Page 7 - Episode 305: I'm Joe Shoes

Episode Date: May 30, 2019

Jackie, Molly and Holden gab about "Rocketman" and Guy Fieri and Matthew McConaughey's bromance. Come see us live, June 9th in NYC! bit.ly/2JvdHVW That’s http://burrow.com/page7 for $75 off a new sofa. Go to http://expressvpn.com/page7 and find out how you can get 3 months free with a 1 year package. Get 50% off your first year of HoneyBook at http://honeybook.com with promo code: PAGE7 Apero Hour, Funkorama, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, everybody, Holden here. Oh, hey, I'm Jake. And I just wanted to take a quick second to talk about this live show we got going on in Brooklyn and June. Oh, are you talking about the live podcast event of the season? Oh, my God. Yes, I'm talking about the live podcast of the season. Of course, the sites are maybe like last podcast on the left live. But you know what I mean?

But this is its own thing. Wizard and the Bruiser, page seven on one stage. It's going to be incredible at the Bell House on June 9th. That's Sunday, June 9th at the Bell House. Doors are at 730. The show is at 730. You can get tickets online. for just 25 bucks. We're going to have

merch, we're going to have signed posters, we're going to be hanging out after the show. Come party with us. Don't party with Jackie. She's a violent presence. See you there, guys. Jumbalai, Crawfish Pie, Philly Gumbo. For tonight, I'm going to see my share in Bio. Pick a guitar, Phil Food Job, and be a gayo.

Son of a gum, you're going to have some fun on the bio. Happy and 30th anniversary, Seal Magnolias. Yes. Steel Magnolias. The funnest, saddest movie ever. God, it's just so good. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

Welcome to page seven, guys. Who we got here? My name is Molly Nethel, and I realized that if I was given a quiz on the first, like, five to ten seconds of every song you sing, I would have, like, a 25% passy, right? Well, do you know Jumbaya?

Do you know that song? As you got, like, by the end, I'm usually like, ah, yeah, like, but I need a good. I need, this is how I was at middle school dances, too. Everyone else would, like, scream when they heard the first few seconds of a song, and I'd be like, yeah. But I didn't know until. Again, hi, hold McNeely. I think you have the power now, Jackie, to literally make up any song attributed to any fake thing you want to, and Molly will completely 100% buy it. You have the power.

I'll be like, yeah, that's so cool. I love that song. Which is what I did. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, I got chimps in my panties And I'm scared, scared, scared of their big, big teeth. Do you remember that? It's from Slumber Party 2019. I like this one from the final cowboy.

I like smoking cigarettes. I think everybody should smoke a cigarette. You bet we all should get addicted to that thing. I like to say nicotine is my king. Are you trying to April Reels day with me right now? I feel you, I hear you. I really like that. Holden's one sounded like a song and a musical,

like how they kind of start with talking. The Real Cowboy, the musical, yeah. Or the Final Cowboy, I'm sorry, the Real Cowboy was the first, the final Cowboy is the sequel. Tell me I was not the only person in high school who felt so out of touch and uncool, and I would just pretend I knew songs.

So I think, oh yeah, I love that album. Oh, yeah. I still kind of do that sometimes. Everybody, I actually unabashedly now as a rule of thumb, because I used to do that so much. I used to, in social situations, get stressed out and be like, yeah, yeah. And then I'd end up getting called on it every fifth time.

Of course. If you're bullshit and you're bullshit, no, if someone says, have you heard this and I've never heard I'm just like, no, I have not heard of it. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I did that. Everybody lied so much about what they knew. Remember just like lying about your knowledge of sex with people?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. I know what that is. Definitely. I know, you know, someone showed you. the number is 69 and you'd be like, yeah, yeah, I know. I remember that, I remember exactly having this exact conversation on the playground. I remember exactly where I was on the bridge on the playground with the word fuck.

Somebody was like, well, you know what the word fuck means. And I didn't know, like, I knew it was a bad word that meant like, damn it, but I didn't know the other music. I was like a fourth grader, to be fair, I wasn't a high school. Right, right, yeah. But they were like, well, you know what fuck means? And I was like, oh, shut up. I know what fuck means. And they were like, they said something like,

oh yeah, that person fucked that other. And I was like, that doesn't make any sense. Because I didn't know. You're so Midwestern, Molly. I love it. I thought that would be like saying that person dameted somebody else. I was like, that's not how you use that word.

Yeah, it's like thinnering someone. Yeah, you fuck. Yes. I've talked about this before, but I had both of my sex talks were with Woody Allen. Like, like, wasn't really a sex talk. It was just Woody Allen movies that I watched. watched with each different parents.

My father, I watched everything you want to know about sex, but we're afraid to ask with. We did not speak the entire time. And by the end, it was like, yeah, so now we're fine, right? We don't have to do this. My mom, though, she was, I was laying on the couch. She was, like, ironing behind me. And she threw on Mighty Aphrodite,

which I did not realize was going to be, like, completely covered wall-to-wall with sex topics. Oh, no. And she was just, like, anything in this movie that they talk about that you don't understand, feel free to ask me. Whoa, what did you ask her about? Nothing. I was frozen.

I was frozen terror And I remember at one point she was like A blowjob was mentioned and she She was like so do you know what a blow job Is and I was just like yeah Like so frightened And I don't think I really did At that time know what it was but I definitely said

Yes and pretended because I was Mortified Oh but that's tough because it sounds like That's like thinking through it As an adult that sounds like A good approach to be like I'm just going to put this thing on it's going to I mentioned sex, and if you have any questions, let me know.

Weird that it was Woody Allen both times. See, my problem is I had a sex talk, but we had it when we were in the pool. My mom and I were in the pool, and I was 18 or 12, and I still had a life preserver on. And I was like, shouldn't we be dealing with the bigger issue here that I'm so scared and that I don't know how to swim? And I'm in this pool, and you want to talk to me about putting penises inside of vaginas right now? I think that there are bigger fish to fry. First of all, don't do that in the pool

because you'll get some kind of bad bacteria going. No, you can't get pregnant. It swims out. It goes in and it goes out and they're like, oh, no, this one doesn't want it. And I didn't actually see showgirls as a kid, but somehow that pool sex scene, it's like it was beamed into my brain

that I knew that sex in a pool was so sexy. And then it loomed large in my mind that there was sex in a pool and show girls. And then I finally watched showgirls like three years ago And I was like, that's the sex scene and show girls? Have you seen it recently? I have an admission to make. I have never actually sat down and watched show girls.

It's worth it. I haven't done it in a long time, but I definitely was one of those that I watched in secret in my room, hoping that no one would come in, like around the, you know, my astronaut's wife time. I feel like for us it was species, I believe it, wasn't it? The sci-fi horror with me. Yeah.

Was that species, right? That was the big... That was the late night boy beat, beat movie, but also, and they do it in the show. They do it in, oh, fuck, what's the name of that show about the girls playing themselves in middle school? Oh, 1015. 1015, which I fucking loved,

and that episode with Wild Things hit so close to them. They all watch, they all get together to try to maybe hook up with each other a little bit, these young kids, and the whole setting is they're going to hang out and watch Wild Things. Remember Wild Things? I do. Oh, yeah.

See, that you talk about. about beaming into your brain. That's what happened with me with wild things because I just knew about it. And so I imagined it in my brain that by the time I saw it was like, I mean, it's great, but like, it's not what I was thinking up here. It's not like a nine and a half weeks, you know?

