Page 7 - Episode 330: Cats 2: The Cattening

Episode Date: November 21, 2019

Jackie, Molly & Holden ponder the big questions: why is everyone on the Food Network drunk? Is Tom Hanks the perfect Mr. Rogers? And is "Cats" the Holden McNeely of holiday movies (aka, deeply annoying)?   Go to http://casetify.com/page7 to get 20% off your purchase. For 20% off your first purchase, visit http://nativedeodorant.com and use promo code PAGE7 during checkout! Get started today at http://stitchfix.com/page7 and get an extra 25% off when you keep everything in your box!   If you go to http://getquip.com/page7 right now, you’ll get your first refill FREE.   LA, Chicago, Pontiac & Milwaukee, best stock up on your Rita's! Come see Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser LIVE!    4084-Motivator, Wholesome, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/   Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, my name is Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm Holden-McNeely, and we are so excited to announce page 7 at Wizard and the Brewser live. Los Angeles, we are coming at you, December 11th at 8 p.m. at the Regent Theater. And then we've got some Midwest dates in early January. That's January 9th in Chicago, Illinois. At Lincoln Hall, we've got the Crowfootball room in Pontiac, Michigan. The very next night on January 10th, and on January 11th, we will be, rocking the Papsed.

And that is going to be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I can't wait to eat a bunch of cheese curds. Come freeze with us. Get tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com slash P7 Live. Again, freeze with us. Every ticket can be bought at lastpodcastnetwork.com slash P7 Live.

Can't wait to see you all there. Bye. Oh, uh, oh, it's Thanksgiving. We, we're gonna have a good time. Good time. Oh, it's Thanksgiving. We, we, we are gonna have a good time. This is my favorite part with the turkey and mashed potatoes.

We, we, we are gonna have a good time with the turkey and the mashed potatoes. Welcome to page seven. I was given the gift, y'all, you guys did it. You guys lefted my spirits. You gave me the gift of Nicole Westbrooks. It's Thanksgiving. And you know what? I'm going to go ahead and say it originally I shunned it because a very nice person sent it to me on Twitter and I said no thanksgiving to that because I thought it was just a young girl singing but I didn't realize it was so much more.

So I want to apologize to you specifically and to everyone that I said nay to this song about because you know what? Yay. And there's a lot of context here that is important to understand and crucially it is essentially a essentially a. Almost 10 years later, mind you, I think nine years later, version of Friday by Rebecca Black in the sense that it is done by the same person. Same team. Same team. And can't emphasize this enough. It is also just a list song.

She's like, at some point the lyrics are December is Christmas. January is New Year's. New Year's. April is Easter. Fourth of July, it's Thanksgiving. And of course we... She doesn't even hit all of the big holidays, too. I love it.

I love the ones they chose. And I still remember exactly how it goes on Friday when she goes, Yesterday was Thursday. Today it is Friday. We, we so excited. We so excited. And so to have another list song by the same team who brought you Friday, I couldn't ask for a better Thanksgiving miracle.

I just feel like third. Thursday gets a bad rap, though. I want the Thursday song. Thursday, Thursday, it's better than Monday. It is. Yeah, it really is. It's better. It's the third best day of the week for sure.

For sure, the third best. Wait, what are the two best days? Friday and Saturday. No love for Sunday, dog? Sunday is like a little bit depressing. Doesn't everybody get the sads on Sunday? Because you get, you're getting back into the work week and everything. Yeah.

It always reminds me of Calvin and Hobbs. I mean, I know that I think I bring this up every time we talk about the theme and the identity of Sunday. Because Calvin always said it best when he said, it's just like the end of summer. How do you enjoy a day when you know you have to go to school the next day? Yeah. Right, right. I mean, it's better if you do have like a Monday through Friday work schedule.

It's better than Thursday probably because you don't have to work. But it has a kind of, it has a sunsetsetting aspect to it, whereas Thursday has a sun rising aspect. I've talked about this with Jackie, too. I will be, because we'll record talking TV, our bonus Patreon episodes. You can catch those out on patreon.com forward slash pay some podcast. When we record those on Monday, I'm always a bit of a grump. He's a lasagna-ass bitch, which is a quote for me, because that's what I fucking call him.

And I don't, and it's literally just, I feel like now it is embedded in my DNA from years and years of going to school and working a nine to five job. That even though my Mondays aren't that bad, they're usually a lot of fun. I do the cocktail stream or the creep show creations with Carly. Like I, you know, I get back into the week. But I don't have to like get up at 8 a.m. or anything, personally. No, you just have to sit there and talk to me about the television you're watching. And then learn about something interesting for an hour or two. It makes no sense.

And I'm just like, I'm trying to get rid of it, but it's so hard to un-Monday a Monday boy. Do you still have the internalized school clock of like in September? Are you like, who am I going to have a crush on this year? Oh, my God, absolutely. And it's always my wife. That's really nice. See, you know what I don't like it? And I'm going to go ahead and be an old person here and complain about the

phones. So now Siri gives me suggestions of when I should wake up the next day. What? It's like, do you want it? Because I try to go to the same classes every week. And now I feel like I get guilted in the morning of like, do you want to set the alarm for 7 a.m.? I'm like, go fuck yourself, Siri. Do you tell me to go to yoga? If I don't want to go to yoga, I'm not go to yoga. Self-care day, Siri. Learn about it. Open a book. I'm going to sleep in, you bitch. I'm Jackie Zabrowski, though. Hi, hi, guys. Welcome to me. Didn't you tell us we needed to be more positive? We're being positive because it's Thanksgiving.

I'm Molly Neffel, and I, for one, love Thanksgiving, and I'm glad that I finally have an anthem to provide the soundtrack to my love. I just feel like calling Siri a bitch. Is it the best way to start off a positive podcast? I am positive in my life, but I think I will forever be negative against technology. Yeah, we don't have to be positive to the robots. My name is Holden McNeely, and I embrace our future cyborg, android dystopia. Siri, I love you, gal.

I love you, I want to live inside your breast, Siri. I want to see you for who you really are. No, this is the thing, is that the robots are going to take over, and you're first, Holden, they're going to get rid of you. Just because you're going to annoy them. You'll be made redundant? This face? You think I'm going to get rid of this face? Canceled.

No one says, my name. my voice is annoying. Continue? Who says your voice is annoying? A lot of people and I don't know why. Oh, God, never mind. I take it back. I take it back.

I'm not being positive today. I'm not being positive. No, I am. We have so many positive things to talk about. We have to give our thanks because Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm very excited. And now I'm currently working on my turkey coasters that I am making for almost pretty much no one that's coming to my Thanksgiving. that I'm hosting, but I am

hot gluing different pieces of plastic together. Are there doilies? It's like foam. It's like a foam. I'm making foam turkey coasters with a cork center. Really? Yes. Do you have a picture to show us? I want to see. I don't have any with me right now, but I don't

worry. She hasn't actually made any of them. No, but I bought all the things for them. She spent a bunch of money just now and that's about all that's happened. Because sometimes you know, when you don't have that many friends, what you do is you craft instead. Because then you can make your own friends. Man, I went to Michaels recently,

and this was even before I had kids, but I was like, that was when I truly knew I was in my 30s because I was like, there are so many foam decorations here. I can't wait to have children just so I can bring them here and get so many kits, holiday kits, to do various kinds of decorations, things to hang on my door. I mean, it's going to be awesome.

I told you guys about Aretha Franklin, right? Because I made a big wreath and I named her Aretha Franklin. I think I might have missed that one. Yeah, I would have remembered it. I love it. I think it's the best. I think it's fantastic. I don't think our listeners need to hear me say that.

It's the greatest thing ever. I definitely, I made her for Halloween, but now what I'm doing for every holidays, rather than taking her down and making a new wreath, I'm just adding more things on to her to make her more updated. for every holiday that comes. So I'm hoping by next holidays, am I going crazy? Have I finally lost it?

Is this it? Is this the end of my sanity? Are you leaving the old things on? So does it have like a Christmas tree, an American flag, a turkey, and like a bunny on it? Well, I just made it for Halloween. So by next year, yes, it will have all those things on it. I mean, there's got to be like a, surely we're not the first people who thought of like an interchangeable holiday wreath.

