Page 7 - Episode 323: Life's A Bruce

Episode Date: October 3, 2019

Jackie, Holden and Natalie are obsessed with Billie Eilish on SNL, Shakira and J.Lo joining forces for the Superbowl and they spill the beans on the best kissers in Hollywood. Need even more speeecy spicy hot goss? Join our Patreon page for bonus episodes, ad-free main eps and more!    Get $15 off your purchase of a Blue Light kit when you visit http://ARCsmile.com and use promo code PAGE7 at checkout.   Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to http://modernfertility.com/page7.   Sponsored link: http://www.simplehealth.com/page7 and use promo code: page7.   Go to http://butcherbox.com/page7 or enter promo code page7 at checkout for your free ground beef and $20 off your first box!       Glitter Bomb, Airport Lounge, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

just love you and I'll be young I started it too high of a pitch you know what don't have it Natalie was very Natalie was looking at me like I'm a monster I was trying to pick up on the song and I couldn't get it it's Katie Perry it's teenage dream I've been following her on Instagram lately and she fucking is hawkin shoes left and right is oh my god love them but they're cool do you have you heard about her stinky shoes He has a line of shoes that it's a squeegee between your toesies of kind, and they smell like fruit. They smell like different fruit. Oh, they're intended to smell.

They're intended to smell. I thought it was going to be like, do you ever get really cheap shoes? And you wear them a couple times, and it doesn't smell like feet. It sort of smells like... Yeah, like chemicals. Yes, you know, that's my... I think all of my shoes are cheap shoes because, yes, I think all of my... And then, you know, you wear them for three months to get rid of them.

You know what? I want to start a new one. I want to start knowing it's called, they smell like dog food. So the dogs lick on your feet, toes all day. Aw. But Wendy already does that and it makes, it just, it makes you go, stop. Yeah. Henry does, he doesn't like it, but he lets her do it because she loves licking his feet at night.

I know, and I know that it's like a protective thing when she wants to take care of us, but it's a very weird feeling when it's a very tiny tongue. And it really, it does, because it's like, it is a sign of, I think that Henry and I've had, I know Henry and I have had this conversation before. It's a weird subservience that we don't like. Yeah. I know it's like in dog language that is good, but I don't like it because she's not lesser than.

I know. She's equal. But then I treat her as though she has human emotions or I'm like, you can't hurt her feelings. Of course. If you don't let her do this, she's going to feel like she's not as good as she could be. I know that Henry has said many, many times that he has always dreamed of one day owning a slave. So I know that this is. not.

Very exciting for him to get to feel that from a dog because he knows that it's wrong. You know, but it is his truth. Wendy, if anything, she is the queen of the household. Yeah, we're the slaves in the house. Yes, that's it. We have to do everything for her. My entire schedule is bowed around that eight pound fucking creature.

I remember the look on Jeff's face when the first time he had come over and I was like, oh, she's not eating because you guys were out of town. And I was on the floor, dipping my fingers in the food and holding it out on my index finger, for her to do tiny licks. So she would eat. He's like, why are you doing this? She'll eat when she's hungry. He was like, but they're not here.

And if she doesn't eat, and like, I was almost tears. And if he didn't run away then, I don't know what to say for him. If he ran away then, that would have been terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a positive. Yes. Positive. Like dog paws.

Wait, we haven't introduced ourselves. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Holt McNeely. And when Natalie's done introducing yourself, can you explain me the rules of taking her on a walk because I was shocked when we took Wendy on a walk for the first time I was shocked. Holden McNeely Farts and all that. Well, I'm

Natalie Jean which Holden took away Yes, you took away her voice you're just like Ursula you piece of shit You are like Ursula I am like Ursula People always are like are you Ursula And I'm like that is a cartoon per woman and no

But it's also not fair because I want to be Ursula You're not allowed to be Ursula You need two little eels that follow you around everywhere. Yeah, I'm one of the eels. Yeah, I think you are. So wait, you want the rules for walking Wendy? Yeah, I was, I forgot what it was, but there was some weird ritual that has to happen that I was like, this is not how a dog is normally walked. Like, she won't, she wouldn't like pee normally. I forgot what it was. You had to like, there was some weird ritual. I forgot what it was that. Maybe I'm wrong, but it was like, maybe it just took forever was what it was. She likes to

take her time and she has tiny legs and there's nothing wrong with that. Yes, we have lots of conversations and yes, she has to sniff. But really what it is I think is that she has to sniff. And she will not, I have never seen, man, she will

just look at you like, bitch, I'm not moving until I sniff. And she knows I'm not going to pick her up and make her stop sniffing. That's why I only will take her out when I have at least a half an hour to stroll while she sniffs. Yeah, she loves smelling more than any dog I've ever seen.

But she also knows as being one of her slaves that if she goes on a long walk, she wants to go try new smells. So she wants to go farther from the house. She will get too tired to walk back and she, at one point will just stop walking and look at me. And she'll lay down. Pick me up. And then I have to pick her up and physically just carry her back to the house because she knows I'll do it. The walk to the studio is probably like 25 minutes long. I have tried to walk with her here and even 10, like 15 minutes in,

she's like, mm-mm, bitch, you pick me up. And she's my little weight. I know she does because she's gorgeous. I know. And I love everything about her. She's our little teenage dream, isn't she? Except I'm very upset because I can't find a hot dog costume small enough to fit her. Oh, I have one.

Halloween. You have a hot dog costume? Yeah, I have one for her. Oh, my God. Natalie, why are you holding out on me? I've put it on her before. I don't, maybe you just never been present. It's almost like we're not a family.

It's almost like I moved out to become a whole person. We're not a family anymore. Hold in that. I don't know. I don't, I'm like, you know what? I kind of want to play like Uncle Fester role. I'm studying Adams family right now for Wism and the Brewzer. I'd love to come in and be Uncle Fester and sort of mix it up.

You know what I mean? I think of that. I think that's great. Can you put it a light bulb in your mouth? Oh my God. Lexi is Joan Cusack, too. Yes, and I'm an imposter. I'm not the real hold then. It'll be so great. Wait, what are you then? I'm an illusion. I'm a hologram. Just like Whitney Houston's hologram. Don't even bring that garbage up. It shouldn't be allowed, and I think it's not good. It's not good for us as a society. I saw a blind item that said hopefully it's going to not actually happen because people are starting to feel gross about it. So I'm hoping. Yeah, it's so. Would you ever see? What hologram would you even go to? I mean, I feel like right now going to see Barry Manilow may as well be seeing a hologram.

You know, where it's just like, I saw him when, well, no, I never got to see him in his hay to hate, obviously. But I have seen him seven times and went back at least closer to his prime. But now, even though I really wanted to go see his Vegas show before they shut it down, because he's too old. and I think that it's essentially singing a hologram. He's tired. Why is he tired from? He lives to perform. You've seen him seven times?

Yeah, maybe. And he, I think most of those times would have had sex with me. Oh, yeah. Did you try? Sure. You did. You know what's insane is that outside of seeing Johnny Depp perform with the Hollywood vampires, I had never seen so many panties thrown at a stage as I have at Barrow.

Manalo. That's such an odd move to me. And first of all, are they just bringing, so they're bringing extra panties, right? They're not ripping them off the bodies. No, they're probably taking them off. They're probably taking them off. Isn't that part of it? Yeah. We're like, this is my scent. Do you like it? Yeah, it's like puppies, it is. Yeah. It's like, you smell,

you like what you smell? Yeah. I guarantee you like this. I got more of it. It's a Katie Perry flip-flop for you. I would, you know, I just think it's an odd move. You know what I mean? I have thrown a beret at Who can I make up to throw a beret at? What's his name?

The magician. David Copperfield. I threw a beret at David Copperfield one time. He was doing a card trick And I just smacked him in the face of the beret From across the fucking theater. He was like, what the fuck? The whole place went, oh shit.

