Page 7 - Episode 322: Harpoon Me, Clooney!

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

Jackie, Holden and Natalie gab about Demi Moore's new book, J.Lo modeling for Versace, and some very juicy Emmys blind items   Need even more speeecy spicy hot goss? Join our Patreon page for bonus episodes, ad-free main eps and more!    Go to http://felixgrayglasses.com/PAGE7 to protect your eyes today. Go to http://honeybook.com/page7 for 50% off your first year. For 20% off your first purchase, visit http://nativedeodorant.com and use promo code PAGE7 during checkout! Go to http://phlur.com and use promo code PAGE7 to get 20% off your custom Phlur sample set!   Bossa Antigua, Lobby Time, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Was I out of my head? It was out of indication. It was hard to find. Yeah, it's been stuck in my head because I was in the store, and I saw that, now that's what I call music 70 just came out. And I was reminiscent of, now that's what I call music three that I was obsessed with, that ended with the late, great, and not late, just the great fastball out of my head.

And I just thought it was the perfect way to end the perfect compilation album. Welcome to page 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. And my name is Holden McNeely. And for the rest of the episode, we will be talking in this tone as we state some facts and we give the hardball answers. Holden, you go second. I don't know why you delayed and saying your name. I'm the third one. I froze. I froze in panic. I forgot my name. I thought it was

Ashley. I got worried. I was like, your name's not Ashley. You're on the microphone right now. Are we going back to a gun with the wind thing? because I'll fucking scream about it. Do you want me to scream about it more? Frankly, Scullid, I don't give a fucking fat horse's fuck. Do you ever have to say your name to, like, somebody at Starbucks or something? And then you go, like, oh, that's my name, weird. Yes, a lot.

Natalie. My problem is I forget the year I was born a lot. When someone asked me what my birth date is, I have to think about what year. I'm like, is that the year I was born? Have I done too many drugs? I have to think about a lot of things. Right now I'm thinking about Natalie's wearing a Super Mario Brothers t-shirt. I am.

Look at you. The whole back is a full Mario picture. Oh, it is. Where'd you get that? I got it from ASOS.com. What? Aesos. This is a Super Mario 1 shirt, but really Super Mario 3 was my game.

That's Lexi's game. We play it all the time because she loves that game. I feel like you wore that shirt to make me smile. And I appreciate it. Thank you so much, Natalie. What's the difference between the first one or the third one? Oh, there's plenty different. The second one is a different thing.

I don't know. The second one is sort of its own beast, and the third one and the first one are more connected, but the third one is fucking amazing because it's got all the lands, got so many different. It was, it got mushrooms, got boop-boops? You get into a pipe? Yeah, there's definitely pipes.

You see, Jackie, the second one is very different from the first and the third one, and that's because in Japan, the actual sequel to the first Mario, game was considered way too hard for America. So they just re-skinned a completely different game and they called it Super Mario too and they just sin it out and made it Mario instead of something else.

Is it the one where he becomes a raccoon? No, that's the third one. I remember that one. That's the one. I used to be able to fly through that game. I could get through in like an hour. That was still at the time when you couldn't save games. So you just had to play it. Back in the day.

And you would zoom through it because you'd get all three whistles in the first world and then you'd go to the second. second world and then you'd use the three whistles and it would get you to world eight immediately. The first whistles, you have to kneel on the white block. The second whistle, you have to fly inside of the castle and the what? How do you get the third? No, no, no, you only need the two. Is this a spoiler alert?

Are y'all doing spoiler alerts right now? Yeah, if you haven't, if you haven't played Super Mario 3, we've just ruined it for you. Oh, my God. You all got to see, I'm going to get my fucking whistles. And then I'm like, oh, I did it. I did it so fast. I'm the best one. You should try it.

It's fun. Yeah, you should try it. I'm never going to do it. I can't do buttons. I'm apologizing you right now for ruining your pop culture podcast, our pop culture podcast with a bunch of nerd-ass Mario shit. I'm fine with that. I played, what is it, boonky?

I played one of those boonky games. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just started getting back into adventure games, which were my favorite thing growing up because of all the flying we have to do. I can't focus on work very well when I'm on plane because I want to punch everyone so hard. Whoa, you're scary now. But adventure games, you get, I can completely just do.

get distracted. What kind of adventure games? Right now I'm playing Grim Fandango. Oh. Are you a monkey island fan? I love Monkey Island. I've played them all, I think. I mean, that sounds like fun.

It's pretty fun. What's the one where you have a flute? Bo do do, find the animals. I save them in the forest. I would play that game. I remember Holden. And so my favorite thing to do, my favorite, I mean, one of the things I did because I was friends with a bunch of nerd boys is I'm very good at sitting and watching other people play games and making fun of them while they play said games. But there was one game that I'll forever remember that would go over when Kisle and Holden lived together.

And it was called Pickman. And it was these teeny babies and they were little babies. And they were just have your little babies. And they go pick, pick, pick, pick, pick. And they had leaves in their heads. Yes. I don't know this one. I don't know that game.

It's a Nintendo game. It's very cute. But then you would watch them play it? Yes. Oh, yeah, no, I don't play it. I break things when I play games. But you provide all the entertaining commentary. Yeah, I make them upset.

And I go, you died. It's my favorite story is the story of Henry and Jackie playing risk against each other. And Henry usually won, but one time Jackie won. And she purposely kept the board out for posterity saying, and then one day he flipped out. You want to explain it? He flipped out. You know this story when he flipped out and he beat me with the board.

Like this when you were children? Yes. Is that the time he had to go to therapy because of physical? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's also why we can't, but we're not allowed to play games. We're not allowed to play games in the house. It is very, it's forbidden. And all video games, that's why I look at video games

like, you know, like I'm a child without thumbs. I was like, I imagine that there's a different world where I was able to play the games, but I get it because then I also played cranium not too long ago, and I almost flipped the board, and I walked outside, and I was just pacing and pacing and pacing. And then someone came up, it's like, it's okay. It's like, it's not okay.

Yeah. Cranium. It's because it was the charades portion of cranium. Yeah. And I was doing it, and then someone said, isn't this what you do for a living? Don't you, like, act? Why are you so bad at this?

And I was like, I'm bad at it? Somebody's testing you. I'm bad at it. But the things that you think are like, these are a bunch of people that didn't know me. I was playing it with God Daddy's friends and I just met a bunch of them. And they thought I was being like, zany, silly, but no, I was triggered. And I got mad.

I got really mad. Like, they were just joking with like the cajoling and the roasty, but I was not having it. I can't play games. Yeah. No, I don't really like playing games that you compete with other people. people because I also am very competitive and I get angry if I don't win. So I like to play games where I just have to beat the computer. It's better this way.

It's better. Well, just like when you, because you guys bought a chess board because you and Henry were going to play chess against each other. And then I asked Henry how the chess was going. He said, well, we both wanted to get better at it. So we downloaded chess on our phones and now we play chess on our phones. Yeah. Yeah.

I get it someday. The only thing that I want to play is a Ouija board. That's the only thing I can still do. But then I also put it in, my mom put it in my head that you shouldn't open, you shouldn't open doors that you can't close. Yeah, it's true. You do not know how to, you have to know how to close it for sure at the end. And my problem is I get mad at the ghosts.

I'm like, oh, yeah? Oh, you think you're so great just because you're a ghost? And I start pacing around out front. Wow. Oh, so you play a Ouija like it's a board game, like it's a, competitive. Yeah, it's like, oh, I guess you're undead. Wow, what an achievement.

