Page 7 - Episode 282: Hairy Scoots
Episode Date: December 13, 2018This week we talk terrifying children's toys, the sexuality of muppets and some juicy stories from Hollyweird. Get $10 off your first box at http://fabfitfun.com with promo code: pageseven Get your fi...rst refill pack free at http://getquip.com/page7 Robinhood is giving a free stock to build your portfolio at http://page7.robinhood.com We're drinking through the best (and worst) holiday movies over on our Patreon page! Supporters get weekly bonus content and help out the show! www.patreon.com/page7podcas Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Transcript
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There's magic in the air, this evening magic in the air.
The world is at her best, you know, when people love and care.
The promise of excitement is one the night we'll keep.
After all, there's only one more sleep till Christmas.
Kermit, you goddamn bastard, I'll always love you.
Welcome to page seven, guys.
I was not expecting you to choose the,
kind of chillest of the Muppet Christmas Carol songs rather than, you know,
even the vegetables don't like him.
Oh my God.
There goes Mr. Hombug.
There goes Mr. Grinch.
Oh, man, if they gave a prize for being mean, the winner would be him.
Ah.
Those Muppets, I'm singing the Muppet Christmas Carol this morning, this afternoon.
My name is Jackie Soprowski.
My name is Molly Neffold.
I'm Marcus Parks.
Yeah, I was feeling a little down.
Trotten Kermit today.
We are gearing up because we are doing a sibling sing-along to Muppet Christmas Carol next Thursday for our $10 and up patrons.
And I don't want to watch it until then, but I'm getting really excited.
And I've got my playlist that's called Suck My Christmas on Spotify.
And it came up and it got me very, very happy.
But then same old laying signs started playing and then I got really sad.
Do you know the absolute worst only bad song from up of Christmas Carol,
which I always fast forwarded through as a child and still fast forward through as an adult,
is the one, the love song between What's or Nuts and Young Ebenezer Scrooge.
The love we found.
Molly Neffle!
How dare you, we've yelled about this before on that.
Haven't we?
Probably.
When love is gone.
When love is gone, thank you.
The love we found.
comes at the end. It's the reprise
because, oh, how do you see, that's
guys, I get. You're going to explain what a reprises
to me? I get
mad about this every year
because on the DVD version of
the Muppet Christmas Carol, they took
the song off. That's because they
know what the people want. I was so ready
last year, I was like, I had my fast forward
and finger ready. I was like, I can't wait to fast forward
through this bullshit. And then it was not there.
And I was like, oh, somebody knows
that children don't want a fucking six
minute song between this lady who we never hear from again who's like and when Ebenezer's like
I love you, Belle.
And she's like, you did once.
Oh, I love you, Bill.
Forever and ever and ever.
And it's so boring.
I can't believe you have no heart.
I have been crying at that scene ever since I was a little girl.
It affects me.
How are you supposed to know the change of Scrooge?
I can get it in 30 seconds
I don't need that song
I'm fine with the scene
I watch the scene
He's a dick
He is closed off in his heart
I get it
But I do not need that song
That song
There is no Muppets in that scene
That's the problem
There is no
If there was a Muppet in that scene
It would be
Why couldn't he have just been in love
Why couldn't Bell have been a Muppet
I think that that would have been weird
It could have been Janet or something
You know
Actually, when love is gone, actually, it has its own Wikipedia heading.
It was deleted from the original 1992 theatrical edition by Jeffrey Katzenberg of Walt Disney,
who believed that the scene would not appeal to young children.
Correct.
Jeffrey Katzenberg was correct.
But then what about, why can't children feel, at least in that way?
What about little women, Molly?
Are children not supposed to feel?
I mean, I think that children are supposed to feel.
I just think like long, drawn out, like complicated.
It's not you, it's me.
This relationship just isn't working songs.
It's like way over our heads as children, you know?
It should teach you from a young age that you shouldn't choose money over love.
Although I definitely would in a fucking heartbeat.
If you had to make me choose, I know what I'm going to choose.
I got that.
You know, it's different back then.
I got that from the Marley Brothers songs.
I get it from the whole film.
I just don't need, no scene should be that,
there should not be more than a four-minute stretch
where a Muppet isn't present in a Muppet movie.
That's where I stand.
All right, Jackie, here's how you see it.
It's on the 2002 and 2005 DVD releases,
but only if you watch the full-screen version.
The full-screen version,
which at the same time, I want to see,
I don't want the full-screen version
because I want to be able to see everything in the background.
Well, I guess you're not going to get what you fucking want.
What you know, what I do, though, is that I've beaten the system is I watch the other version of it and then I pause it and I watch the YouTube video and then I go back to the movie.
Wow.
You and I are opposites.
You know, ready to fast forward it when it's not even in the version I'm watching.
And you have another screen with it loaded of.
I really did.
I did take umbrage against the fact that the way he said.
I love you, Bell.
And that always bothered me because, you know what,
they both have very weird nostrils in the scene.
Yeah, and also he's a dick.
I mean, he's a dick, dick, dick, dick.
I'm not sympathetic to him at all in that scene.
Like, like, it doesn't, that scene doesn't garner, you know,
Scrooge is a complex character.
Like, it does.
But Molly, part of being in a relationship is what you don't show to other people.
You know, what if what's he like when they were alone?
I guess they were alone.
They were alone.
There were no Muppets there.
That's not true because fucking Rizzo and Gonzo were off to the side and they were crying.
Yes.
I mean, yeah, but Gonzo and Rizzo don't have, I think, a lot of emotional intelligence.
Whoa.
Oh.
Not a lot of emotional intelligence.
May I direct you to a little love story called Gonzo and Camille?
Yeah.
Again, Gondo loves a chicken who cannot speak English.
That shows even more emotional intelligence
Because Gonzo's love is not limited
To just verbal conversation
He feels love on a deeper level
Like the plot line of Colin Firth
And that Portuguese woman in love actually
Also based on a relationship
That doesn't involve speaking a mutual language
Which I'm sure is possible and fine
And it's kind of
Yeah they speak the language of love
Molly.
Absolutely.
Christmas.
Listen, I'm not the only one to think something weird is going on with Gonzo and Camilla, okay?
We're not certain that she is more than a chicken.
In other words, it's like a goofy and Pluto situation.
You know what I mean?
Like Pluto's a dog and Goofy is like, you know, more than a dog.
But I feel like it's an evolution thing where it's like I would fuck Goofy but I wouldn't fuck Pluto.
Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is Camilla is the Pluto.
of the Muppet universe.
She's not like a functioning human Muppet chicken.
I will give you, if given the, you know,
the decision whether you have sex with Camilla the chicken
or like rockadoodle, I'm gonna fuck rockadoodle.
Yeah.
But also because I liked his confidence.
At the same time, the chicken also has confidence.
Like Big Bird is a much more evolved bird, you know, than Camilla.
Are you going to bed Big Bird?
I would feel better about it than Camilla.
No, that's not true because Big Bird is in the realm of Sesame Street is not an adult.
Is a child?
Is a child?
But I'm saying that as looking at the, the, I'm saying Camilla is a chicken.