Maybe you can just slap it on, slap it off. always have a wreath. I mean, I really feel like this is like an old lady in the neighborhood thing to always have a wreath on it. It's like, oh, I think it is. You remember those ducks? Did you guys grow up with those fucking ducks that people have on their porches and the duck wears a different outfit?

Where's the different outfits? I love the ducks. Yeah, you got a duck, but it's a wreath, but maybe you should get a duck also. Maybe I should get a duck. You should get a duck. I think we should all have ducks. Hold it. I'll get a duck.

In North Carolina, you never saw the ducks that wore clothes. You know, I think some days, day to day, I'm starting to lose just little pieces of my memory. It's fading. I'm trying to picture right now even just like what it was like to be a boy. And I couldn't tell you. The duck picture, try to capture a memory of standing on somebody's porch waiting for your friend to come to the door. Look to your right. There is going to be a duck there.

Like it's a combination between a duck and a goose maybe. It's like a tall white duck. Okay. It's like a guck. Yeah, everyone calls them gucks. Gucks. I do not have any memory of gucks. It's wearing a seasonal outfit.

So if it's fall, it might be wearing like a patchwork vest, you know. Oh, my God. That is such a old lady thing. That is such a boring thing. That is something my mom would refer to as fun. That's what we were talking about. That is one of those mundane things that my mother and I think a lot of people's mother would maybe describe as, oh, that's fun. It is fun, and you can hide your key under it.

If you're looking to break into someone's house, the key is always under the duck. Yeah, do not hide keys under it. I think our thing was more those flags. My mom used to make those flags. She still does every now and again. Those just hang out front, those like, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah, my mom made me a bunch of wall hangings,

so I have interchangeable wall hangings for every holiday that I put up my wall. But the thing is that when people don't realize that what person under the age of 50 do you know that has a bunch of wall hangings, I am one of those people. Right. But I like a wall hanging. Yeah, I got one for Thanksgiving because I want to be one of those people.

Sometimes when I have anxiety about the amount I've aged in the last year and a half, I picture that I will be a fun old lady. And my kind of, right now my goal old lady is Nancy Fuller, who is somebody on the Food Network, who's just like a real drunk grandma,

just drunk as a skunk. and so that's why I'm embracing the wall hangings because I got to just get, we all have to accept the fact that hopefully we will live to be very old and irrelevant. Why do they let these visibly hammered people have cooking shows? It feels like it's irresponsible.

She's a judge on the holiday baking championship and everybody knows she's a big drunk and so they like put booze in their frosting and they'll be like, this is a rum raisin cake. That's for you, Nancy, and she'll be like, give me, give me, give me. That's what I love the Great British Baking Show. And that's why it's so great.

They're always drunk and they always talk about how much they love booze. Yeah, the Great British Baking Show that I just watched somebody put an entire bottle of wine into a cake. I just saw it. On the holiday one, I just saw that. The judges are like, are you serious? And it looked not good. Ew, no, no, because she had put an entire bottle of wine in, but she had also underneath the frosting had put layers of, I believe it was Stilton. and it was another very strong cheese

because she was maybe a wine and cheese cake. Yes, and I love wine and cheese, but that cake, and I love, that lady was my favorite. She was just a quirky, a quirky old British, maybe Scottish lady, maybe Irish lady. She was one of those, that area, that general vicinity. Definitely not, definitely not Chinese.

I think we could roll out Chinese. We know that she was not Asian, yes. We could roll out India, I think, but yes. But she did put her in. an entire bottle of line into the gate. There you go. Now we have to talk about other things that we cannot believe because it is the

time of year to talk about Goop's Christmas list. I'm not going to lie, okay? I know. I used to listen a lot of the show a lot back in the day. But I never really caught a Goop

Christmas list until this year. And I am baffled. I thought it was literally. I never in a million years thought it was like a billionaires Christmas list. Yeah, I'm so glad that you get to have your first page seven Goop Christmas list episode. Welcome!

I'm going to use one word to describe this Christmas list. Obscene. Offensive. Yeah, it's insulting. All that is good and right in the world. I understand because this year actually I believe that it was for the first time, she put up multiple lists

so that some of them are, it's like things that are for the wellness love in you. They also have one that is like things that you can buy for under $100 as if she deigns even think of something that could possibly be under $100. But we are going to go over the things that are the most ludicrous across all of the list because some of them are Brennerners. And even if I was a billionaire, I don't think I would pay this much for these things. Yeah. I mean, the thing about the $100 list is that

even, I'm not even spending a close to $100 for my closest, the closest people in my life. You know, maybe one, maybe, but like, you know, that's, I gotta have, I can't have a list where the cap is $100. This is also, like, if you were to gift any of these,

I'm looking at these items right now for the under 100. If you were to gift any one of these gifts, no one in a million years would think, oh, this is worth $50. They'd be like, oh, this must be, This must have only cost you like $15. It's a tiny notebook. Or, you know what I mean? Or a cocktail stirrer that costs $50.

Or a lotion, a tiny bottle of lotion for $30. So you're going to offend people because they're going to be like, why did you buy me a $5 bottle of lotion? Exactly. Wow. Exactly. Or like who is going to buy, I just am never going to buy a cammy. for someone as a Christmas gift.

A face mask for $75? It's just one, I think. It's not even multiple. A single face. And if someone handed me a face mask, first time I'd be like, I like face masks low key, right? But at the same time, I'd be like,

a face mask, I'll just get myself a face mask. If I want a face mask, I'd rather have like a Lego set or something I can play with because I'm an adult child. But a single one, I'd be like, that must have cost seven, I would be so stressed out while doing the face mask.

I'd be like, enjoy this. Right. And there's a, treat yourself. And there's a goop glow is over $100. There's items on, even on this list, there's items that are over. But it is close, holding, it's clothes. She's like, I don't know what under $100 actually is. Is, yeah.

Is that a real metric of money? This is absurd. I just, I know. But hold the door. On Goof, you can buy a Go Fish card game. That's what, good, good, good, good. That's what I've come to Goop for. Yeah, so that your child can lose them.

Oh, my God, do you see these anti-motion sickness glasses? What? I actually do need those. You can put those on your list that you keep, Jackie. Okay, I put it on the list. You need, I think that I love you. I love you. But I think that you would look very silly in these.

I think that I give them to you, be like, put them on, Molly. Put them on me, Molly, and go, ha ha ha ha ha ha as you wore them. Yeah, but I could wear them on the bus. I could go on swings for the first time of my life without getting sick. Oh my God, you can't go on swings, Molly. If I swing, I get sick. And that's fine because I'm an adult now. But it was more of an issue when I was a child.

Watching you with those, specifically these glasses on on a swing would be there. Just throw it up all over herself because this shit doesn't work. Because if they look. Maybe they'll work. Maybe I don't know. I didn't realize you could get anti-motion sickness classes. So maybe they work and I have no idea. I'll get some.

We'll figure it out. Maybe only the rich know how to combat motion sickness. That's how I can take a cruise finally. I'll be able to wear those glasses on a cruise. Well, you know, you won't have to worry about cheating on Gideon if you've got those glasses on. And here we have it, a $250 fire extinguisher. Yeah.

Is it like gold or something? It is, it is either, no, it is brass, chrome, or copper. Fire extinguisher. And art, I mean, you know, I guess, I can you imagine bringing that to, because you can go get your fire extinguisher refilled if you use it. But you also have to, like, update your fire extinguis. Like, that's not a forever fire extinguis. I'm just, maybe I am just, grew up poor, will always be mostly poor. So I can't even imagine a life where I see.

spend $25,000 on a custom plant music installation to help your plants sing. Which is another thing that you can buy on one of Goob's Christmas gifts. So I went to the website for that one because I as well was floored and mad, frankly, at the country. Equal parts, baffled and puri. Yeah, at like a reality that would let this happen. And, you know, my first thought when I was reading through their pitch was like, this is for moron startup, super get rich fast, like Silicon Valley style startup that just wants to like flex in the dumbest way possible. And they get this installed in their office is what it feels like. They actually put like meters up against the plants.

