Page 7 - Episode 313: Digital Fur Technology

Episode Date: July 25, 2019

Jackie, Molly and Holden are horrified by the new "Cats" trailer, love the new season of "Queer Eye" and on the list - celebs reveal their craziest sex locations.    Need even more hot goss? Patreon supporters get bonus content and help keep the show running!     For $20 off your first box and 6 burgers for FREE in every box all summer long until October 15th, go to http://ButcherBox.com/Page7 OR enter promo code PAGE7. Right now, Page 7 listeners get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/page7 Get 50% off your first year by visiting http://HoneyBook.com and using promo code PAGE7. Glitter Blast, Off to Osaka, Your Call Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/-- Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Get in there Open arms It's gonna be okay Jackie It's all by it It's gonna be a Jackie Jackie It's gonna be okay

It's over It's over I don't know I just scared the fuck out of Jeff I will say that When you are When you are working With headphones on

And I walked up and I was like Oh my God Jeff Oh my God And he's like What is it I like wait He's like, what is it? What? What's going? And he like takes the headphones off and I was like,

they broke up. They broke up. Jughead and Betty broke up. He didn't think it was funny. Welcome to page seven. You know what? I didn't think it was funny either. My name is Jackie Zabowski.

Funny not funny. And all of America's hearts are broken because Jughead and Betty in real life, Lily Reinhardt and Colesbrows, have broken up. My name is Molly Neffle and I was immediately transported to being yield. and having to be in the same room with somebody you used to date and fucking how, oh, how much it gives you the willies because you don't know how to acknowledge that you've ever had sex with somebody, you know? You want to die.

You want to die. My name is Hilda McNeely, and I was immediately also transported back to a certain time in my life. It was like one of the, I think we were, it was like sophomore year of acting school, right? And it's a small acting class, okay? And the summer, right before, literally the week before school, started, I hooked up with a girl in my acting class. And this right before.

You say hooked up, but how far are we talking? We're talking all the way? Almost fucked. I was still a virgin at the time, and that's pretty much the reason why we didn't have sex. I was like, oh, I don't know, is this the one? And then, of course, the horny dog that I was later in the year, I was just get it done with it. Why was I, it all hesitant?

You know what I mean? So we hooked up a few nights in like a row, right, or something like that. I'm trying to remember this. And then she- Summer loving, man. And yeah, Summer 11th happened so fast. And immediately she was like, actually, we cooled on, like, it got awkward, really fast.

She was like, I'm good. I was like, I'm not good. I want to still be fucky friends. You know what I mean? Or whatever. And of course, I can't handle emotional. This is like, so new to me. I, like, just made out with a girl for the first time,

probably like months before, right? And so I'm all heartbroken or weird about it. I just made it so much weird or need to be. First day of acting class, get in, it's like, we'll be fine, we'll be a doss about this. The scene partners get paired off, I get paired with her and I have to do a romantic scene with her

set in a park, where I had to wear these really short, short, biker shorts, little biking shorts, and I had to, like, roll around on the floor with her. Oh, that was back when you were, like, gross, right? Yeah, oh my, it was so embarrassing. Oh, yeah, like, I'm so much less gross now. You are less gross now, then.

I'm not profuselying into a rag. Holden does have a sweat rag, which is fun. My husband also has a sweat rag in the summer I support it. I just like it because you were sitting across from a thick with child woman and she

is not, she's barely, I can barely see a glisten of sweat from here through the computer. Molly's stomach is touching my knee under the table. She is so fully pregnant right now. It is unbelievable. I could see the, I was just like, you know,

it's almost terrifying how pregnant you were. How did the scene It was so awkward. And we fooled around in class one time and I was, I think it was a little early in the morning and I might have gotten like a halfers. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? You know what's funny, Holden? You were the first person I ever heard say half hard.

Yeah. And it's one of my favorite boner euthanisms on earth. I remember, I don't even remember. We were at some party years ago and I was talking about I had gone to a like mixed martial arts class. Mm-hmm. I think that's what we were talking. Anyway, the guy who I was. working, doing the mixed martial arts with

had like a half hard while we were rolling around and I had never heard that word before and you used it and I was like, what an excellent word. Yeah. And so now just hearing you say it again, it came back to me. It's a total state of being for a guy. See, I refer to it as al dente.

I refer to it as when their penis is like al dente. And I think that's my favorite words. It's just short of being done. Maybe that's in between being hard and half hard. Is that where al dente lies? It's one of those kinds. concepts that you don't realize until you have a word for it, how often you need to name. It's like language is so interesting that way.

Like, when you have a word, you will use it. But if you don't have a word, you'll figure out another way to say it. But when you have the concept of an al dente, it comes up a lot. Oh, for sure. I mean, there's different states of being, but usually it's when you don't want to be hard, but you're sort of getting vaguely sexually aroused, and you're kind of like not trying to push it forward. You know what I mean? But I even notice when, I've started to notice when it is time for me to make jerk.

jerk, I literally will catch myself pawing at my genitals like a monkey. And then I'm like, I think I actually need to master it. Like, I won't even know. Like sometimes Lexi will be like, hey, you just keep clawing at your genitals. And I'm like, oh, I didn't even realize I was doing that. You know what I mean?

I know I don't know what you mean. I don't do that. My hands are never resting next to the lips of my vagina. Which is something that's, I feel like people with balls and penises tend to rest their hands there more often. Yeah, we're always gravitating. It's like the sun, right? And our hands are like the Earth and Saturn.

Yeah, they're just like the Earth. Oh, I get it. Oh, yes. Jupiter. And they're always sort of rotating around the sun, but slowly kind of getting closer and closer until full impact. Until an eclipse happens? Is that what it is?

What happens? So did you ever have any young, especially young, young Jackie, like, and Molly, situations where you were like hooked up and then like, oh, mistake, I have to work with this person now? Yeah. I'm not even mine.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I feel like even you're just asking the question transports me back into a time of just like, Jackie's face just dark. Now, could you imagine you're on a successful TV show.

You're in a relationship on the show with this person. And you're still young? How do you do it have you? You're not, you know, they're not like teenagers, but they're not, you know, they're not like teenagers, but, but they're still young enough to not, oh, to just be in the throes of it, you know?

Oh, yeah. Although I will say, word on the street is that jugget is being sent to some sort of a different school in this season. So I wonder if that is something to do with it. It seemed, I wonder if maybe they didn't have a whole lot of scenes together and that maybe it was like very, it seemed like they had one of those, even though they're not crazy young. We're not talking about 17-year-olds here. Not that 17-year-olds can't have true relationships, but... She's 22.

I don't know about you, but when I was 22, I was in no way capable of having a reasonably adult relationship. It took a few more years. See, I had a very intense relationship. I was in a very like, oh, this is the man I'm going to marry a relationship. Totally. Yeah, right. So you can't, right, and I know people who met when they were, you know, I have high school, I have several sets of high school sweetheart friends and several sets of college sweetheart friends.

How many made it? Who are married? Still married. All of them. A couple from high school who weren't, who weren't, like, I know some people who married in high school who got divorced, but all my close friends who got married in high school and college are still together. God damn. That's so crazy to me. It's crazy to me because when I was like 26, I was like, well, I guess I can never go to that bar anymore ever again.

Like, I just didn't have the emotional intelligence to, I don't know how it would be different now because I haven't been single since I was 27. But, like, I was just like a scorched earth. Like, if you've ever seen me, if we've even made smoochy eyes at each other and now it's over, I can't be around you anymore. And so I had a real, like, hard, like, I've never tried to do anything with people who I felt like I don't ever want to be around you.

If something happens, I can't ever be around you again. I mean, I moved across the country. You know, there's sometimes you've got to move across the country. Jaggy, Jackie, off the top of your head, just a guesstimate. how many bars slash coffee shop slash public retail facilities have you had to never go back to because of a hookup? Honestly, I'm going to say about 18. I definitely had an entire subway stop that I couldn't go to without getting upset.

How many subway stops were like if I even, because especially how many dudes you would like or people you would hook up with that are right off of the stop and you're like what is the likelihood that they most likely are going because in New York you just run. into people all the time. All the time. All the time. Right. It is crucial that the love, the brokenhearted in New York have a, I think, I want to argue, unique situation where we are in public space so much more than in places where you get around by car that like the amount of times you will just be walking down the street, listening

to music, a couple drinks in, moping about somebody who broke your heart and then just look up and see them. is a horrifying phenomenon that I know. You make them real. You're too powerful. Your magic works too well. You've summoned them. And I do have friends who say that they've looked up and seen a friend in a car in L.A. So I know that that happens. But like not like it happens here.

