Page 7 - Episode 333: Meat & Grease

Episode Date: December 19, 2019

We goss about Mariah Carey appearing on "Billy on the Street",  debate the worst songs in musicals and do our yearly watch of "I think you might like it"   Use code page7 at http://todaytix.com/page7 for $10 off your first ticket purchase. For 20% off your first purchase, visit http://nativedeodorant.com and use promo code PAGE7 during checkout! To get your free personalized paper sample pack, go to http://zola.com/page7.   Chicago! Pontiac! Milwaukee! Come see us live this January!   The Last Book on the Left is now available for pre-orders!   Deck the Halls, Jingle Bells, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/   Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Who let the dogs out? It's me. It's me. I'm Jackie the dog, Zabrowski. I was the one that was let out. And if you want to come see a dog in action, come out to the page 7 and Wizard and the Brewser live show in January. We're going to be in Chicago. We're going to be in Pontiac, Michigan. We're going to be in Milwaukee. So why don't you come out and join us? It's going to be a heck of a time. You can get your tick-tickies at last podcast network.com.com slash P7 Live. I sure would like to meet you. I'll see you in January. I don't want a lot for Christmas There I need I don't care about the presents First tree Yes, it's also Hanukkah Happy Hanukkah My name is Jackie Zabowski

Welcome to the holiday edition of page seven Hello and happy holidays to all My name is Heilden for the holidays. Oh, interesting. Yes, I become a bit Norwegian over the holidays. Is it more Hewledon? Jolden, though? Like Yulog or?

Just Healdon. Hjolden. Like a Fjord, but a Yolden. Yolden. Yolden. I am Molly Jolly Neffel. Wow. Oh, it's a Molly Jolly holiday.

I am wearing a Santa hat, and I highly recommend wearing a Santa hat because people just smile at you and you forget you're wearing it and it really turns people's frowns upside down. I purchased a leopard print Santa hat that they sold at my grocery store and I have also been wearing it. It's a little too small for my head. Think it's a child's hat.

You know what? I have been rocking the hell out of it. And you're right though. It is just, you know, it's just nice to see. Yeah. It really, I'm amazed at how much people smile at it because I have not enough Christmas cheer right now. I'm like scraping the reserves of my Christmas cheer.

I'm like turning upturning the cans and the boxes trying to find some. And it's not there. But apparently other people have enough that they just see some stranger in a Santa hat and they're like, oh, and a Merry Christmas to you. Oh, isn't that nice? Maybe you just need to have a Merry Christmas about your lips. Maybe my problem is I haven't watched Muppet Christmas Carol yet, though. I've been saving Muppet Christmas Carol.

I usually save it for right at the end so that I can watch it at least once or twice usually the 23rd and the 24th. Yeah. But maybe that's what you need to do. Maybe just need to slap it on, Molly. Yeah, yeah. I'm already scheduling when to watch It's a Wonderful Life, which is usually I save for either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. So you always watch that one. That's the one. That's the one. That's the one. Yes.

For me, it's a Christmas vacation with my father. And weirdly enough now and I think this just always happens randomly because I'm just hanging out with my brother watching TV. But we almost always end up watching Bad Santa together now. It's great. I love Bad Santa. Apparently I read somewhere to the... Fuck me Santa.

He was apparently like actually hammered for like most of that shoot which makes so much sense. I just love how trashy Christmas. But also how great is Bernie Mac in that movie? I feel like that is one of the underrated Christmas movie roles. He's so with the with the tangerine or the orange that he's peeling the entire time too. Yeah. Such a weird choice.

I believe that it was his last movie. I loved Bernie Mac. I loved the Bernie Mac show. I love everything about Bernie Mac. And that was, I love that you get to see that still every year. Just a dose of Christmas non-spirit to aid to your Christmas spirit. Yeah, I need a little of that. Tonight I'll be watching Grimlins because Wish the Brewster is doing an episode on that.

And I'm super excited to watch that and the sequel as well. But of course, the first one's more of a Christmas movie, even though it was released the same day as Ghostbusters in the middle of the summer. And by the way, is that insane? saying that Gremlins and Ghostbusters both debuted on the same day? What a double feature! Yeah, that is a double feature.

It's perfect. It's like the perfect. They're both horror comedies. Unbelievable. Oh, I definitely would have seen Ghostbusters first for sure. For sure. There's got to be some proud guy who's like, what would have to be like 45 right now being like I was the perfect age

to get stoned and I saw both in the theaters the day they premiered. Yes. And it was Grimlins and Raiders of the Last Arc Lost Ark that convinced the MPAA to add PG-13 to their ratings. Interesting. Wait, what did it go to before? Was it no, it was a

PG or R? That's why Jaws is PG which is fucking ludicrous. That is ludicrous. But at the same time, I mean, it's like they were a lot more lenient back then, just in general. Right. Apparently, a mother, I'm sorry I had to go off on this tangent because I'm just going to repeat all of this on Where's the Bruiser. But apparently Chris Columbus directed it. He wrote Goonies. No, wait, Chris Columbus. Donets didn't directed. Joe Dante directed it, but Chris Columbus wrote it and he also wrote Goonies.

You know what he also directed? Jingle all the way, which I didn't realize that Chris Columbus already. He's great. And anyways, no, it was Joe Dante. Apparently a mother ran out of the premiere to scream at him in the lobby because of the grimlin exploding in the microwave scene. Yeah, but also, don't put a living thing into the microwave. Wasn't it the same time when people were finally learning like, oh, you can't put a cat into the microwave? It's not gonna warm them up.

It doesn't make them feel better. It doesn't give them toasty toes. It gives them explodey toes. I remember being a kid, like, I remember thinking that PG-13 was, like, the ultimate, like, badass rating. Like, if you got to see a PG-13 movie. What was your first R movie?

True lives. Good first R. Nice. That's a good one. Mine was Cliffhanger. I don't think I had a, I didn't have a specific one because I had an older brother, so I'd always, like, it wasn't a fun thing.

I remember the only movie that we had walked out of that my mom made... What was the movie with Buddy Christ? Um... The Jay and Silent Bob movie. Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, dogma. Dogma. That was one, that was one when I think was Henry's first R movie, I believe. And you walked out?

No, they did. He was there with his friends, but my mom had brought us because Henry still didn't drive yet. And we sat in the back and she made us walk out. Uh, why? I believe it was when it was Chris Rock that came down. naked, right? Wasn't it, Chris? And I think just the idea of George Carlin as some sort of, I honestly still have

never finished it. And I know that Dogma is a great movie. I would like to see it again but it's one of those like always think about like, I remember when my mom was like, this is it this is not a movie for a little girl. It wasn't rated PG though. But I was also seeing I was, we were watching it

at six. You know, we were watching horror movies forever. but how dare we have like an anti-religious movie that we watch? Right. I mean, to be fair, a lot of horror movies take religion very seriously. Yes. I mean, even like the omen. Also, it's like, you're right.

I don't want to be, have the devil put his semen inside me and make a rosemary's baby. Would you like that, Molly? Does anybody want that? Oh, no. Is that what you have? I think some people, it gives you some sort of power. I mean, I do like those cat eyes. Rosemary, did you know? then the song would be different.

Speaking of which, the email is going out. I believe in the next day or so, organizing the dress like dogs and go see cats. Oh, yeah? Birthday evening, yes, you will be on the email, Molly. I better. Hopefully it'll happen for my birthday. It's going to be a big event. Like I said, we're just going to get, and we will supply dog costumes for those in need.

We'll be ordering those. Oh, you're going to buy just a bunch of extra dog costumes? Yeah, yeah. We will be ordering extra dog costumes. Because I don't want to make people fucking buy a dog costume unless they really want to, you know what? What are you going to do with all these dog costumes afterwards? I mean, give them to the poor. Yeah, you're right.

You are right. I'm like, why are all these homeless people dressed like dogs? Just taking it out, drinking coffee. Full dog costumes. They'll be warming. They'll be warming costumes because I'd love to get like real big goofy ones. You know what I mean? Yeah, you should look like what Bill Murray,

like the kind of dog Bill Murray is dressed as in Scrooge. Yeah, exactly. I feel so bad, though, potentially. for anybody we may ruin the movie for. Of course you're going to ruin the movie, but you need to go see like a midnight show. That's the thing. I'm going to go to a late showing.

