Page 7 - Episode 301: A Face Made for Screamin'

Episode Date: May 3, 2019

Jackie, Molly and Natalie Jean gab about the Sonic the Hedgehog trailer, Idris Elba's wedding and fanny pack crocs. Go to http://expressvpn.com/page7 and find out how you can get 3 months free with a ...1 year package. Go to http://felixgrayglasses.com/page7 to protect your eyes today. Get 50% off your first year at http://honeybook.com with promo code: PAGE7 Get $30 off your first order at http://snowehome.com/page7 Need even more hot goss? Join in on the fun over on our Patreon page! www.patreon.com/p Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:08 You know what? We're starting off this episode today. I'm being combative, all right? Because I tried so hard and by so far. Wait a second. And in the end, it doesn't even matter. It starts with one thing. I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:00:27 It doesn't even matter how hard you try. Keep that in mind outside. I'm warranted. They apparently, which also, welcome to page seven. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. We're here with Natalie G. Zabrowski as well and Molly who is just looking at me
Starting point is 00:00:42 with such true disgust I am Molly Neffle and I am certain that this is not the first time you started the show with that song it probably is it but it's been in my head because on last podcast this week they were they threw new metal under the goddamn bus
Starting point is 00:01:00 there was a lot of anger online regarding their opinions about Lincoln Park yeah that's a hornet's nest you don't a kick. No, and I think, you know, I never wanted to be a combatant against our brethren here on the network, but I got to say, I have to stand up for new metal. I'm the one standing up for it, because you know what, it was exactly how I felt for years, and I would put them in my five CD chamber, feed CD disc chamber, and man, and I would just listen to it over and over again and I would just like scream about how no
Starting point is 00:01:36 understood me. Well, your older sister also was on that bandwagon, wasn't she? Did you grow up with it, like pretty young? Well, I thought it was really cool because we would go, like, Henry and Jessica and I had gone to see Metallica. So I was like, oh man, I'm like, Bad to the Bone.
Starting point is 00:01:54 Yeah. Which now when looking back, I realized that I wasn't bad to the bone. So I think that's how I started listening, because in my brain, which this is sacrilegious. to say. But in my brain, that was all the same kind of music. It was like, it was angry girl music. You're going to want to watch out with that statement. You're kicking a different heart. I'm not saying, I'm not saying, I love Metallica. I'm not saying, I'm saying this in a good way for me. But I also know, yes,
Starting point is 00:02:19 I'm probably going to get yelled at for this, at least by Henry, because I know that I should never compare Metallica to Lincoln Park. They are very different things. I don't know anything about music, though, is the thing. You know, at this stage, Metallica and Lincoln Park aren't that different. I'm also going and get yelled at for that. Wow. Wow. We're just breaking down barriers on today's page seven. I mean, I, the thing is, I live with, I, my husband is a member of the Generation X, and
Starting point is 00:02:49 he is also a metal head. And so I think that as millennials, we might have a different perspective on this, because I think that a Generation X metalhead would be absolutely appalled to, have their medal associated with the new medal of the millennial era, which, you know, the millennial junior high era. Yeah. Does your, does your husband consider Metallica like hardcore metal? Because they're not to me that hardcore from that era.
Starting point is 00:03:23 I'm already out of my league here. I feel like I'm already out ahead of my skis. I can't, if I speak for him about what he, how he classifies Metallica, I don't, but I don't think he thinks that they're particularly hard core, but he does like, you know, he's like a slayer guy, a Metallica guy, like, and that, and I feel like the, it's a, he's never named like a late 90s new metal in the same life as naming any of those other bands. Maybe it's, it's, it's crawling in his skin. You don't think is that, like, they just really, they knew how to yell. They knew how to yelled the way it just like just made my 13 year old heart burst i think it is that's i mean it's
Starting point is 00:04:06 great for 13 year olds and i think the reason i grew up in the pug scene so to me that was it was too overproduced it was too studio you if it was if it was real it had to be kind of bad yeah no yeah there had to be no money putting the album together well so you went to see i want three courts yes three courts exactly you went to see guns and roses this year right oh i I am an avid guns and roses fan. Which, and that's, you turned me on to Guns and Roses because, I mean, as we all know here, it is page seven canon that I had never heard November rain before. And Marcus had no idea how I had never heard that song.
Starting point is 00:04:46 And then he played it for me and I still didn't know the song. And so now I'm trying to get to know Guns and Roses better, especially after living with you and Henry as well. That just like learning about, you know, theatrical metal. Yeah, it's like, uh, like stadium metal but like in the sense that I think I consider queen where it's very um it's like a emo metal a little bit yeah uh where it's like yeah stadium rock but i mean no the music video two november rain got to say which i ended up watching all of it and uh it's uh it's it's
Starting point is 00:05:22 heartfelt there's a lot of stuff there's a lot of stuff in it i've had such a like queen asance and I'm so happy and thankful about it because like I did not have any cultural, uh, exposure when I was a child. I just didn't. It was just, you know, bereft. And, and, uh, and the only time I ever heard queen was like at like literally in stadiums, like at if I was at like the local stadium, the town stadium for like a hockey event, you know, and they played, we will rock you. Right. Like something like that. And, uh, and so I thought, I always grew up thinking queen was for. jocks and which is hilarious
Starting point is 00:06:03 that's very funny right like but so did those jocks yeah that's really fun those jocks also thought it was for them which makes me laugh and I was just mortified to learn that you know
Starting point is 00:06:16 that there's this like beautiful you know queer you know culture of Queen and of Freddie Mercury and all that and I had no idea I was just like this is basketball game music and and so now I listen to Queen all the time and
Starting point is 00:06:30 Freddie likes queen and it's like great but I'm like this I just feel so sad for my childhood self being like this is for really jocky men yeah I just remember when I remember when Henry won the uh the skate not skate hockey it was a skate hockey what is that roller hockey when he was playing roller hockey but still doesn't know how to ride a rollerblade so he did it with just steeltoed shoes on as the goalie and but he was with he's with all these like beautiful Greek boys and good Lord, did I love the Greek boys. And at the end, like, they won some championship.
Starting point is 00:07:06 I don't know. I didn't really pay attention. I mostly was just staring at the Greek boys. And my mom rolled up at the end where they won and was like, Blair and we are the champions from the car. And I was so embarrassed. I just didn't. I was like, that's not my mother, cavorting around.
Starting point is 00:07:22 No, because I wanted to be a sleek Greek goddess for them. But turns out none of the Greek boys wanted to sleep with me. Well, you know what? That's probably good. What are they doing right now? You know, what are they all dentists? They're all dentists. They're either dentists or...
Starting point is 00:07:38 In Florida? Yes, or... Because there's this place called Tarpon Springs that's close to where we grew up. That is like the Greece of America or whatever they say and whatever that town says. And so it was just... The central capital of the world?
