Page 7 - Episode 304: J'ZM

Episode Date: May 23, 2019

Jackie, Molly and Holden gab about celebs with bad breath, Eurovision, and a Whitney Houston hologram tour. Come see us live! bit.ly/2JvdHVW Try Simple Health and get the $20 prescription fee waived by going to http://www.simplehealth.com/page7 or use promo code: page7. Get 50% off your first year at http://honeybook.com with promo code: PAGE7 Get $30 off your first purchase of $150 or more at http://snowehome.com/page7 Backbay Lounge, Off to Osaka, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creati Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

New host, who is? Ugh, I hate that. Hey, Guntz, it's the greasy threesome from page seven here to talk to y'all about our upcoming New York first ever live show. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Neffle. And my name is Holden Gucci McNally. You are far too old to say that, BTW. Y'all know we got a new boy up at our sleepover, and it's time to lock him in the bathroom and make him stay bloody merry.

We're not going to traumatize him just because he's new. Jokes on you. I love being locked in the bathroom. You're a monster, but guys, the first ever brand spanking new Wizard and the Bruiser and Page 7 live show is coming up soon. We would love it if you would join us at the Bell House in New York on June 9th. We are going to put on a bit of a doozy show for y'all. We've been wanting to do this for a long time and I'm super excited to meet all you guys. So join us for our debut and be the first to peep on the live show experience. Mosey on over to New York. Come on.

Help us kick this pig. You can grab tickets in the show notes of today's episode. Come on, you know you want to come sing with us. I have never sung a day in my life. My life is mirthless. Let the great experiment begin. You know when you have one of those songs stuck in your head, but you'd only remember half of a line of a song

and then you have to go down a weird hole to remember it? I had, behind the refrigerator, there was a piece of glass. And that's it. That's all I remember. I can do the whole thing. Why didn't you call me? See, I found it. I found it on the internet.

Which one did you know? Because apparently there's like a million. It's like one of the clap game ones. It's like, Miss Susie had a steamboat. The steamboat had a bell, tuttoot. The Missouzy went to heaven. The steamboat went to hello operator. I know.

I know. If you disconnect me, I'll kick you from behind the refrigerator. There was a piece of clap. That's where it came from. The Susie sat upon it and broke her little. Ask me no more questions. Tell me no more lies. The boys are in the bathroom.

Zipping up their flies are in the meadow. The bees are in the park. Miss Susie kissed her boyfriend in the D-A-R-K-D. D-A-R-K-D. D-A-R-K. Dark, dark, dark. Are you guys just going to start doing those weird hand-clap games or whatever at each other? That's a girl do. Yeah.

So one time, I don't know why, but we were with my two nephews who were like one and three and the four adults all just spontaneously broke it. Like somebody said a line that reminded us, and we all knew it. So we all started singing it. We all did the entire thing. And the three-year-old just stared at us and was like, do it again. It was like he was in a musical. What are they doing?

Imagine all the adults in the room just suddenly break into song and know every single word. Uh-huh, uh-huh. It was us. Welcome to page seven, everybody. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Neffle. And I'm a wacky man, Holden Big Neely. Holden, did you ever play any of those hand games?

Did you do clap games? I played a different type of hand games back in the day. We don't have to get all crazy talking about that. Actually, I didn't kiss a girl until I was 19. I was talked about that before. I was in college when I made out with a girl for the first time, and it was not good. It just makes a lot.

I think it just makes a lot of sense. Not that there's anything wrong with waiting until you're 19 to have your first kiss, but did you choose it? Like, was it something? Were you saving yourself? I think that subconsciously, I was terrified, and so I would go after these, like, popular girls that I knew deep down were never

going to actually, like, want to be with me and, like, just coasted through on that and was just like, I'm just so in love. And then you can tell yourself, like, oh, girls are bad because they don't like me. Yeah, I was definitely a nice guy. I was definitely a nice guy. A nice guy problem. Totally a nice guy, and I was not

a fucking nice guy. I love that sub-referral, Reddit are nice guys. It's just women posting like DMs from quote unquote nice guys. They're like, why are you responding to me? Okay, bitch. Yeah, it's one of those I just want to be the lover that you need. And then they're like,

no thanks, but we can be friends. Fuck you, bitch. And all can't. Wait, that's what that thing is. I'm bad at Reddit. I don't understand it. I look at the top things and I'm like, oh, that's fun. I don't get it. Well, let me introduce you to a lovely little subreddit called Public Freakouts, which is my

I know you love your public freakouts. I was looking at public freakouts earlier today. Just people losing their mind. My favorite is, you'll appreciate it. My favorite freakout is definitely middle-aged, entitled Mother in a Mall, screaming at like a best-upy. Why didn't you say that about Molly? Why would Molly understand that?

Because I'm just a few years away. Yeah, just a few years from being at the Sprint store, getting a little curt. Ten minutes between soccer practice and ballet drop-off. It is so just amazing. And I think I started doing that actually because I was losing my mind at my day job. And I just was so miserable that all I wanted to do was stand up and do what these people were doing in the videos. You know what I mean? I can't do any of that.

My problem is my public freakouts. I remember one time they canceled our flight home for Christmas. And Henry and I were in the airport. And I immediately just, Henry has public freakouts. Oh, he used to. He doesn't do it as much anymore. And he's just like, what are you? mean, we can, and I'm just behind him like,

that's me. That's me too. If, if, what, what they, what I hope they don't ever have is, I'm phone recording customer service freakouts because then you're going to see me at my worst. And I'm not one of those people that's like, let me speak to your manager, but like, after my baby was born, we got a $77,000 bill in the mail. Whoa. And it was not a.

Welcome to America. but dreams come true. And I had insurance, which I was paying for out the ass because I knew I was having a baby that year. And so I'm like, I'm like two weeks postpartum. I have a $77,000 bill. It's in her name, which was why it was $77,000. Because she didn't have insurance because she was just born.

That's ridiculous. Yeah, it was crazy. But I'm on the phone and I was not nice on the phone. But I would alternate it between trying to be very firm and just sobbing, just weeping, like, please. Like if there is a recording of it It is it will be used to make it so that I can never be president You know it is it is my absolute worst

It is that is actually I do similar waffling But I do a sympathy angry to sympathy back to angry where I'm just like fucking fix it I know it's not your fault I know it's not you just right now You're like both the mean mom and the mean dad Yes just back and forth the nice parent at the same time And it's like, and deep down, I know, you're in this call center. You have one of the worst jobs, in my opinion, of all times.

Yes, for sure. It's rough, man. I'm sorry if you work in a call center. But can you imagine having to deal with that all day long? Where it's like, how do you not have a public freak out? If people were just screaming at me all day long. Oh. You're the worst part of everybody's day.

Yeah. And I get it, you know? And you're just trying to make a living. And it's not your fault that you're the worst part of everybody's day. Hopefully this is just like a year of your life. It's the system. Like, you didn't invent the U.S. health insurance system. But here people are like on their hands and these begging you to fix it for them.

Yeah. I'd rather be a 911 operator. Ooh, I don't know. I definitely sat and listened to a lot of those calls, though. Yeah, well, I can't even with that. Yeah, I can't listen. I love to be sad. I'm way crazier on the phone, by the way, when it is me trying, me just screaming at a machine trying to get.

That too. I get to the point. I have to back away from the mic to do this. I get to the point. I'm just like, human being! Human being! I need to speak to a human! To a human!

Or the best is what the robot asks you to your birthday. And Lexi just shakes her head behind. He's just like, oh, Holden, always screaming. The robot's like, to confirm that you are the right recipient of this call, please state your birthday. And you can't type it in, and so I'm just walking out of the street like, February! You're screaming it.

And then the robot is, you're just saying, It's like, the date that you stated is incompatible with our records, please state it again. February. I just love the sight of assault leaning back as far from the bike as we can, and just howling. So we can scream. Jackie, you have had, if I could only,

I want to be you for many reasons, okay? But the main one is because I think. Is it because I can wear leopard prints so well and you can't? It's because you're free and fun and in franticons. But I just, I just, you're free and fun. I just because time and again, you must have gotten a witness, Henry,

freaking out at the airport. Yes. To such a, just magnanimous degree, is, do you have a memory of any, like, really good? I could really picture it. That was definitely, the one I was describing earlier was my favorite one,

because then it was just vacillating of, like, going back to me, like, please don't cry. Please don't cry. Everything's fine. Do you see what you've done from my sister? Do you see how she is sobbing?

