Page 7 - Episode 314: Yachtist Extraordinaire

Episode Date: August 2, 2019

The gangs all together again and they goss about "Once Upon A Time...in Hollywood", Lizzo's Tiny Desk concert and ridiculous celeb lawsuits   Can't get enough Page 7? Join our Patreon page for bonus content, plus you help out the show!  Get 20% off by going to http://modsy.com and using code SEVEN. Go to http://todaytix.com/page7 to get $10 off your first TodayTix purchase! Get started today at http://stitchfix.com/page7 and get an extra 25% off when you keep everything in your box! That’s promo code PAGE7 at http://phlur.com to get your first three PHLUR fragrance samples at 20% off! Smooth Lovin, Rainbows, Too Cool Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's a part. We need to party, but I have a song that's been stuck in my head. Do you want me to sing it? I've had the strawberry champagne on ice. Lucky for you, that's what I like. That's what I like. Lucky for you, that's what a like. And the thing is that that Brutal Mars song has been stuck in my head for about,

I'm going to say five days straight now. The main issue with it is that Henry always sings it, Lucky for you, that's what I like. That's lucky for you. That's what I like. Because if you think about it, the song is actually very menacing. And I know it's not meant to be. But, you know, because if it wasn't champagne on ice.

Yeah, what's the alternative? I think he might beat you to death. Hi, Gaze. It's my, it's me. Jackie is here. Jackie is in the room. Boom-a-boom, boom. I can't believe it.

Everything is exciting. And I was like, hey, Jaggy, I called her on the phone. It's like, how about instead of us doing a remotely like normally, where you're comfortable in the studio, why don't you come over and we'll have an in-person sweat party. You'll come into the room and then we'll close the door

where the AC is in and the other room. Sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat. And we'll just sweat all over this equipment and Molly is so pregnant and the baby is probably sweating. And I can feel the actual baby from next to me. I feel like it's touching me. Just being like, please give me some air conditioning.

No baby. Learn how difficult it is to be alive. It's not hot enough with two bodies in here, 2.5, I guess, if you count the body inside my body. So now we got 3.5. It is, I feel like should you sue the network, Molly, because this is rough. For workplace discrimination?

Yeah, I think that you are pregnant and you shouldn't be forced to sweat like this. Yeah, I mean, you know, I got three beverages in front of me, which is about my norm. Two of them are margaritas. Molly don't. Molly, don't do this. The baby, Molly. No, Rita's. No malt liquor for the baby yet.

No Rita's. So soon, though. It's so sad that you and I are in the same room and we can't be drinking Rita's together. I'm pretty sad about it myself. It's devastating. But I'm happy to meet the baby, though, before the baby is out of you.

So I appreciate it. Yes. And, you know, I will say that I'll come to L.A., but I'm coming to tell L.A. You have two children. No, no, no, no, no. You have to come back. No. Brutal.

I am just, like, where was it recently? Well, first of all, New Orleans, I was shocked to see people with, like, very small children. children, walking around the drunkenest, most evil, like, party place in America, essentially. I'm like, why are you here? And I just had my brother's girlfriend and her two kids for the day in New York. And it made me realize, like, how hard it is to have kids in New York. Because you forget about the fact that, like, oh, yeah, a 10-block walk is, like, not cool.

Yeah. I was like, oh, let's walk through the park and let's do, you know what I mean? We went to the Natural History Museum, which was adorable. but things quickly got out of hand when they immediately got hungry after that and I couldn't find a restaurant and I'm like there's got to be some in the next block or so and people are, they're literally like falling in the street

like, I can't, I don't like that kind of food I'm just like I don't know what to do right now I'm like a dad right now and it's reminding me super hard of course also I'm going to shoehorn this in here now maybe fiancee before the 90 days is this one fucking moron British guy that has this, meets this American girl who has a baby and he's like I'll be a father,

I'll be a father to your child, but he knows nothing about childbirth, and he's known in the neighborhood as Crazy John, because he's, like, walks around barefoot and, like, is very, quote-of-rate random. This is what happens with reality television, because you get so sucked in, and then you think about it all the time, and it fits into your life where you're like, oh, that's so John right now. And then you're the fucking monster. Well, yeah, because she gets there, and he's immediately terrified,

and it's, like, free, it's just a horrible, you know, has no idea what he's doing, and he's like, I'm stressed, I'm stressed. The baby's crying. Can you quiet the baby? I'm stressed. I'm stressed right now. And he, like, just leaves. See, my thing is, when I have two small children,

I'm just going to not do anything like... Like smile. Yeah. No, what I'm going to do is... No, I'm sure being a mother is very... It has its own words. But why do you say that? I'm sorry.

I'm like, rare words. It's like a miracle or whatever. It's like the only miracle we get to participate in as human being. I'm going to go the fuck to, you know, the water point. for years. That's what I, that's it. The kid shit. That's it. And kid shit is fun. Yeah. Especially if I'm not pregnant and I can have like a Rita here and there. As long as you can drink through the kid shit. It's not the kid shit. I've been very open

about this. It's like, I will fly my mother to me. You watch the kid and I am going to go do adult things. Ah, yes. Right? Yeah, I've heard that that can happen at some point. I am not there yet, nor will I be feeding a child from my body, which is the big challenge. What's the best kid shit, though? What's the, like, water park hotel? Yeah, water park hotel, right? Multiple pools. Yeah.

But what about all of the, aren't there, like, syringes with AIDS in the house? You have a real water park, your mom gave you a water park. I'm terrified of water parks. You look at water parks, hotels, like, I look at cruises. I'm horrified by a water park hotel. I love a slide. I'm fine with that.

It's just, there are diapers and condoms filled with jism in every single slide. I love this of I forgot that you have a, You're afraid of water parts. I'm terrified of them. That's where you get, you get rashes and then you get covered in some sort of pus stules. See, this is insane thinking to me. You used to live in New York City.

I know. This is my thinking. Jizz everywhere in New York City. I was literally just about saying, this is my same thinking, like, nothing bugs me more than germaphobes in New York. Because I'm like, dude, every time you touch the subway pole, you were touching homeless man cum. Like, I'm fine with the cum. I just don't want the whole sacule of jism. You really think that it's.

They're like water balloon come with condoms. What did they do? Yeah, and then it's going to seep out of their sacuels, and it's going to get inside of my vagina, and then Lord knows what child I'm going to bear. How does that saccule arrive in the slide? How does it get there? You come in it.

They're fucking, you think the people are doing this out of, like, serial killers want to. They get to the top of a slide. They jerk off into a condom, and they get so excited, and they rip off the condom. They go, done, and then they go down the slide. No, they never die it. Jackie, I've doing you for, I don't know how many years,

this is the most insane thing I've ever heard you say. Molly knew this about me. It's come up because I love water parks. They're like my favorite vacation. They're fun. And Jackie. What? Well, you go to Disneyland all the time.

I'm fine with that. First of all, it'd be very obvious if someone was jerking off in line for the slide. Second of all, I can, I'd get, okay. Or would you be so blind by your passion for water parks that you would turn an eye? Everybody's not wearing any clothes. You would see them. You'd see the sacriole. And it's a very nude.

It's a nude place. It's a nude place. And you'd see the saccule. And I'll bet there's more calm on Disneyland than there is at a water park. I think it's like a see-no-evil here, no-evil situation. What? Why is there coming to Disneyland? I don't know.

Because people like, these guys used to go as teenagers all fucked up on all kinds of drugs. You're going to tell me you're going to look at that elephant flying. and not get hard. Okay. I love how old that is so upset. I just, like, I get not wanting to do the water park because it's, like, technically really gross, sure. And it's a guy...

And locker rooms are gross. And you actively need to, like, ignore that concept of how gross it is to really have fun with it. But the concept or the conspiracy theory that there is a rash of people masturbating into a condo, on the way up to a slide, on the stairs. Or while they're going down it, I don't know what you can do. Okay, okay.

Yeah, so you've never actually ridden a slide in a water park. I have looked at them. Do you think it's impossible to jerk to completion on a slide? I think if you compare the time it takes to go down the slide with the average time, or even the minimal time it takes for like the record breaker of masturbators to jerk off and get it out, it would be, I think, mathematically. Depends on the slide hold and if we're talking about one of the really steep ones, obviously, those just take a second. That's too bad.

But the curly cue ones? You know, there's some that are designed for families where you're in a big tube. Interesting, and people wanting to make a family too. And then you get hard. And then you come on the slide. Okay. It's the slide where it falls apart for me. If you're talking about the whitewater rafty kind of style thing or the lazy river.

Lazy River. Lazy River. I really see a couple people masturbating to completion on the lazy river. That's actually more viable of a theory. Sounds great, actually. But the idea that a man would place a condom on his penis for the sole purpose to masturbate to completion during the slide portion of a water park. Or in a wave pool. And the wave pool is where you really got a lot of child.