It's like if you, if somebody has broken your heart in New York, you will see them within two and a half weeks. Easily everywhere all the time probably with somebody that seems like their new fling, right? And happy and so happy they look. Oh yeah. You'll see them with their new bitch and you'll just be like, or you'll have to go work at the place where they work, like, you'll have a show at the place where they work. Yeah, that's the worst, man. Or whatever it is. Well, just think of how many bartenders you've hooked up with that you're just like, man, I always wanted to be on the bartender's side

of like, think of the power you must have of like, think of all the people that cannot walk through the doors of my establishment again. Business just plummets when you start working at the bar. God, I just always wanted that. You know who I, I bet never broke someone's heart before. Can we talk about Mr. Rogers for just a minute? Please, I would love to. I bet he never, you know, stuck and ran before.

What is it called when you, uh, it's a, is that still dying and dashing? Talking about banging and running? Yeah. Bang and run. A bang and run. Yeah, yeah. A plow and seed. Hopefully not seed.

Uh-oh, don't overturn my earth, you, you worker. I don't watch. What is this tangent? You turn. You turn. You know. Mr. Rogers. Would you, I wouldn't have sex with Mr. Rogers, but I do want him to be my father in many an instance. And have you watched the trailer for Tom Hanks is playing Mr. Rogers and Won't You Be My Neighbor? And, oh, no, it's a wonderful day in the name. What do you be my neighbor is a documentary?

Which is stellar. Which is, I could, I probably cried more during that documentary than pretty much any other documentary I've ever seen. and I cried last night at queer eye. Like, you know what I mean? If you want your inner child to be immediately discovered and nurtured, just watch any clip of Mr. Rogers. I particularly recommend the ones where he talks about divorce. I don't even have divorced parents,

and I watch the clip of him talking about divorce and death. And he will cry. And when he talks about when his childhood dog died, and the honesty and the dignity that he affords children of being like, I'm not going to tell you that it wasn't. hard. It was really hard and sometimes when I think about it it still makes me sad. I'm just like the one talks to children this way. And the way

he, and the whole, his whole testimony for PBS is like the most gut-wrenching tear-jurking thing ever. And and and, but I will say this, I get to the point where I kind of need to know like one bad thing about him at this point. I need to know he's actually a human being. Well, he is a human being because

he was, I mean, that's the whole thing. I think it's like, I was reading this very in-depth article about from the, it was an interview with the director, Mariel Heller of A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood about Tom Hanks

versus Mr. Rogers and I think it was really shown that he almost came off as not as he was empathetic but not sympathetic

is that what the difference is you know where it's like he's not just like the person that's going to sit and hold you and like mid-somar like with you

he's just going to give it to you straight and he's going to be rational and I think that that is where to some people like I could couldn't be in a relationship with Mr. Rogers because I need someone that's going to hold me and sob with me if I'm going through something that's really traumatic, you know? And that's not, he's not that guy. I think it was probably, I think if I remember correctly in the documentary, his kids were like, yeah, it was weird to be his kid because he was always like that. Which would be kind of weird. And also I do one thing about Mr. Rogers in it, but I love it because it's like bad, but not even that bad. It's like, not even that. It's he, Officer Clemens, you know, who was the like, who is, like, who is. It was this big deal that he wanted a black police officer and Officer Clemens was like,

I don't love police. The actor who played him was like, I'm black and I have mostly really negative associations with police. I feel kind of weird about being like the first black police officer on children's television. But like Fred wanted me to do it because he wanted it to be this kind of symbolic thing. And so I'm fine with it. But he was also gay. And Mr. Rogers told him to not come out because he was like, if you come out,

it could fuck with like our funding. That's his, that's the downfall. But that's the human thing though. I needed that one human thing. It's a human thing. But also it's a very different time. It was right. It was decades ago.

And I heard that and I was like, oh, shit. But what's amazing about it is that the actor we played Officer Clemens was like, but he was one of the first people to like tell me like, I know who you are and I see who you are. And you should love yourself. And like, I love you so much. And Officer Clemens, the actor was like, my father never told that to me. And he was like, so he never held it again. He was like, Fred Rogers was wrong about whether or not I should come out.

Right. But he loved me so much and he was like more than my own father told me that it was okay for me to be who I was. So it was something that Roger, that Mr. Rogers was not perfect on by any means, but still not even. But he shot up like once just to try. I need some a little more juicy. I need some a little more juicy than that. Because at the end of the day, his impulse was noble. It was like, we want to keep the show, the protect this pure show.

I'm sure he's made his wife cry at least three times. Have you seen the video of him when he's doing Where is Pointer? And he gets to the middle fingers and he just starts laughing. It's so charming. It's like used as a gif all the time. And I was always afraid it was Mr. Rogers actually flipping off the camera. But it's just him doing Where is Pointer? Where is Ringman?

And then he gets to the middle finger and he just like gets the, like extremely knowing cute. He's so cute. I mean, I do the same thing. I just set the air conditioner at 69 degrees and I went, because I'm a child. But as you know, Jackie, we talked about this when the news first came out, that I'm a little bit scared about the Tom Hanks.

I know a little bit more about it now, but I'm... I'm much more excited now that I know it's not a biopic coming off of the heels of that incredible doctor. documentary because I'm like what are they going to do I like the biopic is so pure and such a perfect representation but the fact that it is one story of you know with the reporter because it's it's based on the on the story about Tom Jinnode who was in who was a reporter for Esquire magazine who came to interview Mr. Rogers because like us he was that kind of he was very jaded and he came in just thinking like he's not he can't be that great of a guy and was

just completely won over by his how jaded. of a human being he is. Which I think is great, but Molly, why do you still have hesitancy? As I disclosed, I think a couple of shows ago. I usually am somebody who's like only sees Merrill Streep being Merrill Streep instead of being. Ah, yes. And that has been completely thrown out the window

with the little lies, by the way. I'm so in love with her. No spoilers, no spoilers. I haven't watched the last episode yet. Just that she's fucking amazing. But you know that. She's so good. For the first time in my life,

I have a different relationship. And I'm not saying my relationship with her before was fair, but I just always saw her being Meryl Street. And I had that with Tom Hanks. I always see Tom Hanks being Tom Hanks. I used Clooney as an example. We were talking about, like, on Vision the Bruiser, we were talking about who makes really good villains or superheroes.

Like, what is it about actors? And it's actors who get lost in the role, but people like George Clooney can't be a good Batman or Ben Affleck. Because Ben Affleck can't not be Ben Affleck in a movie, right? So I totally agree with you. That's why you don't see him as Bruce Wayne. But there's a difference. Like, I think my stance is less fair because Ben Affleck.

can only be Ben Affleck because he's a shitty actor. Whereas Tom Hanks... I mean, Tom Hanks. Gilly, please. For his scomp. That's what I'm saying. Tom Hanks is an incredible actor. I may not be a smart man,

Jeddah. No, no, no. I'm saying Tom Hanks is a very, very, very gifted actor, as is, of course, Meryl Streep. It's my problem that I see... I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm supposed to, like, be like, oh, Tom Hanks. But then it wasn't until I read this interesting.

interview, though, with Mariel Heller, when she was talking about that they were recording in the original studio in Pittsburgh. They got the original camera operators. They got the original set decorators. They wanted it to be as close to Mr. Rogers. And this quote really kind of broke me with how, because I was feeling very much the way you were feeling. And essentially, she was talking about how when Tom Hanks walks into a room, he owns the room, he's got a loud voice, everyone falls in love of them, and there's never an awkward moment when you're around Tom Hanks. But Fred allowed for awkward moments. Fred sat in silence and stillness in a way I don't think Tom naturally does. Tom Hanks naturally makes everyone comfortable, puts everyone at ease,

and makes everyone feel great. Fred disarmed people by asking a question and then sitting and staring at you until you answered. My challenge as a director was to get Tom Hanks to become less Tom Hanks, to let discomfort and painful things sit, to not make everything feel okay. This will feel very different from how you've seen him before. So the thing is, is that Even if it's not going to be, you know, he's never going to be Mr. Rogers. At least they are coming at it from that direction. Yeah, and I think that's awesome. That's true.

That sounds interesting as hell, actually. I love the tactic, too. I've actually been reading that a lot in the Cormor and Strike novels that J.K. Rowling wrote the detective novels. One of his detective things that he always does is, like, he'll do that same thing. If he's interviewing somebody and he knows they're withholding stuff, he'll ask them a question and they'll answer, and then he'll just sit and wait for them. and not say anything else.

That's the best way to get information out of somebody. Well, it's a natural way for a person to immediately because you want to fill the silence because you're so uncomfortable. I mean, look at what I'm doing right now. I feel like this is what we do for a living. It's like, okay, never have the silence. Always keep talking. That is true.

