Page 7 - Episode 312: FOMO Is My Essence

Episode Date: July 18, 2019

Jackie, Molly and Holden goss about #HotGirlSummer, J. Lo gives soccer star Carli Lloyd a steamy lap dance, and Jackie gets stuck in Page 7 jail. Go to http://expressvpn.com/page7 and find out how you can get 3 months free with a 1 year package. Quip starts at just $25 and if you go to http://GetQuip.com/PAGE7 right now, you can get your first refill pack for FREE Go to http://buyraycon.com/PAGE7 to get 15% off your order!   It’s nothing but heat madness over on our Patreon page! Patreon supporters get weekly bonus content, ad-free episodes, and more! Cold Funk, Funkorama, Your Call Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/--   Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In the building, let's get down to business to defeat the Huns. Did they send me daughters when I asked, you're the best saddest bunch I ever met, and you can bet before we threw. Somehow I'll make a man out of you, except you can't, because Mulan is a soldier. It took me just a few seconds to put it together that you were singing in Mulan. I just watched the 1989 version of Mulan. Welcome to page seven. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

My name is Molly Neffel and the only Mulan song I really know is, When will my reflection show who I am? I would sit and watch that music video over and over again and just weep and weep because I thought I was Mulan. And you know what? I couldn't have been any further. My name is Haldemignali. The only song I remember for Moulon is Moulon.

Where have you gone? I don't think you'll stay until the war is won. Moulon. Where have you gone? I can't wait to be fond of my Moulon. That's my favorite part. It's that reprise that they have like three quarters of the way through to.

Moulon, Moulon, Moulon, Moulon, Moulon, Moulon, Gone, gone, gone, gone, gone. Dund do do do do do that's a great part Ginderbender Finder cinder ginder me That part? Yeah, the gender bender part Yeah, the gender bender part. Have you watched the teaser trailer

For the new Moulon? I would have to say I have not I can't keep up with all of these live action Happening. It's a lot. Yeah, I was literally like This must be a mistake. They're doing Moulon.

Aren't they already doing Lion King and Aladdin? And Little Mermaid. And Little Mermaid. I feel like they are real And I mean, gee, I guess we'll get into the reviews coming in. I don't want to segue our show. Yeah, we don't need to get into there too fast. But yikes.

Yikes. It's a big capital Yikes. I've been listening to the soundtrack, though, and the soundtrack, rules. Rules. It's awesome. The soundtrack is great. Is it better than Hamilton? It's an apples and oranges situation. I think I might like it better than the original Lion King soundtrack, though.

If someone had a gun to your head and said, what do you enjoy better, this apple or this orange, which one are you going to say? You know, this is a confession I was not planning to make a trial. You can't do this to Hamilton, but I haven't listened to Hamilton. I also have not listened to Hamilton, but I do have good reasons for that. It is because I still pure in my heart and mine feel like one day I'll actually be able to get to see the musical, and I don't want to hear the music first. And my father used to torture me.

Oh, let's say we're going to go see Joseph in the Technicolor Dream Code, huh? Well, I guess when we listen to that fucking musical all week long every day, I hated that. I hated that. All day leading up to the musical, we got to hear cats. But then you know the song. First of all, I love that your dad only took you to Andrew Lloyd-Weber musical.

That's fantastic. That's my dream. But then you know the songs going in. Like, I always like to know a song. I want to hear it fresh. I want to hear it blind. Oh, yeah. I don't want to know who Mr. Mistopheles is.

How dare you? Until I am seeing it live. God, I hate cats. Oh, my God, Molly. You would immediately fall in love with Holden's father. I have a very weird daddy crush on Holden's father. He's sweet. He's just, you know,

he tends to his rose garden, and he he's got, he's just like, he's very smart, and he's very sensitive. My dad has a rose garden? He's talking to me about roses. What? I don't even know. This is the problem, though. If you're his son, he doesn't really communicate with you. He sort of

talks to your friends about all of these great things. We've talked for such a long time when I was in Holden's home for the wedding. his mom loved me, which is great because I have a, I'm either, I'm hit or miss with mothers. Because, shockingly, I can't shut me off. And I'm a bit much for some people. I'm not aware of that.

That's fine. But his dad was just, oh, my God, sweet as can be, just, oh, wouldn't let me move a muscle. Just listening to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor. You've got in his Rose Garden. That sounds delightful. Over and over again. When you're going to go to a concert, do you listen to the person's music all day that day? Yes.

Day of? Yeah. Sometimes they do. Really? I don't wear a t-shirt of the concert. No, oh, yeah. No, I see you and did that. But, no, of course that's what I do, especially when I was a teenager because I was so psyched.

But now I feel, now, if anything, I have to do it because I want to make sure that I know some of the songs before I go in, you know. That's also true. Because of my, now week leading up, yes, day of, because of my father, I have a rule where I don't listen to anything I'm seeing that night. I do not want to hear it. Wow. I did that though right before I went to go see Janelle Monet I listened to it all day

but I think that was to get like I wanted to feel as sexy as she makes me feel so I think I just needed to like get all ramped up and then by the time I got there I was like I'm slippery as a snake Yeah I'm going to see Carly Ray Jepson actually this Thursday Oh hell yeah

I'm so psyched for it and I've been definitely slamming those albums Get up out me I just dance by myself Back on my beat That new album is great Higher, dude, too much. My favorite track is not really one of the big singles right now

is the right words at the wrong time. Oh, that's a good one. It's a good one. Molly, have you ever gotten into Carly Ray Jepson? I do think that you would enjoy her. You know, it's one of those things where I, like, have been meaning to because I know that everybody loves all of her. It's her last two albums.

Yeah. No, I have not, like, gone deep on, you know, Carly Ray beyond the greatest hit. Check out emotion. And then her last one, which I don't even, I can't remember what it's called, but it's, you know. Okay.

It's delight. It's a delight delight, but I, back into the whole, the Disney revival of everything that's going on right now. Don't get me started. I mean, the teaser trailer,

so I did just rewatch the 1980 version of Mulan, which is delightful. I forgot so much of that movie. When was the last time you guys sat and watched Mulan? Like, it's been a minute for me. Definitely not since it came out.

Weirdly, I saw it actually really recently because it was one of those Disney movies I had just never gotten around to seeing and I was like Lex why don't we I'm in the mood for like one of these and I've never seen Milan yeah oh delightful right yeah it was super deli I was surprised at how little songs there were in it I thought it was way more music but if you rewatch it there's only like three songs that's why we sang all three already on the show they we just did that yeah I got a friend named Sean Mulan. I love that song.

I think that this goes hand in hand in what we were talking about and the little minisode we did for Patreon. I think that this is the kind of reboot it needs because the reboot is not a musical and it's definitely more about like the ballad of Mulan and what the original like Chinese folk ballad was about. But not directly.

I think it's like a mixture of all of it which is why people are upset. They also took out like Mushu, they took out any Murphy's character. They took out all the silly, dopey side characters, the ones that made it more fun. And I made it more of just a straight, what it seems like, action movie. Yeah, but that's neat because the whole thing with Disney movies that is like interesting to me is that it's part of a tradition of storytelling, like fucking folk stories and fairy tales have been told a hundred times. And so it does make sense to tell them again.

But I feel like it makes sense to tell them again in a different way, right? And like, so it makes sense to be like, let's do like, a slightly more grown-up, like slightly more serious version of Mulan. And it sounds like what the Lion King is missing. What the Lion King has, based on the soundtrack is like a fucking stellar, like almost all-black cast of incredible singers

and actors. And so it sounds like it has that going forward, but it sounds like the review that I read that stuck with me the most was that the AV review, AV Club review said that it's like Uncanny Valley because since they're photorealistic animals, they can't really have facial expressions.

And so they just have the same. Can't move their face. which makes sense. I forget what the quote exactly was, but it was like, why enjoy lifeless 2D animation when you could be having a wart hog, stare into a warthog's cold black eyes while it tells you how to stop worrying about things?

That's so funny. It's true. There's something about like you can't make a actual wart hog really give you that vibe of serenity. Like I see emotions in my cat's face but if I played, I just can't wait to be king and just stared at my cat's face. Like, he would just still have the same dumb, neutral

kind of blank expression on his face the whole time. And then it'll make you sad that you can't actually... Like, I'm sure once a week you think about how it's sad it is that you can't have an actual conversation with your cat. Often, very, very often. Yeah, it's got to be just soul crushing. What's your cat's name? His name is Manface?

That you can't sit down and be like, Manface, what is really going on? But he wouldn't have anything to say. I don't want to talk to him. He wouldn't have any. He seems like a pretty chill cat. He's, so I have two cats, and one of them is very smart. It seems like this happens with cats.