I'm looking at this now. And then I think they just listen via headphone. I just don't even get it. I don't get it. And I don't want to say that this is bullshit because maybe there's some sort of science that I am not aware of. I will.

I'll say it's complete bullshit. Plant headphone science? Yeah, Jackie, just is kind of dumb as she doesn't know about the plant headphone science. I don't know about plant music. Maybe it's just I don't know. Most people think plants can't sing But what they don't know is plants

Maybe they can't sing Maybe we're the ones that are wrong I'm a plant and I'm happy to say I bet it would give us very nice music This is tough for me because there is part of me Even though I want you know I believe that wealth should be distributed Redistributed more equally

There is part of me that looks at rich people things And thinks that must they must If a rich person has it It must be really good and really nice, and I must want it. And in the future that I imagine, we can all have them. You know, we don't have to abolish the nice things. It's just that things have to be more equal. But the plant music, like I got to say, I looked at that fire extinguisher.

It's a nice fire extinguisher. I would take it if it was given to me. Oh, yes. But this plant thing is truly an example of the rich. They just, it's too much for their own good. Nobody needs this. Molly, I'm not going to get into too much because we got it into. and talking TV on the Patreon

exclusive, but... Patreon.com, forth slash page 7 podcast. I've been watching Succession and this has also been making me think a lot. You watch Succession, right? I love Succession and I want to go to those houses. This is the thing. So that's why looking at this list, I'm like, what would

the Roy's buy off of this? I bet that they would, in a blink of an eye want, like, they... I also think that people that are that in obscenely rich don't have the fucking time to listen. to the plants sing. Well, but don't the rich have an excess

amount of time and then they pretend that they're working all the time? This is what happens. I think that like one person in this situation has zero time, but there's a bunch of other people attached that are definitely having tons of time, you know, but they're filling that time up with

pills, pills, pills, pills, pills, pills, pills, pills, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs. And guess what makes you think a plant is definitely listening to music. Like, pills, bills, bills, bills, bills, bills. That, yes, I can tell. It's definitely listening to a lot of music right now. Now I've got to go to a meeting.

I feel like I'm floating in a sea of cocks better than all the cocks in all the world. I'm glad, flooding, I'm trained spotting. I will say, though, that if I had that amount of obscene money, the $250,000 ticket to space via Virgin Galactic. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. I want to go to space.

I wholeheartedly agree that if you are the billionaire that has everything, that would maybe be like the only gift that would be like, cool. Even though I don't know if I've, because I've thought about this a lot, I don't think I would, I don't think I've got the courage to go to space. I'm terribly mortified of the idea of just floating in a tin can. It's terrifying. I don't want to go to space. Those people, if you are rich enough to buy yourself a,

ticket to space, make it a one-way ticket, and stay there. Yeah. You know, let them, let them, let them, let the rich slowly peel the missiles off by going to space and not knowing how to get back. But I'm not going out there. That makes me feel claustrophobic, just thinking about it. I kind of just, I don't want to, like, Sandra Bullock go up there. I want to, like, go up there and be like, I'm floating.

This is cool. And then immediately come back down. That's what Sandra Bullock did. And then she floated away. It wasn't she, like, an astronaut or something? But she was floating. Oh, whatever happened in that movie. Who knows.

It's very upsetting. Also, though, I will say the tiny home tree house for $110,000. Pretty dope. I just imagine that is just a piece of wood nailed into a tree. Did you not look at how tiny this home is? Oh, look at these. Oh, I love these adult tree houses. Oh, yeah, that's cool.

Do you guys ever seen that? Have we talked on the show before about the tree house show? No. Yes. There is a show with a guy who builds you a very nice house in a tree, and it rules. I mean, these are very, very cool. Yeah, see, this is an example of rich people having nice things. Yeah, something that you would, everybody wants to live in a tree, at least for part of the year.

Yeah, nice. And hear them dance to the music. I just feel like, no, I just don't want it ever. I'm going to be sappy. And now I'll have to touch everything, be like, oh, I got sap on it. Yeah, I think it would be probably the funniest experience to go and stay in a treehouse with Jackie, but definitely probably not the most enjoyable for her. You would have to strap me into some sort of contraption

to get me up into the tree because I'm scared of climbing anything. I'm sure that they've gutted the innards of this tree so that there's no sap and that there's an elevator. I'm sure it's just a shell of a tree. The cleanest situation you can possibly get in terms of a tree house. But I bet like some kind of rodent would sneak in at some point and give Jackie a bit of a goose situation and she'd be wrestling with it and everything.

You know, kind of the opposite of a Disney princess, she'd be like, strangling a posse. You're my new husband. Unless the chipmunks come in and just, instead of getting her dress, they just attack her. Yeah. You know how it is. Oh, oh, oh, it's Thanksgiving. Oh, oh, we're going to stare at our phones.

Oh, oh, oh, it's Thanksgiving. What, what, what else are we going to do when we're? home. I can't even imagine having to go even one day with my phone out of commission. So the idea of it falling and breaking is terrifying, especially when I need an escape from my

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It's something I've never understood in my entire life. Kestify has done awesome collaborations with artists and designers. They've got collections with everyone from Sarah Jessica Parker to Pokemon to the Rolling Stones. And my niece is going to flip her brains because they also have a BTS collection out. And now I'm going to win the best aunt in the world medal for Christmas. There's also the best collaboration ever. Yours! You can create custom cases with your favorite colors and texts, which my niece will also love,

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And there's no risk to try. For 20% off your first purchase, visit native deodorant.com and use promo code page 7 during checkout. For 20% off your first purchase, visit native deodorant.com and use promo code page seven during checkout. Well, you know, I don't think that that would ever happen to Tom Hanks. Talk about a man, that was such a good segue. I'm built for this.

I'm sorry, what subject are we talking about now? Tom Hanks. So we're talking about, we're talking about Tom Hanks as Mr. Rogers because it's beautiful and because there's content all over there's wholesome as fuck content

all over the internet about Tom Hanks and the soon to be released, beautiful day in the neighborhood where he is playing Mr. Rogers and I just everything about, I know that some people are just like, oh, Tom Hanks is boring,

whatever. You know what? What? I get it. I see a lot of Tom Hanks is boring. Why does everybody, does everybody have a take on something? Can't a hanks be a hanks?

I'm not, I don't think that he's boring, but I am very skeptical of his ability to capture the one and only Mr. Rogers. I'm a little stressed about it. I think that's different faux show. But I do you understand. That man is literally made of magic. Yeah. And how do you recapture actual magic?

And I've been thinking about this because how we've talked about like how on La La La Land, the bad thing about La La Land is they should have cast actual dancers. And so I'm like, well. And singers. And singers. Right. And so I'm like, but there's a lot. I like biopics a lot.

And if I saw, you know, a Jane Kelly biopic, you could at least get somebody who is probably as good a dancer as him. They probably wouldn't, but you could. But what Mr. Rogers had, it's not like a recreateable talent, you know what I mean? I feel like the only, who else could possibly even attempt that role other than Tom Hanks? He really is wholesome, I personified outside of Mr. Rogers. That's true. He is the Mr. Rogers, like, type of Hollywood.

It would have to be, like, a cute animal or something, I think. It's the only other thing that you just go, oh, my God, like the baby Yoda. Baby Yoda as Mr. Rogers. This summer, baby Yoda says the word fuck is Mr. Rogers in the new sequel. No, I don't want to see that. Yoda Rogers returns to tell the children that life is tough in the later years. We'll never do that. But now we also know, did you see what I had said, you guys?

that Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson found out that Tom Hanks is actually related to Mr. Rogers through a distant cousin named Johannes Miffitt. There you go. Yeah, that's the most exciting thing of all of this. If I was involved in a Mr. Rogers film and then I found out I was related to him, that would, I would just stop everything. And that's all I need. Yeah, that's all you would need.

