Page 7 - Episode 337: These Spoons Are Brutal

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

This week, we watch Paris Hilton's cooking show, so you don't have to (although you totally should).   Listen to Page 7 free on Spotify!   Can't get enough Page 7? Support us on our Patreon page and get weekly bonus Patreon-exclusive content!   Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, it's Jackie from page 7. I'm here to let y'all know that you can listen to page 7 for free on Spotify. You can download all the episodes with a free account. And guess it would? All-last podcast network episodes are already over there. Swanjimosy on your butt stand to the Spotify app. And listen to page 7 for free on Spotify to get new episodes as soon as they come out. Because I want to get them hot out of the oven so I can burn my...

Now. Uh-oh, it's an annoying one this week, guys. Oh, God. 1-8-7-7 cars for kids. K-A-R-S-Colskins. Put your headphones back on Olden. 1-8-7-7-Cars for kids. Donate your car today.

This is not unfounded. This is actually because of research of which we are going to discuss today that it has been stuck in my head and bam, bam. I just fucking emerald. it into your face, right? Is that what he said? Did he say bash? What did he say? He said, uh, he said Bam, right? Bam, right? Emerald-A-Gossey? Yeah, that's a reference. A slap of people on it.

Timely, timely reference. Jackie, I was just so pleased. I was like, man, I'm having this really stressful week. Let's see what we're going to talk about this. We've got page seven. And I open up the email and I was just like, thank God. The 1-877 cars for kids. Just the most necessary thing to bring back the thing that no one hates and everybody loves and it doesn't just immediately get stuck in your head and then it's also just founded on so much awful garbage why did this come into your lexicon

as of late well I definitely like had a hey I'm Jackie Zabowski welcome page 7 I'm holding I'm the party one Molly and I support cars F-O-R space K-I-D-S and I don't know why you're so anti-cars for kids. Well, Cars for Kids, the

actual company is not good. The word on the street is. But on top of it, they are making a new, they just made a new Cars for Kids commercial with new kids. And I'm just so used to the old commercial that I was excited

to see the new one. And even though they gave them almost nothing, I think it was like $50 for the entire day for these kids to come and do a commercial, which also has got to be some sort of illegal, right? Everything about cars for kids doesn't make any sense. Of course kids shouldn't have cars.

I mean, who, it's very confusing what the cause is. I've never quite known what the cause is. Well, this is where I started going into the worm time of cars for kids. So if you guys are not aware, so I started singing this at dinner the other night with Gott Daddy's parents who are wonderful and they didn't know what the hell I was talking about. I was like, it's cards for kids. Cars for kids. So I don't think it is just an, I don't think it's just an East

coast thing, but I thought it was everywhere. I heard it on the radio here, but I don't think the commercial is as big of a thing on the West Coast. But apparently they also got in trouble and had to, they were fined $130,000 because they weren't saying that this charity organization, that the money goes solely to day camps that promote education of non-observant Jewish kids to teach them about Orthodox Judaism, which that wasn't even ever brought up. And so they were fined that they weren't talking about this in the commercials or on the website.

So what did they do to change it? They changed the logo that it used to be a kid in a car with a dog in the back of the car. And now they just slapped the yarmulka on the kid. And they're like, see, we did it. Now everybody knows. I got to say, I knew it was some weird charity organization. Again, completely unclear to me what was happening to the cars, what kids needed them. Why was the I was like are the cars being like processed and turned sold for steel and that is the money being donated to the children or is it donating cars to kids whose parents don't have cars?

I don't understand but I got to say that if you had asked me what creepy charity organization is behind this I would have guessed some weird Christian one because it's always some weird Christian one. But no. The Orthodox Jews. Different religious organization behind it and that was a surprise. Yeah for sure. And as someone that has been plagued by the Cars for Kids theme for most of my lives, apparently it came out in 2004, but if you had, if you had had a gun to my head, I would have been, it's in like my entire life.

This has been around forever. This has been a part of my brain. My problem is that I hope that it, I mean, I don't hope I wouldn't worship us upon my enemy, but this is the song that no matter what, no matter what I'm thinking, I think about this song at least once a week. Yeah, for me, this is much more connected to my journey to news. York as a young man with a little corn cob hat, you know what he mean, and my little bag on a stick that I took to New York City.

Your bindle. My bindle all, a boy all covered in soot with a big dream. I forgot when you always, you were pig pen. Yes, to be the loudest farder in Coney Island during the fart competition. Turns out that's not a real competition. I made it up in my head. But when I got here, cars for kids. And then also, it was two things by watching the news.