Everybody's going to die, you stupid-ass ghost. Yeah, but it's my problem, though, is how else am I supposed to have sex with a ghost? I need to open up the world. You need to get a pottery, what do they call them, a pottery wheel. Oh, yeah. And that's how you wait. Yeah, and then you guys start doing naked pottery, and then the hands, the ghost hands will slide up on your hands. I don't like it when my hands are dirty.

So then what do I do? Do it with your feet. Oh, I got my feet parts. You better watch out. I make feet pots now. Does Emmy more talk about that? Did she talk about Ghost in her book?

Ooh, segue. Oh, my God, you're right. It's time to talk about it. That was great segue, Nat. Guys, you're making it less organic. Oh, I mean, yes, Natalie. In Demi Moore's book Inside Out that just came out. So Demi Moore just came out with,

It is Demi. Right? Yes. We're going Demi with this. I can't remember. I call her Demetri, but that's just me. I always said Demi Moore, but, you know, when am I talking about Demi Moore aloud?

Never, pretty much, because she has the eyes of a ghost, also circling that back in, but it's because she had horrible, she had a lot of horrible addiction problems. And we shouldn't make light of that. But in her new memoir, she is, She is spilling some tea against Ashton Coochard. I don't even want to get into all that stuff because, you know what?

It's rough. He even, I don't know if you saw the tweet that he came and he's like, I was going to come on here and say a snarky comment against my ex. But I looked at my wife and I looked at my daughter and my son, and I decided not to. And that was the tweet that he put out. Ooh, huh. That's technically like a huge burn.

What did she say about him? that he cheated on her many times, that he forced her to do things sexually that she didn't want to do, that essentially just overall that... But not like necessarily rape, right? No, no, no, no, like threesomes and, you know, orgies and that kind of stuff.

And she also said that he, quote, said that alcoholism is not a real thing. And she kind of said that he was one of the reasons of why she relapsed. Ah. But another thing that she was talking about in her book, which I don't know about y'all, but I still kind of want to have sex with John Cryer. And maybe it's a two and a half men thing, even though I watch way too much two and a half men.

I think it's something about like an everybody loves Raymond kind of thing of how much I want to have sex to Ray Romano. And in two and a half men, if you're going to look at either, are you going to have sex with Charlie Sheen? Or are you going to have sex with John Cryer? Of course I'm going to have sex with John Cryer. Do we have to choose? You have to choose. What's your choice? Well, one has AIDS.

What's your choice? So, yeah, I think that's pretty simple. Yeah, but he came up with hashtag winning. Isn't that great? When he was in a deep spiral of drugs, he did come up with that. He did come up with hashtag winning. But in Demi Moore's book, she said that she took John Cryer's virginity. So they were talking about a movie that they were both in together called No Small Affair in 1984.

I haven't. And now I have to see it. And she wrote in the book, I played a young nightclub singer. And John Cryer played the 19-year-old photographer who falls in love. with her in his first movie role. John fell for me in real life too and lost his virginity to me while we were making that movie. She continued,

it pains me to think of how callous I was with his feelings that I stole what could have been such an important and beautiful moment from him. To which John Cryer responded, which I thought was very classy. Well, the good thing about this is she doesn't have to feel bad about it anymore

because while I'm sure she was totally justified making that assumption based on my skill level, and the stunned look on my face at the time. I had actually lost my virginity in high school, was what he tweeted out about it. So was this movie then before he sort of took on the nerd mantle? Because I think 84 was pretty early.

But I think it's still after Pretty and Pink, but I could be wrong about that. No. Let's look. Well, I guess, no, I guess, oh, it's his first movie role. So this is the beginning of all of it. Oh, okay, wow. I will also say, man, if you read later in that article,

Apparently he said in his memoir So that happened He said that he was devastated When he went to Demi Moore's house and the housekeeper told her That she was out with her boyfriend Oh I think you just say thank you for having sex with me

Demi Moore Yes thank you and I am yes I am just very I'm scared of you and I know that Pretty and Pink is the He Who Shall Not Be Named of movies now But I still love of Ducky.

Oh, no, pretty and pink isn't the bad one. Oh, 16 candles is the bad one. Okay, all right. That's the one. Pretty big is so good with. Pretty good. Okay. I haven't seen it in a million years.

Like, kind of, uh, what's her name, isn't it? Um, from Ghostbusters. Uh, any pots and she's- Slimer. Yes. Slimer's also in it. He makes a can. Does he make the dress?

Yeah. He does. He is like, oh, I got all this slime on my dress. It's like, oh no. What am I going to do? I did really, I remember growing up watching that movie, well, I mean, it was old by the time I saw it, but seeing Annie Poss's character being like a single woman running at like a record store, I thought was so fucking cool. I wanted to be Annie Potts in many different ways and that it was definitely one of them. And also I wanted to be the nerdy receptionist that gets to have sex with Rick Moranis.

But who doesn't? Yeah. She wore a leopard-bred coat. I know. Are you kidding? Fashion icon. Fashion icon. Andy Potts.

And she's got the interesting voice. Really, I wanted to identify more with antipots, but I wasn't as sexy as she is. Well, maybe 2020 can be your Annie Potts year. Ooh, I like it. Can I say I'm getting potty with it? Going to the potty. This is what it'll be.

It'll be a cross between Annie Potts and Harry Potter. It'll be your pot head year. Andy Potter, yes. You'll dress like a British school student while a wizard school student. It's like leopard print wizard robes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

I want to wear leopard wizard robes. I feel like that there's been nothing that's more you that's ever been created. Right. Except I don't know. Maybe what was more for me is the sexy Mr. Wajor's Halloween costume. Why is saying that like a baby? Because I'm a baby girl. Sexy baby.

Yeah. Sexy baby and sexy baby like to talk about it's okay the appearance. get divorced. Come to my neighborhood. Oh, no. I want you to come. I want to be sexy Mr. Wagers, too. I want to be sexy Mr. Wages.

I don't like it when you do it. I watch my pee-Pee go poo-poo. I don't know. You want to watch your Pee-P go poo-poo. Yeah, I want a shit out of my dick. It's a small child. Don't do that. I think that's a bad idea.

It sounds scary. What I don't like is that this article that I pulled up doesn't have the weird hand puppets as well. And the way, There's a picture with her wearing a wig, too, right? Yes. This one is just her and gray booty shorts. And what I don't understand.

I actually kind of like the look of it of tiny sweater with no shirt but a tie and the shirt collar. I think it's kind of sex. Also, covers the breasts. Kind of. It kind of covers. It's classy. Maybe it should. You know what?

Yeah. I'm against this article. This is the classy Mr. Rogers costume. It's pretty classy. I also love the. I love the puppets. I didn't know that until just now. Also, what's this plastic gray hair wig?

Yeah, yeah. That's an interesting contribution to the costume. I don't know why we need to make the purest thing imaginable about fucking. Oh, man, no hair wig. And it's also in the picture. It's over her hair where her hair's being out of the bottom. Yeah, our hair's just sort of dump it out of the back of this weird plastic. That's not what he looks like.

No. It makes me think of Santa Claus 3, or no, is it the second one? When they create a doll version of Tim Allen as the Santa Claus. It's the third one. I think it was Martin Short, who was Jack Frost. Bold and I are both just staring at you. You don't understand. Why are we talking about Jack Frost?

What is even happening? They turned Tim Allen. and the Santa into a doll. It's the second one. It's the second one and they turn him into a doll. We're talking about Halloween. You're talking about a Christmas-themed movie.