Why don't you host a PBS one of those? I would. I don't know if I have the Molly's room Do you have more time Molly you've got time Yeah you have plenty of time to do this pitch I would do any

My there's many people I've wanted to be in my life Jim Henson is one Gene Kelly is one That dream is probably dead Unless I start tap dancing lessons now But you can do what I believe in you Yeah But Mr. Rogers is perhaps the number one person

I have always wanted to be And so if you're out there PBS executive and you want to bring back an extremely low energy show with one person sitting in front of a camera. I think you can do it. Let it be me. I am bouncing a baby right now

and she's just sitting here chilling. Yeah, very relaxed. I will say if you want to get even more Mr. Rogers with it, did you guys watch the video of Tom Hanks and the cast of Hustlers? They were all at the Toronto Film Festival over the weekend because it was the premiere. They were promoting a beautiful day in the neighborhood as well as hustlers because there's a lot of,

lot of Oscar buzz around both of them. And in this video, you guys, oh my God. So from across the room, this is huge room filled with media and all these people taking pictures on one side of Tom Hanks, the other is like the main cast of Hustlers. And Lopez, Jennifer Lopez from one side yells, it's the hustlers at Tom Hanks as he's pointing at them. And then Tom Hanks starts to walk and like, is it Moses parting disease? He starts walking across

And he goes, listen, I don't have on any lip gloss. Am I allowed to stand over there? Like an old father, which, how cute is that? And he comes over and he says, The only thing I've heard about your movie is that it could use a little Tom Hanks. And then they were all just like, stop! And just laughing their ass off.

And he comes over and he kisses all of them on the cheek. And it was beautiful. It was just so pure. It was a lovely moment. It's a nice mashup. hustlers and uh i mean i will say that

it did feel i not to not to not to take it down and not to he just didn't seem to really know anything about what the deal was with hustlers no no no he's never obviously not seen the movie clearly hasn't seen a single poster for the was he just like it's a bunch of women

hello fantastic i'm one of the good ones he is one of the good ones and he was being nice to them and i thought it was beautiful. I thought it was sweet, too, and I retract my previous statement. My name is Hunter McNeilly, and I talk like this now. Maybe this is also my problem. I think it's just because of the holidays, and I think that my, like yesterday, even, I cried a bunch because Jeff gave me this, sent me this meme that was really sad, and I

cried about that. It was about how orphans are given trash bags to move their things into, and that this family came to pick up their adopted child, and they came to pick up their adopted child, and they brought, they brought, they brought, they brought, And they asked, why do they bring luggage? She said, well, the luggage matches ours. It's our family's luggage. So they brought, and I'm crying about this. And then I found an organization online that you can buy duffel bags for kids so that they have something to put their clothes into.

And I'm not going to cry. I was going to say there is definitely organizations that specifically address this very problem. So, Jackie, that can be your holiday scroogey. what story am I trying to call for when you are moved? Christmas Carol? Yeah. The Great pumpkin. You know, your holidays.

It's my comeuppance. It's my comeuppance. Yeah. It's for Thanksgiving. The organization I donated to is called Together We Rise, and I cried about it for a long time because I didn't know that. So, you know, I think I'm just in a holiday mood where I need to get, I need to weep. I need a dog or something. A holiday mood of just sitting alone and weeping at a meme.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, I mean, I also almost cried when I watched the Cats trailer that was released yesterday. And not because it made me sad. Yeah, I, man, I just every, at one point I remember just watching it and just in the middle of it just being like, man, what the fuck? You know what to be like, out loud, no one's in the living room with me. You know what I mean? And I'm just like,

but you just can't not have a reaction to it. It is so absurd. It's just so jarring for the eyes. It's hurt my eyes. It's so upsetting. I feel like it was made for me, though. It's disorienting. In terms of like theater of annoyance.

You know what I mean? Like, I just think it was created. It's the holden of how they films. It's like they put me in a bottle. And, you know, and it's so funny, too, because I, like, really have always hated that musical. So it's just so great that, you know, I feel like it's, I feel more connected to it than I've ever felt before my life. So Jackie and I decided that since the three of us can't go together, hold it, at least I got to go with you and Lexi.

Please. And we just got to. You have to. You have to. There's no way. I'll be back in town like the day after Christmas. Okay. So if honestly, and Lexi and I have already been talking about like how fucking jazzed we are to see this musical. I feel like we got to do it like old style.

like fill up like some now jeans with martinis or something. Yeah, I don't even want to do like go to a legit place like Alamo Draft House where we could just drink. I knew I want to even if we went there, I would sneak in. Yeah. I think you need to bring in a bottle of Evan Williams. Yeah. That's what that needs to be something that does not taste good.

Yeah. It feels bad going down. That will make you just so lousy drunk. You can't help yours. And I want to get us to the point where we somehow end up actually crying during memory. And then we get kicked out of the theater. First we make it to memory, we're sobbing, and then we get belligerent. I want a mother of a small child to complain about this.

Definitely, at the very least. Holden, your old roommate, Kep and I both got kicked out of Le Mizz when we went to go see Le Miz on New Year's Day because while watching Le Miz, we got so drunk and just sang the entire movie. What, that's fantastic. What better way to see it? Yeah, what a lame bunch of... Lamos that got you kicked out. Yeah, who complains?

Who goes to Lamez? It doesn't want to sing alone. Also, there was only like four other people in the movie theater. It was 1 p.m. on New Year's Day. It's like, give me a break. We should find out if there's one of those fancy places with like vibrating seats that we could go to. You know what I mean? They do like the ride version of the movie.

I got, I need that. I max cats. If I don't throw up during cats, I'm doing it wrong. I can't, I just cannot express how excited I am to see a movie. that I know I'm going to hate. I've never felt this way before. It's going to be so great. I mean, when was the last time you got so drunk while in a movie theater

that you had to go to the bathroom in the middle of it to throw up booze and popcorn? I haven't done that in seven years. It's been so long. Yeah, I couldn't even tell you. Well, I remember our mutual friend, Julia Johns and I, we got blind drunk and went to the shitty new Michael Bay Ninja Turtles. movie and we ended up getting there late because we were getting hammered so we had to sit

in the front rogues it was like opening way and just literally like look up at this just shit show rollercoaster ride and just screamed at the screen yelling just screaming at the screen so rowdy so rowdy

but cats I want that to be on a different planet I really hope maybe we could organize some situation like a meetup or something so that we outnumber Yeah, that's how you do it. Do it in numbers. She wants to do. She wants to rent out of theater. Yeah, I want to, I mean, and then we just literally, we'll go, it'll be like Rocky Horror, but for cats, we'll dress up as dogs.

And how. I think that's a wonderful. Everybody just have dressed as dogs. It's just bark at the screen every time they're upset. And bark at the screen. Every time you're upset. And then we do it every year, just like Rocky Horror Picture Show, every Christmas. And I do hope that this spawns some kind of ritualistic, like, oh, this is the part where we throw our own shit at the screen or whatever it is.

I really like that idea of turning it into an interactive experience. Yeah, there's no Christmas this year, there's no Hanukkah this year, there's nothing. It's just Cats Day. It's just Cats Day. It happens in December 20th, Cats Day. There it is. That merges everybody together too because it's like you don't have to feel like, oh, I hate Christmas, or I have all these negative associations with it from childhood or, well, I'm not Christian or whatever.

We could all get behind just going as deep into an acid trip with cats as possible. See, we say that, but what about our next generation? Imagine dragging Freddy and Zelda while you guys barked at the screen and dressed up like dogs. I don't understand. They'll be like, Mom, can we dress his cats? I'll be like, no. No. You dress as dogs.

Dogs or rats. No cats. Yeah, you dress the kids up as rats. You dress the parents dress up as dogs. And you just, yeah, exactly. You just go, just complain about the movie as loudly as possible. Every year I have to go see cats with my parents. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bu, blah, blah,

but every dude. I, honestly, that trailer is, the new trailer is even better, I think, too, just in terms of just, It's so scary. What in the fuck? What? It's just so scary. And I'm upset because I was complaining about this to Molly because I told my mom's like,

yeah, we're going to have to go and like make fun of cats. When cats comes out over Christmas, I was like, why would you make fun of cats? I love Andrew Lloyd Weber. No, why? No, it looks fun. It's going to be fun. I was like, Mother, where I'm not going to go. No, don't enjoy it.