Right. A cruel intentions, perhaps. Cruel intentions also loomed large in my... Yes, and was very underwhelming when I actually... I was like, okay, it was same thing with like Britney Spears and Madonna kissing, you know what I mean? You're just like a five. Yeah, they're just like a five. Yeah, they're just. Oh, it's so sexy. But the thing is, you know,

You guys, I can't emphasize how fucking weird the pool sex scene in showgirls is. It's not that it's, it's not that it's like a dud or it's so, like, Elizabeth Berkeley is out of her damn mind. Okay. And has never seen sex before. Like, it is the, it is, by far. Is thrashing a word?

Thrashing is not even, does not even do justice to what happened. I gotta watch it now. It's, it says, like, it says if no one, Paul Verahoven, it's as if none of them had ever seen sex before. That's great. Is it like slurpy? Like is it lip-y? It's like, it's like kind of seizury? You know what I mean.

There's no slurping. There's just thrashing is as close, flailing, seizing. It's just, it truly is, I was in a Paul Verhoven film watching event for a while and we tried to go through all of the different Paul Verhoven films. And

showgirls, so it's fresh in my mind. Like I said, it was three or four years ago. And it's just the most remarkable sex scene I've seen in a long time. I tried to look it up, but it took me straight to a pornographic website. And I just saw a guy jerking his gigantic. What is very funny, I did the same thing as I was in. And I wrote pool sexy.

Then I was like, no, that's not it. Nope, that's on it. And it felt like, and for a second, it felt like when I accidentally stumbled across something like that, when I was at my day job at the desk being like, oh, fuck, this is inappropriate. I'm hearing Molly's voice and I'm just seeing this massive penis because they're trying to get me, of course,

to take some pills or something to make my penis longer. As if that's really gonna be the thing to please as a woman, not your ability to sort of, I don't know, like be a present and really aware of their body. And learning and understanding and communicating through sexuality.

You just need to get a penis the size of their torso and then if you can reach the bottom of their throat, you will then never be lonely again. And she'll also want to play video games with you and do sports with you. Yeah, so anyways, that's what just happened to me. Both of you just watched a few seconds

of porn while I was talking. Oh yeah, I didn't want to stop doing it, but I was like, I should probably pay attention to this conversation. I became, it became intensely awkward. for it, incorrect, deep within my soul. But anyways, I will go watch that later. You got to go watch it later. And that's probably the first time that two of the three members of page seven

have been watching porn during page seven. I have to see, yeah, at that's kind of cute. How did you end up watching showgirls, though? I think that's the better question here, Molly. We got in this, Paul, a group of friends who had just had a baby wanted to keep hanging out, and so they invited us over to their house, like once a month. So after the baby we go to bed, we started.

Watch, we watch Robocop. Why so that she can get all hot, see, talking. Like, I did a baby, but I still need to slurp. No, because you're stuck at home when you have a baby. And so in order for us to keep hanging out, they invited us over. Shout us to Robocop, by the way. Fuck of rules, dude. When he shoots the penis off the guy or whatever, too.

Yeah. Get the penis off with that gun. Robocop was how it started. And then we were like, Paul Verhoeven is such a strange director. Let's work our way through all the Paul Verhoven. Oh, and he did showgirls. He did Showgirls. He did Starship Troopers.

Which I absolutely loved Starship Troopers I saw in the theater. And Wizard, actually, Full Disclosure, recently did an episode on Robocop. Really? So I'm surprised Showgirls actually didn't come up on more than one occasion in that episode. But as a body of work, it doesn't make any sense that the same guy did Robocop and Showgirls. That makes no sense. Starship Troopers and Robocop are very intertwined thematically and just stylistically. Were there fake advertisements in Showgirls for, like, products that built the world?

It is a turn. Like, it makes no sense. And then we got into, the film club took a turn to films that remind us of Paul Verhoeven films. So then we took a turn to like basic instinct. And then from there we went to the one, the bunny boiler one with Glenn Close, you know. Oh, not needful things. What is it?

God, damn it. Fatal attraction. I know you're trying to sit here and say that you're a lot of. having an innocent movie night with these other parents, but these are all very horny movies. I'm just putting out there. I mean, you got to do that sometimes. It's okay.

You know, we all watch eyes wide shut as a group. You know, I get it. You got to get all your squirts together so that you can parent better. I assume that's what life is like. It didn't start horny and started with Robo cop. And then we just followed this trail, this winding Paul Verhoven trail. I have been a horny a time or two whilst watching Robocop.

Yeah, by the way, first of all, second of all, Okay, that other couple once to have sex with you guys And if you wouldn't sit here and be like, oh, that's not happening You can march right out that door, Missy Who's the baby's father, Molly? Who's the baby's father, Molly? It was a big group of friends, and it started, it was the most innocuous thing, like 10 friends starting with Robocop

And then went to Starship Troopers and then went to showgirls And then we were like, well, let's watch the other like sexy 90s films And that's how we got down the basic instinct fatal attraction path And I know I keep bringing it up, you guys maybe now should watch Bound together. Because I can't stop thinking about Bound and talk about a sexy 90s movie. Yeah. I don't remember Bound. Bound was a lesbian.

Jennifer Tilly. Yeah, and I want to say Gladys Jones, but because I can't think of her name right now. And it's like a con movie that they, so like Jennifer Tilly is the wife of this mobster. And Gladys Jones helps her essentially, she's like a bad girl. And then they just fuck. Ooh, do they fuck? Sorry, spoiler alert, they fuck. They fuck a lot.

If they didn't fuck and you, going into that movie, knowing what you know about it, they didn't have sex, that would be, like, incredibly disappointing. Yeah, I mean, if I'm coming off a basic instinct, I better be getting something sexy. But I will say, speaking of fucking and getting herny, herney sauce, I saw all the memes, all the memes out there that were talking about,

like, oh, this Memorial Day weekend, it's beautiful outside. You should stay in and binge watch the society. And they did it. I watched all of society in a day and a half. And also, a lot of people reach out to me saying like, oh, fill the Riverdale void with society. And essentially, I read this review of it that was like, I went down a long hole of pretty little liars and Riverdale.

And then I stumbled into this. It was like, who? So I watched all of it in a day and a half. And it is sexy and it makes no sense. Okay, so sell me on, I think Molly, I can speak for both of us, neither of us have seen the society, right? True.

Sell me, I am like, I'm Joe idiot, right? I'm Joe, uh, shoes, right? I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on. Aren't you a professional entertainer? Joe Shoes? That's just, I'm a plane, I'm a day-to-day boy.

You know, the common last name of Shoes. All right, fine, I'm Joe, uh... Johnson. Johnson. I'm Joe Johnson. Shoes, Johnson. And have I got a guy. a dick enlargement pill for you.

Yeah you do. Let's get it swole. Get it bigger and swole. Okay, I'm Ronald Ron. Okay. You're getting personal. Your every choice is worse than the previous choice. Ronald driving cars. Okay. I have never seen Riverdale. I've never seen any. I don't watch. I don't even know what Netflix is. Okay. Okay.

You're a rare man. Your last name is shoes. And you don't know what Netflix is. You're the opposite of an every man. I also have shape-shifting abilities. Yes, I can turn it to. Now, that's something we should get into, Ron driving cars. Is that weird?

Yes, Ron driving cars. I can turn into a Seahawk, but only once a year. You should have opened with that. I definitely would want to have a conversation with you if you opened with that. Bit of a warg over here. So anyways.

