Page 7 - Episode 307: Blessed Be

Episode Date: June 13, 2019

Jackie, Molly and Holden gab about Miley Cyrus on Black Mirror, a Timothaaay puppet and juicy celebrity feuds.  For 15% off your purchase of $100 or more, go to http://modcloth.com and enter code page7 at checkout. Offer valid for one-time use only and expires 10/5/2019. Go to http://stamps.com and enter code PAGE7 to get your 4-week trial PLUS free postage and a digital scale. http://www.simplecontacts.com/page7 and use promo code: page7. Get started today at http://stitchfix.com/page7 and get an extr Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

crying a lot lately and especially because I just rewatched other people. That she's back in the atmosphere, drops Jupiter in her. Hey, eh, eh, eh, eh. Hey. You know this song, Molly. Don't look at me like, but you know the, but tell me, did you sail across the sun? I don't know the fucky way to see the lights all faded. Yeah, it's overrated.

Yeah, there you go, guys. The only word I ever picked out that song was overrated. Overrated, that's it. That song is overrated. How dare you? I'm joking. I love what you love. I think you're allowed to say that.

I don't think anyone likes train. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. And you know what? I love train. My name is Molly Neffel and I don't know train. My name is Holden-Mingaley. If someone offered me a ticket to see train for free, I'd probably go. Death, death.

Just for free. Is it too soft for you? It's very annoying, I understand. The, hey, soul, sister, then you're missing, mister, on the bed you stare. You know what? I like it because, you know, it doesn't sway me either way. It doesn't fill me with rage.

I don't usually cry when I hear it except for when I watch other people, which I know I've talked about a lot on this show, but man, just give it a rewatch. If you need to really clean out those eye ducks of yours, give it a watch. But wait, the soundtrack to other people, which as I remember, is like a very well-made, artful, you know, project is trained? That just seems like a... It's a joke.

It's like a running joke in it, and the song plays many times, and every time it's like Jesse Plemons is like about to have a breakdown because he makes a joke that's just like, this is the kind of town that, you know, everywhere you turn, Train is playing somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he'll, like, walk inside. He's, like, having a mental breakdown in the grocery store.

And then it's just, that she's back in. And he's, oh, my God. Okay. Now I'm sold. Because that's the thing, doesn't sway you either way also is a Starbucks latte. And I think that is what Train does. Train is stupendous Starbucks. Can I tell you, I just spent some time.

I made it here early, and I went to get my decaf cup. and Starbucks and I sat there for a little while, and can I tell you what all they played? They were playing the, and I'm embarrassed because it was music that I thought was really cool like 10 years ago. Like, it was all stuff that I would have put on a playlist 10 years ago, but 10 years ago.

Mr. Brightside, that grizzly bear song that goes, oh, oh, oh, oh. It was like, I was like, damn it, Starbucks, this is like shit that isn't inherently Starbucks, but apparently there's an expiration date on it at which it becomes Starbucks. It will eventually become Starbucks. There's so many things are like that.

You know who's, you know who's, let's talk about this for a second. You know who has upped their music game? I feel like has some strong music game. Chipotle. I really, I'll be bobbing my head. I'm like, wait, am I just, am I getting down to some fucking Chipotle background jams? You have to get out of the Chipotle, Holden. You have to stop going to Chipotle. I don't want, I don't want to be an anti-chipotle podcast because we can't. Because of you. Why? Because of how much they poison people. What do you mean they poison people? My poor butt.

That makes, no, no, no. Chipotle cleans you out. Do you want to be cleaned out? Do you want to feed, do you want to get an enema? It's like a calonic. Going to the inima store and purchasing one and fill. I don't even know how you do it. Fill in the bag with water.

You don't want to do all that. But everybody should be inimating at least like once every two weeks, right? Chipotle solution, problem solved. They had a spat, a smattering of food poisonings that really gave them, I think, a bad. name that had to do with E. coli maybe, which might have accelerated the cleaning out process. Hey, I get it. But you know what? It's like everybody deserves a second chance, okay? And every corporation deserves eight chances, apparently, if you're an American. Are you just saying

that every two weeks you're supposed to use an enema? Yes, but no, I don't know if that's true. I don't think that. He's, he's trying to backwards, reverse engineer his go to Chipotle every two weeks. How many times should you use an enema? I don't think you're ever supposed to use an enum unless you're constipated. I think what you're thinking of is a calonic. A calonic. A calonic is something they sell on Groupon and apparently also not on Groupon, but I've only ever seen them on Groupon where they like, it's, I think it's an animal.

They spurts a bunch of water up your butt. Spray water up your butt. It cleans you. And then it like scoots it all out. Isn't there like a suction involved? Yeah. And then people are like, oh, I'm one and a half pounds lighter because of all of my shit. So instead, instead eat a fucking.

giant egg-shaped fucking meat bag filled with the hot sauce dude when you get to the bottom of a Chipotle burrito and all that just juice meat juice collects at the bottom and you just

you suck on the fucking honestly I understand because I used to have my favorite bond me in New York it had this sauce in it that would always accumulate at the bottom numb of the sandwich and I would call it chasing the dragon because by the The time you got to the end nub, it was so spicy and soaked with the juice that you caught the dragon.

Yes. Yeah, but that, I have a very different relationship to Chipotle because I don't eat meat usually. Oh, okay. I have rice and beans, Chipotle, which I think is very delicious. I think that there's no shame in liking Chipotle, but. Thank you. The meat juice description, like, I don't know why. Maybe it's class as to me that it sounds more dignified on a bond meat than it does on a free.

This is a trinolet. From Chipotle, though, it's just Chipotle meat juice doesn't sound as appealing to me as like Vietnamese spices. Oh, man it was so good. What is this? The Caste system, all right? Let me enjoy.

I've been Poteley shamed, by the way. Not only by Jackie, okay. You're always going to get POTLay shamed. Everybody Chipotle shames me. I'm like, dude, there's a million of them and everyone eats there. I'm telling you, I think Chipotle is fine. They make a good vegetarian.

I don't get the burrito because it's too large. And you're going to hear some world-class jams. They're going to play some maps. They're going to play some fucking you'll be illicit ship like damn this is some shit I was just listening to you know Billy I want to talk about food shaming for a moment because I definitely obviously as

you know self-imposed hot dog ambassador of 2019 because as we all know the the contest was canceled. I'm giving it to myself. However it's like it's a prison of your own making I have done this for me by me

and I'm four hot dogs by hot dogs buy hot dogs. But why aren't you out there? Why aren't you at every ballpark? Okay, I just want to say, I want to talk about my fucking hot dog magic right now because there was a big fire close by to my home while I was

out of town, all right? And it destroyed five different businesses in this line, very close to me, except for the one business that it didn't destroy that was in the middle of all of it, which is my favorite hot dog place.

Interesting. Guys, I magicked it safe with my hot dog ambassadorship. So as the first ruling of my hot dog ambassadorship of 2019, I saved that hot dog place with my mind. You're welcome. That sounds more to me like you're some sort of hot dog sorceress, okay? Awesome. Or a hot dog terrorist.

Or a hot dog fucking terrorist. Arsonist who's burning down all the competition. No, no, no. Actually, the building next door, the owners of that building are the ones that got arrested for arson. Really? That's kind of fun. Ooh. Uh-oh, it's goss in the neighborhood.

But yeah, it's definitely, it was a very shady place that we went into one time. It was supposed to be for sushi. But all I remember is that we were really drunk and it was a bunch of old Eastern European women and a bunch of really young men that were in there. They said it was a private party. Ed and I went in, hammered, and then we ended up singing Backstreet Boys on a stage with them. Nice. So they burn down the building. They're a arsonous.

