Page 7 - Episode 315: Allergic to Butts

Episode Date: August 9, 2019

Jackie, Molly and Holden gab about Google Camp, the Pitbull music video starring JohnTra and... are JVN and Antoni banging?!? Patreon supporters get weekly bonus episodes and ad-free episodes. Plus, you help out Page 7! Go to http://felixgrayglasses.com/page7 to protect your eyes today. Use code PAGESEVEN for $100 of free delivery credit for the first SEVEN days when you download the Postmates app. Quip starts at just $25 and if you go to http://getquip.com/page7 right now, you can get your first refill pack for FREE. Sponsored link: http://www.simplecontacts.com/page7 and use promo code: page7. Lobby Time, Surf Shimmy, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

quarterly time of year where ooh that dress is scandalist another to handle it and you're shaking that thing like who's the is looking eyes so devilish like the dance in the hip-hop spots move to the moves and it hates the dots and dust our benchy like the pop

she would live in la vila loka she had come on guys dumps like a trunk dumps like a junk trunk trunk trunk guys guys like what what what baby with your butt butt butt but but I want to do it again

that's the part I was waiting for it. Dang song is in the house. Because I like to pretend that my life is in, what is that, 2003? Is it really even in the 2000s? Yeah, I got to be in the early 2000s. Wait, wait, wait.

I wasn't in college when that song came out. Was I? I was in high school. I remember listening to it in my hometown. Yeah, I was in high school, I think, when that song came out. Oh, is it the year 2000? In the year 2000. In the year 2000.

Oh, man, you know, I miss old school Conan, too. Oh, God. Oh, God. Throw it on there. Hey, guys, welcome to page seven. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Neffle. Still got a real fondness for the thong song.

Always. And my name's Holda McNeely. I remember that was one of my horniest summers ever. I must, I probably just sat at home and watched TV, never kissing a girl, and just went to town to myself. So that's funny. No, my mom and I learned all of the words. of the thong song, and I think I talk about this every time

I get the thong song stuck in my head. But right before we started recording, I was on the phone with my mom and my niece was in the car and we were like, you know, in the speakers of the car and we were both singing the thong song and my niece was brutally embarrassed. Yay, I love embarrassing children.

We finally made it to the age where we get to embarrass kids. Oh, so easily. I love it too. Just effortlessly embarrassing. All we have to do is be ourselves and it's just humiliating. for them. Horribly emiliating. Huh? And just say a thing

that they're into back at them. How about Fortnite, huh? I literally told a kid in our play there was a scene set in the wild west

and I was like, we could play Old Town Road and he looked at me with horror and he goes, how do you know about that? Oh, what? You're like,

hey kid, you even know what I do for a living? Also, yeah, that's like the most obso thing to know about, I feel like at this point.

This was months ago. It was fairly, I didn't, it wasn't like I was in any way cool for knowing about it. But it was like, this was like the week after it came out. But he was, he was so like, just abject, like horror and like curiosity. Like, how could you possibly, like, they let you out of here? Like one time I had a kid asked me if I sleep on the floor of the classroom, you know. And he was a younger kid. But like, this was like a fourth grader, but he was, you know.

And I remember like, you know, when I would run into like my teachers. who, of course, because of the way we pay teachers had like second jobs at the mall at night and you see them outside of that context and you're like, no, no! Which isn't that ridiculous too? That's also that our fucking, the instructors of our children

still have to have a second job. They should be paid the most. It's true, but to admit that they had lives outside of the four walls that you saw them every day was a true nightmare. I remember seeing my math teacher at a widespread panic concert and just being like,

And then the thing that I hate, though, was she was, like, really, like, excited that she saw us there and mentioned it the next day at class. And I was like, well, I guess you can't listen to them anymore. Or something like that. She was like, oh. Of course you have to shut it down. And I always remember that now. And I'm like, I was such a fucking dick. Yeah.

I look, and I have, I have, like, apologize to my parents and how much of a dickhead I was in. As you should. Yes. But they're, like, it was, you weren't bad. And I'm like, are you kidding? Maybe I just thought more. evilly than I said. I think that's really what it is.

I think our parents don't really know what's going on inside of her heads because still, my mom was like, you were such a good kid. Always just, you went to school and you paid attention. Like, you never got into the bad things like the other kids did. Cut to like the bad. Cut to like the upsetting part of Forrest Gump when Jackie's like getting on the railing of a hotel. It's like trashed. Boyfriend's got a needle in his arms.

I want to fly. I want to fly, Mom. I remember my biggest regret. My dad is like a corny, funny guy, but he's a funny guy. And he's like kind of cute. All right. Can we please for a moment not sexualize my father for a moment? For a minute out of a day.

And I remember, like, we would, like, be at a full table of people, like, friends of theirs. And he would crack like a joke. And I would literally just go like, ha, ha, ha. Just stare at him? Yeah, that's rough. That's so awful. If someone did that to me, if my kid did that to me, I'd be like, you get your ass off of this table right here, and you go to your room and you experience what it's like. And then your kid would be like, my ass is not on the table.

My ass isn't on the table, dad. My ass isn't on the table. That's exactly how I would respond. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I don't even need. Oh, yeah? I got some smarties hidden in my room. What did children?

You don't know anything about kids. You don't know anything about them. Mike and Ike. I think it's a combination of that probably I kept a lot of like my broody anger to myself. Although I was also not stealth. Like there's no way that I could have really been like that secretly angry because I didn't have any. I was just like an open book. I still am, you know.

But like, but yeah, same thing. Like I feel like I look back on myself as a as a, but a lot of my angst came before adolescence and then, you know, early adolescence and then, and, and I just, I feel like a total monster, but, but, but maybe adults are just more forgiving of being like, oh, it's the hormones, right? I think you also just don't, you simply don't care. I think it's also really that you're like, I got so many other things to deal with. Yeah.

I don't care if you're upset about something right now. I've seen my dad. There was a time when like my buddy and I, like, my dad came home early and we had to like run with the bong upstairs. I know he certainly saw us do it and he certainly was just tired that day and was like, I don't, I'm just gonna, I don't wanna do that shit right now.

I'm just gonna pretend like it didn't have it. It's see no evil, hear no evil. My mom's at the same thing. She's like, as long as you don't get caught, I know nothing. I'd rather just know nothing. Here's a fun question. I was thinking about this recently.

Did you have a secret stash and where did you hide it? I, because I had like, I had like my place for, yeah, you had like maybe some porn, cigarettes, weed, like a weed pipe or something. See, I was, I didn't get, I didn't do anything until college. Right, until later. So you never had it. Wow, you never had like a hidden stash.

No. And if I, that's insane. Yeah, that's crazy to me. It would have been, I do not think that it was the right thing to do. I would have, if I could go back, I would have started doing drugs and drinking a little sooner because, Yeah, I just did, I needed something, you know. Nothing is scarier than getting really high with your friends

and realizing you have to go home for dinner. And like that car ride home is the most awful. And you're like trying, you're using like breath mints and stuff. See, that sounds kind of fun. Being like a little stony teenager sounds kind of fun. I totally missed out on it. I remember I came home high one day and my parents were like, come in here. And I was like high out of my mind.

Oh, no. It's so scary. And they were like, and because they had found a cigarette butt in the toilet that didn't flush down. Uh-huh. And so I was getting, like, reprimed. Was it yours? Oh, yeah. And I am like, shaking because I'm so high.

And they were like, are you? Okay. And, of course, I hear that are you? Okay. And I'm like, yeah, I'm a fine. I'm a fine boy. Are you speaking like Mario right now? No, it's, it's a me.

It's a whole deal. It's a whole teen. Old Daniel. Well, teens can't be that good at disguising when they're high, right? Like, most teens were probably visibly high in front of their parents. And their parents probably were like, ah, that kid's fucking face. I don't understand how my parents, quote, unquote, didn't know. See, I had a whole stash, but I never kept it in the house.

Because I had a snooper mom. Because my mom went through everything in my room, everything. So I would just keep all my stuff in my friend's houses whose moms didn't do this. that. Right. So you didn't, you would just outsource it. Yeah.

Yeah. That's interesting, actually. I think, because I, yeah, my was, by the way, behind the comic books, top shelf of my dresser on the left. Ooh.