Now you're changing the, okay, we're not talking about the wave pool. We're talking about the slide. I'm including the wave pool. The whole experience for her is she's, at first. of drugs, like needle, hypodermic needles. Which yet, no one who does heroin wants to hang out at a water park. Maybe I guess on the Lazy River.

I guess in the Lazy River. They could nod off. I've never been in a Lacey River and been like, that person looks high on opioids. It's like needle injected opioids. Yeah, right? Like maybe some Zanis in the Lazy River. I can see it at.

Because there's a lot of rigmarole to get into the water park. And I'm not saying that people who have heroin addictions or opioid addictions can't be like high functioning and getting things done. Right, totally. But like there's just, it's just like not a, you have to get, you have to change in the locker rooms. It's just like a lot of, of, of, of ordeal to go through in order to go do heroin. Do heroin.

Yes. Like I think, it's a lot. And by the way, if you're responsible enough to do heroin at a water park, you're probably going to toss that needle out. To bring all the things to, which also mazzle. I'm surprised that you actually hold in like the water parks because of all the feet. I could see that. Well, it's like I wouldn't be able to leave the house

if I couldn't go places where naked feet were. You're afraid of naked feet? And by the way, I'm not afraid of naked feet. I just don't like certain instances of feet. And that's mostly like on a wet New York day and you're wearing flip-flops. Like, please be quarantined. Like, honestly, get out of my reality.

I was watching once upon a time in Hollywood and I just kept thinking about you because talk about feet. There's a lot of feet. Not only is there a good amount of feet. I know that we all know the whole story about like Tarantino being a feet fetish. Move your big toe. Yeah.

But this one, he upped the feet hardcore. There's an entire scene where there's a girl, her name is Margaret Qualley, but in it, her name is Pussycat. And her feet are in the front view, like up against a windshield, but it looks as if they're up against the lens of the camera through an entire scene between her and Brad Pitt. Right. And you can't not stare at her dirty feet through the entire, very amazing scene. To the point that actually Margaret Qualley, who is the daughter of Andy McDowell,

she was like, I don't want my feet to be predominant in the scene. She's like, I'm a dancer. I don't, my feet are disgusting. I actually have issues with my feet. Okay, I was actually going to make this argument about Tarantino in that he chooses, like, I don't like to see like gnarled, gross dude, Henry's feet.

You know what I mean? Actually, Henry has very nice feet. But he's got claw feet. He does. Well, yeah, he's a gripper. He's a grippist. Yeah, my brother has that. My brother's feet look like primate feet.

Yeah, yeah, he's a gripper. Yeah. Actually, I think it is technically isn't that good thing? If your feet looks like a monkey's hand. That's exactly my brother's speed. I hate it. I can't stand that. If it's like certain looks, but usually like the feet.

Watch him get up a tree. I tell you. If you give him a tree, he can scale it. Is it a comment? You guys both breathes through this and forgive me because I'm not a film. Is it a commonly known fact that Tarantino is a foot? Yes, it is. In fact, isn't there like a poster for one time upon a time in Hollywood that's literally

just a bunch of women's feet? Probably, because there are a good amount of feet in the movie, and I just kept thinking about how you wouldn't be able to handle that scene. No, no, again, but they are dirty gross feet. They're dirty gross feet. Because she's a Manson girl, so, you know, she's barefoot a lot, and on top of it in real life, she's a ballerine, so her feet are all mangled up. Right, and by the way, you know, if you've got an armisting girl, so you know, if you've

got gnarly feet and you like to wear flip flops like live your truth i'm just i just quietly everyone's got their issues i understand it's very hard in new york because i'm i am much happier without shoes on so flip flops are my happy like i really really really like flip flops but as we've discussed on the show before it's very hard in new york because it's just disgusting to wear flip flops in new york but what are you supposed to wear platforms wear wedges i guess and it's more and again it's more dude feet by the way it's like it's like hairy knuckled feet i don't like i don't Like, you know what I mean? It's just, like, gross, gnarly.

If you've got weird... Yeah, but girls have hairy feet. I got some hairy feet. You've got hairy feet? I mean, not, like, excessive... Not as hairy as yours probably. I'm talking about you can spot it from, like, down the tree. You can see those hairy knuckles from...

I think most people have hair on there. And, like, if you've got, like, a toe fungus or... You know what I mean? I'm talking about, like, very, like, off. But, like, when it's, like, you look at the video, you're like, oh, my God, oh, my God. Like, you know what I mean? And you see that...

I feel like you see that more here than, like, anywhere else. You know what, and you know what? God bless them. Their feet probably hurt like shit. God bless him. And they're going to need to wear their flip-lop. That's fine. Everyone.

I will be, and I will be quietly disgusted by it. Like, that's just the way it is. You know what I mean? Also, it's my problem. I will reiterate, it's my problem. Because I just, I'm like a never nude, but just for feet. Uh-huh. Like, and, you know, honestly, I don't get.

Like, at home, I'm in socks. I get out of the shower. I just imagine you putting jean shorts onto your feet. What is that? It's because there's such freedom in barefootedness. I am so happy in bare feet. Like, it's like a sensory, it's the, like, to have socks feels like I'm wearing a corset. But see, I'm going to say it's like this.

It's like getting like a hug. It's like a blanket, a comfy blanket. I'm a blanket boy. And I hate saying this, I'm withholding on this. I'm a bit eyewear I usually have. But I also, it's because I hate it when my feet are dirty. So I cannot have my feet be dirty. So I have socks on almost just as if a placeholder in between.

It's like the panty liner. Like you're at the trampoline parks, speaking of other parks. Oh, my God. Have you been to a trampoline park? Once, yeah. Oh, yeah. They're wonderful. Talk about rashes.

A lot of skin touching a lot of things. Yeah. But again, you just have to let that go, right? Definitely. I mean, come on, the ball pit. And we talked about the piss and the ball pit. situation or whatever that is. She's also afraid of ballpits.

I am, yeah. I think anything that's like general revelry as from a child, I think I'm fairly against it. You know, I like more of like, oh, can I drink while I do it? Oh, can I, you know. But drink while I do it,

then I will do it. Wouldn't it be so fun to drink in a ball pit? Never have, but I totally would. Honestly, not really. A ball pit's not like a hot tub. You don't like sit, you don't just sit and chill in a ball pit. That just gets uncomfortable. A ball pit is for like moving your limbs around. Yeah.

Like give me a hot tub. Yeah, I'll get in that hot tub. I'm down. Even though again, you can definitely get rashes from the hot tub too. I do like the idea I'm just sitting in a ball pit like it's a hot tub. With a big old Rita. Just like, yeah. Just one random dude

with big like aviator sunglasses in the corner of the ball pit. Who's the manager at this Chucky Cheese? There's just this guy like acting like he's on. He's calling himself Ronkin? I think that that's his name. He keeps referring to this place as a swingers club and I don't, this is like for children eat pizza and play games. Not in my house, it ain't.

I guess we're getting into wholesome content territory, guys, and I'm feeling it right now. I need a dose of it right now. After your disgusting theory about the... About the rashes and the needles. Yeah, not the rashes. It's the coming into a condom just to upset somebody at a water park. I just, I think really what it is, is that as a young child, I remember going to Rockaway Beach and coming out of the water. It's also why I don't like water just in general.

And there was a, um, a condom stuck to my leg that had been used at Rockaway Beach, which is, that's a part of why I hate water so much. Fucking shit, I hate them too. I thought it's just a crazy theory your mother came up with.

You should open with that. Yeah. And it was stuck to my leg, and I thought it was so dis- And that's how I found out what condoms were, because then my mom had to, it was like, look, oh, it's stuck to my leg, I don't know, it doesn't look like, because I thought it was like a jellyfish or something. It wasn't, it was just a used condom.

What did your mother, how did your mother be- Oh, my God, I was disinfected. I've never been scrubbed so hard in my entire. I was scrubbed wrong. I mean, I'm trying, as a parent, the idea of being, like, oh God, now I have to deal with this. And also explain what a condom is and how were you? I must have been six or seven.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And explain like why it's not safe to touch it. You cannot touch it, why it's not cool. It's not something that's fun. So, yeah. Was it tied up? Yes, it was tied up. And it was at the beat. It was in the ocean. It was in the ocean. To be fair, Rockaway Beach, very different ballpark than a water park. Yes. A water park is kind of curated in a way that Rockaway Beach is. But also, isn't that true, though, at the same time?

