Page 7 - Episode 308: Cupcakes for the Football Boys

Episode Date: June 21, 2019

Jackie, Molly and Holden are all about "sMothered", Gina Davis's archery skills and Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos keeping it spicy. Go to http://felixgrayglasses.com/page7 to protect your ey...es today. Get 50% off your first year by visiting http://HoneyBook.com and using promo code PAGE7. Get your special extended 30-day free trial membership to Openfit when you text page7 to 303030. Get 20% off your purchase at http://wanderbeauty.com/page7 Aurea-Carmina, Rollin at 5, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) L Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:09 I just introduce someone to the little song I'd like to call butterfly kisses over the weekend for Father's Day, so I think I just got a butterfly kisses. Have to bed time prayer. Sticking little white flowers all up in her. Walk beside the pony daddy. It's my first ride. I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried. Overall, I've done wrong.
Starting point is 00:00:43 I must have done something all right to deserve a hug every morning in butterfly kisses. Original song. I, meanwhile, was like, I just went somewhere else. I was like, I wonder what I'm going to do when I get home. Manez. I need to get some more mayonnaise on the way home. You always need more mayonnaise before you get home. Molly, did you sing butterfly kisses to Gideon for Father's Day?
Starting point is 00:01:20 I did not. I did see someone. I was annoyed because somebody shared the Billy Joel children's book. Goodnight My Angel based on the Billy Joel's song. Good Night My Angel. And now I've had that fucking song in my head. Wait, what do you mean? There's a children's version of the song?
Starting point is 00:01:36 There's just a book, an illustrated book, which I've never actually held in my hands. But I assume it's just the words to that fucking song. I mean, I do love that. Good Night My Name. My angel now, time to close your eyes. I like that song. Wait, do you not like, are you anti the song? I'm anti the song, but here's the reason.
Starting point is 00:01:56 It's because I was in a choir that sang the song. So I don't hear the Billy Joel version in my head. I hear the choir. Children see. Which is exactly what. Yes, exactly. And that's what I hear. And I specifically hear, like, my good friend,
Starting point is 00:02:16 Like one of my best friends all through childhood. He stood behind me in choir, and I love him. He had a beautiful voice and still does, still sings. But I, like, hear his voice, and he's saying a harmony. So I, like, have the harmonies in my head. I hear my own voice, and I had a terrible voice, even though I was in all sorts of choirs. An awful voice. And so it's, and I hear all the other voices.
Starting point is 00:02:36 And I hear the sopranos. And you know how child sopranos are. They're like, good night my head, oh, no. I hate it. I hate it. That's what happens when I, and somebody's shrews. shared the image of that damn book and I was like, no! And now I have, now I'm reckoning with that.
Starting point is 00:02:51 I understand. See, I know I'm sure I've talked about it on this show before, but I have my choir, they like, uh, it's the easiest thing to do. And it's very contagious too. So share a little laughter, share a little love, and it'll come back to you. You know what it is? It's children, it's when children singing in choruses over pronounce. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Prunciate everything. It's when every constant is like, very perfect. Yes. It's like, there's something like, Good night, my angel, now it's time. I'm asleep. Adults doing it too kind of is also the worst, but it is really like just painful. Yeah, on a deep, deep level.
Starting point is 00:03:34 Yeah. It's kind of like our friend Carly always made fun of me because I was dating this like musical theater woman through OKCupid. Yikes. made, she sent me her cover of Creep by Radiohead. But it was a musical... I'm a creep!
Starting point is 00:03:52 It was, I'm a loser. Like, it was very, like, it was like the most musical theater approach to that song, which is... Wasn't she playing the guitar on the edge of the bed in the video that she sent you? She didn't send me a video. She just sent me the audio.
Starting point is 00:04:08 Who is that? Yeah, did you just add that on? Or do you have some other recording of a musical theater person's giving some... I mean, that's what you do. You share your talent with the ones that you're, you know, courting and whatnot. It's an interesting choice for a song to record and send to a lover. Right. Well, I think it's like she had already, because, yeah, I don't think she would have taken the time.
Starting point is 00:04:27 We didn't get that far in. No, bitch, you recycled that shit. I don't know if we're holding. Oh, man, I wish that I had had, like, a song that I would sing for lovers, but then you could just see over my mouth as I was like, George. And I would change the name for it. Well, I mean, honestly, now...
Starting point is 00:04:45 Thank you for putting your fingers in me. Willie! Just for the British accent, though. Thank you for putting your fingers in me. William, you're my favorite person. They can do that now, dude. They've got technology now where they can make you look like you're saying crazy stuff that you've never said before.
Starting point is 00:05:06 I like to you say that as if this is like 30 years ago. It's like, you know that robots exist? Man, we saw one of those, which also... I'm sorry, my name is Jackie Zabrowski. Welcome to page 7. We didn't do that part of it. I apologize. My name is Molly Neffel.
Starting point is 00:05:21 And my name is Holden, Skeleton Lord. No, he's a Skeleton Lord. I saw one of those robots in the wild for the first time, the security robots. The ones that go around the grocery store? I saw one, but it was in some sort of open area thing. And I was like, is that one of those robots? But what I didn't realize is that the robot has to go to, like, a dock so that it can recharge itself. Of course, it's like a Roomba.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Yeah. It's just like a Roomba with cameras on and just get a fucking Roomba. But it probably has the power to unleash the violence of the state on you. I saw a tweet about those things, and I love, it made me proud to be a New Yorker because the tweet was just like, man, don't put these in New York because you know New York is just going to beat the shit out of it immediately. Of course they are. Of course they are.
Starting point is 00:06:05 Because it's in Sacramento where everything is nice and beautiful, which also, apparently people shit on Sacramento, and I'm in love with it, and I'm going to move there in a week. from now. So I know our fellow last podcast network pal Ben Kistel has talked a lot about these robots, but I haven't really listened. Can they like... Anytime he talks.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Just like you. Manas, I need to get mayonnaise from the store. But what can they actually... You want me to sing it again, Molly? So that you can really... So you can go back so you can figure out the rest of your grocery. Look back kisses. I won't. I won't. I won't.
Starting point is 00:06:40 Oh God, there he goes. Niagara Falls. What can they actually do? Because obviously they can't, like, apprehend you or anything. You know what I mean? Like, what can they do? Yeah, I actually don't know the full protocol of the security robots. Okay, I'll have to look at it.
Starting point is 00:06:55 I'm sure somebody can tell you. But, yeah. My guess is that they will, they can capture your likeness and then refer you to the fucking police. And then, I believe so. Because I was asking if, like, I was like, if we do anything, I was like, if it caught us having sex in public, like, would it, like, put a net over us? Stop. Stop. Stop fucking.
Starting point is 00:07:15 Please stop. And I'm like, I like it when he say stop. They're fucking on top of the robot. Yeah. They're having it. They're like, yeah, this is our favorite position on top of one of these cop robots. Sorry to butt in.
Starting point is 00:07:28 Leave room for Jesus. Yeah, it's a purity robot. Now, I think that would be great to have in the high schools. Just walking around with a ruler, shoving it between people. Right. Save room for the Holy Ghost. No, this did go.
Starting point is 00:07:42 I was talking about which robots in pop culture you would want to have sex with because I think that's still, I think my number one answer is Rosie from the Jetsons. Ah, I definitely feel like she could, you know, get down with the ladies. You know what I mean? Yeah, I feel like there's something because she's got that thing on the top of her head that I would want to hold on to. And I feel like that would be a lot of fun. Right, right. And she's got that big gaping mouth, which I'm also very interested in.
