call? Yeah, yeah, I had a little, it was my little signature look. Hell yeah, it was. But also, back to Heidi Klum's party, though, because I feel like we didn't get your perspective of Heidi Kloom's party, because we got Marcus's last week. But I just wanted to check in with you.
Starting point is 00:30:07 Did you feel claustrophobic? I mean, okay, so the backdrop that you need for me going to Heidi Kloom's party is that, you know, I had a baby and she was premature, and so the first few months were a little bit more nerve-wracking perhaps than they would have normally been, but the first few months are always nerve-wracking. I assume the first time you have a baby. And long story short, Gideon and I have
Starting point is 00:30:29 never left the house at night for a date or anything since she was born. And I did not ever understand this before. I babysat for two different friends for the first time for their first date after their baby was born. Both of them went on a date
Starting point is 00:30:45 when the baby was four months. And both times I was like, who are these assholes? waiting four months after a baby to go have a date. God, when I have a baby, I'm going to be so cool. I'm going to leave that baby right away. That baby will be fine. And lo and behold, it was a deal. No, I was totally fine.
Starting point is 00:31:04 It took me six months to leave, but we did leave. But I did not cry. But you have to understand that going into a party that is like in a club in New York and Manhattan in Midtown and was like, very dark and very loud and very crowded. It was like, it was really a sensory experience that I had not gotten, that I had not been exposed to,
Starting point is 00:31:35 even in my, just in my 30s, you know, but much less. Yeah, no, it's been a minute. It's been a minute, you know, but much less six months being home every night, every single night with a baby. So it was a little bit, it was a little bit, intense. I didn't feel claustrophobic. I do fine with with crowds. I will say for me, the absolute highlight was Questlove. That man knows how to DJ a party. Somebody should tell Questlove. He is a good DJ. He. I think he knows. I'm assuming he knows at this point. Every song. I was just
Starting point is 00:32:12 standing there screaming into the abyss because nobody could hear anything other than the Questlove's music. I was just like, this man really is a very good. DJ. Is everyone aware? He's so good. It was great. It was like the ultimate, it was like take everything. Like when we were talking a few shows ago about like the ultimate wedding playlist.
Starting point is 00:32:32 It was like just the best, like greatest hits of like party, what you want to hear at a party. Hell yeah. And that was really fun. But the hard thing with the costumes and the famous people is that you can't tell who anybody is because they're in costume. Yeah. Yeah, I know. So we didn't. But did you.
Starting point is 00:32:49 see Mel B? We were right next to Mel B. Like, like, and you know, oh, but you weren't aware that it was her because she was dressed as posh spice, which was a bit of a shade thrower. It was very dark and it was, so I couldn't see anybody. It was just like, I was just really kind of feeling my way through. I couldn't really tell what a lot of people's costumes were anyway. Yeah. Unless they were like very, very clear, like Mr. T. Um, but, uh, um, um, but, uh, um, But I did. The only person I spotted, the only person I spotted while we were there was iced tea. Hell yeah. Because I didn't know, I don't know how bottle service works because I've never been at a place where there's bottle service before. No, I don't understand what that means. And yeah, it means what I learned is that it means that you drink like a high schooler. I was drinking Kool-Aid and vodka.
Starting point is 00:33:39 Yeah. Like, oh God, did you get so sick? No, I was fine. I mean, the next day I was like, I have not had to drink in a long time. but drinking Kool-Aid and vodka like a high schooler, like stand it at a table with a bottle of vodka and a thing of Kool-Aid very much like a high school party, except it's all very nice. But I didn't know how it worked. I didn't know whether it was a privatized system, like we all had our own vodka or whether it was a communal system where all the vodka belonged to everybody. So at one point, I was trying to get some damn vodka and I walked over. I was like, I guess like a house party, maybe I'll just walk over to a table and pour myself some vodka. and I walked over to a table
Starting point is 00:34:19 I found some vodka I almost picked it up and then I was like wait a minute what if this is somebody else's vodka and I'm about to like walk up to somebody's table at a restaurant and pick up their wine
Starting point is 00:34:28 and pour it into my glass just take it like I'll have some of this now this one's open I have this one and so I'm staying in there looking at the vodka at the table and I was like oh what do I do
Starting point is 00:34:38 and I looked up and the person sitting at that table was none other than iced tea did he say anything? No he was just chilling but you know I've seen about 1,700 episodes of Law & Order SVU, so I was ready to spot iced tea, you know?
