Page 7 - Episode 316: In Those Britches
Episode Date: August 15, 2019We recap the Miley and Liam break up, goss about the best celeb one night stands, and celebrate the hero of the week: Danny Trejo It's Leo season 24/7 over on our Patreon page! Patrons get ad-free ...eps, weekly bonus content and more! For 15% off your purchase of $100 or more including sale items through the end of August, go to http://modcloth.com and enter code page7 at checkout. Get $15 off your purchase of a Blue Light kit when you visit http://ARCsmile.com and use promo code PAGE7 at checkout. Go to http://framebridge.com and use promo code PAGE7 and you’ll save an additional 15% off your first order! Go to http://stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, and type in PAGE7 to claim your special offer today! Hep Cats, Whiskey on the Mississippi, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I can be as obnoxious as I want.
I like mine with lettuce and tomato.
French fries.
Incosure pickle and a cold jaff beer.
Which way do I steer to my cheeseburger?
My birthday being in the dab center snack dab.
Snack dab?
Are we doing dabs?
Are we doing daps?
Yeah, we're doing dabs right now.
Yeah, I just did one.
Uh-oh, I'm a kid.
I'm a child.
I know what a dab is.
We're coming to dabs about four years late on this pop-culture podcast.
Dude, also, can someone fucking explain to me what Leo season means, okay?
Because I just learned what Hot Girl Summer is, and I can't keep up.
She's just talking about the Aquarius and the stars and the horoscopes, right?
Oh, I'm all kinds of Leo, bitch.
I'm looking at number one Leo, and it is great.
Well, I'm the goat, all right?
I'm slowly moving up the hill at all times.
That's what the goat does.
Capricorn, okay?
What is the Leo season I keep hearing about,
and why does it affect everyone or whatever, okay?
Because, like, I'm in retrograde or whatever.
I see.
What are the stars actually?
Because everyone's like, oh, my God,
that's such a Scorpio thing to say.
And I don't know what any of them means.
I've never heard any of the other astrology signs
referred to as that season,
but everyone keeps screaming about Leo season.
There's always the screams of Leo season.
It's great.
My name is Jackie Zabrowski.
Welcome to page seven.
and I am number one Leo.
But wait, what signs to you guys?
My name is Molly Nethle and I'm an Aquarius.
And my name is Holder McNeely and I am a Capricorn, the goat.
Pulling slowly up the hill with the eye on the prize.
I don't know anything about Capricorns.
Capricorns are very like one step at a time.
We're going to get to the top of this mountain, but we're going to be very calculated about it.
I do, I'm not really big in astrology, but I do actually, of course, like everyone else,
you find stuff in your sign that you're like, that's totally me.
but definitely I'm a super duper Capricorn.
Like, I, like, I know I need to get it.
I'm trying to get a new TV soon.
I'm, like, just starting the process of getting, of acquiring that television.
Yeah, it took us like, my family, because my dad's also Capricorn, it took, like, years before we would get, like, a new PC or something.
You know what I mean?
And even with this stuff, I'm, every day, like, the way I take down my week, my day, it's like one step at a time.
We're going to get there, not all at once, right?
But what the fuck does Leo season mean, dog?
Well, Leo's are, I'm going to go and say this.
You know, this is already a basic bitch-ass conversation,
so I feel like this is fine.
I am someone that likes the ideas of astrology.
And you know what?
It's not a guilty pleasure anymore because we've talked about this.
No more guilty pleasures.
It is a pleasure of mine to read about astrology when it comes to,
when it pertains to me.
It's a very selfish thing that I do.
Sure.
And Leo's are, I'm going to go ahead and say,
One of the more obnoxious.
Mean.
Yes.
Very loud.
No, we're not mean.
We're stubborn and we're loyal.
Stubborn and loyal.
Mind games, too.
Play a lot of mind games.
No, no, no, no.
See, there's no mind games
when it comes to Aaliyo
because Aalio wears their heart
on their sleeve.
I cannot pretend that I feel any other way.
You know how I feel
from the second I enter any room.
No mind games from Jackie Zabrous.
No mind games.
I'm very straightforward.
And that's also a part of the Leo's problem.
It's sometimes they're a little too straightforward, which, fair.
I get it.
You either love me or you hate me.
Man, see, this is exactly what my intro would be if I could just get on the reality show, Bad Girls Club.
Right.
You either love me or you hate it.
When I walk through that door, you get to pick, and you get one second to decide.
And if you're not into me, I'm not into you.
Okay.
That's how my bad girls' club intro is going to be.
This is a super cut.
We can make the super cut.
And that should just be like, we can each have one.
That's like the song for page seven now.
Just like a little intro into like what various like astrology bitches we are.
My name's Holden and I'm a Capricorn.
I have a secret drawer.
I'm slow and steady.
I'm slow and steady.
I'm slow and win the race.
But also I have a secret drawer.
No one knows.
And you hove your way to every success.
What about you, Mom?
What did I say in Aquarius?
Aquarius.
That's a thing, right?
I don't know that much about it.
And I think that Aquarius's are like the artsy, like emotional ones, which is definitely true.
Sure.
But I also feel like, yeah, I feel like that's what Aquarius's reputations are.
But I always hesitate to, like, identify too much with the, like, I'm an artsy type because I am, but I also need, like, some order and structure, you know.
and I can't float away
the way that like real artists can.
I'm gonna go ahead and say like
when I think of you I don't think like
super emotional.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like you seem to always have it pretty like to get
like if I had to like
write a contract out for a parking lot or something
I would call you.
You know what I mean?
Because I think that you would be like all right
first you'd be fair and you'd think through the emotions
of other people as well besides just the rationality of it.
You're very empathetic though.
I do feel like
wracked with emotional, like,
disturbed by emotional,
uh,
emotions rule me.
Like, I don't think that you, yeah, exactly.
Like, I don't think that you, you act out in an emotional way,
but I do think you, like, a sponge,
absorb all of the emotions of the world and say if there's someone
sort of at the top of everything that's making everyone upset,
like in some sort of governmental way,
you feel all of those things.
Yeah, that's true.
And it's, it's very well observed if you hold it.
It's a horrible way to live.
I definitely would not recommend.
I think it's good.
It makes you feel empathy,
and they think that that is good
as long as you're not overcome with it.
But I've seen some very upset,
like, one in the morning tweets.
You know what I mean?
It makes me go like,
man, Molly's feeling it tonight.
Hell, yeah, she is.
But, like, don't call me, like, with a contract.
Don't, because, like, when I, you know,
like, my husband's a lawyer,
and I look at, like, the amount of, like,
ration and reason.
I've always felt very in between.
Like, where I work, we do this thing
where it's like, are you the creative type, the emotional type, the organized type,
or the, you know, like whatever type, you know, and I always feel like I'm floating in
between all of them.
And I'm always jealous of the artists that are like, oh, me, I just fly by the seat of my pants.
Narcissists.
Yeah, or type A people, I'm also jealous of them who are organized and have their lives together,
because I don't have that either.
Also, so Leo season, by the way, going to go ahead and throw it out there, Leo season,
you just put, you leave it all on the dance floor.
You just let it all out.
I feel like it goes hand in hand with Hot Girl Summer.
I think that it makes a lot of sense to end it in Leo's season.
It sounds like a very summery sign.
You let people.
Well, we're a fire sign, baby.
You be who you are.
You let those emotions be.
You put it all out.
And you let people know how the fuck you feel.
It's almost like a pre-April's mid-season kind of surprise reels.
Also, I will say, oh, I don't know if I do.
need another April Reels in my life.
Thank you very much.
Once the year is enough.
Although I will say, Molly, you are just, you are thick with child now.
You are now, though, exiting, you're going to be exiting Leo season.
So you are, who, going to get away with not having a Leo, which I'm going to say, I would
rather not have a Leo as a child because as someone that my mom said constantly, she's a real
Leo.
I think I was a bit of a handful.
My first child was going to be at Gemini
And everyone was like, oh, you're so lucky,
Gemini's are great.
And then because she came early, she was a Taurus
And everyone was like, oh, no.
Oh, no.
And I still don't know what any of it means,
but I understand that Taurus's are bulls
And that they are stubborn.
They are stubborn and they're another loyal sign.
Isn't Ed a Taurus?
Or am I crazy, is Ed a Taurus?
No, but Henry is a Taurus.
Henry is classically very stubborn.
Henry is definitely a Taurus.
My child has about the same color hair as Henry.
Oh, my God.
Molly, do you cheat on your husband?
Do you have weird, dirty sex with Jackie's?
That's not what I'm in.
Oh, my God, are we secret sisters?
Are we secret sisters with Jackie?
Does that make us sisters?
That makes us sisters.
No, I mean, because my kids also are redhead, and everyone's like, oh, redheads, oh, toruses.
Speciesy spicy.
Yeah.
And she's not super, super redhead, like, but she's like Henry Redhead.
But at least she won't be haunted.
by the emotions of the world like you are.
Which I would bless
bless her if she's not. I would honestly
think that's terrific. Although the problem is
you might have to deal with that though with your
unborn Virgo though.
Tell me about a Virgo.
Virgos are very,
they're like very hardworking. They're very
practical. They're very analytical.
