Page 7 - Episode 320: Ren Heads

Episode Date: September 13, 2019

We goss about Lifetime releasing "College Admission Scandal", Jackie gets bloomified, and we pour one out for Jeremy Renner's app. Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to http://modernfertility.com/page7. Use code PAGESEVEN for $100 of free delivery credit for the first SEVEN days when you download the Postmates app. Go to http://stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, and type in PAGE7 to claim your special offer! Go to http://framebridge.com and use promo code PAGE7 and you’ll save an additional 15% off your first order.   Need even more hot goss? Join our Patreon page for bonus episodes and other goodies!  Rainbows, Too Cool, In Your Arms, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dreams of rhythm and dancing. Sweet dreams of math. Oh, passion. Fuck me. What in the hell is that? Sweet dreams of fashion. Are you reading a stress? I have to look at it because I couldn't remember the words.

Wow. Dreams of rhythm and dancing. Sweet dreams, passions are taking over. Sweet dreams of dancing. Get this song stuck in my head too off. in my head too often. La Bush! Welcome!

Welcome to page seven. I'm sorry to everyone. I just want to apologize from the bottom of my heart that I couldn't remember the beginning of the actual... because all that was in my head was sweet dreams. That's the part that was in my head. Welcome page seven.

Are you guys annoyed yet? Are you annoyed by this song? My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name's Holda McNeely. I'm a hairy hamburger. I'm a hamburger. I'm a hamburger all covered in hair. That's accurate.

That's me because you know why? Because we're recording this on a mopey Monday, and I feel moped up. Why are you mobed? I stayed up to late watching 90s-day fiance. Die you got to you. And Darcy, why are we doing the room? Oh, whatever. I feel no sorrow for you.

I'm Natalie Jean, and I feel no sorrow for you. Good for you, Natalie. We feel nothing for him. I'm such a dummy, but we just, we said let's throw on some. We'll just watch it for a little bit. And Darcy get it together. I'm not going to say that we're not going to continue talking about 90-day fiance because I feel like all holes in a night.

I think that we've been in some sort of K-hole talking about 90-day hole. And I, but then last night I got a text from a good friend of mine that she's like, okay, I finally started 90-day. And I was like, well, what 90-day did you start? She's like, 90-day fiance. He was like, but there's so many iterations. And then she started setting me picked like screenshots of what she was watching. It was like, oh, that night.

She's watching OG season one. I was like, oh, girl. What season are they on? I think season six of OG, but I don't know. Now I'm in the land of I'm watching before the 90 days as well as 90 day fiancé. We are 90, we're 90 day fiance hipsters, okay? We don't listen to the original. Yeah.

Yeah. We only listen to like the, you know, the B sides. Do you watch the show? where the people from 90-day Fiance watch other people on 90-day Fiance while they're like that. I haven't watched. I haven't gotten to that deep of a 90-day hole yet,

but I'm on my way. I don't want to brag, but I have watched it. Whoa. How do you feel about it in comparison? It's a show. I feel like it's just like society spiraling in on itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and that's how I feel every time now that I've got

three separate people that I text about different seasons of 90 day fiance. It's just like, well, what else can we talk? Can't we talk about life for a second? Can we talk about like our feelings, you know? A hundred percent agree. By the way, can I just say before we move on from talking about 90 day fiance and I get it, okay, but whatever, because I want to talk about it for two seconds. But listen, okay, my favorite part might actually be when they first meet and one of them

is always disappointed with the way the other one looks. Always. You see it on their face And they have to act Like they're totally cool with it Like Aladin and Laura When she showed up in Qatar And she gets off the way

And he looks at his friends She's like She gained weight She's also twice as age Oh my god Oh my god You have to see this new one Because there's this woman

Who is like an older Like a middle age woman And she's a beautiful middle age woman But she put all these like filters on her stupid face To make her look like she's fucking 16 and when the guy sees her for this first time, he's literally wearing a t-shirt with one of her filtered faces on it,

like huge. And then just like the comparison is so ridiculous because she's living that like Instagram life. Oh, I haven't seen that. Oh, my God, man. It is just wonderfully terrible. All right, we have to stop. We have to stop talking about any fiancé.

I know that that's it. I just wanted to say that we just needed to talk about it. Good, stop. Good. That was a good ending point. we will begin the show. Yes, now we were going to begin the show because we've got things to talk about today. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but there's been a lot of Jeremy Renner talk when it comes

to the old pop culture, d'is and duties out there. Why do you look so confused, Holden? Because I don't understand. I did not realize that, I mean, anybody, I guess, part of the MCU, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, is going to be adored by fans, but I just didn't realize this guy had this. kind of fandom. Nor did I. Right?

He's Green Arrow or whatever the fuck it is. He's Hawkeye. He's cute. I feel attacked. I feel personally attacked. I had no idea he was so wacky. He is. He's silly.

He's doing a lot of wacky things in the last couple months. And I didn't know that was a part of the package. And he's a woodsman? Ooh, he's a woodsman. Yeah, because now, right, because his app was canceled, he has the Amazon store, right? Yes, now he has an Amazon store. So the Jeremy Renner app, which was a real thing starting years ago that a lot of people actually paid to be a part of,

was an app that's essentially, so I went down an insane warm time about celebrity apps over this week because so many. There's so many celebrity apps. And most of them are just like, don't you want to see all of their social medias in one place? No, I don't. I mean, I follow, I'm not saying I follow many. celebrities on Instagram so that I can see their fucking stories just like I mean every time I see Anthony Hopkins which I think I've said it on here before but do yourself a flavor and start following Anthony Hopkins on Instagram because I love him I love him so much and the way that he

just like really loves his face and he's such a silly he posted this video yesterday that was just him and whoever was taking the video was laughing hard at what he was doing and he was like about to like play the piano and he kept making this these silly faces with like fingers as if he was talking like doing in front of a toddler that kept going like he he he he he he he and he kept doing it and kept doing it about to play something and then the video stops i don't know if i'm explaining this properly but i thought it was very cute and it made me smile and it may be lap and i like anthony hopkins i do too but i kind of like to keep him in the back of my head as being terrifying yeah you know oh you don't look at him as a papa

I like the idea that he's a nice man, but I want to think of him as the man in the shadows. I mean, that's just how good he is. He's such a scary monster man, but yet he's also, I kind of want to, like, you know, fill his tobacco pipe and, like, you know, rub his sockened feet, you know what I mean? Because he's such an old, fun grandpa.

Oh, yeah. I don't like sockened feet. Well, I wouldn't rub him unssock. I'll talk. Yeah, better than the bare feet. Yeah, I guess so I don't know. What am I, Buffalo Bill fucking dance around with my fucking cock between my legs?

I'm not going to rub his actual naked feet. Where does your cock go when you start dancing? Where does whole dance cock go when it gets his crew on? I don't want to go down this road. It flops around all dinky donkey is what it does. Now I'm just thinking about Anthony Hopkins penis. I don't want to think about Anthony. I don't want you to think about his penis, okay?

People were very upset with me about the whole Dick Van Dyke episode. So I'm not going to take you there, okay? Because they don't want to hear it. Please don't. Please don't. So Jeremy Renner launched an app. It launched in 2017. And I guess that they also call themselves the hashtag Renhive, which are the name of...

That doesn't make any sense. And he posts videos of... him playing his music, and he released his cover of Heaven Don't Have a Name on it. I will say this. I have heard Jeremy Renner's cock looks like an old stick because he burned it once and a five. I think that that's fine. I'd whittle it down, and I'd make it smile at me because I'm a part of the Renhive.

Renhive is so forced. I like the idea that catching your cock on fire would make it look like a stick. Yeah, an old stick. I would make it think of like a perfectly crisp hot dog. Oh. Yeah, like wrinkles. Like you should poke a stick into it. Yeah, it looks like that hot dog where you look at it.

