Page 7 - Episode 295: Aunt Becky Did Crimes

Episode Date: March 21, 2019

Jackie, Molly and Holden discuss Lori Loughlin's legal troubles, Holden's wedding and debate who's "Starbucks, not Starbucks" Go to http://felixgrayglasses.com/page7 to protect your eyes today. Get 15% off your first pair at http://meundies.com/pageseven To start your free wedding website and also get $50 off your registry, go to http://zola.com/page7. Help us choose this month's movie and support Page 7 on our Patreon page! https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Arroz Con Pollo, Private Eye, Teddy Bear Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And this one goes out to one, Mr. Husband, Holden McNeely. I do you with trouble when you walked in. So shame on me because you flew me to places I never been. Now I'm lying on the cold hog ground. Hard trouble. We are here with Mr. Husband, Holden McNeely, host of Wizard and the Bruiser, but also more importantly, husband to the beautiful Alexis Robbins.

And immediately I'm angry with you because how dare you not sing Wildest Dreams, which is my favorite T-Swift song? I don't know that song. You know I barely know Taylor Swift. I know the hits. Second, how dare you? How dare you not mention Molly in this show right now?

I was about to, I'm segueing. I'm segueing into welcoming Molly. Also, my beloved, Molly. Welcome to the show today. Thank you. for welcoming me. I'm still kind of trying to wrap my head. Are you like a Taylor Swift?

Huge Taylor Swift fan. Really? Huge Taylor Swift fan. We had, well, we did New Year's Day. I curated all the playlist. We did New Year's Day and Wildest Dreams on the casual playlist while everyone was eating. And then we had a huge big dance moment with Shake It Off.

That's fun. Yeah. That's a good wedding dance sign. It was kind of amazing. And everybody was circling around us. It was very like, I was like, wow, this is like, it was a very sweet, like, everybody had all these little pink, like, um, bells on sticks that they were sending us off with. And, uh, you know, our clothes were like pink suspenders and bow ties and Taylor Swift is playing. And all of my friends who I would normally like, you know, I cuss and I, I do drugs with.

Or we're all just like, shake it off. Shake it up. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's just very beautiful. Everybody. It was like I was in a musical. Exactly. You know, everybody kind of, you know, everybody kind of, you know, everybody kind of.

refer to it. Everybody kind of does choreography. Like, it really, it's like more intentional than your regular life. And if I, I will say this too. I have so much to talk about it. And have you talked about your wedding all over this podcast before? I think we talked about it a little bit. I definitely want to share some notes and talk about some of the things.

If I get told I'm so pictured out, if I get told, it was constantly, and constantly the photographer, now stop and kiss. Now stop and kiss. Now stop and kiss. One more fucking time. I'm going to fucking claw someone's eye about. If she's your wife, you're supposed to want to kiss her. She was sick of it too.

She's like, I cannot hear stop and kiss one more time. We had to do it like eight times during the exit. I was like, we're done. Okay? Stop, kiss. Stop, kiss. Also, you guys don't like public displays of affection. No, I think that was my favorite part.

I'm very un-PDA. So the whole thing of just like sharing my love. Oh, my God. I was like, you know, I kept it together, but definitely had a few like, uh-oh, moments while I was doing the, um, while I was doing the vows, you know what I mean?

Oh, the vows, God, the vows are very, very hard. Yes. Oof, very difficult. Well, our wedding photographer was Mindy Tucker. Oh, my God, I wish. Yeah, we were very lucky. We were lucky because Mindy is, you know, the comedian, photographer extraordinaire, so she knows how to just lurk and capture the moments.

So she got all these moments of, like, you know, like not posed, you know, very candid. Beautiful. Beautiful photos. But, you know, I feel like being told what to do in an extremely intimate way is what makes a wedding a wedding. Yep, completely. In your shit, watching you. Being the center of attention. I was talking about it going in.

I was like, I, you know, we all, to some degree enjoy being the center of attention. But just maybe not in that respect, especially in front of your family. In front of your family. You're just like, don't look at me and my love. I just saw these people. Showing your love in front of your family is very vulnerable. awkward. I barely touched my mother. You know, we had to do the mother's son dance.

Oh my God, that was... Can I just say, so for the mother's son dance, I was one of the groomsmen. I think, as you guys know, if you saw on Instagram, how fabulous I looked as well as the grooms women. Her breasts were out that day. It was unbelievable. They looked good. I was real proud of Jackie.

They were just, I was like, who is behind those breasts? I kept saying who is behind those breasts? I invited my friend Jackie to the wedding. And I'm talking to breasts right now. It was unbelievable. That wasn't my fault because my groomswoman outfit It jutted up and it pushed up my breasts so much And I tried to buy fashion tape to press it down

To hide some of my breasts Because both of you guys come from fairly conservative families And man, was I out to play? I didn't mean to be, it just happened. I didn't choose the dress, okay? I was put into the dress. But all the women, you should have seen it, just breasts out and heel, everyone was just going.

Oh, I want to, I mean, I probably have to talk about this with you off podcast, but can you answer this question at least? Do you know of anyone who hooked up who shouldn't have, who hit on someone who shouldn't have? Do you know do you have some good goss for me? Please tell me you have some good goss for me. The post-wedding,

post-mortem, it's like the ultimate after every party when you figure out who hooked up, doing it after your wedding is the most fun. Yes. Yes. Who? Anybody? Nothing. No, I have nothing. I don't know anything. Please. Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. I know it. I know it happened. I know something. Get that tea. Dish that

tea. Here's one of my favorite moments of the wedding. Lexi's father was kind of one of the only like family people to come to the after party because he hangs. He drinks. He does. He does. He does. We had some times together. Let's not go too far into it. But listen. I'm talking to him. We're having a great conversation, you know, new father

son conversation. Kellyn walks up to us just like. It was a friend of ours from Murder Fist. Hey buddy. So you consummate the marriage? Jenna and I just turned about. I was like, yeah, I'm not going to talk to you about that in front of the father of the bride. He just went, whoa, and he was just like, right away. It was so funny.

And then dad was like, that's how you handle that. Well, that's why I'm so glad to have you on here today, Holden, because I know with Wizard and the Brewers, you can't really talk about this stuff because you guys have your nerd things to discuss. But I wanted to just hash it out a little bit because it was such a beautiful experience for the last podcast network. All of us getting like sexy together and dancing together. And it was such a beautiful moment. But as one of the grooms women, we had to line up next to the dance floor while you had your mother son dance. And watching you guys dance because if you guys have listened to

the roundtable of gentlemen, you know that Holden has made jokes about um, for making with his mother for many years. I have made several hilarious jokes. I will call them hilarious. about kind of wanting to have some sort of a deeper relationship with my mother. Which I think also screams that maybe you just need a deeper connection with your mother, but we won't get into that right now. Maybe that is what it is. Because I kept joking around about the mother's sundance. I was like, you know, everyone should just gather around and have her ask me about the status of my health care.

Because that is really more our relationship. We do not touch. We do not say I love you. You know what I mean? So having to just sort of touch and hold each other in front of everybody is incredibly awkward. For the first time in your... For the first time in me ever. I've never danced with my mother even, I think, as a young boy.

You know what I mean? It was weird. Yeah. I think that was my favorite, too, is when you said that, like, when you asked your mom, like, do you want to rehearse it? And she was like, no, let's not prolong this. She really was. She was just so wigged out about it.

And I was just like, mom, and this is one of the many things, again, about a wedding that makes a wedding. It's just like, why didn't she just tell me? I didn't want to do it either. Why are we doing this? Yeah. There's no reason to do this. We could have just done.

you know, mother, a father, daughter, and then, you know, first dance and called it. Yeah, one of the things that you don't realize when you're planning a wedding is that there's a lot of things that you're like, oh, I have to do this, you know, but then like, you realize, oh, I don't. You make the rules. Yeah. It's your wedding. And I had to do that a lot. The one time I finally put my foot down with Lexi in the wedding planning. She turned me and she was just like, she was like, so my friend said, we have to, what we wear to the rehearsal dinner has to match the color scheme of the wedding.

