Page 7 - Episode 296: Hug Me Backwards

Episode Date: March 28, 2019

3 cities, 3 shows, one great guy! Get tickets for the Jason Saenz Benefit Extravaganza: NYC - http://bit.ly/2HKdFts LA - SaenzBenefitLA.com DC - http://bit.ly/2U5HwTN GoFundMe - http://bit.ly/2OxQ93p It's a brother-sister show! Henry and Jackie discuss Mariah Carey's anniversary, new Queer Eye and Prince Easter Candy Take Modern Fertility’s quiz and get the $20 off your first kit by going to http://modernfertility.com/page7. Get 20% off your Dress Pant Yoga Pants at http://betabrand.com/seven Robinho Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

As some of you guys may know, a very good friend of ours, Jason Seines, has recently suffered from a very bad fall through a roof. Without health insurance and months in the ICU, he now has a very uphill battle of rehab to try and walk again. Our community is coming together to help, and we would love if you joined us. This coming Monday, April Fool's, we ate fool. And LPN and many other amazing comedians are doing three shows in three cities to raise money to help. Our own Henry Zabrowski, Eddie Larson, and myself will be hosting a show in L.A. and a bunch of other amazing comedians will be joining us on April 1st at the Region Theater. Doors are at 7 p.m., show at 8 p.m., and tickets are $20 in advance and $25 day of.

All ticket sales and a cut of drink sales will go right to Jason and his family to help pay for his ridiculously high medical bills. Come drink a jizzy with me. Aren't in L.A. on April 1st? Nataprab. Hopefully you can join our New York boys, Ben Kissel and Holden McNeely, to get drunk and have laughs for a purpose other than all of us just drowning our daily discontent. And a show will be in Washington, D.C. on April 3rd, in case you are busy fooling on April fools.

On top of laughing and drinking with us, there'll be a ton of exciting secret guests and prizes. When we can't give the surprises away, but prizes will include things like tickets to SNL, the season finale of Rupal's Drag Race, the Daily Show, Seth Myers, Samantha B, and more. All show info can be found on my Insta at Jack That Worm, as well as the Instagram and Twitters at Last Pod Network, and at Eddie Toons. You can buy tickets following the link in this week's page 7 show description.

And if you can't come and would still be a goddamn angel and would like to donate, Jason's GoFundMe link will also be in the show description. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for loving. I love being a part of the LPN community because we all band together when we really need each other. You guys rock. Like that you're broken, broken like me Are you making, is this a song that you made up?

No. It's a stupid... Oh, you're in and your eye and up and you're down. No. Henry, welcome to the show. This is my brother. This is my brother, Henry Thomas Zabrowski. He's joining me today on page seven.

We're doing another brother's sister episode. Yeah, we can crank these out easy. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Henry Zabrowski. Thank you. Thank you because I was, that was good. I've been talking. It's almost like you've done this before.

I've been talking for hours. This is, it does get to a point. I hope the audience understands. There are people that, you know, I can understand you get sick of me. I get sick of me too. I also get sick of me. We talk for hours. Hours and hours and hours.

You know, people, it's like, oh, but what do you do in your downtime? I actually, I sit in silence. Last night, I sat because we did 10 cities in 14 days. Yeah. You're very strong. How did it go? It went really well. For the last podcast on the left, they're starting their tour season.

Back in the habit. And it's been great. And then I went to Chicago to do C2E2 for your pretty face to go to hell, which is coming out May 3rd. No. Your pretty face going to hell, which is coming out May 3rd at midnight in Adult Swim season 4. And you have to watch it. I'm using this. And while a whoopie spot where the jet is cold and the piano's hot.

But yeah, watch your adult. swim on with your pretty face. Just the nightly hall where there's a nightly called and all that are jails. That's actually not the song that's been in my head as of late. No, mine has been from that stupid commercial that stupid Rob Delaney show the

Like that you broke and broken like me. I'm a name of a fool I seeman I'm a mocking. That is the song that I was singing. Really, right? No. Oh. No, it was you're singing a thing in another pop song. It's a pop song. This is not radio

what we're doing. Oh. We're not actually talking. We got to talk about subjects. Do we have to talk about subjects? I think so. I've had something corporate stuck in my head. I went into a bit of a deep dive over the past couple of weeks. Yeah. Because I, it came out today. I did the first part of Wizard and the Brewers on last podcast networks, Harry Potter

Doubleheader. A lot of pitches. A lot of plugs on this episode and I love it. Do you love it? I love it. That's what we're doing on this network now. We're trying to support each other. I love that about us. Right. Aren't we so great? Aren't we? You're so far away for me. It's nice.

It's weird. I don't have to smell you. I smell really good right now. You always smell good. Debrowski's we learned early on because I think we've talked about on the show about how like when you're a fat kid like I was always viewed as like I was viewed fat kids in pop culture as being like fat and sweaty and full of

and stuff, and we are, but we have to cover it. Of course. Just like, my Constantine, and if I hurt you, then I'm sorry. What is that? Please don't think that this was easy. What is that? Something corporate.

What is something corporate? It's a band. Where were you in the aughts? You know where I was. Fuggin' eyebrows deep in pussy. That is not. That is completely, completely not true. No, because I went down since I was singing about high school

because I was getting into the whole Harry Potter spirit of everything. Sure. And then I started listening to all of the music I used to listen to in high school. And then I got really sad. You, I, it's not bad taste. I don't know what it is. It's just young taste. It was young taste.

But you listen and you're going, those are the cry noises used to make through the door. You used to hear, that's not what I sounded like. Hug me, Brian. And I was like, oh, who's Brian? I never fell for a Brian. No, you fell for a Kevin? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But never a Brian. Hug me, Kevin backwards. Not that I'm against. Hug me backwards. Hug me from the behind parts. I don't know what we do back there. Just can you teach me Kevin from your sex manual? Do you know who I bet really does smell good though?

Hmm. Kianu Reeves. Honestly, I think it's the exact opposite. Do you really think so? I think that he can do whatever he wants, obviously. He's very. talented. He's incredibly charming and he does the work. He puts all the work. And if you watch those training videos of him for the John Wick films, he is out there. He does all of it himself.

Grind it. That is that tactical training is really difficult. But yeah, I think he's a no deodorant kind of guy. I mean, I know I've told this story before about with the time that I helped him pick out the pork tenderloin at the fairways. Yes, you've told this story many times. I want to see, I want to see him in person one day just so I can go like, hey, hey, Mr. Reeves. You remember all my sister sold you park you remember that you remember that no because I told him that he should butterfly it and put rosemary on the inside and wrap it and bacon yeah and then he's just like yeah you and my wife I wish no um so uh they were actually there was a plane going into burbank airport which we know uh well and the plane went down it is an airport oh my god it's an airport

The plane went down and they had to make an emergency, I don't know, get out of the plane. And they had to take a bus the rest of the way. And they had to take a bus from Bakersfield to Burbank. And Keanu Reeves was a part of it. And did you watch this video of him? No, he lives in New York, I'm certain. But he was here. I mean, he was here doing something.

Wow. And I know, isn't that creepy? What? He came to Los Angeles? Little of Los Angeles? Everyone that was on the bus with him took, of course, a million Instagram videos of him. That's got to be fucking annoying. Of course it is, because he was the one at the head of, like, trying to, like, get everybody together, figuring out the buses, like, talking with the actual, like, people at the airport.

I do feel you're unfortunately, when you are Keanu Reeves, because I would look to Keanu Reeves. Of course. Being like, how do we fix this, Mr. Reeves? Because you, I saw the man from Tai Chi. I know you've got the know at all. Yeah. And so, but the best part is, is that he was actually very good about all of the videos. So they're in this bus.

