Page 7 - Episode 303: Poke the Sugar Bear

Episode Date: May 16, 2019

This week Jackie, Molly and Holden are all about the youtube celeb drama. Come see us live! http://bit.ly/2JvdHVW Get your first refill pack free at http://getquip.com/page7 Get an extra 25% off when you keep everything in your box at http://stitchfix.com/page7 Get 20% off your purchase at http://wanderbeauty.com/page7. Get an extended 30-day free trial membership to Openfit when you text page7 to 303030. Thief in the Night, Cheery Monday, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Common Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

New host, who is? Ugh, I hate that. Hey, Gunts, it's the greasy threesome from page 7 here to talk to y'all about our upcoming New York first ever live show. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Neffle. And my name is Holden Gucci McNally. You are far too old to say that, BTW.

Y'all know we got a new boy up at our sleepover, and it's time to lock him in the bathroom and make him stay bloody merry. We're not gonna traumatize him just cause he's new. Jokes on you, I love being locked in the bathroom. You're a monster, but guys, the first ever brand spanking new Wizard in the Bruiser and Page 7 live show is coming up soon! We would love it if you would join us at the Bell House in New York on June 9th. We are gonna put on a bit of a doozy show for y'all. We've been wanting to do this for a long time and I'm super excited to meet all you guys.

So join us for our debut and be the first to peep on the live show experience. Mozy on over to New York, come on, help us kick this pig! You can grab tickets in the show notes of today's episode. Come on, you know you want to come sing with us. I have never sung a day in my life. My life is mirthless. Let the great experiment begin. Man, I've had this song in my hand all week,

and you know what, it might be a little bit controversial. Hey there, little red riding hood. You sure are looking good. You everything a big bad wolf could want. You remember that song? You know what? They've been sexualizing predators since the beginning of time. Welcome to page seven.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. Well, I am not. My name is Molly Neffle and I am not familiar. And my name is Holder McNeely and I'm filthy familiar. Are you filthy with it? It's by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. That song made me realize from a very young age that I kind of wanted to have sex with the Big Bad Wolf. Really?

Yeah, because the whole song is where they put it more than like a pre- It would more than like a predatory way of just like, like the Big Mad Wolf is like, like, what big eyes you got? I have a funny confession to make immediately on the show. Oh, okay. Also, please introduce yourself, Holda McNeely. Hi, I'm Alda McNeely. And hello. And you have a confession.

And I have a confession to me. And I have a confession. How many years has it been since your last confession? I think it was like maybe a month of episodes ago. I can't remember. But I have talked about this sort of thing on the show before. but I hilariously have another example of this. So I talked about how I enjoy a sort of a pornographic video that it features April O'Neal from the Ninja Turtles,

but the Ninja Turtles are like in the background fighting and stuff off screen. And it's really weird and I feel awful for even enjoying it. And then there's another pornographic video that I enjoy where it's Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. Yeah! And they're outside. And I just really like what she's wearing. and she's a very attractive pornographic actress. And but the whole time...

I like that it makes it easier if you keep just saying the word pornographic instead of porn. But the whole time, it's like I just, I enjoy the whole situation, but I don't really like the whole part of it being a big bad wolf, Little Red Riding Hood thing. Because he's got like a, he's like, ah, and he's got like a big hat. And he's like, he's not like super wolfed up, but he's like wuffed up enough and he's like acting like a wolf. And she's dressed like Little Red Riding Hood. In the very beginning, there's like an Easter bunny girl, too.

Wait, where does the Easter bunny have to? Where does that in a different universe? She's like something. They're all in the woods for some reason, which is weird. Normally they're not taking place in the woods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're having some fun times against a tree, which is enjoyable for me. But I just feel really ashamed at the same time that it's one of my go-toes.

I think that there's so silly. I mean, it is silly. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong in being turned on by the idea of the big bad wolf. You know, well, that's not what I'm there for. Yeah, I mean, right. That's Jackie's problem. It seems like that's what you're there for.

Jackie's confession is she wants to fuck the big bad wolf. Your confession is you want to watch the big bad wolf fuck Little Red Rite. That's the thing. It's just the Little Red Rite. The way she is dressed is fun for me, not the role play. So this is kind of my deal with this stuff. I like certain outfits. I don't need the role play.

I like the schoolgirl look. I don't want you to act like a school girl. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I like the short. skirt and the knee high. You know what I mean? But you don't want dialogue. I don't want dialogue.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh, but sometimes I have to endure dialogue in order to enjoy the visuals and the scenario. Sure. Yeah, that's what you skip forward, you skip forward, you skip forward, you skip forward. That's what everybody does when they're watching their pornographic. But if somebody walks up to, he's like, ah!

You know what I mean? I'm kind of curious to see what the wolf cast. Is it like a furry? It's not like a furry. No. I would be out if it was a furtive. I can't do that. It's shining ruined it for me.

Okay, I can't. Because with the guy with the bear blowjob scene or whatever, ruined it. But anyways, I'm actually shocked at how long we were spending talking about my sort of photographic tendencies. And I apologize. Do you ever do like the Pokemon ones? Do you ever watch Pikachu? Like sexy Pikachu? So there are a lot of porn parodies right now on video games.

There's a Fortnite one. There's Zelda. there's it's it's it's it's all over the place and I have seen that and there's like I've looked at it there's like a Dragon Ball Z one that's more anime but um it is disturbing because they're all painted like the Pikachu looks terrifying like you're talking humans he's painted it's a man painted yellow with a creepy face it is awful have either of you guys ever watched the like uh marge and homer cartoon one I can't even handle it because I just I just don't know what I see them I get upset. I'm like, who's doing this? Like, not to kink shame or whatever, but like,

who who loves the Simpsons wants to see that? Right. What really needs to see those two get all hot and bothered. I want to see that, those yellow breasts. Man, I might just, I'm champing at the best of the room. They also make Marge like ludicrous with her breasts. Yeah, it's just not a show that I'm... I can see her proportions are not that way. I mean, the Simpsons shaped who I am in so many ways and none of it was sexuality I will say there was sex on the show if you do remember the time they got caught in the

put putt golf course because their love yeah their love still survives yeah they fuck and I think it's great and it's a healthy like representation of what marital like long time like they have I love Margin Homer's relationship I think that they actually like communicate

fairly well when they need to and like I think he loves her and like Dental plant Lipsing these braces dental plant, Lisa needs prices. Again, that show shaped so much of me, but zero percent of it was sexual. And maybe that's different for some people.

And again, not trying to kink shame it. If people like cartoons. Wait, wait. You didn't have a crush on the teacher in the Lisa episode? Not as in a sex. I don't want to bang Mr. Bergstrom. You don't want to bang Mr. Bergstrom?

No, I wanted like a nurturing. I don't know. Seems like you've talked about it before. It sounds like you kind of wanted to bang. I get it. You know how a lot of people want to bang like the beast? You know? Hell yeah.

I'm all on board for that. Like, I think there's a, there's a thing of, like, wanting to bang Disney cartoon characters, and I get that. But, so I'm not against wanting to bang cartoon characters. I am just, I am against the reimagining of the Simpsons in particular. Like, even the family guy ones, I'm like, yeah, that's fine, because that shows, like, dirty. But, like, she even kind of is, like, she kind of throws it out there more sexually.

Yeah, she's sort of sexual in a way that is enticing. Right. It's just the Simpsons is like my, it's like, it's like my religion. It was like, that's what I was raised on. I'm right there with you, Molly, 100%. And it makes me kind of weirdly upset. Yeah. To see a super porny version of Margin Homer.