See, I also had, I would hide stuff in the tampons box, too, because, like, my family was so much not a family that would discuss anything of that sort at all. So I just knew,

it really was, like, same with my dad, nowhere near would my father? go near a tampon box. Right. Yeah, that's a great idea. You could definitely, like, get one of those, like, get a little notebook that's, like, carved out,

you know, how, like, people hid things during the war and stuff, and you could make it look like a notebook, but it could be like... It's just like I was in the war. The war of middle school. The war of middle school. And you could label it, like, monthly period tracker. Yeah.

Where I keep my blood blood bloods. This is where I keep my blood blood bloods to make sure my blood blood bloods are good every month, daddy. Do you want to see my blood-blood collection? Father? My doll house made out of my blood blood. Don't worry about me, father. Speaking of people that probably collect their blood bloods every month to make sure that it's looking okay,

do you guys read about Google Camp? Google Camp, Google Camp, Google Camp, Google Camp, welcome to Google Camp. We're the elite meet and they have some fun, but at the end of the day, the deal gets done, it's Google Camp. Google Camp. Oh yeah, oh, I'm feeling, I had to look, so I've seen all these pictures of all these celebrities

that are in some sort of Italian vista, and I was like, what the hell is going on? Because I live in no man's land upstairs when it comes to politics stuff, and I just thought it was a politics thing. But it's not, it's an environment thing. And all of the, best of the best, of all of the celebrities got together

and, seriously, that was supposed to be a secret event being held by Google for celebrities and political leaders to have an open forum discussion of climate change. Did it look like work? It looked like play? I'm sure they were all fucking and making out.

And listen, like great to care about, I mean, certainly with absolutely no caveat. It's great to care about climate change. It's great. I'm very pro that, yes. Great for celebrities to care about better, better than to not. You know, I like that there's generally, liberalism amongst celebrities,

but as you pointed out, when you were telling us about this, Jackie, they all, like, flew there. Yes. It is insane, the amount that they actually ended up hurting the environment by going to Sicily, because they had used 114 private jets,

Maseratis, and what they termed mega yachts, to get to the secret event. It's just the ultimate, like, America working on the environment thing. You know what I mean? It's just the ultimate capitalization of getting together to work on the environment. With a bunch of people who just like, are just like resource sucks, you know, like who just pillage resources.

But it was wonderful to see them dance around the flaming pyre and drink from the goblin blood wearing their sheep porn masks and all that. I know, I was mixing it up with midsummer. I couldn't remember which one was which, especially because Prince Harry gave an entire speech, shoe list. How do you feel about that, Holden? You know what I feel about that? And it's not even like a foot thing, all right? It's like, whatever. Have your feet, right? By the way, I was just thinking about this. New addition to the thing we haven't talked about about shit. I hate about feet in general.

Good. I'm glad. I want to know every single secret. Biggest pet peeve. And it makes me irrationally angry when it's a big fat foot that's too big for the sand. It only looks big in fact because it's too big for the sandal. and the toes like claw over the sandal. Like too long for the sandals. Yeah, I hate sandals that are too small for a foot. And I don't, I don't. Better when the toes are jammed in. And so they're jammed in so hard that they're spillage over.

Oh, like toe cleavage, like an appal. Ouchy, ouch. Or those points. So many women's, I have very wide feet. And when I look at women's high heels, oh, cram in all your feet. Don't do that. That looks so, it looks like you're one of the evil stepsisters not gonna get the prince's attention.

You know what I mean? That's all that looks like. Although maybe you would get Prince Harry's attention because apparently he digs the shoeless life. Well, I will say this. This is such a bullshit like, subtle, I care about the environment move. Like, aesthetic.

Like he's doing it like, I'm a man of the earth. I'll take my shoes up. I feel the grass. I feel the grass. Because like the only time I've ever seen someone perform a shoeless was when I went to go see Crosby still and Nash. And I think that makes sense. They were on

like these nice plush rugs. Yeah, the big rugs. Be shoeless. Of course. Be shoeless. That's the move. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Harry taking off his shoes at a climate thing is definitely just a pure the whole thing is pure aesthetics. This is like goop the

Google. I mean it just feels goopy. Yeah. It should have been called Goop Camp. Yeah, which I can't wait to talk about that in a little bit too. Me too. It's really funny, but we'll get there. No, because we're talking. We're talking like, we're talking Harry Styles, we're talking Bradley Cooper, Leonardo DiCaprio. We all know Leonardo Caprio is big into climate change.

We're talking Katie Perry in Orlando Bloom. This is like, you know, when it comes to Hollywood A-listers, that's what's, of course they all care about the environment. And I'm happy that they are giving money towards charities that are actually doing things to work on it. And I think that's great. But this is just a little like, let me jerk off all over my belly and then make some banana leaf blow come on over and give it a sluck up with a straw. Was that in Midsummer? What is that reference?

Midsomer. It's also not consciousness building if it's like a secret little party. It feels like the Bilderbergers. That's why I brought up the lighting of the pie. It feels like a weird secret rich person get together. And I don't care if it's like the liberal version of that. It's still creepy. Right.

Like if celebrities want to donate money, hell yeah. If they want to be like a big old face of a cause, Like I feel like Mark Ruffalo is like consistently pretty great when he's talking about like he talks about police brutality and shit like go organize go knock on doors do some like go going and just like get it all fucked up and fucking do that too but don't call it activist yeah go just have your secret rich persons get together don't like hide behind we're helping right well that's why I think it's weird too because it's like Mark Zuckerberg is there too isn't he evil don't we isn't he bad? Yes but he's a robot so it's fine. Definitively bad. But like, I just don't, I don't trust tech innovators. I don't trust rich people, like extremely rich people. There are some celebrities who I, of course, feel very affectionate towards.

But in terms of their politics, they will always want to protect their riches. Right. But also, this is what happens to people. I mean, case in point, the Heidi Klum Halloween party. You know what I mean? You guys get to go and you turn into, like, you know, social vampires, right? Like the moment you're in that situation, It's like, whose hand? Can I shake?

No, see, but I'm the opposite of that. Mine's more of just like, no, I wish I was in some sort of screened-in box so no one can see me as I'm sweating. I'm disgusting. I'm like, please don't look at me. I'm horrible. I'm the disgusting one. Yeah, I had an emotionally, it was, I had a great time at the Heady Clume Party, but I was, it was my first outing. I think my kid was like four months old.

And it was like the first time I had been out, like, really at night. So you're sort of feral. at that point. I'm like, I'm out of practice socially. My body is like all over the damn place. I'm dressed like Mr. Rogers. And everyone else, of course, everyone else there has like a sexy costume. And I'm just, Mr. Rogers, and I loved my costume.

But I'm like, I'm not equipped to come to a party like this. I don't feel sexy. I don't know how to look sexy. I don't have time to get sexy. I got to go home to a baby who's still nursing. Like, it was a, it was not the, I was not at my peat. No, that's a. Very sexy. Nursing is always sexy.

Yeah, you should have been. Yeah, that would have been in the main event. They all would have gathered around and I don't know why blood keeps coming to play, but they threw cups of blood at you on to nurse the baby. It's because we're still thinking midsummer. But also, just a side note, just, I don't know if you saw Heidi Klum and her insane amazing wedding dress in Capri. I don't know. That was also a side note of her just on this beautiful boat with all these white flowers. And her dress was awesome. It was like this strapless dress but also poofed out. Like it wasn't anything I would have ever expected her to wear.

I don't know what I would ever expect her to wear, but I just got to say, oh my God, she was breathtaking. I think I'll only ever picture her as Fiona now. But yeah, that is a very good dress. How great is that dress? And she was recently, I think, in people talking about how, like, great of a father, a stand-in father this new guy is to her children. And he's apparently really great.

Yeah, Tom Collett. I think it's how you say his last name. And he's... Oh, my God. Then you can walk up to him, be like, hey, can I have a Tom Collins? You are a thousand years old. What I should have done has been like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like, he was a teenager.

And then just stare sternly at him until everyone gets so uncomfortable. They have to change the subject. The thing that I know now about when teens are dicks, just to briefly, to go back to that, is that, right, what we have now as adults is that we can look at teens being that way and be like, I don't, like, I don't need to go to this level because I have done it and I'm past it. And so I don't need to get mad that you're like clearly dragging me right now. Right. It can still be infuriating. But it makes you feel like you're back, but it does kind of make you feel like you're back in middle school where it's just like, I'm not going to get down your level.

You, yeah, well, I get to eat candy for dinner if I want. Yes, that's true. I could. I'd already done middle school and I don't have to go back and you do. Exactly. You can pull that. I will say one thing that will always break me that kids do that even an adult could do to me

and I would go insane slowly is the repeat me thing. Uh-huh. There's nothing worse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When they like...

