Page 7 - Episode 319: I Blame Hollywood!

Episode Date: September 5, 2019

Join us as we goss about "The Fanatic", Lilo's new single "Xanax" and Martha Stewart and Goop's feud.    Not enough goss? Join us on our Patreon page! Supporters get weekly bonus episodes, ad-free main eps and more!     Get $15 off your purchase of a Blue Light kit when you visit http://ARCsmile.com and use promo code PAGE7 at checkout. Get 20% off by going to http://modsy.com and using code SEVEN.   Easy Jam, Modern Jazz Samba, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

See, the worst part about having the cha-cha slide stuck in your head is the part that I've had stuck in my head is, freeze! Everybody clap your hands! Turn it up! That's the part. That is the part. That is the part that I've had stuck in my head for days. I think having clapping stuck in your head is definitely a sign that you're about to have a nervous system.

I feel, I do, I would say that with all of the things happening in my life, I do feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. So maybe that's what it is. This is what happens when you just get hit the edge. I'm on the edge of glory. But I'm not. Just clapping. It's just always clapping.

It makes you think of like the weird time of my life when I would just set off alarms randomly for me to remember to do things. You should just turn it into, you think it's applause. It's applause for you. Oh, my God. So much, Gaga. So much. I'm so rude.

Why don't I have Gaga stuck in my head? I don't know. Why you don't have Gagas stuck in your head? us also, PS also? Is that your favorite preferred synchronized dance? P.S. I hate synchronized dancing. You just hate synchronized dancing. You guys, welcome to page seven. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. Jackie, I love synchronized dancing Zabrowski. I, Holden, I loat synchronized dancing,

McNeely. I don't get it. Express yourself. Show the world your true colors when it comes to the way that you want to dance upon the world. Dancer Natalie. Natalie is a professional dancer. Take my side on this? I am Natalie. I like certain specific synchronized dancing gene. Oh.

Yeah, I'm a little bit. Moderate. If it's a routine, I like choreography is different. I'm talking about when a DJ just goes, bag it up one time. Now talk to your friend. That's fun. Now say, ah, hello.

Now say I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's a water of pizza. Pizza. Now punch him in the balls. Balls. Now scream with another word. I'm confused about what isn't fun about that.

This is what I'm saying. It really is. They tell you what to do. It is square dancing, and as a white person, you should enjoy that. I know. I enjoy square dancing. I enjoy line dancing. I love the electric slide.

Hey, give me any kind of slide, I'm into it. You know what it is? I have problems with authority, and I think that that transcribes to the secretized dance. I forgot an old anti-government, anti-laws McNeely. Yeah, yeah, I forgot. I love, I love like a trained group of dancers all performing. the same movements at the same time. It's mesmerizing.

It's beautiful. Can't get enough of it. But when some, a bunch of like people are sort of, in my opinion, boredly. Get back now, y'all. I wish that every time in life, though, I said that you had to rewind yourself for 10 seconds. Like an Ace Ventura? Yes. Just like an Ace Ventura.

Absolutely. You could probably convince people in your life to do that for you. You're right. I could. Well, someday I just, I've always hoped my life would end up like, Click. Click, sad. Oh, wow, that is a deep, deep Adam Sandler cut. And Click is weirdly gets weirdly sad.

It gets weirdly sad. It is sad. Kind of like fucking Spanglish. Well, I'm not to talk about. Remember Spanglish? Spanglish really upset me because you know what? I'm a Leonie head. I'm going to say it, guys.

I'm a bit of a Leonester over here. Whoa. There's also, didn't he do a 9-11 movie? Oh, my God. I love that movie. What was that one? Rain on me. Would you just like sit and like listen to that song over and over again?

Because but then you did, I didn't, you walk into rain over me and you don't know it's a 9-11 movie until you know, I'm sorry, spoiler alert. Right. It's a 9-11 movie. I think I spoiled it already. I guess I think that, I think we did it together. I think there was a tag team of spoiling the movie. It's called Rain Over Me? It's either rain over me or rain on me.

Would you say that's your favorite 9-11 movie, Jackie and 9-1? Natalie? No, I really like the one. Wasn't John Travolta a firefighter and one? It was rain over me. What? John Travolta played a 9-11 firefighter and something? I mean, he has done everything. I guess I should just expect that to have been the case at some point. No, no, no, no. Ladder 49. Oh, my God. That's the John Trowen? No, yet is John Travolta? God damn, I'm great. I really, I think you guys have noticed that a lot of times I just make things up or I think Things are real, but Latter 49 with Joaquin Phoenix and Georgia Bosa.

Wow. Those are like the two focal points, I feel like, almost of this episode. Yes, man, because we have Joker to talk about. Oh, yeah. We've got Michael weirdly to talk about. Why do you see weirdly? Why are we not always talking about Michael? Because Michael is, Michael is a certain time in films. It kind of reminds me, it was kind of around the same time to me as pay it forward, where everyone was trying to make

these like magical meaningful movies that were like sort of magical realism-y. Natalie, I need you to know that Molly has seen Pay It Forward in the movie theater. What was it three times? Three times, I think. She weirdly loves Pay It Forward. So she went three times because of how much she enjoyed it. Yes, she really enjoys the movie Pay It Forward. I don't know if we can say currently, but.

Oh, wow. I think that's one of my favorite Molly facts. I've never seen it, but I say the term. pay it forward all the time. Yes, and I think that that's how it should be left. Yeah. Never watching the movie. I think I got it. Number two, favorite Molly fact is she has seen bright eyes live no less than like six times. Bright eyes. The, is that the Netflix? Connor Oberst. Connor Oberst band. Oh, oh, oh. The whiny, weeny, whiny. I mean, I say weenie, but I would listen to it and cry and cry and cry. Because he sings like this. I love it. I

I was thinking of the movie Bright, which is the movie that was the Netflix movie, right? Wasn't that the time? Oh, God. The Will Smith movie? Man, we watched that as a family, and I will say, we laughed a lot. Oh, yeah. We really laughed a lot. And I don't know how we watched the whole thing, but no, we were talking about Michael, the 1996 masterpiece,

directed by Nora Ephron. Who is incredible? She is incredible. Man, I know that it wasn't nor... I think it was one of the Reiner's. I think it was Rob Reiner that did when Harry met Sally. I watched when Harry met Sally over the weekend.

That movie holds up. Well, Rob Reiner's great. That movie's so fucking good. Rob Reiner's a good director, man. But no, Michael is not a good movie. Even this one sheet is really disturbing. What is he doing on that? So you've never seen Michael before.

No, I haven't. I was not aware of it. So the film stars John Travolta as the Archangel Michael, who is sent to Earth, to do various tasks, including mending some wounded hearts. But the cast also includes Andy McDowell, William Hurt, Bob Hoskins, and I love Bob Hoskins.

Randy Newman did the score of the movie, but then there were the thing. So I read this really long into me. I'm going in a weird Andy McDowell hole worm time right now. She's fantastic. Because of Ready or Not. She's so awesome. And I loved her and Ready or Not.

She was campy as Buck and Sprade. I had no idea she was in it until I saw the movie, and I was so excited. She's so good in it. She looks fucking great. She didn't get any weird surgery. She's definitely tighter in the face, but I think that, like, I think it's in a classy way than she still looks her age. Yes. And she still looks like herself.

Yes. She didn't morph her face into another weird mask-like version of her face. Yes. I feel like she is warmth personified. She is like a living, human, breathing firepoint. I feel weird, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? She is a whiffing, whiff, she's a whiffing,

weaving, fireplace. A whiffing, wharf, a whiffing, home, fireplace. Okay. And I just want to hug on. This is already, this is some fetish that you have. I can already tell. Just jump right into it.

