Page 7 - Episode 290: Babyspice666
Episode Date: February 15, 2019Jackie, Molly and Henry discuss Will Smith as the Genie, The Grammys and they get erotic with some Riverdale fan fiction. Start your 4-week trial at http://stamps.com with promo code: PAGE7 Go to ht...tp://phlur.com and use promo code PAGE7 to get 20% off your custom Phlur sample set! Get 20% off your purchase at http://wanderbeauty.com/page7 Want even more steamy fanfiction? Check out our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Bossa Antigua, Lobby Time, Off to Osaka, Kevin MacLeod (incompetec Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, what's up, everyone? I am Ben Kissel, and I'm with Marcus Parks.
Hi, Ben.
We're going to talk to you a little bit about Abe Blinkett's Top Hat.
It's the political show that Marcus and I do.
It's a lot of fun if you want to get up to date on the weekly news of politics.
Check out the show.
You know, I think you'll like it.
I think you like it.
We're reasonable.
We're reasonable people.
We're five people.
So that's good.
So check it out because there is a lot to unpack.
And hopefully it helps you get through your week.
So hail yourselves, everyone.
Thanks for listening.
What?
What?
That's dire straits.
Is that the sultans of swing?
You're not the sultans of swing.
You're not the sultons of swing.
Bairdh-de-pough.
Banni-pair.
See, that's very different than the song I woke up
with my head this morning, which I think it's always the fun
when you have a random midweek hangover
because you go to your friend's memorial show.
That's not very random.
It's random.
I'm like a crazy girl, but I did woke up with just the portion of
She was living La Vita Loka from the Thong song.
Why?
Just that portion of it.
That never played last night.
I don't remember that being a part of the game.
That's the song you associate with KB?
Honestly.
Maybe, I guess.
I mean, there are, he did love butts.
He did.
He loved Lido Loka.
I know that for a certain, and that means the crazy life.
Whoa, hey there, Mirio.
Webster Espaniel.
That's me, min signorita, Miriam Webster.
You know, Soutin, Zooten, Zuzzi.
Do you have the guitar part of it?
Also, welcome to page seven, guys.
That's the bass.
Is that a bass?
My name is Jackie Zabrowski.
My name is Molly Neffel.
And Henry Zabrowski, my brother.
I tell you what, I'm up against the wall.
You know what I'm feeling a little bit?
What are you feeling?
Feeling them dire straits.
Oh.
Are you?
You know, it's because of the serious XM, and my, now it seems to be, as I've been told again and again, in Instagram form and on the Twitter, that I am a father now.
I am a dad, I am a dad now and deliver dad humor to the masses.
Yeah, I think that, you know, I've known you since you were in your early 20s, I think.
And I'm going to go ahead and say that you were, you've been a dad for a while.
Yeah.
Okay.
I think you've, you've actually always been like this.
No, I feel like that's what's nice about the kind of thing where it's like, I don't think I've essentially changed.
Molly, I remember when you were a renegade though.
Yeah.
You were like a fucking renegade out there.
Wait, what is, is that a good?
You know what?
Is that a good thing?
Because I've been talking about this lot lately.
I've been referred to often as of late as a spitfire.
Sure.
And I think that, I think that it's, it's meant in a night.
way. You know what's weird is I don't see you as a spitfire or see you more as like a glurch.
Like a screaming troll woman. Is that bad to say you see? That's how I've always seen.
Cow from my bridge! That's a seal. I know you're not though. You're a beautiful woman that's glowing up.
Thank you very much. So I'm a spitfire and I was discussing this with my goth daddy and
he said that it's the equivalent of being called for
for someone else being referred to as a maverick.
You know, a maverick is unstoppable.
A maverick is a political term now.
Is it a political term?
Yeah, because of John McCain.
Yeah, and now there's new mavericks.
Oh, I thought it was like a top gun thing.
No, it is, you're right.
It is originally that, and then a bunch of politicians
were like, I sometimes go slightly against the grain.
I'm a maverick.
A maverick is a Republican that will say hello to the staff that cleans his house.
Yes, that's exactly.
He considers people not to be Republicans to be humans.
That is a maverick.
But I thought it was, see, I thought it was a fun thing.
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
Ever since Mel Gibson turned, Maverick has taken,
it doesn't have the same, like, jeuge.
But Spitfire, see, this is, I've been called,
I actually like Renegade Henry.
I think what you mean is that we used to hang out a lot
at a whiskey, unlimited whiskey happy hour.
And I would.
How we got to know each other is that you were fucking hammered.
And our boyfriend.
I was a renegade in terms of my relationship with the open bar of whiskey.
But I feel like sometimes we, I like renegade because I feel like it is like,
it could be applied to either gender.
I have found throughout my life that people have sometimes tried to give me compliments
that are like very weirdly, like gendered.
But in a, like, I've been called Sprightly a lot.
Okay.
And it's, and it's.
But you don't like folly about.
If I feel like if you follyed about more than I would see Sprightly for you.
I've never seen you like a hip hop.
No, you were never like light in the heels.
No, I'm not.
You were grounded, but drunk.
You know what I mean?
Like you weren't dancing and clipping your heels.
You were just like, hey.
Well, you know, to that, in that sense, I have changed a lot.
You know, I was definitely, to the extent that Henry's always been a dad, I have not always been a mom.
I used to be much more of a child.
My problem is I feel like a weird sense of...
I don't know of...
I mean, you know, I guess I have...
What?
I am a father then.
Yeah.
I guess.
I just love classic rock, man.
And fucking 20...
You know, channels 25, 26, 27.
On Sirius XM, you rock that on a highway, 25.
You get your main hits, right?
You get your big boys.
You get your Kansas.
You get your Foghaugh.
A lot of journey.
You get your Fogner.
You get your Seeger.
You got now, unfortunately, get some guns and roses.
Getting some Nirvana in there, which is.
really showing the temperature of the team.
Yes, man.
And then Channel 26 is deep cuts.
You've got a little bit deeper cups sometimes.
You've got some Warren Zeev on.
Oh my God.
And 27 is the older, oldest shit.
It's stuff from the vinyl area.
You got a lot of old school unheard of Led Zeppelin,
which is all 11 minutes long.
I mean, we were talking about this last week.
I can't stand an 11-minute long song.
I can't.
I just can't follow a jam.
But there were a lot of young people at Elton John.
discussed Elton John last week already.
What a, when we sat outside
the VIP section, right?
How did you get, how did you get to sit outside
the VIP section? We were not in the
VIP section. We're not outside of it.
It's the saddest thing in the world, because we're not invited into the VIP
section. You have to be invited to be there.
But we had tickets that were right outside of it, but I didn't
know it because we were on the floor. I got good tickets
because I bought them a fucking year and a half ago.
Yes. And so we go there to
go see the show. And so it's like, but all the
celebrities were there. We saw weird ass.
he came out of the hole and we were watching him and we I watched him for a while I saw Kate Beckinsale
who she put together we did we went through this last week I'm sorry you we did it without you
my problem is that I was oh full of edibles that I was like just staring but I have like I wear like
colorful sunglasses when I'm out so I could be as stoned as humanly possible Jackie taught me this
it's great and I was staring and I realized I was like it was like one of those things where I was
in my own head and then as my eyes
I realized I was staring bullets at Kesha.
Yeah, Jackie told us this too.
Yeah, she was right at me.