I just, I bump. You're so excited for Christmas. No, I mean, how dare you? How dare you? No, I hate Christmas except for the Hallmark Christmas movies. I do think that this Mr. Rogers costume is in more taste than the one from last year that was the handmade, sexy handmaid's tale.

Oh, my God. That was rough. Because that's the ones I would like to avoid are just like the, like, sexy prisoner of war. Right. Yeah, no, it's no good. Sexy Guantanamo Bay inmate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to be talking sexy.

I think we need to talk about George Clooney's new beard. I could not include this in the articles I sent you guys because I opened up this picture and I went, Hachy, muchy. I was taken aback by how hot George Clooney's. Clooney is with a beard. I'm not even like, of course, everyone, like most people would like to at least give George Clooney a little,

the littlest of licks. But him with a beard, captain of my ship, get me through the rough waters. He does look like a sea captain. He does look like a sea captain. That's sort of, that's searching for some sort of a giant whale

or some sort of a sea whale. Or works in a lighthouse. He could work in a lighthouse. He could, oh my God. the new lighthouse movie that's coming out soon. Yeah, there's something that I did find sexy about the lighthouse movie trailer. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yeah, yeah. So here we go.

That's what you got to do, Jackie. Dress up like a very sexy whale for Halloween. Okay, and I go, harpoon me, Clooney. Well, yeah, we'll start calling him George Harpoon. I do love a sexy whale costume. Yeah, I kind of like have a spout. I think it actually should be for a dude, right? Right.

So then you could come out of a spout. He could jizz out of the hole on his back. So there's a tube going from his hard dick, wraps around over to the hole in his back. Burts out of his back. And he furiously masturbates. Or you make the whale backwards, so the back is the front of you,

and then the whale faces on the back. See, this is why we need you here for this, because I don't think like that in terms of costuming, and it's very important. Yeah, thank you. That's what we're here for. We are the inventors. So the head is the tail?

the head could be the tail or the back of the head could also be the face. How many men, how many heart-dicked men, too, would it take to fill up this costume? It might be like a couple's thing or, you know, something like that. But if it's a sexy costume, I think that it's fine. That or you take two men and you strap them back to back. Yeah. That's what you do. If you're going to go for a realistic, like a realism, well, you'd have to, they're long.

So it would have to be a bunch of people tied together. Oh, so a human whale to be. Like a human whale to be. Here you go, Tommy Six, whatever the fucking guy's name is. There's your next movie. So you've got to go with something sexy this year

that's completely inappropriate. What are we going as? I mean, also sexy lighthouse, because then you can have sex with Robert Pattinson as well as... And it'd be an easy costume to pull together. Yeah, sexy lighthouse. And go like,

there's a boat And then you say that every time you see someone you want to have sex with So Jennifer Lopez walks up and I go Coot, good, it says a boat Watch out for my shores I like that this theory implies that any actor is sexually attracted to an inanimate object in a movie they were just in. That's how you lure them in.

Yeah, I'm the fish lore, yes. But I do want, I would like to make kiss on either Willem Defoe or Robert Pattinson in the lighthouse. What, I did just bring up J-Lo, and I have to bring up the fact that I finally saw hustlers. And Jennifer Lopez, I can't with how amazingly attractive she is. She has gotten better looking with age. She was just, everyone saw the picture that she closed out the Versauch. Did you watch the walk? Oh, I watched the walk.

Oh, I watched the walk, and it was a redux of the green sexy dress she wore in the year 2000, and it is 19 years later, and she looks, I think she looks better. Do you know what's amazing? I didn't realize until I read the, like, news article that she was actually, um, that was actually from present day and not from that Oscar night. Right. Like, I legitimately thought this was a shot from the Oscar. I was like, oh, they're showing that to be like, you know, whatever.

Because you sent me Amelia Clark talking at the Emmys about how J-Lo, by the way, inspired her, like, whole look and her whole year because she thought she was so amazing in Hustlers. I, which that loves me so, it loves me. It loves me. That Amelia Clark loves J-Lo, and it's how much I love it. It loves me. It loves me back. It's a full-circle love.

What is it, too, about celebrities, like, hitting it off, like, via social media and from completely different aspects of everything and getting together on, like, Twitter or whatever, and responding to each other. Me, like, I like you, too. I like you, but you like me? And it just makes me so happy. Are you talking about, like, Rihanna and Lizzo, which that also makes me so happy? Rihanna and Lizzo, Amelia Clark and J-Lo.

I just love seeing that happen when, when, two, people from completely opposite, like, ends of the spectrum are like, hey, hi, you're my friend. You know what I mean? It's like two little kids becoming friends. That means Amelia Clark stands Jennifer Lopez, right? Yeah. Kind. Yeah. Is that what the kids? That's what the kids? I think that they said it like a year ago. I don't know if they still say it. Oh, is that not a kid that we don't say that anymore? I don't think so. But I'm just now putting it in my vocabulary. Well, then we bring it back around. All right. We'll bring it back around. I've heard that I stand T-swipped, you know what I mean? And I'm like, I'm like, I guess.

I guess I do, but I'm not like, yes, I have three different T-Swift T-shirts, but, like, I'm not, like, obsessed. Like, I like a lot of different artists, and so I'm not like, well, actually, I might join the fan club to get pre-sale tickets. You know what? I'm going to take all the back. I think you stand. I think you stand.

I think you stand. She's doing a music festival. And by the way, she's doing it in LA, so I may be out there for the TV. Oh, come on out. So you'll come out there, but not to, like, just see your friends. No, no, no. I'll probably do one of those where I hide from everyone and just go to the lover music festival.

That's fine because I'm not going with you. Calm! It's going to be a bunch of probably really good people. You're going to be memorable. You're going to be hysterical. Yeah, I don't want to hold you while you cry. You want to see me cry, dude? No, I want to cry. I want to cry while I'm becoming a stripper and I'm in hustlers. And apparently they didn't,

it's not an accurate depiction of what the life of a stripper is, but that's fine. You know what, neither is good fellas. So I know, I agree. It isn't appropriate. It's definitely a Hollywood exploitation of the life of strippers for sure. Oh, yeah. I get that. I've had many stripper friends where I know that that's not what it's like.

But you know what? Again, neither is the life of a mobster. No. You think that it's like, oh, he gets all the things and he can fuck whoever he wants and he can kill who every wants. That's not how it is either. No. But hussers. is stripper goodfellas.

I like watching this interpretation of stripper life. I don't care about gangster movies. I mean, even as a podcaster, I feel like, you know, people come up to be like, where's your gold-plated gun, you know? Where are your diamond-sutted ice skis? Oh, because you're a podcaster. I'm just a podcaster. Like, the movies make it look like we're hitting the town,

eating muff, fucking shooting people in the head at the nightclub and fucking laughing at the fucking blood while we drink. We do have all the diamond-crusted skis because I won't walk anywhere anymore. I like to glide. I like ice below my blades and I glide everywhere I go. And it is beautiful to behold. Thank you. I'm a bit of a leopard.

I'm a bit of an ice leopard. And that is what everyone calls me. Jackie Ice Leopard to Roski. Two-eyed one screen, sitting eyes are hurting Jackie, too. wide one screen, saw sitting eyes are hurting, Jackie. I may identify as a flying purple daddy eater in the sheets, but when I'm at work,

I'm a lean, mean screen-staring machine. And you probably don't realize if the average American blasts their eyes with bright screens for 11 hours every day. Then you think about what you do all day, and it doesn't seem so crazy. I mean, George Clooney does have a beard now, and I have sexy research to do.