That's what we do for a living. I hear that that's what therapists do, though, just be like, and go on. And how does that make you feel? Exactly. Or it's like, ask me a question like, how was Tuesday? How was Tuesday? It was good. I was damaged by a man

You know what I mean Just that little beat of silence That little bit of silence I was damaged by the man He had the banana And I said give me the banana And he said no Is that how you reacted

To watching the cats trailer Oh God in heaven I've been counting the days Until I could see you both And we could talk about cats Okay okay I just want to Where are their butt holes?

Oh you know want but holes. Well, this is the whole issue, right? There is a bizarre mingling of, we're trying to make them like cat looking. And then also, though, we're going to be human. Digital fur technology. If I have to read the phrase digital fur technology

one more time between Lion King and fucking cats. It's the worst of both worlds because it is not the stage show where, yes, they look like humans dressed as cats because it's the fucking stage. Instead, it's this like augmented reality, like their face is superimposed into like cat bodies with huge that are in the shape of humans. It's odd. But with the fur of a cat. Give me Zubilee Zoo.

I'd rather have the OG cat's outfits because they were ridiculous, because they were fantastical. If you're going to have a cat prancing around a Mr. fucking Mustafalis, he better have a fanciful fucking outfit on. But there's the problem in itself for me personally. I stop at the character named Mr. Mistophilies. I have to make an admission here, Molly, and this is what makes this different, okay? Not a cat's fan. Actively dislike this musical. Memories is a great song, and that's kind of the funny.

Talk about Uncanny Valley, like you talk about how it almost looks real, but it doesn't, and so it makes you upset, which is a lot of what's going on with the cat look. But also with that trailer, the song is beautiful. It's so good. So you're hearing this gorgeous song and you're looking at this crazy train wreck nightmare And it's just so weird and off when you're like Or Jennifer Hudson because she's killing the song

She's killing the song No this is my favorite thing about cats Because most things I have a real emotional stake in And what's perfect about cats Is that I love the song memory I love the greatest hits I only my relationship to the Cats the musical Came through Junior High Choir

Not ever being in a show or like So I don't have And I don't give a single fuck about the show. And the stuff that's goofy to me, the plot, the names of the characters. But also the plot, it technically is amazing because it's about a group of magical cats called the Jellical Cats.

Yeah. And that they are all, they want to be chosen to ascend to become reborn into a new life in the heavy side layer. You lost me at Magical Cats. What do you mean you've got me at Magical Cats? I also don't have big cat love. If there was a show,

called dogs, I would maybe be more on board, I think. Would you? I do love, I do love the actual animal that is, the cat. But, and I love, I love Andrew Lloyd Weber just till the day I die. What's your favorite Andrew Lloyd Weber show? I think Jesus Christ Superstar.

Yeah, that's the one, right? I feel like it really, it really stands out. That is legitimate. That's the one. That is the one. What else holds a candle to Jesus Christ Superstar? Phantom. What are you talking about Phantom? Yeah, I guess. Phantoms got masquerade rules, everything else in that show,

drools in my opinion. You are a drool. Masquerade! I love that song. You are, no, what about Starlight Express? So on Jack and Ease this week, we were watching clips in Starlight Express because someone sent in a clip for us to watch.

And I got very excited because I have slept with a member of the Starlight Express. It's the one that's like cats, but they're trains, right? No, no, they are people. I don't, it is. It's train people. They're on roller skates. I know that.

Aren't they train people? They're trains? Yeah. I think it's like Thomas the Tank Engine. It's about steam engines. I just saw dudes. Literally, I was just like, oh, this looks like, what's that futurist? This looks like Running Man with Arnold Schwarzenegger, but like roller derby.

No, there's like a, there's a not great steam engine, and he's trying to impress the fancy steam engine with his fucking roller skating skills. Why would I wouldn't want? The second this dude told me, this. he was in Starlight Express, was like, where do I fucking hop on your dick? I'm ready. I think with,

I think with, I think with, I think with, I think with, that's a great credit. You should put that in your, in your list of credits, check.

One slept as a man from Starlight Express. No, not the original cast. Uh, amateur wrestler. I like to experience interesting people inside of my body.

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Extra burgers, guys. Free, extra burgers, guys! For $20 off your first box and six burgers for free at every box all summer long until October 15th, go to butcherbox.com slash page 7 or enter promo code page 7. To go back to Cats for a second, one of the most remarkable things is in talking about

the thing that is so fun about talking about the Cats trailer is, say you're having a conversation with someone and they say, casually say, who's in it? And you say, sit down and buckle up because there's about 50,000 people. The craziest cast of fucking people. Well, and it makes less sense that all these people, all of these people

would be involved, though, because I mean, the same director did that amazing Le Maze. It's the same director as the Le Miserie? Right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh shit. And see, I loved that I thought that that was very good. I know a lot of people did not like it. Oh, I loved. I cried in the movie theater. I thought they did great.

I mean, he also did the King's speech. He's a great. He's a great director. He can get anybody. But yeah, let's review. Do you want me to put the list up on? I want to see how many I can get? Because Gideon is like, how many people heard it? And he was like walking out the room and I was still naming people. Of course. It's insane. Jennifer Hudson, James Corden, Judy Dench, fucking Idris Elba, Taylor Swift.

I was about to say, don't leave out the fucking crazy-ass one. Although I will say, I think Taylor Swift is the one that looks the best as a cat. Yeah, she does. That makes sense, too. A, she loves cats. She's kind of cat-like. And she's very cat-like. She does a lot of hand-dancing in her choreography.

She does do a lot of hand-dancing. Lexon and I are always like, oh, there's the hand-dancing. Like, every time we watch anything that she does. Who am I missing? I feel like I got. Okay, you said. James Corden. Ian McGowan.

Rebel Wilson. Rebel Wilson. I think you missed the Dane that is in this one? Judy Dens. That's the craziest one. Everyone is the craziest one. Idris Elba is the craziest one. You missed Gandolph's in this.

Yeah, that is the craziest one. No, and everyone online, too, are very upset because in, I know, I believe it's her first feature film, but it says introducing Frances. Heska Hayward, who is a very well-known ballerina. Ah, yes. So also the internet is very upset because she's not being introduced. What are they fucking talking about? Right, right.

And she looks horrible. Yeah. She is the worst one, especially as an amazing, very talented person of color that they completely whitewashed. As they, like, add the cat where it's like, you don't even show any of her face whatsoever? You see, I know it's like digital fur fucking technology. which again, I will kill myself

if I have to say that phrase again. But you can at least see Judy Denger's face and their faces aren't even properly put on the bodies. And the scale, the scale. I'm glad you sent us that article, Jackie, because that really laid out why. Because it's not just one thing that's like,

oh, it's the fur, oh, it's the size of things. We're looking at the picture right now of her. The funniest, the most standout shot of the whole thing, which is her with the giant knife and force. at the dinner table. Doesn't make any sense. My cats sit on my table all the time. That's not the scale even remotely.

Yeah, at all. Like, that's the weird part, right? The scale is just a constantly. Cats are bigger than a fork. Most cats are bigger than a fork. Most cats are bigger than a fork. And right, and some of the cats wear clothes and some don't. It seems like it falls largely along gender lines, although not entirely along gender

lines. Who gets clothes and who doesn't? You know, I realize we're looking at a picture of Rebel Wilson. You know, I think one of the... things that doesn't get talked about enough about how weird the cats look. The teeth. The human teeth. Very weird. Very off-putting. So, okay. Fully human faces. You are in the

CGI department for cats. The trailer just came out. Everyone's losing their shit. What do you do to attempt to fix graphically what the fuck is going on? Well, my theory is they should do the whole thing in a, like, photorealistic, like the Lion King, and just have them all look like actual house cats. Just go full cats. Street cats.

And I don't know the story of cats at all, and I don't know if that would make it scarier or worse. Magical cats. But, like, just make it like they look like a little cute cats. I don't need these sexy human cats I want to fuck. But the whole thing, but it is like, it is, it does get, the story does get creepy because, like, Judy Dench's character, old Duteronomy.

I never know how to say it. Duterominy. She gets kidnapped by Idriselba's cat character, because she is the one that's supposed to make the choice of who ascends to the next layer, you know, to their quote unquote cat heaven. Right. So it does get dark. So then lean in and make it, if this was turned into rather than a fanciful version of cats,

if you want to make it really fucking dark, I'd be there. Cats is a fanciful version of cat. I don't know what else to say. Cats is the most ridiculous. I mean, the most ridiculous, in my opinion, like, popular musical. is cats to me. I think that that's fair. And it can't be too,

because the only redeeming thing about cats, arguably, is the soundtrack, right? So, like, you can't make, if you want to make it, you have to keep the soundtrack, I think. Well, and also the dancing in it. So if the, like, in OG cats, it's filled with amazing dancers.