I think, um, I in the past have said harsh words about Andy McDowell. And I want to say to everyone that has ever listened to me, I'm sorry. What were the words? Was wrong. Because I, will say that although she is a living, breathing fireplace, she was a bit of a one-note Nancy throughout the 90s. What?

I will also, okay. One-notes, Nancy. All right. I will give you that. However, I don't blame it on her. I blame it on Hollywood in the 90s. I do blame it on Hollywood. Because most women were completely cornered into very generic cliche stereotype in movies.

And she was in all the romantic shit. And so she was playing the same character every time. And she was given, that was the platform that was created for her. And also, you know what? I get it. If I was doing the same thing every time and they paid me millions of dollars to it, of course I'll do it. Yeah.

But, and she served her purpose in Groundhogs Day. She served her, you know, she's good at what she does. And Michael is a weird movie. Just the one she, the poster is a big close-up of John Trauma's face. and it's like a bust of him sort of leering downward like he's looking down at people but with this sort of

jokerish rubbery grin oh my god and he's got a mullet yes and there's a dog in the corner that doesn't it's like a clip art over top of the big main photo sparking the wonder dog I guess well I will

say that it is it is challenging to me to see how the weird creepy grin on Travolta's face on this movie cover or movie poster rather would any way entice someone to be like wow I want to hang out with this guy he looks like he is staring at a child and he is standing next to a white fan yeah it's the only way I can describe it I love this line in the Wikipedia while Michael has wings and smells like cookies he has an unexpected taste for cigarettes and sugar seems rather boorish at first and does not appear clean. This is exactly the definition of a child molester. And my question is, is this how... It's actually I'm reading Nassaviratu right now, the Joe Hill book about the man that, like, goes to Christmas town and kills the children.

It's just like, I just, I keep thinking, how is Christmas not synonymous with murdering children? I don't know. My question is, is this how angels look at us? Maybe this is an accurate portrayal of what angels look like. That's the noise I feel like he's making in that picture. Hello. See, I get more of that. I am an angel.

Wait, Jackie, what's that one? Oh, hello. My name is Michael. I like cigarettes and sugar. Well, here's some cigarettes and sugar, Michael. What are you doing here? My house is three in the morning. I want to take a bath.

Oh, you do look very dirty. You do look very dirty He do appear rather not clean Do you want to go to heaven? Let me take a bath Let me ask you this though Can you do the fox trot And other dances for no reason?

He certainly can Especially because I didn't realize The movie was released on Christmas Day Of 1996 Oh good Now there is a Christmas movie I'm gonna go to with my family It's Michael

Natalie This movie is so weird It's like one of those just tonally, it has no idea what it's doing. And also, you have to put this movie back in time when it was. This is after John Travolta's career was revitalized, and he was very much known. Right after Pulp Fiction, right? Yes. So he's very much known for getting on that dance floor and just making it happen with a sexy lady or two,

which is why you get one of the weirdest dance scenes. And there is some square, there is some synchronized dancing as well. There is. There definitely is. And Andy McDowell sings a song for no reason about pancakes. It's a little like that. Is that the pancake song? Because there's also the pancake song,

where they're like, you know, she's written, she sings a song about pancakes. I thought it was pie. Oh, pie, you're right. It's not pancakes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I had to know how dare you.

And apparently, if you ask Annie McDowell on the street to sing the pancake song, she will stop everything, apparently. and sing it to you. Well, that's because I... Do not stop her on the street. She said it in an interview. I forced them to read this interview from Vulture. That's Andy McDowell answers every question we have about Michael.

I don't know why. There's no reason for a resurgence. It's not even like some sort of anniversary of Michael. I'm not really sure why. I think it's maybe just because John Travolta is again coming out into the lexicon and people are talking about him and so they're finding all his weirdest roles. That would be my guess.

I think it's also because if you are a writer for Vulture or any of the other million online publications, you wake up every single day with the thought, fuck me, there's literally nothing else to write about. I don't know. I guess Michael. Yeah, no, that you're right, Hold on. Remember when Natalie, when you came home

and Henry and I were just watching Phenomenon on like a Wednesday evening? I was a little worried. I was. That is so troubling. There are times that you just feel the need, you know? Why not? Does phenomenon hold up? The answer is no.

I don't think it ever was us. No, I don't think I ever. Yeah, that was never up. It was always derided. It was never enjoyed. That's not true. Holden, have you seen Michael previous to us talking about it today? Yes, I do believe I rented it from my local blockbuster on like a Sunday.

and sat down and watched it. I have flashbacks of the scene. I wish, almost, Jagget, if you want to pull up that dance scene between John Travolta and the two lovely ladies, he's like clearly kind of trying to do Pulp Fiction dancing, but just sort of with these two women. Natalie. All right, so I'm looking up Michael 1996, John Travolta dance scene. This is inside of the vulture interview with Andy McDowell.

Wow. Yeah, everyone check out this interview, by the way, because it is just her talking about the one movie Michael, which is so bizarre. Oh, that's right. It does it to chain, chain of fools. It's so weird. I don't know because he is an angel, but also, doesn't mean he doesn't have a little bit of devil in him. Well, he's a broken, I mean, Michael's the fallen angel, isn't he?

Is it Michael become the devil or whatever? I don't know my... I don't know nothing about the Bible. We don't know nothing about the Lord. I don't know nothing about it, but it's very weird. It reminds me of the dance sequence in my blue heaven. It reminds me of the dance sequence in Romeo and Michelle. That's what it looks like.

All of these movies happen right around the same time. Why did they all have this weird, like... Romay and Michelle are there allowed to have that dance scene because that movie is perfect. That movie is really, but you know what is not perfect and kind of broke my heart. I was very excited to show it to Jeff. And we sat and we watched My Blue Heaven. And I, like, my family has seen My Blue Heaven, I think 70 times.

I can quote the entire movie And it's not funny There's a very weird movie It's weird movie. It's weird. It's Rick Moranus and Steve Martin and Joan Cusack So it's like, of course, I love this. Great cast. And it is really not a...

I hate to say it's not a very good movie, but I love it. It's purely a nostalgia movie. Yes. It really is. It's just if you were watching it as a kid Because for me, I will sit down and watch that movie any day of the week. I love it.

Doesn't mean I don't mean I don't love it. Oh, we are. are also going to mention the John Shra Limp Biscuit crossover. Oh, we are going to talk about it. You mean the fanatic? I have been so excited about it. So this movie, the fanatic, it finally hit the movie theaters this weekend, guys. We've been talking about it for a while.

It is the Fred Durst written and directed masterpiece starring John Travolta and Devin Sawa. it grossed about $3,000 over the week. I would have 100% gone to see this. Yes, me too. It only is showing in one theater in Los Angeles, and I haven't had time to go all the way because it's like 40 minutes away from here,

and I have it at the time. And 52 theaters total. That's why it didn't gross anything. I mean, if you put it into 52 theaters, you know what I mean? What does that break down to? So 3,153, we got this right now. 3153 divided by 52 is 60.

This is an average of $60 per movie theater. You know, they didn't have... Four tickets. That's insane. They didn't have any marketing budget, obviously. I think that they could have spun this into, like, ironic. I just... It's hard because, like, the way that people are describing it,

it's like, you will die if you see this movie. Every headline is so mean about the movie. But because I don't know if you guys have heard, which I did not know, is that John Travolta's character, which is based on a stalker that actually stalked Fred Durst in real life, I believe is on the autistic spectrum.

Yes. So John Travolta, oh boy. You has no business doing this. I think it's not an upsetting, portrayal and I didn't have to watch it. I have to see it. Oh, yeah, of course.