This society. Hi, Jackie. I'm Joe Shoes. What is the deal? So the society, in the first episode, it is a group of seniors that are going on their senior class trip and they say goodbye to all their parents

and everything they get on the buses they fall asleep on the buses and then they turn around and the driver says like oh all the roads are closed so we brought you back to the town so they get off the buses and everyone in the town is gone

and so they have to they have no internet access they cannot like all of the roads out of this tiny town are all blocked and then they have to rebuild society together as a group of seniors and what do you do of course in the first part of it

you all party and you fuck and you fuck and you fuck and then you kind of get past that but also this is chockful of teen fucking in just so many different circumstances where you're like you know there's probably bigger fish to fry at this point in time but then there's a sociopath

there's murder there's lies it is garbage is their breast is their penis is there anything there are no breast and penises, but there's definitely a lot of, which I feel like they actually got right about teenage sex life, there's a lot of masturbation in front of each other, which I feel like is a safe way to get into sex when you're a teenager. And grinding and yeah, yeah, that good stuff, yeah. But it's great. And I definitely, it was one of those things where I haven't seen

Got Daddy in a while because he's been out of town. And I just got so excited because you know those shows that you're like, partners out of town, I'm going to watch all of it, and I don't give a fuck, and I'm not going to see the outside, and I ate six bags of popcorn, and I smiled. It sounds like, you remember years ago we talked about the very real reality show Kid Nation to catch you uphold, and it was a real reality show, circa 2008 or 2009, where they legit took like, I can't remember between 15 and 20 kids, I think, and like put them in the desert and let them build their own society. They weren't teens. They were like 12 year olds. And thinking, we talked about it on the show a while ago and it was like, I was like remembering

it like it was a dream. I was like, this seems like a terrible idea. But they really did it. And what you're describing, Jackie, is like a great because they're teens, they're a little bit more grown up, but that's basically like the narrative version of like, what if, what if young people could build a society? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they actually, I feel like did a good job of like, they're the ones that are like, no, we need to ration the food.

We need to do these things. And so I thought it was smart in all of those ways, but I will definitely say that it is trash. And anyone that I've described to do, they're like, that sounds awful. It's like, but it's beautifully awful. Don't you see? Don't you realize? Of course, it'll never be Riverdale.

Nothing will ever be Riverdale. Well, see, I will say because I think you wanted to talk about like what are those shows that we watch, that we binge watch without our lovers around, loving on us and we just make love, right? A love making happening. And for me. Like tonight, because Lexi's out of town. Lexi's, like, what do you watch when Lexi's out of town? Wednesday nights a lot of times Lexi, she's like an overnight nanny on Wednesdays does the thing.

So I'm alone and it's pretty much predominantly for me anime. So that is just like trashy garbagey garbage or not even garbagey per se. I don't only get people get upset with me for calling certain anime garbage. But like I watch Jojo's Bazaar adventure. I watch Dragon Ball Z Kai, which is this, which is like old school Dragon Ball Z, but recut to cut out all the filler. Just stuff like that. And then also... Wait, they have an abridged version of Dragon Ball Z?

Dragon Ball Z has at least a year of your life of material that is literally a guy just going, like just screaming and staring at you on the TV screen with like just like this force feel around it literally like there are they they were able to cut I forget how many it's like a ludicrous amount of episodes like 40 20 minute long episodes of fat out of that show and re-released it because they were just drawing it out to like just you know save money and whatever you know what I mean yeah the entire episodes of people just powering up right sorry to bring was the Brewser to page seven But anyway, I am interested.

We listen. We're well-rounded. Literally, I used to come home from school and watch it with my friend, and we would literally every, it would just, oh! Like, you're just like, will he finally reached the new form and do anything in this show? Or is it just going to be like this for a month? And it was like that general. I think it's actually kind of fun to listen to this side of it because I know nothing about

Dragon Ball Z. So I know that there's a lot of screaming, but there's no fucking, right? There's some sexish, sexiest stuff. I think more of the Japanese, like pretty much everything in America they've cut out. There's some weird stuff going on there. We're lame. Yeah, there's some weird sex stuff going on.

But it's always like kind of inappropriate the sex over there. You know what I mean? In certain ways. Like it just, it's like, you know, there's always something kind of undercurrent of like, that just feels off. I wish I had a good example of that, you know. I will say that.

I mean, I watch hentai. I get, I'll pick it up with your button. If and when I go with Lexi to Tokyo and Japan in general, which is like one of my big bullet points I want to do in the next few years, I definitely want to go on like a tour of love hotels in Japan. That is like a big, big one for me. I want to go to as many different ones as possible. Kind of like in Blue Valentine. I was just about to bring that up. No, you never bring that up.

Why would you bring that up? Yeah, that fun scene in the love hotel that they have. It's not fun. It's very upsetting. Where they're drinking the vodka and everything. You know what I mean? I still haven't seen Blue Valentine. I think it's on the list of movies that Jackie told me not to watch because it's too sad.

Yeah, just in one night, Blue Valentine, Dear Zachary, you know. I did all these years. Y'all have been talking about Dear Zachary for years. And like an album, I was like, in my head just, I was like, I guess I don't know that film. And then I realized I've totally seen that movie. Oh, really? Like, in 2010 by myself in my room, like, when I lived in, like, a hallway, I just would watch Netflix documentaries. and I realized I know this movie you guys have been talking about for years and I'm like,

oh shit, that movie? I've never talked about that movie with anybody because I was just alone in my room late at night and watched it and then I was like, what did I just watch? And I've never spoken about it. Meanwhile, apparently I've been surrounded by loved ones who've also been traumatized by that movie. Oh, yeah. It's one that I still think about, I think twice a month at least. It's very upsetting.

Yeah. Yeah, I just ran through like all of the big events that happened to that movie in my head as you were talking about it. And I'm just like, I want to fucking cut my penis off or something. You know what I mean? I mean, I think that might just be a good idea, but I'm not the one that told you that. Page 7 is brought to you today by Burrow, makers of furniture that's designed for everyday life. When was the last time you gave your sofa a second look? Now might be the time because there's almost no way your sofa can compare to the award-winning Burrow sofa.

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He got the star, guys. He's on the walk of fame. I'm very, very proud of him. I'm very excited. Also, did you see, Molly? I know you hate Matthew McConaughey. Go ahead. Explain the connection.

But he went to the ceremony and he spoke because they've been really good friends for a very long time. Right. And he used to, so Matthew McHanay used to live in an airstream. And when he was living in the airstream, he was drive around and he started watching diners, drive-ins, and dives. and he kind of got obsessed with it. So he found out a way to get Guy Fiatty's telephone number and called him up. He was like, hey, this is Matthew McGonaghey.

And he said, I just wanted to talk to him about where he should go when he's in this airstream of like what, every time he was in a small town of like, have you heard of this place? Where should I go? And they became like these friends over the phone. And when Matthew McConaughey moved back to L.A., they just started hanging out all the time.