My favorite part is that Jackie called you out was like, why you stared at Kesha.
And you were like, oh, fuck, I've been just staring at Kesha.
And you didn't even know.
I didn't know who it was.
I see, I know things.
I know, I know what the kids look like.
Yeah, I know.
It's just fucking television shows.
Is this a television show?
Oh my God, you are a dad.
I'm tired.
You want me to put on a cassette tape?
Well, we talked about this.
What's a podcast?
Cassette tapes are coming back, though, right?
I don't think so.
Oh, fucking bitch.
Well, I mean, a lot of things are coming back.
I implored Molly to watch some of Penn 15 that is on Hulu right now.
Molly, were you able to watch any of it?
You know, I apologize, but I did not have time to watch Penn 15.
because I had to catch up.
I had to catch up.
I had to catch up on the pretty little lies episode you watched without me.
Yeah, I know.
And I'm proud of you for doing that.
And I got so many programs to watch right now.
I'm watching True Detective.
I'm watching Riverdale.
I'm watching Top Chef.
And I'm watching Pretty Little Lies with you.
And that's got me booked.
I got a full schedule for the week.
you know, I watch one television show and then I get in bed, like the true mom that I am.
I feel that the top chef season this year, these guys are, these contestants are a little
weaker than previous, to be honest.
I don't think they're doing as well.
I'm kind of uninspired by them this year.
I feel like there's a couple of hotties.
Why did they always have one local chef whose whole thing in life?
They always set themselves up for a fall.
They always say the same thing.
That one chick that's from where they're from, from Kentucky.
And she was just like, I'll make the best fried chicken that one's ever seen.
I'm going to put it right in their gut.
And then she kind of does mediocre.
It's always like that.
Where it's always the super defensive local chef that gets super mad about being on,
well, I know this town, and I'm from this town, and I name that creek.
Me and my son, me and my son, named that creek last week.
And then you're like, I don't know what you're talking about.
Lady, quit fucking make the dumplings then.
Make the chicken and dumplings.
Or like, like last year when the hometown, when the fucking location was Colorado,
which like is a fine and wonderful state, but like it has no, like,
find like it's not like you're gonna get in trouble it's not like charlest it's not like new
orleans where the food is like i associate say it correctly molly if you're gonna say it you have to
say it correctly no nollins see yeah like and colorado Colorado they're just like we're in
Colorado and so this girl's like I'm from Colorado I know these rocks I named that rock me
my son went out we named that rock last week I just feel a lot of pressure to like represent
Colorado and I don't meet to badmouth Colorado listen I would live in Colorado
right now.
It's beautiful.
Go.
Weeds legal.
There's great beer everywhere.
So like all love to Colorado.
But this, it was like, she was as undefined as the idea of the Denver culinary scene was.
And she was just like, I just feel so much pressure.
And it was like, that's because this is meaningless.
Like, know what you mean this, you have no identity.
The way it seems to be, people from Colorado Springs tells us that Denver sucks.
You know what I mean?
If that's how I know about Colorado is that Colorado Springs,
like, this is real Colorado, because we get fucked out here.
And I was just like, I think they get pretty fucked up in Denver, too.
And they're like, nah, nah, nah, nah, not Denver.
They never do anything in Denver.
And I'm just like, all right.
I'm going to go ahead and throw this out there.
I know not one thing about Colorado.
I know, I take it back.
I know they have mountains.
And I know that they settled in Denver because it was the Waggoners,
and they looked at the Rocky Mountains, and they saw it.
And they were like, we can't go over that.
So they just settled in Denver.
Denver and they made Denver. I know that. Cool. I know South Park is from Denver and from Colorado.
See, these are the things I know. So I imagine watching Top Chef. I go, ooh, is there, I'm surprised
they don't do it all with the weed in it. They can't do it because. That's what I was hoping. I was like,
yeah, Denver, hell yeah. Let's make it about like what Colorado is currently famous for, which is
awesome beer and weed. And instead it was, I mean, it was fine. They made good food, but it's just like,
Again, Denver people, correct me if I'm wrong,
but it's not like a type of food is associated with Denver.
It's just like hiking, you know?
No, you got the Colorado, pecker.
Peckerelloaf.
Oh, peckeroves.
Yeah, yeah, honestly, then I'd be moving to Colorado right now.
You give me one of them peckleaves.
I go peck, pack, pack, back, back.
On, on.
This is great.
Like a little chicken lady.
Yes, so too.
No.
There's just this one particular episode of Penn 15 that really sucked me in.
Yeah, tell me about it.
It's essentially, it's two 31-year-old women that play seventh graders that are in seventh grade in the year 2000.
And all the people that they play against are actual middle schoolers.
That's very funny.
Natalie was very, Natalie's into it.
Natalie's the one that told me to watch it.
And so I was watching it, and they were making their aim screen names.
and the girl was just like, well, I want mine to be Baby Spice 666,
and the other girl was like, isn't that like a devil thing?
She's like, no, six is my favorite number,
and three is my other favorite number, so I'm going to have it three times,
so Baby Spy 666, and it just made me think of when my screen name was Evil Duck 59,
and I was like, it's just like 69, but it's not, it's not.
It's close.
And I thought that was so creative.
Yeah.
Because I was that exact age.
I was 13 in the year 2000.
Yeah, y'all were all jacked up.
Woo.
But that's what...
That is creative.
I like about the show is that they really show how sexual girls are in middle school.
I guess that's the reason why I have no impetus to watch the show whatsoever.
I understand what it is.
It was the same thing was we watch eighth grade, right?
And I thought it was a very well-made movie.
It's a beautiful movie.
It's well-acted.
But unfortunately, it's good.
You would really like it, Molly.
Honestly, it's very, it's really emotional.
But to be completely, completely honest,
nothing remotely about the plot interests me.
I don't care about the lives of middle schoolers
because I think you're not, wait till you're an adult.
And then get a job.
That was my favorites.
Jeff walked in in the masturbation episode.
And he walked in, he's like,
I appreciate that this exists.
and I respect that you like it
and that they are doing a good job of it. He's like,
I just, it's not for me.
I can't watch a 13 year old girl,
even though she's an adult.
I can't sit and watch her
empowered through masturbation.
I can't watch her fucking. I can't do that.
I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.
Because it's also, it is a woman of age
doing a thing that is masturbating.
So it's all the wires.
All the wires are going,
and I'm not fucking with that.
And I'm not fucking with that.
All right?
I don't want to be a B from abducted in plain sight.
Good for you.
You know what I mean?
He is so passionate.
I've been watching it again.
I'm watching only a little bits because Natalie does not want to see it in any way shape or form.
Oh, you have to just like watch it when she's not around.
Yes, I'm watching.
And each chunk I watch, I'm like, oh, oh.
Yeah, because every like 12 minutes, it's another thing that makes you go, Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
Which is, yeah, it's very, very fucked up.
Oh my God, it's a Friday siding.
I'm sorry.
It's a Freddy.
She's so cute.
Freddy's siding.
Friday, sorry.
I just get excited.
Hey, you miss the flirt, babe.
You make me smell so good.
