Page 7 - Episode 301: A Face Made for Screamin'
Episode Date: May 3, 2019Jackie, Molly and Natalie Jean gab about the Sonic the Hedgehog trailer, Idris Elba's wedding and fanny pack crocs. Go to http://expressvpn.com/page7 and find out how you can get 3 months free with a ...1 year package. Go to http://felixgrayglasses.com/page7 to protect your eyes today. Get 50% off your first year at http://honeybook.com with promo code: PAGE7 Get $30 off your first order at http://snowehome.com/page7 Need even more hot goss? Join in on the fun over on our Patreon page! www.patreon.com/p Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You know what?
We're starting off this episode today.
I'm being combative, all right?
Because I tried so hard and by so far.
Wait a second.
And in the end, it doesn't even matter.
It starts with one thing.
I don't know why.
It doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Keep that in mind outside.
I'm warranted.
They apparently, which also, welcome to page seven.
My name is Jackie Zabrowski.
We're here with Natalie G.
Zabrowski as well
and Molly who is just looking at me
with such true disgust
I am Molly Neffle
and I am certain that this is not the first time
you started the show with that song
it probably is it but it's been in my head
because on last podcast this week
they were they threw new
metal under the goddamn bus
there was a lot of anger online
regarding their opinions about Lincoln Park
yeah that's a hornet's nest you don't
a kick. No, and I think, you know, I never wanted to be a combatant against our brethren
here on the network, but I got to say, I have to stand up for new metal. I'm the one standing up
for it, because you know what, it was exactly how I felt for years, and I would put them in my
five CD chamber, feed CD disc chamber, and man, and I would just listen to it over and over
again and I would just like scream about how no
understood me. Well, your older
sister also was on that bandwagon, wasn't she?
Did you grow up with it, like pretty young?
Well, I thought it was really cool because
we would go, like, Henry and Jessica and I
had gone to see Metallica.
So I was like, oh man, I'm like,
Bad to the Bone.
Yeah. Which now
when looking back, I realized that
I wasn't bad to the bone. So I think that's how I started
listening, because in my brain, which this is
sacrilegious.
to say. But in my brain, that was all the same kind of music. It was like, it was angry girl music.
You're going to want to watch out with that statement. You're kicking a different heart. I'm not saying, I'm not
saying, I love Metallica. I'm not saying, I'm saying this in a good way for me. But I also know, yes,
I'm probably going to get yelled at for this, at least by Henry, because I know that I should never
compare Metallica to Lincoln Park. They are very different things. I don't know anything about
music, though, is the thing. You know, at this stage, Metallica and Lincoln Park aren't that different. I'm also going
and get yelled at for that.
Wow.
Wow.
We're just breaking down barriers on today's page seven.
I mean, I, the thing is, I live with, I, my husband is a member of the Generation X, and
he is also a metal head.
And so I think that as millennials, we might have a different perspective on this, because
I think that a Generation X metalhead would be absolutely appalled to,
have their medal associated with the new medal of the millennial era, which, you know,
the millennial junior high era.
Yeah.
Does your, does your husband consider Metallica like hardcore metal?
Because they're not to me that hardcore from that era.
I'm already out of my league here.
I feel like I'm already out ahead of my skis.
I can't, if I speak for him about what he, how he classifies Metallica, I don't, but I don't
think he thinks that they're particularly hard core, but he does like, you know, he's like a slayer
guy, a Metallica guy, like, and that, and I feel like the, it's a, he's never named like a late
90s new metal in the same life as naming any of those other bands. Maybe it's, it's, it's
crawling in his skin. You don't think is that, like, they just really, they knew how to yell. They knew how to
yelled the way it just like just made my 13 year old heart burst i think it is that's i mean it's
great for 13 year olds and i think the reason i grew up in the pug scene so to me that was it was too
overproduced it was too studio you if it was if it was real it had to be kind of bad yeah no yeah
there had to be no money putting the album together well so you went to see i want three
courts yes three courts exactly you went to see guns and roses this year right oh i
I am an avid guns and roses fan.
Which, and that's, you turned me on to Guns and Roses because, I mean, as we all know here,
it is page seven canon that I had never heard November rain before.
And Marcus had no idea how I had never heard that song.
And then he played it for me and I still didn't know the song.
And so now I'm trying to get to know Guns and Roses better, especially after living with
you and Henry as well.
That just like learning about, you know, theatrical metal.
Yeah, it's like, uh,
like stadium metal but like in the sense that I think I consider queen where it's very um it's like
a emo metal a little bit yeah uh where it's like yeah stadium rock but i mean no the music video
two november rain got to say which i ended up watching all of it and uh it's uh it's it's
heartfelt there's a lot of stuff there's a lot of stuff in it i've had such a like queen asance and
I'm so happy and thankful about it because like I did not have any cultural, uh, exposure when I was a
child. I just didn't. It was just, you know, bereft. And, and, uh, and the only time I ever heard
queen was like at like literally in stadiums, like at if I was at like the local stadium, the town
stadium for like a hockey event, you know, and they played, we will rock you. Right. Like something like
that. And, uh, and so I thought, I always grew up thinking queen was for.
jocks and
which is hilarious
that's very funny
right like
but so did those jocks
yeah that's really fun
those jocks also thought it was for them
which makes me laugh
and I was just mortified
to learn that you know
that there's this like beautiful
you know queer
you know culture of Queen
and of Freddie Mercury and all that
and I had no idea I was just like
this is basketball game music
and and so now
I listen to Queen all the time and
Freddie likes
queen and it's like great but I'm like this I just feel so sad for my childhood self being like
this is for really jocky men yeah I just remember when I remember when Henry won the uh
the skate not skate hockey it was a skate hockey what is that roller hockey when he was playing
roller hockey but still doesn't know how to ride a rollerblade so he did it with just steeltoed shoes on
as the goalie and but he was with he's with all these like beautiful Greek boys
and good Lord, did I love the Greek boys.
And at the end, like, they won some championship.
I don't know.
I didn't really pay attention.
I mostly was just staring at the Greek boys.
And my mom rolled up at the end where they won
and was like, Blair and we are the champions from the car.
And I was so embarrassed.
I just didn't.
I was like, that's not my mother, cavorting around.
No, because I wanted to be a sleek Greek goddess for them.
But turns out none of the Greek boys wanted to sleep with me.
Well, you know what?
That's probably good.
What are they doing right now?
You know, what are they all dentists?
They're all dentists.
They're either dentists or...
In Florida?
Yes, or...
Because there's this place called Tarpon Springs
that's close to where we grew up.
That is like the Greece of America
or whatever they say and whatever that town says.
And so it was just...
The central capital of the world?
It was just filled with these beautiful Greek men and women.
Both of them are.
They're all beautiful.
They are. It's true.
But wait, are dentists overrepresented in the...
town? Is it like, is there like a dental training school there? There's no dental training school there.
I just know at least three of the Greek dudes I went to high school with became dentist. Great teeth.
They better. Oh God, it just shines in their olive-toned skin. Just that little town's filled with people with implants and like teeth too big for their face.