Starting point is 00:07:51 It was just filled with these beautiful Greek men and women. Both of them are. They're all beautiful. They are. It's true. But wait, are dentists overrepresented in the... town? Is it like, is there like a dental training school there? There's no dental training school there. I just know at least three of the Greek dudes I went to high school with became dentist. Great teeth. They better. Oh God, it just shines in their olive-toned skin. Just that little town's filled with people with implants and like teeth too big for their face.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Too big. Teet too big. Man, speaking of my sexual ex-execule. exploits. I watch, there's no spoilers here, and I know that neither one of you guys care about this, but I did see Avengers End Game this weekend, and I also did watch the latest Game of Thrones. And the thing is that Game of Thrones, I don't really care as much to talk about, I know we don't talk about that on the show, but I will say for Avengers End game, I am, I apologize to everyone. I am saying it here and now. I watch Infinity War over the weekend. I'd never seen any of them, and then I watch Avengers End game, and you know what? I cried, and I have to say
Starting point is 00:09:00 Daddy's, Daddy's, Daddies. Oh, I'm sure. Good Lord! Is that movie filled with sexy, sexy people? But the problem is, is that in these damn superhero movies, none of them, fuck! None of them have sex!
Starting point is 00:09:18 And some of them are literal daddies, right? Like they have children. Oh, God, yeah. And then, yeah, and I'm not even going to talk about it because I know that I'm not supposed to yet. But it's really, but the daddies. I mean, I think that's part of their intent with making those movies is to get all your loins going.
Starting point is 00:09:39 My loins were thoroughly got to, I mean, I don't really want to go too far into the hole that I got into with the Rule 34 porn because of this. Because they don't, because I just kept thinking that was like, why don't they kiss? I just want to watch them make fuck on each other. And I guess there's this whole like, right thing, which this really shows that I'm
Starting point is 00:10:01 100,000 years old. That I guess it's like the real 34 porn. It's that if you can think of it, then they're most likely as a porn of it. Right. And so I was looking at Thanos porn. I was looking up Thor porn. But I was looking it up with other people. This wasn't like a sexy time thing for myself.
Starting point is 00:10:19 Hey, no judgment, man. No judgments. But I got to say, man. No judgment. Those Infinity Stones really like gave Thanos a thing. throbbing penis. They gave him a throbbing penis? I think so. Like in the porn?
Starting point is 00:10:34 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She had like a physically throbbing. Oh, it was, remember? It was, it was very throbby. It was really throbby. Naturally?
Starting point is 00:10:41 I think so, but also, like, wouldn't it be, right? But if you think about it, I guess he really never could have kids. So maybe the, uh, his throbby wasn't as throbby as we thought. Maybe. I don't know if the two are connected. Hmm. Oh, is that not?
Starting point is 00:10:57 I thought the throbby or the penis, the more babies they have, right? That makes sense to me. I think as a medical professional, I would say that the more throbby, the more sperms that are in the penis. The more spurns in the penis. Because, man, if there's one thing I know about,
Starting point is 00:11:14 it is doctors and beanuses and what happens in there. And our bodies do things. And what the pipe goes and what happens in the pipe in there. Yeah, they got a couple pipes in there. They have multiple pipes. I want to clarify for the record that I only made an ugh noise because my life all week has been people walking into spaces where people are talking about Avengers and Game of Thrones and then like I don't watch Game of Thrones, but I do care.
Starting point is 00:11:42 I like Avengers. I just haven't seen it yet. And so like I feel like I am like the person who walks into the room and then people are like, oh. Oh, she's here. You know, so I'm just a big ruiner all week. I understand. Well, also, but I mean, you've got a lot going on, you know, inside of you and around you.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Like, you can't just drop everything and go see a three-hour-long fucking movie. Yeah. Got a lot of stuff going on, Molly. Yeah. I do. And, you know, the problem is I never, I really didn't, I thought that before I had a kid, I was ready to never go out and do anything. And I just didn't quite understand the extent to which you truly never go out and truly never do anything.
Starting point is 00:12:22 And so that's been a little bit of an adjustment. But then when I do go out, it's like a big deal. And so I'd rather go to like Benny Hana, which is what I did last night to observe my three-year wedding anniversary than to go to a movie because I just don't. Happy wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary. Thank you. You guys are both very well represented in the pictures. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Oh, man, that was a sweaty time. I just remember how fucking sweaty I was. I always remember how amazing, man, your look on your wedding day, Molly was just, oh my God, with the slick back. hair and the light up shoes and like cool as fuck vest suit I don't know what it was but it was awesome and I love it thank you the dance the dance flash mob was I still remember it yeah thank you I spent a lot of yesterday thinking about the dance to Pat Benatar as we belong and really wishing I could go back to that that moment but instead I went to Benihana and that was also okay and that's again that's the one with the onion ring volcano
Starting point is 00:13:23 No? Yes, correct. Chew, chew, chew. Oh, the onion train is going. Chee, chew, chew. I love that this is like, I feel like, I know that you've always enjoyed Beniana, but I feel like you've been going more now that you are pregnant. And I think that it has something to do. Is this something you are craving right now? It's because the reason is because you really, it's only, it's, even though we went to Benihana before, like, we go to Betty Hana more than normal people, but you're really only supposed to go on like your birthday or a special occasion but that's now the only time I ever go
Starting point is 00:13:59 out so that's why it seems like Benny Hana's overrepresented you know so it's like if I was pregnant I would just demand to do what I wanted all the time so I would do birthday things constantly I'd make people take me places that are supposed to be for specialized isn't that the best part about being pregnant is that everyone has to do everything for you is that how isn't that how it goes just treat it like nine months of birthday just go everywhere and tell them constantly tell them that you got a frozen yogurt and stuff. I want to, I'm going to wear a pregnancy crown and I'm going to have a pregnancy scepter. It's essentially just going to be my hot dog ambassador crown and scepter that I'm going to create, except on the hot dog, there's going to be a baby coming out of a little nub
Starting point is 00:14:37 on the end of the hot dog. Oh, like a baby hot dog? Yeah, like a baby hot dog, like a little, like a weenie, like a cocktail. A cocktail. Oh, yeah, and then I'm just going to go, get me things. I'm only going to talk like this. I hope so. I'm looking forward to that. And Jeff's going to fall more more in love with me every single second. He better. He better. He better because I have to do all of it. Do you ever yelled at your partner? Certainly. Especially when
Starting point is 00:15:04 one time during my first pregnancy when we hit the 20 week mark, he said, it's gone by so fast. And I was like, oh, really? Oh, no. In your body, has the last 20 weeks gone by so great to hear? And you're drinking a glass of wine. I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry, ma'am.
Starting point is 00:15:22 I'm sorry, ma'am. Only, does Gideon only call you, ma'am? Because that's another thing that I think. I need to start coming up with my pregnancy rules, you know, like five or six years out of becoming pregnant. That I think that, like, I need to start really envisioning this. The way that people plan their wedding for a long time, I'm just going to plan how much of a tyrant I want to be.
Starting point is 00:15:42 You need a vision board. You need a Pinterest. You're right. A bunch of ribbons and jewels. I don't know what I'm going to do with the ribbons and jewels yet, but that's what I'm going to work on in my pregnancy plan. fuck you want to do with them. Whatever I want to do and I get to eat whatever I want.
