Page 7 - Episode 293: Fatone Hole
Episode Date: March 8, 2019Jackie and Molly are joined by Henry to discuss Joey Fatone's hotdog business, Spielberg vs Netflix and as a tribute to Luke Perry we remember the best 90s teen heartthrobs. Get an extra 25% off when ...you keep all items in your box at http://stitchfix.com/page7 Get 15% off your first order at http://thirdlove.com/page7 Get 20% off your purchase at http://wanderbeauty.com/page7 Mining by Moonlight, Awesome Call, Poppers and Prosecco, Too Cool, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commo Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey kids, it's Danny Tamborelli, also known as Little Pete from The Adventures of Pete and Pete.
Hello, adults. It's me, Michael C. Marona, aka Big Pete.
And hey, animal friends, this is Jeremy, and I produce this podcast, The Adventures of Danny and Mike.
Do you have billion-dollar ideas?
We do.
Do you have brands you hate?
Oh, we do.
And do you like funny, engaging guests?
We do.
So check us out on the last podcast network where you, too, can be involved in our inside jokes.
Yeah, like slipping Danny into a paper towel tank top.
Hey, man.
before I had my cleanse.
I'm not that sweaty anymore.
I feel with his eyes, but never
hurt a soul.
Can't sing along with you because I can't sing along with you.
You won't ruin your faith.
He's got the bite of a foe.
What?
And he only reveals what Archie and the gang
needs to hear.
Yeah, he's built like a babe,
but he's always a daddy to me.
Oh, this is about Luke Perry.
Oh, he don't take care of himself.
We don't know that for certain.
He only thinks of his kids.
He's the daddy of our time.
She's talking about Fred Andrews doesn't take care of himself.
Oh,
Oh, gives and he never gives in.
He just cares for his boy.
I think it's just Jackie.
He's a daddy of our time.
Welcome to page seven.
We are here in mourning.
My name is Jackie Zabrowski.
Jackie is.
wearing black. I'm also wearing black. My name is
Molly Neffel. And thank you so much.
Henry Thomas
Zabrowski from last
podcast, from side
stories of the last podcast
network. He is here
to talk. Daddy
Talk. It's Daddy talk. Would you feel comfortable
in introducing me as your boss?
Sure. I love it. He is my boss.
And you know what? Henry comes in.
Henry Little Pony Boy,
Zabrowski, comes in. And what
What he says goes, and the thing is that I share a birthday with Napoleon.
Bonaparte.
Heard of them?
And you don't.
Why are you yelling at me?
I think mine is Idris Elba.
I think I celebrate a birthday with Idris Elba.
I forget it also is a May 1st baby.
It's one of those.
Or it's like Jennifer Lawrence.
Ooh.
Famous tourists.
I guess she's a dazzler.
I know Megan, our friend Megan Boone's a Torres.
Oh, stubborn.
We are stubborn.
We also like creature.
Jekky, your eulogy, I just want to point out, was I think, a eulogy for Fred Andrews,
perhaps more than it was for Luke Perry.
I would agree.
Yeah, but you know what?
Aren't we, I mean, all of Riverdale was put on hold.
J. L. and Hineck and I share a birthday.
Yeah, Henry, I just looked up May 1st birthdays.
You share a birthday with Tim McGraw, Wes Anderson.
No, no, no, no, J. J.L. and Heinek is one of the most important figures in Uifology.
Oh, he's a calamity jade!
Don't fucking roll your eyes.
Where?
Calamity Jane.
Oh, the original Calamity Jane.
That's the best one, Henry.
You've got to open with that.
Yeah.
Guys, can I also just throw it out there?
I'm doing a little plug for myself.
I recently read a book of a first person perspective.
I did an audiobook for an amazing writer.
Name is Libby Hawker called Calamity.
Nice.
Please look it up.
I do a first person character study.
Not character study.
Just the character of Calamity Jane.
You did a great job.
Apparently, I haven't heard it yet, but I can't wait to hear it.
You know what?
Not to toot my own horn, but toot.
Toot!
Toot!
That's the part you were born to play, Jackie.
It's amazing.
I cried, I'm going to say eight times while I was recording it.
You're unstable.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unstable is a word for it.
But also the book is just, I didn't know so much about Calamity Jane, and she, well, I got an app on my phone.
and it's a gun app.
Good.
And then when you when you baca, baca, baca, baca.
I told you about this app.
Did you tell me about this app?
Yes.
I pretend like I've got a gun on my hip.
And I use my phone and I go baca, baca, baca.
This is great.
At nothing, but usually just when I'm upset.
It helped you get into character?
Yeah, it did.
Does it help Jeff be scared of you?
I mean, you know, I think that the key,
I'm going to give you a little secret.
Oh.
The key to a successful relationship is fear.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I believe you always got a balanced fear and love.
But Natalie's the one who scares me.
But only did, and that excites me.
Ew.
Molly, Molly, does Gideon scare you on a daily basis?
Not even remote, like, I don't think ever.
He doesn't fake hit you?
He doesn't rear back his fist.
Not.
And go, ah, you watch it one step too far.
Yeah, I did.
Gideon's the nicest person.
Ah, you're going to get it from me.
I grew up watching the honeymooners, and it's not like I ever wanted to marry Ralph Cramden,
but I was like, yeah, the honeymooners, that's what married life is like,
and then I watched it recently.
And I loved the honeymooners, and I love all old TV shows, but I did watch it recently,
and I was like, well, this is about domestic violence.
No, it's about, because he's been spicy.
It was spicy.
He might hit you, but it wasn't.
He's a spicy, scary husband.
Yeah, got a punch in a pussy bone.
No, it's not good.
It's not good.
It's not good.
I'm not saying we have to cancel the honeymooners.
I'm just saying it's when you watch it again,
it is jarring that the joke is I'm going to punch my wife in the face.
You can't cancel a series in which every person involved in it has been dead for 30 years.
It is already dead.
It's like the whole thing with John Wayne,
where everyone's like,
he's racist and it's like,
yeah,
he's been racist.
Yeah,
that's the thing.
John Wayne should have been canceled before he was dead.
He was been a racist forever and everybody knew it.
So everyone was like,
oh, we canceling John Wayne now?
And I was like,
I've been canceled John Wayne for like.
But honestly, at the same time, it's just over.
It was a different world.
And Jimmy Stewart also unfortunately
had some alternative views.
What did he do?
I do believe that the Jews.
Wow.
No, he was he?
Was he anti-Semitic?
No, he just was the anti-everything that wasn't American, quote unquote.
Yes.
Well, we don't talk about that stuff here on this show.
You ask me on this show.
But also, Molly, are you excited you share a birthday with Jerry Springer?
Really?
I have never known that because I'm too excited about sharing a birthday with Michael Jordan
and Billy Joe Armstrong from Green Day, my first crush.
What?
Nice guys finish, lads.
When you run out of gas.
It was the video for when I come around when I, the first, one of the first music videos
I remember seeing.
And one of the first times I remember being like, I want to kiss that boy.
He was wearing like a very nice.
sweater with a single stripe over the chest, you know.
It was too baggy on him.
And thereupon was the sexual archetype for Molly Neffle boy.
Just a boopey boy.
I literally could see you with Billy Joel Armstrong just staring at him, just being like,
I wish I was homeless with you.
The first mopey boy.
Together because he was, they definitely romanticized like that.
They definitely romanticized the grunge, the crust punk lifestyle.
I was very into dudes that were.
eyeliner at that time as well.
Yeah, you were also into Lance Bass,
and the first man you ever kissed was a gay man as well.
You mean the first man I lost my virginity to, quote, unquote.
I love Guy Liner, but Billy Joe Armstrong didn't get into Guy Liner until later,
you know, it was more, this was just like plain boy,
just like a plain, sad boy aesthetic.
And it was, he had, I think he had blue hair at the time,
or at least that he was doing that already,
but the guy Liner didn't come in until later,
which I think is also very sexy.
