Page 7 - Episode 294: Ding Dong Daughter

Episode Date: March 14, 2019

Jackie and Henry catch up on Lori Loughlin's college admission scandal, mixing condiments and A-Rod & JLo's engagement. Go to http://phlur.com and use promo code PAGE7 to get 20% off your custom P...hlur sample set! Get your first refill pack free at http://getquip.com/page7 Start your 4-week trial at http://stamps.com with promo code: PAGE7 Want even more hot goss? Patreon supporters get weekly bonus episodes! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Cold Funk, Riptide, Zazie, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:01 Hey everybody, Holden here. And I'm Jake. And we're here to tell you about the Wizard and the Bruiser podcast, a podcast in which we take any subject in nerd culture, and in fandom. We talk about comic books, movies, anime, and we explain just what all the fuss is about. And this isn't just white guys talk about the stuff
Starting point is 00:00:19 they read on the internet this week. It's not just that. These are deep dives into the hidden histories of all these franchises that you think you know the story behind, but you have no idea how deep the hole gets. We cover Spawn. We cover Wonderworld. Woman. We cover Dragon Ball Z. We cover The Thing. We're talking about the film The Thing.
Starting point is 00:00:37 And not the secret that we must never mention. So join us for Wizard in the Brewers podcast on LPN. Well, I'm running down the road trying to lose my load. I've got seven women on my mind. Oh, they want to owe me two. They want to stone me one so she's a friend of mine. Take it easy. It is easy. Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy. Fuck anybody that says they don't like the Eagles. I'm sorry, I'm loud, and I'm fucking proud.
Starting point is 00:01:25 My name is Jackie Zabrowski. Welcome to page seven. It's a Zabrowski roll call today. Whoa, Zabrowski roll call. Hey, hey, it's Jackie. Hey, hey, it's Jackie. Zabrowski roll call. Hey, hey, it's Henry.
Starting point is 00:01:37 Hey, Henry. Hey, hey, it's. It's Henry. Welcome to page seven. Hey, hey, it's Henry. It's me. Man, do we love a Zabrowski roll call? It's just us Sibbs today. Jackie, you're frightening today. I have had about 76 ounces of coffee. I think you're going to Luke Perry yourself. No. How dare you too soon? What happened to him. That's what happened to him. He was on set. He had three, five-hour energy drinks. I'm making this up. He also had a lot of regrets, and he lived a hard life.
Starting point is 00:02:11 How dare you? No, he didn't. Everything about Luke Perry has been positive. No one has said one negative thing about Luke Perry. No, I'm not saying that he did something bad. I'm saying he spent his life shouldering the secrets of Shannon Doherty. And I will also say possibly I and Zering, who might have made some form of mistake, either leaving a quote-unquote sex worker, quote-unquote, to die, quote-unquote, in a bathtub.
Starting point is 00:02:39 It sounds like you are making all of this up. That's the best part about celebrity. You can. You are being mean. How dare you? Not about by Luke Perry. Luke Perry should be a warning sign to those of us, the innocent,
Starting point is 00:02:53 that are forced to shoulder the others. And also knowing that caffeine can't kill you. I guess, I think caffeine can give you a stroke. I'm pretty sure caffeine can definitely kill you, but not today. Not today, Satan. I won't allow it.
Starting point is 00:03:05 Don't do the not today, say. Do not do the not today. not today, Satan. Oh, I'm doing it because I'm hashtag blessed. You're screaming. I'm a little of love like you say. You're scaring. All right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:03:15 You're scaring at me. And we're not even in the same studio. Literally, the vibrations of your energy from the monitor in the New York studio are scaring the shit of me. Stop shaking your breasts. I have, oh, I have a light mesh on today. I hate it. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:03:32 Cover it. I can't see him shimmy. Move up to fucking camera. So I don't see any of your jiblets. You want to see the top. of my head, is that better? This is better. At least now I'm not looking at it.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Jesus Christ. What did I walk into the studio with it? I'm being held hostage by a goblin queen today. Are you so scared? Yes. Are you scared? Henry, do you like the Eagles? Songs from the Eagles, certain hits from the Eagles,
Starting point is 00:03:58 have specific moments attached to my life. I want to say that they're running on empty, right? Yeah. Is that Eagles? I believe it's a Jackson Browns. song, but Jackson Brown was a part of the Eagles. Jackson Brown was a part of the Eagles. Cha. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:04:13 See, I am a huge Jackson Brown fan. That sort of makes sense. You and Eddie are the same way. Ed Larson from Roundtable, gentlemen, bright of side. That makes sense. The song already gone meant a lot to me at certainly. Oh, that is a good song, too. But it's about a time period. The problem is that now if you go to see the Eagles in concert, the best thing you should
Starting point is 00:04:36 probably do, I mean, like, this is just, What a great way to round up a bunch of boomers and put them into millennial jail. Oh, yeah, baby. Because that's the problem. It's been accepted by it's the easy living of boomers in their summer home, like in their beach cabin. See, and I get all of those. I also understand if you hate Dad Rock.
Starting point is 00:04:58 If you hate Yacht Rock and you're not into the Eagles, I understand. But if you like other Dad Rock and other Yacht Rock, at least some of the Eagles, I feel like it's the kind of thing where I'm surrounded by people that say they don't like the Eagles and then I play a song they're like who is this I'm like it's the Eagles they are lying to themselves I know if you like dad rock to begin with because what do I like I mean I'm a rush guy I like rush I like Sticksie and I'm not a big rush I'm not a big rush head I'll literally knee you in the jaw I'll jump up and I'll knee you in the
Starting point is 00:05:28 jaw like I'm Zangeefe I think Zangief had that mood in streetcar I don't think you could knee me in the jaw if I paid you five million dollars to do it if I get you all I get you all on the floor. That's not the same. Knock you with the elbow. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm not trying to hurt you. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:05:43 Brother, sister, violence. And this is what we were talking about. What? Bad things come out about people sometimes. And maybe there's anti-sister violence happening in the Zabrowski household. You are not a prisoner. You are, as a matter of fact, you are a Duke. And you know that in the Zabrowski army.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Yeah, I'm dukees, Zabrowski. Dookie. I feel like, I can't stop talking like Donatella Versace. my brother My brother My brother He's the day the deep I'm trying to do the same face
Starting point is 00:06:15 That she had to like the grimlin Yeah My brother was such a brilliant So good at it I mean I keep talking about it because I recently watched it again Which is one of the few shows
Starting point is 00:06:26 I've watched again in a while Yes And man held up No Versace is real good And not to get into it too deep But have you finished True Detective yet? Oh yeah we watch all of it
Starting point is 00:06:36 Ooh, Mohercial Olly, really knocking it down. Wow. And then it just, you know, it's like, depends on how stoned you are. Because afterwards I was just like just talking about how like time and memory and the things that you choose to forget. And as your mind falls apart, the memories that still stay and like that kind of stuff. That's a part of what I ended up talking about it with my therapist, but the concept of if you want to forget things all the time, it's almost like you're asking for dementia.