They're either very, very smart or just dumb as rocks, and I've got one of each. Nice. And so Seraphina would have a lot to say, but Manface would just be like. Yeah, Seraphina, you'd be like, man, I kind of want to, like, bounce a movie I love off of Seraphina. And, like, see, you know what I mean? Yeah, she would, like, be giving me parenting tips and, like, all the, because she just sees me all the time. Manface would just be like, you do it. He wouldn't have a lot to say, but I do wonder.

He can teach him like a magic trick maybe. Yeah. Form every now and again, something fun like that, but that's about as far as it's going to go. I hear you on that one, man. I mean, I think that Blue Ivy really understands where you're coming from with that one. When it comes to children, you never know what you're going to get, right? Listen, this story about Blue Ivy narrating the Lion King for Donald Glover's two-year-old son is extremely charming. There is nothing I love more than a young child taking care of a younger child,

like in a way that they think is, like, very helpful. It's extremely, extremely wonderful. It's very sweet because at the actual, at the Lion King premiere, Blue Ivy, of course, went with Beyonce, and she sat next to Legend, Donald Glover's two-year-old son, and she had seen the movie before. And so she was going to explain to this two-year-old what's going on with the movie. But in the beginning of it, she thought that since that, the animals look so lifelike, she thought they were actually animals, and she didn't

understand how Disney got them to talk. My favorite part of that, though, is that how did her mom's voice get inside the animal? You know what I mean? You know, she's still, what, she's six, seven years old? Yeah, she's probably six or seven. Maybe she didn't even know that, you know, Beyonce was even in it. Be like, that lion sounds a lot like my mother. Right.

What a weird realization to have. We don't think about how children. think, you know, and how, like, literal they are and how, like, the other day, uh, Gideon, like, pretended to get my baby's nose and he was like, you know, got your nose. And Freddie, like, reached for her nose immediately and was, like, really confused. Like, it's still, is it still there? Like, why would you do this to me, father? Yeah.

And I was like, dude, I thought Teen Wolf was a documentary plus 15. You're going to talk about just be, you know, I was like. No, let's be real. Hold it. It wasn't until you were at least 22. And it was just, like, waiting. Like, one day, I'm going to rip off the tree. I was like, but you don't play any sportsholds.

You're like, yeah, boy, I could. The amount of times I tried to turn into a wolf during a sporting event in order to not suck at the game that I was currently playing. Oh, did we all suck at a sport at one point in our lives? No, of course I'm in Adonnas. Were you forced to? I mean, I guess that's the real question.

Did your parents force you to play? Because I had to play basketball. I was on the second worst team. the only team we beat was the worst team. I think in our generation it was more common for boys than girls to be forced to try every sport. Just so brutal. And it was like, obviously I'm not made for this.

Every boy I know who's my age played sports regardless of how clearly not into sports they were as children. I was forced to play basketball for three years. Look at me. Do I look like anything that should ever play basketball? No. I played basketball too, Jackie. that was my sport in middle school, my sport.

Was that your sport? Were you good at it, though? No, I was awful at it. I liked it more than any other sport, but I'm extremely short. My only skill was getting fouled, but what was bad about that was that I'm terrible at free throws. I can make one shot, which is a layup from the right. I can do a layup, but that's all I can do. I cannot make a free throw, especially when I was like, you know, 4-11 and, like, couldn't,

didn't have the upper body strength to even get the ball to the, it was humiliating him to do all these damn free throws because I was getting filed all the time. Yeah, I had the memory of I played soccer. I was really bad at it, but I had fun with my friends. And then we got this foreign coach in. I forget it was like German or something. And this was like, we were not, it was like not even JV. And he turned to me and my buddy and like he was like,

all right, you center, you this. After like a week of practice, it was our first game. And then he turned to me and my friend was like, you too. And we're like, yeah, you're bold boys. You're like, what? Yeah. You ride around, you grab the ball, would it leave? You know what I mean?

And I was like, what? I got all excited for two seconds, right? Because I was like, finally it's going to sit. Yeah, but wouldn't you be the most excited you could actually do, you could actually get the ball, though? I guess I was the only person who got to touch the ball with my hands. Yeah, see, that's really nice. That's a good way of thinking about it.

It was humiliated. It was absolutely, and that was the last, I finally, with my parents, I was like, just, I can't, I can't do this anymore. This is ridiculous. I had to see, in basketball, I had to be, I forget what it is. It's like point guard or one of those like ones that they like put the short people on. But also I was much bigger than and had, I was much more angry. So again, I was also the one that they would send out because they would know I would just push somebody over in the middle of the game.

I'd have to do the free throw. But I couldn't handle the pressure. So I would just sob while I did it. And I was like, uh-huh, as I raised the ball over my head. because I couldn't handle everyone looking at me and I knew I was going to do it wrong and then afterwards I would just beat somebody up because I was so upset

that I was so embarrassed in front of everyone and then I would take it out on someone else. You and I had such similar childhoods but also like so I just turned all of my emotions inward and I admire that you turned yours outward because I think it might have been healthy. I don't know if you should because I kept getting sent to peer mediation.

They sent me to peer mediation one more time. I was a peer mediator. There you got. Dude, I would have loved to have seen Jackie being sat down with Molly to get mediated. Oh, do I have a problem? Oh, would you like me? Oh, I didn't realize that you knew everything in the school. How would you respond to this attitude?

I was a fourth grader. I had zero training. The peer mediator's job was to put on the blue vest, walk around the playground, and put yourself into the middle of fights, basically. Like, it was an absolute. So Jackie, Jackie, just got kicked off the basketball court for calling multiple people in Apartment 23. She storms in.

She's ready to be peer-mediated. Go for it. What are you going to do? How are you going to deal with this? So, Jackie, tell me, from your point of view, what happened? Why'd you get taller? You bitch! You fucking bitch!

Why are you going to be taller, bitch? How are you going to respond to that? See, then what I would do was just turn all of my emotions inward and like slink sadly out of the room probably go like tell on her. Slinkety, slinky, slinky, slinky slinky, slinky slinky, do I hate you?

I would say as I walked to about you. I would be like silently crying. I would go tell on her. I would ask for help and then I would just go home and sit at shame. You're like her. Aren't you guys the same height? Jackie's like shorter than you.

Yeah, but she would still do that and it would still hurt. Or alternatively, I would be like, actually Jackie, I'm pretty sure we're the same height, you know, and then she would be like... Oh, oh my God. But then my anger would just like overflow at that point.

Because then that's when I would start to slip up and be like, and then I would probably just push you up against the wall. Physical. Sort of become more physical. Physical. Immediately physical. Did you get physically assault?

by anyone during peer mediation? I didn't. No, I got, a boy pushed me really hard once in third grade. Wow. But that was the only time that I think that I've ever been in like a physical altercation with another person who wasn't like my sibling who, you know, we wrestled all the time. Oh, yeah, that's different. Of course.

But like, there's something that's still like true, I truly love about grown people in a room, like, starting to like play wrestle. with each other. And no one ever wants to play wrestle with me, which fair. But I really enjoy watching people play wrestle because it's just like such an animalistic, like, we just have to do this every once in a while. Reminds me of those two bro dudes that end up at that party, that actor party and Barry. Those two guys that just keep attacking each other. But it's like playful, but they're like breaking fucking furniture in this.

Yeah, I don't want to go to that point. Not to that except. But I think it is funny to watch grown people like tussle on the floor. Well, Kisleman and Sina was the best. Sina and because Sina would literally climb, Ben Kistled like a tree, and it was unbelievable to watch. It was like it would happen in seconds.

I think that as adults, we crave like playful, physical contact with other people in a platonic way that we don't get anymore. Like in college, when I, you know, I always wanted to like play fight with people. Like, you know, like, and yeah, like, absolutely. And it wasn't like, in high school, we were all, we didn't sleep with each other, me and my friends.

and so we did these really repressed things. Like we played this game called No Holds Bard, which was super fun, but it was also just like a way to touch each other where you sit in a circle, there's like an inner circle, and then there's like an outer circle, so someone's sitting behind you, and then someone sits in the middle and like spins their fingers around and points at two people, and the person who's sitting in front has to try to be the first to touch the person, make it across the circle, touch the person in the middle,

the person sitting behind them has to stop them, however they can, and it's just a wrestling game. That's fun. So fun. And so, so, so fun to play as high schoolers, but also if you're just a bunch of high schools who aren't sleeping with each other, oh, you're just touching.

You just touch and crave it. So I liked to provoke and then run away. And so one of my big games in college, I had this, it was like a beach ball, but it wasn't, it was yellow with the big, the smiley face on it, right? Smiley face ball. Jackie knows it.