But he was just mad, he was just mad,
walking around with hands in his pockets.
And I was like, oh, I want to walk around with you.
Yeah, but you can't walk around with your hand in your pockets.
We had a friend of ours that walked around with the hands in her pockets.
She slipped on ice and almost broke her face.
That's what she gets.
Never look down your guard.
But how did you feel about Keith Flint from Prodigy?
Do you guys care about Prodigy at all?
I didn't.
I liked Firestarter.
We brought her up last night on the stream,
and there were several people in the chat that got upset
that all we ever did was brought up Firestarter
because they were like,
actually Prodigy had a very deep musical discology,
which I sure does,
but I didn't get to it.
Honestly, I didn't either.
I don't think I was cool enough at the time.
I watched, Jeff showed me the Fire Starter video.
You don't know this video?
You don't know Prodigy?
No, I get it.
At the time, we're very controversial.
Smack my bitch up was very controversial.
Excuse me?
Smack my bitch up.
You smack that bitch up.
Nope.
And then you get it, and then you smack that bitch up.
Nope.
Yeah, no, I didn't hear that.
No.
That was sheltered.
Smack, my beach up.
Nope.
Nope.
Somebody was protecting my little ears from that.
It was very aggressive EDM at the time period.
It was a very specific type of EDM.
See, I got them confused with God Smack.
I thought you liked Godsmack.
See, I just know voodoo.
Woo do.
Voodoo.
I don't know what that song is.
I'm not the one who's so far away.
Sorry, that's the song.
I'm a snake bat in.
to my age.
See, that song, I thought I can use Prodigy, and apparently I'm very wrong.
You are.
Well, I think you might even be very offensive to Prodigy fans to say that.
I think so.
I didn't realize there was that many Prodigy fans.
A lot.
And it's, well, so what time period was Prodigy?
I'm really showing my ass here.
I have no, I have no fucking nothing about Prodigy, but it seemed like a lot of people
were in mourning both for Luke Perry and Prodigy.
And I would never, I wasn't technically too young for 9-0-2-1-0, but I was like maybe eight or
something. Like, it was like a scary, sexy tea. It was like so for older kids that I was like,
that's too sexy for me. And I, I just missed the Luke Perry heartthrob thing. Like, I think
I needed to be a few years older. Well, and that was the whole thing, too, is that I've talked
to a lot of friends of mine that are just a hair older than me because, again, samezies.
I've actually been watching 90210 in my own time as of late and falling in love with the characters
because I had never done it before, because, again, like, we...
It was one of, like, the three things we weren't allowed to watch
was The Simpsons, Home Improvement for some reason, and 902-1-0.
You talked about it?
No, all we did was watch Home Improvement.
No, remember when we were growing up, and for a while,
mom wouldn't let us watch home improvement?
Absolutely not.
That is not.
That is false history.
You are...
It was never, because Mom was always sexually attracted to Tim Allen, so we always watched it.
I think that's why she was scared of watching.
No, we always watched it.
We watched it later on in life.
We were not allowed, and we always watched it.
Once we were not allowed was it was the symptoms and in living color.
It was Fox programming.
We weren't allowed to watch Married with Children.
Which that is ridiculous.
She said that they would trash.
Of course.
Also, we are also trash.
But no, no, no.
She thought we were better than trash.
I look at this.
Apparently, so this is around the, like, you're literally looking at 1994 is when they first
broke out, Molly.
Okay, thank you.
All right.
That makes sense.
I would have been eight.
I just didn't listen to a lot of electronica.
Because at the time that was when it was called electronica.
What is it now?
EDM, but EDM is more friendly.
I thought EDM was like drug fuck music.
Not really. You can just listen to it too.
A lot of Polish people just listen on the train.
There's a, what's it?
It's Afro beat.
No, acid beat.
Breakbeat and the acid house.
What are you saying, Eddie?
I was so not cool.
These are the type of electronicas.
Uh-huh.
What is going on with your digestive system right now?
It was from when we went to salsa and beer last night.
Man, we went to this place called salsa and beer.
And I just, it's, it's,
wasn't even the beer and I had not a lick of salsa but I just I feel heavy yeah we ate a lot of
grilled ass meats but I think he committed suicide oh the guy Keith Flint I'm not really sure
they don't really they haven't really said but and that's why it's like with Luke Perry it is insane
that he is a celebrity that went from being a teen heartthrob into another teen heartthrob show
and and passed away as a daddy and I just wanted to say that I
I loved you and we will always, you'll always be a daddy to us.
My question is, is Luke Perry, he had like a fallow period, right?
Didn't he kind of, he went away for a while and then came back.
But apparently what I learned about Luke Perry was that he was like, what I didn't know,
because I was always like, I thought Luke Perry and I kind of made fun of him on Riverdale
because he's such a, he's such a mopey boy, talk about a mopey boy, you know?
And I was like, what is with Luke Perry?
He's like such a strange actor.
And but apparently
And everybody talking about how devastated they are
He was like the most beloved fucking guy
He would like did volunteer work
He had great politics
He was like an Ohioan
And like was delivered by Sherrod Brown's father
I think
And like like was like
Connected to like great movement building
And politicians like he was like
Everyone's talking about what a like
Extremely outstanding guy he was
It seems to be of that original
The OG 90210210 crew
He was the only one
that genuinely was friends with all of them
because all the rest of them were such fucking walking nightmares
that they all, like, they kind of figure out
but Luke Perry was always super cool.
Well, and that's, like, honestly, like,
in reading all of the, um, the different things from, like,
the Riverdale cast and everyone that has worked with him over the years,
everyone was just like, he was truly a very good guy.
On all accounts, and he was really close with his kids.
And weirdly enough, I was talking to my roommate about it,
who's very big into the amateur wrestling scene,
in L.A.
Sure.
And his son is an amateur wrestler
and he would go to his
shows all the time.
That's awesome. How old's his son?
21.
Noice.
Yeah, he's got good hair.
Yeah, I bet.
Yummy, yum.
Yeah, I fucking bet.
Yum.
No, I mean, that is very sad.
It's just one of those things where
somebody who is a,
he was far too young to go.
Yeah, and...
It just sucks.
It's just totally sucks.
It's devastating.
And it's like this,
this random.
thing that you associate with like, you know, happening to people who are older.
And I am at the age now where 52 seems extremely my same age, even though I'm not 52.
I'm like, that is terrifyingly young.
It's right around the corner.
We're going to blink.
We're going to blink and we're going to be there.
No, not me, man.
Not me.
Oh, no.
Stem cells.
Oh, okay.
You're going to stay in your 30s forever.
No, you're going to go straight to your 70s.
You're going to be like Bernie Sanders and be like 75.
for like 35 years.
It's quite possible.
It's quite possible.
And I say good on you.
I mean, I'll do whatever it takes to be president.
Oh, what would you do as president?
I would eliminate the banks.
I think that's a really, I say, where are the gold bars at?
I would get rid of banks and I would, and I would use the army to heal the world.
I think that's a really, maybe we use the army to like do just like forever potlucks.
I think that I would use it.
Like what I would teach the army how to cook instead of fight.
I would just slowly make everybody everywhere we go Zabrowski town.
That's what I would do.
Okay, so you want to be Joseph Stalin?
Yeah, sounds a little Hitlery, Harry.
No, no, no.
I would listen.
I would listen to the people and I'd give them what they want.
And I'd do very, very well.
I would do very, very well.
You just don't have to worry about electing a leader ever again.
You're right.
And honestly, the one thing that we will have in every parliament,
are oil paintings done of the Zabrowski family,
which I think is a lot of fun.
I think so.
I'm excited about it.
It's creating work.
Jackie could be first sister.
Oh my God.
That's what you'd be.
I want to be best sister.
You would be my Roger Clinton.
I don't know what that means.
You would be a mess and a massive liability.
That's the best part.
I can be.
Well, that's I talk about with fucking Kessel when he wants to run for office
where it's like genuinely like, how do you just say?