It's like a 7-Eleven hot dog is what you're saying. It looks like a 7-Eleven hot dog. It's been in the tourney thing for a few hours. Now, did you use the app ever, Jackie? Or was it too late for you before you found out about? It was too late for me because now it's been taken down. I'm not allowed to go on it because it's gone. And this is what upsets me the most.

But going through the celebrity app worm time that I went through is that almost all of them are defunct now, and it made me so sad. Because I wanted the opportunity to go on Jeremy Renner official and because you can purchase Stars, which vaulted users to the top of some sort of leaderboard of Wrenheads. And that's the part that makes me feel not at all bad about the downfall of this app. I think that's kind of gross, personally. Keep going?

Yes, and how was it brought down? It was actually brought down by a comedy writer in Vancouver that learned how to change his username to mirror Jeremy Renner's username in the app so that he started responding as if it was Jeremy Renner responding and then this dude was like, and then I went away on vacation and when I came back,

everything went to shit. I know what happened, but obviously fucking taught other people how to do it And then a bunch of trolls got the idea to all do it. And Jeremy Render was so veclamped about so many people pretending to be him on his own app that he shut down the app. We cannot have a sad Jeremy Rennar in this country. No, because he's got puppy dog guys. I think that the thing I learned the most from that story is that there's a lot of really lonely people in our country.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, sometimes you just got to, you just got to fuck up Jeremy Render's day for no really. But even just being on the app and paying to be at the top of... I'd pay! You know what the thing is that I almost bought the Lindsay Lowhan app. I was close to buying the Lindsay Lowhan app. That makes sense to me. I can't believe the fucking low-hand app. That all she had to do was post a picture a fucking week to make people pay for it,

and she couldn't even do that. But she said that she's going to tell everyone her secrets. I just love that she promised to give everyone all of her secrets. which that's horrible. Also, we all kind of know she's not really good at hiding her secrets. She's not very good, but at least did she get behind the fact of like,

supposedly I'm dating the Saudi prince, you know? But I, and I will say, Natalie, that is a great point to that her not posting the pictures, you're right, that is her brand. She does not commit very well to things. Yes, her being lazy and not committing well of things. She's not lazy. She's got problems.

She does. She had a troubled childhood. She had a terrible childhood, and her mom is a fucking bitch. Oh, yeah. Yes, her mom is, oh, man. That video, just remember, I'll always think of the, I can't remember it was a picture or a video of her and Dina Loewan making out in a club. Oh, that's exactly.

I mean, how can, that's what come, if you, if you french your daughter, that's the only thing people are going to remember. You can't front your daughter. I really hope that Sophia Coppola or someone like that does the, like, no more wire hangers biopic for Lindsay Logan and her mother. Like I need that in my life. Oh man. I wish. I hope so.

I would watch the hell out of it. But I also, in going down my, my, my, my, my, my, ren hole, if you will. Natalie and I was just looking at Jeremy Renner's IMDB. And I forgot that Holden. Did you ever see the 2002 Jeremy Renner movie Dahmer when he played Jeffrey Dahmer? You know what?

I'm going to get a lot of hate mail for this. and I get it, it's been flooding in lately. My PO box is wall-to-wall-wall-packed with people saying, fuck your ass and you're a fucking donkey boy. Everyone calls you donkey boy. I hate how big and lean you are. I hate how nice and mean you are. I think that's what the main thing is that everyone says how lean is.

That's the problem. That's my main problem with him. Are you trying to make a comment about my fucking situation? Oh, you're so slender. Yeah, slender. Now, I actually, before I can answer that question, I have a question for you. What did you just ask before I started talking about how big and lean I am?

I, as you've ever seen, the Jeremy Renner playing Jeffrey Dahmer in the movie Dahmer. Here at LPN, we like to say that we have seen everything Dahmer, but I have not seen this masterpiece. I'm the target audience for this, and I don't know what this is. Natalie also had Zita, but I remember specifically because it was Hollywood video. Yes. And I remember the cover of it. I do too. The thing is that if you saw the cover.

cover of it, if you look up the cover right now, you will remember the cover of this movie. And there is no, I don't, I remember because I saw a picture of him playing Dommer at the time being like, is that what Jeffrey Dahmer looks like? Because he doesn't look like Jeffrey Dahmer. And I don't think it was a very good movie. But now I think I got to watch it again as a self, self-reported Wrenhead. I hate that. It's not about the true crime aspect.

it's because it's Jeremy Renner. Because I'm a rent head now. Why is there, by the way, not a reality show called Dinner with Renner where you get to sit down and have dinner with him? Why do you want to have dinner with your renter? Because there's so many people apparently fucking in love with the guy. So let's make a million dollars to yesterday. Okay, let's get him on the phone.

I don't know if he's good at personal stuff because, like, we were talking about. He's posting those videos of him jamming with his entourage. It doesn't look like how people can. communicate with each other. It was very awkward. I'm going to say that he honestly, no bullshit aside, he looks like he would win the like most likely to be an Android award in his high school. You know what I mean? Like he is half computer, half man, and that's all I have to say about it. It just sounds like you're envious of his belly, because he's got a nice belly on him. That's what you're envious of. Before he got 7-Elevened, maybe, but after that

fire incident, I'm not sure so much no more. It's that only affected his penis. His belly's fine. Yeah, his belly is great. I think that the char actually makes his belly look even better. But don't worry, guys. Us Renheads can follow him to Amazon, where Jeremy Renner now has a store

because Amazon came in and saved the day. Like they always do. And they said, Jerry Redder, here, why don't you have a celebrity store so that everyone can see what your pick are of what you need us to buy because apparently he's a bit of an outdoor junkie. Look at all this stuff. We've got fishing poles. We've got salted almonds. He's got an air purifier, a supersede lantern, rechargeable earbuds. See, these are all things,

even though I never want to fucking see a tree. I think that it's really nice to know that I could spend thousands and thousands of dollars to stand outside. I'm going to stand out. Now, Jackie, here's the question everybody wants to know. Jacqueline Zabrowski. Bezos calls you on the phone. Says, Jacqueline. Oh, God.

So, give me a basso. Give me a basso. All right. Well, that, okay, let's just say you have an actual coherent conversation with him in which he offers you your own celebrity store. What are you hawking? What am I hawking on the celebrity store? How about a bunch of amepersol, which is my acid reducer?

I think that's something I definitely use every single day. Ameprosol for sure. A white claw, right? Yeah, sure. Slaps some white claws on there. I think those would be really good. Anything that has Garfield on it that I think everyone should get. Yeah, clothing-wise.

Like, what are we talking about? Dumballs. Obviously fanny packs. Yeah. Fanny backs, mesh, anything, leopard print. But also, I think something I need to say, start getting into. I'm just start getting hoodies, cutting the sleeves off,

but then also cutting out, like, places like, so it's like a whole, like, what do they call them, breasty peeps? Breasty peeps? Uh, when you have, when your breasts ooze out of the hole up top in your shirt. Use. Use. I think ooze is a good word to say

when talking about sexy breasts. I want a breasty peep hoodie with no sleeves on it. A boob dump? Yeah, yeah, yeah, with no zippers. So it's like a pull over breasty peep, hood no sleeves black by the way could I call out a fashion fucking faux pa

they're not called fanny packs anymore apparently I don't like it they're just trying to rebrand it so it sounds sexier it's like the same thing with what they try to do with corsets where they like they call them waste trainers now it's like bitch

yeah they're calling that's a fucking girdle yes we know what that is bitch that's a girdle Hey, let's get a weight straighter away from me. We should get t-shirts that say, that's just a girl. If I want to train my waist to do anything, it's that I want every chip I eat, I want it to get like three centimeters tighter. I don't want to be like, oh, is she taking out her own ribs? And I say, yeah, I'm taking out my own ribs so I can eat chips.