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so you can see everything in its true color. I want to see the true purple on my people-eaten murderer. I'm surprised they didn't falsely identify and throw Barney into the slammer. If there's a big purple, I don't trust. It's for sure him. I'm not anti-purple. I swear I'm just against Barney.

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My beautiful yellow tortoise shell girls make my baby browns pop. And not in the way your eyes would splotie if the purple people either got as Mitz on you. My Felix gray's really do help with my eye strain. I didn't even realize how dry and weird my eyes got after marathining hours and hours of 90-day fiancé. I thought it was hocus, but it really does work. Felix gray glasses are available in non-prescription,

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help me keep it all organized and helps keep my life in perspective. Take a breath, Jackie. Everything is fine. My anxiety levels decrease to that of a semi-normal human when I'm able to look at everything I have to do in one place. Thank you, HoneyBook. Save time and do more of what you love with HoneyBook. And right now, HoneyBook is offering our listeners 50% off. When you visit HoneyBook.com slash page 7,

payment is flexible, and this promotion applies whether you pay monthly or annually. Go to HoneyBook.com slash page 7 for 50% off your first year. that's honeybook.com slash page seven. But you said, you don't like gangster films, Jackie. You were just saying that you do. I also do. I do feel like I hit a critical mass of gangster films, like sometime in the mid-2000s and had to take a break.

But, yeah, I mean- I'll still throw on the departed willy-nilly. Departed is so re-watchable. I don't know. Is that really? Is it technically? I guess it's not a gangster movie. I like, I like. Yeah, it is. Boston Gangsters.

I was forced to watch. I kind of saw little parts of gangster movies, and I was like, I get it. And then people would make me watch them, and I'd be like, yeah, is what I, I was, but I did like. Yeah, I get, I understand. I only liked them because I wanted to marry a gangster. I wanted to marry a gangster, and I wanted to become a gangster. You grew up closer to that culture.

I grew up in Pittsburgh. Yeah, everybody's just like a stinky factory worker. Yeah, no, that's not really, which, I mean, I would, I'd do that too. I watched Chernobyl. I would have definitely, I would have kissed on any one of those minors. Yeah, they were pretty sexy. and then they all got nude. Oh my God.

It wasn't sexy penis, though. No. I really, I will say I've been enjoying a lot lately that there's been a lot of unsexy male nudity in a lot of things. I know, it's been fun. Just to not. Misso-Mu-Raj.

Just gemstones. Oh, Me-Sum-Muh. My whole theory is that right now, flaccid dick is the big thing to do in TV shows and stuff, as was established by Game of Thrones. Like, the dick is where it's at. Even in comedy movies, everything. That's it.

So where we're heading. the next big trend, gaping asshole. It's like the final frontier. It's like they've showed Vigine. Breasts, you know, it started with breasts, right? It was like, get breasts in there. We want the kids to go crazy. Now it's all about the dick.

Every single HBO-style TV show has to have a dumb penis in there at some point. And we're headed to asshole, ladies and gentlemen. Have you been inside of my brain? Because I feel like I've been like Georgia O'Keefeing every light instrument in my life because I've been seeing a lot of butt holes in lamps. You should start painting? Wow. Should I start painting?

But I've been seeing a lot of lamp but holes. What do you want to say about the buttholes though? Because Georgia O'Keefe like had a... Oh, yeah, she had like a thing with them. Mine is just like, let's love. A hole is a hole and let's have love. I think whether it's, you know, whether it's hairy, whether it's greasy, whether it's packed filled with...

I do not approve. of Gracie buttholes and I will say that on record. Wait, you're anti-greasy butt? Yeah, I don't want no Gracie butt. I see, I'm into arm, like, I say if it's slippery, then I'll get into my frippery. I say that about every butthole lamp that I see. You know, it's like, it's like, I get it. You know what I mean?

You know what I mean, though? You've ever seen a lamp and you think it looks like a butthole? What part of it? But maybe I will now that you've brought it to my attention. All of it, they're like the fixtures. Natalie has been looking at every light fixture in here. Yeah, I guess this one kind of does have a bit of a starfish. Yeah, that's like a cagey starfish.

My butthole is a cage. It is a cage for your poop. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I say, I'm down with the buttness, as the kids say. are you about so you're it's because of J-Lo it's because I saw Hustlers

and man there was a scene where like you didn't know who was walking and it it was J-Lo walking with a juicy couture that like crushed velvet hoodie and a crown on the back of the of it and I could tell by her butt

that it was J-Lo and not anyone else in the movie well yeah she's got a big old butt God I just want to be how I remember I remember I remember watching Selena when I was younger before she was J-Lo and just being like, anything for Salinas. I want to go buy a boostier. I want everything.

I need everything. I love those boosters. What would your stripper name be, Jackie? Probably slanky knobs. That's the worst stripper name I've ever heard in my fucking life. Mine would be sapphire. Natalie, what would yours be? Shim sham.

Shim sham. Oh, I like that too. Shim sham the clown. And you come out, sexy clown makeup and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking more I would be like, like one of those,

I was thinking of those scrubbing bubbles on. Oh, I like that. You're also clean while you do it. Yeah. You have brooms on your feet, like broom handles? Yeah, like kind of like pippy longstocking style. That's great. Oh, I could see you as that.

I'd be like a cute little sexy orphan. You're strippy longstocking. Yeah. Strippy long stockings. Yeah, stripy long stockings. Anyway, that's great because stockings, too, you can work that into the act. Yeah, I already got the red hair. That's why I'm going to be called gloves.

And I'm just going to have a ton of it. I'm just going to have glove after glove on my hands. And all I do is just slowly take off glove after glove, never take anything else off. There's a market for it. Oh, for sure. It's like the, you know, like the magic act where you like pull a bunch of scarves out. Yes. of your holes.

I've also seen that done in a, what is it, like, fanciful art. Acty art. What is that called? Comedie Del Art. Oh, whoa. Not comedian del. Oh, that wears my tea and my fucking weird mustache.

Yeah, I didn't mean to get all classy with you guys. By the way, Jack and I both went to theater school. I don't know what you're talking about. Performance art. I was talking about performance art. But you saw somebody pull them out of their books. No, out of their jeans. Yeah.

No, she, like, it was like in the vein of one of those where it was the same performance artist that was doing a lot of the knitting with like the yarn in her pussy. And then she also had a bunch of scarves in there. I think I told you that I once went to a performance art show my friend was in from college and one of the other acts, I guess we'll call it an act. It was a woman, um, screaming. And then she removed her underwear and, like, was spread eagle to the audience. Then just started filling her, her, uh, part, her, you know, crevices. Yeah. Uh, with peanut butter.

So, and she was slapping in and there. It was like an entire jar of peanut butter. And then eventually the entire space smelled sort of like hot peanut butter. I just. And I could not eat peanut butter for like a year. Yeah, yeah. Was it like the kind of. I like where it's like a spoonful and then it was like the slide up in there like a

It wasn't it was it was sloppy she was just like grabbing handfuls slapping it in everywhere See that's really more of my issue it's that I I don't care how much peanut butter you got in your pussy I don't want peanut butter on my hands what do you think she was trying to say um stop eating peanut butter yeah oh yeah everyone to not eat peanut butter for a year and something to do maybe it's something to do with like like like widespread knowledge about um the allergies, like peanut allergies. And how we have to be aware. Yeah, that maybe she was trying to alert people to the dangers of peanut allergies.