It's all very rational brain.
Interesting. Well that I would
I could see that kind of spawn
coming from you and your husband.
Interesting.
But also they also are very shy and they're filled with worry
and they're overly critical of self and others.
So you best watch out.
You tell Freddie that you better watch out
because the younger one is going to be the problem.
I want to take everyone I know not knowing anything about signs.
I want to see a little short descriptor of all the signs
and then I want to put my everyone I know and love in a stack
and see how accurate I am based on it.
Wouldn't that be kind of a fun and hurtful game to do it?
interesting and also really judgy, which would be a lot of fun.
Just do this game and never show anyone my results and where I put them.
Oh, a Jerry, which sign steals.
Although, I feel like it does make a lot of sense that Drake is a Scorpio.
Oh, my God.
See, my mother's a Scorpio, and you can not.
Scorpios are scary.
Scorpio is like November, right?
Right? So is mine. My mother, I would say,
frightens me on a monthly basis.
And tell me about them because my husband is a Scorpio.
Oh, I think Lexi is too.
Oh, my God, are we surrounded by Scorps?
I don't think that Gideon is actually technically a true blue Scorpio.
Scorpio, it's a water sign, and they're usually the more intuitive of the signs.
But also they're like distrusting and they're jealous,
but they're also like really brave and passionate
and also another like loyal, resourceful friend in your life.
But the second you cross the Scorpio,
mm-mm-mm-mm.
You best not look back.
You've got to turn it to a pillar of salt.
Yeah, that's a Bible reference.
Yeah, I quoted the Bible.
That makes sense because Lexi loves Chihuahuas.
You know why Lexi loves Chihuahuas?
Because of their loyalty.
Interesting.
Because Chihuahua's only like really their owner
and they're like totally like mean and nasty to anyone who's not their owner, right?
And I think that that in a lot of ways, like Lexi is so loyal to her crew.
But I mean, if she gets a taste of blood, if she smells a scent of lies,
her whole body, she changes.
Yeah, she becomes a monster.
And my mother, yes, so my mother and my wife are both Scorpios.
Whoa, you are in the nest, bra.
You are in Scorpions' nest.
And, by the way, terrified of scorpions.
If there's one thing I'm scared of on this planet, it is actual scorpions.
Well, everyone's scared of scorpions.
Well, I love a scorpion.
Is it because of the boo-box scene and hook?
It's because two things.
It's actually more attributed, but at the round the same time, honey, I shrunk the kids.
That's what did it.
The 90s really did bring scorpions into our consciousness.
Because ain't nobody talking about scorpions anymore, and I don't know why.
They're not any less of a threat.
They're becoming, like, accepted.
I feel like too much.
You know what I mean?
Why are they becoming accepted?
Let's talk about this.
What is the government doing with scorpions?
That now we have to like them.
Just like we can't be scared of a bee anymore.
We're not allowed to be scared of a bee.
And why do we have to like Drake?
I don't like him.
I never like him.
I don't think I like Drake.
Did you guys see the tattoo that Drake got?
I hate it so much.
I'm mad at you, Jackie, for making me look at it.
It's just really annoying.
So Drake got, all right.
So we all know the icon.
cover of Abbey Road, the Beatles
Abbey Road, with the four of them
walking and, you know, they're doing the thing
on the road. Yes, and then assholes go to Abbey Road
in England and they try to walk across
the street, everybody hands. Didn't you take one of
the pictures? Don't you say the assholes?
No, I didn't. You didn't take one of the pictures?
Well, that was also the time when you were listening to jazz
and drinking boxed wine. Yeah, I was listening to jazz, I was not
drinking boxed wine. I was drinking two
Euro wine. Juga wine. Maybe it
was fresh on Drake's mind because of that
fucking movie yesterday or
whatever and the cover of Abby Road is everywhere.
I think I might hate that, probably hate that movie.
Is it like super feel good?
Remember pay it forward?
Yeah, I saw that.
I saw that.
This is a page seven deep cut that I saw that.
I saw that movie in theaters twice.
Why?
Always think about you whatever I think about pay it forward,
which is way too often for some reason.
This brings us back to the irrational empathy.
No, no, no, no.
Okay, all right.
Because I was in eighth grade and I went wherever my friends were going.
I had to do that.
I did that Minority Report,
the second viewing.
I didn't want to watch it the first time.
The second time I watched it,
I left in the middle of the movies.
I'm like, I'd rather sit in the parking lot.
Why did you watch it twice?
Because they were like,
we want to watch Minority Report.
And I was like, and I was just like,
okay, I guess I'll go to this movie.
I didn't like the first time.
And then I fucking left halfway through it.
I was like, I would rather sit and look at my shoes
in the parking lot and watch this fucking movie give it.
Go, please.
I divert.
I digress.
Although Minority Report was a great book, though.
I will throw it out there.
Loved the book.
Minority report might be better than,
is definitely better than Payton Forward.
I think I was embarrassingly moved by Payton Forward
the first time I saw it.
Again, I was an eighth grader,
but then I think a different group of friends was going.
And I was invited and I was like,
I'm an eighth grade.
Am I going to turn down a social engagement?
Also, wait, didn't you want to stop Bon Jovi
though, or am I speaking out of turn here?
I have expressed surprise attraction to Bon Jovi
in that movie specifically.
What is he in that?
movie? Is he like the dad? He's Helen Hunt's like
like Stope yeah
yeah gotcha yeah and he's
he's not bad that movie man that movie
he's not bad he's not the worst version of Bon Jovi
that's for sure I feel like it was the kind of movie where it had
no idea where it was going ever oh yeah and it just
keeps going and you're like what is the point of this
what is the plot of this movie it's like the pre version of
that movie where the boy falls through the ice the
Christian one you know that it's now
You guys know what I'm talking about.
No, no, it came out like last year.
It's that Christian movie, Breakthrough.
Have you guys seen the commercials for this?
Filled through the ice?
No, I don't know this movie.
And then he's underwater for 45 minutes.
Faith survival.
Okay, here we go.
We've got it here.
Wait, 45 minutes.
And then prayer brings him through.
Oh, what?
What?
What?
He inspires story.
Breakthrough says God still does the impossible.
What?
No.
Is this a Hallmark movie?
John Smith, an adopted boy from Guatemala,
is a living, breathing, walking miracle,
and his unbelievable true story is going to be on the big screen in April 17.
He was 14 years old when he fell through the ice in a Missouri lake.
The rescue crews got him to the hospital.
He was declared dead for 45.
Damn, 45 minute.
What? I guess prayer did bring him back.
It's like, I think it's from the same director as that other one
where the girl falls out the tree.
and Jennifer Garner is there
and remember
a girl falls out of tree
Jennifer Garner is there
we've definitely talked about it
Jennifer Garner's there
we get it
Jennifer Garner is there
and then she like
oh what does she do
does she save her sister's life or something
it's like a whole genre
of Christian feel good movies
and Bairford was not explicitly Christian
but real actors are doing them
Roxanna Dawson directed breakthrough and also Jesus the driver.
No, no.
No.
No.
She did that in 2004.
No.
Have you searched Jennifer Garner?
I'll search Jennifer Garner.
Tree movie?
Her daughter, head injury, you could try searching Jennifer.
Miracles from heaven.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Dude, we are going down the fucking.
Braziest rabbit roll.
We started out talking about astrology, and now we are at Miracles.
That was directed by a woman named Patricia Riggin.
Oh, yeah.
I can't wait to watch Miracles from Heaven.
I feel like this is a birthday movie.
You know, I think, it's like, what do I want to think about?
I want to think about miracles.
I want to think about God's priorities, God's choices, and God's timing.
Because that sounds like a scary movie.
She does all disastery.
She did.
The 33 was based on a real-life event when a gold and con.
Hopper mind collapses.
Oh, that's the minor movie.
I remember the minor movie.
We've got miracles from heaven.
It just says based on the incredible true story of the Beam family.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, the Beams.
What happens?
The kid falls out of a tree and then she, like...
Wait, no, so Anna Beam lives with a rare incurable disorder
that leaves her unable to digest food.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm not laughing at her condition.
Anybody has that disorder?
I apologize right now.
It's very funny.
I know.
I'm sorry for laughing.
I'm sorry.
It's very funny where it's just like,
okay, she can't eat.
Bitch goes up a tree.
Bitch falls out a tree.
Wait, did she have that before she fell out of the?
Anna tells an amazing story of a visit to heaven
after surviving a headlong tumble into a tree.
Her family and doctors become even more baffled
when the young girl begins to show signs of recovering
from her fatal condition.
See?
So it's like one of those, like, kicked in the head by a mule.
And then she goes blind, and then she gets kicked in the ass by an ass, and she can see again.
And she can see again.
Yeah, I remember that.
I remember that old fucking horse tail.
For National Lampoon's Christmas vacation.
Oh, yeah, that's what it was.
Yeah, it's her National Lampus's vacation.
So the whole thing is like, God dropped her from a tree to cure this digestion illness.
Yeah, and it did it.
And you know what?
God's priorities.
And breakthrough, which, again, there are real actors in it.
Somebody can bring up the IMD page.
Oh, dude, Queen Latifah's up in this fucking piece.