Believe when I say, get close and sniff me good.
today. Yeah, I fit it in. I am as excited about Flur as I would be seeing the backstreet
boys in Vegas. I'm not, but I really want to. They make stunning non-toxic perfumes and list
all of their ingredients online, because I like to know what is on my bosoms, just as much as I
generally like to know the first name of any man inside of me. They make good sense with clean
ingredients because that's how I like my perfumes. Good and clean, the opposite of how I like my boys,
bad and dirty. The trimout process is even more fun than that sexual dabbling phase we all went through
in our 20s. First, you get to know each of flur's scents with pictures, words, and even playlists on their
site. Then you actually try them on your own skin and see how it works for your life. Yeah, dude,
I tried out a man that wore a pork pie hat once.
You know, he didn't smell great on my bosoms,
so he did not pass the take-home try-meon test.
Fleur's world-class perfumers are scent artists,
and these perfumes are their mastelux.
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Another cool thing?
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and I can't wait to bust into the backstage of a Backstreet Boys concert someday, whether they want me there or not,
and beg to be sniffed
because I know the second they get a gist of my squirt,
they're gonna be on me like boys
that are looking for my front street.
It's my squirty bird, my front street.
It's like backstreet, but it's my squirty lane.
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P-H-L-U-R dot cam.
I finally watched that catwalk show.
Yeah.
Ooh-l-la-la.
These bitches.
I know, dude.
These fucking bitches.
What do they do?
They hate each other.
It was so funny.
It's tense.
That is really good.
Mr. Sandman, man.
Don't sleep on Mr. Sandman.
He's my favorite of all three.
That's what I loved that when Molly hit me up.
And I was like, you team, ooh-l-la-la.
Just like, no, I'm all Sandman.
or get the fuck out.
Yeah, I like Sandman.
Yeah, and Mr. Sandman's
mom had the right attitude.
You know, she was like,
I'm just here for fun,
and all these other women were like,
oh, I hope your plane doesn't crash.
I just like my cats.
And the other, the other bit,
she's like doing all the number crunching going to be
and like, well, if she misses this one,
and she misses this one,
then I can be in first place.
And you're just like, oh my God.
Like, you'll kill this woman.
You would kill this woman if she could.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
What's her name?
The one that owns U-L-L-L-Lah.
Her name's like,
Jurt-Jurnin?
Yeah, I think it's a Jernan.
Klecken, what's her name?
But you could tell, you could, the big one,
was his name, Karen, the one who's got the other cat?
I mean, Karen sounds the most like what she is.
I think her name's Karen, but you could see you grabbing another chick's head
and just like, you know, drown her in a tub.
Go and like, I'll show, like, I'll show you, uh-la-la.
I show you a, uh-la-la-la-la-la-a-ha-a-ha.
Uh-la-huh.
As you're, like, pulling her head out of the, as your waterboarded her.
I need that cat last week, me and my son.
But I did
I did kind of want to introduce you guys
To a little thing that I've been working on
Speaking of being a 13 year old girl
I wrote my first
Piece of fan fiction
What is this?
How long is this?
Holy shit
I wrote a good amount
How long did you work on this?
I wrote I worked on it for a good amount of time
I wrote my first Riverdale fan fiction
And I didn't want Henry to look at it beforehand
but I kind of wanted to write a little piece of it
because, I mean, Penn 15 really inspired me
because I remember I always,
because I used to read Harry Potter fuck fan fiction.
Is it just called fan fiction?
I like to call it.
It's X slash fick.
What is a slash fic again?
Slash is creating sexual relationships
between characters that didn't exist
or kind of relationships, I believe,
but I know the term lemons mean it is very sexually graphic.
Oh, okay.
This isn't a lemon.
Mine is classy.
Oh, so it's eroticism?
It's eroticism because I remember writing in my slam books.
I would write my own fan fictions about me having sex with all of the members of the Backstreet Boys.
That is.
It's illuminating.
And I think that it's something that...
I never did this.
You never wrote?
No, why would I?
He just jerked off.
Yeah, but you could write...
Then you could write your own stories.
I'm not a nerd about jerking off.
All right?
I just keep it really very...
Isn't it nice?
To the point.
I thought about these.
Molly,
did you ever write any fan fiction?
I haven't,
but I admire the craft.
Well,
I wanted to start writing episode
for Riverdale
that we're going to start
putting up on the Patreon
in different scenes
that I think that they should have fucked in.
Great.
And so I'm calling it
they should have fucked.
Good.
See,
when I,
I thought that you had just
alternatively named
the last episode of Riverdale
and I was trying to figure out
like, who should have fucked?
Everyone who should be fucking is fucking.
currently in Riverdale.
I don't know a single goddamn thing about this show.
All I know is that I texted Jackie because we were in Florida for KB's funeral.
And what did I see?
A probably 50-year-old woman with a bunch of kids going to a hockey tournament with a Southside Serpents jacket on.
And I was like, the old people have found this, Jackie.
They are very well invested.
This show is for old people, though.
It's not for tweens.
I don't think it is.
I don't think they would give a fuck about this.
show. Definitely tweens watch it.
I'm pretty certain they do.
Well, I'm proud of them. Yeah, they do.
Good for them. But I would like, Henry,
if you wouldn't mind reading the beginning
of my... So let me set the stage for you.
Yeah, do it. This is
Hermione Lodge, who is a
very sensual
older woman, who is the
mayor of the town. Is that Connie Nelson?
No. Is her
name Greta
Rummerton? I just want to see who I'm playing.
Let me... Let me...
So this is a scene between Hermione Lodge and Jughead.
Marisol Nichols.
She's supposed to be an old woman on the show?
She's, she's Veronica's mother.
She's a milf.
Yeah, she's a milf.
She's Mark Consuelos's wife in the show.
Yeah.
Dude, everyone in this show was hot.
I've seen the clips.
Every last one.
And this is a scene between Hermione Lodge and Jughead.
Great.
Who's asexual, though?
How dare you?
I thought he doesn't have any sex.
What do you mean?
The Jughead is like...
No, he's schlocking, Betty.
I thought he had no dick.
Get with the times, Henry.
Everyone has sex in this show.
All right.
Every single person except for...
Good father.
But the teens...
But the adults usually don't have sex with the teens.
That's great.
Except when I write...
X-Ban function.
Well, you can do this.
This is the part of this is that in a way, I guess,
statutory limits kind of go away.
No, technically, she never touches him.
In my scene.
Also...
She never touches him.
They're all...
They're all in their 20s.
In real life.
You know, the young people.
Yeah, in real life.
Yeah.
But they're playing children, right?
Yes, they're playing 16-year-olds.
So weird.
All right, let's do this.
Please.
All right, so is there more of a description of this?
This is, Hermione Lodge was going after answers from Jughead, and Jughead knew a lot.
Okay.
You think you're really smart, don't you?
Have all the answers?
With a blindingly white trench coat, Hermione Lodge stood out against the dark room,
staring down the rumbled rag of bones, teenager brooding.
in the dark. Begging for answers. Begging to be kissed. White. Why did it have to be white?
She was Riverdale's lily lot that was always covered in too much sauce. And what boy doesn't
love too much sauce? Trick question. No boy does it not love too much sauce. And this crema,
fresca mama is orchestrating her gooey for resolutions this evening because Lord knows
she had too much devil in her to be an angel. You're mouthing your own words like her Ed would.
We literally just watched Ed Wood, and that's what he does.
You got sit along with your own songs, Jackie.
Sitting at the official head of the blue and gold's journalistic integrity department
was not something Mr. Jughead Jones took lightly.
He's strong.
He can't be easily dissuaded from his interrogation.
Hello, Madam Mayor.