And this dude that's in the bus with them takes a, takes an Instagram video of him because they're going through Bakersfield and he starts reading off facts about Bakersfield to everybody in the car and everyone's having a great time. And then he also was like, you ever heard of the Bakersfield sound, which I know about because my ex and his grandfather, like, they do Bakersfield sound music. So he starts playing all, like, music for Bakersfield sound. with everybody. Yeah, and he's just like,

and this is a really great one. And so he just like kept everyone's spirit alive through the entire bus ride. I mean, honestly, it's so difficult to put your energy and hopes on a movie star, like being the center of location. I hate those kind of memes for being like, Keanu Reeves again being the light in the darkness because Twitter fetishizes depression.

Like all of that shit has been fetishizes about how sad shit is. Where somebody like him, understands the role Eiser on him and he's really making it and entertaining. That's a true performer. But that's what it is too. That's what makes all of us love him so much is that he knows what he is

and he knows what everyone thinks about him. And he doesn't give in too much. It's not like he's just like, I will be the star performer now. He's not a clown boy. No. He is just a genuinely a charming motherfucker that also is and talk about,

I've learned that about acting too, which I think is really cool. It's really the, especially of all the art forms, it's the really type of art form where you can get better as you get older, the more wisdom you acquire, the more you can apply it to your work. Where it's like I had Servido.

I had breakfast with Matt Servito. He's just like, you don't understand, Henry, you have to have kids so that you can play fathers on television so people can see the pain in your eyes. The pain is what do you have to require in your eyeballs. I mean, I feel like he's not wrong. No, he's not wrong, but I guess I'll just always be free as a bird.

and always have a easy smile on my face. See? Yeah, but at the same time, you were late today because you were with Wendy at the vet. So technically, I feel like... That is a child. That is your child.

She doesn't like having that finger up her butt. Oh, no. She's such a tiny little but hole. But what did they put up there? You can't fit. I don't think... I told him to stop doing it. Because I feel like, hey.

No, I think it's just this... Is it like a cue tip? I don't actually, I don't know. Does she squeal? All I know is that I was like, well, you're going to finger up your ass because your father is going to get a finger up his ass in my five years. Yeah, and I think that that's a good way to keep it even. Oh, that's why you're not breeding her or doing any of those things. Oh, I get it.

I get it now. I'm very excited for the new, uh, uh, what's its butts? My brain. Uh, Bill and Ted. Yeah, that's going to be awesome. They've been trying to get this made for a long time, which I think is really cool that they saw it through. It takes a, it takes a fucking shit ton of energy. getting those things made, especially when no one is making it for you.

Right. And they are the ones that are actually pushing it through, which I say go for them. You have to put a lot on the line. They want to have some fun, but I feel like that's... But also, it's really nice because I feel like Keanu Reeves is doing that to help out what's his putts? Curly, Curly Blonde. Curly Blonde is struggling. That's why he's helped.

But how amazing is that, too, though? Who is he? What is his name? Curly Blonde, what is Curly Blonde's name? It's Alex Winter, I believe. Are you just typing in Curly Blonde? No. Bill and Ted Curly Blonde?

And then, oh, what's his name? It's coming back as death. I thought George Carlin played death. No, George Carlin played their, like, their advisor dude. Oh, that's right. Alex Winter, you were right. It is Alex Winter. Now, who's playing the, who played death doing this?

You were going to listen to us sound like two 70-year-olds. You're locked in. Just put death. Just put it down there. Who said it? Who's his name? Oh, he's creepy. What's his name?

He looks creepy. What's his name, Jackie? You've seen this movie. I have seen this movie. William Sadler, who's a wonderful actor. I don't know his name. William Sadler, it's right in fucking funny. It's right in front of you.

Oh, yeah. He is returning his death. That's what it says in front of me on the thing. Are your eyes getting smaller? Am I blind? Jackie, it's me. It's me. W.A.

T, E. You can't see me doing the Miracle Worker Act out. Does anybody know that the play Miracle Worker? I was in it. I was Dr. Ananos. Does anybody know that that is a play? Was it a play? I thought it was just like a, it was a movie.

Anybody I want to talk to. Oh, good. Anybody you need, you need knowledge to talk to me. You played a 65-year-old man when you were like 16 years old. I remember my, and I remember my line. What was your line? We've got to got Annie and our packages on the train and get that train on to Alabama. This is back when...

Why do you sound like Prince Ali? I didn't know how to do a Greek accent. I looked it up as a high schooler and I was just, it was just teavia, not tevia. It was, oh my God, it was just the worst podcast in the world. I thought you just said. Anthony Quinn from Zorba de Greek. And it's all being like, Malka. It's all, it's just screaming about lumb.

Wait, did you only play old men in high school? Because you also were Mr. Mushnik in Little Shop of Hars. I remember when I played Mr. Fondon in a diary of on a franc. Oh. And I remember doing my research for that part. Let's talk about it. Talk about how you really got into the character. I remember so much.

I remember that I got, I tried to be quiet once to learn what it would be like to be with the Franks. So did you, you definitely never sat in your room in silence. No, I sat and I went. No, I just remember you being in the shower and just constantly, Mosh neck and son sounds great. Three words with the ring of fate. Come say you'll incorporate with me. You were so good at it.

I did those plays often. I always play the old person or I play the foreign person. And you could see my skill set. Has rapidly, if as an adult, I have, you know, that's what I do best. You guys know. It's Jamaica making you crazy, man. And I, uh, I remember doing, we're really good at X-S. We were really good.

But I did Mr. Fonton. And people said afterwards, it's so incredible that they allow the teachers to do the shows. And I'm just like, I'm just fat. Because when you're a fat kid, I think you understand that. If you were a fat kid that did theater as a fat kid, you often. and play the old people and the foreign people. Well, that's not true. I got to play a headmistress of a school.

I guess she wasn't old, though. She was in her 30s. Remember when I did the children's hour? Yes, but that's for being. And then I blew my brains out. You have to be unlovable. In the show. That's how it is.

Yeah. It's they make the fat kids play the unlovable parts, the parts that no one would touch physically. Because why would they? Why would anyone? Yeah, but at the same time, that's why we are born. Character actors. Character actors?

ready to perform. I was trying to do a voiceover and they were like, they wanted a real Russian accent from me. And I don't like this. They were like, no, that's not it. So I looked it up and I was trying to do a little more of the Natasha

and a bullwinkle. And that also wasn't it. So they asked you for a realistic Russian accent and you went to the bullwinkle cartoon. You went to Rocky and Bullwinkle to learn how to do a realistic Russian accent. You maybe I talk like this. You don't need to talk like Zangif from Streetfire.

It's your street fighter. You can just, it's like, Grosberg, oh, my God. Oh, yeah, you are really, really, I'm so glad. I'm trying to teach you. I'm trying to teach you. You go, Russian, you're a Russian. I wonder. You are my friend.

We are friends here on Moscow. Babies. Why did it have to be babies? If you're like me and spent most of your teens and 20s thinking about children the way Indiana Jones feared snakes, I hear y'all loud and clear. But now that I'm teetering on the edge of toddling, I'm starting to wonder if I got the same egotitude I had when I was a baby or chick.

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I am queen of strength, except you don't have to be. Taking the test was so simple and completely painless, and now I'm just more terrified that I can't have children. Oh, God. I guess this is growing up. Also, I'm a bit of a dim wit when it comes to lady parts, and I didn't know that you can effectively test my fertility, even though I have an IUD shoved so hard in my womb that I could burp it up.