Starting point is 00:34:54 Hell yeah. Oh, man, I just imagine you drinking vodka with iced and then you just blathering at him about Law & Order SVU. Do you remember that one episode? Do you remember that one? Do you remember that one? Man, that one was rough, huh? Tell me about Mariska Hagerty.
Starting point is 00:35:11 Is she really that uptight, or is that just her character? Rattrow, get out the feed bags and keep them full, because this little turkey is getting ready to post up with their belly out for stuffing season. Sweet yams ain't the only thing I'm cross-stuffing in this gape. Don't be lewd. I'm talking about my quip, y'all. Quip was designed to make brushing your teeth more simple, affordable, and even enjoyable. And nothing gets my giblets or rubbing, quite like the sensitive,
Starting point is 00:35:44 sonic vibrations of my toothbrush. It's gentle enough for your sensitive gums. My gums is like my turkey skin, both in great need of soft caresses with that sweet, sweet herb butter. Some people brush too hard and some electric toothbrushes are too abrasive. Like Cardi B says, be careful with me. Toothbrush, do you know what you're doing? Whose gums that you hurt and are bruising? You're going to gain the whole world, but is it worth the teeth? you lose and be careful with me. Toothbrush. And Quip has a built-in two-minute timer that pulses every 30 seconds to remind you when to switch sides,
Starting point is 00:36:24 helping guide a full and even clean. So go on and cover them teeth in a soothing gravy jacket. Up to 90% of us don't brush for a full two minutes and don't clean evenly. And Quip is here to help make sure you get every lean, mean crust of green bean out of them chompas. I am armed and ready for Thanksgiving with my quip. Ain't got to worry about the dubious amounts of onions and garlic I cook with. My man's still going to want to put gravy in this boat after eating because my quip will vibrate my mouth to a kissable state as clean as my turkey plate.
Starting point is 00:37:01 And with its handy dandy travel case, I can make sure I sling it in my feed bag so it's ready and waiting at the bottom of my eaty pouch. So when I'm all full up potatoes and various fruity sauces, I can make them clean. That's why I love Quip and why they're backed by over 20,000 dental professionals. Quip starts at $25, and if you go to getquip.com slash page 7 right now and get your first refill pack free with a quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at g-et-Q-u-I-P dot com slash page seven. After the fact, we, you know, went on lunch, line and saw all of the people that were there. And it turns out we were like right next to Mel B.
Starting point is 00:37:45 And I actually got very upset with Gideon because we were, it was a Saturday after the party. We were home. The baby was on me in her little pouch sleeping, fast asleep. And I was in the other room doing some chores or something because I was like, the baby's asleep. I'm going to do whatever fold laundry or something. And Gideon is in the other room and screams, oh my God, but screams it in such a way that I literally thought that he had fallen and seriously hurt himself. Like, he really screamed. Like, I thought that, or that he had gotten like a horrible text with like terrible news. And I... Just anything. He screamed so loud. The baby woke up. I sprinted into the room because I expected him to have been crushed by a bookcase or something. Yeah, or covered in blood. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:38:31 something. And he was like, Dugie Hauser was standing right behind us. He had just realized that Neil Patrick Harris and his husband were the two people who were dressed like Edigo Montoya. Enigo Montoya, yeah. And they were standing right behind us. Who? The dread pirate Roberts. I just imagine Gideon is just standing right outside the door and being like, I did do this. I did.