Well, Camilla owns a home, a gazebo-like house called Camilla's place, but there's just a nest in the middle of an empty floor and that's it.
It could just be a structure that Gonzo placed Camilla in in order to tell her apart from the other chickens
because apparently in Muppet lore Gonso loves Camilla but sometimes chases after other chickens because he's not always sure which chicken is which.
Which could be helped?
Yeah, I've been there.
Yeah, I've been there.
One starts a clucking and you start a kissing.
Whereas if Camilla was like,
an evolved Muppet, like how Kermit is a frog, but not just a frog.
He's like, obviously, like, a sentient being.
I'm not convinced that Camilla is more of a sentient being than any regular old chicken.
Well, they sing song.
I mean, they are involved in dance numbers.
They can at the very least take direction.
So she can dance.
Her level of sentience is debatable because she can do choreograph dance.
Yeah.
You choreographed chickens.
Fine.
But you know what I mean about Goofy and Pluto?
They're obviously two different essential species of dogs.
Yes.
Camilla is a Muppet and she's a chicken.
But is she like the same as Gonzo?
I'm not sure.
Well, Gonzo is a weirdo.
That's his actual, that's what his classification is.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess I'm not talking about, it's hard.
I don't know what word to use because we're not talking about the species that they are.
Because Carbett's a frog.
That doesn't make him more.
of a, but Kermit has a different level.
Are you Muppet racist?
No one would, whatever the equivalent of Pluto and Goofy, I really like coming back to this.
Why is Goofy talking, hanging out with his friends, having a whole independent life while Pluto is just a dog?
Possibly it's kind of a primate type of thing where, you know, like we walk and we talk and we have a good time, but then, you know, there's still chimpanzees around.
Yeah.
So maybe that's their evolutionary hierarchy is that I think possibly Goofy-like beings have a share common ancestor with Pluto, but on the evolutionary tree, Goofy, you know, wears clothes while Pluto does not.
Yeah, and so if Minnie was like fucking Pluto, people would be like, you're fucking a dog, you know.
Yeah, that's rough.
But if Minnie was fucking goofy, it would be normal.
That's a rough one.
But is Goofy a dog?
Yes.
This goofy, yeah, goofy is a dog just as, you know, we are primates.
Yeah.
Ah.
And, you know, so if Minnie was dating goofy, that would be like, oh, yeah, date a peer of yours.
But if she was dating Pluto, they'd be like, Minnie, that's a dog.
That's speciality.
And I think that something, that's what I'm saying is going on with Camilla.
I think that it would be like if one of us was dating a chimp, we would be like, well, that's just not quite right, you know.
But I guess, I feel like that there's a big difference between the sense.
of the Disney realm versus the Muppet realm.
I feel like all, because it's like Mickey and Minnie are together, but like they ain't bopping.
I feel like they're more like roommates, you know, and just like a relationship that's
been together for a really long time that at this point, essentially, it's like I've been
to Disney.
I know that they've got Mickey's house and then they also have Minnie's house.
Bitches don't even live together.
So I feel like they like to keep them separate to save the loins of children and the thoughts
of children.
But then the Muppets are a lot more sexual.
But we know from Goof Troop that Goofy has had sex because he had a son.
Uh-huh.
But maybe it's like a Virgin Mary type situation.
Maybe he just like Goofy.
Came on top of another dog or a rat?
Like what is his kid?
I don't know.
You can't say they're asexual if they got children.
And but you're right, the Muppets are very sexual.
This was kind of, you know, this is, you know, obviously Miss Piggy is horny.
Very sexual beings, yeah.
Gonso's horny.
He's obviously.
He's so horny. He's fucking chickens. He doesn't even know our Camilla.
But he's specifically attracted to only chickens.
Yeah, but that doesn't make him not horny.
Well, I know, but I'm just saying. I mean, it does make him horny, but he is specifically horny.
He's horny for chickens. And I say, God bless it.
Rizzo is also horny as hell. Remember Muppets Take Manhattan, Rizzo was looking to bang all the time.
He's like, God, all these brothers and sisters.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course Rizzo's going bang.
Yeah, Rizzo's a bit of a dog himself, I think.
No, he's a rat.
Come on, guys.
Who's ready for it?
Jackie's here.
This is why, as is an important topic that we have to discuss today,
jokes like that are what you can expect when Jackie and I take over for Kathy Lee Griffin
and hoe to copy in the newly open 10 a.m.
Eastern Standard Time Slot.
on The Today Show.
This is our beginning.
I think I need to put Hot Dog Ambassador down for a moment because I've been working round
the clock.
I've got all my campaign managers going.
I've got posters being made.
I've got website pages being made.
And I'm ready for it.
But I think that Molly and I should take over Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda's spot.
I know Hoda's not stepping down, but that would be like taking a Rizzo and not taking a
gonzow.
Hoda's already, Hoda took over for the earlier part of the morning, you know,
the Today Show was like this epic stretch of expanse of time every morning.
And so Hoda's already took over for Matt Lauer for the 8 a.m. block.
So she's good.
I'm not trying to oust Hoda.
It's her mountain, you know, but if it's not going to be her and Kathy Lee getting drunk,
it's got to be two other people getting drunk.
And who better, but you and I.
Yeah, man, I am totally ready to take, I mean, I don't want to move back to New York.
But technically, Kathy Lee Gifford lives most of the time in Nashville.
So she can do what I can do it.
And someone just slumps her drunk on a plane.
Jets are to set and the Jets are right back.
Yeah, I mean, you'd be done with the workday by noon.
And drunk as a skunk.
Oh, my God.
We have to get on it.
It's weird that she said that she wasn't going to stay for 11 years.
So Kathy Lee Gifford is retiring from, I guess, daytime television in general.
And she stayed for 11 years.
She said it's because she fell in love with a beautiful Egyptian goddess.
Which you know what made me love her even more that that's how she referred to Hoda as.
But I also don't know if she's allowed to refer to Hoda as such.
Her and Hoda's relationship is, I think, I think I'm going to say that it's actually very endearing and charming.
Although, as I often do with television friendships, I like to watch and assume that they want to murder each other off camera,
but they actually do seem to like very sincerely love each other.
I really think that they do.
And how is she going to,
do you think that she's going to continue looking like Skeletor
the way Madonna is now that she's not going to be on daytime talk show?
Well, you know, she's been doing Hallmark movies.
I told you about that movie, Godwinks.
I have to winks.
Godwarks.
Oh, Marcus.
Oh, my God.
I think I missed Godwinks.
This is when you were gone.
Like godly winks?
Like if a coincidence happens and that coincidence leads you to like fall in,
love with somebody like your flights canceled and then because of that coincidence you fall in love
with somebody that's god winking winking it's him winking it's him it's him it's he or she
winking thank you very much he or she and kathy lee gifford is there and her character also has a
dead husband which hit a little bit too close to home to me because she's very sad about her
husband frank gifford not being alive anymore and i know that because she did some
infomercial about going to Israel
and the promised land and finding God.
Anyway, that was something I saw in the waiting room
at the doctor's office.
But she did,
she seems to have pivoted to Hallmark
is what I'm saying.
A God wink Christmas.
Yeah, God wink Christmas.