Because of what? You? have done, even though it wasn't their fault. They didn't do it. And that's what I would be scream crying at him. It's not their fault. And then someone came over, like just another passenger, came over

to me, it was like, pretty girls don't cry. And I looked at him and Henry just went, Don't. Jha! Because I'm a star! It's like his face became a monster's face. I can't breathe. It's pretty great, though.

Pretty girls don't cry. I feel like you guys would definitely understand Ice T's upset then when he almost shot an Amazon delivery person the other day. And honestly, this story is important because it is not going to be the first time and it's not going to be the last time.

It actually makes a lot of sense. I completely agree because now the thing is so, for those you guys don't know, I'm an Amazonaholic, and they are now using delivery people that aren't just actual delivery people. You can, you know, it's like the postmates thing. And essentially, if you got a car, you can deliver a package.

And there's no, they don't wear a vest, they don't wear any signifier that they are delivery people. And I've had it before, too, where some dude just, like, throws a package. And you know if they, they have to, like, take the picture to prove that they left the package there? And it's literally in a bush. And it's like, okay, well, you did it. But I, T saw this dude coming up to his, like, to the front.

of his house with a big package and he's like, man, I was about to shoot this motherfucker because I didn't know who he was, what he had in that box and why he was coming up to my house. Which, fair. I kind of, I mean, I don't think I would shoot a person necessarily, but you know, he's

iced tea. He's kind of fun and jazzy. I get it. This is why in my utopia, they're just, if there's no guns and only knives, you know, by the time iced tea is getting ready to stab the guy, that guy could probably be like, I'm from Amazon and identify himself, but with guns, much easier to, you know, shoot first and ask questions

later and realize that it's some low-paid Amazon contractor. So there you go. Thieves and or people who were just trying to straight up bomb a house with a package in their hands, just say you're from Amazon. That or you get throwing knives, which I also think would be a lot of fun of them. We can all be like Jason Mamoa and start throwing her hatchets. Yeah, if we became a throwing knife culture, like, if 50 years from now we are like, People on political shows were sitting around being like,

how do we change the culture of throwing knives in the United States? I think I would rather live in that world than the world we live in now. I would just like to see a political debate show where they have to sharpen a knife the whole time that they're like getting into it. That's fun. Yeah, it's all about intimidation tactics. I'm into that. And I'm sure that I've mentioned, I think I mentioned post-Hawm Party

that the only celebrity that I really noticed at the Heidi Klum Halloween party was iced tea because I didn't know how the alcohol situation worked because I've never been to like a real party like with famous people and with bottle service and so there's like bottles of vodka everywhere like it's a high school party but it's the opposite of a high school party because there's all these famous people there and I'm like do I just go up and take it off a table like at a high school party or am I like going up to someone's table and taking a bottle of vodka from them I had no idea and so I was but we we like I had been like to our party I was like I'm going to go get us a box and

bottle of vodka. And so I walked over to a table, saw a bottle of vodka, looked at who was sitting at a table. It was iced tea. And then I chickened out because I was like, I'm not going to take iced tea's bottle of vodka. And I'm glad I didn't. Maybe he would have responded with the same cure. Yeah. He did with the Amazon guy. Absolutely. That's definitely an eventuality. You know, he's been playing a cop on SVU for like 45 years at this point. He's probably internalized that mindset. But I do think it's interesting that I feel like I would be upset because he tweeted at Amazon saying like, maybe you should, he just said, he said, maybe you should change this,

maybe they should have some sort of vest or something for the future so that this is an issue. And the last tweet he sent was, just saying, dot, dot, dot, that shit ain't safe. And then the VP of Operations at Amazon tweeted back, just saying dot, dot, dot, thanks for the suggestion. We MFing love you and our drivers. I feel like that would just piss me off. Oh, my God.

Cheeky social media. You know what? These companies, at first, at first it was a novelty, right, when, like, Wendy's said something silly. Yes. And now it is just so obnoxious. It's like, I don't want you to act, like, hip on Twitter subway. When Kim Kardashian tweeted about Jack in the Box and was like, and then every, oh,

Kim Kardashian's like, hey, Jack in the Box, I have a complaint to make or whatever. And then, like, Burger King, Wendy's, Chick-fil-A, everybody tweets like, oh. Oh, Kim Kardashian guy Jack in the box is going to the principals every cheeky clever like,

it's just some turd in an office by the way it's not like they hired like, you know what I mean? It's not like the head of the companies. Yeah.

Yeah, it's not like the CEO's fucking saying this stuff and he's like a fun, cool guy. It's some guy that they got from, you know what I mean? It's some like probably

funny creative person in their 20s who would like to be making money doing creative things. Of course. Yeah. And has this job. It's a stepping stone. Because a lot of these people are obviously really funny.

Maybe they're not a turd. I rescind my turd comment. They might be turd. But like they might not be. Turd, not turd. Not turd. Not turd. Not turd.

But I just can't. I just can't do it. Like I can't truly like love like oh my getting, it's always showing me like the funny moon pie tweets. And I'm like, I'm not going to laugh at this stuff. I refuse to laugh. At least know this in like a hundred. percent, or not, 80 to 90 percent of my research at which of the Bruiser, they started out doing jobs like that.

Yeah, that's the thing. Every single time. Yeah. And then they got a job at an advertising firm, and it sucked for three years. Honestly, I would have loved to have done that. I wish I had had a job like that. I would have dug it. Yeah, a lot of us, there are so many, and this is, I get so mad at ads, but like,

the seamless ad, like, you know, when you look at ads, you can tell, like, smart, funny, creative people are in these rooms making these decisions. and like they're like they're good they're good at it and and it's just it's not like the ads or the companies themselves I'm mad at capitalism but like burn it to the ground wipe out the debt hack the debt away all right I'm starting a little fight club

okay I can't really say much about it but yeah that that cheeky tweet the Amazon Amazon tweeting at ICE tea we MFing love you please when it's like no no this is a real concern yeah I'm not trying to be cute right now I almost shot a guy that you hired. Like, what are we doing? Also, you brought up...

It's not safe. You reminded me of, like, a really sad memory that I've never said out loud before. Only Lexi knows about this. Can I share this? Please, yeah. Now I can finally confidently share this because I'm just not even... I remember I was working at miserable at my day job at real estate insurance, miserable. And I almost got a job at BuzzFeed writing, like, sponsored content, like, not even a fun.

It was like an ad job. reasons to brush your teeth. Oh, I remember that. And I got really close, and I didn't get it. And I remember I went home to, I went to Lexi's apartment after that because we weren't living together yet. And the train was fucked up. It took like an hour to get there. It should take like 15 minutes. And I cried my eyes out. Because I didn't get a job. I didn't even want. But in that moment, I was like, I can't even get this. You need a job. It was like one of the lowest moments in my life. I can't even get a bad job in semi-intertainment. Yeah.

No one wants me. Yeah. And it just killed me. Yeah. Yeah, I never talked about that. But man, was that embarrassing. No, you need a job. That's the thing.

Like, I know a lot of people who are in advertising or who write, like, who are like, I feel ambivalent about this. And I'm like, listen, you need a job. Yeah. Yeah, a job's a job, man. A job's a job. Crying because you didn't get a job you didn't even want, that is brutal. Well, if it makes you feel any better.

My sad thing is that sometimes I click on those listicles knowing their sponsored listicles, and I'm still like, oh, what are the 12 reasons? Geico thinks that I wouldn't enjoy that. And then I just read it and hate it. Well, the funny thing is, you know, not to shit on BuzzFee, but I have inside sources who used to work there. And they were like, yeah, yeah.

Because I went to the office, it was like, oh, it's one of those that they have a big candy room. Yeah, there's chips everywhere. Oh, yeah. Don't they have, like, nap spots and stuff like that? And ping pong, and everyone's, like, lounging on couches is doing their work and yada, yada. And I talked to me after like, yeah, yeah.

So instead of a 401K, you get a candy room. Yeah, you get like a bag of popcorn. Yay! I'd so much rather have candy today than having insurance in the future. And then just layoffs happen just all the time. Like, it's just nobody's safe. It's one of those. So I'm like, in hindsight, I'm like, okay, cool, cool, cool.

But man. You know where else no one is safe? It's Eurovision time. People are safe in your own. I don't know if maybe they're not safe. They're safe from elimination in the show. Oh, yeah. Okay, that works.

That works. You saved it. I was like, I don't think anyone's died in here. Oh, no, no, no, no. I was trying to find it. It's difficult. Coming up with the transitions, I'm working on it, okay? I'm working on, I'm trying to figure it out.