Starting point is 00:38:59 No, I remember this. Gideon is standing right outside the door to correct me. And he screamed like someone had died. And it just turned out that he had realized that we were like, right next to Neil Patrick Harris the whole night and hadn't known it. And I was very upset that he... I guess you didn't see the picture that Marcus and Carolina got with Neil Patrick Harris. I did not see that until after the fact of putting it all together,
Starting point is 00:39:22 like making the geographic map of who all we were by. Because we were also right by fucking Lupita, which I didn't... I didn't know. I didn't know, but I did say, hey, Dion, to her. And she, like, smiled and nodded at. me. And so I did technically talk to Lupita. Talk to her. But I didn't even realize it was her. I was just too busy being excited that it was Dion. I mean, especially when you get like, you're slamming back vodas and Kool-Aids, you know, at that point, you're just having,
Starting point is 00:39:53 you're just loosey-goosey. I was loosey goosey. I was, I literally only spotted ice tea. And yeah, I mean, I don't think I could have picked Melby out of a crowd, to be honest. but I should have spotted Lupita, but she was wearing this big Dion hat, and she looked great. Oh, man, she looked so good. I will say, I mean, I heard Marcus did say that Cole Spouse is there, and that's fine, I'm going to put that in my pocket
Starting point is 00:40:21 and keep it in my back pocket and where it's going to sit on my butt, and it's great. Everything's fine. But I am, I'm sad that Idris Elba was not at the party, I will say, because I would have loved to adhere again, it's like a Jason Momoa kind of thing of just like what he smells like. Because also, congrats on him for being people's sexiest man alive, 2018. It's about damn time because didn't we spend 2016 saying, no offense, Jackie, that
Starting point is 00:40:51 Blake Shelton is trash and he should not have been the sexiest man alive and it should have been Idriselba. So thank God. It only took them two years to get it right. They have been listening. And I appreciate you People Magazine because, Idris Elba definitely, I mean, you know I'll always love me. You don't got to throw back a pretty big lemonade shooter and lean a little closer.
Starting point is 00:41:14 Because I love my Blake Shelton. And I know he's a trash monster, but he's my trash monster. I mean, technically is Gwen Stefani's trash monster. But, man, I, but then I, of course, went down another, and I know that I was talking about private garden a while ago. But I went down another Idris Elba hole because he got to. I watched a couple episodes of The Wire, just to throw. throw it into the mix because I just forget how fucking amazing he is in the wire.
Starting point is 00:41:40 He's so amazing in the wire. Oh yeah. He's so fucking amazing. And I did not know until completing the entirety of the wire that he was British. I mean, it took me a while to find that out. But he has such like a great British accent too where it's like that like he's kind of like lower class. I don't know anything about British accents. But it sounds, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:42:04 I just, ooh, I want to kiss him on his mouth. And then I started watching more King Driss, which is what his rapper name is. It's D-R-I-I-S. And his rapping is really not very good. I did not know he was a rapper. Have you ever seen Lufa? Lutta. But he says it like, Lufa.
Starting point is 00:42:24 Lufa. I had to stop because it is, it had a lot of violence against women, which, even though I really like my crime procedurals, I just was at a point in my life. before I had to stop. But he is dreamy as hell, and it's like a British crime procedural. And if you want to go down underneath your elbow, it is like a very high quality show that people like a lot.
Starting point is 00:42:45 It's just like a little bit, you know, it's a little, like I had just watched the fall. It's a little rough. And that guy is super hot. But I was like, I cannot cope with all of this sexual violence. And so I couldn't do it. But he is dreamy as hell on his like, yeah, like, I mean, I don't totally know how the British accents
Starting point is 00:43:04 work either, but I thought that I heard that if they say there are T-Hs like F's, then they're a little bit lower class like Supernanny is. Ooh, oh, I do love Supernanny. I love her. Man, I don't know why I thought Luther was a, um, was a superhero thing. I just lumped it in. You probably think of, I thought it was another superhero thing. Lex Lufa, who is not British.
Starting point is 00:43:26 That's why. That's why I was thinking of it. So it has nothing to do with Lex Lerther. No, it is. It has to do, it's like a cop. It's like a BBC cap show. Oh, okay, I'll watch that. I'll give it a tryout.
Starting point is 00:43:41 That's what I did yesterday. I gave out a new show a tryout while I was avoiding watching the election results come in. And I watched almost all of Julia Roberts' new show Homecoming, which is on Amazon. Because there was just like, there was advertisements for it everywhere. And then I started reading all these articles
Starting point is 00:43:58 that everyone was like, Julia Roberts is back. And you know what? She was great in it. Yes. She's really good. Tell me about this show because I was, I watched the trailer and I'm oscillating between like, oh, I don't know if I want to go near this like white savior lady working in a social service setting, like dangerous minds, terrible tropes kind of thing. Or if I watched it and I was like, ooh, this looks spicy and dark.
Starting point is 00:44:26 It is extremely my shit. I think, so it's definitely not spicy in the way that I usually like, although I do love me some Bobby kind of. of all because he is, I think he was on a lot of the other procedural shows that I really dug in like the 90s. That was definitely my kind of thing. He's been, I mean, he's been in a million things, but he's really, really sexy. And so there's not a lot of sex in it, but it is definitely, like, the way that it shot was very interesting. They were going for like a Hitchcockian kind of feel to it. I don't want to give too much away because it's not what I thought it was going to be. It definitely has nothing to do.