Starting point is 00:08:09 And I just, I don't know, I was just dreaming about having sex with robots. It's obviously Terminator. I mean, sure. I never thought about it. I guess Ghost in the Shell girl. She's a sexy woman and just happens to also be filled with like metallic innards. You know what I mean? Is there a cyborg distinction we're going to make?
Starting point is 00:08:28 Not that I'm... I don't think Ghost in the Shell is a Cyborg. Well, I barely got that he told him when I said Bicentennial Man, he's like, well, then there's the question. Is it essentially by the end of the movie, he becomes a human. So where... So are you saying early Bysentennial? deal, man? I was like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:08:44 I guess. I feel like if you're gonna fuck a robot, though, don't you want her to, or him have to, like, fish arms or something crazy? You know what I mean? Like something you can't fuck on a normal day. Right, not just like a,
Starting point is 00:08:55 like, a Battlestar Galactica style. Right. But, like, really have it, have like a snout on its ass or like, you know, knives for elbows or something. I mean, knives for elbows would be a lot of fun. Or like we talk about, you know,
Starting point is 00:09:10 like the whole body being like the one body part you fixate on, right? Yeah, that's a nightmare. Like a woman made of like long legs. You know what I mean? If you're like a leg guy. Oh, and then it goes up to her neck? One long leg. So it's just like the head and then the, like,
Starting point is 00:09:31 I ever told you about the villain that I used to draw in the comic books? That reminds you of Sweet Pea. Sweet P was my villain. It was just a P. and he had knives for hands and the legs just went up into his pee body and he would wear a top hat. Did I not talk?
Starting point is 00:09:48 I've told you about our comic books. I'm just re-enjoying it for another, I guess. For another time. So if there was, so if you were to have sex with a robot, Molly, that's made up of the one body part, you fixate on most, what would it be? Just a bunch of brains?
Starting point is 00:10:04 Just a bunch of like emotions? It would be like one eye. I don't really do it that way. I don't really do it that way. I don't really like all knees. You know what I mean? All joints. I like men's hands and forearms.
Starting point is 00:10:22 I think that those are nice. But I'm not really like a, I'm not like a boob guy or something. You know, like I don't have like a single body part that always does it for me. Just a big man hand. You could just wrap yourself up and it's a snuggle. It's not even sex. Oh, like one of those hand chairs? I definitely get aroused when I.
Starting point is 00:10:37 sitting one of those handschairs. And then it just so happens that in the same day. Just fuck the handchair. You guys get to fuck robots. I just fuck an existing handchair. Like at the mall. And it just so happens that on the same day, that very same day, Dick Van Tick also decided to go to the mall.
Starting point is 00:10:54 Oh my God. But he went to the chair store and he's like, Molly, I get it. The hospital was weird, okay? But like, can we please for a moment think about this? I don't think I would want to have sex on one of those hand chairs because I would feel like somebody else was there, you know,
Starting point is 00:11:10 like somebody else's hand was there. So you wouldn't be like a giant holding you up and like sort of licking you fully with his tongue. Like his tongue's the size of you. Yum, yum, yum. Jackie's getting turned on by that. So a big giant grabs you, a sexy, gentle giant grabs you. Jason Momoa.
Starting point is 00:11:29 He looks to his giant Jason Momoe. Oh my God. G grabs you with his big, he's got hairy knuckles and all that good stuff you love, right? And he picks you up and he puts you right in front of his face and he just put this tongue comes out of his mouth. It's like King Kong is what you're describing. It's the size of you and gently with his tongue he just
Starting point is 00:11:43 just was one long lip. No, it's like a hybrid of King Kong and Clifford. Yeah. Which I would definitely have sex. Clifford's an adult dog, right? That's like a grown dog. Oh, yeah. Is that what the differentiation?
Starting point is 00:11:59 That the dog is. I don't know if an adult dog is more capable of consent than a puppy. Clifford is. Clifford. Look at his eyes. Yeah. He's smart and with it. Molly, we need you here.
Starting point is 00:12:11 I'm just going to say that right now. We need you here. It's very important. I don't think I've ever had a King Kong sexual fantasy. When I was little, when I was a kid, I used to not in a sexual way, purely not sexual. Need to emphasize. But I used to remember looking at Lego people, playing with Lego people and really wanted to be that size. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:12:35 Like that movie. Oh, so you're more into the tini's. Yeah, but again. What about David the Gnome? Not familiar. By the way, just want to throw it out there. Everything is awesome. Great fuck song.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Everything is awesome. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Actually, I think it's too forced. I would definitely have sex with anything that rode a fox, I think. David the gnome wrote a fox. Yeah. Would you, have you ever had a King Kong fantasy, Jackie?
Starting point is 00:13:03 No, I think I just like big monster creatures. Yeah, yeah, they need to be like more humanoid-sized-ish. I guess, but I'd also try it with the Loch Ness Monster if you wanted it. But you know what, speaking of having sex with things that maybe you should feel okay with or maybe you should feel guilty about depending on how you're thinking. Good one. I watch it. It was great to watch a documentary that I feel like everyone needs to check out because I had not heard about it at all.
Starting point is 00:13:34 It is called, if you're not in the obit, eat breakfast. And it is Carl Reiner talking to other artists and celebrities and people that are nonagenarians or above, so 90 or above, and talking to them about the essence of life. And essentially posited the question, what's the secret to living into your 90s and loving every minute of it? I like this, because this is like a nice light antidote to us talking about like living corpse, Kirk Douglas last week. Right, yeah. Well, that's all the thing because also he talked to. Dick Van Dyke, so I thought about him, and as I'm watching it, I was thinking about him,
Starting point is 00:14:07 like, drinking off in the corner, and I was like, how would I feel about this? Yeah. And somebody did, by the way, somebody did write in and say, you know, it takes a little work, but they can still make it happen. Somebody who works like an old folks home or something. Yeah, good. I'm glad to hear it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:21 As they should, you know, if you can, you know, if you can get the juice, then you deserve that moose. And I think, like, a chocolate moose is what I was thinking, like a dessert moose. Speaking of the juice, we cannot not talk about Lizzo on this show. But I'm not trying to jump ahead, but we have to talk about her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were going to talk about OJ's on Twitter. No, I'm not talking about, not that juice.
Starting point is 00:14:46 The other good, the good juice. The good juice. The positive juice. Not interested in talking about that other juice. It's, oh my God. It is loose. But do you know that Carl Reiner has. has written five books since he turned the age 90?
Starting point is 00:15:07 Wow. I did not know that. I have not seen this documentary, I guess I should admit. It is one, it is such, I put it on because I was reading stuff about Mel Brooks, because Mel Brooks is on Broadway right now. And I was like, man, that's crazy. How fucking old is Mel Brooks? And then I found this documentary.
Starting point is 00:15:23 It's on HBO. I watched it, and the entire time was just like, God damn, do I have a smile on my face? This is so fucking inspirational that I just want other people to watch it. and I just hadn't heard about it. He talks to Tony Bennett, he talks to Kirk Douglas, he talks to Dick Van Dyke, and I think about his penis, and it just,
Starting point is 00:15:41 I don't know, it was a lot of fun. You know, Mel Brooks is one of those gyms. I'm so, I actually, at this point, in this era, I just, I pray every day that some horrible shit doesn't come out about him, because from everything I've heard, and I have met, talked with people who have met him before and hung out with him,
Starting point is 00:15:59 and by all intents and purposes, He is just the warmest, kindest, loveliest old man who did a wonderful thing, I think, for comedy these many years. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm just like, man, that guy floors me as well as, you know, and their whole little crew. Don't they have a name for themselves? Like that little crew, Carl Reiner, Mel Brooks. They meet regularly and, like, laugh together regularly.