Too big. Teet too big. Man, speaking of my sexual ex-execule.
exploits. I watch, there's no spoilers here, and I know that neither one of you guys care about
this, but I did see Avengers End Game this weekend, and I also did watch the latest Game of
Thrones. And the thing is that Game of Thrones, I don't really care as much to talk about,
I know we don't talk about that on the show, but I will say for Avengers End game, I am,
I apologize to everyone. I am saying it here and now. I watch Infinity War over the weekend.
I'd never seen any of them, and then I watch Avengers End game, and you know what? I cried,
and I have to say
Daddy's, Daddy's, Daddies.
Oh, I'm sure.
Good Lord!
Is that movie filled with sexy, sexy people?
But the problem is,
is that in these damn superhero movies,
none of them, fuck!
None of them have sex!
And some of them are literal daddies, right?
Like they have children.
Oh, God, yeah.
And then, yeah, and I'm not even going to talk about it
because I know that I'm not supposed to yet.
But it's really, but the daddies.
I mean, I think that's part of their intent with making those movies
is to get all your loins going.
My loins were thoroughly got to, I mean,
I don't really want to go too far into the hole that I got into
with the Rule 34 porn because of this.
Because they don't, because I just kept thinking that was like,
why don't they kiss?
I just want to watch them make fuck on each other.
And I guess there's this whole like,
right thing, which this really shows that I'm
100,000 years old.
That I guess it's like
the real 34 porn. It's that if you can
think of it, then they're most likely as a
porn of it. Right. And so
I was looking at Thanos porn. I was
looking up Thor porn. But I was looking it up with other people.
This wasn't like a sexy time thing for myself.
Hey, no judgment, man. No judgments.
But I got to say, man. No judgment.
Those Infinity Stones really
like gave Thanos a thing.
throbbing penis.
They gave him a throbbing penis?
I think so.
Like in the porn?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
She had like a physically throbbing.
Oh, it was,
remember?
It was, it was very throbby.
It was really throbby.
Naturally?
I think so, but also, like, wouldn't it be, right?
But if you think about it,
I guess he really never could have kids.
So maybe the, uh, his throbby wasn't as throbby as we thought.
Maybe.
I don't know if the two are connected.
Hmm.
Oh, is that not?
I thought the throbby or the penis,
the more babies they have, right?
That makes sense to me.
I think as a medical professional,
I would say that the more throbby,
the more sperms that are in the penis.
The more spurns in the penis.
Because, man, if there's one thing I know about,
it is doctors and beanuses and what happens in there.
And our bodies do things.
And what the pipe goes and what happens in the pipe in there.
Yeah, they got a couple pipes in there.
They have multiple pipes.
I want to clarify for the record that I only made an ugh noise because my life all week
has been people walking into spaces where people are talking about Avengers and Game of Thrones
and then like I don't watch Game of Thrones, but I do care.
I like Avengers.
I just haven't seen it yet.
And so like I feel like I am like the person who walks into the room and then people are like,
oh.
Oh, she's here.
You know, so I'm just a big ruiner all week.
I understand.
Well, also, but I mean, you've got a lot going on, you know, inside of you and around you.
Like, you can't just drop everything and go see a three-hour-long fucking movie.
Yeah.
Got a lot of stuff going on, Molly.
Yeah.
I do.
And, you know, the problem is I never, I really didn't, I thought that before I had a kid,
I was ready to never go out and do anything.
And I just didn't quite understand the extent to which you truly never go out and truly never do anything.
And so that's been a little bit of an adjustment.
But then when I do go out, it's like a big deal.
And so I'd rather go to like Benny Hana, which is what I did last night to observe my three-year wedding anniversary than to go to a movie because I just don't.
Happy wedding anniversary.
Happy anniversary.
Thank you.
You guys are both very well represented in the pictures.
Yeah.
Oh, man, that was a sweaty time.
I just remember how fucking sweaty I was.
I always remember how amazing, man, your look on your wedding day, Molly was just, oh my God, with the slick back.
hair and the light up shoes and like cool as fuck vest suit I don't know what it was but it was
awesome and I love it thank you the dance the dance flash mob was I still remember it
yeah thank you I spent a lot of yesterday thinking about the dance to Pat Benatar as we belong
and really wishing I could go back to that that moment but instead I went to Benihana
and that was also okay and that's again that's the one with the onion ring volcano
No? Yes, correct.
Chew, chew, chew. Oh, the onion train is going.
Chee, chew, chew. I love that this is like, I feel like, I know that you've always enjoyed
Beniana, but I feel like you've been going more now that you are pregnant.
And I think that it has something to do. Is this something you are craving right now?
It's because the reason is because you really, it's only, it's, even though we went to
Benihana before, like, we go to Betty Hana more than normal people, but you're really only
supposed to go on like your birthday or a special occasion but that's now the only time I ever go
out so that's why it seems like Benny Hana's overrepresented you know so it's like if I was pregnant
I would just demand to do what I wanted all the time so I would do birthday things constantly I'd
make people take me places that are supposed to be for specialized isn't that the best part about
being pregnant is that everyone has to do everything for you is that how isn't that how it goes
just treat it like nine months of birthday just go everywhere and tell them constantly tell them that you got a
frozen yogurt and stuff. I want to, I'm going to wear a pregnancy crown and I'm going to have a
pregnancy scepter. It's essentially just going to be my hot dog ambassador crown and scepter that I'm
going to create, except on the hot dog, there's going to be a baby coming out of a little nub
on the end of the hot dog. Oh, like a baby hot dog? Yeah, like a baby hot dog, like a little, like a
weenie, like a cocktail. A cocktail. Oh, yeah, and then I'm just going to go, get me things. I'm only
going to talk like this. I hope so. I'm looking forward to that. And Jeff's going to fall more
more in love with me every single second.
He better. He better. He better
because I have to do all of it. Do you ever
yelled at your partner?
Certainly. Especially when
one time during my first pregnancy when we hit the
20 week mark, he said, it's gone by so fast.
And I was like, oh, really?
Oh, no. In your body,
has the last 20 weeks gone by so
great to hear?
And you're drinking a glass of wine.
I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry, ma'am.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
Only, does Gideon only call you, ma'am?
Because that's another thing that I think.
I need to start coming up with my pregnancy rules,
you know, like five or six years out of becoming pregnant.
That I think that, like, I need to start really envisioning this.
The way that people plan their wedding for a long time,
I'm just going to plan how much of a tyrant I want to be.
You need a vision board.
You need a Pinterest.
You're right.
A bunch of ribbons and jewels.
I don't know what I'm going to do with the ribbons and jewels yet,
but that's what I'm going to work on in my pregnancy plan.
fuck you want to do with them.
Whatever I want to do and I get to eat whatever I want.
I know that's also not even true because then I won't even be able to have hot dogs.
Well, I think it would be funny if you had a hot dog aversion.
You know, sometimes you get aversions to even things that you otherwise would like.
And I think it would be not that I would take any pleasure and any discomfort of yours ever.