A, the Bronx is always on fire. and B, Cars for Kids is a thing, is a charity, is a song that you will never forget for the rest of your life. Forever. Yeah, that was the, for me, that was 9-11 too. I, this makes me, never forget. When I moved to New York, shortly after I had moved to New York,

I needed to get rid of a car. Whoa, so you used this? I didn't, but it makes me remember this. I was like, how do I get rid of a car? And I didn't, now I'm wondering, Why didn't I call one eight seven seven cars for kids? Because I definitely knew the song by that point because I had been in New York for more than a day. And I had no idea how to get, we had this car that my brother and I had shared that had driven back and forth between Minnesota and New York like 10 times.

And that then his, the people he was doing sketch comedy with had used for years that we had like made a bunch of movies and videos with. There was just, it was so trashed. It didn't run. It was just an absolute shell of a car and we were like, how do we need to get rid of this? And we were leaving town the next day for like... Set it on fire. And we knew we were going to get...

We were already drowning in parking tickets, like hundreds of dollars of parking tickets. And we were like, we have to get rid of this car. And so we drove around Queens looking for somebody to take the car. We knew we wouldn't get any money for it. And we finally found this like car will take your car guy. And he looked in the car and he looked at us and he was like, be straight with me. Has someone been living in this car? Because there was a carton of eggs in the car that we couldn't explain and lots of other clothes and bags of groceries and stuff.

And so finally the guy took the car. But I am now just like so racked with the guilt for not finding out what cars for kids would have done with it. Well, I don't think they would have done what you wanted them to do with it from the way it turns out, right? I mean, what is the process here, Jackie? You did the hard work. There's been a lot of problems with where the money is. going and what they're doing with the money. Classic charity kerfuffle.

It is, there's a lot of kerfuffle involved with the entire organization is what it seems like. So it's probably for the best that you didn't, but I think that really the best thing to do with a car like that, get your rage out on it. I've always wanted, like back in the day when we heard about those, there's like, those places that you can pay to go into and like destroy a bunch of things. Oh yeah, those bathrooms. I just want to pick a bat to a car. I want a graffiti all over the car, my car.

And then I just want to destroy it, destroy it, destroy it. I can see that. I have a problem? I just know that with my luck, I'll go and go into one of those rooms, and I will leave with an injury. Yeah, oh yeah. It will definitely bite me in the ass. Every time I've gotten mad enough to play a smash smash game, I have always walked away with some sort of hurt hurt on my hand. Have you ever punched a hole in your wall?

Yeah, I believe I have done that. I don't know. I don't really get violent against inanimate things when I get mad. a lot anymore unless I play street fighter so I've been trying to stay away from that a little bit I used to get really angry at video games but I would um I had to do I had to show my anger in ways that would not alert my parents to them anger because then they'd stop they wouldn't let me keep playing the video games so I would scream into a pillow wow I would bite my controller which I'm really embarrassed about I would have teeth marks because that was a way for me to like be mad and and

not break it or bite my hand I would bite my own hand wow Yeah, because then I could get mad and show it. And then I would hurt myself enough. And then I'd learn the true meaning of fucking Christmas. I don't know. I guess I still have anger problems. I've got to work out. Jackie.

Have you ever Adam Driver's character slash Noah Bombach punched a hole in the wall? Unfortunately, yes. I used to, I mean, that was an incrimandshundian for a long time, and I used to really break things. But also, I would never break other people's things. I would break my own things. And that's not okay. And that is something I learned. And then it was the kind of thing that my mom would see that I'd done it.

And she's like, well, now you don't get another one. Okay. So what is the process, Jackie, now that you've gone through the therapy? Let's say I'm the mailman and I just called you a bitch. How are you going to quell the rate? Well, I say, yes, you are correct, but who have you been talking to in my family? That's my first question. It's all breathing techniques.

I use a lot of breathing. I take myself out of the situation. And usually I'll either go into a bathroom. I'll go into a different room. I remove myself and I do my breathing techniques. And I just focus on my breathing. And usually that will center myself so that I don't. I haven't broken anything in probably 10 years.

Wow. Congratulations. Look at that. So what are some things you've broken in your angry day? I love how you're making cute face now. I'm cute. I'm fixed. 10 years.

No, I'm perfect. This is how, I talk about it all the time on here, about how much I cry. and it's a lot of to do with the anger management I used to go through because my therapy helped me process the fact that I would be so angry but now I've turned it into crying instead which is a healthier expression of your emotions but that's why I cry at the drop of a fucking hat.

I skipped your step and I just was born crying every time I get mad and I find it to be very unhelpful. Right, right. Hence this seeing bright eyes more times than you can kill. Oh yeah, you bet. Which he's coming back around. He's coming back. Did he see?