Apparently the first line from Travolta's character in the movie, he walks into a dusty movie memorabilia shop and he says to the guy there, I can't talk too long, I got a poo. Oh, like an autistic person. It's just like, that's not, what are you, I just, you know, I think it sounds great. I wish I was just a way. I don't know how to watch things illegally,

but if there was a movie to watch illegally that I don't really want to give my money to, it's the fanatic. I imagine, well, probably not. You'll probably still have to buy it on demand for a long time. I don't know if you'll ever be able to see it for free unless you pirate it. And I don't know those things.

I try not to ever do that. It's not a life for me. It's theft. It's theft and I won't do it. Although, you know what's not theft is the new single being dropped from Lilo, Xanax. So, well, first of all, everyone's fucking singing

or their name is something to do with Xanax these days. Yes, that's not blowing my mind. People love Zanax. I don't know if you guys have known this, but it seems to be fairly great. I would know. I don't get it. I tried Xanax a couple.

Well, maybe because I always drank on top of it, and maybe you're supposed to experience it pure, but I would wake up and just be like, I have no idea what happened last night. I promise, I just get itchy. I'm not a big into that kind of stuff. Make you itchy? Yeah. Isn't it one of the things that leads you eventually to Halloween?

I think that, I don't know if it's like, I think it's just, you know, it's a door to something, but I think it's just an easier door to get a hold of. I don't really know. It's not really for a bit. Honestly, just not my thing. I love those easy to get a hold of doors. Right. It's difficult to.

Yeah, the ones that are covered in old. oil or lago gelo. And electricity running through. I thought there were drugs on the other side of this door. So Jackie, you like this song. I think I like this song. So she hasn't released the entire song yet.

It was released on Virgin Radio Dubai's The Chris Fade Show, which, of course, it's Virgin Radio Dubai's because, as we all know, she's been linked to the crown prince of Saudi Arabia. Lindsay Lohan. It's just, I just...

Well, and the song definitely has like a Middle Eastern vibe to it. I think it's a lot. I actually definitely dig it, but I love the snippet of the lyrics is, would you like to sit next to me? When you kiss me, I can't breathe. I try to stay away from you.

But you get me high. Only person in this town that I like. Guess I can take one more trip for the night. I... I will say, I like, okay, I like those lyrics. I will say it's a little, a little bit sad for a woman in her mid-30s to be singing a song about drugs. Even I know I'm not allowed to be, like, because I can't be fun anymore. My body won't let me be fun.

I don't have as much fun as I used to. But I have different fun because I enjoy going to a JC Penny. Yeah, and that's what, that's what Lindsay's song should be about. Yes, JC fucking Penny. Because you know what? It's difficult to find your size. You can never find someone that works there. And isn't that zany?

I know. I feel like every time Jackie, like tries to go for it, like she used to in her old days, just, my body is a cage. I know. Wait, why are you saying? You're in, like, the best shape of your life.

I know, but that's why I think I can't do it. Right. Exactly. Because when you're younger, it's okay to turn your body into a dumpster because you don't have anything to lose, really. You don't have knowledge or assets or like family or anything. You can just kind of destroy yourself 24-7.

God, wasn't it great. But at a certain point, it's like not sexy and cute anymore. It's kind of just like a bummer. Yeah, because we do still have the friends in your mid-30s and where you're just like, oh man, you can't keep a job anymore. And like, it used to be like, isn't that crazy? Showed up drunk at work again. Rocket bills!

I don't think it's crazy anymore. How are we supposed to pay your bills? But I have had my body as a cage stuck in my head. Does that mean Holden McNeerly that you finished Euphoria? I want to maybe say Euphoria might be like the best show on TV besides 90-day fiancé at this point. Better than Game of Thrones. Wow.

Both of those shows are better than the greatest thing. The other way is the greatest things I've ever experienced my entire fucking life. Natalie, Holden and I watch 12 hours of 90-day fiancé the other way on Friday. 12 hours of it, just the two of us in the dark on account. See, that would be fun. I can't watch it by myself. It's hard. Because that's why, this is my problem, though, is now I watch it alone on my computer,

and I text Holden through it so I can make jokes because I can't sit silent. Because I will sit there and just be like, go back, Jenny. You've got to leave India. You have to go back to your children. And it is all Kanye texts. It is all capitalized letters. It is like, we cannot not exclimate. I have to scream.

Oh, Corey the Bug, even though I feel bad for Corey the Bug. Now, Paul and Chris. Peace for Corini. I just love it so much. I've seen a couple episodes because I am, I do enjoy that show quite a bit. And the creators of that show are geniuses. But I can't watch. I can't keep up with it because, I mean, Henry and I could watch it, but still, it's more fun to watch it with, you know, a group of people or something.

Wait until your moment. There will be a time. It might even be with us where you are with the perfect company to be like, you want to watch before. And by the way, listeners at home, I highly suggest either start with before the 90 days or even start with the other way, because I think those are way more bad shit crazy than like vanilla 90 days. But yeah, Natalie, one of these days it'll happen for you and you'll have the best time. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a single day. My stomach hurt.

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That's AARC smile.com promo code page 7. My stomach hurt we laughed so hard at it, which is not my reaction while I've been binge watching Hyperdrive on Netflix. Oh, it's already out? Oh, Hyperdrive is out. Oh, I didn't know it was fucking out. I was like, okay, I'll get into this shit. I've been obsessed.

I immediately have fallen into this show that is described as American Ninja Warrior meets Fast and Furious. I am not the type of person that would get stuck. I got sucked into it because Charlie's their own. I would, I think if she wanted to buy my body, she could I'd like to be her

I'd like to marry her I'd like to have children with her You would be forced You would be willing to be forced In a sexual slavery by this person I'm I just I don't know I don't think it would be by force I think Charlie Stern is one of the most

Beautiful creatures I've ever seen in the world Oh yeah she's awesome too She's super cool She does so much of her own stunt work And the fact that she loves racing cars So she executively produced This reality show called Hyperdrive on Netflix and it is just, so it puts elite street racers into supercharged custom cars that allow them to test their limits.

So they put them to battle against each other at these huge epic, like, maze, what is it called, obstacle courses? And they have to go against each other because they're international stars. What they do. No, Big Huge Maze, that was correct. It's a Big Huge Maze obstacle course. That's what they should call it, Big Huge Maze. Huge maze. Car car goes into big huge maze.

But the thing is that the obstacle courses are built by the dudes that created BattleBots, which I loved BattleBots. BattleBots is great. I loved Battlebots. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a bit of like a nerd, girl. Oh, my God, but you're hot.

How can that be? I'm not going to buy one of my biggest pet peeves, which is like I've read the Harry Potter book. I'm a nerd. I'm such a dork. I've read the Harry Potter. books. It's such a crazy, greasy,

you know what I mean? I'm just like, I'm just like a nerd. I play, I played Super Mario Brothers once. I'm such a dork. It's,

it is, it is pretty ridiculous, especially, I do the kind of thing, too, after I have, like, a, like, a mental breakdown

about something really insignificant, and then I look at Jeff, and I just like, I'm crazy. But I'm, I'm, like, I actually have a lot of problems.

Yeah. Um, he's very patient. But I think that Iver drive is awesome, but what I love is that I bet I went into a worm time about Charlize Theron and how her, she was like, she came from a big NASCAR loving family. I know we all know the bad sides of the family, but the good sides of the family is that she learned a lot about building cars and racing cars from a very young age.