Long story short, they are convicted arsonous. And I say I am a sorceress, but I feel like I should be more of like a saucerous, you know, with like my mayo proclivities. So wait, Jackie, I can't believe I haven't asked you this and all the time you spent talking about hot dogs. I know you've talked a lot about condiments. But like when you talk about, so maybe I have watched too much top chef and food network and stuff. But when you talk about a hot dog spot in L.A., I picture like that everything's like a foody restaurant in LA. So are you talking, do you go to like how in Brooklyn there's like,

I don't think I'll say any brand names, but there's like hipster hot dogs spots. I know exactly what you're talking. I know exactly the place you were specifically talking about. You know, 45 different types of hot dogs with different pickled whatnot. It's kind of like that, but it's more. I can actually speak. And I'm sorry. Holden has been there.

No, please. Please. It's kind of like that. But it's like the down home. true blue badass version of that and the guy who runs it is awesome and he'll come out and he'll talk to you and he believes in his work

you know what I mean? He like takes it very seriously. He believes in you as a person. Yes, he believes in you. He knows that you're a God's child. He's your hot dog daddy? Yeah, he's your hot dog daddy. Oh, he's my hot dog daddy. He's my one pass that's not a celebrity. Yeah. Wow. He's the man that owns the hot dog place, the old man

that hugs me every time I walk in. She can suck his dick. He's He can eat her out. Any of that is game on the table. He can shove hot dogs inside of me if he wants. Yeah, if he wants to. They'll be covered in mac and cheese because he makes them all crazy and shit. There are a lot of options, though.

There are a lot of options. Yeah, dude, you don't leave, you don't leave there. You leave that you roll out of that place. And you get, oh, my God. And you know what? Not stingy on the fries. Great sauces all around. And every time I went, I got something different.

and every time I would go again, I'll get something different. How many times did you go? I definitely went probably, I think, three times. It was like a five-day trip. Yeah, like a five-day trip. I went like three times. Well, it was right around the corner. Dude, I went in Chipotle like five.

By the way, because it was in Chipotle right around the corner. Which is ridiculous because the best Mexican food. I've got three places also around the block from this studio that I go to. I have said this a million times, and I will say it again. Chipotle. is not Mexican food. It's Chipotle food. Yes.

That's what it is. It's on its own. It's in its own place. I understand. I could totally go to a Mexican place, eat lunch, and then later that day be like, I want something different. Let's do Chipotle. You know what I mean?

That's how I feel about Pizza Hut. Sure. Yes. Great example. Yeah. Great example where it's like, no, no, no, I don't want pizza today. I want Pizza Hut. Right.

Which is its own gross, amazing thing. It's that snow, you know? If I'm going to talk. and they have a Pizza Hut there, which I think every Target does now, I still, the smell of Pizza Hut makes me want a personal pan pizza and it'll make me feel like a happy seven-year-old. And it also makes me feel like I read a book with all the bucket stuff. It was like, man, I was so excited when you get, like, I was like bashing through the books and get me that pizza.

Get me that pizza. That's so smart. They should never have gotten rid of the bucket program. Oh, the bucket program was great. My Pizza Hut also shoutouts to the NeoGeo Cabinet at my Pizza Hut. It had Samurai Showdown on it. I would just go there to just play video games and eat those fucking dessert breadsticks at the buffet. By the way, remember when pizza had a buffet.

God, I love the buffet. And the dessert breadsticks were the fucking jam, dude. You couldn't pay me enough money to not fucking suck one down in front of everybody at the birthday party. Cici's pizza. Cici's pizza with their buffet. I'm sorry. I think I got sick way too many times. Going to C.C.'s pizza.

Also, that's not always their fault because it was. was a not all you can eat buffet of pizza, so I would eat until I would get sick. But their dessert pizza sucked. I'm throwing it out there. I'm throwing down the gauntlet. Cece's pizza, dessert pizza sucked. She's literally wearing a giant silver gauntlet,

and she just threw it down on the desk while she said that. That was unbelievable. Like, click, like, like. Oh, God, I broke everything in the studio. The studio is fine. But you know who I think is not mentally fine is Justin. Beber. Let's talk about it.

Yeah, got to talk about it. So Justin Bieber a couple of days ago challenged via Twitter Tom Cruise to a fight in the Octagon. Is that some sort of fighting? That is an MMA, the whatever you want to call that kind of cage where they fight in is called the Octagon. So he had challenged the 25-year-old pop star who is 5'9, challenged Tom Cruise, who is 56-year-old. years old 5-7-28-M-A-style fight in the octagon and he said, Tam, if you don't take this fight, you're scared and you'll never live it down. I'm assuming that's what Justin Bieber sounds like when he's not singing about how sorry he is.

So until you just reset it just now, up until this moment, I thought it was Tom Hanks that he had trying to get into a fight with and I was like, why is anyone going after Tom Hanks? But that's interesting because to me, when I read this news, I had one very clear distilled reaction, which is, well, they're both a couple of little punks, you know? I watch it. I kind of want it to happen. This is the difference, though. Tom Cruise, in those like Mission Impossible movies, he does, like, a lot of his own stunts. He is, like, very in shape.

That's the thing. He will crush, be, I'm just basic, fundamental. Like, also, he's nuts. Like, if he were to do a fight like this, he would train for fucking. 10 hours a day. Like he would show up so prepared to fucking crush Bieber. So, yeah, what do we say? I'm definitely would put my money on Tom Cruise.

Oh, my money's on Tom Cruise. My money's totally on Tom Cruise. Yeah, I think there was a consensus like, oh, Tom Cruise is 31 years older than Justin Bieber. Fuck, whatever. Definitely Tom Cruise would win. But I guess I, it's not like I even have super negative feelings about Justin Bieber. He's just like a complicated person.

Same. I feel like I used to, I think all of those feelings of hating on like beloved like boy stars or whatever like went away at some point in my late 20s. Yeah, you just realize you don't have the energy for it. And I always thought people's like, I always thought it was really weird how people really hated like Justin Bieber. Or like Taylor Swift. Or Taylor Swift.

People just irrationally fucking hate her even though she does everything on point. Anyways, keep going. And with Bieber, I was like, listen, he was a little boy that we made into a monster. Yeah, yeah. And then we were like, look at that monster. Throw things with the monster. Baby, baby, baby, baby! I'm sure, shove Twinkies down his mouth.

I bet that's what he wants. Baby, baby. I don't know he has his other songs, so I can only say baby ever again as his Bieber monster. He does have a lot of great songs. He has a lot of great jams. I like Justin Bieber's music a lot. An incredible talent.

I probably should really actually give it an actual shake. I've never sat down and listened to Bieber. You know what I mean? You might want to listen. I love a lot of Justin Bieber's songs. He also is like a fucking punk though and he says stupid shit. And like he said like he was like really annoying about being on Despacito and like so he's like a, like what I'm saying.

He's a punk. You're right. That's a perfect word for him. He's just like a little annoying punk. Yeah. And he does have a lot of mental illness issues. Oh yeah. He's got, but again because we created the monster.

No matter what he was going to be, I mean we saw the early on YouTube videos. I think that like his family environment probably was a little talk about. no matter what. Very McColl and Colkinny, right? Yeah. That the complete superstardom helped matters. That's for sure. Yeah. Yeah, he was 12 and then he was created into this thing.

But I think that I, it's not, I think I would root for Bieber. And I think that the consensus was like, how dare Bieber challenge Tom Cruise to a fight, which, yes, in a literal sense. Beloved Scientologist, Tom Cruise. But it's not like Tom Cruise deserves any expectation of respect to me, you know, like I don't, I don't respect. Tom Cruise. I think he's talented. I respect the fact that he does his own stunts. Yes.

I obviously the Scientology thing is where the line gets a bit drawn. But I do think he is a talented performer, Magnolia. He was a great, awful sex pervert dude. You know what I mean? I do weirdly as much as like, I don't like him at like the personal side of things are very, like we have two very differing attitudes in life. But what he does. I love how political you're being because you're out in L.A.

and she can't go full out against Scientology. We get it, Jackie. Hey, listen, they're always listening. Someone will help me. I'm blinking for help, but no, I can see. I guess like, um, some of the things about. We put things from different angles. We get it.