Yeah. When they like... Yeah. Because the only thing you can do to stop it is... The only thing you can do to stop it is... is it is deathly silent. It's the most maddening thing. Like, it just...

There's no way to be an adult about it. But just like, okay, fine. Even through the sky. Yeah. The Skype call, I can see the fury and hold his eyes, even as I pretend to do it. Dude, and you can, you'll start, I'll be like, oh, yeah, it's really funny.

Yeah, yeah, it's really funny, you know? Yeah, you're like, I get it. I get it. I'm bigger than this. I'm an adult. Cut to. Stop doing it. Stop doing everything I said!

You know what I mean? There's no way to, like, not break down from that. I will say this, though. I think, and maybe I'm wrong, maybe, but just based on, like, articles I've gleaned from and things like that, I'm pretty sure, isn't this generation below us of, like, high school kids like way like less shitty 100% right this the next generation totally rules

yes they really are they're way more accepting they're way more I mean it really is on the whole yeah they're like they're amazing they're like way queerer and like super fucking yeah and let's just yeah smart yeah interesting and yet still I was on the airplane yesterday trying to watch the last episode of euphoria and there was I was next to like teens and kids around me and I had my headphones in but then all of these scenes and everything that's on my screen, I just, like, shut it because I was like, you guys shouldn't see that this is what I'm watching. It looks like I'm just straight up watching.

Teens have sex with each other. Which is what you are straight up watching. Maybe, yes, I am. I think I got to make the leap into Euphoria. I'm still working. I just finished Jessica Jones, like I think I said last week, and now I'm working my way through Queer Eye, but I think I got to do Euphoria because everybody's just losing their shit over. I also need to jump on the Euphoria Bandwax.

but there are too many shows going on because I just started Last Chance You so I have another reality show in my life I don't know what I'm going to do about it but Last Chance You is amazing. Last Chance You is great. Tell me about Last Chance You. Okay, have you seen Friday Night Lights?

Yes. Okay, it is season four Friday Night Lights but real and Coach Taylor says fuck a lot. Wait, remind me about season four though. It's when he ends up at the other school with the struggling kids That are like good at football Like they just need somebody to pull them through

And and the It's set in college though And it's literally like This one college, this one coach they brought in to like Revitalize the football team They recruit all of these dudes That like made it to like district one Like made it to like FSU football

Like starters even That fucked up Like got busted for like smoking weed too many times Or they screwed up like When it comes to school shit Like they got behind a that so they're sent to this to east Mississippi Community College okay and it's like

literally they're lat like if they fuck up here they're fucked like they're gonna go back to their awful neighborhood they came from crime ridden all this stuff these are like rough dudes and the coach who is white grew up in Compton played for like the Compton football team uh like talks to talk walks the walk knows how to fucking get on these kids level a little bit and like you know what I mean I remember

loving season four, but I also remember being like, this could veer into white savior territory at any minute. I know you're about to go there with it. Yeah, this is a little bit less so because, I mean, at least in this instance, the white savior, quote unquote, is like coming from the fucking...

The neighborhood that he's working. It has absolutely nothing to do with that. Like, that is not, it is just that he happens to be white. And it's not even something that they really like get into really either, at least as far as I'm into it. But it's fine, like the one kid who we recruited was just like, I thought it was black.

I talked to him on the phone. I thought it was a black dude. Yeah, but it is. It's just such a great because you're right. Some people don't need the coach Taylor like inspirational talk of like, you know, clear eyes, full hearts can't lose. I said he says fuck a lot because he literally is just on their asses like, you know what I mean? He's like, don't like me now. He's not their friends. He's not trying to be a father figure. Yeah, he's like, don't fucking like me right now. Fucking like me when you're signing your Division I contract and getting the fuck

out of here. That's when you'll like me. What, uh, is it, what, is it network show? Really? Yeah. All on Netflix. Watch the indie one. Are you watching indie, right? Yeah, there's two different colleges they follow. Yeah. I have not heard one thing about this. It's cool. Okay. Oh, you're watching the, uh, Independence

Community College one. Yeah. That's, okay. I started with that one and then I bounced it. I was like, oh, I'm not watching the first season. Then I bounced back to the first season. I'm watching that one because I saw an interview with the coach on a podcast and like really liked his... Gotcha, gotcha. The cock of his walk.

And I was like, I want more of that cock in my life. So I went over to that. So I started there. Is the other one good too, Jackie? It's amazing. It's the same kind of thing. It's just a different college. Yeah.

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Download Postmates and save with code page seven. But also speaking of cock on my walk. I was going to say, as long as we're talking about the shows we're watching, I just need to take a minute to talk about my feelings about Anthony from Queer Eye. Okay, so wait, number one, we all know that, so people under the umbrella of queer. right. People are saying on the street that on the streets, what I keep hearing in the gutters. I walked out, I walked out right outside the studio. This guy came up with me at the knife.

He was like, hey, man, hey. I was like, take whatever you want. Take whatever. He's like, nah, man. I'm just here to tell you, Jvian and Antony, been fucking. Not dated. You know it's not true. They're not. They're not fucking. Or at least they're not in a relationship.

Yeah, yeah. Yes, I feel like that was, I don't know. I felt like that was pretty clear from the beginning that it was a joke, but then I know that they were like there was a lot of conflicting information. Well, because they came out with an Instagram account that is, it seems like that they both created together that they are like, oh, this is our couple's account.

So everyone's like, they must be in a relationship. Meanwhile, I just read, I think it was just this morning that Anthony and his boyfriend broke up. But of course, then that's even more compounding. And they must be together. No, sometimes people just break up. I mean, I just feel like JVN is so much funnier than Antony. I can't possibly picture them dating because JVN has an actual sense of humor and actually has interesting things to say.

And listen, I do think Anthony is one of the most beautiful people on television. But boy, is he dumb as rocks. I love how much you hate Anthony. He's dumb as rocks. And I just watched the Farm to Table episode. And there's a great tweet that says, Anthony explaining farm to table to a farmer is lobotomy goals and it's just three panels and he says

there's this big farm to table movement and the next panel says it's when you take food from the farm and then the third panel says him saying and put it on the table. And literally put it on the table. And that's literally what he said to a guy who was starting a farm to table thing. Oh my God Anthony and he's always like

have you heard of pesto? Right. And then somebody who's like I don't cook is like yeah no I haven't heard of Pesto, and he's like, you've never heard of Pesto? He's so condescending. And all the other four, what they do is that's so good is that none of them are condescending. They're like so, they're so warm and accepting and like, listen, it's okay, whatever you're feeling.

And he's just like, you've never peeled garlic before. It's like that thing where it's like, I haven't seen Jaws. Oh! I haven't seen, you haven't seen Jaws. I can't believe. I hate it. That's not going to ever entice anyone to do something that they haven't tried before. Also, it really breaks down someone willing to communicate with another person.

And they think they're going to be shamed about not doing or not knowing something. And Anthony is, like, trying this season to, like, have meaningful conversations with people while he cooks, which sometimes happens. But, like, he's trying to be Karamo while he's teaching them how to chop garlic. And I'm like, stay in your lane, Anthony. You'll never be Karamo. I will say this, though. Everybody's kind of being Karamo is what I feel like. And it's like, it gets to the point where it's like, do we really need,

I mean, I love his personality. How dare you? We always need Karama. But we only need Karama. But his role is the same. He's the one. Like, we need the rest for the polishing and the, but like in terms of getting them to actually, getting the, the guests to access the parts of themselves they've closed off, we really, we need Karamo.

I like, I like sometimes, remember the time where you made the guy like bust up the structure or whatever while he yelled things about. he needs to empower himself on. I thought that was really cringy and stupid. Or what he wrote, he had the guy right, like things about himself in the mirror. How about when he had, can I do a spoiler for the second episode of the season, can I? Yes.

Spoiler alert. How about what he had a guy for everyone? Fucking talk to the guy who shot him. That was great. It worked so well. I was like, Karamo, don't do this. Yeah, yeah.

Caramo, don't do this. This is such a bad idea. It worked. That was restored. That was actually restorative justice, which is like a whole practice like that is an alternative to like the car, you know, to the criminal justice system

like he did it. He actually straight up did that. And I was like, well, damn. I did not think that was going to work. It's like, God damn. Otherwise, he's like drinking wine and talking about like the magic of life that it's just like, why'd you shoot me?