Yeah, he...
Jennifer Gardner, of course.
We've been over it.
Oh, yeah, Queen Latifah's in Miracles from Heaven.
I think you guys know, but Jennifer Garner's in the movie.
Jennifer Gardner, who was in...
I made a cameo in Catch Me If You Can.
She was in Daredevil and Elektra.
I don't even...
I'm, like, so unfamiliar with fucking Jennifer Gardner.
She was in Valentine's Day.
She's a real actor in this movie that should be a lifetime movie,
but it's a real movie.
Just like Breakthrough.
I have a regular, like I have cable, and so I see regular commercials.
And you would not believe how many commercials for Breakthrough there are.
And it seems like it should be a movie that is only available on like a subscription Christian channel.
Right?
Or on like the Hallmark Channel.
That's what every time this all, it just reeks of Hallmark Channel.
It's a mainstream.
It was in theaters.
And this kid was dead for 45 minutes and then prayer brought him back.
It is, it is, here's the, I'm playing the trailer right now.
because what are you watching in this fucking movie?
A person submerged in water and then in a hospital?
Luke Cage is there.
Luke Cage is there.
Chrissy Metz and Dofer Grace is it?
Oh, he's the pastor.
It is a well-cast movie.
Wow.
And...
Oh, and that's the chick from This Is Us.
Okay.
Yeah, Chrissy Metz.
And I feel like it has a very...
I don't watch This Is Us.
I hear everybody loves it, but it's very emotional, I know.
Right.
And then he goes through...
I love watching it on silent.
He's about to fall through the ice.
Oh, no!
He's about through the ice!
No!
Your boy is falling through the ice.
Now Luke Cage is there
is going to rescue him from the eyes.
Luke Cage is getting it.
They got him out.
And then you just watch him in a hospital
for the next hour.
Uh-oh, he's dead for 45 minutes.
He's dead.
It's like the whole premise of the movie is...
For 45 minutes?
The whole premise of the movie is essentially nothing
happens. But then she prays.
Oh, right. She prays over his head.
And then he comes back to life. You know what?
Teeseron. You know, maybe it's, maybe it did happen.
Okay, exactly like that.
I think that it did. You know what? I'm proud of the angels.
I'm proud of the angels came down.
Just like the angels came down and gave us Drake's breakthrough.
Drake bigger than Jesus.
He could get the Abbey Road tattoo that we've all been begging for.
Hell yeah, dude. I'll put her. I need to
get it too right next to my old town road tattoo once he broke the rat. Oh my god I love that. I think that that is a
really great idea but also so to finish this dumb story as much as I I know that honestly I'd rather
talk about a kid being under the ice for 45 minutes. No no no he wasn't on the ice for 45 minutes
Jackie he was dead for 45 minutes. Dead for I just that's just I'm sorry that can't happen. I'm sorry
that can't happen it can't it says true story Jackie. True story jacks. It is it is
It's a true story, and I'm wrong for thinking that it can't happen.
So he got him, so on the Abbey Road tattoo that he got on his arm, there is a tattoo of him in front of the Beatles,
waving the four of them on as if he is the one that is opening the door for the Beatles.
Now, I'm not saying that Drake, I'm not saying that the Beatles are the be-all-end-all of music.
I'm saying at the time, they were groundbreaking, right?
Yeah, I mean, there's no question that the Beatles are better than Drake.
Like, there's just no question.
Um, I'd like to argue.
Are you arguing?
Are you arguing that?
You don't have to love the Beatles to know that the Beatles matter more than Drake does.
I just hate the tattoo.
I understand that now there is a turn back around that everyone hates listening to the Beatles.
I'm going to go into a controversial statement.
Every once in a while, I still listen to the Beatles.
It's like putting on, it's like returning home.
It's like remembering when you're 17 years old, just being like,
the music is speaking to me, man.
Like, you know, every once in a while I listen to it.
This is great.
Yeah.
Second half of Abby Road, fucking tripping face.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I think that a lot of us went through this.
Now, the reason why Troy got this tattoo is because he had, he beat the Beatles by having
seven singles on the top ten of the Billboard Hot 100 list.
Now, Beatles only had five all at the same time.
But then he also broke the most top ten singles on the Billboard's Hot 100.
top 10 songs in a single year.
Yes, I had to write that down 20 times
to make sure that I was saying this properly
because he got 12 top 10 singles
on the billboards hot 100 top 10 songs.
Meanwhile, the Beatles only got 11.
I think that Drake's,
I just don't find Drake's achievement
in light of the Beatles to be even remotely interesting.
Comparable.
I don't, I'm not a big thing.
I liked Drake when he was,
Jimmy on DeGrosy.
That is my favorite Drake.
Yeah, I missed out on the whole
DeGrocy thing. I know. You and I
were maybe just, because we're actually like
older brother-sister to Jackie.
Yeah, you guys are both like old.
I'm like a baby. Yeah, she's like a
little baby and we're like older, older
olds. And so for us it was like saved by
the bell. Shit like that.
And then I did not catch on to
this DeGrasy thing. So like Drake's
entire being is like lost
on me a little bit. You know what I mean? And I would have
love degrassy, I think, but I just didn't watch it.
Like, I loved that genre.
Saved by the Bell was my absolute favorite show, and so I
would have loved it. What does DeGrosse
look like, Jackie?
To a young Jackie. It goes
there. I watched way too much
DeGrasi. It is a Canadian
television show. It was way more
serious, right, than Save By the Bell
was just goofy goo. Oh, DeGrasi is
not funny. It's not a silly show.
It goes there, which is why they
said that it goes there, because it
was dealing with, you know, it's a Canadian show
that was dealing with, like, abortion and school shootings.
And, like, they were the ones that, they were the party of five of Saved by the Bells.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, saved by the bell.
The most they went there was they had, there's no hope with dope.
They had that one very early episode with the, like, bully who turned out he couldn't read.
And Screech was very empathic about it.
What's the, what's the speed?
Yeah, he was a bully.
And then he said he admitted to Screech that he couldn't read.
And then, I don't know why I was just thinking about this this morning, completely unrelatedly.
And the bully says, why aren't you laughing?
And Screech says very empathetically, it's not funny.
And he, like, breaks through, like, not shaming this bully for his not being able to read.
And then, of course, you have the classic.
I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.
I'm so scared.
You have the caffeine pill addiction.
God, I miss very special episodes.
They just don't do them anymore.
I know.
There was, yeah, there was very special episodes.
There was definitely a lot of very special episodes of Blossom.
Yeah.
Dinosaurs had a very special episode.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, God, I love dinosaurs.
What was dinosaurs this very special episode?
I forget, wasn't it a drug one?
Wasn't it a drug one too?
It was the teen boy dinosaur with a varsity jacket.
Robbie, yeah.
What was it a drug thing?
I believe so, yeah.
I think that it was something like that.
I want to rewatch dinosaurs because they're all on Hulu.
Really?
And I mean, you know, I never saw the series finale,
but like it ends with like the extinction of them all.
Yeah.
I've heard that it has a real good kind of anti-capitalist message at its core.
We're all upsetting.
Yeah.
But, yeah, it sounds like
DeGrasi was just a series of very
special episodes. It really was, and
I loved all the characters, but also what it was
great is that they went through so many
different generations of them were like, they were the
ones in the 80s, and they dealt with all
that shit, and then they became
the parents in the next generation.
So then the ones that were in the original ones,
essentially, like, what they're doing with Riverdale,
but they did that long before Riverdale.
It was a pre-girl-meets world, girl meets world.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dinosaurs were, it was about thornoids.
And it is, yes, it's about the boy.
Oh, that's right, you're doing, like, steroids.
That's right.
They're called thornoids, and, yeah, they are, they're little creatures that look like grimlins, and you eat them.
You start looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger, yeah.
That's a fun one.
You know, usually a very special episode are like about, like,
Full House definitely had what about child abuse
that was like not at all fun.
And I missed that they used to, like literally they would have
like a person talking to camera being like, all right,
tonight it's going to be different.
Yeah, you remember when Papu died in Full House?
I mean, we always remember the day Papu died.
Although that wasn't a very special episode
as much as just a full house sometimes.
A grieving episode.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which is never been done better than Sesame Street's episode
explaining Big Bird what death means.
That is one of the characters died.
Well, then also, also Mr. Rogers, who of course talked extensively about death.
Yeah, we're going there, Jackie.
We're going straight down there, all right?
Happy birthday.
I remember the scene that you're talking about in Sesame Street when the store owner died, right?
And they explained it.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, it was so sad.
And Big Bird's like, what's death?
It's the most gut-wrenching.
They handled it really well.
And so honestly, and kids deserve that.
Oh.
Thanks to Mad.
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Although if we're in gut-rudging territory and
also shows that ended poorly.
Let's talk about the Sopranos.
Great segue.
You guys have done the Sopranos.
That was an amazing fucking segue, dog.
Thank you.
I fell off after, I fell off after season three.
I recently watched the entire series.
So did you see what I sent out that?
So Michael Gandalfini, who is 19-year-old son of James Gandalfini, R-I-P,
who I just, I love James Gandelphini.
I will always love James Gandlefini.
He's so great.