Why? And I was just turned to her and I was just like, that's a fucking made-up rule. I'm putting my foot down. This is bullshit. Someone read that in a magazine to make them spend more money and I'm fucking done. And you're like, okay. You know what I was just finally I had to be like, these are all bullshit. Because they're all bullshit at the end of the day.

You can do whatever the fuck you want to do. But there's all these rules, man. All these little traditions that are just ridiculous. But of course, I remember saying this to you before the wedding is another thing. I remember realizing was like, well, because I would go to all, you know, all my friends' weddings, and that's when, really, that's when I realized, like, oh, this is just like a good college,

reminds me like a really good college party where you get to be like, who all hooked up last night, you know, and who's pooping this morning and everything like that. And, you know, going to friends' weddings and realizing they don't have to be, like, traditional weddings, like, you might have gone to growing up was, like, this big eye-opener for me.

But then when I was planning my own wedding, I was like, I can do whatever I want. But then you also realize, like, you are doing this in part for your family, and so what they want also does matter. It becomes more and more. Yeah, you're like, oh, this kind of needs to be, this is really for them and this is really for Lexi. Right.

But then, you know, the parts that matter to me, I had full control over. It was like the toasts who gives them writing your own vowels and what they are. Yeah, that's cool. And then the music matters to me like because I fucking hate wedding DJs with a passion. It is always some schlubby guy. It's the same schlubby guy with like white guy with the spiky black hair kind of thing. And he's just, and he ends up talking the most at your role. wedding is this fucking guy you've never met before who's like corny obviously i mean no offense

if you're a wedding dj and you're listening to this podcast just send me a shout out on facebook tell me i'm wrong but um i want to see facebook pictures of you okay before you tell me that you look like i fiatty before he died his hair right exactly if you look like guy before the hair die you know you were definitely the guy i'm talking about okay and your wedding dj and you know it's just like and they and then no matter what you tell them you're like i don't want to hear bruno mars i don't want to hear fucking moves like jagger or i'm going to shoot somebody they'll They'll still play it. They'll still fucking play Uptown girl or whatever the fuck it is.

Uptown funk is a great song. It's time. I definitely put it on my wedding playlist. I was like, yeah. I made my own playlist, but I still put all the shit that wedding DJs play on it. You know, like I was like. I know, I begged for a Spanish cha-cha and I didn't get it. Uh-uh.

No, no, no, no, no. No synchronized dances, by the way. And I'm just realizing this right now. vehemently, I'm opposed. I fucking hate synchronized dances. No, you're wrong about that. The Chachas Lide is a blast. You're wrong.

You're wrong. And I want to be wrong, okay? No, you're wrong. If Be It Right is dancing in a line with a bunch of people. Oh, it's so fun, man. It's fun. You don't have enough fun in your heart. Freestyle.

Express yourself. Be your own person. Don't follow in line. That's what Nazis did that. It's fun. Okay? That's who did that. Okay?

Follow in a line. Holden did ask Henry and I to give a speech at the reception. and I will say I may have almost ruined the wedding because one of the only rules that was given was don't curse during the speech but I was nervous

I was nervous about not curse I was like it's just the one rule just don't curse during the speech and Lord knows I did and the second I said because I was choked up and I was telling Holden how proud I was of him and I said I'm fucking proud of you man

and then my face just dropped. And I turned to bright red. Everyone's laughing and screaming. Yeah. It was so funny. So many children at this wedding. It's pretty difficult to embarrass me.

So many young children at this wedding, by the way. Many, many. Even like the rich family that Lexi Nanny's four is there with her like two, their two perfect daughters, little daughters, all these children. She has like a million nephews. What you should have done is tell Jackie, whatever you do, don't talk about your pussy in the speech. And then she would have been like...

She would have been like... She wouldn't have figured it out. No, but then she would have been like, just she couldn't help her. Like, it would have been like, don't talk about your pussy. Don't talk. And then, you know, it just would have...

Don't talk about my pussy. And then I probably would have... I would have cursed. And then I would have been like, well, at least I didn't say, talk about my pussy. And then I would have been... Yeah, talk about...

I just feel like... Charging Jackie with the directive not to curse at an emotional event. Right. You know, you want to set somebody up for success. Not the failure. Gaff of the day, too, by the way.

Not the biggest gaff of the day. What was the biggest gaff of the day? Lexi's vows! Oh, man. Yeah, Lexi's vows. I think I could talk about this, right? This isn't inappropriate to talk about, is it? I think I can talk about it.

No, I don't think so. It was a great laugh. Lexi wrote on her vows, you make me laugh so hard, but what came out of her mouth was, you make me so hard. You're kidding. And everybody just... And then she balls, everybody laughs.

It just really took... It was great, too, because it really took the... The tension out, it sucked all the tension out. It just got everybody, like, loose during this very serious moment. It was so funny. Everybody just dying, laughing. My dad turns to my brother's girlfriend. It was just like, I think she got Holden's vows.

My dad, by the way, was on fire all night. Also, after Jackie's speech, she walked up, he walked up to her, just like, well, you fucked the whole wedding up. Like after her dad. Don't, don't, that's so funny. Wow, it would have been, it's probably better that Lexi's. he made that gaffe than if you had said you might make me so hard. Yeah, weird. It would have been awful. People would have been like, is you being serious? Right, right. Oh, God, we don't want to think about your penis. I know. And it was jutton and strutton. I'll tell you what, and those fun

pants I got to wear. Wait, why was it jutton and strutton? You didn't have underpants on? I like a little zipper rub on the tip. You know what I mean? Yeah, good for you. Yeah. Just to keep, you know, get it rashy before the wedding. Yeah. Keep it exciting on your wedding day. This is a big one, too, I will say. If you are planning a wedding, because I was worried about the whole consummation thing. There's so much happening all day. You're exhausted.

I know a lot of couples just have a packed. Hey, just first thing in the morning. Let's just crash. You know what I mean? But I will say it was perfect. We did like an all-in-one venue, and we had to be out by 10. And then Lexi and I got to go back to our hotel room to change for the after party.

We're sober. We had a great time, but we still have energy. And then it happens then. And then you go out and we got super drunk and had a good time with everybody afterwards. you know, just had a fun little in-out. And then we're good and now the pressure's gone and we have a good time.

So I highly recommend, like, have a little built-in break. Obviously, don't drink too much. I mean, during the actual event, you know, after you can. But, like, if you're in it, I mean, I've watched a lot of YouTube videos of drunk grooms to sort of stress the point to myself. You know what I mean? I saw this one, there's a great video of a real drunk groom

doing, first of all, ooh, doing the, ew, gross, the garter removal thing. I don't know why people do that. I'm sexually not into that. I know it's a tradition for people, but like when I, I don't want my whole family like looking at my upper leg. Yeah.

No, no, no, no. So weird. And so, but anyways, he's hammered. And he's the kind of drunk where he thinks he's being so funny and charming and, like, suave and cool. And he's literally just falling all over himself and this bride and this new bride.

No. In the middle of this, you know, circle of people staring. at him just on his knees falling over and he tries to like bite it off, take it off with his teeth. And he's like, it's so embarrassing. Yeah. There's this other video. There's a really fun YouTube whole.

There's this other video of this groom just getting smacked to peas in the back of the cab, a back of the limo on the way to wherever. And he's just, cannot talk. He's so hammered. And you kind of get the sense, or I think she even talks about it. Like he did like must have done a bunch of shots with his boys at the. at the reception bar. Oh.

And he is just literally can't speak. And she's just like domestic abuse, just smacking him and screaming at him. But I actually, I'm like, yeah, hit him. He's a fucking moron. Why would you do that? That's the one time. Why would you do it? You don't do that.

I tell you this, dude. Just save money, beer and wine only at the reception. And no one gets too hammered. And then have an after party bar where liquor it up. Have shots go crazy. But fuck it, man. Just beer and wine. and then everyone's cool and no one makes it full of themselves.

