Page 7 - Episode 306: Whackitude

Episode Date: June 6, 2019

The gang gab about Khloe Kardashian's prom, festival fashion and Holden has tik tok tantrum time. Come see us live, June 9th in NYC! Tix->bit.ly/2JvdHVW Go to http://phlur.com and use promo code PAGE7 to get 20% off your custom Phlur sample set! Get your first refill pack free at http://getquip.com/page7 Use my dedicated link, http://candidco.com/page7 to learn more and get $75 off. Get 15% off your first order at http://shopgreenlove.com/page7 AcidJazz, Poppers and Prosecco, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

New host, who is? Ugh, I hate that. Hey, Gunts, it's the greasy threesome from page 7 here to talk to y'all about our upcoming New York first ever live show. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Neffle. And my name is Holden Gucci McNally. You are far too old to say that, BTW. Y'all know we got a new boy up at our sleepover, and it's time to lock him in the bathroom and make him stay bloody merry.

We're not going to traumatize him just because he's new. Jokes on you. I love being locked in the bathroom. You're a monster, but guys, the first ever brand spanking new Wizard in the Bruiser and Page 7 live show is coming up soon! We would love it if you would join us at the Bell House in New York on June 9th. We are gonna put on a bit of a doozy show for y'all. We've been wanting to do this for a long time and I'm super excited to meet all you guys!

So join us for our debut and be the first to peep on the live show experience. Mozy on over to New York, come on, help us kick this pig! You can grab tickets in the show notes of today's episode. Come on, you know you want to come sing with us. I have never sung a day in my life. My life is mirthless. Let the great experiment begin. You know, I've got a more annoying song stuck in my head,

but I'm deciding to shelve it because I don't want to go down the dashboard confessional hole right now, but ain't nothing going to bring a my stride. Ain't nothing going to harm me down. Oh, no. I got to keep on moving. That is definitely the song that is a constant. That is a constant in the back of my brain to the point that I'm worried about being driven mad by rhythm. My name is Shaggy Zbrowski.

Welcome to page seven. My name's Molly Neffle. I think that would be a very fun song to go mad too. Yeah, I think it would be fun too. It's a lot better than like some limp biscuit or something. By the way, shout out to smash mouth for screaming about anti-straight Pride Day, which is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. I'm holding McNeely. Oh, straight pride parade.

I'm telling you, it's the years 2019. We love Billy Ray Cyrus and we love smash now. Yeah, what is happening? I'm proud of them, man. Good for them. I'm proud of them. I'm into it. I'm embracing it.

The Vanga Boys are also anti-fascists. Great. Perfect. We're doing great. And the Vagabas is coming. No, Molly. Why that? Why you got a Vanga boy me?

Listen, they weren't trending earlier this week because they're anti-fascists and I was like, we were ahead of the trend. Oh my God, we were ahead of the trend. We've been talking about how good the Vanga boys are. Their fashion is just undeniable. Well, Holden had to hear about it on our jacconese that I was like, but the Vanga boys. Absolutely.

You know, I used to be a Vanga hater, but now I feel like I've turned around and now I'm a Vanga gator. Oh, God. Oh, he's snapping at us. Heron! Is that a noise in an alligator rat? Yeah. That kind of gaiter. I thought you were suggesting there was like a Vanga Gait,

like there was a controversy about the Vanga Boys. That's right. And you were a part of the conspiracy belief. They're actually girls. There's some girls in there. There's girls in there, too, though. Yeah, why are they called the Vanga Boys where there's definitely actual females in the group? It's like in, what's that wonderful show, American Vandal, where the group is called the, oh, my God, now I can't.

The fun gals? No. Oh, is it the Suck Me Off Boys? How did I bring this up? and then it left my head. It's called like, they have like a fun name. The fuck males. The something boys.

But it's co-ed. See, I guess what I don't understand is that like all you have to do is slap a Z on it and then it is co-ed. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like me my boys. Yeah.

And even an eye in there, replace the Y with the eye. For sure. Definitely co-ed. Because then I feel like it's more of like, I feel like boys is something you scream when you're jumping on a trampoline. Mm-hmm. And listening to the Vanga boys. I associate the Vanga Boys with trampolines because it all is wrapped up in my eighth grade year. 100%. And it's much like a trampoline. It's fun for about a minute.

And then it becomes very trying. I don't understand. I feel like it's like, like, wait, Molly, were you like a trampie head? Like, were you one of those? Yeah, were you a tramp, a trampie head. Is that what we were called? Yeah, my best friend had a trampoline. My best friend through middle and high school had a trampoline. And so we spent hours. I totally disagree with you, Holden about both of Vanga boys, longevity. and trampolines. We'd be out there for hours, hours, hours.

Oh, yeah, and I would beg my folks. We had the smallest yard at the house I grew up in. It was like 10 by 10, and I would literally, like, measure the yard and measure the diameter of trampolines and, like, begging them. Right. Begging them to get a trampoline. And they rightfully were like, someone's going to break their ankle on it and then sue us. Of course.

And it would take up our entire yard. Worth it. And so we never got the trampoline, but thankfully, my best friend had one. That's the thing. Trampolines are 100% better when your friend has it, not you. That's probably true.

Because then you get the gulf of not using the trampoline if your parents get you the trampoline. Yeah, that's true. I buy you that trampoline and here you are watching TV. Right. Yeah, exactly. See, I had a friend that had a trampoline and the only thing we used the trampoline for

was to sit on it and smoke weeds. I was about to say the same thing. I spent way more time laying on my back, looking up at the stars, high on a trampoline than actually jumping on one. Sitting out, I didn't, I didn't do anything fun like that in middle or high school. So I was sober, meaning I was sobered through middle and high school. Boring, you mean?

I know, I know, making right, correct life decision. Right, correct decision. I don't know. I think I could have, I think I could have had a softer landing if I had, like, introduced myself to it in high school, you know, rather than just crashing into it in college. Did you just do everything in one year? I mean, yeah, in college, I was like, that was my time. You know, it was like not the wisest approach. Upers, downers, hallucinogens.

In betweeners, hybrids. But sitting on a trampoline almost as good as jumping on a trampoline, especially if you're trying to flirt with somebody. Just all sit there and flirt and hawk. And, I mean, it would have been much better if I was high, I'm sure. Over the pants rubbing.

Even sober. Man, the phrase heavy petting always truly disgust as me. It disgusts me. Just how much, how many rug burns my penis went through on some jeans before I actually got laid. You know what I mean? Just cramming it. Just trying to like, wait, what kind of, you know, just trying to shove it in it.

But there's no actual going anywhere because you're both fully clothed is painful. So shoutouts to all my younglings out there who are rubbing on the jeans right now while listening to this podcast. Are you not wearing boxers? That's what people do. Does anybody hook up with their significant other while listening to our podcast? Can you please let us know in the Facebook page? I prefer not to know. So you can tag hold on a Jackie on that.

Anybody rubbing jeans? Yeah, I'm rubbing jeans right now. Well, we record it. So everybody, get to rubbing. You know what? There's no time better than the present to start rubbing. Yourself and as long as you're not in front of children. Right.

Don't do it in front of children, you guys. It's like really sad. Or really in front of anybody else who isn't going to be into it. Or the elderly. Yeah, actually. Can I throw the elderly in there as well? Do not dry hump someone in front of an old man. It is just so upsetting.

What if you're giving him a thrill? The general societal taboo on not rubbing yourself in front of others, I think can stay. Right. Just you want to make. Well, you know me. I don't like PDA. I have to break character for a second here. I don't like PDA.

Is that true? I hate it. Jackie Jeff. I don't like it. It gets it really. Oh, Molly, you will be introduced to it this weekend. It is, it is, I mean, it's like maybe a little, but yeah, I'm just not, I don't really like a lot of the public displayage of it, especially like gross high school kids on the subway because it's like their moment to hook up. Yeah, they don't hold back.

I just am like, get out of my eyesight. This is awful. They're just like, and they're kissing all like, they're kissing all gross. I hated it in high school for that reason, because in high school, you're always around other people who are using that time to, you know. get on each other. And it's like, it's kind of like they kiss, like, people who chew with their mouth open. They, like, make smacking noise. And they huff to that.

Yeah. Oh, it's so gross. Or especially, like, a guy being like, come on, baby. You know what I mean? Kind of begging a little bit for some hookup time. Does that mean you also, are you anti, do you not smooch in public yourself then? I mean, you know, if it's like a special occasion, if we're like about to get married or something. You know what I mean?

the Navy I'll like do some public sort of stuff. That is fine. Definitely watching you guys get married was I think in the five times I can count on one hand of times I've seen you and Lexi kiss each other. Yeah, we just don't. I just don't. Well, first of all, I come from unfortunately a very like unaffectionate family physically or whatever, right? Which is what it is.

