Page 7 - Episode 287: Kevin Passed Away, OhLaLa

Episode Date: January 25, 2019

Jackie, Henry and Holden are in mourning and discuss age gap cat love, grief meats and shitstagram. Go to http://felixgrayglasses.com/page7 to protect your eyes today. Try Simple Health and get the $20 prescription fee waived by going to http://simplehealth.com/page7 or use promo code: page7. Start a 4-week trial at http://stamps.com and enter promo code: Page7 In Your Arms, Nowhere Land, Deuces, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Um, I don't have a song in my head. Seems me like... Like a candle in the wind. That's too serious. See, I was gonna do tears in heaven, but like... That's a dead baby. I mean, it's a dead baby, but I also didn't want to be that guy. What, Eric Clapton?

Successful recording star? See, to me live your life like a candle in the wind. Never knowing when the rain came in. We can't do this. serious. Let's do this one about again. There it is. There it is. Thank you. Just a jump to the left. It is. And I sing to the right. I don't know the words

of that fucking stupid ass song. Why would you? I don't think a whole lot of people do. Thank you guys so much for being here. It's a weird amalgamation here on page seven today. We've had a bit of a shake-up this week, schedule-wise, as you can imagine. And Henry Zabrowski is here in the LA studio joining me. Yeah. And Holden McNeely from Wizard and the Brewers. and Roundtable of gentlemen is joining us from New York.

Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me today. What professional intro Jackie just did? And she's never done that before. She's never actually been professional. I know. By the way, Holdenaders. Welcome, everybody. Prepare to be deceived.

Yeah, okay, good. Good, good, good. Well, obviously, we are dealing with the loss of Kevin Barnett. We have been dealing with it. We talked about inside stories this week. This is kind of an opportunity for each one of us to kind of talk about him a little bit on each one of the shows on LPN.

It's absolutely heartbreaking. We will obviously always miss him, but it is really fun to go back through roundtables. It's a really good excuse to just hear all the horrible things that he said and all the horrible things that you both said that if there was like a war crimes of comedy like Hague, like if there was like a Nuremberg of like trials,

I'm sorry, we're doing Auschwitz. That's all that's in your fucking brain, dude. Yes, but we are. there was one of those trials for comedians, you would all be hung. Oh, man. Put us in the fucking grave alongside Burnett because it is, I have never once listened to a roundtable episode.

We did it for so many years. I never ever listened to it once because usually, especially in the first, I'm going to say six years of it, I was blacked out through most of it. I actually tell people like, because they're like, remember this time when you said this or that? And I'm like, I literally go into a blackout state, like non-drunk blackout state and become that character,

whatever you want to call what that is. It's definitely me, but it's a version of me. Yeah, now people are actually seeing a way more honest version of you on Wizard and the Bruiser and on your streams. Technically, whatever is close as human being as you even fucking get is what you portray on those shows. But on roundtable, you were the, Lizard King, you were the grossest person who ever exists.

So you almost had to become like a, it was like a shaman-esque type of thing. Like, I love that guy. Oh, yeah, of course. I miss what I was on round table very much in listening back. I think you're healthier. I think that you look better. You have a better, weirdly a better attitude. I find that interesting because Holden was just telling me about what a ghoul I looked like before we started recording.

Crying so much. Crying for days. And I mean, I know, like, I look rough, like, whatever, you know, like, as per Euse, but, like, even more so now. But, like, Jackie does look like she literally went into, like, a Hollywood studio and was, like, can you make me look like I'm in a black and white monster movie as some sort of, uh, risen from the debt? You know what I mean?

Because it's old school. It's not like you have, like, abrasions on your skin and stuff, like, modern day. It's, like, how someone makes someone look like a ghoul in old school movie, like horror movies? Oh, you're talking about, like, like, Impressionistic German films, like the cabinet of Dr. Collegari. She looks like Natsveratu. I look at Jackie.

Actually, it's more of, I do feel like it was kind of over the top for Jackie to add the fake Halloween stitches to the side of her head to make her look like Frankenstein's monster. No, it's just when you've been crying for days, if no one knows that you have been crying for days when you meet them, they just assume

you got like booze bloat. I will say that I do wish Barnett was here, because, man, I will say, I have never seen two bartenders get a whole room full of grieving comedians hammered. They just were. Almost irresponsible, because we all kind of hung out real quick in L.A., all the comedians and new Kevin all got together. And they kind of, I guess they saw bunches of people, obviously, just spontaneously bursting into tears. Actually, our producer was out with us, Mary, and Mary's like, I saw you went up to somebody and you said, I can't believe he's gone. and you burst into tears

and then you both hugged. The bartenders saw that happen and immediately were like, okay, because we went to a place that all of us hate. And I'm telling you, I was essentially drinking gasoline. I'm so happy,

that Kevin would be so happy that you went somewhere you hated. That's the thing. That's why we did it. We did it for Barnett. And I also know that he would be like, dude, that's all of a shit. You just start doing that everywhere you go.

You get fucking great. And just like, I just lost one of my best friends. And then you just get, I mean, you get, upgrade. One of the one of the last combos I had with Kevin was

about how we watched Dragon Ball Super even though he hated it. It was so funny, man. He's so sick, man. You know, one thing that is nice about this I mean, it's not nice, but it's also, it's very interesting. You see the reach that Kevin had in terms of like

how many chicks that he smashed and just shows up, right? And they each got separate stories. I was in a room with a few women he smashed. on the day that we were mourning, you know. And I loved that. And one was being like, I can't believe Tyler died. And I was like, who's Tyler?

You're like, your best friend, Tyler. And I was like, Kevin's telling you his name is Tyler. That's not true. But you know, like, you could just see all of these people. Like, they have no clue what they've walked into. Because it's also like other people walking to a bunch of comedians. But on Friday night, they're doing a big benefit for him, a big benefit show. And I will be there.

Where is it at? It's at the bell house. and they just added a second show. So there's going to be early and a late show. I'll be there for as long as I can stomach it. I don't think I'm going to be on the show, but I just want to be there to meet anybody who wants to come out. Was there any other funny-ass stories?

I was like trying to think what else was appropriate for air. That's the problem. There's a lot of that we can't talk about it. I was talking about because I took a bunch of screenshots of our, we were talking on Christmas because I remember it was a couple of weeks before Christmas and we're at Ed's Christmas party. And he's like, yo man, He's like, I said a while ago, I'm gonna be swole by Christmas.

And I ain't been doing that shit, so I'm gonna get swole by Christmas. Oh yeah, but then he decided he just wasn't gonna eat. He's like, I'm not gonna eat. I ain't gonna eat, and it's gonna be great. I'm going for rats. I'm getting swole. I was like, I don't think that's how you get swole. And so Christmas Eve, he's texting Ed and I,

and I was like, dude, you should start cutting off limbs. He's like, I don't know what? He's like, I got 11 pounds to go till I'm swole. I was like, what is swole to you? What does that mean? Are you on some sort of smoothie diet? And that's my problem, though, is that a lot of the things that are my favorite Argette memories, we can't talk about it.

It was so funny. We went around and shared, like, a special moment in the apartment. I don't know how much of this story I can really tell, so I'll just keep it very vague. One of the people in the room told a hilarious story about him, her, and a stripper. Yay. It was like, all of my memories of Kevin are completely inappropriate for this moment. Yes, you're going around telling you, you know, I was not recently on a 10. text chain with him and Jermaine, and they just kept talking about how bad they were at Fortnite,

and they literally played for like two hours one time and didn't get a single kill between either of them, which if you don't play that game, that is like really bad. Like, that is pathetic. And it was just so fucking funny, man, like. But I was talking on side stories, we were talking about how professionally, how many times Kevin hired me to either be a Klansman or hired me to do fucked up shit. And it was just being like, He would put words into my mouth, like, when we did the pilot for Comedy Central,

you would put words in my mouth that I'm like, I can't be saying this shit on camera. And it's like, you got to, man. It's your character, me. And I was like, no, it's you telling me to say it. Telling me to say these things. He's like, no, man, you got to. It's not funny?