And my goal is to just push it so far out to make it so difficult for her to actually segue properly. I can rein it in. I know how to, do it. I'm a little horse girl over here. I'm free rein in it. Oh, I know it, maybe. I had to teach myself about Eurovision because I had

never watched it before. But apparently, Molly has been an advocate of Eurovision for a bit now. Advocate might be a hat that I wouldn't put on. Should I get a smaller hat? If you can get one of those headbands that has a tiny hat on it?

Some people say, I think Molly has said in the past, I am actually partly responsible for getting Eurovision popular in America. Yeah, she did it. She's like our friend that did that with soccer in America. You remember?

When he's like, I've always loved soccer. What do you mean? Every time the World Cup happens, you're like, no, you never talk about soccer only when the World Cup is on. Do you talk about soccer? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Just all of a sudden, you're just soccer's biggest fan, right? And I've never heard you say a fucking word about soccer up until this moment. And then all of a sudden, literally, every day it's soccer. It's soccer, soccer, soccer, soccer. I do, I like to take credit for things. Like, I take credit for a lot of things.

Like, I take credit for the girls wearing long shorts trend. I think I did single-handedly start that back. Hell yeah. Bring it back, Molly. So I'm not against taking credit for things. But I have a limited relationship with Eurovision, but it's not nothing. And so I know when it comes around every year, I know people have there. It is the World Cup of nonsense songs.

Yes. It's a European song concept. that it's a huge deal throughout Europe, but also Australia and Canada are part of it too. The US is not a part of it. In fact, they don't even show it here. It's kind of difficult to find the VPN to stream it. I watch a lot of clips from it.

Obviously, we're gonna get into the whole Madonna thing. But they actually started Eurovision right after World War II as a way to unify Europe, which I think that's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. Reparations and citizens. and singing. I think that's all we need.

Was, I mean, was Germany involved in the first Eurovision? Could I ask that question? I don't know. I doubt it. I don't think it's illegal to ask the question. But they are definitely a part of what they referred to as the big five countries, which is France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and the UK that are automatically in the semifinals. It was spoiler alert.

It was Netherlands, I believe, that won, though, right? Spoiler alert. smaller countries that have the weirdest songs, and the weirdest songs seem to have a lot of appreciation. The two that I will want to speak about that I remember very vividly are, I don't remember the countries, but I remember the songs. One is called Wolves of the Sea, and it's by a bunch of, the band is dressed like a bunch of pirates, and they're singing, they're pirates of the sea, and they're thus wolves of the sea, and the refrain goes, we are wolves of the sea. It's like a very feel good song. It will make you feel good. It's like,

inject feeling good right into your veins. It makes you feel so good. Also, so much of the music from it is so like, yeah, oh, right. It's like great costumes, great performances. I love it. Yeah, it's like, I don't even know what America would do because America takes itself too seriously to even. We're boring. It's, I mean, it's just so, the aesthetic is just so, like, Like you know how- Gaga. You got to send Gaga. Maybe Gaga. Well, definitely don't send fucking Madonna.

Good. Oh, my God. I was about to say with the Wolves of the Sea, that's where she got her fucking pirate influence. When I saw that Madonna did a pirate thing, I was like, was it a callback to wolves of the sea? By the way, wolves would drown in the sea. Can we, I mean, come on.

Am I crazy? Maybe not those wolves. And then the other song that I still, to this day, reference every time I bake a cake is a song called I've got a cake to bake. Who sing it? It goes, I've got a cake to bake. I've got no fear at all or no something. It's like a, it's just like a, it's the, it's, it's a guy, a happy guy out in the sun

just singing about how he's got a cake to bake. That sounds delightful. See, it's delightful. So much of it is delightful. It is just fun. And they like it because it is a, so people vote on the songs like similar to like an American Idol. They also have a panel of judges that also vote on the songs of who wins. And they try to keep it as non-political as possible.

It is just fun. Which I love. I love. And of course, and this is my thought because we're about to get into it. And yes, Madonna gets inappropriately political, which we'll talk about in just a second. But when she did that, I thought in my head, I was like, yep, that's the America in the show, right? Can I say the lyrics to cake to bake? Please.

I found the weird. Thank you. Because I always remember, I've got a cake to bake. It's Latvia, by the way. Thank you. It is, I melted the ice of the polar caps. Valmarators of the Lost Ark.

Solved a case for the genius from Baker Street. Help to clean the Central Park. Mind you. English is not their first language. Right. And they're referencing. Directly referencing Indiana Jones is a very fascinating. I created the plan for the Chinese wall,

went to desert. Made it rain. Swam through a shark tank, bloodily. Making this up. Found Atlantis, by the way. But today, I've got a cake to bake. It's got no clue at all. I've got a cake to bake.

Haven't done that before. Don't be proud, mate. Please don't bother. Go, come on, and ask your mother. How to bake. How to bake. Bake that cake. See, it's interesting, because the

music video doesn't imply that he doesn't know what he's doing. He just seems so happy about it. But you should look up the words for Wolves of the Sea if you can. I can't remember if the song is called Pirates of the Sea or Wolves of the Sea. Because both phrases are invoked. I mean, I love it. Wolves of the Sea. Wolves of the Sea.

With the high, high, ho, and the high, high, high, hey. We're hoist and the flag to be free. We will steal the show Jolly Rogers go. We are wolves of the sea. We are wolves of the sea. Yeah, it's like a real anthem. It's like, with a high, high, ho, and a high, high, hey. This is great.

It's so, wolves of the sea is my favorite, even better than I've got a kick to me. It has, I don't even, oh, okay, it does seem to maybe have a chorus in there somewhere. It really does just seem to be the same verse over and over and every agnacium. I think that's great, which, wait, what's, what, where did you say this one was from? Uh, wolves of the sea, the other one was Latvia, but this is, I think it's, I think it's, As also Latvia? As also Latvia. What?

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That's a free prescription when you go to simplehealth.com slash page 7 or enter promo code page 7 at checkout. Pirates of the Sea is the musical project, by the way. Thank you. I knew that there was a Pirates of the Sea umbrella, Wolves of the Sea under the umbrella. I love it. Song is mostly known by performances by the Latvian musical project Pirates

and the studio recordings of the Scottish heavy metal band Aelstrom. So then this heavy metal band took it. it and ran with it, which is fine. Hell yeah. Because that's a thing. So it's like this whole, so Eurovision essentially, it's like the organizers wanted each country to showcase a song that was indicative of each country's culture. And originally they said they wanted all of the songs to be in the country's main language. But now it could just be whatever you want it to be, which I think is really awesome. It just opens up all this positive energy, and especially because it is a competition that they don't win anything at the end. They get nothing from this.

except that they get to represent their country. It's almost like, but the only people that have come from it that won that made a name for themselves are Abba and Celine Dion. Interesting. And they, did they truly come up through Eurovision? Aba definitely did, and Celine Dion, I believe that she won before Titanic, before she like really, really exploded. Because about it, yeah, because actually Australia and Canada were added later.

She's Canadian, right? Yeah, yeah, she's French Canadian. It's kind of surprising. That seems like most of the country, I guess not Asia. No Asia. Not Asia Vision not included. Mm-mm.

Joe's your... Well, and I know, I don't know. I actually missed the whole Madonna controversy and I'm not gonna... But I know that like, I'm not... I know this is like not gonna go anywhere in your toilet flush territory. But one of the issues with Eurovision this year

is that it's in Israel, which is... Yes, and that's why... BDS movement saying, don't do it, boycott it. And so that, I know, That's not like an illegit criticism to have. So I don't know what, I'm not saying that I, I have no idea what Madonna did. But I know that that was, that was a legit movement of people.

What is offensive to me is actually the song itself because it's so bad. It's like, it's a, it's a, I, you didn't say up top, you didn't tee it up that it's like a reggae's auto tune. Ooh. Reggae number. It's sounding. Oh my God. There was a man with a steel drum on the stage. Oh, man.

You know, between that and. Bill de Blasio saying that he loves reggae and Scott. I feel like there's a lot. Yes. Yes. It is so, man, it is it's awful. It's awful. And this is also, by the way, after Like a Prayer. She performs, yeah, but she performed Like a Prayer.