And I actually am very affectionate physically with Lexi. We just behind closed doors, maybe that's probably why, though. I feel like I'm just so, it's so jarring to me to see people. showing their love to each other in a physical manner in front of other people, you know what I mean? I'll be like, I love you, Mom, it should be like, hello, okay, you know what I mean? She's like, and even that is like, you know what I mean?

It's interesting because Jackie and you have similar experiences with that in terms of family affection. Oh, yeah, yes. But it sounds like Jackie has gone. I went the opposite way. I'm just like, give me, give me, grabsy, grabsy. But I also don't smackage when I'm looking out. I'm a silent kisser.

Yeah, you don't. loud kiss, at least. I feel like kissing and even making out, I got no issues with, like, grabbing of bodies in public is, like, I feel like there's a limit to PD. Like, I feel like I don't want to see you guys, like, you know, people in my hometown used to always walk around with one hand and the other's gene pocket. Oh, no, no, no, no. And it's not like I'm grabbing that as pee-pee in front of other people, you know?

I do hate that, though. I hate horny guys when they get real ass-grabby in public. And I'm like, dude, we are in a public space, dog. I still remember at a high school dance. At a high school dance, I was dancing. I must have been a freshman because my brother was a senior and his friend who I had known since, like, you know, I don't know, elementary school or something. He just went for the butt? His friend, this friend was dancing with his girlfriend, I guess, like a couple of feet away.

And I don't know who I was dancing with, but I was dancing with somebody. We're in the school cafeteria, not a romantic setting at all. and we were doing, me and my dance partner were like doing the thing where you just kind of rotate in a slow circle. Oh yeah, yeah. Arms fully outstretched. And I just remember this kid, this, you know,

kind of family friend was over here, dancing with his girlfriend, reached down, grabbed her ass, and as he did so, looked up and made eye contact with me. And it was the most. And I had just, like, I had known him forever. He didn't make like a salacious. It was just like, I just felt like I had con him

and something. At least he didn't. At least he didn't make like an animal noise. At least he didn't go like, meow or something. Like yonky, yonkey, I'm the donkey. Yeah, you didn't say that. He didn't see him, like, he didn't seem embarrassed either. It was just like, this is the facts.

I've got my hands on this girl's ass. And I was just like, quick up the rotation, like, trying to like pretend I didn't see it. And it made me so, it made me so uncomfortable. Man, you want to talk about uncomfortable touches. Can we talk about Chloe Kardashian? going to the prom with this 17-year-old boy. Yeah.

Okay. They are all over each other in these pictures. Let's just give a quick background. So I think it's actually, I think a lot of people see it is very sweet. Chloe Kardashian got hit up by this kid. His name is Narbe, and he hosts an Instagram. His name is Narbe? Yes.

I believe that's how you pronounce it. That's really fine. I appreciate cultures. And he hit her up because he runs all of his. these different accounts that is a Kardashian fan page. And he had met Christianer one time and he had up Chloe Kardashian, a 34-year-old woman and asked her to go to prom with him, which, again, you know, Tisway's done that, Kylie's done that. Like, I get it, but they were younger.

And so she said yes. She shows up. She's wearing this hot black dress. Just her breasts looked beautiful and perfect and supple. But her breasts looked beautiful and perfect and simple. supple and she's going to a prom with the 17 year old and not that I'm trying to be you know I'm not a prudy dude but like the pictures she's definitely yoncing too close to those yips you know what I'm saying I want to I feel like I don't want to rain on anyone's parade and I understand why this

seems fun and why people might think it's fun but 34 years old is is You know, and there's something, if the genders were reversed, like if a 34-year-old famous man went to high school prom with a 17-year-old girl, people would be like, that is not okay. I mean, I would have loved that personally. I would have argued him all the way down to the finish line. Who would you, okay, let's go back to high school right now, right? It's senior prom, you're 17, who is that guy?

And I'm talking about back then. Famous guys, right? Yeah, who would be your dream man to show up and take you to prom back then? Zach Brough. That year it would have been Toby McGuire or Adrian Brody. I'm going to go with Jessica Rabbit. I'm going to say Jessica Rabbit for me. Jessica, wait, no, she can't take you to prom, though.

You are old enough to know that she couldn't take you to prep. I would climb her like a tree and curl up on her. You know what I mean? Like I would let her wear me like a scarf. You know what I mean? Oh my God, we'd be like a little mink. Would you pretend like you were a mink? Yes, exactly.

I'd be dressed like a dead animal. Yeah, and mine would definitely have been Zach Braff at that time period. Sad. Mine probably would have been Pamela Anderson, actually, now that I think about it. Classic. Or Ginny McCarthy. Or Jenny McCarthy. You're an anti-faxor lover, huh?

This was before she went bonkers, all right? You know what I'm saying? Now she shouldn't go to the prom because kids are full. of infectious diseases. Exactly. They'll all fucking die because of her anti-vax ass. Well, actually, or the fact that maybe,

did you see that what I set you about, apparently that Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock's divorce occurred because she was in the Borat movie? Yeah, that was a fun piece of news. I was really into that because she is terrific. And Kid Rock, not terrific. That's my editorial stance.

Whoa, come on. I'm trying to remember. I like Kid Rock, actually, a lot. He reduces the prices for its, tickets on the shows, the beer prices so that people can get drunk at his shows because they're all broke. That's nice. It's very nice of him and he puts a cruise on and I want to go to his cruise.

We're going to the cruise! Jackie wants to go on that cruise too. I want to go on a cruise so bad. 311. 311! I want to go on this cruise so badly. I just bought another Americana themed cowboy hat and I feel like I need to show it off somewhere. They should just call that cruise the blackout cruise

because I just feel like that's what I would be the entire fucking time. Like just completely out of my gourd Budweiser drunk. You know what I mean? Have you seen the pictures of the cruise? I don't know if I have. I think it would make me sad to. Is it amazing?

Jackie did a lot of research on this. I'm afraid of cruises anyway because I get boat sick. And so I can't go on the cruise. But I do think that you two should go on the cruise. Maybe bring Marcus. I love it. Well, this is the thing too. Because I've also always wanted to go to the gathering of,

of the juggalo. I would totally go to a gathering. I really want to go to that badly. I got to, but that's the thing. I feel like Pam Anderson and the juggalo's are in this really cool avenue of, in terms of how they express their beliefs. And Kid Rock has gone a different path.

Oh, I don't know his tics, as I call him. He definitely, like, wants to run for office as a Republican. Oh, speaking of tics really quick, by the way, I hope everybody's getting on that TikTok. Oh, my God. Everybody get on TikTok. I made my first talk today. I'm trying to do a talk a day.

I hate that you're calling them talks. I can't, you know what we should call them? I hate any more that you're calling them talks. We should call them TED Talks. Yeah, TED Talks. It'd just be you giving dissertations about like. Maybe I'll just call mine TED Talks. And at the end I say, thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

You could do those kind of ones. I think, so Holden created the page 7 TikTok. It is page underscore 7. At page underscore 7. Yeah. Is there a time limit? I watched Holden. Holden sent me a text in the middle of the night saying,

why aren't you talking or whatever you said? Yeah. Oh my God. I didn't even remember sending you that. I was pretty drunk last night. Go on. And I watched his TikTok. Thank you.

Of Holden, looking at the camera, mouthing, look what you made me do. And the only thing I can think about TikTok as I was about to make one is that I think I'd have to be pretty. It's pretty inebriated to do it. Sure, go for it, yeah. Yeah, I might have at least three months till I can make a good TikTok.

My favorite, my absolute favorite is that because I'm attempting all of, like, the true blue fans that are the initial followers of the page 7 TikTok, I'm trying to follow back like as many as I can, even though it gate keeps you. It's like you're following too fast, and it stops you from it. Oh, is that what it is?

I'm like, fuck off. You can't tell me how fucking, I want to follow all my other fans. Because only a bot would follow back that. Right, that many people. But so I was following back everybody, and my favorite is watching these confused people in their 30s just like stare, squinting at the screen while some song plays with the background just like trying to figure out what the fuck this is is so good. So please, if you are following, hopefully I will get to follow you back as long as TikTok lets me. And keep those talks a comment because I love them.

I know that you think that it's funny to watch people in their 30 staring at it, but I really did stare at it for about eight minutes. After we had the very confusing to me conversation last week about this application, and I still didn't understand it, and then I downloaded it. Now I extra don't understand it. Okay, really quick. I just want to give you a really fast run down. You're going to give us a run down?

It's easy. You hit the plus button at the bottom. There's a video feed. Like your camera pops up with the video, a live feed of you, right? You, at the top, you tap where it says, tap for a song, tap that, search anything you want. It'll give you 15 to, like, 30 second long bits of different song chunks. And everything, T-Swift's on there. Don't worry about that.

She's definitely there. And you can go on and just, like, add your song and then just let your freak flag fly. Just lip-dick or go out. I just hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it all of these children. It is a lip-well, kind of, like, it's a two-music app. So you don't necessarily have to lip sync, but I prefer it if we would all maybe lip sync because I think it's fun, it's better. So it's just like social media, but just for singing songs.