Wouldn't it be more likely to be at a water park instead of in nature's bath? No, because people go to the beach at night and do drugs and fuck. Do drugs and fuck? Yes, I have seen hyperdermic needles. Now it's all making sense. You need to be afraid of, like, filthy New York beaches. Like, yeah, I've seen hyperneutral needles at Coney Island on the beach. And I still swim in Coney Island.

but there is reasons not to. There are many reasons. Wait, you swim at, Connie? I mean, I haven't in years, but I have. But I definitely swam in Rockaway Beach, and I would definitely have second thoughts about doing that after Jackie's traumatizing stories she's told today. Yeah, but we would have been talking about, like,

the mid-90s. That's a different time. Yeah, yeah, it was a different time. There's a lot more beach fucking. It was a lot grosser back. It was just New York in general was a lot grosser back then. Yeah, for sure. But what about Selena Gomez, God?

I bet she has fucked a time or two on a slide. I wouldn't put it fucking past her for a second. She's apparently a huge Shark Tank fan, and I watched this very cute Instagram video of her. It was her birthday, and her friends got her. So Mark Cuban on Shark Day. Do you guys, are you Sharkheads? It's too capitalists for me, but I have watched it.

I understand. It's too, and I like some cringe stuff. It's actually, maybe that's just because I've only seen the cringy stuff, but it's very, it, like, makes me so uncomfortable. It is definitely gringy, and especially, it does feel like you're coming in. I think it's why I like it, though. I like the idea of people coming in, like, but we are just plebs, sir, the gracious monarchy. Yeah, see, that's exactly what I don't like about.

A bunch of rich business people being like, are you an idiot? Yeah. Like, I don't like that. It's just the angle of it where it's when the people are like, I, you know, foreclosed on my house. I like what I've heard. got a second. I like did all this shit or refinance, right? I don't know how houses work. What do you do when you fucking... I don't know. You take money out of it. You put money into, out of it. Whatever. Anyways.

But it's also how I heard about like one of my favorite makeup lines called storybook cosmetics, which are, it's about like, it's three sisters that started this really great makeup company. It's almost, it's like almost predominantly what I wear, especially on my lips. It's like, but that's awesome because it's these three sisters that have worked so hard and that they, this actually started an amazing business for them. So I do like the opportunity that it gives. Yeah, for sure. It's the part where the guy, like, there was this one guy who, like,

sold his life away to try to create this, like, tabletop game with little felt balls that you batted with your hands. And it was, like, obviously never going to be a thing. And you're just like, I, please, maybe give it up. Maybe it's not a good idea. Oh, it's like that document, the short documentary I've talked about before with the Beating Babies where the guy just, like, put all of his money into Beating Babies. And it's, like, the son made a short documentary and put it out on YouTube.

And it's, like, the saddest thing I've ever seen like. I was, I was. I was screaming the other day about my princess Diana Beanie Baby because I was like, I've got a prestige. I have it. I've got the tag on all, like the cover on it. They got all the things. I got the cover on my Princess Diana Bear.

And I was like, this is, and I remember thinking at the time, I was like, this is my nest egg for some day. This is my nest egg. And it's probably, you know, I would say maybe I could get at least $30 for it. I've never looked on eBay what could happen to the Beanie Babies. I see it on eBay. listed for $15. But what about the

I got, but the cover, I got the cover on it. The Diana one was the ultimate, like I have the Irish bear, which was also another collector's one, but I think that the Princess Diana won, it was the late 90s and it was, the Princess Diana one was like, are you a real Beanie Baby collector or aren't you? Yeah, and I think

my mom, like, she had to hunt it down for me. Oh, yeah. I think she probably spent way too much money. I used to go on day trips to the next town over, with my mom to get the beanie babies. You'll get those beanie because you knew when they dropped too. I remember it was just like, no, the shipment gets at 8 a.m. So you have to be there by 10 because then that's what they start shelving the beady babies.

And what makes it a princess day? There's the white rose. It's purple, right, with a white rose? Candlebands out long before. Legend of a deer. It's a bear. You know what you ever think about is, I would feel almost disrespected that Elton John reused the song.

You know, because I always thought that song was a Princess Dye song, but it wasn't. Really? It's a Marilyn Monroe song. Really? That was what he wrote it for. That was, like, his dedication to Marilyn Monroe. But in my brain, I always thought it was a Princess Dian.

I always thought that was a special for Princess Dye's song. Reused. Really? Reused. Yeah, no, right? Me, my own son. Yeah, right? I mean, isn't that the whole, like, that's why it was so uplifting, I think?

I mean, it was certainly. marketed, branded as a Princess Diana song. Right. Wow. I mean, it's the same as, you know, I know we talked about it before and we'll always talk about it again, the Enya song with 9-11, where it's like, no, the she just had. Who can say with the day best?

That fucking song, she's a fucking billionaire because of it. I had a high school English teacher. The year 9-11 happened that would play. And, yeah, when we were, like, writing essays. That'll always bring me back to that time. It was awful. Dude, I actually, I had a pretty traumatic upbringing with, like, easy listening jazz. There was, like, a time my dad was just in a music coma, and he was just, like, he used to,

he, he, we, my brother and I, like, had to work for years to get him to, like, re-get all of his Beatles albums on CD and, like, listen to actual, like, good jazz. And my, you know, like, 50s, you know, like, Miles Davis and John Colch, like, all that kind of stuff. And, and, for, for years, I had every car ride was just, like, the most, like oxycodone style, easy-listing jazz, where you're just like, why is, and I, for the long time I hated jazz, because I thought that's what jazz was. And it's just such, it's like literally the sign

of like middle-aged complacency. You know what I mean? Yeah. Or it's like, that's why I'm always listening to new music. Because I feel, see, I fell into that in my 20s, that I was like, I'm listening to the same thing and I'm never branching out. And now I make it an issue that once a week,

I sit down and like, Okay, what's going on? That's good. Because I'm still, unfortunately, I'm still in the exact thing you just described. I'm like, I've been listening to my same, my favorite albums now are my favorite albums when I was 18 years old. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's also like, there are other good things out there. And you have to keep finding it and keep after that.

I mean, it's the same with any relationship, you know, once it gets stale. Right. Well, also, it just like awakens your brain in a way that it's, like, necessary. Because obviously, we all have had the experience of listening to an album and being like, holy shit. Oh, I love. 100%. It's what I did with Billy Elish,

which never in a million years when I looked at her and saw the other, I was like, this is probably not my thing. And then I listened through the whole album and I was like, I love her. Oh my God, I love this. I can't believe I just went to a Carly Ray Jepsen concert like because I'm in love with her last two albums.

Like I never, 10 years ago, I would have been fucking rolling your eyes at you. Oh, yeah. Sure. Also, like, that's what I love about getting older with enjoying stuff. I just unabashedly love stuff I would have judged myself for

You don't have anything to prove Oh yeah I just get to unabashedly love You know like you said There's no more guilty pleasures And I try to I really try to keep that in mind And sometimes I refer to something as a guilty pleasure Like 90 day fiancee Like you know I think it's

It's the best trash ever See I still feel deep shame for the fact that I fall asleep Watching Forensic files I think that is a guilty pleasure There ain't no shame How else he's supposed to fall asleep It's loud cars are honky

you got a baby you know you fall asleep to people getting like opened up and stuff and I and so the thing about this is that this happened this started like a few years ago and and I was like something's wrong with me and I was never a true crime person or anything but I just was like I want to watch forensic files

until I fall asleep and I've always felt falling to sleep very like I love falling asleep to watching TV it's like a that's like a guilty pleasure of mine like and and then I got out of it and I was like what What was going on with me then? That I had to fall asleep, like, listening to this, like,

voice actor described murders. Like, that's so weird. And then for, like, two years I didn't. And then this year I got back into it. Girl, ain't nothing wrong with it. They ain't nothing wrong with it. You get into it. It's bad.

Also, you're going to make a very interesting child that's listening to all these. Forensic files is up. Just like, what is my mother? I don't understand. Well, it's also an indulgence now because there's not a baby sleeping in my room right now, and there was, for a while.

and there will be again soon. And so when there's a baby sleep in my room, there's no TV to fall asleep. I can't fall asleep watching TV, obviously. And so now it's like this, like, my, I don't get to do any other illicit things. And so I'm like, I'll fall asleep watching TV. I'm so bad.

I was about to say, like, I thought you were saying you just watch it with no sound on. No, no, no. Just see just a person's guts. I just like it. I like it for the picture. Oh, it too.

No, no. Like, I watch it now because I can, but once the baby is sleeping in the room, I will not be watching any TV. You'll know long you'll be able to. No. Help me design. How do I interior design?