But when I love as I've watched, I read this interview with her and she was talking about the movie, the Italian job, which weirdly enough, I think I've seen three times. You ever seen the Italian job? Yeah. And it's a fun one. I think I like a car movie. I'm into a car movie. Yeah, I'm into a car movie.

I love all the Fast and Furious. And again, like I said, I forgot that she had dreads in the Fast and the Furious, which is right. Not her fault. It's not her fault. I, uh, well, I have to interject with, um, we were just at Universal Orlando. And they have a Fast and Furious ride there. Um, I have another, I have a dark secret also. So I need to type old cheer.

Ooh, what's the dark secrets? Just like 90-day fiancee the other way. You're just like 9-day fiancé. Everybody on there has a dark criminal past. What's yours? I have never seen one Fast and Furious movie. Wow. That's okay.

I get it. I understand. It's triggering for me. Not even that I'm a car person in film. Like, I'm not a car. I'm not a driver. I like to drive, but you have to have a very specific set of, like you have to be concentrated in car driving to do stunt.

stuff. Yeah. But I don't watch things that I want to be in that I can't be in because it makes me furious. That's why we just started watching Game of Thrones because I knew I would be furious that I couldn't be on the show. But I understand. So my knowledge only comes from this ride.

So wait, so what is the ride then? It is the single most horrible, stupid, boring ride I have ever been on a ride. Okay. I imagine in the movies there is very

little exposition. Is it mostly just... Yeah. It gets... And as the series moves on, at first it's about like, you know, I think more like car thieves and these kinds of situations. It starts with way more plot, yes. It becomes it becomes bat shit.

Crazy people jumping out, fighting in, in, uh, while skydiving out of airplanes. Yeah. The shit exploding all around them and just and even though it's an offshoot, Hobbs and Shaw is still, I think, my favorite of the entire series oh you saw it oh yeah great well the ride is i'm going to say 85% exposition oh wait is it paul walker no oh okay no it's there's two rooms you go two chambers

you go through with one live actor and each one who is interacting with a recording of some of the actors when they do that sure if the aerosmith ride we got to go right which Isn't there a famous actor in that one? There is. I forget who it is. Yes. But somebody before they were famous plays like the sound engineer or something. Anyway, so there's two of those.

And I guess that's fun if you are forced to wait in a long line, but nobody is waiting for that ride. So you will have to go through these two segments, even though you could just get on the ride. It's Ken Marine. It is Ken Reno. That's right. So then you go through those two and finally you get on to a big car that's like, it's basically just a remodel of the original tour

thing where you used to go see Jaws. Yeah. So you get on one of those big things that has I don't know nothing to do with the movie. And then there is you get on the car and you watch another 10 minute

3D thing where you're just watching all these women. Yeah, but doesn't the trolley shake? It doesn't. I know. It doesn't. You just watch. You watch a couple of the side characters because I think they got the rock for like 30 seconds,

but mostly it's like other people. And it's a room full of women dressed like prostitutes. This is a family ride. And they say swear words in this. And the scene that plays out. They say swears. They do. And the car doesn't do anything.

It doesn't squirt mustard at you. It doesn't shoot like panties at you or something like that. Oh my God. I would love it if it shot panties. So, so the scene has. happens. It's only, it's a scene where it's dialogue. It's a woman, this like 30 women dressed like prostitutes. All right. I'm horny. We get it. And then it's, it, the scene that doesn't mean anything for any reason. The scene finishes and then you go into a room where both

sides are a screen and then you go through maybe, I don't know, a 35 to, I don't know, two minutes somewhere in between. And the trolley never shakes? And that part it moves. That's what it moves. Oh, okay. They saved the best for last. But it is so,

it's so uninteresting. And it's just loud. And there's just like stuff everywhere. And there's guys just going like, come on. And then you're like shaking around, but you can't follow anything that's happening. And then it's just over.

And then you leave. And it is the stupidest fucking ride I've ever been on. Honestly, the length of it and how much ex- position and it makes it very, it's vastly different from the movies. Right, which is, that's one of the most confusing parts. It's why I loved crawl so much. I love a movie that has 10 lines of dialogue and the rest of it is just you running from an alligator.

We all like that, right? But what if the crawl ride was just a story? I would be devastated. Let me ask you this. Exactly how many women were dressed like prostitutes? Just trying to get a better mental picture. Like, I would say 30 to 40. Were they glistened? Wow.

Baby oiled? They were wearing, they were wearing, like, booty shorts and crop tops and, like, little pretty woman dresses. You mean the way I, I wanted to dress when I was 12. Oh, yeah. Then I turned into wanting to dress like a goth girl. Right, because I assume Fast and the Furious has a lot of those women in the movies because it is supposed to be, like, a juvenile, like, wet dream.

But also, you know what's not fair? Have you ever covered your body in baby oil? Like, you're supposed to do it. You get, like, a coconut. I don't know I get a baby well. Like for sexy time? No, I just mean for like life. Oh.

For like skin hydration. I thought that that's what you're supposed to do. And then I remember I would sit in class and I would be sweating so much that I would slide and I was slippery to the touch. I would use it for like photo shoots and shit. Oh yeah? So you didn't do it for like life? Not to just sit in a classroom and learn about chemistry.

You never did that? I remember because like I thought I was really sexy that it just looked like I was sweating all the time, which I was previously. and then I would like I would actually comically drop pencils and pens because my hands were so slippery but that's how you get that's like a sexy move so guys can help you yeah and like as I'm slipping

out of a chair like hey oh hey that can't even get control hold in that's what guys like right oh yeah I like to slip and slide all over the place I have seen those sort of we don't have to get too far into this but I definitely have seen those pornographies where they get completely covered in oil and I just kind of

stresses me out. I thought it was good for your skin. Is it not good for your skin? I'm like, that person's going to hurt themselves. Because you can't even walk. It makes you think of like when you get out of the pool and you got your flip-flops on. Yeah. You getting all over the place with your flip-flops. Yeah. Oh my God. I just hear my mother coming out of my mom.

And Jackie, can I quickly just add this on and then I'm sorry. No, please. I have to say the new roller coaster in Wizarding World is fucking amazing. Is this the Haggreens? Yeah, it's a ridey daddy ride? Yeah, it's a magical bike ride or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's a daddy ride.

Yeah, yeah. I'll get it. Is he on the ride with you? Oh, he's got a huge animatronic in it, and he talks to you, and it's fucking awesome. I'm sexually attracted to him. One of the best role of questions I've ever been on. I didn't realize that you had a thing for Hagrid, Jackie.

Of course I do. Right. If he came and saved me from living underneath the stairs and then also told me I was a wizard, and then Shepard. me into my new fucking life? Yeah. What would you rather prefer to have sex with Jackie?

Hagrid or the big moving tree? See, no. The only tree that's rough sex. Is because of the end. You mean the wamping willow? Yeah, yeah, the wamping will. I would definitely be intrigued. Or the spider.

What about the giant spider? Okay, fuck Mary Kill. I'm going to kill. I'm going to kill the spider. Sorry, guys. And I'm going to marry Hagrid, and I'm going to fuck the wamping will. Fuck the tree.

Yeah, fuck the wamping. Fuck the wamping. Willow. There you go. I don't think I could handle the Womping Willow. It's a lot. I would marry the spider because I feel like it's a shrew I need to tame. I would Oh, oh, I hope like, see, here's that part of the podcast. At least he's not marrying a snake. That's true. I would kill Hagrid because I'm out of jealousy. And I would definitely fuck the Womping Willow with all those sap-filled holes. Yeah. And all it's like, ooh, their branches just keep coming out from nowhere and just pound it on me. So about this ride.