Oh, I want more chips. I want to replace my ribs with chips. Oh, my God, that's great. So every time someone touch juice, it goes, quack, quack, quack, quack. Quack, quack, quack, quack, oh, no, we broke her chips. I'm sorry, I think I had too much coffee. I know, right. Me too.

I'm like, I'm going a thousand miles away. I will say, I will say, I also got one of my ribs removed, but that was just that I could suck Marilyn Manson's dick. That is, I think that's good for you. Good for you. Nineties comedy. You know, he was on Wonder Years. Also, they're calling Fanny Pack's belt bags, by the way. Belt bags.

I really don't like that they're called belt bags. But I get why, because I, the worst. Fanny is inherently lame. Quit being a little whiny baby and just call it a fanny pack. And I understand that over yawn it is referred to as a bum bag which also I would take

if they were like trying to make it's like okay now we all call it bum bag that's fine because a fanny means a pussy over there. Over there. Is that would take a load off Fannie? Yeah it's take a load off of my vagina. It's literally wiping, is it wiping come off of a vagina? No, it's not.

I think we should start calling them here. I think we should call them pussy packs. I mean, see that I'm into it. And then just like, yeah, it's just, it's an extra, it's an extra vagina on my body. Yeah. It's my front, it's my top front. My outside pussy.

My outside. Yeah, external, that's an XP. That's what we should call it. XP. An external pussy. Oh, yeah, no. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Let me get my phone out of my outside pussy. Excuse me, I have a very important business phone call to take, but first I have to pull my phone out of the pussy that exists outside of my body. A while a second, yeah. Oh, there's so much stuff in here. I don't know what. Sorry, are my breasts using out of my body out of my shirt too much because I have a very... Are my breasty peeps?

Do you need a toothpick because I have one in my vagina that doesn't exist within me, the one that exists outside of me? My outside pussy. I just, man, now how do I not call it my outside pussy? You should definitely call it your outside pussy. I think I have to. That's, yeah, of course. O-P.

So much coffee coursing for us. Dude, let's fucking rob a bank right here. You guys want to? I'm ready for it, just like in the town, which also has Jeremy Renner in it. See, we're all right. Get out of here. I can't hear his I'm trying so hard to not hear his face

I'm keeping the wrenheads happy you're welcome you're welcome so stupid oh my god his name is so long it is too long I don't like it modern love

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And man, I feel like sending you a package. Right now, our listeners get a special offer that includes a four-week, trial plus free postage and a digital skill without any long-term commitment. Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in page seven. That's Stamps.com, enter page seven. All right, then's fine. We're going to start talking about other celebrity apps. Like something that we missed out on, which I'm very upset about. Guys, in 2016, the Rock Clock was put out for Dwayne the Rock Johnson released a motivational

alarm clock app and I'm so angry that I don't have it. I don't understand why it became defunct. I guess, I mean, I think it was just the kind of thing that no one was downloading celebrity apps, even though apparently like they're still at. I only learn about them when I hear that they've been shut down. Yeah, I, how am I to know? Maybe you're not a real, you know? I'm not a real rock.

You're not a Johnny Rocker. But I like him. I think that's what they're smart being called. I'm a Johnny Rocker. A Johnny Rocker. Rocker? Yeah, Dwayne the Rock Johnson to Johnny Rocker. I loved that in his post launching it, he calls himself a secret ninja. That was my big takeaway from the Rock Clock. If you don't follow him on, you should really follow him on

Instagram. He is a delightful human being and everything he says is very, very positive and it really is very uplifting. And that with the Rock app, you get like a bunch of different ringtones and he's quote unquote created each one, he actually personally recorded some of them, like an acoustic guitar backed Good Morning Sunshine, and a mashup of sounds that comes from his dog, Hobbs. There's also a couple where he just incessantly repeats the words beep and ring-ring,

or another where he smashes a harp as it plays the sort of melody you'd hear in other alarm apps. He does like a bunch of things like saying, let's ride over and over again, like the fast and furious. Why would this end? Also, because it doesn't seem like you really have to update it, so why isn't this app just up? I don't know.

I had the same thoughts, Natalie, and I guess maybe there still is like a team of nerds that have to sit in a room to run it for some reason. But yeah, I would think that you could just set it and forget it because it's a rock clock. Also, I love the song, Good Morning Sunshine that he does because he literally goes, Good morning sunshine. That's what the rock's saying to you. And it was just like, what? Love him. I love him. It is cute. It's just the kind of things that I know that it's so over the top,

but then it's like there's this Instagram post on fear that's just like, no magic formula or secret to success. I'm up at 4 a.m. daily and putting in the hard work, and I already know my competition is not willing to do. If they're willing to get up at 4, then you bet your ass I'm getting up at 3. And if they're willing to get up at 3 a.m., then well, I'll be getting up at 259, because that's just bullshit. I love him

See I think it's charming from him Most people if they posted that Would make me very irritated I would make me absolutely sick But what it is about him He is he is not just a talker He's a doer He is

I hate inspirational social media bullshit But he is the only one who can get away with it There is such a weird trend to That I've noticed with like Everybody wants to be inspirational On social media They either want to be inspirational or they want to talk about like the darkest, deepest,

fucked up shit that's going on in their lives. TMI, okay? But it's like, why does every, like, why do you wake up one day and be like, I think I could make everybody work harder by saying some stuff on Twitter? You know what I mean? Unsolicited advice is definitely a problem.

Yeah, I get it. But then there's someone like the Rockwoods, like to know that he came from a very hard childhood and had a lot of hardships. and the fact that he is so appreciative of everything that he has and that to show that he is the kind of person that has worked for everything that he's gotten. And he is actually very successful. And it is inspirational.

It is. You can even set your clock to rock time, meaning your alarm is synchronized with the rocks. And it tells you what to do, like when to get up, when to hit the gym, when to do, like, like the times throughout the day that he, eats then you eat well you can't you can't anymore I hate that I can't I can't I wish that this still existed because then I would challenge the three of us to do it for like one week I would totally I would totally do it right and like and

like do the rock schedule for one week and just see who can make it to the end because I don't think all of us would make it I don't think I'd make it no no I don't think I would but it's also at the same time like I'm not gonna be working out at the gym the way the rock is working out the gym let's work we got to we gotta do it where like we and pull in the weights and veins. You have to make your veins pop. I want my veins bigger. I went to bed at 3.30 last night because of 90-day fiancée.

So I don't know if rock clock is really going to. I don't think it's going to. You're already supposed to be awake at that time. I was slamming at 3 in the morning, I was slamming buttercake ice cream and mango white claws. That sounds great. I mean, I get it. I also, I made steak at like 1130 last night because it's just like, you know what? I want a bunch of meat.

Yeah. And so I did that? But did you hear about what happened with Kevin Hart and the Rock? And then Kevin, so we all know Kevin Hart was in a very bad car accident last week. He is doing all right. He's now recovering and everything's going to be fine. But the Rock left his honeymoon after Kevin Hart had his accident because Kevin Hart was supposed to be the first ever guest on Kelly Clarkson's new talk show.

And the rock decided to, he talked with his wife and he left his honeymoon to go sub in for Kevin Hart on Kelly Clarkson's new show. And then when he tweeted out, when my son at Kevin Hart for real goes down with an injury, his big daddy steps in. And that just, you know how I feel. He's, I, he's my wrestling dad. That's really nice, but do you know what that means? No. Kelly Clarkson caused this accident.

Oh my God. She'd because she'd rather have the rock. I had not heard about Kelly Clarkson's talk show until this story. Oh, my God. She did it. She did it for, oh my God, it's all been, the FBI, did it. Did it? Is that what happens? No, Kelly Clarkson did it.

