Page 7 - Episode 283: The Christmas on Christmas

Episode Date: December 20, 2018

This week we talk about raisinets, Jackie makes a Christmas confession and we indulge in the only LPN holiday tradition and watch "I Think You Might Like It" Get 25% off the price of your modeling kit at http://candidco.com/page7 Go to http://koparibeauty.com/page7 to make the safe switch today, and save five-dollars off your first order when you subscribe! Go to http://phlur.com today and use promo code PAGE7 to get 20% off your custom Phlur sample set! Jingle Bells, Up on a Housetop, Wish Background, Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This Christmas, fireside, blazing bright, we're caroling through the night. There is special Christmas for me. I have not heard that song once, This Christmas. And Henry sent it to me via Spotify the other day, and I was just like, oh, I felt like it was like, that's like getting Christmas iced.

in my brain. Speaking of which, I saw that you got ice, Jackie, and I'm very jealous. Oh, man, Mary got me hard. It was really good. It was right before we did the Patreon watching of the Mariah Carey Hallmark movie last week. And it was at the bottom of a bag of other things. So I'm taking out the stuff. And then I saw in the bottom, I was like, Mary, you slide, do you.

And bitch, I was like, take the phone. I got icing to do. So I'm very excited. I'm hoping, hopefully when we watch Muppet Christmas Carol with Henry and Natalie and Wendy, I'm hoping to also, spoiler alert, ICE Henry on the live stream. So we'll see if he does it. I bet he will. I bet he's going to do it with a big old frown on his face.

Oh, he's going to be so mad. He's going to be so mad. He doesn't want to drink that. I might try and drink it. in his stead, but I'm not really too sure of the rules of icing, but... If you can transfer it? Yeah. I think you could probably sacrifice

yourself for an ice, but then you're just giving yourself... You're just icing yourself. You're just giving... You're just buying a shmereem of ice and chugging it. Which is what I did last week. I didn't chug it, but I drank it slowly, which is worse. I'd rather chug it. Does it count, though, if you, like, buy a six-pack of smearth off

and leave it in your fridge and then, And every time you open the fridge, you're like, oh. I got iced. Oh, I did it to myself this time. Oh, ma'am. I have been, I feel like I need to just point out, because I'm very proud of myself, Jackie and I have been Marco Poloing since last Friday. I have been so busy discussing with Jackie.

I didn't actually end up watching the Mariah Carey movie that you watched, but I have watched so many Hallmark and more so Lifetime Christmas movie. since last week. And I head to Marco Polo Jackie, about the one I watched last Friday, which was a Hallmark movie that was free on prime called A Christmas Tree Miracle. Oh, what was that about?

What was it involved? What was that? What happened? Is it something about the star on top of the tree? What is it? A Christmas tree miracle. First of all, what is with the lighting and production value in these films?

You mean extremely bright? Yes. Oh, yeah. Or if you're watching the Mariah Carey movie, you can see that everyone else looks awful and is in terrible lighting except for Mariah Carey. Every time they had, it was like Mariah Carey was almost always in a single shot and she just looked like she was glowing like an angel. And even Lacey Chabair looked like a troll woman. So it was Lacey Chabair and Mariah Carey? That's a pretty good cast.

Oh, yeah. It was a double header. It was good, God, really, really bad. It was really bad. But it was Hallmark Christmas movie magic. But what I've learned in the last week is that we need to delineate between, we say Hallmark Christmas movies. Yeah.

But there's levels. Yeah. There's the ones with the budget for Mariah Carey and Lacey Schober. And then there's the ones like Christmas Tree Miracle, which is the lowest end of the Hallmark realm. And then there's Lifetime. And those are the better ones. It's like the mid-level, mid-tier, low-budget Hallmark Christmas movies, that's gold.

Because I also watched a celebrity starring Christmas, Hallmark Christmas movie last week. I watched It's Christmas, comma, Eve. I saw it for you. Wait, who was Eve? Leanne Rimes. Okay. Leanne Rimes budget. Leanne Rimes travels back to her hometown.

as an interim superintendent who had to give up her music career many years ago after, of course, getting into music with her now deceased father, and she finds that she's got to make some budget cuts. Around Christmas time. Around Christmas time. Around Christmas time. She's got to make some budget cuts because this budget is a mess. Oh, God.

Just guess which program is on the chopping block. She's got to cut the music program. Gotta cut the music program. But she can't. How are the children going to learn? Not only how are the children going to learn, but how is that beefcake who runs the children's music program, how's he going to raise his daughter if the music program is cut? And furthermore, what's going to happen to the pageant that's coming up?

I'll bet they're going to have some mildly antagonistic scenes towards one another before falling in love. They are about the mildest of antagonistic scenes that I've ever seen. Yeah, it's just, I think one of them is like they just run into each other at the coffee shop and she's like, ah, I'm getting coffee. And he's like, I'm getting coffee too.

And she's like, I'm the superintendent. And he's like, okay. Yeah, that is a... That scene you described happens in every single one. I watch another one. I can't remember the name of it, but the protagonist is named Noel. And she runs into her ex at the supermarket.

and they both want the marshmallows. And there's like a protracted scene where they're just like, I'll take the marshmallows. No, I will. And then they're like, all right, bye. And that's like the height of the conflict in the entire film. I do have a quick question about it's Christmas Eve.

Did Lee and Rhymes sing in the movie? I don't know because I was drinking and I passed out before it ended. Completely. Honestly, that is how you should watch a hallmark. The only correct answer to Jackie's question. We were having an awesome time up until then. But we had both been drinking.

It was Friday night. It was after we'd gotten out an episode. So we went out to the bar. I had a few drinks and it's like, ah, it's Christmas Eve. It's been sitting in our queue for a while. So we'd better go home and celebrate some Christmas. We got there and, you know,

joking through the first like 30, 45 minutes or so. And then like it slowly just hit that hallmark lull. Yes. That is a real thing. You're like, am I really going to keep doing this? It's been an hour and 15 minutes and there's still 30 minutes left. Yeah. But sometimes an hour and 20 minutes is too long because it is the 50 minute mark.