Forest Hills. Have you got those tickets? Not yet. I hope that I'm not too late. But yeah, I just go straight to crying. And perhaps it's better than breaking stuff. But it's not the best because then I feel like I'm just taking, I'm just, you know, bottling it up. Right.

Keeping it in and not knowing how to release it. Unfortunately, it was the poet Fred Durst who said, sometimes you really do just need to break stuff. Break stuff. And Jackie, what, can you recount any famous breakages? Do you remember anything specific? You've broken in your day? Oh, my God, I've broken so many things.

I brought up the risk. I brought up the risk board I'm here a couple of times. Risk is the best. That's why we weren't allowed to play video. We weren't allowed to play games in our home. Of course, Henry classically got angry at an X-Men video game and did pick up the entire game console at one. point in frustration and threw it against a wall.

This is a family thing. It's a family affair. That's why we weren't allowed any games in the house. The big breaking, I remember we, Henry and I got into, we used to have our own television show where we had one of those big cameras that you put up on your shoulder in the early 90s and we had HZ TV and we had our own television show. And I was so angry at Henry one day that I just started ripping parts off of the camera to get back at him.

but really all that did was destroy the camera and then we didn't get another camera so we weren't allowed to make our shows anymore. Right, couldn't do the show. So that's the thing. That's a brutal one because you're really ripping away a piece of your own childhood at that point. And probably an outlet to deal with all of the

this is the thing. Tumultuous emotions you had inside of you. I love that the TV network was named after Henry. Yes. Of course. Of course. Of course. No Jackie in there. No, I wasn't allowed in front of the camera. I was allowed to put My hand in front of the lens to give like a thumbs up.

We were kids. You know, why you'd let your younger sister have the same amount of fame as you have? Nothing has changed at all of that dynamic. Completely insane. I think what we really need to do is start channeling our anger into the amount of shade like Martha Stewart does. There is watching a woman that you know that bitch has angry issues. And she has learned to use it. Yeah, I like, I watched a lot.

of chopped and whenever she's on chopped, I'm just like, she's terrifying. She's just seething. She's just a woman seething all the time. I feel like you kind of have not to be like this, but maybe it's just because I, maybe I am judging others here. But if you have the semblance of your entire life is controlled, like down to what you have on your walls, what you have in your cabinet, how you live your life, you must be seething underneath, right?

Like, isn't it another form of just control that you? need to have over things that I imagine she would just, I mean, I've heard tale of her, I love Martha Stewart. This is only coming from love and respect, but I've definitely talked with people. I knew a dude that was a carpenter on the Martha Stewart show. And she is a control freak. I mean, of course. And that's why, I mean, A, I would love to have seen what she did to really create dominance

in the prison. I was thinking the fact that she went to prison for financial crimes is just an interesting part of her history. And seems pretty unscathed by the ordeal, which I think. She's back. She's a judge on Chopped. Right. She's hanging out of Snoop Dogg. She's like bringing her own organic tomatoes to be the ingredients for chopped.

She's like, it was just a little bump in the road for her. Right. I don't even think, you know, and who knows, maybe it was horribly traumatic, but she really doesn't. She seems to have thrived in that environment. Hell, yes, she has. I think that she went in and knew exactly what she did or like what she was supposed to do. control everything. Yeah. Control the narrative, control her time there, and just own everything around her and then, and then live it. Do you have any stories from this friend that you can talk

about in terms of her control? Any anecdotes for us? No, but it was a lot of the, because it wasn't out and out screaming. It wasn't in front of other people. It was a ripple. It was the kind of thing that she would just in low tone say something to one person. Oh. Very clear. So that is the kind of fear where again it's like my mom we grew up at home we were never hit we were never screamed at but I was terrified of my mother you know it's like he just takes the one the one look the one thing to say that's it and it's like that's a woman that knows how to fucking dominate I heard uh I heard she made all of her employees wear parachute pants so she could hear them walking down the hallway that is a lie but that's how rumors get started that's how rumors got that I just showed you I'm

rumors get started. That's all that was. I'm just saying. I would rather like, I imagine that somebody like, there comes fat Jackie. It's not my fault that my thighs touch. I'm not here trying to like walk really wide so no one knows where I am. Right, everyone's tripping over each other

and everything, yeah. This is one of the many reasons why I've done such a 180 on Guy Fieri because I feel like he- Please, Molly, say his name, Fieri. Sorry. I can't imagine him like really being a monstrous asshole to his lowers, you know, his superiors that are working for him.