So what I would do, I play this game called smiley face bomb, and I'd mostly like to do this. I did this to everybody, but mostly Henry. Jackie's brother, Henry, because he would get furious. Oh, so mad. Furious. Essentially what I do is wait until you weren't suspecting it

and sneak up behind you with the thing and scream, Smiley face, bomb! And throw the ball at your head and just smack you in the head with the ball. And it wouldn't hurt or anything. But it was one of those balls that had the seam on it, too. So sometimes you got to hit with the seam. And if you got hit with the seam, you're pissed. Yeah, you're mad.

It gives you a little scratch. And then I just run and just sprint, run away. And I got Henry with it so many times that he ended up acquiring a like gut reaction and he would throw his hand up and bounce. Like I couldn't get him anymore. Are you the oldest or the youngest in your family? I love to annoy.

It's both, I was going to say, the running away is a very youngest behavior. I'm a youngest as well. All three of us are youngest. But the needless provocation is an older behavior. You have to do it. I live to antagonize. You have to do it.

You've got to get them, because they're way too comfortable. They're way too happy in life. You've got to remind them. That's why you used to when Henry first got to New York, I would play this game called Alert in New York, where he was already so stressed out about everything around him. He was just this total stress monster. And every now and again, I'd just like grab him really fast and go, alert New York. And you'd be like, ah!

Because you can tell you just a ball of just stressful emotions that, like, you know, he'd be like breathing hard and stuff from it. I love to torment him. It was so fun. Because it's fun to do. See, that's surprising. The problem, though, is that, like, Henry gets actual angry, but he's not scary angry. Yeah, he's hilarious. When you do that to me and I get real angry, no one likes it.

It's not funny. It's just, like, ugh. Angry Henry is, like, the funniest thing to me. Like, we used to literally just, like, we would take turns just getting angry about the world, and the other person would just laugh at the other. Like, and that's how you know friends or friends, right? Like, as I would do the same thing, I'd be furious about just some New York bullshit, and he would just sit and scream with laughter while I just ranted about it.

about it and I let him. I was fine with it. I do that around Lexi and her whole day's ruined. She's like a shadow of a person. I'm like, honey, it's okay. Henry laughs when I do this. I'm just yelling for fun. But that's the difference is how many times I used to have that conversation too of like, yeah, but you treat your friends one way and your partner a different way. You should usually treat your partner in some different ways than you treat your friends. Yeah, we get naked and we make fuckpaw. Yeah, and you don't do that with the friends. You make fun of to their face and laugh at. But it also sounds like maybe it's a great way to start having your hashtag hot

girl summer. Oh. I feel so with it, French. I'm so with it. Henry, it's just speaking of Henry because Henry's like, yeah, but do you know about hot girl summer? I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? He's like, hashtag hot girl summer.

I've been seeing it all over the place. I think you're just looking up teeny tiny. I think you're just looking up. Instagram models. He's like, no, no, everybody. Everybody's using hashtag Hot Girl Summer. But then I did start noticing it everywhere. And all of the millions of promotion emails I get every day from everything under the sun

because Lord in Christ, if you're going to give me a 10% off coupon, I'm going to sign up for the goddamn emails. So I just have a million of them. And every third one says hashtag Hot Girl Summer or some reference to it. And guys, it actually comes from something. Yeah, so let's talk about this. very with it for knowing about it. And I really like labeling summers. And so I was really excited about Hot Girl Summer, except that...

Oh, it's Hot Girl Summer. It also, nothing makes me more angry than when a corporation is like, I know this fun cultural thing. Right. Yes. Oh, yeah, they're taking it on board. It's usually over before it even starts. Right.

Like, that ends it before it even can get off the ground. But will you do a little bit of a 101 for the origins of Hot Girl Summer? Because I think I know, but I wouldn't want to take a quiz on it. So it originally comes from the 24-year-old Houston rapper Megan V. Stallion, who she just released her first full-length album, Fever, all right? Which I listen to it, and it is a lot of fun, and she refers to her people's as hotties, I guess her fans, because she refers to herself as like H-Town hottie or Hot Girl Meg,

and she says a lot of things like she's the, see, every time I say the word the, and it has two-ease in it. Two-E's, Molly. Yeah, I know. She's the hot girl, she's bringing the heat. I don't know a lot, but I know that. By the way, apparently she got the moniker after older guys would call her a stallion due to her heights. Yeah.

Because she's five foot ten. I mean, she's gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. And so she essentially just kind of coined this phrase. And then Twitter took fire with it. And now everybody's having hot girl summers. And she keeps being asked about what technically a hot girl summer. is, which I mean, I don't really understand how it's any different from other summers.

Yeah, you can't ask. That's a silly question to ask. You don't need somebody to explain what hot girl summer is. It's just being hot girls in the summer. Yeah. Well, she says it's just basically about women and men, just being unapologetically them, just having a good ass time, hyping up your friends, doing you, not giving a damn about what nobody got to say about it.

You definitely have to be a person that can be the life of the party. and you know just a bad bitch. And I read that and I was like, why don't I want to have a hot girl summer? Yeah, have a hot, that's terrific. And the idea that anyone's like, explain it. I mean, I get. And I like that men are welcomed

to also have a hot girl summer. Yeah, everyone can have a hot girl summer. I feel like, look, man, I'm an introvert extrovert, so maybe like every other day is hot girl summer. But also I like quiet boy Christmas. You know what I mean? And that happens every other day. Oh my God, I love quiet boy Christmas.

Now, can Quiet Boy Christmas also include anyone? Oh, sure. That's also for everybody? Yeah. Men, women. A lot of animals could actually probably. I'm having a quiet, I'm having a quiet boy Christmas the rest of my day today. I'm very excited about it.

Shades down. Air conditioner on. Yeah. That's unfortunately, basically my whole summer is a Quiet Boy Christmas. But that's, I think, why I'm really excited about Hot Girl Summer because I'm like, someday I will have a Hot Girl Summer. Totally. And that's the fun thing about it.

You don't have to, oh, you know, be a little. in the moment for sure, but always know, there's a hot girl summer right around the corner. If White Boy Christmas is your reality, live that, make that your truth. You know what I mean? Yeah, why not? If that's you, be you. But it's fucking Christmas, though, so treat yourself. Okay? Don't just be Quiet Boy Christmas with no gifts involved, okay? If you're going to sit at home, why don't you get yourself some ice cream? Why don't you get yourself some, a toy? Just like a nerf gun or something. I've been eating ice cream. Don't worry about that. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, bitches.

I went to fucking pinkberry yesterday. Got Daddy and I spent over $30 at Pinkberry yesterday on both of our frozen yogurt. Not hard because everything at Pinkberry is like baseline $11. I want all the fixings. If I'm going to do fixings, I want all of it. In Ridgewood, in Ridgewood Queens, there is a knockoff frozen yogurt place called Fruity Yummy. And I love it.

And they don't have the Pinkberry Premium. And you just go in there and put it. put on all the fixings because yeah who doesn't want you know both gummy bears and tiny Reese's peanut butter cups I want all of it if you have if you have access to both I'm going to put both on and it's not they don't weigh you they just charge you by the cup like a regular ice cream place go to fruity yummy oh I want to go to fruity yum all right when I'm in gallon goes to fruity yummy goofus goes to pinkberry fly across the country I'll do it well I'm going to fruity yummy go to fruity yummy go to fruity yummy or any knockoff anyone that

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I will say that a knockoff Megan the hotty... What's her name? Megan the stallion. Stallion. Megan Thee stallion. I just get thrown off with the the. Every time I say the word the, it kind of scares me. Yeah, you feel like you have to say it longer.

Yes. Right? Right? So apparently Hot Girl Summer is not for those of us that are cuffed up. But someone said that you can still have a hot girl summer and be in a relationship. But then they said, girl, put your boyfriend on a leash and tell him to shut the fuck up. Jesus crying.

That's scary. You imagine you like, I'm gonna put you on the leash. And then I'm gonna tell you to shut the fuck off. You know, and I'm gonna say too, if I, because men are involved, apparently included, if I were to show up to a party with a mute Lexi on a leash, I would probably get the cops called on me. Yeah, I think only women are allowed to leash the men.

allowed to leash the men. Unless it was a kink and you both were consenting of it because I'm fine with that. I definitely see a lot of the cons like girls walking around like with the leash on and someone has the leash in there or the collar on and someone has a leash in hand. Or just people in general. Yeah, your fucking weird sex L.A. parties that are disgusting. I'm, I'm completely fine with it as long as you're both down. But sometimes I'm like, I just don't want a thing around my neck.

It's like I'm sweating so much. So sweaty. Yeah. It's so difficult. I don't need extra on there. You know, When winter leash is going to come back, though, I think they are going to make a big comeback.