I need to know who fucked, Jackie. Can you give me a... I know nothing. Can you give me a hint? I know absolutely nothing. Give me a hint. Everybody think she's a spa. She's got them all tired eyes. You probably don't realize it.

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You want to know who must be hammered? This woman that is suing Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman for $500 billion because of this academic cheating skin. I love it. I'm so happy about it. The two things I was most excited to talk about this week. I'll see. Holden's wedding, number one, a close second.

Aunt Becky did crimes. she did so many crimes and I am not feeling a lot of sympathy for Aunt Becky and I cannot wait to talk about this entire thing. Yeah. I just want to say that this, so this story broke about an hour before Henry and I recorded last week. So I did know a whole lot about it, but we did bring it up. But now that all of this is unfolding, it's ridiculous. Of course, they should not have done this.

There's so many people that work so hard to get into, especially Ivy Leagues, that bust their ass, but now there's this woman. that is suing both of them for $500, again, billion dollars. Hell yeah. Because her son didn't get into an Ivy League. Hey, that's fun. Interesting. I'm down with it. I mean, we should, we need to, we really need to spell it out to these richy riches, okay?

That you can't just pay your way. And by the way, Dum-Dum's not going to get smart, smart just because he or she goes to some Ivy League school. Okay, Dum-Dum stays Dum-Dum, because you keep paying Dum-Dum's way. When I heard about, I think it's Lori Loughlin, so correct me if I'm wrong, but that they, like, doctored her daughter's SAT stores, she still couldn't get in after cheating on the SATs. So then they faked her into a rowing team. Crew, yeah. Just that she could break off of it and just dumb dumb is at Ivy League school now.

But you know what, dumb dumb, dumb? Dum. Dum, very dumb, dumb. She made videos about how much she hates school. She's an influencer. And she's like, I wouldn't go to school unless my parents made me. And then they bought her way in. They decided. They paid for it.

They literally paid for it. But I guess I feel like part of this lawsuit that I do, finds so ridiculous, though, is that this woman that is suing them, she's like, my son had a good work ethic, he made all these sacrifices, and he had a 4.2 GPA. Not to say anything, but in this day and age, 4.2 GPA ain't shit. I graduated high school with a 4.8 GPA, and I wasn't getting into Ivy League. What? How's that impossible?

That's the 4.2 really isn't at the end of the day that good of a GPA anymore, and how dare you think that $500 billion is what you're. are owed though at the end of it. Well, $500 billion is a lot. I think everybody who applied to schools in the times that these people were stealing the spots should get a nice little settlement. I don't know. I feel like it's these

people are thieves and they just think they can get away with everything. And so I like the idea of people being like you fuck this up, give me some money about it. You know, because they just, they were just shoveling it out. Like, I don't know, that 4.2 shit, my school didn't have whatever it is that makes it

so that you can get more than 4.0. What is this bullshit? So even being able to... It's like 110%. Yeah. What is that? Like, I feel like if you, what if you go to a school

that doesn't have those classes or however the fuck that works? Right. And so I'm like, I have like a 3.8 or something, which I thought was good. Apparently it's not shit. Well, college is so useless at this point. I feel like if my kid was like,

I just want to go straight to wherever and just start working on my career. Have that. If you're not trying to be a doctor or something, I'd be like, yeah, dude, just go. Well, Olivia Jade, Lori Loughlin's daughter, went to God, they bought her way to college

so that she could be a little. vlogger and an Instagram influencer who makes Amazon Prime, you know, Instagram ads. It was just for social stuff to go to school. It was just like, why not just let again, I'm just going to refer to her as Dum-Dump. Why not just let Dum-Dum be a millionaire doing what she's doing

which she probably already is, right? Yeah, just party, man. Also, Dum-Dum already had a line at Sephora, which just got taken out. Yeah. She had a line at Sephora. She's doing fine. She's 19 years old. Yeah, you don't have a college degree when you're that rich. You just don't. But it's all about status. Yeah.

I know. Where did you go? I went to, you know, Mawry or whatever. The fuck this stupid fucking colleges are called. Same thing with Felicity. Mawry. Same thing with Felicity Offman and William H. Macy. Honestly, if you're, one of those kids wanted to be, wants to be an actor and the other

wants to be a, um, something is a more like a politics, somebody. But like, yeah. If you are fucking William H. Macy's kid, I was trying to articulate this other day. And I, like, there are people who go their whole lives, just, hoping to meet someone remotely as connected, working as their asses off, hoping to meet somebody remotely as connected as William H. Macy who can put them in front of the right people. Like that is, like, so much of the work that you do is the randomness of the luck of finding a connection of somebody with the amount of power of William H. Macy can help you.

But when you're rich as hell, you have to, because of this stupid country believes that everything is a meritocracy when none of it is, you feel like you have to prove yourself. Get it, Molly. Whoa. I'm saying, but rich people, kids can't just be like, yeah, I'm rich and everything's easy for me. They have to be like, I earned it. Right, totally. So they have to be like, oh, well.

But also, just because you're rich doesn't mean that your way is easy either, because sometimes it's a dumb, dumb situation. Or you might be psychologically tortured by her parents. And this guy, I feel bad for these kids. Is Lori Loughlin going to go to prison? Wouldn't you feel, I would feel terrible. Or should, no, her husband is Mossimo of Target. Target's Mosimo. So she ain't going to prison.

If she does, she's going to go to Martha Stewart prison. Well, they all got out on bail right away, which is another way that things are different for rich people. They got out on $250,000. I bet they had health care too. I bet they could actually go to the doctor if they have a problem. I'm just saying if you're William H. Macy's kid, and you, especially if you want to be an actor, I know that one of the kids at least didn't want to be an actor, but just admit that you have the connections and use them. But rich people, and I'm not saying it's easy or I think a lot of rich people, their kids are grown up.

it's a psychological hell and they're not emotionally supported and all that stuff and I feel bad for that. Don't feel, please. Don't feel. But you know what we can all agree with, though? Because we're bringing back Starbucks not Starbucks. Lori Loughlin is Starbucks.

She's now even less, although maybe she's not Starbucks anymore because they also pulled her from the Hallmark Channel. So all of our beloved Christmas Hallmark movies with Lori Loflin and we can't watch them. One full house cast member down. She kind of went. from Starbucks to not Starbucks with this whole scandal. In a way, she's a fucking criminal.

She's not Starbucks. Overnight she went from Starbucks to not Starbucks. It's crazy. Yeah. She should get like a tattoo and shit. She's a bad girl. She's the funniest celebrity for this to happen to because no one gives a shit about Lori Law.

No one gives her fuck. She's just always been pretty and been on like easy TV shows. Yeah, like boring TV shows that are terrible. And she makes so much money, so it doesn't really matter. But also, I want them with Segway, of Starbucks versus not Starbucks, because we have to talk about the Jonas Brothers and John Stamos' connection.

Yeah, I love this. What is going on? From Aunt Becky to Uncle Jesse. There you go. I mean, it's all coming around. This is the Fuller House we've been begging for. And also, I'm sorry, Molly, because Fuller House is not being renewed for another season. I know.

I've stalled somewhere in season three. I stopped watching because there was other good things that I had to watch. What? Other things to watch. I didn't have enough time to watch like. I was like I have to watch like leaving Neverland I can't have time

for Fuller House anymore we're not going down the Leaving Neverland because we're talking about celebrity pranks over here but just to make time I just had to make time so I've let Fuller House fall by the wayside and all these people from page 7 are tweeting at me like I'm so sorry

for your loss and I'm like what and they're like it didn't get renewed for season 5 and I'm like okay that's fine like it's fine I can you're talking about the horrible just disgusting shit going on in Hollywood. There's a lot of shit going on right now. If Fuller House didn't get picked up, I'm okay.