I'm not going to enjoy it. And she doesn't understand the concept of why you would. pay to go to something that you were going to choose to not enjoy. And it was like, I'm not going to fight with you about this. Yeah. So I have to wait until I get back to L.A. to do it. I'm going to enjoy the experience. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. For sure. Oh, yeah. It's just one of those things where I'm like, oh, this is definitely one of those signs that I'm not in the correct timeline. You know what I mean? And that I won't get the true ending this time around. But like, hopefully it's some other future when I see an actual, like,

reasonable version of cats. So I'll be like, okay, I think I'm in the correct. parallel reality. But it's tough because in a hundred realities, there's maybe one reality where there's an appropriate version of cats, right? And it's just a fundamentally inappropriate story. Did you guys listen to Taylor Swift's song? So Andrew Lloyd Weber wrote the music and lyrics for a new Taylor Swift song

called Beautiful Ghosts that is going to debut in the movie. Of course, obviously it is a pitch for him to try and get an original song Oscar nomination. As well as T-Swift, yeah. Yes, and it's just, it's fine. I like that this article that I was reading about it went into the idea of like, cats is ridiculous.

And the best part about cats is that the whole thing is ridiculous. Yeah. And then you put this, I will say, mostly boring song. I'm not saying it's not beautiful, it is beautiful, but it's just like, all right, well, this is going to be something. That'll be like my drunk nap while watching it. I'll sleep through this. and then we can keep watching it because I

it's boring wake me up after beautiful ghosts absolutely I agree with that and it's especially frustrating and I you know if someone were to task me like hold in here's Andrew Lloyd Weber sit down with him and work out a new

song for cats I mean my first instance would be like I'm obviously I'm obviously a grumpilombeil look at 28 23 I'm going to do a flip for thee what to do bad for me I'd be this dumb I'd be like what is the dumbest thing I can think of.

I'm criminy, cranky crops. I can tell you lots of thoughts. Number one, making thoughts is fun. I would love this. I also love it because if there's one thing cats already has in songs where the cats introduce themselves, but you wrote another one. Another one.

I introduced like eight new characters that just all jump off a bridge right at the end. Yeah, exactly. But instead it's just like, but unfortunately, like, Taylorstrip didn't have an option in this situation. in terms of the actual, he had already written the music. She had written the lyrics. Oh, I mean, also, if Andrew Lloyd Weber comes up to you,

he's like, hey, I wrote this song for you to sing, what am I not going to sing it? Of course, but it is, it is straight. And not that it's not, not Taylor Swift's fault at all. It is definitely a boring song. Maybe they should just import, they should solve two problems at once and import that song. I forgot that you existed into cats.

That'd be great, actually. And I think it would fit pretty well. Yes. I forgot that dogs existed. Yeah, talk about it's about dogs. It's an anti-dog song. It's an anti-dog song. It's not you.

It's not a roof. It's just a difference. You know what I mean? I know exactly what you mean, unfortunately. But what I also... Are you going to sing another part of the song? It's me, Mr. Pinky Weezer. And I like a sneezer.

Achoo, achoo, acho, acho. Look at me. Look what I can do. It's me, Mr. Pinky Sneezer. I think it's going to be another one of those list songs as you keep listing off new. new characters and come in

like how like winky wuzzles in the kentileta so on Twitter if you'd like to pitch us your cat names

that would exist in the musical cats we will attempt to create a song about all of them I think it's great I'm totally in and another thing

I'm totally in and I cannot wait to watch it drops a November 21st which is just it's this week it's right around the corner is the night before Christmas.

Please, did you guys watch the trailer for this new Christmas movie? It's going to be enough, like, I think this is the next one of this season that everyone's going to talk about. It is Vanessa Hudgens in the new Netflix Christmas movie, and it looks nuts. Yeah, I was watching it with Lex in the room, and she was like, at the end, she was like, are we going to watch that? And I was like, fuck, no. Yes, you were going to watch it.

I'm a thousand percent going to watch it. I think we all have to. watch it with me. She started laughing. Of course we'll watch it. Of course we'll do that. Why would we not do that at this point? This is a thing now right where Netflix makes its own shit Christmas movie every year now. I remember there was, I remember watching the trailer for the one last year and being like, I really don't want to watch this. The Christmas Prince. Last year, last year, I think it was the Christmas Prince too because the Christmas Prince had kind of the year before. And it is another one of its lines where it's like essentially a medieval

night comes across some sort of sorceress, and then through blue light technology comes to present day, so he's a medieval night and present day, Vanessa Hudgens, of course, even though he's an insane person and thinks that he's a medieval night, even though he is a medieval night, falls in love with him, which I get. I've seen Encino Man, but at least weirdly enough, Encino Man makes more sense. Yeah, I'll watch it. I'll watch it. I've never had any, like, night desires, you know.

Really? Yeah. Oh, my God, you got to get your butt to the Met. Last time I was at the Met, I was thinking it was a big night exhibit right now, and, oh, my God. They got all these, oh, these big, ooh, armor. Ooh, and they probably clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, but they're all so strong, because they've got such big. I don't know what they're called spears. I don't know. Jeff knows a lot more about these things.

You want to clang, clang, clang, bang the knights while they're playing there. Yeah, on top of a horse. And I want him to pick me up and be like, you can't spread your legs. You're in a medieval lady's dress. I'd be like, just watch me. And then I was like, just climb on top of the horse. I can't wait to write X-rated fiction, fan fiction about what I would have been like in the Knights of the Roundtable. You can't see their face?

though, right? They got it. It's like that show that I bring up a lot, Mr. Personality. Yes, but that's what's kind of fun about is that like, you don't know.

Who knows? Uh-huh. All that matters is what they got and where we can put it and how we can touch it. Under their crotch plate. Yeah.

I need no crotch plate. No guards standing at my saloon doors. I... Did you guys watch the clip I sent you. So someone on Twitter tagged me in this new dating reality show

called The Flirty Dancing. Yeah, it's the best. I love it. Oh, my God. So there is a UK dating reality show called The Flirty Dancing that two strangers are taught the same dance. And then when they meet for the first time,

they're asked to perform the dance together. So before they even talk to each other, so that it's all like a dating, then the quote is, it's an absolute equal mix of cringe and terror wrapped into a date. The result? A beautiful summation of physical chemistry,

gorgeous choreography, and a pinch of vain relief that the person on the other end of the dance routine isn't ugly. And I, so you can't watch all of the episodes. So they're doing a, in a U.S. version that comes out at the end of December, and it's going to be hosted

by Jenna Dewan. And I watched, you can't find clips of the UK version out there. And I cried through every single dance I saw. And I sent you guys a specific dance that was just, oh my God, it's these two dudes. And when he turns around for the first time, the smile. The smiles on their face. And then they just keep having these electric moments as they're dancing through this museum.

And I just, I looked at Jeff and I was like, dance with him. with me. He loves it. He loves it. No. An incredible idea for a show. I'm absolutely in love with it. It's like a mixture between like dancing with the stars meets like any sort of, you know, blind date style reality show. Brilliant, right? So not only are you watching the technique, the, you know, you've got all the nerves of the performance and the execution itself, while sparks are flying. And it's so because dancing like, there is like, this is my opinion, Nothing more fun than choreographed dance.

So both of them just have these huge fucking smiles on their faces because how could you not be having so much fun? Right, exactly, right? Just having a blast. And I get that, like, I'm sure there's a lot of people out there that don't like to dance so this show wouldn't be for them. But as someone that I loved dance, but I don't dance very well, and I'm very aware of that.

If someone just spun me off my feet, I'd die. I almost wanted to sleep with a friend of mine's mother because she taught ballroom dancing and then she took me out on the dance floor and the way that she gripped me with such power and emotion I'll sleep with you right now. It's such a good way to bond with somebody

like doing a dance together, you know? I also think there's a magic to people who don't normally do choreographed dance getting really serious about one, like that's the Dancing with the Stars thing, right? Getting like really serious about it and really working hard at it and then watching somebody who is,

that isn't their natural environment, go and just like spread their wings and fly like a fucking big ass bird. Yes. Beautiful. It's so beautiful. And I think, right, there's just something about dancing where it's like an art that like I know a lot of people don't like to do it, but I think that sometimes, I'm not saying everybody would love to dance if they didn't have hangups, but I think that sometimes people's

hangups about dancing is like feeling self-conscious. Right. But like there's something so like human about like feeling like listening to music and feeling moved and wanting to like move your body with the music. And so I feel like unlocking that fun part of yourself in the context of also being like, are you connecting with this person you're doing it with is like such a fucking awesome idea. Right.