I think they're in the ride. They're here. They are here. Consensual leash is 2019. Oh, yeah, baby. That's the corresponding hashtag to Hot Girl Summer. I can't wait for my, I want a full body harness.

Yeah, I want the little boy leash where it's like, yeah, you have to wear the whole vast. A little monkey backpack that goes around your whole. Yes. I want an adult version of a little boy leash. You know, I think it's great. I have yet to leash my child, but Jackie and I were talking about this recent.

I think it's a lot of people in New York judge. They see kids on leashes and they're like, oh, your kid's going to have a subdom complex when they grow up. No, listen. It's New York. There's cars everywhere. Toddlers have a phase where they just run from you and they are not yet capable of listening. You see that and you're not a parent and you're like, well, my kid will just listen to me.

No, because there's people like me. There's people like me who purposely, if a father or mother and their toddler like politely standing at a street corner, I will judd into the street and, like, dodge cars just to, like, set an example for the boy. I think that you should, yeah, make them, you know, fearless. And I turn to him, I'm like, ha, ha, ha, with a thumbs up. So never judge least children is what I learned. Well, there's definitely one 14-year-old that might want to throw herself in front of a car. And that is Meg Ryan's daughter after being, after watching her mother fake orgasm on a screen.

And it's John Cougar Mellencamp's fault? That John Melloncamp? Yes. So John Cougar Mellon camp? Wait, the Cougars dropped. The Cougars dropped, right? But it's, yeah. Well, the Cougars Meg Ryan, right?

I think the Cugar. Yeah. Oh, that's Joe. I just want to confirm that that is the John Mellon Camp. We're talking about that there's no other John Mellon Camp. Oh, right. Yeah, it's not the scientist to John Mellon Camp. It's not Dr. John Mellon Camp.

Surprisingly. So John Mellon Camp is engaged to Meg Ryan. Meg Ryan's daughter, who's 14, has never seen a Meg Ryan movie. So we sat her down and decided to start with when Harry met Sally. Because he's a fucking idiot. Of course, which also really shows that John Mellengap did not remember when Harry met Sally. That's the thing. This entire thing is his fault.

It's the only thing that anybody knows about that movie. It's the number one thing except for the, you know, I love that you hate it when it's 71 degrees outside. Like, I love that monologue. I think it's beautiful. And I cry every fucking tie Billy Crystal says it. but um so he sat down and showed it to her and then yelled from the other room right after the orgasm scene happened what do you say he just said like meg you're gonna have to come in here and explain this yeah i'm not gonna explain this one it was like you fucking fucking quentin tarentino it's meg ryan

there are like a million meg ryan movies that are completely suitable for a child to watch why there's so many of them i mean what is when harry met sally rated is it rated uh it's it's It's rated R. You psycho? Yeah, he's a psycho. There's so, watch you've got mail. Yeah, watch you've got mail. You know, don't cry shop, girl.

Like, that's nice. That's, I think it's great. There is literally one thing that that fucking movie is famous for. He's a sociopath. When I read this and he tried to blame her, I'm not going to explain this. First of all, she's 14. You probably don't need to explain it.

Like, you understand fully what is happening. And that is a movie you don't want to watch with your parents. You don't want to watch it with your parents. You don't want to watch it with your parents. You don't want to see your parent in it doing it, and you don't even want to sit next to them while somebody else does it. No, I am a full-grown woman, and I still don't want to watch when Harry met Sally with my parents.

Yeah, it's, oh, man, uncomfortable movies you ended up seeing with your parents. I think American Beauty with my mom in the theater was wrong. Oh, my God, I saw American Beauty with my mother, too. Oh, that's why I haven't seen it since. I remember seeing it in the movie theater and just dying the entire time, and then never again. Oh, it was one of the most traumatic days of my life. And then I got home and my dad who's been being insane.

He was like going through a total midlife crisis. My mom wasn't there, but I had dinner with my dad that night and he was just like he had seen the movie days before. And he was like, yeah, Kevin Spacey's character, that's me right now. He said that. Yeah. And I'm like, dude, are you fucking kidding me? I'm going to my, and they wonder why I'm just hide in my room and play PlayStation all fucking day. Hey, why did he say that?

That's not something he just was gone. He was just like. I do think that you should be honest with your children about your emotional state, but I don't think that you open. I'm like the creepy middle-aged man who just fucked a teen. Yeah. That's like saying he's like Robin Williams in one-hour photo. You know, I'm like, okay, cool, dad.

You know that movie Bobadook? But yeah, there are so many appropriate Meg Ryan films. Like every one. Every single one you could possibly choose. I miss her, man. And stuff. I know, but she looks like the Joker now. It's just too much.

She went too far. And also, not to get too hard into big little eyes, because I know you haven't seen this week's episode. But it seemed like Nicole Kidman got a little too much juice, static juice in her face right before this episode, because she also had Joker mouth. I thought that was just her acting tense. No, it's because she was drinking potion eggs.

That's from... What's POTT NIC? That was from 1989 Batman. I don't know if it was potion. I don't know if that quote might be slightly. It looks like she was dancing with the devil and the pale moon lights. Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay. I get it now. That's a one of those. My favorite part was when she grabbed Meryl Streep was like, you are my number one. Is that right before she slapped her? Everyone should be watching Biggla lights.

Except for the fact that I am very upset. I'm just upset. Every time I watch it, I'm just like afterwards Close the fucking computer It's like It is so Merrill Street is like And I've never really honestly

I've always been a little bit of I've said this on the show before I'm sure many times I always see Merrill Street when I'm watching a Meryl Street movie for some reason I have a hard time like totally letting go I get it you're Meryl Streep Not in Big Little Lies man

She is Mary Louise She is absolutely embodying that character She is just stellar. And I didn't mean to cut you off, Jackie, but I thought that Nicole Kidman was just holding all of her tension in her face. I didn't even, but see, you're in L.A., and the Botox is like, it's a part of life there.

It was just too much, and I felt like she just couldn't. She was like the lion's the Lion's, the Lion King. I was like, where is the emotion? And I thought that, like, she had been really looking good lately because I think that she toned it back a little bit. But this last episode, I think maybe it's just because you stared at her face so much that I was just like, Oh my God

Move it Move it for a second Can I complain a little bit about Adam Scott Sure sure yeah I don't find him to be I think he's a little weenie boy Like And I know he's supposed to be a little weenie boy

That's the meanest thing I've ever heard you say And I want after this It probably won't be for another couple of hours But I want you to sit with what you said He's the only good one Ouch really? You both are siding with Adam Scott I'm just saying what you said was

mean. I'm not saying that like but calling him a weenie boy that's a little that's a little out of line. I think I'm not saying that you're wrong what I am saying that I hate that the one good male character in this is portrayed as such a

shithead weenie boy. Yeah. There's no need for it because like just because he's not as like yeah I'll tell the women what they do. It's like that doesn't make him a weedy boy but they definitely kind of they kind of making him like that. He's mad at Madeline for not telling him about her friends.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Something that happens in, like, the first or second episode. Oh, okay. He feels like his wife isn't telling him. No, yeah. He feels like his wife is not telling him. It's not communicating with him.

Fair. And certainly there are things that Madeline is not communicating to him. But there is also, he was, like, mad at her for not telling him something about her friend's personal life. And I'm like, you don't have to tell. Your wife doesn't owe you that information. Right.

When someone tells me something and there's, like you cannot tell anyone, I don't fucking tell my partner. Unless it's something that like is, I feel that my partner needs to know, but something like that, like, it's none of your business. If it's something that's really specific that your friend is going through, which is not a spoiler because if you've seen season one of Big Little Lazz, like that your friend is going through, like, yeah. Especially when it comes to, like, when it comes to sexual assault,

that is no one else's business aside the person and who they choose to tell. That's my main reason why I think he's a weenie, I think he's a weenie boy in a lot of other ways. But the reason I feel justified is that he was like, you should have told me what was going on with your friend. And it's like, bruh, she does not owe you that at all. Yes, if you feel like she's withholding from you this season, she is. And yes, also lots of other things are going on in your communication

that do need to be improved and those grievances are legit. But you cannot be mad at her for not telling you her best friend's intimate marital secrets. I just hope that he has an arc as a character and he can go from being a little weenie boy to a big weiner man. Yeah. I think he's gonna. I think he's gonna. Yeah.

Yeah. He's gonna step it up? Yeah. I hope so. You know who is not big weiner man is our the. What is our? By the way, I feel like there's a lot of boy talk this episode.