It is so weird. Yeah. Any other cartoon character, whatever. Yeah, I don't, I really, I don't care. Like, but there's something about those two. Yogi Bear wants to fucking fuck the bowl of honey or whatever it is that he's always after. I would definitely, I would definitely watch Hank Hill and Peggy Hill. though, go back. Oh, my really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would just watch the boy masturbate. What's his name? Bobby? Don't worry, Dad. I'm going to put it over here with my penis in my hands. I'm trying to think of what sexual, like what cartoons there was sexuality around when I was a kid.

Because it's obviously when you were a kid, you do have a developing sexuality and you're watching a lot of cartoons, so it makes sense. For a boy, Jessica Rabbit. For sure. Like, I mean, but that was like kind of ludicrous. But in terms of female, the lady bunny in Space Jam. And also, I have to kind of agree with Garth in Wayne's World when he talks about how sexy bunny version of Bugs Bunny was oddly.

How should I say? Erotic. Salacious. Ball filling. Shwing, swing, swing, swing. Jizz creating. Weirdly in a weird way. You know what's not jizz creating?

The drama between James Charles and Tati Westbrook. How about that trade? Did you like that transition? You have been weightlifting your segway in Jackie. Let's just, that's the new game, Molly. How hard can we make segues for Jackie? We know what Jackie wants to talk about, so let's take it as far away from it as well. You know what I want to talk about right now?

A dinosaur wearing lipstick. Actually, that would kind of work because of the makeup. That would definitely, definitely work in this scenario. I think we've got a lot of listeners out there that have absolutely no idea what is going on between the YouTube drama between James Charles and Tati Westbrook. You know what I'm going to go and throw it out there? I had no idea what the fuck was going on. So I did a little bit of research because I'm a thousand years old. I'm so glad that you did because it's like every layer of the story is a new thing.

for me to not understand. The entire world of YouTube, question mark, question mark, question mark for me. I know it's like, and there's lots of worlds within you. YouTube is a fucking solar system that is kind of alien to me. And then within it, there's all these worlds. The makeup tutorial world, another layer. And then within that, the vitamin branding world, another layer.

It's just like so specific, you know? Mm-hmm. And this is how a lot of people are making their fame now, which I say mausel. I don't watch any of these things and I don't understand any of them. I've tried to watch makeup tutorials before and I still don't know how to do it properly

because I think I might be slow. Wait, wait, so you don't know how to put the makeup on properly after watching the tutorial? I had to go to like, I had to like have someone show me how to do it on my own face because I couldn't figure out in my brain how to watch them do it. And then I would try it on me and be like,

I look like a clown. I'm going to tickle your children But everyone loves creepy clown Jackie Yeah, I know, I got my big gloves on And I'm all sweaty I'm pushing for juggalo Jackie in 2020 Instead of Frantus on I would love Juggalo Jackie

I think that she is born for it Please juggolette Jackie Come on Is that what I'm going to do? I think that if I watched a YouTube makeup tutorial I would have like a mirror problem where I would do what they were doing, but I would forget that I wasn't looking into a mirror. I was looking into a

video. Right. Right. That's the tough part. Because it's simulated like they're looking into a mirror. Mm-hmm. Good for them. They're looking into a webcam. But I'm looking at their face trying to do what they're doing. And I know it's an art and I have had like a person in real life teach me how to put on makeup and it was like the best gift he ever gave me. But so I get the why people watch them. But I also A man taught you how to put on makeup? Yeah, makeup artist. Oh, cool. Yeah. Fuck yeah. really good at it. And like to the extent that I know how to put on makeup at all, it's coming in.

Man, where's my mama ma'amma makeup? Well, that's what I mean, also good though. Good segue into James Charles. Exactly. Who wears makeup beautifully. Yeah. And so, yeah, so let's break this down. Yeah.

Because it's a whole world. And I don't know who to side with because I don't know who these people are. Well, you know, and also I will say because there's also another internet controversy that I'll refer back to a little bit with this pro-Jarid gaming thing, which is more in the gaming world, but there's this whole shenanigans going on. There's just so much, and it's like, you have to learn who these people are. Then you have to learn, like, the multiple layers of issues.

Because the problem is, with all these controversies, is there's, like, there's one layer that's, like, he was shitty to the person who brought him up. But then that gets weirdly combined with the layer that's like he's also, like, soliciting straight men for gay sex and doing all this weird stuff. And it's like, no, no, no. those are like two totally different things,

but everyone's, they're all mishmatched in the same conversation. Right. Same with like pro Jared, his whole thing is like he cheated on his wife. Sure. Okay, bad, definitely. But then also combined with that

is that he like solicited dig picks from like a 16 year old boy. Yeah, that's much worth. And that's like, whoa. That's a totally different, like, however ball game. Yeah, we got to unpack it. So anyways, where do we begin?

He, Tati is this makeup monster, right? Yeah, Tati Westbrook, she was like the OG of the YouTube makeup tutorialist. What do you think about her makeup? I think she looks great. I mean, she looks a lot better than I do. They both do. That's for damn sure. This is my problem with makeup.

I'm like, everybody looks nice. You know, I believe that they're good at it. I know it's a talent and a skill, but I'm like, they look great. I don't know. And then you've got James Charles, who she took under her wing and gave him, getting him millions of followers, of course, obviously leads to tons and tons of buck a do's. Well, he also, he started when he was 16 years old and really like came out of the gate and she took him under his wing and just like helped him grow everything. But a big thing that James Charles did assume, apparently, is that he didn't want to push any products on his shows that weren't things that he actually truly believed in and things that he would use on his own face. So that's really cool.

Yeah. Because what is an influencer, but I know that's more of an Instagram thing, but their whole thing is just like, I got it. paid from Amazon to say that I decorated my room with Amazon products by the Amazon products. And I don't quite understand why that influences people to do it because you know they're just getting paid for it. I legit love quip. So shout-outs to quip. I mean, I actually do. We talk about this when we're not even on the show. About how much we love our quip. I like quip. We just ordered, we actually liked our Hello Fresh so much we bought more Hello Fresh. There you go. And I'm not getting paid to say in it. So there is, it works out for the most.

part, you know what I mean? But like I'm thinking of like the, I guess the influencer I'm thinking of is Aunt Becky's kid who was just like an influencer or just get paid by brands to be like, look at my Amazon dorm room decorations, Amazon. The best example, Firefest, right? Yeah, right. Oh, hey, check out. Firefest.

Everyone's going to be there. It's going to be a mazzaw. Right, right. Yeah, we're petting these pigs on the beach. Don't you want to pet these pigs on the beach? And then you get thin. You get thin if you go to Firefest. Don't you want a cop?

Lord of the Flyers Festival. Oh, that's pretty good. I don't think it was. This is about positivity. So it's actually, all this shit started on the first weekend of Coachella when James Charles promoted sugar bear hair, which is a hair vitamin brand that is a huge competitor of West Brooks' supplement company Halo Beauty. He claims that he was talking about this competitor because they,

They helped him when he was stuck in a security line at Coachella, which is like as a thanks, he said that I'm going to push your product on my Instagram. That's just nice. Turns out this dude is not a nice guy. See, this is what I don't understand about all this stuff. Yeah. If you're going to be a piece of shit human,

right. Why poke any bear that's sleeping? Okay, how old again is this guy? A sugar bear hair bear. He's 19. He is 19 years fucking old. Thank you, a sugar. Bear hair.