Ouch.
But I do think it would be very funny if you had a hot dog aversion.
I, I mean, I don't know why you'd wish that on me as if we are enemies.
Molly.
Now, I know that you both,
I love that you both are vegetarians,
but you're both very open-minded vegetarians,
and I really appreciate the fact that you
support my love of hot dogs and sausages,
and I just wanted to say thank you to both of you,
because also I did want to bring up
the fact that I took a taxidermy class over the weekend.
And it might have been one of the hardest things I've ever fucking done.
Well, isn't it basically like mild surgery?
I couldn't imagine it being very difficult.
It's really, because like it was from,
it's from the beginning of it to the end of it.
It was an all day class.
And so you take the, it's like, it was graphic.
I'm not going to get into it.
It was, there were times that I definitely,
and I am not a squeamish person at all,
but there were times that I just have to be like,
okay, and then like keep going.
And because I just like, I didn't want to get stoned
because I didn't want to like rupture its organs.
You know what I mean?
I had asked this already and you, I think, kind of answered it.
But it was like an ethically sourced.
Yes.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I like to envision that you were there in the morning
easing an elderly mouse into its next coil.
And so you're just like watching on the deathbed.
And then as the mouse passed away,
you gently took the mouse and created this monument to.
That is what happened.
That's exactly what happened.
It died gently in my arms.
and I kissed it on its little mouth
right as its last breath
exited its body and I was just like
I'll always love you
Gwyneth Ratro which is what the name
of my red is Gwyneth Ratro
especially as I cut off the balls
of Gwyneth Ratro
and I made her Gwyneth Ratro
and she is the problem is
that she's the cutest thing
in the entire world I'm going to post pictures
of how cute Gweth Ratro is
and I'm going to make her a little wig
and I'm going to make her some hats and I'm going to make her,
I think I'm going to make her a bunch of like,
I want to like essentially like get like a bunch of limes and a bunch of beans
and buy everything that she bought when she was saying that food stamps
or something that people can't live off of,
which was good in theory, but not in the way that she did it.
Remember when she did that where she's just like,
I just, I could only get 10 lines and I got these beans.
People can't just eat limes and beans because it's like,
no, that's not all you.
You can, like, you're right.
People should get more money for super.
That's a whole other fucking ballgame.
But I think that that's what I'm going to do with Gweth Rattro.
I think that's a great idea.
Molly, how do you feel about it?
I think it's a good idea, but I also feel like we're just very, I feel like we're taking
tiny steps towards, uh, what's the name of the guy in Psycho, you know?
I just feel like you're going to start dressing the rat up like different.
Are you calling me Norman Bates?
Yes.
I feel like it's a little Norman Bates.
Like, I feel like I'm not sure whether I'm afraid that you'll.
dress up the rat in different kind of increasingly relevant costumes or if you'll start dressing up like the rat.
See, that is more of what I was thinking because I also kind of want it to be a miniature version of me as well with a little mesh shirt on.
Like a mommy and me dead rat.
Yes.
And then they get a little like jizzy for her hand.
Aw.
Paw, excuse me.
But what I like to, though, is that her pee-p is still there.
And so her pee-pies still, man, it is.
It's flaming.
So did you have to remove the balls or was that a choice you made?
You had to remove them.
Good cue. Good cue, Natalie.
They were big.
Very big balls.
Yeah.
Wait, sorry, why do you have to remove them?
Or else they'll deteriorate inside of the body so you have to like,
so it'll just get all gross and become rancid.
So you have to get rid of all the meat before you like borax the skin.
But not the penis?
But not, but the pee-pies there, yeah, because it's more of just like,
you cut off all the insolid.
side of the peepie.
And then you leave the peepie skin.
Wow.
And have I pushed you guys finally too far?
Is this where I do?
It's not all the hot dog talk, but the taxidermy talk, that's where I should probably
not go into.
Although you got to see goth daddy's because got daddy named his rodent downy
junior.
Oh.
Was it the same species?
Yeah, they were.
Some were like black and white and some were white and some were all black.
So both of ours were white because we're both like angels.
Yeah.
They were like angel people.
And so we wanted our rats to really like have that shining forth from their soul.
Got it.
They were rats though.
Yeah, they were rats.
I keep calling them out of mouse, I think.
Yeah, they were bigger than that.
But yeah, they were all like.
And also what was cool is like we were taught from a dude that is a taxidermy apprentice.
So it is just like, and we were talking to the head dude.
for a while and he was just talking about the art of taxidermy.
It is insane what they can do.
Like, it's crazy.
I feel like I have so many questions and I'm sorry, Molly,
if this is like a disgusting topic for you.
Don't be sorry.
It's not you who brought this into our home, Natalie.
You have nothing to be sorry about.
And at least I don't live with you anymore,
so you never have to have it in your home.
Yeah.
Annie, are you okay?
I okay.
I'm okay, Annie, admit it.
You think that cybercrime is something that happens to other annies.
Also, don't worry, I'm singing the alien ant farm version of the song.
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When you leave your internet connection unencrypted,
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That's why I decided to take action
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sounds actually pretty metal, but in reality, we aren't talking about robots running amok
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Every computer is a portal for crimes and sex.
I'm down with the sex part,
but I would definitely be considered more of a rough criminal.
Only thing smooth about me is my drinks.
Smoothies?
I don't know.
I was trying to make like a punny joke,
but I don't think it worked or making you think about my netheres.
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I think it's a cool art form for people who, for whatever reason, if your pet passed away,
some people like to have it memorialized in this fashion, which is, you know, your choice.
Yeah, completely.
I'm glad that people do it, and I think that there is an art to it.
Yeah.
Did you, was there just a basket of them?
Like, how did you choose your animal?
They were all, well, they were all frozen.
We were all doing rats because the next class they're doing are birds.
And so that would be a whole other ballgame.
But it was kind of cool because I felt like I was in Ace Rintura when nature calls
when I walked into this space because it was just filled with taxidermy.
Oh, like in that guy's office?
Yeah.
And there was also like an actual elephant head.
Oh, no.
Yeah, it was huge.
No, that sucks.
It was really big.
I don't like that.
No, no, no, no.
I don't like that either.
But it didn't have like the tusks or anything.
It wasn't like that.
Did he like kill an elephant?
They didn't kill an elephant.
There was something that they, like, it was like a vintage one that they had had from like the turn of the century.
Oh, it's like, some old asshole killed it.
So, so, oh yeah, it was like a really long time ago.
So they were just refurbishing it.
I see.
And it was, but it was very interesting because you could actually touch the skin.
Oh.
I know.
That was an old one though.
That one we can't, you know, we can't do anything about that one.
He already had his head off.
There was a field trip that we used to go on to like a nature preserve,
in elementary school every year,
and it always culminated in this, like,
nightmarish experience of being left
in a room full of taxidermy.
And I would always have, like, a panic attack about it
because I find them to be very scary and unnerving,
and they're everywhere.
Because it is an art form,
because they make them look so life-like.
It's insane.
I mean, it's a corpse.