Oh, she did it. Personally. Yeah. So that she would get promo for her show. She's broken and she's beautiful. I was singing that song. It's from the Ugly Dolls soundtrack. And it's Kelly Clark.

Clarkson's newish song called, I'm broken and I'm beautiful. And it's just so, I know, it's like too much on the head. But you know what? I've fucking cried while I sang it and I cried. Yeah. Because I'm broken and I'm beautiful. You are, Jackie. Are you broken?

Are you really broken? Yeah, I'm fucking broken. Are you kidding? Holden, nobody does what we're doing if they're not completely broken. Actually. That's true. That's true. Actually completely true, but not as broken as I would have to be to create something like Miranda July's Somebody app.

I'm so glad she's not a thing anymore. I used to roll. My eyes were stuck in the top of my head. I was rolling them so hard when she was doing her little foot thing with the shoes in the movie with me and you and all the people. Me and you and everyone we know. But her app is another idea. because also this shows when celebrity apps were a big thing. So she did, she wanted to have a social experiment of an app.

This definitely made me just go a little bit. I'm just so glad that serendipity is no longer hip and cool and that we're done with that. Are you talking about the John Cusack movie? Are you talking about the ice cream stop? All of it. All of it. I'm talking about all that stuff. I'm talking about like, I wonder, look at that leaf.

It's blowing. I wonder where it'll blow to. Don't you ever have dreams about a leaf that blows to the moon? I will say every time I see a plastic bag anywhere, I say it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I always say, I also say that. Of course. But that movie is fucking disgusting.

The somebody app is, so the idea is that users log in, type in a message to a friend, then use GPS to find the closest, logged in somebody user to the friend that this message is intended for and then have the stranger verbally delivered the

friend the message. That seems like a bad bad idea. Call them on the phone. Beyond that, I don't, why are you trying to make me talk to people I don't want to talk to? And also, what if the person

who is closest to you is a fucking And what did they come up to you and it's just like, yeah, I want to suck on your eyes? Yeah. I want to suck on your eyes is the text I wanted to send a Holden. And Holden, what if someone, a stranger came up to you just said, I want to suck on your eyes? I'd be like, oh my God, it must be Jeremy Renner because there's no other fucking weird pervert would try to suck my fucking eyeballs out. He's not a pervert.

He's not a pervert. I think it's even worse to go up to somebody, be like, hi, are you Jerry? It's like, yeah, it's like, Richard says bring Coleslaw to tonight's dinner. real. She's like, are you fucking kidding me, dude? I'm in the middle of talking to my daughter. I'm fucking having a rough day. It's sort of like an experiment you would do with the first day of sixth grade.

Right. You know, like the teacher would like play a game like this if you're a child. And I also didn't want to talk to strangers then either. No, no, if this was talking to other children, but the risks and dangers of doing this just seem like far too great. I legitimately, I see people I know. on the subway and I legitimately hide. I actually saw like a friend, an old friend of mine on the subway and I actually did the whole, I was like,

and just like turned around and sprinted. How stoned were you though? Oh, every time it's usually pretty high, right? Yeah, but still like, oh my God. That or I've got like tears in my eyes because I'm listening to Laymiss. I'm just like, and if someone's just like, how are you doing? I was like, ah, ha, ha, ha. But technically I'm fine, I just like to cry in public.

That is just something I enjoy doing. A good way to deter people from you too. It's very true. Or honestly, sometimes it's a, girl, why you cry? And it's like, get away from me. I'm just glad that that app, her app, had a big F for fail. And the app that is succeeding is Citizen App. I want to know who's getting fucking their brains blown out.

Man, we were just talking about the Citizen app because Natalie asked, we had this. I had the Citizen app for four days. And then I saw something that happened like three blocks from my house. There was some, it was just, it was... Well, here's the, um, the thing that's closest to us right now, yeah. Axe wielding man making threats down the street. So...

To be fair, that was, that was actually Jackie, just she was... It was before she got her coffee. She, uh, usually does that. I just take my axe. I just, I'm just gesticulating. That's all, that's what people don't understand on the street. And then they write me up in the citizen app. But I do wish Henry was in,

because I would definitely think that it was Henry with an axe just, you know, we're Italian, we talk big. Yeah, and carry axes around. Sometimes you got an axe on you. I don't, yeah, I'm not sure how I feel about the citizen app, because most of the time you're just informed of terrible things that are going on near you, and then you're like, well, I have this information now. But also, L.A. crime, I think, I think Pulp Fiction is actually, like, very on the nose when it comes to L.A. crime.

L.A. Crime is never like your standard. Like, New York crime is like, I got mugged, like, blah, blah, blah, blah. L.A. crime is like, there's a weird wet room, is what they call it, underneath this house, and they're keeping, like, lizards and children in it. And we don't know what I mean? Well, L.A. draws, like, the colorful people, you know?

Yeah. So everybody's coming. They have a story to tell. They've got, like, to wear funny pants, and they like to put on a show. I mean, I told you guys about the secret sex toy shop, right? And then they become crazy. What?

Did I tell you about the secret sex toy shop? What? At the place, there's a place that I used to when I was, back in the day when I was smoking cigarettes, and I would go get my cigarettes there all the time, and he, like, he's like, I became friends with this dude, and he's like, he's like, I'd love to show you my back room. And I was like, I, yeah, I don't know. I'm from, he's like, no, no, no, my other business. I was like, all right, sure. And I went into his back room, and he had a whole, and he's like, I sell them.

And it was just filled with like dildos and lube and like all this different. And a bunch of like lingerie and stuff. And I immediately walked there. It was like, oh, that's really great. And I just like went to leave. And he goes, he was, do, would you like anything? I was like, ma'am, you look like you're horny. I mean, I'm definitely always horny.

But I wasn't hitting on this old, not that I'm a get, you know, I'm a daddy girl. But like, I wasn't hitting on the old man that sold me the cigarette. I'm just going to put a PSA. My unsolicited social media advice is if anybody asked you to go to their back room, just don't. Why did I go into the back room? I'm 32 years old. I know what happens in a back room. Especially in North Hollywood. You know what I mean? It's just not a good fit. You know what I mean? Secret sex toys. I love, I love L.A. I love North Hollywood. But you just, you can't, you can't go. But he would have sold it to me tax free. It's like the back to school. Yeah.

Why don't we think? Back to school, Dilda sale. Yikes. You get stressed out. It's for the moms, you pervert. When the kids go back to school. Oh, it's for the moms. She's saying they can finally masturbate again because the kids are back at school.

Yeah, I've got all my masturbation daylight hours now. Right. Now you can just lay in bed all day and rub, rub, rub, rub away, can't you? Or buzz, buzz, buzz away with my back-to-school dildo savings. Yes, thank you very much. Very important. Not to get, well, not to, I guess we have to. to talk at least about the Snoopify app that is now gone, that you could snoopify all your

pictures by putting in essentially like Lizzie McGuireing your photos except Snoop-wise with like big cartoon hogslegs hanging out of your mouth and like weed smoke coming from your mouth and shit like that and putting on a bunch of gold chains. Yeah, I think the problem a lot of that lies in the fact that dumb little white kids are going to culturally appropriate and eat that up but also isn't insane the difference between 2016 and 2019 that like that was 2016 it's insane that was three years ago it's completely different now we were allowed to pretend like we're black people well it's not we're allowed to do that anymore well you could pay to do it at least at least you could pay snoop dog to do it it's it's basically like since 2016 we've been

exposed to what the worst of white people is. And we're like, oh, no. Sorry, guys. Sorry. And then we held a vote, and then we decided to elect Ariana Grande as the only person who can pretend to be black anymore. You know what? And she won, and she gets it.