Likesy has a peanut allergy. She should have probably seen the whole piece. And I love, I fucking love peanut butter and it made me very angry. So maybe her point was to ruin your day. Are you back on peanut butter? Oh, yeah. This is years ago. Oh, Erica.

As long as you're back on it. I don't know how Drake is going to get back on his tattoo game. Yeah, back on it. Drake has come out saying that he wants a tattoo of Celine Dion's face because he loves Celine Dion. And apparently they have like a, they have a fun, like the relationships we were talking about earlier where they enjoy each other.

I am not a Drake fan, but I do enjoy the fact that Celine Dion is being discussed at all because I love Celine Dion and I never want to shame her in any way, shape, or form. And I hate that she gets a bad rep because you know what she's been through a fucking lot? Why did she get a bad rap? Well, you know, she's very thin, and she apparently, she's a bit of a dave, but also she's Sleen Dion. Yeah, she's allowed.

Yeah, she's allowed to be a dave. She lost her husband and her brother in the same week. Her husband, dad. Her husband, dad, but you know what? They loved each other, and he did wait. He waited until she was 18. Very 17. Appropriate. He waited until she was 17 to marry her.

Basically just raised his wife. Good for him. Wow. What a commendable person. You know, and they did love each other. And they were married for a very long time. Oh, yeah. But what she said about it, she said, please, Drake, I love you very much. Can I tell you something? Don't do that. You can write me love letters. You can send me autographs for my kids. I don't know if I should. Do you want to?

Come on fees him. Ooh. I actually don't remember. Is she French Canadian? She is French Canadian. I can't have you home for lunch or dinner. Ooh. We can go for a drink.

That's not a lot of you tell. That's why I'm scared of it. We can sing to guess. No, that's horrible. Whatever you want to do. I can talk to your mother. No, that's also not in German. But please, no, it did I do.

My face is not the money maker over here. First of all. Is that what you want? Yeah, finish it out. Finish it out. I've always been very keen. As time goes, as you get older, you too, when time comes, my face will go longer, and it will not, it will go not prettier. So please don't tattoo.

If you do it, just do a fake one, which I think is very cute. I mean, I agree. It will go not prettier. And also, I love the phrase, my face is not the much. money Baker every here, first of all. I love self. I love her. She's great.

That's sad, though. I appreciate that she wants to have a sale of her weather her face. This attitude on somebody, but she's basically going like, I'm too ugly to be on your face, on your body. And that's not true. She's gorgeous. I just honestly, like, I wouldn't

want Dev. I don't think I want anyone else's face, but I think I, like, what I do appreciate, she says my face will go longer and it will go not prettier. If you think about it as getting older where like I'm scared of getting belly tattoos because I am a fat lady and I'm so scared of getting fatter which because that's going to happen at some point and then you imagine just Celine Dion's face on my stomach stretching out even further. Right. Yeah,

it's a tough one. I think she will be beautiful on your body, Jackie. Thank you. So what you're saying is I should do it. And I think it'll be gross on your body, Jackie. You're bad. You are bad. But also I hate Drake because I hate that he is the Beatles tattoo. We can't in the Beatles that do. We both grew up watching him on DeGrasi and I can't take that image away of him being that the nerdy kid. Jimmy in the wheelchair. Yeah.

Jimmy in the wheelchair. Although I do. I would say that I think it's cool that he did finally just like acknowledge it in that music video where he had all the de Gracie people on. Yeah. And one of our Henry and I's friends is from DeGrasi and she got to be in the video and she, it was great. She was really excited.

She was happy about it, which that's really good. I'm glad that he did that. Also, Kevin told me a story about how he got to go. Which also, we have to say, we do have to acknowledge that Barnett was in the Emmys

in the Memorial, which was very, very upsetting. It was amazing and so fucking sad. And I immediately just knew in my head I would have made fun of him for the picture that they chose. What are you thinking about, you idiot? probably what I would have said.

He did, they did choose a photo where he looks very deep and thought. He looks at it, which he's not. He's not that. Yeah, Jermaine Rode, he was totally thinking about Fortnite in that picture. So, yeah, Kevin one time told me about this story where Che invited him to go to taping of Esenel and he got to go to the after party. And the after party was, Drake was the musical guest. He rented out a Daven Busters.

He got a bunch of strippers and handed out just stacks of, $2 bills. So it was David Buster video games, strippers, and just like making it rain with like a ludicrous amount of $2 bills. And I was like, you know what? That sounds great. I do, I do enjoy that. And I will also, I'll also

have about Drake because I'm not a big drag person, but. And he's a creepest. And now he's a known creeper. Oh no, I didn't know that. I, because I pay attention to Drake News. Yeah, yeah. Okay, maybe I shouldn't compliment him. Drake News. Children love. Yeah, yeah, it's not, yeah, he likes he likes young. He's dating someone. I

I believe is 18 right now, but there's also a lot of implications into a lot of other things. Oh, God damn it. Why is everybody like this? I just, I, I, you know what, I love a daddy. I love old. You just, I just, if you are. I want a mommy and I want a daddy. Yeah, I mean, please, I'm, I'm absolved for my roundtable days, you know.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We all know you want a mommy, hold it. Everybody knows that. It's just, if you, there's always a chance that you can, like, connect with somebody who's, like, way, way younger than you. It happens all the time. And you become friends with them and that's fine. Sure. But if you specifically can only be sexually aroused by people who are like

still at the end of puberty and you are a grown-ass adult, that is an issue you need to take up with in therapy. Yes, go to therapy. Because you're taking advantage of people. I mean, everyone should be in therapy anyway for sure. Fucking go to therapy. If you're attracted, I was the same as a young girl. If you're attracted to daddy figures and you are not old enough to be doing that.

Fucking maybe, I don't know, think about it, talk to somebody and just like run it through your head. Sometimes I do look at Henry and I'm like, that is a tiny boy. Yeah, do you ever think he's a bearded boy? Well, he's got so much hair. It would be really hard to. He's definitely not, yeah, he's definitely not a kid.

No, but sometimes when he gets those oversized lollipops that he loves and he wears the little hat. He's got all of his tiny hats. He's got skipping around with his little overalls. It makes you think, yeah, he's like BoJack Horseman, but as a kid. Yeah. Yeah.

That's when I'm like, that's, that is a boy, not yet a woman. Look, if you want to, if you want to role play into thinking,

you know, an adult person's a kid, I'm, I'm for that. That's why I'm into that with Henry. But I know he's an adult because of the pubic hair. He has a pubic hair.

But you know what was thick with, with willing adults, was the Emmys, and the, their fashion. Why are they willing? They're willing to be fashionable. I'm sorry, it was bad.

It was a bad segue. It was a bad segue. I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to do it, but I just wanted to talk fashion real fast. Speaking of sex crimes. Hollywood. Hollywood. Holden and I discussed the Emmys further in our bonus episode of Talking TV this week

on our Patreon. But what we didn't get into was the fashion. And everywhere all over the Emmys, the big fashion combo this year was pink and red in a dress. I don't think I like it. It just reminds me of Valentine's Day. Yeah, like elementary school Valentine. Yeah. All of these women look gorgeous.

I like the style of the dress. Like maybe more, I think that it's an off the shoulder, big ruffled thing. I would just be thinking about my boobs flopping out of that the whole time. So ready for my breasts to fall out of it. I can't wear dresses like that. No, me neither. I have to have, I need them up. Yeah, I want to tape.

I want them tight. I want them not clipped in. Here is a question I have because this really was like odd to me. Does this happen every year or most years that like weirdly the just same color combination is? Yeah, definitely. It's because of like usually it's because of runway fashion. So whatever the biggest designers have put together, sort of influences fashion for the next year.