Whereas Martha Stewart, I think if I were to create like a number line of like person who I imagine is the scariest and meanest to work for in like the kind of food and home life genre, I think Martha Stewart's probably at the top. Like almost every male chef from Food Network is like slightly below her. I mean, definitely Bobby Flay, but I don't respect him. Like, that's the thing is that I respect Martha Stewart, but I don't respect Bobby Flay. Sorry, not sorry. And then on the other end of, like, people who probably aren't assholes, it's like, Guy Fiatty, and I want to put Rachel. I want to put Rachel Ray there, Chip and Jojo for sure.

But I know that we, not everybody feels as fondly about Rachel Ray as I do, but, you know. Not, not. I do respect her though. I think I think that she works really hard and I understand what she's doing and I do respect her in that. But it's like, I don't know. There's also tail.

She's not a very good person. Well, I think we all need to, at the Food Network, they all need to be afraid right now because there is a new chef in town. And I am sorry to immediately bring this up. Yeah. But it is fresh in my blood right now. Oh, my God.

With this Paris Hilton cooking. Does Paris Hill and cooking show? You have to stop listening to the episode right now. Pause it. You have to carve out 15 minutes of your time. Be careful because it will feel like the longest 15 minutes of your life. How dare you, Molly. It is 15 minutes of pure perfection.

I was smiling the entire time. Look up cooking with Paris. It is on YouTube. Welcome to Point, Counterpoint, with Molly and Jackie. Oh, let's do it. Each person has 30 seconds on the clock. in order to defend or to criticize the Paris Hilton cooking show, who would like to go first?

I'm holding a number under my desk of number one or number two, Molly? Two. You are correct. Do you want to go first or second? I'll go first. Okay. And 30 seconds now. Okay, so this is part of a rebranding effort by Paraseltin to show that she's not just

like a totally vacant shell of a human. And yet that's exactly nothing, nothing about her personality has changed whatsoever. And she seems disgusted by food. Disgusted by food. And every single, she's like, oh, God, this is so gross. She doesn't seem tired. She says that about all of her food. And she doesn't, and there's the sound, the sound.

There's so much, all the dishes clank. Time. Thank you so much for that. And now, Jackie, you have 30 seconds on the clock to defend this accusation from Molly that she is not doing a competent. cooking show, 30 seconds now. Do you want to see Paris Hilton tan meat in a pan for some reason? Do you want to see her use an outdoor grill spatula, scrape it along the bottom of a pan,

and then use a potato masher to mash ground beef in a pan that is completely unseasoned, except for the five tablespoons of salt that she got all over the stove while she's making said meat. Please watch cooking with Paris because it is perfect. Time. Fantastic. You know, as the person in between, it's really hard to say. You both bring up really good points. I kind of want to leave it to the listeners to decide whether or not.

Spoons are brutal. These spoons are brutal. She looks actively exhausted the entire show, which is like the funniest spin on a cookie show. And I do want to see more of that because that's the real world cooking. Oh, you mean the real world cooking is the fact that she can. kept her leather gloves on the entire time. That she touched the meat.

That she touched cheese. Thank you. Raw egg. She just breaks the egg into the ricotta and that doesn't wash her hands. There's raw egg all over her hands. When she's looking for a spoon, she does say, she opens the door.

She's like, also, she's like, she opens the episode of being like, I love to cook. And I'm like, and I'm like, four minutes. She's looking for a food and she's like, I've never cooked in here before. And then she opens the spoon door. And she's like,

oh, these spoons are brutal. And then she hides like a plastic spatula. She has to stir ricotta. And she goes to stir the ricotta and she's like, I don't even know if this is going to work. And she opens up the ricotta and goes, I don't even know what this is. Is this supposed to look like this?

I will. My heart does go out to her with the, oh, fuck, they got me like non-arity grated cheese because that's happened to me before when I had to make my mac and cheese. Yes, but the look on her face of just, I mean, this would be easier if it was graded. I mean, it's not graded,

but this would be greased. I'm going to say this right now. That is so much more identical to my personal cooking experience because I always find myself having to cook a meal after a long day because I told the wife I was going to do it. And then I get into the kitchen. I'm like, I don't want to do this at all right now. And all of her reactions are so much more authentic to the way that I and so many other people feel

when they have to begrudgingly cook a meal at the end of the day, a long, long day. And she even said she was just like, my day has already been so long. She's like, I've had a really long day. Like always. Like always. All my days are so long. I also just have to say, as an Italian woman, I am offended at the lasagna. Really?

She's too good for onions and garlic. She's like, I don't think my assash should have onions or garlic. Interesting. She had the onions and the garlic. She didn't put onions and garlic in it, which also, again, what are the spices in it? That must have been just truly the most. I mean, it's still cheese and noodles and meat. So at the end of the day, of course, you're going to eat it.