Starting point is 00:16:24 That's very sweet. And that's super important. And I think the reason why they're able to be so happy in their 90s is that they, bring each other, give each other company, it seems like, and also they've like never stopped just laughing and making fun of the world and making jokes. You know what I mean? And I do believe in the sort of immortality that laughter brings. I want to just be high as a kite laughing my ass off when I'm 90. I'll start sooner, but yeah, please. They just seems like that they're just, they are still truly having a great time. And that's what Carl Reiner said. He's like,
Starting point is 00:16:58 He's like, since I'm in my late teens, I've written every single day. He's like, I feel like if I stopped writing, then I die. Wow. You know where I'm getting my hope from this week? Where are you getting your hope from? That after 23 years of marriage, that Kelly Rippa and Mark Consuelo still have so much sex that their daughter walked fucking in on them. I'm so happy about this story. That is so hot to think about is the thing.
Starting point is 00:17:23 It is so hot to think about it in the story. So this happened on Father's Day. and they had a house filled with people, and Kelly Rip and Markinswellas were both hosting live with Kelly on Monday morning, and they were talking about it, and she said, you know, it was Father's Day, I had a house full of people. I wasn't like, you know, it wasn't our best time, but we were just going through the motions because, you know, it's Father's Day,
Starting point is 00:17:46 and that's what you do. And it was also her daughter's 18th birthday, and the daughter walks into the bedroom without knocking, which they said that was an issue with the kids is that they don't knock. She's 18 years old, saw what happened, and I guess apparently Mark Consuelos was hoping that maybe she didn't see anything. And Kelly Rippa said, no, we had made eye contact. And then she goes to leave and she shuts the door and from the outside of the door, the daughter yells, you ruined my birthday and my life.
Starting point is 00:18:15 I used to see in color. And now everything is gray. Opposite giver. The taker. She's about to write the sequel to the giver called the taker. I used to see in color and now everything is gray. It's beautiful. It's the funniest thing I have ever heard to yell at your parents that are having sex.
Starting point is 00:18:35 Oh, yeah. And that's what I think, too. It's like, you see gray because you saw a pure expression of love between two monogamous people. Ew! I mean, I imagine how, even if they were just going through the emotions, I definitely would want to see it. But, like, I am not a person. I've never walked in on my parents. No, Lord, now. God now.
Starting point is 00:18:54 Thank God. I think that there will come a time in this girl's life where she'll be like, I'm happy for my parents that they were, you know, that they still, they're still stepping. Still stepping. Still stopping after all these years. I don't know if I feel worse for the parents or for the kid in this scenario. I think it's apparent. Honestly, now as an older person, I feel like I would be more mortified than, but also we're older now and I'm in the age.
Starting point is 00:19:25 group of if I, you know, ever choose to have children that I think that I would be mortified. I don't think I'd be able to get over it. But none of us have had the kid point of view. So what we need to do is find somebody who has walked in on their parents when they were a kid. Who's had both. And find out
Starting point is 00:19:41 if they're still traumatized at the age of 33. I feel like at, she's 18 though, right? Yeah. I feel like 18. It's like you're, is that still going to lead to trauma? It's the worst age, not for trauma, but like if you're 7, You don't really understand what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:19:56 You're 18, you understand exactly what you're seeing. Exactly what's going on. Well, apparently that's what I love is that, like, at Father's Day, it ended up going into a conversation of the family that I guess all of their kids have walked in on them at some point. Oh, what? And so they were screaming, like, you guys need to knock and you need to knock louder. And then they were screaming, y'all need to lock your door.
Starting point is 00:20:16 So it was kind of a funny. I can't even imagine, though, talking about that in front of my family. Yeah. I mean, good on them were having a conference, having a debrief. afterwards. That is a sign of a healthy family. I feel like I get it. Like, okay, this is what I will counter to the locking the door conversation, okay, is that. I think these people, unlike
Starting point is 00:20:37 my situation, we're like sex preppers, right? When it's sexy time, everything stops and it's like, okay, you're gonna hop in the shower. I'm gonna close the blinds. We're gonna do, you know what I mean? And you like prep for it. But I sometimes I'm kind of like, can we, I don't care if you're a little stinky. Can we just fucking go for it and make it be like this spontaneous. action and that's probably what they're doing right they're just oh yeah couldn't couldn't help themselves let's get a yeah let's get like a fun quickie it good for them
Starting point is 00:21:04 sometimes you don't want to be like stop lock the door stacey it marries marries and stacy's okay yeah totally fair and I agree but it doesn't take that much to lock the door and if you have four kids who have walked in on you yeah that's crazy that they've all walked in on you You lock the door. You should lock the door. Yeah. Unless, I mean, yeah, no. No, because there's no way that that can be exciting for anybody.
Starting point is 00:21:32 It's not like people who might like like like to do it in public somewhere because nobody wants that with their family. And so I feel like there's no thrill to being like maybe someone will walk in on us when you're at home with your family, you know. Now, do you feel that they did in fact ruin her birthday? Definitely. You've got to watch the screen. but they sometimes hurt your eyes, and that's why you slap on your very stylish glasses. Different strokes for different folks,
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Starting point is 00:25:57 with her parents where she just, like, feels free to walk into their room. Like, that's kind of sweet. Yeah. I have never had that with my... I've never even, but I also... I've never even, like, gotten into my parents' bed. Like, that's how closed off we are.
Starting point is 00:26:10 Like, I don't go into my mother's room and this, I have to go into my mother's room. Yeah, I don't think I've ever... Besides being, like, a little... little kid and whatever, actually slept in my parents' bed, like as a teen. Not that there's anything wrong with people that are, like, do it. Although I say that, but I just started watching the reality show Smothered, which is about very uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Oh, I want to watch that. Have you watched it? I haven't, but I've seen the commercials where they're like, sometimes if it's not too cold, we use the same bathwater. I have to say something. I have to say something because Natalie has started watching it, and she's like, Jackie, you have to watch Smothered. It's about uncomfortable relationships between mothers and daughters.
Starting point is 00:26:47 and one of the couples is actually from your hometown. And I was like, from my hometown, okay. So I start watching and I was like, oh, my God. I know them. What? You know that? I know Sharon Dawn. And because I was watching it, I was like, is that Cher?
Starting point is 00:27:07 And then as I was watching, I was like, oh, my God, it is. Because I had a total crush on her older brother. And I couldn't believe that that was them. And then just watching them interact. I mean, her mom is, it is not a made-up thing. They are very, they were definitely very weirdly close in a lot of ways. I mean, Dawn was very involved in a life. And they both talk.
Starting point is 00:27:34 And they were, and they're very brutally nice people. But I couldn't believe it. And I feel like, I don't know, like, I feel like a celebrity. That is fucking awesome. I've read a lot about. about helicopter mom stories on Reddit. There's a lot of like really fun ones. I think there's like some subreddit stuff
Starting point is 00:27:51 like teachers talking about, telling sharing stories. You may have some of those. Man, that sounds amazing. That sounds like a really fun show. Yeah, I wanna watch it. But you're right, Molly. That's not that couple, but one of them,
Starting point is 00:28:05 the mother's and, like, the mother will take the bath and then the daughter will go in after she's taking the bath and then get into her bathwater. And she's like, I feel like it's a sense of closeness It's just unhygienic. There's just no need. Like, a bath doesn't waste that much water relative. Like, a bath is less water wasting than a shower, so just make a new bat.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Yeah, but it doesn't sound like it's a money-saving thing. No, it sounds like it's an intimacy thing. Because, like, I feel like little kids, a lot of families will just, like, wash, you know, one bath for all the kids. That's fine. Well, you put the kids in the way. They're all kids. Like, take a plus space. It's fine, you know.