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first kit. I wonder if this is how Nick Cage is going to sound in his new movie that's coming out. It's a sci-fi martial arts movie called jujitsu. He can do whatever he wants. And his career is popping right now. But he, unlike Keanu Reeves, really doesn't do well in the gotcha Instagram video because you showed me a video of him recently. Yes. At a loss Vegas Instamary Chapel with his girlfriend that I think is just named Cole. Yeah, her name is Erica Koiky. Okay, it is just Koika. I didn't know if it was, I think it's Coika.

Coika. That would have you pronounced the eye in it. I just thought her, I thought she just had one name. I thought it was just Coika. No, that's her last name. But he's young. He looks a bit agitated. And in the video, they are in a chapel in Las Vegas.

And there's a bunch of people. he is comically standing with his hands on his hips. At first it seems comically. And he's standing kind of looking exhausted a little bit like, this woman, she walked through. A couple of people were laughing like, oh, she'd get your Nick. And she's like, I don't want to do this.

I don't want to do this. She's got a drug dealer or her boyfriend. But he was not ready for camera. No, but he was hammered. Visibly hammered in the middle of the day. It seems to be, and I was trying to talk about this with Natalie. and she didn't get upset. But it's definitely Nick Cage,

because he was apparently in the courthouse screaming, she wants to take half my money. And I was like, he's been married a number of times I know that that's what he's doing. This is his third marriage. But I think what would have had, what seems to be, the way I could put the timeline into my mind

is that they were maybe having a bit too much of an all you can drink brunch. Yeah. And she had a look, flash her face, being like, you want to marry me. I know what this is.

And now we're going to, oh, you want to marry me, huh? Oh, But he flipped out and did his Nick Cage thing. Yeah, I mean, he's an unstable human being. He's a fantastic actor. He really is, because he knows how to use it when he's performing. But I think that's just also who he is.

He is an unhinged human being. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's kind of what they want out of you as an actor. I was trying to explain this to people, which, you know, like, they want you to fulfill the expectancy. They want you to show up and be like, whoa, and mess up all the scene. It's like, I just did a bunch of press for a pretty face. And they set it up, essentially being like, because you get preached at it.

at the very beginning being like, we need this to be clean, we need you guys to be on your best behavior, and you just sit going, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. But also you're going to do whatever you're going to do, which is what, that's what they want. That's what they want. But unfortunately, when you're coica,

then you should, maybe at some point, you're like, hey, I just kind of wish you'd be like a normal guy for like a second. And she's a makeup artist, and I feel bad because she just kept saying, baby, I'm not asking you to do this. I'm not asking you to do this. I guess off of the-

He left the courthouse with papers. So they did get the license. Good for them. So, I mean, she must be used to this at this point. Well, you just know, like, he's just going to blow off his team. I'll say he looks pretty good. I mean, like, in terms of in shape was. I mean, I saw him in Mandy.

He's not as bad as he had been. He's not in bad shape as he was. He's got a little belly, but, you know, he's got the cool battle jacket on. He's looking good. He's looking hip. What's your favorite planet? I love that. Oh, yes.

In Mandy. I was just like, you know what? I'd stup Nick Cage in this movie for. sure. You're disgusting. Man, that whole scene with him drinking in the bathroom, please, if you guys haven't seen Mandy yet, it's on Shudder, and I have been there before. When he just goes to

the bathroom and just chugs almost an entire bottle of hidden vodka. You can do it. I have done that. I have done the thing where I've been in such a state of pure grief. I'm certain you have. There's something liberating about grabbing a bottle of whiskey and just really glugging

it. Just going and glugging it. Just glugging it. Slamp. into your throat. It's terrible. I mean, I'm not actually recommending it. No, no, no. Because you're going to be in a very dark place to do it. I mean, I just remember. I mean, I've definitely had times laying on a, like, on a floor just kind of in my underwear with a bottle just going, why? Why does it hurt? Just like talking about my heart and my feelings. Yeah, but now look how wide you can smile. One of my jaw just like unhinged from my face, I've swallowed you whole. It's Momo.

I don't get the Momo thing. I don't even want to go into it anymore. We covered it outside stories. It's fine. Okay. It's fake. I just heard about the, uh, the, uh, la yorena. I don't like, like la yorena.

Uh, that looks like a boring movie. It does look like a boring movie, but I'd never heard the tale of la yorena before. Well, maybe you need to go and learn. You need to go read, go to the asquela. See, I feel like. You need to learn about la lorena. This is, so this is a movie that's coming out. There was a trailer for it before us that I watched.

I can't wait to see us. I'm seeing it this weekend. I'm mad that you haven't seen it yet so that we cannot discuss it on this podcast. Papa's been working. Oh, what are you on tour for the family? I will swipe. Don't. Huh?

Huh? Huh? I would never hit my sister. Declaw him. Someone declaw him. But it does. So apparently it's like, it's kind of like a bloody Mary type thing where it's like She comes after you and steals your children.

She's like always crying. Good. But it's like at the same time. So it was a way to like keep kids from being. bad, but um... Saying the crying woman's gonna come get you? Yeah, I mean, honestly, it just sounds like what she's gonna come and bore me to death with her sad stories. But also, please take

him away. You want them? Have them, La Jerea. This is a bit I've been doing on stage recently saying this concept of being like, if someone wants to steal your kids, it's just like, oh no. Oh no, you took my kids, oh no, calls me a woman. It's like the new season of True Detective. Did you ever finish that? Yeah, I did. It was great. You know, I was, uh, I thought it was good. Mahersh Ali, very good performance. Stephen Dorff.

People have been sleeping on him. How good was Stephen Dorff in group? People been sleeping on the door. It is, he's been, he was insane. He was really good. He was so good. Also, again, what I miss, and I'm hoping to bring back, once I get my fucking full on, and I'm not using this lightly, but I'm talking about like prison body, that's what I'm

going to go for when I'm in my 50s and 60s. I'm going to start, I'm going to cut my 50s. Okay. So I can start playing more. maniacs like that. Stephen Dorf bringing back, tiny dangerous man. Dude, because they're very scary. At the same time, it's like, something that we have to hone as very short people.

Is it something that's like, oh, oh, they can like really hit me around the stomach and not go down. A pound your balls. Don't pound anyone's balls. My big thing is they get down on my knees and they're like, oh, what is this? And then I grip the tip their penis with my teeth. I got your dick. I got your dick. Oh, no, it was El Chihuahua.

That's what they'll call me. Have you met that chihuahua? Oh my God, can I get a saddlebag that you live inside of? Oh, don't go into my saddlebag. No, you're too, you're also, you're smaller than me. Yeah, but then that's why it would be so great, because if I also get ripped, I can hold you in my saddlebag. You're you pulling around a big body bag with me inside of it, going faster.

I'll say it's my El Chihuahua. Faster, sister. Oh, this is a bumpy road. Take you down a smoother road, please. La Jorraine Kind of also makes me think of This new thing that's coming out this Easter Called peep on a perch

Why does it make you think of that? Because it's a way to keep children behaving when you're not around You know what they need? The rod That's what the children need Spare the rod, spoil the child That's what I've always had

The peep on the perch It's just like I am first of all not scared of a chicken No It's just a little chicken that sits on the thing And it's supposed to be Who's it telling? The Easter bunny And the Easter Bunny is going to come and deliver punishments if it goes bad?