Starting point is 00:15:56 I know that's also not even true because then I won't even be able to have hot dogs. Well, I think it would be funny if you had a hot dog aversion. You know, sometimes you get aversions to even things that you otherwise would like. And I think it would be not that I would take any pleasure and any discomfort of yours ever. Ouch. But I do think it would be very funny if you had a hot dog aversion. I, I mean, I don't know why you'd wish that on me as if we are enemies. Molly.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Now, I know that you both, I love that you both are vegetarians, but you're both very open-minded vegetarians, and I really appreciate the fact that you support my love of hot dogs and sausages, and I just wanted to say thank you to both of you, because also I did want to bring up the fact that I took a taxidermy class over the weekend.
Starting point is 00:16:43 And it might have been one of the hardest things I've ever fucking done. Well, isn't it basically like mild surgery? I couldn't imagine it being very difficult. It's really, because like it was from, it's from the beginning of it to the end of it. It was an all day class. And so you take the, it's like, it was graphic. I'm not going to get into it.
Starting point is 00:17:08 It was, there were times that I definitely, and I am not a squeamish person at all, but there were times that I just have to be like, okay, and then like keep going. And because I just like, I didn't want to get stoned because I didn't want to like rupture its organs. You know what I mean? I had asked this already and you, I think, kind of answered it.
Starting point is 00:17:28 But it was like an ethically sourced. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. I like to envision that you were there in the morning easing an elderly mouse into its next coil. And so you're just like watching on the deathbed. And then as the mouse passed away, you gently took the mouse and created this monument to.
Starting point is 00:17:47 That is what happened. That's exactly what happened. It died gently in my arms. and I kissed it on its little mouth right as its last breath exited its body and I was just like I'll always love you Gwyneth Ratro which is what the name
Starting point is 00:18:01 of my red is Gwyneth Ratro especially as I cut off the balls of Gwyneth Ratro and I made her Gwyneth Ratro and she is the problem is that she's the cutest thing in the entire world I'm going to post pictures of how cute Gweth Ratro is
Starting point is 00:18:19 and I'm going to make her a little wig and I'm going to make her some hats and I'm going to make her, I think I'm going to make her a bunch of like, I want to like essentially like get like a bunch of limes and a bunch of beans and buy everything that she bought when she was saying that food stamps or something that people can't live off of, which was good in theory, but not in the way that she did it. Remember when she did that where she's just like,
Starting point is 00:18:41 I just, I could only get 10 lines and I got these beans. People can't just eat limes and beans because it's like, no, that's not all you. You can, like, you're right. People should get more money for super. That's a whole other fucking ballgame. But I think that that's what I'm going to do with Gweth Rattro. I think that's a great idea.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Molly, how do you feel about it? I think it's a good idea, but I also feel like we're just very, I feel like we're taking tiny steps towards, uh, what's the name of the guy in Psycho, you know? I just feel like you're going to start dressing the rat up like different. Are you calling me Norman Bates? Yes. I feel like it's a little Norman Bates. Like, I feel like I'm not sure whether I'm afraid that you'll.
Starting point is 00:19:20 dress up the rat in different kind of increasingly relevant costumes or if you'll start dressing up like the rat. See, that is more of what I was thinking because I also kind of want it to be a miniature version of me as well with a little mesh shirt on. Like a mommy and me dead rat. Yes. And then they get a little like jizzy for her hand. Aw. Paw, excuse me. But what I like to, though, is that her pee-p is still there.
Starting point is 00:19:46 And so her pee-pies still, man, it is. It's flaming. So did you have to remove the balls or was that a choice you made? You had to remove them. Good cue. Good cue, Natalie. They were big. Very big balls. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:00 Wait, sorry, why do you have to remove them? Or else they'll deteriorate inside of the body so you have to like, so it'll just get all gross and become rancid. So you have to get rid of all the meat before you like borax the skin. But not the penis? But not, but the pee-pies there, yeah, because it's more of just like, you cut off all the insolid. side of the peepie.
Starting point is 00:20:20 And then you leave the peepie skin. Wow. And have I pushed you guys finally too far? Is this where I do? It's not all the hot dog talk, but the taxidermy talk, that's where I should probably not go into. Although you got to see goth daddy's because got daddy named his rodent downy junior.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Oh. Was it the same species? Yeah, they were. Some were like black and white and some were white and some were all black. So both of ours were white because we're both like angels. Yeah. They were like angel people. And so we wanted our rats to really like have that shining forth from their soul.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Got it. They were rats though. Yeah, they were rats. I keep calling them out of mouse, I think. Yeah, they were bigger than that. But yeah, they were all like. And also what was cool is like we were taught from a dude that is a taxidermy apprentice. So it is just like, and we were talking to the head dude.
Starting point is 00:21:19 for a while and he was just talking about the art of taxidermy. It is insane what they can do. Like, it's crazy. I feel like I have so many questions and I'm sorry, Molly, if this is like a disgusting topic for you. Don't be sorry. It's not you who brought this into our home, Natalie. You have nothing to be sorry about.
Starting point is 00:21:41 And at least I don't live with you anymore, so you never have to have it in your home. Yeah. Annie, are you okay? I okay. I'm okay, Annie, admit it. You think that cybercrime is something that happens to other annies. Also, don't worry, I'm singing the alien ant farm version of the song.
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Starting point is 00:22:25 sounds actually pretty metal, but in reality, we aren't talking about robots running amok trying to be vigilantes in the streets. ExpressVPN secures and anonymizes your internet browsing by encrypting your data and hiding your public IP address, which is probably especially for the best after all the Thanos porn I've been watching. ExpressVPN has easy to use apps that run seamlessly in the background of your computer, phone, and tablet. Turning on ExpressVPN protection only takes one click. One click for protection is way easier that rolling on a peepie glove, which is why I actually use ExpressVPN.
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Starting point is 00:25:59 off your first year. Get paid faster and work smarter with honeybook.com promo code page 7. I think it's a cool art form for people who, for whatever reason, if your pet passed away, some people like to have it memorialized in this fashion, which is, you know, your choice. Yeah, completely. I'm glad that people do it, and I think that there is an art to it. Yeah. Did you, was there just a basket of them? Like, how did you choose your animal?
Starting point is 00:26:33 They were all, well, they were all frozen. We were all doing rats because the next class they're doing are birds. And so that would be a whole other ballgame. But it was kind of cool because I felt like I was in Ace Rintura when nature calls when I walked into this space because it was just filled with taxidermy. Oh, like in that guy's office? Yeah. And there was also like an actual elephant head.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Oh, no. Yeah, it was huge. No, that sucks. It was really big. I don't like that. No, no, no, no. I don't like that either. But it didn't have like the tusks or anything.
Starting point is 00:27:04 It wasn't like that. Did he like kill an elephant? They didn't kill an elephant. There was something that they, like, it was like a vintage one that they had had from like the turn of the century. Oh, it's like, some old asshole killed it. So, so, oh yeah, it was like a really long time ago. So they were just refurbishing it. I see.
Starting point is 00:27:18 And it was, but it was very interesting because you could actually touch the skin. Oh. I know. That was an old one though. That one we can't, you know, we can't do anything about that one. He already had his head off. There was a field trip that we used to go on to like a nature preserve, in elementary school every year,
Starting point is 00:27:35 and it always culminated in this, like, nightmarish experience of being left in a room full of taxidermy. And I would always have, like, a panic attack about it because I find them to be very scary and unnerving, and they're everywhere. Because it is an art form, because they make them look so life-like.