All I have been talking about, we don't have to talk about to leave you and never leave it. I will say all I've been talking about is either the wedding or that. Or leaving. It's like you've got, that's why you've got to get out of it. Yeah, that's just the thing I bring up to get people to stop talking to me about the wedding because immediately it's like a record scratch and then we just get real sad together. Well, I've had so a little time in my life that the reason I keep bringing it up

is because it's taking me a while to finish it and the Oprah interview. So for like a month. It's like I'm taking a college class and leaving Neverland. For like a month, I'm like going to Gideon be like and another thing. And he's like, okay. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

You got to drop the Leaving Neverland, which is why I think that this Nick Jonas, John Stamos story is so fun. Because it is just cheeky wikis over here. They're just trading fun Instagram posts, right? Is there more to it? Have you been following this? Because I've been following this for a while,

but John Stamos just took it to a new level. For those of you guys that don't know, the Jonas brothers, and John Stamos have been having this online, not prank thing, but just like big ups thing, that Nick Jonas was wearing a John Stamos shirt. And then there was a picture taken by the paparats. Clarifying question.

Was it John Stamos as John Stamos, or was it John Stamos as Uncle Jesse? It was just a John Stamos shirt. Yeah, I think it was older, a bit older Stamos. Can I just throw in two that I saw him drum once? I wanted to fuck him. John Stamos? Of course.

John Stamos. He's a real. musician? I didn't actually know that. Well, hey, what? He drums in full house. I know, but I didn't know if that was really... He's working with the beach boys. He's just keeping rhythm. I mean, yes, right. I didn't think it was

like, yes, you're right. He was really drumming in full house. But I didn't know that that he was actually a musician. He tours with the Beach Boys. I can play a rock beat, you know, but that doesn't make me a drummer. He tours of the Beach Boys. I've never seen a room so moist in my life. Dude. Every cougar in that room was just like throwing it to it.

Well, because you've, have you seen the beach, I've seen him with the Beach Boys too. And he goes up and does the Jesse and the Ripper's version of, If every word I said could make you laugh my talk forever. And in, actually, when I saw John Seamus perform with the Beach Boys, they played the music video from full house with Nikki and Alex's babies floating through the sky. See, this is my problem. This is exactly why I wasn't sure, because what is reality and what is fiction? Like, in full house, he's friends with the beach boys and he's a drummer, and I'm like, well, that's full house.

And you know I am in real life and you're like, no, that's real. That's fucking crazy to me. It's insane. It's insane. Kokomo all day. Kokomo may be the most Starbucks song ever written, by the way. Oh, for sure. Oh, for sure.

Not from the beginning, not from its origins, right? just now. It's been turned into, that started as not Starbucks and then turned Starbucks. Turned Starbucks. Turned into Starbucks because I like the Muppets version of Kokomo. Do you guys ever see that video, the Muppets version of Kokomo? No, but that sounds perfect. That's my favorite. Because that was the first time I'd ever heard Kokomo as a kid and I loved the little video that they had and it was always my favorite. However, I did misspoke, I misspoke earlier about John Stamos was the one that first wore the Jonas Brothers shirt. Okay, yes. And then Nick Jonas That makes a million times more sense.

I was like, wait a minute, just a John Stamos shirt, it's not him as Uncle Jesse. Like, that's actually like really fucking bizarre. I think even the shirt that he was wearing was actually like him, a picture of him, like that was on the shirt. I think him when he was actually wearing

the Jonas Brothers shirt. So he's like, they took it, that's modern day Stamos. I see. Yes. And they took that picture, they put it on a shirt for Nick Jonas to wear. And then it went to John Stamos

got a pillowcase of the picture of Nick Jonas wearing the shirt and put it on a pillowcase and he took a picture of him sleeping next to it. I saw this picture. And then Nick Jonas took the picture of John Stamos sleeping next to the picture on the pillowcase and turned it into a comforter spread. I was hoping he would say comforter. That's fantastic. A giant, huge comforter that he's like spreading out in like massive picture of Stamos.

And he wrote, It's Your Move, John Stamos. and what did John Stamos do? Now, is this actually a real one? I searched, and I'm pretty sure it's real. They haven't shown the picture of it yet, and it could be Photoshop, but it seems like John Stamos got a picture of Nick Jonas tattooed on his arm.

Which is an awesome escalation. Incredible. Where do you even go from there? You've got to get a face tattoo. You get a whole back piece? Yeah, back piece. I have been, like, slowly watching this, and I feel like now we had to touch. talk about it because I was like, you know what? I thought I was in love with John Stamos before,

and now I love him even more. How sad that Aunt Becky went down one path and John Stamos went down such a better one. Such a better one. What a night and day week for the full house crew, right? I can't believe it. You know what I mean? Unbelievable. But then that's the question though. So Aunt Becky went from Starbucks to not Starbucks. So did John Stamos just go from Starbucks to not Starbucks? John Stamos is so fuckable. He almost launches into a new realm that is just outside of Starbucks, not Starbucks. You know what I mean? When you're that fuckable, wait, there is no realm outside of Starbucks.

I think he's been to Starbucks and he's still Starbucks. Still Starbucks. You know what? You're right, because it's so cute. Even getting a tattoo doesn't necessarily make you edgy. It's so cute what he's doing with the Jonas brothers. I feel like he literally is like in a yogurt commercials for like. 50-year-old women who fantasize about Johnston.

Like that is pure Starbucks. You know, like, you don't get more Starbucks than like a horny 50-year-old being like, ooh, John Stain must tell me to eat Greek yogurt. Yeah, and especially if you're just the kind of guy who you have the time to just like walk into a tattoo parlor, get a, you know, for a dumb Instagram joke. For a joke. I love it, though. But that's like the best possible.

Usually I look down on Starbucks. Yes, right. But he is like finding a way to be Starbucks and still likable by. me. That's why I almost wanted to put him out in a realm outside. Yeah, no, I hear you. But you're right. The best of the Starbucks has to offer. Yes, he's the best. He's the mocha frappa, whatever. You know what I mean?

Ooh, the Java chip frappuccino with whip. He's the thing that you get at Starbucks and you know that you shouldn't love Starbucks but then you actually do love it. Yeah, and you're like, okay, I kind of like this Starbucks. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and you hate that you love it. Yeah. That's me. A crotch, this soft should be illegal.

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You can travel around with your little pocket mice, or you can fill them with couch-to-bed snacks like I do. They're my little snacky Sherpa pants, shirping me to in-bed snacks that I probably shouldn't be having. Don't you judge me? Miundis has a great offer for our listeners. For any first-time purchasers, when you order at Meundies, you get 15% off and free shipping.

To get 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100%. Satisfaction guarantee Go to meundies.com slash page 7 That's meundies.com slash page 7 You know what I don't hate that I love? Have you guys heard about this new Jennifer Lopez

Stripper movie? Oh wait, stripper movie. Wait a second, did you just say she was Starbucks? J-Lo 100% is Starbucks. Wow. She was that fucking like American Idol and all, she writes fucking you know, she's Latino Starbucks.

She's, uh, L. Starbucks. I don't know if that is true. There was not any Starbucks in the Bronx for a long time until a few years ago. And so I feel like she is not Starbucks. She brought Starbucks to the Bronx. She's the one who like left the Bronx and like brought it in. You know what I mean? She's the one who got like... How dare you? She did not

Pied Piper Starbucks into the Bronx. I think of very much. No. No. J-Lo's not gentrifying the Bronx. I got to push back on that. If anything, yes. She, J-Lo... single-handedly. She brought white people into the Bronx. No. No, that's the real estate developers. J-Lo is, I think, I hear what you're saying that Jaylo is like. She's so sorry. She bores me to tears, to be honest with you. Really? I'm just bored by her music. I'm bored by her butt. I'm bored by her butt. I'm bored by her butt. Do you know how old she is?

Her butt. She looks great. She's so hot. Starbucks look great. I'm not saying Starbucks look bad. Will you walk into a Starbucks? You're like, it's nice in her Starbucks. It is nice in there. Also, because I had originally heard about this movie because Arod posted a picture of J-Lo working on her stripper moves. And also, you want to talk about Starbucks. Can we talk about that? She's Starbuts. I'll give her that.