And they said hot pink was like a big one for this year and that it's a reaction to like how crappy the world has been lately. So it's like this bright, vibrant, like, you know, happy. Definitely sociological. Fashion definitely is influenced by political environment and all that shit. That's why they're trying to make it fun, which also it's another big trend was baby blue that came out this year. I can't wear baby blue.

I feel like I'm year 1999 triggered of baby teas in baby blue that I could never pull off. Also, I could never do baby teas because I have always had very fat arms. And so the fat would pudge right underneath the sleeves. No, same. If you have boobs, you have a little bit of a bigger arm and baby teas don't look good. Is it because of my breasts? Can I blame my breasts? Yeah.

I'm like, oh, my breasts. That's what I blame on your breasts. I blame my boobs. Baby. I'll tell you what, the only thing I can pull off is old man brown, am I right? I'd love to see you in a baby tea. Oh, yeah, you should have baby teas. Go-go-gagga, Natalie.

Yep. Why do I perspourate when I'm trying to smell great? Woo! I just took an underarm whiff, turns out. I'm 100% native, so my pits are smelling good. Yeah, I got sweat problems. That's a human in me. Ding, ding, never stinky.

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What I need to talk about with some of the fashion of Zendaya. Can we just... She's a goddess, man. She's the best fashion. Yeah. Well, now, so we were just,

we're talking about euphoria, not too long ago, Holdenai, and she has a... Not a trend. She has a design. line. A label. A label. A line. A fashion line. No, a label. She's got it. It's called Dea by Zendaya and I have to find it. Yeah, I didn't know. And so I have to find it because she had this boostie on and she looks like a beautiful goddess mermaid. She always looks like a goddess. She

picks the best, like her dresses always make her look like she is ethereal and just power. but then also down to when she was wearing the same suit that Michael B. Jordan wore, and she wore it better than he did for sure. The way that it was tailored, she just looked so amazing. And then we have to, have to discuss Billy Porter's outfit, which my God, man. I like his hat. He is, look at his hat. Oh, I didn't even see his.

Look at this style. He is the, he was the first, is the first openly gay man to win best lead in a day. drama, correct? Very specific thing, but yes, that is, I believe, correct. Yes. And it is, so he had this cubist cowboy hat, which also can we talk key ha agenda. He had a cubist cowboy head on, his shoes were fire, the way his pants were tailored. There's no way I could ever pull that off, but I really fucking wish I could.

Oh, yeah. And he had this really cool tie off. I don't know. I just want to say muzzle. And also, it was his 50th. birthday on the night of the Emmys. Oh, really? And so, yes.

He's 50? Right. Damn. Good Lord. He is just killing it. All these 50-year-olds are inspiring me, man. I don't even look that good now. But now we have the hope that we will look that good.

Yeah, later. You age like a fine wine, unless something happens with the vintage and then it comes out. I'm curdled. I'm cradled. I'm worried. I'm curdled. Shoutouts to Phoebe Waller Bridge, the big winner for Flea-Beebe. I just am so happy.

Did you see that picture of her? Yeah, it's gonna be a meme forever, man. That martini and that cigarette, laying back just surrounded by all her Emmys looking bad fucking ass in that dress, dude. It made me want to have a cigarette. I know. I looked at it, it was like, man, I could have a cigarette.

I know. It does actually, I think it's irresponsible. It's a problem. It's a problem with quitting smoking that every once in a while you'll see someone's like, but they make it look so cool. I could be cool again. But I have to remember,

I don't look that cool when I'm smoking. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you why, Jackie. Win four Emmys, sweep the Emmys, and you're allowed to have that cigarette. I think it wouldn't be good because then I'd be mad at myself. It's like, I got the Emmys. Why am I doing this to myself? I will say, just at a glance at all of these different looks, I am not into poofy anything. Anything poofy looks dumb to me, and that's just me.

What are you in reference to? Which one? So many of them. There's so many that are just doing this weird poof-poof thing. Let me see. here. Like in the sleeve? Like a lot of those pink and red ones have

poof-poofs on them like on the sleeves and on the top. There was another one what's her name with the green dress? They were like, she pulls it off. It wouldn't be pulled off unless it's, except for it has that midriff and that's what makes it look good. And I'm like, no, it doesn't. She's, uh, Greta Lee and the green

weird poof thing. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I hate that. Like, what even is? I'm just not a fashion person. It is what it I also don't understand the fashion, but I like that it's a crop top, but I just feel like, it looks, it definitely looks. I like the color. And also, the skirt has pockets in it. And I say, goodbye.

Bring it to me. Pockets. Get them pockets, girl. But can we just also talk about just real fast, please look up a picture of Angela Bassett because her cape top pants suit thing? I don't know how to describe it, because, again, not a fashion person. But Mama Mia here I fucking go again. Except for, I don't like the purse. It does look like a lollipop.

Yeah. It looks like Wizard of Hobbit. It looks like one of Henry's, uh, sexy outfits. Yeah, one of his oversized lollipops. Yeah. Because it's not on your husband. Yeah, I'm used to seeing it next to all that chest hair.

Whenever he plays his sex game character, D. Timmy, um, the, the, the, how do you know about it? He tells everyone about it. No. Everyone knows about Dandy Timmy. Also, shout-outs to Rupal's suit, which is looking rushing it, dude. He just looks so amazing.

I want that so bad. I would never be able to pull that off, but I want it so bad. Oh, Holden, I would love to see you in that. But just my gut sticking out under the jacket. No, no, no, no, you get some spinks. You get some spinksy with it. I think that it would be a lot of. I don't think you could wear that large of a print, Holden.

That's really what is holding you back. That's what it is, yeah. That's what's holding you back. Holden. I will say, though, I got my Super Mario brother themed insane clown posse t-shirt in the mail, and I'm very excited to upset people by wearing it places. Are you a, are you a juggalo? I'm a bit of a low.

You know what I mean? I'm a bit of a family, family, family, you know what I mean? I'm a bit of a low. I'm a bit of a hatchet man person. A hatchet man that's holding a meat cleaver that's not a hatchet? I'm not against it. I just have known a good amount of people. people that it's definitely turned me away from being a jugglet.

Yeah. You know, and that's okay. But what I have, which I feel like now we have to be turned away from is cupcake. Which I know, have you ever gotten into cupcake, Nat? I know that Holden and I dig cupcake. No, I didn't. I mostly learned about her from this story and it made me really sad. Yeah, she is, she just kind of had a, not kind of, she a thousand percent.

had a very public, emotional breakdown and is now pulling all of her music from all streaming platforms. She canceled the tour that she was in the middle of doing and she's quitting music entirely. Well, I will say this. I had actually, she had written some very scary tweets several months back about her and, you know, hating herself

and yada yada yada. And it seems like she's just really battles with a lot of mental health issues in general, and that this is not necessarily a shocker to me. And also, I don't think her stuff has been pulled yet. So she made this, like, Instagram post. But at this point, I feel like you can, a lot of, anybody can go on and say some wild shit on Insta,

and then, like, whether or not it's actually going to come to fruition. And then reel it back, yeah. And I hope not. I hope she doesn't truly feel this way, because, I mean, a lot, the, you know, it's very sexually progressive music, and I could totally see going back and looking at it, like, just being, it's very odd to me to be like this super out there with your sexuality and then to be

like, I'm now, you know, religious. It definitely, it definitely rings true to somebody going through mental illness that they're not treating, you know, mine personally is anxiety. I don't know if it's related to that, but I can see the connection to you doing the things that you felt were right and then suddenly getting really afraid. Because she was talking about, like, she doesn't want to go to hell, and I can definitely see that. And she's worried about corrupting the youth.