Starting point is 00:27:52 It's insane. I mean, it's a corpse. It's a corpse. You're in a roomful of corpses, decorative corpses. Decorative corpses. I'm going to be taxidermied one day. I would be kind of fun.
Starting point is 00:28:04 Yeah, all right? And you could dress you up as much as you want. You can do whatever you want with me. Man. And it's not a judgment, like, especially for people who hunt, like, use all the parts or whatever. Use all the beautiful parts of your rat. But, like, I just, on a non-judgmental but deeply personal level, it just gives me the willies. Totally.
Starting point is 00:28:24 I completely. Oh, yeah. You know what also gives me the willies is Barbara Corcoran's 70th birthday party. Have you ever watched Shark Tank, Molly? I know Nat has. I know I have. You know, for some reason, Shark Tank is not what I want out of a reality show because I, it seems so capitalist to me and I have no business spirit. And so I've never watched it, although I know that it's a lot of fun.
Starting point is 00:28:48 I do understand, but it is a lot of fun. And it always makes me upset that Barbara Corkrin never says, you are the weakest link, goodbye, which I keep saying lately. And I really can't stop saying it. And I don't know what to do about that. That's a whole other. I'm happy to bring it back. That's like, goodbye. Henry really hates it.
Starting point is 00:29:07 Well, that's perfect for a sister to do that. Which of course is why I'm going to keep saying it. But Barbara Corcoran from Shark Tank had her 70th birthday party. What she did was that she set up a coffin in front that she laid in in this like beautiful red Carolina Herrera gown. And she made people come up as they were entering her party and kneel down on this little, what is it called? Churchy Neely.
Starting point is 00:29:31 Oh, don't look at me. Q Neely? What is it called? I think they call it a kneeler. Neeler? Nealer? I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:29:40 None of us know. But actually, yeah. They had a kneeler in front of her, and then they had a cut out cardboard, a cardboard cut out of a nun that was like kind of surprised, which also made me think of like how much I would kiss on that nun just because like you can't, she can't stop me. And then they all had to pay their respects to her. And then afterwards, after 90 people filed in, she put on the song, I'm Alive by Diana Ross,
Starting point is 00:30:08 and jumped out of the coffin and danced the tango. With who? And I think by herself, she said, what the heck, you only die once, you might as well be around for it. This is a billionaire. I mean, I do love this. I do love the idea that she made everybody talk about her best characteristics.
Starting point is 00:30:30 About her death to her on her birthday and actually kind of a power move. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm not opposed to this. Yeah, I mean, I like, I would like to know what, what night, only the nice things people would say about me when I died. And so that's nice. Did she like hold her breath the whole time? Like how did they, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:30:50 They knew she was alive, right? She'd be cracking and a smile. Oh, they did. I think they knew she was alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that they were invited to a birthday part. party and not a funeral. But I don't know, because then I see on that, like,
Starting point is 00:31:03 wholesome Reddit thing about how, like, these people had a surprise wedding. Everyone thought it was a Halloween party, so they all, like, came in costume, but then there was a wedding, which that's also a fun idea. That would be really an interesting twist on it if she tried to convince them it was her actual funeral. See, that's actually kind of fun.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Or I would love to have a birthday party that actually was my funeral. And everyone showed up, and they were like, what do you mean she's dead? Surprise funeral Surprise! She's so fucking dead. Do you miss her yet? Do you miss her yet?
Starting point is 00:31:39 I would love if you put a bunch of really weird things in your will about your funeral. I would love, I think it's probably illegal, but I think it'd be awesome if you taxidermied yourself and you, like, insisted somebody in our family had to have you in the house. I mean, the problem is that Natalie, you know it would be your house.
Starting point is 00:31:58 I know, I know, Jackie, but I would respect your wishes. I would put different outfits. I'd want different outfits. But I'd like keep underwear on you all the time so you weren't just like nude in our house. Thank you because I really don't need to think about that. Because also just like any kind of sitting position, like no one wants to see someone else sitting when they're nude. What if they, what if you put taxidermine Jackie like if that just became like the kind of, you know how everyone has like a chair that they put their coat on when they come in the house?
Starting point is 00:32:25 Like it could just be Jackie. Yeah. I love that. And you're like, I just throw it on Jackie. But then I'd love it if at that point we could figure out a way so that there's like an Alexa or some sort of robot living in your house that every time someone said the name Jackie from the corpse and said, that's my name.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Yeah, like maybe we could animate you like a Chuck E Cheese doll. That. You know, like the old animatronics. Yes. So it would be like a really upsetting robotics version. It wouldn't look real at all. Oh my God. Your mouth would sort of move.
Starting point is 00:32:57 But I wanted to have teeth. Like, I don't know if you guys. watch the Sonic the Hedgehog trailer, but I think that I would like it to also, I'd like to for you guys, a part of my will, I want my teeth to be ripped out, but I'd like bigger teeth to be put in. Just like, just slightly off. Yeah. Like Uncanny Valley style. Now that I know what Uncanny Valley means, I just feel so cool. Yeah, you use it. I use it all the time. Well, Natalie, since she'll be in your house, you can put her by the door. You could also put like like the Alexa technology in her
Starting point is 00:33:26 so you could just have her do stuff, say, you can have pre-reported things, but you could be like, Jackie sing Metallica and then she could, you know, or sing Lincoln Park. Until it sleeps. Lincoln Park. Now that you know
Starting point is 00:33:42 November rain, the songs are, the options are endless. Almost endless, virtually endless. I do know a lot of songs. And I also know Gangsta's Paradise, which plays in the Sonic the Hedge. Oh yeah, that's right. I was so, I felt personally attacked that they used Gangst's Paradise in the Sonic the Hedgehog trailer.
Starting point is 00:34:03 That's, no. That is not what, yuck, no. That is not what, Cooleo? Cooleo. That is not what Cooleo wanted. In fact, I was just singing this song the other day talking about how one day I hope to really embarrass my children by singing every word to Ganksus Paradise in front of their friends. I hope so too. Because I'm the
Starting point is 00:34:26 whitest person alive, but man, do I love the fuck out of gangsters paradise? And also Amish paradise. Yes. Also Amish Paradise. And I've said on the show before, but I really love the other Kulio, it's not a deep cut. It's the only other, I mean, not the only other,
Starting point is 00:34:42 it's the only other Kulio song, I know, but the one that goes, I'll see you when you get there. See you when you get there. I think that it's funny because I think I only, every time I hear this song I think about you because I didn't know that song
Starting point is 00:34:58 until you sing it and you're like, no, no, you know this song. I actually don't think I know that song. You don't know that song. I feel like you would know it if you heard it. Maybe. Because then I heard it and I was like oh, that's the song Molly was talking about. It was like, it was maybe from a movie or I mean, it was about
Starting point is 00:35:14 it was like a sweet song about death. It was like in the book kind of, I associate it with like the sweet songs hip hop songs about death like in the bold thugs in harmony. You know See you at the cross So you up below
Starting point is 00:35:27 Let's see you at the cross You up in law Yeah And I'm on my My money I love that goddamn song But people are mad
Starting point is 00:35:38 Because Because Sonic the hedgehog Is not You know G-A And G-S-T-A enough to earn that song Wait a second
Starting point is 00:35:47 Are you telling me People are angry About a video game I know Well it's a movie They made it into a movie. I know. And they, yep, they've got feelings.