It's that half hour until it ends where you're like, do I shit or get off the pot? I mean, the one I want, Christmas Tree Miracle was an hour and 40 minutes. It's like longer than a number of award-winning films. Like, it was so long. Yeah. And I don't know. Maybe Leanne Ryan Rhyme, I mean, they kept hinting at it.

They kept hinting at it and hitting at it and hitting at it because she was going through some of her dad's old things, and she found a song that he had written for her. She's got to say. And the song was called, It's Christmas Eve. Oh, I have to, now I got to watch it. See, that's the whole thing.

The most disappointing part about the Mariah Carey Hallmark movie, ding ding ding ding she didn't fucking sing in it you're kidding she didn't sing in it not one why didn't she sing in it no not at all wow there was plenty of children singing in it but but no mariah Carey why she is there which you know what she was in precious she was actually really good in precious she is a horror show troll

monster in this movie I will say that Wow, I can't believe that they had her there the whole time and she didn't sing. I wanted this one with this person named Noel. I wish I could remember the damn name of it. She goes back to her southern town and she has to put on the nativity because her mother who passed away used to put on the nativity. Dead parent check. Dead parent check and she takes it over.

And it has a long, this is just some super budget actress as far as I know. Maybe she has a career that I don't know about. but there's like a four to five minute sequence of her singing, Oh, Holy Night. Don't do that. It's a hard song to sing. Don't just have anybody sing that song. They didn't care.

They just took their time. It was a long scene. Like, they do not shy away from an extended musical scene. No, they don't. What I really liked is they, it was a no holds barred attack against Lacey Schaerbeer from Mariah Carey because she was single. Which I thought was really great because Mariah Carey really truly shoved it in her face about how she was married. I'm married. Look at my ring.

He's a doctor. He's a doctor. Oh, she's single. She's newly single. Everyone. She's welcoming to the town. And it was real single shaming up in there. Wow.

And it's Christmas Eve was, of course, filmed in Maple Ridge, Canada. And other scenes were formed in Chiliwack, Canada. I don't know. They all are, that's the, Maple Ridge is the town that was basically founded to be a Hallmark Christmas movie set. I think they have sold their souls to Hallmark, yeah. We got to go. Someone offered, someone hit me up on Twitter that said, I live in that town. You guys should come and see it.

It was like, yeah, we should. I bet we could talk our asses onto a set of a Hallmark movie, a Christmas movie, and be in it. I want to be in one. How do you audition for one? I actually legitimately asked my manager, how do I audition for one? And he's like, why? The bar has got to be low. I feel bad.

As somebody who has, like, performed and, like, hustled to make a living, I feel bad taking big shits on the actors and actresses who are in this film, these films, because I know that, like, people got to eat. But they're not good actors and actresses. No, it's like they just go to, like, a crunch gym and pick five people and say, You're in the next Hallmark movie. Yes. That's great, though.

It's giving, it's equal opportunity. They all look like they have a gun to their back. Like, they all are like flinching their teeth, smiling, like, oh, that's how we did it when we were kids. We always had hot cocoa. Would we decorate the trees. Some might say it's so easy. A computer could write these scripts, just like Keaton Paddy's computer wrote. So there was a bot that watched.

and was given thousands of scripts, thousands of Hallmark Christmas scripts. And I don't ever want to play act on here, but we have to read this script of what this bot wrote as a fake Hallmark Christmas movie because it's truly perfect. I'm ready. It's called The Christmas on Christmas.

So I was thinking maybe, Marcus, if you want to read stage, directions, I'm going to read the single mother. And Molly, would you do me the favor of reading my opposite business man? I'd be happy to. Slash obvious love interests. I'm a little nervous. I haven't acted in a while, you know, but I'm ready.

I think that this is good. This is what the holidays are about. It's about expanding your horizons, as we know from Hallmark Christmas movies. Just like, you know, Leanne Rhymes probably hadn't sung in a while, but she had to in the end, probably. We don't know. And they did release its Christmas Eve as a single. It's Christmas. Oh, okay.

See, now I have to. man, I'm going to listen to this song. I bet it's great. See, you know what? Throwing out there, I like Leanne Rhymes. She's a fine. She's fine. There's another one I just want to point out I saw on my Hallmark Christmas movie preview special

that there is another film called Christmas Joy, where the protagonist is named Joy. So it's Christmas Eve is one of a type. I love it. All right, so here is the Christmas on Christmas. Interior. small town snow globe refillery. We see a single mother refilling snow globes with Christmas juice. She is widow.

Her husband died in every war. Single mother. I'd refill globes better than Jesus Claus. Yet still my twins are dad free. Why? They need double dad. Businessman enters the shop. He wears clothes that cost money.

His hands are briefcases. And he's hallmark hot. Hi, do your snow globes lack wet? Hurry, Christmas attack soon. Businessman has flashback to when he was business boy. A Christmas tree explodes his family on purpose. He now hates trees and Christmas and explosions. He exits the flashback.

Businessman. Shut your sound. I am from huge city. I bought your land and am. turning it into an oil resort. Rude behavior. This is a family business. I sell families.

I am widow. My husband is now bones. Single mother points to her husband's bones in the corner of the room. They are all gift wrapped in eggnog. All of my wives are bones. That is America.

But I must make money for my twins to They are a prince. I too own twins. Please don't have bought my land. Christmas is today. Laugh. I bought Christmas and now it is never, unless we go on dates. I cannot date because of a snow curse.

I pray Santa helps me. Santa cannot help. She did not know, but Santa was her husband. Santa is bones. Bones help nobody. Boo's help nobody. Two nights the night. Two nights the night.

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you'll save 25% on your modeling kit. That's candidco.com slash page 7 to get 25% off the price of your modeling kit. Candidco.com slash page 7. I think that I just thank you guys for indulging me in reading this because it is so fucking funny. And I want to make, I want to make this. I want to make Christmas on Christmas. I bought Christmas. Now it is never.

Bones help nobody. Bones help nobody. That's just, I don't know. There's a lot of people saying that it might. be fake because he writes for the onion and stuff like that. But at the same time, you know what? Good fucking job. If it is, he did a good job.