But I love that they don't show anybody eating it. They don't show her eating it. They don't. They don't even cut it into it, which bummed me. I was like, I wanted to see what it. It looked actually like it was maybe could be tasty, but they didn't even put a knife into it and cut out like a slice of it so you can see it. I can't believe she was so mad about the fact that she had to boil the lasagna noodles.

She was like, this fucking sucks. Sorry, Barrello or whatever. Again, though. It's like, come on. That's how I feel. Every time I have to cook, I'm just like, don't make a lasagna. You don't have to do this YouTube show.

I want her to do more. This is optional. I want her to do more because that was the one she was probably most excited to do that she was most competent with. So you can only imagine where it's going to go from here. Yeah, I feel like I agree with you that, you know, that we're all like,

I've been in the kitchen where I'm like, oh, this is my cooking show. If I'm hosting a cooking show, I fucking hate this. Right. But she's barely, she's choosing to do this. It's 15 minutes, which is so long for a YouTube video. And she's just so mad that she has to do it.

But then the whole thing is like, yeah, I remember I would just go to the kitchen with my mom and I would sit on the counter. And not do anything. Yeah, right. No, she would kind of do something obviously because she knows how to use that potato masher. Also uptight when she's holding Diamond Baby. Diamond Baby is of course one of her dogs. And she's also holding Diamond Baby with said cooking gloves on.

So you can't. If you're going to at least do this properly, I also looked up the phrase sliving because I wanted to see if it was something. She never explains it. She's like sliving lasagna. Is that some old callback to like when she was a reality star? It is a word that is a mashup of the word slaying and living. Slaying and living.

It's nice that she never explains it. She just assumes that we're so on board. Right. She did say that's hot in reference. to the pan being hot, which I thought was cute. Yeah. Great. And what's the other word she uses a lot besides brutal, beyond?

Beyond. She's like, when she does the salt, and she accidentally just pours a ton of salt on the meat, she's like, oh my God. Why do you think the spoons, that was beyond? Why do you think the spoons were brutal? Just they were too small? And that way she couldn't find a spoon.

She couldn't find a spoon. The funniest thing about it was she, she needed stir ricotta. You could literally stir ricotta with anything. It wasn't like she needed, like, so when she stirred a little. and she's like, okay, this does work. It's like, well, yeah, it's for, there's no surprises here.

No, because if you noticed, we paused it because Jeff immediately was like, wait a second, did she bend the other spoon? And you can see the reason why she went to go is because she had used another spoon, bent it while she was doing it, and then just left on the counter to go get another spoon. That's great. And, you know, she's looking great. She's allergic to bullshit. I love all of her fun, silly towels.

She has so many towels on the counter that she has no space to prepare. I will say I laughed my ass off the entire time. And I think she knows, I think to her, I actually liked her more than I ever liked her before in this video because I do think she knows she's being funny. Yeah. Yeah.

And so I will give that to her. It was a strong out of. Oh, yes. I don't really watch cooking shows, and I'm definitely, episode two, I'm right there with it, especially like a real challenge. And I like the gimmick of, She has no idea they bought all the stuff.

She didn't check any of it before walking into the kitchen. That is great. That's a great premise. Yeah. I love it. I got to deal with this fucking dumb asses. I love when she used the paper towel to sop up the soles on the top of the meat of me. Oh, no.

I thought she was going to take a dish towel into it because she was just getting cross-contaminating everything already anyway. I was like, she's about to. But she was so honest. She was just like, I think I just got excited because it's like my first cooking show. I just like little moments like that were really going to go a long way for her in this thing. Yeah. Honestly.

Especially when she sprayed herself down with her own unicorn miss. And she goes, oh yeah, of course, not near the food. Takes a half a step back and then spray perfume all over. There's no way that didn't get in the food. Right. You don't spray perfume in the kitchen. It's important to stay hydrated. And then she pulls out the neurochrim.

Yes. And always stay hydrated. I love this. It's neurotrim. So basically you're being healthy. and then having lasagna all at once. Also, what, she said, you know, there's lots of alternatives out there for cheese.

There's almond cheese. And then what if she said after that? She was like, it doesn't make any sense. She has, like, the stain for the non-dairy cheeses, but she also went through several options for them. I guess I was just thinking, like, if I was as rich as Paris Hilton, I would just, you know, pay to get a really good lasagna.

That Lanzania's going to taste like shit, you know? Yeah. And she was so tired. She was too tired to make it. You know, what's in it for her? I mean, a great, hilarious 15-minute-long cooking show on YouTube. I will say, too, this coming off the heels of, like, Paris Hilton, she's just like us and her saying she was playing a character back in the day and all that good stuff.