I thought that was Izzy Azalea. Iggyzzi Aguilia? No, she's a, that's a whole other ballgame. But that's why don't worry what we can still, you can't still download it, but we can still cherish is Hanks, spelled with an X, which turns your iPad into a typewriter. No.

Why did Tom Hanks release that? It is very Tom Hanks of an app. I guess. He loves, he's a collector of typewriters. I know he loves his typewriters. I know that. But I just, isn't the whole point, it makes me feel like the whole point of not having a typewriter anymore

is because of all of the downsides of using, I grew, we still had a, like, a word processor typewriter when I was in middle school. That's what I used to write all my papers on. It would come out in the reams that were all connected. So I'm old enough to remember how fucking annoying it was. But I guess maybe it's just we're just on the cusp of remembering that. It's just so whimsical though. I'm going to say there probably was already a typewriter app before.

There must be. Tom Hanks made one, but this one is named after him. But it's got Hanks on it. It's got Hanks with an X, but it just makes me think of Spanx. And now if I... Oh, I wish Tom Hatt. I would definitely buy a line of Spanx. Hank Spanx.

Hank Spanx. Yeah, that would be fantastic. I mean, way faster than I would buy. What is it, what did Kim Kardashian change her line of essentially Spanx? Because it was Kim, Kim, Kimono. So it was Kimono, and now I think it skims. It's something. Was it because it was racist?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, so they took it and they changed it to skims. I love it because, you know, you always think about your being like, when you think about Tom Hanks, I always think about, like, oh, he's such like a lovable guy. You want to just hug him. And that's kind of what his Hank Spanx would be.

It would be, like, receiving a warm hug around your vaginal area by Tom Hanks. That's good because I don't want my outside pussy. It's shadowed by my inside pussy. thing. Because you got to keep them lips up. Now, does the outside pussy actually look like a big vagina or is it just look like a fanny pack?

Well, kind of, fanny packs do look a little bit like a pussy. Yeah, have you? You know what really? It does, they're beautiful, but they really gross me out and scare me sometimes. Where have you seen the ones that are like a big hairy belly? The outside, it looks like a big hairy belly,

so it looks like a big hairy belly is peeking out underneath the shirt. The thing is that I find it very attractive when a big hairy belly does peek out of her shirt. But I don't think I want it on Because I feel like what it's really missing Is the sweat and sheen Of a big hairy belly that peeps out of a shirt

So you just want it to be Shiner Yeah, you want it to be sweatier Yes, I'd like it to be sweaty Well, here's your solution Just pour a couple of water On your outside pussy Or better and some oil

Like the olive oil Like my baby oil Yeah, yeah. So then I'll start dowsing myself in baby oil again. Can it actually be essential oils? Because I think that you could you could accelerate your joy a little bit more with some of my essential oils. Don't worry. It's a very simple monthly plan to buy into it.

You're snake oil. It's snake oil. It cures a couple of different diseases and it'll expand your joy. So if you'd like to purchase some for your fake hairy belly, you can do so. I knew of the three of us you were going to be a goop. Yes. And also, expanding my joy just sounds. like a hormone that's going to make my clitoris bigger.

Let's do it. Right? It's like, I'm expanding my joy. That sounds great. I'll fucking do it. I wish those things would be a lot bigger. That'd be great. Just a big old mound.

No, but it's very difficult for us. Don't you remember China? What? It hurts. China, R-I-P. Yes, the woman China. R-I-P, yeah. You ever watch her pornographs?

No. I don't think I actually ever did. It's large. Was it because of taking steroids? Yeah, yeah. Testosterone I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Made them juicy.

Made them plump, which is how I feel when I read the Hallmark Christmas movie list. That was just put out. I was juicy and I was plump and there are 40 of them coming out this Christmas. Four. Zero premieres. 40 of them. I would say that the number one that I'm excited about is Christmas at Dollywood. which will have Dolly Barton in it. And Dollywood.

Yes. Guys, I can't believe I've never been to Dollywood, and it makes me sad. Why haven't we been to Dollywood? I don't know. I guess because we never go down to that state. I guess. Where's the Tennessee? I believe, yeah, it's in Tennessee.

I'm going to Tennessee next week. Why am I not going to Hollywood? All right, that's it. Fine. I'm canceling the wedding that I'm going to. Thank you. Because if I can't be there, one can be there and we're all going to

Dollywood instead. I really want to see. I never, wait, we, did we watch Code of Many Colors last year? The Dolly Parton Christmas movie? No, but I've seen at least parts of it. Yeah, it's not, I keep like hoping, because I know Dolly Parton is an amazing actress and I want to see,

I just want to see, and I know that it was a story of her growing up and things like that, but it was just too surround, it was like too much of kid leads, you know what I mean? Oh yeah. Yeah, it's not, that's not for me, but I support her still. Oh, my God. So I'm, I am worried, so I don't know if this is like a weird, I don't want to say

conspiracy theory, but I was watching Falling In Love, which is the new Netflix romantic comedy that was put out. INN, trash. What was that? INN. Falling in because she enters to, I'm sorry, it's not trash, it's beautiful trash. And she was signed up to win a free in. won the inn and then had to go to New Zealand and the inn was falling apart.

But then there was a sexy contractor man who happened to be single. Actually, excuse me, happened to be widowed. That was there. That was so much hotter. That he wouldn't date anyone in New Zealand. But you know what? A dead wife. Oh, my God.

She died in birth. She really, no, it was. I don't think it was birth. I forgot what it was. She fell off a cliff. She also loved nature. She got fucked to death. She probably got...

Did a tiger have sex with her to death? Is that what happened? Yeah. Yeah, which that's... I mean, I would... I'm not going to say I would watch that. But I'd watch... I'd watch up until the bad parts.

Right, up until the bad part. Yeah. No, it's not fun. It's not fun. I don't have... No, I don't. It's just because I watched the Equestradots episode of Bob's Berger's last night,

and it just made me think of bronies. I've just got a lot... I got a lot of things going on. Again, I shouldn't drink nitro, Cold brew. I think you should. I talked her into it. You know what I did?

I talked her into it because they're not supposed to sell larger than the regular size of the Nitro Cold Brew. And I was just like, come on. I mean, I was like, do we have to tell anybody? And I convinced her to give me the two big. Jackie or junkie. I'm a junkie. Don't get between me and my coffee.

Ack, ac. Whoa. I'm a Kathy. You're a Kathy junkie. So the 40 premieres, that was Netflix, right? That's on the Hallmark channel. It's on the Hallmark channel. My question is, are they just reusing the same sets?

And is it, are they shooting them simultaneously or is it all different crews? We've discussed this before because there's actually a town in Canada that is set up for Christmas year round. Are they, so are they just shooting all of them there? I think it's just all across the board. I think they do it in lots of different places. But then that's the thing is that is Netflix in crouching on Hallmark's territory? Because they're releasing things like falling in love, which is the exact kind of garbage that I treasure,

they're really horning in. And what is Netflix going to do about this come Christmas? Are they going head to head with Hallmark? Because they can't buy the Hallmark channel because I'm sure Netflix is filled with too many heathens for Hallmark to allow to be taken over by. Jewish people. Thank God.

You know, thank God they at least have those standards. because I want the like the true hallmark trash because Netflix almost has too much money to make the proper trash I need. Do they, this hallmark is it specifically marketed to Christians? No, but it is the basis

of the entire channel. It's all, Chris, every single one. There's literally not one Hanukkah film. No, there's one Hanukkah one that came out last year. There was one Hanukkah one and it is rough. Why? Because they're from New York.

Oh, no. And he and she loves bagels. And it is like, I was watching, I was like, as someone that is like, I mean, I'm Italian from Queens, so I feel like it is similar. I was like, I'm offended by this. And it's just like, my shogana. And just doing this, I just, this is not. Why are we? Just like, don't force it at Hallmark.