I'm completely on board because, I mean, I know that you guys are just as stressed out through the Christmas time as I am. And honestly, Hallmark Christmas movies are the only thing that's getting me through. Is that desperate? No, that's definitely true for me. Although I've been watching the lowest tier, which is Lifetime, because I can't find Hallmark on my cable lineup. So what are Lifetime movies?

What are Lifetime Christmas movies like? Nobody famous is there. That's the difference. There is no Candace Cameron Beret. There is no Lori Lachlan. There is no Lacey Chabere. There is no Mariah Carey. It's just budget, budget, budget.

And it's the same like trash as a hallmark film, but it's just much, somehow, much worse. Is it also like the whole like Catholic ideologies pressed into lifetime movies as well? I can't tell if it's more or less Christian. I don't think I've seen enough of the regular Hallmark wants to compare. I mean, Christmas Tree Miracle was Hallmark, and it was definitely, like,

they definitely had angels and God in it. And the lifetime ones I've seen tend to be more about, like, sad. No, I take it back. There was one lifetime one that had Melissa Joan Hart. And there's one called My Christmas End with Jack A. I love Jackie! That's almost money! But there's definitely a lot of Christianity.

I mean, none of these channels are worried about keeping the Christ out of Christmas, you know? No, I mean, it's a given, yeah. Nothing wrong, it's not like Christian rock. Like, it's not, like, I don't feel like I'm trying to be converted during the movie, but I also feel like there's no effort to kind of, like, non-denominational, this isn't about the birth of Christ, which is fine. That's more of what my question is more just like, are they like at least more inclusive, I guess is what my question is. The one that I saw about that bitch name Noel, it was all about the nativity. So I think that it is, it was pretty Jesusy.

Oh, God. And this is one of the worst movie synopsies that I've ever heard. It's a lifetime Christmas movie. It's called The Christmas Contract. And the only person with the credit is one dude was in a couple episodes of One Tree Hill. A web designer and her BFF's brother enter a legally binding agreement. If he helps her avoid an awkward run-in with her ex during a return visit home, she'll build him a website to promote his upcoming novel.

Totally normal. Yeah, no, I think that's great. It's just a website, quid pro quo. But yeah, also, like, just like subtle hints at, like, sexual servitude. You know, like, what happens if I break the claws, you know? And that's sexy. And that's the difference between Lifetime and Hallmark, is that there is an undercurrent of sex.

Like, ooh, maybe I'll break my contract. Yes. It's definitely possible to watch a Lifetime movie and think the whole time about, like, them, like, ravenously making out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially if they're all hanging out on the Poinsetta Farm, if you're watching Poinsettas for Christmas.

Christmas Tree Miracle was about a Christmas tree farm. A lot of farms playing central roles in these films. Yeah, because they got to deliver all these point cites for the Christmas parade. But guess what? Poinsettas haven't turned red yet. So what are they going to do? What are they going to do? Apparently, Ellie is going to fall in love with the local botanist.

There are a lot of Christmas parades and Christmas fairs and other Christmas events. that I feel like my life has been completely bankrupt of. And I'm really upset after spending the last week watching these events. Everyone's like, we can't miss the Christmas fair. Every year we do the snowman ring toss. And I'm like, my life is so empty. No, you just need to create more traditions, Molly. Every year, the kids have a snowman building contest with mom and dad.

And every year, the winner buys hot apple cider. I'm going to win this year. Like, I don't have any of these traditions. My life is totally meaningless. Who's got the time? I don't have the time to make new traditions every year. My favorite, though, is that I was just looking up because I remember watching part of a Jewish-centric hallmark movie,

but they really burrowed in. They're like, you see, she's Jewish. Oh, but see how meddlesome her Jewish. Wish Mother is. Although it was starring Joey Lawrence called Hitch for the holidays. Oh, Oigavalt. How many times is that?

I don't know. I mean, it's things like, but things get complicated when Rob's Catholic clan and Julie's Jewish family get involved. With Christmas coming and Hanukkah around the corner, they double their efforts

to keep the charade going, only to discover their fake feelings may be a little too real. Oh, no. They're fake in love for Christ. I don't know if you figured it out from the one sentence I read. Figured it out. Why are they faking it? Yeah, why? Because her very meddlesome Jewish mother from New York can't handle her being single for another Christmas.

Or Hanukkah, excuse me, oh God, Hanukkah. Your love life is smellier than a guffilter fish. Oy, they! It just, it makes it... It's like where my Big Fat Greek wedding did it right. I feel like Hitch for the holidays definitely did it wrong. I love that just taking a trope that is a Christmas trope, not in real life. Like, no, like, well, maybe in real life you could say, oh, I go home for the holidays, my family doesn't want me to be single or whatever.

Like, that's maybe kind of real. But you take that and then just mash it onto a Jewish holiday. Like, yeah. Also, nobody can be single for Hanukkah. That's not a thing. That's not a thing. I don't know if it's a thing Maybe it's a thing, but I don't know if it's a thing

I don't think it's a thing. Who found another name themed one. Jingle Bell starring Tatiana Ali from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Big name. Every year, Isabel and her high school sweetheart Mike rocked their small town's annual

Christmas Eve pageant with a sweet Christmas duet. Years later, Isabel returns to her hometown to write music for the pageant and she is shocked to learn that guess. He is the person who runs the pageant. Exactly. Yes. Oh, Molly, you're too good.

See, I'm not on my game yet. Oh, man. Oh, we missed the premiere of a shoe addicts Christmas. Oh, I watched part of a shoe addicts Christmas. Oh, I watch part of a shoe addict's Christmas. And in, spoiler alert, again, it is not good. Tell me. See, the thing about Candace Cameron Bray, even though she is probably the biggest name that Hallmark has,

she is an atrocious actress. Yeah, she is not worthy of the handsome Christmas-loving firefighter that she courts in a shoe addict's Christmas. Which is the only reason why I watched part of the movie is because that there was a sexy firefighter in it, and also because Gene Smart was in it, and I love Gene Smart. So they had a double hitter. I don't know if Gene Smart is as much of a, you know, household name the way Candice Cameron Barre is. But, you know, she's a great character actress, not in this movie. But also, oh, that's what I forgot to mention.