They were like, who is that? He's the next star of my show. That's how I toured with him for like two years. It would have been cooler if he threw it at the Blaine because it would just been on the street. It would just be standing in front of him. It would just hit him in the face. Why are you doing that, man?

Man, I was hanging out. I was surrounded by some card playing magicians over the weekend. And man, you know, I feel like it is very easy to be like, oh, magicians, right? And then you hang out with a magician. And every time they do a trick, you go, that's great. Look at that. Where did that come from? No matter what, I love, I love a magician.

I love it. They stress me out watching them. I'm always worried they're going to screw up. And then, like, have a mental breakdown in front of you. Yeah, or just get laughed at. I worry for them. But most of the time, have you ever been to the Magic Castle? No, I haven't been.

I think you have to be invited. I'm not, I have never been invited. Oh, we got connects. We got connects. I want to go to the Magic Castle. So you have to wear a dress? You do, you're supposed to dress up. It's really fun.

And the magicians there never screw up, and I don't know why I get nervous when we go there. Because when you go in, they have a bunch of different rotating shows throughout the night, and they have a few different theaters, so you can kind of just pick and choose which ones you go to. And they're very practiced magicians, but I still get nervous. It's the same feeling I get when I'm watching, like, maybe a play or, like, a dance number, and maybe one of the ladies has, like, a very, like, revealing top or something. and I always in the back of my head, I'm like, her breasts are going to, like, fly out of that thing, and I'm going to be so embarrassed for her.

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, that's what you're thinking? You're worried. A lot. Yeah, yeah, it is. Because I, like, I would just feel, I've seen a breast before. I don't need to see another one in front of all these people on stage. If, like, they're wearing, like, almost like a tank top or something,

they're jumping around or something like that. And I'm just like, it's going to happen. It's going to happen. You know what I mean? Because we don't actually. I'm not going to the right dance shows. I don't see a lot of loose tits flopping around. I think it's a lot of theater,

it's a lot of theater maybe and like people wearing very like, you know, breast pop out dresses or something and then they're rolling around the ground, crying, screaming about their sisters or whatever. I want to go to the theater he's going to. That sounds great. You gotta sign me up.

No, I think as much as we all enjoy, of course, you watch your, which also, this quick sidebar that I think it's like season 40 of America's Funniest Home videos that keeps popping up as, some, I think it's on Hulu or something. I was like, Jesus Christ, how is that still going?

But it's because we all like to watch people fail. But there's something about the way the energy in a room changes when someone actually fails in front of you like that. There are times that, of course, you laugh. But other times, we're just like, I also want to die because of how much you want to die. I do. I feel bad. I don't actually like watching fails that much, unless the person doesn't care.

Like, I don't want to watch somebody be humiliated, which. No, unless I'm watching porn, I want to give it far away. I'm not laughing at that, though. Yeah, and I know you wanted to touch on Stacey Dash, and I, for many reasons, want to enjoy this fall because of what she's been. But, well, because of her weird politics that seemed to take a turn real quick, maybe in order for, I'm not, I don't know. I don't know. It seems a little bit like for a career move, but. but she was just arrested for domestic violence. Have you guys seen the body cam footage?

I couldn't. I couldn't. Oh, there's body cam footage? It's really brutal. Like, it's sad. And then she... I just, yeah, no, that's not... That's not what we need.

But I also, you know, I hope that she does better and I hope things go better for her. And it's the same, I think in the same vein as the whole watching Aaron Carter have a complete public mental break. down and getting to the point of getting a tattoo on his face. The only reason why I was very interested is because he did get a GQ cover of Rihanna as Medusa on the side of his face. And the fact that his tattoo artist said that he wanted it to get it on his full face.

And he said no. Yeah, what's going on with the face tattoo things? You got Tech 9. I know it's the same tattoo artist as Tech 9. And it just seems like, is it that, is it because like Mike Tyson or something? Like, why do people are finding face tattoos to be okay? I guess it's like the final frontier for the tattoo, essentially a movement I've seen,

because tattoos used to be only for sailors and a sign of shame, and they're creeping their way slowly to the face. Are you putting shame on us? No, I'm saying the history of tattoos. Just because you're nude? You mean like when pirates kidnapped people? Yeah, back in the 50s, it was like, or 40s, It was like looked down upon at all to ever at all have a tattoo.

And then slowly it's become really cool. But I draw the line. It was cool then too, Holden. At the face. I draw the line that's socially acceptable, I guess, is more the phrase I should use. It was cool. It was rebellious. But now it's become like a part of, I mean, it's weird for me to not see a tattoo.

I feel weird for not having a tattoo. No, it's cool you don't. I think it's cool you don't. It's rebellious, I feel in a way. Now you're being rebellious. Yeah, it's true. Now I'm being rebellious. Yeah.

That's why I quit smoking. I started working out, started eating better. All of this is the name of rebellion. You're boring and I ain't your life. Which is also why I do things like watch Fleabag and go, am I not fun anymore because I'm not self-destructive? I'm fine. You're doing good. We're still kind of self-destructive.

Oh, I'm very self-destructive, but it's all inside of my mind. Yeah. But yeah, no, I think the tattoo face thing is, it's just like a trend like music. Post Malone brought it in pretty hard and then like a lot of rappers and stuff. But I love Pose Malone. I do too. He's such a sweetie. I want to kiss him on his little tattooed face.

Yeah. I guess what it is this is like with everything else tattoo-wise, you can still get a normal job, even if you have sleeves and whatever. But like the face is the final frontier of like, oh, you can't go back. You have to be an artist. Yeah, you are an artist now and you are an outlier,

and that's the way it's going to be. You've forced that upon yourself and the world. I think they're smart. Yeah, I did yell this at a gutter punk, though, because a gutter punk called me a s C word because I wouldn't give him back when I was smoking. This was in New York. I wouldn't give him a cigarette

after he had called me a B word. He called you a Carl and a Bruce. He called me and he said, hey Bruce and I was like, that's not my name. I'm not giving you a cigarette. And so he said, he was like, all right, cool then. Carl. I guess I'll go kiss this dog. And when I said, well, he did have a dog and he was being very neat to his dog. Yeah, they always are.

And he had tattoos on his face. And then, like, he went, he was mean to with a dog. And he's like, you can't blame me, you Carl, because I can't get a job. And I said, then why do you have fucking tattoos all over your face, you Carl? Because you're going to call me a Carl? I didn't call him a Carl. Drugs. Wow.

Yeah. We're going to have to bleep all of that out. That was so incredible for me. As a former Carl, as I used to be a Carl, I changed my name to Holden when I was in my 20s. You know, I tried to get a record deal. As a former Carl, I'm a former Carl. I'm very offended by it. But I will also say this.

Also, also, you know what? Maybe you should have given him one. That's all. That was what you're taking from this. That's what we're taking from this. Oh, and this is actually what I was going to say. I was just vamping just then. If you were to get a face tattoo,

what would you get a segment from Holden McNeiliele? Oh, we're doing a segment? You're roundabling at us right now? I would just get eyeliner tattooed. Huh. Oh, that's hard. I'm going to do the rational one. Because I've been wearing black eyeliner for over 20 years,

so I don't think it's going to change. Yeah, you just get it on there. That's a smart one. People do that, right? That's a real thing, right? My mom's best friend has tattooed a bunch of makeup on her face. Wow. A lot of my mom's friends have.