Starting point is 00:35:56 I don't think anyone cares about the gangsters paradise part. I think that might just be me. I does look like Jim Carrey is in this movie with a gun to his head. Could be. It looks like he's being forced to do something he does not want to do. I have a little bit of a hot take on that, I think, because. Ooh, do tell. Just everyone's saying he looks like he's, like, drugged out,
Starting point is 00:36:21 and I don't think, I don't know, maybe he is, he might be drugged out. But I'm wondering if he was taking a more passive tone with it because of people freaking out about him always overacting everything. Because, I mean, Jim Carrey was my heart, I was obsessed with him when I was 12. Oh, yeah. That's why I was excited to talk to you about this because I know that you are number one Jim Carrey fan. Yeah, I had, instead of like, teen bop things when I was tween, I had Jim Carrey
Starting point is 00:36:50 shit plastered on my walls, which is shocking that I ended up marrying your brother. And we all obviously know, being alive in the 90s, he is known for being way over the top with everything he does. He likes to be a cartoon. So I don't know why he chose Sonic, but maybe he chose that moment to go like, I'm going to take a more subdued version of. of Dr. Robonic. And I think maybe it was a choice.
Starting point is 00:37:23 You're right, though. And I support him. I hope so. What about that one? I haven't seen it since it was in the theaters, but Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Let Mind. Wasn't he like a real actor in that? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:37:34 Yeah, there's a couple movies he's done where he's been pretty good. Was I talking to you guys about this? I recently rewatched it and don't. Don't rewatch it. No, I don't want to. I cried and cried and cried. And it was just like, especially, like, I thought it was so sad. when I watched it when it came out when I was in college.
Starting point is 00:37:52 And then I haven't seen it since. I was like, oh, that's a just sad movie. And I was like, I was cheved out of my fucking gourd. And I was like, I want to watch it. It's sad. And I watched that. And it hit me on a different level this time, especially someone that has gone through way more heartache and way more shit at this point. And it, it hurt me to the core.
Starting point is 00:38:13 Like, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Yeah, I'm good. I don't need to see it. It's on Netflix, though. maybe you should watch it. No. I love crying. You love crying movies.
Starting point is 00:38:23 I love to cry. I do sometimes. And Natalie, do your loins still move for Jim Carrey today? I still love him. See, when I did love him, it was before I had sexuality, really. So even then I was, I did want to be with him in a way that was like, I want him to like look at me and think that I'm cool. And we'll hang out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:52 So it was never like a, he was never like a masturbation. Yeah, it wasn't a hachi-machi for you. Yeah. So I still love him in that sense. I would be excited to see him. But I know he's been going through a lot of shit lately. He's really, do you ever look at any of his artwork and all that stuff? Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:08 He got into a fight with, um, who's, uh, Mussolini's granddaughter. Mussolini's granddaughter on Twitter. What? About what? Because he painted a portrait. Yeah. That's awesome. She tried to
Starting point is 00:39:21 she tried to she tried to blame him for the atom bomb because she was like, what's the difference between what my grandfather was a part of in the atom bomb? And she was talking to a Canadian who was not around
Starting point is 00:39:36 that at all. How old is this girl? What is she like a kid? No. Oh, she's a full on woman. I think she's an adult but like a young person. But my favorite tweet about that was like imagining like jade and hitler you know hitler's grandson tweeting it getting into a fight with jim carrie musselini's granddaughter is just like hey don't bad mouth my
Starting point is 00:39:59 grandfather you know famous dictator fascist musilini it was a good you know that was i was i was i'm always happy to be in jim carrie's ring but i was particularly happy to be in it then that was definitely a peak 2019 situation i will say that she is definitely uh she is quite an interesting look woman, man. Good Lord. I don't even know what her face looks like. She's got a she looks like a face made for screaming. Oh, wow. Yeah, she's got a big old mouth. She also looks a little bit of like like what's it Penelope Cruz. Oh boy. Don't tell Penelope. No, no, no, no. In, God damn it, House of Zabrowski. I just want to call it House of Zabrowski. Vassage. Vassage. Oh, she does look a little bit like Donna. That she moves away more like that. Yeah, she does.
Starting point is 00:40:48 She does look like, yeah, she does look like Donatella. It's a lot. Maybe, or maybe, am I just being Italian racist? Maybe. I'm sorry. But I'm all, I'm with you, so. But also, Benelope Cruz is an Italian. So I feel like that, all around, you know.
Starting point is 00:41:00 We're just, this is all bad. But as such, God, you gotta watch it. You gotta watch it so good. That, yeah, that was so fun. I can't believe that I watched it all of it twice. And you know what? I loved every second of it. It's pretty wonderful.
Starting point is 00:41:14 You know what I also love every second of? Dude. So, have you. guys heard about Alien the Play? Yeah. I am so, so I've been kind of following this story. And so Alien the play was written in, by these New Jersey high schoolers that essentially turned the movie Alien into a play and put it on. And when, um, so everyone's kind of been talking about this. And at first, of course, they, like, had made jokes that they were going to get sued for using a movie.
Starting point is 00:41:42 But at this end of the day, it is a, it's a high school that did it. But it's also amazing. because they've been raising a bunch of money. Ridley Scott gave them $5,000, which was awesome. But then my favorite part is for their last day of performance, Sigourney Weaver flew there to watch the show and then went backstage to congratulate all of them. And there's this video from ABC of just Sigourney Weaver walking backstage and they didn't know that she was there.
Starting point is 00:42:12 And them losing their fucking minds. I love it. Because Sigourty Weaver was just like, you guys did a great job. I'm so glad that I came out to see this. How amazing is that? It's fucking amazing. I mean, I can watch this kind of videos all day. Right?
Starting point is 00:42:26 It just makes me so, like, especially I just love, I love Sigourney Weaver. I thought you were going to say, I love theater. I love high school theater. I love it. I want a castle on a cloud. Just, just don't. Just stopped I thought to go there in my sleep
Starting point is 00:42:53 Man do the Duggers ever sing Yeah but they only sing They can play instruments And they sing like You know Bible songs But it's all The one, the molester one He sang at his wedding
Starting point is 00:43:06 You have to watch that It's so insanely disturbing Josh Dugger Yeah he sang to his wife What did he sing? A song he wrote And it was just like I will always
Starting point is 00:43:15 No, you got to watch it. I'm definitely going to look this up. Oh, God, ew. And they're having, I think they're having their sixth child. Yeah, they're still popping them out. They are just doing all of, but it's crazy because I did. I just am, I do get excited now that we can loosely discuss Duggers every once in a while. Because I saw that Joanna's pregnant.
Starting point is 00:43:40 And last I watched that show, she was a baby. She got married. She was like 19, so. Okay, that's not, I just... Pretty bad. Man, they all just grow up so fast. I've been slamming so much sister wives lately because I hadn't watched the 13th season.
Starting point is 00:43:55 And... They don't want to move. They don't want to move. You and Wendy were enjoying it right in front of the TV? It was very funny, Molly. I was watching Wendy over the weekend, and I didn't know that Natalie was coming home earlier than Henry, and he forgot to tell me.