Don't poke a sugar bear hair. He's 19 years old, okay? I sucked ass at 19. And I also want to throw this shit out there, okay? And it's the same thing with this fucking pro-Jarid fuck face guy, right? Like, this is the problem with the difference between what we're finding in the new social media space as opposed to what you get with the Hollywood industry shit. Okay? Now, the good thing about this space.

is that like people who never would have gotten exposure because Hollywood never would have opened the doors to them, yada, yada, they get a voice. They get a platform, they can get popular on their own. But the good thing about the Hollywood system is there is quite a bit of vetting going on in that system. Like, for example, I know even your... To a fault, right?

Sometimes to a fault, but you're... Like, I know your brother, Jackie, had to have, like, many lunches and things with all these different people before he really started getting like more substantial acting work, right? Because they need to sit down and be like, hey, are you a fucking psycho?

Are you gonna be, like, can we, you know, can you hold the brand of, like, ABC on your shoulders? You have to be vetted. You have to make sure, I mean, that you are, like, like in some way a decent human being. And I think that I say to a fault because I think that you could argue, like that the gatekeepers in Hollywood

make it so that most people are straight and most people are white. And I hate it, yeah. I mean, and they don't like me for fucking short, right? Like, so, I mean, I love that we get to exist in that. But everyone, like, needs to just not. I think there just needs to be a much more scrutiny when it comes to like endorsing the shit

out of like these strangers online. And even for us, look at me, okay? I'm not, I don't have a clean, clean record, all right? I might have shot at a police officer. I might have shot in a police officer. You don't know? You're a very good person. We know, like, we know the three of us here.

We all know that we're all good people that have no, like, skeletons in the closet. But that's also because we've been working with each other. You guys have known each other for like 20 years. I don't know. And I've known you for like 10 years. Maybe I went to an orphanage and slapped a little child. You don't know me?

You have been doing that on Saturdays. That's your orphan slapping day. My opposite charity. It's probably going to stop. But yeah. But yeah, I think that that's what makes like, but a million people like flocking to or from. Like, it's crazy. And this shit is, like, this is cancel culture, right?

This shit is happening so insanely rampantly because it's like not, like, Like, this guy did so many weird stupid things. I mean, the weird part for me is like, are there allegations? Did he, like, sort of take, did he take advantage of a man? That's essentially what is being said about him. And that's the thing with, like, I know we don't have to get into a whole cancel culture thing, but I think there's a lot of, like, is canceled culture gone too far and all this stuff? But I think that the reason why it feels like people are getting canceled all the time is because truly many people are pieces of shit, you know?

Yes. Who have, like, abused a lot of people. Right, and I'm totally all for it. And at the same time, people are so, like, damn, man, that's, it's also like, why are you canceling? Like, because I don't know, okay, if someone cheats on their, and we don't have to get too far into this, but if someone cheats on their wife, does that, does that, in your mind grounds for cancel? Of course not. That's their business.

That's their business. But although sexually, being sexually forceful with someone is, that's not worthy of, like, no, right? And that's the thing. I think a lot of times Me Too, hashtag Me Too, gets blamed for cancel culture, like, oh, we started listening to all these women, and now all these men are in trouble. And it's like, yeah, I can't listen to Michael Jackson anymore.

Yeah, right, but it's like, yeah, yeah, there's a reason. You know, the women started speaking, and two years later, they're still talking. What's going on here, you know? And so it's like, yeah, I think people having their own, people being assholes interpersonally is a different thing, but then being predators is, and I guess that that is part of what went on with this escalating series of YouTube video. I know 45 minutes!

But that's what, so that's what ended up happening. So, so he pushed this product that was very, that was opposed to Tati Westbrook's products. He apologized, and then she came out with a 43-minute video. Did you watch the whole thing? No.

I could believe it. I couldn't watch the whole thing. Minutes? That's a long time. But I did love, of course, got to love an apology video. I definitely watch, and I I will say, James Charles, pretty good apology video. One of my things that drives me nuts to YouTube or apology videos, every time they go, guys, I am so, they do that vocal.

I am so sorry, because they're, even though they're not actually emotional, they're trying to, like, make it super sound like they are, which is totally obvious and stupid. He was, he was smart. This is how you do it. This is how he did it. He, I think he got very little sleep, and he did it first thing in the morning, so his face is all puffy. No makeup on. Yeah, don't put on makeup.

They know how to make themselves look bad. His face is puffy. His voice isn't warmed up enough. You know what I mean? To do a video. And it just makes him sound vulnerable, even though he's not actually being, like, emotional. But it's insane, though, because so he rebutted with this eight-minute long video as an apology,

which is the video we're talking about. And after that, which is since she had, like, in Tati's 43-minute video, she also brought up all of these allegations with screenshots and things like that of showing that people are talking about what. he's been doing behind closed doors to the point that people were so obsessed with the tea of this story that people created

live trackers so you could watch the millions of fans unsubscribe to his page as they all subscribed to Tati's page so he lost about four million or he lost about three million subscribers and she gained about four million subscribers in all of

this and the thing is that like which I think is very funny is at the internet it's like oh well you know we're not here for the drama. This is despicable, but also millions of people are watching this story. It's very, as something that it's like, because, you know, don't be sexually forceful against anybody. Well, this is the problem. What is that, though?

This is my issue, though. I will say this, okay? Are there, is there an actual allegation? Has someone definitely stepped forward? Because my issue is, I don't necessarily think this dude deserves to be like full canceled unless that part of the story is like super legit and I want to I believe the victim and everything but I just I it's weird when I only get bits and pieces and it's coming from as far as I know it's coming from this woman who's really mad at him who's mad at him a wave of people coming forward so I want they were targeted or anything like that exactly but again I only know what I

read on a BuzzFeed list so please don't trust that that's why I'm genuinely asking you guys if you know if there's an actual allegation because I literally just didn't see that anywhere and That's what makes me, that's when I get concerned. Because I'm like, I wouldn't necessarily, based on what I've seen in front of me, he's apparently just, like, too big for his head. He's fucking 19, and he became probably a millionaire overnight. I would probably be a fucking piece of shit, too, at 19. You know, you know what I mean?

He did some shitty things to the person who helped him out. Again, totally shitty. Come to light. Does that mean he deserves to be like full fucking canceled? Not yet. What is the deal? with the forceful sex stuff. I, what, we need to know,

because that's the part that scares me about the cancel culture thing. It's just like, okay, that's the part that is legit, same with the real Jared guy, a pro Jared gaming guy, is like, what, okay, there's talk about a 16 year old who's come

forward about, at least that's a little bit more verified, he's apparently this young man has come forward about him like showing, you know, and that's child pornography. You know what I mean? Exchanging dick pics and stuff. Like that's straight up child pornography.

And then it's like, okay, send him away. Absolutely canceled. Shut it down. Yes. I think that there's, I mean, yeah, Jackie, you should answer the question about what we know. I guess I think there's something to say about how like, you know, obviously gossip in and of itself is bad.

But I think there's also something to say about like. But I love it. But it's fun. Yeah. That's the problem. We're all obsessed with it. Gossim has got me in trouble. I don't have to think about my own problems.

I don't have to think about anything. I could just think about this instead. But, like, I think that there are things, especially around abusers, there's, like, whisper networks, right? Where it doesn't have to be necessarily a bunch of people coming forward, but you can, like, there's, like,

we all know how it works. Like, everybody knows that guy's a fucking creep, you know? And that's not something that you could prove in a court of law, but you know because people share that information, you know? And so I think that those, that is valuable, even though it's not like, yes, proven beyond that.

the reasonable doubt, like that people are saying, like, yeah, people have a feel, people have had these experiences or whatever is valuable. But Jackie, do we know what she said in the 43-minute video? No, I didn't finish it. This is the problem. It was too long. It was too long. I was like watching it's skipping through, skipping through.