Yes. Go on. I just, I don't, were you done? I'm sorry, I threw it completely off. So you're on there with Hagrid. He's coming on to you. Yeah, you ride. You're flying through the air. I don't want to spoil it too much, but you do,

the cars are motorcycles and sidecars, and you have to choose which one you're going to be in. So I made Henry do the sidecar. Of course. And then you actually, it's just a little lap bar and you are literally holding on to, like, bike handles. That's awesome. The whole ride is simulated like a motorcycle.

So there's kind of like the jerkiness, but it's off. It's really smooth. It doesn't hurt. Oh, my God. You guys have to ride. I want to go. We might go in January, so. Oh, go in January.

It's a great time. I hope I'm peace and love to everyone that went through the hurricane over the weekend. Our family is good. Our friends are good. It wasn't a fun one. It got bad real fast, but we're not here to talk about weather, even though I dream in weather. What we are here to talk about is how Martha Stewart just. can't stop clowning

Gwyneth Paltrow. And you know what? If we're going Martha, the goop, you know where I'm at. I mean, yeah, who's not team Martha in this situation? And that's the thing is that they've gone, they've like kind of barbed at each other back and forth through the years because Martha Stewart has made it very clear

of like, bitch, step off. This is what I fucking do. There's more room. There's a room enough for everybody to sit at the lifestyle table, Martha. However, we know she's queen in the fucking table. Oh, yeah, she's a bad bitch. I just love to.

Bartha Stewart was recently on Arod's podcast, and she said, I don't follow Goop. Sometimes I look at the products that she's selling. I wish every young entrepreneur well, and I hope there are many, many, many different kinds of entrepreneurs. If they're movie stars or hardworking women like I am who are not movie stars, if they have a good idea, I want them to be able to succeed. So good luck, Gwyneth. which I think is such great, great shade that essentially it's like, Gwlett Foucher, go be a movie star.

Let me be the hardworking, not actress woman doing this, which, I mean, there's, again, room for table. Room for table. Room for table. There's room for table here. Now, I didn't know about these cakes, but I wanted to discuss this.

Okay, so they made the cake. There was a, Martha Stewart, Martha Stewart made a conscious coupling cake as a dig at... It's actually the way... It's the way the food would be spread for Thanksgiving. Yes. And, oh, okay. And then...

And then the jailbird cake was what Paltrow made as, like, a return barb. But this is what I have to say about that. The conscious coupling thing makes me dislike Gwyneth Paltrow more. Oh, yeah. The fact that Martha Stewart did hard time makes me love her more. That's the thing. So, like, I don't even know what you're trying to do there, Paltrow, because I think it's fucking rad that she ended up going to jail,

and your ass could use a fucking couple days in the pen. Probably. Probably. She's probably committed some sort of financial crime. She must have done something. And also, we all know that, you know, Martha Stewart wasn't in any kind of hard time. She was having a fine time in jail.

She fucking took it like a boss. She still fucking did it. What I love to under the conscious coupling part in the Martha Stewart magazine, it says, our holiday pies honors such partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling. So there's a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. So it's just like not even openly, it's just being such a bar better. The picture that accompanies that makes that pie look good as fuck.

Yes, because I like that it is an evil. Evil. It's evil. Oh my God. Is that just like my fat talking? Jackie, it's evil. Stop staring at the pie. I want the fucking pie. And you know what?

The jailbird cake is not very, it looks like a sloppy fucking mess, dude. Whoa. Come on. Get out of here with that, dude. Like, if you are team, um, Gwyneth over, over, I want to know why over, over Martha Stewart. I just, did you, are you looking at it? Yeah, I'm looking at it. That's the jail bird cake?

Yeah, that's the jail bird cake because it has black and white vertical stripes reminiscent of jail bars. But it makes me think of, um, remember those. The cakes, the frozen cakes that there was always like the many commercials of when we were the kids. I do remember those. Those with the swirls in that I always wanted and never got because I think they were like $6 for like a tiny little thing. Yeah. No, we had one or two of those. I don't want to brag, but we did have those occasionally.

And they weren't very good, honestly. Were they not? No. They didn't taste good. But they looked cool. And that gelberg cake does. The Vienna. Vienetta cakes.

Yes, yes, those. Oh, my God. I never. I just realized, I want one now. All right, you turn into a varucca salt on us? How? I want a vienna cake now. I want one now, Daddy.

Oh, my God. I forgot how much she said the word, Daddy. I am Varuka Salt. Yes, you are. Not the band, but the shitty child. She's got a great dress. She does have a great dress. I mean, I'd rather be her than be dumb bitch.

gum chewer. Even though that actress just passed away. Oh, I'm sorry. She did a great job being... I'm saying the character. She did a great job. She did a great job being a dumb bitch kid. Yeah, no, that character sucks.

Sorry, not sorry, I think that dress is a mess. You're a mess. Fashion police, wheel, wheel, will, will. I only like dresses with holes in them. Oh, you're a, you're dressed to a mesh, I guess. What does that mean? I don't know. Just weirdly placed holes.

You just want to see the nipples. All right. I just want to see the nipples. I just finally got not horny anymore after that filthy description of those prostitutes and that Disney ride. If you want to get a horny again. Universal Studios ride.

We can talk about the Joker trailer because weirdly enough, I'm still sexually attracted to Joaquin Phoenix in it. I could get that, I could see that. Even though he said that the part that made him get into character easiest, because I don't know, if you guys have not seen the Joker trailer yet,

as someone that y'all know that I'm new to like. like superhero movies, this looks amazing. Because I always loved the Joker. Because, like, you know, I had Henry in my life. So I've seen every Batman. I've read a bunch of the Batman's. And Joker is the coolest character.

Sure. Yeah. And I think Joaquin Phoenix is getting, man. He, they, like, at the premiere at Venice, they got an eight-minute standing ovation. It was when I heard that that I was like, because this was my policy with this movie, I was like, if people are screaming about it,

it. I will definitely go to the theater, but if it's kind of like a, you know, mixed reaction, I'll just watch it when it gets on TV. But now I think I'm going to go like opening weekend because the reaction is crazy. I already like the trailers. I haven't seen the last trailer because I'm one of those people where if I know for a fact that I'm probably going to see something, I stop watching the trailers. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I don't want to know everything. I don't want, like, some people, I don't understand. Some people, they like read the script. I remember I went to see Batman forever with a nerdy friend from my school way back in the day you know I'm talking about with Jim Carrey of course I was obsessed with that movie and afterwards he was like oh yeah I already

knew everything it was going to happen because I read the screenplay a couple times I was like what go enjoy the movie first where did he get the screenplay in 95 I know well I feel like if you're really nerdy you were already getting shit off of the internet at that time like if you were in the fucking like if you were this was an uber nerd nerd nerd friend he He, like, has a programming job now. Well, he was already in the net. Yeah, I think so. What?

I had a Doss. I had one of those. Yeah, we did too. I played ski fall, and I loved it. Bit of a lawnmower man. Whoa. Good ref. We're having lots of good refs.

And I'm not talking about the ref, which is another great movie. Wow, good rap. Bit of a thriller. Bit of a thriller. The ref is a good rap. But I think it's something that, obviously, the. Joker's Laugh is such a big part of the movie and Joaquin Phoenix worked and auditioned his laugh

with the director multiple times to make sure that the laugh was right because he would study videos showing people suffering from pathological laughter which is a mental illness that makes mimicry uncontrollable I can't like even just that alone it's like that's where the idea of the Joker comes from I'm assuming right sad

and just I know you guys haven't seen than the most recent trailer, but man, the laugh is great. He did a great job with it, and he said that he started, like, his descent into madness by losing 52 pounds before the shooting of this movie, which for an already fairly slim guy, that's a lot. But I will say every time I hear that I'm like, oh, no, that must have been so tough. He got paid millions and millions of dollars to just lose weight for the last, like, two months. Yeah, but just lose weight.