Because Santa at least has a built-in morality system. That you get coal. There is a system there. You know, the naughty and the nice. We were never taught that the Easter Bunny gives only nice kids. Easter Bunny was all just, we get to eggs because Jesus Christ, who didn't fucking exist, suicided himself. But that's, so essentially, which I didn't even, I mean, I think you've figured it out by now,

peep on a purchase is essentially elf on the shelf, but they're just trying to make more money for Easter. There's no reason why. Just let Easter go away. Easter's a terrible holiday. I see, I like it because, so I was getting shit for this because I did the adult swim live stream, last stream on the left this week with your boys.

And I was talking about how the only thing I care about with Easter is I usually make lamb, because lamb goes on sale. You can make lamb any time. Yeah, but it goes on sale around Easter. It's why I make lamb. And then they were giving me shit because apparently you don't make lamb on Easter, but I thought it was like, oh, you keep the spring. They have no fucking clue what they're talking about. You eat the spring, right? You definitely make lamb on Easter.

It's a spring thing. We had lamb on Easter. I think, but we were Catholic. Is that what it is? I don't know, but neither one of them, Kisle was evangelist, and Marcus was bone people, so they didn't, I don't know what they did. They walked around and went like, ay, aye, yeah, yeah. They shook big gorge with beads and like, fucking scared the neighborhood. That's what they did. They woke up everyone at midnight and said, It's the grave game. It's the grave game. But it's like that's what his family did on Easter. But our family had lasagna, lamb, and turkey.

And turkey. And, turkey. At noon on Easter Sunday. And we ate all of it. All morning. Between 8 a.m. And 11 a. Yeah, woke up slam as much candy as possible.

Going to church and sit there and go, Oh. Is he raising? When is lamb? When is lamb? When is lamb? That's essentially what we would. That's why our mother doesn't ask.

ask us to go to church anymore. No, we, uh, we made it so that we would never be asked to go back. No, that's what you have to do. You just, you just really make,

uh, you really embarrass your entire family and then you never have to do anything again. That's why. I try not to do that too often because I know, that is what, that is what our father used to do. Yes. My,

our father used to intentionally make certain situations bad so he didn't have to do them anymore. But then he didn't have to do them anymore. It makes me think of Deborah. Ray Romano. If there's anything that Ray Romano taught me on Everybody Loves Raymond, it is that that's what he said. He said he screwed up for their wedding.

He screwed up. All he had to do was get a band. And he screwed it up on purpose because then she would never ask him to do anything ever again. But guess what in the episode she finds out that he did that? And then she starts making him do things again. It is very passive, aggressive and a terrible way to live your life. And our father used to do that as well. But that's a part of what we are trying to get better at.

We're learning. We're growing as people. We are. I think so. I think we're growing. But now we're just obnoxious just because we like to be obnoxious, not to get ourselves out of doing something. Technically, it's a part of what makes us professional comedians. Is this style.

It's this style of humor that we're doing, right? But when it comes to church, that was just being like, you know, it just came down to the fact where I cannot step into a church ever again. I can't fucking sign up for these choir things. And so we had to go to these choir shows every Christmas Eve. Because we wanted to support her singing. But also, I was like, I'll stand in the back. Let me know when I got to come in. I'll watch you sing.

Legitimately, I will stand in the lobby or whatever the fuck it's called. I'll come in with sunglasses on behind it. Listen, go, yep, yep. Oh, she did it this bitch. Got it. And not only, but eventually, we just made it so horrible for her that she quit doing inquires altogether. It's just difficult.

It's fun to be related to us. But we save it now. Yeah, we save for things like this. and so that I can yell about purple rain, tiny jelly bird eggs. Well, this is my problem with a prince advertiser, a prince-based Easter candy, is that he was Jehovah's Witness, and Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Easter.

No, because it is deemed to be a pagan belief. It is. They co-opted all of the pagan holidays, and they flipped them. And they took all of the stories that the various lore that the Jesus character was built on top of. They took it, and they flipped it. They rebooted it. put Kate McKinnon in it. And I think it's, but I think it's really, really terrible

that they are using Purple Rain as a name to sell jelly beans of berry, blueberry, blue, raspberry, and grape flavor jelly beans when it has nothing to do with Prince and it has nothing to do with like his estate or anything. So they can't use the word Prince on there. Of course not, but they're just saying Purple Rain because I think Purple Rain probably belongs to like Warner Brothers or something. That must be one of those record companies where they can use it, which is really strange that they're calling it Purple Rain and having no reference to Prince that you're just calling at that.

But it is, I mean, you know, at least it's just jelly beans. I mean, you know, if it's going to be a more of innocuous thing, I guess jelly beans is innocent enough to kind of slap whatever the fuck it is you want on there, but you definitely don't ever see like human centipede chocolate jelly beans. Like you don't see that very often. I guess I think that what makes me more upset about

is the fact that they call it tiny jelly bird eggs, which that's more upsetting than anything. Just call them jelly beans. We know they're jelly beans. The only way it would be acceptable is that if you could bite open the tip of them and they had little bird like fetuses. Fetuses inside. Man, if you ever opened up an egg and there's a fetus inside?

Yeah, it's terrifying. It's very, but it's very cool. Do you eat it? No, we would get them because all of our, the bakery used to work at, all of our eggs were farmed fresh. So we actually got them quite a bit. But then that was the problem was then you have to throw out of

huge batch of eggs. Why don't you just cook them into a big pie? Because it's filled with blood. And so, but then you open that one and then it's just like a dead bird and it's just a bunch of blood inside all these eggs. And then we all go, whoa. And we're like, well, now we have to start all over again. So get to fuck work.

I just had, get to fuck work. I got some delicious sweetbreads in Toronto this weekend. Ooh. You love those weird meats. Sometimes they're, but they're good at some points. And it's really just about, it's really about the way they do it. It's about presentation and it's about their angle on it. And it's about the flavor profiles.

It's like, room, Rome, because sweet breads are such a very delicate. But they have like with this, um, I don't like the texture. It was sweet breads with this capital S Spanish sausage. Ooh. That was like a churice? It was like a churice, but it was, because you know how some hard, the big loaf turris? How it's kind of hot doggy? Yeah, I know.

It was like that. Ooh, I love a hot dog-esque meat. It was good. There she goes. I like her pants. Look at her nice pants. They're beta brand. Did you know that song was written about heroin? And heck, I must be addicted to a drug much less scary. And that drug is the comfort of Beta Brand's pants.

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so you never miss the right moment to invest. Robin Hood is giving listeners of page 7 a free stock like Apple Ford or Sprint to help you build your portfolio. Sign up at page 7.robinhood.com. I also would really like to wish Mariah Carey a happy anniversary. To who? To her liquor bottles? No, it is she only ever refers to her birthday as her anniversary because she's celebrating being alive. No one knows how old she actually is. They think she might be 50?

What does she say her to ages? She just doesn't say. She doesn't say. She just says that it's her anniversary. That's fucking hilarious. But my favorite is that she posted this Instagram video of her poor. I told you about over Christmas when she posted a video of her children only allowed to sing backup to her with all I want for Christmas is you. And you could tell all they wanted to do was sing the chorus with her.