Starting point is 00:07:02 It's like this concept of being he's trying to push the past to the size. to the side again and again and those who don't live in a moment who don't like choose to accept like oh I and if you don't if you regret your life and you want to like erase like your past and you want this idea of like you're basically racing through your day to get to the next day
Starting point is 00:07:19 you're essentially you're just going to wake up and you're going to be Meershali in old people makeup but you know what at the same time he looked great crazy makeup was it Dorff was his name Steven Dorff not Dorff does golf yeah but no no Stephen Dorff does golf but I was just I don't know I just finished it last night, so it's fresh on my brain, but I also finished back with the X,
Starting point is 00:07:38 which Henry, you got to watch Back with the X. I don't know. I've had several series that people now come up to me and like, you've got to watch Terrace House. You've got to watch Terrace House didn't ignite my fires. No, I don't need soft-spoken, sweet genteel Japanese men having like, I think that, when they like having fights about origami, I'm not trying to be racist. I mean, I'm not aware because I think I watched the first like five minutes of an episode. It was like, nah. It was him going, ah,
Starting point is 00:08:06 it's very, like, whispery. Whispery. It's very ASMR. And I'm not into ASMR. I don't... Does that churn your butter? Yes, this is ASMR?
Starting point is 00:08:20 Yes, yes, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. No, doesn't churn my butter. But Back with the X is an Australian. It's an Australian reality show. And it is just truly... I don't know why I watched all of it.
Starting point is 00:08:34 and it made me very upset where it's one it's one partner from an old relationship Oh, you were telling me about this Yes, I was telling you about this Begging, not begging, but bringing back an X For the show to see if they live together for three weeks If they can make it work after not seeing each other for years But it's like the X before and before the last X
Starting point is 00:08:58 It's like one of those right where it's somebody from a very long time ago There's one that they hadn't seen each other in 28 years and you were trying to rekindle it. That was cool. Did it do it? It was just very, it was very upsetting because in a lot of the cases, it's the one that had been pining for the other one for so long. And like the one with the 28 years, she was like,
Starting point is 00:09:21 I just haven't thought about him. I haven't thought about him. I had a family. I had a life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't think about him at all. No, but the other one was pining for her. Well, then there's one that, like, two of them were high school sweethearts,
Starting point is 00:09:34 and she cheated on him and she was the one that brought him back to be like, maybe we can make it work. Maybe I think that's really scary. It's actually very scary. There's this one point. There's one. Oh my God. There's this one couple that this dude is like a juice head.
Starting point is 00:09:53 And this woman had gone through a lot. It seems a lot of therapy to get over how he treated her. Oh, my God. They were together for six years. He was very controlling. In fact, they had this thing called a memory box that you both bring, like, memories from your relationship. And she didn't really have anything. But she did have a pamphlet for a breast enlargement surgery that for her birthday, he gave her a birthday card that inside a $10,000 check and was like, either pay off your student loans, but really you should just get a breast enlargement surgery.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Interesting. A bad move. And he's like, no, no, I gave you options. She's like, you didn't give me any option. at ain't no means. It took her years to get past this dude that would, he only slept her there six times in six years. Weird. He's gay.
Starting point is 00:10:41 He's very, he's a very mean machise, but the show is very much getting into the meat of relationships and they even do a thing where it's like, they have a boy's night, they have a girl's night, and then in the morning it's all like psychological torture where it's just an iPad sitting on the bed for each one of them it's like, do you want to see what they got up to
Starting point is 00:11:01 last night to see how they talked about you and you could choose whether or not you watch it. I don't know. It's very gross, man. I don't know. I feel like I kept watching it. Because we have been trained by rom-coms, right, and things, and like
Starting point is 00:11:17 these dating shows, this idea that if you were to materialize at your first boyfriend's house like now, and you're like, I've been waiting to see you for so long. How are you? You miss me. Very scary.
Starting point is 00:11:31 About you. Like, that's That's fucking... Horrifying! That's horrifying! I was just reading through the lyrics of Biz Marquis Just a Friend. That's scary enough that he hooked up with some girl one night, found out where she went to school, showed up at her dorm, and he's like, you were just kissing some other dude.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Well, that's romance. That's persistence. That's scary! But now we can really... I almost think it's scary. I'm going to put this to you. I'm going to put this to you. Please put it to me.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Ugh. Ew. Gross. Henry. But I'm going to put this concept of now, right, we, you date somebody new or you meet somebody new. Yeah. What are they doing? A full on Pentagon level deep dive into whatever they can find about you on the internet.
Starting point is 00:12:23 Anybody who says that they don't do that is lying. That is not true. Unless you are, unless you are just a, you are also a dangerous person. But I think that you go and you receive. But then we all show up and act like we don't know anything everything about your life Where it's just being like what's scarier than that a bunch of people with an active dossier Who go like hi how your name what's your name Ryan? Oh hey Brian me and what like you know what their mother looks like Yes you know every single thing about Brian and that's what but that's what's scary in this day and age but at the same time it also makes absence
Starting point is 00:13:03 stuff like that, very more, like so much more accessible because you can do research on a person. You know, showing up at a date for an app, like on an app, I would always do all my research. Because what if it's just like all these things come up of like, he murders women on first dates? Well, that would be, that's a very scary news headline. And how does it get out? I mean, I don't know. I mean, maybe he's got a bunch of money. But if he had a bunch of money, sugarbabies.com, never pay for anything ever again.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Man, did those billboards always try to seduce me? You could just be like, ooh, because it's just, it's, oh, it's that easy, ooh, okay. Never pay for anything ever again. Yeah. And speaking of never paying for anything ever again, do you ever think about, like, if maybe mom didn't love us enough? Uh, yeah, I'm in therapy. I was, this. Yeah, of course, that's a part of it.
Starting point is 00:13:55 I mean, why do you think we do what we do? Now that she didn't, she emotionally loved us. Desperate attention. Yes. But did she show it? But did she pay $500,000 to get us into a college that we didn't deserve to be in? Like, Lori Loughlin just came out, she just got indicted in alleged college admission scams for her daughters. Now, her daughters are YouTube people, right?
Starting point is 00:14:23 Doesn't one of her daughters have like 2 million followers or some shit? Or is that Felicity Huffman? Well, Felicity Huffman is also another mother that paid to get. her kid into college. Which I get, you got to. That's the leg up in this world that you could do and you got that money, I guess. I guess that's what you do. I mean, I don't fucking know. We don't have that kind of money to pay for Wendy to go to college. I just, why don't you want your daughter to be smart? I want her to, I want her to learn how to work for it because nothing in this life is given to.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Because, yeah, the ding-dong daughter of Lori Loughlin, right? I think her name is, her name is like Schmool, Gilda. Yeah, I think it's Schmool-Loughlin. No, she is a YouTube person, right? I believe so, yeah. Look it up. I'll look it up. I'll look it up. To the clip clip.
Starting point is 00:15:08 I believe she's a YouTube person. So she's already, like, making something out of nothing. Why should she expect anything less? And then I saw some post where she said it was either her or Felicity Hoffman's order that said, I don't even really, I only want to go to school. On her YouTube page, I only really want to go to school for the game days and for partying. It's Olivia. Her name is Olivia Jade. Yeah, Schmole.
Starting point is 00:15:29 And she is a YouTube. store. She's not a store. She's 19 years old. Yeah, her whole life is fucking set. Yeah, so then also why pay $500,000 to get her into an Ivy League school when just go let like let her like boobies do the talking. No, because she's got, she's got tapioca in upstairs. That's why because you have this. Is that why her breasts are so full? Is that what you're saying? No, she's just young. She is very young. She is young. But you're not actively using your breasts for anything because you're not actually showing. them. No, because I'm not on sugarbabies.com. Not yet.