Starting point is 00:28:46 Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's. you know, it's a task you got to do. But if you're an adult, you're usually not taking a bath to clean. You're usually taking a bath to, like, luxuriate. And so luxurating and, like, used bathwater, it just does not. Yeah, it just doesn't make any sense. Yeah. On any level.
Starting point is 00:29:01 It's funny because, you know, I have, like, a very young child. And so it's, you know, I sometimes, like, last week when we hung out with, like, a six-year-old who, like, played independently. And I'm, like, looking at the six-year-old being, like, wow, someday my kid will, like, play independently. Yeah. And she's just not there yet, of course, because she's won. Well, only if you let her, Molly.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Don't let her, Molly, stay by your side and accompany her on her date. Which is what some of these mothers do. And I get, like, I'm sure that, you know, and when you're a parent with young children, everybody who's the parent of, like, a teenager will be like, enjoy it so much, it's so wonderful. This is the best time when they're little babies. And I get why people say that because it's so, like, it is just, like, incredible to have this person who, like, loves you and wants to be with you and, like, who you can comfort. And it's, like, so wonderful.
Starting point is 00:29:45 but I also, it's just funny to hear people on the other end of it say that because I'm like, yeah, but your kid can be like more than 10 feet away from you like and that's and you know, that's, and so like the idea of being an adult with like an adult, you know, 33 year old child and being like, let's never be more than 10 feet apart
Starting point is 00:30:05 is just like so bafflous to see them. You know when it gets actually the most gross thing to me and I bet there's moms like this on the show is the moms that also like dress like the daughter? Oh yeah, they all do. Right? They all dress like there.
Starting point is 00:30:20 And that speaks towards like that's not, I just love this person so much. That is like I am trying to claw on to my way back into the youth. That's like dance moms too. Like who wanted, who dreamed of, you know, being a dancer. And so then they forced their child to do it.
Starting point is 00:30:39 And yeah, that is ridiculous. What kind of mom are you going to be? Dance mom. What are you going to force your kids to do that they don't want to do? Oh, please. I hope to be a absolutely whoever you are, whatever you are, I support you, and I will be there for you as much or as little.
Starting point is 00:30:52 What if she walks up to you? Okay, what if she walks up to you? She's 16. She's like, I want to be reality star because I want to be famous, and I'll do anything to be famous. What would you say to that? Would you send her to L.A.? Have her to send her to L.A. I'll take care of her.
Starting point is 00:31:10 Go home for her. You go with Aunt Jackie. I say, okay, give me. Give me, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're gonna get you, we're gonna make you stop. I'm Mariah Carey, yeah. Well, I've thought about that since, you know, when we talk about the stranger kids things,
Starting point is 00:31:25 the stranger things kids, and I, you know, like, when I was a little kid, I wanted to be famous so bad, I wanted to be a child actor. Really? But you wanted to specifically be famous? Yeah, I wanted to be a, like, meanwhile, I don't know, I looked so weird.
Starting point is 00:31:39 I don't know who had castor-a-dainting. Oh, that's not true. But, like, I wanted to be, yeah, I wanted to be, like, I just, I don't know what it was expression of, of getting out of the, I wanted to be a famous person. Okay. I had, like, I had, like, a, silver screen, but also I had a lot of gender stuff going on. So I wanted to be, like, a leading man. You wanted to be, like, yeah, exactly, I wanted to be, exactly, Dick Van Dyke, or Gene Kelly.
Starting point is 00:32:05 You're like, like, like, I had these, like, I wanted to be, like, a famous man from the 1940s. Sure, yeah. I completely see that and would fucking give any amount of money to do. get like 13-year-old you a huge lead role as a man in a tuxedo and a top hat in one of those musicals. That would be so happy. But also at least if you think about it now where it's like even just the change of what happened from when we were that age to now. Right. If Freddie said that, you'd be like, fuck yeah, let's do it. Great. Awesome. Whatever you want to be. You know, yeah. When I was a kid, it was like, yeah, so I auditioned for community theater and I
Starting point is 00:32:41 audition for the children shows and whatever, but there wasn't, it wasn't like I, you know, there wasn't really much else I could do based on where I lived and there was, now kids can make their own YouTube videos. And especially in New York, kids can, I have, like, in the abstract, even before I had kids, I thought, like, what if a kid was like, I want to be like a working actor? Like, would I be like, kid? It's not all it's cracked up to me. Like, or would I be like, all right, like, I think I'd be like, I definitely want to, I, first of all, I, first of all, it'd be cool because I'd be like, okay, I can actually speak towards this.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Whereas there's a lot of career choices. I'd be like, okay, go for it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But at least I could sit down and be like, look, there's a lot of fucks out there, especially like, I mean, it would be,
Starting point is 00:33:27 it's bad both ways, but a daughter wanting to, like, go to Hollywood at a very young age and just give it a shot would make me really scared. Yeah, it would be scared. You send her over to me. I'll take care of everyone. Don't worry. And even,
Starting point is 00:33:41 Even the more innocuous stuff like rejection, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the funniest thing about it's all a bunch of broken toys that want to be a famous comic or a famous actor or whatever it is, right? And weirdly enough, you bizarrely decide to pursue a career that is just nonstop projection. You're already like a damaged person to want to even do this, right? It's why I still love and I'm obsessed with busy Phillips because when the last time, before she'd gotten this, the late night with busy show,
Starting point is 00:34:12 she had gotten a huge rejection last year. And she thought that she was, I think her pilot got picked up. She was waiting to see if it was, or she was waiting to see if her pilot was going to get picked up. And she found out while she was doing this thing on a cruise that it didn't get picked up
Starting point is 00:34:29 and she was hammered. And she just posted all these Instagram stories of just her sobbing and drunk of just being like, it never gets easier. Rejection never. gets easier no matter what you do and no matter how far you get and you think oh man this is in the bag and it doesn't
Starting point is 00:34:47 work and then you're completely deflated and all you want to do is just smash your head against the wall and she's just crying in this room and then and then it changes and it goes later on she was like but my daughters but I have to think about my kids and this is not how I need to react
Starting point is 00:35:05 this is not how I should take this yes it's a rejection of something I really wanted but this is how you grow This is how you change. This is how you keep going. And it was just like this. And I know it's Instagram stories, but I still watch it. She took them down before the 24 hours because she was embarrassed.
Starting point is 00:35:21 But I was like, good for you for fucking saying that. Good for you. Because it sucks. And the other thing is like, I mean, I think I think I would say, and I've thought about this also, it's a little bit less abstract because I teach theater. But I don't teach, it's not like I teach theater to like Broadway to kids who are like paying hundreds of dollars to be like stars, which some people do. God. But like, I just teach in schools, but, like, you know, I often ask kids, like, well, what do you love about dance or what do you love about theater or what do you love about visual art or whatever?