Kathy Nejimmy is in the Mariah Carey movie as well, the Hallmark movie. And one of my drinking game rules was drink every time Kathy Nejimmy is way too good to be in this movie. Yeah. Because she is. That's the thing with the Hallmark. like since there's kind of a range of talent in the cast, it gives you a little bit of variety to be like, oh, what is this actual character actress doing here?

Like this poor person has to do this. You don't have to worry about that on Lifetime. No, no, no, no. I guess that's what, yeah, maybe I should check out some Lifetime movies. But I don't know if I'm in the right head space for it because, guys, I have a Christmas confession. I have a Christmas confession, and this is difficult, but I feel like I need to say it.

Um, yesterday I was listening to, you know, how Spotify makes the fun mixes for you. And they made me like a Christmas mix. And I was listening to the song, Mary did you know, weeping for some reason. Yeah. I was just having a bit of a day. And then I looked and I saw who sang it. And it was pentatonic. And I hate pentatonic.

Yeah. I hate pentatonics, but God damn it, I don't know if it has something to do. You know what? Isn't there something when you hit a certain note it makes you cry? Right? Isn't that like a thing? I think that there, I blame the harmonies. I think that the harmonies were maybe too good that I immediately burst into tears.

But I felt the need that I needed to tell you guys because of my open hatred for pentatonics. Pentatonics knows what the fuck they're doing. I know. They're good at what they do. And you know what I did? I listened to a whole album of pentatonic. It's okay. It's okay.

I got pentatonics on one of my Christmas playlist. It's okay. I listened to the whole album. It was delightful. It was goddamn delightful. And I was so mad at myself. I'm so mad at myself. Jackie, in solidarity, I'm going to listen to pentatonics on my way home today.

But also listen to Mary. know because it's beautiful. Mary did you know? How does Mary did you know go? Mary did you know? Mary did you know that? Oh, do you don't know Mary did you know? No. Because Mary did you know is one that Henry and I have made fun of him for a really

long time because it's like, Mary did you know that your baby boy would someday walk on water? Mary did you? So it's like talking about it's like, when you kiss him, you kiss the face of God. It's a very, very religious song. But the thing is, I don't know. I don't know what came over me. It's a, they did a beautiful rendition of it.

And again, I am not, I am not, I'm not a religious person by any means. But there was just something about it. And it was beautiful. My favorite genre of Christmas music is, I think I must have spoken about this before. Like, it's very religious songs about the birth of Christ. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Much better than the Santa ones. Oh, so much better.

They really are. Yeah, and just the general, like, deep-cut Christian ones, like Good King Winzacluss. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love that song. I know all the verses. I want a song, give me a Christmas song with like seven verses, each one getting more majestic and more holy the longer it goes. I really love the extreme church music.

I mean, I don't admit there must be levels of church music I don't even know about. But the ones that you sang at church concerts when you were young, like that is the level of Christmas Carol that I want. I don't want up on the house top, it's fine, jingle bells, whatever. But I want the ones that are about angels and wise men and Emmanuel and, you know, like, all of it.

All of it. All of it. I want the Bible shit. I don't know why. But that's my shit. I get you. It's the same with Oh Holy Night. When I listen to Oh Holy Night, which is like, especially I love Mariah Carey's version of O Holy Night, which is like, I'm like, fall on your knees.

And I'm just like, I love Christmas. No, no Holy Night, you got to get a bass to sing that. That's also good. Oh, holy night. Yeah. Jesus Christ is God. It is the night of our dear saviour's birth. I like the deep singing of it.

But there's something about that like exaltation part. That Mariah Carey just fucking, because that was like in her heyday. Yeah. That she nails. It's really good. And I like little drummer boy, even though it's,

I feel like a little drummer boy walks that line between a Christ story. It's definitely about him being there when Jesus was born. But then it's also just kind of like Just a romp. Yeah, a rompum bum bum. Yeah, that's a fun little scat.

Yeah. Also, I think that I was writing an Instagram caption the other day and I was making a joke about the little drummer boy turning him into a little drummer man. And I didn't realize what the actual song was about. Was that like, he like, he's like, I ain't got shit, Jesus, but like I got this drum. Yeah.

God played his drum for you? And you know what? Isn't that nice? Shall I play for you? Rump a pump pump Me and my drum Yeah, it's all he had Yeah, no I like that

Hey, Jesus down here I ain't got nothing But hey guess what Da-bap that Be while The one day old baby The zero day old baby is like screaming Why you play the drum in my face

Mary is like Are you fucking kidding me right now This baby needs to eat and sleep I'm trying to teach this baby How to breastfeed The fact that this all happened On the day of Jesus' birth babies can't, they're just like little mushy, slimy blobs.

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Go to coparibeautcom slash page 7 to make the safe switch today. And say $5 off your first order when you subscribe. That's copari, k-o-p-a-R-I-Buty.com slash page 7. Coparibeautcom slash page 7. No, and I'm really excited to do. I forget, do we talk about this every year? We ever brought up the Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas Celebration? The one with the raisinets.

I do think about the raisinets an uncommonly large amount. I think about the raisinets a lot. Do you really? I don't know why, but the raisinets pop up in my head like fairly often. What about the raisinets? Are the California raisins, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm calling raisinets. But you know what I mean.

Yeah, the California raisins. What do you think about it? What do you think about it? I just think about how weird it was that there was a time in an American in history where we were all really obsessed with singing raisins. Uh-huh. I had sunglasses on that sang soul classics. Because they were awesome.

That was, there was like toys. There were toys. I had a toy. I had a California raisins toy. It was one of my favorite toys. It had bendy arms. Uh-huh. And they all had bendy arms, didn't they?