Especially like and I feel like this is kind of the case in this one, but there's something magical to me about people who like it's fun to watch really well trained dance. Like going to the ballet here in New York is like a great experience. They're all built and super chiseled and they have. have dancer's bodies, right? That's the phrase for it, right? Description. But when you watch somebody who's not necessarily like super duper in shape or

super duper in the, like a trained professional dancer, just fucking let their whole, just, you watch their body just fucking get into it. And it looks so, you know, freeing and so great, you know what I mean? My body is a cage. Don't. Don't with that.

We just, I know we just released the Euphoria episode of pop history, but don't get me that song's like in my head. I think that's what made me love it so much as well, is I was worried that the choreography was not going to be just for an every person to be able to do. And I like that they're working with each person and what their abilities are where they will still feel comfortable.

So it's not in a way that it's like, well, let's watch this chubby woman try and do this. You know, right, right. You're not making fun of them not having the natural ability to dance. No, no. And I don't know, for some reasons, it's just more charming to me, though, to see a less trained person fucking commit. It's also, like, I'd way rather do a dance with somebody to see if I like them than, like, go have dinner with them. Yes, of course.

A thousand percent. Well, I also, you know, and I need to be able to, like, know someone at least a little bit before I eat. I, like, slam a bunch of food in my craw. Food's never the first day. Yeah, never. Coffee or a drink at a bar. or an incredibly choreographed dance routine. Those are the three options.

You love that. Some folks like to go to the mall, sit in traffic, dude, try on a blouse. Hop on a freeway just to get a scarf. Bring, burn, burn, burn. But I'm taking myself to stitch fix to order fashion online. I'm in a Stitch Fix state of mind.

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Well, now I'm excited, but I also did you guys, as a follow-up of last week, I wanted to also say, again, another shout-out to John Legend of this year being the people's sexiest man alive, but it was very cute because Idris Elba tweeted at him. He said, congratulations, brother. You deserve it.

Do not tell The Rock. He still thinks he's got the title. I didn't have the heart to tell him when I took it last year. And it just made me, because I think it is I had just seen this article and it was right after I saw a picture of The Rock and Danny DeVito, who apparently are in Jumanji 2 together,

which will be coming out next year. And they immediately hit it off. together, which just warms my heart. I mean, everything about the Rock warms my heart. But imagining him, and if you look up the picture on the Rock's Instagram, of him with Danny DeVito, he's so much bigger than Danny DeVito. And it's so, so adorable. And I love that he's just kind of Hollywood's little, the butt of all their jokes.

But also, can we talk about when Chrissy Teigen was like, there was this incredible Twitter exchange where they, like, she I think started right by tweeting out a picture. Maybe John Legend tweeted out a picture of himself in the late 90s looking like a real dork. Dorky dork. And then he's like, I can't believe I'm the sexiest man alive.

And Chrissy Teigen was like, well, to be fair, I wonder what Iderselba looked like in the late 90s. And then he resulted out a picture of himself looking stunning. Just flawless, perfect, exquisite. And it was like my favorite thing that's happened on Twitter in years. That and also when the Chrissy Teagan's constant, like now roasting of her husband for being Sexiest Man Alive by saying, like, The Sexiest Man Alive just made me a ham sandwich.

Which is great. There came in it down to Earth that it makes me smile. And also, did you see the Snoop Dog cover? Snoop Dog came out with a joke People magazine cover with himself as the Sexiest Man alive. It's so good. I support it. He wrote underneath it just how a Crip took your chick. That made me smile.

Everything this week made me smile. I also love, too, that the picture of him has a photoshopped, it looks like, joint in his mouth. And I'm just like, you couldn't find a picture of Snoop Dogg that just had a joint in his mouth. No, no. That's too, that's too easy, you know. But another thing that made me smile, too, was did you guys see that Nick Cage is playing Nick Cage in a movie about Nick Cage called the unbearable weight of massive, talent. Yeah, there is nothing more Nick Cage that has ever happened than the

sentence that you just spoke. I'm so excited about this movie because I love that it says essentially the summary of this movie is that fictional Cage is constantly having internal conversations with a 90s movie star version of himself that lives inside of himself

who is having a flailing film career. Things start to turn up when he meets a billionaire for Mexico who's a fan of his stuff and has some projects he wants to talk to Cage about. But in a national treasure-like twist, the CIA informs Cage that the billionaire is a drug kingpin and that they'd like Cage's help trying to bust him. When the billionaire brings his wife and daughter into the picture, well, that's when Cage is up against the role

of his life. You know, a couple things. First of all, and I... Just a couple. I want to be really excited about this. And I almost damn. Two things. First of all, director, writer, director guy has not really done anything before this. Second of all, I kind of wish it was more of like a being John Malkovich style one of these where it's all weird and like, you know what I mean? Whereas instead it's like, oh, it's just going to be another action movie with like this funny twist to it. You know what I mean? I'm still going to in a cats-like manner watch this, okay?

I'm going to refer to it in my head as Cats to The Cattening and go see this opening night. Can we write cats to the cattening? Yes, absolutely. A hundred percent. Cats to the catening featuring Nick Cage. Or honestly, I could see us doing a parody of cats called rats, where it's a, so we do, we just literally do the story of cats, but as told by rats, and just kind of make fun of it the whole time. It's like the great mouse detective. I think it'll be perfect.

Or Aristotacats. Oh, my God. I love it. I love it. Arista rats. Arista rats. Arista rats. Oh my God.

Molly, thank God. One word, franchise. All right. Every cat-related entity, we will parody it using rats. Lady and the Rat. There you go. It's like the scary movies and all that stuff. You know what I mean?

Yeah, the little Murr Rat. Yeah, let's take that rat screeches from his little body. Like, not another teen movie. It'll be not another rat film. Beauty and the Rat. Beauty. It writes itself. I'm just a rat.

Oh, I'm a little rat that keep in the attic. But I'm in love with you. I'm in love with the rat in the attic. Nobody's ever loved a rat before. If we left you by guys both in this room, I think you guys can just, I think you're already there. You're almost there.

Molly and I are essentially the same thing as the a million monkeys in a room on a typewriter. Yeah. Situation. We will eventually write every possible rat-oriented script if you just left us in this room right now to do that. Just give us a prompt and we'll go. you go. Well then I'm excited about whatever

movie you guys are going to write after we get through this week's list. Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie! Gotta have that list. Now I've heard everything. You are about to hear everything because this list, you guys, I know that you guys have been excited about this since we started

recording today. It's 32 facts about turkeys. Yeah. I have, I'm having a problem. I think I'm having a problem with turkeys. I gotta talk you out. We've first done, huh? I've made, I've made two turkeys this week already.

Really? Really? Yes. Who are you? Ina garden. I'm kind of feeling, I'm getting a little barefoot with it. Yeah, and that's why every time I make a new turkey, I start talking like this a little bit more, and I'm starting to scare Jeff. And you got a Jeffrey. Oh my God, I do have. I have a Jeff.

Holy shit. Why have I not put this together? Oh, my God. Is Eina Garton's Jeffrey to chicken as my Jeffrey is to turkey? Every Friday I make Jeff a whole turkey. Another turkey. And then he goes out with his boys. And, you know, he has his fun and Fire Island, but I'm never invited.

For 35 years, I've made Jeff a turkey every Friday. You're right. And then someday I can release a whole recipe book about all the different turkey recipes He forces me to make before he goes out on his fun weekends with his boys. Well, number one, guys, hold on to your hats. The North American wild turkey population was almost wiped out. Oh, my God, now I've heard everything. No.

Now I've heard everything. But don't worry, in 1973, there was, we got down to 1.5 million wild turkeys. More scorn seven turkeys ago. Boo. Don't worry, are turkey numbers up to 6 million? Did you know that turkey appendages are like mood rings? Like an octopus that's dreaming? The dangly appendage that hangs from the turkey's forehead to the beak is called a snood. Fuck that is.