Starting point is 00:35:51 I like TikTok. You know, a lot of times, like, or why do we, you know, what, what value do you see in this? What did you learn? And I remember, I'll never forget this conversation I was with middle schoolers years ago where I was like, well, what's, I asked, we were having a debate. And I was like, well, do you think, my question was, do you think that the arts are as important as. academics and they had to discuss whether they agreed or disagreed. Interesting. And they were about split and a lot of the kids were like, well, you know, academics are
Starting point is 00:36:19 like how you go to school and how you get jobs and stuff. And then some of the kids who were in the arts corner were like, well, you can also get a job in the arts, like you could be a professional backup dancer or you could be a choreographer or whatever. And then this one kid was just like, the arts are important because they make life worth living. Oh, that's adorable. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:36:40 But he was so, I was like... It's so true, though. It's so... I don't know what I would do without expression, without... It's true, but when it's a career, it also is hard to keep that in your fucking soul sometimes, you know? Totally.
Starting point is 00:36:51 And so I was so... I was so thankful that he said that because I think a lot of times you tell kids, oh yeah, think about, you know, if you love dance, think about what your career could be in dance, which is, of course, something that you should tell a kid
Starting point is 00:37:02 if they want to pursue a career and dance, but also, like, if you love dance, because it makes you feel alive, and it makes you feel like that's who you are. And fucking dance. Then dance. And if you never get paid to dance, then that's still good because you still,
Starting point is 00:37:16 then you'll always have dance that will make you happy. And it's not about whether you get paid. Totally. Totally. Which I feel like that is something that is also very important to pass on to kids who love, like, the arts for the sake of the arts. Just express yourself in any way you possibly can. Right.
Starting point is 00:37:30 You know what I mean? Through art. Yeah, do art, which maybe one of these many tidbits of advice is something that maybe Pioneer Woman should pass along to her daughter, which I saw this article, and I got to say, So Holden, I don't know if you are aware, I love Pioneer Woman, and Molly hates Pioneer Woman. She's the least charismatic woman on television.
Starting point is 00:37:52 Okay. She's like, imagine, like, your least interesting person that you went to high school with. I think they refer to them as Karen's. I don't even know if she's a Karen. I think she's less, I mean, she's definitely like, she's less than a, She's a, she's, like, a hometown girl that talks like this. And, you know, Marlboro Man's out in the fields, and she's going to make sure that he's got good supper to come home to.
Starting point is 00:38:15 But it's not even that. But I love it. Like, like, that's like Trisha, Trisha's Southern Kitchen. Like, oh, I've been a country singer and I'm going to make a coffee. Oh, Trisha, you're what is amazing. Yes. But she's like the bad actor version of that. She's like the understated.
Starting point is 00:38:29 She's just, and I watch her every time she's on. Like, but she's literally like, this is. what her intros are like. The boys are outside with Ladd today, so I thought it would be fun to make him some scrambled eggs. My boys love scrambled eggs. My husband likes him with sausage. Like, that's her intro.
Starting point is 00:38:48 Her husband is hot as her. Her husband is a dream boat. Do you think maybe he just slammed the excitement out of her? That like, he just banged her so hard so well that she just can't be enthusiastic about anything? She does have four kids. I mean, listen, I wish
Starting point is 00:39:04 nothing but the best for her. I hope she has incredible sex with her hot husband. Well, she's only getting the worst these days. She's just so, she's just like, oh, everybody loves potatoes. Like, she's just never said an interesting thing. I love her. But the problem is that her recipes, though,
Starting point is 00:39:21 are outstanding. Everything I've made of her is, like, it's amazing. Terrific. And she's, and I love her because she's, like, not an elite, like, you know, she's like the opposite of Iena Garten, who's also not very charismatic, but like, and I love what are you talking about, Molly? Don't worry. Like, Ina Garten is like, you know, get the good olive oil.
Starting point is 00:39:37 It's worth it. And never get pre-sreaded parmesan. It just loses some of what makes it parmesan. And whereas Re is, Pioneer Woman is like the opposite. She's just like, this bag involves a big bag of frozen potatoes. I'm not above using frozen potatoes. You know the kind. And like, so I appreciate that about her that she's like absolutely not nudist.
Starting point is 00:40:00 And all of her recipes are fucking awesome. Yeah, she's not a snooty too at all. She's not a snooty to it, and she's got these four kids. But there's just something about her chilled out, like, phoning it in ass, right? Is that what it is? I can't even. It's not even that she's just, she's just, she's just so boring. Yeah, yeah, she's not interesting.
Starting point is 00:40:18 She's not funny. She's not interesting. And my favorite, though, is I follow her on all the social medias. And her social media is also just like, look at how great my family is. She's just very sincere, very sincere. And for some reason that earth. She's just like, look at my sweet son. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:40:32 I'm happy for her. She just has a television. show. She's on television for hours a day. So I feel like if you're on television for hours a day, you should have a monocum of charisma. But, you know, she obviously has something that's working
Starting point is 00:40:46 for her because I mean, she ain't know Jojo. We know that. She has no Jojo. But I can't look away. I have to watch every fucking episode. Like, I still watch, I watch even if I've seen it before, I watch it. So she obviously has something. And she has these kids who are always doing
Starting point is 00:41:03 manual labor. Well, some of them are doing more than manual labor. Oh, good. You're welcome. I just, I saw this article because, so the Pioneer Woman's 19-year-old daughter, Paige, got arrested for public intoxication. And I, um, I laughed really hard because I just imagined her getting the phone call and just like her face ripping open like a band.
Starting point is 00:41:29 She's just like, that's big. I bet she has. Family! I bet she has anger, like big anger. Yeah. And if she's always chilled out, then it must be very suppressed. And I bet she gets big angry about stuff like that. Because, like, here's an example of, like, the themes of her episode is like, Sunday at my father-in-laws, you know, breakfast out on the lawn.
Starting point is 00:41:52 You know, cupcakes for the football boys, you know, and like her life is just perfect. But perfect and plain, just plain and perfect. So I imagine that one page, who she likes to have girls' nats with, but she must have just been absolutely fucking furious. And she's so proud of her children. And it's just, man, and the thing is that I think this happened like last week and it's just really all coming out. I imagine her with like a, her hand around the neck of a police officer,
Starting point is 00:42:22 like, if this leaks, it won't leak. As someone that like was, I was very close to being arrested for public intoxication in college, like to the point that there was a cop behind me, I didn't know it, and a friend of mine took the drink out of my hand, who was 21, and I turned around, and I was like, because I would have immediately been arrested, because they were arresting other people, and I was just at a party. This shit just happens. But this bitch was, like, very, like, openly drunk in my life. Well, this is the thing. Did you know, okay, do you have more, because reading the thing, it sounds like, I agree with you. My thought was immediately that, too. She's, what, 19, right?
Starting point is 00:42:58 Yeah, she's a college. A great time to be drunk. public. Yeah, she's in college. It doesn't sound like she assaulted anybody, right? No, it wasn't. I think she just got caught. Yeah, I think she's... Do you know who my mother is? Yeah, like, oh God, I would love to hear what she said. She's always making me stir fries.
Starting point is 00:43:16 I mean, it reminds you of like, that was Reese Witherspoon that had that, like, drunken breakdown. Remember that years ago when she was screaming at the police officer? She was like, do you know who I am? Which honestly makes me love her even more because it just shows... There are times like that, drunk celebrities, they're just like us, is what the phrase should be called. Right, right. Yeah, and I can't not love Reese Witherspoon.
Starting point is 00:43:39 I just can't want to. And at some point in my life, I do want to, in full earnest, scream, do you know who I am? We don't want to, you know? It's just that most of us can't. Just can never do it. So I can't totally blame Reese Witherspoon for doing it, especially in the face of getting in trouble.