Like, they think it's like a bit.
And I was like, no, man, I'm legitimately going to be an actual.
problem for you. Like if you
do have elective, like I will
ruin my own career
to tank your political
aspirations. You know what? I'm glad
that you're being such a fire
starter as prodigy would say.
Lights
will guide
you home
and ignite
your bones
and I will
try
to Stitch Fix you.
Stitch Fix is an online personal styling service that finds and delivers clothes, shoes, and accessories
to fit your body, budget, and lifestyle.
Don't worry, you won't get Chris Martinded with Stitch Fix.
The only conscious uncoupling here is going to be a divorce from clothes that ain't worth your time.
Just go to Stitchfix.com slash page 7 and tell them your sizes, what styles you like,
and how much you want to spend on each item.
See, the whole how much you want to spend part is one of its best features.
I don't trust myself inexpensive anything.
They don't call me a trash panda because of my small hands.
This bee is sloppy.
Yes, I almost said, Beotch.
With Stitch Fix, you'll be paired with your very own personal stylist
who will handpick items to send right to your sweet buns.
Then you try them on, pay only for what you love, and return the rest.
Shipping exchanges and returns are always free, which is a dang delight.
because I'm a picky little mister sometimes,
and I apparently love sending clothes back
as much as I love drunkenly online shopping.
There's no subscription required.
You can sign up to receive schedule shipments
or get your fix whenever you want.
Man, I wish Goop had had Stitch Fix
so she knows she ain't got to keep slapping a ring on it.
Ain't got to buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
Stitch Fix's styling fee is only $20,
which is applied toward anything you keep from your shipment.
I know y'all have heard about my sexy black pants,
pantsuit for a while now, but I'm pairing this B with a new elastic gold belt I got from
Stitch Fix, and that's wedding rehearsal dinner number two. I'll be wearing it at. Yeah, I'm
hattishing my toots through 2019. Get started now at Stitchfix.com slash page 7, and you'll get an
extra 25% off when you keep all items in your box. That's Stitchfix.com slash page 7 to get started
today. Sitchfix.com slash page 7. Henry just keeps scrolling back.
and forth because I've got this article open about in sinks Joey Fatone who owns a hot dog
business. I worked with him this year on your pretty face going to hell. Why have you not told me
about this? I hung out with him for like two days. Nice guy. He's incredibly friendly. He's incredibly
friendly. He was he did really good. He was super, super funny. He learns choreography in a second.
He got a great singer. He, you know, he's a funny guy. So then would you eat one of his fat ones?
I hate saying it like that.
It sounds like big boo.
Is that what he's calling the hot dogs?
His chain is called fat ones.
But you know what?
Good on him for using a joke made about him his entire career.
Absolutely.
I always called him Joey Fat One.
Absolutely.
My friend in high school, definitely I thought that the myopia of high school is that I thought
that my friend had come up with that.
But meanwhile, everybody had a friend who had done that.
But I feel like to say that your hot dog is your fat one.
is much, much, much too much, like a dick thing.
Yes.
Yeah.
To me it sounds like poops.
That is how I put immediately as imagining big poops in the hot dog buns.
But I don't eat hot dogs like you eat hot dogs.
It has to be a special moment for me to have a hot dog.
I think that's where you're sorely mistaken in your life.
Jackie, do you ever cut up a hot dog and put it in mac and cheese?
You know, not since college, but I used to.
Man, did I?
But I'm going to find out how many hot dogs Luke Perry was eaten.
Because you got to watch it with the salts
Because that's how your brain explodes like that
Is that what happened? Is that going to happen to me?
No, you just got to watch eating all of the hot dogs
No man, this shit is like hereditary
It's also the scariest shit about this is things happen
And they're totally unpredictable
And there's nothing you can do to prevent them
Oh God
I'm just all of it
I mean live every day like it's your last
Yeah every day go out there quit your job
Lylis
Have a
Yolo
No condoms
Lylis
Isn't Lylis
Love You like a sister
A sign off
From the
AOList and Messenger days
Slap a swag on it
You know
I think
What is your thing
Henry?
Live love laugh
It's not my thing
I think it's your thing
I think you are now
an embroidered pillow
I am fine with it
But yeah I've been used
I've been commandeering
That statement
Quite a bit
Triple L baby
How dare you
commandeer
Guy Fieri's. He never said that. Well, he's got triple G and he's got triple D.
He's triple everything. Guess what, man? It's another letter. You can't say triple L. I can say triple L.
I don't have branding built upon it yet. Yet. Just like. Guy Fieri, though, is because I will never
Fieri. Fieri. I will never try to make him more Italian than he is. But I have grown in respect
towards him. Me too. I've done a complete 180 on Guy Fiatty. More than any.
other celebrity I went from hating him to absolutely endorsing him. I used to think he was the biggest
piece of shit on Food Network and I now think everyone but him is a piece of shit. I think he's genuine.
And I were just like, it's just still that genuine just like, wow, I can't believe you never
molested anybody. Great on you, which is now the new bar. I mean, that's all thing. Even today,
I just saw all of Mario Patali's restaurants are being shut down. Yeah, by, yeah, by Mario
Battali. He's being bought out and being taken out of it. He got a bunch of money.
he waited a year and got a bunch of money and is like piecing and you know don't let the door hit you on the way out.
But they are great restaurants.
And to shudder those restaurants, it confires all those people.
And now that means that Natalie will allow me to go back to them.
And that's all I care about.
But how do you feel that you can never share in Chicken Guy with Natalie?
What's Chicken Guy?
Chicken Guy.
I tried to get you to go to Chicken Guy.
It's Guy Fiati's a chicken restaurant that he opened up in Disney World.
I'll never eat a single thing that he produces.
You are an idiot.
I think that he, I support him.
And I like what he does.
I like the spotlight he shines upon the work in man.
I enjoy all of that, but the man cannot cook.
What are you talking about?
He has 22 dipping sauces at this location and he is opening up other locations of chicken guy.
Henry.
You have to yell it.
He's got special sauce.
He's got donkey sauce.
Ranchero, curry mayo.
wasabi honey, cumin, lime, moho.
It's all just BW3s.
BW3s has all of these.
No B-dubs doesn't have avocado cremah.
I wouldn't eat avocado crem on a chicken guy.
What is wrong with you?
I would never choose it.
What?
How could he not be a good cook if he's got 23 sauces?
22 sauces, got 22 sauces.
It's not, it's just sauces.
Donkey sauce will always make me think of a donkey bunch, though.
Oh, yeah, donkey sauce makes me think of a pile of cum.
What is donkey sauce and the ingredients?
Do we know?
I want to say it's Thousand Island sauce.
Here, look at this up.
Look it up.
I'm pretty sure donkey sauce is more of like a fry sauce.
But this is a fry sauce.
My problem is that I am just, I am a sucker for condiments.
You do.
Good Lord, you know, apparently, Chick-a-Lay.
Oh, it's great.
It's Mexican mayonnaise.
Oh, it's a yole.
Donkey sauce is an aoli, like, sauce made from garlic and mayonnaise.
Guy Fierry claps back at Anthony
Burdane and says donkey sauce is aoli
I understand that why they would
They are obviously
They can't
They can't exist in the same world
Yeah no I've got a
I've got a side with Bordane over a peaty
Like Anthony Bourdain and Guy Fieri
Unfortunately one of them had to go
Yes I'm always a Bordain head
Forever and ever
But one of them had to go
Unfortunately and Bordain lost
which is unfortunate.
I understand.
I would, no, it's very,
I mean, not that I want to get rid of Guy Fieri.
I understand where you're coming from here,
but I, um, I...
They were two opposite, just powerhouses in this world.
And if they ever met, they didn't fucking fight each other.
Why, then there's no, like,
there's no real competition in the world and everything is fake.
They should have met up and they should have fought each other in a parking lot.