What? I know, I feel like you were frothed at the mouth for a juicy, delicious segue there, Jackie. No, no, no. I was, no, I'm, I'm frothing over here because I've got the tea also on Anthony's restaurant. That apparently is, it's a no-go. It's very expensive and it's really not very good. Which I think it's a very, it's a health restaurant called the Village Den.

I have not been there, but I was talking with a good friend of mine that has gone there multiple times. And she's like, you know, I really want to like it because, of course, I want to love it. And it just doesn't, doesn't hit the mark for how much money it is. I mean, I guess that's, we knew that was going to happen. Right. What city? L.A.? New York, baby.

New Yorktown. Yeah, the village. Yeah, it's down in the village. But you know what? And yet, Gaffietti's restaurant can't stay open. But, you know, but Antony's can stay open. I say, put some donkey sauce on it. But I do love that this is the year of relationship and breakup fakeouts.

Yeah, I do like that. Mila Koonish and Ashton, Kutcher, did it earlier. Yep, they did it. We got, then we just got the Riverdale one, and now we've got this fake out. I love it. And the tabloids are just like, I call them the bloids. The bloids are just like. Fuck with the bloids.

I support that. I think it all stems from the OG fakeout, which is the Clinton-Monica Lewinsky scandal. Oh, my God. Yes, we have to talk about this. Oh, my God. We have to talk about the fact. So I didn't send it out to you guys because it just came out that the next American crime story, which is Versauch

and O.J. Simpson is going to be Clinton and Monica Lewinsky while also being executive produced by Monica Lewinsky. Yes! Yes! Yes! What justice! After 20 years of being the world's biggest BJ punchline, B.J. Punchline, Foe Life, ML. Completely unjustly. And she gets to have. finally, finally, be like, oh, I'll tell you what happened.

Yes. Oh, my God. You want to know about that. And the way it was used in such a filthy, disgusting way to like try to get, get, you know, with the impeachment stuff. Yes. Just like the whole, that's a fact. I'm so happy that's happened.

That's a fascinating tale. The entire nation shitting on a 20 year old. Yeah. For fucking two decades. And even, and you know what it was too? I think that's where berets really. started losing their name. You know, I say 2020 is the year we take the beret back.

Let's do it. I'm down. I'll get a fake cigarette. You're going to get a beret too? Can we all get a berets? I'm going to get a beret. And we'll draw the little mustache. I'll shave fully.

I'm going to look like a mime if I wear a beret. Oh, none of us are going to look good, but we got to take it back. We got to take it back for ML, baby. I am so excited. And Sarah Paulson is playing Linda Tripp. Linda Tripp, yeah. Very generous. To lead the trip.

And then what's her name? The Beanie Feldstein. I don't know how to say your name. The Beanie Feldstein. The one in Book Smart. The girl that's like that if I had just been, man, you know, 15 years younger, maybe I could have tried desperately to ever be as good as she is. I really truly enjoy her.

But she's playing Monica Lewinsky. Awesome. Yeah. When is that happen? Is that even filmed yet? No, no. They just released. The season premiere is set for, no.

No. No. It's set for September 27th, 2020. That's just a year from now. A year is forever. Ever, Molly, we don't have kids. Before you were pregnant and how long ago that felt? It was 50 years ago.

I'll have a one-year-old by the time this comes out. I get it. So essentially it's going to be at the month before the next U.S. presidential election. So it's going to go, you know. Oh, yeah, right. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, they're going to pepper it. And, you know, I will say, too, like, we're also as excited because the OJ one and the Versace one are incredible.

I still haven't seen Versacee, and I, that's, maybe that, maybe that. Oh, you haven't seen Versauchy? I can't believe. No. But I love the people versus OJ Simpson. Loved it. Loved it. So good.

You're going to love it. You're going to love it almost as much as Goop loved having her Instagram, live interview this weekend. Spoiler alert, she gets upset. How can you not, how can you be Gwyneth Paltrow answering fan questions and actually think, no, not one person is going to say something at all snippy?

And by the way, it's not even that snippy. Yeah, does she not know that everybody fucking hates her? Like, she's lucky that that's all that happened. Yeah, I don't think she cares at all about what anyone says about her. I really truly think that. I'm going to put my money on if you were like, Gwyneth Paltrow and like 10 other people

and you're like, pick the most delusional person in this lineup. I would probably, I'm probably going to point my finger at Gwyneth Paltrow. I don't even know who to even put in the same category as her. Yeah, in terms of that. Right? Like, she is in her own category of pretension.

I think she definitely thinks she went to the moon at some point in life. You know what I mean? And there's no convincing her otherwise. Like, you didn't make it to the moon. That or whatever kind of cocktail of pills she takes me wants. Give it to me.

I want to have, I know I don't want to have, but I kind of want to have the Demi Moore glass eye look for the rest of my life because then it's like, does it matter how fat I am? Does it matter if I wear berets every day? No. Consciously couple me with those meds. That's what I would say. And so what was, the question was a completely, like, good.

Do you even cook? Do you even cook? All right, so she's answering questions live, and one of the fans asked, do you even cook? Yeah, do you actually cook? Oh, actually cook. Which is completely fair because she's rich as God. And rich people don't often cook.

They have private chefs. I don't even necessarily think it was sarcastic. I mean, it very easily could have been sarcastic. But it also kind of sounds like the kind of question a fan would ask like celebrities. Are they just like us? Yeah, do you actually cook? Well, it's also because she's authored five cookbooks. So I think it's part of it.

It's like we watch Chrissy Tegan on social media work on. her recipes and who knows how actually involved she is, but at least she's making an effort to be like, hey, I am making these recipes. I am putting my own spin on things, but how often are you watching Gwyneth Paltrow work on her culinary skills and she's authored five cookbooks? Can you picture Gwineth Paltrow with like her hands in a bowl of food? Like, you know, stirring it. You know, she has a little man with a hose right next to her that like sprays her hands every time she gets them filthy with, you know, parsley leaves. Then it's also ridiculous because, like, one of her books is called,

It's All Easy, Delicious Weekday Recibies for the Super Busy Home Cook. Get fucked, Gwyneth Baldrow. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, and I never want to put negative energy out there, and it's really the last thing we read need right now. But my favorite, though, is that her response was, yes, I fucking cook. And then she said, God damn it, you think I would write,

you think I would pretend to write cookbooks if I didn't cook? I mean, yeah. Yeah, of course. Make a bunch of money. Yeah, make a bunch of money and there's like a whole aesthetic. I mean, and again, you might cook as a hobby because you have nothing to do because you're rich as God and you have other people to like take care of your kids, even though you also write a lot about raising your kids. And maybe you raise your kids too. But I'm just saying when it's all optional, you know, no hate to people who have the help to get food cooked and kids watched.

We all need help. But when it's all optionally just like, yeah, I have nothing to do this afternoon. Maybe I'll cook. Like, that's very different. And this is that weeknight shit. I talk on the show all the time about how I hate. Food Network, every damn celebrity chef is like, when you really are just in need of like a weeknight rush, we all know how Thursday nights can get. And it's like, but what do you talk about?

You tape Food Network shows. Great concept. Great concept for a cooking show. It's an exhausted mother surrounded by like three kids trying to keep it together and like show. and, like, show you how to make this meal. That is going to be way more compelling and way more realistic. While also doing other things. Like, it's like, okay, well, you can, like, I can get this started.

I can run Sarah to drop her at ballet, and then I can come back and do this. It's like, I'll down. I'll watch it. Yeah, it sounds like a joke, but, like, that would be fascinating. It would be. Very helpful and informative. Well, and so, like, I have a lot of help with child care, which I'm extremely blessed about. But, like, before I had a kid, I used to love.

love cooking. And I still do love cooking, but I really, really, like, that was like what I did at the end of the day to unwind, as many people do, right? Also, I will say just also in your defense, because you said that as if you have, like, three nannies. It's like, no, your parents moved here to, like, work, like, it's a family. It's like, they're not taken away from you of just like, and then I get to sit with my cap, y'all, and my swan, princess. Yes, that's true. I don't I don't have three nannies, but I do have family help, which is extremely lucky. But do I have help and support? And before I had kids, I was like, ah, I would do, why do people talk about it so hard?