Starting point is 00:43:55 You all want to be like, I don't deserve this. And I truly hope that Paige, Drummond screamed, do you know who my mother is whilst getting arrested? Yeah, Pioneer Woman! Sorry, just from the crowd? And then she immediately was like, please don't tell her, please don't tell her, please don't tell her, please don't tell her, please don't tell her. Yeah, she sounds like a mama you would not want to fucking bring that news home to, man. No.
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Starting point is 00:45:55 Now let's be real. If I gotta leave my house to do it most days, it ain't gone get done. But like this little tiger, I usually work out to these convenience dreams after I ordered way too much food on an app. All I'm thinking about is the grub anyway. Use that time for positive energy. And then you can eat more tacos. And again, this probably isn't a healthy way to live my life.
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Starting point is 00:49:58 Guys, I think that this is some sort of internet conspiracy to really truly show that Jason Mamoa is possibly, I'm going to say one of the more untalented, very famous people right now, but man, is he so, so attractive, even with the face-shaped? Did you guys watch the Father's Day video that he put out with his kids about building the motorcycle? I heard you describe it. The way you described it was beautiful.
Starting point is 00:50:29 How dare you? I sent you the material. I read a bunch of stuff, okay? I get it in a motor cycle. Honestly, here's what my brain does what I think about Jason Mamoa. I think Jason Mamoa, Lisa Monet, Zoe Kravitz,
Starting point is 00:50:46 and then I just start thinking about Zoe Kravitz. Of course. Except do you think about Zoe Kravitz And have you seen that dumb A-S-MR, Mickelow Blight commercial she does and it makes me so angry? Yes, because even her voice is so sexy. I know her voice is so sexy,
Starting point is 00:51:03 but I don't want to hear the... Oh, you'll go on top of a beer. I know what a beer sounds like. I just think that Jason Mow is very... He's very attractive and he's a very good father. And he really loves his kids. And when at 19, he had saved up and he got his first motorcycle,
Starting point is 00:51:22 and he named it Mabel after his grandmother. And now with his children, he is teaching them how to build motorcycles, and that's what they do together, because he's like, I don't want to watch TV. It's not like, I'm not sitting and watching TV with my kids. I travel a lot. So when I'm in town, I want to spend good quality time with my kids.
Starting point is 00:51:40 So we're building motorcycles together, and that, it's just like every part of him makes, I can hear just thousands of people goosh at the same time. I can feel the flood. It's like, what is it? Is it 2020? Is it, what is it? Evil Day tomorrow?
Starting point is 00:51:57 You know, with the big water. What? What? Day after tomorrow, day after tomorrow. Evil day tomorrow. Evil day tomorrow? With the big water? What in the fuck?
Starting point is 00:52:14 Oh my God. If there's any film execs out there, please give Jackie the budget to make evil day. Evil day tomorrow I think would be great. With the big water. It's literally just like a big water that can walk and talk just being like, I'm big water got to take you down. Just.
Starting point is 00:52:35 Watch out big water's coming for you. It's just. I mean, I want to, yeah, I'd rather be like more about that. You know what I mean? Movie than the day after tomorrow. Why did you bring up the day tomorrow? Yeah, what does that have to do with you? Because we're the collective.
Starting point is 00:52:51 goosh of the people in the world when they think about Jason Momoa building motorcycles with his children. It's like a tsunami or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gimme, Cocoa Puffs.
Starting point is 00:53:06 I was just watching the video. He's definitely, I'm going to say this right now. Jason Mamoa is fuckable. Definitely fuckable. Oh, yours. Dumb is a post. I have no design. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:53:21 I don't mean to say dumb as a post. No. I think he's very, very attractive. I think he's way more attractive than he is most other things. I think he's very, very strong. He's just as strong as he is attractive. And there was definitely, they were floating the idea. Someone asked him in some sort of talk back,
Starting point is 00:53:36 if he would ever want to do a twins remake with Peter Dinklage, and he's like, fuck you, I want to do that. Of course I want to do that. But can you imagine him? I feel like, as Cold Drago, at least, he didn't have that many lines. so you don't have to worry about it. But putting up against, like, acting chops of Peter Dinklage.
Starting point is 00:53:55 An actual actor. Yeah. Can you imagine? But doesn't he fit in the same mold with that as, like, Schwarzenegger across from, what's his, DeVito? Who's got the chops in this scenario? Davido. Danny DeVito. I mean, I didn't mean that as a shame to Davido.
Starting point is 00:54:13 He went. Did he win like an Oscar? Yeah, I guess I don't put Danny DeVito in the same acting category as Peter Dinklin. Good fellas. Danny DeVito's got the. Got the acting chops. Absolutely. He's definitely put the work at Raging Bull.
Starting point is 00:54:26 He's phenomenal. But not in twins, but I guess that's the point, right? Yeah, but what I'm saying is, I think it's good to have one guy that's like, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, you know, really popping his stuff. And other guy's like, oh, oh, that's like the fun. I guess you're right. If he's going to be that, but also, as we know, they're already in the process of doing the sequel to twins called triplets, and Eddie Murphy is going to be the unbeknownst triplet.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Which I love. I don't think we need two versions of twins out. I really don't think we do, but I'm going to definitely watch it. But we need a couple more versions of My Blue Heaven in this world. Oh, my God, capice. I love My Blue Heaven. Can we please? Have you already watched it as of late?
Starting point is 00:55:08 I watched it last year, and that's like one of our family movies that we've all seen a million times, and like everyone in the family quotes it all the time. and it holds up and it's so great. What's up with those funny, gangster comedy, weird movies like that genre? Kindergarten Cop actually also fits in that. Like, that used to come out all the time and they were all great and now they're just gone. That's true. There are no, like, fun, violent, mafia.
Starting point is 00:55:36 I mean, I'm sure there are, but they're not like the movie of the summer. I mean, you know, there's things like, I don't even want to bring it up. There's things like the hustle that, you know, they brought. That's the new version of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels with Rebel Whistlin and Hathaway. And I think that's the problem is that when they try to redo these things, and it's not, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is perfect. Don't remake.
Starting point is 00:56:02 It's perfect. It didn't need to be redone. It didn't need it. We're in 90s nostalgia right now, man. Everything is just rebranding the 90s. Yeah. Everything. And I say this as a Fuller House Watcher.
Starting point is 00:56:14 You're damn straight And that's why I mean If we're gonna be reenacting the 90 That's not a good segue If we're gonna Man I could make a list at all
Starting point is 00:56:24 The 90s Reenacted but that's not what we're gonna do this time That's how we're gonna make We're gonna do something else The one with the water And it's gotta be The day before Sing it to me
Starting point is 00:56:37 Sing to me the song Who's not the list Jackie Gotta have that This list today is the number of Jackie's that are currently having a complete mental breakdown. Let's talk about it. First of the list, Jackie Zabrowski. Oh my God, it's always Jackie.
Starting point is 00:56:55 I'm always at the top of that list. I'm always number one, Jackie, that is having a mental breakdown. And I'm fine with it. But today we're talking about celebrities with crazy hidden talents. Fairly, Kendall Jenner makes really good bird sounds. Yeah, those talents. Silence fills the earth. Okay, you mean these kinds of sounds?
Starting point is 00:57:20 Like, brie, brie, or co-kego, co-kego. Or, uh, I hope hers are better than that. Randall, does that mean that you also have the hidden talent? Holden, are you on this list? Number two, Holden McNeely, also very good at bird sounds. You're number two on the list. You're just like, you're at the duky place on the list. You also, Holden McNeely, can do really great bird sounds.