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Todayticks.com slash page 7. But I will say you've opened up hearkening back here. You did open up your brain and your heart to Lizzo though. I sure did. You were saying that you hadn't, you know, really listen to new music because her tiny desk concert,

you fucking everyone right now stop her doing, if you are interested in Lizzo, and go on NBR and watch her tiny desk because it is great. Yes. And it makes you just further love her even more. It is really one of those things where, like, you know, you're on the internet throughout the day and you're like, okay, everyone's talking about this.

Do I really want to, like, devote 20 minutes of, like, stop what I'm doing for 20 minutes and watch this, okay, I'll do it later or whatever. And I, like, put it off till the end of the day, which was good because, like, And the baby was asleep and I like sat down and like I watched it. And I was like, this is like my fucking serotonin levels are higher than they've been in weeks. Like this is so good.

Gives it to you, man. And I really just really loved. Because Lizzo said in an interview that she should be the next bachelorette for which I would watch in a heartbeat. Yeah. And she had said that she's like, all the men will be naked or what was it? Just naked or shirt? Yeah. The men would have to be naked.

and they would have to wear little thong briefs, and they would have to feed me grapes. And I think that that would be, of course, you don't want to ever treat anyone like a piece of meat. Personally, I like to be treated like a piece of meat every once in a while because it makes me feel sexy, but that's also maybe just my thing. And that's what they want.

But most importantly, I love that she needs her pussy to be eaten on camera. She needs the country and the world to watch her. That's what I love so much. She said, and I want to be eaten out. on screen. She'll have it be blurred out, that's fine, because essentially the kids need to know. The kids need to know that this is something

that not only is respected, but something that is part of a relationship. And it is kind of weirdly true because then I started thinking about it. How many times I've seen, even just alluded to blowjobs in all of media. And music and movies and TV.

But it's not every day you see women getting eaten out. Very rarely. is a big part of the sexual experience, depending on whether you're into it or whether you're not into it, that's fine. But it is something that I feel like is not brought up very often. And I love that she's making a weird, like, statement about that. Well, it's still, I mean, I am a woman in my 30s and I have had so many conversations with women who are like, no, I don't do that because I don't think men like it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because I don't think I'd like it. I don't think men like it. Oh. They're so afraid that men won't, like, they are afraid that it's like an

indulgence that they can't ask of a man. And I've had, and I also talk to men who don't do it. Like, that is, it's like, you'd think that in the year of our Lord 2019, it would be totally normalized. Maybe it's better now, but I've had so many conversations with women that are like, no, I think men hate it. You know?

If, I just, the part that makes me furious is if it's going the other way, though, it's like, what planet, like, never. If, if you're blowies and not receivees, No, no, no, no. No. I mean, every relationship is different. You know, if you're communicating with your partner, you do you. Yeah.

But if you don't like it, then that's fine. That's all good. But it's still that instinct of like, I mean, I can't ask him to do that. Yeah, because girls are taught that their vaginas are gross. Yeah. And like, that's what a lot of pop culture stuff about teen sexuality is too. Like that both, well, yeah, when I was a kid, I was always, I was constantly trying to sort out the two messages. that you get as a girl, which are either

every guy you ever, we've talked about this recently, I think, every guy you ever meet wants to fuck you, there's no such thing as a guy friend. Which, yeah, that's, I mean... Like, which is infuriating, right? But then, also at the same time, the message is, if you don't, like, have this type of body, and if you don't do this with your makeup,

and if you don't have to do this with your hair and this with your clothes, you're disgusting. And women are actually disgusting. Men want to fuck you no matter what, but also, like, vaginas are gross, yuck, yuck. And you're disgusting. And I was like, what, what is it? Does everybody want to love it?

Am I repulsive? No, no, the idea is that men are such filthy, dirty, fucking dog animals. That they would fucking garbage can. That's like, that's the implication, right? And honestly, I will, speaking for men as a complete generalization, we are most, the majority of us are disgusting dog animals, okay? I mean, I'm not going to lie. Did you read the Dora the Explorer movie or not? What was happening with that?

That had me so upset. What is going on with that weird? I'm sorry, not to cut you up, but like, yeah, it is that. We're just like, because then there are people, like, the person that watch the Dora the Explorer movie, and in their review, the way they just subscribed this, like, because I don't know if you guys are aware, but Dora the Explorer, it's the show, it's a kid show, and they did it in, like, that Dora is now in high school, so she's dealing with her high school shit, but also she's Dora the Explorer.

Which tracks for the timeline of, like, when kids work. into it. And it makes sense. I think it's interesting for the, you know, the whole idea door the explorer also keeping it relevant. So they, it's, it's an 18 year old actress playing a 16 year old and this creepest... By the way, this is, this is not a blog. This is for the

Hollywood reporter. The director seems to be trying to keep the hormones at bay. But there are some things you just can't disguise. Perhaps human nature first and foremost. Dorr seems committed to projecting a pre-sexualized version of youth while throbbing unacknowledged beneath the surface is something a bit more real. Its presence rigorously ignored.

What are you talking about? Again, what are you talking about? The context here, and I've worked with kids for the last like 11 years, the context here is that when Dora was really popular, really, really, like peak, you know, Tickle Me Elmo popular. That was like 10, 9, 8 years ago, you know. And so those kids are now high schoolers. And so it would be like if we, it'd be like if they made a movie about Doug and he was like in his mid-30s, you know, like that's, watch it. I'd watch the hell out of it.

Like that's the experience that, like, that's why it makes sense to have Dora be like a high schooler to the extent that it does. If this movie needs to be made at all, you could have that debate too. Right. Right. Like, but so the, but we're talking about youth. We're talking about. She's a 16 year old, what he's talking about? For the love of God. It's a family movie.

Because there's Dorothe Explorer and then there's euphoria. You know, it's, it's, what, you're right. 16 year olds are definitely shown into very different lights. For sure. But you can talk about throbbing, throbbingly unacknowledged pretences when it comes to you for sure. That's a great point. But not when it comes to door.

They're very, but also, there are also, there are also lots of, of different 16-year-olds. There are the ones that are the euphoria types, and then there are the ones that are actually just being a teenager. Could barely dream of even kissing a woman like Holden McNeely when he was 16 years old. For sure, but that's such a good point,

because right, it's not that like teenagers aren't capable of adult thoughts and complex, you know, sexual feelings and sexual thoughts and sexual acts and all those things. I know you haven't watched euphoria yet, but have you watched you already yet? But every time I see a commercial for it when I'm watching another HBO show,

I'm like, oh my God. But, like, and treating that, like, treating teenagers as people capable of, like, navigating really complicated stuff and figuring it out and, like, that involved drug and sex and relationships and all that is, like, totally good and real and great. But, right, that's that. Door the Explorer is a fucking family movie. It's a family movie. Leave it alone.

It's a family movie. Throbbing. Get your throbbing shit elsewhere. See, this got me into a conversation with Gop Daddy where he was just like, I'm not. I'm not sure I'm into the word throbbing in general. See, I think it's tantalizing. I like the idea of thinking of a throbbing penis or my throbbing vagina.

I'm very into that. Because there's so much blood. It's just that it's pulsating and pulsated and it's need, but not when describing Dora the Explorer. No, definitely not. It seems kind of clinical to me. I hear you.

Are you into throbbing or you're not into throbbing? I think I'm not because it's, I don't know. Maybe it's just because my doctor told me yesterday that when you're pregnant, you have 40% more blood than you usually do, and I feel like my entire body is throbbing. Oh, no, it's different. I think I'm having a kind of visceral reaction

to the word right now. You get that, I understand. Also, there's a difference when it's like, when you talk about, like, an egg or, like, a cut is throbbing, that's gross, because when you can, like, almost feel your skin moving. It's just right.

I feel like I associate the word throbbing with being 10 and having slammed my finger in the door and being, like, it's throbbing. You know, like, it means. something very specific. Maybe I don't want to fuck a throbbing. But also, I associate it with penises. Throbbing vagina sounds like something has gone wrong to me, even though

that's probably unfair. You've never felt you. I've definitely felt my vagina throbbing. For sure. For sure. But it's just a word I associate with like smut, like, you know, like a, like, like romantic novels about members. Like, I feel like throbbing

goes along with the word member. I will ask, can I make this request to anybody who uses like Tinder or whatever is going on blind dates very soon. Can you actually, you're the first thing you say either in the message or when you meet in person, can it be, did you know that pregnant women have 40% more blood?

Yeah, that's not a creepy thing to say it all. I just want to hear the reaction. So like when you're trying to match with somebody, if you could scream cap that and see those reactions to that statement, that would be fantastic. Yeah, no, I think it's kind of fun that. You know, you've got to keep them on their toes. It's a truly horrifying fact.

Although, speaking of toes, should we talk about Army Hammer's video? Did you guys watch the video? No, I saw this. I was like, why? I was like, I don't have any thing to say. What did she suck? His daughter sucked on his... No, his son was...