I would just make, like, all these freezer meals on Sunday, and then I would have all these healthy meals for my kids, and I would just sneak vegetables into it. I would put carrots in the pizza sauce, and I would spinach in the burritos, and I was just like, I had this, and maybe it will happen when the kids, when, you know, kids are bigger in it, But like right now I literally like put my child to bed and I just stare in the space for like 30 minutes. And like yesterday I was like I have a refrigerator pizza dough. I have pre-shredded cheese and I have an open jar of pizza sauce.

And I couldn't even stand up to do it. To do it. No, we're not doing it. We're ordering Chinese food. I can't do it. Like and like and also my husband helps but he was working. And so I was like I can't. Everything is already done for me.

And I can't even must. the strength to stand up for 15 minutes to do it. Like, and, and so when all this, like, working mom aesthetic, like, and also I feel guilty that I'm not feeding my kids salmon and quinoa and all that, you know. And I'm like, everybody always survives if they eat peanut butter, sandwiches and yogurt. It's fine. Yeah. But, like, you know, it just so, there's such a.

It always survives. So you're talking about, like, you are literally, it's like being on a desert island. Yes, you just have to keep them alive. That is it. You're trying to like break a coconut open on the radiator to get the, you finally busts it up. Juice just pours all over your mouth and face. Oh, sustenance. But I'm just saying, like, there is such an aesthetic, and I was in it because I always read cooking blogs, and I love cooking.

And I was like, yeah, I'll just be like, when I'm a mom, I'll be like a mom who comes home from work and cooks a healthy meal because I love it. Why would I not? And props to people who do that, it's great, but it's just harder. When it's just, and so what is Paltrow being like, of course I fucking cook. I'm like, well, good for you, but that's a hobby for you because you have nothing to do.

Yes, 100%. I mean, I know she runs her own company and she does have to fly for her secret, you know, she does all over her goop things, and she does that kind of stuff. And so she has things to do, but not things she has to do in the way that a normal person

that lives their life does, unfortunately. That is the funny thing with these types of lifestyle people is like let's get let's take the person who's the least in touch with reality that everyone else is going through let's have them tell us how we should be doing things yeah you know what I mean right like the no I get it the person what I would love that's a reality show I would watch the fuck out of trading places with Gwyneth Paltrow you take people from different backgrounds all different walks of life but everything in her house is covered in saran wraps you can't yeah anything they get to live like her for a day and she gets to live no no for a week and she's gets to live like them for a week. Like wife swap, but it's Gwyneth Paltrow. Scoop Swoop. Yep, Scoop Swatw. Teach her to public school.

Put your money where your mouth is, Gwyneth. Put your money where you're mouth. She couldn't even live off of food stamps. You remember that blog? Yeah. She tried, she gave up after like five days. Yeah, because she bought a bunch of limes. I couldn't afford all the limes I needed.

Oh, God. You know who I want to be in the shoes of? That's Mr. Worldwide. Oh, shit. Did you guys watch? So Pitbulls. just put out a music video. It is called

Three to Tango, which is just a movie, it is a music video filled with slight butts and a lot of sexy. And who to thunk, who does, who do these very young slights want to make rub on? And who's

got the cock that just never quits? Just never stops throbbing and throbbing. John Tren. Travolta. That who is, he is the daddy lead in Pitbull's new music video, Three to Tango, where these girls are just, like, rubbing at him,

rubbing at him, and through most of the video, he's, you can't see who it is, and he's just there with, like, you just see his, like, rocks glass and his, and his tuxedo. It looks like Pitbull. He's bald from the back with the suit, wearing the fancy shoes. You think it's Pitbull the whole time. It's weird that the reveal is, like, it's not Pitbull. It's just, John.

Travolta. It's a less, yeah, it's like a, it's a. the least sexy person in Hollywood. It really reminded me of when Tom Cruise played the producer in Tropic Thunder. Like a little bit, I was getting like a little bit of vibes like that, except for way less dancing. He literally just stands there while women just sort of rub themselves on him for two seconds. I was weirdly attracted to John Travolta in this video.

You can be a bald head. It's the bald. It really is doing it for me. And he was just like, I think, you know what it was? I feel like this music video oozed the fact that even John Travolta didn't know why he was in this music video. You know what I mean? So just to set the scene from my point of view with watching this music video, Jackie emailed it and said, if you're allergic to butts, don't watch this music video.

And what is so good about that is a setup is it starts off with one woman dancing. And I'm like, yeah, I guess there's a lot of butt in this singular butt. And then it goes to two. And then three, and then there's like three women dancing for a while, and you're like, all right, this is a lot of butts. And then it's just a jump cut to like 25. So a row of 25 women in lingerie, and it is very much highlighting the sort of shape and curvature of their ass.

Butts, butts, butts, it is butts. And they are all very, you know, they are attractive women, and they are doing their butt thing, man. You know, I know, I feel like it's fun for, like, for the internet to, like, hate on Pitbull or whatever. Didn't they, like, make him do a show in Alaska because they, like, had a vote for where I should do a show. It wasn't Alaska. It was somewhere even crazy. Why?

Because he's Mr. World Ride. It was, like, a vote for me to do a show anywhere. And so, like, the internet jumped on it and made him do a show in, like, the weirdest. I forget where it is. It's, like, in the middle of nowhere. Why don't we? Why aren't we supposed to, like, um, I'm sorry. I just saw a headline that just said, Brave, Pitbull reveals him.

he enjoys threesomes. Brave? So brave. That's like... So brave. But that's honestly, that's like Goop saying that she loves to cook.

We would all enjoy cooking if we had the time. Everybody enjoys three, would enjoy a threesome. Probably, that's not... Yeah, if you can get into it and if you're down with it, have that.

But why don't we have... Why don't we like Pitbull? Am I allowed to say that I enjoy Pitbull? I was just about to say this. This is what I was just about to say because it's like an internet joke, right? Jesus, I got so excited

I'm knocking my coffee over. I mean, I... Mr. Worldwide. Oh, I love the... Oh, pit bull. Oh, fuck, I can't believe we can talk about this, dude. Oh, fuck. Oh, bro, yo.

Dude, I was doing coke with my boys, Chet and Riggs. Chet and Riggs. And we were like, fucking listen to Pupil. And we just started pulling up internet pictures of, like, the best asses on the net. And I was like, man, I love Pitbull. The song, the music video is terrific. I mean, the song is excellent.

I also really like, the reason why, when I first got turned on in Pitbull, was a little known number called Fireball, and it's all centered around, I think, Fireball whiskey. Fireball is, it is just, as someone that goes to a lot of exercise classes, I hear Fireball at least 10 times a week. And you know what?

Man, when I'm doing, like, I'm doing my squats and I'm just like, yeah, Fireball. Powerball. Dude, it's very fun, and the video is a lot of fun too, and I was like, this guy just likes fun. Why do we shit on him? By the way, he put up a thing to vote for him to play his next show.

And so as a joke, they voted for him to play Codiac, Alaska, where, like, no one lives. And he actually did it. He went to Codiac Alaska, did a show. Did people go to it? I mean, I guess. Probably the whole town, you know what I mean? But anyways, yeah, that was pretty funny. But, you know, he puts his money where his mouth is.

I've never heard of him doing anything disgusting. I mean, I'm sure he's capable of it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't know if there's any, like, outstay. getting pit bull controversies we should be aware of. I mean, choosing John Trilter for the music video is an odd choice. That's actually probably the most controversial thing he's done in years. Yeah, yeah, just, yeah, preface, we don't know about the filthy shit pit bulls done.

So if he did do some filthy shit, please do not hit us up. We'll find out eventually. I mean, I'm sure so. I'm trying to read about it right now just quick. Like, I, because I don't want to, like, everyone's just like, didn't you know that he was underneath your dress right now, giving you licks and the insides you're knees. I'm like, I did it. Mr. Worldwide. Get out from down there. Sorry about that. I thought you were eight other girls. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, give me, give me. He also likes eightsums. What a

bastard. Brave. Brave. Very brave. So I just think, I don't know, I guess that's all I have to say about that because I have a brave statement to make. I think it would be fun to have sex at one time with like as many women could fit in the room. Probably. Grave. I mean, yeah, sure. Yeah, but then it's too sweaty. That's the problem. That is true.

It's also exhausting. I started to think, because I have never had a threesome. I'm going to lame everybody out right now. I've never done it. That's not lame. Everyone's different. And, you know, I just feel like I wouldn't be able to, like,

I feel like after half an hour to an hour, they would really be wanting to keep it going, and I would be totally wiped out and not fun. Yeah, I mean, I said before maybe everybody wants a threesome, which is, I'm sure, categorically untrue. But it's just like, I feel like to say it's brave to be like, I like sex and I like it when there's even more of it. You know, it's like that's a lot of many people like sex and many people want lots of it. Honestly, it's just very tiring.