It's a corpse.
You're in a roomful of corpses,
decorative corpses.
Decorative corpses.
I'm going to be taxidermied one day.
I would be kind of fun.
Yeah, all right?
And you could dress you up as much as you want.
You can do whatever you want with me.
Man.
And it's not a judgment, like, especially for people who hunt, like, use all the parts or whatever.
Use all the beautiful parts of your rat.
But, like, I just, on a non-judgmental but deeply personal level, it just gives me the willies.
Totally.
I completely.
Oh, yeah.
You know what also gives me the willies is Barbara Corcoran's 70th birthday party.
Have you ever watched Shark Tank, Molly?
I know Nat has.
I know I have.
You know, for some reason, Shark Tank is not what I want out of a reality show because I, it seems so capitalist to me and I have no business spirit.
And so I've never watched it, although I know that it's a lot of fun.
I do understand, but it is a lot of fun.
And it always makes me upset that Barbara Corkrin never says, you are the weakest link, goodbye, which I keep saying lately.
And I really can't stop saying it.
And I don't know what to do about that.
That's a whole other.
I'm happy to bring it back.
That's like, goodbye.
Henry really hates it.
Well, that's perfect for a sister to do that.
Which of course is why I'm going to keep saying it.
But Barbara Corcoran from Shark Tank had her 70th birthday party.
What she did was that she set up a coffin in front that she laid in
in this like beautiful red Carolina Herrera gown.
And she made people come up as they were entering her party and kneel down on this little,
what is it called?
Churchy Neely.
Oh, don't look at me.
Q Neely?
What is it called?
I think they call it a kneeler.
Neeler?
Nealer?
I don't know.
I don't know.
None of us know.
But actually, yeah.
They had a kneeler in front of her, and then they had a cut out cardboard, a cardboard
cut out of a nun that was like kind of surprised, which also made me think of like how much
I would kiss on that nun just because like you can't, she can't stop me.
And then they all had to pay their respects to her.
And then afterwards, after 90 people filed in,
she put on the song, I'm Alive by Diana Ross,
and jumped out of the coffin and danced the tango.
With who?
And I think by herself, she said,
what the heck, you only die once,
you might as well be around for it.
This is a billionaire.
I mean, I do love this.
I do love the idea that she made everybody talk about her best characteristics.
About her death to her on her birthday and actually kind of a power move.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm not opposed to this.
Yeah, I mean, I like, I would like to know what, what night, only the nice things people would say about me when I died.
And so that's nice.
Did she like hold her breath the whole time?
Like how did they, you know what I mean?
They knew she was alive, right?
She'd be cracking and a smile.
Oh, they did.
I think they knew she was alive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think that they were invited to a birthday part.
party and not a funeral.
But I don't know, because then I see on that, like,
wholesome Reddit thing about how, like,
these people had a surprise wedding.
Everyone thought it was a Halloween party,
so they all, like, came in costume, but then there was a wedding,
which that's also a fun idea.
That would be really an interesting twist on it
if she tried to convince them it was her actual funeral.
See, that's actually kind of fun.
Or I would love to have a birthday party that actually was my funeral.
And everyone showed up, and they were like,
what do you mean she's dead?
Surprise funeral
Surprise!
She's so fucking dead.
Do you miss her yet?
Do you miss her yet?
I would love if you put a bunch of really weird things in your will
about your funeral.
I would love, I think it's probably illegal,
but I think it'd be awesome if you taxidermied yourself
and you, like, insisted somebody in our family
had to have you in the house.
I mean, the problem is that Natalie, you know
it would be your house.
I know, I know, Jackie,
but I would respect your wishes.
I would put different outfits.
I'd want different outfits.
But I'd like keep underwear on you all the time so you weren't just like nude in our house.
Thank you because I really don't need to think about that.
Because also just like any kind of sitting position, like no one wants to see someone else sitting when they're nude.
What if they, what if you put taxidermine Jackie like if that just became like the kind of, you know how everyone has like a chair that they put their coat on when they come in the house?
Like it could just be Jackie.
Yeah.
I love that.
And you're like, I just throw it on Jackie.
But then I'd love it if at that point we could figure out a way
so that there's like an Alexa or some sort of robot living in your house
that every time someone said the name Jackie from the corpse and said,
that's my name.
Yeah, like maybe we could animate you like a Chuck E Cheese doll.
That.
You know, like the old animatronics.
Yes.
So it would be like a really upsetting robotics version.
It wouldn't look real at all.
Oh my God.
Your mouth would sort of move.
But I wanted to have teeth.
Like, I don't know if you guys.
watch the Sonic the Hedgehog trailer, but I think that I would like it to also, I'd like to
for you guys, a part of my will, I want my teeth to be ripped out, but I'd like bigger teeth
to be put in. Just like, just slightly off. Yeah. Like Uncanny Valley style. Now that I know what
Uncanny Valley means, I just feel so cool. Yeah, you use it. I use it all the time. Well,
Natalie, since she'll be in your house, you can put her by the door. You could also put like
like the Alexa technology in her
so you could just have her
do stuff, say,
you can have pre-reported things, but you could be like, Jackie
sing Metallica
and then she could, you know,
or sing Lincoln Park.
Until it sleeps.
Lincoln Park. Now that you know
November rain, the songs are, the options are endless.
Almost endless, virtually endless. I do know a lot of
songs. And I also know Gangsta's
Paradise, which plays
in the Sonic the Hedge.
Oh yeah, that's right.
I was so, I felt personally attacked that they used Gangst's Paradise in the Sonic the Hedgehog
trailer.
That's, no.
That is not what, yuck, no.
That is not what, Cooleo?
Cooleo.
That is not what Cooleo wanted.
In fact, I was just singing this song the other day talking about how one day I hope
to really embarrass my children by singing every word to Ganksus Paradise in front of their
friends. I hope so too. Because I'm the
whitest person alive, but man, do I love
the fuck out of gangsters paradise?
And also Amish paradise.
Yes. Also Amish Paradise. And I've
said on the show before, but I really love
the other
Kulio, it's not a deep cut.
It's the only other, I mean, not the only other,
it's the only other Kulio song, I know, but the one
that goes, I'll see you
when you get there.
See you when you get there.
I think that it's funny because
I think I only, every time
I hear this song I think about you
because I didn't know that song
until you sing it and you're like, no, no, you know this
song. I actually don't think I know that song. You don't know that song.
I feel like you would know it if you
heard it. Maybe. Because then I heard it and I was like
oh, that's the song Molly was talking
about. It was like, it was
maybe from a movie or
I mean, it was about
it was like a sweet song about death.
It was like in the book kind of, I
associate it with like the sweet songs
hip hop songs about death like in the
bold thugs in harmony.
You know
See you at the cross
So you up below
Let's see you at the cross
You up in law
Yeah
And I'm on my
My money
I love that goddamn
song
But people are mad
Because
Because Sonic the hedgehog
Is not
You know
G-A
And G-S-T-A
enough to earn that song
Wait a second
Are you telling me
People are angry
About a video game
I know
Well it's a movie
They made it into a movie.