Just for lip-s-sing. It's like music video, the app, essentially, in little tiny chunks. There's a lot of people who just do videos of their dogs, by the way, is a whole situation of that going on. To music. To music, yeah. I don't think you have to do it to music, but like, come on, guys. Let's get on board here.

It's just crazy because really, the majority of the people using this application are 12 years old. That's why I love that the page 7 fans who are following, I'm following back, the ones that are creating stuff, they're amazing. So get y'all, get those talks out there, guys. All right, maybe we should all get out of our comfort zone too because I'm embarrassed to do it. This is not something I necessarily like to do. And I am not embarrassed by a whole hell of a lot. I will throw that out there. And for some reason, this desperately embarrasses me to do, but I will give it a shot.

Maybe we'll make some live TikToks on stream this Friday when you're in my apartment for Jacanese dating sims. Because I will be in New York for the live show this weekend show. But I can't help but feel like us being on TikTok is like Chloe Kardashian being at the prom. It is. It's good to circle back, Mom. 100%. That was amazing, Molly. You invited us here.

We shouldn't be here. We're too old to be here. Why are you hanging out with all these children? It's just not quite... Nothing wrong is happening, but it's not quite right. I feel saved by the people, because now I'm just watching the videos of people who I followed back, who followed us, i.e. older, usually, like, fans of the podcast. And I can get away from all these staring at videos of all these little people. Oh, my God.

Speaking of that... It scares me. I feel like I'm going to get put into jail. It does make me feel like I'm going to get thrown into jail. That is how I felt at Governor's Ball this last Saturday. Can we talk about that for two seconds? Sure. First of all, this is like, this is how long has been since I've been able to, like, afford to do one of these things.

I had not experienced festival fashion. Like, I went to, I did Bonaroo, like, so many years ago. I feel like festival fashion, quote-unquote, wasn't a thing. And if it was a thing, it was hippie-dippy, loose-flowy, long dresses, baggy clothes. See, that's what I wore to festivals when I would go to festivals all the time and say, I would go to festivals. I would do a bunch of drugs. I would make a lot of fucking mistakes. But I always had like the long skirts on and like a crop top.

And at that point I was wearing like a Nuzzi's hat all the time. And I feel like in my brain that's what vestible fashion is. Extra, extra, ring on the bounty. Jackie needs a date to the pro. I could picture the exact outfit you're talking about. I want to slap an ass if on this. But gone are the days of me singing, I want to be a supermodel into my empty job.

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Use my dedicated link, candidcoe.com slash page seven, to learn more and get $75 off. That's candidcoe.com slash page seven for $75 off. Candidcoe.com slash page seven. I'm going to brush my daddy's teeth, look into my father's mouth, my father's mouth. my father's mouth And you'll see the cleanest teeth in town Father's Day is coming up And methinks he needs a rub a dub scrub

With the beautiful gift of quip The signature guiding features Will not only be a gentle reminder To stick to a daily self-care routine But will keep their smile bright Wherever they go Papa had a clean mouth Yes he did

Wherever he laid his quip was his home And unfortunately it came with a cover so he'd roam. Quip's multi-use cover works as a stand, mounts to mirrors, and slides over your bristles to pack and protect your quip. And it runs for three months on a single charge with no wires or a clunky charger. So if you refer to your daddy as a rolling stone on the regs, you're going to need better excuses to keep him at home from then just having a dirty mouth on the road.

Or maybe, you know, you could put him on a leash. Old man, take a look at my mouth. It's evenly clean. Don't all dads want to be like they're cool kids? Well, I mean, I'm definitely not cool, but my father doesn't need to know that. He also 1,000% has absolutely no idea what I do for a living. So when you ask daddy, when you come home and he says,

he don't know when you will know that he's packing quip heat to make sure. his business trip mouth is beautifully clean and ripe for the business kissing. And the sensitive sonic vibrations are super gentle on soft gums. So the only part that will be raw after the business kissing will be the state of your mother's heart. I love my quip for a million reasons. But today I love my quip because I never thought about getting one for my father for father's day. Because honestly, what else do you get them?

He already has the VHS box set of all in the family. It's time to get him something that you don't need a defunct, tape player to use. Everybody needs new doothbrushes. That's why I love Quip and why over one million happy healthy mouths do too. Quip starts at just 25 bucks and if you go to getquip.com slash page 7 right now, you can get your first refill pack for free. That's your first refill pack free at G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash page seven. See, my problem is the only festivals I ever went to was warp tour. So there was a specific type of warf tour fashion. That's very different, right? So that's like black, you know, baggy shirts, right, and stuff like, you know, Jinkos, right?

I mean, how dare you put us into a box like that? I couldn't afford Jinkos. Baggy pants that were at Jingos, vans. Right, vans. And then a very carefully selected shirt of a band that was not playing at Warp Tour, but that could have played at Warp Tour. Maybe some buttons or some patches. Of course.

Of course. All the way. But now it is, it's very colorful. skimpy, lacy, like, barely wearing anything. It's a lot of butts, right? And I felt like a fucking sexual predator just being there because they were all dressed like that and they were all, they all looked fucking 12. You know what I mean?

Or 15. You know what I mean? I'm like, ew, what is happening? And by the way, this is the first time in a long time I've been around kids that age. Like, you couldn't pay me enough money to be transported back to that time. It is so, they are all so uncomfortable in their own skin. Yeah. You've got these tiny little, like, stick girls.

And these, like, I almost just want to call them thick boys. They're just these chunky, dumb, doofy guys that are just, like, trying to make fun of everything. Because, like, they can't just. Yeah, they haven't grown into their body yet because they're still, it's like, ugh. They can't, like, no one can, like, genuinely like anything. Yes. Because if they do that, then they're making themselves vulnerable. Yeah.

And they're not cool. I was about to get into a fight with a bunch of, like, 16-year-old boys at Casey Musgraves. because it was clear that their like girlfriends must have dragged them there and they were the type of girlfriends who they haven't quite learned yet to just turn and say, hey, how about you shut the fuck up? And let me enjoy this concert.

No, instead they're like, while the guys were like trying to like, they were sort of trying to do the make fun of it thing and they were like trying to rock out to what was not like rock out music as a joke. Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. And I just wanted to fucking murder them. I mean, just like, and I literally,

and there was another guy on my right who was doing the same kind of thing. And he seemed like he was actually a fan of hers, but was still like making fun of it and shit and I literally turned to Lexi and the girl he was with heard me and asked him to quiet up I just turned to Lexa was like you know you got someone so talented on the stage right now

and they can't help but make it about themselves but that's the most dad like I felt like such a dad Lexi Lexi kept like getting mad at people who were like passing her we were such old people at this fucking festival not even just say like hey buddy

you want to you shut the fuck up I paid a lot of money to watch this dead in You loudly said it to your body. Moralized. It's a damn shame. It's a damn. These darn kids he says. I will say they did move shortly after I said that though.

And the girl did one was like, can you be quiet? It was like, she's singing this like beautiful music. You know what I mean? And I'm just like, what the fuck is going on here? You are the old guy at the concert. I am so the old guy. We were both the old people at the concert and we had no idea we were going to be that until we were there and just like,

Whoa. But listen, I call you to channel to your reserves of empathy because, well, I agree. And you could not pay me enough to go back to middle school. You could not pay me enough. But we all remember, you just, you're just don't, you don't know how to, you just have, you're figuring everything out. And so you're like, maybe I actually kind of like this woman singing, but I don't, I don't know if I'm supposed to do it. I don't know.

That makes my penis size small. And also kids now are like, cool. cooler and more accepting than, like, by eops than we were, his middle schoolers. Like, they're so much cooler and more accepting and more open now. But still, you're just, like, they're just so, like, in a prison of their own figuring out how to express what they think is cool. And very obviously so, by the way.

And it's like, now as an adult, I can look at that and be like, man, you guys, it's okay. It's okay. You can like the lady's voice. Yeah, right. You can get in touch with your feminine. inside and like enjoy a woman singing about like, you know, being a woman. Yeah, it's all good.

Being a strong woman. It's an actually really only helps you become a more, like, well-rounded person and gets you laid harder. But also the girl. But it's, they're all just figuring it out. But also the girlfriends, I just want to be like, dude, you can tell your boyfriend to shut the fuck up. Yeah, that too.

You don't have to play along with this shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because you could tell they were like so uncomfortable and just going like, uh-huh, uh, uh, you know what I mean? Yeah, there's a lot of times when I think back on times where I was around boys,

when I was a teenager and around teenage boys who were acting like assholes and you just went with it. Yeah, of course. And I didn't know that. I will not stay. It will not stand.