Yeah, that's like half the reason. So that's an argument against my photo realistic. Yeah. But also, where are the real dancers then? It's the same where I have my forever problem with fucking la la la land, I'm not saying it's a bad movie, but why didn't you get somebody? It's like they should all be dancers.

I'm not, I liked it, and I'm not, I'm not going to disagree with you. No shortage of fucking actors who can dance. Go to a damn theater. And sing. And sing. I think singing almost, I think you can get a decent enough of a performance out of like, an Emma Stone with dancing. But like, singing, you can't, you can't, there's no amount of time in the studio. Like, I think dancing, you can put through somebody,

somebody through, who's like super in shape. a crash course and train your ass off. You're still not going to be as good as, like, the best dancers out there. Well, yeah, we all know they went to cat school for cats, by the way. So, don't worry. But I agree with you technically, Holden, but, like, this is like, you know. Pipes, you can't. You can't fake pipes, but so I've a large Gene Kelly fan.

And Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra did a lot of musicals together. By large, you mean super pregnant. Yeah, yeah. Huge belly, Gene Kelly fan. Gained 25 pounds. Gene Kelly fan. No, Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra did a number of musicals together. Yes.

And in both of... And he is incredible, by the way. I'm... Yeah. They both sing and they both dance. And they both can do both, but, like, they each look like dog shit at the other one that they're not... You know what I mean? Like, listening to Gene Kelly sing next to Frank Sinatra, you're just like, oh, my God, don't do it.

I think that's what I guess I'm getting more to. It's less noticeable if someone is... If two people are dancing that are on the same skill level and you're like, oh, that's a lovely little dance. But the moment they start singing, you... You can hear how it's just not as powerful as like, if you're familiar enough with, like, Broadway singers. I'm sorry, I don't want to watch Rebel Wilson act like a cat. Well, this is different to this is... Does that I want to watch me act like a cat?

Oh, no. Uh, yes, actually. A dump, dump, dump, I'll throw it around. Oh, no, Dom. I think people would love to see you act like a stupid. I have a new answer to Holden's question of how do you fix the movie now that you see everybody hates it. Jackie plays every role. Jackie plays every role.

It's a one-woman show. I'll play every role. Put me in. I'll flop a fucking round. I think I... Lavery is all alone in the moonlight. Is that fine? That was beautiful.

See, there you go. I'm all of them. Put me in all the cats. I can't hear the song without getting emotional immediately. It's so good. I mean, I immediately teared up. Of course, well, I hated the fact that Jennifer Hudson and hits those appeals, then of course I'm just like,

man, this is a good song, though. While the weirdest visuals are being presented to you, and I will say, cats also wins the award to me for worst names in a thing ever. McCavity. I think it's cute. I like the names. Mr. Mistophiles is the dumbest name I've ever heard my entire life.

But it's a cute name for an actual cat. Grizzabella, Bustifer Jones. These are names? I like Busterford Jones. Rumtum Tugger. They're good names for cats, Holden. They're good names for cats I have a friend who got a cat

Whose name was Grisabella when she got her But she renamed her But... Rizabella is a great fucking cat name They're good names for cats I think this is my problem I think that I just have a weird cat issue I think my name in cats would be sandwiches

And I think I would be covered in mayo And they'd be like oh sammages And then I'm just like Mayo, mayo, mayo me Mr. Mr. Cat And I'll be a little like What's her name from Little Shop of Horrors, you know? Would you be one of the cats, like real cats that, you know,

how there are some cats that will sneak up and, like, lick your human food when you're not looking? Yeah. I lick Jeff all the time without his worship. Oh, yeah, there you go. My cat's name would be Gliggity Ristopher. That's a great name. And I'm a mischief cat. I'm the cat that always knocks things off the table while staring at their owner.

Gligatee Ristifer knocks it again. That's my big song. Gliggity, Ristopher, knocks it again. He's happy to do it, and he'll always win. He'll stare at you while he'll pause your junk. I always think he's a credible lankies. Gliggity, Ristopher. And he's mean to his pet, don't know, Christopher.

What about your cat name? God, I don't have a good thing. Really put me on the spot here. I've always wanted... Just think of the dumbest name you can possibly... That's what I did. I was like, what is the stupidest name I can possibly think of right now? Gliggity, okay, and then like a person's name, but like wholly half of it.

But not quite. But not their actual, but not an actual person. Christopher. All I have is actual cat names that I've said I've never been able to use. I've always wanted to name a cat Homer. Oh, that's a fun. That's a reasonable name. There's not a single name like that in this list that I'm like, that's too.

It needs to be like, Homerton. Homerton Rondelet. Homerton Rondelet. Oh, that's a great name. I've always wanted, because I know I can't name a human child Homer because it's just too much, but I've always wanted to name a cat Homer. That's a good name. I feel like you could open up some sort of cat speakeasy called like Rondelais' rendezvous.

Hosted by Homer. But hosted by Homer. Also, though, I think another good trick for our fans listening is I would love to hear your names, maybe in the FB group or on Twitter or something, just hit us up with yours. Just take your name and make it stupid. So for you, I would go with Maloria. Or yeah, Malinta. Malillia.

But the cat's names are so cute. I have way less of a beef with them. Mr. Mistophilis is a great name for a cat. I just can't. I don't know what it is. How about buttonhole? Guys, I think I'm sorry, I don't mean to stop our conversation, but I think I just found Henry's butthole cream next on the table in the studio.

How did you know he had butthole cream? I mean, I'm assuming it says butthole cream. hole and it says something about the perennial that's a butt hole right it's the space between your butt and whatever else you get it's your taint yeah so I'm touching his taint cream right now why do you need who needs that why do you need that what's it supposed to do you know maybe some injuries to your taint maybe he's what's your chamoys so what's a chamoys it's such a chamoys cream chamoys I'm so I'm so distracted I had to bring it up I think

I think the people who've had vaginal deliveries might need taint cream. Okay, so this is... I don't like that's Henry. So this is apparently chomoi cream applications to something of a taboo subject. It's for cyclers. So it's for people who ride a lot of bicycles. That's not... Neither one, Henry, nor I know how to ride a bicycle.

I will say it is untouched. But the problem is that I thought it was regular lotion, so I was about to put it on my hands. And I was like, that smells weird. I wonder what this is. Okay, yes. Chimoy cream, it's an antibacterial, viscous substance that helps eliminate friction

between skin and clothing, and therefore the chafing that can occur during a ride. It comes in a number of forms, including balms, creams, and even powder. Now, I know that he's had chaf, I mean, as I have had as well, we've commiserated on this. And I think all people have chaf issues.

But I've never had a taint chaf problem. Maybe you can use the taint cream on your thighs of your thighs. I could, you know, I feel like we could all use. Should I put some on my hands to see if it stings? No, because he just, then you will be essentially rubbing your hands on some stuff that's been rubbed and applied to his junk. Your brother's talk and balls. They keep calling their perennial your button hole.

Uh-huh. I feel like that means you're, it's like, stick it in your big brown on. Right? You know what you're holding? I would have thrown across the room minutes ago. I guess I should probably put it down. Yeah, you keep fondling it and open. and smelling it and doing all these sorts of things

that are making me deeply uncomfortable right now. Sorry, sandwiches loves her but for me. This is the problem. We just went from probably what is the most uncomfortable thing on the planet right now, which is the cat's trailer, directly into your brother's tank cream. Okay, I would like to make a good segue. I would like to make one short thesis statement

about this whole situation, though. Please. About the bottle? whole cream? Yes, no. Well, this can maybe get wrapped into what this is. Okay, as a person who does not already like, who already does not like cats, if everything was being done that you guys were talking about to fix it and it looked like reasonably good, I would probably never go see it in the theater. But because it's so fucking weird and so just everything about it is so strange, that is actually going to drive me to opening night. Of course I'm going to go see it. Yeah, people

got to get all fucked up and go see it. So my whole state. is this, is that I don't want to live in a world where this cat's trailer doesn't exist. I'm thrilled with it. Yeah. I mean, it's fantastic. It's the best thing to happen to weeks, right? Molly, you have to wait until you can, I think,

consume something again before because I know, I'm going to get ripped to the tip. I'm going to get a bottle of whiskey, and I'm going to tell Henry we're going to go see something else. I'm going to drag Henry to go see cats, and hopefully he'll be cheved out and I'll be like, I think this is the wrong move. Like, do, do, do, do,

chah, chop, we shut our lips. And then we're going to, I want to see it in the middle of the day and I want to get just, right, I want to reek of whiskey and just go, no, and why? Middle of the day is key. You got to come out the theater and have the sun still be very much up. Oh, my God. And be so fucked up.