Starting point is 00:16:03 Oh, God. That's why Jeff's got to grow their business. That's someday. I think I'm too old to be referred to as a sugar baby. What does that make me? I think you're... Sugar mommy? I think you're...
Starting point is 00:16:13 I'd say you're a sugar auntie. Oh, is that? All right, I'll give Wendy whatever she wants. If she wants to go to school, I will pay and put her through school. I don't think she's disciplined enough for school. Can you imagine her trying to write little papers? I would do whatever she wants. She's just,
Starting point is 00:16:29 yeah. Auntie, I don't know this hyper-pacographic. And you're like, here's $10,000. Shut up, Wendy. Shut up, Wendy. I would never tell Wendy to shut up. I love Wendy so much.
Starting point is 00:16:42 No, no, but you're giving her money at the same time. Oh, baby, quip. You got what I need. And you say you brush my teeth. And boy, do you brush my teeth? You know, Bismarkey may have needed a wake-up call to realize he was making poor relationship choices. But what he truly needed was a dang quip toothbrush.
Starting point is 00:17:05 I know, you've heard me call about it before, but I'm heading out of town this week for old H.J. McNeely's wedding, and it does my heart good knowing I ain't got a puzzle box a travel toothbrush up in my head hole. I like a medium toothbrush. I personally don't like soft toothbrushes. You know, I didn't realize this was Jackie's Confession Corner. Did you? Oh, Madger.
Starting point is 00:17:28 Quip's multi-use cover mounts to your mirror and unmounts to slide over your bristles for the on-the-go brushing. So begone devil-foldy toothbrushes, you weren't good for me, and I'm breaking up with you. I got my quip, Daddy, travel hold me up, that declutters my sink and makes traveling with an electric toothbrush easier. And Quip doesn't require a clunky charger. It runs for three months on one charge. It really does. possibly one of my favorite parts of quip is the fact that they include toothpaste
Starting point is 00:18:00 with all of their refills. Plus, travel-sized toothpaste. It makes my life so easy. I'll never run out of toothpaste again. I'm definitely guilty of running out of toothpaste in the past and eking out the breaths of the final squirt. And then I just get frustrated
Starting point is 00:18:16 and I end up using water to brush my teeth and that ain't okay. Man, this is really becoming Jackie's confession court. Do I have anything else to confess? Don't worry. Don't worry, it's not a real confession. That's why I love Quip. And why they're backed by over 20,000 dental professionals.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Quip starts at just $25, and if you go to getquip.com slash page 7 right now, you get your first refill pack for free with a quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash page 7. Also, you know, maybe you should peruse the lyrics of Juster Friend because if anyone acted that pushy at me and showed up in my dorm, I'd probably deliver a swift gut punch and an ew, yucky, yucky, get out of here, you creep. What I think is really funny, though, is Lori Loughlin, she bribed USC, she bribed USC,
Starting point is 00:19:06 $500,000 to claim that her daughters were both in the rowing team and that they were going to join the rowing team when they got into USC. But like, at that point, why not just bribe them and be like, hey, just get them into school? Because then they got a row. At that point, I don't want a row as well as you paid all this money. I'm going to say it this way. We're in a humiliation culture right now. We're like in this section of time where people want to make celebrities.
Starting point is 00:19:37 A part of how everybody will feel better about the nature of celebrity and how strong the power of celebrity is currently in the United States of America. Right? And this concept of people have more say. So they want to drag Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffalo. men through the streets, right? And they wanted to come up like, can't believe that they gave all of this money to these colleges.
Starting point is 00:19:55 He can't believe that they would ever bribe these colleges when it has literally been happening since the beginning of colleges. So since there were Ivy League colleges, there were people either marketeers. I don't know what the term is. Merchants. I think it was definitely marketeers.
Starting point is 00:20:14 If there's one thing you know about, it's bribeists and the collegiate level. A part of it. But that's what it is, is that they paid to have their sons go. That is how the elite class has been going for forever. That's what they do. But isn't that the whole thing about like the generational thing? I know I was just watching about it on Riverdale where Cheryl Blossom was just like,
Starting point is 00:20:35 what if I gave my opening as a Blossom to Titi my young Latina girlfriend instead, which is nice. But you can't really just shift those seats. The way the things and the way things work inside of Riverdale, It sounds like you're talking about like Minecraft. Like, it sounds like you're talking about it. It's a lifestyle. It's a whole world I do not understand.
Starting point is 00:20:56 But if you can get lessons from it, great. It makes me very upset because you don't watch Riverdale. I was just yelling about it on Riverdale Roundup because, again, I just say real fast, they are stealing my life. There's a new gang called the Pretty Poisons and they wear neon purple jackets, and they all wear dark lipstick and mesh. And they all chew bubble gum. Literally what a lot of people are doing.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Not the mesh. You started the mesh. The mesh was happening. I got a mesh sweatsh shirt on right now. You were surfing on the mesh wave already. Mesh was coming. Dark lip was coming. It was already in the mail.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Dark lip, thick eyebrow, it was coming. It's very Egyptian. But the pretty poisons, I just want to be a part of the pretty poisons. I want you, you know what? I've never been able to seductively, like, chew bubble gum or suck on a lollipop. That's never been a part of my life. I'm glad. Did you ever do that?
Starting point is 00:21:44 You ever do like suck on a pencil? Oh, yeah, absolutely. It was always, it was on a, you know, audition rooms where I go in there and I'm wearing like just I'm wearing nothing but gel in my hair and I'm sucking on a fucking lollipop and I'm a oh I'm a bad boy oh my go I need I need I need a I need a punishment lick yeah I need a punishment lick and then um A to Z it's how I got A to Z that's how you got Stu that's how you got A to C and I'm very proud of you but didn't you didn't you have any of those things that now as an adult do you look back when you were in like middle school in high
Starting point is 00:22:17 school of like, man, I am being sexy right now. That was not sexy. Of course not. You never had sexy types? No, I was a fucking monster. But you were romantic. There was times. You still are a romantic.
Starting point is 00:22:32 I am. Ew. I, there were times in high school when I remember, like, there was specific shirts I thought looked good. And I loved Joop. And Tommy. hill figure cologne that's for certain wait what is jupe that's a thing that kiss all and i commiserate on where it is a type of cologne that was in the bottle the in the shape of a man's body
Starting point is 00:22:58 and it was to slather myself in jup you did always have a lot of sense i like the sense because i was psychologically crippled by every single piece of media that was about the fat kid who was a fart and would sweat and he'd be fart and burps and they're all go get work burgers and he's just like, you guys want to get some snacks? And like, I was immediately positioned as that person and I was like, no, I want to smell good. And I remember I got a compliment.
Starting point is 00:23:29 One of the first compliments I ever received from a girl and I took it from then, I took it from then on. Well, I remember a girl, I want to say like maybe freshman year of high school said, you're so well groomed. Such a weird thing to say. Like I'm a young age. But it's true. Yeah, but that's all.
Starting point is 00:23:47 Isn't it nice, though, to be looked at, like, a piece of meat every once in a while? I wasn't really a piece of meat. It was more like, I don't know what it did, but it did create a complex where it's like, I made sure, like, my neck was always shaved and my nails are always clipped because I hated seeing the dudes with men with long nails. Well, unless they're doing a bunch of blow or playing a guitar, I get it in those respect. Only because you spent 10 years in it. I did spend 10 years in it.