Yeah, right. They're just like, hey, Molly, you're all the racial slurs I know and just like say it and you're just like, uh-huh, okay. Yeah. That's interesting that you know that, I guess. Yeah, or thankfully it wasn't

as much of that, but it was more like it was just like gender stuff like just boys being I was a trumpet player and you know trumpet play it's a boy dominated field of course especially with all the

I imagine the blowjob jokes you got yeah maybe some blow job jokes in there and the trumpet player boys you know they're not always the coolest boys in the school so they might have a bit of a nice guy complex going on but they're not nice by the way 100% nice guy complex. Yeah. Oh my god. A lot of, you know, I get it. I was awful. I was

awes. I just can't believe looking back. I'm like, why do they only like the drum? I'm like, I just want to grab myself. I'd be like, A, you're an asshole. B, they just have confidence and they just stand up. You know, they just fucking. People are attracted to confidence. Overall. Yes. That's it. But these trumpet player and boys, man, there was a summer during band camp where these trumpet playing boys would just, they would

do you guys have these type of kids in school who would like, there was like a genre of jokes in high school that were like dead baby. jokes and like pedophile jokes and stuff and these oh my oh I would just we would have you know sectionals where it was just okay all the trumpet players go practice this part and I'd be in a room with like fucking 12 sweaty boys. Ooh they all stop. Pedophile jokes and dead baby jokes and I and I didn't like totally sell. I wasn't totally

like but I was just like ha ha ha because I was like brand new to trumpet playing at that time I wasn't good yet and so I was like not only were they the majority. of the gender in the room, but they were also, like, they were better at trumpet than me, and so I was like, I guess I gotta go along with this. And now I just wanna travel back in time and just fucking grab their trumpets out of their hands. Yeah, shove us down their throats.

Shut the fuck up about your pedophile jokes. It's not funny. No more pedophiles. It's the wire hangers of your child. A trumpet playing. With a trumpet. Man, I went down a weird hole while we were having this conversation

of looking at Jinkos that are very expensive online. But also, do you know that a lot of JNCOs were sold with the four Aces on Fire patches attached to them? Oh, yeah, I kind of remember that. I actually had the good sense even back when they were hip to know that that was a dumb trend. I want them. This is straight up stupid and incredibly expensive. Because even then they were too wide. I wanted very baggy pants.

Yeah. But I didn't like that they were cut so. So, why. They're like elephant feet or whatever. Yeah, and also all of the old ones that are sold, the bottoms are all destroyed because they were so long that they dragged on the floor. Yeah, yeah. Did you guys, have we talked on the show ever? Maybe we must have at some point over the years, but did you guys do Fear Street?

Not Fear Street. No Fear, no Fear shirts. No Fear shirts. Oh, yeah. I did not, but yes, I 100% remember no fear. I was, like, always, like, not into fashion. Like I was always just like, fuck it. I'll just wear chucks because that's the easy.

I still wear chucks. I'm making an effort now, finally, kind of. But an effort in the sense of like, Lexi, dress me in whatever you want me that you think looks cute and I'll wear that. Because I'm only doing this for you at this point. You know what I mean? Now that you're the dad at the concert, beware,

because my husband's a few years ahead of you in age, and he's a word only chucks his entire life. And he's starting to be like, my feet hurt. No, no. Yeah, because there's no. support in your shoes. Yeah, exactly. You've spent decades wearing, you know, canvas shoes that I love that are, but, like, you, you are in a body that is aging and your shoes have not changed. I'll just get incredibly thick socks.

Yeah, that's what you start wearing two, three pairs of socks. I think that's how you do it. Sweaty, just awful. Yeah. Your socks and your thick socks, go to your concert and just keep talking about what a shame it is. You know what? These kids are asking. These fucking kids these days. Am I right? Kids? I don't know what's better, though, is to be that guy, which I'm completely down to lean into being that person. Lexi and I lean in.

Because also I'm looking at the, on top of, like, separate from the Jinkgo search that I went down, looking at the pictures of the people that are on the kid rock crews, and I'm currently looking at, I'll describe this man as, I want to say, maybe in his early 60s. He is wearing a backwards hat, and he's wearing sunglasses that look.

like the sunglasses is an old person from Florida would wear. He's got a beer in his hand, but a shirt is a white shirt, and a la Toys R Us, it says clit are us. Ooh. So, see. That doesn't even make sense, though. It doesn't work at all. First of all, why not clits are us?

Because of, is it because, is it because, but is it like clitoris? You're just calling yourself. Oh, it is. It's like clit. Clit. But you're right, that was my first thought too. It should be clitsar us. Yeah, it should be clitsar us.

But then I'm like, why are you calling yourself a clit? Not that it's wrong to be a clit, but why are you calling yourself a clit? So you got to stare at his shirt. You got to go, clit. Why isn't it clit? Oh, clit are us. Oh. Clit are us.

See, he's kind of cool. I'm actually bringing that back when I'm mad at somebody. I'm going to be like, you clit. Just see what the reaction is. When did you see that? Or just bringing it into the four for the first time ever. Just be like, you fucking clitoris. Just have them stare at you.

You're confused to be like, I don't know why. I don't know why I'm even in this doctor's office. No, I think that's a good word to use as to say like you're being overly sensitive right now. Oh. I think you're being a bit of clitoris right now. What do you have a million nerve endings? You know, really get into it. Easily stimulated.

Oh, easily stimulated. Hard to find. Oh, my God. Clit are me for sure. I'm definitely overly sensitive and easy to excite. You know what shirt always captivated my imagination that like is the type of shirt that they sell in like you know the like on 42nd Street or like Duval Street in Key West

like wherever they sell the tourist t-shirts is I don't know if they still sell it but I remember seeing it in Key West in I don't know 15 years ago that says MySpace and it's a picture of like you know how like the kind of graphic of like the bathroom guy like it's a picture of him at a computer MySpace too and then the next square is to my face face and then it's a woman sitting on his face. That's funny.

Molly loves it. Absolutely. I was upset because Henry wouldn't let me buy the booty shorts at Venice Beach and said it won't spank itself on the butt. That is asking, that is screaming for sexual assault. I don't want to be victim blaming here. But that is literally yelling to the world, assault me sexually, demanding it right on your ass. allow me to buy it.

I get it because it really is. Like if someone did do that, I'd be like, most of the time I wouldn't blame you at all, but you literally had a phrase on your ass that requested people to touch you there. You could have an arrow and then on the back of your shirt it could say, no, not you. No, not you.

Or please respectfully, don't actually do this respect, respect my body. Ask first. Ask first, though. Yes, and then under me that, except for got daddy, this is an open invitation. I'll write all of that on the back of the shirt. Right, with a very concerned giant picture of Molly's head right above it too,

just kind of looking just like. Making like a Marge Simpson face. Yeah. Maybe we shouldn't do this. Oh my God, can somebody please make that. Somebody tell me if you've ever seen the MySpace to my face shirt. They probably can't, my space hasn't been popular in a long time. And so I don't know if they saw that shirt anymore.

But what did they do with the millions that they printed? Did they send them to Romania? Maybe somewhere. Probably, yeah. That's like the losing, whatever team loses, the, like, Super Bowl or whatever, like, all of those shirts that show, like, oh, Super Bowl winners or whatever that didn't win, they get sent to. So you have all these people, like, in third world countries, like, sporting, like, Steelers shirts and stuff. It reminds me, by the way, your shirt reminds me a big Johnson shirts. Remember those?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Those were fun. Those were fun. Also, it's another thing that was made that we didn't know that we needed until we had it. similar to the Arnold Schwarzenegger rap video that was released two days ago. I am conflicted about it.

You said you loved it. I was so ready to love it. I'm so conflicted, Jackie. Why are you conflicted? It's called Pump It Up the Motivation song. Talk about like dad stuff. Like that is such the dad rap style. It's just like,

bu, bu, bu, bu, bu, bu, bu, bu, bu. Yeah. But, bu, bu, ba, bu, bu. My name's Arnold, that I'm here to say. I pump it up. No, actually the line is, my name is Arnold Schwarzenegger and Al-Beebok is with actually.

By the way, most of it does not rhyme. It doesn't make any sense. For a song that is all rapping, almost all of it does not rhyme whatsoever. But he tried to make fail and gain really. He really tried to make it rhyme, and it really didn't. It really sticks out like a sore thumb. Maybe he gets a pass because some words might rhyme with his accent

or some words might rhyme without his accent. He tried to have both. You know what I mean? I see. I think that's what he did. So the song came out that he collaborated with Austrian singer Andreas Gabbler. Is that a French way of saying? Gaborla.

How do you say it in an Austrian with an Austrian accent? I believe it's exactly. You have to fill your mouth with a bunch of spaghetti noodles first. So we're already off. Goblauil. Goblau. I believe it's what it. So they made this song together and it is, I mean, I say I love it because,

I definitely watch the video two or three times in the first sitting. And I feel like that's when you know you like a song, because I don't know why he did it. However, it's very motivational. It is all about like, keep going. Your dreams will come true. You know, I believe in your success and all that stuff. Because overall, Arnold Schwarzenegger is one of those people,

like a Keanu, like a Tom Hanks in my brain that are like, and Jeff Goldblum, what the Internet has chosen as like, you're good people. No, Arnold Schwarzenegger is not as good as the other ones, but I feel like still people look at him as such. Do people in California like him because of his whole governorship time? Like, do people? I think people were pretty down with him. Yeah.