Because I'm a boss, man. I can, like, tell you how to do this. The way you said, blah, devil. The clan sketch. And Jermaine, the day it all went down. Jermaine texted us, the picture of us in our clan outfits with Jermaine. Kevin, all smiling hanging. It was such a great photo.

He's having a great time. He's using us for their fucking ploys. He was like, you're a pet white people. We can do whatever we want. I was just like, yes, Kevin, please continue to hire me. I think I could take the butt story, right? The video he showed me at your wedding. But he was

telling me, he was because it's just so funny the way he talked about smashing because there's one dude that respected women. It was Barnett complete. We were talking about this about how we have I have never met a man that was so naturally single for so long that all of the women that came were devastated that he like no one just no one showed up being like if I'm glad it's someone else killed because I would have done it like I was waiting no somebody

did I'm always that guy too and I was not that guy this I love showing up to a grieving persons get together and just scream I'm I you know all just the worst things I could possibly say But he was showing me this video at Henry's wedding that was just these two hot women that were in his apartment like butt dancing on him. And he was like, man, this is a Monday night. I just went out for a beer. And I was like, ladies, ladies, no, no. And they followed me back to my place. He was a handsome successful guy.

He was a handsome successful guy. This is one o'clock in the morning. Like, their skirts are up and like, I mean, he just showed, he wouldn't like ever, you know, show that to anybody like out in social media world. and he's like, you know what? He's like, I was tired. I'd work in the morning. I sent their asses home. They both wanted to sleep with me.

I sent the asses home. Yeah, and by the way, I just want to say really quick, and I hope I don't get too emotional saying this. Just thank you everybody who reached out to me. I appreciate it so much. Well, you know what it is, is that I am not, it's very, it's still very strange to me when you say stuff like LPN family and stuff like,

because Kissel is very good at, talking about the community that we are and then we forget, I forget, I forget that I was like, man, we have so many supporters and it's so nice to see how many people came out. So many people came out to show love for Kevin that then it ended up on fucking CNN. And that's what I was so pissed off about.

I was trying to get work done yesterday. It was like, let me just see what's going on in the celebrity gossip world. And it fucking opened up Us Weekly and it was right there and it was like, get out of my, all right, fine. And then the first thing it says, was Kevin Barnett contributed to the last podcast on the left. They still got it wrong.

There was so many articles with wrong information about our favorite is he always talked about getting confused with a different Kevin Barnett that wrote for like these other movies. For Hall Pass. Fucking got it wrong. They got it wrong.

Deadling got it wrong the whole time because I heard him. He would have loved that. He would have loved it. You would love it. But yeah, up until then because it was literally just an article in the, and I want to say the variety.

It was like a big, entertainment newspaper and it just said who is Kevin Barnett and I was just being like what the fuck is this shit you're roasting him now we're doing this now being like you can't even make fun of his face and I I do is make fun of him but I'd say I cannot stop looking at the roundtable Facebook page I'm reading all of it so keep it coming because I love it there's a guy in Twitter right now just just posting quotes on a big thread and I'm addicted to it and just trying to like and everything if you got those quotes and you've got the episodes for that's quotes and the people listen to this to page seven

say the same thing uh we're going to maybe do something on wizard the bruiser we're going to talk about the last podcast this week uh put the episode numbers because we're trying to put together a big highlight reel for uh roundtable and we're going to put it on the roundtable stream so if there are moments you want to hear again or remember fucking however you get it start sending those uh episode numbers a good place to do it is to side stories l p o'tl at gmail.com that's side stories L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com and we can start putting all of those together. And people who hit me up directly are like, I know I'm just some random guy or like whatever, but it means a lot.

It means a lot. It means a lot. It's we are, we did not, we don't realize, we've been doing this for so long. We don't realize how, I mean, and honestly, you guys on the other end that listen to us, you're the reason why all of our lives are different and better. You brought Kevin to us and to you by closing the circle. of us talking and you listening. And it means a lot.

And knowing that you're there during a time for us that is incredibly difficult because I have had so many people say the same thing saying that we were there for them when times were difficult for them. And this is the payback. Payback, baby! Thank you guys.

I don't want to say it like that. It's not like a revenge. But it's so true. And it does give me some solace to know that there are so many people who have experienced this before and are here for us. It's really important.

It's incredibly important because, I mean, obviously, this is a thing that people deal with time to time again. I'm going to flip out because Jackie just pulled up a picture of a documentary cat that named a cat. It's an orange cat named, O-L-L-L-L-A. It's not even O'L-L-L-A. It is O-L-L-L-A. So I'm looking at this cat's face while I'm trying to wrap this up. Oh, because I thought it was a good segue because. Why is it in a, why is its head in a coffee filter?

Kevin passed away. Ooh-l-la-la-la. What you're called it was a cat? The fuck's wrong with you, monster. You're becoming the ghoul that you look like. It's not the segue. It was after all of us, like Ed was essentially holding Shiva at his place on Tuesday, and people were coming in and out.

And we were at Kisels. It was the same thing, just sitting and just reflecting. Yeah, and just telling stories and sobbing and, you know, smoking just copious amounts of weed. and after everybody left, Ed went to take a nap, and I was hanging out with Jeff and Ed's fiancé, Julie. And Julie's like, put something on the television. We just need something on just until we go meet up with everybody. So I picked this documentary called Catwalk,

Tales from the Cat Show circuit. Now, I've been very interested in this, but Natalie made me wait because Natalie's been out of town. So I was looking at it. I'd be like, oh, this fucking catwalk was like fucking hammered on Tuesday night. just like looking it on Netflix. And real quick, before we get more into this documentary, I would like everyone to know at Kisels,

we had episodes of Naruto playing the entire time we were there. I was just talking about how much, how bad the show seemed to what. Like, I mean, whatever, we were all upset and miserable, so there, Naruto has some really good aspects, but it was one of Kevin's favorite shows, so it felt good to have that on. Thank you for clarifying, so you don't offend the hardcore Naruto fans. There are hardcore. I mean, I don't know how many of them listen to page seven, but they are very hardcore.

I'm sure they're out there. No, because Japan is a very, very population full country. If you're a page seven fan and you listen and you love watching Naruto, please write, Naruto lives on the page seven Facebook page. Why are you doing this to us? Why are you wreaking havoc? I'm bridging gaps. I know, you're bridging gaps and I appreciate you.

Yeah, that's the one thing. We definitely need the week. Bia boo community to embrace us. Is that the term? Is that a... Webu, yeah, weaboo is a little bit of a mispronunciation, but it's fine. Oh, whoa, whoa, okay. Oh, whoa.

So, what you fucking talk down to by Mr. Weabu over there. I do a research page. We don't say Mingala. Do we say Mingala? What is? I don't know what that means. Technically, though, if you look at all the various, various documentaries, they do the same thing, like UFO and UFO.

An expert always has to slightly change the pronunciation. So it sounds like they're the only ones who know how to say it. Wait, they say Ufo? Don't get me started on Ufo. Who says Ufo? Several people do. Stanton Friedman does. And they're actually, it's weird, it just drives me insane.