Yeah. Yeah. But I, especially we know, the more people you add on, the more people you got to please, it's just a whole. It's a lot of eye contact, you know, I'm just like, I don't care about it. Oh, yeah. Oh, and then there's a competition. Now there's more than one person, you know. But what about if you just take the, the cut, the, the, the, the, the, the, from the Pitbull video where there's the 25 very hot women and genre,

but swap him out for somebody else. We haven't talked about genre on the show in a little while, and honestly, I mentioned it last week, but I just watched Face Off, and I cannot deal with thinking about him and his boner at all. I would, I would. I don't know if, I feel like he probably Scientologyed off his penis a long time ago, but, you know, I bet I'd still, I'd still,

I'd still slap at it. I would look at it for a little bit. Between Nick Cage and Jantra, who would you? Yeah, between now, current, by the way. Currently, I think, well, I just was reading this article about Nick Cage. Like, I'm never going outside ever again, essentially, because I guess that karaoke video that was posted about him was in a place that there's specifically no videotaping allowed.

So he's all off on that. So I think, I mean, technically, I would rather have a threesome with both of that. Just because what a time. And I would ask them to be in their face-off characters. Yeah, act like each other. Act like each other. Act like each other. Oh, my God.

That's a threesome everybody wants to have. Yeah, that's not, that's like a no-brainer. Does that mean I get to be Gina Gershant? And Gina Gershawn that's in face-off, right? Is it? Yeah, I'll go with that. She's in those movies. That jumped for his wife.

There's a lot of shots in face-off of her extremely not sexy ass in, like, loose linen slacks from the 90s. It is. She's comfortable, though. Ooh, she's comfortable. When Nick Cage is, like, creeping on her, which, by the way, that entire plotline is so extremely not okay in the year 2019, but, like, there's, like, so many shots of her,

like, wearing extremely unflattering pants that are, like, asses. He's a devious ass man. And it's just very, very 90s. You're equipped, girl. Like to brush your teeth, girl. Like to buzz your gums, girl. I like to scrape your tongue, girl.

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To save $20 on your first simple context order, go to simplecontacts.com slash page 7 and enter the promo code page 7 at checkout. That's $20 off of your simple context order when you go to simplecontacts.com slash page 7 and enter promo code page 7 at checkout. Man, talking about things that don't hold up, I rewatch She's the Man over the weekend,

which I don't know if you're familiar. Well, first we watch Romeo plus Juliet, because I want to see if that held up. Spoiler alert, it does. Oh. It's great. Oh, but the problem is that Claire Dane's... Do you buy your time at me?

I do you buy your thumb at me? Wait, do you mean the Baz Luhrmann one? Yes, it's great. That was the first movie I ever cried at. And it is also, man, it's... But you can't think it's sexy because Claire Dane's is straight up. I think 15 in it. Actually 15.

That works because the last time I saw it, I was like 12, so I was like... Yes, we were all the right age group for it, so it is difficult to distinguish the fact that I'm like, I know I am an adult, But this, I just remember being 12 years old, just being like, yum me, young me, y'ammy, y'ammy. And that soundtrack. Yeah.

So cool. Such a good movie. Soundtrack. Love me, love me. Say that you love me. No. But she's the man is based on 12th night. And it is Amanda Bines and Channing Tatum in it.

And I forgot the Channing Tatum in it. And the whole movie is that Amanda Bynes, which, you know, it's based on Shakespeare. Yes, we had, by the way, yes, we had Shakespeare Night, okay? Yeah, we had Shakespeare movie night, and that's what we were doing. I don't remember this at all. I don't remember this at all, either. So I honestly didn't even realize it was based on 12th night

until it was brought up, and then we're like, okay, well, now we have to watch it. So it's Amanda Bynes who goes into her brother's school to pretend that she is her brother to play on the soccer team, because her school cut the girl's soccer team. So she's pretending to be a boy in her school. So it's Lady Bugs Part 2? What the fuck? It is, exactly.

Except for the fact that in the movie, she is still dating the girl that her brother was dating. So she has to, so like everyone thinks that she's actually, this dude that they all know. So it's not even like, oh, it's like this new girl or like this new dude that's at the school. They all know him, and she's obviously a foot shorter and smaller and not this person. But in the end, another spoiler alert.

And the front, so he is playing for her. Like he comes back from England or wherever he was and puts on the soccer outfit. And he's like, I don't even play soccer. Why am I going out on the field? And he goes on the field and to show that he is a boy and not a girl, when everyone's like, oh, that's a girl. He pulls down his pants and shows his dick and balls to the intense. entire school while on the field of the soccer field.

And then they switch places. And then Amanda Binds goes out there with her wig on, her boy's wig on. And it's like, no, no, no, he was the boy. I'm a girl. And then flashes the entire audience, her press. What? Excuse me? What year was this also?

It was the year 2006. And it feels like it may as well have been. I'm going to say 1978. That's the thing, man. And also it's just like Channing Tatum is just like, you're a bubba,

you're a buga, you're a buga, you're a bubba, I don't, I'm not gay. It's not, oh my God, it's really, think about 2008 feels like not that long ago, right? Like I was in college,

I remember it very well. Like I feel like basically I'm kind of the same person now as I was then in terms of like my consciousness, I could draw a line from there to here. Meanwhile, in 2008,

Like, we were debating on whether gay marriage or not should be a thing. And it was, like, not even remotely looking like it would actually ever be, like, a, like, we were in a completely different cultural time. And so shit like this. I didn't even think New Zealand was a real place. I thought they were lying about it. Yeah, like, the idea of a 12th night adaptation done in the year 2006, I'm like, ooh, no, don't go near it. I feel like it was actually more fluid in Shakespeare's time, because I feel like it was like, I'm narrow a kiss upon my lips, but maybe in a dark, quiet corner.

You know, I was like, what I was like? Instead of Amanda Bines just being like, here's my breasts. Look, I got a pussy, don't you see? My child's breasts, audience. And were there not adults in that audience that she was showing her breast to? Oh, yeah. And then so when the dude dropped trow, his father's like, that's my boy. Oh, Lord in heaven.

God help us. Oh, yeah, I'm very familiar with that sight. I think when she showed up, it's like her dad is just staring at her tits. Right, right. Thank God we are not in the year 2006 anymore. Not that everything is great now, but we come a long way. At least things are shifting.

If you watch a movie from the 90s, half the time, you're like, Jesus Christ, you know, the shit that they did. It's really like, what were we fucking on? Yeah. Oh, Louie. Just like how I feel about these celebrities that are on the list. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

And she grabbed her breasts while we sang her the song. Yes, because I love it when you sing to me. Because we are reading a list about absolutely crazy things celebrities have left in their wills, which that's kind of fun because it also harkens back to William Shakespeare's bass, Tom. It's really Shakespeare. night here. I really hate that the, in the article it says, this bard

requested that his wife receive his second best bed. It's like, we know who Shakespeare is. You don't have to say the bard. I want to call him the bard. And by the way, he was like five women. So there you go. Yes. And I do like that, yeah, so his wife had to receive his second best bed and not his

first best bed. Who got his first best bed? Probably some bitch. No, I feel like I'm going to go ahead and throw it out there. Is it like a King Tutton Common where they, I'm like, wouldn't you want to be? I would like put my bed down there too, right? Yeah, I would say, well, I mean, I don't even know.

I feel like Lexi would reject my best bed. I am my second best bed. I'm stinky. I'm stinky. You are stinky. You are a stinky man. She's always like, you're stinky. I mean, I would want, I've always wanted a king bed, but I don't want to take up a whole king bed's worth of space.

Oh, what are you talking about? That's so good. I mean, if I'm alive. It's too much space. I don't like it. I don't need that much space. I curl up. True.

You're going to be buried with anything, like, with like a stuffed animal or anything fun? What am I? No, probably not. I think I want to be either turned into mushrooms or crushed into a diamond. Ooh. Yeah.

I definitely want to be turned into mushrooms. Yeah. Yeah, the mushroom thing is also a lot of fun. That's kind of neat. But how would you feel about if you guys received some of my hair? Like people that were friends with the Napoleon Bonaparte received. He requested that.