Yeah, no, even the fact that I had to watch the trailer sober was to, that was the only negative thing about the whole experience. Yeah, oh, for sure. It drove me to drink in the middle of the day because I watched the trailer. It's unbelievable. I'm actually ecstatic that it exists. It's so funny.

This has been the year of this shit. Because this, by the way, in like the gaming world, the Sonic, the Hedgehog trailer, same thing. Yeah. Everybody freaked out because Sonic looks so fucking weird. Also, his teeth. But at the same time, Sonic at least, they changed Sonic after that. And it didn't have Judy Dench in it. That's the thing.

It's so true. That's the crazy thing about Cass. Cats has the craziest fucking cast. So, and that's why I pause. I asked my the question, do you have a quick answer to this? What would you do? If you're the head of the CGI department,

everyone hates this CGI and this thing. What are you going to do? I mean, first of all, I think I would definitely look at the hair technology, lengthen it on some of the cats, I think. Lengthen it. It looks okay, but this is the weird, it's like short on everybody,

and it makes their human features even more like in your face. I think also I would look at the hands. Put some mitts on it. I need mitts on it. I need mitts on it. Mitz on the hands, anything else before we move on to other? I think maybe just like possibly trying to center the faces on the head shapes that they have created. Especially Jennifer Hudson, right?

She's got the weirdest of all. And Francesca Hayward where it's like her face doesn't match on where the face should be on a head. And the problem is that, like, I'm not saying this as if I think that there are all these amazing animators and people that are working on this that are not working their asses off. I know that they are, but something is awry and it doesn't work. Something is off. Our hearts go out to everybody slaving away in a CGI pin right now. It's got to be a horrible right now. Can you imagine?

If you're a worker on the cats, you go home and you're like, no, it's whoever was making the decisions. I mean, it's the same as, like, at Comic-Con over the weekend with the Game of Thrones cast that were getting booed at their, like, in the middle of their talkback. What? It's not the fucking actor's fault. Don't boo them. That makes me so upset. Yeah, that's ridiculous. That's completely.

That is not cool. So, yeah, you went to San Diego Comic-Con, huh? Your favorite place to be. I didn't go to Comic-Con. No, no, no, no. I just made the wrinkles. Because you go to so many con-oh, okay, gotcha. You just mentioned it.

Oh, shit. I wouldn't put it past her because you go to so many cons now with your hubby. No. Henry, the last podcast boys did a panel or did a show at Comic-Con. And I was not invited,

and all I desperately asked for was a picture of them with the Riverdale cast, like I have for the past couple of years that they've gone to Comic-Con and worked it. But what I did receive was a picture of Henry with Kim Joy from the Great British Bake Off, which is close. Oh, that's pretty good.

That's awesome. But apparently, she's the sweet-s of the night. But also, yeah, I don't think that's cool. I don't think that's cool, and I don't think that's fair. And also, the people that are booing people that worked very hard on something, go fuck yourself. Can you fucking do it? Yeah, not the writers. Go produce anything.

Well, the writers backed out of Comic Con. Oh, I bet. Because they didn't want to fucking deal with it. This is the thing, too. And I was actually thinking about this, to bring up Queer Eye. Are you guys watching the new season of Queer Eye? I haven't watched it yet. I've only seen the first episode, but boy, did it hit close to home.

Yep, and that's why I want to bring up. And I thought about you a lot, Molly. And one of my biggest thoughts is I taught writing to adults for like a couple years. And I think it should be mandatory, just like it should be mandatory for everyone to work for a certain amount of time in the service industry. For sure. Everyone should have to be a teacher for a fucking at least like one semester. But I think it should be more. You should at least have two different or three different complete classroom.

I did, I just did summer school for a summer. and that was fucking enough. Dude, all right, I'm done. Because the amount of work and the amount of debt, to be a good teacher to inspire people's lives, and that, and so, of course, the first episode. Which also, cheers to you, Molly, because you fucking work your ass off.

It reminded me of, like, how fucking hard your job is and how important it is the good teachers that do exist out there. Well, and for me, I grew up in the small town Midwest and had a dedicated-ass theater teacher who, like, brought me, who made me feel so safe and so supported and so happy.

And the first episode, Jackie, no spoilers, but I'm sure you've seen people tweeting about how good it is. It's just about like Jonathan Van Ness's high school. And there's like one, like one, like we had a cut. We had like an orchestra director and a band director and a choir director and a choir director and a theater director. And this, his high school, small town, Illinois has like, it's like one lady. And she does all of it. She does the show choirs.

She does like the musicals. She does everything. She's at on campus like all. All day, all night. And it hits so close to home. And she's just like, she's like super Midwestern. She like doesn't. You know how the queer eye boys like want to sit down and be like,

so tell me about your relationship with yourself. And she's like, I have no idea I answer this. Talking about. All I do is work. Just at the school. That's what I do. But all the kids love her and they all have like little jokes about her. And it's so fucking sweet.

And it's wonderful. And the part where you're just bawling is she had a great impact on him. during some very difficult years in his life. I'm gonna watch it today. Yeah, we need to watch it. I was bawling. It's so good. Because he's, yeah, I mean, imagine what a time he had in high school, right?

Oh, yeah. And I, and I, but at the same time, like, I felt I was a fucking weirdo in high school, too, or I felt like I didn't belong to anybody or, like, like, I, and teachers, and I had a hard time, like, he described. So even if you're not dealing with, like, coming out, being gay or something like that, I mean, I think there's so many people Well, just finding yourself. See, I had horrible theater teacher.

She was a great theater teacher, but she was a bitch. Yeah. But the thing was that, like, we all worked because we were a very competitive theater school. So we were, you know, it's like you had to work your fucking ass off, but it did actually push me in the opposite direction where it's like, we would come together and be like, fuck her, we're going to put on the best show.

This school has ever seen. You know, so we had the opposite of that, which also we would like bolster. each other. But I mean, I, you think about the, I mean, I'm sure we all have them, right? Like, I think about Mark Medoff in college. And he was the one, like, I was kicked out of the acting school. I was fucking

ostracized for, like, even doing the murder fist thing from the theater school. He was the one person who saw what MurderFist was doing, who saw what I was doing, and treated me with respect in a time when I didn't have any support creatively from an adult. And it was our sketch comedy

group, because of course everyone did treat us like weird outsiders. It's not to the theater. And of course, the only person there who had won a Tony who had fucking, did he win an Oscar or two? Who had, I think, or at least was nominated.

Yeah, for Children of a Lesser God. Oh, wow. He was the only person there and fucking did anything with his life, faculty-wise. You know what I mean? I don't want to shit on because some of the other people did some cool stuff, but really did something. Or career-wise.

And to have him look at what I was doing and say keep going, meant a lot. The best thing about hearing about, like, the Queer Eye episode is like, yeah, that everybody, like everybody, you know, hopefully everybody, right, whether or not, I mean, obviously Jonathan had a kind of specific unique struggle of being like, you know, gay and like the first male cheerleader at his high school. And you can tell, you can tell just by the general way that he is. It's like, you can't really even be in the closet almost with that, you know, he's very flamboying. Right. And you can imagine him in high school being just exactly who he is now. Yeah, I would hate to see a Jonathan Van Ness that's like scared to be that. Right. person that you see. And not in love with himself. Well, and also because he comes from a very supportive family, which is amazing.

He does. I was wondering that, actually. Yes, he actually did have a very strong. He's very close to his mother, because I follow him up very closely in all his social media and man, his mom, like, they just, they are like two peas in a pod. It's a fucking adorable. I was actually thinking about that a lot during this episode. But yeah, like, what I love about that episode is it has everybody being like,

this was the teacher that saw me. And yeah, same, I wasn't gay in high school. And it wasn't that I needed support in that way But it was like, you know, I felt like, right, many teens feel alienated, you know, I felt whatever you feel like trying to find yourself, you just need a teacher who you feel like sees you, you know? And I feel like one of the cool things about this queer eye episode

is it just has everybody naming like that teacher who like saw them and was like, I, you know, I had a teacher in fifth grade who said you could be a writer when you grew up and I never forgot it. Yeah, that's like cool that, you know, it's cool that everybody usually hopefully has a, at least one teacher. I'm going to get so emotional, but this is what brings us back to the gushing

about Mr. Rogers and why people like him are so important. Yes. Well, and people like Lil Nas X, which again, I want to fucking say a mausel mausel, because he has hit his 16th a week of Old Down Road

being number one on the Billboard's Hot 100 singles, which means he is tied for the most numbers of being at number one for the longest amount of weeks, which he's tied with Despacito and he is tied with One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey. I'm so not mad that the other song is Despacito.