Like a Prayer was literally just her slowly walking downstairs. Barely. I shit you. Not barely, slowly. I don't understand. Slowly just making her way down some stairs. That's what, that's what we're doing. You know what I mean? That's a shame because Like a Prayer is like my favorite Madonna's song. I love that song. And also I found it interesting because I watched what actually happened on Eurovision, and she reposted the Like a Prayer part of it,

and, of course, completely redid her singing over top it, because it's like it was so shaky and rough and bad. Because it wasn't like, it was horrible for Madonna standards, like for that song. We all know what that song sounds like. And like you said, she was just walking downstairs. It wasn't like she was dancing around, so it's like, oh, well, she's really putting her all into this. That's probably why it's so shaky.

Nah, she's just walking downstairs. No. And Banana doesn't even, again, I'm not even going to, it's like, I don't even want to familiarize myself with what she did about whatever. But Madonna doesn't belong at Eurovision because the whole thing is that it's not like American pop star. Yeah, exactly.

And that's the thing. And especially with things where just like a big sign behind her saying, like, wake up. And like, oh, she's trying to be so woke that it was ridiculous. She's really leaning it. Well, last time she tried to do the MDMA thing, the like electronica kind of.

She's always... I do drugs. I do drugs, too. I'm old, but I do drugs. She's doing like what Pop kind of is about in certain ways, but instead of like creating trends, she's like following trends, right? She got behind the trends and now she can only try to follow them.

And this like fake woke thing is like, think like everything wrong with the country. I mean, you know, maybe if I had... If I had ushered in so many trends as Madonna truly did in her day, then, although maybe she also, you could argue, she wrote the coattails of other people who were doing it first, but I feel like Madonna was like a trend setter. Sure, absolutely.

And so then 30 years later, are you just going to be like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm just going to ride the steamy coattails of the people who are doing this now. And she brought in, like, she has this song, Future, is also featuring Cuevo from Migos. and I think it's like, I don't think that she knew who he was or what he did in an interview.

He's like, yeah, my mom listened to Madonna. Like, he's a kid. You know, it's like he doesn't, they don't know each other. But I will just, I'll explain it. It's very simple. A person with a Palestinian flag and a person with an Israel flag are embraced kind of like on stage to say like, it's a message of peace.

We should just speak it along. That's just a toothless message. Yeah, it just doesn't mean anything. That's the thing. That's why it's like I wanted to tell you because it's like it's not even, it's like almost just offensive that you're just like trying to do this fake woke thing and just it's obviously bullshit. Yeah, I mean, if you're going to do something political like boycott Eurovision like say that you know, you know, like both sides. That's, yeah, that's silly. That's nonsense. So goofy, man. It's like, come on. I want to like, I think everyone wants to like Madonna. Yeah, I want to. I want to, I know. I like, I like Madonna.

Yeah. You know what it is? It's like, yes. Sometimes it goes too far, but almost more infuriating is, like, fake acting that way for, like, some kind of social points because you want to sell your album. Fuck off. You know what I mean? But I will say you should listen to our media's entry, which is walking out by, I don't know how to say the name of it. It's S-R-B-U-K. It is on Spotify, and I love this song.

It's a great fun bop. It is the opposite of whatever the fuck Madonna is trying to do right now. It's just a fun bop. I wanted to watch the costumes and the performances. And the fact that, like, that is the only part of America that is included in this. And it was garbage. It was just garbage. Can't we just have fun for once?

Yeah. I, I, I, yeah. I know, like I said, I know that there was, you know, legit protests of Eurovision. I feel like Madonna's trying to have her cake and eat it too. Yes. You know. Exactly, right?

Yeah. trying to be on Eurovision and be like, oh, but also I'm aware that this is controversial. But I'm with you guys. I just like really need to sell this album. You have to do this for some reason. My manager just, I get it, totally Palestine and all that. My manager told me though, like how many people would be watching this? Yeah, exactly.

But speaking of things that are woke in the right way, did you watch the new Old Town Road music video? That's so great. I was hoping we could talk about it. It's so good. And you know, it is, that is a political-ass music video. Yeah, and it's great. Oh, they did it so good. They did it great.

And it is a message of peace. It is like a, no, we can do this together. Fucking loved it. And it's a message of peace, but also an acknowledgement of how power works. Yeah. It's like, he's like, I'm not welcome here. Like, that is, it is peaceful, but it's also not just like, oh, that's all come together. Like, you watch that music video, you're like, oh, yeah, they acknowledge the existence of racism in this video.

Like, they sure do. And, like, that is the little, like, that is the little, like, that is the little, Lass X's experience that he was raised like that because of racism he was put off this list and so then he it's all it was perfect it's like they didn't they didn't water any of it down but yet

it's also just fun and funny and amazing if you guys haven't watched it yet in the beginning of the old unroened music video it starts off in the old west Chris Rock is there he's the bad guy cowboy it's and then they get they time travel

into the present day Which is amazing. Fucking Vince Staples, which I'm a huge fan of Vince Staples. He's in the video. I'm actually going to see him next week, which I'm super excited about. There are so many people in the video that made me feel so old and not hip because I was like, I know these are famous people, and a lot of them I don't know who they are. I got to, I'll send you Vince Staples.

I think you did really think. I think he did. He's great. I'm so, and I was just so psyched because he is like, I'm so psyched to see him in the video because he's such a big tastemaker on the rap side right now, I feel like. like on that end, that, like, it's just, it's just this awesome endorsement

of what this thing is from very, from really important people, in my opinion, to endorse it fucking with, like, even in Diplo is in there. Diplo, my main man, Diplo. Oh, yeah. Now you're all about Diplo. But you haven't even talked about yet,

and I'm surprised the fact that you went to see Diplow last week. I got drunk alone. By yourself. All right. So, I mean, I guess four reasons I can't discuss too much, but weird, but still was a surprise. I got invited to the, the upfronts at whatever,

Warner upfronts, or whatever, right? And, um, but I didn't know anybody. Because really the person who needed to be there for me to like meet anybody was Henry and they didn't, they didn't even bite him. Because they'd have to like, fly him to New York. So he's like, just go, try to remember the people you've

met and whatever, right? And, um, and try to meet them. So I tried to do that. I took many laps, go to the bar, then I go to the bar upstairs, then go back down. You're just lapping the bars, as I'm By myself. By myself. Truly spiritually exhausted. To be by myself at a two-story party.

I just leaned in. I guess I'll just go upstairs to this bar. People watching. People watching. But I just, as soon as I realized like about a half an hour in, that I probably wasn't actually going to run into anybody I remembered or whatever, I was just like, you just need to get drunk enough to dance. Get drunk enough to dance.

Get drunk enough dance. And Diplo came on. I think I say that to myself every single day. But, you know. Yeah. That's like your wake-up mantra. drunk enough to dance. I just gotta get drunk enough to dance.

Yeah, it's not dance like no one's watching. It's dance like you're hammered. Yeah, instead of dance like that's watching, get drunk enough to dance. So that's what I did. I drank many drinks. I switched. I was like, fuck the beer.

Let's just go straight to the whiskey now because we just need to get there. And then, yeah, about a half an hour in a diplosette. I was like, started feeling it a little bit. You know what I mean? I want to be a fly on the wall watching Holden. Oh my God, Molly.

I have to send you. Holden sent me a video while he's at this concert by himself. And it's just a bunch of like cool people dancing on each other. And hold I just imagine Holden, but like in a stained white shirt. I know that's not what you were wearing. But I imagine you were just covered and sweat as you're recording around and all these beautiful people and Diplo.

And I'm just like, you must be the creep in the corner. Yes. That just has your photo going, oh, who. Because I can't even. Like this would have been. It's semi amazing if I was single Because at least I could attempt to hit on somebody maybe I guess I don't know

It would still be a daunting task But certainly that would be like your That would have been a fun Like little game happening Yeah that could be like a driving Motivation right Just to say what's up you know what I mean Hey you know hey you know hey

Whatever say words like that Instead you're just A happily married man by yourself Ring right on that finger not trying to it just getting drunk by himself at a fucking business party essentially and dancing I will say though Dipla closed out with Old Town Road yeah which is fucking rat and by the way Jackie got a video everybody was getting videos because that's the only thing I could think to do I was like I guess I'll just send people videos of what's

happening at me right now it was a lot of fun because for me it was like the middle of the afternoon I was like look at them having fun I'm gonna have drunk and having fun I guess it was fun And I also say, just briefly going back to Lil Nasdax, he is so cute and he is such a little baby. What a smile. He's so, yeah. What a lovely smile. So cute.