But Mangella is a way I've heard it said again and again by documentarians. It's like how Dan Carlin always makes sure he hits the Jenghis Khan. That it's not Genghis Khan. It would have been pronounced Jenghis Khan. And it's just like, well, I am. Good for you. Bore it. No, I'm not bore it.

I love, fucking love Dan Carlin. I love that whole series. Tell me what's the word burlough up. This episode of page 7 is brought to you by Simple Health. Get birth control, prescribed, renewed, and delivered from wherever you are on your schedule. The prescription is usually 20 bucks,

but Simple Health is offering you a prescription for free. Just go to simplehealth.com slash page 7 or enter the promo code page 7 to check out. You know, I was given the option to not write these ads to stuff. week. I was advised to maybe not write ads this week. But if there's one thing I learned from Kevin Barnett, it's swag heavy and make that money. I also know that Barnett would be all aboard the Simple Health Express for me because of its convenience and most importantly that it would leave

no babies inside of my tummy puppy party. I saw Barnett hold a baby for the first time at Henry's wedding. He looks so uncomfortable. And I remember standing across the room pointing and shouting, look at how uncomfortable he is, as he nervously tried not to drop it. Sybil Health gives you access to a doctor because insurance status or costs should never prevent women from getting birth control. Helps you smash with a head-on straight. It's also a discreet service. Birth control is a personal choice, and simple health is a discreet and comfortable option. No labels on the package or telling an old stranger about the weird items you've experimented with inside of you. Thank goodness, because it's also reliable.

It's as reliable as this week is soul crushing. Simple Health offers only trusted brands of birth control. They ain't making their own birth control, which I'm thankful for, because if somebody tells me that having no babies lives at the bottom of bottled tequila, I would believe them. Licensed doctors help build the product, and they review every patient with rigor and care. Simple Health doctors can prescribe over 100 brands of the pill,

as well as the patch or ring. dude, Nouvering was always dope for me. I can't be trusted to remember to take a pill every day, but that's just me because I have the brain of a sugar hopped up tween. They personalize a recommendation based on your health profile and personal preferences. And it's affordable. Simple health offers affordable care regardless of insurance and they accept insurance and birth control is free with most insurance plans.

For those without insurance, birth control pills start $15 a month and delivery is free for everyone. A free prescription when you go to simplehealth.com slash page 7 or enter promo code page 7 and check out. The service is not a replacement for routine evaluations by your primary care physician or gynecologist, but it is the most convenient and comfortable way to get your birth control. Swag to the moon, no jackets. So cats love shows. Do they ever?

And don't worry, is it based in Canada? Yes, it is. See, Netflix gets a lot of low-rent, weird Canadian-canadian. and UK reality shows. They seem to get all of them, and there are the mixture between this, which looks like a diamond in the rough that I want to see, and the one that I saw,

which was one of the most disturbing, which is unfortunate, but a show called Age Gap Love. We've talked about age gap love one year. Did we talk about it, you and me? I think so. When it's just the... We watched it together.

The UK people, like a UK 75-year-old man with like a weird little woman who's just like, I just like the... Oh, like the... his fates, man. And they really do love each other. So I guess you don't want, go for them.

Well, you know what? How about this, too? Okay, why don't we look on the bright side of things to steal from the podcast, the brighter side? Different fucking show! They could be in-sell, or they could be fucking an old bag. So what would you prefer? I'm happy that the old bags get fucked.

I mean, the thing is that what I forget, and I truly do. And Natalie and I talk about us all the time. The difference is Natalie's always going to be hot. Natalie will always be hot. I'm the one who's going to slowly melt. And you're something awful. Like, I'm going to be awful. Look at our father.

Your breasts are going to be touching your knees. I didn't want to bring up your dad, but I saw recently. Before he cleaned himself up for the wedding, the picture just with the four of you and he's in the tank top or whatever. That's me. That's me, dude. Yeah, that's what I'm going to turn into. But so at some point, it is nice to know that when you're like 75,

maybe somebody it will want to still sit on it. And I think that they will, especially if you have a cat like, ooh-la-law. All right, break this shit now. I love, let me just go ahead and say, I love Westminster Dog Show.

I'm into this stuff. We all do, except for the way they viciously grab their assholes in their balls. Yeah, but they got to make sure that they're good. And in the cat shows, it is like, it is a bo-bo-ass, small dinky rooms

that a bunch of people's like, they're not even dressed up. These are like women in, like, denim vests that love their cat. My thing is that I didn't really understand what would be the benefit of having a purebred cat? Because even purebred dogs, I really don't particularly believe in it at all, but because they get all weird, they get all cross-eyed like princes, like they're dukes from the UK. I mean, I think it's the same with cats.

I think it's the same thing. Where they just get all inbred, but they look good? I mean, they're very cute and they're all very fluffy. But what did you learn about this show? What else do they, how do they grade him? It's based on breed. It's based on, my favorite part is that there's a judge who is just a sour-looking old man who just takes the cats and in front of the cats he's got a feather toy.

And he's just whap, wop, whack, wop, whop. Because they can't walk him in a circle, right? Yeah, to see how they play and how they react. And he's just so angry while he does it. And he takes it so seriously. And there's no... It's like, you're playing with the feather toy. In front of the face of a cat.

At least smile. At least enjoy it for a second. But everyone's talking about... It seems to be a lot of the way the first dates also happen on age gap love. Or it's the young person just flipping a feather. In front of an old person. You dick hard? You dick hard?

Is your dick hard? It's so much easier to find the clitoris on an old bag, though. You know what I mean? Yeah, because it separates from the lips. I've heard. Wait, what do you mean it separates from? from the lips. It lifts up and out even more like a penis.

Yeah. It's like a beak or like, you know what he mean? And he goes, no, it does it. Yes, it does. Yes, yes. I saw the same documentary, I think. And then in order for it to shut up,

you got to punch it. You've got to punch it for it to flatten back down. It's a really good documentary on Lilo, which is a new streaming service. And it's called, old bitch clitoris and it's fucking great and you know you might get offended

by me saying old bitch before saying the word clitoris but you know what she's mean in the dog she's a if she wasn't had such a bad if she didn't have such a bad attitude I would be a little bit more upset about how hard they're punching her a huge clip I would but seeing how like and I'm not saying

she's asking for it but nobody doesn't deserve that but still at one point she literally does ask for it she's like fucking punch it you all Portia, ask you. Portia! Make it flat! Make it flat, you pussy! I know that that's...

I love that show. And Lilo is weirdly because it's all curated by that little creature from the Disney movie. So it's all stuff that he'd want to see. Did they examine the cats? Did they examine the cat's genitals during the sort of examination? No, they don't touch their glitter eye.

Well, I don't understand as how many people fuck cats that I've read about. What do you mean? It just seems like getting your way into a cat's asshole or its pussy would actually be like Not cool. Aren't there like barbs in it? Yeah. On their penises.

On their penises. Oh, on their penises. Why create a painful experience for, maybe, maybe because if cats wasn't, if it wasn't painful, there'd be like too many cats. Well, you know why it is. You know what it is. What is it? Is that sex is painful for them. And so they have to have these hairs on the, the, the, you know.

the penis. You're making this up. So that when it sticks in and it sticks. Oh, yeah. And then it grabs me. And so you can just get the gush in there. And then it flattens out and then he can pull out. And then pull out.

Yeah, but they scream. Right. I want to see an old, old ass cat. Fuck a young ass cat. Ooh, that would be, yeah. Age gap cat's love. Age gap cat love. We give them scores at the end.

You know what I mean? Like all that good stuff. watch it. You want to watch it, watch it. I want, you know, I want to, I want the thing that I hate in actual porn where they only show the close up of the, just the, the, the penetration. I never understood that. I never understood. I want to see the full woman.