I would actually argue, I think personality-wise,
I agree with you, Henry, like, in terms of,
person, like, that they are the biggest two clashes.
But I think in terms of, like, philosophy, the, the opposite of Anthony Bourdain is
Bobby Flay, right?
And, and Anthony Bourdain was so much better.
Like, Anthony Bordane's philosophy was, I want to travel the world and see what food,
what people and food, like, have to offer.
And I want to learn.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, Bobby Flay is just like, I'm a show him that Bobby Flay is.
the best. Oh, you think you're the best at it?
You're not. Bobby Play is the best.
Bobby Play's thing is, I can do everything better than you.
Even if I've never heard of this fucking Persian stew recipe, I'll make it better than you,
and I'll slap your own culture in your damn face.
And listen, I watch me eat Bobby Flay all the time.
As you guys know, I want to go to a live taping of it.
But I had not thought about the philosophy of Anthony Bourdain and how it stands in contrast
to every piece of shit on the food network.
But at least Guy Fiatty, he doesn't really seem as so into cultural
appropriation as much as just like, you know, let's, you know, shop on your hands and knees.
And that's what I like about it.
He just wants it to be able to be put upon a flip flop and he would eat the flip.
That's all he wants.
That's all Guy Fierry wants.
Why is that so wrong?
A sauce gets you everywhere.
No, it doesn't.
I just don't want to eat his food.
I appreciate him as a human being.
Andy Bourdain also famously was not that great of a chef either.
Like he was not a great chef.
He was a, he brought.
cultural awareness, which is Guy Fieri, for me, he does it really good on the sort of the
rib-stickin, rib-sticking.
And Anthony Bourdain does it good with showing people that you can eat Bonnese and smoke
cigarettes.
That's why I love Anthony Bourdain.
I mean, yes.
He kept me cool.
But Bobby Flay is sort of like, but his branding is kind of, he is losing his shine.
Yeah, because he's an asshole and he's a cheater.
But they got Giatas kind of getting bumped up in the food channel, though, and whoa.
Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy.
You know, those two have a sorted history together.
I know.
Oh, yeah, I'd like to be a fly on that wall.
See, I wouldn't want to watch that tape.
No, I'll just put a hand over him.
Yeah, but see, do you imagine how gross he is in a sexual situation?
Oh, God.
He's the best at him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I bet I got a better pussy than you.
Oh, my God, I've never thought of him in a sexual situation before now,
and I'm having a visceral reaction.
What if he makes Giata peg him,
so he can show her, I'm tighter than you, I'm Bobby Flee.
And I can be tighter than any woman.
And he just sticks a dildos in there and he tries to snap him with his buttle.
And he's just like, you see that?
Nobody beats Bobby Flee.
See, but I don't think he would be that open.
No, I'm saying he's doing it just purely out of,
I can make a better pussy out of my asshole than you have.
He's so selfish.
He would be the absolute worst because he's like,
his brand is, I am a self-centered blowhard asshole.
Oh, yuck.
Yuck, yuck.
I make some women fucking squirty-squirt,
but you can see Giata de Laurentiase.
I'm not going to put a counter out
of not maybe throwing one or two glasses of shardinet at the wall,
screaming at an assistant.
So I think that maybe she's also probably got some shit going on.
She probably exclaims in Italian, you know,
whilst fucking and also whilst throwing chardonnay at assistance.
Mozzanel.
Mozzanel.
Mar-o-man.
Man, though.
I would love to start saying,
Multibani at the end of any, like, sexual touching.
Henry, close your ears.
You disgust me.
Muldo bernet.
You better watch out.
I could be doing right now.
Molda bane.
I slap.
But speaking of other reality stars that we love and know,
did you see that J-Lo hired Joanna Gaines to fix up her $6.6 million dollar Malibu home?
What?
I want you to make my house look like Target.
How?
dare you. You will never speak ill of Joanna Gaines in my presence or on this podcast.
Can you imagine J-Lo allowing shiplap into her home? I don't think so.
What are you talking about? She's wearing a white turtleneck and a white peacote on the beach of Malibu in the pictures taken of the two of them together.
This is what I'm saying. She is the least rustic human being that exists.
How dare you? You're going to have what? Just like,
the weird craftsman letters of J. L&O on the walls.
She's gonna rip that down and cover it and fucking,
it's all gonna be like Kandey's house.
We're just white and marble.
I mean, yeah, it's very easy to clean white and marble.
No, it's up. It's deep. It's very difficult.
Is that, no, no, you bleach. You just throw bleach on everything.
Oh, my God. Everything smells like it's an autopsy room.
But isn't that what you want in a nice home? I don't know how to have nice things.
You're taking a very strange alternative view on this.
This is about to be sacrilege, but like between,
All of the stuff with their church and also my growing ambivalence about what they're doing to the town of Waco with like developing every single space.
There's there's, it's not that I don't still, that I'm not still charmed by them.
But there is a part of me that wonders like I watched some episode from their most recent season where they were like doing a loft.
And I was like, okay, chipp and Joanna.
All right.
All right.
Maybe it's time to hang it up, you know.
I'm going to put it this way.
We just drove through Waco.
And I've heard a lot about Waco.
I'm going to say whatever happens to Waco is going to happen to Waco.
Because it's a very conservative city that obviously I kind of like how uncomfortable it makes all of the old stodgy people of Waco.
It's a retirement community a little bit.
We're drive through there.
Now you've got all these little pop-ups.
It's making a lot of business.
I understand why.
But I also understand why people are getting mad because the local quality, quote-unquote, goes down.
Well, housing prices.
I feel like housing prices must be sky.
racketing. That's the main thing. Yeah.
It's just cute as fuck, though. Well, yeah.
I mean, that's what you're paying for. Sure.
That's what you're doing. Sure. But when it started, when that show started, people would be like,
you know, I'm coming to Waco and I got $75,000 and that will buy me the house in all the
renovations. And I think, you know, the whole kind of funny thing about about Fixer Upper was
that it was so cheap to buy these houses. And now they're starting with these like
hipster lofts downtown. I'm just saying that the aesthetic has changed as they have skyrocketed.
racketed to extraordinary fame.
That's just how it done go.
I understand.
But it's also why they're not doing the show anymore.
Well, yeah, but no, but now they're doing their own, like, online version of it.
You know why I'd like to see them goes like Gary, Indiana, where the murder rate is, like,
a thousand per year?
Like, I want them to see them go to a place like that where it's just, like, having a deal
with, like, a fucking war zone.
I bet they could do it.
I, it's very interesting.
I'm being positive about it.
I know their church is bad.
I don't care about the church.
I don't care about anything.
This is fucking capitalism.
That's what they're apart.
But the thing is, is that it's just a strange movement for their brand to renovate J-Galo's home.
Of all of the things that you would do, this idea that you would then go straight to elite home design,
where your whole point of your view and your artistic point of view is to make these sort of like homespun,
like, we're taking you, like, it's, it is your grandma's house, but it's your grandma's house in 2018.
It's this place where you could go and you feel it home and all sorts.
And like, J-Lo, it looks how uncomfortable she is standing next to all this dirt.
She doesn't want to have, she had to take her shoes off because she was wearing $1,000
Louis Vuitton shoes.
I feel like it makes sense, though, because I feel like J-Lo is really trying to show that, like,
she and A-Rod are giving it a, the good old college try and, like, fusing their families together.
So I feel like J-Lo is also trying to be more of the rustic mom.
Rusted.
How possibly?
How possibly?
Look at her!
She says she's Jenny from the block, but what block is it?
I'm fucking rodeo drive.
Look at her dress.
She's got a gold belt on.
She's got a bag made out of a seal.
She's got $2,000 shoes on with gold tips on the bottom of it.
She is not a rustic mother.
A-Rod is never there.
He's fucking every single thing else that possibly exists.
Yes.
They have a loving relationship.
Look at the blind items.
I know.
I know.
I know, but it's hard.
It's hard to strap down to Flander.
That is what the world is.
B-a-line item shows.