They had their little spindly, skinny little arms, right? Yeah. But I just think about that time. And especially around Christmas. Maybe you're remembering the Claymation Christmas celebration. I think I might be because I remember I definitely put the California Raisins in Christmas very close in close approximation. I think we had a California Raisins Christmas ornament that I particularly loved. And you're seen in the Hallmark movie you're going to be talking to some girl who loves you and she's going to be like,

what did you do when you were a kid growing up for Christmas? And you're going to just like go glassy-eyed and be like, I feel good. I knew that I would Is you dancing with the California raisins? I think that's a great flashback to having it because in Claymation Christmas celebration they sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer but they do it in the same way

that the temptation sang it. Nice. But see I always remember that there's these like three doo-wop singing camels that sing We Three Kings in the Claymation Christmas Celebration. that is fantastic. It's one of my favorite because it showed, it debuted the same year that Garfield's Christmas debuted,

and they went back to back. And I think that's like, so I always would watch them because I had it taped. And so I would watch them back to back. And I forgot about this special completely, and until I believe last year. So essentially it's like a sole Christmas claimation that also has the California raisins in it.

And it's hosted by dinosaurs? Yeah, dude. Hell yeah it is. I highly, highly recommend it. It's so good. Yeah, that sounds fantastic. Oh, wow. Angels we've heard on high is an instrumental version,

which is performed alongside an interpretive ice ballet performed by a pair of walruses and several dismayed penguins. See, this is what the children nowadays are missing. What? And then the whole cast comes back and sings, Here We Come a Wasseling. I love Here we come a Wasseling. That's what I'm babes.

Here we come a wass. And it's great because then the geese sing, Here we come a waddling, which is really cute. Oh, and then the pigs come and say, Here we come a wallowing. While they're eating a whole bunch of fruit, gorgeing themselves on an abundance of assorted fruit is what the Wikipedia page says.

I just, I really highly recommended to you guys. I feel like it's up there with like the Emmett Otter's Christmas special as well where it's just like, this is weird, but like I'm into it. Yeah, this sounds fantastic. I think I got to watch this. I'll send you a link to it so you remember. You have to show it to the fam. Thank you.

Are you reading up more about? Yeah, I was just very, uh, curious about it. I'm sorry. I got distracted. I also lost myself from looking at images of it. I was like, yeah, man, I can't wait to watch. I think I'm going to watch it today. I think I'm going to watch it. I think this is a nice thing after work tonight. After work's done, sit down with the lady and the dog and we'll watch the California. We'll watch the Claymation Christmas celebration. Well, especially it's like 20 minutes long. It's great. It's exactly what you want. And it's got the good carols in it. That's the best part. Yeah, dude. But also, speaking of carols that we have not discussed this Christmas season that seems to have been lasting for 100,000 years this year,

I think we might like it. I think we got to do our yearly viewing of I think you might like it. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I was thinking about it all day. And, you know, I also found a, it's a video that we haven't seen. seen yet. I don't think we've played it here on the show, and I definitely haven't seen it. Is John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John discussing, I think you might like it together?

Holy shit. What? Where? It's, if you type in John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John on, I think you might like it, Sirius XM, it'll come up. It's only got 13,000 views. Why? It's been online for six years. Dude, what do they talk about with it? I don't know.

Should we watch this one first before we watch the actual video? Yeah, maybe we should because there might be some people out there. We might have some new listeners that aren't privy to our six-year-long Christmas. You know, guys, we do have a Christmas tradition. We do. We absolutely. It's I think you might like it. I think I like it.

We have a Christmas tradition that we made all in our own. We gather around the screen and we watch Olivia Newton, John, and John Travolta's inexplicable video. And make our jokes about wallet chains and what they're doing in an airport. And it is a delight. Because honestly, I look forward to this every year. Me too. I only watch it once a year.

Me too. I don't watch it without you guys. No, can't do it. No, can't do it. So what do we do first? Do we listen to the interview first? or do we... I say we listen to the interview first.

Interview first, because we gotta save the best for last. Yeah, because we got, of course, we got to let everybody know that I think you might like it is a strange Christmas song and video that Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta made together in 2012. And for years, we've not known why it was made, specifically why this video was made. They did a whole Christmas album together.

The whole thing is very poorly made. But now, we might finally get an answer. Because especially with how much money they both have, there's no reason for this to be made so shawley. There's no reason for it. No, not at all. The video of I think I might like it with your family,

with that little Benjamin. He steals it. He steals it. Yeah. I said, okay, baby, happy dance. Come on, baby. Happy dance. And he started doing it.

John Travolta is so easy. Oh, that dancing is just, it's the... But also, who is this host? To see your wife, to see everybody. And your neighborhood, right? My whole neighborhood in Ocala in Florida, they all joined us, and I purposely let them dance exactly how they like to dance. Yeah.

It was so much fun in it. Because, you know, it's not a complicated video. We followed the lyric, literally. It's not a complicated video. So we're going to get my wheels down. Okay, the plane gets wheels down. You land, we see, Olivia, and I see each other. We love each other up.

We dance a bit. And then when the families come to join each other, the military families come home to their families. And then Kelly comes in and meets Ella and her girlfriends. And there's this unity of whether you're living in John, John Travolta coming home for Christmas or you're the military guy or your family coming to see Grandma and Grandpa, everyone wants to be home for Christmas. Yes. So we just follow him. I love him, though.

You know what I love him? He's so sincere. If I hadn't been for a color, I would have had my husband and my daughter and my sister in it, but there on the other side of the kids. country so we're filming there and she called Olivia called me and said you know I saw you are filming that a little bit of footage around your plane to show on talk shows oh yeah good and I said that may not cut it we may have to do a whole interviewer's like let's talk about it like it's a real thing oh interesting oh you made this we just did it we came up as we came and then the little step we created it was a kind of homage to A little step was create

Do this one, do this one, okay, we ran out on the time We did it, everything was perfect Oh so they choreographed themselves The video she flipped over it Because it was a little bit of her choreography in the day So it was our homage to The dancing was so great The dancing was not so great