What list is this? These aren't celebrities. These are like. That evil asses. list. No, it goes from the beginning of time. It gets closer. It gets closer. I'm looking at a picture of Harry Houdini right now. What is happening? There's so many. Give me the post-Houdini shit. Okay, here's a fun one though. Janice Joplin. She left $2,500 in her will to pay for an all-night party for them to celebrate her death. She had a will by the time she was 27? Yeah, also, wow. I guess you kind of have to. She maybe just kind of knew what was in the cards.

Maybe if you're a wealthy. I think I'm going to be, I think I need to like just get on it now. You know what I mean? Everybody really should. Do you have one? I do. I do. You do one before having a kid.

Well, you have a kid. Yeah, you got a kid. You got to do those things. Yeah, I got to do that. It's like the most morbid crazy thing. Don't worry. I'm giving my puppets to a friend who I know we'll appreciate them. Oh, good.

No offense. It's neither of you. That's neither of us. We don't. Oh, no, Jackie. We don't get them. We don't get the puppets. But please.

But I wanted one to sit in the corner of my bedroom and stare at me. Say, do you remember your mother? Do you remember your mother? Stop asking me questions. It's deafening the questions you ask me, puppet. Mr. McCarthy or whatever is it, Mr. McCarthy, right? Yeah. Yeah, Charlie McCarthy.

That's very good. A, it's Mr. McCarthy to you, please. Oh, please. Mr. McCarthy was my father. This is from a different list. though Oprah went free. I didn't know that she was she was kind of a babbs man.

She's leaving her $30 million to her dogs. And $30 million goes to the dogs and the rest of her fortune goes to charities. What about Stedman? I guess he's fucking shit to her. Who cares about him

being by her side and being a partner for her for many, many years. Get fucked. Wow. Poor Stedman putting his time in with Oprah. and what seems to be perhaps a platonic relationship

and not even getting anything. Do you think that that's a lie? Do you think that that might be a lie one? The dog's one? Yeah. Or their relationship. Oh, their relationship. Or both.

I mean, their relationship seems a little odd. When did they get together? Like, where was she had in her career when they got together? I don't know. That's a good question. I think it's been, honestly, I don't even know. I know it's been a very long time.

I have heard, of course, that it is on the street that the, It is a, it's a cover up. It's a full fake, yeah. And then the real love is Gale. I feel like all, oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know.

I think if you get that big, if you're that big, you're married to yourself. You know what I mean? Like, at the end of the day, if you're that, if you're that much of a presence, you're fucking Gail and you have a Stedman. Yeah. You know what I mean? But even Gail, it's like, you know what I mean? Give the money the dogs, bro. I don't, I'd fuck him.

Rough. What does Gail look like? She pretty. She pretty. Oh, yeah, no. Well, that's what, I guess it's more just in my brain. I can't even believe, but it does make sense because of what she is and the presence she is, that she doesn't want to even ally herself towards anything, I guess.

But it's like, do it, man. That would do way more good than it would bad. And it's like, is it just the money thing? Yeah, I mean, also perhaps maybe she's like just not really sexual, which is, you know, some people just aren't into it. Yes. Very much. Also, I feel like, again, if you're that rich and you can purchase everything,

the only thing that's fun anymore are your secrets. So hang on to them to the vets, right? That's fair. That's all you've got. Secrets. And, like, she's probably, like, you know, eating, like human organs and shit. Yeah. Oh, I mean, you've got to, man.

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a little, just a sliver, liver. That's what I say, oh, just a sliver, liver day keeps the smiles away. She's a one like Goop where she talks about her whole. She, her whole thing is like, oh, you know, when you're like sitting in bed with Stedman at night and you don't want to, he gets going to bed. So you want to keep reading, like, reuse your Kindle. Like, and that way you can, this is why it's on Oprah's favorite things or whatever.

So she'll describe, like, a situation that feels kind of real. Right. And then you're like, but what does Oprah's bed look like? Yeah. You know, we try to picture Oprah like at home and her jammies, and I'm sure she does it. She's human, but like. She is a human being, I think. Is she really in a...

Debatable. Talk about a big-sized bed. Is she really in bed with Stedman and her jammies? I want to know. But then it makes you sad. This one makes me just sad. Phillips Seymour Hoffman that he's so disliked the idea of his children

becoming trust fund kids that he left his money to his girlfriend. It's just like, that's just upsetting, man. Yeah. How do you know if you can trust this person? Yeah, that kind of sucks. It's also like a... I feel like that's one of those who were like

five more years past. it'd probably be a difference. You know what I mean? Yeah. Put it in a thing where they can't get it until they're 25. Yeah.

Right. Aren't there ways that you can do that so then it's just like, or they get a little bit at a time for the rest of their lives? Or hide it somewhere on the planet Earth leave several different clues all over it.

I like that. And only give them a hot air balloon in order to a search for the goal. Weird thing you said hot air balloon. I was just looking into how expensive it would be to go in a hot air balloon trip. Do it. There's something about it to me, though, is one of those things where, like, I would get up there and immediately be like, okay, I'm ready to go back down.

I'm done. I'm done how long does it last? Yeah. I've done a hot air balloon ride, and it's very scary. Yeah, right? It's beautiful. Beautiful, but terrifying. You are in a little box in the middle of the air with very little protecting you. And then when you crash, it's like a crash land. When you land, it's like a crash landing. You just like barrel into the earth. Oh, my God. But wait, I didn't know you've been on one. I was in the Czech Republic and I was on a, my host mother took me, I was studying abroad, my host mother took me on like a, like, her friend worked for like a cell phone company and she took me on like a weekend retreat where there was all this shit and with like that was paid for by this like the Verizon of the Czech Republic in the year 2006 and we went on hot air balloon rides but everybody was only speaking Czech the entire time.

Nobody said a single word to me in English the entire weekend. Oh, that's scary. That makes it way scary. So a hot air balloon ride only in check. Nobody explaining what's happening. Nobody even telling me you're about to go on a hot air balloon ride just walking into a field and seeing just hundreds of hot air balloons. Wow.

Yeah, it was intense. What? And you're like, well, did they even give you an option to say no if you didn't want to do it? That I was never at, nobody spoke to me. It was like I was a ghost. Whoa. That's very, maybe, see, at that point then I would get even more scared because I was like, what if I am a ghost?

I would have, like, I died on, like, in the hot air balloon. Oh, my God, if I was a ghost, I'd be so scared of myself. You should be, because, yeah, you wouldn't be able to be as loud and upset people as often as you do. I'd keep, yeah, exactly, I keep looking in the mirror and just be like, oh, it's a ghost, everybody. You would make a great good. I don't think you'd see yourself, though, right? You wouldn't see yourself in the mirror. Oh, no, I'd have, like, a joint floated.

Oh, I forgot about the joint of weed floating in the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. once I learned how to pick up objects What was that from? Is that ghost Where they had to learn how to like Hold things and stuff? Jackie, I'm going to defer to you on that one. Is that the film ghost?

Where he's like, how do you how do you like manipulate objects? No, it's not ghost, but now my brain hurts. What is it like the frighteners or so? I don't know what it was, but whatever. It was a good movie about ghosts. Holden though, it's your time to shine. Oh no. I know.

I know. Dark around me. Yeah. Oh, God, I think I'm going. We. Oh, we can't see them. I'm coming up with a new smooth way it is. I like it. I like your,

I like throwing spaghetti at the wall, baby. We can't see them. We can't see them is what we're used to say. If you want us to turn into a, turn it into a. How about we go? All right. So, oh my God, I'm going, and then you guys will go blind. Blind.

And then I'll go, items. And then you go, we can't see them. I feel like that's so, oh, so we're extending it is where you're saying. Okay. All right. More. Oh, God. Everything's going to duck around me.

I think I'm going. Blind. Items. We can't see them. Good. That's what, you know, that's what I was, I was like, what does this show need? More complicated transitions. That's where I was hoping for.

I can see again, and I'm looking at them. Okay. Here's the first one. It might be a little too ambiguous. I'll follow up with a couple quick clues. Of course the former A-plus list movie actor loves the A-list singer. They hooked up and she kissed his ass and took his drugs. That's right.

They had sex, Jackie. What? The A-list singer, she has been doing a lot lately. The A-plus movie actor, this is a TV show they did together, though, that he's really big. He's the star of right now. I believe it's on Showtime. They did the show together? And she did like a little cameo on the show.