And then it's all, look at the ruse.
And it's all in front of cameras.
None of this is real.
You're dry.
You want, you be too.
None of it is real, Jackie.
Third love.
Third love.
Let's get together and touch our breasts.
Third love is an amazing bust hold-em-ups company
that has more sizes than other brands.
And boy are me lump smiling.
And I swear it ain't cause of the guy.
Bless up!
The bra I got from Third Love
makes my breasties feel
like they are being swathed to sleep.
It really is the most comfortable bra I own.
I've got dumb shoulders.
Yeah, I said it, they are dumb,
and I'm not ashamed to scream it from the mountains.
Their slopeage makes me feel like I'm a careen down
I'm Ski Fall style.
Do you guys remember Ski Fall?
Man, I was good at that Doss game.
But Third Love straps don't fall off of my smoky slopes.
and their super thin memory foam cups aren't devastated after I jam it into my underwear chore.
You know, I'm really not good to anything I own,
and this bra is still cupping on my girls to Kingdom Come, even after the Rockham Sockums.
I just turned myself on.
The newest member to the Third Love family is their line of incredibly soft, smooth, and breathable cotton bras.
I can't suffocate my nippies.
They got to breathe with their little milky,
mouths. And the bra that I'm obsessed with from them is a sex pot creamy covered in black lace. So it looks banging under my mish. How can a woman be so satisfied? It's all thanks to Third Love.
Third Love knows there's a perfect bra for everyone. So right now they are offering my listeners 15% off your first order. Go to thirdlove.com slash page 7 now to find your perfect fitting bra and get 15% off your first purchase. That's thirdlove.com slash page 7.
for 15% off today.
Okay, all right.
You know what is all so real?
Tamara Maori's breast milk.
Can we just change it?
Can we get out of here?
I'm talking about fucking sister's sister's breast milk.
I know, but this is sisters drinking each other's breast milk.
That is fun!
That part is fun!
I actually don't know if it is fun.
I think that it is, and if I ever had children,
I would ask you to drink my breast milk at least once.
I would never fucking ever in a thousand years.
Just like Tia and Tamara Mowrie did for each other.
and anything touching your thing.
It just happens.
I'm not saying you're going to go out of your way
to drink Jackie's breast milk, Henry,
but I am saying it squirts.
If you're going to give, no, not even like that.
Doesn't it squirt out?
It gets in your mouth?
If you're going to give the baby a bottle
and you're warming up the bottle,
you're going to test whether the milk is warm enough
or too warm.
You're going to put it on your wrist,
and you're going to taste it.
I think we're going to have the help do this.
So according to,
Tamara Mowrie, who tried Tia Mowri's breast milk.
Apparently, it was amazing, and she wants it as creamer for her coffee,
and she said that it tastes like a vanilla latte.
She said her own breast milk tasted more like a chai.
That is awful.
I guess, you know what?
I mean, I would try Molly's breast milk.
It's fatty sugar milk.
Yeah.
So it makes sense that it would be great in coffee.
I'm not saying I did it, but I thought about it.
You've never put it in your coffee.
I haven't, but because it's so precious.
You are allowed to experiment.
Is it weird to drink your own breast milk?
I mean, again, I never drank it, but I tasted it because you have to taste the bottle.
You know, you have to see if it's hot enough or warm enough or whatever for the baby.
But you don't, so you're not like, but you wouldn't drink it because it's so precious.
This is the thing about Tia and Tamaramari.
It's like you work for that.
Like you sit there and let a machine squeeze your nips for, you know, half an hour in order
In order to get a couple of ounces of breast milk.
So like no one's putting in it.
You got to put a lot of milk in your coffee.
I like my coffee light and sweet.
I'm not going to put breast milk in it because that's like, you know, a half a bottle for a baby.
Do other people have more breast milk?
Yes.
Like some people have undersupply.
It's a person-to-person thing?
Some people have oversupply.
I had oversupply because since my baby was a premium and I was separated from her for the first 24 hours, she couldn't suck.
It's a supply and demand thing.
So the baby sucks and that's what makes the milk come.
My baby was in the NICU so she couldn't suck.
So I had to pump.
And so because I was this gigantic fucking motorized machine was sucking on me instead of my tiny four pound baby,
my body was producing milk for like a fuck, you know, to run like a Chevy Caprice.
And my four pound baby was like, I can't keep up with this.
So I had way too much milk.
Some people don't have enough.
And then they have to supplement with formula or whatever.
Well, apparently...
But if you have bigger...
If someone is with big gigundas,
do they get...
They have more milk in the meat of...
I don't know if it has to do with breast size or not.
That's a good question.
I don't know.
I've never been squeezed before.
Just mammogram squeeze.
And I tell you, that part ain't fun.
Don't you put my breasts on a shelf and give them a squeeze?
Hey, doctors don't even check a man.
They ask you if you...
Literally, I went to the last doctor appointment.
They said, do you want me to check your testicles?
And I was like, I can do.
it.
What?
Do it though?
Yeah, right in front of her.
I was like, yeah, yeah.
Sop them around.
Oh, yeah, you're feeling like it.
You're feeling like a little ball.
It feels like a little bowl.
Well, apparently that breast milk has more white blood cells than the average human body.
And Tamara Mowrie wasn't feeling well, so Tia Mowrie told her to drink some of her breast milk.
That's very generous of Tia.
And I guess it made her feel better.
That's crazy, though.
Like I said, I'm not giving that shit up.
I still got breast milk in the freezer that Freddie's been on formula for months now,
but I still, like, hoarding breast milk in the freezer in case you get sick or whatever.
Like, that shit is precious.
You know, I would give it to, like, a baby, but I'm not going to give it to my twin sister.
She can fend for herself.
She drank four ounces of it, too.
That's a lot.
If you're saying a half hour per, like, ounce?
I don't know, man.
Yeah, I mean, it depends.
I would pump for, let me try to remember now.
I would pump for 25 minutes and I would get, like, four.
ounces. So I guess it's not half hour. It depends on, you know, on the person. But by the end,
it was more like 20 minutes for an ounce, like when I, when my supply started going down. But four
ounces, either way, that's a lot of, any, any minute that you are hooked up to that fucking
pump is one minute too long. So I'm not giving that milk to anybody but a baby.
I get it, though. What if Gideon demands it for his birthday?
Aw. He wants like a breast milk frosting.
It's my birthday. He just wants to be close.
Oh, you're going to get it, Molly.
Unless you squirt some milk out of my cereal, Molly.
Are you doing a bow straight to the moon thing?
Instead of like a buttercream frosting, like a breast milk frosting.
I try it out.
You know, they sell breast milk ice cream.
Not even anymore.
They stopped.
Oh.
And people weren't buying it.
I mean, I'd definitely try it.
Yeah, I'd try a lot of things.
I tried that blood ice cream.
Ew, that was gross.
But similarly, both the breast milk ice cream and the blood ice cream,
my thing is you're going to probably want to do it you know have some tests done on it beforehand like
it's a you know milk banks people share milk and stuff like informally or whatever but like it is a bodily fluid
you know like it's worth making sure that it's you know healthy and whatnot these milking women are
well taken care of they're fed fresh grains and they're out and they're out in a field and I'm
certain that it is absolutely nothing but the best man that sounds like one crazy bee
I said the word be itch five days ago and now I can't stop saying biotch I mean you'd get into
phases I wonder if if you are like you get into faces with I have the way it's like I have the
week is like he's a mom babe it I that was an old phase I don't do that boy be past that I actually
wonder if I'd even recognize it in the movie anymore because I have not seen awesome powers
probably in about 20 years or whatever it fucking came out yeah same to watch
Watch it.
I don't think I want to see it again as my fear.
You know, I remember really liking it,
and I'm very afraid that that won't happen again.
It will not hold up.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, there's no way it can.
It definitely will not.
No, but the third one has Beyonce in it.
I think that's great.
Wayne's World and Wayne's World, too.