Well, yeah, because we have to get into that. Yeah. And I think, but I think that that is all, this cooking show is actual evidence of, like, she was clearly playing a version of her, an exaggerated version of her, back in the day, but she's a little bit more, I don't know, she's just way funnier and more charming to me. She was funny. She's beyond.

I guess what this cooking show does tell us about Paris Hilton is that she has some self-awareness, which a lot of rich people do not have. And so that does actually make me like her a lot more. And there's something about, and I hope she's always making like burgers and lasagna and like very plain Jane Americana food and nothing ever an attempted fanciness. It's not goop shit where she's making like, you know, tie-based. Like an alfalfa salad. Yeah, I love that.

I only want to see her making, like, hot dog stuff. You know what I mean? And just, like, slaw. Are you trying to say that hot dogs are bad for you? Because you can go fuck you. No, I'm just saying they're for dumb, stupid American people. How dare you? Who dare you?

Not in front of me. You're never in front of me. A hot dog is for the infidel. I'm about to go eat seven hot dogs just because you said that. Wow, take a video, it'll last forever. And I will last forever except I'm a hot dog. Every day to the rest of my life. Fuck you, nitrates.

Um, I think. Damn, Jackie coming out against nitrates in 2020, scaring everybody up in here. Neon, goth, anti-nitrates, Jackie Zabrowski, 2020. What even are nitrates, Jackie? It's stuff that's in the butts and in the lips, and I don't know, now it's in my stomach. It's highly concentrated in bacon, hot dogs, and Jackie.

All right. Yeah, baby. Yeah, I guess I'm in good company. I'm in great company, thank you. And I love that, see, I have always, I loved a simple life. I really have enjoyed the vapidness of Paris Hilton for a long time. And obviously, she is smarter than she portrays herself to be or else she wouldn't have gotten this far. The fact that we are still talking about Paris, in a celebrity light, because she doesn't need to do a

any of this shit. She's a Hilton. She's got the fucking money. She doesn't have to do any of it. I do agree that I do think you could probably predate the influencer to her. And she was Kardashian before Kardashian. She really established a lot of things. I will say I kind of

hate about the world today. But still, like, she was a trailblazer in terms of all of that stuff. Being professionally rich. Yeah. Yeah. Got to hand it to her. Yeah. And now there's a documentary, this YouTube documentary film called This is Paris that is going to be coming out about her and that this is apparently

the first time she's going to be herself fully in anything that she has put out. Now, I'm saying that this is, I think that it is a version of her, just like it's like, I'm not talking about having sex with anything that has a hole or a, or a smile on it every second of the day. What about a frown? Well, it depends on the day. It depends on how I'm feeling about myself. It depends on if the frown is at me or, you know, it really that just depends on how I'm feeling in my downstairs parts. But, you know, I think that there's obviously,

it is an exaggerated version of who she is. And I'm going to watch a hell of it. She was actually pretty scared about making the documentary at first because she didn't want to be that emotional and raw. And now she's saying that creating This Is Paris was an almost therapeutic experience for her. Cool.

I'll be interested. The other good part of the video when she's doing the hashtag, she's tweeting about it, and she goes, hashtag cooking with Paris, hashtag chef Paris, hashtag Paris lasagna. No, never mind. Don't do Paris lasagna.

I love how tired she sounds. She's speaking to my heart right now. I need more tired energy in my life. 2020, Holda McNeil, a year of the tired energy. She is the originator of the tired energy. Her whole thing, back to 2003 or whatever, was to just be like, I'm so tired.

And now every hot woman sounds tired. Right. And I think that I need a little of that in my life because with tiredness comes blind confidence because you're so fucking tired. Who gives a fucking tired? Yeah, who gives a fuck who's talking shit about you. It's like you're so over it four years ago. You're so tired. Why do I feel like we spent the last eight years like talking about Paris Hilton and the blind Adams, but I can't remember what it was?

Was it just that she was, was it that she was doing a certain amount of drugs or was it that she? A lot of party stuff, I'm sure. Yeah, but I feel like was there a reason that she just dropped up? I feel like the real blind item about her was like, Paris Hilton didn't go out this week. She read four books. You know what I mean? She really truly loves her.

I think a lot of it also has to do with the amount of money she spends on her dogs. Because she does spend a lot of money on her dogs, so I wonder if that has to do with it that people judge her on. But you know what, she's got the fucking money? Let her do it if she wants with her dogs. Does she have kids? I don't think so. Even if she did, it wouldn't matter.