Jennifer Aniston stripped in a movie and everyone's like, ooh-l-la, but Jennifer Anniston is fucking Starbucks. Don't even go there with me on that. Jennifer Anson does not inspire me. But I don't want you to compare Jennifer Aston to J-Lo. I'm 100% compared. No. Jennifer Lopez is the Hispanic

Jennifer Anniston. J-Lo is a million times more interesting than Jennifer Aniston. Thank you very much. I agree with you, Molly. Jennifer Anderson has very, she's nice, and I root for her, but she's not like a fundamentally interesting person.

What makes J-Lo interesting? I don't know, you can't answer. Because she rose up. Because she came from building, and then she built it all herself. And also, have you seen? the wedding planner lately? Maybe you needed to watch that before your wedding. She just has it.

She's fabulous. What about Selena? Some people have it. Some people have it. Some people have something that compels you to them and then some people don't. And Jennifer Aniston, I'm not compelled by her and I'm compelled by J-Lo. To do what? Watch her. Look at her butt.

That's all, I just hear Starbucks. Starbucks, Starbucks, Starbucks, Starbucks. Starbucks, Starbucks? Starbts, Starbucks. Like, as you know who is not Starbucks? Who is not Starbucks? Who is not Starbucks is going to be in the movie Hustlers that's coming out? Because who is just signed to be a part of it. Cardi fucking

B. Not Starbucks. 100% not Starbucks. Not Starbucks. And she's going to be, so this is going to be her first movie and she's going to play a stripper and hustlers. But also, this cast is so insane. We got Constance Wu from Crazy Rich Asians. We've got Lily Reinhart, Betty and Riverdale.

Oh my God. I love it already. Wow. Kiki Palmer, which I love Kiki Palmer. Julia Stiles. Can we say Starbucks? She's back. She's so Starbucks, I can't even remember what she looks like.

Save the Last Dance. Oh, 10 Things I Hate About You. 10 Things I Hate About You. Oh, is she the main one? She's the main one. She's the main. I never actually watched 10 Things I Hate About You and I think I made a mistake in not watching that movie. You did.

You did. I need to go watch that movie. But I think as I'm putting the piece together, 100% Starbucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's, yeah, you know what about the thing about, and I like her a lot, but the thing about her, especially in 10 Things I Hate About You is that she's like supposed to be like the bad bitch. You know, she's like the surly, like, oh, I'm actually kind of a punk, but she's still

just like a beautiful skinny blonde woman. I love watching that, you know. It's the same thing as like she's all that. It's like she was hot from the minute the movie starts. Right. Of course. There's no her not being hot. She's just like nerdy hot, which is hotter to me than when she comes out as, you know,

the popular girl at the end. You know what I mean? Right. Julia Stiles is like the original like dark Betty. She's like, oh, I'm a little bit. I'm kind of bad Yeah, I was definitely, I was never really, I never could connect with Julia Stiles

Because that just wasn't, again, yeah, I wanted her to be, I wanted her to be A little more rough and tumble, but apparently now she's back And we didn't know we missed her I didn't, I don't want to put you guys on the spot here Because this might be hard to dredge up for you, but who's the best like bad girl in one of those movies? You know what I mean?

From the 90s movies? Yeah, like really, 80s even, like I guess Heather's, I mean, honestly, Ty, Brittany. Ty, but also Winona Ryder and anything. Winona Ryder and anything. For sure. For sure.

But like for, I feel like for, for me as a kid in terms of, like, with 90s stuff, it was, like, Ty. Who's Ty? Um, Brittany. Glueless. Britney Murphy. Britney Murphy. Yeah.

Britney Murphy. Yes. Like, I feel like I actually legit, like, knew. Like, Ty was one of the only characters in a movie where I was like, I actually know this girl. Like, like, I, like, I'm, like, friends with these girls. Like, like, Ty reminds me of people I know. And nobody and, obviously, no one else in. clueless is like that, but she was like such a real character.

Yeah, it was weird. She was almost like a real person in a fake world almost. Jackie, do you have a... You know who was really good at it? At it? Sarah Michelle Geller. Yeah. With cruel intentions, she was very good at being a bad bitch.

Oh my God, cruel intentions. Back in the day when it was like insane to see two women kissing, you know? People were shelling out money just for a five second clip of two women kissing. It was unbelievable. Yeah. Oh, also, speaking of two women kissing, Neve Campbell. She was also a good dark bitch Even though she was like beautiful

But she was good at being brooding Like when you did scream She was good at being brooding And along those lines I always forget her name But the scary one from the craft You know She's a great bad girl

Yes she's a great bad girl She's the absolute scariest bad girl So good at it This is a good one for the Facebook page Put your favorite bad girls I want to see it and tag me and stuff The ones especially because we didn't get We were just talking about this on Riverdale Roundup

but one of the things that we love about Riverdale is that there are so many female characters you don't have to just choose. When we were growing up, so much was like either there was like total bitches or like villains or there was like, for a long time there was like the strong female lead and it was just like a generically good

female main character who you like rooted for. But you didn't get like actually real complex people who you sometimes rooted for and sometimes loved and hated and like real people. And Riverdale has that. I'll tell you what, might be my favorite bad girl, and it's not from Clueless, but Alicia Silverstone in those Aerosmith music videos.

Who was like... And Crush. Remember the movie? I was just thinking, I was like, what was that scary movie with the carousel in the attic? Yeah. Yeah. That was a scary.

That scared the shit on me. It also turned me out of the same time. Yeah. Yeah. Good bad girl. Oh, God, it was so sexy. Yeah, she was a good bad girl. I wanted to, like, in those Aerosmith videos,

I wanted to sneak out the back of the school and smoke some cigarettes with that girl. Yes. Like, and just make out and just getting trouble. Yes. See, we knew she was

trouble when she walked in, babies. But you know who was, this is a deep cut, but a terrible bad girl. Ooh. Deep cut. I hope that one of you

against this. Otherwise, I'm going to be really out on a limb here. Oh. A brief era of St. By the Bell where there was this girl named

Tori who wore a leather jacket. Wait, wasn't that, wasn't that the mother or the wife and king of queen? I don't know. I don't know.

I have to look this on. Tori had like a perm and she wore like a big leather jacket. Tori's such a fucking bad girl name. It's such a 90s bad girl name. Tori and she was only in probably 10 episodes or something. 90210, who was the bad girl? Was there a bad girl? I never really watched 902.

I never really watched 902.1. I've been thinking about getting into it because like we all of it is on Hulu. Yeah, it's all on Hulu. Jackie and I were both like one year too young for. You know what? I had an older brother. So I caught some of those shows, like, as they were coming through the pipe, even though it's a little too young for him. Yeah.

So I remember some 90210.1. But I think there was, like, nerdy girl. The blonde, I think, was kind of the bad girl. Maybe. For Shannon Doherty was kind of a main girl. She was that exact description of that girl. You were just describing that, like, perfect lead role. Just plain at Starbucks.

It's fuck. What's called a Starbucks girl? Oh, yeah. Starbucks Girl from 90s movies. Speaking of bad girls, though, I was looking at movies for this month's, movie Patreon night for page 7. And I was looking at it was like, I want to get some like Irish movies. And of course it was just like Aidan Quinn.

I love Aiden Quinn so much, Ledges the Fall, Penny and June. And so I looked up Irish American actors because I was like, I just like to give me some inspiration. Third on the list was Mariah Carey. Weird. She's Irish American. I don't think she is. She's a actor.

She's mixed. We know she's like half white, right? isn't she? But I just like when you think Irish actresses I don't even think Kate Winsla because you know when you read like when you put into Google and then the pictures show up and it was Nicole Kidman who is not Irish

Aiden Quinn and then Mariah Carey I feel like like Donald Farrell should have been on the list I mean he's Irish Irish Irish he's like very Irish I just love the idea of like All I want for Christmas is you are hard to talk and we're ticket ticket I mean, there's definitely like, I have a number of friends who are both like Irish and Latinos. So that's definitely a thing.

But I just have, she's, the actor list is really what's puzzling me. It's very weird. Well, I mean, she is, which is why I actually put glitter on the list of things for people to choose this week. So it'll be out this week. If you guys want to choose which movie we're going to be watching, because I was like, well, technically, according to Google. She fits right into this list. Jackie, I just remembered what you were referencing with Save By the Bell.