I know.
And they, yep, they've got feelings.
I don't think anyone cares about the gangsters paradise part.
I think that might just be me.
I does look like Jim Carrey is in this movie with a gun to his head.
Could be.
It looks like he's being forced to do something he does not want to do.
I have a little bit of a hot take on that, I think, because.
Ooh, do tell.
Just everyone's saying he looks like he's, like, drugged out,
and I don't think, I don't know, maybe he is, he might be drugged out.
But I'm wondering if he was taking a more passive tone with it because of people
freaking out about him always overacting everything.
Because, I mean, Jim Carrey was my heart, I was obsessed with him when I was 12.
Oh, yeah.
That's why I was excited to talk to you about this because I know that you are number one
Jim Carrey fan.
Yeah, I had, instead of like, teen bop things when I was tween, I had Jim Carrey
shit plastered on my walls, which is shocking that I ended up marrying your brother.
And we all obviously know, being alive in the 90s, he is known for being way over the top
with everything he does.
He likes to be a cartoon.
So I don't know why he chose Sonic, but maybe he chose that moment to go like, I'm going
to take a more subdued version of.
of Dr. Robonic.
And I think maybe it was a choice.
You're right, though.
And I support him.
I hope so.
What about that one?
I haven't seen it since it was in the theaters,
but Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Let Mind.
Wasn't he like a real actor in that?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, there's a couple movies he's done where he's been pretty good.
Was I talking to you guys about this?
I recently rewatched it and don't.
Don't rewatch it.
No, I don't want to.
I cried and cried and cried.
And it was just like, especially, like, I thought it was so sad.
when I watched it when it came out when I was in college.
And then I haven't seen it since.
I was like, oh, that's a just sad movie.
And I was like, I was cheved out of my fucking gourd.
And I was like, I want to watch it.
It's sad.
And I watched that.
And it hit me on a different level this time, especially someone that has gone through way more heartache and way more shit at this point.
And it, it hurt me to the core.
Like, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Yeah, I'm good.
I don't need to see it.
It's on Netflix, though.
maybe you should watch it.
No.
I love crying.
You love crying movies.
I love to cry.
I do sometimes.
And Natalie, do your loins still move for Jim Carrey today?
I still love him.
See, when I did love him, it was before I had sexuality, really.
So even then I was, I did want to be with him in a way that was like, I want him to like look at me and think that I'm cool.
And we'll hang out.
Yeah.
So it was never like a, he was never like a masturbation.
Yeah, it wasn't a hachi-machi for you.
Yeah.
So I still love him in that sense.
I would be excited to see him.
But I know he's been going through a lot of shit lately.
He's really, do you ever look at any of his artwork and all that stuff?
Oh yeah.
He got into a fight with, um, who's, uh, Mussolini's granddaughter.
Mussolini's granddaughter on Twitter.
What?
About what?
Because he painted a portrait.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
She tried to
she tried to
she tried to blame him for the atom bomb
because she was like,
what's the difference between what
my grandfather was a part of
in the atom bomb?
And she was talking to a Canadian
who was not around
that at all.
How old is this girl?
What is she like a kid?
No. Oh, she's a full on
woman. I think she's an adult
but like a young person. But my
favorite tweet about that was like imagining like jade and hitler you know hitler's grandson tweeting it
getting into a fight with jim carrie musselini's granddaughter is just like hey don't bad mouth my
grandfather you know famous dictator fascist musilini it was a good you know that was i was i was i'm
always happy to be in jim carrie's ring but i was particularly happy to be in it then that was
definitely a peak 2019 situation i will say that she is definitely uh she is quite an interesting look
woman, man. Good Lord. I don't even know what her face looks like. She's got a she looks like
a face made for screaming. Oh, wow. Yeah, she's got a big old mouth. She also looks a little bit of like
like what's it Penelope Cruz. Oh boy. Don't tell Penelope. No, no, no, no. In, God damn it,
House of Zabrowski. I just want to call it House of Zabrowski. Vassage. Vassage. Oh,
she does look a little bit like Donna. That she moves away more like that. Yeah, she does.
She does look like, yeah, she does look like Donatella.
It's a lot.
Maybe, or maybe, am I just being Italian racist?
Maybe.
I'm sorry.
But I'm all, I'm with you, so.
But also, Benelope Cruz is an Italian.
So I feel like that, all around, you know.
We're just, this is all bad.
But as such, God, you gotta watch it.
You gotta watch it so good.
That, yeah, that was so fun.
I can't believe that I watched it all of it twice.
And you know what?
I loved every second of it.
It's pretty wonderful.
You know what I also love every second of?
Dude.
So, have you.
guys heard about Alien the Play?
Yeah. I am so, so I've been kind of following this story. And so Alien the play was
written in, by these New Jersey high schoolers that essentially turned the movie Alien into
a play and put it on. And when, um, so everyone's kind of been talking about this. And at first,
of course, they, like, had made jokes that they were going to get sued for using a movie.
But at this end of the day, it is a, it's a high school that did it. But it's also amazing.
because they've been raising a bunch of money.
Ridley Scott gave them $5,000, which was awesome.
But then my favorite part is for their last day of performance,
Sigourney Weaver flew there to watch the show
and then went backstage to congratulate all of them.
And there's this video from ABC of just Sigourney Weaver walking backstage
and they didn't know that she was there.
And them losing their fucking minds.
I love it.
Because Sigourty Weaver was just like, you guys did a great job.
I'm so glad that I came out to see this.
How amazing is that?
It's fucking amazing.
I mean, I can watch this kind of videos all day.
Right?
It just makes me so, like, especially I just love, I love Sigourney Weaver.
I thought you were going to say, I love theater.
I love high school theater.
I love it.
I want a castle on a cloud.
Just, just don't.
Just stopped
I thought to go there in my sleep
Man do the Duggers ever sing
Yeah but they only sing
They can play instruments
And they sing like
You know Bible songs
But it's all
The one, the molester one
He sang at his wedding
You have to watch that
It's so insanely disturbing
Josh Dugger
Yeah he sang to his wife
What did he sing?
A song he wrote
And it was just like
I will always
No, you got to watch it.
I'm definitely going to look this up.
Oh, God, ew.
And they're having, I think they're having their sixth child.
Yeah, they're still popping them out.
They are just doing all of, but it's crazy because I did.
I just am, I do get excited now that we can loosely discuss Duggers every once in a while.
Because I saw that Joanna's pregnant.
And last I watched that show, she was a baby.
She got married.
She was like 19, so.
Okay, that's not, I just...
Pretty bad.
Man, they all just grow up so fast.
I've been slamming so much sister wives lately
because I hadn't watched the 13th season.
And...
They don't want to move.
They don't want to move.
You and Wendy were enjoying it right in front of the TV?
It was very funny, Molly.
I was watching Wendy over the weekend,
and I didn't know that Natalie was coming home earlier than Henry,
and he forgot to tell me.
So Natalie walked in a night.