Incredible.
I always love the fact that he died while eating a huge meal,
which is how I hope to go out.
Give me a heart attack while eating, like, in the fifth hour of eating a huge Italian meal.
What do we talk?
Okay, we're talking Italian.
What are we throw, what's on this table right now, Jackie?
You're in the middle of just this massive Italian meal in Italy.
What are we looking at?
Like, what have I already eaten or what's on the table?
What's on the table?
What have you eaten?
What are you eating?
All of it.
What do we got some meal?
I feel like it's going to be courses because that was the whole thing.
that, like, he had been sitting there.
I think it was, like, the end of, like, a five-hour-long meal
after I had, like, just so many bottles of wine,
steaks, lobsters, pasta dishes, like, all different kinds of carbs.
Every kind of cheese you could fold up into you.
It's like, I want to have, make sure that I've got at least three different,
what are they, meatzi cheeses?
Michisios.
Michis.
Apat, what's the insolates?
No, the other one.
Insalates.
I'm such a trash person.
I don't know the word for it.
Antipasti.
Antipasti.
Antipasti.
I'm trying to think what's at the beginning of the menu, you know?
Dude, oh my God.
The food in, like, I have not very well traveled,
but the food in Italy will make your fucking genitals fall off your body.
I don't want them to fall off.
Well, it's going to happen.
No matter what.
I don't want them to fall off, though.
That's what happens.
That's what happens when you go through menopause.
Oh, no.
I'd rather it just be sealed shut.
Like the cave of wonders and you have to go, like, I want it to be like Aladdin
where he has to go like, Arabia night.
And then it like opens up like a big stone chisel.
Dude, I would love to have a parade for Jackie when she goes through her final official
menopause phase.
I think you'll be a lot of fun to menopause.
We should throw a big, why aren't there more menopause parties?
It's like amazing.
You don't have to fucking have a fucking period anymore.
You should be sell.
That should be like a huge party.
I think there's a lot of stigma around periods,
and there's a lot of stigma around being a woman
over the age of, like, 28.
And a menoparty.
It sounds like it's a pretty unpleasant experience.
You're right.
I do.
I am going to throw a menopause party.
Throw a menopause party.
It's great because it's after, like, a lot of people have kids,
after it's like, I'm not going to have, like,
what big parties do you have in your late 40s that are like quintessential huge parties?
And one thing we need to celebrate more is getting older.
You know what I mean?
And, like, that would be such a fun.
Because you don't have to do it anymore.
I know it's painful to go through, but then it stops.
Yeah, that would be, I think it's a great idea.
And you never have to think about it again.
I've heard it's, it's like, kind of can be an amazing.
I forget who was talking about this, not too long ago.
It's like, it's amazing.
Yeah.
This fucking shit you've had to put up with every month.
Forever.
Yeah, and agree that we should totally destigmatize it too.
Sure.
What are we doing for a menopause party, for a minute party?
We got a lot to drink in.
I want a bignata of a vagina.
And then, like, as you can't, like, it'll be the last time it comes out,
and, like, you fill it with red velvet pudding.
Yes.
I think you need an extremely well-air-conditioned room, as I understand.
Very cold.
It's going to be very cold part.
And we'll have icies, and it'll be, like, very ice-themed.
Ice theme, yeah.
Maybe even, like, a frozen theme, let it go.
Let it go.
Oh, no, no, there should be shots, like the ice illusion.
But not suggesting that you are, that your sexuality is lacking now or anything like that.
Yeah, no, no.
In fact, there should definitely be some fuck rooms.
Yes, fuck rooms for sure.
Fuck rooms.
And then it's also a key party.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And a key party.
And everyone cheats on everyone.
Yeah.
Because what is it matter?
What does it matter anymore?
Time to cheat.
Yeah, yeah.
And celebrate all the, all the babies you don't have to think about having anymore.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Well, you can name them all, all the ones you'll never have to deal with.
This goes, this is on Holden's great ideas list of the plane, plain only for small children,
which I still think is a brilliant idea.
April Reels.
April Reels Day.
And a menoparty.
And a menoparty.
I love all of these.
I'm in for all of them.
But where I was going, which I'm glad that James Gandalfini's wife did not have a menoparty before having Michael Gandalfini.
Was that too much of a stretch?
No, no.
Michael Gandalfini is stepping in of the role as Tony Soprano in the prequel movie to the Sopranos.
Which I love.
I am very excited about this.
I don't know if you've seen the pictures of him.
He is the spitting image of James Gandelfini.
And he had never seen episode one of the Sopranos.
And then he sat by himself and watched the entire series alone.
To get, like, his father's mannerisms, to see how he did the character to really get into it.
And can you imagine, like, he said that he had a lot of bad dreams,
that it's been a really dark time for him.
I bet.
But it was something that he felt that he needed to do.
And I cried while I read the goddamn article.
Yeah, when you sent us that article
And I thought about sitting by yourself
And watching the Sopranos
And having that
Having Tony Soprano be your dad
Your father and watching
And he step into his shoes?
And I mean, James Gendelphini
It's just there's there's you know
It's a blessed and rare thing
To have an actor where you watch them on screen
And you're just like truly how could somebody
be this talented?
Right. And James Gendelphini is that person
And so to watch
She makes a horrible asshole
Incredibly like not just like
not just likable, lovable.
Like so, right, so much.
Talk about empathy.
Cheats on his wife.
Kills people.
And you still are rooting for him somehow,
and that is because of the power of his performance.
Yeah.
Like, just an, like, you know,
just absolutely, like, to watch that,
I just cannot imagine watching that show
and thinking about your own dad,
like, creating that character.
Like, how much love you would feel.
Especially as an actor.
So he's done, he hasn't done a ton of stuff,
but he did play a character named Joey Dwyer in the Deuce,
which is a show that I started watching and kind of fell off of.
It's David Simon's show, right?
Yeah, the really sex-fueled 70s, New York show.
I heard mixed reviews, although I do like David Simon, but I like all of the things
you just said, too, and I still couldn't get into it.
I don't get into it.
You know what it was?
It was just making sex, like, it was just making it upsetting.
It was just making sex really upsetting.
And also there's something about, like, I think Maggie Jillenhall is, like, really hot.
And, like, she showed her breasts a lot.
And I was just like, why?
She doesn't need to keep, stop making her show her breasts.
I love Maggie Jillon Hall.
I love Maggie Jolengel.
Oh, my God.
Secretary, oh, my God, secretary opened my eyes to a lot.
And I always say that because it was like she had, because it felt excessive.
Like, it was like, okay, we get it.
We get it.
She signed the contract that said she'd show her breasts.
Yeah.
You don't have to make her show her breasts every two seconds.
Sometimes I feel like shows do that, too,
We do like, yeah, we got them now.
Show him again.
Show him again.
I'm getting it again.
But then what do you get it too much?
Then it's not fun and exciting anymore.
Yeah, and the other characters aren't necessarily doing that as much.
And I'm just like, why is it just her that it seems like every episode you're getting her to do that?
I don't know.
Yeah, no, I think that that's fair.
It just made me feel, it was the kind of show that made me feel dirty and like not in a fun way.
And you know who's never made us feel dirty and I appreciate it?
Danny Trejo.
Oh, I can't.
bring up this hero of the week, Mr. Danny Trejo, who saved a child from a car wreck
when he saw an SUV had been flipped over and there was a baby stuck inside in their car seat,
stuck upside down, and he wriggled in through the broken window of the car and, like, with
the help of another bystander, her name is Monica Jackson, who also helped out and everyone's
like, oh, Danny Trejo did it alone. This woman helped too to get this baby out unharmed from a car crash.
just people don't do that anymore.
I feel like that just, I think it's people mind their own business
and they don't get involved,
and I appreciate that he stepped up.
He's 75 years old.
It's also like the most, it's like,
that's something that Danny Trejo would be cast to do.
Like, it's such a, it's like,
there is nobody who could play that part better,
IRL, you know, it's just such an essential Danny Trejo thing to do.
He has such an amazing, Pat.
I don't know if you've seen,
I think there's a documentary about him.
But he's done so much.
Like when he's talked about helping people
and how he has like everything good
has come out of helping someone else.
Like he's done a lot of work with prisoners,
I believe and things like that.
He was in prison all throughout like the 60s
had this big turnaround in his whole lot.
I love these stories.
Well, that's the name of the documentary.
It's inmate number one,
The Rise of Danny Trejo.
Wow.
Nice.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's unbelievable.
Just incredible.
Well, also on top of it,
The child has special needs, and he was really freaking out.
So to keep his mind occupied, as he held him, he created this, like, superhero game or something that, like, he just kept making the little boy.
He's like, flex your muscles, and, like, pretending to be a superhero with him.
Just to keep his mind occupied so that he didn't look at his mother bleeding by the car, just to, like, keep him looking somewhere else and just having his attention paid to him.
and that made me just
that's such an above and beyond thing to do
and I just want to say thank you, Danny Trejo.
Also, I think a service that anybody
who's in a car accident could use.
You know, we're all freaked out if that happens.
Just to have Danny Trejo come and help you just relax a little bit
after a car accident.
By making me feel all big and strong too?
Make me feel strong!