I'm sorry because I have to do every Say By the Bell reference there is. It was that you're thinking of the beach episodes. I was thinking of the beach things because Leanna Creel is who played Tori Scott. Yes. But the wife from King of Queens who also escaped Scientology. Yes. She was Stacey Carossi on the beach episode. I don't know if it's Leah Remini or Leah Romini, but I've always said Remini.

She's a good, even when she's playing good girl, she comes off bad, bad girl a little. She just sounds like a bitch, bitch face. I listen to her on Rogan actually and she really is aggressive and per like she really is that person She just dominates a room and I was like intimidated by her Just hearing her talk to him on headphones You know what I mean? I was like damn girl right and I think she on TV she can be sold as like a bitch who you hate

Like she was with Stacy Carosi But then in real life it's just like no you're just actually like a bitch who can dominate the room Well you know it's also like I'm sure some of that is some Scientology teaching seeping through because she would do things like she was like, keep looking my nails. They're very sexy, aren't they? You like my nails. Yeah, like stuff like that where she's like,

are you hitting on me? What does that mean about Scientology though? It's like weird manipulation stuff, like how they go like, who hurt you? You know what I mean? It's like weird subtle manipulation techniques to like guide people to things and stuff. Like she just knows how to like kind of start a thread

and push you into it. Like that's kind of like, you keep looking at my nails. You like them, don't you? They're very sexy, aren't they? Like it's like, are you mad at me or are you hitting on me? I cannot tell. Yeah, your nails.

You know what I mean? Be dominated by Leah Ravini. Although I will say I love that approach. Are you mad at me or are you hitting on this? I'm not going to say I haven't done that approach before. It's a technique, man. It's a technique for sure. It's not nagging.

It's like something else. You know what I mean? It's like nagging, though. It's like it a little bit, right? It just puts you in a weird, vulnerable place. Like, whoa. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, interesting.

Interesting. This has nothing to do with neck. But I did want to talk about love death and robots. Have you watched any of love death and robots yet? I did last night, but we were too hammered by that point, so I will have to watch episode one again. What did you do? Didn't you fly back from your wedding yesterday? Because we got back in, all the pressure was released.

I unpacked and I said, hey, I'm going to go get all the fixings for old fashions and Manhattan's. And we just fucking went. I think it's great because the come down from a wedding is hard. It is hard. And so I think doing something really special like making old fashions at home is a great idea. drinks and watching Queer Eye, new seasons out, by the way. So I watched episode one of that. I know. I was too busy with Love Death and Robots.

So, yeah, I'm sorry to take us to Queer Eye. I did remember enjoying what I saw. It has such a strange animation style. It's very interesting because I guess Netflix is doing this new like algorithm thing or they're giving it a shot. Essentially they are putting out the episodes in different orders for different people. It's like a crapshoot. What?

of what orders you get the episodes in. That makes so much sense because Lexi was like, did we skip to a later episode? Have I drunk or is this not the first episode? Yeah, we were trying to figure out. Because I did the same thing. I was like, wait, what is happening? What the fuck?

Yeah, man. All right, they're breaking too many roles. What an odd choice. Yeah, strange. So is there like, is there a preferred order out there? Like, did people say, like, hey, you might just want to watch it in this order? Not quite yet because that that is,

that is what they are testing, which I actually do find very interesting. Fascinating. Is that if you perceive different episodes differently since we all now binge watch things, if you watch it in a different order. Now, so what I found very interesting is that Lucas Tom's, who is the co-founder and director of Out in Tech, which is an LBTQ. Out in Tech, interesting. It's Out in Tech.

It's an LGBTQ website. That's what I was trying to say. And he came out saying, Just discovered the most insane thing. The Order of the Episodes for Netflix's new series, Love Death and Robots, changes based on whether Netflix thinks you're gay or straight. What?

Wow. And of course Netflix immediately came out and said, no, it's just a random algorithm. But he had been piecing together, and it was interesting because my straight friends and what they watch via Netflix and what I watch via Netflix got the same algorithm as opposed to what I got.

And they are saying that's just because all gay people think and act alike, though. That's what I'm assuming. But no, that's not, that's not what I mean. It's like, I didn't hear what you said because I was talking about it. But I wonder if it's like since like if we watch the same kinds of things, if that does define how they are put out. And I'm interested to go from person to person and be like, what did you get them in? I'm very intrigued by this concept. Yeah, because my Netflix queue is fucked.

It's got fuller house in there. First of all, I'm almost. Certain Netflix thinks I'm gay. Pretty little lives. I'm pretty sure Netflix thinks I'm gay. Definitely, I got a Netflix suggestion years and years ago back when I don't even know if it does this anymore, but it was like, you like emotional dramas with a strong female lead.

I was like, wow, read me Netflix. You got me, baby. Soon it's just going to be like, you are going through a divorce. You are the movies. It just knows. Yeah, I think Netflix definitely thinks I'm like a gay anime, like Webu kind of dude probably, is what I'm thinking. Yeah, I mean, I think that makes sense, but I mean, I really loved the show.

It's very, I know that I am a thousand years old, but I was just like, this is all animated. It's a very, I was like, do they like wash over? Do they do something where they watch real people and they put the plugs on them? Because it looks very real. It's a weird. It's CGI, I think, animation. That's why it's got this bizarre kind of uncanny, almost uncanny value, but it does look really good. so you're not kind of wigged out while looking at it,

so it's not necessarily Uncanny Valley, but it does have that like, what? It's like they're almost real, but they're not. Look. What does Uncanny Valley mean? Uncanny Valley is when you try to make something that looks like a human being, but it's just not quite a human being.

But it's really close. So it's hard to, so it wigs you out. It just makes you feel unnerved. It's like so close to being human, but so far from being human. And on the other side of that, someone who got really bad plastic surgery, I sat next to this girl on the plane who just went way too crazy with the Botox,

and that gave me the same sensation. You just feel like, ugh, like there's just something unnerving because they tried to look like too beautiful, too perfect or something and ended up blowing their face out in a weird way, and then you just go like, oh, like there's something just unnerving, just looking at you. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's like where the overlap of like close to exactly right, but yet so far from right happens, you know what I mean? Oh, okay.

So you get it a lot. like video game animation you can get it and in CGI you get it. But plastic surgery is another good example because sometimes it's just like oh my god you're something's wrong you're more human than human you're like something else and it just freaks you out like when you have those crazy

cheeks and she had like lips the size of her head. Like the people that try to look like Barbies like those kind of ones. Anybody who's like addicted to plastic surgery you know like I'm not trying to ne hay plastic surgery because I think when you don't notice it then it's good plastic surgery, right?

You don't, like, see it. But when you see... Like Sandra Bullock. Tasteful. Yeah, tasteful. But when you see it so strongly, you're like, oh, my God, they have an addiction, you know?

And then it's like, oh, it's, like, hard to look at them. Right, or when something goes a little wrong, you know. Something maybe went a little wrong. They got a bad job or whatever. But she had, like, her lips were, like, the whole half of her face. Did she talk to addiction?

She must have been on a lot of painkillers, too, which makes sense. Plastic surgery. Pain killer addiction feeds into that. a lot of times, but she couldn't find her seat, even though she had the number, and it was right next to mine. It was like 7B, and she walked up, and the guy had already told her where to sit, the stewardess, and he looked exhausted talking to her, and then she was like, wait, where are you sitting there? Where's my seat? And I'm just like, maybe next to me. And the guy's

like, next to him, next to him. Like, she was like, whacked out. I mean, I understand. I was stoned to the bone on my flight. For sure. I get it, but yeah, it was, oh, I was just like, it was weird. Somebody get the flowers, somebody get a ring, somebody get a chapel and a choir to sing, somebody get an organ to play, because somebody's getting married today. It's not me. Whether you're a pig, merry, and a frog, or just humans kiss in humans, Zola is the easiest way to plan your wedding and register.