When I watched Wendy, I turn the living room into a four,
that's just like a bed and filled with pillows.
And Wendy and I just hop from the couch to the bed in the living room.
And it's just right in front of this huge television.
So Natalie came home and Wendy and I are laying in the bed curled up watching Sister Wives.
And I'm drinking a huge coffee.
And I was like, oh, you're home early.
It was like, well, you literally know now exactly what Wendy and I do when you're gone.
I was just jealous.
I want to keep that bed out there all the time.
Right, it's great.
And then we sit and we cuddle and we watch reality shows.
I watch all of the reality shows that I don't ever have the time to watch.
And she loves it and I love it.
Then we sat and we had a whole conversation about Guy Fieri
because now he's just bleaching from the soul patch down, like in a stripe.
Have you seen this?
Really?
I need to look this up.
It is, I feel like it's like it's an all or nothing kind of situation.
You know what I mean?
And not, I mean.
Guy Fieri, you know, he, you know, does new boundaries.
See, there are no, there are no walls that can contain him.
It's, I, and I hate, I never want to ask for more bleach on Guy Fieri,
but this might be the one time that's like, just do the whole potato.
What is that, what's the phrase?
I see what it is you're describing.
Kitten caboodle, right?
The stripe.
He's got, um, he's got a weird racer stripe on his face now.
It looks like he's got a regular goatee that's a brown.
and then like a like a glob of something left on his chin that's hanging down and the glob of something is a glob of blonde hair.
Bleached hair.
Is it maybe that's just his natural hair growth than you guys are being.
That is probably what it is.
Who am I to judge what naturally happens on a man's facial hair?
Maybe he, because he bleached his hair for so long, it started to just produce from his pores.
Oh, God.
That would be awesome.
A good guess.
Wouldn't that save a bunch of money, too?
Yeah.
He wears a lot of, like, faded flame shirts,
and so I think that he might be trying to achieve the same effect on his face.
Oh, yeah.
He's trying to have a faded look.
He does look.
He does.
The equivalent of those, like, Gadsuk's flame shirts, but in beard form.
You know, I support him because Guy Fiatty is.
one of the few completely a thousand percent wholesome people still left. Oh yeah, he's a nice,
nice dude. And so honestly, he can do whatever the hell he wants. Yeah, no, I, I used to really
make fun of him, but I think Kistle kind of turned it around. And I was like, you know what,
there are so many horrible monsters in this world, and he seems like a nice man. And he seems like he
really does love his family and is so proud of everything that he has built himself. And I know
that I feel like we have this conversation maybe once a month. But you know what?
I still love a guy.
You gotta make sure.
We gotta make sure everybody's happy with Guy Fietti still.
And because if anything comes out about Guy Fietti,
I'm gonna be, I don't know.
I don't know what I'll do.
Because you know what it is.
If you go back and forth and watching guys grocery games
and watching Chopped,
it's that Chopped and all these other shows,
they pretend as if something serious is happening.
And in fact, nothing serious is happening.
You have to make a fucking gas streak
with like a giant chocolate bunny,
You know, and they're like, you know, I just really feel like if I can do this,
it'll prove to my daughter that, you know, women can do anything.
And then like, when you watch guys grocery games, he's like, oh, meet the care!
It's just so much better.
It is.
It takes all of the seriousness out of it.
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Oh, my God.
Let's take all the seriousness out of Idris Elba being off the market.
Officially, ladies.
Oh, no.
How do you feel?
What's your take?
I'm happy for him.
Yeah?
That's my take.
Because his wife seems pretty cool.
Dude, I, see, the only problem, so all of this stuff, I, of course, want to
kiss Idris Elba,
especially the mountain after
watching the mountain between us, which is a
horrible movie. I can't
believe you've seen it. I've now seen it
three times.
Wow, okay, this totally
this nullifies my having seen
pay it forward in the theater twice.
I officially
am exonerated.
You're right.
You're right. You're right.
That's why I feel the need
to confess this
to you.
you guys. The mountain between us is a, it's Idriselba. I don't know if it's a Dries or Idris,
but I've always said Idris. I, Jazeelba and Kate Winslet are on a, it's the sexy, abandoned
playing movie. You've actually talked about this movie multiple times. Yeah. Oh yeah.
We talked about it before it came out. I did not know that you had seen it three times.
I've seen it three times. All three times I watched it completely alone, which I think is the only way
to watch it.
Is it just the loosely veiled erotic thriller?
Kind of.
Honestly, not even really that erotic.
It's a lot of long glances of needing and wanting.
But they're both betrothed to others, but also, who knows if they're going to get out the
mountain?
Oh, they're in a mountain.
And then she's got to, like, they just, like, have to take care of each other.
And, like, she's a photojournalist that goes all around the world.
and he's a doctor.
And so, I mean, spoiler alert.
Spoiler alert, guys.
No.
We have to go back to their regular lives.
They do make it off of the mountain,
but can they ever forget what happened on the mountain?
Did they fuck?
Yeah.
Wait, but I had a question about that.
How can they fuck if their goal is to stay not freezing to death?
How do they fuck?
Yeah, do they just take their private parts out?
They find a cabin.
They find a cabin that's abandoned.
and so like they fuck in front of a fireplace.
Listen, I think if your significant other gets trapped on a mountain with somebody,
free fucks.
Yeah, you just, you get that, that card or whatever the fuck.
It's Hall Pass.
Yes.
It is Hall Pass.
I think it's all past territory.
Yeah, and that's mentioned, you're right.
You get a free card.
I have a free card for Idris Elba anyway,
and I would give my partner who likes women a free,
any partner who likes women, a free card for Kate Winslet,
because she's Gorge.
So I feel like there should be a free card for each of them anyway.
See, and that was the thing.
That's why I think I was so upset about the movie.
Again, spoiler alert, there's only one sex scene, and they don't show that much.
And I needed to watch, I wanted more of it.
It's because they hired two classy actors, and they needed trashy everyone.
I know.
They should have hired me.
Like, I'll do it.
I'll do whatever they want.
Would you want your mountain mate to be?
Isers Elpa.
Oh, okay.
Unless, honestly, Gottthady and I, but then it would just be a whole thing.
Like, you guys would never be able to go to the premiere to watch it.
Does Goth Daddy, he doesn't act, right?
No, he doesn't.
He'd also have to train to act.
Yeah.
I think that we can, we'll get him in some sort of, you know.
What is it?
Circle in the Square?
Molly, Theater.
What is it?
Brett?
What's the other one?
I paid to go to college for theater.
And I don't know.
I don't know these things.
You're talking about what acting school he's going to be trained at now.
Yeah.
We're going to, Juilliard.
We're going to take him to Juilliard,
and then we're going to get him,
and then we're going to make a fuck movie.
That's what, that's what's what's going to happen.
I think you should actually,
it might be profitable for you to start in acting school
where you teach people to have sex on camera.
I think that, I mean, I probably would first have to,
like, I would have to learn how to do it.
Yeah.
Because I don't, I would never want to watch myself by any means.
But I think that,
I think I could just wing it.