You know what I don't like the, because you know what I think it's almost so weird. It's that for me, it's definitely like, it does, a thing that I think is why porn is bad for certain stretches of humankind, where it dissociates sex from huge. humans, that it makes it just like hole in dick, and then you can just watch it so you don't have to think about the people involved. I thought they do those close-ups so that you can, like, mimic the

actual timing of it when you're doing your jerk-jerkers. What kind of nerds doing that? I think a lot of nerds do that. Do people do that? Do you keep the street? I feel like I'm immediately watching, like, a film and, like, health class. You know what I mean? I will say this, though, because this is kind of on my mind recently, is that I hate

that, but Kevin would love this. I recently am really into this one scene that just happens to be in a Ninja Turtles parody porn because I like the performer. You like April O'Neil? Yes, but you like the actual porn star April O'Neill. Yes, but the actual porn star.

I also like her too. I am a fan, right? We should masturbate together to her. You know what I'll do is I'll just send you a text what I'm about to. So you know that I'm doing. And so it's so funny because they literally, she's fucking

Casey Jones. and for portions of it he's wearing the hockey mask. So that's already upsetting. And you hear like, because the turtles are training in the background. They're fighting in the other room while this is going on. So the whole time you just hear like, like while she's just like blowing this guy.

Anyways, we don't have to talk about porn for too much longer. But I don't talk about with Natalie about how I don't understand, man, I understand that like some people just do porn. Is it like, I need to get the demons. out of my balls. Like, I just need to do this, because that's how I view it a lot of times. It's like, I just need to get that out so I can continue with my day. So I can work. I remember

the porn actors that I like because I like to, you know, I like them. You like to Mobit, Moabit, yeah. Yeah, I like to get on it and get up in it. Did you just, oh, God damn it, Holden. Just the way you just said it, I've had, I like to

move it, move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it. I thought it was mobett. No, I think it's move it. It's move it. And that has been in my head and now it's immediately back. Thank you.

But Natalie has taken it out of my head. Natalie had a good point where she was like, the reason why some men don't remember the names or they say they don't remember the names is number one, they're lying. Or number two, they don't view them as people doing a job. They don't view them as somebody who goes to a fucking studio who signs a W-9 that does a thing.

It's like a job. And me, it's like the reason why I like is, I like the performance aspect because it's better than just like, you know, a hole and a peepie. These people are on the top for a reason, all right? I mean, they work their ass off literally to get up there. You know what I mean?

I'm not one of these bozos. I hate these people who are just like like this fucking amateur bullshit. It's like the grainy camera and the bullshit. It's all one angle. I want to see some real production, and you're only going to get that with the big stars. Yeah. Jackie just, first thing Jackie pulled up was the,

which is not even a story that booed. The world, Boo the Pomeranian, the once named the world's cutest dog fucking died. And it's not news. It's not news unless it was murdered by Antifa. What are you talking about? It's still sad. I've been sad all week. Yeah, but it's just, it's, I mean, honestly, those little dogs die all to.

Look at it's a pure bread. Yeah, they have bad hearts and shit. They're made to die. That thing was never meant to live. Boo's so cute, though. Oh, yeah, but it was a permanent puppy. No, and the way those poor little doggies die, it's the ones that are the pure breads, they don't die easy.

They go like, Don't you dare see that? They have spray shits. They just go, that's not true. And their tongues drop out of their mouth. Their tongues just fall out of their mouth, and they just start throwing up blood

while they're shitting themselves. They don't do that. Their neck will snap. And in the minute of them snap in their own neck, they look at you and they tell you the thought that you were afraid was true. Why did God make me? And then they just collapse.

They say their only words ever. Yes. And then glass. That's it. Blaming you and God for how you made them an impermanent living creature. It's awful. So, yeah, so that's that story. That's that story.

That's not true. A boo is very cute. And I like this little face. Well, boo-hoo. Is that what the article says? Oh, my God. It should have been. It's definitely good.

Just done by Oscar the Grouch. It's literally who wrote the article. I'm just, I, but I did also bring this up. See, a lot of people, which I really appreciate, have been tweeting at me about how Oscar Myers-Wiener Mobile is looking for new drivers. Jackie can't even drive the Prius. How is she supposed to drive a 20-foot-long hot dog car? What if this is what gets me back on the road?

You are nervous about driving just on a suburban street, just a normal car. You don't even know. Can you parallel park the Prius? Yeah, sure. Give me the wheel. And my question for Henry is, have you ever gotten to yet angrily scream at someone? I drive a Prius.

Have you gotten to do that yet? No, it's the saddest car in the world. In L.A., that's like the most common car on the street. Everybody. But I have a black Prius, so a lot of times, how many times a week I try to open the door of a car that does not belong to me? Yeah, and I know that people love to, in L.A.,

if you don't drive, like, essentially, a Ferrari or better, there's a little inside thing where people just slap their dick against your car. I see the mark I see that on the dust that the car is dust I'll see the head of a cock sometimes like right on mushroom yeah on the boot of it oh man you're really overseas

right now yeah because that's how I can do it at me and like oh good girl you got groceries good you can put them in the boot and then it's like and then we'll go back to my house and we'll go back to the flight up in the lift you remember how many times you remember this you never did this shit but I went in Florida State when everybody went a

to London, and then everyone came back and called their fucking shitty college dorms, flats. Yes, and then they would see, it's like, oh, I'm off to the loo. Oh, I'm sorry, the bathroom was like, you didn't fucking... Fuck you. You were there for six weeks. You probably don't realize it, but the average American blasts their eyes with bright screens for 11 hours of every day. Then you think about what you do all day.

You know what? It doesn't seem so crazy. I have definitely been desperately watching yummy mummies to avoid reality. for a couple of days now, and I say long live the screens. Please, shield me from the horrors of reality. The fact is, you can't stop looking at the screens, but you can protect your eyes with a pair of Felix gray glasses that are available with or without prescription.

Felix gray glasses are a lifesaver for me. They filter out 90% of high-energy blue light and eliminate the glare coming off all those screens so I can live my life without. tired, dry eyes, blurry vision, or headaches. Well, I have all of those things this week, but it's nothing to do with my beautiful fun time screens. Thank you, Felix Gray, for taking just a little off the top there.

Unlike other blue light filtering glasses, Felix Grays have no yellow lens tint so you can see everything in its true color. Because I ain't got time for no rose-colored glasses up in this piece, and I appreciate Felix Gray for understanding that. Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. And Felix gray frames are handcrafted from high quality materials like organic Italian acetate and premium German steel.

In fact, throwing on some Felix Gray's is an easy way to look pretty put together. I do look dope in my feelies and I'll fight anyone that says anything contrary against me and my feelys don't tempt me. I've got fighting juice coursing through my entire body and I'm begging for a reason to close line somebody Felix gray glasses are available in non-prescription, prescription, and readers

with free shipping and free returns is nothing to lose. Look great, feel great. Don't go another day looking at screens without the help of some Felix Grey's. Go to Felixgrayglasses.com slash page 7 to protect your peepers today. That's Felixgrayglasses.com slash page 7.

Felix Gray. Glasses.com slash page seven. Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. Oh, my God. Well, we also have to explain everybody. We went to a theater school. So everybody with their dialect work. Dialect work and they were starting getting deep into like flowy ways.

But we missed it the years before us when we were our time period. We worked our fucking asses off creating murder fist and putting on shows once a week. And this is how the world reacted. No. No. No. No. No, no, thank you.