They better fucking earn it. And show she could, they can only do the like the harmonizing backup. parts with her. I love what a fucking maniac she is. She is an absolute maniac. Can you turn up the volume on this so I can hear it? All right. So we're listening to the Instagram video right now of Mariah Carey's surprise from her kids. So her kids, she is not happy. Her kids decided to surprise her for her anniversary and spray her with silly string. But also, I don't know if you notice, she immediately goes up and covers her face because it was definitely

planned and in no way a surprise. It was no, you could never actually surprise me. Can you imagine the unbridled anger that would come from her? Of everyone around her, 24-7. The idea of surprising her, it'd be like running up behind a big buffalo and spearing it. No, she is not, she is not a woman to like surprise us, but she did not enjoy that it had gotten her hair. No, she didn't like that it got in her hair. And then especially, I just feel like it's very telling of the fact that as she walked away, she just kept going, you hate me

You hate me But it's not true She's just saying it to be fun in her way I know but she doesn't know You just see she doesn't know how to be fun And I imagine that like she set up the children Like you do it then This is how it happens

Those poor poor children It had a lot of coverage You could tell her people came in They were like We're gonna do a fun thing for your Instagram No and she's like What are you gonna do? She's like listen no

This is we're trying to make you seem a little more lovable Like you're silly I am relaxed I am relaxed Oh my cigarette ran out You're supposed to replace my cigarettes When they were just about

Stay at the tent And she just takes out a bowl whip But no they are She must be like being like Trying to be like look no It's light It's a thing but fun being around Mariah Carey

And I think they do laugh every once in a while I don't I do I really Because I watched almost all of her Of her reality show And I don't think that they laugh A whole lot She makes sure to keep those kids as far away from her as humanly possible.

I do like that she called it silly strings shenanigans. Shenanigans. Which is, God, it took so much planning. She's just so silly because I celebrate life, darling. But also found it interesting that Nick Cannon also wrote on her Instagram post. Happy anniversary queen, stay festive, which I think stay festive is a very code way of saying you are truly a debilitating alcohol. You're going to be hammered. very soon, aren't you?

Well, I wonder why... That's very strange to have that level of high profile of X, that their post, and then your comment on the post would be, like, news? Well, because it would also be... It would also be news if he hadn't commented, so I feel like it's all kind of six to one and a dozen the other. Who weeds this news?

Who weeds it? Who weeds this news? I don't... It's very strange that, you know, I guess because I've never... commented on an ex's birthday thing? No, no, no, no, no. But he also had a huge tattoo of her name across his back

that he got covered with Jesus Christ on the cross. How many years were they married? I don't know. A good amount. I mean, they've got kids together. Don't you dare do this. Don't get it in my head. I've got other reality show news to talk about.

Do whatever the fuck it is you got to do. This is my platform to talk about my shows, and this is what I'm going to do. That's what this is literally what this is for. I started watching the new season of Queer Eye, and it's kind of fun, the unevert, what's the, the covert hostility that all of them have for the, not for the people they're talking to,

the people in front of them, but the way that they view them as cute little non-human experiments and then leave, you could see how the Queer Eye guys come in, they helicopter into these scenarios, and it's just Jonathan Van Ness being like, go to the salon three times, and saying this stuff,

which is, it is true, like, to the people. Like, it does make a lot of sense, and you can fit it into your budget. But it also does, but it does take money, and it takes time, and sometimes people don't have that. But it's like the copter comes in, they're your instant best friend. You're crying in front of them. Tell them all your fucking secrets. They have no idea how to handle it. And then the copter pulls off, and you could just see these people like, take me with you.

Take me to Los Angeles. I want to go to Los Angeles and see what that's like. They're like, no way, honey, honey. May. As the helicopter lifts off into the sky. But that's what I love about them. No, it's all these little, what's his name? Magic caddy man, Will Smith.

What? The genie? No, the Magic Caddy. Do you remember where he played them? Oh, my God, bagger vans. It's just coming in, bagger vansing these lives, and then just being like, peace. Good luck maintaining that. Bye.

Like, it's super cute. But then it's like, what are their days then? of just being like, you just had the peak of experience. All of Hollywood's most shiniest new waxing, beautiful gaming came in. Absolutely, and talking about your life. And then you just sit back in the one room they remake. Yeah. You have your whole house.

The other houses are just as sad as they were before. But then you just move the bed into that one room and then you just say like, this is where I lived out. This was the special room that those angels chose. Yeah, but at the same time, don't even pretend like you don't cry along with these episodes. I don't cry. You don't cry? No, because they are just so, it's so hard because it's the way they, Karamo just flips these people.

They get in there, it's scary. I find it too scary. I watch it being like, I don't know if that's what it is. It was like he, he had that one woman, there was a one woman in the first episode that you were trying to make, she wants to look more feminine. And so he just trucked in 15 other types of women. You could see he's been like, I need, I need big ones. I need old ones.

I do different ones. I want a circle of them. No, she's too pretty. Get her the fuck out of here. And I'm being like, we need to break this woman's mind. And he just fucking flips this woman like a cult leader. I think Karamo Brown's going to eventually be a very dangerous person. But at the same time, maybe he is the type of cult leader this country needs.

You know what? I would sign up in a heartbeat. Because at least it's like, at least it's in a positive spin. It is. I mean, all that's why it's all good. But if it ever flips, I don't mean a lot of trouble. I mean, speaking of cult. I've got some polygamy news to talk about.

You have been talking about this. So this is a new polygamy show. Now, it is still illegal, right? Yeah, it's illegal in a lot of states. And I know that you guys have listened. I don't talk about it very often, actually. Not as often as... We used to talk about this quite a bit,

but it sounded like it was just you trying to get out of your previous relationship. I think that that is exactly what it was. Now, I'm just very fascinated by polygamy reality shows because it's just like they, it is such a devout faith that they truly believe that all of the hardship that they go through of trying to keep a polygamist relationship alive on earth is for their kingdom of heaven.

They're building their afterlife. They're building their forever families. This is my reminder to you that you got one of these go-arounds the sun. I know this. Not to you. I'm talking about to the audience too. This is it. Nothing you do.

You got to have your fun now. Have a great time. I have a great. day, every day. Look at how much coffee you've already consumed. I've got almost, I still have some of this

32 ounces left. Jackie is sitting on the top of the back of the chair. It's really scary. It's really strange how watching every one of her stabilizer muscles

just clenched. I'm just working on my core. But I also have Garfield shoes on. I hate Mondays. They say I hate Mondays on them. Bye, honey. But this one is the reason

why I have been watching this show. It is a new show that is on TV. It's called Seeking Sister Wife. So, and this is after I've seen every single polygamous reality show that exists, including all 16 seasons of sister wives. Wait a second. There were 16 seasons. They are still going, baby.

What is the other show that? I know Natalie is also obsessed with the big family shows. She watches those for- Like the Duggers and all that. Yeah, she watches those out of- I can't anymore with them because they, I hate the Duggers. She just hate watches it. Of course.

And now I'm watching Seeking Sister Wives, which the, the spin on this one. And I know that this isn't everybody's cup of tea, but I have been screaming about this for the past week and a half as I consumed all of the show that has already come out and is in the process of coming out right now. And it is, there are two, there's one couple that is, they're doing it because of the faith. And the rest of the couples are doing it outside of the faith.

So they are not people that believe that there is an, like, it's not like they're building their kingdom of heaven. It is just a dude that wants to fuck other words. women and doesn't want his wives to be able to fuck anyone else. If you're going to do that, be Polly. Then everybody gets to fuck. You do your life and then you get to do that.

No, dude. He's being, he's living that fucking pimp life. I am, I'm just screaming. I just don't know why you want to do all the marriages. And even though you can't really. So it's just, it's a ceremony of like, you know. Oh, so they're not even legally bound to each other? They're not legally bound to each other.

And yet still these women can't fuck other people. And then so they're watching all this like, So most of the dudes... Maybe they get enough from that main dude. Maybe his D is just enough to lay it down and keep them satisfied. Apparently, but then it's like there's supposed to be rules put in place. Because at least when you're following the LDS faith, it's like the courting process, they're barely...