There are agents that you audition in front of. There are casting directors that you cannot come fully out against Scientology in front of. I get it. Over here in New York, We're just like, fuck those guys. Fuck those guys. I say we fucking, we call them all jerks.

No, don't, don't. They're going to hear you through the screen. All Scientologists are stupid jerks. And I think that they should be upside down for the rest of their lives. All that blood go into their head. Oh, like bats? Like Scientology bats? Like Scientology bats.

No, I've red heads. Oh, point in lap. I was like, look at you with your big red head. You look so dumb. They'll be like, oh, I believe it, you know. What I believe in. You're going to get it. I'm scared for you now.

I'm scared. Try to take me into a secret room. And by the way, here's some hot goss for you. There's definitely Scientology, propaganda materials in that West Coast studio. Don't even act like they're not in there, Jackie. I would never give up our good. What are they called? Like the EMTs?

No, that's paramedics. and I sleep with those. You don't what's weird though. Wait, wait, wait, hold on, I'm sorry. That's weird. You've had sex. Are you currently, even though you have a boyfriend? I'm not in the middle of it right now.

I was just thinking about it. I was just thinking about it. I was just, like, getting horny. I'm getting a lone horny. Have you faked being almost dead so that some burly paramedic men will come in and resuscitate you, quote unquote? I feel like that's definitely a good porn scenario.

Especially that, like, that's the only reason why I wish that I was at the hot dog. place when all the shit was going down because then it's not cheating if I'm dying of smoke inhalation. You know what I mean? The only thing that'll save her is a cock. Oh no, that makes

you think of Fleabagg. Guys, you have to watch Fleabbeck. I know. I will get to that later. Something I did think was really weird and made me think of like a Henry Thomas old daddy joke was like Kevin Smith responded to Bieber's tweet with, you

You want to control Cruz in this match? Number one, don't fight him on a couch. He can be bouncy. Talking about the Oprah Winfrey thing when he was in love, he was in love. Number two, make sure you're fighting the actual Tom Cruise because he's king of impossible rubber mask reveals. These are the worst jokes ever. Number three, if he slides. What's Kevin's best problem?

I just fucking zoned out. So hard. I know. Number three, if he slides. into the octagon in wayfarers and undies go for his parents, Porsche. Isn't Kevin Smith paid to write things? I just don't.

Did he have a stroke? I just don't understand why he responded with this. It's not funny at all. Twitter is he really should get a job as a PR person for one of those, for like Hardee's or whatever the fuck. Yes, that's the tone. By the way, that's totally the tone, right?

Yes, I just don't get it. Although I will say another completely on the opposite end's response to Justin Bieber's very weird tweet that also no one knows really why he chose Tom Cruise or why he put this out and he's still not responding exactly why and Tom Cruise's reps also have not responded to it. However, this was really cute and I was like, oh my God. So it's the Star Trek actor Brent Spiner who played Data. I had to ask who he played because I have no, absolutely no idea. Also decided to go onto Twitter and challenged Angela Lansbury to fight him in the octagon. This is so good. He said, if you back down, Angela, you are scared and everyone will know it.

Who will put up the money for this? And the cutest response was Dick Van Dyke said, I will defend the honor of Dame Lansberry for free, the pier at the sundown. Be there if you dare. Be there if you dare is the fucking most old school way to like taunt somebody. I love it. And then it rhymes.

Be there if you dare is something straight out of like the penguin would say to Batman and like the old Adam West Batman, you know, show. I love Dick Van Dyke and he's totally on my, not currently would fuck, but like 10 to 15 years ago and every point before would absolutely feel. fuck list. So you're saying you wouldn't at least try to have sex with 93 year old Dick Van Dyke. I mean he's just not I wouldn't like put him on a list. If I

if it happened. You'd watch him jerk off. If I'm faced with the situation then I'll evaluate it as I'm not saying it's a hard no. If he's like yeah if he's like I want a consensual CK situation you know what I mean with consent you know

and he's like you know me I've been beloved by you for years. You know me I'm Dick Van Dyke. You're full you're even more that you are now, by the way, which is also upset. Like, you're so pregnant. It's like the size of the room. By the way, you're having octoplets or whatever the fuck. No, that's not true.

Don't you belly shame her. I will cancel you in a heartbe. I'm just saying she's as thick with child as she could humanly possibly be. That's all I'm saying. I'm still not even close to being done. Not even close. So in this scenario, you're saying I'm like 39 and a half

pregnant. And this scenario, I'm saying people are mistaking you for Dr. Robotnik. Like, on the street. A 93-year-old Dick Van Dyke has just asked if he can jerk it in front. If he can just jerk it. It's not going to get on you or anything. It does seem obvious that the pregnancy element does seem to be adding it to it for him.

You know, I got to say this scenario is making me love Dick Van Dyck a little less. No, he's making me want to throw up. He's not asking for it. Where are you guys, by the way, in this scenario? Because in my head, you're in like a sunroom, like, in his mansion home with the pool in the background. There's like a, there's like some worker dude like mowing the lawn and shit kind of peeking over seeing what the fuck's going on Because he knows what the score is. You know what's about to happen. That's I was I imagine that we were in like a We like ran into each other and like a waiting room or something

Oh, what? But where are you gonna go? You're gonna like a hospital. Yeah He's about to die and he says his dying child You're about having your baby and you're weirdly put in the same room together right? And he's literally like my Very hard. My die wish is to masturbate to a pregnant woman that has been a fan of my for many, many years. You fully match everything about that. It's very hard because I've never felt anything but positive feelings about that I can tell now.

And now I'm like, why are you doing this? He's not doing anything without consent. He's asking at least. He's asking really politely. He's asking incredibly politely. But it doesn't mean that the question isn't a fucked up. You guys are laughing and having fun for the past three hours talking about his life story. He wants to know everything about you.

But at a time you get to this point. smile, Molly. Just thinking of how radiating his smile is. And by this point, you're like emotionally in by this point. Three hours really deep conversation. This man is on his fucking dying breaths. And he finally says, you know what? I have this crazy thing. I hope you don't hate me for this.

You know what I mean? He's literally like, please, all day. I don't know. It sounds like Dick Van Dyke is nice guying me into making me watch him jerk up. Although the question is that if you're going to this position, right? And he gets to this point. But is he already hard or do you have to watch? him get hard.

I think you... You better not already be hard. In that case, it's already... We're shifting from weird request to actually inappropriate pay here. Okay, what if it's this? You guys talk for three hours. He's like, I'm going to take a little nap.

Because they're good friends that I've talked with for three hours where if they ask me this, I'd be like, fuck off forever. So I feel like you're thinking that three hours, three hours good conversation makes this a reasonable request.

I'm saying that it adds to it. I'm just saying that emotionally you're feeling a little less not into it. He literally turns you, he's like, I've loved our conversation. I think you're my favorite fan. I am now going to take a little nap, okay? 30 minutes later, he wakes up, as most men do, with a full-on erection. It's not his fault.

He's not hard. And he looks down, he's like, oh, no, I didn't even think I could do this anymore. I didn't even think I could have one of these anymore. All I want to do right now is jerk off. What if it's even just like, you have to stay in the bed because you're there? He's like, I'm so sorry about this, but I have to come for the final time ever, my life. If I could, if I could take this change the dynamic of this.

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That's Stamps.com, enter page seven. You gotta let him come. Come on. I'm not going to stop him from coming, but it doesn't, it's like, I don't have to clock where orange have my eyes. No, no, no, no. And I'll tell you what, I'll throw in a little caveat.

Like right, right before he starts, the fucking California raisins come in and play a full concert for you. You do have something to distract yourself. Think about the harmonies. And then he goes, can he go in a place where I can't see him? No, he's definitely unable to be not seen. Wait, at this point, is Molly having contractions?

Like his harmonies. At this point, you are also but distracted by your own contractions. The overlaying all of this is the fact that I'm not going to go into labor. I'm going to have a scheduled C-section. If I'm having contractions, something's gone wrong. Something's gone horribly awry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you'd probably let him do it with all that going on.