Starting point is 00:24:13 Yeah, with just a bunch of nails. It's like, how else am I going to get all the blow cane up my nose? Like, you're disgusting. But I do think that it's like, you put that in me at a young age that, like, as a fat kid, we have to look and smell good. And you always did that for me, and I appreciate you. Because you're right. I never wanted to stink.
Starting point is 00:24:32 I don't want to stink. And that's all the fat boys did. They always were like, oh, and they use it as a defense mechanism for not being loved. You know who also probably, I'm going to throw it out there, doesn't stink, Jose Canseco. Oh, is it going to have a conversation? Can we first come, please? He's moving to a very fun new phase in his branding. It is, it's very interesting.
Starting point is 00:24:57 I want to throw a mazzle at Arod and J-Lo. Oh, whatever. For doing it. This is her, I think it's her ninth engagement, I believe, she said. I just, poor. She was married, though. She's been married thrice. Because she got married to a singer-man.
Starting point is 00:25:17 Yeah, Mark. Mark Anthony. And that was her last, that was her last marriage where she's got the kids from. But he beat her, right? You did something to where he didn't kick her or anything? No, he's very, he's a smooth. No, I just want to make sure. But they're still friends.
Starting point is 00:25:31 Now, when I, I was forced to. I don't think they're friends, but. I was at the gym the other day. And my, I, a part of what's fun about the modern world is that my headphones ran out of batteries. So I was, I know. I know. Oh, no. Oh.
Starting point is 00:25:45 Oh. Why, my gruncles. That's why I don't have headless anything. Headless? Headless? I was at the gym, forced to watch what I guess was a 20-minute featurette about J-Lo and Big Boy baseball man. A-Rod.
Starting point is 00:26:05 Forced to watch it, were you? Well, I'm just on the elliptical, and it's playing. Man, you love your elliptical. Every time you call me when you're on the elliptical, I don't know how you do both. It's sad. I shouldn't be doing it. And it's a disruption to other people's workouts. But I also at the same time,
Starting point is 00:26:20 and sometimes you've got to make a call. But it's the most literally L.A. thing apart my life is me on a call with you. Yeah. Well, let's just, let's table that. Yeah. It's as if I don't reckon. I'm like, I know you're on the elliptical. Because you get off the elliptical and call me.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Like the dance music in the background. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. But I was watching this pageantry of their engagement. Like, it was too fair. And they talked about they were both, it was a clip show of them. I guess J-Lo was on Ellen one day. And then A-Rud was in Ellen the next day. And it was them talking about the day.
Starting point is 00:26:57 They had filmed the entire thing where they filmed the rundown. They filmed the bed that said, I love you and rose petals on the bed. It's a very scripted love that they have. They immediately had a full-on photo shoot that was produced and art directed. It was like he was the tin man and she was Dorothy. It was like this shit where I was like, what life is this? Is A-R-R-R- and now you look at A-Rod, now what I said, and then I went down a hole of watching A-Rod in interviews,
Starting point is 00:27:26 and it's like, his hands are gripping his knees, and he looks forward. If he's talking to a woman, he's just like, don't look at the woman. Don't look at this woman. Because he knows he can't screw that up, but at the same time, look at J-Lo. Look at how she moves.
Starting point is 00:27:40 She is. Look at how she looks. But at the same time, I don't think it's fun. I don't think their life is. fun besides being opulent. Yeah. But isn't that what celebrity couples are? Isn't that the whole point? I don't know. It's all
Starting point is 00:27:54 disarranged marriages like it's royalty? Yes. What do you think Bay and Jay are? It's all scripted. I mean, I've been saying that Natalie and I get into fight all the time because not all the time, which would be, because that would be sad and indicative of a deeper problem. But no, Natalie is very, like, defensive of their love. And I was like,
Starting point is 00:28:10 this is, it is all fake. Daisy and her probably don't even see each other all day. They probably are in separate sides of this house. They have business meetings where they decide where their love storyline is going to go. But isn't that exactly what we want? We already watch all of these scripted reality shows. I want to see a forever love that works through anything to give me inspiration. That's what this is. And you are scaring me again. Of course. You're scaring me for the second time today. I'm running on caffeine. I know. And I'm running on
Starting point is 00:28:46 empty running out running by um they are going to be murdered by their fans I don't think that that's true I think that everyone's just really happy for them because if you look at all the pictures
Starting point is 00:29:03 so I read a very long Vanity Fair article from a while ago about J-Lo and A-Rod and how they just how they met and they're like this is just the cutest meeting story he literally met her at some game that they were watching. He finds out that she was recently single and he sends her a text from the room
Starting point is 00:29:24 just said, you look sexy AF. And I was like, oh, Prince Charming-He is. It sounds really sad. It sounds sad. But at the same time, with a $1.4 million rock on your finger, you turn that frown upside down. But I saw a recent, some clip of something
Starting point is 00:29:44 that said, I'd rather cry in my Ferrari. You know what I mean? The laugh in my Toyota We're like kind of thing But it's like what about their sadness What about the inner sadness Of understanding that money can't actually Acquire for you
Starting point is 00:29:57 The things that can make you happy That yes the four point Whatever million dollar diamond Guess what man you know what? It can come off if she was in Auschwitz It would have fallen off her finger I'm saying that kind of stuff I think that she gets so thin
Starting point is 00:30:13 Is that what you're saying? That's very. Fucking, that is very controversial. Very dark. Very dark. I'm sorry. But it's more of just being like, if you were at the time when A. Rod and J. Loire and Auschwitz, and A. Rod's spoon feeding her soup in the hovel.
Starting point is 00:30:29 And it's like, you can't buy that. No. I mean, that's bad. That's what you're saying. Yes. But you can't buy that. And he wouldn't give, he wouldn't definitely like, you know, give over his shoes for an extra ration of bread for the children either. He's like, my Loubatants?
Starting point is 00:30:46 Is that what he sounds like? Have you ever heard Arod speak more? I don't know. I think it's like, hello. Is that it? No, I'm able to the New York jankies. I honestly, I don't know what Arod sounds like because I was watching interviews with the two of them
Starting point is 00:31:02 and she never really lets him speak, which is for the best. No, he sounds like, he's like, yeah. She's like, do you want to like get married? I'm like, yeah, I mean, he's a ballgameist. That's not his job. His job's not to be a talkist. We are talkist.
Starting point is 00:31:18 He is a ball gamist. Yeah, and they stay silent. I want to look at your ass and I want your mouth shut. Salencio. He has the director and in Ellen, like the stage director. Erad, silencio. Jennifer, please. Wiggle.
Starting point is 00:31:36 He just keeps gripping his knees, gripping his knees. Gripping his, grip hard, E. Don't you wish you could say something? Every day when I wake up, I look over it. Jenny, I'm like. Surting in the city where a heat is on all night on the beach till the break of dawn. Welcome to Smelling Good. Bienvenito, I'm smelling good.
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Starting point is 00:34:04 to get your first three, flur, fragrance, samples, and 20% off ph,lure.com. But what about Jose Canseco? Jose could say coquay mount saying like, oh, essentially open up your eyes. Another ballgameist who's trying to, like, really make a judge. He's trying to make it work. I really like his rebranding.