And I was just like, I mean, I think that it's just the kind of thing that it is, as of right now, apparently there are screenshots that can be, that are available to see. see whether or not he has actually done anything, but also screenshots don't really mean anything in this day and age. Unless there's actual proof, how do you completely cancel a person as opposed to just allegations?

Because isn't that what the, what SS officers did? First they took James Charles and we said nothing. Then they took pro-Jarid gaming. I kept seeing pro-Jarid trending and I was convinced it was a Gary Kushner thing and I'm so relieved to hear that even the slightest bit about it

I know that was a different YouTube thing but it makes me feel 150 years old I am in that realm-ish and I had no fucking clue who that guy was. Okay. No clue. The guy, the woman who cheated on with him on his wife with if that's the right fucking stupid ass way

to say that shit. She was with a guy from Game Grumps. They were married and she, by the way, how fucking tacky is this shit? Pro Jared tweets out about, yeah, GameGrumbs, some popular YouTube gaming, like, let's play channel. So Pro Jared tweets about the, I guess, divorce and whatever, right? And how it all went down.

I don't know exactly what he said. First comment underneath it is the woman he cheated on his wife with saying, I'm here for you. I did see that. Yeah. Yeah. So tacky. It's so sad for.

Tickey. is what that is. And everyone's just like, fuck off. Yeah. As I walk to the bathroom with a dirty mouth, I take a look of my life

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Because this is also kind of blowing up right now because she's, you know what? I almost like, I think it makes me love her more, how unapologetic she's being about. everything. She's pissing people off and she really doesn't give a fuck. So this, this week, what ended up coming out from this interview, a big thing is that this is her actual quote when being asked about older women in Hollywood. She said, quite honestly, I'm looking for movies that impress me in some way that aren't apologetically humble or humiliating like band of cheerleaders gets back together for one last hurrah. You know, an old lady cheerleader movie. I don't like that kind of thing. If I'm going to be an old lady,

I'm sort of touching old lady these days. At least I want to be a special old lady. I don't want to be relegated to some has-been making a comeback. I hate comebacks. So she's obviously talking about the new Palms movie. I just looked at it up. I can't believe it's called Palms. It's called Palms, which is about essentially an older woman cheerleading group

with Jackie Weaver, Diane Keaton, Pam Greer. I mean, Ria Perlman's in it. It looks fun. And this reminds me of that. book club that I also that also had Diane Keaton is in every like fun women having fun together movie first wives club yeah yes and I'm like you know good for them and I totally wanted to see that book club movie I thought it looked like a romp and I'll bet that this palms will be a romp Diane Keaton still I'm gonna go ahead and say it hot very much oh yeah she's one of the hot like I've

always like I've always loved like Annie Halls like my favorite ruinic comedy you know growing up and everything and like I have always been just like in love with Diane Keaton and And, man, she has aged so incredibly well. So well. I can't wait to. I want to just start wearing pantsuits. Yeah. The problem is I got a long torso, so it gives me all the, it gives me pussy lips on the outside.

Like those cartoon gangsters whose coats go all the way down to like their cat. That is what I need. I also just want to see Jackie in L.A. just profusely sweating because she committed to a year of pants since. As her new, like. Yeah, maybe that's next year. No, I'm gonna be more like in Stop Making Sense. I'm just gonna start with a huge series all the time. You could call it the Keitano Sons.

Ooh, I like it. The keytanasons. Yeah, I just walk over to Jay Jiggen's always just like, I do my house goes out. A little big house. I'm like, that's like the lyric. How did I get here? Stop talking like that, please.

You've been stop making sense. A whole year of David Byrd. Just only songs, though, from that DVD. Constantly sweaty. My favorite, though, is with all of this, Jackie Weaver just straight up told her to go fuck herself. Which is great. Rhea Perlman refused to make a television appearance with her.

And the only, quote, unquote, apology that she gave when asked about it, she's like, I mean, I wasn't crazy about the subject matter. Now, other people can do it. I don't know, maybe I'm just scared of getting old. So the first part of that is a bitchy apology when she's like, oh, I think that it's a completely stupid, vapid thing to be interested in, but other people might like it. I guess they're good with doing it.

It's not a good apology. I don't know. I feel like in her first quote, I feel like there is a way of saying, I think she could have been more precise in saying that older women are offered shit roles that they don't get, that good, interesting, complicated, complex, challenging movies aren't made about older women. I think that you can make that case for sure. All she had to do was not cite the obviously specific.

That's such a specific. These bitches over here. Yeah, literally all you had to do is say like, oh, I don't, like one of those like reunion movies or whatever. Even that would be better. I will say, though, a rare occasion where I'm on, I'm all for both sides. I love how both sides are being right.

That's the thing because, like, that's a problem is that, like, she's still. Angelica Houston. Yeah. She is Hollywood royalty. Technically, with the way that we've created Hollywood royalty, can't she just say whatever she wants and kind of get away with it? Yeah, I like that.

I don't want her to change, so I don't want her to even take it back or rescind it. I just think it's hilariously blunt and kind of shitty in a fun way. And then their response being like, hey, fuck off is all so awesome. Like, I love all of these women. Yeah, I think that that's, I think all the women are right. Yeah, because I think, again, I think there is a point that Angelica Houston could have bade a little bit less bitchily that maybe that is a very important. Turn it down, it wouldn't be.

But then it wouldn't be. Yeah. And Delica Houston, right? Yeah. Like, if she softballed it, then it would be some other older actress. Yeah. Yeah. And if all the other actresses are like, fuck off.

This is a movie I'm making, you know, like. God, I love that shit. I loved, like, it just reminded me, reading about this, remind me of grumpy old men and how much fun I had with those movies. I loved those movies. I still will just throw them on. Yeah, I love just chill, fun, old people movies. I don't know how to describe that, but like,

I love those. They're always just a good honking time. And I think that it's getting a little bit. I feel like Grace and Frankie made the landscape so much better for like having shows about older women. And they're so good at it. And like, my favorite, one of my favorite scenes ever is that scene where they're like waiting to be served at the store

like late at night. And one of them is like, let's just, steal it and I think it's probably Frankie is like let's just steal it they're not gonna wait on us and for and uh grace is like no we can't steal they're gonna catch us and and they're let Frankie's like we're old women we may as well be invisible no one's gonna see us and so they just walk out the store with it and I feel like that shit is so good and I feel like that's the type of shit that like older women deserves to be cast but like and also making stuff about old women

what it's like to be an older woman and I I feel like, so I feel like it's getting a little bit better, but also, Angelica Houston is probably like, I've seen what this industry treats old women like, and it's fucking bullshit. Yeah, but at the same time, Angelica Houston is playing the villain in John Wick 3. So it's not, and it's like, that's why I can't wait to go see Octavia Spencer and Ma. I mean, these things are at least starting to change when it comes down to these, like, I know it's just the beginning of it. But speaking of John Wick, though, did you guys see Keanu Reeves? on Stephen Colbert. Oh my God.

When he was asked about death. Yes. Oh my God. I don't give it. I love, I appreciate why people love Keanu's. I don't have personally strong feelings about him.

I have changed so hard on him. He was just idiot Keanu at first, and now he's like a demi god. He's perfect. I had no idea. I came home and getting him was like, you have to watch this. And I was like, I don't really care.

And then we watched it. And I was like, you know, tears pouring down my face. He's asked, Colbert says, Keanu Reeves, what do you think happens when we die? And he, like, really takes his time. And he says, I know the people who love us will miss us. And he just leaves it there.