No, except now. Except now when poor fucking Kevin's gone and now everybody's talking about their shit that's now completely inappropriate for them to hear. That is lost a time in comedy because of how fucking fucked up the shit we said was. Yes. Yeah, for sure, for sure. I did think that though. I was taking a shit and I saw where we were at.

Roundtable was at rather in the comedy rankings on podcast. I was just like, all this just flashed through my head of all the fucked shit. Horrible things. we said. Oh, the awful thing he said. Just getting a spotlight on him. Just being like, oh. Oh, I can't believe we lost Kevin.

I can't. And then cutting to the things he said. You know what? I like AIDS. You know, just like whatever. Yeah, just whatever. Because we were just saying whatever could be the most upsetting thing. Because we wanted to be the worst version of ourselves.

It was fun to do. And I was, because at the time, I was even worse on last podcast. And so I had a move even farther left onto roundtable to be worse than I was. on the other show. And also make room be, like, it was a competition to see who was worse. Well, yeah. We wanted to one-up each other with how awful we could be. I mean, Marcus always dreaded having Henry on because the combination of Henry and Jackie,

somehow it's not as bad anymore, but especially for a time there, it was always major editing jobs had to be done as soon as the episode was over because of all the just foul shit that Jackie and Henry would create together, if that's what you want to call it. In a previous time period, things were a little less heated. Yes. Than they are now. And now it's just like the reason why I believe that we, I don't know if it's cooled out. We've obviously grown up quite a bit.

We're chilling out a little bit. When you're younger, you want to push the envelope to a little bit, I will say. Even I still do like to push the envelope. I still do like to talk about things that maybe I shouldn't be able to talk. Or people might not want me to talk about like on my stream or whatever. Of course. But yeah, yeah. Especially once you reach a wider lens of people and you really want to,

create something that the world can enjoy. I want to grow up. You have to be a little more mindful as all. Yeah, and it's mindful and understanding that if you're going to go for a really intense joke, you got to think about it. You have to think about it more, and why am I telling this joke? And respect other people. And is what you're about to say actually funny?

Or is it just funny to you and your fucked up brain? Yes, but that's why, but that's what Roundtable was full. And it was a thing for at a time period, and it worked in a specific time period. And even when we will eventually, oh, God, sorry, Mary. He's not crying. He's just... Oh, I'm so overcome with emotion. Henry and I ate grief meets last night.

We'll talk about this right now, but I was going to say a part of it is that, but we were talking about side stories that we were just about to do a big roundtable reboot a little bit. Yeah. But we are going to, there's a project coming up that we still are not going to release the full details on that is going to be as close to roundtable as we can get with everybody split up. So that's kind of what we were looking forward to.

And hopefully that is still coming. So we will. We'll keep pushing and jiving. But last night I made Jackie eat pie filled with bone marrow and beef cheek. This huge ass. We went to this restaurant that was just like, oh, Mickey, Mickeys. It was just so slimy, but so good. It was so good.

But the problem is, how is your butt doing? You know what's interesting is that I had already been like, I would just keep myself really tight knowing that we were going to have this meal. We had scheduled this before. Everything happened. All this shit happened. because we were going to do a brother-sister night because Natalie was out of town and Natalie doesn't eat weird meats, right?

So I was going to go and subject Jackie, essentially being like, I'm paying for dinner so that you have to witness me eat. Gross meat. But then because we were so hung over from hanging out the night before, we downgraded the adventurous nature. Because he was taking me a place that only had like sweetbreads, brains, but like I spent all of the morning dry heaving in the bathroom from grief and very. vodka. So we just switched it to just the biggest, fattest, thick

steak that I could throw in our fucking gullets and cheese bread and then a bunch of fucking... I love it. I just can't get on the fucking marrow train with you guys. I've talked about this shit. Have you tried it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was on a date, uh, actually, I went to this lady's house and she fed me some bone marrow

and it almost ended the date night for me. I literally was like fucked up from it. Wait, what? Did she make it for you? I can't remember how it came, but it's just like... Yeah, how did she have fuck off. It's like, it's like animal calm or something. I don't know what. It's butter. It's meaty butter.

Oh, yeah, buddy. Oh, yeah. It's so gross to me. I don't know. It slide on down. You know what I will say? It definitely felt like, it reminded me of our joke from our sketch popcorn where it was like, did you notice like the film of pure animal fat on your teeth and your tongue?

Yeah, I was like brushing my teeth last night. It was like, ugh. I was like scraping it off my teeth. Yeah, yeah, I woke up this morning, feeling pretty rough. But it's nice to, Celebrate. But also, I was in, like, I went to Spin Class this morning because, you know what you do when you're upset is do things that you really, really hate so that nothing is attached to the bad memories. Yeah.

And I was burping up my, which I'm glad Marcus isn't here because he really hates burp talk. Yes. And I was burping up the meat. Right. And it was like, it was, you know, spin class, it gets really hot in there. It's a very small room. Yeah, but I'm certain there's a lot of people who smell like ransom meat in that room. As I was worried, they were thinking that it was my foals.

Sorry, I'm feeling a little roundtabley today. It does feel roundtably. I mean, I know. And then Brighter Side's going to have guests on it too. And I was like, is Brighterside just going to get even? We're just going to do it. How does Briderside even happen? I mean, we're going to do it.

We're going to do it this weekend. Something. We're going to talk about it. All right, so let's talk. All of us watch both Fire Festival. Okay, we have to discuss it because... This is the show that we could fully discusses on because Kisle was maybe talking about,

talking about inside stories, but I was like, I kind of wanted to save my thoughts for page seven because we watched both of them because Natalie was just like deeply curious. Because at the time, when all of the fire festival shit went down, I couldn't give a rat fuck. Like, I didn't care. But it was really funny.

Kumail's tweet about it too, he was like, like person, why would I watch a documentary? about a failed festival, let alone two of them. 30 minutes into the first documentary. Oh my God, I will watch infinite amounts of fire documentaries. I wanted to live in it. And I remember when it happened in real time, because the, the, all, like, really, maybe the people I dislike the most in modern society were the people who got ass

fucked and not in the fun way in that whole situation. These fucking fuck fuck fuck-fuck-head Insta people. No, but you, hey, you get. You can't hold that against them. I will. Because Jackie wants this job. That's the thing. You can't hold it against them for thinking that this is the coolest place to be.

I would not necessarily do that. Obviously, I don't have the abs or the butt for it. But I feel like if I was offered that opportunity, like, yeah, totally. Because you think about it. And if someone said, here are golden shoes, okay? Yeah, you cannot walk in them. Okay? I wear the golden shoes.

You can't give 20,000 people a luncheon. luxury experience all in one fucking tiny island. It's just like it happened. What I learned from the Firefest documentaries was, number one, the fact that everybody made such a big deal over this and it was only one day

that those fucks were stranded. It was only one day. They literally all just they lost the money, but then they all got the funniest story in the world and each one of them knew what they knew what they were getting into. Beforehand, because

of all the fire fraud stuff that it was coming up before then. So I don't feel bad for a single person that happened to it because they didn't even, nothing bad happened to him. The only person I, the only people I feel bad for are the Bahamian workers. Oh my God. Oh, but, but that one woman in the Netflix documentary, I will say she got all of her money back plus like 30 grand. So I even no longer feel that bad for her because GoFund me stepped it up and fucking

hooked her up. So you know what? at the end of the day, I love the whole thing. I'm so happy it happened. And there's a point in the documentary, they're like, everybody thought it was funny at first, but once it got dark, it got really scary. And it's like, no, no, no, it's still funny to me.