Starting point is 00:34:25 I think it's fun. I think he might be mentally ill. The problem is that Randy Quaid went on the same exact trajectory. What do you mean? Randy Quaid went from being fun. Like he started being like alternative thought-wise with the, I mean, people are going to say that that's not true, but with the Star Wack. shit. I loved Starwackers.
Starting point is 00:34:45 What exactly is the Starwacker's stuff? The whole thing is that he believed that he was being manipulated by the U.S. government and the media companies to essentially be used for free to either, like basically do movies that are essentially used for selling ads
Starting point is 00:35:01 and the movies are also for selling agendas that the U.S. government's trying to do. And he believed that those certain movie stars were starting to speak up about it and they were getting whacked by the U.S. government. Isn't that... It's paranoid schizophrenia. Is there no truth to that?
Starting point is 00:35:14 What, uh, I, I think celebrities do a really good job of killing themselves. Mm. But the, if you look at there, there is a track record for celebrities of being hounded by the U.S. government.
Starting point is 00:35:25 John Lennon, uh, that whole group in the 1960s nowadays are saying that there apparently was a recent report that several, uh, like either major Instagram and Twitter accounts that have been four various like political movements have been flagged by the FBI, just to like look at.
Starting point is 00:35:43 So, I mean, I just, I don't know. So you think that Jose Conceco is going to go to, so essentially, for those of you guys that don't know, Jose Canseco is a ballgameist of sorts. He was a very big time ballgameist for a while. Yes. And actually, as someone that knows not a thing about a ball or a net or a field, I have heard of Jose Canseco. And also because he wrote this 2005 tell-all called Juiced, wild times, rampant roids, smash hits,
Starting point is 00:36:11 and how baseball got big. Which is not the time baseball got big because I've seen a league of their own. No, the league of their own was technically during a time period where baseball was incredibly boring. But it got big because we are the members of the All-American League. We come from cities near and far. We got Canadians. Woo! Irish runs and sweets.
Starting point is 00:36:34 We're all for one. We're one for all. We're all American. It was boring at the time. Baseball sucked. But they did a great job. We love seeing the great. No, I'm proud of them.
Starting point is 00:36:45 And I want to hear of heroes. Hashtag heroes. I want you to start calling me dirt in the skirt, Jackie. Ugh. Sounds like you got shit coming out of your ass. Oh, I got dirty my skirt. Henry, I got darded my skirt. But Jose Canseco is referring to a time when steroids definitely shaped baseball in a way winner was actually fun to watch.
Starting point is 00:37:09 Baseball needs steroids again. I mean, I feel like it's like they may be. You know what? I like them big. I like their butts big. And in my brain, roids means big butts. Yep. Right? Is that what roids mean? I don't know, Jackie. Anger and big butts. I think that you need to work out the butt specifically for it to get big on roids. Because then if you do roids and you don't work out, you just get fat. And I think that's almost what Jose can say goes going through right now.
Starting point is 00:37:35 He even went back and said like, I'm sorry because I guess in his book he just openly was like, this guy does roids, this guy does roids. Yeah, it was an open secret. They all do roids. Yeah, everybody did roids. Every, they all of them did it. He is coming out and he's calling Arod a piece of shit because he's apparently openly cheating on J-Lo.
Starting point is 00:37:54 He says, watching World of Dance, watching J-Lo text at A-Rod. Little does she know that he's cheating on her with my ex-wife, Jessica. Poor girl. She has no idea who he really is. That is all one word or all one sentence. Yes. And I don't think he's the smartest man. I know.
Starting point is 00:38:09 He's also offering to take a polygraph now. To prove that A-Rod is cheating on J-Lo. He's trying to get in the mix. He's trying to get in the mix. He's trying to get some attention. He wants A-Rod to say hello. For what? Because he's desperate for attention. It's like Justin Bieber talking about how sad he is right now,
Starting point is 00:38:26 where Justin Bieber is just, he's trying to position himself to be in competition PR-wise with Pete Davidson. I, and honestly, I get it because he's not anyway. But, I mean, you know, I still get Desposito fucking stuck in my head every three days at least. he's still around, but at the same time, I mean, he's getting older and the more grosser. He's going to get older. He's getting older and grosser.
Starting point is 00:38:49 I see, I don't even know if it's grosser. I think that he was just like, I think he might actually be learning at this point. At least it seems that he's just like, I had a bunch of money really young and no one to tell me what to do and I thought I was the best. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it sounds fucking great.
Starting point is 00:39:04 It's the age old story. Poor baby. And now he's married to fucking Haley Baldwin, who is so beautiful. And then they're just openly just saying like, yeah the first few months of our marriage was rough it's like yeah you think yeah because it was fake because he
Starting point is 00:39:17 did it for a PR stunt it's all this shit and Jose Konseko's doing the same thing where poor Jose Konseko is just trying like I don't feel bad for him because he's also he's had a lot of problems he's like he's a fucking criminal but he's trying to get into he's trying to get in the limelight he's trying to like
Starting point is 00:39:33 be it he's trying to build a brand for himself so that now he's doing the big foot in all the alien shit and partially I think he's kind of edging trying to position himself to a place where someone would ask him to do reality television show about it. Well, I don't know if you saw on Twitter, but Jose Canseco was offering for just $5,000, you can spend the weekend with him
Starting point is 00:39:52 and go looking for Bigfoot in an RV. Henry... I thought about it. Henry, are you going to do this? No, I need cameras, though, because I don't trust his actions. But I think that there are... I think that there would be cameras involved. He put his telephone number on Twitter.
Starting point is 00:40:07 He is a... For people to call him. Not well person. No. but it says food is included I bet he eats good in the neighborhood Honestly I bet he does have a chef I feel like he would still be worth money now
Starting point is 00:40:19 I'm gonna say what's his net worth right now I have no idea but they're only giving it out For five people and they're doing it in early April Henry you in the last podcast have nothing else going on right now You're not starting a brand new tour You're not working on all these amazing projects I think you should take the time To go and look for Bigfoot
Starting point is 00:40:40 with Jose Can you imagine the buddy cop film that would come from the two of you. Mr. Short loves a conspiracy and Jose Can Psycho because of my brain sounds like this. Am I Mr. Short to you? You called me Mr. Short, but I would be Mr. Short. That would be my name on the show. He says here on the internet. You were looking at your phone. I didn't think you were listening. On the internet, it is the, according to this, it says he's worth 500,000. which is probably not accurate, but it's normally like somewhere in there, but that's unfortunate.
Starting point is 00:41:16 He didn't save any of that money, I guess. That is not a lot of money for a man this, like I know his name. Like I said, $500,000 is not, I mean, to me, that's, I can't even imagine. I'm not that much money, but Jose Canseco, maybe that's why he needs the money. He made $45 million in his career. Whoa. That's how fast money goes. It goes that fast when you have that many people.
Starting point is 00:41:42 When you're paying for all this shit, like you definitely are paying for like an entire staff and you have multiple houses and you have all these cars and all the shit and then that money just fucking stops and then you're fucked. See, but then that's why it's like you can't worry about money and buying happiness for Arod and J-Lo because they both have made way more money than that. So no matter what happens,
Starting point is 00:42:03 they're both going to be beyond millionaires. Sure, maybe. So that kind of money does buy happiness. I'm convinced. I don't think it makes you not happy. Right? I think it is easier to not be happy if you have a, too. It is easier to be happy if you are very, very wealthy.