And it's like... It's so simple and it's so obvious, but it's so just like a gut, like, what a smart way to answer that question. As an atheist, if he is one, you know what I mean? To be respectful about all thoughts towards the afterlife, let's think about. I love him.

So beautiful. It was stunning. So now I'm feeling all sorts of positive feelings for Keanu Reeves. Have you seen, are you into like action movies at all? I'm not against him. Have you seen John Wick? No, but I know I need, after last night, I was like, I know I need to. It is on another level.

And one and two. And by the way, like, Lexi doesn't really like action stuff at all. Fucking loves these movies. Yeah. It's amazing. They are both, like, at the end of, like, the first time I watched the original John Wick, Henry and I just stood up and, like, clapped for a really long time. Yeah.

That was the first movie that we watched as an entire family with their parents, and everyone's just going, yeah! It's so... And he does almost all of the work himself. Yeah, the stunt work himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's insane. It's unbelievable. And he's, he's like theuteur of it?

Who's the director, the director's someone. I don't know who the director is, but it's shot in a way, like, one of my pet peeves, one of the reasons why I had issues with the Game of Thrones battle episode, the really dark one recently, was like my big issue with action stuff is when it's shot in a way that you can't really tell what's happening because it's so fast, and that was like more of a thing in the 90s and early 2000s. Everything was just so fast. Like, what is even going on? You know, like Batman, a lot of the darker Batman stuff.

John Wick, you can see everything that's happening. It's so beautifully choreographed, and it's so smartly done, and it's like a dance, and it's so, you just know what's happening, like, which is so hard to pull off, and they did it, they knocked it out of the park twice, so I'm really excited about this third one. The director's name is Chad Staholzky, I think that's how you're saying, but he's also in the middle of doing a Highlander reboot right now. He's really trying to not fuck it up, and I, I didn't know this, and I am down. I am down. He's going to kill it. I love Highlander. We are the princes of the universe.

Please rewatch Highlander if you haven't seen it in a minute. But also, I did want to talk about real fast. Are you guys watching Chernobyl right now? No. I'm not. So that's why I... Stop what you're doing. You are, that is your homework.

You must start watching Chernobyl. Sell me on the show. What's good? I'm watching Veep and having such a nice time. I'm not ready. No, you are about to have a very bad time with Cherno. You don't get to have a good time, okay? All right?

You're thick with child and you need to be watching something devastating. You need to be upset. Devastation. You need to be truly upset and think about and start stockpiling iodine pills, which is exactly what I started doing. I bought a bunch of iodine pills just in case. And I was like, I'm going to start buying them once a month so we have a whole stockpile for the entire Zabrowski family.

Because, all right, you know what, guys? You know that I'm not the smartest person you'll ever. meat. But I will say that I didn't know a whole hell of a lot about Chernobyl before I started. This is a show on HBO. The second episode just came out. So it's a five-part mini-series about Chernobyl. I mean, of course, I know the basics. And it was like, oh, radiation. Oh, the thing blew up. But I wasn't exactly. Honestly, I had no idea what radiation poisoning did to a person. Now I do. Well, the skin falls off, right?

Yeah, it makes your, like goes into all your cells and it does something with the cells and it's bad with the cells. But essentially you melt from the inside out. And so anything that, like, if you touch it, you're like immediately like your cells just like stop. They explode on your insides. So watching Chernobyl and learning about all of these things and how essentially it seems like it's way more about the Russian guilt and everything about the mistakes they made at the beginning. Because from the beginning they were like, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, we don't need to tell anybody about it. Everything's cool.

No, no, no, no, no, it's fine. We don't have to worry about. No, no, no, no, we don't want to be embarrassed and ashamed. This is not that big of a deal. When it was the worst thing that could have ever happened and was something they had no idea, could even happen. And it is terrifying, absolutely terrifying to the point that I got that he was telling me that there is a nuclear plant. I think he said 15 miles from here, which is why I started buying iodine pills. just in case. What does that do?

What does iodine pills even do? Iodine pills work with your thyroid, which essentially, like, it helps try and stop your body from the radiation poisoning, from your cells just from bursting, even though your other organs would definitely still be open to the poisoning. But apparently that it's like getting into your thyroid, again, not a scientist here, not a body person here.

I did like a light research on it to the point that I did spend probably too much money on iodine pills. How much money did you spend on iodine pills? $100? What? I thought that's, I was going to ask more than 100 or less than 100. No, that's unreasonable. I'm scared because they didn't have iodine pills. They didn't have iodine pills. You are, you created a town that is essentially all around. It's like, it is the workers and it is the family of the workers for a nuclear plant. And they didn't have iodine pills. in the hospital next to Chernobyl. They didn't have them.

Why didn't they have them? That's the one thing at least you can try and prevent is by taking those pills. Is the whole show just people melting from the inside? I can't do that. Kind of. Kind of, yeah. I was gonna give Jackie a fun follow-up film, by the way.

If you really wanna stay in that realm, Grave of the Fireflies. That is something exactly, that's exactly my friends are just telling me to watch. I'm going to watch Grave of the Fireflies this week. are? Oh my God, she already bought the iodide.

She may as well keep going down this hole. By the way, this is like the dear Zachary of anime films. I'm just going to throw it out there. My friend Kit Kat is essentially said that to me. And I was like, all right, cool. I want to cry.

I'm going to be alone for the next couple of weeks because got daddy's out of town. You know what I want to do with my time? Cry. And the last time I had this, I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I cried about that for three days. So why not slap another one on

of a dude that I was talking to that was like, I don't cry while watching things. I cried through Grave of the Fireflies. Yeah, so Grave of the Fireflies, by the way, it is just a, it's a semi-autobiographical short story. Oh, really interesting. I didn't know that. But it's about a brother, I believe it,

is it two brothers or brother's sister team? And it's like after America just fucking drops a hard shit on Japan in World War II. And it's them just trying to like survive. And it is one of the saddest movies I've ever seen in my life. Oh my God. So brutal. Just these two children just like trying to like make their way like through, you know,

this fucking post-apocalyptic hellscape together. It's so upsetting. Can I give you a pallet cleanser recommendation, Jack? Please do. Yeah, I'm down. Really quick, because I forgot about how much, how pleased I was with this documentary on Netflix. It's called Perfect Bid, the contestant who knew too much.

It's about the price is right. And it's so good. Okay. Yeah. And it's about this guy who just like figured it out. Like how, like, who just like studied all the, and just like was obsessed with prices right. And he would like literally help people like win prices right from the audience because

you could call out numbers and stuff. Like that was totally fine, right? For that game show. Uh-huh. And so he got, he got to go as a contestant once too. And you'll see how far he gets there. But it's fucking. great and it's like an hour and 15 minutes short and sweet just fantastic light little

documentary i thought you were going to try and pull the wool over my eyes because i saw your late night text last night telling me to watch at the heart of gold and i was like no i know that i know that's not a pallet cleanser no fucking way that's a pallet cleanser it's about the sexual abuse of the u.s gymnastics team oh i also want to watch that it is i do brutal baby uh and yeah I wrote, last night I just wrote at 1.30 in the morning. At the heart of gold on HBO, holy shit. You texted that to Jack? Yes.

I'm just, Lexi went to bed and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right, this documentary. And I put it on. I was just like, mouth agape. Just disgusted. So upset. With the world. Just disgusted. See, I'm texting Jackie.