He better almost die. Exactly. Into months of shooting, though. Where you're just like, I can't even imagine being that hungry. And then you're like, and then I also have to get into this insane character's headspace. It's probably, it's honestly probably really dangerous because it's going to affect your health. And you're going to have to really be like exerting all that energy for months. But also he probably had like six doctors watching over him.

I mean, I hope that he did because he definitely wasn't looking. He's not looking his best because, I mean, I'm a forever gladiator, Joaquin Phoenix. kiss on it. Right. I was just talking about this. Like I wonder why my mom never asked why. I must have been like 11 or 12. I watched Gladiator like every

single day. Just because you were horned up by Joaquin? And also Russell Crow at the time. And I just wanted both of them so badly. And my mom just never asked why I was watching. Don't ask, don't tell. I guess she assumed, but that's a weird assault. Like, I was a kid.

I think if I was the mom in that situation, I wouldn't ask either. I would watch her, I would watch the daughter to make sure she was okay. I even had the soundtrack and then I would listen to the soundtrack when I wasn't watching the movie. How would you handle it if you had a kid who was doing that? I'd be like, you want to fuck that guy? Is that what's happening here?

You're dirty. You're filthy, bad, naughty girl. You want to get some magazines. We'll make collages. You sinner. A penises? No, no, of their paces. Like what we used to do with like the magazines.

You cut out their faces and you shalack it onto like books and things like that. All right. That's nice. I would be like you've committed a sepulchral crime and take them into the basement and perform the cleansing ritual. Yeah. Which does involve at least a gallon of baby oil to say the least. But they'll get into heaven still, so that's the only thing that matters. As long as they get into heaven because they were already angels on earth.

A sepical crime punishment is I cover the entire basement in plastic. I cover the child and baby oil. I leave the room and I'm like, get out. Now you try to get out. You get out. So slippery. It's too slippery because you got horny by the big man in the movie. And now this is happening to you for no reason.

I can't wait to hear dad, olden, because you're going to be a dad. The weirdest punishments you're going to come up with. I have been studying what makes people successful now for a couple of years. And the one big one, trauma. Child of beat. If you want to fuck a normal ass accountant, then fine. and raise them good, but I want a fucking movie star or a pop singer.

And Artis. Crazy, man. Well, Joaquin Phoenix is really good. We all know he had a really bad upbringing. Yeah, you got to take them, and you got to put him in like a commune. It's out in the forest for a couple years. Yes.

Right, right. Farrell. I need to make them feral. Yeah. And then start taking them to auditions because that's really like the key to get a good actor. I'll start,

I'll call it, I'll start my own version of Goop, but it's just about raising kids, and it's called the Nell process and I essentially Nell the child. You nate him on the wind, yeah. I natea him, hey, in the wind. And hey, guess who's

got a top 40 fucking hit? I will never watch Nell because of you and I'm okay with this. Holden took his first date. His first date was to see the movie Nell which I don't know if you remember the movie Nell. I've only, I know it more from the cartoon, the critic. I don't think I've ever actually seen.

Which of that also makes a lot of sense of why you were weirdly obsessed with the movie. Of course. Well, it was shot in Charlotte, first of all, where I'm from Charlotte, North Carolina. But also, it wasn't a date. It was a date not date. It was me desperately wanting to be on a date, but her desperately, like, definitely having me be properly in the friend zone as I should have been.

And I tried to put my arm around her, and she leaned forward until I took it away. This is one of the saddest days of my entire middle school life. And it was such a bad movie. And, like, in no way enjoyable. Like, not even fun bad. Like, just bad.

Madsy baby, please tell me what kind of lamp I need. I'll plead. I've been a very bad girl. Madsy baby, and tell me where to put my couch. I know nothing about feng shui or living like an adult, but I will tell you I got a lot of stuff, and I don't know where to put it to look like an adult lives in my home. I'm sorry for more Christmas music

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And Holden, I'd like you to watch it with Lexi as if it's a date night and do the same thing and just watch as she turns you down over and over again for wanting to watch this movie that is starring Ava Michelle Cota as Jody, a 6-foot-1 high school student who was picked on because of her height. Now, the internet is upset about the movie. I'm annoyed at this.

First of all, Natalie, were you bullied for your height? Natalie, we have to ask. Are you offended? Yeah, obviously I was constantly from about fourth grade on. Yeah. But I just, I just feel seen. Do you feel seen? Why are you not allowed to have representation because other people,

probably had it worse. That doesn't mean that you're not allowed to feel seen by a movie that rightfully, every fucking tall girl ever, forever in middle and high school get bullied and harassed. How come you're not allowed to have that story told

on Nev? I just don't I don't understand where we're at these kids. And you can edit this out, I don't care. I don't get where we're at right now. Where like, just because someone else has suffered more, you're not allowed to properly get, because honestly I was bullied as a kid

I know I didn't have the same kind of bullying and oppression as many many other people but like when I see like when I watched eighth grade that movie with the girl oh my god I connected with her so much and I loved that movie so much and yeah I know there's a lot of other stories

that need to be told but like that one also I think should be told as an obese child I remember someone who a good friend of mine had really bad cystic acne and she's like, you'll never understand. She was tall, beautiful, didn't have to work out,

but had, like, a perfectly athletic body. And she's like, but you'll never understand. You don't have acne. I was like, you're not fat. You don't get what I go through. It's like, oh, because you have acne, but you're beautiful and you have huge tits, and you have a great body,

and you'll never get my fucking plate. And we didn't talk to each other for, like, three weeks. Oh, my God. So I feel like the people that are pushing, like, that are really shitting so hard on this movie. it's like it's probably because you're not tall and didn't have to go through it because I'm also seeing people like but she's beautiful and she's a dancer

and she has his beautiful dancer's body She talked about how much shit she got it doesn't matter If you were fucking drop dead gorgeous And you were super tall in middle and high school Yeah later on in life it's a commodity But fucking during those years it's never I don't care you could have fucking breast the size A fucking King Kong

Wait so is this movie I haven't seen it You'll still get made fun up Is this movie is it like a drama about it's a rom-com okay and a short boy loves her and he's and he and they are friends and he's just like I don't understand

then it's him talking to the other friends just like she never will even look at me because then a new foreign exchange student comes into the high school and he's like six three and he's like some sort he's I think he's either Danish or Norwegian or something and of course she falls for him which was like but then that is this It's the age old rom-com of like, oh, you are taller than me, so I must be in love with you.

That's so fucking stupid. And then in the final scene, it's so beautiful. She finally finds herself worth. She holds up a flag, and the principal says, you're our flagpole. And that's what she does for the rest of the time. And then the Jurassic Park music plays and all the kids start slow clapping. And then she also turns into a dinosaur. To a dinosaur.

Oh, my God. This movie sounds amazing. See, then I'm on going. I would 100% watch that movie. Well, I followed this girl because I watched, I'm just going to go ahead, confession time talking secrets earlier. I have seen every episode of Dance Moms. And she was on Dance Moms for years.

And I also never realized she was as young as she actually was because she was so tall, but she's an amazing dancer. She was one of the kids on the show. I can't watch Dance Moms. It's too. First off, they're from Pittsburgh. And also, I was around stage moms for too long to think that it's entertaining. I understand.

I mean, I don't because I watched all of this. But also, and this woman said she was mercilessly bullied when she was younger, too. She's actually six foot one and a half. She's a beautiful dancer and she's tall, but she was also, she, she's coming to this part with her fucking truth. Yeah, man, she's living her truth. All right. I will see that. Anybody who is basing their relationship on height may not have a lot going on internally.