Don't lie to them So great, I'm so glad we watched this first All right So that makes so much sense I feel like every year we learn a little bit more. I was not aware of the fact that it was shot in Ocala, Florida, which I don't know if y'all have been to Ocala, Florida, but it makes a lot of sense that that is the,

that these are, not this, you know, I'm sorry, not talk shit on Ocala. But, I mean, I feel like if you're from Ocala, or if you are aware of Ocala, you know what I'm talking about. It's a, it's a Florida. It's real Florida. that's where John Travolta lives because those strangers, those people that we did not know and have been puzzling us for years, those are just his neighbors. He just went and knocked on doors

and asked if they wanted to be in a weird video. Oh my God. Can you imagine? They're like, sure. And now they're like, oh, what have we done? I don't know if they are though, because a lot of them, I feel like, if John Travolta asked me to do that, I would be like, fuck yeah. And then go and be like, Okay, you want me to do these steps? All right. Yeah, let's get fucking weird with it, dude. Okay, cool. And, I mean, also, even if they were embarrassed,

I think we're legit the only community of people who consistently watches this video. Very, very possibly. It is very, very possible that we might be the only ones still watching this. No, it's got 9.4 million views. I think you might like it as a bit of a sleeper hit. Is it a sleeper hit?

Did we do that, though? because we've been talking about this every year. We don't have that many listeners. We don't, but a few years ago, we should play the tape. I feel like we had talked about how many views it had. Every year you say how many views it had. And it has a lot more this year. Maybe we're patient zero.

Hell yeah. I think, yeah, we should start tracking it every year. I think this should be our new thing. Just to make sure that it's getting the success that it deserves. Yeah, I just want to, if we're boosting this video that clearly Olivia Newton John and John Travolta still take seriously, then we should get some credit for it. Pretty harsh up-vote-down-vote ratio, though.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it? 19K up, 15K down. Oof. Whoa. I mean, they still come out in the black, you know? Yeah, yeah. I just feel like at the same time,

you know what, they put a lot of effort into it, kind of. Did they? And you got to embrace it. Couldn't they have found a real airport instead of that airport? Oh, wow. The fifth most popular comment on, I think you might like it on the video, mentions us, said page seven brought me here.

Hey. Hell yeah. That's great. That's fucking fantastic. One thing I like about this video is I, my hometown airport of Dubuque, Iowa has a new airport now, but we used to have a very small one-room airport

where as soon as you got off the plane, you like literally walked into a room where all your loved ones were waiting for you. Like everyone was just in one room waiting for you. And so watching this video did always make me think very fondly of the Dubuque Iowa Airport. So that's something that even though I do think that it's not a real

airport in the video, it is pretty close to what the Dubuque Iowa airport feels like. It might be the Okala Airport. It might be the Okala Airport. It's very because there's a lot of space in Okala, so I feel like that would make sense that they would have at least a small because, I mean, obviously, it's like

Jontra does fly his planes. Yeah. So he must put him somewhere, right? I'm sure he owns the airport. He probably subsistens He subsidizes it himself. Yeah, that is true. I feel like, because also at the same time, yeah, what if it's just like his private landing because who's flying right to Ocala?

Yeah. John Travolta. Fuck, yeah, he is. Man, you know, John Travolta and O.J. Simpson, Florida's got a lot to speak for, you know. I'm proud of us. Don't forget Casey Anthony. You're right. You're right.

As a fellow Floridian, I am, I'm treasured. I love it. Are we going to do this? Is it time? I think it's time. I take a lot, Larker! Merry Christmas, guys.

This is the true beginning of the season. A produced by JTP films. I can't believe they had a producer, but look at that choreography. They had a producer and two directors for this. Who did they say did the choreography, though? Then he was just like... Somebody did pass, I think.

It's just forever I will never get over his facial hair I know every year I'm like have we talked about his goatee Yeah every year it's uh It's uh what is it the hairy magnetic The magnetic thing Yes

Oh good drive slower Who needs to rush it's holidays Not it she's definitely in the left lane Yeah That's not how they drive in Ocala I wonder I wonder if the teenagers were forced to do it by their parents.

Almost certainly. Is it him? Uh-oh. Wallachane. I like it. I think I might like it. The way they cut this running towards each other, see it takes so long. It's got to be, what? 50 feet? Yeah.

They're loving on each other. There they are in John Travolta's words, loving on each other. Yeah, you can tell that they are truly attractive. attracted to each other. So that's his actual daughter, right? And that's Kelly Preston. That's Kelly Preston. Okay, yes.

That's just a couple old people. That's his neighbors. That's his neighbors. They just live next door. This is a random family. Also, I am reading the lyrics right now. It is, these lyrics, I feel like I've been too obsessed with the video to actually listen to the lyrics. I've never listened to the lyrics.

I don't even know when he sings, I think you might like it. I mean, I'm coming home, but it's the end of this stanza. You might like it. Little dance we do. You might like it. Making love all night. And we can cry tomorrow watching It's a Wonderful Life. Oh, yeah, we've read these lyrics before, Jackie.

That's right. I forgot. I forgot. They're crying. They're crying. I like it I didn't realize how pornie she sounded though there

Wonder my life It's always that note that Oh my God I mean the kids are cute But it's just like I don't know what Stayed in a clump Oh That last shot is homage to Greece

That they drive off I believe so yes Yeah I like it I think you might like it. I swear in all these years I've picked up that it goes, I got a little plant for you, and I've never even paid attention to the I think you might like it part

that comes right afterwards. Let's do a little dance or two. Let's do a little dance or two. I like it. And then it's, I think you might like it. And then we're going to hide away, make it up all night, and we can cry tomorrow, wash away so wonderful why. It's a wonderful light.

No, wait. I think I got lyrics that were written by a bot, actually. Put a little love on your pots, because this time of year parts be smelling like ham bones and flour, because Christmas cooking time slowly but surely leads to Christmas stinking time. So put a little love on your parts, because I'm here to tell you about a company that's bringing the feeling back in a fragrance. That's far.

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to howl at me leisure whilst burning it just to annoy everyone around me. It's a tufer. Flur creates sustainably crafted award-winning perfumes delivered with transparency at an honest price. What's not to love? Feed me, Seymour! I always wondered why you said that at the end of Scrooge. Go to flur.com today and use promo code page 7 to get 20% off your custom flur sample set. Pick three cents to try and get credit towards a full-sized bottle of your favorite. That's promo code page 7 at flur.com to try three flur fragrances of your choice at 20% off ph-l-u-r.com. I just realized though for how many times we sing, I think you my life, That is not how they sing it in the song.