And it's a book, so I, you know, I'm just,
I'm going to read the book, guys.
Did you meet an old.
lover at the grocery store, was the snow falling on Christmas Eve?
Did you drink a toaster win a sense?
Did you drink a toaster time?
Yes, I am stuck in the lyrics of Same Old Lang Signed by Dan Fogleberg.
And no, it doesn't make the holidays any easier.
But you know what does?
Let's get tripped and not make a Christmas almost mistake with an old lover.
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And since there are no sample sizes of anything, only full-sized products,
my cream dreams last for months.
My new fave is the Anthropology C-WIP body cream in coconut sugar.
I swear, I huffed at it for way too long, and I'm obsessed with smelling like it.
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Okay, bye.
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Oh my God.
Molly, every time I look at you,
Molly, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to pause the conversation,
but Molly is drinking a huge smear enough ice.
I needed some Christmas cheer in my life.
I got zero Christmas cheer.
Something is wrong with me.
I think I'm the subject of my own hallmark hell
where I feel no festivity at all
and I thought what better way to get into the wintry holiday season
than with an ice.
It can kick you into some ice, yeah.
Wait, did you get iced or did you just purchase this?
Because I think that's illegal to do.
I iced my ice.
I was looking for like a holiday themed or Rita, like a cran burrito or like a cinnamon
Rita or something, like a five-spice Rita, but it was just all the normal.
Give me a thick Rita.
Yeah, baby.
Give me the thickest Rita you got.
Like a nog Rita.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh.
And there was no festive drinks, holiday drinks, in cans.
and I wanted something festive,
and so I thought ice was about as festive as I could get,
and I have not ever had, that's not true.
I have had an ice, but I have not had an ice
since the ice craze of 2010,
and I don't even think I got iced then.
I think I iced myself bad.
I think I'm just, like, desperate.
I mean, I'm still.
I've only still gotten iced just the once.
I just want to be iced.
Yeah, all I want us to be iced,
it's like when I was a kid,
and I desperately wanted a nickname,
and I would come up with these nicknames,
and be like, call me this,
and people would be like, no.
Oh, what was your nickname?
I don't even, I definitely try to get people
who call me MJ for a while.
That's not bad.
It's not even that bad, but I would, I mean,
I don't even know what else I would come up with.
Just horrible nicknames from the mind of like an eight-year-old
and people would be like, I'm not gonna do that.
And I just kept trying and it never worked.
And that's how I am with icing.
I'm like, somebody ice me.
Nobody wants to ice me.
Marcus, did you have a nickname?
Yeah, little M.
Was it Lil'em?
Yeah, little M? Like Lil'Abner?
Yeah, little M.
Yeah, yeah, that was a little Marcus, but also stood for a little masturbator because I had a compulsive masturbation problem.
I was about, like, 12, 13, and it first started, you know, really pop up into the high marks there.
How did other people know?
Oh, yeah, it was pretty obvious.
What I was doing in the bathroom a lot for long periods of time.
Yeah.
Yeah, we just a bunch of lotion and a bunch of tissues just because,
like, don't worry about me, I'm fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was bestowed upon me by my oldest brother, was Little M, yeah.
How did you feel about it?
Oh, at least it was your brother or not your parents calling you.
No, no.
My little masturbating.
I was fine with it.
I had to get used to it, and he still calls me Little M to this day.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think what makes a nickname is that you can't choose it for yourself, just like icing.
Yeah, yeah, you can't choose.
Yeah, I didn't choose Little M, but it's,
it's there forever.
How about you, Jackie?
Do you have a nickname?
No, I never had a nickname.
I guess my name is always a nickname
because it's Jackie and my phone name is Jacqueline.
But I really wanted people to call me Apple Jacks
for a while.
And I was really into Apple Jacks,
both the cereal and the nickname
and it never stuck.
You know what?
I'm not sweet enough.
Yeah, Apple Jacks is kind of,
you have to be kind of like a scrappy little tomboy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I was scrappy.
Yeah, I was scrappy.
I was more like a raccoon, though.
Although Apple Jacks is a really cute name for a raccoon.
Apple Jacks is a wonderful name for a raccoon, I agree.
Apple Jacks is a cereal that I will, when I was pregnant,
I started buying those six packs of the little grandma's size cereal, you know,
and I liked all of them, but I didn't want to eat the Apple Jacks.
Apple Jacks are terrible.
Yeah.
I don't think I've ever actually had Apple Jacks.
It freaks me out a little bit.
I know that's like the whole...
The concept of Apple Jacks freaks you out?
I don't know what it's, I mean, and I hate to even say it because the commercial was like,
what does it taste like?
And all the kids sitting on this to be like, it tastes like apples.
So I feel like I'm subject.
I've been succumbed to the advertising, but I just look at this box that's still in my pantry and I'm like, what is it tastes like?
And I don't know what it tastes like.
And I don't know what it means that it tastes like apples.
It's cereal.
It can't taste like apples.
I don't, yeah, it doesn't, right?
Is it like how Cheerio?
Like Cheerios, personally, not a Cheerios fan, I think it has a weird taste.
I love Cheerios.
Everybody loves Cheerios.
I don't know why.
I feel like it tastes like bread.
Yeah, I love bread.
I'm never just eating bread.
Like, I dip bread and things.
I put cheese on bread.
I don't want just bread.
I'll just sit and eat bread.
I'll just sit and eat it like a few slices of white bread.
I used to do that when I was a kid.
Still do that.
When I went down in Texas for our Texas tour, I bought a whole loaf of Mrs. Baird's bread and I just ate it.
Just plain white bread.
Yeah, but it's special.
bread. It's special back home, like, regional bread.
Yeah. What kind of bread is, like, a potato bread?
Yeah, it's just white bread. They put a lot of sugar in it.
Yeah, yeah. That is good bread.
Oh, yeah, Mrs. Baird's bread. From the Mrs. Baird's factory in Appalene, Texas.
Or, excuse me, from the Mrs. Baird's factory in Abilene, Texas.
There it is, Marcus. Yeah, you get that here it is.
Yeah, they used to take kids, the big field trip that you'd take when you were in, like,
third or fourth grades, you get to go to the Mrs. Baird's factory in Abilene.
Oh, that's fun.
Mm-hmm.
I missed it, though.
I was sick that day.
So you've been chasing that feeling ever since.
Yeah, you're an adult now.
You could take yourself on it to her at the bread factory.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the next time we go home.
I'm sorry, my dad.
I don't only make it home like once a year, but I got to leave early.
We got to go to the Mrs. Barrett's factory.
We got to go to the bread factory.
I have to take that tour.
Oh, it smells so good.
Mm-hmm.
It does smell good.
And if you go to the outlet, you can get like free loads of bread, like two for one.
Yeah, because they're old.
I'm fine with old bread.
I'll turn it into other shit.
Man, you talking about the Apple Jacks'
is, man, I don't know if you've watched commercials as of late,
but the way that they advertise to children is all right.
I mean, we all know our entire lives.
They really gun at home, especially around the holidays.
Yeah.
I have to say that our producer Mary sent me this new toy that's on the market
that might be the most upsetting toy I've ever seen.
and they are called yellies.