Who gives the fuck how much fucking money she spends on her dogs? And by the way, some adults, they don't have kids, which maybe is a good thing because of how overpopulation Molly Neffle. I listen, people should have all the dogs and all the nice things for their dogs that they want, but I would like to redistribute some of Paris homes, Paris Holmes wealth to the rest of us. 100%. I'm sorry I yelled at you for having kids. It's, you know, it's a fair point. She said that even like she, looking at Kim Kardashian's life, she says, I can't even imagine it. She said she imagined herself getting up early to go to the gym before her kids woke up, and she said, that's never going to happen.

Did we ever talk about Kim Kay's fridge on here? Did we miss that blip? Remember when everybody saw her industrial-sized fridge and everyone was so mad? Because there's nothing in it. No. No, it's like a well-stocked restaurant-sized fridge, but everyone was like, this bitch has a restaurant-sized fridge. And I was like, this bitch has four kids and probably a ton of staff. She has a bunch of kids and a bunch of people are always at the house.

There's assistants, there's staff, there's people, and now, they have to fill, they have to feed people. There are many things about the rich that I do want to take and redistribute, but there are some things about the rich that I want everyone to have. And I think everyone in my utopia will have as big a fridge as they want. I want one of those big-ass double fridges and I envy Kim Kay's large fridge. Hell yeah. I also get it too where people were giving her shit apparently about the different kinds of milk she had in her, fridge. My mom has three different kinds of milk at all times when we are home because everyone drinks a different kind of milk and has different preferences. So if you have this space and you're

able to do that, why not do that? I live with one. Lexi and I are two people, almond milk. Yeah. Half and half. Yeah. Almond milk creamer. Yeah. And two percent milk. Yep. And that's I'm counting the fucking yogurts. I like, if it's, you know, it's. I like. This is my life, but I have two kids. I got so many different types of yogurt. I got whole milk for the toddler. I got almond milk for us, although I got a switch from almond because I know it's bad for California. Right.

But yeah, you got to have your different types of milk. Yeah, let's talk about vitamins. Did I ever tell you guys about the time that we were accidentally drinking my father's iced tea? My dad has his own specific iced tea, but he is iced tea that is made with certain tea that helps you shit your brains out. And my mom was like, we're home for Christmas. And my mom wasn't saying anything about anything. She finally saw Henry pouring the drinks for dinner and realized he was pouring my father's ice tea for my mother

when my mother has her own ice tea. She's like, that's what's been happening. I thought I was sick. I didn't know what's going on with me. She said I've been going to the bathroom seven times a day. And it's because my mother was drinking my father's ice tea. That's amazing. And he was, oh, yeah, you can't drink my ice tea.

No, no, that's only for me, what I gotta do. So now it's a very openly labeled in the fridge of Dad's Tea. Amazing. Yeah, I mean, come on. We've got preferences. Everybody has a little bit of a different palette up in here. You know what I mean? I think that Kim Kay's fridge is the least controversial thing about her.

Yeah, seriously. Damn it. Except for the fact, did you guys see that, man, of course. You give her it in. She takes it a mile. she's turning the help that she's doing for people in prison that she's helping people get out of prison, turning it into a television show, of course.

I mean, I could see the side of that, that is, it will raise awareness, it will, you know what I mean? Yeah. But it does get into, like, I think the most egregious example of this that always made me, like, disgusted, was like celebrity rehab, right? Right.

One would think, oh, great, celebrity rehab. It'll raise awareness for people. De-stigmatize rehab. De-stigmatize rehab. But I think the moment I decided that was a big bag of horseshit, it was a sex rehab show on VH1 with Dr. Drew and everything. And literally on the day they were supposed to be released because it was the last episode of the season,

everybody in the group was like, don't release us. We're going to have sex again. It's not been long enough. And they're like, no, it's the end of the show. It's the series finale. We all have to release you. Good job. everybody literally everyone's like we don't want to leave rehab we're still in process here we need

more time and they're just like you're ready congratulations you've graduated and i was just like that's why this is bullshit and that's what it really surpasses ratings and all that bullshit of like you have to listen to someone that is asking for help they were all pleading serious yeah leading to not they're like i know i'm going to go have sex the moment you let me out of here all i want is to get better And I'm just like, Jesus Christ. It's a fucking nightmare right now. And like I feel like it's possible to have a really good show about like, you know, people, you know, personal stories about people who are incarcerated who, you know, need to be, deserve to be released. But I also can imagine it, just like Celebrity Rehab, I can imagine it being done incredibly poorly.

Yes. And so let's just hope that what network is it on? Do you know, Jackie? It's on oxygen. It is, so that is way it is. I enjoy oxygen, but I've never watched, personally, I've never watched anything that is serious come off of oxygen. So hopefully they do a good job.