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Because somebody's getting married today. And it's not me. Although something that I am excited about getting addicted to, did you guys see that there is a Garfield-themed restaurant opening in Toronto? Boo! Heathcliff Restaurant. Oh, what are you going to eat fishbowls? Talk about Starbucks, not Starbucks. Garfield versus Heathcliff.

Garfield is the most Starbucks cat on the planet. And Heathcliff is the most not Starbucks cat on the planet. And that's why I like the difference. And I'm glad we finally got to nail this down. Why I, this is different. And your Starbucks, if you're going to sit here and be like, oh, Garfield, oh. No, no, no, you're Starbucks, your Starbucks, your Starbucks. That doesn't mean anything.

You can't just put that label on it. That doesn't count. He eats fish bones. He can't have his own restaurant. Okay. I don't know, Jackie. It's pretty, this makes you Starbucks? This makes you Starbucks?

Fine, them Starbucks. Okay, okay. Garfield's pretty normal, you know? He hates Mondays. He wants to sleep all day. It's like all these things. Like, I like that too. Yeah, right.

He thinks he's got a very original way of thinking. It's airplane food. It's airplane food, right? Comedy. Are you trying to tell me that you guys don't enjoy listening to some Paul Simon and drinking a white wine spritzer? I love it. You're trying to tell me. I love it.

All things Starbucks. And I'm not seeing you. Starbucks Starbucks. But this is the thing. I'm not saying you can't. Paul Simon is fucking perfectly Starbucks. By the way. Do-de-to-de-to-do-de-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-stall-a-stab-stab-a-stab-stab-stab-stab-stab-stab-stab.

See, Starbucks. He is so Starbucks. He is so Starbucks. My white spirits are so Starbucks. Absolutely. I'm not saying you can't be Starbucks or like Starbucks or enjoy Starbucks. It's just a categorization. It's just a categorization.

That's all it is. It's all it. Yeah, well, you know what's not Starbucks is that at the Garfield restaurant, they're selling pizzas in the shape of Garfield's head. And that's not Starbucks. I'm selling lasanas, though. I'm stealing this from a tweet. But, like, there was a great tweet that was like,

how the fuck is this not a picture of lasagna? Right? That's my main concern. Where is the lasagna? It should only be lasagna. It should be a lasagna restaurant. Garfield never talks about pizza? Never talks about pizza.

I mean, he eats anything. I will give him that. I'm sure he would like pizza. The same ingredients is lasagna, basically. Yeah, you're right, Jackie. The Heathcliff restaurant would be so sad. So it would just be fucking fishboats. You want to go out back and eat some fish bones

and try and bang this female cat up against the fence? It's just two cats fucking in the corner and you're just trying to eat some fucking fish bones. Although you are right though that wouldn't be Starbucks. You are, I mean, you're a thousand percent right. That would be very un-Starbucks though. Everything about the Heathcliffe restaurant, I mean, not Starbucks.

There was a big profile of the comic artist who draws Kathy this week and now all I can think of is how Starbucks Kathy is. Nothing more Starbucks than just like trying on swimsuits. Woman likes coffee. Woman likes chocolate. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. Just trying on swimsuits and then like, oh no.

You know. Act, act. I, because she also hates mornings. But you know what? Everybody hates mornings. And I guess Starbucks's hate mornings. Welcome to me. Open up my Frappuccino hole because I'm ready to spurt. See, this is what I'm saying, don't tell Jackie not to talk about her pussy at your wedding speech.

Yeah. So true. It's going to be like, I'm ready to spurt. I'm so excited. It's so true. No. That's what I love about Jackie. She's like the perfect mix between Starbucks, not Starbucks. You know what I mean?

You've got Riverdale but pussy talk. You've got, you know what I mean? By the way... Thank you. Riverdale's Starbucks, right? Is it though? I don't know.

You see, you've only watched the first season. I haven't even seen it all the first season. I think it's Starbucks in the sense that it's like a very popular... It's probably not... Like, even what you were saying or like,

even the bad girl stuff is very like Starbucks bad girl kind of stuff. But the thing is, right, the thing about Riverdale is it's like popular and mainstream, but it's very good. Yes. It's like, it's like, it's a double-decker Starbucks with all the fixings. Yes, like they do, the shit. It's got a ball pit in the Starbucks. It's got a ball pit.

When Riverdale is, drives me crazy, it really drives me crazy. But when it's good, when it, what it gets good is so fucking good. I can't believe it's like a popular ass teen TV show. Yeah, oh, totally, totally. Yeah, absolutely. But I guess, guys, it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Jackie!

It's for me. That list. Fifteen famous parents who have spoiled their kids completely rotten to the core. I can't wait for this list. Great list. Excited. Great list. It's a good list.

Holden, how much are you going to... What are you guys doing with the spoiling your children department? Because, Holden, you're about to burst, I imagine. Yeah, I do plan, intend to make Alexis Thick with Child. We have talked about this. I just want to fill her with Child. at some point, but we're gonna take a couple years, I think, she still wants to focus on her career,

which I get, but I really am just concerned, we're both concerned we're gonna have a jock, then we're gonna have to go to a bunch of like, you know what I mean, and neither of us, you know, we want, like, I would love like super gay, way into video games, but also like, you know, like all this stuff. I did have to have an interesting fucking conversation where I had to put my foot down for this child

that does not exist yet about like taking them to like professional all auditions. I was like, we're not doing that. And I had to let her know, I'm like, especially commercial auditions, because I was just like, no one, no kid wants to audition for a fucking Taco Bell commercial, okay? I'm sorry, they don't. They don't want to audition for a fucking, or a better example, it would be like a fucking,

you know, like, health insurance commercial, you know what I mean? Yeah, they don't care. They only want to do it because they think it'll make you happy. You know what I mean? Or they think it'll make them famous to something else. But even that does a disservice, like we were talking about with Dum Dum before, like getting, I think can be difficult. I've seen examples where, like, Danny Tamborelli is the shit, great dude, you know what I mean?

He seemed to be somehow get out of it okay. But there's all the other examples of the ones that don't get out of it okay. Oh, yeah, we talk on the show all the time about how worried we are for the stranger things, kids. Like, those kids are great. They're talented as hell. I'm, like, so happy for them, but I'm scared for that. Especially 11 with the social media and everything.

Exactly. And fucking Drake, predator-ass drink. Oh, God. and all the kissing on the social media. But then how do we feel about Blue Ivy, who is the proud owner of an $80,000 diamond-encrusted Barbie doll? What?

Choking hazard. Yeah, choking hazard. Also, doesn't it hurt her hands? Sleep with your pointy diamonds. And does it look like a cyborg? No, she just has, she's got like, she's got... Oh, it's like on the dress. Accessories on.

On her breasts. But then she also has a bathtub decorated with Swarovsky crystals. and she had a $3,500 Lusite crib. Isn't Lusite some sort of stone? Man, the crib is just going to be covered and spit up and shit.

All you... I just feel so bad for her, like, future husband, because you're just ingraining a need, a desire, deep desire for crystals. Unless she rebels, right? I mean, we don't all carry on with the values in which we are raised. Dowdy.

She chooses Dowdy. Now, we all know that Angelina Jolie paid for one of her children to lose his virginity with a sex worker, but did we also know that Shiloh Pit Joe Lee got an actual skate park built into the back of their house so that he can skate whenever he walked. I mean, that's awesome. I like that a little bit better, right? If you're a rich kid, at least get shit like that.

That's a hobby. Yeah, that's a hobby. Or just diamonds, you know what I mean? And like a Barbie doll, the kid's going to lose the Barbie doll. Like that's, like, yes, skate park for your kids. is crazy. But that's when you're a kid and you dream about what you could do if you were rich. Exactly.

It's like that. But I mean, if he's going to become really fucking good at skating because he has a skate park in his backyard, all for it. Yeah. He's just a skill. Again, it's teaching a skill. If it's lavish and ridiculous, but it's skill-based, lavish and ridiculous, like getting a basketball court or something like that.

Like, I mean, he's exercising. Or even if it's just for fun. I mean, kids deserve to have fun and play and have it not be for any bigger reason than that. So fuck you, Jackie. You should be ashamed of yourself. Whoa. I didn't make the list. I just say the list.