There's like the little boy Christmas. You be quiet boy Christmas. Quiet boy Christmas. There's this now this weenie boy. Well, I'm about to go, I'm about to talk about some fucking Gators bra because you guys if you guys want to beat the summer fucking heat go get the air conditioning down at the movie theater and do yourself a favor and go see crawl It is great I knew nothing about crawl I just wanted to not I wanted to have some air conditioning that I didn't have to pay for This weekend so I went to see crawl and I got to say it is delightful it is 88 minutes of just great tension and

It is set in Florida. It's close to my hometown, and it's about a category five hurricane hitting a home, but also everything, the whole town gets flooded with huge alligators. So it's like Shark Nato, but like Hurricane Gator? Yes, but also done seriously. And well? Not like sluggie. No, it is great and tense.

And also there are times that you're like, ah, yeah, yeah, it's that reaction. You know, at one point the dad, it's just the dad of the daughter, and she's, like, a swimming star, and he just, like, comes up out of the water after being tapped by a gator and goes, swim! And that's, I was just like, yeah, I got it. You know, I'm a fan of alligator thrillers, actually. Me too. One of my favorite is Lake Placin. Incredibly underrated, fun-assed movie.

So good. And what's her name's in it? Betty White. Betty White is hilarious in it. Really? And it's got a really good twist, and it's so great. It's campy. It's fucking awesome, though.

I think I've been sleeping on Gator Horror. Gator horror is new, and it is going to take you on a thrill ride that's going to rip your generals off. I mean, I think Lake Blass is from, like, 1999, but, yeah, I don't know. New is the word here. I'm sorry. So this is the thing. This is such a time capsule episode, right? Because we all have the heat madness.

And I just think that, like, therefore. Things get loopier. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I got nothing. Listen, I'm about to go on a loop-to-loop plunge from here for the next six weeks. Yeah. I'm just going to get mildly insane or by the week until.

Oh, yeah, and filled with child. Like, I can't even. Just thick with child during the hottest months. The child is just pushing my brain out of its head. Right. Are you having, like, weird dreams? Oh, yes. Yeah.

Can I, I'm going to tell a dream that I had, and then you can edit it out if you need do because it's about Ed Larson. No, please. I'm very, I mean, think everyone in, like, that's listening, think about you being almost nine months pregnant and also being in upwards of, what, 95 degree heat? Yeah. Yeah. But I got, I got, I'm blessed to own, you know, 100% more ASEs than I did throughout my

entire 20s. Hell yeah. But I had a dream where I was like in L.A. Visiting, I guess. and Ed, dear friend, host of the brighter side was like taking me around to all these parties and he just kept bringing me to all these like 420 events

like weed events where there was just like blunts and edibles and it was just like L.A. It was like, you're in California. And like, but I was like more pregnant than I am now in the dream and I was just like, man, what are you doing? Like I can't be here. But like, and he was like so excited to like bring me to all these.

Which he would be. He would be. He was being so sweet. He was like so excited. And he was like taking really good care of me. He'd be like, now you sit, I'll bring you stuff. And I was like, but do you not know that I can't like. And I didn't even, and even though if it was really Ed in real life,

I'd be like, idiot, I can't do this. But for some reason in the dream, I felt like I couldn't tell him. And so I was like, we just kept going to all these like stoner parties, but like sponsored content, stone, like there was where it was just like, you know, like a. That would be awesome if you would. weren't thick with child. Yeah, and it was just such a specific dream

where it was just like hours of having to turn down like a bunch of awesome, like, edibles that Edd Larsson was bringing me. It sounds like you've got, you've got summer. I think you have Hot Girl Summer FOMO right now. Hot Girl Summer, yeah. I think it's what it is. Yes, I am certainly,

FOMO is my entire, FOMO is my entire essence right now. Right. Yeah, oh yeah. Although I think that might be the youngest thing I've ever said. So I just wanted to say, congratulations me. I said the whole thing.

Would you say that being incredibly almost room-fillingly thick with child has affected you living your truth at all? Ooh, good question. Living my truth. I mean, it's a good, it is a good question.

My truth is that all I can do is think about having a child living inside me. I guess she is living her truth. It's all I guess is what her truth is. It's all I can talk about. It's all I can talk about. It's all I can think about.

It's all I do. It is... My truth is playing fun video games. Yeah. Oh, I guess you're living your truth. You guys have very similar truths. My truth is just staring, is like taking care of my one-year-old, and then when she's asleep, just, like, sitting quietly and, like, staring into the middle distance.

Yeah. That's my truth. Well, I certainly wish that my truth were being able to look as good as Beyonce does in her crimpy yellow strappy dress that she wore to the Lion King premiere, which is insane. Did you see this dress? It looks like tissue paper, but it's fancy tissue paper. And there's no way in fuck I could ever wear it. I have not seen it yet, but I, Beyonce is my fucking inspiration.

Talking about truth, as I talked about after. Oh, we're talking about truth. When we talked about homecoming, you know, she has this whole part in homecoming where she talks about getting preacclampsia, which is what I got. and having an emergency C-section, which is what I got. Beyonce and I have a lot in common. Oh, yeah, and then you ate nothing but nuts and twigs to get ready for your Coachella concert.

And now my body, then my body, Sue, in the future, my body will look as hot as Beyonce's, and I will be able to dance like her, and it's going to be great. That's what her and I have in common. Yeah. And maybe someday you can only hope to meet Megan Markle, which obviously we all want to meet her. What is, yeah, why is everyone different to them? Does everyone need me to know that Beyonce met Megan Markle? Why is it so important?

I get that people love Megan Markle. Because people were flipping out because they hugged and technically they're not supposed to touch the Royals. Oh, also. A connection though is that Beyonce got cheated on by Jay-Z, who was a man who was extremely unworthy of her. And I like Jay-Z a lot, but people were like, really going to cheat on Beyonce. And then Megan Markle got cheated on. by Will, nope, I'm wrong.

I'm mixing up Megan Markle and Kate Middleton. I apologize. That's okay. They're used to it. Same shit. So I retracted. There is no connection. But they also do love each other.

I know that there is like a love for the Royals women category and Beyonce, which of course. Yeah, because she's more like an outsider. Kate Middleton and Beyonce have a connection because they were both cheated on by men who are not worthy of them. But Jayzee is much more worthy than Will. I think Megan Markle still thinks she's a star, like even down to the fact that, like, she really shouldn't be walking the red carpet because also the picture she took with Beyonce,

you're also not supposed to do. So she's breaking Royal Protocol. Apparently the touching thing is something that has gotten very lax over, like, the past, like, 15 years. That's crazy. But so I think that's why the whole Internet wanted you to know because that's also the thing on top of it, like, it's everything is about like,

Megan Markle, always breaking Royal protocol. She's so daring. It's like, oh my God. But that's also, every Megan Markle's story is framed like, does she even deserve to be there? That's what it is. They just constantly on her assing. Right, because she's a normal, right?

Isn't that why? She's a normal and also, yeah, she's a, like, right. She's a lowly American celebrity, yes. Right. She's just, she's like a, yeah, a peasant. Leave her alone. It's like, yeah. I honestly don't even think that, like, if she's breaking these protocols, I feel like it's more so,

out of like, she probably is not paying attention and or cares about it. She already fucking married him. He's already losing his hair. He's not going to get another person. I think they're just going to stay together. What does it fucking matter? Yeah, he's bald and he's... I mean, I'd still fucking slap on in a hot tub.

Man, remember the pictures of him in the hot tub with his ex-girlfriend? No. Yummy mummies. Is he a wreck? Yeah, I mean, you don't really see a whole lot. I just remember seeing her. because at the time it was before scrunchies came back and his ex-girlfriend had a scrunchy on.

I think she was sucking his cock in a hot tub. And I was just like scrunchy. That would hurt. That would like burn your face off trying to do all that though. You know what I mean? You're going to have a cold house. Yeah, I ain't staying down there. You go lift it out.

Good Lord. Have you been doing anything of overexerting yourself lately? Or him floating on the top of the spot with just his erect penis out of the bubbles of the water? bobbing for royal cock. Falling at it, like a cat. Like, pop, pock, puck, puck, puck, buck. That doesn't sound like a fun fucking resort vacation to me.

I'd do it. Why, the hot tubs were after the big fucks. You know what I'm saying? You give them big bucks. You go up in your room, you get those big fuck. Big sloppy fucks. Too hot. Yeah, when I was in high school, I was like, yeah, I guess I associate hot tubs with sex.

And now I'm like, that's disgusting. It's very, um, bad, it's very unhygienic. You can get some bad, vagina things. Gonna get a UTI. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, it's not good, but what is good, I will say, Beyonce's look, she is stunning on this orange carpet for Lion King.