Yeah, I haven't heard, I guess a better question for Jackie though since you're out there. I mean, I know I know absolutely nothing about politics. Can you actually stand on the street like a Scientologist and poll people on their opinion of Arnold Schwarzenegger? Yeah. When we start polling? Politically, I don't understand it. And I know that he did sleep with the maid, and then the maid had bore his child,

that he did financially raise. However, that's kind of nice. Like, I mean, you know, it doesn't necessarily make you not good people. He gave her a kid, you know what I mean? Yeah, but he was cheating on his wife. It can be. Interesting, coming from the only mother here. Well, only if you want it, you know.

It was a consensual relationship. He was just cheating on his wife. Yeah. Yeah, but was it a consensual choice to birth a trial? I mean, to have a presumably. That's just a complicated, it's a complication of an affair that a lot of people aren't ready for. I think it's 100% simple. I think there's nothing.

Man, now there's a kid. I think he's cute and I think he's nice is what it seems like. Everyone that comes in contact with him says he's a very nice person. He smokes weed. Does he smoke weed? Oh, yeah. There's this old picture of him with a big joint in his mouth that's like iconic. Yeah.

And he's always been like, yeah, I smoke. Like a people, he's been one of the early people celebrities to be like, yeah, weed, fortuena, you know what I mean? I smoke to marijuana. Yeah, I don't know enough about him. Pump it up. All I know is he was governor and it was odd. But I don't know anything more than that.

And the maid. And the maid. And the maid. And the maid thing. Other than that, I just want to kiss his little face. Do you ever watch the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, that he did a really long time ago, like the workout documentary,

but it's called like, Big Arms Kiss Me, whatever it's called. I didn't watch it. Big Arms Kiss Me, but I definitely know what you're talking about, for sure. I mean, in terms of, like, early Arnold Schwarzenegger canon,

I will say almost any Arnold Schwarzenegger movie from the 90s, put it on, and I'll enjoy it. Yeah, for sure. Pumping iron is what it is called. Kindergarten Cop. Kindergarten Cop, the best Arnold Schwarzenegger movie in my life.

It's a to-mo. No, but. What about Junior? Junior. I saw that in the theater with my dad. It was really uncomfortable. I am banking on in the next five years that the fake 90 science that happened in Junior comes to reality. I was like that.

I've asked God Daddy to bear our children for us. I think he's stronger emotionally and he's definitely stronger physically. And I feel like this would just work out for us. I wish. If it existed, I would take, I would have Arnold Schwarzenegger bear my child, you know. But all I could think of when I was watching Junior as a child was penis holes. And so that kind of is a, it casts a shadow over it for me. But I would put it up there with kindergarten cop.

I've just seen, I've probably seen kindergarten cop 200 times and seen Junior maybe once. Boys have penises. Girls have vaginas. That kid. That is not always true. Holden. But I do remember thinking about Junior while watching, what was it? I know that I've brought this up before.

The Pain Olympics, right? Oh, God. Why would you bring that up? Because that's what it makes me think of. It makes me think of it. It makes me think of when they cut the pee-p-holes so that when they put the pee-pee and the other pee-pee when they make the pee-pee hole bigger. Why are you bringing that up?

Because that's where my brain goes. It's all my fault. I don't bring up that. Stop. I'm sure that in Junior, I just don't remember because I think I've seen it once. He must have a C-section. They must not make him give birth through his penis hole, which wouldn't work anyway. But that's all I can think of.

Yeah, they definitely gave him a C-section. In the movie, they do it. But I was thinking the same thing. I was like, is he going to come out of his penis? And I wouldn't think of that now, but for some reason, as a kid, you know, as a kid, you don't understand, like, genitals are much more kind of intriguing and confusing when you're a kid. You know what it would have been amazing?

If it's, like, it's coming, it's happening, and he just went, like, whoa, and opened his mouth up really big, and you just saw it, like, a head pop out of his mouth. See, I imagine it would be more of, like, it would come out of his belly button, but the belly button would shift, like, the chimneys in the Santa Claus, where it just, like, opens up, like, like, it's a huge gap, like, like, a big black, hole inside of his stomach that the baby

is pushed through from. Using that 90s CGII too. Oh, yeah. Well, Jacob was talking about just all I can think about now is cutting the... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. You know what, I'm sorry? I'm not sorry. And that's how it goes sometimes. I'm sorry. Tub girl.

Ew. I was just talking about tub girl the other day because got that he was taking a bath and I was just like, oh, are you tub girling yourself in bubbles? Oh, God. Because it's working. of those things, but then I forget sometimes that he's younger than me. I think that he knew Tub girl, but

it was at, like, very short amount of time that we were all obsessed with those disgusting, like Lemon Party and all that kind of stuff. Which Lemon Party is not disgusting. It's just old people sex. That's like the least offensive one, yeah. I know, but at the time, when you're 18, you're like, old people having sex. Do you not know any of this, Molly?

No, I don't know what you guys are talking about. Just easy, just Google search all of this. I'm not going to. I know not to. Yeah, Lemon Party is just that Lemon Party is a prank that people play. They're like, oh, politics feeling sour these days. Like, go to Lemon Party.com if you're like a Republican

and want to sign up for a thing. You know what I mean? It's like a way to trick people into seeing an image that's maybe not as enjoyable. People's sex, though? Is it just old people's sex, though? Lemon Party is literally just an old man giving another very old man a blow job.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. It's not bad. But when you're 18, it really is like, yeah. I mean, it's jarring. You know what I'm going to say. If you're not expecting that, you're like, oh, you know what I mean?

A little bit, right? It's a little jarring. Yeah, that's fine. Is this is the same, is this where a two girls one cup came from? Kind of, yeah. Is this the same family? The good old days of the internet, right? When we were really just exploring.

I don't know. I think that if I ever hear Cotton Eye Joe, man, I heard Cotton Eye Joe not too long ago blasting from a shop as I was passing it, and I just looked in with just pure disgust. How dare you? See, that still makes me think of middle school dances, though, in a really nice way. But it sounds like there's an internet video, I don't want to. That's right. That's right.

Because, yeah, they would always play Cotton Eye Joe. And people do the ho-down thing they'd just circle around. Because you need dances at middle school dances that everybody can dance to. Well, see, this is the thing, though. And I realized another pet peeve. So I've talked about this before. I don't like synchronized dances, like the macarena or what's the name of the stupid one? Chach-cha slide that I love.

I can't believe it's not stupid, it's wonderful. Chachaslide is like every other one of those where you're like, oh, this is kind of fun. And then five milliseconds later, you're like, I am immediately done doing this. I can't believe. You have to do it for another eight minutes. You know, they're so wrong.

Mine goes so deep. Mine goes so deep, though. I noticed at Governor's Ball, another thing I hate, I do not like the synchronized clapping when they get everybody to clap at one time. I just hate fun. I just hate fun. I just don't like it.

To express yourself. I like expressing individuality. Okay? But what about playing music? That's like a group of people coming together doing something together. Yeah, and you know who else did hand motions all at the same time? Nazis. And you see what they ended up doing.

Molly Neffle, unbelievable. I've never seen a group of Nazis doing the cha-cha slide. Too fun for that. I'd pay money actually to see that. It would never happen. Césois? Césois. Y'all might be thinking I'm over here all corset it up and waiting for my chance to make my

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I had something I read on every bathroom wall. You're in a bandhold and people come together to do things at the same time. I don't like to be told what to do by a song and is disrespectful. I worked a long week. I didn't really but I worked really hard all week. I don't

want to go to a thing and be told what to do. I do what I want to do at the concert. You're right. You have a tantrum, Holden. This is a tantrum time for holding. Sit at the concert. Look at all these kids clapping. Damn shame. How am I both a toddler having a tantrum and a dad at the same time?

It's a lot. Poor Lexie. She was doing a way worse. Anytime anyone like brushed her to get in front of her to like, you know how people do, they all try to like move past you with stuff because you're in the back

because you're old now. And every single time she's just like, fuck off. Like she's just getting so pissed off and people like Lex, come on. I would, oh my God. I would love to be with both of you at a concert like that. We were elated that there was like one 21 and over bar section.