His two and a half-year-old son was sucking on his toes. And it was more of like, I think it was like a teething thing? I would watch that? It was very weird, and the entire Idridan was talking about it. He was talking about Army Hammer's toes, not his own toes. Correct. He was sucking on his father's toes. and the, it was just, it was so ridiculous.

And of course, the internet was like, what the possible fuck is wrong with you? And because he said, he's been doing this for seven minutes straight. And like, and it, but the real problem was that he put this hashtag foot fetish on fleek in it, which is why it was weird. But then his wife came out and was just like, he didn't do it for seven minutes.

He was making a weird joke. And it wasn't something he does all the time. And I, but it's even weird to be like Wendy likes to lick our feet. Yeah, I was going to say my old dog used to like to lick feet. I like, I think it's like, but I think when it comes to dogs, I think it's more of a, you are my owner and this is like, I do this for you. And I think that the kid just did it. But now Army Hammer is just being ripped apart on the internet because it is gross.

It is, but it's just so, I feel like it's something that's just like totally innocent and like whatever the like, but then gets. It's weird, it's like weird, but there's nothing, I don't know. I mean, it's gross and probably unsanitary, but it's just... And he should not have posted it on the internet. Yeah, and that's the thing. And with that hashtag. If the hashtag is it really gross. It's already gross, and then the hashtag like just weirdly sexualizes it just to, like, take it that little bit further.

Yeah. I'm looking at a picture. I can't hit play on this. It's just too much. He's not just, like, sucking on a toe. We're talking... Two toes. Army is a big foot.

and he has his entire mouth has two toes. He's like, like, oh. Yeah, it's so disgusting. It's not like, he's not just going like, yam, yum, yum, yum, yum. There's a acceptable way to suck on toes as a two-year-old to their father. But, like, it is just aggressive, is all I'm saying.

It's just very, in a very aggressive thing to do. Also, I just can't stand these kinds of posts. Like, look at this gross, weird thing. Like, this is shit that you should share with your family behind, I think, closed doors a little bit. I think there's a big argument to be made for not posting things that if your child saw later in life would be embarrassed by it. Oh my God. Because your child's a human and like people are always... And if they're going to post things that are embarrassing, let them post things that are embarrassing. But it is putting them on blast for no reason. Sure. And I get the part of

parenting is like your child does funny stuff and I'm, you know, like you want to talk about it. And if you, some people make the choice to like never share any pictures of their kids or never talk about their kids and I respect that totally. Other people share. air picks and talk about everything and I also respect that but like I do feel like that what's missing sometimes in what parents especially celebrity parents are people who have like a lot of people looking at their shit choose to share is yeah thinking like you're this is a human being right like yeah it's a baby who does funny stuff right now but like when they're 13 are they going to want people to be like oh yeah you were sucking on daddy's toes oh oh you fuck you want to suck on my

dick you bitch you you fucking sucking on my daddy's toes. Jackie, of course, being her alter ego online. Yeah, my Gumba personality, yeah. Jacko the harasser. Jacko the harasser. Oh, my got things to say about that. Also, you know, I think the meanest one, too, by the way, and I was just watching a video of one of these,

and I have fully admit I've laughed at one of these in the past, but I still feel terrible. I'm upset. Never laugh. The ones that are post-like surgery, and they're super drugged out. Oh, like little kids after. And they're saying crazy nonsense, and it is very funny. But it is so fucked up, man.

Yeah. They have, not only are they a kid, they also are completely out of their head. Right. On drugs and saying stuff they would never say. But that's why it's kind of fun. That's where you get the ideas from. See, that's what I feel like you do it. You don't do it on purpose.

But I think that, you know, I would utilize my child being under that. And like, what do you think about this? Like, to get ideas, to get like TV pitches and things like that. Like, what would you do with, you know, candy? Also talk to you. He's like, yeah, I think that it can do with talking me. I eat it till it screamed. You're like, you're right?

Yeah, that's good. Let me write that down. I saw one recently that was literally the girl was screaming. She was going, BBC, Big Black Cox. Oh, like screaming, crazy shit. How old was the girl? The parents are like, what are you? Get in the car.

Like, she was like, you know, she looked like maybe like in middle school or something. Like crazy shit, dude. Yeah, but that's scary. But also, right, if your kid is that old, don't, I mean, there have been articles written by, like, mommy bloggers about their kids finding their fucking blog and being like, what? You've been writing about, like, me coming to you to ask about sex?

God, good a night. And for the kids, it feels like this horrible violation. Of course it is. Because they're people. Yeah. You know, and so I feel like if you're a middle school, like, I remember getting my wisdom teeth out. I was all sorts of fucked up.

I wouldn't want a video of that online right now. How humiliating. Although I would love for them to have it, though, because then I would love as an adult to choose to put it out there. Sure. You know what I mean? Because then that would be fun. Save it.

Yeah, or show your family or whatever, but like. Again, like with the Army Hammer, where he just probably shouldn't have posted it, you idiot. And I'm sure later in life, yeah, exactly. And he did the same thing. Hey, now that you're of age, do you mind if I post this video of you sucking on my toes? Yeah, and that you're old.

The 13-year-old boy would be like, please don't do that, you know? I will say, I hate to say, I mean, Army Hammer does look like a little bit of a, what I do, though, you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't, I think that he just wasn't thinking. He's a what I do. Well, he's a what I do. I mean, he's a gorgeous what I do, but I think it seems, or maybe, you know what, maybe I'm just judging him on his name, and I think it definitely could be that because I think that Army Hammer is a very silly name. It's a very what I do name.

It's a very what I do. I'm just so pretty. I'm just so pretty. And I know he doesn't talk like that. But, you know, he's great and call me by your name. He's great in it. I will say that. He's great in it.

But he looks a little what I do. Bit of a what I do. I mean, he does a little bit of a what I do in that movie, too. Yeah, yeah. He does so fucking on my apacas like you want him, calling me all the time, you young child. God, what a fucking movie, man. I love it. I love it.

I love it. that whole movie, it was just like, what? Did you know when they kissed in that, and spoiler alert, when they kissed in that movie, that was the first, like, scene they ever did together. That was, like, the first time, like... I mean, it's magnetic. That was the first time they ever kissed, like, crazy.

I mean, that's why I think I've been getting my kiss on so hard by watching the boys. Have you been watching any of the boys, London? I am dying to start watching the boys, because also on the Wiz and the Bruiser's side, I have a lot of fans going crazy for this show. I'm just, again, I'm trying to catch up, and again, I'm just getting...

Frank is a skunk in watching 90-day Fiance before the 90 days. And there's so much of it that you can watch it forever. I will say, Molly, that this is actually a great movie for you to, I believe, watch with Gideon because it's about superheroes, but it's the anti-superheroes. It's like

it's everything that a Marvel movie is not. So it's like the dark side of it where superheroes are the normal thing and they have like the seven which are like the really good, wholesome ones that like protect the world. but it's the underbelly of superheroes and how awful they are.

And so it's filled with sex, it's filled with great violence, and the whole thing is about essentially superheroes are run by a corporation like Google or something like that. So they've taken over the world, and everything that you think about superheroes is completely calculated. So then it's all about the underbelly of it. It's very cool. And so it's the same dude that did the preacher, that wrote the preacher that also wrote this. Yeah, yeah. And so, and the preacher is like so ultra-violet, at least the graphic novel, and at the show,

the super ultra-violent and super, like, yeah. It's great, though. I immediately was sucked in. I was like, oh, this is like a, like, this is a good one for people that, like, because I want more fuck-fuck, fuck. I want more, you know, of the. Suck-Suck-Suck. Yeah, I want more suck-suck, definitely. I'm into milk, milk.

Some more what I do. Yeah. And a lot of what are dues. And so I really, I've been really enjoying it. It's on Amazon Prime. It's a good thing for people that aren't that into superheroes because it is also a drama. Is a movie or a show? It's a show.

Okay. It's great. Because we're almost done with Jessica Jones, which is also like a dark sexy superheroes. So that sounds like a good next one into it. A perfect lateral mood. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Jump earn it, guys. Is it time for the list?

Oh! Who's on the list? I'm in the room. Jackie! Got to have that list. She's in the room. He's in the room. I really, I chose this list just because of the top story of this list.

It is the top 10 ridiculous celebrity lawsuits. Now, the first lawsuit is Lindsay Lohan versus the talking babies. I was immediately drawn in for obvious reasons. So essentially, I just love actress and sometimes singer, Lindsay Lohan, which sometimes singer I think given her as a bit of a stretch. I would say most likely like yachtist extraordinary. She filed a lawsuit against a financial services company E-Trade because she said that the television ads used her name and characterization, quote-unquote, without her permission. Now, the thing is, what she was referring to was a baby named Lindsay that is referred to as a, quote, milkaholic.