It'll be a solid week after the movie has come out, and it will be, yeah, hopefully it'll just, and hopefully they'll be delighted to see us. That's the thing. We don't want to take anyone's joy, but I guess I just have faith that anybody going to see cats has to have a good sense of humor about it,

but that might be me being too generous. I think in Queens, maybe you can expect a little bit more of that than maybe a very, nice, polite, like Charlotte. Charlotte, we would ruin the movie for people. Right. I mean, we're definitely going to ruin the movie for people in Florida, because Henry and I have openly told our mother

that we are going to make fun of it. And she, I don't think she, we're definitely going to ruin cats for my mother. I was going to say, we know that you're going to ruin it for your mom. So whether you ruin it for strangers or not, you're, you're already swinging big. Now, this is a weird world. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This is a weird world we live in. It looks, it's looking like cats.

People are, so I've seen some rumblings that it's actually good. and I've seen a bunch of more rumblings that the new Star Wars is bad. Oh my God. So it's like what kind of strange, again, I feel like we are in the wrong, not the perfect timeline, right?

We're in a different one. And that's, I'm fine with, because all realities are happening at once. I'm okay with the reality I live in, right? Right. For now. But, but, um, yeah, what a weird one. There's a lot of things that would change about this reality,

but cats being good is not one of them. No, except for the fact that we must speak to the fact that Jason Derulo has said that they Cigied out his Anaconda penis. I mean, I'm going to go ahead and say at this point, this dude is, I think, just trying to create thirst traps left and right with his fucking Anaconda, as he calls it. Yeah, and I see you, Jackie. I see you. I'm just having my eyebrows are dancing with the holiday spirit. What would you even do with that thing, Jackie? I'd go, oh, oh, oh, oh.

You would just hollering pain. I would definitely say, oh, oh, oh. I mean, that's the problem, though. It's the same kind of thing. It is the same slander that is said about women that have a huge rack, like my rack plus some. And my mother is one, my sister is one. When I was like, yeah, but the bigger, the bigger they all the better, it's like, no, they have horrible back pain. It's difficult to find bras that fit.

It's difficult to find shirts that fit. Same with that big of a cock. Sometimes it's not good. Right. But what does, what bad effects other than having the producers of cats, CGA out your dick? Like, it might not be good for people who he's having sex with, but for him, he seems to be quite proud of it. Yes. He is proud of it, but then you have to remember there are people like John Hamm, who even though he is a, he's a big machismo dude, he likes to make sure that his pants, he gets his pants,

specifically vented so that you cannot see the outline of his dick because it makes him uncomfortable to talk about. That's fair. So it's like because it's like he doesn't want, even though he's John Hamm, he doesn't want people staring at his cock. And I get that. But also I'm going to say creatively, look, and I get it.

They have real hands and real feet. But other than that, they're mostly cat-like, besides their creepy weird, weird real face. And the face is the problem. But it's like cats have weird spiky dicks. Okay? You think that it was a cat choice that they photoshop out his dick? Maybe to keep a little realism, I mean, a cat doesn't have a log, period.

Oh, it was just weird underneath the, they see GI'd by dick out headline about Jason Durullo. It's just two pictures of Paddington Bear, and I was like, why are they? And I immediately thought, oh, Paddington must have a big cock. So, Jackie, no, he said that he could clearly see his own penis in the trailer, and I meant to go back and rewatch it. Have you seen the trailer? No, I wasn't that third.

Dick watch. I think we need a little bit of a dick watch on the trailer. I fucked up and didn't go through it because I'm now curious. Did they really? CGI it in between the trailer release and the film release. Was there like a league of outraged mothers that was like there's too much cock in this preview? I'm here to see cats, not cocks. It's not called cocks. It's not about fucking chickens. You know what I mean? It's called cats. God damn it is distinctly called cats. Not Cox. I really appreciate someone had reached out to be talking about

how Rum-Tum Tugger was, who Jason Derulo is playing, was part of her sexual awakening and how it makes sense that Jason DeRullo is playing it even though they weren't necessarily into Jason DeRolo before this movie. And I forget that Rumtum Tugger is,

of course, I mean his name is Rumtum Tugger. Is the sexy cat. Okay, I'll take your word for it. I really have watched the entire musical away from my memory. This will be as if it was a fresh viewing of it, even though I was tortured with a viewing of it live back when I was in high school. Was it done by high schoolers or was it done by? No, no, no.

It was, I don't even know. I don't see how that could even happen unless it was at like a really fancy performing art school because of the amount of dancing and prancing the best happening for a cat's musical production. No, no, my parents had like the Broadway light season tickets. And so we would go to all those. We went to Joseph and the amazing technical and color dream coat. Yeah. And we did, you know, all those movies.

Miss Saigon. My dad and I had a weird time with Miss Saigon one evening. That was a weird. Why? What is that? It's a very horny. I mean, it is a very horny. A bunch of hot stripper Vietnamese.

I guess they were prostitutes or whatever in the product. You know, whatever they do. I support it. I support sex work. Okay. And I was very supportive of it. that evening, but I was sitting next to my dad. Yeah, that is uncomfortable.

The horny musicals, it's, it's a rough, it's a rough time because it's not a horny genre, you know? I mean, it is, but it's not meant to be. And then when you go back and realize, like, oh, this is all about fucking. Chicago, that's a horny musical. Oh, man, that's a horny musical. I like that, though. And then you've got your ones that are like, the music man that aren't horny but are horny,

you know? Harold Hill's just trying to get some. It's where when they slip it in there. When you think about it. and figuratively, yeah. Well, I even remember, I know that Rent is a horny musical, but then I was always listening to Rent, and then when I finally went to go see it with my mom,

I didn't realize that the big, like, the crescendo song was underneath a white sheet where they all are fucking each other. And spoiler alert, that is at the end of that song after they've all, after they're all fucking and having an corgi on stage, is when Angel dies, yes. Yeah. Worst song in a musical, by the way. you light my candle. That is not the worst song in a musical.

I've heard so many worst songs in musicals. I hate that song. What's the worst song in a musical then? Chippy, chippy tiny hat. I have a tiny hat. What's that? That's not one of them. I just imagine.

I imagine that is a song in something. And he's a man with a very tiny hat on. Well, I can bring it back to the seasonal theme of this episode and say my yearly annual controversial take, which is the love we found in Muppa Christmas Carol is the worst song. Wow, which is Jackie's like favorite song. Unbelievable. I wish she wasn't wrong.

As a mother of two, you should never be wrong, but this is something that you'll forever be wrong about. And that's okay. I'm like, the love is song. Sorry, I got struck with singing it. Just you singing a couple parts. That's the worst song. I love you, Belle.

You did once. This is a way of you, Bell. He does say that dumb. Let me repeat my refrain, Molly. I will stare at you directly in the eyes while I do this. Will you light my ear? Cicando sucks

What are you staring at That song fucking sucks Your hair in the moonlight It's like it just It feels like it never gets going It feels like trying to run in a dream That's what that song sounds like to me Like it's

I might also put forward Several songs from Annie I do not like a lot of the songs I love Hard Knock Life Hard Knock Life is great That's a great song But I feel like if you ever just actually sit down and watch the movie

Annie by the end you're like this is this over yet? Right. There's a couple of songs in Gypsy that piss me off, but I can't think of them right now. I know because I love Rose's turn, but I forget the song that I would always go past because I hated

them so much. Right. I also just, I mean, I guess this goes into the more of the least favorite characters in a musical, but whatever the two, I'm using sneer quotes while I say this, quote unquote, a comedy duo in cats. I forget their name. they can go fucking get run over by a fucking garbage truck.

A cat car. Those two characters. I hate them. And their song is so bad cute. Yeah. I hate bad cute. And every musical has it. Yes.

Oh my God. Every single one. I do have to share with you guys. Speaking of songs, someone tagged me on Twitter of using. I laughed for so long. I just have to share them. Someone tagged me in using the plot of the song Christmas shoes. but in other songs lyrics, i.e. the price is right, my money's short, mom dies tonight,

dressed for the Lord simply having a wonderful Christmas shoes. And I love that, but this one I think I might love even better. I don't want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. Mom's about to meet her maker Please her sell these shoes to me I just want my mom well shod When she meets the son of God Make her I wish come true

All I want for Christmas is shoes I retweeted them I don't want to I guess what's the word docks them I don't want to if you want to look up who wrote these I just mausle it's beautiful I laughed so hard. All I love for Christmas is shoes. My mom's well-shod

was when she meets the son of God. That's so good. That's so funny. It's so funny. Also, I do have to make mention because Mariah Carey, you know, singer at the top, she's the queen of Christmas. You guys listen to us, talk about her

for two weeks on pop history. But I got to say, finally, finally, after 25 years, all I want for Christmas is you, hits number one on the billboard charts. Now, I had no idea that that was not a thing yet. Yeah, I thought that that was the whole thing. It's charted every year, because I knew that.