I think if there's anybody I'd let do it, it's Dick Van Dyke, but I can't come out with a hard yes. I really can't. I have to feel it out. The one thing I'm surprised you didn't ask, which I would try to find some magical reason to make it not. It was like, it's an old man, and he didn't even think he could continue to have erections.

So Lord knows how long it's going to take him to jerk himself off. He's probably got brittle hands. Yeah, he's got like brittle fingers and stuff. Is that true, though? Is it harder for you to, like, come as an old old man? You know, I've never been old, old old, so I'm not completely sure. I've never talked to an old man about how long it takes something to come. About how long it takes something to come?

We should ask one. How do we find one? Can we ask one? If an old man, can an old man write into the show? But mind you, we're talking, we're not talking like a regular kind of older guy. We're talking 93 years. 93. You need to be in your 90s.

Hit us up. I would, A, just fucking be loved to find out that a 90-year-old person listens to this podcast. And it's like, you know what? I have a great time jerking off super easily. Super easily. And it's not a even thing. That's why I wonder how hard that Kirk Douglas jerks off because I don't know if you guys saw this picture that TMZ put up

about Kirk Douglas camping at the age of 102. And he looks like the ghost of Christmas past in Scrooge. He looks just like him. It's very weird. And he's on an air mattress in a tent. in a backyard with a fur blanket on. But he does straight up look like the Ghost of Christmas Pass from Scrooge. What was the award ceremony where they brought him out?

And it was just one of those things like, it was like when they brought, you know, First President Bush out to throw the pitch. And it's just like, let these people stay at home, you know? He doesn't want to do this. And also, like, why did they post this picture? He was just in, like, he was in his grandson's backyard on Friday. It wasn't like he was out in the middle of, like, you know,

the Sierra's doing. in this. But at the same time, does he really, I don't want a picture taken of me and posted if I'm camping. Not that I camp because, you know. He does look like he's dead on the one hand. On the other hand, the sunglasses make it look either kind of weekend at Bernie's, ish, or like he's really having a great time and living his best life at 102. I mean, he seems like he's kind of at the whim of the family at this point. So I don't even, I think he's just happy to be wherever. It doesn't seem like, it seems like maybe someone just kind of against his well,

maybe carried him outside and put him in a tank. I'm gonna throw it out there. Like, like, it does. It seems a little bewildered. Like, I think he kind of thinks he's still in his bedroom a little bit. Yeah. I'm not going camping when I'm 100 and 2. I can tell you that right now.

What I'm just saying, though, 93 versus 102, I think I'd allow a 93-year-old to jerk off in front of me, but imagine this corpse of an actual alive human being jerking off in front of you. I think unless, again, we were married and I was about to inherit millions and billions of dollars, outside of that, I don't think I'd allow it.

I drew up in front of him. You know? Kind of be like, hey, this is what's... Yeah, yeah, consensually, of course, but I'd be like, hey, do you want to, like, see what it's like, you know, one last time or whatever? Do you want to remember how fast you used to shoot? Yeah, yeah.

Do you want to see what it's like for a young stud to fucking blast one out? I don't think that's what he's. You'd be like, absolutely. Yeah. That's the thing. I'm in my little swimmies. You know what I mean?

In my little swim trunks. Those little swimmy bands. I thought no one would ever offer. I'm just like, Kirk, all the fuck. Everybody went home. It's just me now. I'm going to carry you inside this house. But first, I just wanted you to see if you would like to watch this man right here

in the middle of your backyard fucking shoot a blast. Goosey. I always mix up Kirk Douglas and Kurt Russell. And I don't know why. whatever, so then I'm always like, Kurt Russell's 102, and that's the thought process that I go through every time somebody mentions Kirk Douglas.

I understand, except that Kurt Russell's like real hot still. He's still just mean, I would take it and I would give it gladly. Yeah? You would have him, you would let Kurt Russell jerk off in front of you in a hospital room. Oh yes. With the California Raises playing?

Oh, especially the California. Every time I hear the California, when your raisins. Man, I am just gooshed and sploged and ready to go, guys. Just like I'm assuming, I don't know if that's a good segue, the girls were at the Handmaid's Tale party. Dude, fuck this, everything about this story. I've been, like, staring at this story trying to see if I missed something.

Like, was it supposed to be a protest or a statement? So Kylie Jenner threw a Handmaid's Tale themed party, and the Internet is upset about it. I don't understand. I actually don't know why. I just think it's classless. I don't know. I truly don't understand it.

The costumes have come to be a symbol of, like, people wear those costumes in the state houses of legislatures that are passing very restrictive laws on women's rights. And so why are you going to have a birthday? So it's a fashion statement for you? Is it a political? Not at all. There's no political statement that she seems to have been making.

They showed the season premiere, so I think she definitely likes the show a lot. I'm sorry, but it's pathological to have a birthday party and show the handmade's tail at your birthday party. What is it happening? I had to turn off that show. I was so upset and so triggered by episode three of season one that I was like, I like ran out of the room. Like the idea of having a party be like, let's all watch it. And then costumes and tea cocktails.

It's like fucking. pathological. Probably talking through it about like bullshit industry shit to the whole thing. You know what I mean? Like not even paying it. And yeah, I'm in the same way. After season one, I was like, Lexi, enjoy. I can't watch anymore.

I also had to stop. It was really good. It is really good. Incredible. I just could. And you know I just love upsetting things. But I do kind of love that they were drinking praise be vodka's and under his eyes tequila. I can't.

They even had people. It's a show about rape. They were cosplaying as marcos. It's a show about rape. By the government, sanctioned government oppression. I'm like, what the? I literally saw this and I was like, I must be missing something. She must have been like, oh, because of all of the like the last like six bills, you know, six good bills.

There's got to be a statement being made, right? This is the party that I'm having. No, it's just a dinner party. Just selfies in the. red costume, like, just looking cool at a bathroom. I fucking shocked. I think it's trocious. Every time, by the way, since I've started doing the show,

because I never paid attention to these fuck faces before. Every time Kylie Jenner comes up, I want to fucking stab somebody in the street. It's always, like, the most, like, the Latin with the billboard. Which he was called, like, a self-made millionaire. Yeah, the billboard. And I'm trying to, like, avoid actually. avoid certain blind items now because I'm just like I can't I hate

these fuck face fuck it seems like I will say it does seem like she enjoys being a mother and that it seems like she is like a part of her children or her child's life and I think that's really great on a giant billboard for her husband to see it's a birthday present it's insane and I'm glad that she enjoys being a mother

but that is a choice she has under our non-handmaid's tale for now society and so why would you Have a fucking inmates tail party for Christ's sake. So I'm sorry to the people who like the whole Kardashian thing. I will continue to attempt to include them in our dialogue without just completely shitty got there. But it's so because I actually do, and I do love the prisoner stuff that Kim Kardashian's

been doing. So I don't want to be like, they're all awful. Blu, blah, blah. Because I was even there when she met with Trump, I was like, fuck it. This is so dumb. Everything's stupid. You know what I mean? But then it's like, no, no, no.

she's doing some good shit and I don't want to just blanket shit on them but like Kylie keeps coming up in a fucking way that makes me perturbed. There are things that each of them has done that are like not objectionable, right? Like, but as a family, it's and, you know, there are times when I really want to be in Kim Kardashian West's corner. And there are things that she gets shit on that she doesn't deserve to get shit on that. Yes, totally. And perhaps the same could be said of the gender, you know, of Kylie and the other one or whatever. But this, yeah. Yes, thank you.

I get a good. Jenners, yeah, I know these things. Dude, by the way, I had a fucking family. Maybe this is why. I had a fucking family like this in my private school where they all, they all had, fuck, I can't, I'll just say it was with the letter T, but they were all named like Charlie, Chuck, Chip, you know what I mean? But it was with a T.R. and I really, really irrationally fucking hated that.