This is definitely what I was just like, y'all are getting tattooed, like makeup tattoos? Like, yeah, a lot of my friends have gotten it because it is also with, like, as you get older, which I, oh, I'm dealing with it. Oh, I'm dealing with it. I got my creams because the makeup goes into your wrinkles

and I find that with like around my lips and around my eyes but then they're tattooed you don't have to worry about that. Well I would put the phrase put beer in here with an arrow pointing to my mouth. That's really good. Is that gonna then lead to your rap career because like what are

you going to do for your... I guess you can still Twitch. Oh yeah, I'll be getting mad twitch point. That actually is a good angle. Why don't you do it? Put beer in here? Jackie, what are you going to do? See, I was thinking right underneath my eyebrows, I was going to, like on one side is going to say,

don't, and then the other side is to say mess, and then underneath my eyes is going to say, with this. That's going to be Texas. No, no, no, not Texas, and no curse words. It's going to say, don't mess with this. And I feel like that speaks a lot. It goes even further because I don't have the curse words on my face. Actually, I do have a tattoo on the inside of my mouth.

I love that. That makes me so much. She's so cool. Natalie. You're so cool. Oh, yeah. What does it say? What does it say?

It says F word it. Wow. Isn't that awesome? It says Franket. Yeah. No, it says Franket. I was going to say I wanted to maybe change mine up to say on my cheek, Life's a Bruce and then you Carl.

I'm also very into that. Yeah, that's good. I like that one. I'm very into that one. Well, maybe that this is the kind of crisis that Adam Levine is going through. because Adam Levine is sporting a what he's referring to as a corn hawk. And he got, I just can't not. You know what?

I don't mean to be negative about this, but there is something about Adam Levine that kind of rubs me the wrong way. And I'm not even talking moves like Jagger. Because yes, the song is annoying, but I have bopped to it before. No, no, no, never. I know a lot of people are anti-moves like Jagger, But at least it's a, you know, we have a smile. But Cornhawk is where I draw the line.

Yeah, paint the picture here. What does this look like? Yucky, yuck. He has, so he has shaved the side of his head into a Mohawk, and he dyed the center hair, bleached blonde, and got them fashioned into corn rows in the middle, so he's calling it a cornhawk. I'm going to say, I like it, and this is why, okay?

You are a yucky, yuckie. Awesome with that holding. I would look amazing with that. And it would go along really good, and this is the point I was gonna make with my new insane clown posse t-shirt where I got them looking like the Super Mario World Super Mario Bros.

With Insane Clown Pussy written in the Mario World font. And I think that this is like, he is so milk toast and so boring. And moves like Jagger is fucking horrible. And come at me. You know what I mean? DM me if you hate it. I really like the girls like you song though.

I like the music video and I understand that it was a publicity ployed to have a bunch of awesome. amazing women in it, but I like the song and I get it. You're not fun and I'm not cool. I can't fuck with Maroon 5. I just, it's not for me. It's just not for me.

Or Adam Levine, yeah. But this look, this is the most insane clown posse thing he could have done and that's why I appreciate it. It's a total diversion from his normal ass, hear it at the mall bullshit and this is like, oh, this is some white trash fucking nonsense

that he's doing right here and I am fucking here for it. I think, I will say that. It would be cooler if he was thinking that, but I don't, I think he just feels like he's edgy doing it. And I would think that it's really cool to get that and then go on the Kid Rock Cruise that leaves out of St. Petersburg, Florida, the one that I want to go to.

So I would get a Cornhawk if I could go on the Kid Rock cruise. I wouldn't go on the Kid Rock Cruise so bad. He's like a Trump dude. No, it's bad. You have to look up the pictures of people hanging out on the Kid Rock Cruise. because it looks like fun trash and it's great. That is what most of my life is. Did you see his Taylor Swift tweet?

No. Holden. You're not going to. It came out of nowhere, really, like a couple weeks ago. I think I might know what you're talking about. He just decided to say that Taylor Swift is sucking the dicks of Hollywood to get movie roles or something. Yeah, it was so stupid. It was so dumb.

And everyone's like, no. Like, that was just a hot take to have hot take. But I will also speak towards what you said earlier. Him getting this thing to be edgy, again, the most ICP thing you could do is get a cornhawk to be edgy. And that also, that tweet that he sent out was a very obvious attempt to just get people talking about no one cares about ass Adam Levine. Speaking of people saying things because no one cares about them anymore, I just saw this headline off to the side that says, Jenny McCarthy reveals she and Donnie Walberg have sex and airport bathrooms.

Ugh. Such a deep dig. Like, yeah, I do gross shit. You know, like I said, I've done gross shit, too. You don't want to fucking hear about it, you know what I mean? I just, you know what it is? There is something specific about it. Not that, you know, you haven't seen someone in a long time.

They just got off deployment. They just, you know, it was like that kind of thing where you go and you, like that one time where you're like, well, we definitely just have fucked in an airport bathroom because I couldn't not. Like you couldn't even make it to the car. Sure. She can,

she can, idea is that they have sex in airport bathrooms. Like this is a thing that they do, but I'm sorry, Natalie. Oh, no, it's just, it's really incredible because she can bring back plagues.

She can fucking bathrooms. The girl can do it all. Oh my God. And if she's against vaccinations, what is she picking up into bathrooms? Oh, yeah. Oh,

especially when you're just like, it's hard enough to take off your panties and have your lips exposed. and to all of the just it's just whatever is happening in the air, whatever kind of energy is going through there, just like you hear people crying, hear people puking,

you're hearing people going, I have to go to Georgia. Wait, is she having sex in airplane bathrooms or airport bathroom? She said airport, she said airport bathrooms. Plain bathroom's just uncomfortable, man. I don't even understand the whole mile high. Maybe on a private jet, I'll fuck

do the mile high clubbed. A thousand percent. And if they're in, I'm sure they're also in, like, the Sky Club. But you know what? I'm not going to have sex in the Sky Club bathroom either because they're going to watch you walk in to have sex. It's not like everybody's hammered. They have to go, there must

be a level above Sky Club because we go to Sky Club. It's not for like the elite like Jenny McCarthy. You know? No. Jenny McCarthy needs her own lounge. They must have like a higher up lounge somewhere. I don't know. We did see Niecy Nash that one time and I almost like

juiced myself to the point that I couldn't walk. I love Niche Nash. If I'm in a fuck in an airport, I'm doing it on the baggage conveyor belt that's going through. Oh, that's so fun. That's rock and roll.

You know what I'm saying? We're moving love on a roller coaster while in an airport. Oh my God, you should sing it while you're a roller coaster! Living it up, but you're going down. That's elevator. That's a elevator.

You have a fun ride when you're going to end up on a sex registry after that. You know, you've got to go down fun. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. I want a dude with plastic gloves who's been looking inside old ladies handbags all day to see the inside of my fucking asshole.

And that's why I'm going to be doing it on that conveyor belt and screaming loving a roller coaster while people yell at me it's loving an elevator. It's not loving roller coaster. If you're going to sing a song, at least say the right song while you're fucking several. And also you should be having sex in an elevator,

not at a conveyor belt, but you can say like loving a cave your belt. Living it up waiting for my trunk So you're waiting a bell conveyor See, we got it all figured out My arc is making my teeth white up It's wider than they've ever been before Now I might not be able to fit any pairings of animals up in my mouth

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I'm into it. Delighted. Delighted. They both. They both got hips that don't lie. Oh, my God. And butts that don't quit. I just want to kiss.

I'm worried about, like, I don't know. I'm not going to be able to eat any wings until after I see the. half time performance. Why? Because then my fingers are going to be all spicy. It will be all touch yourself. Oh, you should try. It might be like a fun little addition.

Oh, you think it'll spice me up my meat time? Yeah, yeah. I think that this also inspires some healthy and maybe not so healthy competition, which always makes for a better performance. These two ladies, I think, are going to be, I think, in a, in a, like, not shitty, in fighting way, like, in a like, oh yeah, that's the best you got, like, let's go, and like, you know what I mean?