They're little spiders.
They're cute spiders.
And you have to please everyone look up the commercial for yellies
because the more you yell at them,
the more they move.
And if you yell loud enough,
they go into, I think it's called freak out mode.
Oh, my gosh.
So the commercial is just a bunch of little kids just like,
ah!
Ah!
Ha!
Ha!
And like all the reviews.
Or of parents just being like, why would you do this to us?
Why would you ever have done this to us?
That's a great idea.
I found a 15 second spot on YouTube that we can all watch together.
Yeah.
So it'll be real fast.
Yellies, fuzziest voice-activated spider pets.
They're so cute.
That's such a good idea for a toy.
Yelies are the cutest fuzziest pets that respond to your voice.
Each Yelie's pet has its own unique look and personality and is full of fun surprises.
voice and sound activated, they respond to talking, yelling, clapping, singing, or even music.
The latter you yell, the faster they go.
Find your favorite.
But also, you have to listen to, like, the theme song for Yellies.
All right, do we ready to play this?
Yeah.
Yellies, Yellies, Yellies, Yellies!
Yellies make the Yellies go!
God!
God!
Fuck you!
I hate to be, I never want to give, you know, a surprise away, but I've bought three of them for Henry for Christmas.
I am just looking forward to look on my sister and my mother's face
as Henry and I run around the house Christmas morning just going
ah!
Ah!
These two fucking spiders.
That is such a great idea for a toy.
Kids' toys are so good and constantly getting better.
It's so upsetting.
I mean, I read a review that was just like,
does this also come with ibuprofen for the parents?
Because can you imagine just having a half?
house filled with them with children running and screaming all day long.
Yeah, it's a bad, it's a bad, did you guys ever, I don't know why it made me think of this,
but did you ever have the Jabberwocky?
No.
You grabbed it by the neck and shook it.
Oh, no, wait, wow, yeah, yeah.
You were, like, strangling it.
It was, like, had a long neck.
You were supposed to grab it by the neck and just shake it.
And my parents were really disturbed by it.
Well, there are six yellies altogether.
There's fluffer puff, hair.
scutes, clotsers,
Toofy Spooder, Peaks, and
Bow Dangles.
Tag yourself, I'm Toofy Spooder.
I don't know. I might be a Bow Dangles.
Maybe I'm a Fluffer Puff.
Yeah, because I bought Fluffer Puff,
I bought Clutzer's and I bought Bow Dangles.
And just because I was like, Bo Dangles,
at least call it Bo Jangles.
Come on. No, no, no, no. Dangles.
Like, because a spider dangles on its web.
Uh-huh.
See, I like that even though the rest of them have nothing to do with being a spider.
Well, hairy scoots.
I like that one.
I want to be hairy scoots.
I mean, also, yelling has nothing to do with spiders.
You know, it's not like if you yell at spiders, they run.
I think that means you hate the spiders.
I think you don't want the spiders to come towards you if you're yelling at the spider.
That's the whole point is that you yell and the spiders go.
Oh.
They go away.
But I guess, but I think that if apparently it's supposed to go towards the sound of your voice,
but I don't think it actually works like that.
But I am very excited to play with them.
I am so in awe of the fact that you know about this.
I feel out of touch.
No, Mary sent it to me and she was like, Jesus Christ, can you imagine what the parents have to go through?
When I was immediately like, buying it.
I'm going to buy it.
And I was like, this is why it's probably for the best I don't have children.
Because I think I would make them more upset with the toys than they would actually make me.
Yeah, you just give it to your kid and then you're just like, see, see?
Ah!
They actually trademarked the phrase, the latter you yell the faster they go.
Damn, good for them.
Yellies, yelies, yelies!
Whoa, have fun and change the volume of your voice.
Talk quality, yellies move slower.
Talk loudie, yellies move faster.
Each yelies character is unique.
Oh my God.
Oh, and if your yellies don't hear anything for a few moments,
it'll surprise you with a secret move.
Interesting.
What does that mean?
Well, that's an incentive to be quiet for a few minutes.
Oh, and they don't call them spiders.
They call them spouters.
Spooters, that's Tootie Spoot.
That's me.
That's my name.
I don't know.
I'm very, um...
Ooh, they got more.
There's also Frizz.
There's Wiggly Riggles.
Uh, there's Buzzbow, Toots, Webington, and Lil Blinks.
Lil Blinks.
Oh, little Blinks!
Wait, where are you reading these?
I want all of them.
And go to Yelis.com.
Gotta catch them all, Jackie.
I got, oh my God, I have to...
Oh, God, I think I have to get them all.
That's what I said, though.
I told Mary, it was like, if I spend a hundred,
on yellies, I should probably be committed.
There's no reason for me to buy that many yellies.
For something that you're just going to play with for a day.
You could go out to a nice dinner or you could have all the yelies.
I mean, yelies are forever.
Oh my God, there's so many other yelies coming in 2019.
Oh, no.
Well, I'm excited, guys.
So, you know, and it comes with the battery in it.
I'm going to be screaming at this.
It just makes me think of when Henry got me that damn Furby
for Christmas a couple of years ago
and I hated it.
And it was when Furbies were like the hot toy.
So I don't know how much you fucking spent
on this goddamn Furby that I didn't want
and I hate Furbies
because they never shut up.
Is it like a Tomicacchi? Do you have to care for it?
Yeah, and this was the one that had the like digital eyes.
Oh yeah, the clothes.
And it was just always singing.
Feed that oh, was that the...
song that it sang?
Oh, what was it?
I think it was be-bado-p-p-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb.
Why did you put it back in my head, Garfkins?
Why would you put that back into my head?
Beepadu-boop, be-bado-boop, be-bado-boop, be-bott-boop, be-baud-boop.
Oh, my God, now I would, like, shove it in the closet and you'd be like, shop.
See, the thing is that everyone's like, oh, we'd take out the batteries.
But you have to use one of the tiny screwdrivers to get the battery out.
And I remember when I got back to New York after going home to Florida, I didn't have a tiny screwdriver.
and I kept forgetting to go out and buy a tiny screwdriver
to take the battery out and then it would go all night.
There was nothing you could do.
There's nothing you could do.
I would throw it against a wall and it was still,
and it would be like,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, stop it.
Stop.
You shut up.
And then I, that's when I realized maybe I should never have a baby.
The reason for the little screws,
I've been coming up against this in my own life.
It's so that kids and babies can't, you know,
take out the batteries.
But all of Friday's things that have batteries,
they all have those tiny screws.
And I've got the opposite problem
where she's got this little fish TV
where it has lights and little fish that swim around
and it was the battery and it can calm her
and the batteries were broken
and they were stuck inside there
and I was like ripping it out with my bare hands
trying to get the damn battery case off.
Yeah, because I didn't have a teeny tiny screwdriver.
Well, I guess we're going to have to buy
multitudes of teeny tiny screwdrivers.
I still don't have one.
It's not like I need it.
I don't need it for anything.
But that makes sense of why, I guess, but it's like,
I have a hard enough time trying to get, like, my weed candies out of the bags here
because everything is childproof now.