So, I mean, maybe some of that's bleeding into this. I'm mad now. I think you're just getting upset for no reason. I can't stand when parents name all their fucking kids with the same fucking letter of the name. Listen, I don't know why I teach kids. But the duggins. I mix up kids names constantly.

Kids who have nothing to do with each other. Kids who have taught years apart who aren't even siblings. My brain will get a crosswires. and I'll call some kid the wrong name and they're like, why are you doing that? I'm like, I don't know, my brain just, I just got it mixed up. So let's make your job harder as a mother.

Every name start with Trigg or Tripp or whatever, like, which are Palin's. But like, why would you do that to yourself? Yeah. And it's not even an aesthetics thing. I think that it's, I do think that I get that it's cute if you have like siblings that are both, you know, Andy and, you know, Annie or whatever.

I think that kind of cute. I can just watch my mother cycle through all. of the names that were in her head until she got the right one. And how dare you have you ever brought it up? She's like, my name's not Jessica. My name's Jackie. She's like, I don't have the time in the day to think you, this one, do what you have to do. She would just yell names until one of the names was right, you know, which I think is how it should be.

Yes. Yeah, I have one child and I call it the cat's names. I cycle through the two cats names and then the child's name. And so, again, it's like I do think that it can be cute to have same letter. might just end up liking. Like, there's, when I think about names for the second one, like maybe I'll just end up liking one that starts with an F or whatever, so it would sound like it was the same.

Fucker, yeah, just fucker. Well, technically, Freddy's name starts with a. Freddy's full name starts with an A, so it could go out. But if, so I understand how it could happen is what I'm saying. But my, I cannot set myself up for failure like that. Because if, you know, I had a child named Eddie and a child named Freddie, I just couldn't, I would never get, I would never, not more than 50% of the time would I call a child's name, right. It would just, yeah, whatever came out.

Can I throw this out to you though? It's an F1, but I think it really runs smooth with the full name. Filthy Neffle. Ooh, I like filthy. Right. And then he could be a super blue stand-up comedian, super alt-right, touring all over the south. Yeah, set him up. Or what about just going for Silent K?

Silent K. Or silent K. Yeah. Yeah. Silent K, kind of bring it down the lineage. Silent F. F. F bomb.

Name F. Oh, F-bomb is an awesome name. F-bomb rules. Because then it's like, my name's kind of fuck. Yeah. And then he go, pff. Every time we enter a room. He definitely becomes a DJ or a fucking MC.

You know what I mean? He can light a room on fire, dude. F-bomb blows up the whole room, dude. Yeah. And Molly, I can't wait until you. You buy F-bomb, the Timothy Shalamey. Ventriloquist dummy. Don't worry, it's only $200,000 or something like that.

Yeah, that amateur ventriloquist maker who has another job and was like, I just do this for fun, accidentally made a $200,000 fucking Timothy Shalmay dummy. Did you see it? Yes. He really grasped the likeness pretty well. I saw it because everybody now is tagging me on this picture. I can't stop looking at it. By the way, do you think that that guy's parents watched Nell and then had him and just, like, was like, I want to name our kids something that I think Nell would say.

Timothy Shalameh in a way. Except I don't think everyone calls him that. That's what Al would you really say his name. Timothy. Timothy. She's a feral woman. She's a feral woman. I do think that captures his likeness.

His cheekbones look great. Yeah, right? It's a caricature. You know what I mean? so it's a little larger than life. I don't, he doesn't, would you say he frightens you, Jackie? For sure.

I definitely don't want to kiss him as much as I would definitely, I don't want to like make fuck on Timothy Chalameh because he's a child. He seems like a boy to me. But I would definitely like rustle his little hair, though. Right. I'm more of an army hammer.

But he's not really, is he in his early 20s or is he younger than that? I believe so. I think he's... I have to find, let me look it up. He's too, yeah, he's too much of it. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, seems very, very young and sweet.

But also he definitely comes from, like, old school money. So you can see it all over him that he's just, like, boarding schools. Like, he's, oh, he's been made to be a star. And I don't like that on his face, you can see that, like, he knows he was made to be a star. And that's just not something I'm way more into humble, you know? He's 24. Like Cole Spruce. Well, yeah, yeah.

He's 24. I really loved call me by your name. Have you guys seen that? Yes. You know, I still haven't seen it. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's really good. And just know, going into it,

that their first kiss was the first time they actually kissed, by the way, was that kiss that they filmed. And it's pretty fiery. Oh, it's good. It is, you know, you know my stance. Oh, Jackie. Yes.

Speaking of little boys whose hair you want to ruffle, Have you seen the first episode I'm not talking about the actual children I'm scared I'm talking about the adults I'm talking about the adults An adult now with adult actor Bad Segway

Have you seen the first episode of Big Little Lies? Yes No not yet What? Okay Oh you've been traveling Because I've been traveling I've not had a second

To watch any of it And I'm very upset Okay so I'm into it There is an actor in it Where I was like Who is that guy from And then Gideon pointed out What he's from

And I think he might like it I'm very upset that I haven't watched again although I did watch the Miley Cyrus episode of The Black Mirror Yes which I have not seen yet And you said you weren't super into it But she was good She was great in it

But essentially it was definitely like A Gagah in Star is Born Where it just seemed like it's just her And apparently when they were filming The actual episode was when her house was burning down With all the fires So it was just like I think she was having

like a lot of issues at the moment. She was going through a lot. So I feel like she did a really good job. But you know what? Black Mirror is not as on point, I feel, as it used to be. I keep saying this about Black Mirror. And I don't know if this is at all similar to this episode,

but I feel like every season now, I'm getting way too used to, here is a modern day problem we all deal with. Here is a futuristic solution by some creepy weird corporation on how to solve that problem. Oh, to horrible results. Like every other episode is that format.

Yeah. And there are outliers like the fucking robot dog episode was unbelievable. Um, what was the San Gennaro episode? Oh, San Junipero. That one was very good. You know, but I do feel like- I rewatched White Bear yesterday. That one's really good.

Like there's a lot of good ones. Well, the high watermark for me is the very first episode too. So I am caught in that like the pig. I mean, I mean, spoiler. I mean, come on. If you haven't seen it yet. I still haven't seen Black Mirror because I think every time we talk about out of the show, Jackie Marcus were like,

you won't like it. You won't like it. But I really want to see the pig fuck episode because that's the Prime Minister of England ended up having a history of fucking a pig. So it really is. It is amazing. It is so good. Yeah. And it's, yeah, and I don't think anything has ever quite

reached that level of greatness. But, and it's not like anything. It's like, I'm like, whoa, this is going to be an amazing show. Do you guys watch Twilight Zone at all? The new one? No, because I had to do the like the stream for CB Yes, and I was like, all right, well, I need to wait, because this is how it's sad I am, that I was like, all right, I need to wait for a time that I can watch them all in the seven-day

free trial that I had to sign up for because I don't want to pay for another service that I'm not going to use. So I've been waiting for a time so I could watch it all in seven days, and that just hasn't been. And hopefully a lot of times it gets booted over to other shit, too. I feel like after a while. That's what I hope. I'm hoping that. Well, and that's why, and I was waiting, which not to circle back around, I know that neither one of you guys have seen fleabag, but I had heard all of the hype about it. Does someone jerk off in front of somebody else? There's a lot of sex in it. There's definitely a good amount of sex in it.

I know, I need to see it. Yeah, people love it so much. Oh my God. I didn't realize that the lead woman in it, who's also the writer of it. She's also the co-creator of Killing Eve, which is another show that people keep telling me to watch. And she is amazing. And the problem is that you know that I've got weird. I think that people have picked up on the fact that I have a lot of issues with the idea of religion. And in the second season... Except science ideology, by the way, for the record, Jackie's totally cool with it. So if you are sort of in a situation to give her a really big job in Hollywood,

like being the starlet of maybe sort of a movie, like a comedy with like Emma Stone or something like that, such a big. I just say if they give me something, I'm not going to say no to it. Even though like the head of the whole thing's wife has just been mysteriously missing for several years. But it's like a miscavages, a miscavages, a miscavage. You go get another one. You know what? Lots of people have miscavages, so I do.