And them just up there fucking trying to just like totally outdo each other. And I think that's a lot of fun. But, yeah, I was never the biggest Shakira fan. Ooh, you should get, you go down a Shakira hole because I recommend it. She is just, oh my God, you can just, she's great. She's dripping with sex and also her music is as well. What is it that you don't like about Erhleton? I feel like growing up

Really when I was growing up with Shakira and everybody on TV It was like who you just who you were jerking off to Right? At the end of the day And I just wasn't so much At that time of your life, yes. Literally at that time of my life. For some reason, I don't know why. I was like, I see how she's sexy, but I'm just not

And then all of her songs kind of sounded similar to me And that thing, you know, and she kind of yodels, which is a turnoff for me. I understand. She sort of does that yodel. I think that it was mostly why I got into her music was because of how much I wanted to kiss her. I would just like, I could think about how she smelled, you know, and that's a very, very scary thing to say. But at the time, I just remember that because I imagine she smelled like coconut.

Yeah, you have to know somebody, like Amber Nelson has said, you have to know if somebody's smells. Yes. You know if you're attracted to them. So you can't think about their smells. Yeah, very much so. I like that people are throwing down the idea of like, what if they had like a dance off at each other? Like you were talking about Holden where like they are coming at each other

and quote, quote, not competing, but just showing their thing at their own time. And I think that would be delightful. Holden, are you going to be, are you going to be worried about their boobs falling out of their shirts? Honestly, it's happened before at the Super Bowl and it's fucking completely destroyed people for no absolute no reason. That's actually you bring up a great example of a tit fallen out situation that I felt very mortified for the other person for. You know what I mean? Because it's like I'm not getting horny on this breast falling out of this woman's dress. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, of course. What? Natalie. I know she, you probably just imagine she had that silver star thing around the nipple for herself. And oops, my bosom fell out. Yeah. No, I don't, I don't mean to destroy your image of that. fateful day, but they've definitely planned that.

Which is fun. Let's talk about another thing that is planned. Can we talk about Kanye for a moment? I think that it's time. That's the least plan. There is zero planning happening in this scenario. It is, I think everything that is happening with Kanye is,

is just, it is his, I want to preface, preface everything I'm saying, that I am aware of the fact that what he does, like he is creatively, one of the geniuses of our time. What he does is outside of the box, and I think that it's really fucking awesome. I think that his music is wonderful,

and it brings a lot, like everything that he's doing does bring a lot of people together, and I think that's great. I am not a huge fan of Kanye. As a man. At least as what he is doing right now with the Sunday service.

I've got a lot of my own personal issues with this, that I bring to the table. But part of what I want to say that overall, out of everything that is happening, because if you guys are not aware, Kanye keeps saying he's going to, he's dropping this new album, it's called Jesus Is King. He's supposed to drop it last Friday.

Like he did with the last album, he said he's going to drop it. It's not being dropped. But part of what he is doing with this new album is that there's an IMAX film that accompanies the album that he is showing, he showed over the weekend. He showed it in Detroit.

He showed it in New York. And both of these, times they were theaters that he called up that day, like the Fox Theater in Detroit, and said, I want to show my movie here, I'm debuting it here, and then people can have, like, they can listen to part of the album. At least is what it seems like is what happened that night. And the, the theater, of course, was like, it's Kanye, whatever he wants to do, yeah, please. And so they rearranged their schedule so that he'd come in that day to show it. At least this is what's being said over the media. What scares me the most about Kanye and about him believing that he is his

your own deity, as opposed to how you're thinking Holden as well when you're talking about like ICP and Adam Levine, where on one hand, it's fucking awesome. It's awesome that he's like doing whatever he's fucking doing and doesn't give a hay about what anyone else has to say about it. And it is his creative juices are flowing and that's great. But the other side of it and what I hate to look at it like is that it just makes you think of he's very openly and talks about his bipolar disorder and the fact that he is not on medication and the fact that no one can say no to him that scares me it actually kind of scares me as as a person and watching so many people follow him and what he has to say that people that is that to call it a cult leader almost like he's

going to start a cult in Wyoming yeah that because people do do right if i but maybe i'm being crazy And it also scares him, it's like, does he need help and no one's helping him? Oh, yeah, of course he needs help. But he's an artist, so they're not going to help him. That's how it usually goes. I am with you on that, too. I think that I almost wonder if somebody who's that much of a creative, he calls himself a genius, so I hate calling him a genius.

But he is. I've loved pretty much every album he's ever put out. Poopitty scoo-pity, poopity, scoopity, poopity, scooty. Yeah, I mean, that's the best part. But I almost like wonder. Do you need that? Do you need to cause this level of chaos around you in order to make art?

Like, is this a necessity? I was going to say this, the shit show that surrounds this does just make the anticipation build, makes everybody have this ground swell that's very exciting. That doesn't happen a ton when it comes to new music. But real quick, shout out to Sergio Simpson

and his anime film that he just put out there on Netflix without all this ridiculousness. But these events... That went along with what he's doing and also is creating such amazing, beautiful concept albums and yet is not doing the... But I'm a god.

What do we have eight article links to on this, for this week's episode? And what do we have how many links to articles about Sturgel's Sibzer? Right? And he put out a really great thing and people are excited about it. But this kind of media groundswell,

it does beg to ask because the whole thing is very like meta and weird because you also have Kim Kardashian, at the same time and they're just reality people and they understand how the PR machine works and so it's really hard to find the line between what is actually a planned PR like bonanza of like hey we're gonna you know how much of it is planned how much of it is just the mental health stuff because part of me thinks like it's genius to be like oh no we said it's come out Friday now it's coming out Sunday but we just last minute rented out these churches and now we're gonna go do

this thing and now we're just we're putting this movie out and it makes you go it makes you get excited about it in a way that I don't get excited about other people's albums. Totally. Sure. Yeah. And so it's like both brilliant and sick at the same time, which is fucking fascinating to watch as much as it. Yeah.

It's gross as that can be. Yeah. And I think the part that bums me out the most or makes me like want to walk away from it a little bit more is like the incorporation of all the Jesus stuff. Partly because, you know, I have major personal issues with. You're like a devil lady and we're like a Jesus man. No, it's really... I get it. I get it.

No, my shit's with organized religion. No, I'm not even a Satanist directly because I think subscribing to any specific religion makes you not have intelligent not anymore. I believe in the idea of faith and everyone is allowed to have their own faith. We're not even getting into that. One time, Natalie and Henry paid me to dress up as a goat man and dance around their living room and do a certain sort of weird satanic ceremony. Yeah, and he didn't even do it right, so he got fired.

Holden had to do it for free. I really had to stop and pause to think for a second if we had made you do that way. But it's really, it's just, it kind of, he delves into that sort of, like, prosperity gospel thing where he's, like, making tons of money from the religious aspect of it. I mean, at Coachella, he was selling $225 sweatshirts

that said, Holy Spirit on it. Like, that shit makes my hands. skin crawl. Like, it's one of the most evil things I think a human being can do. Then you need to watch righteous gympstones. Oh, my God, righteous gyms. Dude, how right am I? Can I just, can you tell me again? Holden? Oh, right, I am about righteous gemstones. Righteous Jimstones is like everything you're talking about hating is a satire of that. So, Natalie, I think you will absolutely. Oh, yeah, I definitely, I got to catch that one.

That looks really, yeah, yeah. But I agree with you. That is the grossest stuff. the super expensive Holy Spirit shirts but there's something about it again that I don't think is intentional but to me comes off as art totally I get it like you know what I mean and that line by the way at first I was like

oh my god that's ridiculous the fuck does he think he is and then you see the line for the merch stand and you're like never mind he's brilliant I mean it's brilliant he's making too much money and at least if they're at Coachella, they're not poor, poor people. It's really the idea of like poverty stricken people being told like, if you want to, I have the keys to heaven and your soul. And if you want to get there, you got to give me money. And then it still works all the time. And he's sort of playing

into that. And I don't think he's doing it ironically. I think he really thinks he's a connection to God for people. Yes. I think that he is. And that's why. But then it is very interesting where it's like, I would love to go to a Kanye Sunday service. Like the one that he held in Jamaica and Queens on Sunday, which is this 2,500 seat historically black church, which is the Greater Allen AME Cathedral of New York. And in the center aisle, like the huge center aisle, it was still kept for the people that go to that church every Sunday. And then the outsides of it, and they have like in the beginning of the service, they have the people stand up who had never been, who had never attended the service before. and everyone welcomes them and then they have just a great time.