Starting point is 00:57:49 How good do you, but seriously though, how good do you think her bird sounds are? I mean, there's a video here, but obviously we don't know. I can only imagine they're literally just like, but I kind of want to watch Colin Farrell with his professional line dancing talents. That's cool.
Starting point is 00:58:10 That's fun. That's a fun talent. I'd kiss on it. And kiss on it. I'd also kiss on Gina Davis with her archery talents. She, okay, the picture here, actually I can kind of show you. She looks so fucking badass here, dude. Number one, I love Gina Davis.
Starting point is 00:58:28 Because obviously, a league of their own in Gina. But I also think I want to start doing archery. I want to do that. You should. You should. Apparently it's a really, like, meditative thing to do because you have to be really calm. You have to, like, center your bullshit.
Starting point is 00:58:46 You have to let go of everything else around you and just focus on this one arrowhead. I mean, that's the whole Zen and the Art of Archery, right? That's the whole idea behind that. It's about like this, even though it's this, you know, you're going to have shaky hands and you're going to blah, blah, blah, it's about like how do I calm everything, like become the target? That appeals to be way more than like.
Starting point is 00:59:08 Making, connect, good it, good, good, that appeals to you more than that? Or like going to a shooting range has always, has never been something that I, Yeah, me too. It always kind of terrifies me. I know some people really like it, even if they don't love guns. Somebody came, I was working at Blockbuster. I've told the story a million times.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Somebody came in and was like, pop, pop, and, like shot at me, right? So I don't really like it. Wait, with a finger gun or with a real gun? No, with the real one. I thought it was a fake one because my body went into shock, and sometimes when that happens, your whole reality you think is fake. And you're like, oh, that's just a fake gun, and this isn't happening right now. But yeah, that's why I've never been to one of those fucking ranges,
Starting point is 00:59:44 Bront. At a blockbuster. At a blockbuster What did he want? Like what did the person want? Oh, well, he didn't realize there was a safe in the back, so he just started, like,
Starting point is 00:59:54 grabbing one of the registers that he couldn't get open. He got away with $140. Yeah. And put everyone in the store's lives and guys. You know what I mean? I would not go to a blockbuster to try and get money. There's so many other places to go and get money. A, you literally can't anymore.
Starting point is 01:00:12 B, yeah, it's probably not the best place to go to, like, I don't know. actually get some money. I mean, don't go anywhere. Work at work. You know what I mean? Go to get a job is really well. Get a job and get some money.
Starting point is 01:00:24 Wow, yeah, that's scary as hell. But archery, like, and so, and for many reasons, gun ranges have never been appealing to me, but archery doesn't have the same kind of terror attached to it. Right. You know what's fun about getting shot at with a gun in close proximity? That's hardifying. You don't get your hearing back until 6 p.m. the next day.
Starting point is 01:00:43 Jesus. Christ told them. What a trauma. Oh, yeah. Yeah, mama. Yeah. I love that I can call you mama. It's fine.
Starting point is 01:00:49 I'm a little bit fine about it. I call a lot of people, Mama. Am I not supposed to? No, I think that that's fine. I love just saying, oh, yeah, mama. I don't really do it in any other context. There was a moment on Tab Chef where two friends were fighting, and one was like, Mama, listen.
Starting point is 01:01:04 And the other one was like, don't mama me right now. And it was very. At first I thought you were going to say one or the other one, it was just like, you're a fucking mom. Whoa. Whoa. Oh, that's fine. But you know what's very cute is I did watch this clip of Pierce Brosnan, who is apparently a trained fire swallower,
Starting point is 01:01:25 but he did the fire swallowing on the Muppet show. And it's so cute because he's, like, dancing as James Bond with all the Muppets, and then he swallows the fire. And it's really, really cute. That rules. That's a great party trick. That's like a great, yeah. And that...
Starting point is 01:01:41 A talent. I don't even know how it works, but, yeah. Maybe I'm being too much of a hater about the, of bird sounds. Probably they are a legit talent. People can do them. They can probably call all sorts of birds. I just feel like bird sounds shouldn't even be in the same category. It's fire swallowing.
Starting point is 01:01:56 The problem is that no one knows what different specific birds sound like unless you're one of those. And so it just says I know birds sounds. It just sounds like you're making it up. Right. If Pryl Jenner knows enough about birds to like impress a bird person, then put it on the list. Get a bird specialist out there. The next time you want to go on
Starting point is 01:02:16 late night and doesn't have anything fucking fun to talk about. She's going to bullshit us with her bird noises and have him call and be like, that's not a peacock and you know it. Yes. And you know it. Make sure she's not just going cuckoo, cuckoo! And calling it a bird. And take your baby off the
Starting point is 01:02:32 billboard. Oh, that's a different, whoa, different girl. It's the other young one. It's the other young one. Yeah, well, I don't know if you guys know this, but Aaron Paul can tell the gender of a dog just by petting it even when it's blindfolded.
Starting point is 01:02:47 This is not a talent. Pierce Brouson's over here setting his fucking throat on fire. This is not a talent. He's himself in danger. And Aaron Paul is just guessing one out of two each time. I also thought you were going to say
Starting point is 01:02:59 just by looking at his dick. No, he's blinding out of the bag. That's probably a secret. Yeah. Look at his dick before you pet him and then be like, oh, it's a boy. It's a boy. See, celebrities, they've got
Starting point is 01:03:09 crazy hidden talents. They're just like us. They lie about their talents. They lie about their talents. But I think it's time. Oh, no. I can't. We have blind items. Cancel. Oh, we can't see them.
Starting point is 01:03:27 You don't sing that part, Holden. I want a better lead in, though. I feel like I need a better lead in. Uh-oh. It's time for blind items. Oh, we can't see them. Like a little bit better. Right. It's scary. Is it scary? Yeah, I think you should keep the fear. I think the fear is good. Hello, it is our.
Starting point is 01:03:46 I don't know if I'm like that. Don't be alarmed by the barking dogs at your side. Oh, I don't like that. There's spooky ghosts in the window. And here's blind item number one. I thought that was part of the blind item. Think this celebrity CEO has thin skin. You'd be right.
Starting point is 01:04:13 If you own one of his products and complain, he can make your life miserable through all. those little backdoors. Speaking of back doors, apparently that is why he turns to the A-minus list actress. The one named singer doesn't enjoy that activity. So there's two
Starting point is 01:04:27 women involved in one CEO. One is the actress that won't, that will let him give her the B-F. Wait, what is that? Bonefront? I don't know what it means, okay? Because I keep asking
Starting point is 01:04:45 people and they won't tell me. And there's another... And there's a singer that he's with that... Oh, by the way, I guess I gave it away that it's a he, the CEO. That I figured. And the singer is the one he's with. The actress, the one I'll say was with. A one-name singer who won't do butt stuff and the actress will.
Starting point is 01:05:05 And it's a CEO who is like fucking crazy rich. I'll just say that. Elon Musk? Absolutely. Absolutely. Ooh. What? It's like the only like,
Starting point is 01:05:18 Celebra CEO. Do you know the singer? My wife My wife loves her. I was just saying my wife loves her. Shut up my wife. Grimes, grimes, Grimes,
Starting point is 01:05:30 Thank you. I was like grizzly. Grimes. And this final actress, boy, does she love to listen? So they have their bone fronts. And then the actor doesn't like that. Like solicen?
Starting point is 01:05:46 Like, no, no, no, no, no. That's a clue. Grimes doesn't like to do bone fronts. That's a clue. Right? Yeah, yeah. Grimes doesn't like to do bone fronts. So the other one gives, or bone, yeah, bone face.