Hell yes. The piece that hangs from the chin is the wattle. These fleshy flaps can change color according to the game. according to the turkey's physical and mental health, when a male turkey called a tom, of course, is trying to attract a mate. The snood and wattle turn bright red. If the turkey is scared, the appendages take on a blue tint.

And if the turkey is ailing, physically, that is, they become very pale. I hear that. Every time I'm angry, my balls turn green. Yeah. Did you guys see the video? of an octopus dreaming? This is like that.

Oh, God, I can't handle octopus stuff. It's so insane. I'm late to the party about how incredible octopi are, but there is a video of an octopus dreaming that it'll fucking blow your damn mind. Wait, you said screaming? Dreaming. Why? What are you doing?

I've gotten down so many rabbit holes of like octopi or octopuses. You can also say that like camo abilities and stuff. It's unbelievable. There's a whole, right. There's a lot. I can't even begin to summarize what I've been. what I just started to learn about octopuses, but they,

they're like, their arms or brains, but that's not, this video, it captures an octopus dreaming. And as its mood, like, changes,

it's color changes, but it's like iridescent. It looks like a fucking club. Oh, my God. Going on in this octopus. It's absolutely incredible. Are you looking at, are you looking at an octopus right now?

Can you tell what we're looking at it because both of our eyes glazed over? Whoa. Yeah, I know you're just staring. You look like you're staring at me, but I know you're not staring at me. You've never looked at me with that much respect and adoration. Well, I mean, I'm kind of looking at God and some sense, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm kind of looking at God's magic just then.

Oh, yeah. There's nothing, I mean, there is nothing more magical than the octopus screaming. And it sounds like Turkey's being scared number two after that. Or when my balls turn green. Agreed. Holden being mad number three. Did you guys know that turkeys can also fly and swim? Skip that one. I don't like that one. What?

I'm just kidding. Did you know that Ben Franklin and Alexander Hamilton were turkey fans, although it is not true that Ben Franklin lobbied to have the turkey be the national bird. That is actually a misconception. Man, I'm glad that we don't eat eagles at Thanksgiving. There's not enough meat on them. Yeah, and they're endangered. That's what I'm saying.

You know what I mean? You know that wild turkeys have better vision than you do? What? Jackie, you bitch. I have terrible vision. Yeah, I got. I guess I also have really bad vision. Most animals probably have.

That actually brings up a good point. Are there a bunch of animals out there that can probably use glasses? That need glasses. Yeah. Surely. Right? Oh, a little turkey with glasses. Oh, my God.

That would make me so horny. Oh, my God, a turkey with glasses. A little horny turkey with glasses. Great red gobble, gobble. What are you fucking nutting me right now? Do you know that National Turkey Lover's Month is not in November, but it's in June? Nobody wants a turkey in June. Now I've fucking heard everything

I know you've heard everything I know you've heard it not all turkeys gobble either In case you're fucking wondering If every single turkey gobbles you're wrong Finally I have an answer Also did you know that in 90 day fiancé the other way There's straight up a woman that is acts and looks both like a turkey Her name's Jenny and she's in love of the Indian man named Sumit

I will not to bring up 90 day fiance the other way but I follow Jenny on Instagram. I know we've talked about this multiple times, but today someone attacked her essentially. I don't know if she's taking it down by now, and she was like, you're a home wrecker, and do you realize that, like, your love for this man ruined another person's whole life and family,

and then when you're 80 years old, he's going to be 50, and that's disgusting. And, like, roll with this. I was like, man, that is... Fuck that, dude. Don't fuck with my Jenny. I'll think I can fuck with my Ginny, all right? And I wouldn't do it publicly, too, or I'll do it in the dark with Jackie.

Yes, that's when we make our Jenny Joes. Oh. Do you know? No, I did. I'm going to go ahead and say I don't know. We know zero fun facts about turkeys. Zero. And you just made the biggest, like, I am now straight up at Midwestern Housewife.

Oh. This is fun. This will be fun. What could be? You probably know that a group of turkeys is a flock, but they can also properly be called a rafter. And should you want to call baby turkeys something a little more precise, you can call them Polts.

You're really trying to sell it, Jackie. I appreciate it. I'm giving it a jush, you know. I felt it a little bit, and I appreciate it. And I'm going to serve back at you. Thank you for the fact. Thank you for the fact. You are very welcome, but also I did it.

This harkens back to last week, Sesame Street. But this, I think, is bullshit. I don't believe this. It says that Big Bird is a turkey. That is fucking atrociously bullshit. Yeah. According to Sesame Street, he's a canary, but his plumage makes him a turkey. What, you can't just say his plumage makes him a turkey.

Yeah, that's right. I was going to say he's kind of shaped like a turkey, but not even. Because the actual Muppet itself, they get their feathers. The good people at American plume and fancy feather provides Sesame Street with several thousand turkey feathers per costume to make sure Big Bird looks soft and fluffy. Okay. So stick that in your fucking hat.

I'm out. And something else is going out. It seems to be the lights. Oh. At one point, I could have some kind of. A vision, yes, but now it seems to dimmin. Twit a bit. What is it?

It's dimming around me. No. I cannot see. I think I'm going. Oh, we can't see them. You can't see these items. They're going to get right around you. You can't see these items.

Ouch. All right. I said, ouch, because I imagine while you're jukeking around me in saying this, I imagine you slam into me at least twice. getting hurt and stuff like that. Are you prepared for the first one? Let it ruin your day. Oh, no.

Oh, no, I'm scared of it. Also, just as much as I'm scared of the fact that turkeys have two stomachs ever after. All right. Can we please with the turkey facts? This wild bird has two stomachs. Yes. Volley. This foreign-born, one-named A-plus singer, has always not enjoyed performing.

So it is kind of surprising that she gets some drinks in her. She is, if she gets some drinks in her, she is not averse to performing karaoke in Korea Town places. Adele. Yeah, how'd you know? Because I know, well, she's notoriously hates singing live in front of people. She really, really, really, really bad stage fright. So she actually usually has to get at least 20% drunk before she gets on stage anyway. Well, lately she was spotted drunk as a skunk with Jennifer Lawrence partying at pieces, a gay bar in New York City.

There's video of this and I suggest you watch it because it's quite a lot of fun because Adele is definitely trashed and she's having a blast with some fun folks at this gay bar. I love Adele so much. And Jennifer Lawrence too, which is funny. You know, where has she been?

So she's having fun as well. Well, she's just like us. Yeah. I didn't know it was possible for Adele to be more like, like Adel really is just like us. Jennifer Lawrence, not as much. But I did not know it was possible for me to relate to Adel, like to love her more,

but that she needs to get real drunk to go on stage and say and that she loves do it. I love it. How much fun would Adele be in a private karaoke room? In a private karaoke room. Oh my God, so much. And also, have you seen her lately? She was at Drake's, I believe, his birthday party.

She's lost a bunch of weight since the divorce and everything. And I think that it's not even, like, in a bad way. She's openly saying, like, I'm just taking care of myself for the first time, I think, ever. Nice. Goodfaha. Gaffa ha. This A-plus list actress was happy to take a picture with a former television co-star, but drew the line at doing anything beyond that.

The A-plus Lister has referred to her A-list co-star as creepy. Okay, so two co-stars of a TV show that happened. I'm going to go ahead and say it's HBO, and it's a show that's already ran, and I think it's just another case of making women try to fight each other when there's actually no issue here. It's not sex in the city, is it? No, it's not sex. in the city or how I say sex in the I was going to say shitty but I'm like actually no it's fine

that show's fine no it's a good show it's actually a very good show wait so it's two it's two women being pitted against each other oh big little lies yes yeah who but who though who would be who would you think would be creepy from the main cast of that show uh a man or a woman yes 100% Nicole Kidman is that of course and who would be who would think Nicole Kidman was creepy Reese of course yes absolutely yeah yeah yeah well they also they also they They produced it together, though.