But it's also cheved out adult proof as well.
Yeah.
They make it very tricky.
Yeah, but that's kind of fun.
Which is that smart.
It's a little challenge.
I don't need an extra challenge.
She's a very kinky girl.
The conduit don't take color.
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Let's get into it. Are we talking Jason Mamoa right now? Because I think that we are.
Yeah, I figured you would want to talk about the Aquaman trailer.
I mean, you know, let's just be honest here. I don't give a fuck about Aquaman. And I, is it, what is this, like the second or the
third one. It's the second
appearance. He was in the Justice League movie before.
It's just that he's out and doing a bunch
of interviews right now talking about
how much he loves his wife, Lisa Bonnet,
which is delightful.
But so, as you know,
Lisa Bonnet was married to Lenny Kravitz for a long time,
and they bored the child, Zoe Kravitz,
who is very hot, looks just like Lisa Bonnet.
And was in, she was the one in Big Little Lies, right?
Yeah, baby. So hot.
They're just, I mean, mother and daughter both so absolutely attractive.
But Jason M. Moe was going on this whole, like, interview spree right now for Aquaman.
And apparently he's really good friends with Lenny Gravis, her ex.
He even had rings made for both of them to wear.
And then they took an Instagram picture together because, like, their brothers.
And they call each other brother.
Which, I mean, I don't know.
Isn't that it's got to be weird?
Right? I don't know. They're all weird people. They're all like super high, you know, high-powered celebrities. Those people are not like you and I.
I know. And they say in us weekly, the celebrities are just like us, but we know different.
Yeah. But you're saying you don't want a guy you used to boink with hanging out with a guy that you're currently boinkin.
I do understand, but I guess what it is that like Jason Mamo is so open about his sexuality with his wife, which is fucking awesome.
that like how is an ex-husband can you do it?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
It's not so much, like, I get it.
I mean, my mom and her ex-husband are very good friends now, years and years and years later.
But like to be friends with their other partner.
Yeah.
Are your dad and your mom's ex-husband really good friends?
I mean, they're fine with each other, but I can't imagine them having Aloha pictures taken together.
Uh-huh.
Calling each other brother.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah. I think that it would be weird.
But then he also came out in an interview talking about how he had loved Lisa Bonnet since he was eight years old and had been trying desperately to meet her and get her to go out on a date with him until he was 26, I believe, when he met her.
Huh.
It's really weird.
Yeah, I don't think I like that.
Right.
And you know I love Jasonamoa.
And he is just so big and he's so massive and so attractive.
But we don't need to bring our childhood crushes
into our current
relationships. I think that that can just be
two things that we don't connect. I mean, we know what happened
with Mariah Carey and fucking Nick Carter.
Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, if I ever fucked George Clooney
would I be like, I've had a crush on you since I was a child?
No, because I don't want him thinking about that.
You know, it's just an awkward thing to say. It can be true.
I wouldn't want Tiffany Ambrithees
and thinking about like my like 12 year old boner.
Yeah, right.
No.
Also, I said Nick Carter, but I met Nick Cannon.
Two very different people.
It was close.
It was close.
I immediately, as it came out of my mouth, I was like,
that's all right, that's all right, that's not right, that's not right.
You idiot.
But, you know, I guess that means that they're going to be together forever, though.
Does it?
Right?
No.
No?
How long they've been together now?
13 years.
That's not.
bad. I do think that he should leave his childhood crushes out of it. Nobody wants that.
Maybe she did. If he's talking about it in people, I mean, I'm sure he told her by now.
Yeah. Well, he said that he waited until after their second child was born to tell her.
Which I think is actually kind of cute. To be like I had a crush on you since I was a kid.
I guess that's okay. I mean, in an age difference, I guess that's possible. I just feel like in an age,
age differences are totally fine, but like immediately highlighting them and being like,
I, when I was a child, this was how I felt about you.
And you were, I don't know, I guess, again, I just keep thinking to what I'll say when I sleep with George Clooney.
And I just don't want to bring up my childhood to him.
Because he also knows that you probably watched him on the TV.
Yeah, right.
You know?
Right.
But just imagine being like three bottles of wine deep.
I feel like at some point for me it would come up
and be like, you know, man, whoo.
I would.
And if I was married to George Clooney,
it would probably, I'd probably get drunk and be like,
man, when I was in third grade, I would watch ER
and you were the first man I ever loved.
I mean, he was so good with kids.
I know, exactly.
He was a pediatrician.
Okay, but you were a kid.
Yeah.
So saying he's really good with kids,
And you were watching him with kids.
He was just nice and trustworthy, Marcus.
I do like he would trust him.
He would just trust him.
It's different.
It was that like I could see him being my husband some days.
I was an adult children.
Oh, okay.
And he was just so kind.
I was sitting next to somebody on the train yesterday who was watching a movie.
I couldn't even figure out what movie it was,
but it was a movie with George Clooney in it.
And I couldn't stop staring at the screen because all these years later
and I still can't stop looking at him.
I mean, he's George Clooney.
I'm about the same way with Winona Ryder.
With Renota Ryder.
And that's the...
Yeah, and Christina Ricci.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Did you see the Winona Ryder
Keanu Reeves' rom-com that just came out?
No.
Oh, why would I?
But Marcus.
Oh, man, it is Christmas time,
which I feel like is usually the time
when I rewatch Little Women, though.
Have you seen that version of Little Women?
No.
No.
No.
You would probably...
Because it's Winona Ryder.
I watch everything.
Well, I mean, that's not true.
I don't watch the Aquaman just because Jason Momo was in it.
I don't get it.
I don't care.
I'll just watch scenes of Col Drago over and over again.
Caldrago?
I never say it right.
When we were watching Stranger Things, Gideon just kept being like,
Winona Ryder is just such a good actress.
And you thought he was being so subtle.
And finally, I was like, I get it.
You bought her to sleep with her for decades.
I understand.
And he was like, what, how did you know?
But he was...
So maybe I could help raise a 13-year-old boy.
I don't know.
Maybe I haven't really thought about it, but maybe I could.
I don't know.
He seems like a really...
He seems like such a good kid.
He seems like such a good kid.
I do.
I love it.
I feel like you get caught doing that because I try not to be like,
hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba,
and everything that I watch when I'm watching things with my goth daddy.
But when we were watching,
haunting of Hill House
and he just kept talking about how
how all of the girls
like all the women in it were just like
they really looked like sisters and they were all such
good actresses and it was like yeah
I get it you want to fuck all of them
of course you want to fuck all of them I
completely understand yes I want to
fuck all of them yes yeah same with
Winona Ryder I'm like listen I
understand that
people who grew up in Generation X
have been thinking about Renona Ryder for a long
ass time and she's gorgeous and she
always has been, so I totally get it.
But that's like how I used to, I would watch
YR and be like, well, I just think George Clooney is a
fantastic actor. And I was not
to do with anybody. What a range.
What a range on that man.
We know better now.
It's okay.
Did you see, did you see that
the woman that plays Theo, Kate
Siegel, who's, she's married to
the director of haunting
of Hill House? Oh really?
Who also did Hush, which she is
the, like, one of the only people
in Hush as well.