It seems awesome. But it's also indoctrination, which sucks a lot. Midsummer. Yeah. Midsummer. Also, another theory is because of all of his Trump red hat shit, he's just doing this to try to get back in with the black community. But there was a choir member at one of the,

at the service in Jamaica Queens that talked about that and said, I was a doubter. I thought he really was doing that. and then speaking with him about his faith and everything, it became very clear to them at least that he really was legit when it came to all this stuff. I think it's, and I believe that. I believe that he is, you know, and again,

I also do have to give shoutouts or I love every, like, artists like Bob Dylan did it. So many other artists have their gospel album. And my only thing is you sent me this other article, Jackie, that said he plans on never making secular music again. And that's the only part where I'm like, man, that's kind of a bummer because I want, your gospel album and then I want like your next, you're a new phase or whatever it is. He's always done

religious songs. There's always been, well, religions, not always, but a lot of his albums have at least one. And they're, they're cool. They're like, honestly, they're really fun to listen to you. And I even listen to them, even though they say Jesus in them a bunch of times. Yeah. Like that one track, I thought about killing you. I thought about killing you. Oh, yeah. That one's about Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Wait a second. I don't think. it is. Oh, no. Yeah, so, but you know, Prince also did that at the end. But he didn't stick to it, did he? Or did he stick to only? I know that he went to the symbol, then he went back from the symbol.

Yeah. Well, I will say this actually, because we're studying Lizzo right now for a true Hollywood story. And one of the things that she got to do is work on one of his final albums and said that one of her big mantras now is what he was going out on, where the last music of his life was just about positive. She didn't mention gospel or anything, even though she is heavily inspired by gospel music. But her big thing that she got from Prince when she got to work with him on one of his final albums was, like, he had this whole thing about how he wanted to go out making just the most positive music he could possibly make for people. And that is a beautiful thing. Yeah. I mean, Prince, Prince may have had his issues, but he definitely wasn't on the same level of cuckoo bananas that Kanye is not to use medical terms.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, I did. I read that in a medical doctrine. Speaking of medical doctrines, Oooky, spooky, oooky, spooky, it's Ookie-Spokey. It's Ooky-Spokey, it's October! And it's time to talk about oogie-sboogie shows. Did you guys watch Creep Show? Oh, yeah.

Was that, that was a scary sound? Scary scream noise. Oh! I'm being... Yeah, I'm being... I'm in a, there's a bunch of frogs in my room. I don't like what you guys are doing. There's a bunch of frogs in here.

Oh, it's big. Jesus is in my bedroom. No, that's also scary. I'm like any of those things. Man, I can't wait to one year when we make a last podcast network, Haunt. Can we do that? Why are we not doing that yet?

We made haunts at my dance studio when I was a kid, and it was the most fun. What did you usually do? in the haunt. Well, we helped design them, and then I usually played a mental patient that escapes some... You're very good at crickety-crackety-cratty.

You know what I mean? Like doing crickety-crac-cook-a-crat. So you played cuckoo-pidana's. Yeah. Like you do in your crickety-crackety, you do Gary Oldman movie? Oh, yeah. I'm in a horror movie

that's coming out in, like, two weeks that's probably just gonna go on-demand, but I get to play the monster in it. But you're with Gary Oldman. Yeah, it was cool. I got to do some scenes. with him and Emily Mortimer too. Lovely.

And you did crickety crackety and I can't wait to see it. On a boat. On a boat. That sounds horrible. It was, it was horrible. Crick crick, boat ride. Holden, have you ever been a part of a haunt before? Oh, no.

You're not spooky. I'm not spooky. I'm more annoying. So it's like if there was like maybe a different holiday that was just about annoying people. Annoyance Day, we should start it. Maybe some time in May. I think we already have April Reels Day.

I think that is the annoyance holiday. I think you could scare people with annoyance. Oh, absolutely. Just constant screaming and complaining. Just like, I want to go home. I want to go off. Oh, my God. I can't wait for you to watch what we do in the shadows

because that is, you are that dude. There's a vampire, and he feeds on essentially making other people miserable. And feeds on their energies just like, yeah, I went to this family, reunion over the weekend. Oh man. They didn't have any watermelon. Wish they did. Yeah. Really wish they did. And this kind of sucks.

You're going to love it, Holden. That is exactly what you are. But I did watch on Shudder. They are doing a, what is it called? A limited series of creep show that they're releasing. They're doing six episodes. And I had recently rewatched the movie Tom Savini's Creep show. It's great. The Ted Danson,

Leslie Nielsen short story in it still creeps me the fuck out and it's all about how you shouldn't cheat In the first creep show movie Is it the one with the cockroach Yes Man that's so gross

They filled a lot of that in Pittsburgh Yucky yucky yucky yucky Oh yeah didn't we watch it all together And I had to stop watching that one I don't like the cockroach one Yuckies and so they're redoing it And I just saw the first one and the first segment, I would say, is not very good,

but the second segment was creepy, Dippy, bra. It made me think of the, Are You Afraid of the Dark episode about the dollhouse? It was like an adult version of an Are You Afraid of the Dark? Because it was like a little gory. Yes. But, oh, man, I loved it. It scared me, kind of.

That's exactly, actually, I feel like, creep show is a melding of Are You Afraid of the Dark and Tales for the Crypt. Yeah, yeah. This show is. Fair. It's lighter than Tales for the Crypt, but not as throwaways, are you free the dark?

But you know what? I decided that if I ever have children, no dolls in the house. Yeah. Yeah, we, oh my God. So Lexi's grandmother made these dolls. I think you saw it, didn't you? Yeah, because I lied to Lexi

because Holden was trying to get it out as I was staying with them in the living room. And Holden's like, Jackie can't sleep if this doll is in here. We got to get the doll out of here. I was like, I think it's fine. And Holden just like looked at me with daggers. It is this.

creepy old woman in a rocking chair and it just makes me feel so haunted in my own apartment. It is so creepy looking. I don't understand the handmade doll thing. I mean, I love her to death and the grandmother's great, but it is just such an abomination to put on a mantelpiece. I do. Yeah, I do love spooky dolls, but I don't necessarily want them in my. Well, we do. We have several.

You do. Yeah, you have several and a haunted chair, right? Yeah, we do have on a chair. But we just, we watched, we watched Chucky last night because we're going to try to do the 31 days of scary movies. Oh, hell, yeah. And really just watching that movie, it was mostly a reiteration of my belief that I should not have children. Why? Because you don't want a doll in house?

Yeah. And that you wouldn't believe them. They bring nothing but sorrow into the house. Yeah, that you're, that is true. Have you seen the, the reboot yet? With the Albury, Aubrey Plaza. I don't think I have seen that one. No, I want to see it.

It's a lot of fun. I think that they did a really good job at rebooting it. I think it's delightful. Oh, cool. But yes, overall, it is that my future children will never have toys, and they will never have anything with a face on it unless it's maybe like a cute stuffy. But inside of the stuffy, I'm going to hide gold. And then it will be worth, it will be worth it.

I'm sure that won't cause any psychological damage. Mommy says nothing can have a face. I bet they're going to cut my face off all I sleep. They're going to cut my face off while he's sleep. Baby, the other, other white beat. Uh-oh, she's using topical comedy gold twice in one episode. But this time we're talking about keeping that goalie in place, so we ain't scoring any womb goals before we're ready.