Didn't thank you to leave your husband's bedside so soon,
why I was just here taking some notes down, playing with my iris.
He says to her from his big man's desk.
Well, someone's got to run affairs at this town of this family.
Hermione sauntered closer to him.
Y'allin, you know, that piano yard certainly looks like, typewriter.
None of this is sexual.
None of this is sexual.
All right, well, let me go down.
Junk could smell the musk of distrust.
It makes no sense.
It's not even sexual.
Wait, wait, wait.
It gets more.
Well, just read this one.
It's the buildup.
It's a page you build up.
You need to put some drops in the top.
And I have to do drops up top.
Yeah.
But also, about nipples.
Just read, just read this section.
Just read this section.
Jugghead helplessly watched as the glamour.
Glammerge egg.
What's glamourgee egg?
They have fabergee eggs, but they call them glamourgee eggs.
In Riverdale?
Yes.
That's what they're called in Riverdale, Henry.
Don't laugh.
Okay.
All right, you have, all right, I'm going to read this.
I know, I'm doing it.
I'm your, this is my job.
Okay, this is your job.
Read this.
Just read this section.
Jughead helplessly watched as the glamourge egg disappeared inside her,
like the tail end of an especially thick piece of spaghetti getting sucked in the mandibles of an eager yet tender pit bull.
She heaved like a snake, but Jughead had to get that image out of her mind because a serpent she was not.
But oh, how he did want to feel her defiantly shed her skin?
Because the serpent never sheds its skin.
This is, technically you're like in a weird like Isabella.
like this reads like the house of the saints what was that show with the the the house of the spirits house of the spirits
like casadalus is what it reads like it reads like magic realism isn't that great though no it is interesting prose this is my art it's not sexual the pros is I'm gonna say the pros is good you've really struck a tone it's a tone it's a very specific tone but unfortunately I think you got to go for the jugular more with this you think I need to get more sexual unfortunately yes
Right. In order to really steam it up, because you've got to match the sensuality of the show.
I love the lyricism of your words.
Thank you.
I don't know if you know what you're unleashing, Henry.
I mean, I don't have to, as long as I don't have to read it.
Other people can read it.
You give it to them and you go, you put, you give this to the people.
I know that they want it because how much shit I've read on the, on last podcast with creepyposs and some people love their erotic stories.
And I guess, all right, I'll just up my, I'll up my erotic game.
I'm just, you know, I'm, I'm trying.
out new things, guys.
Hey, man.
2019 is for
starting new things.
I know.
I think it's great.
Thank you.
I'm sorry I shut you so down
quickly on Twitter
over your beret comments.
My problem is I feel like
to browse is going.
Molly, just so you know,
I asked Henry on Twitter yesterday
if he would still be
proud of me if I became a
beret person.
I just said no.
Oh, I saw it.
I faved it.
I faved your tweet
and I think I faved Henry's reply
which was cold of me.
No.
Obviously, you can do whatever you want.
But that's my, I feel that you, could, you already do well with the dresses.
I feel like, I feel like wearing a beret all the time is a statement.
You're just not a revolutionary leader.
Maybe I can be the renegade if Molly's not a renegade anymore.
You're just, I'm just, renegade is technically just, it just means drunk.
So you are the renegade betwixt the two of us now.
Yes.
Well, once I get my beret, yeah.
I need to saunter more.
I think you saunter fine.
You don't understand that sauntering is walking sideways but moving forward.
You know that, right, where you have to like...
Walking sideways.
It's hard to describe.
I mean, well, Henry is doing it right now, but really he's just shaking his butt in the chair.
He's shivying.
You can't see me doing this.
But he's, I don't think that's what sauntering is.
That just makes me think of, uh, my blue heaven.
Oh, yes.
It is. It is very, my blue heaven, yeah.
Just move that belly.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't.
Oh, yeah.
A light bulb.
Man.
That's my blue heaven.
Molly.
You're a dad.
You're an embarrassing dad, though.
You're like the dad.
Like, you're a dad who like other kids come over to the house and they're like,
ha, ha, ha, you know.
My goal is to me to ever happen in the future regarding,
me and Ellie's children. I don't know what the hell
obviously we have no plans, but a part
of it is like being a satanic
but embarrassing
father, I think is a great idea. I like the idea
of me continuing to be the way I am
wearing a lot of black. I'd also
still be embarrassing to my children.
Well, because I think it's great because, Henry, I think you really
embrace the idea of having a lot of cool
interests and being very funny and being very
very smart, but also being very, very deeply
uncool. Hell yeah. You really like,
that's a cornerstone for you.
I'll never escape the nerd disease that's deep within my DNA.
I'm proud of you.
How is Gideon's dad humor going?
Oh, you know, he was born.
It was a part he was born to play.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, but it's like, it's like so specific.
Like his nerd dad humor is all like very specific X-Men references.
She's got all these X-Men onesies and Spider-Man.
Like some of them are just like costumes.
Like she's got like a number of just onesies that are just.
straight up like a Hulk costume, a Spider-Man costume, the Iron Man costume.
But then she's also got a lot that are like deep textual references.
Like she's one that says Magneto was right.
And then she's got another one that says, I don't even, the other one is right.
And it's like a dialectic X-Men thing.
That is a very deep X-Men thing.
I know he really likes comic books.
Yeah.
That's cute.
That is very cute.
The way that our child will rebel is just by being like very, very normal and well-adjusted.
Hell yeah.
Or like deep into like La Cron.
Yeah, exactly.
To be a one of those.
Exactly.
Like, cool and, and, you know, we're going to love her and support her no matter what, but that's, we're not, we're going to be like, oh, Will, you want to have some friends over and watch musicals?
And she's going to be like, no.
No, get away for me.
My.
That is another thing in Ben 15 that made me just think of you so much is that, it's just that like, oh my God.
Henry.
just like that kind of screaming
where it's like every time our brother comes in
and she's like, get out of my room!
Get out of my room!
They really capture how 13-year-old girls
talk to their siblings.
Just fucking unhinged.
Just screaming.
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I also want to say, you know, my Aladdin tweet got posted by some, a conger, whatever, one of those, like, media, like, these celebrities had things to say about the Aladdin reveal.
Oh, no, it did it.
They got quoted in a thing, which is very funny, but you, you know for a fact.
Wait, let's just back up.
Molly, have you seen the Aladdin trailer?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I have.
You know what the thing is, right?
because you can feel it in the air.
They truly do believe.
They believe that the reaction is great.
They're like, see, we nailed it.
Like, we all tell them when we hate it,
but because it was a volume of just literally blanket response,
the company's like, see, we're really shaking it up.
That's what you got to do.
And it's just like the whole world is trying to tell you,
no, no, please stop.
Wait, you're...
Yeah.
Henry posed a bunch of
Instagram stories of just pictures
of Will Smith as the genie.
I've been looking up...
I have the picture on my phone
and I just look it up
just to laugh at it.
I mean, because he...
It's the funniest shit in the world.
His face is so funny in this.
He just looks so fucking high.
He just looks so high
in a picture.
Oh, my God.
It's funny.