Yeah, I think he'd be a really good coach.
I think I would make up a bunch of songs, like,
to the tune of the Tutsi roll.
You put a murkin on your poose,
and then you pump, he pump, we pump.
And then I'll do a lot of that.
All Merkins, though.
Everybody has Merkins.
No matter what you got down there,
everyone's got Merkins on.
And Crocs.
And Crocs.
Oh, my God, we got to talk about the damn crocs.
I have to, again,
Another, this is gangsta's paradise level of being feeling personally attacked.
So Crocs have just released a shoe collaboration that features fanny packs for your crocs.
And I think the thing is that what I feel attacked about is that they, in this article it says they're merging two of the most hotly debated fashion trends that have ever existed together.
I feel like this is the chopped of shoes.
Yeah, I don't know about ever existed.
I mean, we've had plenty of, you know, worse thing.
I wear a fanny pack, and it's terrific.
I really highly recommend it.
All three of us wear fanny packs.
I am wearing one currently.
Yeah, I always have one on.
I have never stopped wearing fanny packs,
and I can probably find photo proof of the mid-2000s
when nobody was wearing them.
I was wearing mine from the 90s because I hate carrying purses around.
Yeah, same.
Same. Why carry a purse when you can wrap it around your waist?
I agree.
And you never have to take it off.
And honestly, living with Nat gave me the confidence to start using Fanny Pax.
Because I hadn't used them in a really long time.
And I'll never go back.
I will never stop. So thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. And I needed you.
It's part of my life's mission to bring awareness to Fanny Pack.
And they're going to go back out of style because now they're back in style.
But then that's why I'm going to buy as many fanny packs as I can.
and then just have them for the rest of my life.
Just keep wearing them and they will eventually come back around.
Right.
It's insane.
It's so goddamn convenient.
The one I had to in college,
it was awesome because it was when my grandmother gave me in the 90s
and it was like gold sequin.
Oh, yeah.
Fanny pack.
I love it.
And people hated it.
Of course, because they just want to rain on your parade.
I know.
It just made me wear it more.
And that's the best part.
But then how do we feel about,
so essentially these crocs,
Have they calling him fanny packs, even though technically that's not a fanny pack if it's on your shoes,
then it's more of a shoe sack.
Heel pack?
Heel pack, yeah.
And so they're attached to the backs of the crocs.
How big are they?
Are they the size of like a quarter?
No, they're the size of, what would that be?
They're huge.
They're like, I mean, they're as wide as the crocs.
Yes.
And probably like three inches tall.
It looks like there's little sleeping.
bags glued to the back of the crox. That's what it looks. It looks like little mice beds that live
on the back of the crocs and maybe that's where I could put my rat.
Oh, no. No, my rat's too big for my crock shoe sacks. Oh, God. Just glue, just glue.
What's her name? Gwyneth Ratro. Thank you. To the back of a crox. That's how you're going to
pay tribute. I bring my rat everywhere I go. But now they are, oh my gosh.
God, it's just like, I, like, ah, I showed it to a friend of mine and she's like, well, I feel like
that would be convenient, like at the beach or something like that.
I was like, but then they're going to get filled with sand.
They can fill with sand.
I would use this at the beach, but what can I fit in it?
I can't fit my wallet.
I'm looking at the picture now, so I've got a sense.
I could fit my, maybe my phone and maybe my keys, but I couldn't fit my wallet.
I don't even think your phone.
Probably not my phone.
So what is this is not a fanny pack
A fanny pack can fit my phone wallet and keys
Which is all I really want
And so this is like you could put like a
I feel like it would be useful to put like a
You know how when you go to the water park
And you put on those little cylinders around your neck
That keep all your cash
Yeah
Yeah
Oh yeah
You know that's kind of what this reminds me of
I also doesn't seem that safe
I still feel like somebody could just run up behind you
And yank it off your shoe
That's the thing or exactly that
Or what if it just falls off your shoe?
depending on how safely it's fastened to the crocs.
I can't.
I, okay, I'm gonna be as shallow and judgmental as I can.
Please.
Fucking hate crocs.
I think they're disgusting.
I understand.
I don't think I could have sex with somebody who wore them.
I understand.
And I'm sad for our generations below us that are using them as trends.
So I've said it, all right?
It's out there.
I didn't realize how in they were.
Remember when we were home for Christmas and like my niece, who was 13,
years old was just like so excited to get crocs and then I realized like oh teens are wearing like
like legit wearing and I know that crops are comfortable I had crock rain boots I will not try them on
they are pretty comfortable but honestly I don't like but they do have these weird bumpies in them
that actually hurt my feet they well they also they're they're smart because they made they
geared them towards kids by putting little little is it the jangling
and bedazzlers and stuff.
The jinglies.
I hate the damn janglies.
Like find little things that represent you.
And you just clip them on your.
Oh, it's like charm shoes.
That's fun.
See, I'm not going to wear cracks.
But I think that the reason why kids like them is the same way, if I may, I feel like
the way that you love fanny packs, Natalie, from childhood, because you grew up with them.
And then you can carry them into your teenhood and your adulthood.
kids today, kids these days, grew up wearing crocks
because they are good shoes for little kids, right?
Like little tiny kids because you don't need socks
and they can stay on your feet a little bit better than sandals and all that.
So think about a 13-year-old now,
sees a pair of cracks and has a nostalgia reaction to be like,
oh, that's like for us to like the version would be like jelly sandals or something.
No, Molly.
I wore those when I was a kid.
Why are you showing me your reflection into my soul?
Oh, my God.
No.
And now, but also that just makes me feel so old.
That now that they are old, now that my niece is old enough to have, like,
she does post that kind of stuff too where she's like,
this is me when I was a kid.
Oh, my God.
So long ago.
Oh, God.
Ugh.
I'm so old.
But thank God we're never going to be 13 again because that's, shit, sucks.
Yeah.
No, I never, I definitely never want to be ever 13.
ever again. Even just watching her go through
it hurts my soul. I'm stressed out knowing, I'm sure she's
going to be fine because she's very smart. She's very smart.
I was not at 13. No, no, no, I was very bad. I was very bad at 13.
But babies, it's time for the list.
Oh, who's on the list? Jet Gay! It's the
got the list! Gotta have that list.
19, weird as fuck porn parodies that really exist. Now we've had the
I'm afraid I'm going to know people in these.
We've had the full holes conversation before, which is a full house porn parody,
which we've definitely talked about in the past,
especially when Fuller House came up.
But I will say, please watch some of full holes because Full Holes is one of my favorite porn parodies.
The woodchuck puppets in it.
Of course he is.
Because he has to do that.
What?
Oh, God.
Does he stick his penis through a hole?
I think so.
I haven't seen, I've only seen little parts of it because it's hard to find the entire thing.
I'm sure I don't know how to do those things because it's like I don't know how to find stuff and download it because I, again, I'm a thousand years old.
But I really like the name Strokeemann.
That's good.
It's clever.
But I will say that the picture of the woman that is playing Pikachu in this is might be one of the most horrifying things.