Right. Absolutely beautiful. Oh, yeah, I can actually show Molly. Oh, yeah. Right, it's like a crepey? I don't know what, I don't know what that. I know obviously know nothing about fabric. A crepe.

I like that, like, I always love the look because I'm a bit of a leg man when it's like the full leg is out. Ooh, the slit. It's the Jessica Rabbit. That's a slit. Jackie, do you know as an L.A. resident, what do they do when you have money to get rid of stretch marks? I feel like that's got a lot. Like, I don't know if she had them, but having, being pregnant with twins, making your leg out in that good of shape would be a real. Yeah, what's like the L.A. plastic surgery solution?

I know that there, I'm in, I don't know if the word collagen is correct, but I know that there are these creams. I get a lot of advertisements for creams that you can put on that not only help with, what is it, lumpy fats? What are the lumpy curdley fats? Yeah. Lump lumps. Lump. So I got my thigh lump lumps, but I also have a lot of stretch marks because, you know, I go in and out. I get extra flavors in there every once in a while.

Sometimes I leak the flavors out of my belly button. So depending on how much stock I have in my flavors, I have stretch marks is what I'm saying. And I think it's crems. I didn't ask you to admit that you have stretch. We actually just politely ask you that as a pregnant woman, what would you do in LA? I think it. Everybody's talking at me. I can't you word this saying must be because of the recons in my ears.

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slash page 7 for 15% off Raycon Wireless earbuds. If you've been eyeing a pair, now is the time to get an amazing deal. One more time, buy raycon.com slash page 7. Well, I also have stretch marks, which is why I'm wondering how Beyonce's legs look so good.

Yeah, they do look really good. Fun thighs that I could live in. Although, sometimes I watch those Kim Kardashian videos. She has like the body makeup now that you like brush on and like I just watch for hours her brushing on this body makeup because I have varicose veins and I'm like oh maybe I should put it on my varicose veins and I'm like what am I going to brush on makeup all over my legs every day no it's like photoshopping yourself it's photoshoping yourself manual Photoshop yeah on your body that is so odd if you're a Beyonce and you're going to a premiere it makes sense but I would do that only to then not have anybody see my upper legs all day so it's probably really like when I see my stretch marks I'm just like oh my

my buddy didn't used to look that way. But like, so there's not really, it's not like I really need to, like, fix them for a movie premiere as much as just, you know, learn to love myself. Love yourself. Self care has been just a monster for me this week. When I got back from New Orleans,

I was feeling big and bad and sad. So I started, I literally worked out every single day, except for one, this past week. And I started lifting. And I was telling you this when we were coming to the studio. I think my body, I first start to lift weights, it thinks it's sick because it's only used to

feeling sore during a fever. So I start getting weird sickness reactions in my body, and then it goes away. Wait, what do you mean sickness? I think my body thinks I'm having a fever when I start lifting again, because I do it so, I've done it so rarely in my life, that it assumes

soreness means I have come down with a flu. The endorphins, they're toxic. I hate feeling good. Yeah, I've just been feeling awful. these past few days. I like that you referred to it as lifting, though. When you're like, when I'm doing my lifting. My lifts.

I'm working the core. I just imagine you have, like, big platform shoes on, and you're just in your bedroom by going, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, pop, ba, pop. Add the bouncy balls. I'm definitely using one of those. I made so much fun, Alexi, for getting one of those dumb exercise balls because I'm like, you're never going to use it.

It's going to sit in the corner of the room, like it does in everybody's apartment who gets one. And now I'm using it for my ex- Is it the full ball or isn't the half ball? It is what is a half ball? It's a ball. A half ball is in a ball. A half ball is a fucking cup.

No, there's a half ball because I was watching the goddamn Kardashians And they use it, they're like, We swear our butts look so good because of the half ball. Why they sound like old Jews from Long Island? I don't honestly. I think, are like, did they talk like this? Right?

It's a little like this. You gotta use this. We love these half balls. That's me and Kim. The half ball is life changing. Heat madness. Apparently that's why their butts look so good, okay? It's the half ball that does it.

It's nothing to do with fucking thousands of dollars being paid to doctors. There's nothing to do with that. It's all the half ball. No, I think it's all the half ball. I think they're just working out every second of the day. I mean, just the same as Carly Lloyd of the U.S. Women's World Cup soccer team that got a, which also mausel, mausle. They won the, what is it, Pfefums?

They won the big soccer tournament. The Women's World Cup. Yeah, the women's world soccer match. Big game. Big game. The big game. All I know is that Carly Lloyd is beautiful. I do know, I am aware of that.

Megan Rapino is my dream girl. And I know that J-Lo gave her a sexy lap dance on stage during her concert, and I watched that video. But I don't know if you notice, if you guys watched the video, J-Lo is wearing this outfit. All right.

Let me describe this outfit. It is a, it's a long-sleeved button-up, breasty-out, crop-top tied underneath the breasts, right? With a ring in, like, right underneath her breasts that attaches to long, drapey, like they drape down to almost her knees. So everything from her breasts on the side down to, like her mid-thigh, lower knees are exposed,

except for the cinch in the center where fabric goes up and then the cinch in the back where fabric goes up and it comes into pants. So the only thing that's showing on her body is underneath her breasts on the side between their breasts and her thighs. It's a very complicated outfit. I don't understand why it was created

or how she gets in and out of it or how she dances. What's going on with the coverage of her, of her butt and her vagina. Her bikini is covered with a very thin, high bikini bottom. Ah. But the bikini bottom goes up over her sexy top thigh ridge. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Okay. And, like, how does the bikini bottom stay up on the thigh? Like, I just not built like this. Uh-huh. And, like, there's not even any spandex. Like, you know there's no, what is it called? Women's Wear underneath it. Oh.

All right. We're looking at the video now. You have a good job describing it, Jackie. Yeah, that is difficult to describe. Thank you. Because I just, I watched a video about five to six times because I didn't understand the outfit. It's like she's wearing a hammock.

How do you pee? How do you pee? How do you pee? How do you get in and out? It is quick changes. These are quick changes. She's on stage. You just rip that off of her when she's done with it.

I mean, yeah. I would. End of the night for sure, but how do you pee? Do they got cats? I don't know. I think there's a pussy pocket. I think most, yeah, most pop stars have tubules that attach to their vagina or penis. And during a show, if you have to pee, it fills a tiny pouch in their shoe.

We have discussed the catheter possibilities on this show, believe it or not, at length. It's a lot of diapers. Yeah, a lot of the celebs do. dipes. It is possible to self-catherize, which we learned last time we discussed this. Yes. There's no way there's a dip in there, though. There's not enough dipe room. That's the thing. There's visibly no dipe in there. Ain't nothing absorbent enough to be in there. That's a no-dipe pony show right there is what that is. No-dipe pony show. I mean, that kind of looked like a diaper unraveled and sort of wrapped around a person.

It's all I know is that it's weird and it's uncomfortable Just like how I feel when we're Introducing the list Oh Who's on the list Jackie got to have that list That was a very honest I feel fine with it but I guess it is a weird topic

Because it is celebrities that reveal the number of people they've slept with So this all stemmed from the idea that Mariah Carey said that she'd been with five people. We talked about this last week, which is obviously, obviously unheard of. Down to the, is this unheard of, or do we believe in Lamar Odom, who says that he has had sex with more than 2,000 women? Personally, I could not fathom that as a person who does not have nearly that much of a vivaciousness when it comes to a wish for sex. Jackie, what would you say for you? It's probably what, like, five, six hundred? For you?

No. I couldn't imagine even a hundred people. I just can't imagine having 2,000 partners. Yeah, that seems like an exaggeration. What's 2,000 divided by 365? I mean, you're just got to be real busy. That or you're always cheating on your partner, which we know that he cheated on Chloe Kardashian,

but like, but how much, like, then you can never be in, and then you start really, really young, or you could never just be in a relationship where you are monogamous, right? Right. But, you know, a lot of people do start having sex when they're very young, and so maybe they got a head start. A hundred people in a room is a lot of, like, okay, let's just say for the live show. I was to say the live show at the bonus.

That was 300, about 350 people, right? Yeah. Thank you again, everybody you came out. We've slept with all of you. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine fucking that many people. If you had slept with all of them.

That is absurd. It's a lot of people. And they all were ready to fuck, by the room. That was some of the most sensual. I've just never seen anything like it. We're all very connected. Yeah. Oh, it was, oh my God.