It's amazing, too, because I feel like,
you know, it's not like Will Smith's
my favorite actor, but like most of the things I see, even things I'm not interested in, movies
he's been in that I'm not interested in. I don't have negative feelings about Will Smith. I'm like,
yeah, he's fine. I love Will Smith. And then it's like, yeah, he's great. And then it's like, it just
seems like it really took a lot to have everybody be like, fuck this, you know, because he's such a lovable
man. Well, it just shows that if he literally, this came about because he's like, I'm gonna be
genie. And I want to be blue. They're like, great, Will, that's great. He's like, but I ain't gonna get
any of that paint shit on me because I don't want to wash it off, right?
Because that's the most undignified part of being completely bodipated.
Would you understand because of your pretty face is going out?
Yes.
And I actually, you know who I weirdly spoke about this in a cross-world thing that happens
every once in a while?
Because I did inside Amy Schumer and I did it with Paul Giamatti.
And I ended up talking with Paul Giamatti for a while because he was so cool that we talked
for the entire two days and he was such a fun, cool guy that I straight up was like,
do you want to do pretty face?
I was like, we'll write a part for you.
Will you come do it?
And he was like, because we were talking about the show
and I showed him like, we just did the whole thing.
And he was like, I will never be body painted again.
Because he was body painted for, I believe it was for Galaxy Quest.
He was some, one of these shows, he was body painted for.
And he won't do it.
So I can guarantee that Will Smith.
Because that's the part that you no longer are a movie star.
The parts where you are, when you are taking off the makeup,
It is a degrading.
You are in front of it.
No matter what's happening,
a bunch of crew is watching your nude-ass body
getting cleaned up in the thing.
Like, you can go into your trailer,
but you're not going to have this kind of.
It's like, it is a,
it's an embarrassing part of your day.
Yeah, because you just stand there naked
and get sprayed,
and then afterwards you stand there naked
and they take it all off.
Pretty much, as you do.
So what he did was like,
what they were trying to maybe talk about for pretty face,
but we were like, no, that's stupid.
They rotoscoped in blue, right?
And he probably has maybe a little bit of it,
but that's why it looks so stupid.
Where it's like if he was just painted blue with some stuff,
he might have looked a little bit more interesting.
But also, Will Smith has an amazing body,
but I feel like they just, because I looked at side-by-side pictures,
they made his neck bigger.
I think so.
They made him all plump.
Yeah, but they didn't need to do that.
He's perfect the way he is.
I mean, he's just a genie.
He could be fat, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, why did they got to put a genie in a bun.
Whoa, do you need a bottle?
A lamp.
Bottle?
It's too natural.
But I mean, not to put it back, but I feel like, you know, obviously they work really hard because, you know, he was like, man, this is going to be killer.
Ha ha.
They're all, like, ready to go and do the whole thing.
Yeah.
And also, I love your Instagram, on your Instagram stories that you're like, $9 million.
I made $9 million to do this.
Keep making fun of me.
Keep making fun of me.
You know what he's doing.
We all talk about that.
It's like what you're willing to do for an embarrassing amount of money.
It's like you just get, you just choose the thing.
Because this is obviously, this is not an embarrassing job.
No.
Being a genie in the Aladdin remake is fucking cool as shit.
Yeah.
You just happen to look real stupid doing it.
But also, I don't think it's fair that Jafar is so sexy in it.
He's so sexy.
We're in a really weird fucking time where like talking about Penn 15 too, right?
Like everybody who's like making media right now is like between our age and like, everyone
I mean, everyone who's like got the, I'm wrong.
I was going to say everyone who's making media,
but also they know like a big part of the audience, right?
It's like the like the millennial like age block is the audience is such a desirable block
that it's part of it is a lot of people making media are now our age and they're doing like
90s nostalgia.
But part of it is just like, oh, people want 90s nostalgia.
And also an even weirder part of it is that kids like 90s nostalgia now because it's like
what it's like how in the 90s.
everybody was into the 70s.
There's like a 20 year delay.
And so it's all, so there's like the Lion King remake, the Dumbo remake, and the Aladdin
remake.
And, you know, it's fine.
Like all that, it's like fine shit.
But I'm also like, I feel like we're going to be just scraping the bottom of the barrel
pretty soon, you know?
We're doing, we're already doing fuller house, which is about as bottom of the barrel as it
can get.
Oh, it didn't get picked up again.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
It's time for it to go.
It's time for it to go.
That means I only have one and a half seasons left before there's no more.
What are you going to do?
Molly is into Fuller House.
How many seasons did it get?
Three.
Four.
Four.
Four.
Four.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
And I don't know what's wrong with me that I'm, I don't know what's wrong with me that
I'm watching it.
I don't know what's wrong with me that I admitted it on this show.
And I don't even know what's wrong with me.
I admitted it to my friends in real life.
I was like, guys, well, what happened was a friend was like, I, she's very vulnerably
admitted that she liked the Big Bang Theory.
And there was such a, there was such a like uncomfortable silence in the room that in solidarity to try to make her feel better, I said, well, I can admit something embarrassing too, which is that I've been watching Fuller House on Netflix.
And then the silence was just even heavier.
Yes.
It didn't, it didn't help.
It just, it just, I just buried us both.
Because something about at least, at least, what's it, the nerd show.
At least, Big Bang Theory is got the weight of being the most heavy.
weight comedy show that's ever existed
for some reason. But most of it's
I think that's just because it's
absolutely
the blandest. It's like
burn cream of a
television show. The problem is, you know what?
I throw a lot of shade about the Big Bang
theory, but who am I to talk
with how much I love everybody loves Raymond?
I will say, I mean, I'm
that's where I'm with... I love everybody loves Raymond.
I'm with that with fucking
King of Queens. King of Queens.
It's still very funny.
Kevin James so makes me laugh an unfortunate amount.
I wish she would marry me.
Can you imagine if I was Mrs. Paul Blart?
We all wish that you could have married into some money.
We all wish.
Whoa.
We all wish.
I'm looking at this kid.
So, okay.
So Katie Perry.
Katie Perry released what they are calling blackface shoes.
They're these heels with these faces on it.
I'm going to say, honestly.
It's a big jump to call them blackface shoes.
But besides that, they are horrible.
Hideous.
I think that's the big, it's like more called a fashion police.
That's what I'm calling on this.
Get these shoes out of here because they are ugly as fuck.
Put your hands by on your back.
You're guilty.
And just for clarity, Katie Perry didn't purposefully make blackface shoes.
And when she was told these look like fucking blackface, she was like, oh, sweet Jesus.
You're not wrong.
And I'm so sorry.
Because, yeah, it was just going, what?
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Yeah, man, they're ugly.
It looks like Peewee Herman.
Pewee Herman has a foot fetish, is what it looks like.
It's the idea of having a little living thing
that can suck on your toes as you walk down the street.
Yummy, thank you.
Take off the socks.
Next time you put these on, Miss Perry.
Please not wash your feet.
Well, Gucci just had that blackface thing, too.
So I think that, you know, whatever, whether,
Katie Perry,
I,
she's like,
I didn't realize,
but like,
I feel like it's good.
I feel like it's very good.
The people are like,
let's not do this.
This resembles black face,
and she was like,
I hear you,
and I,
I'm sorry.
Didn't fight at all.
Let's just pretend it never happened.
Yeah,
I think she handled it
as good as you can.
It's fine.
It all doesn't.
None of it matters.
I think isn't Katie Perry
also fading into obscurity
in her way?
Isn't she,
isn't time eroding her presence?
She performed at the Grammys
with fucking Dolly Parton,
and she did not have the voice for it.
No, she didn't.
Her voice is blown out.
I've heard that time and time again in the blind items is she can't really sing.