Starting point is 00:45:03 It's not like a race thing at all. Okay. It's a lot more of like it goes back and forth through time. And when it's it's like they change the ratio. I don't know exactly like that, you know, the filmy terms of it. That you know when not the, it's not widescreen, but it's like just the middle part. You know what I mean? Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:45:23 Yep. Racial? Yep. Like the scale is different. When it's in like when it's in present time. it's in that so you can't see everything. It looks like everything is like really zoomed in. And then when it is the past,
Starting point is 00:45:38 it goes back to widescreen. And everything, the way that it's all set up, you don't really know what's going on, but every episode's only like 25 minutes long. So you just like bash through it. And every time an episode's over, you're like, but wait, I don't understand. And so I just ended up watching it for like four hours. And you would recommend?
Starting point is 00:45:58 I would. I have not watched the last two episodes yet. So I don't know if the ending sticks the landing, which is what my problem was with the Jennifer Beale show that I was so obsessed with, that I did like the ending, but it wasn't as good as the rest of it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:46:14 Well, but I think that this is, I mean, I like that it's not just like a rom-com thing. I think that she kills it. I think she's really good. I feel like if I were to tell the algorithm, like things that I want, give me more things like it would be big little lies. Yeah, it would basically be big little lies.
Starting point is 00:46:30 I was going to say sharp objects, but sharp objects was like a little bit too trying to be so dark for me. I was like, oh, we get it. Everything's whispery, you know. Yeah, but it was so species spicy, though. It was species spicy, but it was like so, it was just like we're bashing you over the head with our species spiciness, you know. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:46:52 I just love, oh, God, I live for a species spicy. Like the spice girls reunion, are you so excited? Oh, yeah, spice girls. You know who else is excited Oh There's a fire Starting in her heart About the Spice Girls
Starting point is 00:47:09 And it's reaching her at the dark Bringing her at the dark Molly Look at you She can see the Spice Girls Go ahead and tell her That the Spice Girls are onto her Molly
Starting point is 00:47:28 You're not the only one who can say. I just want everyone. You are the only one who can say. Please give everyone. Give her a Molly. Give her a Molly applause, baby, because you completely deserved it. Adele is so excited. And she posted that picture on Instagram of her as a little kid with all of the Spice
Starting point is 00:47:46 girls cutouts behind her when she's like laying in in bed and she looks so cute. And I love how excited she is. I love Adele so much. I love Adele so much too. I especially love how. sad she was when she won. Was it record of the year and not Beyonce? Album of the year.
Starting point is 00:48:04 That will endear Adele to me forever. Yeah, I mean, because she knew. She knew that she shouldn't, you know. But she also knows that she's really good. So I like that she, I mean, I'll never forget that too because she was humble and not like, she didn't say in a way of like putting herself down either. You know what I mean? She knows she's good.
Starting point is 00:48:23 It wasn't like, oh, I don't deserve this, which is like how women are conditioned to like take compliments. She was like, and it was true. It was exactly, it was like, this album was fucking awesome, but lemonade was lemonade.
Starting point is 00:48:36 And that's just, yeah, you can't compete with that. But I mean, I already loved her, but I love her so much for that and how she dealt with it. And I got to say that I don't really,
Starting point is 00:48:49 my love of Adel meter isn't, the needle didn't really move when I saw that she left the Spice Girl's as a kid, but I do think that she's very charming. and very real. Well, especially whenever I look up pictures of her and her husband, because her husband is a bear. I love her husband.
Starting point is 00:49:09 Really? Like a dreamy bear? Wait, I have to. Oh, yeah. His name is Simon Kineke, K-O-N-E-K-I-E-C-I. And, yeah, he's a big old scallywag of a man. Oh, yeah. I don't know if you're allowed to say that. Right? Scallywag.
Starting point is 00:49:29 He's a bear. Yeah, I want him. Like, get in my honey pot, you big-o. Yeah, you could stick your paw in there. Ain't no room for no wind into the poo. Only room for pants, big old daddy bear. I hope he usually wears pants. But if he doesn't wear pants, you know what?