They're allowed to hold hands until they get married, and that's it. But then these dudes can just go out and stup a 22-year-old, and he's like, oh, well, guess that's her wife ain't going to be good for this family. It's like, no, you didn't even know her. She wasn't courting the entire family. You want to see the rest of the sister wives, though, because this main one isn't looking too great. Well, this is, so the reason why I'm bringing this up, which gave me a good reason to talk about it, is that one of the main couples, Bernie and Paige, Paige is having a lot of problems with it because she's now realizing that she doesn't want to do this. Hell yeah.

And he's like, but awful you said that we're, this is what our calling is. And he keeps saying our calling, even though he just wants to fuck this other woman. He's being a tiny cult leader. Exactly. and having to explain to your children and not understanding why your children aren't just cool with it because they have two teenage boys and they're like, so we just have a new mom now?

And he's like, yeah, son. Like, I think it's good for the family. And like the older son was just like, you just want to sleep with another woman. He's like, no, no, it's our call. And I'm sorry, I don't even know if this is boring to talk about because I've watched all this by myself and I have no one to talk to about it.

It does sound like that. And I have to. I don't know how to stop watching, but they just got arrested for, um, this one particular couple got arrested for stalking her brother. It's multiple couples. It's multiple couples. So this is one of the couples. Correct. And so this is Bernie and Paige.

Yes. Now, how many wives does Bernie have? This is just, this is, he's still trying to convince her to add on other wives. They've been married for 17 years. Great move. So this is, this is only wife that he's been with for 20 years. It always, if you're always, if you're. married for 20 years, nothing quite makes a woman excited like being like, hey, let's open this

up, but just for me. But that's what I don't even understand. Especially after all this time, as someone that broke up with someone because they wanted to become Polly after being together for 11 years, it's hard switch to just like, now we're not monogamous anymore. It's just called you're broken up. It's like, no, you're just, yeah, or you're just cheating on me. You're just broken up. But I just, I implore other people to watch just because it is. It is. It's just called, very interesting though because it's about how difficult it is to find people that want to be sister wives wow that's so crazy to me I thought everyone would be lining up for it but you think about if you're in the actual LDS faith if you know they don't even do that anymore

so they I mean most of them don't do it because it's a very it's a very like specific sector of the faith yeah the molesties in it no that's not what they're called some of the molestarios but speaking of other cults though how about Tom Cruise and his daughter Surrey is now getting to the cult? No, Surrey is, she's out doing, like, things for the people now. When is she, she's 12? Yeah, she's not old enough to begin. This is actually, we're going back to Isabella, who is his daughter with ex-wife, Nicole Kidman.

Oh. And she's become an auditor for Scientology. The whole thing's breaking down. You see the guy that got shot by the police yesterday trying to break into the church of Scientology here in, not in no-house. but in the Church of Scientology, the main center. He got shot? He walked in with a knife.

It was a sword and a gun. And he got shot by the cops. And he shot a cop. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. This was yesterday? This was yostern. But I'll be covered on side stories.

Oh, okay. Well, listen to side stories this week with my beautiful brother and Ben Kessel. Yeah. But apparently it's very difficult to become an auditor. It is. It takes a lot of time. Ooh, she's got a weird random set of jeans. She got a very interesting...

How did that come out of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman? It's Nest two baby. I don't think that... I mean, not to be... I'm not that... I'm not shaming her. I'm just saying it's a weird combo with the two of them. Especially for two such, like, poster, beautiful people.

This is what I'm saying. This is why it's always better to be mutts. It's better. Instead of being these pure breed humans, it's much better to be a mutt, because they end up coming out much more attractive. Well, I feel like that's something like with the two of us where we look very...

different even though we're brother and sister because we're both mutts. We are mutts. I am going to definitely look like our father one day. And hopefully what that means is that it makes me a castable person as an old man. Yeah, you got the skinny legs and a big middle. Yeah, and as my head grows into my neck because it recedes into my body. Are you trying to say you've got a big neck? No, I mean the opposite. How dad's head is slowly sunk into his neck. Oh yeah, he's like a turtle, turtle, remember that? Yes, I do. Dana Carvey. That it's going to be my future. Church. Turtles, turtles, turtles. Is my, am I not turtily enough for you?

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That's stitchfix.com slash page 7 to get started today. Stitchfix.com slash page 7. So apparently she had to go through a lot of training, and she is really following, you know, obviously the Scientology line, but so is Connor, their other, the, the, other child that Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise had. And actually Tom Cruise just banned Nicole Kidman from coming to his son's wedding. Great. He's marrying into, I guess there's this like big Scientology family that moved from Italy to Clearwater, Florida. Oh yeah. And he is marrying the eldest daughter of that family. So it's like a big union of Scientologists. It's essentially like

the Kate Middleton and Prince, um, oh my God. I almost said Prince Charles. Oh, God. They are definitely... William, William. But they are dying out. Scientology is dying out on the vine. They just have a lot of real estate holdings,

so they are still technically on paper worth quite a bit of money. I mean, I feel like as long as we've got people, you know, it's like Elizabeth Moss and we're doing the Laura Prepawn, because now they're trying to bring in women, but women are the head of Scientology. But if you listen, if you read the blind items, you see that socially those people are kind of kept out. They are doing well because they are making money for the companies, but I guarantee you, Elizabeth Moth starts tanking.

She's in a show that tanks, she will disappear for a number of years. Yes, because Scientology socially, because, you know, Hollywood's like fucking high school. So it's poison now. It's not the same. It's not like it used to be like a secret system of elites. Those guys are all getting bred out. Now it's all about transparency. And they know that Scientology, because of the abuse scandals that have happened again and again,

and also stealing people's money and holding people hostage. Eventually, those people will be fully ostracized. Which I also didn't even realize that Elizabeth Moss was in us. I had just watched the trailer for us. I don't know anything about it.

But also, I'm not giving, this is not giving anything about it. I don't know anything about it. It's not giving anything away. But I just wanted to say, because of you, and I actually thought of you in the movie, Tim Heidecker is in it from Tim and Eric. And I was just like,

hell yeah, that they're doing like the good, like bringing in of comedians into straight roles in horror movies. Jordan Peele is doing a fucking fantastic job. He is doing such a good job. I mean, I'm still obviously, I'm also, I do not believe in the hype. So I want to see the things before I believe them,

but I think he's got a really good touch. I'm excited for Twilight Zone. I think it'll be interesting. I think that Twilight Zone's going to be really fucking good. Yeah, and Kumel's in it too, so he looks good. Yeah, he's all sharp in the face now. Yeah, he's very good looking. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's always been very attractive. You're sexually excited by Kumel Nanjani? Yeah, of course. Interesting. What about Oprah taking over, huh? Oprah's doing, you know, she always, she already was in charge. I think it's kind of scary sometimes, though.

Why? She's one of the least scary ones. She just owns a normal media company. I know, but now that she's, like, hooking up with Apple, you know, it makes me think of, like, what is it? Roosevelt? What was it when they were like, Monopoly's can't? You're talking about the New Deal. The New Deal.

You're talking about the new deal? I'm talking about the new deal. I think that we're, you know, we're headed towards a total corporatocracy and we're allowing ourselves to do it. And eventually, once the phone companies are making our television, eventually Apple will become a branch of the government. That's what every single dystopian sci-fi shows, is that the commercial entities eventually start being so fully infiltrate the government that they become the government in many ways.