But she just in general doesn't have the voice to be with Dali Parton.
Miley Cyrus and Dali Parton are a match made in heaven.
She's got a beautiful voice.
And Daly Parton is Miley Cyrus's godmother.
So they have a very close relationship.
Isn't that nice?
Hey, it is nice.
It is nice.
I love Miley Cyrus.
I do too.
I absolutely love her.
I like all our forms.
I think she's great.
We, just because I do we were coming on to the show this week,
I watched the tiniest bit of the Lindsay Lohan, Mikanos Beach Club show.
Oh my God, I love it.
It is fucking absolute trash.
It is bad.
And her face, how does she, how does this even happen?
How does she even be able to run a restaurant?
She doesn't know how to run a restaurant.
No, but she, because she wants, she wants so desperately to be a bit.
business woman. I get it. She just wants to be a business one, but she doesn't know anything about it.
But she does this thing where it's like all of these made up problems are happening in the restaurant,
right? Because also for some reason, she didn't hire people that were expert staff members. Like she didn't,
I was like one of those things. If you're Lindsay Lohan, you spend millions of dollars and you get
literally the best of the best of the fine dining kind of front of house people, you just drop cash
on those people who can just run the whole thing for you and you show up. You can find people that are
that beautiful that are that good at their job. Absolutely. I even get it. It's like,
a catch in Los Angeles where Walter
Apogel works. All the people, they're all
hot, fashionable, and they are great at their jobs. They work and fine dining, that's
what they do. Lindsay Lohan is sitting around there looking like the female
gremlin and doing nothing, and she does this...
I like it. She does this sort of reaction to things.
I don't mean to call her female gremlin. I love the female
gremlin. I identify as a female gremlin, so I think it's a compliment.
But a part of it is, it's the look of the non-concern when people
tell her there's emergencies, and she goes,
what?
What?
It's being like, are you just having a lot of pills?
Don't be on camera, man.
Don't be on camera now.
It's like a fire festival thing.
They just don't, rich people just don't think,
they've never had to actually follow through on anything.
And so they have to actually like organize literally anything.
They're like, it'll get, well, just,
then they just use a lot of like corporate euphemisms,
like, time to just buckle down.
Yeah, we'll circle back.
We'll circle back on this.
Circle back.
You know what I mean?
We'll go this.
We'll fucking trade back.
We'll go back and forth on this.
Well, that's why I think...
It's go time.
It's kind of funny that her mother,
Dina Lohan, who was her momager,
famous other momager,
who is on Celebrity Big Brother
right now, is now she's
in the news because she has been dating
this man, she's been dating a man for five
years that she has not met.
All of this is fake.
And she's talking about it
on Celebrity Big Brothers.
So Nev Shulman from Catfish is like...
But isn't he accused to rape?
He's a bad man.
Yeah.
I heard stories from him back in the day.
People have always known he's been a bad man.
I still don't know how catfish is still a thing.
I think it's been canceled.
Has it been?
I'm pretty certain.
You know what else has been canceled?
Molly, please.
I've been canceled.
Molly, I want you to brace yourself for this news.
Okay?
Okay.
All right.
I want you to be ready to yourself.
I know that you have a child and I don't want to sour your milk.
Does that happen?
Yeah, I think, yeah, when Molly gets too upset, she can't breastfeed.
Okay, I'm sorry.
That's not true.
I just made that up.
I just made that up.
Whits, miss, miss,
like he's a sprinkler.
I, um, uh,
Carson Daly has been canceled.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Are you,
have a crush on Carson Daley?
No,
I don't know why you think I care.
You think it's like I was,
I was 14 in 2000 also,
so I watched TRL.
Why do you think I care?
Carson Daly is the most boring man on earth.
I thought that you had like a best of crush on.
No, she had a crush on Jamie Kennedy.
You are just.
Well, that also.
explains your ex-boyfriends before your wonderful husband.
You definitely glowed up in the husband department, for sure.
Carson Daly was far too normal for me to have a crush on in middle school.
I did watch TRL, but no, I was like, who was I even Jones and after on TRL?
You know, I don't.
Carson Daly is still on?
It was 17 years.
It was on television.
He got a morning show.
He's so boring.
He has even less charisma now than he did then.
Like, you'd think that 17 years being on television,
you'd be like, listen, you know, like Ryan Seacrest,
like say what you want about the guy.
He fucking sucks, but at least he kind of knows how to talk into a camera.
Like, not even Carson Daly.
They're so boring.
They're both just such cardboard.
They're both so boring.
They are literally, yeah, just cardboard.
They are actually just cardboard human beings.
Yeah, Carson Daly was never my person either.
He didn't have enough pizzazz.
Yeah, I know.
You guys like more of personality.
Yeah.
And I've always like the daddy.
Daddy's.
Have you heard this whole thing about the reopening James Brown's death that they're looking into his death now?
They think he might have been murdered.
Wait, what?
Yeah, there's a whole thing.
There's a whole conspiracy theory around James Brown because he died at the hospital after a routine surgery on Christmas.
Right?
So he died.
And they now are saying that he might have died suspiciously maybe at the hand of the same person that they think that he may have hired to murder his wife.
No.
They think that he murdered his wife with poison while she was in the hospital.
What?
What?
What?
I mean, like, this stuff's starting to come out.
But James Brown, they're looking at it if they think he might have been murdered.
What?
Isn't that fun?
But how do you even do that?
What do you dig him up?
You go into the, basically, you dress as a nurse.
You do the.
Nothing to see here.
I'm just being a nurse.
That's from Quentin Tarantyone to what I was doing.
I don't know what you were doing.
Oh, I was doing like a nurse ratchet.
Oh, that is she wasn't.
British. She's America.
It's not...
I'm just going to check the supply closet.
Hello!
I'm also doing a little bit of the worm from Labyrinth.
None of that works.
None of it's good.
It's so works.
I mean, it does work, but it's technically not correct.
But you go into the...
When the guy is all hooked up to a thing, and he's going...
Watch for now.
In his sleep.
Hit it again.
Like you do.
Take it back.
Take you back.
And...
you go up to the IV line.
Henry's, I just want to point,
Henry's about to describe
how to kill James Brown.
Jackie was asking how to find out
whether he was murdered.
Yes.
Not how to kill him.
Not how to kill him.
That's how you kill.
Listen,
here's what you do.
And he's based,
what you're gonna tell us
is how to kill anybody in the house.
That's what you do.
You become a British nurse.
Yeah.
Hi, day.
I,
away from the brig.
I guess she's putting in medication.
Hey, Jimneys are sweetened, eh?
You go in there, but you basically take the IV out of the bag,
and then you squirt poison into with a hyperderminants in line.
I like you're still explaining how to kill James.
That's how you do it.
Thouac goes my tail.
Thouac goes my face sharpies,
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Well, not bust.
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For most of us, a 20-step full face of
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I don't know how to use the sponges and the blendies and
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Can't be seductively undone while slamming on some wood.
That's a waste of energy and a waste of my face.
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That's what they think it might have happened.
That's fun.
I mean, it's not fun.
It's not fun.
It is fun.
It's, I mean, it's like scary for sure.
By the way, this came up because I had pulled up about the Jennifer Lopez,
Motown controversy of her at the Grammys.
What are they saying?
They were upset because Jennifer Lopez is not an African-American.
And she's from the block, though.