And they just became, they're like truly, like, they're like best friends. I would pay a substantial amount of money to hang out with those guys on life. Right. And a backyard in an inflatable pool with a bunch of joints and a bunch of bad beer, cheap, shitty beer. Here's the thing. This story makes me like Matthew McConaughey way more because my problem with Matthew McConaughey is that he takes himself too seriously. All right, all right, all right. And that's, of course, how he opened up the ceremony, which that does make me.

cringe. But, you know, he always has to do, he's got to do it. It's his thing. That his thing. And what I love about Guy Fietti is that he does not take himself too seriously. And so it makes me like Matthew McConaughey, because when I, unfairly probably, when I think about Matthew McConaughey now, I just think about him doing those damn car commercials when he's talking nonsense. And he's like, yeah, driving the end of the night. And I'm just like, shut the fuck up. I did like, and I should think about him in the 1996 film. Newton boys back before he was Mr.

Sex. Big shot. Right, right. So, because I know he's not that pretentious. At first thought you were talking about Guy Fieri in the car commercial and I was like, what fucking car commercial was that? He wouldn't do it. Well, talk about opposite approaches in cars.

Matthew McConaughey is like, I like to just drive and look into the distance. And Guy Fierry is just like, I'm Gaffieri, we're rolling out. I like to eat a burger in mine. I'm able to think about nothing sometimes. Hold on. I can do it right now.

So I'm actually totally charmed by this friendship. Absolutely. I just feel like they obviously would be fast friends. I love how, yeah, I think I used to just immediately want to hate on Guy Fieri based on his looks, his sort of smashmouthness. But Mary Smashouth. Oh, so Holden, I know that you're new here, but you're saying his name wrong, his name is Guy Fiatty.

I know, I know, you know what? Fiatty. Fiatty. Okay. Okay. I want to be now. My power. I want to hate on frosted tips is what I'm saying, okay?

But not everybody is Fred Durst with Frosted Tips. You know, I think Guy Fieri is not like, he's like the anti-Durst. You know what I mean? Agreed. Yeah, of course. Pure, beautiful soul. And you know what? Maybe Matthew McConaughey used to be that way.

And then he spoke to Guy Fiatty and he found the light and he found the love within himself. That's actually what Matthew McConae was talking about in the actual like ceremony speech, he said, like, this is a guy I met who was curious and was dealing with some newfound fame and wanted to talk about how best to navigate it. And he said, he always remained exactly the same. Authenticity. We talked about it the first night we met. And in a business where you can be anyone you want to be, you've been you the whole time. And that ain't easy. And that's so, I cried. I will say, though, it's just so obvious that they're just the type of dudes who just get fucking hammered together. Absolutely. Bullshit. For

out, you just gotta be you. You know what I'm gonna be you? I'm just a flat circle, but man, I'll have another core slot. Yeah, I agree. It's like they gotta, they're the type who I feel like they get drunk on like 14 light beers. Yes.

Oh yeah. All day. It's an all day affair. Yeah. Yeah, I would totally do that with them. And yeah, I think that Matthew McConaughey, I think that he's probably his best self around Guy Fiat. That's the thing.

Maybe just be around him when he's around Guy. Yes. And if he's not around guy, just be like, dude, I'll put putt putt tomorrow when guys around. Right. You know what I mean? I'm not putt putt with you. I'm not going to go to the course with you today. Right.

Because you're going to cheat. You know what I mean? He's going to do. He's going to get cocky. He's going to cheat. And you're like, it's puttut, dude. I'm fucking about to hit a ball into like alligator's mouth. Yeah, but how cute would they be playing pot puttut?

Oh my God. With the windmill. I would love that. With big sloppy hot talks, you just sauce getting all over you. You know, nobody cares. Nobody cares because you're going to throw off all your clothes and jump into the pool saunter's up to you and says, hey, you know what I mean? Holden.

How about we take this to a new level? To Flavortown, baby. Yeah, he turns out, he takes you to Flavortown. I want to go to Flavortown with him so badly. And then I suck his day! Yay! I'd have, can you imagine how beautiful our children would be? I know he's very loyal to his wife, you know, supposedly.

We've read the blind end of him, so we've heard some grumblings over the years. Grumble, grumble, but at least it's not that he's cheating on her with other women. True. So there you go. So, okay, so that's the whole thing. But I think he does really love. I just learned the phrase lavender wedding this week as well, which is talking about like the old Hollywood marriages

of people that needed a beard, essentially. Like what Hugh Jackman has, what John Travolta has. They're referred to as lavender weddings. Interesting. Interesting. But talking about other things that are wholesome in the news, did you watch the clip of Lil Nas singing Old Town Road to the elementary school?

So there was this so, oh, ha, ha, ha. Guys, I love positive news. I love it. I was watching this on the train, and it was like rush hour at, like, 59th Street, and everyone around me was miserable. And I was just beaming. Just, like, looking at my phone beaming, and I was laughing so hard and smiling, and there was, like, tears in my eyes. And I would look up around me, and everyone was just, like, so miserable. And I had to take back to the phone.

It's particularly an awful day in New York today, by the way. It has looked like it is, like, it is like. 8 o'clock at night since like 3 p. It is horrible. Just like him and Billy Eilish, I'm so, like, afraid for them. Because they're so young. I just want to protect them.

Yeah. They're so young, and they seem really great. Yeah. And I'm just so, I'm just like, I know you're, and it's what, it's, I would. Although Billy Eilish, as much as I love her is not innocent. Oh, yeah, for sure. But I feel like, I'm feeling like a protected parent for the first time ever

with this rapper and this pop singer. That's how I felt with the stranger things kids. Yeah. I know. Yes. Well, Millie Bobby Brown is driving now, so I guess she can kiss whomever she wants on a pier. It's so crazy. Well, and I was not worried about the choices they would make.

I was worried about the untrustworthy adults like Drake. Like Drake, I'm coming for you, dude. Talking to you, Drake. Drake, Drake, or should I say cake? Because I'm going to bake you? Yeah, or should we say Jimmy from DeGrosse? I remember when you were in a wheelchair. Yeah.

You Canadian. Little Vaz X is just... Those fighting words, Holden. Lil Voss X is so young, but not like child young, right? He's like a young adult. Yeah. But he's just so sweet. But that's why it was just so adorable,

because so at Landers Elementary School in Cleveland, Ohio, at the end of their talent show, the kids sang Old Town Road, it went viral. When he saw it, and he's like, I'm going to come and give you guys a free concert. Five days later, He shows up and surprises the entire school and does like a full free concert for them.

And he was just so excited to do it. He's like, you guys love it. I want to be. I want to show you that like that people care essentially. And that just melts my heart. The kids were so excited. And I've been around large groups of elementary schoolers when that song plays. And I can confirm that it is the most beloved song since like the last time I remember

there being a mass reaction to a popular song like this was like Justin Bieber Baby. Oh, really? That's like 10 years ago. Yeah, because you're around kids all the time. I'm around kids all the time, like almost every day of the week. And like, yes, of course, there's been popular song since then, but in terms of like the, like the Beatles-esque mass hysteria, like it was like a, Bieber was truly a unique thing to be around elementary schoolers for. Yes, for sure. And Lil Nas X feels very, like if that song comes on, every kid is just so happy. And so watching that video and watching those kids just,

and they know every word, and they're like, the horse is in the back. Yeah, that's you saying all this technical stuff about owning a horse. It's great. That's why I was beaming so hard. And you know I hate kids singing, but this just was too, I mean, you can't.

Because it's not kids singing like, hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is. There was no vibrato in this, you know. Not to change the side. Well, this is along the same lines. Did you guys talk about when they did the high school alien production? Maybe I wasn't there for that episode.