You're watching Riverdale. And you're texting her watching the documentary about serial child abuse. She's just the person. It's like the act and every, you know, and all that. So she's just the person I hid up. It's like, it's literally her and Henry. You know I love upsetting things. I love anything that's really truly going to upset me, which also, speaking of, which

is not even upsetting, but it's one of the most amazing shows I think I've ever seen. Are you guys watching Barry at all? I've heard that it's like breathtaking, but no. I keep hearing how good it is. Oh my God. Oh, my God. It's so good. It's so good.

I, like, Henry Winkler in it is just, oh, good Lord, Stephen Root, one of the best things I've ever seen him in. And I have to say, I have never wanted to have so much sex with Bill Hader as I do in that show. I am a straight man, but I would let him piss in my mouth. Ooh, boy. I'm a straight man with a piss fetish, but. This last episode that we just watched, like, because they're in the middle of the second season right now. ended. I was like, no. What? No.

And the episode before it was one of the weirdest episodes that didn't really fit with the rest of the seasons. And then we watched the talk back on it. And Bill Hader was like, yeah, I wrote and directed this episode because I wanted it to be weird. And that's exactly what I wanted. And if people don't like it, they don't like it. That's exactly what I wanted to do with it. I was like, good for fucking you. I like you a lot. I love Bill Hater. I like this. Not that I don't love a bunch of the post-S. movies that were made, but a lot of them are trash. And I say that is like a long-time SNL person.

But I like this as an additional career path for SNL, actors to be like, I'm actually an artist with, like, thoughtful things to do, and I can make, like, really quality. I'm not just going to do the character I do. It's not just Mango movies, you know, which I love Mango. I hate Mango. So here we go. There's the Molly versus Molly.

Oh, you guys are going to fight. I really like mango. I don't love mango like homecoming or whatever. I'll smile at the sketches. That's it. That's the extent. What I say I love mango? That's all I mean.

I don't know. Wait, what is mango? How do I don't make the fruit? It's Chris Catan. Chris Catan being like this stripper. And the guy falls in love with it. Okay, I take it back. I don't love mango.

Molly, you said it. You're a mango lover, you mango. Molly Devil loves mango. I don't mean the movie. I mean, it's the character. When I watch SNL in high school and Mango was sketches hang on, I thought that was, he's funny. If anybody wants to Photoshop, Molly staring lovingly into the eyes of Mango

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What was the other way where he's like the monkey man too? I'm not a Chris Catan fan He was a bit of a one-note pony Yeah But yes he had a very bad career after SNL That was the reason why you brought him up Yes, yeah as an example Same thing with like I don't think I ever saw the movie

Night at the Roxbury I enjoyed the sketches didn't think the whole movie might be able to hold up. You know what's funny? I've heard the final 10 minutes of that movie is apparently some of the funniest shit ever, but you have to get through a horrible movie to get there, and it makes me wildly curious to see what that is. It's a lot of fun.

And also the soundtrack is incredible. I had the CD in my car for a long time. You love Night at the Rocksbury? What's fucking happening right now? That's worse than Mango. That's worse than Mango. That is awful. That is not worse than Mango.

That's one of my least favorite things to ever happen on SNL is the Night at the Roxbury guys. Really? You don't like those sketches at all? It is nothing. That is nothing to me. No. The original one. Jim Carrey is then the first one.

They're just doing the same thing. It's funny. This is the problem. Okay. First time. Okay. That was kind of charming. Whatever, right?

It's not the first one. It's the second one. And then it's the third one. And then it's the fourth one. Week in, week out. Mango. Mango. No. And it's always the same format.

It's literally like insert. It's like a madlibs sketch. It's just like insert celebrity here. Insert like different location here. It's literally, you could literally make a mad libs out of that sketch format and just put in your own shit. You know what I mean? But isn't that what like many SNL reoccurring sketches are? Well, that's why I always hated those sketches.

Yeah. That's why a rule in murder fist for me that I made was no reoccurring character sketches. Really? Yeah. That was like a big rule for me. because it made me the worst was Matt TV. Oh, do you look like a man? Yeah, I never looked like a man.

I never really watched Mad TV. I never let, yeah. I love her in Marvelous Miss Maisel. It took me like that, it took a decade after Matt TV for me to be like, actually, she's great because of how mad that show made me at her and countless other comedic actors. That's Alex Forstein, right? Is that her name? She's Marvelous Miss Maisel.

She's a major, right? She's so fucking great in that show, man. I love that show. show so much. She's so good in it. It's time for the list, guys. Who's on the list? Jackie! You got to have that list.

I didn't even nail it. That one fan was like, you need to nail it, and I didn't nail it. Joe will be all right. Do you want to do it again? Do you want to try it again? So it's, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. All right, I'll nail it next time. You got it. Hell yeah. No, that was great, though. You're doing it. See, now look at you. Now let's harmonize it. Who's on the list? Jack is on that. Yes. 20 craziest celebrity rumors of all time.

Wow. See, the thing is, I know that we've definitely done close to these kind of things before, you know, like Walt Disney's body is in a cryogenic chamber, somewhere under Disneyland. But I guess what really got me is that I didn't realize that people actually thought that Marilyn Manson was a child actor in the Wonder Years. Oh, yeah, Paul. So I will say this, though.

I always heard it was Twiggy from Marilyn Manson was in the Wonder Years. Twiggy's... Not on this list. It says that it was... Says Marilyn Manson. No, I've heard that it was Marilyn Manson himself that he was Paul, the best friend.

By the way, that segues me to my favorite music, like, rumor, or probably anything ever fake rumor of all time that he had a rib remove so he could suck his own dick. That is, like, my favorite, ridiculous fucking celebrity rumor of all time. When I was in sixth grade and I heard that,

I was scared of the last. Dude, how... Were we all scared of Marilyn Manson? Absolutely. Of course, but I wanted him. Really? He always kind of wanted him, though. Yeah, like in a scary way, like in a big bad wolf kind of way.

I was very scared of him, but I also, I give myself some credit for, like, not thinking that he was, like, the root of all societal evil. Like, I didn't think that, like, Columbine was because of Marilyn Manson. Right. No. But I did think that he was, like, a scary man. A devil man or something. I love rumors that are so easy to disprove. Like, he's just not the guy from the wonder.

He's just not. There's a completely different person. That guy's like, not me. Hello. It's not me. But that's what's sad about the modern age, because this was before IMDB. This was before all that stuff. And you really couldn't go online.

And so you did believe that shit back in the day because you had no way to cross-references. Yes. There's no snopes or whatever it's called. There's no like. Like to see if Phil Collins wrote in the air tonight about a drowning victim. Yes. I can see him calling in the air tonight. her and roll out.

It's about divorce. You wrote me about divorce. So the extension of that rumor that I was told in high school, it was right after I got really high for one of the first times ever, and my buddy put on the song, and he explained to me that not only did he write it about, it was about a person watching another person drown or something on a beach, and it really happened.

And then he said, and then that guy one day, the guy that he wrote that song about, showed up at his concert front row and he stared at him the whole time while he sang the song right into his eyes so that he could know how big of a mistake he made letting that person drown. It made no sense, we were so high.

You're right though. That is good. Some things about the pre-internet time were good because you could just be like, holy shit. That's probably true. I should call my mom. I'm freaking out.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, would you also have the same reaction to Michael J. Fox's middle name standing for Jello? That really took a turn. I was not... That's like... The first two are like

a little spooky. I was just like, what the fuck? What? Who gives his shit? This one is just dumb. The rumor is that Michael J. Fox that when he was six years old, his parents allowed him to choose his own middle name

and he chose the word jello. It is not true. He actually... His actual name is Michael A. Fox. But since he was Canadian, he thought it sounded too much like Michael A. Fox, like two stereotypical Canadian, so he changed it to Michael J. Fox as an homage to the character actor Michael J. Pallard. Also, it doesn't sound like too Canadian, it sounds like you're saying, Michael, a fox.