Why are we even doing this? where it's just the same with like, there's nothing that is pro-LGBQ plus. There is nothing that promotes any kind of diversity. It is just... A lot of Candace Cameron. Lot of Candace Cameron Bray. I would pay a lot of money to see their attempt

at a Kwanza Hallmark film. No, I don't, I can't. I want to say that I believe there was one that was put out. Like, they really, and it's not... God, no. It's very upsetting. They completely remove Lori Laughalphill. right? So now, because of everything

that happened, which, oh my God, we have to talk about it. I saw the trailer. I can't wait to talk about it. So Hallmark has completely removed Lori Laughlin. All of her holiday movies have been taken down. The television, the Hallmark television show When Calls the Heart that she was on? She was taken out of that.

Could you say she was actually killed on the show? I believe she was killed. But they are making every step to say, like, we want Lori Laughlin and not associated with this channel anymore. However, Lifetime is making a made-for-TV movie

called College Admission Scandal. That is a... What's it about? It's a... It's a fucking... What a bitch fucking move. Lifetime is just throwing, like, just, like, poison darts

from the other side. Like, ha, ha, ha. We must relish in the fact that Hallmark doesn't have its precious lawyer. I love it. And it's Penelope Ann Miller and what's her name? Something Kirshner. And Mia Kirshner.

And it drops October 12th. And the trailer, please look up the trailer for college admissions scandal. It's so intense for no reason. It's just, oh my God. It's rich people doing what rich people have done for a very long time. And they got caught as they fucking should. And they're putting their head on a spike. But like, why are they, this is not...

When they're doing this, they're not actually playing, like, Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin. No, no, no, because it's very different. It's very different because one of them has a son. I think the funniest thing is if they would have had Lori Loughlin play the other woman. Would have loved it. Because obviously, she has enough time. She's been out, you know? She's gallivanting.

Basically, she's just retired now with, like, millions of dollars. That would be amazing. My favorite part, definitely. in the trailer, by the way, is at the end when one of the mothers is on the floor in her giant closet screaming into one of her shirts. Mommy, am I going to go to jail too? Yeah, you dumb, bitch. Oh, my God, that was another one of my favorite parts.

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Lori Loughlin holds her head low as she attends church without her husband. It's like, oh, I just, of course they're having issues in their fucking marriage. She doesn't give a shit. She doesn't care. No, they're not going to get it. punished? No, no, no, no, no. I just think the whole thing, I'm just so sick of looking at it. I'm sick of here. I'm sorry that we're even fucking

talking about it. The only reason why we're talking about is because of college admission scandal. I do recommend that trailer. I'm probably going to watch that movie because it looks great. Of course I'm going to watch the movie. I've been trying to figure out ways to get lifetime just so I can watch it in my house. Okay, I want to watch it. October 12, we've got a date, we got to watch

college admission scandal. The only way that would be better is if Lila was in it. I think that as one of the mothers, that would have been Oh, that would have been so good. Stop it. Singing. Especially if she was singing Xanax, which would be really great in it. She only agreed to do the movie if she could sing her single.

I want to be able to sing. I'm sorry, that's Mariah Carey. Oh, we didn't even talk about Mariah Careyoki, which is in the Mariah Carey app we missed out on. In 2009, the app came out with the release of her album, memoirs of an imperfect angel, and the app uses voice recognition software to judge how well you know the notes and lyrics to four of Carrie's later hits, which I think it's like touch my body, obsessed, don't forget about us, and shake it off. And it's just the four songs. That's it. Hell on earth. And you have to hit the notes that she hits? This is why you can't have children.

Can you imagine your child playing with this app all day? No, it was hard enough for when yesterday when Jeff asked if I'd seen any of the Peppa Pig TikToks and Peppa Pig TikToks guys, we're old. We're finally old. I want to say that I'm proud of the next generation because I think that their senses of humor

might be weirder than ours. Yeah, for sure. And this whole thing, there's all these TikToks with people, which is like, they find like a Peppa Pig figurine in like their sandwich and they go, Papa Pig What are you doing in my sandwich And they say it in a sexy voice

And so it's Peppa Pig and everything He's like, Peppa Pig, what are you doing Under my skirt? But it's all these weird that I don't know Why And people are like losing their minds for it We're old I don't want to look. Is it like little girls doing that?

It's all kinds. It's across the board. I think that we finally... I think Holden, you should do one, though. Yeah, I think that you should. You need to go out and purchase a tiny Peppa Pig. Oh, no. Peppa Pig, are you up my fucking ass?

That's the content we need. Yes. Peppa Pig, did you just come down to dinner with my parents? Ew, what does that mean? Is that a sexual innend? Is that sexy for you? Peppa Pig, are you with me at the gynecologist right now? Why are you at the gynaecologist?

Hold on him. I got some questions for him. I just were old. Oh, give me that old hot dog 7-11. Jeremy Rinner ass shit. You love, you're such a fucking run head now. I'm such a rennhead. I'm going to go to a Renaissance fair dresses Jeffrey Ritter.

And I'm just going to be like, this is not the right. Is it the rentersons? And then it was the fucking renaissance. It's time for the list. So you're going to get your reinhead on straight. Oh, it's on the list. Yes, sing it. Marisa Presque.

Whoa. We on that list. Am I in the list? Nope, because it is about big spenders. See the stars who have left. Generous tips at restaurants. I don't know. I found this on what I was in my ass.

App worm time. That, you know what, this kind of stuff just makes me smile. Like John Stewart, who left a $105 tip for his simple breakfast of coffee and eggs while dining at Juniors in Times Square. And I think it's because he knew that anyone working in Juniors in Times Square wants to die. Or quite possibly murder. Yes. So give them money, please. Yeah, please keep them happy.

I'm not going to lie, it has always been a secret. It's like a bucketless goal for me to make a waitress cry with the tip amount that I give her. Oh, God, I'm glad you finished that sentence. That's it. Just make them cry. No, it's because of the movie it could happen to you. Do you guys remember that movie? It's Nick Cage and Bridget Fonda.

And Bridget Fonda. And the one that talks like this? Renee Zelliger. No. Rosie Perez. So Nick Cage is a cop and he's married to Rosie Perez and Rosie Perez treats him like shit. And Bridget Fonda is a waitress at a diner that Nick Cage goes into,

and he leaves a lottery ticket as a tip because he didn't have any money. He's like, I hope you win something. I'm sorry. I don't have any money to give you a tip. She wins. They split it. Spoiler alert. They fucking fall in love.

Oh, my God. Do they fuck on top of the money? No, I wish they had. I think it was like a PG-13, PG movie maybe. I want to see the X-rated version. Yeah, I would love to see the X-Rate. Have sex on a bunch of money. Sex on the money.

Just like Chrissy Teigen, I hopefully made, I hopefully made her waitress at an outback steakhouse in Centerville, Ohio. She was in town to watch husband John Legends high school football team play and left

their waitress a $1,000 tip at an outback steakhouse. Well, the president doesn't like her. I was about to say she just called the president a pussy-ass bitch. on Twitter. He called her a dirty-mouthed woman or foul-mouthed, something like that.

That's how. He tweeted at her. And the president called her that. That's where we're at. That's everybody. That's fun. You know what? Good for you, Chrissy Deke.

Oh, yeah. I mean, she is great. I really. President Pussy ass bitch was strutting on Twitter. Oh, my God, dude. It's so ridiculous. You know what he needs? He needs an outside pussy.

Maybe that'll stop people. Maybe that'll help. Maybe that'll help. Maybe that's about Amy Schumer, who she left at at mega popular Broadway musical Hamilton, a $1,000 tip on a $77 bill. I'm assuming that is pre-pregnancy. Hopefully. Oh my God, I hope.