Those are, they, oh, way, they stand the test of time.
Wait, which one?
Wayne's World, Wayne World.
Man, I rewatch Wayne's World, not that long ago, and it's fantastic.
Yeah.
Tia for real?
Yeah.
A man, she is a, she's a fire starter.
Twisted fire starter.
Oh, man, now I got the word fire starter in my vernacular.
Tuisticea fire starter.
But how about Henry pulled up this,
did you see this in sync documentary that's coming out?
About their groupies.
It's all about in sync groupies.
This was based on, I was going down a bit of a fat one hole
while I was doing my research for the show this week.
And I guess it's like a road trip documentary about these girls
that won a Winnebago from the Price is Ruff.
and they followed around in sync while they were on tour.
Is this the recent tour?
No, around 2001.
And they made a, like, they filmed a bunch of it.
And essentially in sync while they were doing this was like,
hey, we're just going to pay for like whatever taxes you would pay for for the Winnebago for you to keep following us around.
Why?
They like the attention.
They had plenty of it.
Were they hot?
I'm assuming that these women were very attractive.
Yes.
Where are they, where's these pictures at?
Adult women?
Did adult women like In sync?
I mean, yeah.
In 2001, I guess, well, how, we don't know anything about them, right?
No, we don't know anything about them.
The only problem is that the, uh, the name of the documentary is called the boy band con, the Lou Perlman story.
So I feel like that's not a lot of fun.
I don't think so.
It's kind of fun to how, oh, yeah, their trek was covered in a Carson Bailey hosted special about the tour.
Yeah.
Matt Henry, remember when you thought that I had a crush on Carson Daily?
I would not have been wrong, though.
You were wrong.
I was wrong, but I feel like, though, in the spirit, I wasn't wrong.
Oh, here, look, I'm looking at the footage from the tour bus right now.
Oh, they are cute.
They are cute.
So, yeah, all of us was a PR stunt during the tour.
And so now it seems like they bought all this stuff and they paid for the Winnebago and all this kind of stuff as a PR stunt for the tour and they included them.
But now they're actually showing all that footage.
This isn't going to be another leaving Neverland, is it?
I can't handle another one.
I can't. I can't handle another one.
I can't handle it, man. I think that there's a lot more coming, though, you know, in general, down the pipeline.
There's got to be a whole lot of Leaving Neverlands out there.
It sounds like it's becoming a genre.
It is crazy, too, that they're even making the documentary.
I haven't watched it yet. Did you ever listen to Serial?
Yes.
No.
And so they're making a documentary based on cereal now.
Well, now there's a lot of blowback because then a lot of people are saying the guy that they thought they posited was innocent in the show, and now a lot of people are fighting it.
It's kind of like what's happening, what happened with making a murderer,
which you see how Netflix had a season two,
and then they buried it because of the blowback from the first season.
That's exactly because I remember I was going to go and watch it,
and I was like, I don't know where.
They buried it because Netflix can't handle any sort of bad press
because they are a fake company.
So then how do you feel about Spielberg trying to shut down Netflix at the Oscars?
I think technically Spielberg is right,
but I also think that Roma did technically,
have the theatrical run it was supposed to have.
They did it.
As long as they do that, they do that.
He's just mad because he does it like this concept of like film being made like kind
of cheaply.
He feels that it's like taking it out of the artist's hands.
Have you heard about this, Molly, that essentially like Spielberg was just like, I don't
think that Netflix movies should be up for Oscars.
Yeah, you think they should be up for Emmys.
Have they been?
Ups for Oscars?
Roma, which is what won for, yeah, for Best Foreign Movie Oscar.
It had a theatrical.
release. He's saying that they should have up to
four weeks in a theater and
up to five, in five theaters.
But I actually, they
had that. And a lot of those movies
don't have the back in the day, the old art movies.
Spielberg is just mad because he's not in on the action.
And he threw a lot of shade towards Scorses
because Scorses did the Netflix movie.
But guess what? I knew from the inside
of working with all that kind of shit,
they surprisingly have a hard time finding the money
that it takes to make these movies because they
require a lot of money because Robert De Niro is
very fucking expensive. Yeah. And they
these massive productions are very, very expensive.
So Spielberg is kind of upset about the whole thing,
but I think someone does have to say something about Netflix
just because it's becoming 25% of the entertainment community,
and it is going to fail.
It is literally going to collapse.
I don't know how Netflix works,
but it seems like Spielberg's beef is just gatekeeping, right?
Like, it doesn't seem like we should have bigger barriers
to movies being recognized.
Like, if anything, I don't know whether Netflix makes it easier
for artists with less money to make movies.
But if it does,
then that's a good thing, right?
No, I honestly think my,
I do have a problem
with the movie factory
that is Netflix.
That is what it is.
It is a fucking,
it's a factory.
They're just cushush,
cushy-cus to the air,
they're just pumping them out
and pumping them out.
But at the same time,
you know,
you don't want to buy a dog
from a puppy mill,
but it doesn't make those puppies
any less wanting
and need a home.
Interesting.
I like the comparison.
It's more, Spielberg's just kind of a
fuddy-duddy,
but watch him have a Netflix movie
in fucking two years
when he can't get,
the funding he needs
because he's making West Side Story
and Who Gives a shit?
I don't need...
There's already the late great
West Side Story. We don't need another West Side Story.
Who's it going to be? It's going to be like Selena Gomez
and like some other fucking asshole.
What if it's going to be?
Then I'll root for it.
Will you root for it?
Yeah, but I think that maybe
you're not Puerto Rican enough.
Ouch.
Not all who wander are lost?
Look at me.
literary genius, Jackie Zabrowski here.
Yeah, I've read a book or two,
and not all who Wander Beauty
are pressing down on the gas pedal,
revving through traffic,
begging for some sort of anxiety, sweet relief.
But this one is,
I ain't got the time to delicately sponge myself with fixings
to make myself beautiful.
That's why Wander Beauty is here.
Nothing gold can stay, pony boy.
That's not the same poem,
but you feel me, son?
Wonder Beauty is a line of multitasking beauty essentials that are easy to use and travel friendly
so you can get ready in five minutes and stay gorgeous on the go.
Can you imagine how much shorter the Lord of the Rings would be if they didn't have to slog on them hairy hobbits' feet?
Them tini's needed some shortcuts.
Wonder Beauty was founded by a working mom of two and a supermodel,
two women who are always on the move and know how to make the most of their precious time.
And I ain't talking about my precious time.
Just your regular time.
Get it, my precious.
Wonder Beauty completely streamlines your beauty routine
with fewer products that work better.
And we should be thinking about what we rub on our yams.
Wonder Beauty is clean, cruelty-free,
and made with ingredients your skin will love.
My favorite so far is the Mile High Mascara.
It's tiny enough to fit in my fanny,
and it stays on through all my many numerous daily crows.
eyes. Also, when I put it on, I dream of how silky my lashes would feel while scrammed into a tiny
airplane bathroom, taking a deep throbber. Lashes ain't the only thing that's getting mile high,
you feel me? Wonder Beauty has already won a ton of awards, including Allure's Best of Beauty Award,
and has fans everywhere. You've probably seen Heidi Klum using their baggage claim gold eye masks
on Instagram. Dude, I also used those eye masks, and it took my dark, oh Christ, can I make it to
Mordor circles under my eyes and transform them into Arwin eyes.
Then everybody would be like, girl, you're from Rivendale?
And all like, I wish I want lip smackers on a juggy.
And then they're all like, no, the elf place.
Because mama, you fix and revamp elf on the shelf, triple X style.
And then me and this made up person get married.
Anyone can benefit from these multitaskers, not just beauty junkies.
Wonder Beauty is foolproof beauty, whenever, wherever.
So go on the journey of your life.
and look dang good while you're doing it.
It's time to make over your morning with Wander Beauty.
Get 20% off your purchase at Wanderbeauton.com slash page 7.