I don't know anything on Showtime. And then they fucked and sucked. They fucked and they sucked. And you're not talking about Lady Gaga, are you? No, I think that this A-Lis singer is very, like, goes for very sexy. And I think she does that a lot to, like, because she actually, I think, looks very young and sort of is trying to, like, not. But she's also an actress. Miley Cyrus?

No, similar, though. Similar backgrounds is Miley Cyrus. Oh, Selena Golves? No, absolutely not. Getting there, though. Is not another Disney? Disney Girl? The only other one.

Britney Spears? No, I guess there's a lot of them. Christina Hegelera? Absolutely not. Zendaya? No. Demi Lovato. No, wow.

I know those two are definitely Disney Girls. You can order as a size, her last name at Starbucks. Ariana Grande. Was she a Disney? Oh, she is a Disney girl. Wait, wait, I didn't know she was an actress, though. What is she acting in? I don't think.

It's like a very small part in this show. And, okay, so the A-plus list movie actor, he started out in stand-up. Very funny, but has been doing more serious stuff lately. Started out in stand-up. It's a white man. He started out and he has a show that is on Showtime? I think it might be Showtime. I've been meaning to watch it.

Jim Carrey? Yeah. Wow. It took us a long time, but also just going to say, pretty proud of myself for getting that. Good job, Jackie. I was not even remotely close. I feel like I didn't spice the actual,

like I feel like I need to take some of these blind items and spice them up with a little bit more hints. You know what I mean? I'm working on it. We're working on the intro, and we're working on it. We are doing this together. Yeah, because his new show, I was just looking into it. It's called kidding.

And it is on Showtime, and I was like, do I watch this? I haven't heard anything about it. I really want to see it. He's like, it seems like it's like a guy. It's like, it seems like the kind of thing. It's almost like death to smoochie, but like darker. It's like a children's show guy that's like having, I think, maybe like a midlife crisis or something like that.

I don't know, though. I'd have to watch the show. But either way, they recently worked together on the show and gushed about it later each. Ariana posted on her Insta. Nothing is crazier than getting to work with and spend time with someone whom you've idolized and adored since before you could speak. Actually, what's even crazier is discovering that person to be more special and warm and generous in person than you ever could have imagined. And actually, actually, though, her first AOL I-I-M screen name was Jim Carrey fan 42 back in fourth grade. That's cute.

That's actually very cute. And also, Holden, you are right. It's way more death to Smoochie because it's about, like, he's got this, like, kids character. His name is Mr. Pickles, but he also, like, his life is very dark. Yes. But did they F? Well, I'm hoping this is some cynicism, like Hollywood cynicism, because it's very sweet the way they're talking about each other,

but they may have aft. They may have F in the A, in the P, maybe just in the A. So you think that they F, and also she was doing his drugs? His drugs, I guess, but I don't really, he's not really known for being, like, some, like, drughead. I mean, he is going through a lot of rough things. And they are, this is very flirt. He wrote, okay, this is his response.

She has a gift. She has a thing she does that's like magic. When she opens her mouth and sings, it's just magical. It's nice to find out that she's a lovely person. She's so game and willing to do it. She'd put herself in a place of just being silly and innocent and fun, and she was just a breath of fresh air. So it is very, like, it's very sweet,

but it's also maybe a little flirty, maybe a little like, you know. I feel like I support them effing as long as, like, they didn't talk about how she liked him since she was a little kid. Yeah. I also support us saying fuck all the time, except for when we're actually referring to people effing, and then we say F F. Yeah, but at the same time, though,

I loved Leonardo DiCaprio when I was a kid, and wouldn't you F him now if given the chance? Absolutely, but I just wouldn't spend the whole time telling him, like, I've loved you since I was eight. Yeah, that's a little odd, right? And I wouldn't want, if I'm 60 and somebody who, you know, I don't even know this metaphor's falling apart, but I don't want anybody to tell me, like,

I've wanted to sleep with you since I was a child. That's like the worst thing you could possibly hear. So just leave that out. You know, it's fine that you were once a child and now you're an adult and now you can have sex with whoever you want. But I just, we just don't need to talk about it. Yes. And also apparently it just came out, too, that she's dating someone.

She's already dating someone new. It's this dude, Mikey Foster, that he's in this group called Social House, that they did a song together. So apparently now they're together. Because, you know, when a girl says she needs a break from dating, I think about 10 months is all you really need after having a fiancé. Ten months of flicking that bean, don't get anybody back in the morning. Hey, we'll get it back in the saddle.

All right, here's another one. This prolific rapper slash baby maker, who is probably A-minus list at this point, had a seizure this past week, but he still keeps drinking lean. He's also been on a tour with a band He would never expect him to be on tour with Ooh, that's good, that makes it easier to distinguish. I'm gonna say, because I've been seeing Puff Daddy around a lot lately. Is it buff daddy?

No, it is not Puff Daddy. Didn't somebody go on a tour with Blink 182? Maybe. Maybe you're right on the money with that assumption. Who was it? Yes. Don't Google it, Jaggie's Googling it. Jaggie's Googling it.

It's evil and it's wrong. No, I remember. A rapper? My hands. My hands are up. My hands are up. A rapper. Hands up.

A rapper. Okay. I just remember. Was it Lil Wayne? A Millie. A Millie. A Millie. A Millie.

Yeah, you were correct. It is a little one. Thank you. Yes. He recently called off a performance with Blink 182 the other week for falling ill before the show. Ill, quote unquote. And that was not the time he canceled because there were two little people in the venue, I think, was another time. He's kind of like all over the place in this tour.

I think that he's probably just as baffled about being on. on tour at Blink 182 as we all are, and that's probably why he's drinking so much lean. But I think Blink 182 did something really good recently. Like they, I can't remember what it, it wasn't, Smash Mouth B is like totally anti-fascist now. So Smash Mouth is excellent. Yeah.

But Blink 182 I feel like also did something that was just randomly like, all right, Blank 182, you're great, but I can't remember what it was. Maybe it was just bringing L'L Wayne on tour with them. I ain't got no beef with some Blink 182. Listen, me neither. I just cannot believe. they are still touring.

And with Little Wayne? If you were to be like, who's Blinquity Two on tour with right now? It's a rapper. I'd be like, dude, I don't even know. I think the last one would be Blinquent or Lil Wayne, because I'd be thinking of rappers from like when they were a big deal. That's why I'm surprised that of the pairing. It's not even like the two cultures.

Like, I just don't know why Little Wayne is doing with Blink 182. I think I may have seen Blink 182 at a warp tour in the early 2000s. I remember Warp Tour guys. I loved Warp Tour. Oh, my God, dude. Give me some puffy-ass vans right now. Oh, yeah, damn, straight. Well, thank you guys so much for joining us this week.

We did it. We killed it. We killed it. And we didn't even go down the road talking about, like, Tom DeLong and his weird conspiracy schools and things like that. We didn't talk about how Kristen Stewart talks to ghosts. We didn't do that at all.

She definitely talks to ghosts, and she's just, like, bored because ghosts just like keep talking to her. We didn't do the juggalo vocabulary. Well, maybe we'll come back around to that next week because you know what? I learned a lot about the gathering because the gathering was this last weekend.

The gathering was this past weekend. All the love to the gathering. That play, the gathering has consistently excellent politics. It's so funny and fun. And I really want to go sometime soon. I saw some fans like posting pictures on Facebook. And I was like, I don't know, maybe I want to go. Yeah.

I want to go. Someday. I want to throw poo at a reality star. If I'm not going to warp tour, I should go to the gathering. Don't throw poo at anyone. No one should have poo thrown at them. No one deserves. I mean, I guess maybe something.

Okay, fine. Just a small cup of piss. Oh, you're bad. I want to be bad. You better, if you do that, I'm going to get people to put their feet on you. If you don't let me go to the gathering, I'm going to hold my breath till I die. Uh-oh. Oh, no.

He's never going to speak again. He's going to pass out. Is it hot enough for you in there? You can follow me on Twitter. Everyone's going to have to listen while Holden McNeely dies. No, he started breathing again. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack Thatworm.

Thank you guys so much for joining us, please. I'm Molly Nethel and I'm on Instagram at MJKLKK. And I am Holden-McNeely, and you can find me on Twitch. combe. Yes, you can. Where I do constant cam. showings. I don't like

him, breathy, from you. And also, check out our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. So much extra content coming your way on that Patreon. For just five bucks, you get, you get squawking and squeaking.

You get a lot of talking and squeaking. And bacon and leaking. Oh, no, I'm being. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

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