Yeah, this was a real, this was in the feel good vault,
just like the movie's breakthroughs.
through and tears from heaven.
I already forgot the name of the other one.
It's just like it.
Miracles in heaven.
Miracles in heaven.
Well, first of all, tears in heaven, I believe.
It's an air clapping song, right?
And why is it just called Fall from Tree Girl?
Yeah.
That is way more of an apt description.
Of course, we're never going to remember miracles from heaven.
That's what it should be.
If I hit a tree, will I see a piece?
of heaven will I digest again
food makes miss it
beautiful well something that we are not going to see in heaven
is the union of Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus we have to at least bring it up
we have to we have to talk about it we got to talk about it even though it is
literally everything everywhere I I hope the best
for both of them. I really did.
I enjoyed watching them as a couple.
But the whole thing is that everyone's ripping
apart the fact that she kissed
Caitlin Carter on the beach
in Italy. They're like, but did you see
the kiss? Did you see?
She kissed a woman.
What is the issue?
She openly has said many
times that their marriage is
unconventional. She identifies
as queer that she is not just like
a wifey type thing and that they have
an understanding. Who are you to
fucking judge, man. Yeah. It does not seem like that's the thing that is the reason they are breaking up.
I, I will say this. I will say this. Because of course, I do love the drama on Instagram that followed
afterwards and we can get into that with the exes like teaming up and sort of, but it, to me,
it's less that she's, she's with another woman and it's more that she's being, she's very like,
these pictures are very like, lovey, lovey and like, I always hate looking at these because it's like,
Dude, they're trying to have like a private moment.
Anyways, it looks like they're having a full-on.
I know, they're definitely, it's definitely paparazzi pictures, too.
There's a lot of that kind of stuff.
They're having a full-on trist, though,
and I just think it's a little tacky that it came, like,
right before a breakup announcement.
I feel like it's a little, like, spit in Liam's face kind of stuff.
Unless they had an arrangement, right?
Unless they had an arrangement.
So that's the only thing.
And he's doing the right thing by not yapping about it,
unlike the other two dude bros or whatever,
Or who was it?
Oh, no, no, yeah, it was her ex.
The girl.
Her ex-husband, Brody Jenner,
who apparently isn't even actually your ex-husband,
that seems like this whole thing has been a stunt.
Don't name your kid, Brody.
Also, when you said Jenner, I was like,
is this a Jenner?
Yeah.
It's not even a Jenner.
It's just another reality asshole.
Unbelievable.
Not even a Jenner.
No, they are part of the Hills.
So, Caitlin Carter, and who was technically,
or was quote-unquote married to Brody Jenner,
Both of them, Brody Jenner was from the original The Hills
And then they as a couple were on the reboot of the Hills
The Hills New Beginnings
I was never a Hills fan
I liked the Hills, the Hills was good
Okay, you watched it?
Not like, I watched it like if I was in a hotel, you know?
It was very, I just remember it being like, wow,
this is like where reality's headed, this is like so produced
But it's still reality.
But it was just good, it was just like the good, you know, the old fat,
like when reality was still kind of like, oh, I just get to one.
watch these bitches complain all day.
Great.
Oh, yeah.
You know, and so, like, it was fun, but I couldn't tell you about the cast.
I didn't get into it, not because I would thought I was above it, yeah.
But, yeah, that, but I was surprised to see that there's, like, multiple Hill franchises now.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that thing went haywire.
And, first of all, and I said this before really, like, quickly, but again, I just want to reiterate, don't name your kid, Brody.
Dude.
You know, it's not, it's not, you know, I get it.
If you live in a bubble and you're like,
oh, well, the name Brody is like Jody,
but with the bro in it and dig that and have that.
And if you did name your kid, Brody, I'm sorry.
And like, just let me know I'm bad or whatever.
You can say I'm bad, but like, does maybe think of, I don't know.
I'm over here just, like, furiously crossing Brody off my baby name list.
I will say that Brody Jenner seems to be the epitome of the name Brody.
Yeah, Brody.
I think there's just something about Brody Jenner.
not being a Jenner
and having been on the hills
and yet he looks like he definitely could easily
be a Jenner. And somehow being this
like fourth character and Amiley
and Liam where you're like what does this
person even have to do with them? So this is the part of
the story that I love. Okay, we don't know if they had an
arrangement. If they had an arrangement, that's fine. If not, it's
tacky and it's not, I don't think it's because
it's a girl. I think it's gross if that's what
they're fixated on because I have no
whether it's a man or woman.
It's more like, oh, we just broke up
and you're like immediately
And we're flaunting, yeah.
Yeah, and we're really out there with this flirty relationship.
And I would be furious and probably would have said similar things to Mr. Brody on Instagram off of the post.
I do love his picture, too.
It always has to be a picture of you, like, out on, like, a hill with, like, overlooking this landscape and be like, life changes and time changes, too.
But every time it changes, you have to stay blue.
Yeah, right.
But I agree with you, Holden, that the fixation on it being on the fact that Miley Kist did.
girl seems extremely like
2005 of us.
Who cares? It's just the fact that
she's just out there kissing for the whole
world. It's just, I will say
it seems almost like
this is a PR stunt
that has been paid for, right? Because
there's, as we talked about last week, wasn't it,
that there's been a lot of breakups this summer
and some of them have been fakeouts.
And I'm not even, I'm not saying their marriage was
a PR stunt, I'm saying this entire
unfolding of everything, because you did
notice, Liam Hemsworth,
went to Australia
I was just like
guys I wish you the best
I'm gonna go fucking hang out with my family
I need a minute
and I say good for him
Meanwhile after the pictures were posted
and everything and they're like to whatever
Brody Stevens post this picture
In front of like an ocean on a hill
And it just says don't let yesterday
Take up too much of today
Shut up unbelievable
And then Miley Cyrus posts a picture
Also on a hill with the mountain
On a hill
Life's a climb but the view is great
Like
What are you trying to get
Get your picture on a fucking, in this classroom.
I want to be on a hill.
Someone put me on a fucking hill.
They are all on hills.
But man, can I just say,
Miley Cyrus is a dreamboat,
and I just can't not.
She is truly beautiful.
They are all beautiful.
And her and Caitlin look smoking together,
by the way.
Like yowlsa, maloza.
Yeah, those picks are hot.
I still like, Miley Cyrus is still definitely up there for me.
I would definitely.
Please let me.
Please give me a shot.
I know I'm nowhere near attractive enough.
But I could try.
Let me be.
I can be live.
Do you want me to be live?
How are we impressing her?
Okay, you get one night, one shot.
You got to take her out and you've got to get in those britches.
Jackie, what do we do?
I have an idea for Jackie.
You got an idea?
She sings, they go to karaoke and Jackie sings Jolene.
Oh.
That would be so intimidating.
I would be mortified at that.
No, she would, Jackie can do it.
Jackie's got the jury for it.
I think I can do it.
I think I could definitely do it, but I'd also want to be, like, dressed like Dolly Parton.
I don't think I never, you know what it is?
You have the wig and, like, yeah, I want the big wig.
I wanted to be, like, completely, like, sucked in.
Like, I can barely breathe.
Charlie, Charlie!
He's like, oh, she's so wafish.
What a wayfish woman I want to be with her.
Would you get the implants, too?
Would you go to the pool?
Yeah, no, I do the whole thing.
I would love to think Dolly Parton, please.
No, you just, you take, you and Miley go out to the bar and, and feel
free to edit this because it's your night.
But in my vision, you and Miley go out to the bar and, oh, it's karaoke night.
Okay.
And then you sign up yourself and then you're like, oh, it's a duet.
Do you want to come do it with me?
And then you and Miley go up together.
Right.
And then you do Jolene together.
Yeah.
And then I'll be like, oh, but we have to do the customary kiss.
You know, she always kisses at the end.
It's a customary kiss.
Yeah, for sure.
I always wanted to, I feel like I have dreams of you ever see a mighty wind.
when Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy do the kiss at the end of a rainbow
and they have to do the kiss.
It's like more songs need to have forced kissing in it so that like, oh, if we do this,
like I'm on a date, we're doing karaoke, oh, we have to kiss now.
And like then I've also always wanted to kind of fall in love with somebody through a duet,
you know, like through eye contact me for the course of a duet.
This is the thing too.
This is the move.
You impress her with Jolene, right?
But the kiss isn't going to happen there.
And then you go, oh, it appears there's a new song
that was written by one Jackie Zabrowski
that's in the karaoke catalog.
And it appears to be called,
I want a sex with Miley Cyrus.
And then it comes up.
I think it might be too aggressive.
I think it might be too aggressive.
I want to sex with Miley Cyrus.
No, maybe you do the Jolene duet,
and then afterwards, you're like,
oh my gosh, this bar turns into a Miley Cyrus
themed dance party afterwards.
And then like party in the USA or something comes on.
She wants to hear her music regurgitated back in her like that.
I think Miley Cyrus does, though, you know, because she's...
What if I just sing her more...
I think a less aggressive song just like,
What if I make you fall in love with me slowly
and apt with time?
I think we could love me if you give me a chance,
but it'll take six months because I'm a lot to handle.