It's charted. It has charted every year since its release, but I didn't realize that even on the year of its release, it did not hit number one around this Christmas season. It hit number three. It did. The clothes that got was number three. And the first holiday song, and I believe, I'm going to assume the last holiday song, was the chipmong song, the chipmunk song, which topped the chart for four weeks in 1958 into 1959. Which is disgusting. And I agree with you, Zelda. That is awful that that is what, remember when that was a thing, that annoying, high-pitched voice? Uh, wait a second. With the chipmunks and the popularity of the chipmunks. Yeah, I am really, I was never like a chipmunks family.

No. I mean, I guess Alvin, Simon, Theodore, I definitely. watched the cartoon, but I, you forget that they, people actually wanted to listen to a record of that. How dare you, wait, you don't like the chipmunk song? You don't like it? No, it's annoying, Jackie. Yeah, people are chipmunks people though. Jackie's one of them. Yeah, what, what? Okay, you know what? I'm actually gonna maybe have to agree with Molly about the Muppet Christmas song thing, just because you're being a like this about the chipmonds. You're about to get Christmas canceled. I'm gonna get Christmas canceled. Someone come out of the woodworks and Christmas cancel him, club him with the Christmas stick.

He gets clubbed with the Christmas stick. I get it. I know. I am aware that the chipmunks are annoying. I get it. But I like the song. And as someone, you know what? I needed a fat hero in Theodore.

All right? I needed him growing up. And you didn't see a lot of other fat mice chipmunks on the screen. Okay? I needed him. It was between him and then the little fat one. What's his name? Gus and Cinderella.

I had Gus and I had Theodore. All right? That's all I needed it. In terms of fat icons? Yeah, they were my, yeah, they're my ficons. And I needed them for, like, for cartoon-wise. And Ursula, of course. Sorry, guys, I'm going to be right back.

Uh-oh. Mommy's gone for now. Because babies being a baby. That's why this spooky Christmas goals are here to hold down the fort. And we were talking about Mariah Carey. I have to say it. So I have been watching a lot of Billy on the street. I've been kind of obsessed with Billy on the street.

I think that it is a great show, and I never gave it the time of day. I love Billy Eichner, but I never watched it until it came on Netflix. And apparently, stars they're just like us. Mariah Carey has also been obsessed with it. And she had been tweeting at Billy Eichner, talking about how much she enjoyed the show, to the point that Billy Eichner invited her to do a segment, on the show, Billy on the street. If you look it up,

look at Mariah Carey, Billy on the street, you can watch the segment, and you know what? She did it. She did a great job. Yeah, it was fun. She did seem visibly uncomfortable around normals a little bit. And especially when normals would hug her

because that's the best part. So if you haven't seen Billy on the street, he runs up to people and kind of verbally assaults them on the street and yelling at them, but it's all in a fun, positive light. And if you binge it the way I did, it is pretty great because I think that only in New York, baby, my town. Only in my town can Billy Eichner run up to people in this manner?

I feel like it wouldn't work in almost any other place. Definitely wouldn't work in L.A. And unless they would know, unless they knew it was Billy Eichner, then they'd be like, okay. I loved watching people just, like certain people just melt upon viewing Mariah. And she's like, oh. She looks really lovely. I was looking to see if I could find out.

If you had listened to, again, the Mariah Carey pop history, you know that she travels of her with her own lighting to make sure she looks good. She looked like, again, an angel in this shoot that was just on the street. I think that they had specific lights on her. Did you watch the clip? I'm pretty sure they did. Yes, I totally watched the whole thing and it was great. Because right, she looked great.

Yeah, she was like shining. She was like a vibrant angel. Like to the point that I was like, how did they Photoshop her like that? Right. And she had this great red corner, but it was so funny watching people hug her. She's like, ah ha ha ha. Uh, yeah. Okay.

But it was stuff to just like, this is Mariah Carey. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, my God. I just watch people like their love world stop, which would be my reaction most likely as well. It's also funny. I love on those situations when you also have people that is because it's in New York. that are just like, okay, whatever.

Whatever, fine, I've got something to do. That mistletoe, though, what a lucky guy. That girl was beautiful that he did the mistletoe with. He's got toilet paper. Yeah, they were holding mistletoe for people's head. They're like, you have to find somebody to kiss. You have to find someone to kiss. That's so funny.

I really do, I would say it is a fun holiday thing. That is a lot of holiday thing in general to watch Billy on the street. It's great. And just imagining what you would feel like if he came up and screamed to you because he's just, he's delightful, and I just can't believe that Mariah Carey wanted to play around with something, that she wanted to have a frolic, which that is beyond me. And she won't even let her own kids sing,

but she's down to have fun on the street. Yeah, that's cool. She must really like the show a lot, because I definitely seem like she was very out of her element in a lot of ways. Oh, yeah. If you want to see a Broadway show, I think you need today, tics. If you want to get a post-holiday glow, thinking need today, Dix.

If you haven't seen the Book of Mormon yet, you're totally missing out. It's a musical comedy from the creators of South Park and one of the best shows I've ever seen. I was laughing so hard during the show that I was both happy and concerned that I had laughed my butt right off of my body. Don't worry, it's still there. Gobs of it are there. If you're going to be in New York City, London, L.A. or San Francisco, you've got to get tickets. Best place to get them is on TodayTix. TodayTix is the place to get the best prices on theater tickets.

Whether you're into musicals, plays, comedy, dance, or really anything else, download the app or visit todayticks.com to find a show you want to see. Also, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's a great place to buy last-minute holiday gifts because you ain't got to wait for them to send you the tickets. But honestly, whether you're giving theater tickets as a gift or taking a break from mall elves nippin' at you twos to enjoy a show yourself, the experience is something you would never even consider returning. Today takes hooked page seven, erp with Book of Mormon tickets, and I lost my mind. Why had I waited so long to listen to Book of Mormon? When it came out, I was

going through my anti-musical phase, and I was a dumborella. I'm so happy. I was given such an amazing experience who wouldn't want tickets for a great date night or a fabulous eve out with friends that isn't just hitting the same bar you go to every night. Switch it up. And if I hadn't started using Today Tix, I wouldn't have heard about the Edward Cisorhands parody show that was playing in my neighborhood. I immediately purchased last minute tickets and had a holiday blast. I'm telling you, Today Tix is opening my mind in a way that I ain't had since I heard about good. yogurt for the first time. Squirt it on the go. No spoons for your yogurt. Today, Ticks has all kinds of shows from all over the place. It brings you access to the best shows on Broadway, in London's West End, and across America, all in one place.

And I cannot recommend Book of Mormon enough. It's the 14th longest running Broadway show of all time. It has won nine Tony Awards, including Best Musical. It's a musical comedy with the laughs to make a dark-humored, unfeeling about musical's got daddy even have a good time get at it with today tics you can get a great deal on tickets in new york city london l a or san francisco buy tickets to the book of mormon at todayticks dot com page seven and use code page seven to get ten dollars off your first today tics purchase that's code page seven at today t x dot com slash page seven for ten dollars off your first ticket purchase todayticks dot com slash page seven my pitts Don't stink no more. Use native.

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Again, for 20% off your first purchase, visit nativedodorant.com and use promo. code page seven during checkout. Can we also say speaking of out of our element, did you see the picture of Kumail Nanjiani? Oh my G word. I can't. So I think a lot of you guys know we here at page seven and LPN, we are friends with Kumil.

We all came up together. And I saw that he was trending. And I was like, what the hell's going on with Kamal? And I looked at the picture. Kumil got ripped. Kumil Nanjiani, who's from Silicon. Valley. He's in a million things. He does a lot of characters about Bob's Berger. He's in a lot right now, but he's also apparently about to be in Marvel's new movie, The Eternals. And good Lord, he got ripped.

This is one of the weirder situations for me, because I know Kumail as like the dude in the comedy scene in New York when I was first starting out. It was very nice and his fun, nerdy girlfriend at the time. Now they're married, Emily. And we would just nerd. out and talk about video games and stuff. He's great and he still is just as delightful. It is so warm and friendly. And now he looks like that. Bizarre to see these sorts of things.

It's kind of the same thing with Michael Chey for me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Where it's just like, what in the hell? What in the world? Yeah, Michael Che is on an episode of Sesame Street. And every time I see him, I'm like, Jay, man, this is the thing I'm most jealousy for. Yeah, with Sesame Street.