That's Wanderbeautom slash page 7 for 20% off.
Wanderbeauter.com slash page 7.
Um, Henry's got to go be a big fancy Hollywood star.
That's me.
He's a big old fancy, so he's going to dip out for the end of this.
Bye.
We love you.
Thank you so much for joining us.
You got it.
I love you.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye.
But also, did you know that Justin Thoreau likes bringing his dog to fancy restaurants?
Just him and the dog or along with other humans?
Just him and the dog.
He's got this pit bull.
And her name is Kuma.
And Kuma's so cute.
The thing is that I know, I pretty much only know Justin Thoreau as Jennifer Anderson's ex.
I'm throwing that out there.
That's usually how, that is usually how I think.
of him.
Yes.
But I started evolving his Instagram because I saw this story.
And he just, he, like, he posts a lot on Instagram of him and his dog.
And, um, I just, you know, you got it.
We got to take pit bull love back.
Because I feel like for a long time, they were getting, they were getting really pushed into
the gutter and they don't deserve it because I love pit bulls.
They always got their little smile in their face.
They got a big old head and they got big old floppy ears.
And I love pit bulls.
Pit bulls are wonderful.
For a long time, there was a ton of pit bulls in my life because people, a lot of people
I knew were just like getting them as rescue dogs.
And they are so sweet.
They are so, they're goofy like, you know, like big, they got the big kind of like dumb,
dopey thing that big dogs got going on.
But sometimes they're really smart.
They're so sweet.
Yeah, pit bulls are amazing and they got a bad rap.
So if Justin, see, my problem is I get mixed up with Justin Thoreau and Justin Trudeau, the
prime minister, the kind of foxy prime minister of Canada.
Yeah, yeah.
I feel like they're in the same level of hotness.
Yeah, it's like medium hot.
It's not even that hot.
Like Justin Trudeau is just hot for a like head of state.
A politician.
And he is hot in that respect for sure.
Yeah.
But then there's a picture of Justin Thoreau and the pit bull.
And they're both sharing a French ride at the Waverly Inn.
And the caption just says, date night at the Waverly lady in the tramping.
I was going to say, are they sharing?
it like Lady of the Tramp like the dogs got his mouth on it?
They're shared a french fry. It's so cute. I let, you know what? My name is Jackie Zabrowski
and I let dogs kiss me on the mouth. I also let dogs kiss me on the mouth, but what is it
about, there's probably something wrong with me that I'll let a dog kiss me on the mouth, but I don't
want to Lady and the Tramp a French fry with it. Like, like, even I trust pit bulls,
but sometimes ever since that Travis the Chimp story, like I sometimes get a little bit afraid
if my head is really near another animal's jaws.
I understand that, and you really shouldn't,
you definitely shouldn't do that.
I just like, I like kisses,
and I don't mind if their tongue gets in my mouth.
And maybe that makes me gross,
but you know what, I'll be gross till the day I die.
No, you're not gross.
But Molly, are you ready for the list?
Because this list is just for us, girls!
Hey, who's on the list?
Jackie!
It's just me.
Gotta have that list.
We got the definitive ranking of the most,
important 90s teen heart throbs.
This goes out to my Luke Perry, RIP.
Sad.
And as I was looking through this,
it was interesting some of the choices on it.
We got number 25.
It is Zachary Ty Bryan.
Who's that?
This list is openly saying that, like,
I mean, don't you feel bad for him?
Because, so this is the oldest brother in Home Improvement.
Don't you feel bad because he had to go,
like, he was up against JTT in the height of,
JTT fame.
But honestly, JTT was a lot
hotter than Zachary Ty Bryan personally,
but also I'm usually into like darker
haired people. I'm sorry to shit on this
kid who's clearly like 14 in this picture,
but he's not that much of a heart
drop. He's just like a normal kid.
But in the 90s he definitely
wasn't. Also, I was all aboard
the Will Friedel Express,
which is who plays of the older
brother in Boy Meets World. I had a
major crush on Will Friedel, except
in that later seasons when he like lost
his damn mind. See, but then he got into the whole like guyliner phase too and I was kind of there
for that because he just got weirder and weirder. He got weird and it was like he needed to move out
from his parents, you know, he like had a very hard time. He was like, like starting to become like
potentially a serial killer living in the basement, you know? Oh yeah, dude. But I was kind of,
I was, I was there for it because at that point in my life, I was totally into the weird dudes where
I'm just like, I don't even get you. Yeah.
Now that I'm older, it's not so much.
You know, I want to at least get you a little bit.
Would you choose Rider Strong or Will Friedel?
Ooh, ouch, ouch, ouch.
I'd rather be a jackbone sandwich.
But if I had to choose, I guess I'm going to say Rider Strong.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
Which would you choose?
It's tough because, again, it depends on what season it is, you know?
But I think I would, if we're talking early first three seasons, I'd choose.
And we're talking all day.
Yeah, then I choose Eric.
Yeah, for sure, Will Friedel.
Hell yeah.
We got James Vanderbeak on those lists.
Again, James, I feel like blonde dudes were a lot hotter in the 90s.
James Vanderbeek was never hot.
I'm sorry.
I was always confused about Dawson's Creek.
I was like, he's got a long, like, I never personally, of the 90210.1 people, I was more of a Brian Austin Green guy.
I always thought Luke Perry had a very long face.
I think he was hotter as a daddy than as a young person myself, just like skeet.
Scoot.
Oh, yeah.
But James Vanderbeek had like the world's longest face.
Yeah, and it was just really, I was way more into a, what's his name, Jackson.
Yeah.
I want to say Joe Jackson, and that's not it.
Percy.
You know where my fucking heads at.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whatever the fuck his name was.
What's, Alan Jackson?
I know it's on Alan Jackson.
Joshua Jackson.
There's a lot of Jackson's out there.
My brain's all in other places.
But you know who I do agree with?
Whoa! Joey Lawrence.
Ooh, did I want every inch of this man?
I never felt it for Joey Lawrence, even though I watched a lot of blossom.
Really?
Never. Do you ever watch Brotherly Love?
No, but I would have chosen Matthew Lawrence over Joey Lawrence.
Also on Boy Meets World.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I get it.
No, wait.
I get where you're coming from.
Is it Matthew Lawrence and Mrs. Doubtfire?
There's also a third one, right?
But you're right, that is Matthew Lawrence.
That's Matthew Lawrence.
Well, not at that age.
Older Matthew Lawrence, like Boy Meets World style Matthew Lawrence.
I get you.
I was definitely more of a Joey Lawrence, but I think that was just because, like,
it was because of the show Brotherly Love.
We're all three of the, all three of the Lawrence brothers were on Brotherly Love.
Have you ever watched that show?
I don't know why I didn't.
It's absolutely directly in my wheelhouse, but I didn't.
Oh, my God.
I loved it.
Oh, brothers living and working together.
But also on this list, Jonathan Brandis, who is in Lady.
bugs, but I hate that they don't have it on here.
I'm pretty sure that it's never-ending story two that he's in.
He's just so, he was, he always had a sexy face in those big old blue eyes.
He was, he, he, he, I missed him at the time.
I'm looking at him now and I'm like, all right, you're fine.
But, but no, I, I, I, he went over my radar.
I was too busy also not understanding why A.C.
Slater is on the list, aka Mario Lopez.
Yeah, that's why I skipped past it because I went right down to Andrew Keegan because
Andrew Keegan could have melted my fucking butter.
Tell you what.
Agreed about Andrew Keegan.
What was he even in?
Ten things I hate about you.
There you go.
Thank you.
Because I did not watch Seventh Heaven.
See, I loved him from Seventh Heaven, though.
For show.
I'm all kiss.
We got JGL on the list, which, obvious, because, you know,
third rock from the sun was my jams.
Yeah, I didn't realize that I liked Joseph Gordon Levin until what's the, is it also
10 things they hate about you?
The one when he got a haircut and he like emerged as like.
Oh yeah, baby.