Well, the whole thing is that, like, that's what, it's not Sam Cook.
Who's the dude that she was just, who she was performing with?
Ronnie Ronkersson.
No.
Smokey Robinson.
Smokey Robinson.
Oh, that's it.
Smokey Robinson.
And Smokey Robinson was like, Motown's for everybody.
Why are you guys upset about this?
This is not to be upset.
Like Motown is for all, and she did a great job.
and because he was on stage.
I only listened to Polish singers.
Yeah.
Daibushi dupa.
That needs kiss my ass in Polish.
Some of the criticisms of J-Lo that I saw,
it wasn't just that she's,
I think, you know, some of the arguments
that I saw that were like,
we're like, it's Black History Month.
Motown is a black art form.
It would have been cool to like use this as an opportunity.
It was just a missed opportunity
to not have black artists do it.
Don't go against her.
She was asked to do it.
She said yes.
The Grammy suck.
Some people also pointed out
and I don't know enough about singing to weigh in on this,
but some people pointed out that she just doesn't have the pipes for it.
I mean, it is, it's very, she sings very differently,
but I thought that she did a good job for what she does.
And also, she looks fucking hot as shit.
That was, I was focused on how fucking hot she looks.
Yeah.
I was like, damn, would that I could look so good at 49.
I feel like I was trying to, to hear the, uh, the critical voices about JLo.
and I had no horse in the game other than thinking about how hot she was.
And I thought the Motown tribute was cool,
but I understand why people were saying it was a missed opportunity.
Of course, it's definitely a missed opportunity.
They should have asked someone else.
But she did do a fine job for what she was asked to do.
Nobody cares.
I love J-Lo.
There have been, okay, so James Brown,
who's saying this with your family battles over his will,
and it's a state we're well documented, right?
But even now, more controversies emerged surrounding the death.
of James Brown.
New reports have come to service
that James Brown may have been murdered.
Now, the investigation began in 2017
according to this article.
Circus singer Jacques Hollander.
I don't even know what that means.
Oh, you mean like a...
Yacht-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
That's the only song you sense.
Oh, no, it's Jackie.
No, it's Jay...
That's my name!
Yes, it's...
J-A-C-Q-U-E is Jackie.
So she claimed
he's not dead, even with him dead,
even with him dead.
In that cement crypt?
Look at the power of his name.
He might as well be a lot.
What's the difference?
This is the empire he ran when he was alive.
They're running on the same way.
Mob, control, fear, intimidation, lies.
What's difference?
He's still alive, as far as I'm concerned.
Yeah, just like King Tutankhamun.
I went to a museum.
And the museum, it said, King Tutankhamen,
that he, you know,
as he still lives as long as his name is on your mouth.
King Tutankham.
So it's just like James Brown.
It is just like James Brown.
I still haven't learned how we're going to find out whether he was poisoned.
Jackie asked if we're going to exhume him or not.
Yeah, what do you do?
According to CNN, Thomas Lake has interviewed nearly 140 people and at least 11 them,
including Brown's former manager, along with friends and family,
asked for an autopsy and would like to open a criminal investigation to Brown stuff.
But I guess I don't understand.
Do you take it at this point?
Because when did he die?
He died in 2006.
His daughter declined a request for an autopsy.
he's just bones now.
They said, no, you can go and you can scrape them bones.
And you can get, you can get, you can get the poison from the worms?
I think you grind up the skull and then you snort the skull and you see if you get fucked up.
Man, I am going to smoke your ashes.
I just got to get, take them.
My goal is to put my ashes on tour.
Oh, like King Tutankham.
The goal is to take my ashes and take them from, like, place from city to city and then have people charged for people to see it.
Good.
I'm glad that you really want to,
you want to keep making that,
making that sweet cash.
Get the dough going.
Am I going to have to pay to see your remains?
Unfortunately, yes.
Okay.
You're going to be the vest.
You're going to be the,
how you call the chauffeur for the ashes.
I got to be the schlepper.
I'm the M.C.
That's the term.
It's not Schlepper.
I'm a Zabrowski schlepper.
Watch out.
Not the ash slepper.
Bones here, dust.
Dust of my brother.
Dost of my brother.
Don't trip me.
Don't trip me.
because then my brother's going to spill like a bunch of
your pomizzoon cheese.
Ooh, oh, that would be nice.
I'll put you on a little bit of a spaghetti.
Spaghetti.
And I'm going to dust you on top.
Speaking of Ashes, have you guys, have either of you watched sex education on Netflix?
So good.
No, I haven't seen it yet.
With fucking hot, hot, hot.
Jillian Anderson.
Good, Lord.
No, I've already talked about this.
Dana Scully.
She looks so good.
There are so many women who are aging so exceptionally,
and it makes me so excited to be, you know,
dealing with the fact that I'm in my early 30s.
No, man, she's like, you just got, she's good to go.
Dude, she is, she has kept it high, she has kept it tight,
and I don't know what she does, but whatever it is,
can I have some?
I think it's stem cells.
I think it's those, it's those damn foreskins.
I think it's being half British, half English.
and being able to genuinely do both accents.
I also, you know, being rich really helps.
Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of skin things you can afford.
It really helps.
But I think that, guys, guys, it's Galentine's Day,
and it's time for the list.
Who's got the list?
Say it to me.
Got that list.
Henry, you didn't, more, more.
Who's got the list?
No. Who's got the list?
Yeah.
Gotta have that list.
Yeah.
Watch it now.
Watch it.
We've got the romantic comedies ranked by Entertainment Weekly Reviews.
Thank God.
Oh, that's a fun list.
Because it is, today is Galentine's Day.
This is going to be released on Valentine's Day, which we all care a lot about.
Hey, man, we're going to have a nice little staycation.
You're going on staycation.
I don't give an H.
Whoa.
I'm very proud of you, and I'm happy for your love.
The Wedding Planner!
They gave the wedding blanner a C.
Wait, is it at the bottom of the list?
What number?
It says number two.
I thought this was a list.
Like, number one's going to be the best one,
but I think they just gave them, I did it wrong.
Yeah, this is just a normal, just sort of.
I didn't want to look at the list because I like to be surprised.
Yeah, this is not what you want.
Man, I miss Marcus.
I like being surprised by the list, so I don't look at the list and then I realize the list is bad.
Yeah, sleep us in Seattle's garbage.
Everything's a little bit off with you.
at the helm of the list because you can't be surprised by the list.
I like being surprised.
Also, Sleepless.
You should ask me to do next time.
I'll bring in a list.
Okay.
Sleepus' Seattle is not garbage.
All right.
No.
Why do you, what is your, what is your tack?
I am not, this is outside my, this is outside me of my asshole.
You like, you, you must like three romantic movies.
Let me think, honestly.
Well, no, certain romantic movies, there are things that are romantic movies that are
different. For me, it's like
the movie, uh,
Paris, Texas.
It's got a good love story in it, but it's also very sad.
See, I watched Moonstruck this week.
Yeah, I like sad.
Moonstruck is really good.
Moonstruck is very good.
See, I feel like romantic comedies, there's a lot of ones that I can be like,
yeah, that's like the wedding singer is like a fine movie, but I like,
I wouldn't be like, I want to watch that tonight, you know, but then there's some,
like, it's really, sorry, Henry, I feel like the theme of the
This episode is like being a middle school girl in the 2000s.
Totally get it.
It was a good time.
Totally get it.