Yeah, yeah, we did. And you saw, did you watch the video with Sigourney Weaver when she showed up at the school? And she talked to all the kids. And I just love that that's happening more and more. And that is 100% the celebrity, you know, you would aspire to be if you did end up in that position. Like how, like I love. Like one of my favorite videos, oh,

not to bring up Taylor Swift, but she surprises, she surprises, this is kind of before she became mega, Uber, mega, mega famous,

but she surprises this, like, fan of hers at her bachelor party or whatever, or I think, or, like, rehearsal dinner.

Yeah. And it's, like, made her day. And she was so sweet and brought her a present. I love that shit. Or those videos, like,

who is it? Is it Ellen or Jimmy Fallon or whoever will have, like, there was one with Adel where people were, like, looking at the camera

and giving testimonials, like, about what a, Adele means to them. They were going for Adel impersonators. And Adel and Adel was there also being an Adel personator. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And it was so, like, yeah.

And then she comes out and then they all burst into tears. And I feel like there's a couple of other examples with people. Recently, there's, I forget the name of the song, but the 1975, which is a pretty popular band right now, they have a music video where it starts as fans singing into the camera. They just think they're there for this, like, video shoot. And then, like, the lead singer sort of like pops. up behind them and surprises them. Yeah.

It's very wholesome and fun. Yeah. I live for that shit. Yeah, it's good. I love that. Like when Tom Hanks was in Central Park and he just happened upon a couple taking engagement pictures and then he's like, I'll be in a minute. Just Tom Hanks, just like hanging out the picture.

I just, oh, I love that. That's the kind of celebrity I want to be. And it is very fun going back to the Matthew McConaughey thing, getting that level of status where you can just be like, I like that guy. I'm just going to call him and try to be his friend. And I can because I'm mad because I'm. Matthew McCona. You know what I mean?

Like just getting to have that ability to just like, oh, I want to work with that. You know what I mean? Or like, I would love to just sit down and talk about, you know, dinner with it. You know what I mean? I don't know. That's the kind of shit.

That's the kind of shit. I love it. Yeah. I love it. I also love how involved Elton John is when it comes to guys, Rocket Man comes out this weekend. And I don't know if you guys feel the way I feel about Rocket Man, but I'm very, very excited to watch Rocket Man.

I am too, especially after the endorsements you're about to get into, which I won't reveal just yet, but I will say the more and more I think about Bohemian Rhapsody since I saw it, I saw it, I was like, I thought that was all right, you know, whatever. More more I think about it, I'm like, you know what, no, they just turned their back on a lot of obvious, it was like afraid of its own sexuality that movie. Yeah.

And it really was kind of gross, like in thinking about it, how much they held back from, you know, and those prosthetics were too big. This looks like the movie I would have, the Bohemian Rhapsody I would have wanted. I totally agree with you on that. I really enjoyed watching Bohemian Rhapsody at the time. I was like, this is really fun.

And then the more I thought about it, the more I read about it, I was like there was a lot of missed opportunities there. Yes, and where it looks like this movie is going to be a spicy meatball. It's going to be a spicy spicy meatball. And the fact that Elton John, so Elton John also met up with Taryn Egerton who plays Elton John in the movie. He met up with him three or four times to, like, talk about things

and also give him encouragement. and Elton John would listen to some of the songs back and just be like, that sounds great. I love that you're taking it and also kind of making it yours as well, which is something that he really wanted. But the big thing is that I guess a lot of the studios wanted to tone down the sex and the drugs in the movie

so that it would be PG-13 and not rated R. And Elton John was like, I didn't live a PG-13 life. I mean, I did a lot of drugs, and I had a lot of sex, and it was definitely like, especially when you get that, like, he had worked for a long time, but got that Uber famous kind of fast, that he, even though he had been working, but, you know, it's like,

it's one of those things, like, it just snaps. And so watching everything, he said he sobbed through the entire movie because they did it right. And that talk about a ringing endorsement for biopic. Are you kidding me? That's insane. And you don't usually get that with the biopic, right?

Because usually the people are already dead. Right? So, like, to have them emotionally, all I have to say, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Hello, man-on-man action. I hope they're on the roof. I hope they're in the basement. I hope they're in the, you know what I mean?

I hope it's just a, you know what? I hope that there is just 30 straight minutes, two men having sex. Yeah, someone saved my life tonight with your penis, even though we know that that is about him being in a relationship with a woman. That's what changed his life. Of course, yeah. But I was there here.

Sugar bear on my penis. On my penis. My penis is a sugar bear on my penis. Lion King soundtrack on my penis. Is there something where that sugar bear is played by Rob Stark? Yes, please. Hello. I mean, that is not his name in real life.

I forget what his name is. Who really cares? He's Rob Stork. I just refer to him as fuck eyes. Miao, meow. I don't know who's to blame if it's the Midwest or if it's just my, like, something more specific than that. It's not the Midwest.

I take that back. I had a totally. bland relationship, like the blandest of relationships with mainstream, like, pop culture as a kid. And I just never developed a relationship with Elton John. And I feel like I need to learn to love him. And I think that this film was going to be my way in. You know, I think it was actually Ed from the brighter side roundtable. He brought over, I think, what was it, Tumbleweed Connection, right? Yeah. On vinyl. And I'm trying to remember the other name. But just a few albums I hadn't actually,

Oh, you know, everyone knows like a goodbye, Yellow Brick Road, which is, that's the name of the album, right? Yeah. Which is like an incredibly classic album. But then you hear these other ones, too, and you're like, oh, my God. Tumbleweed Connection, I think is my favorite Elton John album. And that's hard for me to say, but I think it's my favorite. And I think that for actually, before that, I listened to that, it was Captain Fantastic. Which is this.

It's this concept album. It's like this double album, and it's sprawling, and it's great. And there's a lot of songs that you probably haven't heard before. and it's all incredible. And you're like, oh, this guy's like on another level. Yeah. That I didn't even realize. And I just meant, like I said, I think it was just my own.

I had like my own weird. I was so weird. I didn't engage with pop culture for a long time. And then it was more, maybe it was, if anything, it wasn't the Midwest at all, but it was a small town thing maybe. Like I just was exposed to like only kind of top 40 hits. It's crazy because I look at you and I'm like, she must have been at TRL in Times Square like everything.

Oh, your booty shorts. I looked just so with it. I heart Carson Daily signs and stuff like that. I really thought that was the kind of girl you grew up as. I feel like I was just, I was so, like, sheltered that I was able to, to the extent that I was able to kind of catch up when I, like, you know, as I grew up and was like 22 years old and being like, have you all heard Bob Dylan? This is fantastic. Like, like, and it wasn't, I don't even know why I was sheltered. I guess it was my own deficit.

But there's just like... What were you listening to, like, gangster rap? What was happening? No, I mean, that was... She's a ska baby! Oh, yeah, okay. Until I was in sixth grade, I was, like, so socially isolated that I didn't listen to anything. Pop.

I thought Pop was like, my way of, like, hating everybody was being like, I don't listen to Pop. 100%. It's very similar. And then in sixth grade, I started watching... Instead of watching TRL, I watched the VH1 top 10 countdown for some reason. And so then I started learning about pop music. And then... You listen to Kiss on a Rose.

from the grave or whatever. Yes, exactly. Yeah, baby. That was my first slow dance. And then I caught up and then I, and then by high school, then I was like alienated again and expressing my alienation through ska and punk.

But like I just, but as a result, I just, there's just so much good, like I talked about this when Moheemian Rhapsody came out. Like I associated, this is all my own problem. I associated, I only ever heard Queen at, like, basketball games.