No, the baby's fine. He's beautiful. What about Johnny Depp? He's a famously good tipper, which is great. Maybe it's part of the reason why he has no more money. Maybe. See it, that was probably the meth and all the booze. But he's most commonly recited example. recited example is

when he was in Chicago filming public enemies and left a waiter a $4,000 tip when he went to Gibson's Steakhouse. I mean, cool. Yeah, I don't know if I want to even go down to Johnny Depp. No. I will say this, though.

You know how I have that bucket list? I'm probably not going to make her cry this year, but I do have I actually, before you brought this list out, I have my favorite restaurant in my neighborhood is this Mexican place, and this sweet old lady takes care of. me every time I go in there and this holiday season I am going to leave for the

first time ever like a stoop and I always tip her really well I'm going to leave like a fucking moron tip yeah you know what I mean like I love it like at least a hondo like at least you know what I mean just be like boom cry cry and then watch yeah and then scare her until she cries

and then I don't think that sounds great no that's nice holding besides working the fact that I worked in customer service for such a long time but my parents put it in us that no matter how little money you have, always tip. Yeah, of course. It is, I think, it is true. It was something I did before I worked at customer service for 10 years. It is something I will forever do.

I am very big, like, same as like, I don't go into a restaurant if it's at least an hour before closing because I was there. And the second when someone comes in six minutes before you're supposed to close, you're just like, I hate you. I hate you, and I want you to leave. But you can't say those things And you go, hi, no, of course you can sit. Please take your time. Say it on your last day. I'll say it on my last day.

I'll say it on my fucking first day. But, yeah, got a tip good, man. Got a tip good. And also, Holden, this is what made me think of you, Taylor Swift. She left a $500 tip on a bill at a Philadelphia restaurant in 2013, but went one step further,

leaving the head chef two tickets to her show the following night, which isn't that great? That's, you're leaving out the queen of my heart part of this, which is a fan said, I'm going to Chipotle, my favorite fucking restaurant. And she said, oh, yeah? Well, here's $90 for your fucking Chipotle because I'm Taitay, okay? Chipotle Tait, oh, my God, hybrid. Oh, my God, hybrid.

What do you think would be her signature platter at a Chipotle? An empty bowl. No, no, no. Butterfly in it. Yeah, the butterfly on top of three. Three beans. Could I please have three beans and one of the tinier leaves of lattice just one of the little strats of it? But that's for the butterfly.

That's not for me. Hey, Holder, remember when you came to L.A. and you ate at Chippole every day? Oh, my God. I went to a place where you can get some of the best Mexican food on the planet and I ate at Chipotle in the course of 10 days I ate there at least three times. I think maybe four times I ate at Chopole. I just don't understand. Yeah. I know. I don't get it either. And it makes me shit my brains out every time, like,

almost have an accident every time. See, I don't know why I, I think I've talked about it on here before. I do the same thing with Outback Steakhouse. Yeah. I am a, I get all of the emails. I have the app. And every time, every five times, every five times you go to Outback Steakhouse and you check in, you get a $5 off coupon. Oh my God. And they, I will say, by the way, try their terrible cocktails. Try their awful cocktails.

We got a chocolate martini, I think, last time, and it was so great and so bad. All right's bad. That's what your poop probably looked like, too, out of it. Oh, yes, very much. Chocolate martini. I love it.

I love it because I was sucked in by the idea because I kept getting emails aboard. They're like, we're bloomifying everything, which means they were deep-frying everything. Covering them in onions and then pouring the sauce all over it. Oh, my God. That's so disgusting.

And we both got bloomified meals. And afterwards, we're just like, why did we do? Oh, my God, they're trying to kill people. What did you do bloominify? What did you get bloomify? I got, I got a ribby steak bloomified. And then I also got a baked potato that you could also. Oh, no.

Oh, Jackie. Jackie no. By the way, I just want to say, Blumen Onion, if you don't know, is the worst thing you can possibly order from like any of these restaurants. I believe it was number one worst for you thing that you can get in any one of these.

Highest calorie, highest saturated fat, this nutritional value. Like, why? It hurts my belly. And I eat it. And I will eat it. And every time I'm like, we're not going back to outback.

And I'll look Jeff in the eye, and I probably, this is not him, it's me, it's all me. And he begs me not to go. He's like, do we have to go? Of course. Because, you know, then sometimes I'm like, but the lunch specials. And I never get anything that's on the lunch special. I always get all the dumb shit. And I'm like, yeah, you know what you better?

The plot, put a shrimp on it. Jackie, you work really hard. You can afford something that's not outback lunch. It's not about that. It's not about that. That's not what Chompoli is about. is about we have become they have become necessities in our lives.

We can't control this element of ourselves, okay? And we've never said we were perfect people, okay? And this is the moment in our lives. Yeah, we're flawed. I'm broken and I'm beautiful. See? What this is? This makes you guys so relatable.

Thank you. You know what? I'm broken and I'm fucking beautiful. Kelly Clarkson said it best. I guess my closest would be Panera bread. I eat there quite a bit, but I don't have weird shits afterwards. But do you get like the broccoli cheese soup?

Oh, yeah, I get, like, I mean, if I'm going, like, a sourdough bread bowl is going to happen. Why, I just, I mean, not to be a basic B over here, but, like, I love a bread bowl, but you know what gets too soggy? I love it soggy. It just gets, so, then what do you do about the bottom? It doesn't, it's thick. Oh, okay, so it doesn't go all the way through. Also, you know what? And also, people come at me with the Chipotle thing, but all these fucking people are like, oh, I do my juice cleanse and yada yada cleanse and whatever.

My cleanse is Chipotle. It does clean you out. I eat Chipotle. Everything all, everything leaves my body. I feel fully, I feel like an empty vessel. It's like getting a, what is it? Poop shoot. Shoop.

Yup. Oh. Colonic. A colonic. Yeah. A clononic. It's beautiful. Yeah, you know what?

Right. Holden. It's so healthy that you need. Three beans and a leaf and a butterfly. That's not what Tatea sounds like, but Holden. Oh, my God, is everything's going dark? I think I'm going blind. We can't see them.

Thank you so much, guys. You're welcome. We do it for you. I swear I'm going to practice and remember what I'm going to say. You're getting very good at it. You're getting very good at it. I know. And I was actually, I did that so well personally, not to give myself a compliment, but I'm giving myself one.

I did that so well, I actually thought I was going blind just then. That's scary. As I told you this would happen, this former A-plus list, mostly movie actor, who also was a former A-plus-List comic, has a team of people pitching him jokes each day. Back in the day, the jokes were all his. Adam Sailner. Nope. Dave Chappelle. Nope.

Back in the day. So Adam Sailner, similar as he's been out of the game for a while. But he's back in the game? He's about to get back in the game. David Spade. No. Jerry Seinfeld. Fuck you.

You're wrong. Jerry Seinfeld's been doing consistent stand-up this whole time. You know, I'm not big in the stand-up scene, all right? All right. More clothes. The color of his skin is black. You said you just called it? Oh, Chris Rock?

No, he's still been doing consistent stand-up this whole-old. Oh, sorry. We're not. It's standy heads, okay? Fucking renter-ass bitch. Tracy Morgan? No. Moss.

Arsenio Hull. I'm getting more and more mad at you every time you answer you. Eddie Murphy. Yes, you fucking fun people. Whoa. Murphy. What do you mean?

Where has Murphy been? What do you mean? Norbitt? Hello? Yeah, he hasn't been doing stand-up since the fucking 80s. Or the 90s even. Oh, just stand-up. I thought you meant in the spotlight of Norbert.