And yeah, Kumail, man. I saw he was turning and I was like, is everything okay? And it turned out everything is, I guess, more than okay. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was so excited to see this because I also, the reason why I brought this up because it really does shine through

of what a good dude, Kumal is, because he was talking in his Instagram post, of course, after you stare at the picture for at least five minutes straight, you were like, oh, what does he have to say? And, oh, there's a caption. And what I really truly enjoy is that he made it very clear that the only reason that he had time and was able to possibly look like this was that he was paid a lot of money. And he had a team of people keeping him on a rigorous schedule, rigorous eating habits, that it is not something that he would ever want to keep up and or do on his own.

And I think that it is something that we all need to remember that when we see these pictures in magazines that a lot of people get paid money to look like that. Yeah, exactly. That is their job. Him getting in shape was his job mainly this year. That was the same. I think this first came about,

I think some comedian or somebody talked about it because everyone was figuring out about how ripped Brad Pitt got for Troy, for the movie Troy. And somebody said, I was like, you're right. It was like, yeah, I would get that ripped too for millions of dollars. Yeah, I could do that if it was literally my job all day for months.

And you have to look like this. Not only is it your job, because for some people, it's their job. For these people, though, like Kumil, it is, you have every resource at your fingertips, too, like trainers, people making your meals for you. Right. Like, chefs, everything,

especially if it's Marvel and Disney. You know what I mean? They have all the resources. Right. And it's not that regular people can't do it, but of course you can do that in a year. If you, you know, it's like if you really want to, you can, but it's remembering that most people's lives are not that. And I mean, I even struggle with it, the fact that, you know, I work out fairly often.

I don't look very good. You know, it's like nothing in my body is necessarily changing, and that's okay. Jackie, do you need me to Christine Aguilera, are you right now? You're beautiful in everywhere. I don't know actual lyrics, so I just assume it's in the way. How do you not know the lyrics? You're beautiful I know the most important lyric Jackie

And that's your beautiful Oh thank you old And even though I don't Even though I don't really mean it I think you need to hear it You know what I mean? I just think sometimes people need to hear it Thank you I guess

But also in the comments he even said Or in that same insta post He even said like sorry Emily to his wife For like all I talked about For the last whatever year Is dieting and working out And that's the other part of it that's like you become kind of fucking boring if you want to become that serious about. He says, quote, I promise I'll be interesting again someday.

Because, yeah, of course all he's doing is complaining. He can't eat anything. All he can do is work out. I would only complain to the point that probably Jeff would leave me. Like, oh, I can't. Oh, can you wash that dish? No, I can't. My body, no.

Right, right. And I did love that Emily also posts. It's just so weird that we're talking about on this, about people we know. It's so odd when this happens. It is very weird. Yeah, Emily, Camel's wife posted a really cute picture of him all jacked up but playing a video game on the couch and just saying like he's still this guy. He's just jacked now. It was really fun.

Yeah, man. Yeah, my memory of Kumail is like the same place I met you guys. Sound fix in Williamsburg like 12 years ago. 100%. this guy on earth. Yeah, super cool dude and fun shows. And now he's checked. Yeah. I remember talking to him, actually, we took a walk

to get food in the middle of a comedy show and he was telling me about he almost got that role on community and he ended up getting the other gig. I forget what his first gig was that he moved out to it. It was like a, it was just some show that wasn't as successful as community and, but he was between those

two gigs and he was just about a move to L.A. and then like you just watch this career take off. It's kind of amazing. You know what? I'm happy for him and you know what I do say about his body? I think of I like it. Oh, right. It's the yearly watching of I think you might like it. We're doing it, right? We have to do it, right?

Oh, we have to do it. Now Holden, McNeely, Holden-McNeely, Holdenley, the world wants to know. Have you ever watched the music video of I think you might like it? Yes, I have a microphone for running me, but yes, I'm talking into my hand as if it's a microphone. Of course! You've watched it? Yeah! Why?

All right? Why? Why? I guess because of you guys. I think I watched at some point to be like, I have, this is important. Because it's all we talk about all year. Exactly. I think it's important.

You know? It is important. It is, I have a few holiday traditions. I want to make more. But one of them is watching, I think you might like it every year before Christmas with page seven. My favorite thing, though, about the whole tradition is that in the song, it's, I think you might like it. And then you guys just decided to. I think if I might like it,

which is just like, it sounds like a fucking McDonald's jingle. It is completely not this song. Because it's even better. I think you might like it. Yeah, it wasn't until like the ninth viewing that I like heard where it actually says. I think you might like it.

Yeah. Because what really sticks out is, I got a little plan for you. You know, that's the real. And I still don't even know the rest of the words of the song, except for when it's like, and we're watching, it's a wonderful. Life.

And I know that part of it. It's the least Christmas song sounding Christmas song. Yeah, that's what I love. It doesn't sound. Anything like a Christmas song just looks like absolute dog shit. Yeah. And it looks like a summer day when they filmed it. Absolutely.

So there's just very little of it. You saying that line about It's Wonderful Life makes me go, oh, okay, now I'm hearing the Christmas element of this song. There is no Christmas element to it except that they're flying into an airport. And as I say every year, I no longer. fly home to Dubuque, Iowa, because my family's all out here, but I used to fly home to a very small airport where everybody waits

in the, like, there's like one room at the airport, and when you get off the plane at Christmas, everybody's there. It's very much like a Hallmark or Lifetime movie. And so whenever we watch this video of them flying into a very tiny airport, it actually rang a little true for me. See? See?

Interesting you would mention, Hallmark, though. No, that's another, a whole band. Everyone is banned. We're never watching Hallmark ever again. Yes. Bad, bad to Hallmark and I think it was Lifetime that has the extremely movie that's been described as a hate crime on Twitter of a woman who wants to date a Jewish guy

and has to learn, has four days to learn all about Hanukkah. Oh, what's so bad about that? It's rough. It's rough. They're like, she's sitting with her best friend and she's like, do we know any Jewish people? And they're like going through people that they might know who are Jewish. And one point they Google Honica. She's like, can I really learn about Hanukkah in four days? It has something to do with donuts. It's bad. It's rough. Wait, did you watch it, Molly? No, I just, there was clips being shared online and I literally stopped what I was doing so that I could watch all of the clips. And I think I might seek it out because I think that this is how my Jewish husband experiences the Christmas

season as a Jewish person. I think he might really like it. Oh, you think he might really like it. You have it all queued up, we got to watch it. Yeah. I'm ready. Let's do it. Oh, by the way, I just want to throw it out there that those suckling noises you're hearing are not me. That is a baby sucking on a pacifier. So I just know what you guys think I'm going.

Fact check, it's actually holding with a lollipop. He's always sucking. He's never not sucking. He's got a candy cane and just ravenously sucking out. This ain't no candy cane. It's a dick. Wait, what does that mean? Oh, it's a penis, yeah.

Sucking on it. You want to do a 3-2-1 countdown? If you guys at home, also, if you are listening in home and want to watch it with us, I really implore you to do so. We're going to do a 3-2-1 countdown, and you can hit start when I see the word start. Oh, wow. This is just on. I just started typing it in, and it's just this computer knows.

Of course, the last podcast network studio knows exactly what we're doing. But also, I think that we owe ourselves a lot of credit for boosting this video. Sure. It's almost a million. It's almost a 10 million. Yeah, nine of those million are us. Oh, yeah, baby. And especially once we talk about the meat and grease that happened over the weekend. Yes. Oh, my God. And then the story of the jacket. We're going to talk about all of it. I can't. Guys, well, we'll talk about that after we want. We have to watch the video. All right. I'm ready to go when you are, Jackie. Are you ready? Yeah, let's do it. Three, two, one. Start. All right. I think you might like it. John Gibolta and a little

Olivia Newton and John, produced by JTV. Again, let me say everywhere, every year, it is, it is, the hell that wants them foot starts it to happen. Oh my God. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Although I will say now, those shoes, those leopard print boot heels that she has on, have come back around in fashion.

But what will never be in fashion, the chin beard that John Travolta has, and or the spray painted on hair. I will say in that grease meetup photo, he looking, lot better. Yeah. He's looking kind of good. It's the wig, though. Oh, is it a wig? Oh, yeah, it's a wig. Oh, just be bald, John. But also, but his his scruff-scruff looks good.

His scruff stuff does look good. Succula. Oh, when the foot is a tapping, don't cummer wrapping. She's driving alongside a fence of a golf course, maybe. I think it's all filled on a golf course. Yeah. No, no, it's filmed at the tiny airport where his airplanes

live. Yes. But his airplanes live right next to his home, so it's essentially his estate. Uh-huh, his estate. Yeah. So he wants to be able to step outside of his door. There he goes. There he goes. She's going to light jog. I got a light jog to her.