I don't think this is scary at all. Well, none of them fucking died, so who gives a shit? Can you imagine, though, just being in the dark, out in all these wet tents, not knowing where your stuff is, like, I would be worried I was going to get, like, grabbed. Should have thought about it.

Yeah. Should have thought a little bit clearer about what you were doing when everybody was saying that there was no festival. Should have done it. to get on it for shits and giggles. Should have done any amount of research. And that's the problem, right? And that is why I don't care about these people and why I hate these people.

These are also the kinds of people who created, I don't want to get too political or whatever, but these are the same people who see a headline or see anything on the internet and believe it immediately and just buy into it. And that's why everything is so fucked up right now. So you know what? Fuck, fuck boy fucks?

You can go get fucked. Whoa. Oh, we are on the angry train this week. Honestly, but that was a part of it. of it. It's that I'm watching and you know, I'm I just got my health checked, right? So my fucking blood pressure is like,

I've mellowed it out. How's your dick? It snaps to attention. Oh, good for you. As soon as I, if I lift my eyebrow, it snaps to attention. Please leave your eyebrows. I'm not even looking at you. Don't. I'm not looking at you. What's wrong with you? Um, dude, let's fucking jerk off together, man. Fuck yet. I'll text you later.

I'll text you later. But the whole time I'm watching this firefess vessel and the Hulu one, right, was not made by the same producers as the Netflix one. The Netflix one was done by the fuck Jerry production companies that was helping it, right? So Hulu was fun because

it was an outside perspective of what happened on the... But they paid that motherfucker to be on the dark. I don't even care. It does not matter. I just get him on... I just need to see him squirm in a chair for a fucking an hour and a half. Part of it though is that

Natalie obviously is mad at the main dude. She's like, oh, I can't believe this guy. But for me, I was like, I actually, it's not that I don't, obviously he's a shithead, but he's the one who's getting all of the punishment, right? So he's getting his. He's going to jail. Yeah, he took the responsibility for it, I guess.

He's doing all that kind of shit, but I was like, unfortunately, the problem is that a man like that is the person who is like our president. It does, as a guy that started a lie, that got a bunch of money, and we all love liars who win. The entire country loves them.

We do, like, because we believe a part of that, That's an extension of the American dream. Is that a fucking dude pulling himself up by his bootstraps? Just bullshitting his way all the way to the top. Oh, but also, how much bullshit was it when he said, like, I used to sell broken crayons and put the crayons back together? I've been businessman since day once. He took that from a pitch book.

There's very interesting because there was a pitch book that I was reading about how to pitch better. And there are examples that what he did just in that Hulu documentary that are exactly what they were talking about in the pitch book, where you're supposed to tell a story at the beginning of a pitch or somewhere in the middle of a pitch where you show like an anecdote about how you crushed a sale

even if it wasn't fully a straight on sale like this idea of being like, I'm a born businessman. So like that's like I understand why he's projecting that. My thing is that fuck Jerry is just as completely responsible for the entire fucking thing. Jarl. The models that just blindly posted the shit

without even calling it an advertisement. I don't. I don't have as much judgment for them because they don't. They don't know. That's what they do. Their jobs. That is their job is that they get paid money to be picked up in a basket, taken to a beach and put into a bikini.

They look hot. Their jobs are to have fun. That's their job. And then they get picked back up very carefully. People with gloves. And then they get shipped back to their mansions wherever it is that they go. Jarl was just supposed to be the funny guy. Wait, why?

But also, he was just supposed. Has Jarl rule been a big dude this entire time? I was like, when everyone's like, well, if Jaws on board, then I'm here, I was like, well, that was the other part. In Blink 182 being some draw, you know what I mean? Honestly, they tried. They were also somewhat afraid. I think Jim Tews did a tweet that he said, no one gives Blinkwenty 182 enough credit

for being the first ones to pull out. And I was just like, yes, it makes quite a bit very, very funny. But I promise that it really is just more of an example of, like, the Hulu documentary right, hated how they tried to explain FOMO for fucking 10 minutes and explain the internet over and over and also explain the whole like it's like this is what a millennial is it's like we get it go fuck you go fuck yourself who do you think is watching this my like our parents aren't watching this documentary my mom's like fire was it on fire i wish but it my doubt so that's the kind of shit where you look at it

and being like i wish that this was more of instead of it being just justice porn on that main dude which it felt like both were because the Netflix one was just them throwing them under the bus as hard as humanly possible. And when those four fucking hipster debags, when they did that thing, we're like, all right, from fuck Jerry, when they shot film themselves, being like, going on a fire festival, check it out. They knew

for a fact that it was a disaster. And they went down there just to film. To get all the B-roll. Of course they did. They did it on purpose. They knew that that's what they were doing. They were saving this for this moment. And they, none of them all thinking, like again, not to be anything because

they're in the middle of fucking Auschwitz and doing Mingala, but all of them saying the same fucking thing than Nazi said I just got hired to do a job man I got hired to go and promote this thing and that's just what I do and you're like no you fucking piece of shit you need kind of think about what you're promoting

for a second because what if somebody what if so like obviously I'm being a little bit more tongue in cheek about saying I wish that people got hurt at the fire festival but what if hundreds of people died at the fire festival would it be so funny again would fuck Jerry be on the hook for murdering people happened because that dead

definitely could have happened. Sure. And I just, but also, can we just real fast, just remember that there was a man in this documentary called M David? Oh, yes. M David. Every time M David came on the screen was in the Netflix documentary,

I would just, I'd have to pause and be like, David, you come over here, David. I have never seen more of a collection of dushy-looking piece of shit. Fuck, fuck, fucker. I always descend into just saying, fuck over again because I can't even describe how much I love to hate all the besides the

Bahamian workers all of the people in that whole diagram literally even the ones that got fucked over that weren't the Bahamian workers because like the dudes working on the app and those people like kind of they were doing their thing they were doing their job and then that was nothing to do with the festival but they all look like

fuck fuck fucky fucks too okay and the guy that went to go that's the other thing with their cats and their shirts. Yes. But oh, I'm sorry. When the guy called, when he, when Billy calls, I forget that guy's name. To get the water from. He's supposed to go

he told him, I need you to suck this guy's day. Yes. To go to the customs office. To release all of the water because they said they wouldn't be, unless they got paid, they wouldn't give any water to the festival. And he said, but this is my question. Number one, was that an actual conversation? Not that not that he, not that Billy didn't have a conversation

with that dude. Oh my God. I'm filming. It's the me. Christ, guys. Yeah, man, grief meets. They're rough. But I don't know if, I know that conversation happened. But did the customs officer really say, you can have this water if you make me shoot on your lip?

Like, are we going to do that? Do we really think that happen? I don't think any of that was real. But I don't think that's the case. I'm sure Billy heard from somebody that that guy was gay and was just like, that's how gay people work. You just suck their dick. And then they'll just give you what you need them to give you.

And then he got there all ready to. suck a dick and then he was like oh this guy just is down to have a conversation no and then it shows that he never did any work but also i'm gonna tell this is like a secret jacky close your i'm not listening to david this is a secret about if you do then give a blowjob the only time that you have a man's like that thing where you think the blow job's gonna like you can control his will is only during the blow job right you literally have to you have to figure out how to like make them sign a legal contract until they shoot because once they shoot, you go back to normal. It's even worse than back to normal. You don't give a fuck.

Even more than you ever didn't give a fuck. See, actually, I think that's when you get them to sign the contract. Yeah, but then, like, I would be a little distracted. They were like, just sign here. Just sign it. Right. I mean, I'm like, what are you talking about? Put the pen in their dickhole and fucking just drag it around the page.