So, barely in this, I don't know if it's like a show or if it's just an overall, like, franchise, Lohan took offense that other people that, these fictional babies were being referred to as any type of hollick, and that she thought that she was being called out and that it was actually a parody of her life. So in reality, she just looked at it was like, are they talking about me? Are they talking about me? I think I remember these E-Drade commercials.

They were like really creepy, you know, kind of mid-level CGI where the babies would like, it looked like the babies were talking to each other. But also, isn't it weird? I think just in general, Isn't it weird to refer to as a baby as a milkaholic? Oh, yeah. Oh, they weren't just, I mean, I am not like a prude of any kind of like, how dare you?

But that's a little like, ew. I just imagine like a baby furious like chomping on. And I was like, I need it, mama. I need it, mama. Getting angry, getting violent to get the milk out. I just, I mean, it's not for me. It's not by me. And I'm not interested.

I don't love that kind of sense of humor of like, oh, my baby. you know, loves, like, all those onesies that say, like, I'm a boob man. I... I'm a what? A boob man? Oh, God. They are an astounding number of onesies. I'm going to go ahead and say, like, any, pretty much all children's clothing with, like, a funny joke on them are almost always, always.

Have you ever seen one? You're like, I love that baby joke on a onesy. That's not obnoxious in any way or, like, just completely off the mark in any way. But especially the creepy gendered ones. Like, there's one, right, there's one that says, like, head, arms, and it's like, for when daddy dresses me. And it's like, daddies are such fucking idiots. They don't know how to put on baby clothes. And that's not fair either.

Like, all edge of it's like, I mean, that's not. Or, like, those ones that are just, like, can't wait to get more of my mommy's big milk-filled tits. Yeah, yeah. That is what they were referring to. There's so many that are like, I'm a boom man for boys. That's so gross. It is not funny. Except I did like the one that you were talking about

that you never caught. It was like, I could have swallowed you. Well, that was for an adult. So gross. It was a maternity shirt that I did want to buy. That was a maternity shirt for moms that said and to think I could have swallowed you because it really requires you to think about it.

Like, the joke is just out of reach. Right. And it just doesn't work. And I just, I really want. And my first pregnancy was an IVF pregnancy, so it makes no sense for me. And I really just really wanted it. But I never got it.

I understand. Maybe for the next one. I'll get you it for the next one. Don't you worry. Stitching when the morning comes. I'll be fixing when the evening's done. Watching out for the mail. Just to get my Stitch Fix box of clothes.

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So Nicholas Cage versus Kathleen Turner. So Nick Cage actually sued. Oh, my God. I watched face off that sweet one, by the way. Oh, my God. God, how good. I can watch Face Off at any time. Any time of day, and I will

stop everything that I'm doing and watch Base Soft. I think it's a perfect movie. I love everything about it. So Nick Cage actually sued Kathleen Turner because in her book, The Memoir, Send Yourself Roses. Turner alleged that Nicholas Cage had been arrested for drunk

driving, and it also stolen her dog. And he did neither one of those things, so he sued her for libel. Why did she say that in her book then? I don't know. I might be having deja vu, but I feel like this blind item feels familiar. Really? Like, is it possible that this blind item could have been on a different list? It is very, very powerful. I mean, you know, there's only so many. You got to get creative sometimes with the list. I just, I had the experience

of being like, yes, I knew this about Nick Cage, which feels impossible. That's also, so if that really isn't true. Like there's a whole department in the publishing house where they question and fact check all of these kinds of things. And for that to have slipped by the goalie is absurd to me. Yeah. Well, so I mean, he, eventually

the defendant said that they were wrong and they apologized and they paid for Cage's legal fees and the rest of the money they did student for they donated to charity. Really? So I mean, it's like... So Nicholas Cage came out on top. He did come out on top, which I guess he, but how do you prove you didn't do something? I guess that's

wherely that's the thing. Uh-huh. I don't know how they did it, but maybe it was just they just didn't want to fucking deal with it anymore. I don't know. I was going to say I could see it, but at the same time, what do I truly know about Nick Cade?

This is the problem, too. We assume so much about him. I'm sure the publishing house, they were like, yeah, totally, definitely did that. Definitely see. Because we just had the blind item where he, like, tried to, he was with his son and ex-wife

and he tried to, like, pay for a blow job at like a random retail store in Vegas. And, I mean, if that, I mean, and A, we bought that hook line, or it may or may not be true at all, you know, but probably, you know, I mean, come on, you know what I mean? Right. Well, that's the thing. Tell me Nick Cage did anything and I'll be like, definitely. Right. Give me like, unprovable Nick Cage fact. Like, yeah. Yeah. Well, absolutely trust. I mean, Miley Cyrus was sued by, man, it was a $4 billion lawsuit saying that she took a face.

A photo was taken of her pushing her face around, making a silly face. And, And she was sued for $4 billion saying that the face violated the civil rights of Asian Pacific Islanders. And she was open about the fact she was like, I was just making a dumb face. I kind of remember this. I really, like I wasn't trying to be. Lord knows. I mean, Lord knows what she was doing. But what they did want to do was give $4,000 to each Asian Pacific Islanders that lived in L.A.

County. A class action? Because of the face. Wow. I mean, you know what? I gotta say, I love the idea. Without knowing any of the specifics of that particular thing, the idea of just a class action for every...

For all of them. I kind of think it's kind of fun. It's fun to, I mean, shoot for the moon, right? Essentially, I mean, eventually the case was dismissed, and she just kept apologizing. She's like, kept apologizing. You know what? I'm looking at a picture of this.

I wish I had the monitor up to show you the picture. She's doing the thing. She's doing the thing. but two guys over is also going. Yeah. And for listeners, is also spreading the fingers on the eyes. To make a slanty eyes.

To do the things. And not for nothing, but, like, that's one of those things where it's, there is such a specific history to that. It's such a specific way that is used to be racist against Asian people. And you kind of have to,

I don't know, I'm sure that she may be whatever. I will also say in this picture, she looks fucking blitzed off her ass. Oh, yeah, no, they're definitely making the face. Oh, yeah, I'm looking at the rest of this picture. They are certainly doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're doing that on purpose. They are doing that on purpose. But she definitely was faded as a vuck as a 16-year-old. It's certainly possible you could push your face around without meaning to do that. No, it's definitely. She's made a face. Everyone knows that gesture and everyone knows that it's used to make fun of it. And it's bad.

And it's racist. You do not do that. I am big. Jackie, not to divert fully from the podcast, but I just. saw a sticker on your laptop that is a bear of bat wings on a set of breasts and it just says spooky

tits yeah it's our friends over I think it's our friends over at Monster Posse got that he got it for me and I think it's a lot of fun because my tits are spooky and it's right below a picture of Skeet Ulrich from Scream a cartoonized picture of Skeet Ulrich from scream licking blood off his finger

in the shape of a heart It turns me on It always turned some yawn. At first I thought it was Jughead, and then I was like, oh, no, that's skeed a little bit from screen. Oh, that's skeed, maybe. I feel like you could put up during Halloween, like, a house of horrors, and it's literally all just the things that turn Jackie on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And people would pay a lot of money to go through and just be terribly frightened by just the many things that you find.

Of how hard I throbbed. Yeah, the throbbing room. There's going to be a throbbing room. Like the walls are just fucking, just whole sick. Throbbing, baby. I remember being really having a huge crush on. Matthew Lillard in Scream and then rewatching it recently and being like, oh my God. Oh, yeah.

What was wrong with me? He's the Empire Records, right? He's that guy. Yeah, that's a weird one. The SLC punk, yeah, Big Lizard fame. I mean, even in the same way, too, where the fact that I found Skeet O'R's so sexy in Scream, and I find him so much more attractive now. So much more attractive now.

I mean, I know, I guess this is growing up. I get that. I know that I am just a different age now, but, I mean, I mean, good Lord. No, he's much, much objectively sexy and then in the craft, too. Hubba, bubba. But not really. See, that's the thing.

All right, we also didn't talk about the fact that we said last week about how Lily Reinhart and Cole Spouse broke up, and now they're doing. See, I think this is a diversion, y'all. I think they actually did break up. Really? Yes, I really do.

Do you think they're bullshitting? I think that they're bullshitting because they want people out of their fucking business and they want people to stop talking about it because they are shooting right now. And I'm in a thing. throw it out there that they probably had a shitty breakup and they're on set now and they're like, why don't we fuck with them?

Why don't we fuck with social media and start posting things together? Or the opposite of a shitty breakup. Or they had a very amicable breakup because that can happen too in Hollywood. Like sometimes people just, it doesn't work out and it is what it is. You know what I mean? And it can even happen with young people, even though I didn't have the emotional maturity to ever have a healthy breakup at that age. No, no, no, no.