Of course I didn't include him in that. Of course I remember. Hocles. Hocolese. Hocolese. Hocleys. Guys, that was like 20 years ago. Oh my God, we're so old.

I'm sorry, not to be the annoying of we're so old, but you're right, that was a very long time ago. So next year in 2020, he said, I'm going to go on the road and do some stand-up. He will host SNL on December 21st. That's right. He's starring in Coming to America, the sequel. I'm very excited about that. Hell, yeah. With our boy.

That's like my favorite comedy ever. Our boy, our good friend Jermaine Fowler is going to be. Yeah, he's not insane. Man, when he let us know that, I was just like, what are you fucking kind of crazy? I'm so excited. But actually, the craziest news is that he is in negotiations with Netflix to a series of stand-up specials speculated to be around $70 million.

What? $70 million? But I think that that's insane because stand-up is a really hard thing to walk away from, especially for that long and then come back to. It's God, I can't even imagine. Adam Sandler fucking crushed it. He's doing great. But he's also, you know, it's just, I feel like Eddie Murphy's feeling the pressure.

Doesn't Eddie Murphy, doesn't he have like nine children, right? It's like the kind of thing where it's like, he must be kind of, I guess maybe he's not running out of money. No, he's got lots of money. But $70 million. $70 million. I'm happy for him. Yeah, good for him. I hope that, but now he's not running his own.

Oh, man, I forgot about Bowfinger. It's going to be a fascinating. 2020 is going to be a fascinating year for Eddie Murphy, like, period. It's just going to be insane. Like, I can't wait to see it. Because, honestly, when he was on top, he was Numero Uno, like, in all of this stuff. Oh, yeah, that's Shrek money. He never needs money ever again.

He's been in enough hits that he has money forever. Oh, yeah. Hercolese! Hercolese! I love Hercules. Okay, moving on, you people. Fun people. Us one people.

You rennatics. Oh my God. Hey, don't put me in this. Oh, my God. Natalie's such a fucking renatic. Natalie's been doing archery and shit. She's such a renatic. Hey, I have been thinking about it.

He started doing archery because of me. Yes. Take it, girl. No, I have been thinking about getting into archery, but it's because of Gina Davis. Thank you very much. Very good. This former aim list, mostly. television actress who starred in an iconic role, still watched constantly on streaming,

is a movie star. Back in the day, she had a topless scene cut from a movie and then sent cease and desist letters to websites who got stills of the deleted scene and posted them. Now, though, she is set to do a topless scene to prove a point. Let's see if it stays in this time, or if it's just a part of her publicity onslaught at the moment. She is a super popular, She used to be on a very, very, very popular TV show, and it's very popular on streaming even today. Jennifer Aniston. Yes, and this is the thing.

What? God damn I'm good. Yeah, and this is the thing. She has shot topless scenes apparently for Wonderlust, for the movie Horrible Bosses, and for the film The Breakup, and people are starting to think every time it's been a publicity stunt to be like, oh, I shot a top scene,

but naughty, naughty, You can't see it. Oh, but I shot one, but you can't see, see me Titi's. How has none of those photos been leaked? You think that she never actually did it? It said one of, she ceased and a sense letter went out to websites that got stills. Damn.

Yeah, but I mean, everybody tries to stop their topless photos from coming out. You know? I guess, you know, we were just talking about this, because also the same with Orlando Bloom that was just talking about the one that came out of his, when his penis was shown. when he was on vacation with Katie Perry, and they had, like, the, like, the cover, like, faded out box over it. And he's just like, yeah, my dick isn't that big, essentially when he said it.

Because how do you not get, like, I feel like at the, maybe it's just because I'm nowhere near and would never be anywhere near the kind of fame that Jennifer Anderson has. But it's like, if you get a naked picture of me and you want to sell it, and that will help you, and you got something. It's like, you're not. You don't do it. I mean, I'd rather you didn't.

But also you're going to look at it and be like, oh, that is a naked fat woman. Oh, stop. You know what I mean? I feel like that's what you just be like, yep, that's a naked fat woman. Well, it was it Whitney Cumming? Who just got, I think it was Whitney Cummings who just got, somebody got a hold of her, a nude photo of her. And she was just like, you know what? Here's my nipple.

I'm going to pull it out myself. And I was like, yes, bitch. She was awesome. She was so cool about it. She was so stone cold about it. She was like, yeah, it was my fucking nipple. This guy's trying to blackmail me. Can you believe this shit?

Like, I don't give a, like, fuck off. What are you talking about? Like, here's my nipple. Isn't it shocking? Yep. That is a thing. You know, at least, like, as long as she's not, I hope that Jennifer Anson never, not that she doesn't have enough money to do it, didn't have to, like, deal with a blackmailer or anything like that.

It's like, hopefully a cease and desist would just stop it, because if that's something that you don't want out there, then, you know, you have every right to try and stop it. But, so now she's going to put, she's putting him out there, though? Uh, uh, Aniston, no. I think it's every single time it's a way for her to be like Oh, I did it, but you can't see Bad girl

Yeah, put me in the press, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Which I hate naughty, naughty ladies. I just don't, I cannot say that. Ooh, almost kisses. Are you calling her a cocktees? Oh, yeah. I'm calling her an external motherfucking pussy. She's got fanny packs on.

You want one more? Yes. Okay. This stunt woman and wife to a co-host of a popular true crime podcast is secretly in love with Jeremy Rinner. Oh my God. She sounds like a fucking awesome. Natalie Jean. You fucking romantic.

She was in love with Jeremy Rennar. She wishes she could take him out to death. Never return the love because I am not a man. You know? But maybe you guys can at least shoot arrows together. I don't want to. Oh, my God. You need to listen to Taylor Swift song, The Archer,

and start thinking about Jeremy Ritter's stupid abs. I bet he has to do four of them. Well, he's got a lot of them, and especially in his suit, because they're making Hawkeye into a television show. I just, it's just, it's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. Even as a Renatic, it is a lot for me.

On that note, I think that's it for this week. Now that we've finally broken down Natalie to get her to say what we needed her to say. I just want to say thank you guys so much for joining us this week. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name's Holden McNeely. My middle name's James. I'm 6 foot one in a Capricorn.

You can find me on Twitter. I don't even remember my Twitter tag, so I'm just a handle. So I'm just going to say you can actually find me on Twitch. dot TV, forward slash Holdenaders. So also check out on at Patreon. Because Patreon, it's going to be big. We've got big bonus fun stuff, and I want you to check it out. And it's a Patreon.

Also, yes, Holden's name is Holden James, which means that you can call him H.J. McNeely. And you can go to Patreon at patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast. We are cracking away at bonus content every single week. So please join us. Actually, we can announce, because it will have already been out by now, that we this week have released a new, we're releasing some new content through page seven where it is titled page seven true Hollywood stories. It will be every other Tuesday is our plan and we will be

releasing fun taintment, as I call it, about page seven related topics. Our first episode is John Travolta. The next episode I believe will be about the nanny and Fran Dresher and so on and so forth. We hope you enjoy it as we start cranking out extra content for you guys, all free All on the main page. That's not even Patreon stuff. That's just for you guys. Wow, you guys. Yeah.

I can't believe it. Yeah. My name is Natalie Jean. Gene is my middle name. I do not use my last name. Although technically now my last name is Zabrowski. Oh my God. Oh, my sister.

Oh, my gosh, my gosh. Holden, no. You've done a lot of 90s comedy today. And you can find me at the Natty Jean on all the bullshit. all the bullshit. We love you guys. Thank you guys so much for joining us today. And we'll talk to you next week.

Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Bye, you all 7-Eleven hot dogs. Hey, everybody. It's time for some more Patreon shoutouts. Courtesy of me, Holden James McNeely. That's right, old H.A. over here. Let's do it. Starting with Lottie Dawson.

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