So I really doubt this is the case. They looked very happy to be together at the 2019 Country Music Association Awards, whether it's been presented and Kidman was there to support her husband, Keith Urban, who performed. I'm still upset that she's married to Keith Urban. Every time I think about it, it upsets me. Why, you don't like Keith Urban? She is just so beautiful and he is so weird. I think she's probably a little weird.

Yeah, I think she's probably really weird too, but I just in the, I mean, he's got, look at his hair. What's wrong with him? It does seem like they really truly love each other, though. I know. And also, but also the talent disparity. I mean, maybe, do you think? He Thurban is fantastic. I don't know.

Is he? I think, yeah. I'll take your word on it. I just, I just. In the country music world? In the country music world. Oh my God, he's crushing it. I think that we just feel this way because of the flat ironed hair and the wrist.

What are they, the wrist guards? What are they called? Uh, shristers. the shristers that he sells because Holden, have you seen that he sells the, you know what I'm talking about, Molly used to wear them, what are they called? They're sweatbands. The wrist sweatbands, yes, and he sells Keith Urban wrist sweatbands. Got off. Which, by the way, I miss wearing my sweatpants, and if anybody buys me a Keith Urban sweatband, I will wear it.

Really? Good to know. Promised here, mark it. This foreign-born A-list actress could be hooking up with the A-List mostly-movie actor, but she doesn't like being cheated on and definitely doesn't like when some of those other people are men. Say it again? Okay. There's a foreign-born A-List actress who could be hooking up with the A-List mostly movie actor, but she doesn't like being cheated on and definitely doesn't like it when some of those other people are men.

Okay. So we've got an actress and an actor, the actor sleeps with men. The actor potentially sleeps with men. the actor, he has won an Oscar. He is also a singer and a funny person. She just got out of a thing with a funny person. Oh, is it Katie Perry? No.

Similar. I guess this is giving away to a similar name. Oh, yes, Snaney and Terry. Yes, Snanny Batari and Brett Brickerson. I'm going to say, is it Brad Pitt? Fuck. No. No.

He's foreign born, right? Yeah. She is. She is, but he's not. I think he's not. He's a singer, too? Yes, and he is of color. And he is a singer.

Also foreign born. And a comedian? I don't think he's also foreign born. Is he Donald Glover? No. I could see a similar path, though. Oscar winner. Donald Glover, not an Oscar winner.

Isn't he? He's won so many things. I know. He's so much better than us. More clues. More clues. More clues. Okay.

Okay. He won an Oscar for a movie, a musical biopic. Why do people say biopic, by the way? I think that's insane. Yeah, I also think it's insane. I honestly never know which way it's supposed to be. And then it's Jiff as well. And then she just got out of a thing with a guy who is, was on SNF.

Is was on SNL currently? I think maybe he's still technically a part of it. Is it Colin Jost? No. He's engaged, but he's engaged. Yeah, with Scarlett Johansson. Which also speaking of Scarlet Johansson, we didn't even get into the fact that I didn't send it to you guys,

but do you guys see that in the 90s that Julia Roberts, that executives were trying to get Julia Roberts to play Harriet Tubman, a Harriet Tubman movie? That just seems like the kind of thing that just gets thrown out into social media. No, man. Who are we ever going to know? I wouldn't put it past. I saw it said,

Julia Roberts trending along, and then underneath it said like, along with Harriet Tubman. And I was like, I'm not touching that one with a 10 football. Oh, my God. Okay. Who the fuck are these people?

Piano player, biopic is a guy. Oh, is it Jamie Fox? Yes. Okay. And the other one was giving a hump, hump.

to a guy that is, I think to me, was pretty wild that she was giving it to him. You mean like a wild and crazy guy? Because that's Estelle. Okay, the guy used to, I don't know a lot about her career. She was in a bunch of ridiculous-ass movies. But the guy who she was having a good humping towards sort of was with.

This is a terrible hit, Alden. Was with this other person who was a very hot singer right now, but they broke up very publicly. Pete Davidson. Yes, is the guy. That's only the, the, the, the, So Ariana Grande. No, what's the other person he was hooking up with?

Oh. Very publicly right after that. They broke up. Andy McDowell's daughter. No. What was her name? He was dating her. Kate Beck and Sale.

Yeah. God damn it. Jesus. How do you not know about Kate Beckett's career? So many hits. Might be fucking Jamie Fox, but Jamie Fox might be fucking men. You're buried the lead here. Jamie Fox might be fucking men.

I'll watch that tape. I feel like there have been rumors. I feel like there have been those rumors have swelled around before. They were recently spotted getting cozy at the Hollywood Reporter Golden Globe Party. And Beck and Sale afterwards posted on Instagram that I would like to point out that standing next to someone does not mean I'm dating them. Currently in line at the dry cleaners. And if that's true, I've got a hell of a problem.

So that's my, all right, I get it. It's a weak-ass blind item. But you know what? Jamie Fox fucks dudes. And that's a Holden McNeely original classic. That is a whole other... Wait, what other funnyman was Kate Beckenzail with? No, no, no.

She was just with him, with Pete Davidson. Oh, that, just that one. Just that one. See, I guess when you say SNL, I think bigger than that. You know, it's like, I thought, like, someone that used to date, like, Jeffy Chase. Because that is pretty much the last time I watched SNAL. Yeah, exactly. said kind of current though.

You know what I mean? It's definitely not our friend Michael Chey. He never gets late. It would be fun if he decided to start dating Kate Beckinsale, though. That would be also very fun. Man, Kate Beckinsale is so attractive. And she has adult children now that are also just as attractive as she is. That's crazy to me.

Isn't that crazy? Can you imagine if your mother was Kate Beckinsale? I'd be like, I don't know. I'm out. I'm tapping. out, but then her kids are even more attractive that she is. Right. That's definitely a good for her.

Oh my God, it is a good for her. She's 46 years old, which is not old, but she does look younger than me. Isn't Pete Davidson very, very young? I think so, yeah. He's a little bit of a, I would refer to him as a boy toy. Yeah. He is 26. Yeah, so yes.

Wow. They must have had some fun in that room they were in. I mean, of course. They did. Men in their 40s, date women in their 20s all the time. And I don't mean to be like, ooh, scandal. But, I mean, I guess I would say good for ha, except that I do not find Pete Davidson attractive in the very least.

I also am 32 and I don't want a dated dude in their 20s. So I think that's really what it is. That's the thing. Men in their 20s need some time. Yes. Yeah, they need some time to marinate. I also want to give a shout out. I think that I sound more erratic than usual, but in a fun way.

because I had brought up when we were discussing man-vent calendars a couple of weeks ago, and Death Wish Coffee was in one of the Man-Vent calendars. I said, oh, because they're in a Man-Fent calendar, that means I can't have the coffee. And they were so amazing that they sent us a bunch of coffee, because they said it's not just for men. It's more absolutely anyone that loves coffee. And I just want to give a shout out to them because I'm juiced, baby. Yeah, that coffee is no fucking joke, do you like that?

Amazing. It's really, it's like just one of the cold brews. I'm just like, I'm ready to go for the rest of the day. And they are not an advertiser with us or anything like that. It's just, I just wanted to say thank you very much because it was really, really nice. And they are amazing. And if you're looking for great coffee for Christmas gifts, Hanukkah gifts, New Year's gifts, Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving. You should give death wish a look. You get it? That was back to the beginning of the show. Nice call back. December is for Christmas. Thank you. And also, oh my God, so the next episode you guys are going to listen to, you know we're going to start with it.

We're getting into Christmas season. We're getting into the holidays for good now. So much Christmas content. We got to squeeze in. God, so much Christmas content. I hope you guys, if you celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. And my name is Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm.

You can follow me on Twitch, twitch. TV forward slash hold naters ho also patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast check it out weekly episodes of bonus content so much stuff coming at you guys is faces these days pop history on the weekly i believe starting up now uh you've got riverdale roundup there's so much content if you want to consider supporting us for just five dollars a month check out patreon dot com forward slash page seven podcast molly i'm molly neffle and i'm mjk l cat and don't worry our riverdale round up and docking tv will also be out week because we can't skip a Riverdale episode. Are you getting me?

We love you guys and we will see after Thanksgiving. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.