Yes. Because it blows my mind when people put on dating sites, like they're looking for somebody who's 6-1. Because does it matter to you if the person is like an empty shell or is a sociopath or... The guy height thing is confusing to me. Because, like, I would totally date a woman that's taller than me. I don't understand why that. Most of my boyfriends, and now my husband have all been shorter than me. Like, who gives a fuck?

That's why you're fighting this fight, and I appreciate it. Thank you. My ex and heels was, like, taller than me, and I wasn't like, uh, have you ever seen? God, there's this video that was on Reddit of this guy trying to talk to this girl in a nightclub, and they're, like, they're hanging out by this railing, and he's in tippy toes the entire time. And, like, you can't, because he's just trying to be like her. hide and it's so funny. You just let it go, man.

Just let it go. But you know, this is, I am proud of you, Natalie, for fighting the fight. Thank you. For marrying my brother, even though yucky, he's a troll. Yeah, he is a troll man. He's a troll man, and yes, and you are tall. No, honey, you're very handsome. You're very handsome.

It makes me want to throw up, and I get it. I got a throw-upable face, too, but that doesn't excuse. I don't want you to be attracted to my husband. Holden? I would never suck Henry's dick. I don't even care how much money I get offered by strangers on the internet to do it on cameo. Wow, because I'm not on camy.

Like you're asking people to, that's interesting. I'm saying if you want to solicit me to do anything weird and sexual on cameo, I'm open to it. It sounds like you're scared of your truth. And you know that is not what we are for here at page seven. I'm not going to let Henry hang out with Holden anymore, no. I don't think that you should because he's trying to steal him. I mean, he's going to steal him from you. And if there's anyone that could,

It is Holden McNeely. But now it's too late because we've run out of time because it's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. It's hard for Natalie and I to do this at the same time because she's across the seas and there's a delay. I understand. It's all the seas she's across. But also Natalie, need to practice it, okay?

And I'm really looking forward to blind up and you guys are going to nail it today. We're going to nail it today. I forgot to practice. That's all right. Well, I'm ready. I'm ready for blind items today. Because today, but for the list, we're talking about 10 times the Streisand effect backfired on celebs. So I was not aware of what the Streisand effect is. It is a term for the phenomenon that occurs when a person or company goes out of their way to suppress or censor information and major backlash ensues. So this all started because Barbara Streisand had the, this is why it's called. the Streisand effect, her house was shown on a picture that was used to describe erosion of the California coast. She didn't want people to see her cliffside mansion, so she sued to have the picture taken down. And it said, the picture in question had been accessed a whopping total of six times before the suit happened. And then, of course, it blew out of control. And then it was viewed like

hundreds of thousands of times after. It's like screaming, stop looking at me. Exactly. Nobody was really looking at you. The same thing that happened to Beyonce when BuzzFeed posted a bunch of pictures of her during the Super Bowl halftime that made her not look very good.

Yeah, I remember those. Remember that? And that's why when I was reading through, he was like, oh my God, I remember that. But she's mid-dancing. She's a goddess. That's just how it goes. She's a person.

So her publicist went to BuzzFeed. It was like, hey, can he take down those pictures? and they're like, no. Yeah. And then that's what happened. And then everyone, I remember when that happened. Yeah. And then everyone looked at the pictures.

Oh, yeah. It's always, it's fun, you know, it's fun to see the perfect ones for two seconds look not so perfect. I think there's just a natural human tendency to need that in our lives for like two seconds. You know what I mean? And I will say, I mean, there's a good amount of people, Celine Dion has been, had gone through the strides and effect. Sean Penn has gone through the strides end effect.

But who I'm really here to talk about is Chubby Checker. Uh-oh. Because singer Chubby Checker made his name in the 1950s with his hit song, The Twist, launching a global dance craze. Wait, Holden, how do you feel about the twist? Come on, baby. Do you like the twist? Is that because it's not a line dance of any sort?

No, no. Those aren't synchronized dances. There's not a man yelling in a microphone for me to do shit. He's saying, Johnny Brown. Yeah, he's telling you a twist. But he's not going like, uh, turn your foot. to the left and then turn your foot to the right by the toes now turn your foot to the left then turn your foot to the right by the toes now bite the toes because you got it to do the two

you got to you got to kind of with the toes yeah yeah okay he's not doing that he's just kind of suggesting come on baby why how about we do the twist and then it's up to me whether or not what he says oh yeah right it doesn't sound come on baby let's do the twist let's do the twist he's not saying come on baby looking for take a sip of lying He's not saying, come on, baby, take a sip of the drink that I secretly made you in the corner and then come to the dancer with me where you will be forced to do the twist. You will twist. Are you saying that's what's happening in the cha-cha slide? Yes, I'm saying that's what's happening.

Because, no, we are encouraged to cha-cha slide. Take a sip of that drink. Take a good. Keep sipping now, y'all. Everybody down your drink. Goop, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Now, go to sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep.

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. Disgusting. And that is how the Jones Town Massacre happened. I heard the tape. It's because of the Chachaw Slide. I heard the tape. Take a sit now, y'all. Everybody fall to the floor.

Bang, bang, bang, bang. We're not going to get into Jonestown Massacre. I think people will find this to be too dark. I mean, it is on brand for the network. I don't think they should be listening to this network if they're worried about John Chon Slide. You know, it was created in a Bally's total. fitness in Chicago.

So I definitely, I get, I was reading too much. I went down about the history about the cha-cha slide. It was invented at a Bally's Total Fitness. In a Bally's Total Fitness. Of course it was. I love a Bally's total fitness. By the way, is it though?

Is there anything exercise-oriented about, that is, to me, that's the most minimal dance you could do physically ever. No, because you Chachar real slow. You get people moving like Michelle Obama said we should be moving. Oh my God. I forgot. I forgot Wendy was here.

Wendy's here. And Wendy just leaped up. And I was just like, what is it? It's a lizard. Yeah, yeah. It's little licks. It was her little feet

and her little licks on my leg. But if you don't realize what little feet and little licks are going to be on your leg, and I was like, Henry, you're supposed to be in Europe. Little licks on your leg, one of my favorite synchronized dances.

Lick, lick, lick, lick, so back to Chubby Checker, please. So he gained instant internet notoriety when he took legal action against Hewlett-Packard over a member measuring app called the Chubby Checker, which I think is very funny, and I immediately wanted to see, before we even finished reading this,

was like, does the Chubby Checker still exist? No, it was only downloaded 84 times before it was pulled in September of 2012 after he'd filed a $5 million trademark infringement lawsuit against the company that owned and operated the app. Good for him. But like... It's a chubby checker

That's funny It is nothing to do about you Or your penis It's fun I think it's fun I wish people would be nice and be fun Like little windy Like little windy

And you get did you weed a king Sorry I'm getting kisses Oh no It seems like Everything's getting dark I think I'm going Blind Items

Oh we can't see them You guys So we are fucking superstars. We did it all because of Wendy. It was all because of Wendy. Good job, Wendy. She gave us courage, and she supported us through this, and she knew that Mommy and Auntie could get it right.

Oh, did you even hear Winder? She went, right. Yeah, oh, my God. Right, Tombs. By the way, Wendy loved you in the Dark Crystal remake. How dare you? Oh, that would be cute. That would be cute.

I think it's nice, Holden. Thank you. It's backfired. You're me. A mean joke. No, no, no, she's such a kitty. All right. This permanent A-list, mostly movie actor, is taking a break from blonde UK reality stars to hook up with this illiterate, A-list reality star here in the U.S.