It was possible for other people too. I am just, I would like to hope to think even though I hope I never have to do it again, that I would be better at breakups. than before. I don't know if I would be. I don't think I would. I mean, what do you,

okay, what's your bad breakup thing? Like, I'm just like a scorched earth. Like, we never knew each other. Yeah, it's over.

Yeah. Like, just total shutout or, because I feel like also, though, a lot of the times I've been, quote, unquote, like the victim of the breakup,

even though I feel like a lot of times people like cheat or do whatever. When really there, it's just like a one way to just shut it down automatically as like, I'm just going to like, go make out with somebody or something like that. And then admit it. And then we have to break up.

I've never cheated. But what I was going to say though real quick was just that in reaction, I'm like, no, I've got to even the playing field. You did something wrong. I'm going to do something. I'm going to say something awful to you or I'm going to like make it foul ball for me too because I can't just be the victim in a shitty situation. I see. Interesting. And I don't know why I do.

I'm just like, it's so self-destructive. Like everybody had my side. And then I had to like. And then you were shitty. And no one has your son. I think that's a common behavior. Yeah. And I'm just like, what is that?

And now that I have hindsight to look at that, but what would you just do full? I just, I've always, my problem with negative feelings is that I turn them inward rather than outward. So I like don't usually, I'm not usually like mean to other people.

But with breakups, yeah, if I, especially, if I'm the dumped, then if I end up seeing them, I'm just like, I can't even make eye contact with you.

And if I'm the dumper, I still, I'm like, uh, we never knew each other. I'm sorry. And usually I, I mean, thank God, at least with age now,

I can be around people who I used to date and have it be totally fine. But that's, I mean, we're talking years in the interim. Yeah. And Jackie just makes love to the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I open up my legs and rainbows come out of me like I'm, what is it, Lionheart?

And I project it out onto the world. Yeah, yeah, through my squirty bird. It's great. It's great. Just so bad. No, mine's all self-destructive. I will say this, though. Every time I see people will be like,

No, we're cool. We even, we're still, like, talk a little bit, and, like, we can hang out at social gatherings together. I wish I could. I've never seen that not turn into complete shit after, like, a month or two. Or they get back together. I think, right, that's the thing. I think that sometimes you need time. Yes. And then it can happen.

And after years, then it definitely, I know a lot of people that after it's been years, and it's fine. Years is fine. But you have to take at least one year away from each other, attempting to avoid as many social interactions. interactions as possible, like, just get that space. Because otherwise it just turns into an extension of the relationship. Yes. Like, and especially, yeah, I mean, in general, I do, like, I definitely dated a lot of men who are like, my ex is a crazy boop.

And I was like, that means you're, you're bad. You're the boob. Not necessarily, but, like, a lot of men who are, like, all the women I've dated are crazy. That's the biggest red flag on the plan. And I never got that when I was young. and so now if a man is cool with his exes, I find it to be a great thing. It's great.

I'm talking about the specific case where right afterwards they're trying to both act like they're the most mature people on the planet and therefore elevated above like all other people they know. And then one or two weeks later, like that's when the name calling starts and the mean text at three in the morning. Just like, when is that?

No, you just need some time to remember to forget that you used to be naked with each other, you know? There's two exact constants to relate. relationship stuff I've observed, that's one of them. If you try to act all cool right after it's over and like you guys are totally fine, it's going to implode. And the other one is if you start off dramatically, you will not last. I've never seen a single relationship that started in a dramatic fashion that, like, whether it's like, you know.

I know three cases of people that were cheating on their partners when they got together. Yes. That ended up cheating on. Of course. Really. Immediately, like then you're put to death. But I know three instances of the. just like, yeah, I mean, you know when you're watching your friend do something like that?

And you're like, I mean, I know like you do you, but like, I really can't support this. I think that it's really weird. And then it happens. It's really funny. There was one case where I was like, well, that's the one example that breaks my rule. They broke up last year. And also did the we're totally cool as soon as they broke up. And then also did the one or two months later, like, can't talk to each other, saying nasty shit to each other.

Yeah. It's, it was both things. I was like so ecstatic. I was like, yes. There's balance to the universe. The question is, what is the, what track are we on with Lily Reinhardt and Cole Sprout? That's the thing.

What track are we on? I think that they, I mean, they have to work together and they're still, you know, they're still together in the show. So I like that these celebrities that were coming out and doing this because Ashton Cocher and Milakunas did this recently with their, with a fake breakup where they like sold like us a fake breakup story to the crappy media outlets who took it and ran with it. They didn't sell it, but like tipped them off

like they were breaking up and just to say, ha ha, fuck you know. Yeah. And I like more of that's going on. It's definitely wasting people's time that work in those fields, but it's kind of fun, you know, let them have their fun.

I know that Cold Sprauss is also, word on the street is that he's kind of a cheeky asshole. So it does, I feel like it does make sense. So, I mean, as much as I will be sad if they did breakup, I don't necessarily think they need to stay together for the rest of their lives. How old are they?

How old are they? They're in their mid. I think he's like 26 and she's like 22. Okay, well, for her sake. I mean, for him, maybe I could see it, but for her sake, like, get out there, maybe. Go do it, yeah. She's red hot.

And also, like, her, she's in that new Hustlers movie. That also is Lizzo and Cardi B and J-Lo and Constance Wu. Like, I mean, I'm ready for that movie. That movie. When we were watching the trailer, I was like, her her her yeah like every face that appears in the next cut is more exciting than the I'm so excited about hustlers I'm so fucking excited about it uh oh

everything's getting dark around me I can't see anything you just snapped into it he's really doing an act out I want the listeners hell yeah he's he can't see anything he's touching everything on the desk is it is it yeah did the sun is there an eclipse oh no We can't see them That's right, it's time for blind items You fuckers I miss you guys

Okay Let's see here What was what's the, oh yeah This is my favorite one So I'm gonna lead with it Because I think we'll get the most out of it Here we go Alright

Okay, after the disaster That was the foreign born Three named ambiguously aged A minus list actress What Wait three named Ambiguously Bored? Aged.

Aged. Better. A minus list actress. After the disaster that was her portraying a real life figure, the only thing worse could be the A-list, everything in her mind actress, taking on the same role.

The only thing worse is her idea to direct it to. Okay, so one actress portrayed a real person, and I'm going to say this is like one of Jackie's like favorite real people from a documentary that was being portrayed by this three-named actress.

ambiguously aged. Yeah, three-named actress portraying a person. Let's say a evil person, too. I'm going to throw it out there. An evil person, and the three-named actress is portraying a real-life person. And I love the evil person? Yes, you love the evil person. I mean, so we have to figure out who the three-named actress is.

Uh-huh, but we also have to figure out what evil person. And then the other actress has come up in blind items. not too long ago. She is a sing, an A-list singer, uh, uh, actor, blah, blah, blah, blah, all of it. All right. Can we get a lead on the three named singer?

Ambiguously aged. And are we talking about a biopic? Like, yes. Okay. We're talking about a biopic. We're talking about a, specifically a lifetime television biopick. Oh.

Which is kind of nuts. Uh, not. She is married to a famous, a very famous actor, this three-named actor. Three-named actress. Oh, what was the recent good lifetime? Because I'm thinking immediately of Prince Harry and Megan Markle because I know that they just had that one that came out.

But what else is going on in the Lifetime movie world? You would never think that this person, real-life person would ever get a biopic on Lifetime, though, is the problem. Because, like, this is a very evil person that you love that there was a documentary about. That I love. John B'nai Ramsey?

No, she's not evil. That's three names. It is three names. Sorry. I'm sorry. Jackie does talk about Jambi area. I do. More than nothing, you know.

I immediately want to talk about Dear Zachary, but I don't know that person's name. No, it's not that person. Is it a killer? It is a definite killer. Or a person who's ordered many killings.

I don't, she may, she's probably killed people herself. Ordered many, where is my fucking, it's so hot in here. How do you ever, ever think about these things? I mean, all right, so she ordered hits on people and she's evil. I chose this as I was so excited about like the actual story.

I really, I really want to know. Don't tell us. I feel bad like if it's too ambiguous. No, no, no, no. Just maybe we need another hint. I think we need a little more hits. She's married, the three-named actress has been in a musical film that was very successful. And she is married to like a silver-haired fox, very famous actor.

Silver-haired fox, very famous. Musical film. We're talking lay-miss? No. The musical film is a one word Chicago. Ooh, okay. René Wieselwiger.

No, that's too. I mean, Catherine Zeta Jones. That is correct. Playing who? Oh, wait. She's playing cocaine cowboy. Yes.