And she had a baby recently,
and she named her Theo.
Wow.
I don't know why I hate that.
Yeah.
Why do you have?
See, I think that Theo is a great name for a little girl.
It's a great name for a little girl.
That is a strong name.
I love it,
but I think that naming your child
after a character you played in a Netflix series
is a little bit odd.
What's the significance of my name, mother?
Well, I had a role in 2018.
Although, to be fair, it is a pretty great role to base her off of.
Pretty good role.
Yes, that's true.
And I agree that all those women look like sisters.
It was crazy.
Yeah, they did a really good job with that.
How did they do that?
Yeah.
I mean, my sister was named Jessica after the movie Play Misty for me.
Weird.
Really weird.
Yeah, and my mom was just like, she's like, yeah, I thought it was just like a great character.
I was like, is that?
I think that's a weird thing, though, right?
I guess it's not naming it.
after a character. It's naming it after a character
that you played. I mean,
I would just name all my kids. I want to do
a George Foreman. Just name them all Jackie?
Yeah.
I want them all. I just want them.
It's like, you are of my likeness.
You are all me.
I don't know if I could ever do the junior.
Marcus Parks Jr. sounds weird.
I don't know. I think it has a nice ring to it.
Yeah.
I mean, I think that you could, I think you could do it.
Marcus. No.
Marcus, get over here.
Marcus!
God damn it!
I don't know, that's pretty good.
I think it makes sense.
That kind of feels good.
Feels it.
Yeah.
Marcus, I swear to fucking go.
Ah.
Hmm.
That and also why I would always want to name a child of mine after my siblings
because I've been used, I'm so used to screaming their names in anger for so many years
that it would just, it would come naturally.
Uh-huh.
Henry!
I just want to yell Henry.
It's very easy.
I do it all the time.
He's like, please don't shout at me.
I guess you could, but then you're going to, like, I always call the cats, the baby's name and the baby the cat's name.
I don't even have more than one baby right now, you know, but if I ever have more than one baby, I know I'm going to mix them up.
Yeah.
I think that no matter, even if you name your child, Henry, and the only other person you ever hang out with is Henry, somehow you're still going to call them by the wrong name.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
That's fine.
You know, I know that my brain's not that strong.
I just feel like there's only so much space for new names in there.
Yeah, I think I'm done.
I think the Theo thing is cute.
I think Theo is a great name, and I think that it's totally fine if you want to give your child the name based on a role that you had on a Netflix series in 2018.
Yeah, like naming her Selena.
Go, la Flore.
There is a new Selena show coming out on Netflix, guys.
Now, what's the deal with this?
Is it like a fictionalized type of thing?
Well, the whole, like, Kintanilla family is all of the executive producers of the show.
So it's going to be the real-life depiction of her growing up and coming to fame.
So, like, with them, like, signing off on everything.
But it's not a documentary.
It's a narrative.
So it's going to be the truest story that's ever been told.
Did they not sign off on the Our James Almost movie?
I guess not, but at the same time, I don't.
don't, I think that like, they want it to be a little more, like, not as Hollywood.
Ah.
With like, like, a dude not as hot as that guy.
And, like, you know, it's like, I feel like they want to make it more realistic.
Ah, not singing somewhere over a rainbow in a Mexican food restaurant.
I mean, I think that she may have done, I've seen some, like, videos of them when they were kids.
But at the same time, I just, I think that I, the only problem that her father had was,
wasn't just about the boostier.
You know, I think that there was more, I think there was,
it's not a boostier, it's a bra.
It's a bra.
I'm really excited.
There's, of course, lots of talks of who's going to play Selena.
And one of the names being thrown around, word on the street, is Cammy Mendez from Riverdale, guys.
Interesting.
I don't know if she's, I mean, I hate to say it.
I don't know if she's got the pipes for it.
Yeah, I don't think that you have to hit to say that.
We don't know of Riverdale the musical.
She was okay.
She's okay.
I don't think that she's bad.
I just, I mean, Selena is a powerhouse.
Yeah, right.
And, you know, J-Lo is more than okay.
Yeah.
Portraying somebody who is a famous singer.
Dude, I mean, J-Lo did a fucking great job in that movie.
I just don't, I mean, it would be hard to follow, to play a character that is Selena and then played by J-Lo.
and then be like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, hello, here I go to sing.
I don't know how they're going to do it, but that, and also talking Selena Gomez, which
I think that she could do a great job.
Yeah, that could work.
But this is all, of course, complete speculation.
They might, I think that it would be best if they got an unknown.
Yeah, I think that that's right.
You know, when it comes to singers and dancers in Hollywood movies or not Hollywood movies
or whatever TV shows,
just get people who can sing and dance.
You don't need to get famous actors
and then teach them to dance.
Just get people who can sing,
people who can dance,
and a lot of those people also can act.
Like La La Land?
Yeah, La La Land pisses me off.
There are so many good dancers in the world.
Just cast some dancers.
Or better yet, some people who can dance and act.
There are many of them.
Yes.
Oh, man, I just realized,
I think I had Ryan Gosling in a dream last night.
I saw the notebook.
too long ago. You know what, guys? Holds up. I'll bet I'll bet it hold up. I'm sure I would react
exactly the same way to it now as I would have when it first came out. So, yeah. Oh, was it, was it
a disdain? I would say extreme disdain and boredom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a great love story.
I can't even tell you the end. Yeah, I don't even remember the story. It's really bad.
And then there's a mailbox and then the stuff gets sent to the mailbox and then it's from the past. How dare you?
That's the house on the lake.
What is it?
Lakehouse?
Is that Lakehouse?
That's what the notebook was.
It was the mailbox.
And then there was an astronaut.
No.
Oh, no.
That's terms of endearment.
Ah.
The astronauts, that's the one with Shirley Maclean and Jack Nicholson.
No, the notebook is when it's the story of these two people that fell in love with the 50s.
And then life pulled them apart.
And then they got back together after, like, he redid this huge house for her.
And she comes back to him even though she's with James Marsden, who is in the war, and she leaves James Marsden for him.
But the story is being told by it's James Gardner and I forget the other, the woman in it.
What's her name?
Anyway, spoiler alert, guys, spoiler alert.
If you haven't seen a notebook and you don't want to know the end, stop listening right now for the next day.
People have had enough time.
I think people have had enough time.
If you give a shit about the notebook, you've seen it by now.
And so it's told by these old people reading out of a journal.
Turns out in the end, the old people are them old, and she has dementia and she can't remember.
So he lives in the old people's home with her and tells her the story of their love every day because he can't let her forget.
And then there's a glimpse at the end when she remembers who he is.
And then she kisses and she's like, I've been so scared.
I've been so scared.
and then it goes back into the dementia
and then it's just him sobbing and sobbing
and then in the end they die.
Yeah, the fuck is the point of that.
It's very sad.
Don't tell me
it's not worth fighting for.
I can't help it.
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Yeah, what fight for you.
I lie for you.
Walk the wire for you.
Yeah, I die.
For the list.
It's time for the list.
God damn it.
Things you might not know about Gremlins.
We watched Gremlins the other day.