The juices were aflowing that night, Jack. Oh, yes. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's possible to get up to 2000. Right. Well, I mean, I guess, see, this I think is even, but he is a lot older. I do believe in Gene Simmons when he's, says that he has sex he's had sex with

possibly 4,800 women because if you're on tour you know if you're a guy on tour that makes sense if you're on tour that often for this many years he's in kiss you know it's like he's been on tour for forever in fact I guess he was known for taking

Polaroids of a lot of the women that he slept with consensually taking polar Polaroids of them and before he married I mean well you know but as his wife I don't like. He sucks. Have you ever heard an interview with him? Oh, is he terrible? Especially if you want to hear some real drama interview, listen to him on fresh air with Terry Gross.

It is the only time I've ever heard Terry Gross become like fucking pissed with him. Really? Why? Is he such a neutral? Because he made some, immediately made some disgusting comment about how he'd like eat her pussy or something. Really? She was awful. And I've loved that show. I think she's great. She's so professional. And she really does not try, like if somebody gets emotional in an interview, she, like, waits for them to collect themselves to keep going. She's not

interested in that. And, like, it is the only time I've ever had, like, heard an interview of hers, like, fly off the rails. Ew, never mind. I don't even want to keep talking about him. Gross, so gross. I do not. But, but, I mean, yeah. And I don't believe that

he fucked 4,800 women. I don't know, man. He's old and he will have gone on tour a lot. And if he sleeps with somebody every night, he's on tour, and he's been on tour for fucking decades. And I will say that he is definitely into vaginas. He is just cannot. Did he just talk about pussy the entire time?

No, it was like one, I think it was a very short interview because that happened immediately. And she was like, um, you can't talk feeling it. Yeah. I can't even pick Terry Gross plays so close to the vest. I can't even picture her reacting to that. Yeah, listen to it. It's crazy. Wow.

It's crazy. And then it was like really weird because she has Lewis Black on. like not too long after that. And he ends up almost like interviewing her because he was like, or essentially he's like, it's not your faulting her. He was like, he sucks. Like quit beating yourself up about that interview.

It's not your fault. You know what I mean? She's like, I know. And it's like so weird to hear Terry Gross be really vulnerable. Wow. She's like the consummate professional. So anyways, I thought that was really fascinating. Wow.

Man, I was, oh my God. By the way, giving me flashbacks. Accounting in the basement of a hotel. in Midtown Manhattan. No windows, no windows, just boring. No, thank you. Just listen to Terry Gross, weeping all day. Getting upset.

Yeah, that was my reality for like a while. Yeah, well, that was never Rick Flair's reality who slept with roughly 10,000 women. See, there I call bullshit. That's bullshit. His kids went to my high school, and he's a professional wrestling. I mean, he performs, shall we say?

Would you not sleep? I would definitely sleep with Rick Flair. But I just don't know why 2,000 seems reasonable to me, or at least doable. 4,800 seems doable. 10,000 just seems actually impossible. It's completely absurd. And how do you even calculate that? I like that they just made it up, especially because then there's people like

Vinny from the Jersey Shore and now he's got that other dating show called Double Shot at Love. and he says, my favorite is he's like, I know it's more than like a hundred. We actually totals could be over 500. Honestly, it could be up to a thousand. Actually, I feel disgusting even saying that. Oh, yeah, fucking right, baby.

You have not slept with that many women. I call bullshit. I'm calling bullshit on that one. A hundred is exhausting to me. And also, if you don't think that you know the difference between 100, sleeping with 100 people in 1,000, people, then you're bullshitting. Yes. I also hate that this, I didn't realize because I don't like to look too far into it,

because I like to be surprised as we go through stuff. There's no women on this list. Of course! It's ridiculous. Tom Jones, Dustin Diamond. Oh, God. Yeah, Dustin Diamond. Screech.

Who says he's had sex and more than 2,000 women. Well, he was in porn for a little bit. Yeah, but still. I'm just saying, like, you know, when you... But also, if you get into porn, like, it makes a... Even if you only do a couple of porn, you're hanging out with, like, very horny people all the time, kind of. I don't know. Like, porn parties generally tend to be on the horny side, if I'm not mistaken.

I mean, I know that it's work, and these are workers, but, you know, at the same time. That's the same thing, though. It's like, I mean, I don't watch comedy when I'm not. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, that's the thing. I don't watch. I haven't watched comedy in a decade. Yeah, but that's because the business bummed us out.

These porn people are having a blast making porn. I don't know. I think that's just what the porn's want us to think. I don't know. You've got to watch some of those docks hold on. Oh, after porn is very eye-opening. All jokes aside, that's a pretty strong one in terms of the reality of what it is to be a porn star and what it is to, especially leave pornography. Yeah, I actually know very, very little about it. I just don't, I know that it's in porn's porn stars are always hanging out and fucking, but I don't know what they do in reality. Maybe they don't reality. Right.

Right. Right. I do kind of weirdly admire Hugh Hefner's response. His response, when Esquire asked how many women he had slept with, he said, how could I possibly know? Yeah. Probably over a thousand. There are chunks of my life when I was married. And when I was married, I never cheated. But I made up for it when I wasn't married.

You got to keep your hand in. There you go. Which I think I really like their response. I like that response. I like that response. First of all, he's the only person on this list to it. I would be like, yeah. probably a thousand because

your literally whole persona is like being this like king of hot girl yeah the thing or whatever right but but uh besides that though I love that he's yeah it's like how do these other people know 2000 I can't count like I couldn't even tell you that

how many people have you met in your life like how would you ever be able to calculate that fucking number you know and if you're fucking them I mean unless you're keeping a running tally because you're a psycho Yeah, that's the thing. If you're keeping track, which sounds like Gene Simmons did, then you're a sociopath. You're creepy, creepy, creepy.

Yeah, then I've no, I mean, that's, yeah, yuck. Yucky, yucky, yucky, no, thank you. People are just a fucking number to you, dude. Yeah. You know, get into, you might as well get into fucking, like, being a general of an army, dude. I'm done with my list. Well, uh-oh, I may be a little in the dark right now,

but hopefully soon we'll have some items. Oh, wow. We can't see on good, interesting intro. Blind items. And this one I wanted to do last week, so I'm doing it now. This is funny and sad at the same time. So I hope you enjoy it. We'll go down this walk with me.

Don't get too upset about it, all right? Trigger warning, it involves dogs. Okay, oh, God. Apparently this A-minus list dual threat actress got worried she was going to be victim-shamed in an interview about some accusations she has made, so decided to bail. So A-minist music, you said singer? Dual-threat actress. Dual-threat actress.

It has to do with an app that she recently has become as a spokesperson for. Were you talking about Lilo? No, not talking about Lilo. I was going to say, she ain't no dual threat. Remember the Kim Kardashian app from a couple some ago? There is an app. Yeah, you could like, what was it? Oh, I remember playing that Kim Kardashian game.

Dual threat has an app. She started out actually the host of like a nerd show, but has since gone on to do like a bunch of movies and stuff. It's like I'm trying to figure out like a good hint for her. A minus. Yeah. She's not been a super around lately, but she's got, let's see, she's in like some Marvel movies.

She's, oh, she was a correspondent on the Daily. show? Interesting. I mean, it's none of the, well, obviously it's not in any of the Kardashians. Not none of them. She was in Magic Mike. What? Oh, Olivia Munn? Yes. Olivia Munn is a double threat? Olivia, I don't know why she's a double threat. I have, I do

not know why it said that. But it said dual threat. Why is she a dual? What's the dual? What's the other side? Did she dance in Magic Mike? Did she sing? Maybe. You know what? I'm going to go ahead and say, this is horrible. I know that apparently she's a very good person. And I know that she dates

that very funny, or she married to the very funny one who's also, I find very attractive. But I don't think I could pick her out of a lineup. Yeah, right? She's kind of, I don't want to say she's, she's weirdly forgettable in certain ways. But I don't want to, like, that feels

so mean to say, but I don't mean. I don't mean it that meanly. You know what I mean? I think she's very, I think she's very, like, she's like, textbook beautiful. Well, the reason why I, I, I, love this story is because of how stupid this fucking app is. It is a dog walking app called Wag.

Wait, that's her app? Yes. Or she's like the spokeswoman for it. In June, Mun, who is an investor and a spokesperson for the Wag app, got personally involved in a search for a dog that was stolen by one of the app's walkers. It was later found, and on Monday,

a lawsuit claimed a dog had been killed while in the care of a Wagwalker who allegedly tried to cover up the accident that killed it, so she pulled out of an interview with the Today Show last minute fucking people. Okay, listen, this is where all this breaks down. There's not an app for everything.

Okay, here's the one that you don't do, okay? Babysitting. Yeah. You got to vet the person. You have to take care of your fucking baby. You should at least meet the person. There's not Uber for babies or dogs or any pet. You need to know these.

You can't get strangers off the street. It's not Uber. I have known so many people that have been robbed by walkers that come in because they have keys to your house. And no, they might get vetted and that like, oh, they've got the background. But I've known three different ones of my people that they probably had the key remade and given out to other people and their homes were burglarized.