Starting point is 00:44:11 So Natalie walked in a night. When I watched Wendy, I turn the living room into a four, that's just like a bed and filled with pillows. And Wendy and I just hop from the couch to the bed in the living room. And it's just right in front of this huge television. So Natalie came home and Wendy and I are laying in the bed curled up watching Sister Wives. And I'm drinking a huge coffee. And I was like, oh, you're home early.
Starting point is 00:44:36 It was like, well, you literally know now exactly what Wendy and I do when you're gone. I was just jealous. I want to keep that bed out there all the time. Right, it's great. And then we sit and we cuddle and we watch reality shows. I watch all of the reality shows that I don't ever have the time to watch. And she loves it and I love it. Then we sat and we had a whole conversation about Guy Fieri
Starting point is 00:44:59 because now he's just bleaching from the soul patch down, like in a stripe. Have you seen this? Really? I need to look this up. It is, I feel like it's like it's an all or nothing kind of situation. You know what I mean? And not, I mean. Guy Fieri, you know, he, you know, does new boundaries.
Starting point is 00:45:22 See, there are no, there are no walls that can contain him. It's, I, and I hate, I never want to ask for more bleach on Guy Fieri, but this might be the one time that's like, just do the whole potato. What is that, what's the phrase? I see what it is you're describing. Kitten caboodle, right? The stripe. He's got, um, he's got a weird racer stripe on his face now.
Starting point is 00:45:43 It looks like he's got a regular goatee that's a brown. and then like a like a glob of something left on his chin that's hanging down and the glob of something is a glob of blonde hair. Bleached hair. Is it maybe that's just his natural hair growth than you guys are being. That is probably what it is. Who am I to judge what naturally happens on a man's facial hair? Maybe he, because he bleached his hair for so long, it started to just produce from his pores. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:46:14 That would be awesome. A good guess. Wouldn't that save a bunch of money, too? Yeah. He wears a lot of, like, faded flame shirts, and so I think that he might be trying to achieve the same effect on his face. Oh, yeah. He's trying to have a faded look.
Starting point is 00:46:31 He does look. He does. The equivalent of those, like, Gadsuk's flame shirts, but in beard form. You know, I support him because Guy Fiatty is. one of the few completely a thousand percent wholesome people still left. Oh yeah, he's a nice, nice dude. And so honestly, he can do whatever the hell he wants. Yeah, no, I, I used to really make fun of him, but I think Kistle kind of turned it around. And I was like, you know what, there are so many horrible monsters in this world, and he seems like a nice man. And he seems like he
Starting point is 00:47:03 really does love his family and is so proud of everything that he has built himself. And I know that I feel like we have this conversation maybe once a month. But you know what? I still love a guy. You gotta make sure. We gotta make sure everybody's happy with Guy Fietti still. And because if anything comes out about Guy Fietti, I'm gonna be, I don't know. I don't know what I'll do.
Starting point is 00:47:27 Because you know what it is. If you go back and forth and watching guys grocery games and watching Chopped, it's that Chopped and all these other shows, they pretend as if something serious is happening. And in fact, nothing serious is happening. You have to make a fucking gas streak with like a giant chocolate bunny,
Starting point is 00:47:44 You know, and they're like, you know, I just really feel like if I can do this, it'll prove to my daughter that, you know, women can do anything. And then like, when you watch guys grocery games, he's like, oh, meet the care! It's just so much better. It is. It takes all of the seriousness out of it. It's true. There's no business like snow business for all your home good needs.
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Starting point is 00:52:59 Oh, no. How do you feel? What's your take? I'm happy for him. Yeah? That's my take. Because his wife seems pretty cool. Dude, I, see, the only problem, so all of this stuff, I, of course, want to
Starting point is 00:53:12 kiss Idris Elba, especially the mountain after watching the mountain between us, which is a horrible movie. I can't believe you've seen it. I've now seen it three times. Wow, okay, this totally this nullifies my having seen
Starting point is 00:53:28 pay it forward in the theater twice. I officially am exonerated. You're right. You're right. You're right. That's why I feel the need to confess this to you.
Starting point is 00:53:42 you guys. The mountain between us is a, it's Idriselba. I don't know if it's a Dries or Idris, but I've always said Idris. I, Jazeelba and Kate Winslet are on a, it's the sexy, abandoned playing movie. You've actually talked about this movie multiple times. Yeah. Oh yeah. We talked about it before it came out. I did not know that you had seen it three times. I've seen it three times. All three times I watched it completely alone, which I think is the only way to watch it. Is it just the loosely veiled erotic thriller? Kind of.
Starting point is 00:54:18 Honestly, not even really that erotic. It's a lot of long glances of needing and wanting. But they're both betrothed to others, but also, who knows if they're going to get out the mountain? Oh, they're in a mountain. And then she's got to, like, they just, like, have to take care of each other. And, like, she's a photojournalist that goes all around the world. and he's a doctor.
Starting point is 00:54:43 And so, I mean, spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, guys. No. We have to go back to their regular lives. They do make it off of the mountain, but can they ever forget what happened on the mountain? Did they fuck? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:59 Wait, but I had a question about that. How can they fuck if their goal is to stay not freezing to death? How do they fuck? Yeah, do they just take their private parts out? They find a cabin. They find a cabin that's abandoned. and so like they fuck in front of a fireplace. Listen, I think if your significant other gets trapped on a mountain with somebody,
Starting point is 00:55:20 free fucks. Yeah, you just, you get that, that card or whatever the fuck. It's Hall Pass. Yes. It is Hall Pass. I think it's all past territory. Yeah, and that's mentioned, you're right. You get a free card.
Starting point is 00:55:30 I have a free card for Idris Elba anyway, and I would give my partner who likes women a free, any partner who likes women, a free card for Kate Winslet, because she's Gorge. So I feel like there should be a free card for each of them anyway. See, and that was the thing. That's why I think I was so upset about the movie. Again, spoiler alert, there's only one sex scene, and they don't show that much.
Starting point is 00:55:49 And I needed to watch, I wanted more of it. It's because they hired two classy actors, and they needed trashy everyone. I know. They should have hired me. Like, I'll do it. I'll do whatever they want. Would you want your mountain mate to be? Isers Elpa.
Starting point is 00:56:03 Oh, okay. Unless, honestly, Gottthady and I, but then it would just be a whole thing. Like, you guys would never be able to go to the premiere to watch it. Does Goth Daddy, he doesn't act, right? No, he doesn't. He'd also have to train to act. Yeah. I think that we can, we'll get him in some sort of, you know.
Starting point is 00:56:18 What is it? Circle in the Square? Molly, Theater. What is it? Brett? What's the other one? I paid to go to college for theater. And I don't know.
Starting point is 00:56:36 I don't know these things. You're talking about what acting school he's going to be trained at now. Yeah. We're going to, Juilliard. We're going to take him to Juilliard, and then we're going to get him, and then we're going to make a fuck movie. That's what, that's what's what's going to happen.