Starting point is 00:42:24 But the problem, it's more of just the societal direct problems are more easy to be solved, where your inner problems then actually take the forefront. And then you have to figure out like then. It's more of like when you're chasing that dollar and you want. Get that dollar. Go to get a dollar. If you're chasing that dollar, you don't realize
Starting point is 00:42:45 the kind of damage you're doing your psyche as you go and then maybe that's why you flip out and all of a sudden you're in a little highway waving a gun around. Well, do you think that that's what's going to end up happening with Goop? Because Goop, Clip, Clop, Clip, Clip.
Starting point is 00:42:56 Backtracking right now. She just did. Henry, I know that we... I feel nothing about Goop a lot. Are you familiar with Goop and all of her eyes? We've been talking about this for fucking years. We've been talking about... Well, no.
Starting point is 00:43:09 I know that she probably... Probably has the strongest physical pussy of any woman on the face of the planet how long she's been clenching that egg. I don't know. I think that's more of her like anxiety and her upset of why it's so tight. And also probably the fact that she sows it shut every night. No, she clenched that egg. You got that egg? No, you can't use the eggs, Henry. And also, she never used the eggs.
Starting point is 00:43:29 So what she was talking about in the, um, so South by Southwest was this last weekend. And they did this like, what is it? Packet, a pocket? What? A talk pocket with goop. What about it? What are those calls? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:43:40 So she went out and she's like, people love to talk about like goop is controversial. It's like really because we're talking about female sexual health, women's empowerment, women's sexual health. That's where this sort of controversy lies a lot of the time, which I find really fascinating. I don't think that that is the problem with it. That is not the problem. I don't think it necessarily is about how controversial. I hate this fucking shit. Because that's how they position it.
Starting point is 00:44:14 They position it back to, oh, it's controversial. And so that's why it's cool. It's like all this kind of stuff. They're basically using whatever publicity it gets as positive publicity. When it's being like, nobody gives a shit, actually. Yeah. No, everyone is very big. It's like, as someone that is a very positive female sexuality proponent
Starting point is 00:44:35 over here, and I'm upset about all this stuff. No, of course. I would love more conversations about female sexuality. I want that to be more of the con in the conversation for all women. Then she goes on to say like, we didn't understand that you can't make certain claims. We just thought we were like writing a blog. I am just besides myself all the time with this woman. Talking about. What are you talking about that so you just essentially thought You could hire a bunch of young people that don't know anything about anything to just write whatever they want.
Starting point is 00:45:12 It's like, no, you should do this. And then women are getting hurt and sick by using your products. It's literally the same thing that Zuckerberg does. It's literally the same thing where he's like, I don't know. Oh, we're just making websites. And we don't know why everybody's so mad at me. What? Why do we get into people's privacy?
Starting point is 00:45:33 Why are they mad at me? I just make a website. And then they act like they didn't know what they were doing the entire time and try to beg out of it. And then it's just, you know, it all just needs to disappear. Eventually, Goop will collapse. I don't know if she will because people really, because like she's now, it's like doing the whole like magazine stuff, the television stuff. Her old thing. She's like, my acting was just a side thing.
Starting point is 00:45:56 And now I'm doing what I really wanted to be doing. What are you talking about? Get thought. What is that job then? It's lifestyle guru. You wanted to be a lifestyle guru When you were 20 years old Doing fucking Shakespeare in gloves?
Starting point is 00:46:11 Yeah, it was Shakespeare in gloves I got all these gloves Look at all my gloves How can I feel my quilt? How do I drink the poison, mister? I got all these gloves on Well, I'll tell you how You gotta take off the gloves
Starting point is 00:46:23 Take them all off My muse! Put them right up inside of your pussy Your, my muse! I mean she can go F She can go F And I just like I just don't like
Starting point is 00:46:35 looking at her face anymore. I don't like it. And yet, but then who am I? Who are you? Who are you? Because I still read the articles, don't I? You do. And you know what article you sent that you said that you called a fucking throwaway article, but I wanted to talk about? The fact that they're bringing back
Starting point is 00:46:51 new mayonnaise combos in the bottles. They're making, because they just did mayo chup from Heinz, and now they're doing mayo stirred. Mayo turd? Mayo must. It's Mayo Moss. And Mayo Must be on my hot dogs. I feel like
Starting point is 00:47:06 we can mix our own mayonnaise of mustard. See, this is exactly, you see, I like a specific ratio. And the same with Mayo Q. You know, they're coming out with Mayo Q and Mayo Must. Was it Paul Dene
Starting point is 00:47:22 over there? Is that where she slid into? Is she back there in the Maynays Labs? Is that where, that's how she figured up in like, no, y'all, Pipe'll Lack mix of minates and barbecue sauce. And I don't I've never done it. I've never done it.
Starting point is 00:47:37 What, mixed with mayo and barbecue sauce? No. I don't think I have either, but at the same time, is it not the base of I imagine at least three of the condiments that I enjoy? I don't know. I don't know. I just think that we as a, I love humankind in many ways. Many ways it does disappoint me. Isn't disappointment almost worse than anger?
Starting point is 00:48:01 Oh, I think that's how we were raised and why also we are in therapy. but the mixture of things, right? Remember when they had the peanut butter and jelly in one jar? That infuriated me. I mean, you know, I don't eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because I like peanut butter and I like jelly, but I don't like them mix together. I don't like them on bread.
Starting point is 00:48:20 You're scaring me again. But the mixture of the squirt and the way that it was in the jar and you could see the designs on the side of the jar, the ribbons. And I feel like, and almost an... away, if the mayo chup and the mayo muscle. I don't like mayo chop. I don't like it. But if it did have the ribbons,
Starting point is 00:48:43 I maybe would enjoy it more. But just the thing of the goop in the the pink goop in it is strange. That part of it that's not selling me. The colors of these are not selling me. But also, again, they try to mix everything and it's just like, I just feel like we could work for something.
Starting point is 00:49:02 I know that we definitely could. And also, because it's like, When I get my side of mayo, I do a squirt and a half of chup in there, and I use a fry to mix it together like a little, like a room a lot of sorts. It also gives you something to do, number one. It gives you something to do with your hands. It's something to do when you're sitting in silence at the dinner table. And you go, I'm mixing my condiments. So you can say that.
Starting point is 00:49:31 And you're like, oh, look, me mix my condiments. That's fun. I'm mixing my condiments. I'm going to say that to the next up. Customer service person. Will you watch me as I mix my condiments? You see, this is how I do it, but you probably do it differently because you're here. What's your?
Starting point is 00:49:47 How many squirts do you use? What's your chup ratio? Ew. Chup. But I like any of mixing it with the French fry. It's just the, because if you just cord it out of the clear on the thing and you got your mayo chup and just one go, that's wasted seconds. It's just seconds without something to do. Now what do you do?
Starting point is 00:50:08 Isn't that why we pay to go to theme parks? I tell you what, the more time we spend not mixing our chup and our mayo, the more time we have to commit hate crimes. I'm going to put out there. I'm going to the idle hands of the tools of the devil. Do you have it? Stamps.com. You know, I may not have guts.