Yes. That's freaky. Yeah. That is real freaky. So don't. It scares me. Yeah, that is scary. I know a lot of people who use dog walkers.

I'm not saying all dog walkers bet. I know plenty of dog walkers too. Yeah. But it's just, it's scary. Yeah. Yeah, you are letting people into your home. Yeah. And also touching my baby.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No, no, no, no. You gotta get a professionally vetted human that you, or like a good friend of yours, that at least if the animal does die, they'll fucking tell you. Yeah.

And not, and feel really bad about it. I can't imagine. You imagine if anything happened to Wendy? Oh, my God. I can't even think about anything bad happening to Wendy. I would die. I'd want to be dead. Think about it for just one second.

Think about it just one. No. You know what would happen is that I would also kill myself and I would lay next to Wendy and I would cradle her and I'd just write in my own blood on Henry's floor, I'm sorry I tried. You know? Ultimate Romeo and Julia. Mutual suicide. My baby girl. All right, here's one more.

This A-list country singer was drunk at a strip club. She was dancing on stage and about to start taking her clothes off before her husband jumped up. and stopped her. Ooh. Is it A-Lis country singer? Country singer. Shana T'wait? Absolutely fucking not.

But she met Lizzo. I saw the picture of her and Lizzo made me so happy. That was really wonderful. Did you see Lizzo's bottle cap challenge? Yes. So fun. It was also very cute. I got an email from Marcus yesterday.

He's like, I just heard this song and I just immediately thought you would love it. And he sent me a Lizzo song. Yeah, he sent me juice. And I was like, where have you been? Marcus. He stopped doing a pop culture thing, and then you, I was like, yeah, of course I love Lizzo. But also thank you and I love it. That is very cute of Marcus.

You might love this extremely popular beloved song that I've loved for such a long time. Everyone is incredible. It's like Daddy doesn't even know me anymore. Carrie Underwood. No, absolutely not. And by the way, you're in page 7 jail. No. Enjoy that.

Why? What a fence? Wendy being hurt in page seven jail? What do I do? What do I do? What do you do? That's the scary part. You don't know what it is.

Molly, you have to get me out of page seven jail. You have to figure it out. You're my only hope. Is it like capture the flag jail where I just have to run over and like touch your hand? Or do I have to like actually get to L.A. You have to fly to L.A. And touch. Wendy, wake up.

Wendy, your little ears. It's all she can think about right now. Her ears are so soft and her belly is so. soft. I can't sit on a plane for five hours, right now, Jack. You're going to have to stay in jail for a while. This is air conditioning on the fucking plane. A-list country

singer. Oh, and her husband is also notable. Is it that one that everyone talks about now? You know. Let's give them something to talk about. The one who won out of the year? It's like, Bonnie Raidt was at his club, showed her

breasts to the pole. The one you saw at Governor's Ball? Absolutely not. Kaylee Cuoco. Quo, Coquo, go, Quo, Cahooca, Goki. Taylor Quo, Quo, Coeco? Yo, Kayle, Coe Coe Coe. Casey Musgraves.

Casey Musgraves. Thank you. Is that who it is? No, her first name starts with an M. Martina McBride. Isn't that a tennis player? No, Martina McBride is a country singer. Not Martina McBride.

And no, it's not. Scruggs and Eastern or what that's stupid idiots are called. It's not Texas City Line or that's stupid band. How dare you? It's not the rat kids or whatever that. I've named every country singer I know. It is not Meg Ryan. It is the initials are ML.

That bitch who used to be married to Blake, Blake, not lively. The other one. M. M. L. Lambert. What the fuck is her first name, Jackie? She used to be married to that dick that you like who is the sexiest man. Lank, Lamport, Miranda Lambert, and her NYPD cop husband. Oh my God, he's so sexy. He's bad. He's a bad man.

They've been seeing out and about being very, very P-D-A with each other in them city's streets. Yeah, but I think he's bringing her down. Yeah, well, it sounds like she's getting hammered a lot. She's been drinking a lot. She's been drinking a lot. And, yeah, she was getting a little nuts at the strip club. I'm right, right? She used to be married to that guy?

She was, yes, she was married to Blake Shelton. Shelton. I always want to call him Blake lively. Different person. I, you know, very similar. I think that they, I think that's why they were fun together. I think that they were a destructive and yet very wealthy couple. so they were able to hide their drunk fun together.

But this NYPD dude, which I'm saying, very attractive, but did you read that whole story that, like, he got together with her when he was in the middle of, like, he just, like, dropped his ex-Viance after they, like, she was pregnant with his child, and he left her for Miranda Lampert while they were engaged and she was pregnant with his child. And, like, that sucks.

Yeah, you lost me a couple minutes ago. A little bit on that one because I've got the, I'm going to say the heat madness. Oh, is it heat madness? Yeah. You both, I actually watched both of you slink out of consciousness as I was saying the story. I get it. No one wants to listen to me anymore. I understand.

I could not repeat what you just said. Am I still in page seven jail? Is that what this is? Something about a baby. No one can't hear you when you're in jail. You're out of the jail. You got the name right, but the baby died or something. There's no death.

There's no baby death. He left her for the baby? We just don't, we don't trust him. As a people, we don't trust him is what I'm saying. We don't trust them. We don't trust him. I trust you if we don't trust him. Yes, so I don't think that we trust them.

I think that's our show. I think we're ending in on a level of distrust and heat madness. Distrustful heat madness makes me feel so good. I'm so happy to have Hot Girl Summer, and I'm so much more excited about Quiet Boy Christmas a little bit later tonight. I'm glad we have contained both. I am really excited about my Quiet Boy Christmas is going to start in about 25 minutes

and I think that I'm going to be silent for the rest of the day which is kind of fun. It's a fun challenge too because I've been watching Love Island and I've got to watch yesterday's episode of Euphoria and you know I'm just living a little hog heaven is what I'm doing. I'm going to roll around in my mud and hog heaven.

I spent the last like three days just catching up on Pose and Big Little Lies and it was like bliss and now I'm caught up on both and now I don't know what to do with my life. I think I'm going to keep watching. Love Island. Maybe Love Island.

I also did start watching the YouTube, the very first documentary about the one that was only 14 of the Duggers. So I am going into the Dugger. Welcome, welcome, Molly. Talk about bullshit. It is horrible. And I just keep, talking about Quiet Boy Summer. My Quiet Boy Summer, it really has consisted of me screaming at the television

while watching the Duggers. Hell yeah. But one quick correction, it is quite boy Christmas. Did I say, what did I say? Summer? You said Summer like a fucking hot girl. Oh my God, I'm just, I'm sorry. I'm just so.

I can't drop being a hot girl. And just, it's just like in my fucking soul. Hashtag old soul. Hashtag basic bitch. Hashtag Hot Girl Summer. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow my Hot Girl Summer on my Instagram account at Jack That Worm. My name is Molly Neffle.

I am unlocked on Instagram. I'm JK. L.C. L. But you ain't seen. no hot girl summer over there. It's sad girl, sad girl Christmas. Quiet Boy Christmas. We like looking at the pictures of the cat. I don't want to be a part of Sad Girl Christmas. That's a new one. That is not what, that is nothing I want to be a part of. That is rough. I'll change it to Quiet Boy Christmas instead of Sad Girl Christmas. Sad Girl Halloween. Sad Girl Halloween. Yeah.

And you can check me out on Twitch, twitch.tv, tv, forward slash hold an eight or so, but more importantly, we are going hard on the paint when it comes to this page seven. bonus content on Patreon. Check it out. Join us. Go to patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast, weekly bonus content that will blow your mind.

I have seen so much Pretty Little Liars already. I can't believe it. We are on the mad dash trying to watch as much pretty liars until July 27th. Please join us because they're taking off Netflix. They're probably going to put it up somewhere else, but we're trying to watch as

much as humanly possible until then. And Molly, you'll be know that I have taken the role of absolutely disgusted person at these underage older man relationships happening. I am just furious. Do you just start screaming when Mr. Fitz comes on the screen? It's so disgot. I hate him to no end. I want to kill him with my hand. And he's so bad at acting to make it even worse. Yeah, he's disgusting. Also, Molly, I will say, Holden has really fallen into the place of when, like, you, I always assume Molly wrote the episodes because she could call things so well.

He immediately came. He's like, all right, what is their hot dad thing? He's like, bet there's going to be a pastor on this or a priest, and that's what the season has. Yes. Also, A is Allie, so that's going to be fun to find out. Whoa, okay. The end of seven seasons is going to be fun to find that out.

Thank you again, everybody. We love you guys, and we'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.