I guess that's what I'm so surprised about. I thought that I think you might like it in the... I guess I didn't know how it actually went. Yeah, it's, I think you might like it. That's honestly the worst way to sing it. Come on, Jack it. I think you might like it. You might like it.

You might like it. Because the best part of the song is, I've got a little plan for you. It should be called I've got a little plan for you. No, I think you might like it. I honestly think they should take our direction and sing it. I think that's just a better flow to the song, which is why we thought it was that. You've been singing it with such confidence, Jackie, all these years. I thought that you knew how it went and I didn't.

No, I never paid attention. Never absolutely, absolutely never pay attention. I like to live my life as if I am Jantra and the boy in the bubble, you know? It's easier that way so I don't get any poisons on my skin. But again, I have not seen the boy in the bubble, so I don't know what happens in it. He's sick? I think he's sick, and he can't get out of the bubble, because if he gets out of the bubble, then he catches cold and dies because his immune system is so fragile. So he has to stay in the bubble, and then a girl finds out that there's a boy in a bubble, and he's super cute.

So she goes and starts a relationship with him, and I think he dies at the end. All I remember about hearing about the movie is that he actually, was banging the woman that played his mother while they were shooting the boy in the bubble. That's all I remember. Because it's a good tidbit of information. That is a good tidbit. That's a great tidbit. But also, was he?

I mean, we all, yeah. Was he? I don't think that he was, guys. I think I've seen the boy in the bubble. Oh, yeah, that's right. He was banging Glenys O'Connor, right? Yeah. Yeah, man, you got to, you know, sometimes you got to get.

your hands up the skirt of someone that plays your mother. Ah, here's how Boy in the Bubble works. In the end, after having a discussion with his doctor who tells him he has built up some immunities, which may possibly be enough to survive the real world, he steps outside his house, unprotected, and he and Gina ride off on a horse. He doesn't die? Like you do. I mean, yeah. Who needs to be in a bubble anymore? Get on a horse. You know, as someone that walks around and lives in everyday life, I wouldn't ride on a horse. Yeah.

So how does he just get on a horse? Lies are on horses. He's going to get horse fever. Don't get on a horse. Wait, what's horse fever? I don't know. I just made it. Oh, okay, okay.

I mean, you know, Marcus, you're from Texas. I never know. Maybe horse fever is a real thing. I don't know. You can't say those things to me. I'm a city gal. I don't know. That is one of the fun things about being from the country.

I can say shit like that with authority. And both you and Henry and are like, what's that? Do I have to. Do I have to worry about that? Oh, my God. That's why I'd ever go near a horse. It's a horse fever. You're going to make me look like a right loon in front of a bunch of cowboys.

Thank you very much. You have to give me the right terminology, Marcus. All right. I'll be sure to give you the right terminology when the time comes when you're around cowboys. Yeah, I mean, it's coming soon. I'm going to find them. They're out in Los Angeles somewhere, right? Yeah, Compton.

Is that where the horses live? Yep. Okay, I'll go to the horses. Cool. Is that like the Kentucky Derby of L.A.? Is that what happens in Compton? Possibly, I'm not real sure. Are you being a liar?

I'm being a bit of a goofer. A Christmas liar. There's a gopher over there. Are you being a goofer, Marcus? Actually, there is quite a big cowboy movement going on in Compton. It's very interesting. Go read the article. Interesting.

Okay, I'll read an article about it. Read an article. Yeah, I could get into that. I mean, I'm sad because we're hitting the end of this episode, and we didn't even get into the live action Aladdin that was put up today. Oh, there'll be plenty of time for that. Oh, we're going to yell about it. Oh, we're going to yell about it.

You mean that they try to make Will Smith look like Sinbad, those bastards? We're not going to do that. Just get Sinbad. Sinbad to do it. Sinbad would be a great genie. Didn't Sinbad already play? No, wait. It was Shaq.

It was Shaq. We've talked about this. It's the alternate reality. It was Sha'am, yes. It wasn't Shazam with Sinbad. It was Kazam with Shaq. Wait, again, though, Shazam was nothing, right? That never existed.

Kazam was the move. But Shazam is an app. Shazam is an app. Shazam is an app. Chazam is indeed an app. Yes. See, I know I'm relevant. Guys, I know what's going on.

You're relevant. Don't put me in a boat and send me out to fucking the river. Set me on fire, Norwegian Viking style. All right, it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Marcus, got to have that list. Worst Christmas movie flops of all time. Ooh.

Number 10. A movie called Everybody's Fine. Sounds Christmassy. I mean, it sounds like my life. Everybody's fine. Everybody's fine. Everybody's fine. Well, Frank just lost his wife and without their mother by his side.

Frank's grown children aren't compelled to visit for the holidays. So he hits the road to visit them, collecting various revelations and learning about himself along the way. Wait, doesn't it have like an insane cast? Yeah, it's got Sam Rockwell, Drew Barrymore, and Robert De Niro. Really? Yeah. What year? Like 2009.

nine years ago. Wow. Dude, I forgot about that. I have never, ever possibly seen this movie, but I remember looking at the cat, because, I mean, that is a pretty great cast. Yeah, didn't even reach budget. Lost money. Damn, especially with Sam Rockwell in it, that sucks.

I'll watch almost anything with Sam Rockwell in it. Number nine, Nutcracker 3D. Oh, God. Is it a porn? Costs $90 million to make, took in $16 million. Good Lord. Yeah, people who like the Nutcracker go see, they're a real Nutcracker, you know? Yeah, you don't really, yeah, you don't go see a man named Daniel Mogax play the trolley bus orchestra conductor.

No. Wait, the Nutcracker, that is the, it's a ballet, right? It is. And people are crazy about it. They see it every year. It's a tradition. I've never, it's the traditions that we don't have. Exactly.