Yes. I can see that connecting to her trying to figure out why she feels so bad and feeling like maybe she's being punished, like that sort of thing. I will say this, and this is coming from someone that is very sexually open, and, of course, I like all different kinds of music, but cupcakes, actually, there were times that I would listen to certain songs and be like, this is even, like, little aggressive for me in what she is, supporting and what she's singing about

and I know that you shouldn't just you know you take music you just don't have to listen to it and I did I would just there were certain songs of cupcakes I really enjoyed but there was a lot of it that even for me was just a little like I mean you can calm down like almost to the point of

like and also like to the point of like there's a point when you go past sexually aggressive into just almost verbal sexual assault well yeah and she She said she wrote a lot of those when she was a teenager, which, you know, again, could point to something like sexual abuse in her past. Right.

Or something like that where she's trying to deal with these demons. And she's putting it into her art, which I get more power to you. Just because it's not for me doesn't mean I don't respect what she's doing either, you know? It's a mixture between that and the unfortunate fact that if she would lay down a track that was super sexually explicit and aggressive, it would do really well. and if she'd lay down a track that wasn't, it would clearly not perform as well. And I think that that is what drove her. So there is a capitalist edge to the art

that I think is what she's regretting and feeling upset about. You can sort of get caught in that trap of that, yeah. And everybody goes through these sort of mental battles, but if you're doing it on a public place and you're having a breakdown, it's going to look like this kind of. Yeah, and I just, you know what? I just wanted to say, I wish you're the best. I hope that she gets the help that she needs,

especially she's very open with her gambling addiction. She's recently lost $700,000. And I hope that she gets help. We've been there. I hope she gets help, man, because I really, she's very talented. And this is, I mean, it's got to be so scary and so rough. Also, to do it all on Instagram live where it's like,

you can imagine what her, what, yeah, where her mental stability was. Cupcake girl, I know you're listening. I know you're a fan. Obviously, you know. Girl, you can get better. You're beautiful, you're amazing, your talented. Yeah. You got this.

You can change it up. Maybe take a break and move in a different direction that you start over again. Yeah, it's all good. You ain't going to hell. Yeah, right, your gospel album. And honestly, like, I hope that you don't actually pull all your shit off because I feel like, hopefully one day you'll be proud of that work. Yeah.

That you'll stand behind it as the person you at least were at one point. Totally. It is a true expression, you know what I mean? And so when I see that, it makes me, like, bummed out that one might be ashamed of it. Like, I always try to remind, I'm like, I'm not ashamed of anything. I feel like I've put out there. And I wish people would be less ashamed in today's time about the stuff they put out in the past. Because that's who they were.

And I'd rather the real expression. And people change and people grow. Absolutely. Yeah. Jackie used to be a fucking monster. You're going to get it. You're about, you're going to get it. Because it's time for the list.

Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Weird things Academy Award winning actors have done with their Oscar statues, which the second, of course, I read the title of this, I got scared. But they're just silly things. It's not about the holes that they put him in. Yeah, or like, we're embracing. But lamps.

Yeah. But lamps. Timothy Hutton stores his in the refrigerator. Now, Timothy Hutton was at the time the youngest person who had won the Oscar for ordinary people, which is one of my favorite movies. And he thought it would be kind of funny to put the Oscar in a refrigerator. And then they thought it would be funny because he did it in 2010 as a party prank. And then he just kind of kept it in there. Isn't that silly?

That is so, that is silly. He was being so silly. This is silly. Russell Crow keeps his and his chicken coop. Now I've heard everything. What? Russell Crow took home the best actor Oscar for 2000s Gladiator. He keeps it in the chicken cope on his Australian ranch.

His reasoning? The Oscar apparently helps the hens lay larger eggs. That is very Russell Crow. That is on brand for him. I want extra eggs. My magic makes the eggs grow. Yeah, goes. Where does King?

Winslet keep her Oscar in the bathroom. She keeps it in the bathroom. She said that when she was younger, she would wield a shampoo bottle and stand it in front of the mirror and pretend like she was winning an Oscar. So now she leaves her Oscar in the bathroom so that other people may do the same thing.

That's kind of cute. It's cute. I don't want fecal matter all over it, but... But it is fine that she says you can always tell because they flush and there's another five minutes of just bathroom time. It's clearly them doing that. It's not them touching on themselves or them, you know, just reading.

Looking through all of her medications. No, no, no, no. It's definitely them pretending that they're winning the Oscar. I don't know. I've never done that. Have you ever done that? No, I kind of think it's a little bit eugenyical to, like, be thinking about getting awards. But I don't like awards ceremonies other than the dresses, so.

I love the dresses, though. I like the acceptance speeches when they get emotional and, you know, and cry. I don't. I hate that. No, you don't. You hate it. Yeah. Do you hate where Kevin Costner puts his Oscars?

I heard he fucking shoves it up his fucking ass. No, he does it, he puts it in his underpants. Now I've heard everything. Quit saying that. Each one is better than the next. He keeps it in there because he is paranoid that people are going to steal them. So, but if I'm in Kevin Costner's bedroom, I'm going to take a pair of his panties. Right.

Why did they safer in his underwear drawer? I don't know. I guess he assumes no one's going to go through his underwear drawer, but isn't that where you would look? That makes me more paranoid that they would go through my underwear. And that's the thing. And I also, I'm not someone that would go through anyone else's underwear drawer. But if I was the type of person that would go through someone else's things,

you start with the medicine cabinet and you immediately go to the underwear drawer, right? I thought about it a lot. Yeah. Well, you know, yeah. You know, you got to think. They have to think hard sometimes. Jared Leto's Oscar is guarded by vegan butter. No, I've heard everything.

Don't say it. Don't say it so upset. I thought I hadn't heard of everything before. Wait a second. The Oscar is sitting in my kitchen guarded by some vegan butter in a bag of popcorn, so you don't have to put vegan butter in the fridge? Is that what that is? That makes sense because it's not real food.

You know what I mean? I've seen vegan butter. It's just oil. It's oral. It's orls. but I've seen them earls and I thought they were supposed to go in the fridge. I don't like vegans.

Whoa. Holden? That's right. You heard it here first, folks. Irrationaly for no reason. Wait a second. So tell the Swinton. Good thing to stand on.

Immediately gave her Oscar to her agent to hold on to. But I have never heard of this movie, Michael Clayton. Oh. That she won for. Yeah, I remember that. Well, it's such a boring name for a film, A man's boring name. Yeah. I don't want to see it.

I don't like it. But yes, I do kind of remember that movie vaguely. Being on a blockbuster, a shelf at a blockbuster. Okay, not enough for us to watch it. No, I think it's just about a guy named Michael Clay. It literally is just a guy. He just sort of lives his normal life. I hate this line.

Ben Affleck gave it to his mom instead of giving her a grand kid. What? Ugh. Why are those a tradeoff? he said, he told an interviewer that he gave it to his mother who was holding it for ransom until she received a grandchild. I mean, now that she's got grandkids, but I guess he's stolen his Oscar back. That would be, I would be so mad.

Like, Mom. Mother, it is not yours. Give that back to me. And also, why? Because you're waiting for semen to be inside of me? You don't owe my womb? Don't tell me what to do with my ovaries? That's a yuck.