Yes. She's playing Griseldo. Griselda Blanco. Yes. It's called Cocaine Godmother. The Griselda Blanco story is the Lifetime fucking biopin. But also, there's a lot of

lick, lick in there. Really? Oh, yeah. I'm actually very excited about seeing this movie. She said, I found that these men, some of them still in jail, all talked about La Madrina, this woman, the godmother, and they feared her, and they revered her. And I was thinking, my God, what do I know about this woman? This woman, in a very dark, dangerous man's world, who had so much power.

Yeah, dude, cocaine cowboy is so fucking sick. This bitch didn't play. Oh, she murdered some people, and she didn't give a fuck. If somebody owed her money, she's like, go in there. But the family and the children are there, she's like, kill them all. And she's ruthless as fuck, dude. It's all like the cocaine industry out of Miami. Yeah.

It's awesome. It's actually, she is highlighted more so in the sequel to Coakin Cowboys, which is generally regarded as not nearly as good. You should definitely watch both of them, though. And her part of it, though, is, like, fascinating. Oh, yeah. She is just a nightmare human. So, wait, what was happening with the blind item, though?

There's another... There's another pitch, so we haven't even named it. It was referred to as a disaster of a movie in the Blind Item, this first movie. But there might be a worst film, which I actually think is probably going to end up being better based on who's behind the screenplay. It is another Hispanic actress, singer, come up not too long ago. I could give a very obvious hint, but I don't want to yet. Selena Gomez? No.

Actress singer that is... Is it also... Arellanda Grande? No, but that would be amazing. Is it Zendaya? No. All of these people I would like to watch. She's come up in blind items before.

There's definitely a really obvious clue I could give, but I don't want to give it yet. So she, but is she of that age? She's more known for her singing and dancing than she is for her acting, I think. Catherine Zeta Jones is not ambiguously aged. Isn't she like in her 40s or 50s? But she just looks like she does it. She's one of those people that you're just like, how old is she? Yeah.

But her face is tighter than I imagine she needs it to be. Interesting. What are you trying to say about? I think that maybe she had, maybe just like a Nicole Kidman's worth of work done, I would say. Who is a... You're not going to take my baby from me. Oh, man, that's the second of the last episode of Big Little Eyes, her face was so tight. I was like, oh, girl.

Good boy. I just, that was a little rough. It was a little rough. Not that I understand. One day I hope my face to be that tight. I'm just saying. All right, you want me to give the obvious clue? Yeah.

We've referred to her as Starba. I have referred to her as Starba. I was going to say J-Lo. Jennifer Lopez. Okay, listen to this, though. Oh, I will watch the mother fuck out of that. So she's working on her own film about the story. It's called the godmother, and it is, but she is also considering making it her

directorial debut. But I will say that. It is with a screenplay by Regina Corrado, who I believe also did what's the movie you're super excited about, Hustlers, right? Yeah. She also wrote on that, and Deadwood, the movie, wrote that. Which was stellar. And Terrence Winter, who wrote Wolf of Wall Street.

So that, like, that script sounds like probably it's going to be banger. So we're talking about the two fictional movies about the same. Yes, coming out, like, around the same time. But one is a lifetime movie, so how technically. And also, I hate to say this, Catherine Zeta Jones v. J-Lo. Maybe I'm just being Bad Girls Club because I love Selena so much. But I think I choose J-Lo. I definitely choose J-Lo.

And I've got nothing but respect for Catherine Zeta-Jones. I love Catherine Zeta-Jones. I mean, I definitely masturbated to her many times because of Zorro. Sure. You know, I get it. Remember what was that movie with her where she was going through the lasers and she put her ass up? Entrapment.

Yes, she's very hot. And I used to masturbate to that one section of entrapment. and then I would always be, I'd be watching it on my phone while going up the stairs of a slide, like a wet slide, and I'd put a condom of my... Oh my God!

It's you! It's you! You're the one! And I try to find a girl where I'm like, she doesn't probably know what a condom filled with giz is yet. I tried to find that girl,

and I put some glue on the tip of the... I'm going to tell my mother about this. Oh, I'm going to tell my mother. You're going to have a fucking Linda's amount of shit up your ass. coming soon. Do you want one more? Yeah, give us one more.

If there is one. Yeah, not as strong, though. Okay, do you want a story about a guy who's in the news for being a shithead recently or a story about some It Kids? It Kids. All right. These two co-stars from a very hit streaming show

are still boyfriend-girlfriend and they still enjoy replacing food with Coke as often as possible. Whoa, boyfriend, girlfriend, children, and they do a bunch of... screaming. Is it 11 and the other child? Not 11, but it is definitely stranger things.

Oh, it's those two. Are they the oldies in real life? Yeah, yeah. Nancy and Jonathan. Natalia Dyer and Charlie Heaton. Oh, do they make fuck in real life? I guess they make fuck in real life because they were recently seen on an Italian getaway

a few weeks after season three dropped. She definitely has got. She, I don't want to like thin shame or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but she does look like a little scarily. I mean, it's same with Celine Dionne where it's like, again, no one should be shame for how. how they keep themselves. And I'm not, this is not out of shaming.

It's more just like, oh my God. Yeah, you just get worried for them a little bit. How do you walk? Yeah. It's like, how do you move? Well, we're talking about Jonathan, not Steve, right? Shaggy, shaggy hair. Bad boy from the show, so I don't know the names.

Bad boys in different ways. Well, the quiet, the broody one. Yeah, yeah, that guy. Replacing meals with blow cane. Do you know what the thing is, though? I really like food. I've been there. I have definitely been there, and I never was that.

thin either, so apparently I was doing something wrong. You lost, did you lose an obscene amount of weight, though, during that time? But it was, I guess it's what it is, too, it's I see in their eyes what I had in my eyes where I thought that I looked so good, and I just remember Henry pulling me aside being like, you look like a corpse.

The way that your cheeks are sunken in and the dark bags under your eyes at the age of 22 is too drastic, and it is not unknown of what you are doing to yourself. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I look back at the picture, She was like, oh, yeah. It's not a good kind of thing.

There's a difference. A raccoon that couldn't find any, like, garbage to eat for a couple months. Always screaming and always crying. So, you know, it's those mood swings that come from those amphetamines. At least those kids aren't little kids, but they are still very young. They are young. They are young. But it's all that fucking pressure, man.

They've got to just keep going. We've been saying for years how worried we are about the Stranger Things kids on this show. I know. I know. when they're entering it. We're gonna just keep putting out our positive energy at them. I hope they soak it up through the streams of radio. And I love that,

I love that Stranger Things like Season 3 embraces the fact that they're all going through puberty in a way that most shows just don't know how to, like, deal with kid actors who are aging. Yeah. I feel like season three is just like, let's lean into it. They're all in this really weird age. And I feel like they actually deal with it very respectfully.

That's fucking great. No, I haven't watched the latest season, but I heard great fucking things about it. There are a lot of things I liked about it. I don't think it was as good as like the first season story-wise, but there was a lot of things I really, really liked about it. Hell yeah. I'm going to have to check this sheet out,

but thank you guys for checking our shit out today and thank you guys for having me here in your humblest of cities. Same. In the sweatiest of studios. Thank you so much for joining us, Jackie. I am happy to be here. I miss you guys so much. I know, we miss you too.

I love you guys. And this was just such a goddamn delight to sit here and sweat alongside you. And I hope you listeners out there if you are also sweating right now, just think of all the times when you're too cold. You know what I mean?

That's what you really got to lean into. But remember when you're like freezing outside and you're just like, why does it have to be like this? So I'll take a sweaty day. I'll take this any day. I will take it. We love you. Thank you again.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Whir. My name is Molly Nethel and I'm MJK LK. My name is Holder McNeely. You can check me out on Twitch. Twitch.TV forward slash hold nater so, but also almost more importantly, check out patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. We have a bunch of bonus content coming out. We've been cramming pretty little liars. Jackie and I sat down, had a discussion about reality TV,

which I would like to, by the way, amend my earlier statements I made on that about Jesse and Darcy. Jesse is a fucking royal piece of shit. Whoa. Oh my God. Like Darcy's got her own bullshit going on. This is 90-day stuff, but Jesse is like a flaming fucking asshole. You are completely lost. I love the way that Holden just starts talking about it like it's a real friend. Again, it's reality TV, man. These people are more than friends. What do you think?

I have no one to talk to about Love Island, and I just saw that it's being renewed for the next season. I was just like so excited. I was at lunch with Henry, and I went, and he's like, why did you just gas? I was like, Love Island just got renewed, and I'm alone, and I have no one to talk to about it. And also, what else is I going to say? Also, my bad for not mentioning cops. I can't believe I didn't mention that. But anyways, we sat down and talked about reality TV.

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