Yeah, like a little rustle-y boy.
Oh, we got Will Smith on the list, which, y'ats, please.
Thank you for skipping Freddie Prince Jr.
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, I skip right past him.
I'm not even making mention a Freddie Prince Jr.
Not my type.
How do you feel about Mark Paul Gossler?
Don't skip him.
See, I know that that's your dude, and he was never my dude.
Again, I didn't realize how many blonde guys were huge in the 90s.
It was never my thing.
Ryan Felipe was kind of my thing
But it was the same with Josh Hartnett
But like I always thought they had beetle eyes
Yeah
Looking at Ryan Felipe now
I'm like he's not handsome at all
But I thought he was at the time
He has a very good bone structure
Technically I feel like he's got all of the makings
Of a very hot guy
But I think it was just because of how he held himself
That he had no pizzazz
Yeah
So I just wasn't really that into it
Yeah and also I think I didn't see
any of the movies he was in because they were like
like Lino 2-0, they were like a little too old and sexy
for me. Too old for you? Although I gotta say
they knocked it out of the park with this top five.
We got Joshua Jackson,
Jared Leto,
oh yum, yum.
Back then Jared Letto, yes.
Now Jared Letto gets shot into the sun,
but back then... Yeah, that one's no good.
But Rider Strong, Leo DiCaprio, which, I mean,
in growing pains, he was a child.
I know he was a child. But at the time,
I was a child. I was a younger child and I thought that he was as oh my god young Leo even cuter than
like Titanic like at the time I was in sixth grade when Titanic came out and I thought like basketball
Diaries Leo was way cuter than Titanic Leo. Way cuter. But what I don't agree with is I don't like
JTT at number one on this list. No no I know that that he was the most popular but objectively speaking
I don't I know even at the time I was a bit of a of a
of a crank about JTT even at the time.
I was like, yes, Devin Sawa, yes,
all these generic looking blonde boys, sure.
JTT, I never understood it.
You know what it is,
is that he looked too innocent.
And this is coming from someone that loved,
obviously, Legalis and Lance Bass.
And of course, I'm saying all this, like,
I'm running that into blonde boys,
but you know what, I didn't have a whole lot of choice at the time.
And I liked, you know, I liked seers.
I liked givers.
And JTT just wasn't it for me.
Yeah, I don't know what.
JTT looked like a kid.
He didn't, he looked like a neighbor kid who I was like scared of.
Like not a real neighbor kid, but like he looked too real like boy next door.
I guess that was what people liked about him.
But he just actually looked like a boy next door, you know.
Yeah, which takes all the fun of it.
It's like Jared Leto with that hair, good gravy.
Yeah.
Slurp it up no matter how lumpy it is.
I want it.
Cornstarch, chunks and all.
Yeah, exactly.
Man, well, thank you so much.
I'm sorry that Henry had to leave.
early, but that's what happens when you have Hollywood types on a show.
But thank you guys so much for joining us today.
That is our show this week.
Molly, do you have anything, do you have any final words for us this week?
Oh, man.
I mean, you know, I feel like it's actually been a heavy one, you know, between Luke Perry and
like people are really, like people were really, uh, reflecting on their youth, you know?
And so I just want to say if it's been a rough one for you, you know, I feel you.
and I mean, I don't know what to tell you other than like maybe go back and like look at this list of, you know, hot teens from the 90s.
Just remember some of the good times.
I feel like between Michael Jackson and R. Kelly and everything that I try not to talk about on the show, it's just, it's rough because everything is pretty negative out there right now.
But I just want you to remember that there are good people out there.
Not everyone is bad.
I feel like I just don't trust anyone anymore.
And I feel like it's seeping into every part of my life that it's just like, man, everyone is
inherently bad.
But it's not true.
It's not true.
There are good people out there.
And the thing is accountability is good.
This week I think it's probably been very hard for a lot of people.
But I also do feel like when shit like this happens, it's good when people do bad things
and then they're held accountable, you know?
And I feel like that doesn't.
There was a long time when it came to celebrities.
and like abuse where that didn't happen.
And I feel like it's, you know,
it's not a feel good story,
but it is good when that shit happens, you know?
So I feel like that's...
Overall, that's a good thing, you know?
Just remember, be good to yourself,
be good to others,
keep a smile on your face,
everything's going to be okay.
And that's the kind of thing I say to myself
almost every morning when I wake up.
We love you guys so much,
and thank you for joining us this week.
And if you'd like some extra content,
please hit up our Patreon pages,
Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast.
We love you.
We love you.
Be good to yourself.
We'll talk to you next week.
Bye.
My.
Uh-oh, guys,
what is it time for?
What is it time for?
Are you revved up?
Because it's time for Patreon shout outs.
Thank you guys so much for donating to the Patreon.
You know, we're doing it.
We're fucking, I got a smile on my face every week,
and it's because of you guys.
and I really, I can't thank you, God damn enough.
If you would like to check out our Patreon
is patreon.com slash page 7 podcast,
and then I'll try and decimate your name,
which is what, exactly what I'm about to do.
Y'all getting ready for some decimation.
And I'm not talking about pussy decimation.
I'm just talking about regular, straight up, decimation,
decimation a word?
I've said it too many times.
Decimation.
We're starting off.
with Kristen D. Spencer.
El Dizzle, Bo Shizzle.
Oh no, it's Gaelic?
Cecily, Gjol.
That's not Gaelic.
I'm gonna say it's Danish.
Cicely? Is that how I say it?
It's got an A and an E in one letter.
I'm a dumb American.
Kimberly Danny, Sarah Hampton, Michelle Minton,
Vanessa Moss, Gwynnevere Barlow.
Man, always wanted to have sex with a Gwynnevere.
sex with a Guinevere. Karen Bondi. Mary Rush Yelverton. Lila Birds. The Lane family. Thank you guys.
Callie Piaichuk. Callie Pai-Cooch. Kelly Picooch. Ellie Cian. Ellie Cian.
Briotti Deck. Lisa L. Tony Beamer. Elliot Valentine. Cassandra Loveless.
I bet you ain't love this girl. I bet you feel with love in your heart.
Bonnie Millett
Sarah Benveniste
Joe Simon
Hallie Geryl's
Ellen
Jack
Heidi Tolifson
Yosh Yamonaka
Shea Berenger
Vanessa
Chelsea Rebusrell
McCarvish
That one I know I did bad with that one
Whitney Kane
Becca von Bismarck
Torrey Falk
Beth Waldron, Natalie Contreras, Faith Dawn Forbes, Stephanie Mosier, Matthew McDowell, Alexis Mandraught,
Cody Crowley, Wendy Wellwood, man, we got some, uh, not alliteration, what is it?
Um, consternation, constimation, we got consummation.
Jessica Nordensen, Nora Jane, Bill Casey.
Kelly Hardwick
Elizabeth O'Hara
Tyler Pester
Helen
Salmer Sweetman
Carol C. Smith
Melissa Whitney
Margaret Gibson
Amber Rose
The Amber Rose
Anne Hegarty
Jessica Journey
Rebecca Brink
Amanda Haynes
Caroline Lewis
Cassia
Huigzenza
Cassia
Huizenga
Was that close?
Kelly, Dustin Wadsworth, Samantha Knight, Jada, Katie Cadd, Christian Castillo, Shana Davids,
Sophia R, Brittany Morrissey, and Ashley Bray.
Thank you guys, forever and ever I thank you, and one day I will see you,
and one day I will kiss you if you want it, because I never force anyone to kiss,
never force anyone to kiss.
I love you guys so much.
I hope you have a fabulous week.
The sun's going to come out tomorrow.
I can feel it.
Everything's up.
2019's going to get better.
No matter what you need to hear,
everything's going to get better.
I love you guys so much.
I hope you have a brilliant week.
This show is made possible by listeners like you.
Thanks to our ad sponsors.
You can support our shows by supporting them.
For more shows like the one you just listened to,
go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.
Thank you.