Starting point is 01:05:57 Bone backs. Bone backs. Beebies. She doesn't like to get hit by the BB gun. But this actress does. And the clue is, think about it. Think about it really hard. She likes to listen.
Starting point is 01:06:08 They used to be together. She likes to listen. It's a bad analogy. I'll give you a bad clue. you a better clue. She was on a show that Jackie loves that I also love. That's still difficult, right?
Starting point is 01:06:24 We like a lot of shows. This probably isn't going to make it easier. I'm trying to think of all the people that Elon Musk has been with. It's one of his ex, Amber Heard. Yes, she loves to listen. She loves to listen. I don't get the look. Heard, heard.
Starting point is 01:06:40 Oh, because she heards it. Yes, Amber Heard told people, magazine in December of 2018 that Elon and I had a beautiful relationship and we have a beautiful friendship now, one that is based on core values. And bone fronting. Pumping her core dude. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 01:06:56 I mean, good for, you know, no judgment on the bone fronting. But apparently, he and Grimes are very happy right now. Good. But are we anti, we hate him, right? We still hate him? I don't love him. I don't think I hate him, but I also, maybe
Starting point is 01:07:12 I should. I don't know anymore. I don't You know what I mean? I just don't think people should have that much money, and I think if they do, they shouldn't just spend it all trying to drive a car into space or whatever. But that's just me. See, that kind of thing tickles my fancy, actually. I love, like, you know, eccentric billionaires.
Starting point is 01:07:28 As long as they don't like, I don't know, run for office or whatever. Like, I kind of like it when they, you know what I mean? I imagine they all sound like this. Yeah. I like crazy idea billionaires. Those are fun. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 01:07:41 this a minus list mostly television actress had a guest list to an award show that numbered in the dozens. They were all there to spread the word and pass out literature to anyone who wanted it. Huh. Elizabeth Moss. Absolutely. Damn, Molly. You're on a roll. Damn, Molly.
Starting point is 01:08:00 You're killing it. Scientology at the MTV Music Award. I guess I don't understand why does she even need people to hand out the pamphlets. Everybody knows about it. Everybody knows. Everybody is baffled that the fucking star of the Handmaid's Tale. Yeah, is involved in like, you're the leader. The leader of your thing's wife is missing.
Starting point is 01:08:22 And no one knows where she is. Yeah. Yeah, but like, ah! I mean, she at least was born into it. Like, that's not not giving the excuse, but like, if you've never had anything else, you are blinded by those kind of things. You want one more? Yes.
Starting point is 01:08:39 Okay. The group of. are out in force now for this A-list everything in her mind concerts. People told her, I don't understand that, for this A-list singer, people and other stuff. People told her in advance it would be a tough sell, but she thought she could sell shows out. No one is all that excited to see her, even a 75% off tickets are a tough sell. Ooh. She is a-list, and it's like.
Starting point is 01:09:09 A-list, but she can't sell Tick? Yeah. It better not be Shania Twain because I know Shania Twain's coming back. It is not. And can we maybe try to... When is that going to happen? Because I would even be interested in like... I don't know, but I really want to go.
Starting point is 01:09:20 She's doing a residency in Vegas that was announced for later this year. Shanii Twain. Which is upsetting because I already went to her farewell tour, but, you know, I'll go to it. This is not a residency. This is like, I think like a countrywide tour, maybe a world tour. Mariah Carey. No. Good guess.
Starting point is 01:09:36 Because I would definitely go to that. But I would say in the same kind of vein, like time. period kind of a little bit. Christina Aguilera? I have called her Starbucks. You've called her Starbucks and it's not Christine Aguilera? It's not Britney Spears. No. Because I know that she's, oh, we don't want to talk about
Starting point is 01:09:52 that. So it's at the same, is it? No, does Miley Cyrus do you go? By the way, I find blind items for Britney Spears and I almost go with them. I'm like, I just, I want to leave her alone, man. Yeah. Yeah. There's something, I have this. Leave Britney alone. Refying me back around to that.
Starting point is 01:10:08 It really is that. It is kind of the way I feel about her. I'm like, something. tells me she's going through a lot of pain right now. I don't know what it is. I just catch a vibe. I support that editorial stance. Yeah, let's just leave her alone. Leave her alone, Leslie.
Starting point is 01:10:22 I mean, I'll give you the final clue if you want. Give us another clue. I prefer to her as Elle Starbucks. Ah, Jennifer Lopez. But she's in the middle of her tour. You have incorrect. You should have said I've incorrectly referred to her as Starbucks. I mean, you have that opinion, and that is why the world is a beautiful place.
Starting point is 01:10:40 She's still such a, you know what, I would watch that. See, the only thing is that I was upset, not upset, but she did bring out her daughter that was in a matching outfit, and they sang together on this current tour that she's on. And I was watching the video, I was just like, oh, yeah, yeah, you're just trying so desperately to get into the papes, as we call it, that it was just a little bit much. But she's also going to be in that new stripper movie,
Starting point is 01:11:05 which I'm completely down to watch. That's fun. Well, she's, yeah, Radar Online reported she has, hasn't sold out a single venue. So if you are a JLo fan, go support. Because that's so sad. Listen, she's 50 and she looks the way she does. She's hashtag winning.
Starting point is 01:11:22 Hell yeah. She looks great. And by the way, she has been, I remember reading in that radar report, somebody saying that she has a deal. She's definitely going to get the money. Like she already has a preset, I'm going to get the money deal. So it's not about that. But as the person stated, no one likes to sing to like a half empty venue.
Starting point is 01:11:40 you. You know what I mean? Yeah, it just sucks. Yeah. I want to go. Let's go. Go. What's, I wonder what's like, what's the like constituency, like the hardcore J-Lo fans?
Starting point is 01:11:50 There must be many, many, many, but maybe just not enough to sell that. Yeah, they're not as ravenous as other, yeah, for sure. Yeah, you don't really get a lot. Like, I see a lot of people really going out big for certain people. Like the people who will like rearrange their lives for Mariah Carey or what they're doing with Spice Girls right now that not even all of the Spice Girls are there. they're selling our venues everywhere. Right, right.
Starting point is 01:12:13 Yeah, yeah. Like, people who get tattoos, you know? Like, that's like Celine Dion. Maybe I'm totally wrong about J-Lo. Maybe she has the ravenous fan base, but I just picture, like, just reasonable people. No, I love James. Having fun, being cool.
Starting point is 01:12:28 I love, remember the boy next door? I want to see her. I think we should go see her. Let's support J-Lo, as if she's not a billionaire, marrying A-Rod. But, you know what, I still feel for her Because I remember Jenny from the block, I remember that was back when I used to scrunch my hair,
Starting point is 01:12:44 and wear the lip-lined lips, and I was a completely queen's girl on fucking bored. I love Selena, I love the cell, I love made in Manhattan. I'm a, see, you know what, I'm a J-head. Yeah, you should go, you go. Wear your J-head cap. What is that?
Starting point is 01:13:01 I don't know. Why do you go out for it? I think it's a backwards-newsies hat, and I am into it. Many pictures with me wearing backwards-noose hats and I'm not ashamed. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week. This has been this week's.
Starting point is 01:13:17 I'm page seven. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Molly Nuffel. And my name is Holden-McNeely. Catch me on Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.
Starting point is 01:13:27 Twitch. Twitch. com. So, oh, it sounds so good. We love you guys. We'll talk to you next week. May. Bye.
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