It's a wonderful life. Yeah, get it. You know, I enjoy it because it does seem like they are actually still friends. It does. Although doesn't it also seem like they're just about to kiss the entire video? They seem sort of, it seems like there's a sexual interchial. Well, I mean, of course, that's probably how they got cast.

They have a chemistry together. Yeah, but also Kelly Press, I mean, his wife and one of his kids are still in it. Right. So the tallest one is the one that he now acts with. And, of course, if he's going to be forced to kiss a woman, you know, kiss Kelly Preston. She is still so hot. Who are these old? Their grandparents waiting for the kids at the airport holden.

Just wait until the service members arrive. There they are. Oh, there they are. They're the service members. Drop what you have. I have family. And support the troops. We do hear up here on page seven.

He's lonely. Oh, he's going to fuck. And then he was that cop in the bathroom. Oh, my God. He's got to fuck that cop in the bathroom. I love it. Just get the servicemen in here. I love it.

Sit behind him. That way you can't actually talk badly about the video or it'll look like you're not supportive of the troops. Support the troops. Oh, my God. It's all half-ass dancing. Just what a weird move To just repeat I'm doing the move while I'm bouncing Zelda right now

Of course everyone is doing the move You gotta do a little A little shake, a little bob It is definitely a move that everybody can do That's true The barrier tantry is low Even a guy in a wheelchair could pull that move off It is

I'll never really understand why it is such low production Because they have so much money But I think Look at that boogie You'll kiss it. I think you might like it. I think of my heart. God, I would love it.

We should hit up the, we should actually hit up the person who directed that music video and see if we can get an interview with them. I would love to talk to the person. I would love to talk to the creative brilliance behind. I think you might like it. Because you know what I think about it all year long. The whole team.

And as you know, the meat and grease. Also, I don't know Holden if you noticed that he had a wallet chain, right? Did you notice that? I did not notice that upon this viewing. It's prominent. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. You can't unsee it, which is why I didn't even bring it up, because I usually stare at the wallet chain. The thing about this music video is that it somehow manages to get much worse every time I see it.

Every single time. Every time I see it, I'm like, that is not even as good as I remember. It's very devoid of any sort of creativity. I feel like the interview with the guy too will be so funny because whoever made it or woman, okay, it could be a woman. A woman could be responsible for this media. It would be the kind of thing we're in their head. It would be one of those interviews where they're like, I have this whole body of work. Why are these people obsessed with only this one thing that I did?

Why do you keep asking me questions about it? I did so many other things. Regarding the music video, I think I might like it. I have one more question. Sure. That's what I'll say to the. person right here yeah you have you found a way to ask me another question uh here's here's a thing how about this jackie if you were to let's say this music video was wiped from existence john

travolta little bit jane jana horrified how dare you even say that but okay they call you up jacky and they say we need to create a new music video for i think i might like it what are you going to do what and they want you to direct it they want you to come up with jacky and hold it yeah creative vision it's all you i'm going to to recreate it step for step. I want every single thing exactly the same. I want to find every single person that was in it.

And that's, I'm going to ask them to turn, I want 15% less flavor on it. The old people even older. Yeah, yeah. Older. Well, you could do the digital, because those servicemen are probably older now too, but then you'll do the Netflix digital aging thing. I would rather digital fur technology.

What if it's the new cats? What if it's cats? Oh, cat. We hit up Andrew Lloyd Weber. We see if we can just slide it into cats. Beautiful ghosts. I think cats might like it. I think cats might like it.

Yeah. And put it into, I bet we'd get the egot for that one. You think so we'd get every single one with the one video? Get all of the awards. They'd be like, fuck it. It's just as good as a Broadway play that was on Broadway this year. Let's just give it the Tony. Let's give it the Grammy because it's a song.

Let's give it. It's as good as a Broadway or as a Oscar-worthy film. Let's give it best foreign film. Just to confuse the people who made foreign movies that year. Because whomever created the phrase meat in Greece does not get the egot. I think that the title of an event called Meat in Greece is truly disgusting because if I'm not covered in Greece by the end of it, I don't want to be there. Yeah, the problem is that it's two verbs, meat and greet, and so meat and grease definitely turns Greece into a verb.

How dare they not make it the M-E-A-T? Ah. Meat and grease. Now, there, I will be there. I will go there. Right? So there you go. So John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John in Florida did a tour, a mini-tore,

called the Meat in Greece, where they put on the original clothes from the movie that they had not put. It was their first time in costumes since they made the movie, which is good for them. And I think really why John Romualta looks so good in these pictures, it's because he's bald now, and I think they were able to apply an actual full wig on him.

Which good for him. I love that he's bald. I think he's so much sexier. Don't, you don't need the hairblocks. You look great. Yeah. Embrace it. And also, if you're going to embrace it

by wearing a full wig, do that instead of whatever in-between nightmare is happening and I think you might like it. It's right. That looks drawn on his head. Yeah, like very much drawn on. Yeah. It is spray paint.

And so essentially this show was a sing-along to Greece with them and then a live Q&A afterwards. I'm also upset, and I would have probably been very upset to not have been there if they had sung. I think you might like it, but I don't think that they did. I think it was just grease songs. But, you know, I am a sucker for Greece songs. And John Trail looks.

great. They both look great. He looks good. And for the first time, and I'm thinking that in my head for the first time in decades. Yeah, I've never thought, I recently watched Face Off. He does not look good in Face Off. He looks great in this. He is, he has gotten, he's come full circle. He was

so sexy back then, he is so, I think this is the sex he's ever been, but you know how I feel about a daddy? So I think he looks great, and he's also, yeah, what is that? Oh, what are you? I'm sorry, I just, ugh. Also, Holden, I don't know if you know, but I think you might like it.

Technically was written as a sequel to You're the One That I Want. Ah, well, I... And it's supposed to be them all grown up, like, later on. Well, I love that Olivia Newton-John is all grown up because, you know how I like a mommy. Mommy, mommy, mommies and daddies. Mommy. I remember I'd read a little bit ago that Olivia Newton-John had sold her original costumes from Greece

at a charity event that benefited the wellness and research the Cancer Wellness and Research Center, which is her own charity that is about, that gives all the donations to fighting cancer. And she's actually in the process right now of fighting her third battle with breast cancer. Olivia Newton-John is not doing very well. And that's why I'm surprised

that they actually were able to do the meat in Greece, but it's fucking great. She's pushing through. And so she had sold off all of the clothes at a charity event. And the person that bought her jacket, which was the leather jacket that she wore at the end that she loved actually came to one of the meat and greases

and gave her the jacket back. He said, the odds of beating a recurring cancer using the newest emerging therapies is 1,000 fold greater than someone appearing out of the blue buying your most famous and cherished icon and returning it to you,

which is what I'm going to do right now. The buyer remained anonymous. Don't cry. I'm not going to cry because I definitely cried. when I was first reading it. She's crying. And then don't make me hear.

She's so crying. She's crying. She's crying. She's got her. How sweet it, but Jackie, because really think about how sweet it is what he's doing in this moment. I know, and he said this jacket belongs to you

and the collective soul of those who love you, those for whom you're the soundtrack of their lives. It should not sit in a billionaire's closet for country club bragging rights. For this reason, I humbly and respectfully return it to its rightful owner, which is you and yes and crying. Jackie's got a two.

I'm wearing down her face. A tear slowly rolled down her face. The tidesis of the billionaire. She said, as you say, billionaire, just this eccentric-ass billionaire who is now like a big part of Olivia Newton-John's life. Yeah.

It's like, I bought your jacket, but I'll give it back to you. I gave it back to you, and it made Jackie cry. She still cried. You made me cry. And you know what? I have to yell, you guys.

I have to yell. I have to confess something. I have to confess since I'm already crying. Last night, I was in the kitchen, and I heard Jeff watching something and I just heard this little voice that was like, do you think that she would also like red balloon?

And I was like, who is that cute little voice? And I come out and Jeff was playing the trailer for Christopher Robin, which is a movie that came out last year that was starring Ewan McGregor and it has the cutest version and you guys know that I've screamed about Winnie the Pooh for years.

Right. Christopher Robin. We watched it. You watched it. And I watched it and I loved it. And it was so cute. And his little voice was all about remembering what it is like to have to remember the simple parts of life and how to love again. You have serious issues.

You need to work this out with a therapist. Holden. No, I am on Team Jackie on this one because I am team defend Winnie the Pooh because Winnie the Pooh, the A.A. Winnie the Pooh, not the creepy-ass Disney Winnie the Pooh with a creepy-ass voice and a creepier-ass piglet voice, but A.A. Milne Winnie the Pooh, the books are very good. They're about depression. They're about

loneliness. They are that good, dark children's book shit. And even though it all got schmaltzed, it's actually very good. Eeyore is an icon for the depressed. He was like trying, he was making jokes about killing himself in the movie. Yeah. And Ewan McGregor acts his ass off

Up against these CGI. And you know what? Talk about digital fur technology. I don't know why whatever cats is didn't use how they made. I know nothing about animation. I don't know anything about that kind of stuff. So it's probably something completely different. But they were so cute and they were so well animated.