I'm really glad that I closed my ear for this because I had no idea the power of a blowjob. I know. Given one, I don't know anything about it, and I'm glad that I wasn't listening. Virginal sister. Yep, I'm just like, Marit! Oh, no! Oh, my God, I've been doing it.

See, that's my problem. It's just been so sad. But for about five days' time, I was the only a to get like this. Because I watched The Godfather and the Godfather, too, this weekend. Yes, very important. And Jeff was getting very upset. set with me because I kept also going

Vinaviti and finally was just like that's not even that's not Italian that's Latin and I said the same fucking thing Yeah do we have any other final thoughts about Fire Festival you want to wrap it up I mean like I love it yeah it's my everything it's like everything

I love I I don't there's a lot of people in this world uh that I fundamentally at this point disagree with because I've officially become old man Holden And I just I just I can tell it's the beer mentally despise these like Insta pretty boy like they just don't care like even when they show up and they see the whole thing is fucked and they're they're laughing about spending thousands of dollars on nothing and fucking they think it's all a fucking joke and that's why I've just like fuck every one of these cats is this envy you know what it's interesting because I I think about that right about like you look at it and you see people just playing with all this money and you wonder, like, why am I having these?

It's the truth, like, maybe a little bit. I'm having these sort of like intense personal reactions to watching do this because mostly, which I have seen, which I think is a fun little offense to anybody that criticizes you, when someone criticizes you deeply, especially viciously, it's mostly, it's from the perspective of you squandered an opportunity that I would have rocked, right? Yeah. Like, that's kind of his idea. When people hate you, they mostly are hating you.

because they think that they should have what you have. And so part of it is that I look at this, I look at Fire Festival and it's true. I mean, I would never, I don't want to run a music festival because it looks fucking awful. Like doing an event, being an event person is incredibly difficult. So it's not really my cup of tea.

But you look at what they were doing. And it was like they could have done anything with that money. And literally all they had to do, like it all would have been all right if they literally just did the 18 months of pre-pro that they should have done. that if all of this would not be a story, if for some reason, instead of him rushing it, if he had just done it,

he'd be a multi-fucking millionaire. But I will say this. He had to rush it because that's how many people and how much money he owed. Yes. That's why. So you actually get the reason why you're like, oh, why did he do this?

It was like, no, no, no, he was chasing a fucking timer. The whole time he was chasing a timer. Like the entire time, it had already been set. And it's just amazing to watch. I just love it. I think it's so great. And I think hopefully it's a tide change slightly for people to just stop immediately believing everything that they see online.

And also just the whole issue I have with Instagram and stuff like that where you're only seeing the best aspect of everyone's lives. Right. But it's okay if you realize it. That's how I use it. Instagram for me is just a good time. Instrument, it's like I use it as I only do it for jokes under promote shit. And that's it because I don't believe in the hologram reality that Instagram puts up, which is I think it does get to people eventually because you're looking at other people's

highlight reels and being like, my life's not that good. And it's like, no, it's like their life is just not that good all the time. You know? While I was like wasting away at my office job, I seriously consider trying to start a new app called Shittstagram and it's literally just like fucking stuck in traffic again. Fucking. It's raining. Just like pictures of me like walking through.

like raining ass outside. Just pictures of my wet pants. You know what I mean? Just like... I mean, you can definitely make your own Instagram count as shitstagram. Shitsagram and just... Honestly, like that I do.

The day-to-day aggravations, because I think it would be more important for people to see that. And that's the final word from Holden McNeely. Hell yeah. Like to thank our sponsors today. Fucking fuck-faxe records and Dick Cheese,

experimental cheese mongers. I'm just sad because I just realized I thought your shirt said sunset beaver this entire time. No, it says sunset beach. It says sunset beach, but now I wish it said sunset beaver. In a recorded way, I've actually never been able to address this before. Why are you, why is you, why do you have a beard like your Woody Allen but a professor? Um, like you would date, like you teach kindergarten, but you would like try to raise one as your life.

Ooh, you're like Patch Adams. Well, I'll tell you what, guess what, Henry? Yep. What? Chicken butt. Yeah. You got God, you got God! I didn't think he was going to do it, dude.

I am fucking in mourning. I am in mourning. Want a New Year's resolution you can actually keep? It could be dance like no one is watching, but what does it matter if somebody is watching when we're dancing? Heisenberg theory enthusiasts? I don't know if that makes any sense. Stop going to the post office to send letters and packages when you don't have to.

Save time and money this year by using Stamps.com instead. Life is too short to not use Stamps.com. Yeah, you said it. I'm not sad. You're sad. I take it back. We're all very sad. Stamps.com is the faster and more convenient way to get postage. Simply use your computer to print official U.S. postage for any letter, any package, any class of mail, anywhere you want it, set.

And the mail carrier picks it up. And I say, come here, Mr. Postal worker, you look stressed. Why don't you come inside if you want to grab Z this package? From my smooth, moisturized, to nublies. And they say yes. And things get complicated. But oh, how you remember that sweet, impassioned embrace. No more lucky mail to the post office.

No more hassles. But I say we up the nipple. full tassels because 2019 is begging for a little chest flare. I use Stamps.com because life's a beach and it's time to ride the wave. So strapping into that boogie board of yours called Life and scream it like you mean it. And use Stamps.com. And right now, you two can enjoy the Stamps.com service with a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus postage and a digital scale.

So start the new year off right. Go to Stamps.com. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in page seven. That's Stamps.com. Enter page 7. Why do you have the beach? Why do you have this beard? Oh, I literally said on Twitch one day

if someone donates $100 right now it will grow out of beard. Why don't you shave it? Now I think that shave it and ask for $100 again. Well, no, because it makes Lexi fucking turn into a slip and slide and she wants it for the wedding. So yeah, the beard stays.

Are you going to dye it like Jet Black for the wedding? Ooh, like you're evil. I've got the gray and I have some really good beard oil that I've been throwing it. Do you use beard oil? I use it, but Natalie does not like scented beard oil. Okay, it gets to be too much. No, it's not too, because then you kind of get sick of it after a while. My beard doesn't smell.

But mine's because I shampoo. Settle, it's like a mahogany. I like a mahogany. It smells so good. You condition your beard, right? I condition it? Yeah, do you wash and condition your beard? Um, uh, yeah.

No, you need to, because that's where you get. The shit. Idiot. We all do that. Do you not wash your beard? Oh, do you fucking, yeah, I've washed it. Do you j-walk? He's never had a beard before.

He doesn't know these things. You know what? It's hair. You watch it like you wash hair. You watch your pubs, right? Yeah, soap gets on it when I'm lubing. What I've been trying to do now is like I go a little, take a little comb into the shower.

His hands are down by his penis, like he's touching himself. And what I do is, I pull out the hair. straight as I can get it. Just so I could see what it would be like if my penis was a woman. Just name the day and the time and the fucking whatever you need to name and we will jerk off

in the same room, bro. We'll have some bad meats and then we'll fucking spank some good meats. And we'll be like, Natalie. Get in the other room! Lexi! Go to sleep! Lexi! Go to fuck to sleep! Lexi!

I put Pete's dragon on in the other room. Go in there! You should go in there. Oh, mid-stroking it, while you were telling her to do it, then you accidentally come on your front of leg. Well, you know, that's usually, I think that's, um,

I just want to thank you guys for being here today. Yeah, I think it's nice. We've kind of definitely changed this from page seven's normal, like, goofy sleepover vibe to just like men behind a dumpster. Honestly, that is, technically, I think that's dude's sleepovers, though, right? Dude sleepovers.