As long as the bridge goes like, boom, boom, boom,
I will make you gush and I will make you gush,
and that will make you squash
and not will get you aggressive.
I think I need to ease up on it.
Right, right, right.
I don't think that you're going to be
the hard to handle one in a relationship.
It's my least times you're talking about.
She's like a party animal.
That is true.
You're going to be the grounded one.
Should I do?
I have to work on my tongue skills.
You all need to start doing a lot of tongue exercises,
but I'm going to say,
I don't think she wants meek and scared.
Yeah.
Oh, bold.
Yeah, I guess, yeah.
I got to take life by the balls.
I got to start doing.
Goop says, you know,
we got to do our face yoga.
Yeah, yeah, yam, yum, yam.
Why was she in the news again?
Because she didn't know that Samuel L. Jackson was in the Marvel universe.
She's been in movies with him.
Why even, okay, if I go to a party and I, like, see somebody I wasn't expecting,
the last thing I do is turn and be like, why is this person here?
Why are you here?
That's the right to be wherever he damn well pleases.
Anywhere he goes, you are like, of course you should be here.
Oh, that's so fucking funny.
What a bitch.
You just assume they're supposed to be here
because you know that they wouldn't be there for no reason.
But this is also coming after
she didn't know that she was in movies with Tom Holland
and Tom Holland is the new Spider-Man.
And then on top of that,
also Sebastian Stan, who plays Winter Soldier,
had to introduce himself three times to her,
and they have also been in movies together.
Now, I get it that, like, the whole Marvel universe,
I think everyone is shot separately.
Everything is kept very separately.
So if you didn't see the movie,
you would just be like, oh, I didn't know they were in that.
I've been in things with people.
Like, I did a short film with Michael Shannon.
I never met Michael Shannon.
I didn't hang out with Michael Shannon.
Yeah, but seriously, like, how was Michael Shannon?
Oh, my God, we had sex.
Yeah, it's crazy.
I saw him walking down the street a couple weeks ago.
Oh, really?
I was in a car.
Did you also have sex with that?
Oh, he had sex in the car.
We had sex.
Sad guy.
Damn, everybody's having so much sex right now
with people they shouldn't be having sex with
by singing them songs.
What song did you sing them?
Oh, hey, man, she ate what she used to be.
I actually, I read him.
I didn't sing to him.
I read him that letter that he read for Fun of Your Dye
that was written by that sorority girl
that said, I'm going to cunt punt you bitches or whatever.
That really, really, really funny letter that he read,
I read it back to him.
And it wasn't as funny as when he did it,
but he still said it.
He was like, not as funny.
But all of a sudden he was just naked and you were naked and cheated.
And he was just like, yeah, fully is so pregnant too.
So pregnant, yeah.
Yeah, that was part of what grew up in.
Just how hugely pregnant I am.
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I don't know, guys.
I think we might have to have a sex pause for a minute.
Is that a dog reference?
Because we've got a very important dog to discuss.
Vid.
We got a vid.
We got a vid on campus.
Oh, my God.
This video is truly worth watching in full.
It is about seven minutes long.
I didn't know the Inside Edition did.
It's way too long.
I'm going to post it up on our Patreon.
So, guys,
This is nothing to do with really, I think he me,
and it is important to pop culture news.
Because there is a dog that is very good at painting.
And his nickname on the streets is Dog Finchie.
And he is an abstract expressionist artist.
His mother slash owner is a painter herself.
And she is exactly what you'd think the mother of a dog painter would be.
Yeah, she wears the shoes that a dog.
owner, painter would have.
She's got the whole, she is,
she is quintessential elementary school art teacher.
Yes.
In every farm and bed.
She talks like Ena Garten too.
She does.
She talks about dog Vinci with great purpose.
And she, to her great credit, has not only cultivated this dog artist,
but has decided to share him with the world and brings him to various children's programming events
like this Inside Edition mini doc, which is focused on a local library, I believe in Long Island,
where they have a children's event.
And all the librarians are like, is everybody ready to meet Dog Vinci?
Is everybody here willing and excited to have the response that they're ever going to have in their lives,
staring at a dog while it paints?
Dog Vinci.
And his real name is Dagger, and Dagger wears a little beret.
And he...
Which also, Dagger is at the forefront, or excuse me, four...
Paw, paw front.
Paw front.
Paw front of bringing Brays back.
It doesn't work, Jackie.
He's part of our movement to bring Brays back.
A fun fact about Dog Vinci is that he is a service dog dropout, if you will,
because he has too many fears to be a service dog.
He's too many fears.
Oh, my God, it doesn't look frightened.
He is too afraid of the dark to be a service dog.
And so he could not finish service dog training.
And so she had homed him as a puppy, and then they took him back.
He came up and nudged her in her studio while she was painting because, of course, she's also a painter.
And he loves to paint.
And my favorite part of the entire thing is that she's like, people ask me, when dagger retires,
are you going to train your next dog to also paint?
And what you need to understand is that this is really an interest of daggers.
And I have, for example, I have another dog
And will she sit with dagger while he paints?
Of course she will.
She's his muse.
But she has no interest herself in painting.
This is the thing.
It's the part of pet owners where they start to refer to talk about their pets like they are actual humans that I get really freaked out with.
I love it though.
I definitely talk about my animals as if they are humans though.
Of course, me too.
And going back to the beret, if that beret is not on that dog, that dog ain't painting.
By the way.
Yeah, oh no, it has to have the beret.
It's his work beret.
That's the non-painter dog right there.
And I do appreciate that she doesn't force painting on all of her dogs.
On all of her children.
She let the dogs decide their own interests.
She let dagger choose.
And I appreciate that.
And that's why.
And the other dog, Bud, very good at football.
Yep.
You can start calling him air spud.
He loves to eat potatoes.
Each dog has to have a hobby.
A hobby.
It's just that they choose their hobby.
They choose their hobby
But also you can buy Dog Vinci's painting
Starting at $130
This woman is not extorting anyone
I think it's great
I am ready to throw down
Let's start saving our money for Dog Vinci's paintings
Because we don't know where Dog Vinci's going to end up
In the Louvre?
Probably
It reminds me of a documentary by the way
That's why I was like I need to see this dog actually painting
I'm glad that there's video evidence of it
Because I loved this documentary
called My Kid Could Paint That
and it's this fucked up story about this kids whose paintings are being sold for like 20G and stuff,
like legit in galleries and stuff.
Like they,
this,
because it's this little kid who's painting these abstract paintings and they're like deemed quality art.
And so it's being sold in galleries and you find out in the documentary that it's actually the,
oh,
was it the,
wanted to be a professional painter father maybe painting those paintings instead and saying that it was the daughters.
Very interesting.
Oh.
That's why I needed it.
to see that dog fucking actually fucking paint
or I was going to start screaming
liar at that woman. Oh, he paints. He's got a little brush that's designed
for him to hold it in his little mouth. Isn't he so cute? I love his work for Ray.
Exactly. And they say that most of his work is deeply inspired by the atrocities of the
Vietnam War.
How dare you. Don't put PTSD dog in him.
His muse is, might be a golden retriever
Labrador mix, but
his true what haunts him is the Vietnam one.
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah, yeah.
Every now and again, when he's painting,
he'll just drop the bus, start crying.
Weirrom!
Rearom!
The rorosities!
Ria roomm!
The erosities.
Well, these eroticosities,
it's time for the list, guys.
Oh, who's on the list?
Check!
You gotta have that list.
It's celebrities you had one-night stands with other celebrities.
Say it again with a little bit more feeling.
Should I say with more celebrities, you had one-night stands with other celebrities?
This is like a blind itemy list.
I love it.
I am willing to now hear this list.
Let's go with number one, Lindsay Lohan and Zach Ephron.
You know, Zach Efron does absolutely nothing for me.
I would also, I'm going to say, I mean,
And Lindsay Lohan, when did she do this in her career?
When are they saying that this happened?
Well, it seems like, so there was a purported sex list
penned by Lindsay Lohan herself leaked, quote unquote, to tabloids.
A string of Hollywood's hottest male celebrities showed up on the paper.
An eyewitness who handed over the list, which I love.
It's just, you know, someone that was like, I found this list,
but Lindsay Lohan definitely wrote it,
stated that she observed Lohan and her friends compiling the names
at a Beverly Hills Hotel One.
night. Stars such as Evan Peters, James Franco, and Justin Timberlake were notable,
but it was Zach Efron's name that garnered the biggest reaction. When asked about the list,
Afron didn't verbally admit to hooking up with Lohan. However, his cringe-worthy reaction said it all.
That's awful, though. I feel like I have the same reaction of whether it was someone I didn't
want to sleep with it if you asked me about, as well as asking me if I had slept with someone
who I didn't sleep with.
It's that same cringe of like, no.
Yeah, that's true.
Ew.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, there's a lot of,
there's a lot of hotties on this list.
Colin Farrell definitely would sleep with
much, much, much
before I would sleep with Zach Frodd.
Adam Levine is on this list.
See, that's the face I would make.
If someone said, did you sleep with Adam Levine?
I'd be like, ugh.
I mean, yeah,
but, ugh.
That's the same thing is, like, did you have sex with a filthy
werewolf?
how did his ball smell?