I just want to, like, hang out with him because he's so cute and fun. And then Billy Ray Cyrus, I love Billy Ray Cyrus now. Yeah, what is that? What the hell? And also, their costumes in that video are just, oh my God, Viti, Viti, Viti, Viti. I went from, like, low-key kind of hating that guy. Totally hating him.

Because he's the auto-a-or of Aiki-Bricky Heart. It's just an annoying song to me. And he had that creepy photo shoot with Miley Cyrus when they, like, they want wearing clothes. And also, I love that he, like, dipped in to the fact that he's like, no, I'm just going by Cyrus now. And then immediately flip-flopped back. He's like, no, no, I'm Billy Ray Cyrus. Okay, that's fine. Never mind.

I tried. I tried a thing. Who else? Okay. That's a good point to bring up, actually. Who else did? All right. So J.Lo successfully did it, right?

Didn't, um, Sean Puffy, didn't he? He's at a bunch. He diddy. He did he. Just does it. And then there's also, I mean, Prince definitely did it.

He was just the symbol. That's awesome. That was the craziest one. Oh, you're a, oh, okay. Prince is a symbol now. Also, I was completely, I was like, cool. You won't be a symbol? I'm down.

I'm down. You can change your name to a pop star name. It could be a symbol. It could be whatever, right? an existing pop star name, like I can take somebody else's? No, no, no, like, you have to come up with like a J-Lo. With a pop-star style. Yeah, you have to come up with like a J-Lo, right?

You already have yours? It seems like you already have yours. I have one for Jackie. Oh, because I was thinking Jacey, like juicy, but with an eye in it. I was thinking Jazzy. Oh. Jackie Zabrowski. Honestly, that just makes me think of Jism.

And I feel like that it's just I'm going to be covered in goo. JIS would be great for you. But also, actually Jism is pretty good. JISM is pretty good. You're right. I'm Jism. You're J-ZM. J-ZM.

And my middle name is Marie. So, that kind of works. I'll just be J-ZM. J-ZM, yeah. It works, too, because I feel like Jazzy is both cool and, like, a 50-year-old who is too drunk at the bar. Yeah, 100%. Wearing sort of a Frant-Dresher-inspired kind of outfit. by her middle of the day, screaming at the bartender.

Although I am kind of waiting, I'm biting my time waiting for Jack A. I mean, I'm saying this, you know, hand to God, that whenever she passes that I can just take Jack A and then I'll just be Jack A. You know what I got? You know what I got one for me. Honie. Honey. Like holding in a pony? Yeah, like holding in a pony.

Yeah. That's kind of what I'll be doing. You know what I mean? Trying to get in on that cowboy rapper action. Wait, I mean, are you going to spell it like honey, but it's pronounced Tony? Oh, that's a good idea. It's going to have like weird. It's going to have like an asterisk and like a dash.

Because you both of yours so far could have, uh, um, uh, apostrophies. Yeah. Yeah. Like, your jazzie could just be like, or jissup could be J.A. Aposurface. Also, when was the last time you said jism? I feel like I only say the word jiz. I don't, I can't remember the last time I said.

To the point that now I don't remember what jizum means except that jism is me. It just also means jizz, doesn't it? It's just a funny way of saying jizz. Yeah. Like, oh, it's jizzle. I think it's the proper way to say jizz, right? I don't know if it's the proper way to say. Yeah, it's jism is not a scientific word.

Might have, like, fertility doctor never referred to, like, jizzo. Go get your hibso, have some jizum in the thing, and it'll shopping in your, and your buss. I wish me had kind of slangy doctors more often. Yeah, come on, stop. Where are the slangy doctors? How would you feel? if you went in and a doctor was talking to you

as you're trying to become pregnant. Yo, what's up, dog? You might have fucking AIDS, dude. The way that the slang works for like female anatomy, like, I don't think I want that. Oh, look at that there. Pussy pot. I imagine that's what he would say as he got down there. Pussy pot, pussy pot, juicy pot,

as you get juicier. You know what I'm saying? You're, yeah, them titty's got no lumps. That's all I'm trying to say to you right now. I would love it if a doctor told me that, please. Yeah, that's fine. I want lumpless, you know, lumpless top mountains here. I spent some time trying to introduce a nickname for myself to be Silent K.

Ooh. You know? Like Reliant K? Silent K. The K of my last name is silent. And so Silent K. Ooh, I like that, Molly. It's kind of sassy, but it never caught up.

And then I got a good nickname off of that, too, that you could also be referred to. Shk. Oh, I like it. Yeah, but then the K is the opposite. Yeah. Anybody else going this weekend to Shk? Sh dissertation? Sh dissertation on why this fucking country's so fucking shitty.

Are you going to go to that? You're going to go to her dissertation? I really like silent K. But I think it might be ketamine. I think it might actually be an existing drug with just ketamine. Or it sounds like, yeah, you roofy people but with ketamine instead of roofies. Like a K-hole. I think that that's the thing.

the problem with it doing anything around K is that the drug K. Right. I just smoked a joint, but it was definitely a silent K joint. Yes, exactly. And I ended up laying on the floor, drooling, you know, listening to that new Madonna fucking song. Yeah, I don't want to be associated with K-holes. They don't sound fun. Definitely not, definitely not want to get into the Khole bar.

I mean, why it all said, well, it depends on the time, depends on where you are. What? You got a special K? You got a pro-Sylo-K holes. Does it just make you just make you? you just, yeah, like not exist? It's terrible. It's awful, right?

I think the whole thing with a K-O is like it's the worst feeling that you could ever have. People with your shitty drug, yeah, when people are just like, yeah, man, I kind of got a little into PCP for a little while. I'm like, why? Everybody I talked to is like, yeah, like the walls started bleeding and the fucking demon tried to eat me. And I'm like, cool, fun.

That sounds like a real enlightening. That doesn't sound scary at all, all right. Cool. Oh, my God. No, there's no demons, though, when it comes to Silent K. Man, now I'm just going to call you silent K, Molly. I think you have to be silent K now. I spent my entire childhood trying to get a nickname, and it never worked.

And now I'm maybe I'll get one in adulthood. Yeah, it's beautiful. I don't know if I can call you hony, though, Holden. Honey? No, no, no, you have to say it. You have to do that Southern O that I have, though. It's got to be Hone. Honey.

Honey. Honey. Honey. Honey. Honey. Honey. Honey. Honey. Honey.

In here. Honey, hony. Honey in here. Yuck. I just going to give you a swirl, swirl, hoony, do the hony, do the hony, do the hony, do the hony, do the hony, I don't like hony, take out your genitals, wiggle them around, do the hony hoon, bonk, wonk, wonk, that's the sound of my genitals moving around.

Cunk, clunk, quunk, gunk, gong, bong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, pink, do the hony hoe, it'll make you think. You know what I mean? Ooh, what would you paint your genitals, though? Maroon. I'm a bit of a earth-tone guy. Oh, then you could drop your pants and go, what a maroon! What a maroon! My penises! I am now also a registered sex offender because I just did this. It sounds like, what's sweeter than being sweet?

Honey, book. I said, what's easier than being sweet? Honey, book. All right, all right, I write, I write, I right, I write, I write, I write, I say, now, Jackies, yeah. Do you need an online business management tool that lets you control your client communication? Yeah. Does that tool also do bookings, contracts, and invoices all in one place? Yeah? I promise I won't do this entire HoneyBook ad via the words of Andre 3000.

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I'm upset about it and I'm mad about it. Oh, no. I don't want to see her hologram. She was unhappy in life and I feel like unless you put it in your will that you allow it and not only allow it but condone it to happen, I feel like it should be illegal for estate holders to allow someone's visage to be used in a hologram on tour. Unless the person has such a personality that you know they would love it. I agree that in the will it should be explicit.

It should be explicitly, yes, you can turn me into a traveling hologram. Yeah. But I feel like maybe like, is there anybody who, like a Vegas, like Barry Manilow? Is there anybody who you could be like, well, he would for sure be okay with it? Yeah. Barry, you think Barry Manilow would be cool? Who would be cool with it? He's the Barry Manilow expert.

Oh, he would definitely be okay with it. He's the king of glitz. Sinatra would probably be cool with it too. These like kind of. Probably. These like loungy kind of nightclub type guys. The, uh, what's his name? It's on.

Use your well to be in love. Tom Jones. A hundred percent would have, like, and his bulge would be so stupid. Yeah, and then you make it really big. Yeah, you make it sing. You make it sing parts, backing parts and stuff. Oh, yeah, just make it come out of the bottom of his baths. That's what I want.