Talking about jerking off. Talking about meats and burps. God, I couldn't imagine having a sleepover right now with like Henry or another grown man. Just me just like, what's you thinking about? Nightfold. Let's put masks on. What do you tell you about masks are great and they make your skin feel great? I think that you guys should do this.

Maybe after you jerk off in different rooms. No, once we've done jerk it off, we're just going to be staring in our phones and silence in the same room watching some kind of movie. By the way, I do face masks all the time now with Lexi. They're fantastic. I fucking love them. You don't look any different. Like, while I'm watching a movie or something, I'll just throw on a little face mask for like 20 minutes. Yeah, there's what Jeff and I did during the Godfather too.

And then your face feels awesome and you just fucking, it's just like another way to relax. You know what I mean? It was an abortion, Michael. And you're just going like, yeah, yes, with the face mask on? Yeah. Dude, if I could only have been in that room with you during that scene, Jackie. How great is that scene? It's so good.

I remember I watched that with you at your apartment in Tallahassee. Hell yeah. They tell you that I did a full walkthrough of Tallahassee on Google Street Maps. Like I walked through Street View of Tallahassee recently because there was a crime. You were coming on side stories. It took place that one of the inciting incidents of the crime happened at Floyd's. Oh, wow. And as I was going through, that whole building's knocked down where you used to live.

They tore it down. It's a parking lot. Maybe it's for the best. Yeah, probably for the best. Yeah, it was weird over there. After how we left it. Thank you guys for... Are we doing the list?

Do you want to do the list? Do we do in... Are we doing blind items or no? You like being surprised by the blind items. I like being surprised. I leave that to Marcus, usually. I listen to a lot of... I read a lot of blind items.

I still read them. Read one off the top of your head for us. Well, the problem is a lot of it nowadays is just getting darker and darker. Yeah, yeah. So it's not quite as fun as it used to be, except Timothy Chamalay is... I'm posited, obviously.

What'd your feel about come out, boy? I don't, I mean, I still don't like a soft boy. Timothy! I don't like Timothy. I mean, he's fine. I just don't know why people are so impressed by him. He's a good actor. He's a fine actor.

Wait, what's the other one, like Big Boy, Blind Boy? The other one, it was a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Dan? That movie, I don't know. There are two movies. There each, there are so many. I saw a beautiful boy. How was it? I just

It was It's just It was I told I was like Lexie It was like Friday night I'm just like I don't want to watch a bomber movie She was like let's watch it I'm like I don't want to

And then we threw it on In an hour in I'm just like This is a fucking bomber I just got to scream it about it What I hate is when movies come out in Paris Because it was like beautiful boy Was one of them That was the mom looking for drug addicted boy

But it wasn't the Chamalais one Then Chamalay was another one called Skinny Gutter kid That he was the same exact fucking plot No no what Steve Correll And that's beautiful boy Beautiful boy is Correll And I thought

Shimalee What's the one with Salomey That's with Shillamiss But there was another one With Julia Roberts And another skinny little soft But that's the dude that was in Lady Bird That was the kid

Yeah but now it's one person gets one movie Then they just get five Oscar movies They just give him all the movie I don't understand I'm not trying to be bitter. But Beautiful Boys, it's just not doing anything new in terms of that subject matter. I don't give a fucking shit. It's just whatever.

You know what I mean? Oh, it's called Ben is back. Same shit. That's the one. That's Ben is back. Same shit. But that's the one that just came up. But that's supposed to be really good as well.

Sure. But then it was that movie because it was those two movies that are identical. That were Oscar movies. Is Kistel in his underwear drinking Bud Lights in the fucking living room? Ben is back. Give him another 40. It's like he never left. I, but the other two was the favorite and the other queen white face movie with the white face on it.

Whoa, Queen of Scots? Yes. Mary Queen of Scots. Where the favorite was really good, right? I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. But then the other movie is the fucking same thing. It's just two queen ladies go scissoring each other in a scissor fight.

Also, though, speaking of the favorite, I also rewatched killing of a sacred deer this weekend. And I was with Jeff and a bunch of his friends. I was like, you guys want to watch like an intense movie? Like an upsetting movie. They were all just like, why did you put that on? I don't know. Because I liked it. Oh, my God.

The scene, please, if you guys, if you haven't seen Killing of a Sacred Deer, please watch it just for Colin Farrell's monologue to his young son about a shocking thing that he did to his father when he was. Yeah, it's rough, dude. Also, that, uh, the, uh, oh my God. I have to, oh, abduction in plain sight. Oh, abducted in plain sight. I wanted to see that.

Is it good? Jackie, I don't even know how to describe this documentary. There are some surprises in it that are like, me and Natalie were like, what the fuck is this shit? And we had to shut it off because it just got really intense. Really? Oh. All right, I'll watch it.

Yeah, it's interesting. You know I'm into that stuff. Yeah. I say it's an, I think it's a not a usual episode this week, so I'm going to leave the list for next week. Yeah. You'll go back to page seven normal next week. Yeah. And it looks like because Marcus is at the wheel working,

we're whipping him while he works on the book, you're going to be having guest hosts for the next couple of weeks. Essentially, you boys, this is the entrance into... Dumpster hour. February of the boys of Henry and Holden swapping out co-hosting throughout February. And thank you guys very much for being here today and reminiscing with me

and making sure I didn't just sit here and cry the entire time, which is what I was planning on doing. It is nice, man. I think this was pretty hard for us, so I'm glad it worked out. I mean, this is the worst thing in the face of the planet. Straight up. For us, in our microcosm, in our small universes, is one of the worst things you can possibly deal with, but we're doing it.

We're just fucking rolling through it. We're going to grieve through our time. It's going to take time, obviously. It's just so crazy, though. Yuck it up as much as we can. Honestly, we're just going to do what we do best, which is be shitheads on microphones. Yep. Absolutely.

Like Kevin would have wanted. That's the whole thing. Yeah, because there's nothing he loves better than working at a deficit. There's nothing he likes better than having everybody hate what's going on, but still be forced to joke around. And I also want to just keep the memory of live. Our friend Jared posted a screenshot of what Barnett wrote on his Facebook wall, like years ago on his birthday.

And it was, I can't say the whole thing, but most of it was, I don't give a shit. just about his birthday wrote on his Facebook wall and I was like I think I'm going to start sending that as my text for people for birthdays just to keep the

I don't give a shit I don't give a shit Well big ups to Kevin And we're gonna do this shit We're gonna keep doing this shit We're gonna keep on Being alive Yeah

Hell yeah Thank you again Holden up Please check out Wizard and the Brewser On his podcast network Yeah Yeah

It is a lot I've definitely listened to a bunch of it and I really, really dig it. And I do want to sleep with Wolverine, which is why I listen to that episode. That's why you do that kind of shit. And it does work. Henry, thank you for being here.

Absolutely. Henry from last podcast on the left. Of course, you do it whenever you ask me to, and I will always do it. He is my brother. And I love you. And Holden, you are my brother. Thank you.

I love you guys. You're not my sister. You're like cousin, kind of. Are we like cousins? Sort of. That's how we always talk about it with Wendy. We always called Wendy's your niece. Yeah, but I think I don't, I don't,

so you're, You're equating Holden as also your son? No, you're my sister. And I just want to say, love you, Birdleger. Love you, bird lager. Love you so much. And go out and tell everybody you know everyone on the street that you love them today. We keep telling this.

We've been saying this again and again. Life short. Make it count. This is it. You get one, go around. Because even if there's more goes around, you don't remember them unless you're in Scientology. And then the whole point is to remember them, but then it's a whole long thing.

And you're already out six figures. So what are you here? Love you guys. We'll talk to you next week. Hail's safe. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.