Starting point is 00:49:49 Go for him. I support all of his style choices. Very much so. So are we going to go to the Spice Girls reunion or what? I mean, I'm definitely into. it. I wish that we can, I mean, we all know that, you know, Posh is not going to be there. And I guess that, you know, there's a big problem with that. But at the same time, it's like, what does it matter? Yeah. You know, Posh was never my favorite anyway. No, I actually had to,
Starting point is 00:50:11 this is, I shouldn't admit this on the show, but when I realized Mel B was next to us and then I realized she was posh, I had to kind of, I had to really go back. And it was like I was doing a bath problem. I had to like really picture the original spice girls and figure out who is who. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because you're always a baby. Yeah, I was always baby. Always a baby, never a scary. You could have been a sporty, though.
Starting point is 00:50:35 I could have been a sporty, but I was happy to be baby, even though, right, clothes-wise, I would have been, I mean, I was not sporty, but clothes-wise I was, you know, butcher than baby was, but I just, I was small and blonde. I had to be baby. Man, I have been looking for, oh, maybe I should do tear-away pants. 2019. I've been trying to find some good tear away pants. They're more difficult than you'd think. They had a period of time and then they stopped and I had a pair of pair of tearaway pants that never quite fit me right and I got rid of them but now I wish I hadn't because
Starting point is 00:51:08 because I think that it's a it's a bygone era. I know but my problem is they always made them too low rider. My butts always showed. I think that you got to because you got to tear them away I think you're supposed to wear like shorts underneath them. Shorts. Aren't you? And then you got kind of like an Alia look going on where you got like little like boxer shorts or athletic shorts or whatever kind of coming up over the falling down pants, which I used to think was so sexy when Alia did it. I mean, I would say that usually people do compare me to Aaliyah. But not when it comes to my shorts shorts wearing.
Starting point is 00:51:47 My problem is I got a thigh pooch on top. So every time you wear those kind of short shorts, my pooch goes underneath the bottom of the short shorts and then pooch is even more. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. Yep. I do know what you mean. I know. That was very descriptive.
Starting point is 00:52:04 I was trying to describe, I went to like the scariest, scariest haunted house last week with Mary. And it was the last night of it. And it's billed the scariest in SoCal. And it was a, since it was the last night, they did it all. lights off and you just had a glow stick and you had to go through it. And there was this one part that you went from a room that was all fog and just a strobe light in your face so you didn't know exactly where you were going and where the exit was. And that went right into a room.
Starting point is 00:52:35 But the only way I can describe it, it's like walking through two thighs rubbing together. All right? So it's like, so it's like a bunch of like billowy plastic that you have to walk through but you can't see in front of you, so you're like pushing and you feel like you're being like squeezed in between two thighs and you have to get through this whole long hallway.
Starting point is 00:52:55 But on the other side of the thigh meets were the actors whispering into your ears behind the sheets. So you couldn't see them, but they were just like, are you scared? Can't turn back. I'm like doing that kind of stuff in your ears. And I was like, no!
Starting point is 00:53:14 I can't see. We're not supposed to be. Here, Mary? Yeah, it was a lot of fun. She was working in a studio in California, yeah, and she was dressing like a rat till Stitch Fix came her way. That worked better than I thought it would. Stitch Fix is an online personal styling service
Starting point is 00:53:34 that finds and delivers clothes, shoes, and accessories to fit your body, budget, and lifestyle. If you want to live your best nanny life and follow the creed of fashion by a one queen friend, Drescia, it can get expensive if you ain't guys. to miss the chef field to foot the bill? And who's got the time to schlep to every mall looking for the perfect tight leopard print dress?
Starting point is 00:53:55 Just go to stitchfix.com slash page seven and tell them your sizes, what styles you like, and how much you want to spend on each item. You'll be paired with your very own personal stylist who will handpick items and send them right to your door. As someone that almost exclusively shops online at Amazon and Hot Topic, it is difficult to know exactly what sizing am, or what the heck I'm drunk ordering.
Starting point is 00:54:17 and I certainly never want to deal with the hassles of sending anything back. I ain't got no Niles. With Stitch Fix, you try them on, pay for what you love, and return the rest. Shipping exchanges and returns are always free. You're going to look so good that your poppy at home won't give you a side eye when you eke out. Oh, Mr. Sheffield, in the middle of your foreplay. There's no subscription required. You can sign up to receive scheduled shipments or get your fix whenever you want.