We were elated just to like be like in a pin with all the adults separated from all of the people younger than 21. Everyone is complaining about all the children. And everybody. Browning, not clapping. Totally. Sitting so tired immediately from standing. You know what I mean? For like for like 30 minutes. Yeah, it was, man, fuck, dude. It happened overnight. I can't wait to be the type of parent. I don't know how it works in New York City because we don't have a car,

but talking to a family member who has like, you know, an 11-year-old or something, and she was talking about how she took the kids to their first concert. I think it was either Katie Perry or Taylor Swift, but they don't live in New York, but she was like, yeah, I just, like, waited in the car outside and, you know,

went and got a drink, and then came back and waited in the car. I don't know why, but I reached a point in my life where I was like, sitting in a car, well, my kid has fun sounds nice. Yeah, wow. It's like a break. It's a nice break. And then the kid comes back and you get to be like,

did you have fun? And they're like, I tried sex. Good for you. Thank you for telling me about it. Thank you for telling me. Do you have any claims? I'm itchy now. Oh, God. Well, all right, let's schlep you to the doctor. I'm going to drop you off. I'm going to go drink while you're at the doctor. And then I'll come pick you back up when they give you all your creams. The New York version is going to be like, okay, go have fun at your concert.

I'll be at this bar down the block and I'll have my phone on me and you know where to find me and then I'll be like did you have fun and then we'll go get ice cream and I'll be the most fun mom. Well apparently we're going to be able to do this with Guillermo del Toro's

new envisionments of scary stories to tell in the dark you know what, Molly, I think you'll be able to just drop off Freddy and Freddie can watch the scary movie because although I was so excited about this movie because Guillermo del Toro is not using CGI for like the main parts of it. because it's based on scary stories to tell in the dark,

so it's going to be very creepy, and it's all, so he's making everything, um, practically from the actual book, and they're like, they're doing not an anthology series of it, but it's going to be like a through line narrative with a young teen girl as the lead.

All these things I'm pro. I'm pro. I'm pro. But what he's saying is that he's making it PG-13 and making it family friendly. How dare he take a children's book, beloved by children, and make it for children? Unbelievable, Jackie.

I cannot believe it. Unbelievable. How dare he take this beloved children's property that children love? I was so scared. I was even scared when I had the book to sing about the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, and y' fingers out just out.

I was even scared to sing the damn song. That is how a child should be raised in pure fear. But that does not mean that it won't still be scary for children. It's just that you're not his target audience. Hopefully, though, it is. Hopefully, he pulls off the magic trick of making it a legitimately scary movie and still for the... Like, that is the challenge, right? Yeah, but I think that that can be done.

Still images look frightening. You know what I know? And the trailer looks pretty creepy, too. So what you said it's not going to be seen? So what's the style? Like, what's it going to look like? It's all done practically. So it's like, you know, I'm assuming puppets.

It's like when they created... You know, what's the style? her name, I don't remember what her name is, but she kind of looks like this. Daggie's squeezing her, the back of her hands against her face. And then this is my hair, and the hair goes down and she's got like a moon kind of face. I forget her name. You remember that picture from scary stories to tell the dark? Yeah, I think so.

Tiny squinty eyes and a big creepy mouth. Yeah, yeah, I'd say. So I think that they like built a mask or something to replicate this. I remember it because of it. that is the one that scared me a lot as a kid was that face that and the one with the spider where the spiders are crawling out of her face when the meat eggs.

The cover, the guy with the pipe, the giant like head coming out of the ground with that. That was the most frightening. I couldn't even look. I was like, that was the thing. I was like, I thought those books were like evil. Like I couldn't eat.

I like was afraid to touch those books. Yeah, I never actually, I definitely like looked at them but I never actually like fully, like I was never as scary stories to tell in the dark kid. Yeah. They frightened me.

Yeah. Greatly frightened. But I loved how much they frightened me. I liked growing up in fear. But apparently that's not something that people want anymore for their children. They don't want their kids to be scared of the bathroom because they watched it when they were five years old.

I was scared to the bathroom until I was 14 years old. But those books were four children, right? You cannot make an R-rated movie. And it just wouldn't hold on this one. I know. I know. I was complaining about this. this to our beautiful producer, Mary,

and Mary's like, I think you're wrong. And we think of this way. It's a children's book. I'm mad. I'm mad. And no one can take my anger away from me. What they could do is they could make two versions, right? Like an adult version and a kid version, or they could take something else that was for us

when we were kids, like, Are You Afraid of the Dark, that kids don't need anymore because they probably have their own thing, and then make it an adult version of Are You Afraid of the Dark where all those kids at the Campfire are boning and doing drugs, and all the same, they retell the same stories, but make them legit way scarier. Like, that would be fun. Oh, that would be so much fun.

I mean, PG-13, by the way, is not PG. I mean, it's still, that means it has at least one fuck word in it. Yeah. And that's still like. I don't know. I think at one point the little girl's probably just going to be like, fuck. For no reason.

Just to really make it count. You know, you've got to really like elongate. It'll make her scream fuck for at least a minute and a half. It's just like for an hour and a half. I would be into that. You know what? Also I'm into the list. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

You guys are doing it again. It's in my bones. It's in my bones. Hell yeah, I'm very proud of you. We are doing actors who hate why they're famous. Because I went down a weird Kate Winslet whole the other day. Because turns out Kate Winslet,

hates Titanic. Not only does she hate Titanic, but she also hates my heart will go on to the point that she actually asked someone that was doing an instrumental version on a piano to stop because she didn't want to hear the fucking song. Understandable, but, yeah, understandable. I mean, she's wrong, but I get it.

She's wrong, thank you. I was going to say she's wrong, but can you imagine everywhere you go, probably everywhere she goes, probably people are like, draw me like one of your French girls, like for 25 years or whatever. The worst.

Yeah, it would definitely be, it would probably be annoying, I guess. I think any heart throb like movie, like teen heartthrob movie, it's got to be obnoxious as fuck to be a part of it, you know? I mean, right now everyone's freaking out about New Batman, right? Yeah.

What's his name from Twilight? Robert Pattinson. Robert Pattinson. And people were like complaining about online. I saw one comment that's like, you know who hates probably Twilight the most? Robert Pattinson. So maybe everybody just chill and see if he could actually like do the role.

You know what I mean? Yeah. It's got to be so annoying. Yeah. To have the like the love of teen girls. Yeah. Unless you feel about that. You're a,

you're, y'all are nerdies. What do you think about Batman? I love, I do like Batman, especially of all the things because he's the one I want to have sex with the most. So I'm fine with it. Heath Ledger set the precedent of you should see the old comments. Oh, I can't believe they get this pretty boy to be the Joker.

What a mistake. You know what I mean? Who's the Joker? Heath Ledger. And then he crushed it. Right, right. So it's literally... Who's the Joker in this new one?

I don't know. Okay. Maybe, hopefully no one. I bet the Joker's not in it. Phoenix is coming out with that Joker when, which I will say, I don't know if you guys have watched that trailer yet, but... Yeah. But, yeah, His Ledger was a great Joker.

He was like, perfect. And everybody, like, shat on him as the choice for Joker. And then the movie came out. So ever since that happened, I'm like, the only people who can't be, Batman. Actually, I talked about this recently with Jake Young, my co-host from Words on the Bruiser on a bonus patron episode for that podcast. We talked

about how the only people who can't play Batman are people who literally like, are people like Ben Affleck, who has Ben Affleck and everything he does. Right. He's just Ben Affleck. You know what I mean? Like those kind of blank slate actors like

Christian Bale, what made a pretty good Batman, because he's kind of a blank slate actor who sort of just like goes into or whatever role. Yeah, yeah. He's not necessarily a character actor, but he's able to, like, mold into roles.

But George Clooney is George Clooney in everything he does. Yeah. So he can't be the Batman. Well, and the most convincing argument I saw about Robert Pattinson was that he's like an emo boy, and Batman is an emo as fuck superhero.

Yeah, so it works out great. Yeah. And a vampire, caves, night time. Right, right. You know what I mean? Yeah, and also, speaking of Christian Bale, and this kind of hurts my heart,

Christian Bale hated himself, in newsies. What? It makes me so sad. But he's your festival fashion. I know he's noly. He's my king in New York, even though technically it's Bill Pullman at saying a song in the movie. But yeah, it's something that it actually embarrasses him.

And he said that it's just... That's so ridiculous. He's like, at 17, you want to be taken very seriously. You got to do it with a British accent. I think, is he Australian? Oh, yeah, Australian accent. It's 17. You want to be taking very seriously.

You know what I'm doing the musical? Tom here those wins, but it's equal. Tom have those wounds. And then they went, you know, you know. I mean, that's the thing is, I mean, Australian accents are the sexiest accents, but they're definitely not one that I did. I was trying to do with South African the other day. South African is the hardest.

South African. South African is the hardest. It doesn't make any sense. And they say every word different. It's impossible to have a day. But it's also so sexy. And like listening to someone speak Afrikaan too or just like, ooh, yum.

You're just giving me horrible flashbacks to theater, theater school and college sitting around with my theater friends as they attempted to like do every dialect. And you're just like, just shut the fuck. I don't care. I don't care that you can do a fucking French accent. Well, semi-well. Anyways, go on.

Carrie Fisher. Carrie Fisher hates being Princess Leia. I think she hated it. She grappled with, I think she re-embraced it later. Kind of like Leonard Nimoy wrote a book called I Am Not Spock. And then he later wrote a book called I Am Spock and came back around on it. Whoa. A second autobiography accepting his role because it bummed his fans out that he did that.