Oh, also her name is Dick, Dekachoo.
Not clever
That part's not clever at all
But she looks like a nightmare personally
She was obviously spray painted
And not spray painted well
And has some sort of bald cap on
Yeah it looks like a horror movie
I am I'm pretty
I'm pretty scared of strokey bond
But I think that it's great
But then some of them
I have just boring names
Like Simpson XXXX parody
Yeah that's lame
But I really liked
Horrie Potter
Horny Potter and the Sorcerer's Ball
Sorcerer's balls.
Oh.
Horre Potter and the sorcerer's balls.
Why did they just change it to Sorcerer's Stones, plural?
Hey, that's much better.
It's much better.
I don't think as many people know that stones is also another word for balls, though, right?
They need to learn.
They should learn.
I feel like there's a lot of other ways you could have made this,
but there's something about Harry Potter that is just,
So lazy.
I love it.
I absolutely love it.
We've got Star Hors.
Star Hors, Princess Lay.
I mean.
Bob's Boners.
I would love to play Linda in a Bob's Boners parody.
I like it when there is like,
like, Harry Potter at least is a play on words,
whereas the sorcerer's balls is not at all a play on words, you know?
And so I like having those two, the juxtaposition of a kind of lazy,
but still pun.
We tried, but then it's not at all a pun and it's just like,
false.
We brainstormed the first half.
You get the rest of it.
You mean like not the Wizard of Oz X, X, X, X, X, X, X, which again, lazy, lazy, lazy.
They should call it the Jizzard of Oz.
There's so many.
Yeah.
I mean, that's great right there.
The Wizard of Jiz would even work, you know?
The Wizard of Jiz would also work.
The Wizard of, I do.
I do know one of these people.
Oh, and an evil head?
Yeah, evil head is.
directed by my friend, and I also know the man who plays.
Ooh, do you think that he would come and help me teach at my school?
Absolutely.
About sex tapes?
He absolutely would.
He's in Los Angeles, though.
Ooh, all right.
I'm going to get him on the line.
We're going to get some evil head up in here.
All right.
And hopefully we'll get a little bit of the Lord of the G-strings,
the female ship of the string.
He shouldn't use the word string.
That's twice.
female shit.
That's my favorite one.
So that that also alludes to is the porn about the strings and their d-strings?
Like is it like a wedgy fetish?
I don't know or is I don't know or is it just like I think that it is a gender bend of a porn parody, which I appreciate.
Sure.
And I think I don't know.
It's just bosoms and capes.
They all have really nice abs though.
Look at that.
Yeah, they really do.
And they also, it's like, I just don't know how that pleather is going to hold up in a forest.
But, yeah, I don't know if it's going to really, like, save them from swords.
No, but I do think that maybe those swords could save them from the 10-inch mutant ninja turtles.
Oh, no.
And the faces, again, on the 10-inch mutant ninja turtles are like, it's like, all of their eyes go the opposite way.
like a chameleon? I do at least say
the title's pretty clever. I
like 10 inch. It's like teenage
Yeah. Ten inch. Ten inch.
Yeah, that's... Ten inch mutant ninja turtles.
Tenant mutant mutant turtles. Yeah, that's pretty good.
I am grateful in that shot
we don't see their penises in that picture.
Although, I see, I know that
you're grateful, but like, where to wear the
penises? They probably appear, I would
imagine they pop out somehow. I don't know
where a turtle's penis is, so.
I don't know anything about
turtles. I imagine it's under their shell, but then that's the thing. So it's like, is it going to
grow and then stick out of its groin plate? Somebody's got to explain turtle sucks to us.
I mean, I think that, I'm sure that we could look it up. It's probably in one of these parodies
somewhere. I also really liked ass venture time. I mean, they, that's not, that's not terrible.
Not the worst name of it. What about Sponge Knob Square Nog? I've seen stills of this before.
You know, that's pretty good. Two, at least it's two. It's two.
puns, you know?
It is.
I will give them that, but again,
a SpongeBob character is...
Horrified.
I mean, I guess it's supposed to be horrifying.
It's not like Spongeball SquarePants.
It's cute, really, in general.
No, but I think that you could at least make him,
like, quirky, silly nerdy boy.
Yeah, that, like, is like,
uh-huh, under the scene.
Like, he doesn't understand women,
but maybe he'll understand me, you know?
Yeah.
I do.
The costume does maybe kind of want to see it out of just, like,
sheer...
Ugh.
E.T.
X X X X.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a classic.
Have you seen this?
No, I've seen little clips of it, yeah.
Again, I know that these are all supposed to be fun, and I know that we've talked about porn parodies before, but they really are the scariest of the like rule.
Because all of this happened because of the Rule 34 hole that I went into, I get it.
Oh, that's not.
Oh, no.
It's not funny.
No, it's not funny.
But also Jurassic Porn, which I would definitely fuck a man probably that was wearing a dinosaur suit.
Oh, because is he the one with the head flappies?
I think that it's supposed to be the one with the head flappies.
Because that's a cute dinosaur, I would say.
I don't know if I'd have sex with that dinosaur, though.
I think I'd rather have sex with the velociraptor.
I don't remember which one that is.
That's the one that like, shoota!
Tiny arms that can open up the hat.
into the kitchen when they're scared.
Oh yeah.
The ones that are like really vicious, but move really fast.
I don't know if I like the tiny arms.
Yeah, I guess that would be difficult to have sex with.
Maybe a stegosaurus because I feel like it would be nice.
Thoughtful.
Really, with all the spikes, I'm like?
Yeah, I feel like it would be thoughtful.
And never a brontosaurus.
Oh, yeah.
Because bronosaurus is going to be all sad and shit.
Yeah, stagosaurus probably is like really sensitive.
Yeah, I feel like it's sensitive.
You know, it's a plant eater.
I'm into it.
But on that note, that's it for this week.
That's it for this week's episode.
Oh, good.
I'm glad we're ending on that.
Before we go into, you know, really diving deep into what dinosaurs we would have sex with,
I'm sure is a conversation that will come back around at some point.
Thank you guys so much for joining it.
And thank you so much, Natalie.
Of course.
Yeah, thanks Natalie.
Mrs. Natalie Jean for joining us today.
Sisters.
I'll take any excuse to hang out, even if it's on the radio.
I love it.
I love you.
And I love you, Molly.
And thank you so much for joining us.
today. I love you guys. This was a fun slumber party. And next time, Natalie, I want to,
I want you to give me like the 101 on the Duggers. Oh, okay. Yeah, you got it. Oh, yeah. We have to,
we're going to have to go down this hole. We're going to have to figure all this shit out.
Talk about holes. And I am here for it. Thank you guys so much for listening. And if you
would like some more content, you can head on over to our Patreon page. It is patreon.com
slash page seven podcast. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me at Instagram at Jack That
Worm. And do you have anything to plug Ms. Net?
You can just go to my Instagram at The Natty Gene.
Hell yeah.
I love you guys.
We will talk to you next week.
Bye.
Bye, bye.
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