Starting point is 00:54:45 Remember when Niles got his CC fix? Oh my God, I was so happy for them. But it may or may not have led into a couple of hate-seduction relationships in my own personal life. Is this too revealing? Do I need a therapist? Heck no. Not when Stitch Fix's styling fee is only $20, which is applied toward anything you keep from your shipment. You know you want to be the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tithe.
Starting point is 00:55:15 So just tell your stylist what you're into and they really deliver. I am still obsessed with my pocketed sex jumpsuit because it makes me feel like Catwoman. With the measurements provided to the stylist, they really send you awesome picks that fit you like a glove. Like Catwoman said, I'm a woman and I can't be taken for granted. Get started now at stitchfix.com slash page 7 and you'll get an extra 25% off when you keep all the items in your box. That's stitchfix.com slash page seven to get started today. Stitchfix.com slash page seven. You know what that reminds me of is in Rocco's Modern Life.
Starting point is 00:55:56 Did you ever watch Rocco's Modern Life? Mm-hmm. There was like the hippo, the really fat hippo with the huge butt and the huge boobs. And whatever Rocco was like at the grocery store or the DMV or whatever he would like, if he was like trying to get out of the way or like find Spunky or like he would always accidentally like walk right in between her boobs and get stuck and she would always be like, how dare you? That is exactly what it's like.
Starting point is 00:56:23 I wish people did that with mine. I wish I had big enough breasts like that. I want to be the little fat hippo in Rocco's Modern Life. If you could be, I think you could, you could make a good case for being Bev Bighead. Oh, hell. Oh man, if they do a reboot, someone, if you're out there and you are casting a reboot of Rocko's Modern Life, please. I want to be Bev Finghead so badly.
Starting point is 00:56:44 Oh, Ed. Oh, Ed. Oh, I can do a lot of that. I can figure that out. I'm in. I'm ready for that. Have you watched Rocko's Modern Life as of late? Not recently, but I always dream about rewatching it
Starting point is 00:56:58 because I remember thinking that show was so funny. I loved that show as a kid. And also, King of the Hill, like all of King of the Hill just came back on Hulu. And I don't know if you were ever a King of the Hill fan. But as an adult, King of the Hill, Hill is just so fucking funny. It's so funny.
Starting point is 00:57:16 It's so ridiculous. Yeah, I never really watched it like regularly, but whenever I did, I always thought it was hilarious. There was a tweet from earlier this week that was very good before the elections. Somebody saying, imagine Hank Hill saying Beto O'Rourke. Beto O'Rourke. Beto O'Rourke. I can't even do Hank Hill's up, but I can do Bobby.
Starting point is 00:57:39 That's my purse. I do a lot of Bobby Hill. while I watch it because I'm obsessed with Bobby Hill. And I think that in some ways I am Bobby Hill. You know what I mean? In the more fabulous ways. Yeah, I could see that. You're kind of a glam of Bobby Hill.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Yeah, Jeff and I watched King of the Hill, I think, for maybe six or seven hours. It was just on. And it's just so great. You could just walk in and be like, ha, ha, ha, ha, and then walk back out. It's such a great show. And also, RIP, Brittany Murphy. She did so many voices in that show. It's insane.
Starting point is 00:58:12 Stephen Root where it's like, if you listen to it, and especially if you're watching it for that many hours, you can hear them do so many different characters every episode, which is like, blows my mind. I want to do that. I will say whenever I watch Beavis and Butthead, um, like, you know, since I've been an adult, I've always been extremely happy about it. Yeah, man, it's, I mean, I would say it's on Hulu. Give it a watch. It's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it holds up. Hell yeah, it does. But I think that it's, it's, it's, it It's time for the list. Oh, those are the list.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Jackie. Got to have that list. Well, I had another list that I wanted to do, but then as I was looking up things on family circus while we were talking, I did find 11 thrilling facts about family circus. And I... Oh, my God. The only reason why I wanted to do it was because the first thing it says is family
Starting point is 00:59:12 Circle magazine hates family circus. Wow. Because I am not the only person that screws it up. No, you're definitely not. When you said Family Circle, I didn't correct you because sometimes so many people say it, call it Family Circle that I think I'm wrong. That's my problem. And then I sound like an asshole, so at least we're not the only assholes. And I feel like, I feel good about this. This is a great list. Right. What else is on the list? Well, Bill Keene based the mom on his wife. You know what? I will say. If my husband based a whole like marm cartoon on me, I'd be really fucking pissed off. I'd be like, why did you do it then? Oh, is this how you feel about me? Oh, this, I am just some asexual creature that is just there to raise your children and nothing else. I think I would be really upset. My perfect boring wife. Ah, yes, look at her bold cut. Is it a little bit? Is it a little bit? it always perfect.