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Starting point is 00:52:27 We ain't slap a ring on it, but you can three-ar that. to just go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in page seven. That's stamps.com enter page seven. Heinz is also going to, they're talking about having other brands of their,
Starting point is 00:52:44 man, I don't think I'm ever going to stop calling ketchup chup now and I think it's just outside of chup. Well, it's better than cats up. Oh, cats up. Hey, who brings my fucking blood boy? He makes me so mad to fucking kill. I'll kill a dog. If you told me that you caught,
Starting point is 00:52:59 if you dare say that, pass the cats up and you have your dog with you, I'll kill your fucking dog. No, don't say that. Don't say that to people. But what about Mayo Racha? We got Mayo Racha, Mayo Basco. No.
Starting point is 00:53:13 And Mayo Shushasur. No. Absolutely not. Soracha and Mayo are not a combination. That's not a combination. But then I think, but maybe it could be. I mean, I do love a spicy, like a Chipotle mayo. Ugh.
Starting point is 00:53:28 So maybe I've been not, I need more. condiments to mix. I just think that you need less chop. I do need less chop in my life. You know why? Don't need the sugar. Well, no, you know what? I'll tell you what.
Starting point is 00:53:38 It's better than when I used to eat fucking meals with Holden McNeely and when we used to work together when he used to cover his entire meal in ketchup. You're like, yeah, this all I like it. Used to make his french fries soft and eat him in like a, in an eagle's claw on his hand. He's stick four or five fucking french fries and sop up all this ketchup. He's like, I don't get it. Everybody, like, makes it. big fucking deal, but, like,
Starting point is 00:54:03 not eating ketchup and he said ketchup's gross, and he folds it into his fucking hole. Ugh, this, the one Holden-McNeely from Wizard and the Bruiser, who is getting married in just a couple days time. Somebody's getting married. Somebody's getting married. It is going to be a beautiful
Starting point is 00:54:19 event. Two houses joined together in one. I'm going to go ahead and say, guys, I'm anti-chup. I'm not big into chup. It's never really been my thing. I'm not a chup. not my thing. No, I like
Starting point is 00:54:33 a whole grain mustard. I like, I like that with the big popules in them. Yeah, man. With the mustard eggs in them. I like the bites of it. Is it mustard eggs? They are mustard eggs. That's how you make more mustard. Oh, with the, yeah, plant them in your stomach.
Starting point is 00:54:50 Oh, that's why my shit's yellow. No, that's because I'm traveling. Yeah, that's why you call it your mayo must droppings. No, I'm just traveling, so. My stomach gets upset when I'm traveling. It's hard on the stomach. You know where we're going to be traveling? soon too, Henry. Henry, I'm going to buy us two tickets to the all-adult
Starting point is 00:55:05 Cardi B crews. You're lying. And the thing is, I know that I haven't sold you on Cardi B just yet. I'm fine with Cardi B. I'm a neutral on Cardi B. I know you're a neutral, but I'm just saying. She's, I, and you know, I love, love, Cardi B. I feel like I would be
Starting point is 00:55:21 lying to myself. When I hear, like, other men my age going, like, Cardi B, I'm here for it, like doing a thing, like, and it's like a guy named Trey who's, you know, You know, he's got his fucking, he's balding and he's doing this. I mean like, yeah, girl, being like, you're lying. You don't understand Cardi B.
Starting point is 00:55:38 I feel like I have at least the honesty to be like, her. Yes. And also, it's also just not the kind of music that you usually listen to. So I get that it's not your thing. Just like I'm kind of getting into Post Malone right now because I kind of like it. And I never thought that I would. I cannot and I will not. I mean, the face tattoos are a little bit much.
Starting point is 00:55:57 I cannot. And I absolutely. fucking will not. But Henry, what if I got barbed wire tattooed on my forehead? You know what, Jackie? You live your dreams. And I'll say, I may you must do it. That's what I'm starting saying.
Starting point is 00:56:14 I think it's really, honestly, it's a great idea. I mean, work isn't hard enough to get now. I think you should really put another obstacle in there. I think that I need a barbed wire and then to some I say, it's my wire of thorns. Ever heard of it? Crown of thorns. Oh.
Starting point is 00:56:34 I'm not the most religious of people. Maybe I'll throw that out there. No, absolutely not. No, absolutely not. I do like the idea that they're really, they're unveiling quite a few different all-adult cruise lines. And Henry, I think we should do one. I cannot imagine going to a cruise with kids on it.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Ever, never. I never want to do it. Never want to be anywhere in close quarters with children that are not. I don't even want to be with kids I know. Or like my friend's kids or like if we have family with kids. See, I love being around kids. But if I'm slammed on a boat for four days, I don't even want to remember my name, let alone worrying about falling on a child
Starting point is 00:57:19 because I get so teeny drunk. By day three of the cruise, I want to be in silence sitting on a beach chair with me, my wife. In her, in a... My wife. My wife. I want to be sitting there. Fucking enjoying a teeny. And then the only laughter I want to hear is the laughter of consenting adults.
Starting point is 00:57:40 And I mean, I say the same thing about airplanes. Because they get bored. They get bored. These kids get bored. They don't want to be on the fucking gross. I wouldn't want to be on a boat if I can't drink. Remember when we all went on that cruise that we couldn't drink? And then everyone thought we were a husband and wife because we were so ugly as teenagers.
Starting point is 00:57:55 It was really gross. That was really a bad day. That was a bad time. That was a bad cruise. We should probably redo our cruise experience so we can have a new memory. This is exactly what I'm saying. I'm saying we take the cruise back. And I don't want to necessarily go on the 50 shades of gray cruise with you.
Starting point is 00:58:12 No, I don't want to get, I don't want to hear anybody getting spanked next to my sister. No, I don't want to do that. I'll do that where the sexy time I'm going to be alone in the room, but I don't want to be on a sexy themed cruise with my family either. No, this is definitely, this is a couple's only cruise because this one they're doing, essentially it's like a 50 Shades Grave
Starting point is 00:58:32 where they've got like, basically poolside fuck parties, themed fantasy parties, and a red room. That's a lot. That's a lot. It's a lot because you're trapped on a boat. You're also in a red room.
Starting point is 00:58:43 You got a thing up your ass. You're fucking got your chain to the wall or something. And then you hit turbulence and you're like, whoa. Whoa. Remember Henry when we were dancing on the, like in the night club together? And the, and then the boat was a rocking and not in a back.
Starting point is 00:58:58 way between siblings. Disgust me. I've been watching a lot of Game of Thrones. I'm trying to catch up. More like cats up. I'm trying to chup. Henry! Oh, but it's
Starting point is 00:59:12 Henry, it's time for the list. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, because we got to do this. Sing this song. Who's got the list? It's me. Gotta have that list. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:59:24 You have to sing the whole song. Who's got the list? Thank you. It's me. Gotta have the list. Liz. Thank you. Well, this has a lot more to do with like the, oh, God, I almost said Marcus Parks. The Marcus Parks part of the episode today. No, the Justin Bieber part. I started doing research into the Hillsong Church. Oh, yes, yes. These are members of the Hillsong Church, which is basically a hip, L.A.