And I usually watch Gremlins in a group of people and haven't paid attention to it in years.
Do yourself a flavor.
Watch Gremlins.
It's a fantastic movie.
And then do yourself another flavor.
And then it's a whole different flavor to taste.
Gremlins too.
Uh-huh.
God, I love Gremlins too.
I don't know, gremlins do at all.
It's got Lady Gremlin, you know,
Lady Gremlin, Brain Gremlin,
which is a very highly underrated movie,
horror movie villain.
Grimlins, too, is fantastic.
It's so funny, and it's so smart.
And all I kept thinking of while watching Gremlin's
was how much fun the puppeteers must have had.
Because they're just given free reign,
and they were made so uniquely and so adeptly
that like every scene setting of them
and what they're doing
and every single Gremlin is involved
and it's just joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.
Yeah, and Christopher's in it.
Who's the adult real human who we say looks like Lady Gremlin?
Oh.
Me?
I thought that there's somebody who we always talk about
who looks like Lady Gremlin.
Well, Lindsay Lohan has definitely been involved
in a Lady Gremlin territory.
A lot of people.
people kind of shuffle off into Lady Gremlin territory after a while.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's just where plastic surgery always eventually veers into his lady Gremlin.
That's my goal, guys.
In the original Gremlin script, the Gremlins were supposed to eat Billy's dog and cut off his mother's head.
Whoa, that's awesome.
That would have been fucking great.
Dude, but also, Billy's mother knocks it out of the park in that scene when they're all attacking her in the kitchen.
She's just like murder and when she takes that knife and just like stabs it, stabs it, stabs it, stabs it, stabs it, stabs it.
It was just like, fuck yeah, man.
Yeah, because it just keeps throwing shit at her.
And she stabs it to death.
Well, and apparently the girlmen's were inspired by a mouse infestation here in New York City.
Because Christopher Columbus wrote that movie.
You know, that did Home Alone and, you know, the first couple of Harry Potter movies and all that.
Interesting.
You know, I decided this year that I want to rewatch Home Alone because I, for whatever reason, I love that movie, but I never.
It never makes it into my annual holiday rotation.
And I think I got to do it.
You should do it.
It also, I mean, it's great.
It's definitely one of those classics for a reason, for sure.
But also, in watching Gremlins, I didn't realize the other idea of what Gremlins are.
And I never realized, Jeff had pointed this out to me that that's why they only deal with technology
because of the idea of, like, Gremlin's fucking up technology and referring to it.
It's like, oh, it's Gremlins.
Yeah, because Grimlins is a term that came from World War II
When something would fuck up on an airplane
They'd say the Grimlins did it
I didn't put it together that I was like
Oh my God, they only fuck with technology in the movie
Like in the first movie, it's all like, it's all electrical shit
And it's like, phew.
Yeah, and in Grimlins too as well, yeah, grimlins too
Because they invade Clamp Tower
And the entire thing is automated because clamp.
Yeah, the TV network. Yeah, because like Clamp is
The movie was made in, well, like, 89 or something like that.
And the character of Clamp is, like, kind of a parody of Trump, but, like, smarter.
But it's like a guy who just puts his name on everything, super rich, very full of himself and all that.
And this is, yeah, and this is like fucking 1989.
But they're in an automated office building.
The office building of the future.
Fire!
Man's oldest enemy.
That's the fire alarm.
The fire alarm is the guy going, fire.
Man's oldest and greatest enemy.
The Great Destroyer is now engulfing this building.
It's just so damn smart.
What is the name of the dude that's like the quintessential 80s villain that's in Scrooge as the producer?
He's also in Gremlins too.
It's John Glover.
John Glover, the guy that plays Clamp.
Yeah, man.
John Glover.
Yeah, he's great.
He's just.
Because he's not necessarily a villain.
in the movie.
Like, he's just, he's a businessman.
Yeah, he's just straightforward.
I mean, honestly, I guess he's also not a villain in Scrooge's and watching Scrooge's
year.
I mean, it is true.
It's like, he's the only one really trying to do his job.
Yeah, he's just trying to get work done, and he ends up getting the shit beat out of
him and almost dies.
Yeah.
Oh, I had a Scrooge moment.
I was trying to do recording in here, and there was just like, there was all these, like,
beep, beep, be, and I was just like, will you please?
home the god-dam hammering.
Yep, dealing with that in my apartment right now.
They're doing construction work on the first floor,
and it is a constant intermittent drill from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Every single day.
And not sure what they're doing with one tool for that long,
constantly, without cease.
Marcus, what you don't know about tooling is,
you get out a wrench,
and it's like, man, I'm a target.
And you give me a nail, and it's like, twak, twak, twak,
yeah, you gotta hit it.
I know about, I know about TOOC.
You know all about it.
You really sound like you know all about Toowlin.
Tool time.
All right, it's time for Blind Adobes.
Oh, we can't see them.
All right, listen to this one right here,
apparently this former A-minus list,
mostly television actress,
from a hit network show turned
not getting a lot of roles,
turned A-minus Lister again with another hit show,
which is ending soon.
What?
Okay, okay, okay, I'll go through it again.
Okay.
This former A-minus list,
mostly television actors from a hit network show,
turned not getting a lot of roles,
turned A-M-M-A-M-Nister again with another hit show,
which is ending soon...
Okay.
Julia Louise Dreyfus, but continue.
No.
is being groomed to take over the leadership of the cult that you all know.
So it's Scientology.
Leah Ramini.
No, oh no.
She was not a minus.
She's out.
She's out.
Maybe she'd flop back.
Maybe she'd flop back.
She's not A minus.
Okay.
Hot 2000s redhead.
Nicole Kidman.
No.
TV redhead.
TV Redhead.
And Scientologists.
Hot 2000s.
Hot, tall, redheaded.
Scientologist.
Not Elizabeth Moss.
No.
And it's not the female gremlin.
Hot tall red-headed
Scientologist.
We know she's a Scientologist?
We've talked about her before.
We know she's a Scientologist.
And she was in a TV show with another
famous Scientologist.
Curse the alley!
No.
But TV show she was in, the 2000s TV show
that she was in, she was in it with
another Scientologist who has since
kind of been shuffled away because of his
horrific
actions.
Oh.
No.
Yeah, Dan Masterson.
Yeah.
Oh, um,
Peppa.
Laura Pepon.
Laura prepon.
Pippon.
Peepon.
Laura, Bripon.
Oh, man.
See, that would make so much sense.
Right?
Yeah, she's the red head.
She's the, well, I guess she's got black hair and orange is the new black.
That's okay, yeah.
Her.
Yeah.
Yes.
Who just had a baby with, um,
With squashy face.
Squashy face, Ben.
Ben something.
Yeah, they're grooming her for like a big leadership role.
I think she's becoming the new Leah Rameen.
Dude.
Yeah, because she's sexy as fuck.
She is sexy as fuck.
She looks reasonable.
She sounds reasonable.
She doesn't have crazy eyes at all.
She has sensual eyes.
That's the problem is that like Juliette Lewis, she's got crazy eyes.
Kirstie Alley, crazy eyes.
Crazy eyes.
Yeah, but Laura prep on, sultry.