I think that that's got of fun. I can't believe, though, this loophole that he found. I can't believe this loophole exists. I see, but it's not a loophole. This is why I wanted to bring this up because I am dumbfounded. Dumbfounded by how wonderful it is. Well, I am, no, I'm dumbfounded by the idea that the reason why he keeps releasing remixes and why Billy Elish released the remix of Bad Guy with Justin Bieber

and how Despacito also got to the 16th week is that if you do a remix with other people involved in singing the song that hasn't been changed that much, it's a continuation of that it could be technically a different, quote-unquote, release of the song, but is still the same song so you can maintain your number one. I love that he's taking advantage of this, Nicole. And at the same time,

I think it's the dumb. I think it's so dumb. It's so dumb, but it's fucking working, man. Yeah, I don't know. I'm glad he's doing it. But I think they need to eventually change that because that is such a silly thing. It's a different song. I'm sorry.

If you re-record it with other people on it and I don't know. It's a different song. It's crazy. I feel like it, it, I understand that it's a silly rule, but I couldn't be happier that he is the one who's benefiting. And he's being hilarious about it at all times. He is so fucking funny. But also, how mad must Billy Eilish be? because she is trying so, her team is trying so desperately to get bad guy to number one.

The song is everywhere. And that's why she did it with Justin Bieber and still not make it to number one. I kind of like the drummy of it. Yeah, I like it too. Yeah. I like anything that makes people compete like animals to become the top dog. And I feel perfectly happy to root for both of them. Which is like, that's my favorite kind of competition.

Totally. And Nazex is doing it, I think, really well and who he's getting. involved. I love that he keeps just reaching out to people on Twitter. Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton is the big one, right? I'm very excited for that. I love that he reached out to Dolly Parton. And then she tweeted back a picture of the two horses from the Old Town Road.

I don't know if it's from like the cover of the album and added another horse that was a pink horse with long blonde mane as if saying, yeah, of course I do a remix with you. Oh, it's so good. There are so many things that make me so sad all the time in this world. And that just is just straight joy.

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Go to HoneyBook.com and use promo code page 7 for 50% off your first year. That's HoneyBook.com promo code page 7. Yeah, I feel like we're getting a lot of just fun music stuff this summer. Like it's not even like big jams of the summer even. You know what I mean? Remember, by the way, not to bring up something completely the problem with adding, but it always boggles my mind when I think about summer hits, that blurred lines was like a completely like not complained about. Worst summer jam ever.

But the problem is, is it still a goddamn pop, man? I was talking about it on my Twitch stream, and we were doing karaoke donation incentives. And so I was kind of trying to needle it to happen, and someone donated for us to sing at karaoke. And you don't realize until you start singing at karaoke. It's a horrible source. fucking awful the lyrics of that song. There is no ambiguity about how bad that song is. It is bad, bad. Everything about it is bad.

And everyone at the time was like, oh, people are overreacting. And then you do it, yeah, you do it for karaoke. And you're like, oh, sweet. Jesus Christ. By the way, one of my most embarrassing karaoke moments was to involve Jackie, actually. I was like, Jackie, I want to do a duet. And I was really into the stones at the time. And so I chose Beast of Burden, which is like a very overtly sexual song.

And so Jackie gets up there And we start singing it And I always thought of it as like a frit Like I don't want to be your issue I want to be your buddy You know what I mean But no no no it's all about fucking And how you don't

You want to have a fun fuck relationship right And so we're singing about Fucking and sucking Yeah essentially it's friends with benefits I think half way literally half of this talk Jackie's like I'm good I'm just like walked off stage Well I've always been very

I've always been very jealous of Jackie and Henry Because they are the only people I know Who can pull off Paradise by the Dashby I thought I could steal some of that magic, you know what I mean? And I just totally misfired. And I tried to do Paradise by the Dashboard Light once with a friend, and immediately, like, 30 seconds in, I was like, this was a mistake. It's like seven and a half minutes long. It is also Paradise by the dashboard light is a long song.

And you need to know the changes. You need to be very familiar with the direction that song is taking and have a powerful execution of that. And the reason it works with Jackie and Henry, and I think only Jackie and Henry, is because, again, the lyrics of that song, do not hold up. He basically just pressures her to fuck, and then they live the rest of their lives and misery together. And so it's, like, not a good song to stand by.

I love that song so much. And it's so stupid that it's not even worth. It's not like blurred lines where you're like, no, this is actively problematic. Like, I feel like Paradise by the Dashboard Light is just so dumb, like it doesn't matter. But when you listen closely to it, you're like, these lyrics are a nightmare.

But it works for Jackie and Henry because they're Jackie and Henry, and it's just not so letcherous. as meatloaf, you know. Well, because it's also just funny. I feel like we had a whole schick for a very long time that we thought it was funny that people didn't know whether we were brother or sister

or whether we were married. And now that's gross. I think we had was a very drunk time for both of us. I still think it's funny, though. I think it's very funny. The ambiguity is so uncomfortable, and it's hilarious, you know, to me. But that's me.

People get very nervous, if you correct them. But, of course, I used to joke about wanting to fuck my mom in roundtable days. So, I mean, that's my bread and butter in my 20s was just like, what could I come up with to make people uncomfortable? The most uncomfortable that's not like just saying something racist. You know what I mean?

The opposite of Mr. Rogers. Yeah. Mr. Rogers is like, I'm going to just give you space to find yourself. Right, right. And you're like, how can I take up all the air of the rules? Right, right. What are they called like sabotaging thoughts or whatever, whatever that is when, you know, the idea when you're in a formal situation

and you're like, all I have to do is stand up and say this word and it will ruin my life. You know what I mean? Everything. It's like, oh, I'm like, oh, I'm not. actually just saying that stuff. It was a fun time. It was a liberating time. We all had our times. These coincided, by the way, with the times that we all couldn't hook up with someone and see them in the same room again. Exactly. It was our 20s, and it's starting out

in comedy in your 20s. There's nothing like it, man. Nothing like it. And you know what else there's nothing like? The list. Oh, who's on the list? Check me. Got to have that list. Ooh, it is celebrities revealing the craziest places they have had sex. Oh. Oh, yeah, baby, because we're going to jump right in with Gerard Butler. Where was the craziest place he's ever had sex on the side of a volcano? Oh, this is all going to be like rich people shit. It's not going to be fun shit like in a grate.

In a porta potty. I'm sure that it could, but he also had sex on a glacier. And he said, I got to be honest, it was not fun. More escorts stuck to the arts. All right, so this is going to be the reoccurring theme, by the way, of the craziest place you ever had sex. It's never enjoyable. It's always just, I fucked here, which was crazy, but nothing about it made the sex better. You know what I mean?

Yeah. No, do it on a bed. Yeah. I mean, it was same with Brian Cranston. When he was on the honeymoon, when he was on his honeymoon with his wife Robin in Europe, he was taking a train from Italy to Switzerland. The travel agent said, by the way, the third tunnel is 50 minutes long. It's traditional for honeymooners to take advantage of that time. And he said, I said capiche, which a very uncomfortable way to respond to that.

And they fucked in a tunnel. But in a train, in a tunnel. In a train, in a tunnel. And then I guess it was more towards the end of the train. They didn't realize. And then they came out of the train. This is not that fun of an idea. But you know what?

I like Brian Cranston. and I'm just happy that, you know, he's stuped in a train. Yeah, that's fine. If you got a private train car, you got a shit up. Yes, 100%. Ashley Graham fucked in the ocean on New Year's Eve. Gross. No, no, absolutely not.

I, yuck, not saltwater. No, UTI Central over here. Yeah, yeah, and I was actually, because it was an X we had, I think I've talked about this before, but she was like kind of, it was almost an Airbnb, so she was just like, short-term staying in a place, had a whirlpool, and we were, like, getting busy. in this whirlpool for a minute until she told a friend

and the friend was like, hey, that's like really bad for you, like health-wise. Yeah, it's really not good for you. Although I will say, hashtag couple goals always, John Legend and Chrissy Teigen, they gave two different answers on two different occasions. John Legend brought up the time that when they were at a campaign event for Barack Obama, they fucked in the dressing room because they just, like,

couldn't keep their hands off of each other. That's cool. That's good. That's better than a glacier. Yeah. And then Chrissy Teigen said, we were on our way to Thailand to see my parents flying commercial first class. We were under a blanket. We weren't even in one of those pot things. I feel like we should get a trophy for that.