Permanent A-list movie actor. He's just coming off of a big movie. Illiterate. You know, illiterate means it's a first letter of each is the same. So the reality star. Not illiterate. Alliterate. Alliterate.

Alliterate. Yeah, illiterate. I'm sure she might be... Well, no, she's not illiterate. I'm sure she's not illiterate. So this big-time movie actor is a big-time movie actor. He's just coming off of a big movie just now. He's great in everything.

He's also a really good character actor, but he's also a really good, beautiful leading man. I definitely think Jackie's masturbated to him at least a few times. Brad Pitt? Absolutely. Wow. And who would the illiterate movie star be? The illiterate movie star. Or reality star, I mean.

Illiterate. Oh, one of the Kardashians? Either Chloe or Courtney Kardashian apparently. What? What? People reported recently that Brad Pitt was at Kanye's recent Sunday service. This was his second visit. And Wendy is so happy about it.

Wendy, so excited about the Kardashian Pit. She's got, she's okay. She's fine. Sorry, gang. What is she seeing? Is there like a cop outside or something? There might be a ghoul or ghost of some sort. Oh, my God, with these studios filled with ghouls.

How did you get all those ghouls in there? You know what? I say good for the two of them. Yeah. Brad Pitt was at Kanye's recent Sunday service, and this was actually his second visit. And that thing... It must be Courtney Kardashian.

I feel like it's got to be Courtney Kardashian, because I don't think Brad Pitt is Chloe Kardashian's type. Right, right. And by the way, also it went through recently apparently they're a blind item saying the papers did get through and that Sunday service is becoming like an tax-exempt religious organization and also definitely his next album is that true yeah it's a blind item so not necessarily true

that makes me furious yeah yeah yeah yeah and his next album is totally going to be his like Dylan gospel album you know and everybody has to go all these autores have to go through a gospel phase so every like his next album's like clearly um all religious all like kind of Christian and He has had a lot of religious songs on his other albums already. Yes, but this one is like full stop, seemingly a religious album. Wow, Jackie, by the way, that was very impressive. Thank you.

Thank you. It makes me very upset, though, that, you know, he could love me if you wanted to. I don't think that we would be good together. You should get religious. You should start holding your own services, Jackie. What would you do, Jackie? No, I would just want to be with. Legends of the Fall Hymns, so I think it would never work.

I would definitely be down to dress as, I believe it was Julia Ormond that was the girl in it. I didn't pay much attention to her. What about a vampire? Ooh, I'll be a vampire, but not a Kirsten Dunn's child. I wouldn't be a full-on vampire. She was an adult on the inside. Yeah, she was. The permanent A-plus-plus-liss singer knows that her venues will not be full.

She knows she needs to downsize to be sold out, and that is the cause of the delay. She is not ready for half-empty arenas. And no, it's not J-Lo, because that was a similar one from a long time, from like a month or so ago. This is a different permanent A-plus-plus-liss singer. The venues aren't up full. She definitely put it on hold. Madonna?

Yes, Natalie is the picture. I mean, that, she just, her new stuff I'm just not into. And I'm not, it's just not for me. She recently delayed her Madam X tour, reportedly due to issues with, quote, highly specialized production elements, and the start will now be on Tuesday, September 17th at Bam in Brooklyn, New York.

There's speculation that the production elements they're referring to are holograms that they're using. What? What are the holograms? And I love this. This is the statement from Madonna because she's doing like the Sasha Fierce, like, alternate personality thing. Madam X is a perfectionist and wants to give you the most unique, magical, and musical experience. She underestimated the amount of time it would take to bring this kind of intimate theatrical experience to you

and wants it to be perfect. Thank you so much for understanding. Oh, that is so weird. Madonna, girl, you Madonna. And also, it would be different if Madame X was a vastly different character that she was doing. Then, you know what? Have that, girl.

You go for it. But if it's just you, and now you're trying to be like, no, no, no, it's not me. It's a different sexy Dom thing that I've done a million times. Also, I feel like she's not got a good attitude. She's not a great singer. Not anymore, yeah.

I don't ever think she was that great of a singer, to be honest. She was always a performer. She was incredible as an artist. And I do love what she did for women in pop culture. I think that that is great. The way that she brought, like, sexuality as, like, a female empowerment thing was really cool. She did, you know.

I remember it blew my mind when, like a prayer, when I found out what was really about. and blow my mind. Internet, please do not come at Natalie. She's allowed to not like Madonna's singing voice. Full stop, okay? So that'll probably protect you from nothing. But I enjoy that.

Okay, let us know if you get any Madonna hate mail, though. It'll be fun to read it out loud. I want you all to be happy. You know, if it's yelling at me on the internet makes you feel good. You can't go ahead. Wendy, it can't be that bad. She likes to eat bones. I guess it's not that bad.

She's talking about me, not Wendy. Yeah. Chubby checkers going on there. Yeah, yeah. I want that chubby checker. Well, thank you guys so much for joining us this week on this week's episode of page seven. And also, number one thanks goes out to Wendy for being here with us this entire time. She's mostly been asleep because she's used to auntie and mommy yelling into nothing.

Also, quickly, we got our Lizzo. It's back. We got our... How did we not... I know we didn't even get into it. Just so everybody knows, we got them back, and we're going to try to help the other people... Also, just so everyone knows if Ticketmaster cancels your ticket because someone gets more famous

after you buy their tickets and that they want to, like, triple, quadruple their amount of money by selling all the tickets again, go fuck yourself, ticket master. Go fight, fight, fight them, fight them, be annoying. Keep being annoying. Just say irksome until they give you the shit back. I want to say thank you because you killed it. Well, I want to thank our friend Alexa because she did the most time on the phone.

But because of the VMAs, they canceled a bunch of tickets and it can't be just in LA that this has happened. That must be in other places here. Well, the Palladium apparently is owned by Live Nation, which is the same company as Ticketmaster. So it may be why that happened at the Palladium. They own all of it.

And also I found that Ticketmaster owned Stubhubhub. Yeah, they own everything. They're all fissards. So they can do whatever they fucking want because they said that our tickets were canceled because it was bought using a shared Wi-Fi in a work space. They did this to hundreds of people. And we found out because the Internet.

We can communicate with each other now. Yes. Now we can work together to get our Lizzo tickets back because it happened last week on Holden and I show, Jack and knees on Twitch. And I cried in front of people when I found out. Oh, yeah. I take my Lizzo tickets. I am sorry that you found out in that manner.

That's okay. I think it was good. You know, you got to cry sometimes. I was with Linda and Henry. Oh, my God. She goes, oh, my God, is that some sort of performer? Yeah. Yes.

It's like, Mom, get with it. Do you hear the people sing, singing the songs of angry Lizzo fans? The music of our Lizzo's, who will not have our tickets canceled again? Wendy likes when I sing to her. Love you guys so much. My name is Jackie Zabrosky. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Old McNeeley.

Check us out on Friday nights, six, PMET, Jackanese dating Sims on Twitch.tv. forward slash holdenators ho. And then you also, please check out the Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. There's lots of great stuff coming out on that. Natalie? You can find me, Natalie Jean, at the Natty Jean, at all the, you know, socials.

And look out for, we are going to release the first episode of the web series, Trolville, that Henry and I and our friend, Sina. We're going to release it on YouTube because we just want people to see it, and we love it a lot, and we hope that you enjoy it too. So we're going to have that on the last podcast, YouTube channel pretty shortly.

Hell yeah, that's noise. That's great. Hell yeah, I can't wait to see it. We love you guys so much, and we'll talk to you next week. Bye! Bye-bye! This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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