Yeah, you know, it's rough. Wait, is fleabag about religion? It's not at all. But in the second season, there's a very, very sexy priest that she cannot be with. And it's a very, oh, man. They've not cast a sexy priest in a while What's the elevator pitch on this show? I got pitched with it because I had obviously heard about it in the past

So essentially, as someone that has been very self-destructive in the past, it is something that really intrigues me. It is about a woman that is very self-destructed, that is definitely addicted to sex, and something happened in her life that she is not dealing with, that happens and like that kind of comes back to her and happens in flashes. So she's trying to deal with her life that's kind of falling apart and relying on her addictions to quote unquote help her,

but really all it's doing is destroying her further. So Jackie in her 20s. It is, yes, except this woman is in her 30s. So it is that, like, it's also the idea of like what I did like my 30th year of just like, I am too old to still be doing this. I know that what I'm doing is not good. And so I. laughed really hard, I cried really hard,

and she is amazing in this show. Oh, yeah. So that's my elevator pitch. All right. I love it. That was great. That was a great. That is a good elevator pitch.

I just, I watch now I've seen the first episode of Big Little Eyes and the first episode of Pose, which premiered on Tuesday night, which is so fucking good. This Poe season two. It's so, it's so good. Oh, I didn't realize the second season's coming out. It just premiered. Yum, yum, yum, yum. And I finished Veep.

And so now I got a, I'm either going to watch fucking Chernobyl. or I got to get some other show to watch. And I think it needs to be a different show than Chernobyl. It is so heavy, man. I just finished Chernobyl. I'm so glad to be done with Chernobyl. It's so good. That shit's like fucking, I don't even,

I want to say it's like Handmaid's Tale times 11, but honestly, I would actually prefer probably to watch Chernobyl over again than rewatch season one day I'm Maid's Tale. But have you watched, I mean, it is, have you gotten your iodine pills yet? I yeah I need to go pick some up dude because honestly where is there a nuclear reactor like anywhere near here what is it matter holding where do we get I need to go home and just Google energy sources

I have to look up a very very amazing nice person hit me up on Instagram and explain to me how what happened in Chernobyl like in layman's terms and she wasn't like being consenting whatsoever she explained to me how that can never happen ever again And she's like, I don't know. She's like, I hope that I'm not being like out of line here. But like, I just wanted to let you know so you can sleep at night that that can't happen again. And it was really, really sweet.

I know you're painting a sweet picture of this girl, but I'm going to throw it out there. I think she's a closet apartment 23 overcompensating. She's not at all. I'm just saying. She's been very, very nice. I really appreciate it. She's typing this from a nuclear reactor. Everything's fun.

Scientologist, too. Everything's cool. Would you like to take a stress test? to find out how fucking stressed you are. No, I don't want to know. A personality test to find out what kind of alien you are. Jackie's like, yes, will it get me on ABC? I heard there's some good.

I heard pilot season's coming up and maybe if I could. It is not coming up. It is a drought for you right now. They're like, no, there's a secret pilot season that you don't know about. If you give us maybe $10,000 and read a couple of these books, maybe you can be a part of the secret pilot season. We want to be on the Secret Pilot season. Everybody wants me to be Singapore.

And also, by the way, you get a party with Diplo. If you joined Scientology right now. Well, I guess I'm a Scientologist now, and I hope you guys accept me as me and for what I believe in spaghetti monsters in the sky. And I'm going to zap both of you, you motherfuckers, because you're both, what are you? What are they called?

The bad ones? Plebes. What are we? Oh, what are they? They're like. S-P's? What is it? Torgis.

Suppressive person. They're SPs. Suppressive person. Suppressive person. Thank you. No therapy for you, friend. You need to come and join us, man. Because you seek to upset.

You want to continuously undermine and spread bad news about N.D. That's not a word. I don't think I should say that. Something better make activities and groups. I don't know this word. You know what? Oh, I do. Denegrade.

Denegrade. Oh, denigrate. Okay, yeah, yeah, that's not... I was like, I got scared of it, though. I was like, this is not good. Yeah, yeah, you should be scared, man, because the fucking, they know what's up, dude, and they can get you in any room, man.

You want to fucking get into a fucking gross room with a gross, dude. Is this because Chernobyl's over and you're trying to scare me about something else? I know. I know. I know. I'm trying to scare me about Scientologists and said. I like you in a state of fear. I like all of my friends in a state of fear at all times, right?

Because they're way more complacent and easy to sort of manipulate and control. See, I'm scared. Do you hear me? Papa can you'll hear me? Papa can you see me? If Papa was using simple contacts, he wouldn't have to use the can't see excuse just to get close to that mouth of yours.

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Do mermaids lay eggs? Mermaids aren't mammals, right? Discover new styles and find unique pieces with stitch fix, Get started today at sitchfix.com slash page 7 and get an extra 25% off when you keep everything in your box. That's sitchfix.com slash page 7. Sitchfix.com slash page 7. You know what didn't make me scared was that holding open my eyes on Friday when we were doing Jakinese. I didn't realize that Mariah Carey and Eminem had a very rough beef a while ago.

It's really good. It turns out Mariah Carey and Eminem slept together. Yes. What? Yes. Yes. So they slept together. And then I guess something happened with Mariah Carey. What was? So you explain it. I forget what video it is, but he's like a character. I don't know. Okay. If I had known we were going to talk about this, I would have looked up like the full timeline on this one. But I will say that Bullet Point, they slept together. She got together with Nick Cannon later. I don't know who started it. But definitely what ended up happening was like she, I think there was maybe a line about him or something in one of her songs. And she, she. She, he was like a character, quote, unquote, in her video, music video. Like some guy kind of played like a goofy Eminem guy.

And she's like, uh-uh, you know what I mean? And like giving him the brush or whatever. That's fun. Because he is easy to caricature. Right? And, I mean, he does it to himself all the time, right? And then he put an eviscerating disc track out about her and the canon. Literally, like, in the track.

I imagine that he probably won that round. The one thing I hate about the track is it has the effort in it and not. the fun fuck word. Yes. So I'm kind of like, every time Eminem, I want to like you so much, but you just keep doing it.

But the track, aside from that, incredible. And like, he gives, like, really embarrassing details about him and her,

so you know it's real. Because he's like, fuck it. There's actual, because that's why I'm, it's just like, one of the lines is like, shut the fuck up

before I put all them phone calls out you made to my house when you was wild and out before Nick. And there's actual, like, clips of her. Clips later. of little, like...

I would not want to cross Eminem in a disc track off. I would not. Fucking never in a million years. I wasn't trying... I wasn't trying to get too far into this because the reason why is that that's what led me to the list this week.

Who's on the list? Jackie! Gotta have that list. The 24 most heated celebrity feuds of all time because that was another thing too getting into like the weird Justin Bieber thing because Justin Bieber and Eminem had a feud for a long time. Justin Bieber actually had a lot of feuds and I was looking for a specific Justin Bieber list.

But of course, then I started reading about Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. But what intrigued me about this list is that there were some of the things on here that I didn't know about, like Sylvester Stallone and Richard Geer. Ah, interesting. That's the dorkiest feud ever. They have a huge beef. I guess they were both set the star together in the 1974 film

The Lords of Flatbush, but the two didn't get along so hard that Gears' role was recast. Sylvester Stallone said, We never hit it off. I love this quote. That's amazing. He would strut around

in his oversized motorcycle jacket like he was the baddest night at the round table. That was such a good Sylvester Stallone. Guys, it's me. It's me. It's not. It's not Sylvester Stallone.