Wow. I support it and yet kind of feel bad for the other people who are on first class. See, that's the problem. I also feel bad for, I have talked, a good friend of mine is a flight attendant. And I asked her if she'd ever seen people like, have. have sex on the plane. She's like, yeah, you know, we catch people, you know, we realize what they're doing in the bathroom.

She's like, it just sucks when you have to walk up to someone that's openly either masturbating or, like, like, finger blasting the person next to them underneath a blanket and you have to stop them from doing it. That's not nice for the workers. Yeah. And I'm big into, like, I dig a voyeur time. But that just, like, I don't, not when it's in that close of quarters,

where someone that's doing their job has to ask you to stop. There's probably kids on that plane, you know, odds are. And, you know, I told this story, I think, once more, but I had some frisky times in the back of a cab before. The lady kind of went for it with the, I got a JJ, J, J, FJ. Look at how uncomfortable you are. I can't wait. I got a dirty stuff.

You have to give a sex talk to a child. I can't wait. When you put your, We'll call it, we'll refer to as ding dong. When you put your ding dong, if you're in the shower and it feels, have you ever done dishes before? Just don't use hand soap. So, yeah, it's, so I was getting, you know, she went for it,

and I was kind of like, oh, okay, I didn't want to be a killjoy, you know what I mean? But I could clearly tell the cab driver knew. Yeah, that's. And it was really awkward. And I could, like, hear the sigh, like, oh. Yeah, right. Okay, I guess we got to do this across this, across this, across. the bridge right now.

Because anytime a dick is out, you know, it can make people feel uncomfortable, right? fully so. People don't want to be around dicks unless they're saying, hey, take your dick out. And it's not the same thing, obviously, having a private two-person consensual fuck. But I just feel like any time a dick is out in public, it kind of puts everybody else in a situation, you know? Yes, it's very uncomfortable. Like Jenny McCarthy having sex in the Grand Canyon.

In the Grand Canyon. There's like scorpions and stones and dirt and it's hot. hot. It was like the strangest worst sex of my life. Don't vaccinate your kids. No, oh, I just do that. I'm sorry. Oh, you threw that. I mean, she said, I'm sure it's not in the Grand Canyon, but what does that mean? And, like, one of the guardrails, like, in the tourist trap of the Grand Canyon? Yeah. Also, if she cut herself on the guardrail, she would probably need a tetanus shot, and I wonder if she was allowed to get one. Oh, interesting. Probably not. Well, I think that Leve, uh, Leav Schreiber probably would also need a tetanish shot after having sex

on the Staten Island ferry. I mean, that I would totally do if nobody else was on the ferry. Who is not on the ferry? Ever, not on the ferry. I know. But I'm just saying, fucking on a boat, yeah. Yeah. Right? Fucking on a most crowded commuter ferry. Yeah, Staten Island Ferry is like,

probably the grossest boat you can fuck on. It's not a sexy boat. Jack and I, we had a fun summer game for a while. We called it the Booz Cruise. And what you could do is you can buy tallies of course lights on that ferry. Remember it was the Follstazz. Oh, yeah.

We got the huge cans of full stats. I've had the big beers on the Staten Island ferry. But what we would do is you had to finish it by the time you got to the other side. And then we would run out and run around. There was a running element because you had to like try to get onto the next boat, which was going to be leaving just after that boat docked. So you had to run out of the exit, run back around into the entrance on a full tank of beer, and then do it all over again.

And do it again and try and see how many beers you could do. How many lapsed. Like more than back to Manhattan, you would go back to Staten Island a separate. Back to Manhattan, back to Staten, back to Manhattan. I feel like we did maybe one time we did like six of those. It's high because if you don't finish, if you don't have an even number, you're on Staten Island. You know what I mean? You got to get back to Manhattan.

You got to get back. And the relay race element really kicked it up and on. It makes your drunk so much harder, so much faster because you've got to run to the other side of it. Yeah. I would totally do that. It was very fun. Ah, the 20s. I'm just living in my 20s right now, man.

in our 20s today and we're never gonna get it back. We don't do fun stuff anymore. I don't go out at all. You do, no, no, no, I'm very boring now. Oh yeah, I saw Carla Ray Jepsen. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, dude, it was so good.

By the way, I'm just throwing it out there. I made a Spotify playlist of her entire set list because I was able to look it up online. And honestly, I want everyone to listen to it. I will send it out. It is hit, it is song for song, an incredible set list. Please, we'll post it on the Patreon. Everyone can listen to it.

I want to hear the progression of the show. I don't dislike a single song on there. And it's like so insane to me that she's not a hugeer like, you know, I mean, she's a big name, but she's not like even further up there. Like boggles my mind because every one of her songs I think is a jam. Hell yeah. I'll find that list. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll send it out. Sorry, last one from the list that I don't know if I can identify with Zoe Seldon up anymore, which I wish I could say that for a lot of other things. but she said, hey, this is ghetto, but you know, I'm from Queens. There's a train from Coney Island all the way back into the city, which we've all taken a million times, and it takes her fucking ever, and she had sex in between two of the train cars. Jesus.

I'm off that, you know, I'm in the same situation where if you go up to Astoria, it's the same train the whole way to Coney. So it's like a two-hour train ride. I definitely, I'm not going to lie, I definitely did some mutual groping with a girlfriend. I have had some gropy times coming back from Coney Island. Because it takes forever. It's not that empty on the way back from Coney Island, though, man.

People live in Coney Island. I know. I'm not saying there weren't people. But it was always at 2 a.m. train. You know when everything closed down in Coney Island, it's the middle of the summer, and no one's going all the way back to like up wherever butt fuck we were coming from. And so you had to wait for so long on the plane platform. train platform, so you had like some road sodas with you. And then by the time you get onto the nice ice cold subway, you're like, I mean, we may as well

start grabbing on each other. Yeah, for sure. But I will say, but don't do it between trains. I was about to say, that's the crazy part, because not only is that like really noticeable when somebody's in between the train. So I don't know how they got away with that unless it was like five in the morning and there was just literally no one in the car in the cars in between or on either side. But also, like, yeah, that is so scary.

I would be mortified to fucking. Very dangerous. In between the train cars. Extremely dangerous. Never do it. No, that's like, it's like PSA, if you drop your subway, your phone in the subway, like, well, don't go in. Yeah. I know people who have.

Don't do it. And don't stand in between the trains. Those are like the two things. Those are the two things. Yeah. I think I've only gone in between the train cars like four times in all the years I lived in New York because I was so scared. And I hate it every time. Because I've known people that, like, someone had their legs ripped off.

You know, it's very easy to die. I'll just wait until the stops next. This is what I had, I had one of these the other day where you step into the train and it's 95 degrees outside. And, oh, this one car just doesn't have air conditioning. Interesting. And, you know, sometimes you have to sit it out and wait it out, but I will wait until the next stop. Unbelievable. Got to wait until the next stop.

Unbelievable. Oh, my God. Oh, what happened? Everything grew dark around me. I don't know what I... We can't see them. I like that it just turned into holding, like, having a... spell. Yeah, I'm just going blind.

That's what happens. I really like it. This A-list singer, who wants to be an actress full-time, is already talking about fiddling with the numbers of a new line by spending her own money to make it look like a huge bestseller. Lady Gaga. Yeah. Makeup line. Sorry. Her house laboratories

created a line for pre-sale on July 15th. Gaga said, I think the world has, in general, really come to a place where everybody's trying to look like each other. It's almost become like this giant social media beauty pageant competition. If doing a full face of makeup like that makes you feel really good, I'm not going to tell you not to do that or tell you that it's not cool or not real. I mean, if that's you, that's you. But I do feel that for some people, they're doing their makeup that way and they're still not feeling good on the inside.

It's like they've done their makeup, but they still feel insecure that they didn't do it right or that they had to do it that way because that's the trend. At House Laboratories, we want you to see yourself. When you look in that mirror, we want you to go, that's the you that I love. I'm in love with that person. I don't want people to feel like they have to look like me. And yet, that's exactly what you're selling.

Very interesting. Yeah, what do you guys think about this new makeup line? Are you interested at all? Is it a no-go? Y'all know how I am about makeup. I do, I enjoy my makeup. In fact, a lot of times I like putting on my face, as I call it, to make me feel better.

it is very interesting that it's being sold exclusively on Amazon, which I think is a very weird move. And I don't want to say I'm not going to try it is the problem. Do you try most celebrities, especially that you admire, lines of perfume or makeup? Like, do you get into that at all? That's something I never really, and now that I think about it, I guess that's not really something I've ever done,

even with like shoes or any kind of fashion thing. I don't really like. Jackie's good about it. about this. She like, she will get the, the Bieber Cologne. Yeah, I wore, yeah, I wore the, I wore a girlfriend for a while and, um, I'm really into Fenty. Ever, like, the Rihanna's makeup line is insane. It's really great. The diamond bomb is insane. I'm saying this as if I'm being paid. I wish. Please. The problem is a lot of this stuff is very expensive. So I don't want to experiment with something that, like, if I don't like it,

what am I going to spend $40 on a piece of makeup that, uh, is, isn't that I can't use. Like, I don't have that kind of money. Okay, we've established a couple things. Everyone needs to work in the restaurant business or in some kind of service industry. Everyone needs to be a teacher for at least like one class for a semester. Every man needs to understand how much makeup costs. Yeah.