It was a good time to be a middle school, like never been kissed.
My best friend's wedding.
No, y'all got good stuff.
Y'all got really good stuff.
It was the stuff that now, I don't know what these kids are getting.
What these kids get in these kind of...
What is it called?
Like love herb.
What is it?
Love Robert.
Evan?
What is it?
No, I don't know.
My best friend's wedding is pretty good.
I don't mind my best friend.
I think that the kids up today have good stuff, though.
I think that a lot of the things for youth now are actually pretty good.
Well, also because it's a lot more inclusive, which I appreciate.
I do too.
Exactly.
And just so much gayer than when we were young.
It's true.
Yeah, and that's what, I mean, that's what, and Bridget Jones's diary.
You know what?
I hated Bridget Jones's diary.
Whoa.
Me too.
But she was so brave.
You know what it was as a fat kid?
I looked at her and I was just like, but she's not fat.
And I hate that, like, the whole thing is like, Shade, you.
a little bit chubby, but she's got you see,
Lord, man.
He's that guy's a nice personality.
She boys may be a nurse
that's going to kill the things.
It always made me upset.
Same thing with Natalie and Love actually.
Oh, good Lord.
And then they call it like, the chubby one.
She's the chubby one.
If that's the chubby one, then what am I?
You were a wonderful girl.
I was a horrible girl.
Yeah.
Just because I was a fat doesn't mean I was a good person.
I don't give you that.
Train wreck was fine.
I laughed a lot of train wreck.
I didn't see it.
That's good.
I didn't see train wreck.
Oh, something's got to give.
See, I asked you the other day, I asked to Henry, he did not text me back if he had seen
something's got to give as of late.
Because a lot of people just looked at his phone.
It was like, that's not important.
I think I was at the funeral.
You texted me and I was just like, I can't.
I was like, you know, Henner, you see something's got to give him to him?
And I was just like, I'm fucking killing him.
I'm at a funeral right now.
I think that was back to back with me asking,
where do men buy fun underwear?
He also didn't respond to that either.
Yeah, because what am I going to do?
Do you want, do you want Jeff to be wearing the fun underwear,
your brother wears?
Do you want to give him the same brand?
I feel like it's not fair because I feel like there's not a whole lot of fun underwear.
There's nothing fun underwear.
There's nothing fun.
Tommy Johns.
I was just looking up for,
I think it's not fair that men don't have enough fun underpants
that aren't just with a superhero on it.
It doesn't really matter because it's gross.
Why would you, why do you care?
You don't want to fucking watch a guy strut around and stupid.
I know you do.
I definitely do.
I love to treat my partner like a piece of meat.
Yeah, but that's not what we're doing in our household.
Oh.
You're a piece of meat.
Thank you.
You're like a, like a roast.
Like a Sunday roast.
Love Simon, that's the one I was talking about.
Love Simon is a great one that just came out for the kids.
It's a good one.
Jerry McGuire.
Yeah.
Jerry McGuire is not a rom-com.
You know what?
Fuck this list.
I hate the list.
You know what?
Jerry.
I hate this list.
You know where Jeremy McGuire had me?
It had me at hello.
Go fuck yourself.
Thirteen going on 30 can suck my dick.
See, apparently 13 going on 30 is a great one.
I've never seen it.
Who gives a shit?
I've never seen 13.30 going on 30 either.
But now that I'm thinking about, I was just like, maybe I'm going to watch
and ever been kissed tonight.
But now that I think about it, ooh, that's,
plot not gonna hold up it does not hold up
or dating an adult I will say this is that we watch it recently it was on and
nat wanted his watch it so now we were sitting she's like oh watches with me there was
something about that time period generation X was fucking obsessed with going back to high school
where it's being like I have no interest in that time period of my life anymore whatsoever the idea
of going back the high school does nothing for me even as someone that like was like we were I guess
technically kind of, well, you were very cool
in high school. And I still wouldn't
want to go back. No. And if I
it's like, I wouldn't want to go redo
anything because... I can just fucking smoke riefer and a fucking
drive a car now. My life is awesome.
I can do whatever I want. Whenever I want,
I don't have to do with my mother.
Henry's slapping
his stomach at me, Molly.
Molly.
Make him stop.
I'm sorry.
I did to say anything, though. I remember
because say Anthony's
on this list. I love that movie and I remember there was a me and my high school girlfriend.
Not my first kid's school girlfriend, but the second one, I went and we got into a fight and
to get back with her. I went and I put the song on a CD player with headphones and I left
and say anything. I think it sent a lot of boys the wrong message. It was just like, be annoying
as hell and persistent and don't listen to her. Yeah, never take what she says at face value.
Never take no for an answer. I think unfortunately say anything, which was a hero movie of a lot of
young people and particularly boys, I think we have to
unfortunately recognize that John Cusack was wrong.
But at the same time, when you were 14, oh my God,
to have someone beg me to love them was all I ever wanted.
Well, that's the thing. I was so obsessed with unrequited love
that the idea of somebody loving me like that was, you know, awesome.
But now that I've had people not listen to me when I say,
don't do that, now I understand that that's all so bad.
Yeah, please stop loving me.
Yes.
Yeah, please, I wish you would stop loving me.
Gideon's about to show you a tattoo that he has.
I hope you can see it.
Gideon is.
Oh, my God, Gideon's shirts up.
What is it?
Daddy.
What is...
It's Lloyd Dobler.
That's to say anything for on his belly.
That's amazing.
Oh, my God, Gideon, that's amazing.
Gideon has Lloyd Dobler holding the stereo up tattooed on his stomach.
That's right.
My husband has Lloyd Dobler on his body.
We've talked about it.
I didn't know.
I didn't know that.
No, no, not you and I have talked about it.
He and I have talked about it.
That is absolutely.
Oh, my God.
Gideon is amazing.
That's great.
It's a pretty good tattoo as well.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
When you first, when you first disrobed him, what did you think?
It's a good.
Good question.
He's got a lot of other tattoos that I thought that I think that I find more interesting
than to say anything once.
So I asked about those first.
You're like, like, you know what?
We'll get back to that.
We'll get to that.
Well, thank you guys so much for joining us.
And thank you, Henry, very much for being here this week.
I know we're the Sultons of Swing.
Man, now that songs.
You know, I'd rather have the thong song stuck in my head.
I'm throwing that out.
I'll hope you get that back in your head.
Thank you.
What, what, thighs like shit, fuck shit.
Let me see your shit, shit, shit.
Let me see it again.
Why do you always sing him like that?
You mar.
You mar the song.
That's like what.
Fuck, fuck.
Thighs like shit, shit, fuck.
Oh my long.
Let me see that thaw.
Let me see your booty go.
Baby.
It's very hard not to finish the whole song.
that thong
don't
not locked away
not locked away
have a great Valentine's Day
whether you
give a fuck about it or you don't
He just so passionate about them tiny things
I know man he loves a thong
I love you Molly
Thank you everyone for being
With us this week
And I hope
You have a wonderful rest of your week
In your eyes
And if you would like to read more
of my fan fiction
I'm going to start posting
it on our Patreon
You can go to patreon.com
slash page 7 podcast
to read the rest of my apparently not erotic enough erotica.
I love you, Jackie.
I love you, Henry, and I love your fan fiction especially.
Yes, it was very good.
Thank you guys.
Love you.
And we will talk to you next week.
Go.
Bye.
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