I think she had the same push and pull relationship. Have you seen her one woman show? By the way, it's amazing. I've heard it's incredible. It's amazing. It's on HBO, I think. right? Check it out. I believe so.

She'll explain all of that in that. And I think her audiobook is also narrated by her. With people, it's really good. Rest and peace, by the way. I know.

I know, right? A lot of it, though, is that the fact that she was uncomfortable being a sex symbol. And that she didn't see herself as one. She didn't want to be

over-sexualized. And she also, interestingly enough, didn't like the iconic Leah Braids because she felt that it made her face look fat. I mean,

that is obviously body-disprud. morphia, but, you know, everyone has that kind of thing. That's why I don't like having pictures with my hair up, because I feel like it gives me a five head, you know? Also, I mean, talk about, like, you know, I guess Trekkies is a whole thing, too, but, I mean, talk about, imagine, it's one thing to be like Kate Wins. I can empathize with Kate Winslet being like, oh, my God,

everybody knows Titanic, but imagine being fucking lit. Like, I'm, you know, I am married to a Star Wars boy like I get, but the amount of people for. whom you are the like this thing is their entire most important canon in their life and Leah is the sex one sex symbol for the tech prop for I'm not going to call I'm not calling all Star Wars fans gross but there's definitely a solid chunk of of you know people with maybe bad hygiene and they jerk it to her the you know what I mean just gross unwashed balls It's also interesting because we very recently rewatched New Hope and Empire Strikes

Back and Han is an asshole. Talk about nice guy syndrome. He's a fucking dick to her. He's a dick. And I'm like, I love you. I know. I know.

We have these, we have, I love you. I know hand towels in my house. And I'm like, why have we had that? He's an asshole. And I know that this is total sacrilege to, but he's a dick. He's a dick. Yeah, but that's why I want to kiss him. He's a bad boy dick.

That's why I want to give him a fucking hand job. Yeah, and it wanted to fly me around in his little space, what are they space planes? And I want us to go mock speed. Mox speed, yeah, there you go. Is that what happens? Yep, perfect. Everything you just said, yeah, they use lasers to go mock speed. It is space plane.

All of those things are exactly what happens to the movie. And I want that on my Pagini. Man, I would give him the best hand job, dude, while he called me a piece of shit. You know what I mean? You suck, you're bad at it, you're bad at it. And I'd just be like, oh, ah, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, that'll get them. But also surprising, not surprisingly enough, Robert Pattinson is also on this list.

Of course. But what's, what is interesting is that it wasn't so much having to do with the fact that he disliked the Twilight series is that he felt very weird about the author, Stephanie Meyer, because as a lot of people know, it was based on a dream that she had had. And he thought it was actually very weird and creepy. that she really kind of thought that she was Bella in the book and that he was supposed to be the epitome of her sexual fantasy. And as someone that was fairly young,

he was actually kind of creeped out by it. Sounds creepy. Also, remind me, isn't there a weird religious component to Twilight? I don't know. I honestly don't know. I never watched them. I never read them. That is a great page seven movie for us to watch on the street.

I'm totally down. You want to do that? Oh, 100%. I would love to do that for that. Like, all of the women in my... my family have read it, have watched them. To them, it's like, they feel the same way about Twilight as I do about Harry Potter, although they all love Harry Potter, but I just never did it.

Well, even the daughter name is based off of it, right? Is Bella? I mean, you know, no, that's not why my niece is named Bella. It's nothing to do with it. As I do with Twilight. I think it was before my sister read Twilight. That's why I'm naming my kid Jurassic Park. It might be wrong about the religious thing, but I thought that there was.

That's his middle name. Look, they're fucking. Look, oh my God, look, it's fucking the other dinosaurs. Life finds a way for dinosaurs to fuck in front of these children. And also, we're slapping it. We're going to round out the list here with Jake Lloyd, who played the original Anakin Skywalker, not the original, in the prequels. Does he hate that role? Does he hate his role in Jingle All the Way

with aforementioned Arnold Schwarzenegger? Oh, he was so annoying in Jingle All the Way. But I do love Jingle All the Way. I just like he was a fairly annoying actor. No, I think that after all of the, he couldn't handle the fame and especially being linked to movies that people widely disliked

to the point that he quit acting. Wow. I also didn't, isn't there some, there's an urban legend about Jar Jar Binks, the actor who played Jar J.J.R. Binks, like needing to like get a lot of serious help because he was so devastated. Oh, could you imagine? Yeah.

Right? Yeah. Because everybody was like, fuck you. At least people couldn't see his face. Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, again, going back to this Carrie Fisher thing, people's entire worldviews are shaped by Star Wars. People have such strong feelings about it.

And then they have people be like, you ruined everything. You're the hated version. You are the hated character. So now the Star Wars prequels, by the way, have become this, like, funny. meme online to the point though where I think people are starting to try to convince themselves that those were actually good movies and it makes my heart sad. It's like guys they weren't good. Don't try to like act like they were good movies. You know what I mean? It seems to me my informal survey is that like one out of 10 like Star Wars fans will go to bat for them. Dude the second Clone Wars is

the most boring fucking thing. If nothing else it is just boring as fuck. Much less like really bad acting, everything, right? Awful. I don't know. I haven't seen them. All I know is that I still talk like Jar Jar Binks and emails a lot. Yes, you do, actually. You do do that a lot. I'm like, okay, that's her thing. That's my email thing. He says Misa a lot, interesting, okay? And is Binks something that Jarger Binks? Oh, right, Binks.

It's Jarger Binks. This is his name, right, okay. So I say like Misa Horny Binks. I mean, it's really interchangeable. It's also weird just to say, it's like he didn't say his last name a lot, did he? I thought he said, Misa George R. Beaks. Oh, maybe. I just, I don't know what he said. I did not see them since they were in the theaters.

I don't know. I don't know. Do not know. Is it time for blind items? Oh, we can't see them. Dude, this is a perfect segue from your list, Jackie. This first blind item is concerning someone who regrets the role that they played, that they're sort of known for. What's interesting?

Even with the help of her mother, this A minus slash B plus list actress is barely getting any work and the work she is getting is not that great. This is why so many people turned down the franchise role she took. It was a career killer.

Franchise role. Help of her mother. Help of her famous mother. Carrie Fisher? I was going to say Carrie Fisher. No. Still alive, both of them. these people. Oh, okay.

I mean, I know that Megan Fox is also on the list, but I don't know who her mother is. Not Megan Fox. It's not Megan Fox. Think about the famous mother in a franchise. Think about a semi-recent franchise. I think the last movie came out like maybe a year or two ago. I could be wrong on that.

That is, I'll tell you what. Here's a clue. Associated with Twilight. Is it Harry Potter? No. Oh, The Hunger Games. No. Associated. 50 shades of gray. 100%. Oh, Dakota Johnson. Oh, Melanie Griffith?

Yep. Oh, Melanie Griffith. So, and by the way, I was going to send you this, but I was like, well, it's the blind item, it'll give it away. But I had a list of people that turned down rolls on 50 Shades of gray that turn down that role. I hate to blame, but it's a, you're going to get, it's going to be hard to recover from that role. It's a hard to recover from role. And I remember there were quotes out there from Melanie Griffith being like, I can't believe she fucking took this role. Or something, it was like a red

carpet for the movie and Melanie Griffith was with her. And it's not like a king shaming thing. It's not a good film. It's just, it's so trashy. Why she's not good in it? Well, it's, it's, it's, it's twilight fan fiction, first of all. And it's not, I've heard that there's a lot of people like in the BDSM community that are like, this is a really bad representation of BDSM and King. Yeah, it's just

really weird. Like, there's a lot you can read into it just being really whack. Yeah. Just fucking, just. And I watch you don't use whack. I'd never use the word whack. I watched it because I thought it would be fun and I was like, no, this would be fun and I watched it and I was like, this is not even that fun.

Should be called 50 wax of whackness. Of whack-wackitude. It should be called, as somebody- Wacky girls have sex with wacky boys as what it should be called. As some of that you know, it's like, I'm very open, like kink-wise, sex-wise,

that kind of thing, and I still had no desire to see it. And I only watch things usually that have sex in it. And you like to get slapped, you like to fucking to drink blood and while you're fucking... Oh yeah, I like to clean. Yeah, you like to...