And they had these little faces. And they all kind of talked like this. And I loved every second of it. It's on Netflix and I cried through most of it. It's beautiful. I'm so glad that you have come around, man, because I will cry. Give me an excerpt from Winnie the Pooh, like the books,

and I will weep. I just saw one about Eeyore and being like a total mental health icon and how Piglet and Pooh were like, we'll sit with you and you feel sad. It's okay. You don't have to be fun. Yes, and it's okay. You don't have to be anything else.

We'll just sit with you. And that's devastating. Devastating. Devastating, absolutely. Jackie. I'm glad that we've, this whole podcast was just a long con for me to get you to admit that piglet is good. I think it is. And you know what? I finally found out because I didn't realize that Jeff was pro Winnie the Pooh. And he's like, well, I never

wanted to tell you because I thought you would make fun to me. I was like, when am I, I'm never that per, I'm not that person. I'm never a person that will ever make fun of anyone for liking whatever they want to like. I'm not, well, except for you with video games because you're a loser. But I, and you have called me piglet in a derogatory way. Yeah. But you used to be a professional bully in middle school or whatever. I'm not anymore I've grown. Well, I'm just saying he's not, his thoughts are not unfounded by any means.

No, he's wrong. I love the idea that in Jeff's mind, he's going to be like, I actually like Winnie the Pooh and you'd just be like, oh, you fucking boo. Oh, you're in the pool. I'm in the Pan with Woody. It is funny, though. It is funny.

So, no, I've grown. I'm a fucking Christmas angel. Everyone should watch Christopher Robin. Wow. Molly, please watch Christopher Robin. I'm going to watch it. You're going to love it. Once I make time from

I still, no, did I finish divorce? Marriage story, divorce story? Yes, I do. Divorce story. I did. So I have time now for Christopher Robin. Are people kind of trashing it on the line? I just was like, I don't know, I can't even.

A little bit. They're definitely a little bit. I will say, I didn't want to speak to it because nothing has come out after it. But Adam Driver walked out of an NPR interview yesterday. Yeah, I saw that. Why did he leave? Apparently he has major anxiety around watching his own performances, which I find to be the most relatable thing about Adam Driver. I relate to that. I have a really hard time watching myself. I guess at least the theory is that

he was so anxious that he is like when he does interviews, he asks like, don't play my shit. And when it was like him singing, which I guess was like 10 times the nightmare, like it was that clip. And so he left, the theory at least being because of it's, Stage fright, anxiety. Well, it was fresh air, too, right? Terry Gross is usually really on top of that sort of thing. I mean, I really like her work, so that bums me out that that must have been uncomfortable. Well, apparently they had asked him, and he, at least what it seems so far, not a lot else has come out just yet.

It seems that they had asked him, and he was like, he thought that it was going to be fine, and then couldn't handle it. Interesting. Which is very relatable. So I do appreciate that they'd asked him. Yeah, I don't listen to or watch my own. work unless I have specifically directed by a director to do so because I find it to be agonizing. Yes, it is tough. Azola, Zola.

Oh, baby, we got to plan a wedding. Aye, aye, aye, aye. I said I find it, oh, bright, she waits for me. It's so hard to pick a registry. Me forcing and fretting about invitations. Me want an end to this misery. Zola, Zola. Oh, maybe we've got to plan our wedding.

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That zola.com slash page 7 and promo code save 50. And on that note, it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Ooh, it is eight bizarre fan theories about your favorite holiday movies. Now I've heard everything. Now you've heard everything. This I thought was actually kind of fun.

I'm sorry, I'll restate it because I did scream over what you just said. Ape is our fan theories about your favorite holiday movies. Whoa, you even did it for me. No, I've heard that at all. That number one, the Santa Claus, the movie with Tim Allen, proves that the North Pole is full of cannibals. What? On the surface, the Santa Claus series is the heartwarming tale of Tim Allen

taking on the duties of a fallen Santa in need. But Twitter user, Hannah Priest, thinks it's about something else entirely. The North Pole is inhabited by cannibals, her evidence? The elves' casual attitude toward death and a new Santa just taking over, the hundreds of elves and Mrs. Clauses, who apparently go missing over the course of the series, and the size of the oven in the kitchen. Quote, the elves are clearly baking women and possibly children in their oven,

than using the bodies to make ceremonial cocoa when they then feed to future Santas. Where are you finding your lists, Jackie? Yeah, what is that? So, Jackie. Number two, Santa in the Santa Claus is actually an exiled wizard from Harry Potter. What?

Another theory about Santa Claus would have you believe that Santa is an alumnus of Hogwarts. We all know Santa is magical, but the evidence does stack up. How does Santa get up and down chimneys? Flu powder. And why can't we see him? And how does he get to every house in one night?

These jobs are made a little easier with an invisibility cloak and a time turner, of course. You know, I'm not anti-Hary Potter discourse, but this item on the list has me. Real cranky. Interesting, but how do you feel about Home Alone's Kevin McAllister growing up to be Saw's Jigsaw?

Indifferent. You're indifferent about it? And what about the idea that John Candy's Home Alone character is the devil? I'm actually thinking about that one. So John Candy's character is Gus Polinsky, aka the Poca King of the Midwest. One Reddit theory goes like this.

At one point in Home Alone, Kevin's mom, Catherine O'Hara, says that she would sell her soul to the devil if she could just get back to Chicago to be with her son the next time we see her, Gus Polinsky appears and offers her a ride back to the Windy City. That one's kind of fun. That's kind of cool.

Okay. That's fine, not the passable. What's next? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Number five, though, Mia from Love actually is the devil. The child, the little girl? No, Mia is the bitch that Alan Rickman.

Remember, bitch? Oh, yeah, bitch. I'm watching that movie tonight, by the way. I can't wait. It's great. I'm sorry. She's not a bitch. Although, no, she's not.

I'm sorry. Why, you're having a really crazy internal battle. You're trying to decide whether you should blame the cheater or blame the cheatress. This is what I'm saying. Like, it's more of a bigger thing of like, I would say that she is, I would say it like 20% malevolent in knowing the fact that he has a wife and family and does not give a fuck anyway. So I'm not going to completely blame her for this. And technically in the movie, she doesn't really do anything. Well, that's the thing.

That character is written to literally just be like a walking. like blowjob machine with no brain. She is a blowjob machine. I think that it's okay to call her names because literally no woman on earth is like that. Not even the woman who will take your man, like even the worst woman who you hate who could take your man more complicated than that character and love actually. A thousand percent. I mean, there's not a whole lot of layers to it and that's not her fault.

That is the script writer's fault. Why does she all love to Alan Rickman, RIP, but why does she want to blow her? Blow him so bad. I love Alan Rickman. Would you blow him like she wants to? Not that character in that movie. Definitely like, um, it's not diehard? Is it, yeah, die hard.

Okay. I also, Professor Snape. A different Christmas movie. Definitely Professor Snape I would have sex with, like in a fucking heartbeat. But not like bumbley, dumbly dad. No, he's kind of an asshole. He's awful. Yeah, and I do like the fact that he encourages Laurelini to go after Mr. Young Big Pouty lips, but other than that, Carl.

I don't want to suck on that bread. Yeah. Well, Mia does. Mia does want to suck on his soggy bread. I'll suck on him. Number seven, Rudolph is Donner's bastard son. We know, of course, that Rudolph doesn't look like either his mother or his father, and that the other reindeer used to laugh and call him name. names, and that the father of Rudolph's love interest, Clarice, seems incensed at the idea of his daughter being seen with a red-nosed reindeer.

The only explanation is that the red nose is like a scarlet letter A. Rudolph is an illegitimate child, a bastard, an unclean birth. Jackie, it's poo here. No, poo! I feel like this least is making me sad, Jackie. Oh my God. Poo just wants to play. He just wants to play.

He just wants to remind Christopher Robin. He wants to remind Christopher Robin. Pooh, it's Piglet. Hello, Biglet. This list is making me feel a little bit afraid. Yes, I feel sad, and Piglet feels afraid. I'm sorry, Bigglet. I'm sorry.

Why are you doing this to us, Jackie? Yes, Jackie. I'm sorry. I don't want to. The list is over. We don't, we won't continue with the list. Oh, my word and day. Are you still poo?