Starting point is 01:00:11 It's like they live in celebration in Disneyland where all of the grass has to be the same length. You know what I mean? The creepy, like, psycho Disneyland village. And especially, like, one of his kids, I guess they were out in public. And I said, when the cartoon first appeared, she
Starting point is 01:00:27 when the cartoon first appeared, she looked so much like mommy that if she was in the supermarket, pushing her car, people would come up to her and say, aren't you the Mommy and family circus. Oh, oh.
Starting point is 01:00:47 That's gross. That's creepy. I feel like that. I just like, get away from me. You get away from me, kids. This is where my wife will be young forever. Ew. Oh, maybe that's, it's like a death becomes her.
Starting point is 01:01:00 I mean, you know, the strip wasn't always meant to be funny. That's not really a fact about family circus. I think that is just truth. I think that it is never funny, but that's just me. Unless you think that I think this one says, what's his name? It's not Bobby. Is it Bobby?
Starting point is 01:01:15 Yeah, I think it's Bobby. Big toes don't like flip-flops because it separates them from their friends. Jesus Christ. What are you talking? You know what? I'd rather my children be disgusting, like, in-grates than for them to say things like that,
Starting point is 01:01:34 like cute things about life. You know what I mean? I have looked up Thel McKean and here to report that she does look a lot like Mommy. Does she? Yeah. Jeffie. Jeffie. That's the, yeah, it makes me think of my Jeffie Spaghetti.
Starting point is 01:01:49 Billy, Jeffie, Bobby, and I don't know what the girl's name is. Darla? Nope. That's from Little Rascals. That's Little Rascals. Oh man, I guess it used to be a little risque where Keene used to have a more cynical view of parenting, depicting the father drinking and having. a wandering eye for passing women, which you know what?
Starting point is 01:02:09 I think that I would enjoy it more. I would love that. Oh, my God. That's fantastic. That makes me like, this is the most I've ever liked family circus right now. I want that. Now I've got to go back through and read some of them. I guess, and Thelma's haircut made headlines.
Starting point is 01:02:26 Mommy, mommy's haircut did, because she needed an updated style. So they got in a celebrity hairstylist for the cartoon and made it a little sexier. There's a statue dedicated to the strip in Scottsdale, Arizona. Woo! Guess we've got to go on a field trip! Yeah, I'm going to Scottsdale. I got to see that family circus statue. We're going to Scottsdale, baby.
Starting point is 01:02:51 I'm so excited. We're just going up to it and just be like, I'm going to have Jack Skivin right in front of family circus statue. I guess it's just also, it's like one of the facts is Keene had a deceptive sharp, sharp sense of humor. Nope. I don't know, man. I don't know. This is a flop of a list, but I think that, but it's
Starting point is 01:03:13 kind of fun. I think it's a great list. I now know much more about Family Circus than I did before the list. And isn't that what the list is all about? Yes, it is. But also I still know that I don't really want to read any more Family Circus. Yeah, I just want to read
Starting point is 01:03:29 his drafts where the dad is drunk. That's really what I want to read. Oh man, it just makes you think of, you were a Calvin and Hobbs head, right? Big, big, big time. Did you ever read, like, we had all of the books, but like the 10th anniversary edition of Calvin and Hobbs, like when they came out, or was it 20th anniversary,
Starting point is 01:03:47 whatever the big anniversary, I know was like a big rectangle white book. That was sad as hell, man. Reading through everything and just like essentially, like just talking about the, you know, it's like a bing bong, you know, where you're like crying candy, where it's like the loss of childhood
Starting point is 01:04:01 and just like, and just, even though Calvin never had really like innocence about him, obviously he was well beyond his years, but it's still, um, just thinking about how sad it is to become an adult. Yeah. The book is really sad.
Starting point is 01:04:18 It's really, really sad. It's like that damn, oh man, that fan fiction about Calvin and Hobbs when it's like Calvin is older and he finds Hobbs like as an adult and he gives like up in the the attic and he gives Hobbs to his little girl so that she can like have adventures and play
Starting point is 01:04:41 and then like Hobbs comes back to life to say goodbye. I can't even. Oh my God. Just say goodbye to him. Oh my God. He says goodbye to him. I can't. Just immediately burst into tears. I'm mine. I'm mine. I'm emotionally stable. You guys should look that one up, though. Why did you break that up, Jackie? I don't know. In the second I started talking about Galbra, I was like, remember that time when you were really sad reading it? Yes.