I feel like I want to work towards a utopia where all the kids have access to a skate park. Well, that's the thing I was thinking is like maybe I like to think that he's going to make some friends with kids who can't afford a skate park in their backyard. And then they get to come over and enjoy the shit out of a private skate park. I hope that that happens. And again, you're giving the kids something that will help him make friends. Yeah. And they have a similar interest. So again, Jackie.

Unbelievable. You know who also is going to be making friends? If you want to call him Starbucks, you want to say Starbucks? Well, J-Lo bought two Shetland ponies for her young twins. Is that Starbucks? Yes, it is 100%. Okay, that's Starbucks. Because that is the ultimate rich girl thing.

A pony. Like, the ultimate rich girl thing is like rich kid. I don't want to genderify it. But you know what I mean? Thank you. You know what I mean? Well, I don't know a lot of, I mean, mostly one of them to ride the ponies. What are you talking about?

you wouldn't ride a pony, you would get on a pony. They say horse girl, I never hear horse boy. Well, being raised as a girl, you were really told that ponies are something that you should pine after. It's like part of being. It's like, if you're raised as a girl, you're told you should be skinny, you want to get married to a prince and you should want a pony. What is that?

Because I never wanted a pony when I was a kid and I was like, I knew there was many things, I felt like there was many things wrong with me that I wasn't like a girl properly. And one of them was like, I don't care about fucking ponies. I don't care about horses or ponies. I'm scared of both of them. Holly, where is the skinny prince and pony book from you about, like, deep history of, like, why the fuck that is? Yeah, do the ethnography of what little girls like pony? What is that?

What is that? But, yeah, yeah, again, I will say, I will give it a little bit of credit. It's definitely Starbucks, but I will give it a little bit of credit in the sense that, again, this is a hobby. It is the absolute basic-ass fucking rich person hobby, but it's still a hobby. You're getting outside, you know, you're caring for an animal, and you're, you're, you're caring for an animal, and, you, you're, you're, you're. you may get actually into writing and like win tournaments and stuff. And that's at least a sport and an activity. You know what I mean?

Could be. And I will say our little Irish elf herself, Mariah Carey. See, this is not. Oh, Maria Carey. This isn't necessarily, I feel like being the spoiled as kids. I think that this is called being an absentee mother is that. Oh, yeah, she does not. She is such ideal narcissist parent.

Completely. The ultimate narcissist parent. her children were birthed to an actual live recording of her mother singing on stage and to the applause that they just like put together. Not for the kids, but for rioting. So are you saying there were a bunch of people, there were sounds of applause at her vagina? Is that really what happened? I guess so.

They were like echoing it through the birthing chamber. To be fair, I feel like the mother does deserve applause when giving birth. Sure. The kids deserve applause. us for the baby goes through a lot to get born too. It's got to be rough. You're so comfortable in there

and then it's just awful. It's brutal, you know, a rude awakening. Judded out of it. So I'm not necessarily against something to make the mother feel good. Stop it, Molly. I'm just going to change your name to benefit of the doubt.

You just like stick up for every. No, I'm just saying that the mother does a lot of work to burn the baby. It's ridiculous. She does do a lot of work. To say, welcome to the world. This is your mother's voice doing something that everybody

loves is pretty, that's rough. But also it is difficult to go out and spend $14,000 on a painting by Andy Warhol like Sandra Bullock did for her adopted son. How old is the, why? He's a little baby. He's a little baby.

So what is the significance? He's a cute little baby. What is the significance? I don't understand why you would do that for the baby. Maybe she's broadening his horizons and haven't you thought about that. Because again, I would be like, oh, I would try to stick up for it of like, oh, nurture a love of art

but as a baby, just like a baby doesn't want to audition for a state farm commercial, a baby doesn't give a fuck about the, how much, you know, the artist who did the painting on the wall. Can't defend that. Just paint a bunch of stars on the ceiling or something. I will say broke-ass 20-year-old me would love it, though, because I would have sold that so fast. Like, please give it to me. Yeah, that's great, mom. Thank you so much.

I'm a shill it. I'm selling it on eBay, and I'm going to make a bunch of money and then pay for my college dorm room for the next three years. The only one on this list that I really feel enthusiastic about defending is the skate park. And also that's partially just because I love Shiloh. You and I just want to go fucking hang out too on that skate park. I want to just chill and smoke cigarettes and watch kids skate all day and just be like, yeah, our mom suck, right? Yes, yeah. I think that's called petter asking.

I just want to hang out at that skate park and be like, you're a cool kid, man. Yeah, what's up, guys? Nice ski park. Nice, Ollie, bro. Bro. This rules, man. Well, that is it for our show this week. Thank you guys.

This is great. This is great. This is great. Can I ask one quick, quick, quick one? What would you want in your backyard? Like, as a kid. As a kid? Pool full of jello.

Pool full of, oh, Pink Panther. Oh. What if, what? Really, I would be a trampoline. But if you're ever granted a wind, didn't you think you would want to swim in a pool full of jello? All I wanted was the Teenage Mutched Turtle's Arcade Cabinet. And I almost convinced my parents to get it for me.

I'm really glad they did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think they looked at it and was like, oh, it's thousands of dollars. Absolutely not. See, a trampoline is only $350. Champoline was a huge one. I mean, yeah. I don't know why my parents didn't let me get one.

We'd had a tiny backyard and it wouldn't have fit. But I was like, well, fit it in there. It's only $350. And we never got one. I always wanted a roller coaster. Roller coaster in the backyard. Richie Richie Rich. Richie Rich.

It's because of Richie Richie Rich. Totally. I wanted Richie Richie Richie Richie Rich. house. And blank check. You know, all those movies when we were kids. And Peewee's big adventure with the rich who's really upgrown man, but

when he, with the pool. Oh God, yeah, he was gross, man. Yeah, I wanted to live in a house that you could take, you could get on a little train like in an amusement park and it would take you from a little. Yes. Oh, God damn. Okay, all right. Ooh. Okay. I was just thinking about getting a little train

and having a train conductor's hat and calling you Jackie's train. Like, get on. and then I'd also kick people off the train and I'd treat the train like it was snow piercer and I'd make the people in the back eat bugs and I wouldn't give a fuck about it. Also, big apartment, apartment from big. That was a big one.

Oh, yes, yes. Oh, for everything that we just named I think was in that. Thank you so much. Thank you. Holden, Holden, the host of Wizard and the Brewser, this was a delight and thank you so much

for joining us today. Thank you, and thank you for hopefully it hasn't happened yet, but we may be doing something fun on that show with Jackie very soon. Interesting. And also congratulations. Congratulations. Mr. Husband, Holden McNeely.

Thank you so much. Are you going to ask Lexi to start calling you Mr. Husband? Mr. Not Starbucks. Oh, Mr. Not. Okay. She is not taking my last name, by the way. She's keeping her last name and her personage, which I think is... Lexi McNeeley doesn't really...

And Holton Robbins. Houghton Robbins. Yeah, but then you can get a bunch of knickers and tiny caps. Go for her whatever she chooses. And thank you so much, Molly. Thank you. I, you know, I could talk about pools full of jello all that. Now I just can't stop thinking about it.

And maybe you will. You've had a whole rest of your day at you. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram and Jack that one. And please hit up. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It's just how pool for gel is good in theory, but would be so disgusting.

It would be so disgusting. You'd be so sticky. It would get into all of your holes. And can you even swim in it? Like, I don't even know if you could. I think you would die immediately. And also just imagining, you imagine how much would get inside of your belly button

that you'd have to use a cue tip to try and pull it out? Maybe I should change it to my preferred way of dying. Just get a pool with water in it. Okay, anyways, we're done. You can hit up, please. Hit up our Patreon pages. Patreon.com slash page 7. podcast. We're going to be watching a movie next week. Go vote for the movie. It's going to be great.

It's a very weird list. So Lord knows what we're going to watch. We love you. And hey, we'll talk to you next week. Thank you. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.