I really love, I want to watch all of Creed with just you, just muting Stallone every time that he speaks and having you just read the script. I would really like to have that happen. But of course, what makes me even further sexually attracted Sylvester Stallone, he said, I was eating a hot dog. And gear climbs then would have a chicken covered in mustard with grease nearly dripping out of the aluminum wrapper. I said, hey, get, that thing is going to drip all over the place. And he said, don't worry about it. Astoria is nauseated. I said, if I get some of my pants, you're going to know about it.

And he proceeds to bite into the chicken and a small, greasy river of mustard lands on my thigh. I yumbled him in the side of the head and basically push. him out of the car. Why were they covering each other in grease? Chicken grease. Why was the chicken so greasy? Chicken's not supposed to be that grease. Oh my God, that's a viscerally

disgusting story. Why is he He's going to drip all over the place? Well, how did he get on his leg? I've eaten next to many people without getting anything on their legs. Everything about that story is really rattling me.

Well, apparently Richard Gere is a bad dude. And Sylvester's alone didn't fucking like him. Oh, wait. By the way, we didn't even talk about how the chicken was covered in mustard. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah. That was part, I don't know if you heard in my my brilliant, Sylvester's still an accent. That is still a half-covered

of mustard. That's so gross. So it was a wet with grease chicken slathered in mustard outside of... You know, why did he... I don't understand what Richard Gear was eating. I guess it's a bunch of chicken, man, covered in mustard. Could I get some grease chicken with

extra mustard sauce on it? Is that what he asked for? And then he leaned over enough to get it on Sylvester Stallone's legs. I hope I never hear that story again for the rest of my life. Man. We also got Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow fucking hate each other. Interesting. Because Martha Stewart slammed old goop because she created goop.

Yeah, that's a hot call in the kettle, blacks. I mean, it is. But also she was encroaching on her time. territory and she said she's a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn't be trying to be Martha Stewart is what Martha Stewart said. I'm gonna, in Gwyneth Paltrow's

favor, being a movie actress or actor can be incredibly fucking boring. And I think that like, if that's all you do, I mean, I don't know, I feel like every very successful actor like has a vineyard or something. You know what I mean? Like a hobby because it is not the most, I don't know, engaging work sometimes.

Sometimes. I really feel like Martha Stewart and Goop fighting is like that meme of Spider-Man pointing at Spider-Man. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, but at the same time, I do love Martha Stewart a lot more than I like Gwyneth Paltrow. So I feel like I always inevitably have to side with her. She is having a resurgence on-chopped. Oh, it's on-chop. Oh, she's on-chop now.

I'll go find her on-chop. She's un-chopped, yeah, she's just a stone-cold bitch. Cool. Really? Yeah, she is. She was so chill with Snoop and the, you know, we-smoke show. She's like, she's chill, she's like the, she's like, Merrill Streep's character in Big Little Lies.

She's just like a, she's like a nice bitch, you know? Yeah. I wish you had done something different with the beats. Ah, yeah. You know, it's just like she'll just devastate you with her critique, but she won't be like really mean about it, but she'll just really, you know, she's like, she lets you know that she's unhappy.

And a lot of the Martha Stewart episodes, one of the ingredients in the chopped basket is something from Martha Stewart's Garden, so it'll be like fiddleheads from Martha Stewart, and then she'll be like, Well, this was not the best way to use my fiddleheads. Oh, dude, you can't be fucking up them fiddle heads, bro. You gotta get sliced up for fucking around with some fiddleheads, dude.

I will say, though, I fuck with some fiddleheads, though, because fiddleheads is something that should be fucked with. Yeah, fiddleheads are cool. I was in prison fucking trying to get my dick sucked, right? And I turned the corner, and there was this dude just guts hanging out of his stomach. Yeah, was his name, fiddlehead? I was like, what the fuck happened, man? What the fuck happened, shark? That was what we called him?

She's like, fuck it. Fugged with a fucking guy's fiddleheads, bro. Yeah, bra, you don't fuck with a fiddle head, man. And I tried to drink off in front of them. It didn't work out so hot. He said, no consent. And I was like, Blessed B, and I walked away. And he bled out.

Yeah, let's get some praise B vodka's up in there. And then I think Shark will be humming a different tune. Every time someone asks you to put your dick away, you say, blessed me, and then you put it away right away. Right away. That's the problem, but the damage's already done. Dick was already out. You can't be doing that.

at home, by the way, don't fucking put it, don't take it out until someone says yes, consent. Yes, consent, take it out. Can I bring up a bright side? I didn't see this on the list, but one of my happiest that I received actually had to do with the reuniting after a feud this week. Of course, I'm going to bring her up, but Katie Perry on her Insta, and I now follow her because of this, she tagged Taylor Swift on a post. It was a plate of cookies that says, piece at last, and she wrote Feels Good at Taylor Swift's. Bad Blood is apparently about her.

And she tagged Taylor Swift. And then Taylor Swift in the comments just wrote a, put a bunch of hearts. And, like, they're totally, I guess, frenzies again. They're friends again. I saw that. Congrats. I love her new single, too, by the way. Shoutouts to Katie Perry.

It's really, really good stuff. It is a lot of fun. I'm surprised that you're not mad because it seemed like she was definitely kind of copping the style of T. T. Suway's Me video. But, you know, I think that I just want everybody. I just want love. I want everybody to love, you know what I mean? Oh, that's nice.

You know what I mean? I just want to, and I want everyone to just be like, we love, me love. Me love, you know what I mean? Yeah, I want me to love me love. And so, you know, if somebody's, if somebody is doing something that someone else is doing an ode of them,

an honor of their soul, I say blessed be, and I put my God away. Blessed be, and also, blessed be, because I think it's time for blind items. Uh-oh. We can't see them. Yo, what's up, what's up? His H-bomb with the, oh, wait, I can't be H-bomb.

You can't be H-bomb. Don't take Molly's Child's new name. I bet you can guess this one. This A-list mostly movie actor while he is a superhero likes to have sex with women while wearing his superhero mask. That I can guess this one? Yeah. Chris Evans.

Oh, yeah. He's got a dungeon. He has a fuck dungeon, right? Yeah. A fuck dungeon. He's fucking 50 shades of Evans over there. How much I now want to have sex with Chris Evans? I didn't think that I wanted to, and now I didn't.

It's always seemingly lame ducks that are the smoke and hot. It's always the glasses wearing, sort of seemingly sexually frozen, but actually not. Lame duck-looking turds. Oh, are you saying that you put on masks? Are you trying to say you put on masks? Maybe I fucking put on a fucking werewolf mask, and I'm just like, Oh, and I start playing basketball and shit, you know, like Team Wolf. Like in creep?

Lexi dressed up like a referee, right? And she's like, because she does that part, my favorite part in Team Wolf is when he turns to a werewolf in front of a giant gymnasium full of people while playing basketball. And literally everyone just stops, stares at him, and then the ref just goes, play ball. And just like, everyone's cool with it. I just love it. I think it's cute. Yes, Chris has that.

So is that mean, do you like being put into the penalty box? Isn't that something that happens in basketball? I like a little, you know what I mean? I like to be kind of pushed around a little bit, you know what I'm saying? Okay, all right. I like to take foul shots is all I'm saying. You know what I mean? I like to fucking, you know what I mean?

Sounds like you're gushing all over. Do you wear a moth guard and then just throw it across the room when you're done like step curry? Exactly, exactly. I like to have a puck in the room. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll say that. You say, get her in the name.

NIT! Say, yeah, I scream, get her in the net. And go, alley-oop. Allie-oop, yeah, yeah. I like to do a little bat shit. Right when you're about to start fucking, do you say, from down, down. I will say this, I do have a jumbo-tron.

I hang from the ceiling, and we're on it the whole fucking time. Oh, see, that's awesome, because then it's always, like, the people that are, like, when it gets on you and you have to, like, you're forced to kiss the person that you don't want to kiss. Yeah. But it doesn't say kiss cam, Cam. Fuck Cam. Fuck Cam.

Dude, I feel like I made this, I feel like I made today's episode weirdly horny. and I just want to apologize. Are you horny? I'm horny. I don't know. I didn't think I was. You washed the dishes before you came? That's what it is.