She's so beautiful
Yes, she could be their secret weapon
She really could be
You put her and Beck together on the road
Yeah, Beck is the hardest one man
Now he was raised in so we can forgive him
Yes
Yeah
But I feel like if she said
I'll kiss you if you join Scientology
I would say yes
That's what I would say to Beck for sure
Yeah
If you join Scientology for six months
I will kiss you for a minute and a half
Sure
I do it
Yeah sure
I would be like, I don't think I have the money for it, but if you want me, yeah, I'll fucking do it.
I'll come to classes.
Yeah, I'll talk for hours.
She's definitely a lot hotter than David Miscavage, so I feel like it makes sense.
Yeah, and Miss Cavage, I think he's going to be back in the background for a while.
People are really starting to make a lot of noise as to where's your wife been for nine years and that whole caboodle.
Uh-huh, he's already on the outskies, eh?
Elizabeth Moss was also born into it, right?
Yeah, she was also born into it.
Because it's so strange that she's the face of the handmaid's tale and also part of an oppressive cult.
That's Hollywood.
Holly weird.
Yeah, guys.
That is Holly weird, isn't it?
Another blind item today, this A-list, mostly movie actress, is basically inviting her husband to sleep with other women.
She thinks it will be good for her marriage.
Yeah, it worked out well in her first one, didn't it?
Is it Lisa Bonnet?
It's not Lisa Bonnet.
No.
Narrow it down.
Who'd be goofy enough to think that her husband sleeping with other women would be good for the marriage?
Good.
Narrow it down.
How a list?
We're talking A list.
We're talking to definitely A list.
What do you say?
Movies?
Movies, yeah.
Movie A list that her husband would do well.
I know it's not Shaded Pickett Smith because I've been watching Red Table Talks.
No.
Goofy.
The goofiest of the goofy.
I mean, I just keep thinking, my problem is I'm stuck for some reason in Lisa Cudrow territory.
No, no.
I mean, famous at around the same time, yeah.
And also, it's just something about the goofy.
I keep thinking, I think goofy, I think Lisa Cudrow.
Gwyneth Paltrow?
Yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow.
Yeah, that's more of the goofy ass talking about.
Oh, oh, you mean goopy.
Goopie.
Is that what you mean, Marcus?
Guipon.
See, that makes sense.
because they don't even, they don't live in the same city at all.
He lives far away and I think that that is her key to having a great marriage
is never seeing them and pretending like you're not married.
Ah, that is the key to a great marriage.
That sounds like it'd work really well.
It seems like it's pretty great.
If you can, you know what, I say, if you could take the heat, stay in the kitchen.
Stay in there.
I think it's great.
Stay in there.
Bake some cake.
Cook some eggs.
Yeah.
Doesn't she have a real hot husband now?
Who's Goopie's husband?
He's some dude.
He's like, he's a billionaire.
He's like a big producer or something.
I don't know.
He looks very, uh, like I wouldn't be able to pick him out of a line now.
Okay.
I thought for some reason that she had really like upgraded since Chris Martin.
Oh God, no.
I take it back.
I think he's a producer of American horror story, I'm fairly sure.
Yeah, he's a screener out of director producer, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, he can sleep with whoever he wants.
not me he's fine he's definitely fine i like his hair
i mean i think it's definitely a step up from
the from chris martin god there's actually an article on goop
entitled how goopy is brad fowlchuk
brad fowchick is her husband
actually you know what i take it back i'm looking at one
particularly good picture of him in a white
tuxedo and usually white tuxedosito don't tickle
downstairs fancy, but he's rocking it. Yeah, you know what? I'd stick it. Oh yeah. That's a good
picture. That's a good picture. Yeah, there's some good pictures. Definitely again, better than
Chris Martin, in my personal opinion. Chris Martin's just not my type. Yeah. Yeah, also, Chris Martin's
playing. Again, another one that you couldn't pick up out of line. I mean, remember the Super Bowl
show? Yes. Good Lord. Had they decided that yet? What was the, are they doing Maroon 5 this year or something?
No, I forgot. I think that they announced it.
It's going to be Bruno Mars again.
I mean, I would definitely watch Bruno Mars again.
Yeah, Bruno Mars is fine. You know who should do it is Cardi B.
I think that she's too all over the place right now.
Yeah, it's Maroon 5.
Is it really?
Yeah, it's actually Maroon 5.
What a missed opportunity.
I thought it was like a bunch of different people.
Migos?
No, they're not that cool.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, Migos is fine.
Yeah, Migos is pretty. I actually really like Migos.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure I like Migos.
too. Yeah, Migos is all right. I think it should be
Cardi B. All right, she's on the
short list for a special guest appearance.
Good. I mean, she's got to be there. She's all over
the fucking place right now, especially now that she's
single again, guys. Yes.
That happened fast, huh?
I read something bad about her on the blind items.
I can't remember what it was, but yeah, she's not doing
well. Something about an abortion
and an overdose, I think. They were
going to cart her off to jail. I trust
Cardi. Whatever she's doing is right for her.
All right.
I would say a young
millionaire is usually pretty unstable.
Yeah, I think she's kind of all over the...
I know that she really loves her kid, which is really nice,
but also I think outside of that, I think the whole fame and everything is kind of getting
into her fucking brain.
But I love her.
I fucking love Cardi B so much.
I guess I have liked Nikki Minaj for so long that I know that I must like Cardi B
because I find myself, you know, I don't, I don't.
really have a stake in the feud, but I find myself even loving Cardi B despite how much her
and Nikki Minaj totally hate each other. Oh, yeah. And now I feel bad, but I'm also, I'm proud
for that she just finally showed a picture of what her baby looks like. She didn't sell out.
She didn't sell anything about it, but like, but also, she and offsets love were just like too
much. You know that shit ain't going to last, baby. You know that shit ain't going to last.
But she tried, and I'm proud of her.
that's bad though. Cardi is definitely in the right in the situation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Be careful with her, you know. God, that's fucking song.
Anyway, thank you guys so much you're listening this week. I don't mean, I'm not going to
go on a tear about how much I love Cardi B's outfits and how much I love her music videos very much.
But thank you guys so much for joining us today. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can find me on
Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Molly Neffle.
I'm Marcus Parks. You can find me on Matt Marcus Sparks on all the stuff.
Yeah, he's at they.
They very rarely use.
Hell yeah.
You know why?
Because it's a solid name,
which is why I say you should have a junior and a third.
Marcus!
Marcus!
Marcus!
Marcus!
Marcus!
Jordan Parks.
Marcus!
You little shit.
Marcus appears the second.
You get over here right now.
And if you'd like to join some ladies having a gal-pal time,
on Thursday of this week,
we are going to be watching on our Patreon page.
We're going to be watching a holiday melody,
starring a one Mariah Carey,
as well as directed by a one, Mariah Carey.
And again, next week, we will be having our sibling sing-along to Muppet Christmas Carol on Thursday.
I believe that's December 20th.
Yeah, I think you're right.
I think it's December.
It is December 20th.
So thanks so much, guys.
And check us out on Patreon.
And you know what?
How a delightful damn day.
Yeah.