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That's two pounds of ground beef in every box for the life of your subscription. Plus $20 off their first box. Just go to butcherbox.com slash page seven or enter promo code page seven. But also you guys watched, what is it, the tigers are not afraid? Oh, yeah. Have you seen that? No, you probably, you don't have shudder. Do you hold it? No, I don't have shutter. I'm not a cool kid with shutter. Tattoos my fucking stupid arms. Yeah. I don't do what the cool kids do.

I fucking, I still use plastic straws and I fucking... That's not the cool thing. It's the fucking planet. Stop using plastic straw. That's why you're uncool. I don't like turtles. Go on. We've had this fight already, I think.

Yeah, Tiger's... It's on Shutter. I think it's a Shudder exclusive. And it is... technically a horror movie, but it's so beautiful and fucking heart-wrenching. It's so fucking sad. What's the premise? It's about a war-torn city.

All I know is that it's referred to as a haunting fairy tale often, and I'm just like, I don't know if that's, that sounds even scary, but. It's based around, it's based around the children in a city that's ripped apart by gang violence. Is it like, uh, is it like Pan's Labyrinth? Is that kind of sounds like that? It is sort of in that vein, but it's more like it's in the city, basically, and it's around this group of kids trying to survive.

Yeah, it says a haunting horror fairy tale set against the backdrop of Mexico's devastating drug wars. Tigers are Not Afraid follows a group of orphaned children armed with three magical wishes, running from the ghosts that haunt them and the cartel that murdered their parents. That sounds hilarious. Yeah, I know. I figured you would think it was funny. The trailer, I watched a trailer for it, and Natalie, it texted me that was just like, we watched Tigers Are Not Afraid.

It's, I would say it's scary, but it's very sad. And I was like, well, that just sounds like a sad movie. Then I watched the trailer, and I was like, oh, yeah, that looks real sad, but I'm going to watch the fuck out of it. Yeah, I get your cry buckets out. I love, I always have my cry buckets out. They're out right now. No, I don't want to make you cry right now.

I like that you painted and decorated your cry buckets, Jack. Yeah, I painted them, and I put jewels on them so that my hands get cut whenever I touch my cry buckets. Oh, interesting. Yeah, that's like an interesting turn. It's very, very, it's very upsetting. I put pearls and jewels on my flogging whip, so I understand what that, yeah, when I whip myself

because I feel so guilty all the time. That's, I think that's a problem. This is a sexy thing. Put an A upon your chests. Put an A upon your chest. Your is the adulterer. Yeah, you're the one that has the A. Yeah.

We're not going to put an A. You should shave it into your chest hair. Ew. What I want to think about is chest hair is a wispy chest. I don't know if he has chest hair. I've never seen your chest. It's a nuggets. It's very puby, my chest hair.

Yeah, you can shave an A into it. Oh, yeah, I can probably do that. I think so. Well, here, look. Don't show us. Oh, God, he's showing it to us. Yeah, you can do it. It's boys gone wild.

It's boys gone wild. Doesn't look super puby? Someone arrest him, I saw his nipples. Yeah, gross. You're just like a Janet Jackson. What if you had pulled it up and you had the pasties over his nipples? Did I just commit workplace sexual abuse? I didn't even think about it.

Yeah. You're in trouble, buddy. Yeah, we're suing the network. You hear that, Henry? We're suing our own family. Well, we're not going to sue Billy Eilish for how cool she is. She should be sued, though, for how cool she is. The thing is that I love it and I hate it because I love her music.

I love everything about her and I hate that, like, I can't even imagine ever in my life being that cool. A 17-year-old shouldn't be that cool. She's just so not, the word is not effervescent. It was effortlessly. She's effortlessly cool. How is she so dark already? It's not fair. she hasn't even gone through enough trauma yet.

I mean, that's the thing. And then she said on the Howard Stern show about how, like, she's probably, like, better off that she hasn't had, like, a normal teenagerhood. It's like, is it better off? I don't know. She said she would have gone fucking crazy, which makes a lot of sense. So now she's, like, a lot more focused and, you know, working on a career. And I think she was alluding to the fact that she probably would have done a ton of drugs

and, like, snuck out of the house a lot and, you know, went to a rainbow part. Oh my God, I always want to do to a rainbow party. I don't know if girls are still doing that. Is that over? Apparently, I think about it often, and apparently it's not a thing anymore. I think girls are way more in control of their sexuality now that they're being taught, that, like, they're not just holes for pieces? No, that's true. I also had to shoehorn my sexuality into my life after being shrouded in fear of it. You should be. Yeah, oh yeah, no, I'm definitely still scared of it.

but I wasn't scared while I was watching her Saturday Night Live performance. And it was really cool. She's cool, okay? She's cool. She's very cool. But the thing is that she knows how cool she is, a thousand percent. What I found very interesting that, so if you guys look up the Billy Eilish Saturday Night Live performance, it is out of the box. It's very interesting.

It's very different. The first part of it, she is inside of a box that is going around and around. can't even describe it properly. It's the same technology that Lionel Richie is dancing on the ceiling. My God, you're right. But I think it's fun because it's a new generation, so they probably haven't really seen that. And you said, wasn't it, didn't she say she was inspired by Fred Astaire? Yes.

So what I loved about it, though, because I watched it, I was like, oh, that's really cool. But what brought me to talk about it is that she created the entire design for it and came up with the idea of what she wanted to happen. And on top of that, yes, she was inspired by Fred Astaire in the movie Royal Wedding of him dancing on the, on the walls and up on the ceiling, and came up with the entire concept of where the camera was going to be attached. And she did all of this and did all of the rehearsals while both of her ankles were sprained from dancing in previous shows. Yeah. And I think in the SNL behind the scenes, video, one of the videos about it, they show her explaining to S&L about what she wanted to do.

And it's her and her mom in a Kleenex box in their living room explaining it with just like this cute little like camcorder video. And I'm just like, fuck you, Billy Eilish. Why do you think you're so cool and you can do things? You should, you should feel more insecure. Where were you at at 17? Where were the fuck you at 17? I definitely, I was in a high school band.

hadn't kissed a girl yet or had obviously had sex and I dressed in college shirts and khaki pants and was afraid of people I was almost expelled from school and I See you were already, that's already quay cooler No, I wasn't creating anything I was just destroying myself and like hanging out with like 25 year olds

because I was like they get me I'm like an adult so it's cool that these guys think that it's fun to hanging out with me at a high school student. And I was running away from home and, you know, doing all that stuff. Again, way cooler. But I wasn't making any cool art.

You get even speaking to her. You're being a total eyelish right now. All right, Jaggy, where we are? I also was, I was doing lots of drugs and being. But again, it wasn't cool, though. It wasn't cool. That was back in the day when I was like, my hair was short,

but I was kind of growing out and I would brush it out every day. So my hair was big and puffy. And I also was, I had about, like, at 17, I was morbidly obese and I would wear red a lot, which only brought out the red tints, and I looked like a tomato, which is why people would throw tomatoes at me. Oh, yeah, I was bullied pretty hard. But yeah, and speaking with the tattoo thing, back when I was in high school, I had, for my senior year, I had a shaved head, and then I had, like, blue and pink hair and stuff.

And that was not okay at that time. Like, I was treated as though I were an insane asylum escapee patient in school. From Halloween, and that's why you did so well in your dance room on. It really is. Like, I was actually encouraged in my, I was lucky in my dance studio to be whatever I wanted to be. So they, like, really encouraged my, not the rebellious drug part, but like the, whatever I wanted with my hair and, you know, making dance pieces that were like dark and weird. But the school I went to was not into it. Like even the teachers were like kind of, well, what do you?

expect they're going to do, look at the way you dress. Oh, no. It's like, have a conversation then. Don't just be like, nope, she's bad. Get rid of her. They put me at. Because now that is like so in, like being as different in individuals as you can be. I feel like in, you know, I don't go to high school, but it seems from my perspective that it's like, die your hair.