We're going to see that. Every sci-fi movie has that. We are now perpetuating it with our own lives. We are creating the reality of these 1980 sci-fi films because 30-year-olds are ruining everything. I am excited to watch whatever new content out of the Oprah's going to make. Well, I said no. I will say that unfortunately, as a performer,

there's very little you really can say no to. Because, you know, it's not like I receive scripts and it's me sitting with my half glasses on being like, which project can I do now? Oh, they all want to pay me extra, extra money. No, you get whatever you go for. You got to go for it. You know what I mean?

But the problem is that I did say no to working for Apple and I did say no to working for Facebook, but that's getting harder and harder. I mean, the Smiths are working for Facebook now. Yeah, but I'm not doing it. I refuse auditions for Facebook shows, and I refused auditions for Apple shows. But I will say the Red Table Talks is pretty amazing.

I know. It does seem very interesting. but I can't imagine. That is just straight up working for the devil. I know, but she's like, this, I love that show. She's really taking things, like, she's really getting into the meat of, like, talking about mental illness, and talking about sex addiction and talking to go away, Jackie. Do this show for YouTube.

Do it for the other channels. Do it anywhere else. I love the show. How do you feel about it? Henry is currently scrolling through. So someone put up on the Facebook page, and I went down a very deep hole of Muppet Burlesque, that I guess it was a big show in L.A. for a long time. And then I started watching because we,

we not too long ago had a discussion of Muppets you would like to have relations with. And Henry, what's your number one? Do you're asking me which one of these Muppets I want to fuck? I'm not asking you which one of these Muppet burlesque girls you want to fuck. That's different. Well, yeah, because they're all very, very attractive. No, if I was going to fuck a Muppet, man.

Hmm. Mine is Dr. Teeth. Of course. Right? That makes a lot of sense. I guess one of them little chickens. Oh, yeah. Why don't I even say that?

I don't know. Because Miss Piggy, it's too much. Camilla is Gonzo's girlfriend. Yeah. What about Beaker? I feel like Beaker would be a lot of fun. No. Beep, me, me, me.

I don't. Whatever the three-send between Professor Honeydew and Beaker. Ugh, get away from me. Get away from me, you two tiny men. I want to feel like there's only one true female Muppet, right? It's just Janice. I mean, there's Janice, yeah. But Janice reminds me of friends.

You can't because Miss Piggy is me. Yeah. So you can't do Miss Piggy. No, none of them are an archetype I would choose. Okay. Necessarily. I mean, Janice would be a lot of fun. She'd be real chill.

She just reminds me of too many of my friends. Yeah, I guess that's the problem. But I will say that in the Muppet burlesque pictures, I think I'd take a gonzo. Yeah. Right? I mean, it's cool. I don't really know if I like all the streams being crossed of seeing the boobies

into my favorite, my favorite Muppets in there. I think it's really funny, though, that the... Stories from 2011. I know, I know. Because someone posted it. Because this show ran for like 10 years in L.A. And I wanted to be brought back.

That's why I'm bringing it up, because I'd like to see it. I'd like to go see this show. I've heard of nerd burlesque. Quite a bit of nerd burlesque. Oh, yeah, there's a Star Wars burlesque show that's coming out in May that I'm going to go see. Yeah, I'll see all that shit. Right? I love it.

I love burlesque. Put a hat on it. I don't know anything about Star Wars, though. Yeah, you don't need to for burlesque. You're just seeing breasts. Darth, Darth, um, yum, der. Mall. There's Darth mall.

I like seeing it, but I like the, I like burlesque dancers, and I like all the work and goes into it. Yeah, right? And, I mean, it takes a lot of talent. It does. And we didn't even get into it. Wendy Williams, but I think that it's just, I just want to say that my love goes out to Wendy Williams and the hard times she's going through and leave your piece of shit, husband. It's hard when you are married or you're with somebody for a long time, and I really think

you just believe that it has to be this way, it has to be a certain way, just fucking get out, just fucking walk out. Like, that's the hardest part is they get out. There's just so many stories about how openly abusive he is towards her, and the fact that she just relapsed again because it, the story. story just came out that his mistress just had a baby. And there's like, oh, there's like actual stories of people that work on the set with her that he is openly, physically abusive towards her. He's got to fucking get out. And it hurts my chest and now she's living in a sober living

house right now. And she went out, she relapsed, and now she's back in the sober living. And now she's taking another week off of doing the show. And this is someone's like, I know, she throws a lot of shade. I know that it's not, she's not everybody's cup of tea. But I do, as, as It's watching a woman that came from nothing. Yes, essentially, because she was a DJ in New York for a really long time, and then she sold this daytime talk show host. And now she's daytime talk show host. And that is essentially exactly what I want to do.

That's your dream. And watching your... But you got to understand this shit holds you back. These kind of abusive relationships hold you back. And I understand it's really difficult, but I was talking with a friend recently that was trying to get out of a relationship with somebody that was unstable. And my advice still stands.

And I don't like doing a lot of advice because, you know, who am I to give advice, but I think there's a lot to be said about just fucking ghosting. Like, I was reading a very interesting, some posts on something. And I thought it was a really good concept of like, she was like, I was with her an abusive partner. I didn't know how to get out. So what I did is that I did a day of all of his favorite shit. I went, I did all the laundry.

I cooked him dinner. I did all stuff. I kept told to he went to sleep. I wait for him to go to sleep. I had a go backpack. I just walked out the door. Like I literally put. put him down.

It takes a lot to be able to get to that point. Absolutely. I'm not saying that I'm saying it's incredibly difficult, but it is just about that. It's literally ghost the motherfucker. You don't own them anything. Then you think of all of the mental, like the mental hold they have over you because they, like,

the most dangerous part is for a woman is leaving the relationship. That is the most dangerous part. Of course it is. So you just have to do it fucking quick. You just need to be up. You need to disappear. And you literally get on a, you get on the cheapest,

it, you can get out, like you get on a bus and you go as far as ways you can for a second. And don't flush your wedding ring down the toilet. Never do it. No, not my best friend's wedding. Sleeping with the enemy. Oh, man, that was such a good movie. But it's time for the list already. Who's got the list?

Say it happier. Who's got the list? Ooh, that's fun. Gotta have that list. Thank you. It is 16 famous celebrities in history with their. most unusual pets. We've got Kristen Stewart's.

Just such privilege. Christian Seward's with a wolf. She's got a wolf. And now he looks kind of scary. He's a wolf. He's really sweet. He like falls in my feet. No, you have to do it like Kristen Stewart, which is, I know he looks kind of scary. You're right. He's a wolf.

Oh, is he? He was really sweet. He like fall somewhere. Let the wolf be a wolf. Just stop it. Put him back out. out there's a lot of fun ones on here though. Leonardo DiCaprio, he bought a tortoise.

Well, he just bought the tortoise. It's kept at the zoo. He kept it at the zoo. See, this is the thing. Yeah, that makes sense. He bought the life of this tortoise. You bought the life of it and you keep it alive. And he makes sure that he's always going to be, he's going to be around for his

because he bought it at the North American Reptile Breeders Conference and Trade Show in 2010. And he's done that with a couple of very lucky models as well. Please. Take me back, Leo. I'm good. You remember me. You can buy my life. Don't touch my wife. Please don't.

Don't do it. Of course, I mean, he will touch your wife if he wants to touch your wife. If Natalie wants it. No, Natalie doesn't want Leonardo to Caprio. She really doesn't. We all know Mike Tyson as a pet tiger because of the movie Hangover. He actually did, I don't talk about all time. He had a really good interview recently when he was talking about it.