It's a tradition that I've never done. I've never seen it. I know nothing about it. I know there's a rat, right? I can't confirm or deny. I cannot confirm or deny the existence of a rat in a nutcracker. All three of us know nothing about the nutcracker. I am surprised by that.

Yeah, I'm a little surprised too. No, I know absolutely nothing. I think it's because I was always jealous of the ballerines, you know? I never liked ballet. I was more of a tap gal. I know you love your tap. You know, and there's actually two nutcracker failures. They tried to do a nutcracker, the motion picture.

in 1986. People don't want it. They want it live. They're really pushing this nutcracker thing. Took in less than a million dollars. Isn't it like Christmas King Kong? Isn't that what this movie is? It's a ballet.

I just feel like people who want ballet, they know what they want. They want a live ballet and they go to the live ballet. You know what I mean? I don't think other people want that. I mean, I'm sure it's beautiful. I just never had the opportunity. Yeah, I mean, people love it.

I'm sure it's amazing. But I just feel like it's a specific, You know, there's like nutcracker people. Yeah. Yeah, definitely there is definitely nutcracker people. Every year they go see the nutcracker. Just like how there's like that damn Mormon tabernacle Christmas choir people. You know, people have their rituals.

Yeah, what is it? The Manhattan Transfer, is that the other big Christmas one? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I always get them confused with a trans-Siberian orchestra, but I love the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. You know, it's funny. I was thinking a trans-Siberian orchestra.

That's what I was trying to think of. Yes, because Manhattan Transfer is, I think, another one of those, but I think they're more schmaltzy than anything. Saving Christmas starring Kirk Cameron. Number three. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.

Wow, he must be jealous that his sister is in a bunch of very mildly successful Christmas movies. Dude, I bet he is. Especially as like a princess of like all that is holy at Hallmark. I wonder if he, he must do some things on the Hallmark channel with her. Right? I don't know. It sounds like he made this movie

to try to be like, I also do Christmas movies and then failed. It's sad. And the worst one of all time, Mrs. Worthington's party, which I've never... I would never...

Stars nobody. Well, you know, that's what happens. What do they expect... If you're not a hallmark, you need to have... Although, I guess at the same time there's everybody's fine. So even though there was big people

and it didn't really matter. Yeah, the synopsis, a priest arrives in a tiny fishing village the week before Christmas to shut down a dying parish and becomes entangled in the lives of the town's eccentric characters of while learning the power of forgiveness

and redemption, written, directed, and starring David Wall. Who is that? So this is just like one guy's project. He's known for Gold Dust, Joe and Joe. Oh, man. Man, and Mrs. Worthington's party.

You know what? I'm intrigued. Oh, and he played Randy in the CBS School Break Special Little Miss Perfect in 1987. Good for him. All right, David Wall. It looks like David Wall made a lot of money and then decided to make movies. He was a director and producer after he had money. Is it a priest's job to go and shut down churches?

Is that what priest do? Am I not aware? It looks like he released Mrs. Worthington's party in 2007, and then re-released it this year as Noel, N-O-E-L-L-E, little girl named Noelle. That was the name of the main character from that damn Hallmark movie. Lifetime movie. But he's also not starring in that movie, so maybe he realized what his brutal mistake was. It's not that the movie's not good, is that he's not good at.

in it. Which also, you know what good of him? Sometimes you have to fall on the sword. It's a Christmas lesson that he learned. That is a Christmas lesson. All right, it's time for blind items. Oh, we can't see him. Juicy, juicy, juicy.

Ooh, how Christmas juicy is it today, Marcus? Pretty sure this A-minus list television actress from a show that went from great to what in the hell are they even talking about or doing in about a season, found out her co-star boyfriend is cheating on her. Riverdale? You better not say it's Betty and Jughead.

It's definitely Riverdale, and it's got to be Betty and Jughead. Is Betty and Jughead? No! No, I was just reading an article about how she said how great his dick work was. There's no way he's cheating on her. Wow.

Well. I'm just saying. Whoa. I don't know. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I don't know. I don't trust him.

But they're the king and queen of the CW. I don't want to trust people who have been famous. If that is true, then love doesn't exist. I'm skeptical. I'm afraid to trust people who've been famous for a long time, even though it's not their fault if they become child actors. But I'm worried with what it could do to one's head. But he went a good 10 years without being.

famous. Remember that. After Zach and Sweet Life, Cody, whatever the hell that show was. Cole and Dylan Sprouse both went to NYU and had jobs. They lived in dorms. They did the whole thing because their parents were like, go live a life. You need to go figure things out. Okay. And like be an actual adult. All right. Rather than so. All right. I take it back. I just am still hung up on the fact that he is a kid from Big Daddy and just can't deal with it. I understand. I do understand it. He just doesn't look trustworthy. Yeah. Yeah.

But I do want to get some of Dylan Spouse has a brewing company and I guess that he's making, I don't know if he's doing just beers or if he's also doing wines and stuff, but I know nothing about the distillation of, I don't know, just put the booze in my mouth.

But I am very intrigued. And that's the only blind item that I got. People apparently are taken off time from being naughty. Yeah, I doubt that. No, which is everyone, you know, they're all under wraps and doing their own holiday things, which is, you know what? Go for them.

Thank you guys so much for joining us today. This has been delightful. We are not going to see you next week. We will see you the week after, right before we ring in the new year, because we've got holidays to endure. And I have a lot more Christmas movies to watch because I haven't watched jingle all the way yet. There's a lot of, I haven't watched National Amputs Christmas vacation yet.

I've got, I save my big hitters for the end. And so I've got a whole week of movie watching, but also if you would like to join us, we are going to be live stream sibling watching the Muppet Christmas Carol with my family here in L.A., and we are going to sing along. Just head on over to the Patreon page

at patreon.com slash page seven podcast, and you can get all the details there of how to join us. And if you can't catch it, hell, we'll post it, and you can watch it later. Because we are going to drink and we are going to drink, and we are going to sing.

I love you guys very much. Thank you again for joining us. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Molly Neffle. I'm Markisbeck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's rip the tip. It's time to get Charles Dickened. Yeah, I'd said it.