After I did, I'm going to put in my will. I want to beat my head on a bat's body, a giant bat. And I'll just like, ah! Wait, is that a part of Hone? Like, is it Honey? Honey. Honey, yeah, Honey's bat tour. is going to happen.

You can we'll sell peanuts at the door you can throw at me. It turns into like a really difficult project to manage for your surviving loved ones. Like, all right, we've got to plan this tour for holding his head on a bat

called Tony. I think he's going to fly over the audience. I'm not sure but they aren't going to be throwing peanuts. He wants it to be in like thousand seat aren't. We're like not sure if we could sell it out. We're not going to sell it. He can't even sell it.

at 20. He died in his own piss. You know, like with a bottle of hot sauce in his fucking hand. Like, his guy's not had a career in 30 years, but it is stipulated in the will. But he wants to go on tour. Like, I'm not even singing. Give it more peanuts. Give it more peanuts. Making bat noises.

So we're supposed to, like, throw the peanuts at them or eat them? Throw them. You can't eat them. They'll arrest you. They'll drag you out of here if you try to eat them. You have to throw them. But can you also do like a good rendition of that don't impress me much? Like out of nowhere?

I think that would be a lot of fun. That don't impress me. There it is. Yeah. By the way, my breasts slowly get bigger throughout the entire show. Of course. I didn't even think that was a question, obviously. That's what I would like to actually see.

Like, because you know Kanye wants to do this. Have him go on tour with his hologram. Like they do a whole show to get, you know what I mean? Like Fred Astaire and the, uh, the, uh, the, the cartoon, who did he dance with, Jerry? Like, whatever. Yeah. Like, a modern day version of that, Kanye dancing with his hologram.

God, I'd love to go on tour with myself, but I'm just, like, hugely muscular, just massive. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think you, I mean, you could definitely do that. Weird stuff like that. Why aren't they making their bodies weird? It's a hologram. You do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, make them big and lump.

Right? Isn't it, I, isn't it just, is it a hologram just a glorified, video? Yeah, probably. It's just like smoke and mirrors. Just watching a video. Yeah, I feel like in my brain it still is like a Star Trek

kind of vision though, you know? Right. It looks like 3D and like because I studied, Hatsune Miku, a lot of this technology I think came from her which is this non-existent all of her music is created by a computer program and she's this like anime design that just tours around

and you should totally look it up because it's like massive auditoriums full of people cheering and like dancing to this live show that is literally all a computer. And it's fascinating. And I love that stuff. Hell yeah. That sounds awesome. Yeah, that does sound cool.

It's interesting. And it does look like a real kind of anime characters actually live size on stage dancing. Really? Ooh, that's cool. Wait, what is their name? Hatsune Miku. But there's a lot of other ones now, but Hatsunei Miku is the real big one. And actually, I get a cross-promotion.

Wizard of the Brewster did an episode. on Hitsunamiku. It was one of our less popular ones because it's such a weird subject, but I think it's one of our fucking best. Hell yeah, that sounds delightful. Yeah, it's fascinating, dude. It's our future. I was about to make the joke with the Amazon people. It's like, they refer to them as pre-drones. Essentially, these

workers, you know what I mean? That's really what they're getting to. That's what they're getting to. And it'll all be automated. Even our entertainment. Just be fucking robots and shit. And I'm here for it. Because I think it'd be fun. I like Wally, and the reality of it. I saw the reality of it. I saw the reality and I was like, yeah.

It's sad. I saw the reality. I was like, give me the floating chair. I said, give me the floating chair. Oh my God. Have you seen Wally as of late? I watched it not too long ago and I just sobbed. Yeah.

I'm so afraid about climate change to watch Wally. I can't do that. It's brutal. Yeah. That's devastating. Oh, yeah. I mean, I agree about the drones thing. And the thing about Amazon is it has a way of sneaking into your life

and you can spend the first few years being like, I'm not going to do that. And then the next that you're like, I guess I'll do it. And then you're like, I owe me my books from Amazon. And then you're like, why don't I need a drone to deliver something tonight? Like earlier this week, it was like 95 degrees in our house

and the baby couldn't sleep. And I was like, I would fucking kill for a drone to deliver an air conditioner right now. Where's the drones? Where are the drones? What have I become? I scream where are the drones on a daily basis. It's some, usually around lunchtime.

I'll just look up in the air. I'll just go, where are the drones? That's just his lunchtime thing. That's just what he does at lunchtime. Speaking of times of the show, I was a bad one. I was going to do a cinematic love transition and that was a bad one.

It's time for the list. What I'm saying is time for the list. Who's on the list? Jackie's got that list. Fussing up and whatever. You're getting there. You're getting there. I thought it was who's on the list.

Jackie's got that. Whatever, though. No, it's like a throw in there. It's like a remix. Celebrities with bad breath. Fifteen worst on-set kissing stories. Ooh. I always love to hear who's a bad kisser, actually.

I would just assume, though, this is ridiculous. The one thing you're going to do this day is share your breath intimately with someone, probably a lot. You're not going to even try to fucking pop a breathman in there? Also, you're rich. When rich people look great and take care of their bodies, I'm sorry. I'm not that impressed. It is a lot of work.

But, like, if it is your job to, like... To look good. To look good and take care of your body, again, it is a lot of work, and I don't mean to discount that. But, like, if I did not have anything else to do... Right. I've always said, yeah, like,

if only I could get a movie, like, a Troy. And it's like, oh, you're going to pay me millions of dollars to work out for four hours a day. Right. I was just working out for four fucking hours a day. I'd like the... I chose the example of Troy. Because that was the one...

I haven't thought about that movie. The reason why it immediately comes to mind is because everyone was talking about, like, Brad Pitt's workout. routine is crazy and I'm like yeah like again if you pay me a million dollars to eat a bowl of shit I'd probably do it I think that that's why this is fun

because a lot of this list are actually celebrities that do this on purpose because they think it's funny like Jennifer Lawrence oh really she does things so it's like both the leading men in the Hunger Games franchise Josh Hutcherson and Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth

both said that she liked to have fun with her kissing scenes so she would eat things with lot of garlic or most of the time would eat tuna right before they had their kissing scenes because she thought it was funny. That's not fun. She's just so down to earth, you know? She's just like all of us.

She's just like all of us. Except she's not fun because I like, I don't ever want my breath to smell bad. And I understand that that is funny. However, I don't mean to be a little devil's advocate here. If you're getting paid millions of dollars to do something, just do it. Just do it, right. Especially, yeah, you're fucking up the job by doing that. Yeah.

You're fucking up their acting work. By the way, going back to it being a job, too. I think also it's up to the other person. Literally be like, uh, director, um, can we get Jennifer some breathments because it's affecting my performance and this is a professional environment? You know what I mean? I'm the type of person. Like, why aren't these co-actors, uh, these co-stars being like, hey, uh, cut,

hold on a second. Um, for some reason, Jennifer, like, ate a bunch of garlic at lunch. I think she's like, she thinks it's funny. this is a job. Yeah, I mean, I feel like if I, like, she could be like, I'm so quirky, but I feel like if I had to do a kissing scene with a guy and he, like, purposefully ate some shitty thing right before him, I'd be like, are you mad at me?

Yeah, what's going on? It's, like, an aggressive thing, you know? That's insane. But then I think it's kind of fun that they would, some of them would do it to each other, like Miles Teller and Shailene Woodley in The Spectacular Now, which is a very serious movie. And they both would do it back and forth to each other, which is also kind of fun.

if you have to like be in love with each other and you both like like to have fun on set. See, that is when I understand it when you're doing very serious things. And I guess a lot of times she would take these Chinese herbal supplements that her mouth would taste like dirt, which is what Miles Teller said about it. And then he would just drink. I guess she doesn't like the taste of licorice or Gatorade. So we'd use that against her. That's kind of fun.

But I feel like you could do it like what I would do is have it be like a game where you had to make a ground rules. So it has to be like an artificial fruit flavor or something and then try to guess like, oh, did you eat a bunch of grape jelly beans before this or something? You know, but like make it something that's not so gross. Like if you kiss somebody right after they eat grape jelly beans, that's fine, you know? You know what? It would be a fun little trick. Take like a sheet of paper or something sharp and just like cut your tongue up in a little bit. Yeah, and then make it blood all in your mouth. And then they're just like, oh my God, there's blood all, you know, and like, yeah, yeah, I did it as a funny joke for the set today. Because I'm,

I'm secretly enamored with you. I secretly wish I could just, like, live under your skin. And then, and then, action, you know what I mean? Yeah. But then there are times, which I find very interesting, that, like, I feel like if someone told me that my breath stank, I would be mortified. There are very few things that actually legitimately make me up, you know, that make me uncomfortable because I don't want that.