And so I thought Queen, was like for jocks. Yeah, yeah. And then only as an adult, do I realize, like, Queen has this rich queer history? Isn't that a fun thing to think about all of the gay hating people inside of a basketball arena screaming the screams of the writing of very gay men? We are the champions. Just getting drunk on their own fucking ignorance and just screaming the yells of a gay man over and over again.

I love it. Yeah, and so I just caught up on so, and I, and, you know, speaking of the Midwest, and it's an amazing relationship with music, I went to school in the Twin Cities, and so it was like, just like, you know, Prince and Dylan and like, like, finally catching up on shit. But, like, yeah, watching Bohemian Rhapsdie, I was like, here I was all this time associating queen with, like, basketball games instead of queer people. Like, what a huge loss, you know? It's a fun game to play basketball game or queer people.

Just name a thing. It's kind of like the new Starbucks. game. I don't know if that's the road we need to go down. I don't know. I do find all of this is very funny that you, that you view Elton John, Molly as something that the cool kids were listening to in high school at our age because I was as old John, but I also saw Barry Manilow seven times. So I think that I, you know, I was not, I did not have my thumb on the pulse, but you keep blaming yourself, but I blame my parents. I mean, my parents listened to, my mom essentially, mostly just listened to Elton John Barry Manilow and the Mamas and the Pappas.

So I know all about those three people. But that's all I really listen to because I never sought it out myself outside of like new metal and when I would, you know, crawling in my skin. And I would listen to you and like, you don't understand, Mom. It's not about just like rainbows and love in my bedroom. My folks exposed me to talking heads, stop making sense and like Grace Land and stuff. stuff like that from our early age, which I thought it was all awesome.

And it was good. I just didn't like, it's my same relationship with TV. I didn't like explore. I just watch, I just listen to the same things. And so then it was like this very limited perspective, you know? 100%. That reminds me actually to bring this up.

This is a good time for it. I think I downloaded TikTok. Did you? Oh, yeah, Mama. I downloaded it. Which I can say, oh yeah, mama to you. And it takes a different video. Yeah, because you're a mother.

And you are filled with child. I will say I don't know what TikTok is. You need to download TikTok immediately because you will get to understand. It's like Vine, but it's sort of instead of just like short videos, which it's integrated with music. So it's almost like a short little very quick music video. Just get it on your phone and look at what the kids are into. I'm very scared of it.

I feel like I don't trust you. Get it on your phone and start a scrolling because it is literally. It's not just the Kesha song. I know the Kesha song. That's what I said. And I said that to a teenager and he looked at me like he wanted to die. I was like, I thought it was the Kesha song.

And he literally said, oh my God. You like just got Snapchat, right, Jackie? I downloaded Snapchat. I don't yearly use it. I don't know how to use it. Jackie, everyone's on, everyone has abandoned Snapchat. Everyone is definitely on TikTok now. But what do you do with it?

Like, I am a thousand years old. None of the children are on Facebook. The children do not like Facebook. And they're smart. Think. Oh, good. to hear that is awesome yeah you can call me Regina gums and I want to know what this application is first of all here's a tissue your gums are bleeding profusely oh my gum my gum's so big a shot in my mouth

Regina gums never speaks it's making me throw up it's making everyone in this post office right now throw up no it's not blood I think it's just mouth tears I wrote this letter for my daughter who is in the military, you just bled all over it. Oh, that's sorry, somebody get me a knacking? I can't say knacking, because I can't cover my, close my mouth out of way. All right, Ms. Gumbs. So TikTok, TikTok is like Vine. Vine is like these, was these short little videos, little like, like, like, uh, yeah, it's what good pussy sounds like. Yeah, it's like good pussy, right? No, that's a vine. That's a, that's a famous fine. I remember that one.

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. I know the one that goes, do it for the vine. And the little girl goes, I ain't going to do it. And then she dances. Vine was great. I really enjoyed Vine. Yeah, Vine was, at first I was like, this is silly. And then the youth showed me that it was actually brilliant.

Yeah, absolutely. And TikTok is. TikTok really feels like an extension of Vine. It is Vine, but with music under it, and it's just a little bit hipper. It's just a little bit, you know what I mean? Like, it's just got like a flow to it because they're all doing music. stuff, they can kind of slow things down. When you say vague, you mean the children of

the world, making the videos. Children on the planet Earth right now. They necessarily pick a song that goes with it? Yeah, I think they either can pick a song or they can like kind of make one themselves. Not everyone has a song behind it, but most do. And it's almost like a music video-ish

Snapchaty Insta story. I could just imagine a 13-year-old listening to this conversation and just feeling humiliated. That's not. It's not. So sad for us. And I, yeah, I pull, I downloaded it today because I was like, I need to see what this is. And I still don't under, I don't maybe understand.

But I will continue to look at it at weird hours of the night as some attempt to understand what youth once was. I'm still scared to put anything on Snapchat. So I just take a screenshot if I take a picture and then I don't do anything with it. You have to put your breasts on it. That's what Snapchat's for is nudies. It's nudies, but like, I don't know. need to do that. I have a grown man that I can just text a video to you. But you send him, but you send him little

snaps. I think Snapchat is for documenting parties and stuff is what I see people do it with like, hey, I'm having such a good time. Oh my God, guys, when did we, you can listen from the beginning of when this show started to now, and you can just feel how much older we are. We've gotten so much older. It's like this wooden ship that is traveled out of our 20s and into our 30s. We are all like, I put shelves up last weekend. You're pregnant as fucking shit.

I was talking to my mother before and she was talking about, I think I already said this on the show and she keeps calling BTS BTK, which I think is very funny. I'm like, mom, it's not. And then now she thinks it's a fun, now it's her bit that she calls it BTK. And I was like, that's not a funny, technically he's not a funny bit. He was tortured people. He's like, yeah, he's watching people from inside of her house.

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Promocode page seven. Here's what I would like to do. Here's what I propose. Now we have to do it. Let's make a page 7 TikTok page and start trying to emulate, like, what the kids are doing on TikTok. Do I have to show my breasts? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, no, that's Snapchat. We're doing TikTok. Oh, we're doing TikTok. TikTok's music video. Just take a little clip like, um, uh, yeah, old town road, I'm going to ride, but you're like on the toilet. You know, whatever, do it's just to be a silly. along with it? Like, does the music?

I'm so, what, good, jeez. All right, I'll download it. You lip sync. Yeah, I'd almost like it to live, like, scroll through a few, because it'll immediately start scrolling as soon as you download it. I will say that the youth of today are so creative because they're always just, like, make, like, they're so funny and so creative because they're always making these little

things. Yeah, they're always thinking about how, you know, I mean, it took, it literally took me an entire weekend to film two seconds of footage cut together. It, like, meant nothing, like, back in high school, right? Are you looking at it? Yeah, and also, but it is spelled the way the Keshe song is spelled. It is spelled the way the Keshire is. You're not that far off.

You're not that, well. Except that the people using it were, like, six years old with that song. That song was popular. Yeah, because I came out in 2009. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, I mean, by the way, this is not something that got popular, like, last week. This is something that's been popular for several months now. Like, we are not, this is not, Jackie.