Starting point is 00:56:52 I think you should actually, it might be profitable for you to start in acting school where you teach people to have sex on camera. I think that, I mean, I probably would first have to, like, I would have to learn how to do it. Yeah. Because I don't, I would never want to watch myself by any means. But I think that,
Starting point is 00:57:11 I think I could just wing it. Yeah, I think he'd be a really good coach. I think I would make up a bunch of songs, like, to the tune of the Tutsi roll. You put a murkin on your poose, and then you pump, he pump, we pump. And then I'll do a lot of that. All Merkins, though.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Everybody has Merkins. No matter what you got down there, everyone's got Merkins on. And Crocs. And Crocs. Oh, my God, we got to talk about the damn crocs. I have to, again, Another, this is gangsta's paradise level of being feeling personally attacked.
Starting point is 00:57:45 So Crocs have just released a shoe collaboration that features fanny packs for your crocs. And I think the thing is that what I feel attacked about is that they, in this article it says they're merging two of the most hotly debated fashion trends that have ever existed together. I feel like this is the chopped of shoes. Yeah, I don't know about ever existed. I mean, we've had plenty of, you know, worse thing. I wear a fanny pack, and it's terrific. I really highly recommend it. All three of us wear fanny packs.
Starting point is 00:58:24 I am wearing one currently. Yeah, I always have one on. I have never stopped wearing fanny packs, and I can probably find photo proof of the mid-2000s when nobody was wearing them. I was wearing mine from the 90s because I hate carrying purses around. Yeah, same. Same. Why carry a purse when you can wrap it around your waist?
Starting point is 00:58:43 I agree. And you never have to take it off. And honestly, living with Nat gave me the confidence to start using Fanny Pax. Because I hadn't used them in a really long time. And I'll never go back. I will never stop. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I needed you.
Starting point is 00:59:00 It's part of my life's mission to bring awareness to Fanny Pack. And they're going to go back out of style because now they're back in style. But then that's why I'm going to buy as many fanny packs as I can. and then just have them for the rest of my life. Just keep wearing them and they will eventually come back around. Right. It's insane. It's so goddamn convenient.
Starting point is 00:59:17 The one I had to in college, it was awesome because it was when my grandmother gave me in the 90s and it was like gold sequin. Oh, yeah. Fanny pack. I love it. And people hated it. Of course, because they just want to rain on your parade.
Starting point is 00:59:32 I know. It just made me wear it more. And that's the best part. But then how do we feel about, so essentially these crocs, Have they calling him fanny packs, even though technically that's not a fanny pack if it's on your shoes, then it's more of a shoe sack. Heel pack?
Starting point is 00:59:47 Heel pack, yeah. And so they're attached to the backs of the crocs. How big are they? Are they the size of like a quarter? No, they're the size of, what would that be? They're huge. They're like, I mean, they're as wide as the crocs. Yes.
Starting point is 01:00:04 And probably like three inches tall. It looks like there's little sleeping. bags glued to the back of the crox. That's what it looks. It looks like little mice beds that live on the back of the crocs and maybe that's where I could put my rat. Oh, no. No, my rat's too big for my crock shoe sacks. Oh, God. Just glue, just glue. What's her name? Gwyneth Ratro. Thank you. To the back of a crox. That's how you're going to pay tribute. I bring my rat everywhere I go. But now they are, oh my gosh. God, it's just like, I, like, ah, I showed it to a friend of mine and she's like, well, I feel like
Starting point is 01:00:46 that would be convenient, like at the beach or something like that. I was like, but then they're going to get filled with sand. They can fill with sand. I would use this at the beach, but what can I fit in it? I can't fit my wallet. I'm looking at the picture now, so I've got a sense. I could fit my, maybe my phone and maybe my keys, but I couldn't fit my wallet. I don't even think your phone.
Starting point is 01:01:07 Probably not my phone. So what is this is not a fanny pack A fanny pack can fit my phone wallet and keys Which is all I really want And so this is like you could put like a I feel like it would be useful to put like a You know how when you go to the water park And you put on those little cylinders around your neck
Starting point is 01:01:23 That keep all your cash Yeah Yeah Oh yeah You know that's kind of what this reminds me of I also doesn't seem that safe I still feel like somebody could just run up behind you And yank it off your shoe
Starting point is 01:01:34 That's the thing or exactly that Or what if it just falls off your shoe? depending on how safely it's fastened to the crocs. I can't. I, okay, I'm gonna be as shallow and judgmental as I can. Please. Fucking hate crocs. I think they're disgusting.
Starting point is 01:01:48 I understand. I don't think I could have sex with somebody who wore them. I understand. And I'm sad for our generations below us that are using them as trends. So I've said it, all right? It's out there. I didn't realize how in they were. Remember when we were home for Christmas and like my niece, who was 13,
Starting point is 01:02:08 years old was just like so excited to get crocs and then I realized like oh teens are wearing like like legit wearing and I know that crops are comfortable I had crock rain boots I will not try them on they are pretty comfortable but honestly I don't like but they do have these weird bumpies in them that actually hurt my feet they well they also they're they're smart because they made they geared them towards kids by putting little little is it the jangling and bedazzlers and stuff. The jinglies. I hate the damn janglies.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Like find little things that represent you. And you just clip them on your. Oh, it's like charm shoes. That's fun. See, I'm not going to wear cracks. But I think that the reason why kids like them is the same way, if I may, I feel like the way that you love fanny packs, Natalie, from childhood, because you grew up with them. And then you can carry them into your teenhood and your adulthood.
Starting point is 01:03:05 kids today, kids these days, grew up wearing crocks because they are good shoes for little kids, right? Like little tiny kids because you don't need socks and they can stay on your feet a little bit better than sandals and all that. So think about a 13-year-old now, sees a pair of cracks and has a nostalgia reaction to be like, oh, that's like for us to like the version would be like jelly sandals or something. No, Molly.
Starting point is 01:03:29 I wore those when I was a kid. Why are you showing me your reflection into my soul? Oh, my God. No. And now, but also that just makes me feel so old. That now that they are old, now that my niece is old enough to have, like, she does post that kind of stuff too where she's like, this is me when I was a kid.
Starting point is 01:03:48 Oh, my God. So long ago. Oh, God. Ugh. I'm so old. But thank God we're never going to be 13 again because that's, shit, sucks. Yeah. No, I never, I definitely never want to be ever 13.
Starting point is 01:04:04 ever again. Even just watching her go through it hurts my soul. I'm stressed out knowing, I'm sure she's going to be fine because she's very smart. She's very smart. I was not at 13. No, no, no, I was very bad. I was very bad at 13. But babies, it's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Jet Gay! It's the got the list! Gotta have that list. 19, weird as fuck porn parodies that really exist. Now we've had the
Starting point is 01:04:34 I'm afraid I'm going to know people in these. We've had the full holes conversation before, which is a full house porn parody, which we've definitely talked about in the past, especially when Fuller House came up. But I will say, please watch some of full holes because Full Holes is one of my favorite porn parodies. The woodchuck puppets in it. Of course he is. Because he has to do that.
Starting point is 01:04:56 What? Oh, God. Does he stick his penis through a hole? I think so. I haven't seen, I've only seen little parts of it because it's hard to find the entire thing. I'm sure I don't know how to do those things because it's like I don't know how to find stuff and download it because I, again, I'm a thousand years old. But I really like the name Strokeemann. That's good.