Oh my God, Gina Davis is so hot. Gina Davis enshrined hers in a pagoda. A pagoda. What is it? She kept driving in a pagoda. She kept it behind velvet ropes in her pagoda. And Goldie Hawn meditates with her Oscar. She keeps it in her meditation room.

I would have that makes sense. It's sort of satanic, honestly. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think it's great. Evil spirit power, which is kind of fun. No, not evil spirit power holding. Yeah, it is.

You get it. Dancing skeletons in the goat's blood, I understand. You don't get it. I don't like vegans. You're scary. Are you going to be all aboard the whole, like, so when Hustlers, Jennifer Lopez is almost primarily wearing furs, so Peter sent her faux furs as a way to be like, you know, you don't have to wear real furs, but that's not the point of the movie. The whole thing is that they were losing their mind. Like they were like, throw it all their money into things.

As much as I, as much as I, um, don't like Pita because they're insane. Um, I don't love fur. I, and I, I understand that, but it's just like, you get, like, Pita. But this is about, that's what, that's their, their MO. They, they do a ridiculous thing. Like trying to make her feel bad for being in a movie where that was based on a real life story of ridiculous, you know, consumption of goods. Yeah. Oh, no.

Oh, God. I think I'm going. Blind. Items. Oh, we can't see them. That's right. And this week, it's Emmy Award-themed blind items. Ooh, I hope you guys are ready.

You're going to love this so much. Okay, I'm ready. All right. The Momager thought it would be great exposure. The Momager was wrong. There was no need for extra security because no one really wanted to meet the two reality stars who definitely won't be back.

Chris Jenner. Of course. There's no other momager. Kim Kardashian and Kendall Jenner. Kim on stage said, our family knows firsthand how truly compelling television comes from real people just being themselves, that their show

is unfiltered and unscripted, and everybody laughed at them because they didn't know that it was a joke. Apparently they were, quote, not briefed on the, quote, joke that they were saying about them and their show, actually thought they were talking about how they are genuine real people that live their everyday lives like normal people. And that their show's not scripted at all, which is fucking

the dumbest shit ever. It's kind of funny, though. It makes me filled with rage. Just to the brim. But I mean, they were a laughing stock. Natalie, you'd probably enjoy that then. You should watch the clip. Yeah, the clip is kind of fun. They definitely got laughed at and they didn't know why. They're all going to laugh at you. They're all going to laugh at you. They're all going to laugh at you. Hell yeah, bring it back some Adam Sandler. Faddy McGee, you're the fattest. That was, do you remember that one. I do remember.

I was technically, well, they technically were quoting fucking Carrie. Oh. But we will also, you know, credit Adam Sandler. Adam Sandler's, they're all going to laugh at you. Remember the longest pee? You thought he was about to stop peeing, and then he farts, and he just keeps peeing more? You mean what he stole from Tom Hanks at a league of their own? All right.

Wow. Yeah, I get it. Wow. This is another Emmy Awards, a bligh eye. Yeah. This closeted, one-named former Disney actress could have gone the beard route last night, but chose not to disrespect her new girlfriend. We shall see how long that lasts.

Is it Zendaya? Absolutely. I, there's no, I don't think there's any way that she would, like, Why would she be closeted? And it's about her. She's so openly herself. Why would she care? That's the thing.

It's about her and Halsey, who was there singing the in-memoriums. Oh, my God. Oh, so sad. I would watch that tape. Good. Oh, yeah. Seriously. I'm on.

I'm in love with Sandia. I'm allowed to say it. She's of age. Yeah, we are sexualizing their romance. I know, but I love Sandia. I'm just saying if they wanted to sexualize their romance. I would watch the table. Also, shout out to Halsey's dress.

She had like a really cool looking dress. Dude, Halsey is great. Yeah, I need to check out more of her music because she seems to be great. You will love it. Yeah, you do hold it. Right? Okay, last one. The former A-list, mostly movie actress, made it clear through her actions and words

that she wanted nothing to do with anyone there at the award show last night. She was there to do a job and leave. She is so full of herself. Formerly A-list. I think she's still a list. Formerly A-list. She's still A-list. And what it would, like, give us a little more...

We hate her. She's soft. Oh, Goop. It's Goop? Absolutely. Apparently, her vintage 1963 Valentino Hout Couture gown, by the way, was very restricting, causing her to slow walk to the microphone and Twitter. Did you see the walk?

Did you see the walk? I will say, though, and I hate to even be in her defense. But it's not that ridiculous of a little bit. walk. I feel like they were definitely trying to make something meme worthy, like really meme worthy come out of the Emmys. So between that and what they were doing with the clap from Russian doll, what's her name? Beautiful sexy Natasha Leon. She had another like weird clap. They're like, it's the new Nicole Kidman, the weird clap. It wasn't that weird of the clap. You can't make a meme happen, you fucking dummies. That and like the goop where it's like she was walking

It's because there was no slit in the back of the dress. So she was walking as if there was no slit in the back of the dress. You know what I mean? So everybody was saying that like she was walking like people walk when they have to take a bad shit. You know what I mean? And they're like very quickly like scampering to the toilet. Oh, I can't wait to watch that. She was taking tiny stuff.

Yeah, it's very funny. It's very funny. I didn't know she was formerly A-List. She's not anymore? I think that's kind of, I think she's still A-List. I think that's also people that are talking in the like in the term. of she's not in a lot of movies. Right.

But she is. She's in the Marvel universe. She's in the Marvel universe, but she's not like a huge player in that. And that's like kind of the only thing she's been doing recently, you know, besides like, uh, fucking goop.

I hate it. Blind items are, blind items are over. Were you sniffing? No, that's from brain games. Remember brain games? Brain games are now over. You remember that in children's television?

What's wrong with the world? Can I just ask what's wrong with the world? Can I scream? You just made that up? That's not a real thing you just said. Oh, yeah. Of course, the vegan would tell me that. He's not a vegan.

I wish I could be. I am addicted to cheese. I do have a problem. I get you, girl. I would love to be a vegan. I get you girl. You know, you got to get that cheese. I get that cheese.

I love cheese. And then if you took chi out of your life, then we wouldn't eat chi anymore. And I wouldn't be able to, then I wouldn't be able to cook for you anymore. I know. God, I love it so much.

I really, if anybody has any of the best vegan cheeses that they think, let me know because I've tried a lot and a lot of them are yet. Oh my God. There's a little plasticy rubbery. I've had a good amount of them. They're just not my thing. I'm kidding about saying I hate vegans.

I just think it's comical for someone to just clearly state an entire group of people that they dislike because it's so stupid. I like vegans. The rest is, it's going to be isolated to just that one clip for it. I hate, my name's Holden McNeely and I hate vegans. See, the thing is that I love vegans because that means more milk for me. It's true. You should be thankful.

Give me that milk, give me that milk. People who eat meat should be thankful for vegans because the animal farming process is destroying the planet. So you get to keep the meats because they don't eat it. And what about the milk? Oh, I want a gallon full of milk in my gullet. My name's Holder McNeely and I hate people who work at the mall. My name is Jackie Zabrowski and we are ending the podcast. The podcast is over.

You're ending the podcast. My name is Jackie. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Natalie Jean and I like people who work at the mall because that's where I got my ears pierced when I was a little girl. And my handle is the Natty Jean on all the bullshit. And my name is Holder McNeely. You can catch me on Twitch.tv. 4 slash hold naters ho and they're on Friday nights with Jackie at 6 p.m. E.T.

For Jackanese, also, thank you so much, everybody, for joining us. We love you guys so much. We'll talk to you next week. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.