No, I'm the blind item's intro holding. I thought maybe Poo is going blind. No, it's not poo. Pooh is not going blind, is he? Oh, my God, it's me poo. No, don't. My vision seems to be darkening. Jackie.

Don't do it to him. Please help me, Jackie. No. Please help me. There's nothing you can do about it, though. But please help me. Please, I think I'm going. Blind!

No! We can't see the poo. We can't see the poo. Yeah, it's blind items fucking Winnie the Pooh edition and everybody hates it and everybody's sad about it. No. Okay?

This little bear with a big tummy. He's always hungry and all he just, and then he sees these balloons and he and then he wants a balloon and you and McGregor goes, you don't need a balloon poo. And he goes,

No, I don't need one, but I would like one very much, please. Oh, my God, give them to believe it. That's great. I got to watch this. I got to watch this. I can't believe that is what, I can't believe you don't hate it. Everything you described makes me feel like you should hate it. I'm a changed person.

I feel like now I need to consume as what you need the, I guess. Well, thank God. What am I? Hopefully that means she'll stop relentlessly making fun of people for the things that they enjoy. Nah. All right? Super Mario rules. I know he's a little man.

He lies his mushrooms. Everything was digitally altered and combined. And the Christmas card of this A-list reality star, it is all CGI. Kim Kardashian. I know, but I just love this trope, right? That, like, none of her cards are real and that, like, Kanye's never actually in the room and all this stuff. And if you do look at it, I guess I could pull it up the last Christmas card. But, yeah, they released their first Christmas card with psalm in it.

Psalm the boy, not the Bible passage. And yeah, are you looking at it right now, Jackie? Oh, I'm looking at it right now. Those kids are cute, man. I like those kids. Can't wait to see what they grow up to be. And they probably are going to grow up to be, you know, pretty talented. The kids are so cute.

But it is definitely, I mean, the word on the street is that it is very photoshopped in. It's great that it's photoshopped because, like, it's designed to be like, oh, us, we're just at home. Let's take a pick. and they couldn't even do that. I could see how I can kind of see it how this is, especially the kid in the front looks very tacked on. Yeah.

So anyways. Number two, and if you don't get this one right, Winnie the Pooh will die. No, no, don't. Please. Winnie the Pooh will die. Please don't kill him. Okay, this is a bit of a longer passage,

but it's a fun one. Okay. This is from the New York Post. An A-list actor who has been hit with several Me Too accusations raised some eyebrows in the L.A. Swinger community, which we imagine is pretty tough to do, by sending an extremely graphic picture to a number of couples online without making any effort to conceal his identity.

He sent the super steamy shot to a series of opposite sex couples and the hopes of interesting them in a threesome. We're told. The shot, seen by page six, shows the star grinning while holding the camera at arm's length to show his torso, and erect penis. Whoa.

Me too, Me too accusations, but not really. James Franco. Yes. Good job. Winnie the Pooh, I guess we'll live one day more. You will live another day.

But we'll kill him tomorrow. That's for sure. We'll definitely get him tomorrow. Please don't let them kill me, Jackie. Don't. Please. You're not going to be killed. A promise.

A promise I should never promise something I can't control. It's not that I need to live, but I'd very much like to. Oh, my God. Well, especially we had watched it back to back with jingle all the way, and it's just like, man, it's just absentee fathers, you know? It is a problem.

It really is a problem. Well, of James Franco's cock, a grudgingly impressed insider said, I'm a fan of the dick and all, but aren't you trying to be a movie star still? Which I think is very funny. That is funny. Also, I feel like, I'm not sure. what James Franco was trying to be. That guy, talk about a man with a thousand lives.

I feel like nothing sticks to him. He just can be whatever kind of fuck up he wants. Yeah. And he keeps coming back. I thought he was gonna get canceled like three months ago and nothing's come of it. For a decade. There has been rumors about what an asshole he is.

Yeah. And everyone knows that it like, it's not even like, it's like, oh, it's supposing that these things happen. We all, like everyone knows it happened. Like it has happened. Right. And nothing is, I don't know.

know how these things work, but nothing's happening. Jackie, James Franco, just sent me a picture of his Mimbo, Jackie. Don't go over to his house pool. Don't go over. You know James Franco is 41 years old? Wow. More like 40. Done.

Not that that's old, but I just thought he had nice holding. I didn't think that's old, but it's just, I thought he was a lot young. I thought he was more, I thought he was closer to my age. I'm surprised that he was 41. He looks young. It was 2003 when Spider-Man came out, right? 16 years ago. go and so what's 41 minus 16?

I'm also just going to throw that out there. He is pretty close to my age, so what Jackie just said made me depressed. Oh. Yes, because I am actually kind of close to 41, and that makes me want to die myself. All of us are getting better looking and everything's getting better. I want to be older. Okay. Yeah, yeah, everybody does get better looking as they're older.

That is true. Nobody, and also a whole nobody needs to date a 25-year-old man. So, I mean, if you are dating a 25-year-old man, good job, and I'm sure that he's great. But I don't want to date 25-year-old men anymore, and many people who are my age do not. And so I think that you can embrace you're getting older. I think I might like it. Also, do you remember what you look like and how you lived your life? Oh, interesting.

Do you have some judgments to make? How about you make fun of me again for the things that I enjoy? What a bully. Unbelievable. You are no winning the person. sir, you're no Winnie the poo. Here's the last blind item, okay? Sorry, not sorry.

Ooh, okay. When you are wasted out of your mind and try to cut your own hair and it looks like crap, the next morning you can be like this former A-list, mostly television actress, and go to your hair person and then make it seem like something else entirely. And I know there's not enough clues there, so I will say she is a television actress, and she's popular for being an... a movie that is a popular American city. I mean, a TV show that is the name

that is a popular American city. Popular American city. Dallas. No. Fuck off with that one. Chicago PD. Yeah, is it NYPD? It's a New York.

It's a music show. Chicago? Is that a show? No. You call that a music show? No. Is that a music show? Yeah, it's a music show. There's music in it. You put it on a show. She co-stars with

What's Her Name for Friday Night. Scotty Brin. Oh, Nashville. Yeah. And who's the lady? Oh, Hayden Pantier. Yes. She, the Nashville Star 30 recently chopped off her long blonde tresses in favor of a stylish

pixie cut. She shared on her Twitter account Tuesday night, which includes a shaved portion on the side of her head. Oh, but she looks great. Hidden Pantir is beautiful. Oh, absolutely. But I just think it's funny that it was because she fucked up and then had to win and was like, oh, surprise, I got this pixie cut.

But actually, she was just hammered and was like, Her hair is like the most iconic part about her too. Yeah, honestly. She's beautiful. She's actually, she's going through, she's going through, it's not, her life is not good right now. It's actually very sad. Really? Everything's kind, yeah, she's like, she's with this partner that, I believe that just was arrested for domestic violence.

Oh, God. And, like, she's like, it's like a very toxic, horrible relationship. I think your daughter's, like, living in the Ukraine or something. And everything's kind of falling apart for her life. right now. What is it about, this is a question from me to you as representatives of all women everywhere. What is the deal with the hair thing being a reflection of your life? I think it's a construction. I think that people, as if somebody who's had short hair for almost all my life, except for when I was trying to pretend to be more normal, short hair is seen as an abnormal.

But that's the thing. Short hair is seen as an abnormality. Maybe less so now. But like for until maybe just a few years ago, To be a short-haired girl was to be, something must be very wrong with you. And so there is this construction that when women are losing their minds, they cut off all their hair. It's not just cutting off all the hair, though. I will say it's also like when I broke up with my ex, like the first thing she did was dyed her hair, which I had only known her as blonde. And then she dyed it dark red. Really what it is, it's a way to be able to control something.

So I think it's like when you feel like you're losing control, if there is still that that you can physically see a difference after you do it and it is something that you chose to do. So when you feel like you're losing like just whether it's relationships, whether it's job, whether it's just overall life, that is something you can definitely tangibly control and also see the difference.

But it's also why, as someone that has done this many times while being very upset, I would then cry for days because like, well, why did I make a rash decision when I was already this upset? Because no matter, even if it's great, you don't see it as great because you're in a mental illness mind fog.

Because it's a reflection of the turmoil you're going through potentially. So, yeah, there's twin phenomena. One is that, right, if you're, like, going through it, you might want to make a drastic physical change to symbolize I am anew, which I can also identify way. And I will say, it definitely worked on me. I was like, whoa. She's, like, being different.