Oh, yeah, you like to mop while you're getting bagged around the room. Yeah, I put a bunch of windex all over my lips and I go, oh, is it going to be poison and off? You like to dress up like a fucking dog and just, you know... Yeah, but we don't, yeah, we don't have sex. It's just I'm dressed like a dog and that's it. You're just like a dog and you just watch him beat off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing wrong with that, Holden. I will say that the guy and 50 Shades of Gray is incredibly hot and he's also in the fall which is a very good season But also to go to Johnson is really hot too

She is smoking She is a smoke show But these are the people who turn down Here's a second list for you guys Elizabeth Olson Felicity Jones Denneres Amelia Clark

Turned it down And Emma Watson Which actually you may have Maybe gotten me to watch it if Emma Watson was creeped me out because people... Yeah, it's hard. I have to disassociate, but she is

a smoke show now. And it's not... And legally so. People shouldn't... It's like, I don't even watch Game of Thrones, but I know there was some controversy when Aria had a sex scene because people like, we've known her since she was a kid. Even if people knew you when you were a kid

and you're a grown woman, you should still be able to have sex and people should be fine with it. Oh, yeah. But there's something about Hermione being in 50 Shades of Grey that would have pleased people in a way, like a creep creep, like... Yeah. It would have...

It's a little bit too creep adjacent, even though it and of it's such. It is not creepy. You're probably right. You're probably right. Still would have probably enjoyed it. As long as she just wasn't going like, oh, me magic wand was in your pants or anything.

Like she's not making any reference, like, you know, say it screaming spell names while she's getting bow. I'm going to a vodka doll for your pussy. House of Gryffindor. That she just says as she points at her pussy. House of Gryffindor. Yeah, this sorting hat just in the corner watching.

Ogling it for some of me. Please get to cuckin' sordin' hat. Judge me. Judge me for my brains. I hate to change the subject from this, but I feel it needs to happen immediately. Okay. Here is the next blind item on the list. This foreign-born A-list, mostly television actress from a very, very long-running network

comedy hit, received $75,000 to wear a pair of jeans for a day. Jennifer Anderson? No. Foreign-born sitcom star? Foreign-born, A-list, mostly television actress. Sophia Vergara. 100%. Wow, Molly!

This is so weird, and by the way, I know Daily Mail sucks, right? But anyways, they report, like, how starved for news are you that this is your headline? Sophia Vergara dons her $26-dollar Walmart jeans. dot, dot, dot, ahead of her Maui trip with husband Joe Manginello. Oh my God, he's so hot. Who, what is that headline? Who gives a flying fly?

Obviously, like, they probably paid the Daily Mail as well to report it. Yeah, I guess. $75,000 to wear $26,000 jeans. Wow. Wait, I don't understand why she got paid that much money to wear Walmart jeans. It's a promotion, because now all you have to do is just,

you don't even have to fucking make an Instagram post of it. You know what I mean? You just put on that. put the shit on and get some public here's a celebrity. It's like the reverse. People are always like, I feel like my whole life people have been like, listen, jeans are the one thing that is like, the more you pay

for them, it really does help like them fit better, look good. Like it's where people are so passionate about how you really should spend money on jeans. And this is like the opposite. It's like, well, if you're Sophia Vergara, you can wear you know, $26 jeans and make them look great. Right. No, it's why you go to the thrift store.

You just go to the thrift store and you get, yeah, you get like, I tend to not pay more than $10 for jeans. Not that I wear jeans very often. Also, speaking of a trend from back in the Jinko days, these are like pre-ripped and shit too. She looks great than jeans, though. Of course she looks great. But she can look great in Jinkos.

Yeah. Maybe not Jinkos. Maybe not Jinkos. I'm going to get Jinkos. Y'all are going to see. I'm going to look so good you're going to be scared. I would just see kids in Jinkos playing with their pogs. And I'm just like, dude,

None of that's good. More room for the pods. I got to get the room for the poggs. My poggets. That's what I call them. Did you have a slamer, Jackie? Did you have a slamer? Oh, man.

Oh, I played pogs so hard. I did have spawned pogs. I had pogs, but I don't think I ever actually played with them. Yeah, yeah. They used to, but remember they got, like, outlawed at schools because it was, like, gambling or whatever. Yeah, because, like, if you flip the pog, you get to keep the pog. I got into, like, screaming fights about pogs.

Yeah, dude. When someone would take my favorite one and be like, no. Someone took my favorite slammer? Because we're in such a 90s retro. Like all kids now love 90s shit, you know, and Rubik's cubes are back now. Like every kid at school has Rubik's cubes. Oh, really?

Yeah. So prediction. Yo-yo's are coming too if they haven't already. I hate yo-yo's. I'll bet yo-yos. I remember, and I've said this on the show before, but in seventh grade our AP came on the announcements and said, everyone take out a pen and your assignment notebook,

and we all had to do it. And then he wrote out, he said, write down these letters. N-O-Y-O-Y-O-Y-O. What a bastard. No-Yo-Yo-Yo. What an anti-Santa Claus. What a non-Santa.

Yeah, we ran a tight ship over there. No-yo-yo's a lot. No-yo-yo. I got two words for you, Molly, that you're going to be seeing soon. Hacky sack, my friend. Oh, no. They're coming back. Hacky sack coming back.

This could be like the opposite of the Death Watch is what 90s trends will come back. Rubik's Coobs already back. So, next. will either be pogs, yo-yo's, or hacky-sex. It's probably going to be hacky-sex. You know what? I don't know if, it's like,

God, I just hate yo-yo's. I think it's because I was never good at yo-yo's, and that's why I hate them. I can do stuff with them. You could do stuff? I can do the little, like, have it swing through, do the triangle thing.

Cool. Oh, super cool. Dude, I was getting fucking blown off in high school. I didn't even kiss a girl until I was in college in 19- Yeah, no, you were getting blown off. I was a fucking off. imagining what that would be like in my head.

You know what's going to come back? Finger skateboards. Kind of already back. Really? I've certainly confiscated them. So I'm not going to say they're back. They're not like back in the way that Rubik's cubes are back. Like every kid has a Rubik's cube.

But I have been like, what? Where did you get that finger skateboard from? I don't take it home. I just keep it until the end of class and give it back. And same with yo-yo's are certainly around. Like you can go to it, but it's not like in terms of like everything needs one. There was a point in middle school or whatever that literally like every dude was out in the courtyard with a yo-yo, like trying to do shit.

Walking the dog or whatever. And every kid had a finger skateboard. Although it doesn't stop me from every time Henry says he's got to go walk the dog and I say, where's the yo-yo? And I think it's very, very funny. He gets really, really mad. You want one more? Yeah, let's slap one more on there. All right.

The foreign-born former A-List syndicated actress turned A-Lis. celebrity has an encryption key that was given to her by the foreign-born infamous celebrity it will only work upon his death i'm not sure i would want to be the one who had that key i wonder if he disappeared for several days and couldn't contact anyone if that would trigger it to this is the weird this is such a weird story so if you don't get it that just just first let's just talk about the foreign-born former a-list syndicated actress turned a-list celebrity i didn't know she was foreign born though so that is weird to me it might be like a Canada thing giant breasts giant brisk Christina Hendricks I have jerked off to her like a million times in high school

Pam Anderson 100% okay um now think of the last person you think she would be really good friends who's recently oh she's really good friends with julian asan yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I know this story oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that is so weird yeah yeah yeah so she visited him in prison recently she said it was terrible, he's isolated, vilified, just a combination of human rights violations, and that he's a great person, he's a great guy, and he's being crucified by people, by journalists. So Pamela Anderson

has like an encryption key? What? Bringing it back to the beginning. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock went on different paths. Completely. Politically, yeah. So weird. Also, she's foreign-born? Where was she born? Canada? Must be Canada. I feel like that's always Canada when you're like. She's like, what? She's married?

She's the most of a blonde giant girl. She's just like a picture. of 80s and 90s America. It's Canada. Man, she is 51 years old. Yeah. She looks great. She looks so fucking good.

Man, it is crazy. It is just, I mean, 50 is the new 25. It's a time to be 50. It's amazing. Just stay away from music festivals. And you'll be fine. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's page 7. This is our last show before.

Our live show, which we are very excited about. There's still a couple of tickets. If you want to check it out, it'll be in our show notes of today's show. And it's at Bell House at 7.30 p.m. on June 9th. It is this coming up this Sunday. And hopefully it'll be the first of many. I'm so excited. I'm so excited, guys.

I'm so excited. Tickets are going fast. We still have some left, though. So get on there. Buy them up again. The more sold this show is, the better guarantee we have of actually getting to take this on the road and go around and give you guys shows and other parts of the country, which would be fantastic.

Yeah. And if you want some more, beautiful page seven content, you can hit up our Patreon. It's patreon. It's patreon.com slash page seven podcast. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. I love you guys so much. I can't wait to meet a bunch of you guys this weekend. And you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Wormon. And I guess, uh, TikTok at page underscore 7.

I better see some talks from you ladies, all right? TikTok your birth. My name is Molly Neffle and I might TikTok my birth. It's just fucking T-Panes playing. No, I'm going to play shallow by Lady Gaga during it. You should be like, move, bitch. Get out the way. Get out the way, bitch, get out to work.

With this baby just fucking coming out. Yeah, baby. And thank you, Holden. You didn't say, I'm sorry. And I am Holden Magnally, twitch.com, TV4 slash Holdenatorsho. And thanks, guys. We love you. We'll talk to you next week.

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