Starting point is 01:05:26 Why does the mind do this? It's just like the ocean under the moon. because it's easier to be mad than it is to be sad. And that's what I'm taking from this week. We don't have any blind items because Marcus isn't here and he does the best at them. Let's be real here. But everyone go look up that story and then you guys can cry too. Just immediately.
Starting point is 01:05:59 I'm a monster, Molly. I'm a monster. You are a monster. but yeah, I don't even know how to make you feel better. You're a monster. And you've made me a monster too. Have you read it? I'm going to send it to you.
Starting point is 01:06:12 No, I haven't read it. I don't have emotional bandwidth for that. You're a mother. You have to know these things. You have to know these things. Wait, does Freddie have like her toy yet? Not yet. But she'll be there soon.
Starting point is 01:06:27 She's like starting to be able to, you know, hold things and cuddle with them and stuff. What do you think it's going to be? Are you shepherding her toward something? I mean, I was a blanket kid, you know? I was a Linus. So I would encourage her to have a Linus. What about Gideon? What did Gideon have?
Starting point is 01:06:46 Do you know? He had a terrifying doll that he got when his sister was. His sister was only a year and a half younger than him. So he was kind of a baby when she was born. And to explain the baby arriving, his parents got him a book about a baby that came with a doll. The doll was the same doll as the baby in the book And so Gideon being the exact same person he is today
Starting point is 01:07:08 Very literal named the doll same book Oh Oh that's so cute And when Naomi got a haircut His sister Gideon gave same book a haircut And same book looks terrifying So now still in our house We have like this
Starting point is 01:07:29 It looks like a prop from like a ghost movie, this extremely, you know, 1970s old, extremely terrifying doll called Same Book. So we've still got Same Book in the house, and people say that they're afraid of puppets, but I've got a lot of puppets in my house I'm not afraid of, and I'm much more afraid of it. You're afraid of Same Book? Would you, like, would Gideon be able to give Same Book to Freddie? Same Book is far too dilapidated to give Freddy. I understand.
Starting point is 01:08:00 Yeah. I don't know if I'd be able to emotion. do, you know, what Calvin does later on. I'm going to stop thinking about it. I'm going to stop thinking about it. No, I'm really sad. Now I'm really sad and everything's going to be fine. You guys, thank you guys so much for listening this week.
Starting point is 01:08:18 We had a fun and wild ride. Get out there and read some comics. Make sure that those don't go away. You know, we need them in our lives. I think they shaped a lot of us and read some comics. Even though hell, even do a Garfield without Garfield because I do love a Garfield without Garfield. I love Garfield without Garfield.
Starting point is 01:08:36 Thank you guys. Again, my name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Molly Neffle. I'm Instagram, MJK LC. And big old Marky Parksy will be back next week. And if you'd like more stuff from me and Malzo, we're coming up on the holidays.
Starting point is 01:08:55 We're going to have lots of fun, ridiculous watch-alongs happening. Please hit us up on our Patreon. page. It is patreon.com slash page seven podcast. That is seven the number. And we would love to delight you in more drinking ways than one. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Did Idris Elba's wife just get here? Yes. Love you guys. Talk to you next week. Bye. Catarina Napolitano Daniel Anderson Elizabeth Brooking
Starting point is 01:09:32 Alyssa Morglit Libby Hawker Hey girl Caitlin Gibbs Flower Chelsea Hayney Sam McMillan
Starting point is 01:09:42 Amette Amanda Biches Goon Hell yeah Good nickname girl Roxanne
Starting point is 01:09:50 Callenborn Jennifer Love Zugram Dave Sissick Drew West Angela Stairsonick Adam Franklin Madison Greer and Holly Fawcett
Starting point is 01:10:02 Thank you guys so incredibly much For being a part of our Patreon You know I love you and you know I would kiss Every single one of your faces if I could And maybe I will someday That doesn't mean my lips are sexually aggressive That just means that they're open for the tickin Love you guys so much
Starting point is 01:10:20 We will talk to you next week And thank you again for being a patron of our show I

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.