Michael, a. But if you say it in Canada, Michael A. Fox, eh? That's what it. Michael A. Fox, eh? That's an A. Michael A. Fox. What about the rumor that Gene Simmons actually had a cow tongue? surgically implanted into his mouth. I would have believed that as a kid. Yeah, definitely. It's not. He just has a really long tongue. See, that's why I like the one Derek Jeter gives swag baskets to his one-night stands.

And his reply to that, it's a dumb story. And you really have to be dumber to believe it. But also, isn't that kind of fun that in the rumor it says that it comes with a ride home and a basket of goodies that includes a Jeter signed baseball? That's a great rumor. That's a great rumor. All right, Jackie, that's why I have to pose the question to you, what are you putting in your swag box after your gift bag?

After the one-night stand. What are you giving your doofy dude? I think I would give, no, I'd give them a one of those travel-sized bottles of ibuprofen and a hot dog. Nice. Because obviously we were hammered and we're never going to talk of her again. I'd say hair of the dog too, like a beer or like a wine, a wine cooler or something like that. Yeah.

It could be like a little airplane kit, like a little tiny, you know, vodka bottle and then like a little tiny like artisanal Bloody Mary mix. And a mouthwash too so you can like get my my musk out of your mouth. And then it could be like a little mug that has my name printed on it. Right, right. Spanx for all the memories. Something like that. And also my photo is on the mug too. My name and my photo. Name and photo on the mug.

And then everything comes in the mug. It's just like a, it's like the mug is. the vessel that contains the gifts. I'm going to take it one step further. It's literally a picture of us having sex on the mug. Because I had it, yeah, because I got it made. I had, I like have a little photo go off. A little man takes the camera.

Send it right to Cafe Press. I think that's a really good idea. And it's one of those mugs. With the hot water, the clothes come off. That was, yeah, that's, but the best part is that you got their consent to photograph the sex the night before. 100%. You're like, hey, are you cool with, if we, what if we take a few pictures?

And they're like, yeah, totally. And then, surprise, it is a mug, a heat temperature mug that takes the clothes. Of course I would get their consent before I took a picture of us having sex to put on one of those heat thermal mugs that take the clothes off. I would love to have one of those mugs. Now I just want to have one of those mugs made for me. Are you kidding me? I'll tell you what, you know what? If I'm super, if this is because this is us in a super rich scenario, right?

Right? Yeah. Take it to Disney World. Take it to Disney World. In the gift bag. That's the swag gift? In the gift bag, yeah. Oh, a ticket. Yeah.

Not like you both go together, but it's just like, take this and go ahead. Yeah, fucking, yeah. You gave me a great night, you know? We got in there. Go fucking get your ass to Disney World. Plain ticket, too, though? This is like assuming the one I stand takes place in Florida. All right.

Nearest possible amusement park. You get a ticket. Six flags in New Jersey. Yeah. And like a path train ticket. You're going to Jersey. It's just a ticket for the cyclone at Coney Island. It's like not even.

It's just a $6. Goes well with the hot talk. You know, this is for you. It's your time to shine, Holden. Oh, is it time for blind items? Oh, my God. It's time for blind items.

Oh, we can't see them. They're finally back. And Holden is taking down the helm of blind items. We don't know what's going on with them. And I'm very excited. I'm so excited. Thank you for taking on this mantle. You're welcome.

I am not at all worried that I'm going to sort of do it wrong. So let's go. No, I love it. I think this is great. I'm excited. You'll give me notes afterwards if this is. Oh, we're going to give you notes afterwards. Okay.

Everyone on this streaming show that kind of was the first hit streaming show used to all get along. Now as things wind up, they all do their own thing and all have people and can't even fit their self-importance through the door. I feel like the first hit streaming show in my head is House of Cards, but I might be wrong about that. Oh, okay. So something that just streamed and wasn't on television, and it's a family?

There's a, just that they all, the whole cast all used to get along, but now they just want to do their own thing. They have their own people and they're sick of each other. Stranger things? Ooh. No. But that's like, so not an early streaming show. You're gonna be like, oh, when you hear this,

because I think it's definitely like, I agree that it's probably was probably the first hit streaming show. But pre House of Cards? I don't know the exact timeline, but I'm pretty sure it's before House of Cards. I could be wrong on that. I must be wrong about it. House of Cards is the first streaming show.

I remember like everybody watching. Right, right, right, right, right. What the hell is it? Is it what channel, what network is it on? What streaming network? On Netflix. I mean, think about it, it would have to be, right? If it was the first hit streaming show,

it would kind of have to be on Netflix. Because all the other stream shows came on later. Later, yeah. Give us clues to who is on the show. The lead character is blonde. The lead character is blonde. Color is important. Color is important.

Orange is the new black. Ah. You're totally right that that's like the first streaming show. Right? Oh, okay, all right. And now none of them like each other anymore? Taylor Schilling admitted recently in page six that, I mean, it's very poignant because it's one of those things.

It was a magical moment in time and it's time for it to end. And she just seemed very like saying, referring to being like released from jail. Like, get me out of here. Dude, I feel like it's the kind of thing. I mean, that's a bunch of powerhouse actresses. on one set. Who all started kind of as not really known. Yeah.

By the way, right? Like, nobody in that, like, there are a few people. Except for, like, Laura Pre-Pond and stuff like that, yeah. But even her, it's not like she was, like, a huge A-list or anything before that show. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, she had that 70s show. I mean, that 70-show, but even then it was like, oh, that's that woman from that 70s.

The girl from that 70 show, yeah. It took a second to realize it, and you were like, oh, wow, I'm glad she's got more work since then. You know what I mean? Always part of an ensemble. Right? Yeah. So anyways, that was kind of the most, like, basic. I got juicier ones.

Oh, juice it up. This took place during the Billboard Music Awards. This is a quote from the person. Look at my weight loss program. And it's vegan too, said this A-list rapper as she did lines of Coke while getting ready. Ooh. Ooh. Is it Cardi B?

Yeah. Yeah. And the vegan thing recently, she did this whole, like, vegan meal thing for Coachella. for this private Coachella party. She's like really into the vegan thing, I guess. So that's part of the clue as well. But yeah, she's doing lots of blow, which makes sense. Oh, but is that she's still like breastfeeding right at this point?

Is she? I doubt she's still breastfeeding, but maybe she still is. But I feel like it would, with her lifestyle, would be very hard to still be breastfeeding. Would cocaine affect the milk? I don't know. Probably. Pregnant woman? Do we know?

I mean, they, they, they. They told me at the hospital. It does not matter what you eat and just don't get super drunk. Oh, well, I would think don't get super drunk probably affects blood flow and stuff like that. And cocaine, I think, would also have an effect on your heart and therefore your blood flow. I don't know how your body metabolizes cocaine. Like, I know that with alcohol, it's because it's your bloodstream. And so your breast milk is as alcoholic as your blood is, which is not that alcoholic, right?

Like 0.08 is like, you. not that alcoholic. Right. And weed is a problem because weed is stored in your fat cells and breast milk is full of fat. And so that is a little bit ambiguous as to whether it's safe or not.

Some people do it. Some people don't. But like, so I just don't know how cocaine is metabolized. So I don't know. I am assuming you probably shouldn't. I'm going to guess. I think it's probably not a good idea.

You would certainly catch an ACS case if you were like drug tested. But I just, I only guess she's not breastfeeding anymore because you have to like either breastfeed or pump every like three hours and I don't know if her lifestyle lends itself to that. You know, she's performing all the time and traveling and all of that. But did you guys see the internet video where she, the guy's, plays piano to her speaking? So good.