Every guy needs to be shown a spreadsheet of what it costs the average woman in fucking dollars for the thing that they never have to think about their entire life. And I don't even wear makeup that often, but I do like wearing it when I do. Like, I like knowing how to put it up. and I didn't know how to put it on for years, and then a makeup arts taught me, and it totally changed my life. And it's one of those things where,

for the longest time, I was, like, took pride in never spending money on anything, you know? And, yeah, you can get, like, pretty good makeup, for sure at the Dwayne Reed and all of that. But it's one of those things where I feel like buying nice makeup is, like, a really nice treat, you know? It really is an investment that I feel like,

if you're in the game of wearing makeup all the time, like, it's like one of those things. It's like work boots or anything like, you know what I mean? Yeah, if you're going to put it on your face you don't want, especially as we get older and having to use more natural products and that kind of thing, where it's like, it is better for you to spend the money.

And also, you only need a little bit, so it does last for a while. Right. That's the thing. But also, when do you have an extra $50 to spend on one piece of makeup? Not very often. It's a big plunge. It's insane. Yeah, you got it right. You got to, like, put, like, one year for my birthday, like, a friend, like,

bought me, like, a nice makeup palette. And it was, like, it was a really good gift, you know? Like, it's a lot of money to get the whole, kit and caboodle, if you will. Yeah. Unbelievable. Two on another blind item. Yes. Okay.

Oh my God. This one's just for Jackie. I wonder when they met if that UK reality star told the A-list mostly movie actress about the times she has hooked up with the ex-husband of the actress.

So two women, one of them is a movie actress. UK reality star. That should narrow it down. Especially for Jackie. UK reality Is it a Great British Bankoff? And we're not talking Yuma Mummies because that's Australian.

No, but there's maybe something else. Oh, is it the Great British Bank of? No. And Deborah Watt that you've been watching. Love Island? Oh my God, thank you, please. But I haven't been watching the UK version. I've been watching the American version.

Oh, okay, that's why you probably wouldn't know this person's name anyway. So, all right. So, okay, action from Love Island. I'm glad for half a second I thought you were talking about Super Nanny. I was like, who's Super Danny? I would die if this was about Super Nandy. She is my favorite reality star of all time. Well, this is such a weird connection.

So I'm going to have to give you more details on the A-list movie actress. Okay. She and the ex. The ex is like known as like this. But wait, which person are you talking about on Love Island so that people that do watch UK's Love Island know? Camilla Thurlow. Okay. Camilla Thurlow was recently posted an Instagram pick of her hanging out with this like super, I would say, well,

not as big and it really doesn't do movies right now like not a lot because oh she's a beautiful young lady yes she's very pretty and she well she ought to be if she stooped who i mean oh she's stooped because it's um i don't know i'm trying to get more clues about the actors got a lot of kids a lot of kids angelina jolly yes brad pit so apparently camilla bangalanged brad pit whoa and then recently posted picture of her with angelina jolly partying in paris at this like event for this fragrance. Because apparently she's also like a humanitarian worker, so that would make a lot,

that would actually make a lot of sense. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And can I just say watching the trailers for old, was it old times in Hollywood? Once upon a time in Hollywood. What a fun movie. That would be old times in Hollywood. Just the most boring.

We had Carl T and off. Hey? I had to push the car. You couldn't drive it, he decided to push it all day, like a flintstone. There we go. Once upon a time in Hollywood, yes, Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt looks fucking, he looks legends of the fall level.

Stupworthy. Good Christ. I can imagine Brad Pitt going, like, full circle back, like, and getting, like, way hotter as a daddy, you know, like, reaching as hot as he was when he was very young. I mean, talk about yummy. mummies, he is a hachy-machy roundabouts. He's back at some, and I'll take it. Sorry, I'm just staring at pictures of Brad Pitt.

You lost your trade of thought. Oh, yeah. Well, this Camilla's pretty attractive as well. Oh, yeah, I'd watch that tape. Oh, yeah. I made that tape. You shouldn't. Okay, maybe I won't.

Are we doing another, or are we wrapping it up? Give me another one. Okay, by work on some things, this A-List singer, highly paid reality star means she needs her foreign-born actor boyfriend to stop cheating on her all the time. She's big right now. She's a singer. I don't know about the reality part. You guys are going to have to inform me on that one.

I know her way more as a singer. Big song lately. Coming out with some new stuff. I really like the new song. A pop singer. And it's not Carly Ray Jepson. It's not Carly Jepson. It's not T. Swift.

Is she young like that, though? She's young. like that. She young like that? By the way, young like that, I love that, they're in their 30s, I mean, they're young. I mean, 30s, I'll take 30s as young, but they're, like, close to our age, which I kind of love. Yeah, I guess that's right. All right, so it's a, so

it's a pop singer that just had a song come out. Oh, yeah. That I have, okay, I'll even go, so I'll have played it on Jaconese. I like the song a lot. Is it Charlie, X, X, X. No, it's not Charlie XX. Oh, I feel like you're overthinking. It's like a really, oh. Katie Berry. Yes.

And, and what is it? Russell Brand? Her elven lover. Orlando Bloom! Absolutely. In a recent people interview, Perry said... Oh, she likes the Brits.

Yeah. She said, I think we're doing really great and we're really doing the hard work and laying a beautiful foundation before we start to build a monster house, metaphorically. I'm saying it like emotionally, it's important for us to really do the work before we go and take this really big next step

because we are both married before and it's not the same in your 30s, as you know. Am I right? Is Orlando Bloom a Brit? Or is he an awesome? I believe he's very pretty. Oh, maybe. Remember they were naked on that boat that one time?

That was kind of weird. Legales. I feel like she just took Russell Brand and, like, upgraded him, you know? Yeah, I'd say. What does Orlando Bloom been up to these days, though? I think he's just marrying Katie Perry. I think that's what he's doing. But, I mean, her, I love her, never really over, that her newest song is a fucking jam.

I like Katie Perry a lot. I did not like that basketball song. Yeah, I wasn't a fan. I'm consistently wanting to. route for her, especially since watching the Katie Perry documentary. I need to watch that. It's very good. I need to watch that. Actually,

Orlando Bloom is about to be in some sort of sci-fi movie that's coming out. They just released it at Comic-Con. Is it called Cats? It's called Carnival Row. It's on Amazon Prime. Have you heard about this? He plays Creek Raw, the third-eye-seeing

lizard soldier. He has some sort of horn. So you're probably not that far off. I was just making that up. It's a TV series, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Carnival Row. Haven't seen anything like. It looks very British.

Looks very British. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week. We just slammed it. We fucking slamming through it. We did so much. And also, I'm so sorry again, R.I.P. the love of Lily Reinhart and Cole Spouse. We are thinking about you and how young and beautiful.

full and rich you are and how it's fine you will be in six months. If the writers are smart, they will have a really messy breakup happen on the show as well. I don't know. They're in the middle of doing the Luke Perry tribute and Shannon Doherty is going to be involved from 902 and O.

And I'm scared of it. Wow. Wow. I still haven't processed season three of Riverdale, to be honest. I know. I don't really know what to expect from season four. I know. I know maybe, but I am excited about it. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week on page 7.

My name is Jackie Zbrose. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Molly Neffold. My Instagram is MJK LK. And I'm Holder McNeely. You can catch me on Twitch.tv. Fort slash Holdenaders Ho. Friday nights we do Jackanese with Jackie.

Also, big, big shout-outs to our Patreon. We are banging out some massive bonus content. Now is the time to join. If you want to really catch up on a bunch of fans. fantastic stuff. We are running out of pretty little liars time. Yes, we're running out

a pretty little liars. I have seen so much of it, and it's such a show that is on TV, and it's really a television show. So really, but it is very funny. We just get so loopy

marathoning through it, and like, especially like every three episodes, we are literally just lucid nonsense talking. Yeah. Because you just get, once you get two in,

and it's just been happening, and you're just like, this is my reality now, it really takes a fun. Well, and it's so mediocre, it's easier to lose yourself. Oh, my God. You lose yourself, man. You lose yourself M&M style.

So come join us, guys. We love you, and we'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

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