Starting point is 00:59:49 church that seems also to denounce gay people. It is, it's very interesting because I do, like, I do feel guilt sometimes for loving Chip and Jojo and stuff like that, because I, don't agree with their church and their church's beliefs. Who gives this shit? They're in Waco. Waco is literally, if you go to Waco, that is what that entire part of the country is about. But then, and that's the whole thing. So this is a church it's like, we got Selena Gomez goes to this church. Justin Bieber and Haley Baldwin go to this church. HIP churches need to be blown up with rocket launchers. I don't, I'm not going to take that kind of aggressive stance with you. Hip churches can suck my dick. I just like,
Starting point is 01:00:26 I don't remember. It's like, I remember I used to, um, I decided to pretend to be religious for a while just so I could go to Wednesday school instead of Sunday school so I would get out of class early. Well, we were all sort of forced. We were all kind of forced a little bit when we were kids to do the religious thing. You actually didn't get any of it.
Starting point is 01:00:43 I got all of it. I was forced to go to church. And I was kind of steered clear of it because I'm like, I'm a girl and I don't like Caprice and I got away with it. Well, yeah, but at least there, you didn't have to worry about getting lick-licked
Starting point is 01:00:55 unless you're with the fucking nuns. You're right. Because those nuns, They got fucking tongues like frogs. I seen the ones that make the cheese. What is that? What show is that? The nuns that make the cheese.
Starting point is 01:01:06 Remember we watching together? Noun, thin but cheese. The Chris Pratt and Catherine Schwarzenegger go to the hills. There's something about, so I started looking into it because I don't, this is a personal thing. I'm not saying this against all youth pastors, but I definitely had a pretty weird, creepy youth pastor, the ones that are just like, it's rock and roll and like hip to love which, fine, you do you, I have no judgment against you for loving God. You're being too
Starting point is 01:01:32 allowing of them. The youth pastors, all they want to do is finger bang everybody around them. I just always got that impression and that's what this church, the Hillsong Church, is run by like that kind of like, we're groovy and like God is cool. You don't understand too. Because the one thing I will say about Los Angeles, what I appreciate about Los Angeles, it is truly a godless world. Same thing with New York City. Which while I come in here, there is no God in either one of these cities and it's great. Los Angeles, anybody who tells you that they are trying to be Christian in Los Angeles is a liar and trying to get money from you.
Starting point is 01:02:10 These movie stars do not know God. They have no clue. They sold their souls a long time ago. Then say that's a Nick Jonas who's going to the Hillsong Church. I'm just saying I know for a fact because I did sell my show to be in show business and I love it. And these guys are doing the same thing, and they're acting as if they are not. God is not helping them.
Starting point is 01:02:33 God did not give Chris Pratt those, all of those, those, those movie franchises. You know what gave him those movie franchises? Turning a blind eye to systematic abuse within the Hollywood system. That is what did it. And also giving into getting jacked as fuck and looking like a leading man, when you definitely could have made your entire career off of being the Iraq. original Chris Pratt, which is the one that I always found very attractive. Yeah, he chose.
Starting point is 01:03:01 He chose. He was... I completely understand. I understand why he did it. I understand that you get chosen. And they're like, are you ready? Because what you'd have to do those, you have to change everything. And he looked in the mirror and he's like, yeah, I'm fucking ready.
Starting point is 01:03:17 I'm fucking ready to do it. And now he's going to marry a Schwarzenegger. Which is a weird political move. And I think that all of this is... And it's his weird Christian shit. And I don't trust him for a goddamn second. But you know, it's really key. cute they raise lambs. Yeah, for
Starting point is 01:03:29 the slaughter. For the slaughter? Oh, man. Which I enjoy. I love a lamb. Yeah, I'll fucking I've seen a lamb. That's the thing that Natalie and I get mad. She doesn't get mad, but it's definitely a thing where it's just being like, I'll see a little lamb go, mm-hmm, because Natalie's a vegetarian. Yeah, she's like,
Starting point is 01:03:45 oh, cute, and I'm like. Yes. It's like in the fire, not fire, Fire Festival with all the models with the pigs swimming on the island, both of a, Henry and I were both just like, mm. Slit open this belly, I want to see. It's me to show me the bacon. That's not what you sound like, and you don't say that in front of Natalie.
Starting point is 01:04:02 Slit it's up to me, I play with it. Take his blood coagulate the blood. Now that he's getting creepy and he's getting meat hungry, I think it's time to wrap up this episode for this week. I mean, honestly, I should be sated because we had Peter Lugues last night. You got big old steaks. Woo! I did one of those. I've been trying to be really good over the past week because I got to fit into the bridesmaid dress.
Starting point is 01:04:23 What? But I did eat. I did go to an all you can eat. Korean barbecue the other night. So good. And if you're going to spend that kind of money, with Shmi is a lot to spend $30 of all you can eat. I'm like, I'm going to eat like I've never fucking ate before.
Starting point is 01:04:37 Because that's a Zabrowski lesson. We learned that a long time ago. You pay the money, but then also eat the food. Eat your money's worth. Eat your money's worth. But they wouldn't let you take any of it with you. No, because they're smart. So that's why you got to eat it right there. Oh man, did I shovel it in there? Don't do the salads.
Starting point is 01:04:53 Big thing again. Seafood. Get the shrimps. You know what I? Oh, I got shrimp. Got a bunch of meats. But you know what I also did? We got corn cheese. What's that? See, that's exactly what I said.
Starting point is 01:05:04 But you know what they brought out? A big bowl with a bunch of corn in it and a bunch of cheese and heavy cream. They put that on the grill. That's a fucking incredible. It was amazing. That sounds like fun. It was a delightful Sunday. Well, this has been wonderful.
Starting point is 01:05:16 But thank you so much. I really appreciate you for coming. Henry Zabrowski, loving brother of mine, my boss. On the last podcast network and also the amazing. host of side stories as well as last podcast on the left. Thank you very much for joining me today. Your preface to go to hell is coming out May 3rd. We just got it.
Starting point is 01:05:34 Ooh, that'll be fun. I just got released. Release. Is that what you said to it? Release. Release. Release. Release.
Starting point is 01:05:38 Release. Release. That's your father of the bride. That is just the only Zabrowski. Muckin. We quote Father of the bride and Father of the bride to probably way too up. Every party has a poop. That's why we invite to your party boop.
Starting point is 01:05:54 You party boop. Thank you guys so much. And if you would like to check out more of the googies and goggies, we got going on at our Patreon page. It is patreon.com slash page seven podcast. And we're going to be slapping out some pretty little liars this week. We got Riverdale to talk about, don't worry. I got my Molly to talk about Riverdale with because Lord knows, I can't convince Henry to watch it. But I know that if he gave in, he would enjoy it outside of the teenage kissing.
Starting point is 01:06:20 I tried to watch it. You watched the first 10 minutes of the first episode. Yep. Not enough. That's when you got to get me. That's when you got to get me. They had an opportunity. It changes so much, Henry.
Starting point is 01:06:30 I literally sat and said, entertain me. But now we went through a serial killer phase. We're into a role-playing cult game based on D&D that's, it's amazing. It shows you how important first impressions are. Oh, my God. Well, you know what? Learn something from Henry if you're a fat kid, smell good, and always make a good impression. This is what we learn from Pupsie.
Starting point is 01:06:52 That's how you learn. That's how you learn. That's how people get to enjoy you. Well, thank you. you guys. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week and hell. I'll see you next week. Hail Satan everyone. Me. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.

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