He's like, yeah, what's his kind of mistake to have a tiger, but it was fun. I mean, I understand. You just got into it. What's a kinkajoo? I don't know what a kinkajoo is. Paris Hilton has one and his name is Baby Love and I think Baby Love might be the cutest name. And it's L-U-V-V-It's Baby Love. She has a very rough history with pets.

She's a very rough history with pets. Apparently Baby Love bit Paris in 2006 and I like that that is the end of that, which means I think that baby love was put to death. I think Baby Love is now a pair of her shoes. Cirstie Allie has lemurs. That's not the fucking beginning or end of her problems. She's got Learie. That costs about $40,000 a year. $40,000 a year?

Just to keep them as happy as lemurs can be. I don't even know if lemurs even understand happiness. Vanilla Ice has a Wallaroo. Why does he have a Walleroo? It's a cross between a wallabee and a kangaroo. His name is Bucky. It's escaped Florida home along with his pung goat. Yep, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You scratched up a woman's car. You really shouldn't have, you shouldn't have a Wallaroo in your car. But did you ever watch the Ice Tea reality show where he tried to be Amish? No. No Torrey Spelling has a silky chicken Yeah, his name is Coco

That's fine The chicken sits on his head See that I don't even think any more is that normal The abnormal of a pet People have chickens now Yeah Oh and yeah and George Clooney has his pot belly pig But that's not, you know that's fine

Oh he's alive for 18 years Oh Oh he passed RIP Shock onto the head That's so sad No no he didn't He maybe just, he just died easily. I feel like Michael Jackson, it's because it's here, it's like the first one should be like,

you know how he kept those boys captive in the house for a while? Yeah, yeah, but he also had a jimpanzee. That's how he got the boys. I think it was all the millions of dollars, but we're not going to get into that. He lifted those kids up. He took all those average families and he dropped the hill of his fucking music work. He had a lion. Oh, my God.

Oh, she put him in the preserve, which is good. Yeah, but in this picture, she is definitely lying on that line in the middle of the living room shouldn't have a lion in there. You were getting funnier. Thank you. Thank you. Scareing me. You're so scary.

She hate lying. You're scaring me. Salvador Dali had a pet anteater, but that's just because he hated anything that was boring. I like, though, the picture, which is a now, it is a famous picture of him walking his anteater on a leash. And I had heard, to be completely honest, he did not treat them very well. No.

Because he didn't know. No, he just kind of left them in a thing. He would leave them in a thing. hotel rooms and shit. No. This was back in the day when you could really just do anything. I was kind of thinking about getting a tiny pony and aiming him sprinkles and then giving them lots of hats.

I think you just need to make sure you keep yourself alive. I don't know if you should have a big animal. I shouldn't have any. I can't take care of anything except for myself. And I can, I'm just learning how to take care of myself. No, you need to have something with it. You need some help. I mean, I would, I wish that I could have a raccoon because I feel like as it is my

Spirit animal I feel like we'd be able to talk to each other and then I feel like it would put up its tiny hand up to my tiny hand and then we would just live in a trash can. They're very vicious. I know I have one living in my trash cans right now.

That's your pet. But it's so big and now... You should feed it and then it'll grow to trust you. I mean I do kind of feed it because I put the trash out and trash cans and so I leave some food out for the raccoon which I think is part of the reason why he's not leaving. But now I'm scared of

opening up the lid of my trash cans. Kick it open their foot. I don't know. Get a baseball bat. Slam it on the side. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get it. Wakey, wiki. You should just, you could just straight up feed it, I guess.

I think that is technically what I'm doing. You could just put out up, I don't know if that's, I mean, that's terrible for your neighborhood, but you could just put out a little dog bowl of dog food. I, well, it eats the food in the trash. In my head, it's like when you own a bunch of hogs like you do. Oh, yeah. And you just, instead of, um. I always have.

Several hogs. Instead of, what is it, when he, what is it? The green can. I forget. Compost. I am so, earth-friendly. You're with it. There are two people on this list with deer.

Audrey Hepburn, who was like a human deer and then fucking Frida Kahlo had a deer. See that, I feel like, I think that works, right? Josephine Baker had a leopard. Ooh, the leopard's name was Chiquita. But that is also, um, that's, it's scary to have those kind of animals. animals in your house. I think so. It does make it, it harkens back to the roundtable gentleman episode, the Bobby Pets episode with that dude that had a penguin. He's like, yeah, just keep the room cold. And then the penguin will live in the cold rooms.

It's like, you can't. Does it really work like that? That's not how, see, this is the problem with people that are not very bright that have a lot of money. I think those are the people that we should be the most scared of. It's just how bored are you that you can't just get a dog? You're just so bored with your whole life. Everything's been handed to you. You can buy anything as you've got money. So now you need a lion in the house. Like, I love just have, just get a bunch of dogs.

I'd rather get the witch in the wardrobe. What? Man, guys. That doesn't even make any sense. It doesn't fake sense. I hate Mondays. Thank you so much, Henry, for joining us today. This is a Thursday.

And in fact, tonight we are going to be doing this. Thursday. We're doing our Patreon movie. I'm joining your beautiful bride. Yeah, you'll! Can I still call her your bride? Yeah, she's my bride. I know she's your bride. So forever I can revert her as your bride. She's permanently my bride. Natalie and I have a lot of fun

every month and we watch movies together for the page 7 Patreon. I love that. And we drink wine and we eat bad food. You're crazy. And we're crazy. You're being crazy. And if you can't join us live this evening... Then fuck yourself. No. No. No.

We're going to post it up on the Patreon afterwards. Mixed messages there, so I'm very sorry. So you're more than welcome to watch along with us afterwards. Tonight we're watching Moulon Rouge, and I'm going to cry, and I'm going to sing. Do you remember how many pictures I had of Ewan McGregor in my room? Yeah, I remember going, you and you'll never be with me. You never will never be with me. You know what?

I'm just glad, though, because my tastes have really changed since then. Yeah, because then you were really into men that seem to be homosexual. Yeah, like a Leggolus, like a E. You're like all those light little boys. I think it's because at that time I really wanted to own and control someone. Yeah. Still very frightening that you do think like that. I know that you do.

And I fear for Jeff. No, Jeff is very, very strong. He's well kept. That is not true. He is a well kept man. I love him and he takes care of me. He does. Thank you very much, Henry, for joining me today.

And again, when is your pretty face coming out? May 3rd. Adult swim. Right after your births. That is right after my birthday, you're right. Happy almost birthday. Shut up. And then come to see something else, which is premiering at Tribeca, April 28th.

Hell yeah, that's great. Congrats. Hell yeah. You can buy those tickets. You can buy those tickets. You can buy those tickets. And also please listen to him on the last podcast on the left as well as side stories. I think you heard of them.

My name. I'm burping too. Did you transfer your, did you just brother burp me? We're syncing up. Oh, that's cute. Cute. Burt periods. My name is.

Jackie Soprowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And please hit up our Patreon pages. Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast because we are still in the thick of watching Molly and I are watching Pretty Little Liars. And man, it is, even though the show is not that old, it is still, it's still fairly problematic. It is like a naughty show, right?

It's not actually that naughty. It's more ridiculousness of Riverdale without a lot of the spice. Ah, no spice. It's not as far as. Sibisie. Hey man, I am just on the sidelines. I know. You just watch and he go, yes, keep going.

Oh, give a lick. Thank you. Give lick to the woman. Oh, God, the Russian accent. He was transformed right in front of my eyes. Woman, give lick the woman. Make a decisor. I love you guys.

We'll talk to you next week. Henry Zabrowski has been here. Hail Satan. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

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