You know what I mean?
Just disgusting.
I would say the tape I would probably weirdly watch
50 Cent and Chelsea Handler.
She's very open about the fact
that she had some one-off hookups with 50 Cent.
In fact, she is repeatedly mocked tabloid
speculations by posting Gracie,
albeit cheeky pictures of she and Fiddy
on Twitter a handful of times.
But she confirmed the rumors.
Yeah, that's kind of fun.
Right.
I have no fun.
Yeah, I got nothing against that.
That's kind of the dated celebrity hookup that makes sense.
They were both big then and now.
Right.
I mean, Chelsea Handler's still pretty big, right?
Is she big?
I feel like people don't like her, right?
People definitely don't like her.
Yeah.
No, they don't like her.
She doesn't have a great rep.
I think that she was huge, thought she owned the world because she had all this shit going on,
treated people very poorly, and then like that road took her all the way to where she's at now,
like essentially, you know what I mean?
That's how it sounds.
That's how it sounds to me.
Sorry, I was reading through Ashton Coucher and Rihanna's.
Okay.
What do you got for us?
Reports claimed that Rihanna had showed up to Ashen Couther's house for a late-night booty call.
Her SUV rolled up around midnight and didn't leave until very early in the morning.
Now, the fact that Couture's cheating led to the break above his marriage with Demi Moore
only heightened the swirl of rumors about his potential love affair with Rihanna.
I mean, talk about out of his league.
Right.
I mean, I will say, though, he's done so much great stuff to, like, with the child trafficking
stuff, that that kind of gives him a little bit of a boost.
I guess there's something about Ashton Coucher that rubs me the wrong way, but he gets hot women,
man.
It's the, dude, you know what it is?
It's the same.
I hated this guy back in college.
He was, like, attractive, doofy as hell, but just kind of naturally.
And, like, funny enough to keep you around.
Right.
You know what I'm talking about?
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Oh, yeah.
And, you know, he's really good at, like, everything he did.
He was like just good enough at everything he did to look like he was really good at it, right?
So everybody, because he was pretty, everybody put him on a peasantful like, wow, he can do it all.
He can drum.
Yes.
He can write.
He can do this.
He can do that.
He can pull off trucker hats.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it was that whole thing, right?
And I hated that fucking guy.
And he was never really like a dick to me necessarily.
But like, there's just some about like they know their hot shit.
Yeah.
They act like they're hot shit.
Yeah.
And and even when they're sensitive to things, like even that is like annoying.
It's grating, right?
Yeah.
They're great, though.
Yeah, because they think they're just being so sensitive and awesome right now.
And it's just mediocrity.
Like, I feel like he's a step above mediocre,
but Ashen Kutcher is like not excellence.
He's somewhere between mediocrity and excellence.
Exactly.
Although they really do love each other, though.
And I like that.
They do seem very happy together.
Oh, yeah, with Milakunis.
Yeah.
But she's a tough.
In terms of hotness, Milakunis is excellent.
Oh, my God.
Oh, she beats him hands down.
She is a flaming smoke show.
She is like, whoa.
And in terms of talent and hotness,
Rihanna is just like literally in a different universe.
Yes, completely different universe.
So I'm annoyed by this one nightstand.
But if that's what Rihanna wanted, good for her.
Milakunis and Black Swan, yo.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, please.
I had to run out of the movie theater.
I was just like, I can't do this.
I would say another one that I get why it's one that is kept under wraps
because I think that one is a lot better than the other one.
We're talking Kim Kardashian and Nick Cannon.
Who do you think is better?
Who's better?
I think that it would make sense of why she would want to hide it.
He does well for himself too.
Oh, he's doing very well for himself.
But I mean like when it comes to like mediocrity version of like Nick Cannon's great,
but I think that I know him mostly, even when I see him hosting different shows,
I hate to say this, but I think of him as Moriah Carey's ex.
And maybe it's just because I'm obsessed with Mariah Carey in a fucked up way.
But like, yeah, I never quite understood him in Mariah Carey.
Yeah, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a,
He's the host of what?
Is it like America's Got Talent maybe?
Like, he is just like a nice...
He's just there.
Yeah, he's just like a nice, decently charming guy.
He's a beautiful man.
I'm not saying he's not.
It's just like, you know.
He's beautiful, but even his beauty is kind of like,
yeah, he's like, he's like, you know, a little bit like,
he's like a whole, he's like,
he's much better than Ryan Seagrest.
I don't mean, I tell Nick's Canada,
but he's got that kind of unoffensiveness.
But in comparison at the same time,
I feel like it's such,
the subject of Kim Kardashian is actually very,
very complicated because you've got like
because I get like the Tina Faye
take where it's like she is like
a fucking money making machine
that is like smarter than all of you
and you just don't realize it and I like
kind of see that at the same time I just see
someone who got famous off of a sex tape
and it's really hard to like navigate
between the two because I think that's what puts her on more
even footing if you go with the narrative
that she's just some ridiculously rich
person that got super famous
off of a sex tape but at the same time
it's like I want to see that machine
I want to see behind, like, I want to see the planning meetings.
Like, is she just in the corner looking at fucking Insta?
Or is she, like, masterminding, like, an entire fucking operation that is Kardashian.
Yeah, I hear you.
I feel like, there's a lot of things that I like and admire about Kim Kardashian.
And then there's a lot of things that I find just reprehensible about the whole family.
Yes.
Of course, but at least I feel like she's trying to do, to make change.
She's trying to do something, which is.
At least she's trying.
There's a lot of them that aren't even fucking trying.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, oh, yeah.
And that is nice at least.
The billboard with the baby on it?
I mean, what is that?
Yeah, like, I think she might be my favorite person in that family.
Maybe, weirdly enough.
She was definitely, like, originally the most reviled one because it's like, oh, that's what we're doing now.
We're just, we're just leaking sex tapes, and that's how we're getting famous.
Farah Abraham.
Whoa.
But then it's like, no.
But she won't go.
But she hasn't gone away.
You know what I mean?
And anyone who is cursed to be wed to Kanye West and deal with that, I'm going to call it an operation, has got to be just, that's got to be a, not just a full-time job, that's got to be two jobs.
That's two full-time jobs.
Yeah, well, that used to make her more interesting to me because I was a big Kanye fan.
That's gotten more complicated.
More complicated.
Has that maybe gotten a little problematic there?
A little more complicated in the last few years.
harder to cope with, but yeah, for a few years there, I was like,
Empathy of the world, she cannot shut it off.
She cannot feel the children screams any less that she does.
Yes, I understand.
Yeah, it's tough.
It's rough.
I really just wanted Kanye, but we don't.
We don't even have that.
I don't know, though.
Is it getting darker in here?
Oh, no.
Something's happening.
I cannot see.
Oh, God.
Oh, is it blind items?
No, I'm actually going blind.
Someone called the police.
We can't see them.
That's right.
The police aren't going to help people.
As I understand it, when you call 911, they ask you fire police or ambulance.
You don't want to say police.
I feel like it's reminiscent of the book blindness every single week, though, makes me really scared that you're like, all of a sudden, we can't see.
See.
All right.
Here we go.
This A-list reality family won't say anything publicly,
but a recent lawsuit actually has them worried.
If it stands as is and proceeds,
there will be a very large check.
They will have to write.
It could easily approach eight figures in a settlement and more
if it goes to trial and they lose.
Extra bonus points if you know what the trial's about.
Very famous reality TV.
I mean, the Kardashians?
Absolutely.
It's definitely about.
Kim Kardashian.
Definitely.
And her Kimmojis.
Oh, is it because of the name Kimoji?
There's a whole thing about this, man.
Her ex-partner and app maker, David Liebenson, is suing her over the claim that he worked
with her on an anti-bullying app and then later cut him and his company out of the deal.
He claims he introduced a prototype of the super popular commoji application, which Kim
K later released on her own.
Do you know about the, I don't know this commoji,
I should have fucking downloaded it.
But I guess she just has her
own emoji called... She has her own emojis.
Yeah, and it's just like, like,
there's like gifts.
Are they all her face?
Like, her face doing like
the confused? Yeah, and like she's got like the
eh face and like all the different
cameojis that you can have.
And I have got...
Yes, paid... I think years ago I paid
$1.99 to use emojis.
And I never look at them.
She's got a butt moji?
These are good kimojis.
And a pregnant kimoji.
They're pretty great.
Okay, there's a picture of just her breasts and emoji form.
And then right to the left of it, it's her holding her pregnant belly.
And it is very bizarre to see the two things next to each other.
You can see how, though, but you can definitely see how a drunk jack you'd be like, I have to have them.
A dog night, none, I have to have them.
It's just her ass one.
What is happening?
There's her in a graduation hat.
Yeah.
For some reason.
Why is the one with her with these huge hands covering her mouth?
Yeah, that's terrible.
Because it's her, oopsie dips.
It looks like someone else's hands.
Yeah, it looks like she's being kidnapped.
It looks like she's being like.
It's terrifying.
I think it's, there's like I hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil trio there.
But it does look like it's somebody.
The hands take up.
I think she was like, I don't want my face to look too fat, so you can make the, can you make the hands?
Bigger?
Can you make them monstrously huge?