Starting point is 01:05:17 It's clever. But I will say that the picture of the woman that is playing Pikachu in this is might be one of the most horrifying things. Oh, also her name is Dick, Dekachoo. Not clever That part's not clever at all But she looks like a nightmare personally She was obviously spray painted And not spray painted well
Starting point is 01:05:41 And has some sort of bald cap on Yeah it looks like a horror movie I am I'm pretty I'm pretty scared of strokey bond But I think that it's great But then some of them I have just boring names Like Simpson XXXX parody
Starting point is 01:05:55 Yeah that's lame But I really liked Horrie Potter Horny Potter and the Sorcerer's Ball Sorcerer's balls. Oh. Horre Potter and the sorcerer's balls. Why did they just change it to Sorcerer's Stones, plural?
Starting point is 01:06:16 Hey, that's much better. It's much better. I don't think as many people know that stones is also another word for balls, though, right? They need to learn. They should learn. I feel like there's a lot of other ways you could have made this, but there's something about Harry Potter that is just, So lazy.
Starting point is 01:06:33 I love it. I absolutely love it. We've got Star Hors. Star Hors, Princess Lay. I mean. Bob's Boners. I would love to play Linda in a Bob's Boners parody. I like it when there is like,
Starting point is 01:06:50 like, Harry Potter at least is a play on words, whereas the sorcerer's balls is not at all a play on words, you know? And so I like having those two, the juxtaposition of a kind of lazy, but still pun. We tried, but then it's not at all a pun and it's just like, false. We brainstormed the first half. You get the rest of it.
Starting point is 01:07:10 You mean like not the Wizard of Oz X, X, X, X, X, X, X, which again, lazy, lazy, lazy. They should call it the Jizzard of Oz. There's so many. Yeah. I mean, that's great right there. The Wizard of Jiz would even work, you know? The Wizard of Jiz would also work. The Wizard of, I do.
Starting point is 01:07:28 I do know one of these people. Oh, and an evil head? Yeah, evil head is. directed by my friend, and I also know the man who plays. Ooh, do you think that he would come and help me teach at my school? Absolutely. About sex tapes? He absolutely would.
Starting point is 01:07:43 He's in Los Angeles, though. Ooh, all right. I'm going to get him on the line. We're going to get some evil head up in here. All right. And hopefully we'll get a little bit of the Lord of the G-strings, the female ship of the string. He shouldn't use the word string.
Starting point is 01:07:59 That's twice. female shit. That's my favorite one. So that that also alludes to is the porn about the strings and their d-strings? Like is it like a wedgy fetish? I don't know or is I don't know or is it just like I think that it is a gender bend of a porn parody, which I appreciate. Sure. And I think I don't know.
Starting point is 01:08:24 It's just bosoms and capes. They all have really nice abs though. Look at that. Yeah, they really do. And they also, it's like, I just don't know how that pleather is going to hold up in a forest. But, yeah, I don't know if it's going to really, like, save them from swords. No, but I do think that maybe those swords could save them from the 10-inch mutant ninja turtles. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:08:49 And the faces, again, on the 10-inch mutant ninja turtles are like, it's like, all of their eyes go the opposite way. like a chameleon? I do at least say the title's pretty clever. I like 10 inch. It's like teenage Yeah. Ten inch. Ten inch. Yeah, that's... Ten inch mutant ninja turtles. Tenant mutant mutant turtles. Yeah, that's pretty good. I am grateful in that shot
Starting point is 01:09:16 we don't see their penises in that picture. Although, I see, I know that you're grateful, but like, where to wear the penises? They probably appear, I would imagine they pop out somehow. I don't know where a turtle's penis is, so. I don't know anything about turtles. I imagine it's under their shell, but then that's the thing. So it's like, is it going to
Starting point is 01:09:33 grow and then stick out of its groin plate? Somebody's got to explain turtle sucks to us. I mean, I think that, I'm sure that we could look it up. It's probably in one of these parodies somewhere. I also really liked ass venture time. I mean, they, that's not, that's not terrible. Not the worst name of it. What about Sponge Knob Square Nog? I've seen stills of this before. You know, that's pretty good. Two, at least it's two. It's two. puns, you know? It is. I will give them that, but again,
Starting point is 01:10:03 a SpongeBob character is... Horrified. I mean, I guess it's supposed to be horrifying. It's not like Spongeball SquarePants. It's cute, really, in general. No, but I think that you could at least make him, like, quirky, silly nerdy boy. Yeah, that, like, is like,
Starting point is 01:10:18 uh-huh, under the scene. Like, he doesn't understand women, but maybe he'll understand me, you know? Yeah. I do. The costume does maybe kind of want to see it out of just, like, sheer... Ugh.
Starting point is 01:10:29 E.T. X X X X. Yeah, yeah. That's a classic. Have you seen this? No, I've seen little clips of it, yeah. Again, I know that these are all supposed to be fun, and I know that we've talked about porn parodies before, but they really are the scariest of the like rule. Because all of this happened because of the Rule 34 hole that I went into, I get it.
Starting point is 01:10:52 Oh, that's not. Oh, no. It's not funny. No, it's not funny. But also Jurassic Porn, which I would definitely fuck a man probably that was wearing a dinosaur suit. Oh, because is he the one with the head flappies? I think that it's supposed to be the one with the head flappies. Because that's a cute dinosaur, I would say.
Starting point is 01:11:15 I don't know if I'd have sex with that dinosaur, though. I think I'd rather have sex with the velociraptor. I don't remember which one that is. That's the one that like, shoota! Tiny arms that can open up the hat. into the kitchen when they're scared. Oh yeah. The ones that are like really vicious, but move really fast.
Starting point is 01:11:33 I don't know if I like the tiny arms. Yeah, I guess that would be difficult to have sex with. Maybe a stegosaurus because I feel like it would be nice. Thoughtful. Really, with all the spikes, I'm like? Yeah, I feel like it would be thoughtful. And never a brontosaurus. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:48 Because bronosaurus is going to be all sad and shit. Yeah, stagosaurus probably is like really sensitive. Yeah, I feel like it's sensitive. You know, it's a plant eater. I'm into it. But on that note, that's it for this week. That's it for this week's episode. Oh, good.
Starting point is 01:12:00 I'm glad we're ending on that. Before we go into, you know, really diving deep into what dinosaurs we would have sex with, I'm sure is a conversation that will come back around at some point. Thank you guys so much for joining it. And thank you so much, Natalie. Of course. Yeah, thanks Natalie. Mrs. Natalie Jean for joining us today.
Starting point is 01:12:18 Sisters. I'll take any excuse to hang out, even if it's on the radio. I love it. I love you. And I love you, Molly. And thank you so much for joining us. today. I love you guys. This was a fun slumber party. And next time, Natalie, I want to, I want you to give me like the 101 on the Duggers. Oh, okay. Yeah, you got it. Oh, yeah. We have to,
Starting point is 01:12:37 we're going to have to go down this hole. We're going to have to figure all this shit out. Talk about holes. And I am here for it. Thank you guys so much for listening. And if you would like some more content, you can head on over to our Patreon page. It is patreon.com slash page seven podcast. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me at Instagram at Jack That Worm. And do you have anything to plug Ms. Net? You can just go to my Instagram at The Natty Gene. Hell yeah. I love you guys.
Starting point is 01:13:03 We will talk to you next week. Bye. Bye, bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.

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