And then also harkens back to, like, being a fat girl my entire life of, like, The one thing that Henry and I always joked around about that, it's like, you can, like, you can be fat as long as, which is this is a horrible thing to say, but like, this is what we grew up saying, you can be fat as long as you're nice and as long as you take showers, which is something that we incorporated in our life. I say showers. Because then people will like you. I'm saying that this is like middle school us. I'm not saying now I was. I'm saying middle school us would say that to each other, you know? But it is, I feel like it's true, like a legit fat phobic stereotype is that.

And so you guys were just... They're untidy, yeah. So that you guys were countering that. I feel like that's actually probably really real. Speaking of breath in middle school, do you guys remember the Banaka at middle school dances? I love Bonaca. Do you remember that fucking shit? I never used Benaka.

Doesn't it sting? Yeah, but that's part of the fun. And that was the whole thing. It was like, it has alcohol in it. Yes. I'm so drunk off Banaka. Yes, I loved Benaka. I loved it.

Just every two seconds. Do it until you burn your tongue. Oh. See, that was a really. the time that we would snort pixie sticks and owl toys you ever snort altoids crush oh my god that's like crazyer that's way you're like oh doesn't but not have alcohol it i was putting sugar into my brain tubes people what do you mean we were doing it as if we did it a lot like i feel like when people the one time you snort a pixie stick is the only time you do it

there's like the one kid in the neighborhood who's like you want to snort a pixie six and you're like no and then he does it and you're like all right but then add on to that fucking altoids is Mantic. Altoyeds were rough, man. You had to be a strong person to do altoids, and man, was I strong? God, we were all just so ready to do drugs. So ready. I wanted drugs so badly.

I had candy cigarettes. I just remember, like, remembering my infatuation with candy in general, it was such an obvious tell that I was going to really like drugs. Yeah, I love candy. You know what I mean? I need more. It was like the only way to kind of get high. I want to take this stick and dip it in sugar and then suck the sugar off the stairs. You're getting me.

All day. I would be like, I was eating so many gummy bears that I would actually, I became like a connoisseur. I was like, oh, you got to go to that place. They have the fresh ones. They'll be like really good. Like, that's where you got to go. I still am that way back. I eat gummy bears until I get sick.

Yeah. And you know, and there's no other way. There's a softness. There's like a softness to the, to the gummy itself that like you really want to search for and get. You know what I mean? And you're like, oh, yeah, this is a really good, like, batch. This is like a good vintage. You know what I mean?

But then these things I feel like makes sense because people like Ben Affleck on the set of forces of nature, Sandra Bullock kept giving him mince because she was too nice to say like, hey, your breath is really bad. So she kept doing that the same with Angelina Jolie that apparently Brad Pitt would like for every holiday that they had together when they were together

would also include breath mints into everything. But I feel like that would eventually hurt my feelings. Because if it's halitosis, that's one thing. You know, there's not really a whole lot you can do about that. You know, I do get a little, and Lexi does it all the time. You know what I mean? She'll be like, here, have a mint or have some gum or whatever. You know what I mean?

And it's just, I just accept it now. But yeah, it does hurt a little bit. But, I mean, I'm so much more thankful that I'm not ruining everybody's day around me with this shit. Yeah, but it's hard. It's like when somebody tells you you have something in your teeth, you're thankful for it. But it's hard not to be like, oh, man. Yeah. You know, just have a minute of like, oh, I was that person.

Stuff of my teeth, you know. I mean, you know, Hugh Grant's got bad breath. Apparently, Julia Roberts, she had a lot of peanut butter breath, which I don't think that's that bad. It's not that bad, but it's really specific. Like, peanut butter breath reminds me of, like, the first boy I kissed in sixth grade had peanut butter breath. And so I don't have a positive association with it.

Are you just saying that to show up hold him because you didn't have his first kiss. Wow. I haven't been hoping I could get that in. Sorry. It was also not a good kiss. Don't worry. Sorry for me, I guess, huh? So I was so fucking desperately lonely

It was not a good kiss And there was a long dry spell after sixth grade So scared was I when I first And she was a former Miss Teen Alabama Miss Teen Arkansas She's a beautiful woman And she I think knew I want to say four seconds into the kiss

That we were definitely not going to be seeing each other After that night You know what I mean? I was like I can't believe it I got this whoa whoa whoa wow wow wow wow wow Oh, my God. Were you so hard? I think I was so scared and nervous about, like, sucking. That you couldn't get hard?

That I couldn't even. Too scared to be hard. Yeah. I remember my virginity, too, I didn't even finish. You know what I mean? I was like, I think I finished. I think I'm done. Where'd it go?

Oh, it's on my, I'll just wash it. It's on my, uh. I was so scared to even be in the situation. I was just so fright. Because the woman I was with sort of had, had plenty of intercourse in her life. I feel like that's around the time that Jism bust down the door goes, you need some help? You like the Kool-Aid guy. You're like the Kool-Aid guy for sex.

Yeah, man. Perfect. Jizzo! J-Zle! I want to see the cartoonified version of Jism, the Kool-Aid, Jackie. I love it. Sex character, sex enforcer. Is it a picture full of cum or is it like a condom? A condom full, a big...

Like oversized condom the size of like a pillow, like a small pillow case, filled to the brim with just so much just, just, it's like juicy, it's yellow. Oh yeah. It's all rough. It's not the good kind of jism either. It's the bad kind. But you have the exact identical face of the Kool-Aid guy painted onto it. I think, hold it, this is your time to shine.

Uh-oh, is it time for blind items? We can't see him! I just feel like we can't see him so much easier to remember We can week and week out, but of course now I'm on the other side of the wall. Yeah, well, you know, get used to it. I'm fucking John Snow on the other side of the wall right now, you know what I mean? At that point? Whoa.

Okay. Apparently, the two main actresses on that third-times-a-charm reboot of a television show have been doing their best to get tabloids to bite that their old nemesis is still trying to ruin things. The two actresses still can't get over the fact that they were forced to add their nemesis to the show. They want her gone. Third times a charm reboot. Yeah, reboot.

Third, a third reboot. A very popular show. Sex in the city! No. Oh, damn it. But that's a really good guess. Let me know when you want to hit. I was about to give a hint, but maybe I shouldn't just yet.

No, hit me, hit me. Very popular when we were younger. But not friends. When we were like, when we were like, my brother really more watched this. It was more his age. but you guys were probably watching this show. Saved by the Bell? No.

There was at least one reboot of that, though. Good guess. What the fuck? No, like I said, my brother, like, you know what I mean? Well, I guess we were kind of a little young for Save by the Bell when I first started. My brother's four years older than me. Okay.

And he watched this, though, I do feel like a lot of teenagers, a lot of, all right, please. 90210. Yeah. Which one? 9-210. 9-210. Ooh. Wait, who are the teenagers?

actresses. Yeah, do you want to guess who the actresses are? Who all hate each other? Who do you think is the... Tori Spelling. I think everyone hates Tori Spelling. She is one of the actresses, not the nemesis, though. Really?

I also assume everybody hates Shannon Doherty. She is the nemesis. Interesting. Well, now they're about to bring it back again. But now that Luke Perry's got... Oh, oh. So I'll just go ahead. So, do you want to try to name that?

Jenny Garth. I don't even know who the other... Yeah, Ginny Garth. So Ginny Garth and Tori Spelling are like besties, and they're super against Shannon Doherty. And... Oh, of course, you blondes. Yeah, Molly, I said it.

So there was a post on Instagram from Doherty that was the headline, writers quit Beverly Hills 90210 amid rumors. Lead actresses are running the show, quote unquote, with source saying, Shannon Doherty is a total control freak. Doherty, too, this is a bit of a long quote, but I'm going to read it because it's fucking T.

With a capital D. She said being a part of TV history is an honor, but it also comes with some massive backlash. There has been many stories floating around about this show and me. One of the reasons I hesitated to say yes was for this crap. The only thing I'm a control freak over is my health, trying to stay healthy and positive. I real, which is really important, guys, to stay healthy and positive.

I mean, she's right, but also don't be a B. If you're right in the post this long, you have lost the battle. I realized this morning that I have a fear of, doing what I love because of headlines like this, not only because there is zero truth to it, but because it lessens me and my journey battle experience with cancer. Why should I be scared to work? And why aren't people held accountable for their fabricated stories?