So it looks like I'm being.
fucking held against my will.
You got it, Kim Kardashian, anything you want.
Yeah, no, we'll make them bigger.
Yeah, let's make her nipples bigger, too.
So she recently has been,
Kim K has recently been demanding
that the $300 million lawsuit
be taken into arbitration
and therefore out of the public eye,
300 million buckadoos.
That's got to be a drop in the bucket.
That's true, though. That has to be nothing for her, right?
Just pay off the Camoji guy.
Yeah.
I guess, but,
It's just...
Pawsing a lot.
I mean, isn't that a lot?
I know that I've been watching a lot of ballers,
but even 300 million would give one of them paws, right?
Oh, like Dog Vinci?
Dog Vinci!
Those got a pause?
Well, how about this for some fucking pause?
Oh.
This A-list, mostly movie actress...
This A-list, mostly movie actress
who sometimes directs is hooking up with one of her bodyguards.
Angelina Jolie.
Wow, you knew about this story?
No, I didn't know about this story,
but sometimes directs A-list movie actress.
Very good, yes.
Reports came in that the bodyguard's girlfriend
called her a homewrecker
when she turned up to the set of Jolie's upcoming thriller
Those Who Wish Me Dead in Mexico, back in July.
By the way, perfect name for a movie
for the very upset girlfriend to show up at.
As I'm pretty sure that this girlfriend wishes Joe Lee were dead.
An anonymous source said Joe Lee was left humiliated and sobbing after.
Oh, my God, I feel so bad for her.
I don't.
I don't feel bad for her.
Jackie, have you ever been called a homewrecker?
Yes.
Can you explain the context or is it too?
Is it a long time ago?
You know, it's definitely a really long time ago.
But it was the kind of thing that I didn't know that I was embroiled in something that I was embroiled into.
And when you find out by being screamed at somebody, I'm like, I didn't know.
I honestly didn't know him.
That's that kind of person.
Especially when you're like, you're young and you're very, very unattractive.
So you're just surprised that anyone wanted to kiss you at all.
So deep down, you were actually excited that you were even able to wreck a home.
I was embroiled.
Yeah, man.
I was like, put me, I want to be a BK broiler.
Molly, I'd ask you, but I feel like
because you hear the screams of the world,
you would never become a home record.
I don't think, I've never been a home record
that I've known of.
I don't think so for me either.
You know, I definitely fall hard for people.
I'm not saying I'm morally above ever having,
if I had fallen hard enough for somebody,
I certainly could have made that choice,
but I just don't think it ever came up.
I would definitely love to sleep with a bodyguard, though.
I feel like there is something,
there's always the like Whitney Houston
than Kevin Costner, though I would hope that personally he would look a lot better than
Kevin Costner.
There's just something always in you, I think, from a little girl, like, wouldn't that be so
scandalous?
To be swept off your feet, too, right?
And, like, protect it.
Because these are the ones that are there to protect you.
And so wouldn't you feel so safe and they're big, strong?
Big strong.
Was it her bodyguard?
It was her bodyguard.
Yeah, I feel like there's got to be a very sexy relationship between you and your
bodyguard.
Yeah, if you're guarding a body.
Like Eleanor Roosevelt.
If you're guarding a body, you definitely want to be.
want to sex that body up.
Eleanor Roosevelt was sleeping with her bodyguard too.
Really?
I thought Eleanor Roosevelt liked women, though.
She also had her women, but then she also was sleeping with her bodyguard.
Oh, good for a mile.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, no.
I mean, Eleanor Roosevelt, I'm not going to say OG pansexual, but I will say, what a
age.
O.G.
Pantsexual.
I think Elinor Roosevelt, O.G. pansexual, should be a pin.
Right?
So here at page seven.
The former A-list teen-tween-slash-teen singer is out of control and also smuggling drugs between cities where he performs.
Big risks from the addict.
Every week you've got a tween singer and it forces us to mine our like...
I know.
I'm trying to figure.
I'm like, I'm trying to diversify.
And a lot of times I'm like, oh, I don't know who that is.
So, like, I don't put them down.
But then I'm like, wait, am I, like, not bringing the goods in?
Because I just don't realize...
Like, do you get, there's a lot of real housewives blind items.
Do you guys know any of those women or care at all about them?
That's tough, yeah.
I don't do real housewives.
You've done real housewives, right?
I did in the past.
I definitely watched all of Real Housewives, New Jersey, and Real Housewives, Atlanta.
But I don't keep up.
I haven't kept up in a while.
And P.S., by the way, I'm fucking digging for gold right now,
because right now everything is about up.
Yeah.
Wait, are they a current tween?
Uh, no, he's dated.
He's after my time, but like not by a lot.
But he was definitely someone, well, by a decent amount.
He was definitely someone I saw from a far being like, oh, that's who all the kids listened to.
He's a singer.
He's a singer.
Big, uh, yeah, big.
Not Bieber.
Similar I feel to Bieber, though.
Like similar-ish time.
Bow-wow?
Bow-wow.
No, how about initials?
I'll give you initials.
Harry Styles.
Definitely not.
You're fucking so wrong, Jackie.
Get out of here with that.
The initials are AC.
Also has like obnoxious.
Aaron Carter.
Absolutely fucking woman.
I am the bitch.
I am the bitch.
Wait, and so what did he do?
Because he has, he's had a whole, he's out of control right now doing crazy drugs.
He's had a real journey.
He's got a rough.
He's kind of has a similar trajectory, I feel like, to Bieber where it's like they go
through this giant fame thing.
Yeah, they made him famous when he's 11.
They get huge, they get a huge ego.
They can't really go wrong.
You know what I mean?
I'm battling with that right now
because I have my own schedule
and I can like sleep in when I want to
and I literally have to be like
tonight is not a Friday night.
Tonight is a Tuesday night.
So act like it's a Tuesday night.
You know what I mean?
And like pull back.
I'm like you don't need to grab that six-pack.
You are just like Justin Bieber.
I feel like I say this almost every day.
I wake up and go, hold there's Justin Bieber.
You want me to blow your mind right now?
Yeah, blow it.
Baby, baby, baby.
God.
Not how that song goes, hold it.
Baby, baby, baby.
Jules just appear?
Are we a miracles in heaven?
I don't need a maybe
because I have my dirty sweet baby.
I'm a mashed potato and she is the gravy
on my sweet, sweet baby, baby, baby, baby.
Infuriated.
Justin Bieber is in the house.
Let everyone know we are the podcast
that has Justin Bieber on it.
Baby, baby,
you're my
motherfucking
Baby, baby, baby.
Baby, baby.
Baby, baby.
We have to end the show.
We have to end the show.
The show is over.
The show is over.
This is not for today,
but I just want to put it out there.
I won't do it,
but I just want to do,
I want to brag that I can do the entire
ludicrous part of baby.
Really?
Oh my God.
Well, maybe we have something to look forward to next week.
Put that in your pipe and keep it there.
Oh, I'll smoke it, though.
You put it in my fucking pipe.
You can smoke it if you want to, but just hang on to it.
Just hang on to it, ladies and just.
All right, we'll have something to smoke next week.
Maybe we'll open a page seven with a Molly ludicrous verse.
Oh, my God.
Maybe we'll do that.
You're not the only one who can sing, Jackie.
I want to hear it.
I want to hear you spit, spat the rep rap.
Ludacris style.
Because I just laid it down.
I put my heart and soul before you guys and the listeners.
You sang Baby, just as it sounds.
Baby.
All right, we're going.
We love you guys.
Thank you so much for joining us this week.
I'm sorry, and we love you.
We're going to be back next week.
I will be a year older next week, and I'll let you guys know what it's like on the other side.
Happy birthday, Jackie.
Happy birthday, Jackie.
Thank you, guys.
One year older, one year cuter.
That's what they say.
One year closer to my menoparty, and I can't fucking wait for it.
This is a great thing that's instead of saying one year closer to death, you can say one year closer to your men party.
Your men party.
I can't wait for my menoparty.
Shoutouts to the, there were a couple ladies out there who, as a Tinder icebreaker, opened with,
did you know that pregnant women have 40% more blood in their body?
And it's, and kudos to you for taking that risk and probably not.
getting to go on a day with that person.
Share this horrifying knowledge
with the world. The world needs to know.
I also will say
that I'm going to have a minotar
at my mena party and I
am going to have sex with it in front
of everyone at the party. Yes.
That's what you do with the climax of your
minop party. You fuck a minotaur
in front of everybody and
just while screaming like this,
this bull man can't impregnate
me.
You can follow me at Twitch.
Yeah, you can do that.
...for-slash old date or so, I guess.
And definitely check out of Patreon.
Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast.
We are pumping out mad new content.
It's a great time to get on board,
and we have some major changes that are going to be happening
to the Patreon page.
Stay tuned for that.
Yeah, we're doing lots of fun stuff.
My name is Jackie Zabrowski.
You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm,
and I'm going to have sex with a minotar.
My name is Molly Neffle.
I'm MJKLKKK, LK, and I will be at Jackie's Minotaur.
Damn fucking straight, everybody's invited.
I can't believe how much blood was at the park.
I drink the blood of the youth.
Bye.
Bye.
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