Dress in this, dress in as interesting a way as you can dress. And everybody, like, loves it now. Yeah, no, it's definitely a, it's different for now for sure. I think when I was going high school was more so like don't be different from anybody. Yeah, and just be the same and wear your low-rise pants. But mother, my butt is tall. And low-rise pants don't look good and my butt hangs out of them. Low-rise pants don't look good on anybody.

It's the worst. Except for Christina Aguilera and Shikira. And Shikira. They can rock it. Yeah. Well, guys, though, we have to stop talking about our lower crotches and our upper butts because it's time for the list. Oh. See it?

Who's on the list? Now his mouth is filled with coffee. You gotta have that list. Yeah, there she got got, because you better hook her up. Because we're talking about 15 celebrities that are dubbed the best kissers in Hollywood. You know what? I would, this all came because I was thinking about Jennifer Lopez and Shakira. And I, Johnny Depp.

Number 15. Still, though. Maybe, honestly, I bet he's an even better kisser now that he doesn't have any teeth. And desperate and lonely. I don't know. I feel like I need some teeth in there to, I don't want to get bit, but wouldn't it feel just sort of like a mushy cantaloupe? I feel like I've definitely kissed with someone that didn't have a lot of teeth.

And it just makes it juicier and bouncier. Interesting. Easier to pass the gum back and forth. It's easier to pass the gum back and forth. Now apparently even Kira Knightley said that she would rather had, she preferred kissing Johnny Depp than kissing Orlando Bloom in the Pirates of the Caribbean series. Which that hurts my heart as a Leguilus Stan. Is it a bloomy? Bloomy!

I'm a bloomy! I was reading some, I didn't even send it out because no one cares about this, but I am going to say it. That apparently Ashton Coocher was originally cast as Orlando Bloom's character. in Elizabeth Town with Kierston Dunst. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that interesting for you guys? No. Now I've heard everything.

Megan Fox is a great kisser, guys, in case you were wondering. Amanda Seafreed said that she really enjoyed kissing her in the movie Jennifer's Body, which I have not seen Jennifer's Body, but now that I know that. Oh, you got to see that movie. Sounds like I should. I love Dakota Fanning, so I'm kind of shocked. I haven't checked that one out. And it was Amanda Seafreed.

No, no, but Dakota Fanning wrote it, right? No, Dakota Fanning was a child then. Diablo Cody is maybe who you did? Diablo Cody, thank you. Geez, I can't believe I just switched those to. Why is there also, is that also sexy? No, Diablo Cody is the... She did young adults and Juno.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, gotcha. And she wrote this, and yeah, very interesting. Many interesting. Kristen Stewart. She's also a good kisser. She is. I forgot about the whole thing that when she was dating Robert Pattinson

and had the affair with the director of Snow White. Oh, yeah. Right. But also, it's just like, remember that. Anytime you think you have a bad day and that everybody knows about it, remember when that was such a big thing? I don't fucking remember that.

I didn't remember that at all. Yeah. You know, it's just every which way in that, although Scarlett Johansson, even though she's one of the best kissers, we still haven't forgot what she was talking about. She's got loose lips. Yeah, I wish she would just. I wish she would just shut her mouth. Yes, but she can't. She's too busy kissing Sandra Bullock because they, a kiss at the 2010 MNTV movie awards, technically Bullock kissed her, yes.

So they were up for a best kiss award because Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock were up. for best kiss, and that was when Scarlett Johansson was dating Ryan Reynolds, which I also completely forgot about. And Sandra Bullock and Scarlett Johansson kissed, and I'd like to see it. It was all about girl kisses back then. Britney Spears and, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, sexualizing. And, like, yeah, yeah, dude. Lesbians, like, not lesbian, lesbian, not lesbian was, like a fun game being played in the 2000s for sure. Yeah, but then we now know that it was just marginal it was it was uh no not marginalizing it was making actual gay people look like they were

other people like showboats yeah no and toys which i never gay appropriation gay appropriation yes gay appropriation it's exactly like you were saying with too with the like the like the like fuzzy like different colored hair and stuff like that where before it was like oh it's just like what they use it for was like oh it's just girls wanting attention which is what i got a lot i'm like no i just want to kiss this person. I'm just kissing. No, I'm not doing this for you. I like to kiss.

Yeah, I won the fucking rainbow party because I fucking wanted to suck a bunch of dicks that night. You know what I mean? And it wasn't about trying to get my parents to fucking finally watch what of the plays that I was doing. You know what I mean? It was just because I fucking had it in my soul

that I need to get as much cum in my mouth as possible. What color would you wear? But side effect, it did work. They actually came to one of your plays after that. They went to one of my plays after they were to, yeah, talk to me about what direction my life was going in. That's how you do it. You get them in there. I don't want to think about your mom at a rainbow party.

Blue and purple and brown. I got them all, all the colors. Brown, I got a brown. I think I was eating an ass. I think that's what I got that one. Go for you. Get in there. You know, Alexander Scarsgard is on this list, and I like it because everyone else on the list,

They have like an explanation of why they like, oh, this person's, like this person said they're the best kisser. No explanation for Alexander Scars Garden. I think it is just like, look at him. Obviously. Good man, I would. Yikes. Yikes. Elizabeth Hurley is on the list.

I was so about her back in high school. Talk about speaking of that kind of stuff. She looks fun to be around. That's a rainbow party. Yes, a very, I think that everyone, no matter what you were into, at least wanted to, like, hug, like, have an extensive hug with Elizabeth Hillary. An uncomfortable, an uncomfortable hug that she's trying to push away from. Yeah. Yeah.

And you're hanging on. Yeah. I was like, be Santa Claus at the mall. And as a joke, a doll Elizabeth Hurley is like, what? I'll do it. And I'll sit on, you know, sit on the lap and do that, you know what I mean? It was that sort of fantasy that I used to have reoccurring. Oh, it was a Santa Claus themed.

Fantasy, uh-huh. That does not surprise me at all. Do you call them claustices? Like, oh, yes, that's my claustacea. A fanaclase. Oh, Fanta Claus. Yeah, she's like, oh, I decided to dress up as a Frenchmaid to go to the mall today as a joke. And then as a funnier joke, that my girlfriends were like, you should go visit Santa, you know, whatever.

And, like, I'm there sort of doing that to make some ends meet to pay for my child that I have from an estranged marriage. you know, so I'm sort of, I'm really having a hard time, you know what I mean? I've been going through a lot of shit, right? Yeah, and then she comes, she sits down and then she's just like, you know, she notices that I've been struggling, right? Oh, yeah. Like, almost getting emotional, you know what I mean? But we're hugging and...

Lots of hugging. Yeah, and, you know, yeah, and that's pretty much it. That is so similar to your actual fantasy about being beaten up and then having the woman console you. Yeah. I had a couple people hit me up and be like, dude, I had the same thing. because it was like, I was realistic. I was like, I don't know how to fight.

You know what I mean? I haven't, like, gone to a dojo and committed to the art of war. Maybe you should. I would, I should, actually. I feel like, because I have been punched randomly by strangers in the street in New York City. It has happened. You got a face and ass for it.

I get it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So, yeah, I just assumed I would get my, the shit beaten out of me. But, you know, then she would have to take care of me. You know what I mean? It makes sense. Yeah.

Dress me up. We're zipping on down. We are zipping right on down to number one. And number one, which I didn't even, would never have thought of, it's Nicholas Holt. Ugh. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He was from skins. Dude, you would love skins. He was also in, so he was dating Jennifer Lawrence for a while as well. And I guess he's in some of the X-Men. See, I don't watch the X-Men. Yeah. There's something uncanny valley about this picture. I just don't like the proportion of his eyes.

eyes and his mouth to the rest of his face. He's just got the, he's got a muscular face. He's got like an alien ass face, you know what I mean? Yeah, but apparently he's, I mean, I feel like it's the same as where like, the size of the member doesn't mean they're good at it kind of thing, where it's like, well, he's got a very, like, structured, um, a trail, like, typically attractive face, I guess, but he looks weird. The photo is sort of cold, though.