So, so amazing. It's great. Fuck all you bitches. This guy basically just plays a Cartyvie video and accompanies it with the piano so that it turns it into kind of like a. speaking like almost like a kind of like lounge singer sounding experience. It's pretty great. I got to send it to you old and it's great. You'll love it. I could not stop watching it. It's so fucking funny. That's awesome. I'll definitely check it out. I was really quickly trying to find. It does appear from my brief

browsing. Your research. That it would be very bad to be doing cocaine. Yeah. You're not supposed to drink a ton of coffee. I drink, I was like, well, I'm going to drink a lot of coffee because I'm not sleeping. But even coffee can come through in the breast milk. So probably cocaine, not a bad idea. And again, if only for not catching an ACS case, if you are drug tested. Weirdly enough, though, it says free basin crack. Completely fine.

Hell yeah. Good to know. Molly, do you want to pick up a new habit? I am clean and so sober. I'm so excited for our live show and I'm like, I'm going to be the soberest person in a 10-mile radius. Unbelievably sober.

Yes. Okay, here's another one. This A-lister threw a giganto party for her rapper boyfriend who cheats on her all the time so much so that he even invited one of his side chicks to the party she threw for him. Kylie Jenner. Nice. Is that it? Nice, Jackie. Yeah, that's it.

And do you know the rapper, the name of the rapper boyfriend? Is that offset? No, Travis. Offs. No, that's party being. That's parties. I follow them both on Instagram. Travis something, right?

Travis Scott, very good. Yeah, the theme of the party for him was Cactus Jack, which is his nickname and also the name of the record label. They had Hennessee Slurpees. Ooh. She like creatively curated the whole thing. They had this whole room renovated to look like a gas station. They had a tattoo station run by a celebrity tattoo artist named John Boy,

and they each got tattoos at the party. Um, and she also bought him a fucking Lamborghini for his, birthday is that. Whoa! They must I think it's the same with like, you know, they must have some sort of open relationship. You think? When you have that high profile of a relationship, how do you, like, how,

I mean, I've never been there, so I don't really I don't know, but how do you not if you're both traveling so much and have almost a completely separate life from each other? I could see that. Did you, speaking of seeing things, did you see the billboard she bought out for him as well? No.

You need to look at this billboard. She bought out for him. I would show you, I could maybe show you on my phone, Molly, but it's so tacky. It says on it, Happy Birthday Daddy, love Mommy and Stormy,

and it's like her with the baby like laying on the ground, but next to that is just like a giant picture of the baby's head. Oh my God. It looks like, it looks like some sort of,

like, what is it called? Like a memorial from the baby. It's one of those, like, bad internet photo. It is a billboard. I feel like I associate billboards with pictures of babies on them, either with, like, pro-life billboards, or, yeah, like, a March of Dimes.

Or, one, eight, seven, seven, guys for kids. Yeah, that definitely looks like Memorial. It's black and white, and it's just so weird. Wow, that definitely looks like a... Donate now to prevent more babies from... Yeah, because the baby's not smiling. I think that's why. The baby looks very...

upset. Daddy's gone. Why is daddy always sleeping with these other women instead of with Tommy? All right, here's the last one. This one's just so random, and I doubt you'll get it because it's probably too vague, but it's just so funny to me that this is even a blind item. This

A-list, mostly movie actors slash superhero slash frequent poster to social media spent nearly 100K on his sex dungeon. Ooh. Actor, poster to social media and superhero. is a big, yeah, that's the biggest one, I think.

But it could be kind of anybody, so I don't blame you for not. Is it like an Avenger? Like, is it? Maybe. Is it Robert Downey Jr.? No, it's going to be my guess. No way. It's not Tom Holland.

No. Is it... You can name the superhero too, if you want. Mark Ruffalo. Nope. None of them would do it. I wish it was Mark Ruffalo. Oh my God.

I wish. I want to have sex of Mark Ruffalo and a sex dungeon. None of them seem totally like sex dungeon people, although I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. What about, what's his name? Smile Back Cabbage Patch? What's his name? I believe that's it. Yeah, yeah. The guy who plays Hawkeye. Yeah, yeah. Dinderdoolew. Oh, Jeremy Piven. Isn't that him? No. I always mix up the two Jeremy's. Jeremy Pivis is the entourage guy. He sucks. Jeremy Renner. Jeremy Renner. No. At this point, you will name every fucking superhero. We're doing a really good job as two people

that don't really care about superheroes. It's Marvel Universe? Okay, yeah, it's definitely Marvel Universe and you were right on track with your previous question. It's an Avenger. Who am I missing? The Hulk, Iron Man. It can't be Chris Pratt.

No. Chris Evans? Yes. Geez. Ooh, sexy, sexy. Cats in America. Okay. Yeah, I'll go to that sex dungeon.

What kind of, what do you want to do in that sex dungeon, the swing? You want to do the swing? Or the chair. He's such an all-American boy. Exactly. That's what makes it so fun. Now he's so bad.

Exactly. He needs a place to be bad. You know, he's not usually my type, but I definitely give it a swing. You know what I mean? Oh, hey. Sex swing. Sex swing. Oh, I definitely like Chris Evans more than Chris Pratt and more than one of the Helmsworths is a Chris, right?

Wait, you're not into Chris Hemsworths, right? No. I don't like either. They're too mussely for me, you know. But Chris Evansworth, he's, I. No, too, I mean, he's fun, but I don't want to sleep with him. I'd much rather sleep with Chris Evans. I understand, I guess, because I don't, I guess I don't understand.

I really want to have sex with me. What male Avengers is the most fuckable? Is this the new question right now? Definitely Mark Ruffalo. Definitely Ruffalo? I don't know, I, I, Robert Downey Jr., I feel like, has just such a cool story. You know what I mean? And he's really fucked some crazies.

You know what I mean? So he's really going to know how to just be insane. I'll bet you would be fun in bed. See, Molly, you need to watch the newest Avengers movie because this is not giving anything away. I guess I don't think it's giving anything away. The hybrid of the Hulk, like Mark Ruffalo as his character, with the Hulk and they hybrid it.

So he's just like, the Hulk, but talks like Mark Ruffalo and wears glasses and has a beard and wears cardigans. And you want to fuck that? want to fuck. What is the running theme? By the way, this is the running theme of this entire show. Jackie has a monster fetish. A monster fetish.

She once had sex with actual monsters. Look at Gott, Daddy. He's my beautiful dirt wolf. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week. Holden, you did a wonderful job with your first ever blind items. He did a really good job. I just want to say congratulations. I thank you for bringing it back.

You're welcome. We'll be back next week with more. a blind night on. Oh, we can't see it back. Guys, thank you guys so much for joining us this week. We had a lot of fun if you would like to mozy on over to our Patreon page. Patreon.com slash page seven podcast. We're going to be doing new fun things with old Mr. Holden McNeely.

And we're going to give you some, you're going to help us out with that. We're going to slap some things up there. What are they, choose them ups? Choose them up. What are those called? We're going to pull? Poles. Or as we call them over here, our choosem-ups. I'm really looking forward to the 2020 choose-em-up guys.

Yeah, I'm really excited about these choosem-ups we have for you coming up soon. It sounds like we're going to be eating a bunch of cookies. We're going to get into ASMR and just go as we chew them all up. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can find me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Molly Neffle. And my name is Holmigny. follow me on Twitch.tv.tv.orgheim-ho. Holdenaders ho! We love you guys so much, and we will talk to you next week.

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