I so did, Molly. I so did. This is the problem of your dick's all wet, man. Literally washed the dishes and came here. And then we're all like, got your own dishes. There were a lot of dishes. That is the problem.

So about the wetness and the... You explained it last time. This former A-plus list, mostly movie actor, who is an Academy Award winner, was out shopping with some people very close to him when he asked a woman working at the store whether she would entertain an offer of $2,000 to orally service him in a changing room.

She declined. Sounds like a real Dick Van Dyke situation. Absolutely. Drag him that poor man is. You know what, if Dick Van Dyke offered you $2,000, or I'll tell you what, like college fund for the baby that you're giving birth to. Oh, that's really nice.

I feel like we're dragging Dick Van Dyke. As far as I know, he has no history, sexual rights. Not at all. We just like, for me, me too. We like, me too dig Vinty. Forcefully. Very upset.

This person is a Academy of World Winner A-List movie star, you said. A-plus list, mostly movie actor. Out shopping. This, here's a clue. This took place in, I believe, Vegas, where this person has kind of been known to. Nick Cage. Yes, absolutely. That was maybe too obvious.

That was maybe too obvious. Forcing his fourth wife, just four days after their marriage, which happened, he was spotted out and about with his third ex-wife and their son on a shopping trip. Man, wait, so he was with the kid when he asked someone to pay. The son is like, I think, at least a teenager. Oh, okay, all right. He's not like a little guy. But he didn't do it in front of them, I'm assuming. I'm assuming not, no.

But that would be very hard for me to even get going if I'm. knew my third wife and son were in the store. Where were you going to do? You go try something on. I'll be right back. Yeah. And then try to get. I'm just surprised that he has to pay for it.

Honestly, I'd give it for free. It's the cage. Yeah. That's such a fun story. Right. Or am I being bad girls' club? Or did you talk, did you and your dish washing penis? Talk me into getting horny.

Did you do this to me? My penis is not washing the dishes, Jackie, please. I have standards. My hands are washing the dishes. My penis is completely concealed. My dick is in. Blessed be. I'm not, blessed be.

I'm not just wiping the head of my penis covered in soap on a dish. First of all, that would hurt if there were dried crumules. I don't know what you do. If there were dried crumules on the dish, it would hurt. Okay? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Why are we here?

We are all, by the way, delirious. We haven't brought this up at all. That fucking live show is incredible. And we're all, I think. It was amazing. really delirious about the show. Yeah, I think we're all on a combination of high of happiness and sleep deprivation and just like excitement and exhaustion.

And that's apparently his recipe for a horny show. It certainly is. And I did want to say thank you to everybody that came out this weekend for our first ever live show. It was amazing. I am dead. I'm dead. I know. Let's leave you.

We'll do one more blind item. I think it will be a pretty. easy one for you. Okay. The PR team of the singer, sometime actress just won't stop. The larger tabloids are not biting any longer at the hooking up with the A plus list actor thing, but other websites are and it just won't stop. Well, he does do fake romances, so maybe her team will get their wish. It would be a disaster. He likes wallflowers who show up when and wear they are supposed to be wearing as little as possible and then getting photographed with him before he sends them on their way because they want the check and the fame.

Who are these two people? Tom Cruise? No, it's like the most obvious one. Actress Singer trying to be known for hooking up with this, in the tabloids with this A-plus list actor. It's not Leonardo DiCaprio, is it? No, no. I'm surprised you're, like, saying it's easy,

and I feel like I got nothing. Thing about actress singer. I think that's the best starting point, who's trying, especially who's trying to be in the tabloids for being like. It's not Lilo, is it? No, no. It's... actress singer.

They were recently in a movie together. Oh, Lady Gaga. Yeah. Gaga and Bradley Cooper. Ah. I guess I don't even refer to her as an actress at all, and I know that's horrible. Like, I can't even think about her as an actual. But she's been in multiple things.

Yeah, she has. Yeah, she's American Horror Story, too. You know, well, because of course we called this. I mean, you know, the Internet called the fact that, but I still think that we're calling the wrong thing, Internet. It's just that Bradley Cooper is a homosexual. and that, you know, I know that he's got a baby with Arena Shike, wherever you say your name. Well, Jackie has proved to the world that gay men can definitely slam straight women all day long.

I don't know if they ever really slammed me per se. I would say that they folded their penis inside of me, but I don't think slammed is the word I would use. Oh, man. But I've heard you to do. describe this so many times. Damn it. That it doesn't even affect you anymore. Yeah, I know.

I'm like, yeah, the folding. Yeah, the folding. Yeah, we know. They folded it in. They folded it in. They crammed it inside of you. But, yeah, I don't think that they're actually together. There's no, I don't think that, I don't think that it's, I don't think that it's

going to come out. I don't think that that's what's happening here because it's too easy. They're too in front of everything. There's, like, I just don't even think that they're PRs. I think that they both feel like, Don't do it. You're not allowed to. Even if you want to, you're not allowed to.

And that's next. You are too big of stars to do something like that. Yeah. Why do I feel like almost every... What percentage of, like, superstar romances are... Do you think are actually real and not created by PR teams? 5%. 5%.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Because of course it is. I was going to give them a little more of the benefit of the doubt and say like 20%. I mean, I'll bet people definitely, like... They get chemistry when they're on screen together and stuff.

That and also, like, when they're two superstars where it's like, that you are with someone that the only other kind of person that would know what you go through. And I think that that's... Right. Kit Harrington and, um, what's her name? The beautiful Redhead. Oh, uh, John Snow! They're, you know nothing, John Snow.

Like, they're married and, and it seem perfect for each other. Rose Leslie. Rose Leslie, that's her name. She's amazed. She's an amazing actress. She really is. Um, But anyways, yeah, I'm a little sad, by the way,

Jack, because I know we're coming to a close and we did not do our whole gushing about Keanu Reeves section of the show. So I just want to give him a shout-out for this being such an explosive week for him. He was at E3, which is like my big, it's like the big video game. They announced all the new games of the year, and he came out for this video game. And someone said, oh, fuck, what did they say again? Someone said, you're breathtaking to him. He screamed it while he was on stage.

He was like, no, you're breathtaking, man. You're all breathtaking. He never was just like, yeah, I love him. I love him. He's so amazing. And then I wanted really quickly, Octavia Spencer, then recently, I think this was recent,

but it might have been from a while back. She told the story about how she was, like, new to L.A. and struggling, and her car broke down, and no one would help her. And then he just showed up on his motorcycle and just pushed her car for her. And it's like, this amazing thing. And she was like, I go to every one of his movies

opening night because of that, because he did that. That's a buddy movie I would watch. I love her, and I love him. And the whole thing that came out where it's, Like all the pictures that he takes with women, he doesn't put his arm around their waist. Fantastic.

He just keeps his arms out. He hover hands, as they call it. Yeah, he hover hands. Yeah. Yeah. What a man. What a mighty fine man. Oh my God, would I kiss him? I pay him to fucking jerk off in front of me, do.

All right, I got to stop. I'm done. I'm sorry. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week. And again, thank you to anybody that came out over the weekend for our live show. and if you were there in spirit, our love goes out to you as well. Hopefully we will be doing more in the future.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack Thatworm. You can also follow us on TikTok at page underscore 7, which we started doing. I started TikToking with Holden. Yes. I need to get back on it. I think it's definitely something I have to be fairly chebed

out of my gourd to do. And if you want more from us, and if you want more kisses from us, you can head on over to our Patreon. page is patreon.com slash page 7 podcast and we have some smiles over there. We're going to pop out some movie view and some

me and old holdover and we're going to have fun. Yes. My name is Molly Neffel. I'm not yet tick-tacking, but I did get it on my phone. So I took the first step. Now you've got to go. Hold a big deal. You can find me on Twitch.combe ford slash Holdenators How.

We love you. We'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. This show is is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

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