I think it's just a bad photo because he's a very attractive. dude. He's not my type, but he's a very attractive dude. He looks like a guy in a sci-fi movie who like when he does open his mouth to kiss you, he opens his mouth as big as your head and then just swallows it. It does look like he'd be coming at you for a kiss like

oh, yow yum, yum, yum, yum. Yeah. He's walking towards you. He eats slurps your lips in tongue. He like eats your mouth. Ew, I ain't got soup mouth. Don't slurp me, bro. That's gonna be my new don't tase me. Good call back to the

Don't Taze me, bro, video from 10 years ago. It's old enough to bring it back. Yeah, it is. We're holding. Oh, God. Everything's going dark. I think I'm going.

Blind. Items. Ah, we can't see them. Yes. It's really emotional, too, that time. Yeah, you're crying. You have a couple

It's at the end, but we'll figure it out later. Here are your blind items, ladies. Weep not for your blind items are here. That should be the new intro. I like Weep Not for your blind items are here. I just made Jackie choke on her La Croy. This former A-list tweener turned A-list adult singer has been skipping meals and pulling a real college Jackie

by abusing Adderall, which has left her dangerously underweight. Miley Cyrus. Absolutely. She's been going on through. Oh, no. Right now. I mean, she's going through another breakup. They are already broken up.

It almost seemed like that wasn't a relationship. I don't think it was. Yeah, that was just kind of a fun little. That was like that perfect, like, hey, I've got to have that mini-laconship coming right off of a longer relationship just to, like, wash the, that's an apper-teaf, is what they call that relationship. Like, I just wash the taste of this dude out of my mouth. And then we're going to call it a day after like a month or whatever it is.

But yeah, she posted, I should have like found out. I should have like sent this to like Mary or whatever. But it's posted on Insta, her in front of this Red Rock in Utah last week. And it is a little, it's like, ooh, like, hey. Like she's too skinny. Yeah. And like not in a shamy way. Like, you know, I'm worried about your health.

Yeah, no, that she should be. Yeah, it doesn't like healthy. Oh, that sucks. Because she's already a slender girl. She is very slender. But hopefully she's taking care of herself. Yeah, man, Adderall sucks because it's so good. It just makes you get so much done.

Yeah, I can't take it anymore. No. Sands the Adderall, I mean, I didn't eat when I got depressed, and I'm sure she's going through a lot right now. So, I mean, it's not like the end of the world. Just maybe don't slam the roll, the roll roll, as they call it on the streets. If you start calling it roll roll, they'll stop doing it. Yes.

Yeah, actually, if you just say that it's good, I think, People will stop doing it. Oh, that's sad. And I wish that when I was sad I didn't want to eat because that's the opposite for me. No, I think, I guess not thankfully, but I don't eat when I'm sad. Yeah. You eat your feelings, Natalie? I definitely go for comfort foods.

Yes. I don't like have depression. I'm much more of an anxious person, but if I'm feeling down, I'm like, got to go get some pizza, I guess. Oops Oops The illiterate Foreignborn A minus list

singer is supposedly in that very real relationship, right? So the guy sneaking out of her hotel suite with an overnight bag and wearing different clothes than those he was wearing

a few hours earlier. That's just a friend. Wait, what? A literate foreign born. Oh, I thought you were saying I thought you meant illiterate. I was just like, who can't? No, a literate means first letter

is the same for first and last name. Has the same letter for first and last name. Okay, so the same letter. Big deal, very public relationship. A lot of people call it like a publicity thing for reasons that you'll know as soon as you. Kim Kardashian? No.

We have not. Lovely Kardashian. No, it's no Kardashians and we haven't talked about them at any point during the show. But we've talked about them before in various ways. Always in the blind items, I feel like this person. Lindsay Lohan? No, good call.

Good, good guess. It's a big public relationship right now that she's supposed to be in, and yet there was some guy coming out of her hotel room. It's a public relationship. The other blind, all right, here's the clue. The other blind item is about this person is just a beard for the other person in this very public relationship. That's been a big blind item as of late.

And then she's the beard to this guy, and she's got a guy coming out of her room is the new blind item. So she's a beard and then has. a different person coming out of her room. I've seen her perform live, and she's awesome. Kelly Clarkson? Good call. I would love to see Kelly Clarkson. Well, that's a K and a C, though. That's a K and a C.

Damn it. It's close, though. I would love to see Kelly Clarkson, though. Yeah. That is similar, illiterate, similar. I'm trying to think of your, so it's not, obviously not T's way. It's not, I know you've seen Charlie X, X, X, X, X, I know you've seen Robin. All right. Starts to the C. Cece.

Cream Klaada. What is wrong with us? What's happening? Hispanic new singer really popular. Oh, Camia Cabello! Oh, my God, I'm so dumb.

I'm so dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. That makes so much sense. Sean Mendez. That makes so much sense. They have a song together. And the big, the big line item before is that she's like a beard to Sean Mendez, which they're very, you know, they had an almost kiss,

like the grommies. I mean, I've seen, I've watched, I've seen many of a pick and a video of them like snogging in pools. How many gay guys did you have sex with Jackie? You know, that you're all. Full penetration sex, by the way, not just snogging in a pool. You know, it has happened. It has happened.

Sexuality is fluid, okay? It is, and I do what I do, and I yam what I fucking yam. I'm living my true. And I kiss what I kiss and I squeeze what I squeeze. You damn right. Recently, Sean Mendez in an interview has denied that they're dating for publicity and said that he has met the parents. But it just seems like everything surrounding this relationship is like, it's not real. Like, you know what I mean?

But I guess that's what people like to do and people get into relationships. Well, and especially like, you know, they came out with a song together. They did the whole, like, it like, it does reek of publicity stunt. Yeah. Yes. But like most of those high, you know, exposed relationships look like that. And also, but at the same time, if that's the only person you're around, that's what happens.

So how many people you've, like, had sex with on set? Just because you're like, well, you know, we see each other every day. May as well. I've never done that. I don't know what you're talking about. I've never done it. I take it back. I've never.

I've sewn my lips shut. And I'm not talking about. Talking about my top. Dude, oh my God. I just, I know I've talked way too much about being horny when you were young on this episode and probably every other episode, but man, those backstage shenanigans in high school plays, huh?

Oh, yeah. Just the horniness of that it was the backstage at a high school play when you didn't have to be on stage. I remember in one of my shows, because my crush was in the show, I would stand right behind the set where the, and then the psych would be right behind us because I knew he had to get, like,

past me and behind me to get to the next scene because he would come out one door and then go on the other side of the stage. So I would stand back there just so he could brush past me to not disturb the psych behind me. That's amazing. Sexually charged, it was. And sexually charged, I am.

I love rubbing on people still. Yeah, when in rub. Guys, we have to wrap this up. I've got like four rainbow parties to get to. All right, we got to get out of here. We love you guys so much. Thank you so much for joining us on this week's page seven. We had a lot of things to discuss today.

And we love you. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Holden-McNeely. I am mysterious and very fun. I am Capricorn and I'm 36. You are married. You just got married.

I might be married. And you can follow me, Twitch.tv.tv.org. Holdenator-so. Sintual Friday evenings with Jacqueline Kanandra Zabrowski. She joins me, 6 p.m. E.T. Life is a mystery.

Consume it with a lust. I like that, Natalie. We're just like, ugh. I don't. Life is a mystery, consume it with a lust. I think you should consume it with a cold, stiff

shoulder towards people. Hell, yeah. My name is Natalie Jean. You can follow me at the Natty Jean on all that bullshit and don't listen to Holden's life advice. I'm going to get flags

made with that. Life is a history. Consume it with a lust. Bye, guys. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like

the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.