I'm not filling you in on something. To stay abreast. There's only so much I can read. Well, you gotta be abreast on Snapchat, but with TikTok, it's lip-synching to music. Yeah, I get it. I see what I see. When I say that those kids were six years old

when TikTok, the song by Kesha came out, I am not joking because that song came out 10 years ago, which means a 16-year-old was six. All right, this is what I'm going to do. Oh my God, I immediately do not understand what this app. I just downloaded it. I don't get it. I don't get it.

I don't get it to my information. I'm going to set up a page 7 TikTok, okay? Okay, I'm gonna attempt a TikTok. Okay? You're just teenagers kissing each other. Well, there's a lot of weird stuff going on, okay? I got too much to do to learn about TikTok. You don't necessarily, this may just be a weird thing I end up doing.

I pay my estimated taxes today. I'll do it. I'll definitely do it. But I wanted to do like old person TikTok, you know what I mean? Like, let's play. Can we do Barry Manilos on? Yeah, to be like Cat Stevens and we'll be doing the dishes or something. No, do you remember, though?

Oh, no, does that mean you're going to be horny? I'm sorry. Oh, right. Well, yeah, actually, it's TikTok. I think it's horniness is a part of it for sure. But, you know, when Facebook started and it was all just kids in college with a .edu email address, and then it expanded, and then, like, suddenly, like, your friend's mom was on Facebook, and you're just like, oh, no, you don't get it.

The millisecond we get on there, they're going to start moving to something else. So that's great. That's why we're going to get it on now. I don't mean to fast forward to. TikTok because it's time for the list guys. Oh shit. Who's on the list? Jackie gotta have that list.

Good job. That's great. It's such a good job. All you fans out there who are coming at me DM and me be like, you don't do it right. You're not too sorry right. Sladding into your DM. You did a really good job but we're going with celebrities

with quirky body parts. I can't wait for this list. I like the use of the word quirky because it is definitely I think that they wanted to use the word weird or creepy or different, but I enjoyed the use of the word quirky because Halliberry has an extra toe.

That's fun. Yeah, I think quirky is hopefully less able-est. Yeah, of course, because it's not because honestly a lot of these things, you just get, she got the toe zapped off. It's like the toe never existed. Then there's Stephen Colbert, which I didn't realize this, but he gets into this on his show

often and he makes jokes. He's got a floppy, lame ear. Oh. Excuse me? An ear doesn't have a, we don't have autonomous control over our ears. But you can kind of flex your ears, right? Can you do that? No, no, no.

He, it's essentially like it's a fake ear almost because he had all the insides of it scooped out because he had an ear issue as a child. So the ear he quotes it as, this is just a prop, it doesn't work at all. Oh. So does that mean he's also, he only hears out of one ear? Correct. Oh, like George Bailey. Mine is, I have two big cysts on my body.

One is on my back and one is on the back of my neck. Didn't you get one of them lanced? I got, yeah, I had multiple. I had another on my neck that I got rid of. And my buddy, Rydland, who used to play for Cobra Starship, who did the snakes on the plane song, he would like kind of comment on it a lot. So actually when they got all the gross goo out of it,

I was like, hey, can I keep that? And I gave it to him as a present. That's truly disgusting. You just need one on your pussy and on your crack. There you go, and then I'll have it all. You're back. I got sis. Yeah, yeah, I like that a lot.

Yeah, yeah. So anyways, that's my weird body thing. Yeah, well, you know what's weird about Vince Vaughn? He's missing his thumbtip. But the thing is that you wouldn't care about this, and it wouldn't matter. However, he was a water polo player. He was a water polo player, and he wanted to go professional. But I guess I don't know nothing about water polo.

But I guess it really hindered how he performed. So he went into acting instead. Wow. Interesting. Is it a hole? What is it? A net? I think it's because in water pole you have to hold the ball so tight.

You know, they're like always slamming that ball down. I think it's called a glugie. Oh, all right. I've got my glugas and I'll put me in my house. Could you please stop bleeding into the pool water? It's just there. Oh, you're talking to Regina Gonsigina? I do.

I'm going to hole. I'd rather you be shitting in the pool, right? now this profuse bleeding that you're doing. I like that Regina Gumbs has a gum problem, but Joe's shoes totally normal relationship with shoes. Oh, no, no, no. His shoes are actually physically welded to his feet. Oh, also, doesn't he become a hawk?

Isn't that what we said? Oh, yes. He turns to a hawk, but since the shoes are welded to his feet, he's a hawk with, like, do, like, just sneakers on, flying through. Graceful sneaker flying hawk, flying through the air. I don't know, you got a better character than Regina.

Oh, Regina Gumbs, though, she used to be a mermaid. Profusely bleeding Regina Gubs. She's not allowed in any pools. But you know who is allowed in pools? Ashton Coucher with his webbed toes. See, there you go, but that's, I don't think I've ever seen, does web toes actually look like a duck's foot? I don't think it's to that extent. I think that it's just like, I think they're just more connected with like a connective tissue.

I think it's another thing that's very easily taken care of if you want to, Or if you care, but I don't think he cares. Or if you want to swim better, right? Doesn't it help you swim better? How could it not? Right? But I mean, yeah, you're not. It's not like he has duck feed.

No, but it's not like a duck's foot. If it was like Ashton Coucher has one duck's foot, that would be a fun fact. That would be amazing. See, that's cool. That's just fun. I wish that we could have fucking little bits, little animal parts as just our little corks. Just choose one body part to replace with one animal part. What animal part do we talk?

What are you going with? What are you going with? I think I got to go with like a little bunny rabbit tail. Oh, that's cute. Tiger's ears. A tiger's ears. Uh-huh. Yeah. Jackie. Honestly, first thing I thought of was the snout of an otter. That is the first thing I thought of because they're so cute. And I'd be like, but I think that I wouldn't be able to talk anymore, but would you guys listen to a podcast hosted by an otter? I know, I feel like I have to say yes right now, but my everything in my

core of me wants to scream know about that. Because you'd have to have a whole otter face, really. I don't think you could just ice, like your... Today in Otter, today in Otter news are those three otters stole a pumpkin from these crampuses? It's time for

the last. You guys ready for some blind items? You better find them. We can't see them. You, man, that was... See, the beginning part you got hold it. And then you You just, you know, it just went sideways. That's, I get it.

Like that movie. Upside town. Oh, I thought you were going to say sideways. Or sideways. Nothing like that. I was like, that's a running joke. I like to say like that movie and then name a completely different movie. It's obnoxious.

Okay, so here we go. The former child actor turned tween actor, turned A-minist list adult actor slash addicts slash racist, shot some undercover behind the scenes video of the weekly thing the former A-plus Lister does. Gotta be Lindsay Lohan. 100% not. What? Whoa, wait, I'm sorry.

She's racist? Remember when she screamed at that Muslim woman? Yeah, that was rough, but I think that she was trying to be good and she didn't mean to be bad. But that does not make her not racist. That's a video right there. Sometimes the definition of racist. That is a video to maybe watch, but maybe also just.

stop watching five minutes in. So you're saying they used to be an A-Lister, and now they're not anymore, but now they're racist. Are we talking about Mel Gibson? No, very fallen from gay, younger. Fallen from Grace, for sure. And think about the weekly thing the A-plus Lister does. Are we talking about two people or one person?

Yeah, yeah. So this person who was a child actor, turned tween actor, turned A-minist, adult actor, slash racist, slash addict, who was kind of fallen from grace at this point. shot undercover scenes of a weekly thing. The, I don't think former, but okay, A plus Lister does. The weekly thing the A plus Lister does, they shot secret footage of it. So we're trying to guess two people.