I refuse to be cast in the same villain role because journalists, quote unquote, journalist, lack imagination and I certainly refuse to be cheapened as a survivor and as a woman by them. Yes, I am a strong woman. I have been through hell and back. I am compassionate and caring. I'm multifaceted and not someone

to be pigeonholed. I am a woman with my own story. Please stop trying to tell your wildly inaccurate, exaggerated story of me. I promise dot, dot, dot, you don't know me. I just hate to say this, but just because, which I mean, I think it's amazing that she survived cancer, but just because he survived cancer doesn't mean

you can't be a bitch. True. You know, like, that's the thing. I'm very proud of her, and I think that's amazing. But you could still be a bit of a bit of, a bee. It's a bit of a tool. It feels a little cheap to throw that out there in this regard. It surprised me in this context. Yeah, you're kind of like, oh, you're

going to do that. Yeah, well, you know what? Maybe you're saying these things because my legs are bowed. And I feel personally offended that Holden you ever call me a bee because my legs are bowed. You're a bow ass leg and ass bitch, okay? You're a bow ass. I call you a bo-ho. You're a bo-ho. You're a bo-ho. So Ginny Garth then posted on her Instagram with a pick with her in Spelling from her B-Day Celebration, Spellings B-D-D-A celebration, with this comment, much shorter. Happy birthday to my partner and best friend for life. Wow, we've been through some shit, and today was no exception.

Hope you enjoyed your glamorous birthday dinner. I love you. So there's clear. So, yeah. I mean, I was, I certainly, I feel like there's part of me listening to Doherty's thing, like, yeah, totally possible. This is all bullshit and they all got it wrong. But if the other two women weren't like, yeah, that's all bullshit, then maybe, maybe not. Right.

It feels a little, yeah. But also they could be ganging up on her too, which also happens sometimes. It does happen. I kind of feel, always generally feel bad for the solo cup in the situation. For sure. You know what I mean? And like, so. Yeah, because all the balls are getting flung into her.

Yeah, all those balls are getting flung into her. You know what I mean? That's not how you have sex, by the way. Okay, so if you're trying to insert your balls into a woman's vagina. Oh, you want to talk about sick. Jizum knows that. Jizum knows about sex. We were trying to make love to each other

for the first time and then this crazy asshole woman came in and covered us head to toe with strangers. Jizzles you. Stranger's semen. We had to go to the doctor to make sure we didn't have some kind of a semen related STD. I don't know why she would do that. All right, here we go.

Worried about the book coming from the former female lover of the permanent an A plus list singer is the relative of the singer and how it is going to expose the horrors inflicted by the relative. So the relative announces a bunch of new records and a tour that will probably never happen. Distract. Distract. So a X, I know that sounds really complicated, right?

Yeah. X lover of an A plus. Yeah, a A plus list, permanent A plus list singer is going to put a memoir out. and this other, the relative who is, yeah, who is involved in, like, the estate or whatever is like... Is it Whitney Houston? Yes. And this all goes handed in. Yeah, so this is the hologram tour she was talking about.

Oh. Yeah, it's Whitney Houston's sister-in-law that is the executor of the estate. Pat Houston. Yeah, and she was also her manager. And do you know the lover's name? Have you heard of this? lover, proposed lover, purported lover, Robin Crawford. Have you watched the documentary?

I have not seen yet, but this, looking into this, looking into this made me super one-to. What's it on? I don't, I saw it in the theater three times. And it, what? I, it is, heart-breaking. A documentary in the theater three times. That's the deal.

Because I was so upset and I just kept being like, have you seen it yet? All right, let's go. And then I would make people go see it with me. It seems pretty great. It's yes. Oh my God, watch the Whitney documentary. It's so upsetting and it's so.

But no. No, that Pat Houston was like very involved in that documentary. Yes. By the way. You shall watch it. That's why I think I'm also extra against the hologram touring of Whitney Houston is because of that documentary. Because there's a lot of things about Whitney Houston

and how very sad and upsetting. her life was way before people knew about it. 100%. Yeah, real rough. So, yeah, what was I going to say? Crawford wrote a memoir about her years working as Houston's assistant called A Song For You My Life with Whitney Houston, which is coming out in November. By the way, Jackie, so you should probably get on that.

I will. And apparently it's about her lesbian affair with Whitney Houston. That too. And she wasn't allowed to be a lesbian. Yeah, of course. And it was all kept under wraps. Of course, of course. I mean, back then.

I mean, it would almost probably be a thing now and like back then. Yeah. So, Pat, yeah, a hologram tour, she announced a new album of outtakes from her 1985 debut album and a Broadway musical that's going to be like a jukebox musical, essentially. Yeah, it seems gross. It's gross. I think it's gross. I think it should, I don't think it should be allowed to happen.

Okay, I got, well, one more, right? One more. One more. One more. Slop is one more. This former A-minus list, mostly television actress from two now defunct hit network shows, is doing partner-swapping on a fairly frequent basis. Partners swapping. A-minus list, mostly television actress. Jennifer Anderson.

No. Julia Louis Dreyfus. 100% not. What? Two shows. More recent. More recent. More recent.

More recent. I have a fun clue. Do you want me to give you the fun clue? Fun clue. Yes. Henry is. Alicia Silverstone. No. Henry is like, I don't want to say related, but you could do one step of one degree to this person.

Oh, Sarah Jessica Parker. No. What? One degree. Yeah. I'm related to Henry. Is it me? It's like in a job sense.

He's, you know what I mean? Yeah, but that's. It's a direct. In other words, he has worked on one of the shows. Oh, he's worked on one of the shows. Kind of one. Well, maybe not. Lena Dunham?

No. Damn, Henry does have a really good resume, huh? He's got a great, right? That's what I'm trying to figure. Go through the shows, go through the shows. Think of a bad one. Think of a not good one. Network shows, right?

Kristen Millietti? Name shows, actually, because I think I've just confused. used it a little bit. I mean, I didn't watch him in Heroes. I'm throwing that out there. I didn't watch him in heroes. It's Heroes, but it might, I can't I can't remember if this actor is actually in the original. Is it Hayden Paneteer? It is 100% Hayden Paneteer.

Wait, say it again, so she's, wait, she's spouse swapping? She is doing some partner swapping with her boyfriend. Oh, because of heroes in Nashville. In Nashville. She's foxy as She's super foxy. She's, yeah. I would, I would definitely cause

the, what's name again. Jism would smack on it. I think that instead of Jism breaking down the wall when people are having sex, I think that Jism should just break down the wall when someone is like turned on for somebody. And they like it. Yeah, and let him know like,

he wants to fuck. Yeah. It's like anybody who they're kind of stuck in a thing and they don't want to say it. They're like, you know, oh, how do I take this from friendship or whatever? We're both doctors and we have to work late hours. But every time we do surgery together, I'd like

I can barely look at the patient's innards because I'm just so lost in this fucking other doctor's fucking eye and dick bulge. And then Jism comes in. And Matt I humbly suggest that Jism could be like an inflated condom that is empty instead of what you guys described as before. It has to be filled to the brim with multiple, multiple people's. That's the thing. She's like Santa. You know what I mean? And that's the thing you don't know.

It's literally a what's in that bag, that condom thing. It's actually, it's a shoot from every different nationality in the world. It's the Eurovision of Jizum. It's the Eurovision of Jizzbags. It's all right. I think that's good. Thank you guys so much. You're joining us today.

This was a lot of fun today, guys. And please hit up our Patreon if you would like to. We got some fun things going on over there. It's patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. And like we said, up top, if you want to come see us live, we are working on quite a live show for you. June 9th, the Bell House, New York City. And tickets are available in the show notes of today's show.

My name is Jackie Zbrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. I just also downloaded Snapchat for the first time. Hey. So I am, yeah, guys, I'm pretty with it. There you go. You're right in there. You're in the Zike guys.

I'm in the Zike. Congratulations. My name is Molly Nethel. And my name is Wail. You can find me on Twitch. tv.tv. It can find me on Twitch.tv.4. Holdenators ho.

Yeah, you can. and you also find him at Wizard and the Browser. We love you guys so much. Yeah, I'll plug your fucking show. You can also find him at Honey. You can find me at Honey. Honey.com. Hony.com.

My brony, my little pony unboxing stream that I do. Yucky yuck. We love y'all. We'll talk to you next week. May. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

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