I don't know. It was like when I saw her do that, it rocked me a little bit. You know what I mean? Because I saw her in some video or something, like after the fact and it was not long after we broke up and it was it shook me as her ex yeah you know what I mean

I was like oh shit new that's a new girl but then I do think I have that my beef from before of I do think that it is constrained as like when women cut their hair something must be wrong with it right right right there's the opposite end of that which that's also not the case I feel like I feel like anyways

that's super not true because I feel like a lot of women who are with child cut the hair for practical reasons So they're fucking kids always grabbing at their locks. I was so excited to dye my hair because my hair has gotten so gray. And it's having children. And I was so psyched.

I've never dyed my hair. And I went in and they were like, well, you need to come in every six weeks to maintain it. And it costs like, you know, $300. A lot of money, dude. And I was like, well, it took me about four months to come in to get a single haircut. And so I can't do this. And I need it more than ever. And so I don't know what I'm going to do.

Maybe I'll do it from the drugstore. I want to do something anew. I want to be like one of these women who makes myself a new. And that you just brought up another point of fascination to me, which is just the cost of hair for women. It blows me away. It's like, well, it's what I used to fight when I had really short hair too. And then I'd go in and they'd charge me a woman's price.

I was like, well, why is this? This should be based on hair length and not on gender. Because that is such a ridiculous, still such a ridiculous gender stereotype. It's like, what are you talking? And also, so I have to pay $100 when it's a 20 minute long haircut that my, like, a male significant other would pay $20 for the exact same haircut. And we didn't even talk about makeup, son. I know.

What the fuck? When you find out, I think that every guy, just like every person needs to work a service industry job as a teacher for like one year each in order to be a human being on the planet, I think every guy should be forced to look at like the monthly and yearly cost of makeup and hair for a woman to get some better perspective on that shit. Make up hair. Make up hair, tampons and birth control, too.

Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, totally. And I know we have stuff, you know, I have beard oil and stuff, but it doesn't compare. It's not, it's not the same. It's just not the same thing. It doesn't compare.

It's cheap. Like, all women aren't like, I won't date a man who doesn't do beard oil. Not that all men say that about women with makeup. No, they don't, but it is a... I think the common misconception is like, you look beautiful without makeup. She's wearing a little makeup.

Yeah, right. Right. There's not like a, oh, he looks beautiful even when he doesn't have beard oil. Yeah, exactly. There's no double standard on that either for sure. And I mean, I'm telling you right now, my haircut at my local place is $12. Yeah. And I go once every like month or two and I go in there and they do that. It's absurd. Yeah. 12 dollars. It's absurd. Yeah. And if you're a woman with short hair, I've been for years going either to like the local place where only old Ukrainian men go. And I can get a $13 haircut. But I am that. I'm fairly sure I'm the only woman who's ever gone in there. And they're nice and it's fine. And I can do that.

Or I can go to like a salon and get a more expensive cut and where sometimes I have to like convince them about how like butch I want it. And then I recently found an awesome like queer friendly place to get like, no, I want it to be shaved. I want it to look like not like a feminine haircut. But for that it's also it's a nice place that like is giving you a good haircut. And so you have to pay more money for that too. Of course.

I think you would actually like my barber that I go to because it's a married couple and the lady who cuts my hair. I prefer her and I think she would actually just like because I've seen her doing women's hair in there. And it doesn't look like it's like a salon treatment or anything like that. So I think the cost of all that trip. By the way, and I know we're wrapping up soon. But also have you guys seen the documentary good hair?

I've been wanting to watch that documentary because I love Chris Rock so much. I love that documentary. It's amazing. That is honestly, I think it's one of my favorite. documentaries. It's awesome. Because it was something I learned so much about and I was totally engrossed and he did such a good job with it. Yeah and it's of course all more centered towards African-American hair. Black hair is what I was going to say but then I said African-American to be more correct. Okay. So just want to throw that out

there. But I love Chris Rock. I love him so much. But it is a fascinating you know. I'm gonna start crying again and it's not about Winnie the Pooh, okay? There is such a fascinating whole it is a thing that I think a lot of white people do not understand. Oh, yeah. The importance of and what it is all about and how it's so ingrained in our like nation's history is why the way that African-American hair is treated. It's so political. It's so political.

It's so interesting. So anyways, just throwing that out there. Yeah, and work a service industry job. Yes, please. The holiday and hair episode of page seven. And I guess I should. I was going to bring this up, and I think it's a good time to do it as we close out. I think that I would like to start a campaign during the holidays called the Make a Waitress Cry campaign.

And I will, a waiter or waitress, it's not gender specific. But I think that it is upon all of us to go to an unsuspecting restaurant, and if you get treated well by the waiter or waitress there, and you can tell it's the holidays and they have a lot going on, do that crazy tip. Let's try to make some service industry people cry. Oh, I thought you had them cry like, you ugly. You ugly. That's what you put it on. No, no, no.

This is a goodwill thing. Go, give them like a 300% tip. Give them, slip them a hundo. You know what I mean? Do that cool move. That or things that if you don't have money where it's like I, I now, whenever I see, you usually see it a lot in the holidays, I make an effort that if someone makes a little bit of effort at any store, I will ask to speak to their manager and say,

this person really helped me out a lot and I just wanted to say I really appreciated the fact that they went above and beyond that or any time I see it was at I believe like a Starbucks or something yesterday that was like how are we doing through the holidays and I just like wrote down the people's names that had just helped me and I was like they did great

because it's those little things especially if you've never worked a job like that before that's what got me through the holidays was knowing that like at Joanne's I'd get my little extra star on my apron because someone said a nice thing about me specifically it's those things that just bright and it doesn't call That doesn't cost anything.

But I'm also saying tip somebody absurdly an unsuspecting person. It's not like a- If you're able to, yes. It's not a Christmas bonus. But if you are able to, if you have enough money to do this just once this holiday season, let's try to make those service workers cry, people. And also, man, tip the like people in your building who are collecting your packages because the people in our building are freaking the fuck out because there's no infrastructure to accommodate how many people order their shit online.

It's a nightmare. And like, are everyone in our building are the super. and the people who work in the building are like drowning in packages. It's like a Christmas nightmare. My lobby is insane. They put up thing up about it being like, please take your packages. So tip the people who work in your building because they're working overtime.

For sure. Hell yeah. And that's our message of holiday love to you. Oh my God. Happy holidays, guys. We love you all so much. And thank you for being with us this year. And hopefully you will stick with us next year,

especially the second week of January, where we will be with Miss Natalie Jean on stage live in Chicago and Pontiac and Milwaukee. You can get your tickets at Last Podcast Network.com slash P7 Live. It'll be Wizard and the Bruiser and Page 7 live show. It's a great gift. Also, good time to plug to the fact that yesterday, which is this is insane to me, the boys over at Last Podcast on the left, wrote a book. Yeah, man.

They wrote a book. A really long way. they put, as is per usual for them, they put way more into this than they ever needed to. It is a 300 page long tome going into great detail. They could have totally done, I want to say, like a fifth of the work that they put into this and everybody would have been fine with it.

Yeah, we saw Marcus going through it. You know, he really was working hard on that book for a long time. They took it very serious. This isn't just some podcast book where they just bullshit about, you know, whatever. No, it's great. And I read through the proof.

too. It is, it's got great cartoon work in it. It is funny, it's informative and honestly, I was blown away and I know I'm biased, but you know it's like, oh good, yeah, okay, write a book. But it really was blown away by

it. They did a really great job. You can pre-order it now and it comes out April of 2020. So it's a 420 all month. So you know that's the month to get a podcast. It's also, it's also the month for April Reels Day. So we'll get into that later, though.

But also, if you want to blow our fucking dumb, stupid dicks away, you can go on patreon.com forward slash P7 podcast. Is it P7 podcast? Page seven. Page seven. Page the number seven. It's piglet. What?

Yes, Piglet. Why are you making me so sad by getting the information wrong? I'm sorry, Piglet. It's Patreon.com forward slash page the number seven podcast. But don't write the number seven. It's just the number seven. I'm typing page the number seven. Penglet's $5.

Picklet for just $5, you can get a weekly episode of bonus content. Usually it's us taking quizzes, talking TV, and we're also giving you pop history and Riverdale Roundup and these normal page 7 episodes on the main feed. If you're enjoying all that content, please consider just the $5 a month for even more content and a support what we already put out for free. Does that sound good, Pitlittlet?

I guess I approve. I guess. Get out of here, Piglet. You guess you approve. You're so good at it. We love you guys so much. I hope you have a beautiful and a hashtag blessed holiday. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. My name is Hohemannily. You can find me on Twitch.T.tv.tvot-T-T-V-L-K-L-K. My name is Molly Nethel. I'm MJK. L.C. We love you. We'll talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.

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