Two people. And neither of them is Lindsay Lohan. And neither of them is Lindsay Lohan. But around that age group? I would say the first person is around that age group. Maybe both. I can't, I don't know the other person. The other person is like ethereal.

All right. Give us another hint. Okay, a bad actor who's been in a really good music video. McCauley Calkin? No, good guess. That's a good guess. He's not a bad actor. Sorry, McCalloy Culloch.

Tried to be, tried to be, like, really artsy and, like, really with it and kind of wokey. But Joaquin Phoenix is a racist. I was going to say, Waukeen Phoenix. But I would say similar, not nearly as good of an actor as Waukeemite. I don't not find this person to be a good actor. Not Jared Leto. Ruined a franchise with its fourth installment, this bad actor. Ruined.

So many good hints. Ruined. Helped ruin. Not all that person's fault, but helped ruin. Help ruin a franchise. Child actor. Has a dumb name. Has a stupid.

I feel so dumb. I hate this. I hate this. I hate it. I love it. I love it, but I hate that. I feel so dumb. Huh? More hints?

Yeah, but the ones you've given are so good, but if you can give one more. I'm going to say, I mean, this is going to make it more obvious. First name rhymes with Maya. Shia Labo. Oh, Shia Labo! 100%. And guess what's a big weekly event that's happening right now that a lot of people are talking about? The Olympics.

No. The voice. No. A weird, it's not like a on TV. It's not on TV. Oh, it's not a TV thing. People are talking about it. I give a really obvious hit in a second.

Do you want me give a really obvious hit? Yeah. Hit us. Jackie, you wanted to talk about it today. Oh, Kanye's thing. Yes. Oh, Sunday service. Shilaboof was seen last Sunday entering the Sunday service

session with an unidentified woman in a weirdly big dark green down jacket with a quilted pattern that I think maybe they were like, he's like definitely hiding like a little camera in there or something. In there. Of course, West has been hosting. weekly Sunday services since last January at various locations featuring West as a rapper-turned preacher in front of a live band and choir all-wearing matching monochrome uniforms, which feels very cold-like, whose goal is to, quote, administer and communicate the message of love effectively, end quote,

according to West's cousin and collaborator Tony Williams. Because I know we will go down the Sunday service hole at some point, and I'm a little scared about it. Right now, where do we stand? Molly, yay or nay on Sunday service? I'm ready to learn about it. I know that I've spent a lot of time defending Kanye on the show, but it's not something I'm interested in doing anymore. So I am ready to hear Jackie break down the Sunday services stuff for us. Yeah, I want to say, I think it's creepy, but for now I'm a yay,

because I do like the idea of I grew up Unitarian, so I like the idea of people just coming together of all different, you know, creeds and whatever, in celebrating just spirituality. If it's a pure instance of that, then I can get behind it, Jackie. We'll get into it. Jackie's a day. We'll get into it. Here's the next one.

You don't ever get to ask questions of this A-plus list singer that are not approved in advance. It is why the interviews with her are rare and boring. Mariah Carey. No. Is it Beyonce? No. A-plus list singer, like, definitely right now, for sure. Brittany Spears.

No. but they're rare Is she young or she old? She's yeah I'd say young It's not Taylor Swift It is Taylor Swift Whoa

Oh well she also just did that whole thing too Where someone asked her like You're almost 30 You're gonna have kids soon And she was like no Don't ask me this I'm not gonna answer this It was a recent interview

asking if she planned to become a mother one day To which she quickly shut down Saying and I really appreciate The way she handles this stuff I really do not think men are asked that question when they turn 30. So I'm not going to answer that now. She's right.

Yeah, she's fucking right. And yeah, and also during reputation as a whole, she went radio silent interview-wise. It was actually a big, she's actually now doing interviews again. But that entire album was about her going through her, like, dark, bad girl phase. And also about her being like, oh, my reputation shattered. So I think it was even just inherent in the publicity not to do interviews. Right. Yeah.

So anyways, that's that. Good mom. Go for her. All right. This alist director had his significant other with him at one point on his trip outside the country. She was nowhere, though, when he hooked up with a waitress in a back room at a bar during the middle of the afternoon. She was nowhere. She was nowhere. She was vaporized.

She disappeared because her role as girlfriend was not needed at that time. Oh, I see. Are we talking about a lavender wedding? Yeah, is it a... No, no, this, I believe this man is... straight. A-list singer-director, and I just gave it away that it was, it's a man, but of course I said the word director and how rare.

Do we need more female directors out there, so. An A-list, I'm going to say, um, M-night Shamanalan. No, big, pretty, pretty big in the, in the world right now. I'm looking forward to this person's next film with baited breath. Ooh, is it the dude that did Hereditary? No, but that's a great guess. I definitely want to see that person. Mid-Somer.

Have you not watched a trailer for Mid-Summer? No, I have not. It looks good. Oh, my God, dude. Who are the directors that we're all excited about right now, except all I can think of is Ryan Coogler? Ryan Coogler. The guy who doesn't?

No. Okay. But you're talking, are we talking old, or are we going to, like, Quentin Tarantino? 100%. See, that's just like, he's just, say, you know, you just keep hearing more, more, and it's hard. It's very, it's difficult. I am looking forward to once upon time in Hollywood, though.

Yeah, with his wife, Daniela Pick, and he was recently, they were recently both at Cairns. Ah, yeah, baby. I mean, I hear Cairns are where, you know, what happens at Cairns gets put into blind items. It's put into blind items, baby. And that's what we're here for. Thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode. This was, this was just a delight. go down the Sunday service hole at some point.

I think that I'm just, you know, it's, I got, I have a lot of feelings. I have a lot of feelings about it. It's a tough one to navigate, but it just, it definitely feels a little, I mean, whenever everybody's dressed the same, singing songs on a weekly basis, you know what I mean, about like very broad stuff. And I, and, uh, I don't know, maybe the person at the head of it definitely kind of thinks they're God. And that's not.

Has created several albums about how he is. God. We'll do this. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week on page seven. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me at Jack That Worm. Also, we had a new thing on the Patreon coming up for our $5 and up Patreon members at patreon.com slash page seven. You can get ad free page seven episodes. So Mozy on over. I mean, you know, I'm not going to, I'm going to throw it out there. I work hard on the ads. But I think that I understand There's people that are against it And I get it very much Because you know what? I vote through ads On most of the podcasts I listen to

I hear you, yeah But if you love Jackie You gotta love those ads You gotta love those ads You're forced to by law And she will send people to you And by the way I will speak for Molly

I will speak for everyone that is friends with Jackie That's anywhere near Jackie In the vicinity of working with her anything We're all frightened of her okay You wait until Thursday service starts You want to talk to it a goddess. You want to come out in?

What's your name again? Jizum. Jizum. Yeah, Jizum is going to start a Sunday service. Jism is going to be presiding over Thursday services. Everyone has to wear mesh and you're not allowed to wear anything underneath it. And we're all just going to sing songs about how we love to live life in a positive manner. And also if you don't, and if you look me in the eyes, you'll also be murder.

Oh my God. They're all dressed in white. Oh, no, wait, that's just come. They just are covered in. Yeah, Jism! You can follow me on Twitch.combe. My name is Molly Neffle.

Hell yeah. Thanks, everyone. And again, we still got some tickets left for our live show June 9th at the Bell House. I love you guys. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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