It's called Kim Kardashian West, the Justice Project. What channel is the Kardashians on oxygen? No. Isn't that on entertainment? See, I think if it was on entertainment or if it was on even TLC, I would be like, oh. Yeah. So actually, maybe it being on oxygen might not be the worst thing ever.

I'm surprised oxygen is weird. I know. It's where people go to show that they're serious, though. Okay. So maybe it's all right. So if it's, you know what, let's, A, let's wait and see. I want to, I want to continue to give for the benefit of the doubt on this prisoner stuff. Yeah.

I think it's really, don't you worry. I think it's really cool. It is very good. And, I mean, there's so much shit out there that does feel, you know, locked up and all these kinds of shows. Like, so many prison shows are just absolutely monstrous. Yeah. Oh, my God. But have you guys watched any of love after lockup?

I really want to see it. I know that's awful, but I'm dying to see it. You've watched it? Where can I get it? Where do I watch it? I was streaming it online. Okay. You were finding secret evil ways to watch it?

No, I have, no, my roommates, I use my roommate's mom's cable login because I am in my 30s and I still have to use other people's mom's cable login. So bad. But you know what? I also want to see that show, but I feel like that's different, Molly. So don't you look at me with your judge eyes. You can't see me They love each other

And there's love after lockup Okay Well then I don't I'm not familiar with the show Okay so the show is just about You know people who get in relationships When they've already been incarcerated So it's like it's like

90 day fiancee And then it's them dealing with real life And then also like we fell in love When I was in prison But maybe they didn't know each other very well It apparently has some extraordinary characters in it akin to like before the 90 days And stuff like that

So it was highly recommended to me. Okay? With your judge eyes. I'm just kidding. Molly's not giving me judge eyes right now. Speaking of judge eyes, it sounds like Molly's being a bit of an academy voter right now. Wow. We have to talk about this bitchy, bitch, bitch, or article that I read about academy members talking about why J-Lo, why Adam Sandler, why Eddie Murphy got snubbed for the Oscars.

and they were being very mean. Of course they are. Academy members are consistently have been showed themselves in the last year years to be the most out of touch-ass people who are like, well, what do you mean we should consider nominating somebody else? You know, like what's wrong with them? I mean, talking about Jennifer Lopez, actors tend to think of Jennifer Lopez as a phenomenon more than an actress, per se.

It's like last year when Lady Gaga lost the Oscar to Olivia Coleman because she's an actor's actor. You know what, I'm not even saying that they're wrong, but Jalo did a great job in this and also has proved herself again and again whether you enjoy the movies or not to be a delightful entertainer in many ways. So why would you persecute her

because she also is talented in other avenues? What a gatekeeping thing to say to be like, well, because, right, we just, she'll never be an, it doesn't matter how much she acts, she'll never be an actor. She's never be an actress. She is a performer and not an actor. The fact that Olivia Coleman, I think, should have won.

I mean, I love Olivia Coleman. I think she can do no wrong. Incredible. Like, the fact that Gaga didn't win, does that mean that, like, no musician can ever win a fucking Oscar now? That's dumb. Right, right. But about Cher. Share killed it.

Share was great in Moonstruck. She's also an amazing singer. So. Yeah. I'm definitely on the J-Lo train on this one. Yeah, and they also were upset. So last week we were joking around about how Adam Sandler said, that if I, if I don't get the Oscar,

I'm gonna fucking come back and do a movie again that is so bad on purpose just to make everybody pay. We were laughing about this last week. And then one of the Academy voters came out and said, there was such an arrogance to Adam Sandler in saying that, that it's a lack of respect, which is why he shouldn't be nominated for the Oscar,

which how many people are disrespectful in this business? And that's what you're gonna start giving them shit for? These are old stuffy. people, this is the one thing they have in life. I mean, I don't know if you mentioned, but the person who commented about Jennifer Lopez was a 91 year old who was nominated in 1952

for a movie called Come Back Little Sheba. Dude, you should watch Come Back Little Sheba's fucking amazed. Oh, but still, I'm amazing. All right, but I'm trying to make a point. Dad, you're ruining the point here. I'm sorry, it's a really good movie and they quite do the entire thing, okay? All right, but look,

Citizen Kane didn't win. Stanley Kubrick never won a best director Oscar. I'm literally looked up, you know, through time. And it's unbelievable. You know what else never won best director? Alfred fucking Hitchcock never won a best director Oscar. So it's just absurd. I mean, you know, none of it, you know, I mean,

and then the directors who do win, I will say the departed is one of my favorite Scorsese movies. But still, that's the one he wins for, Raging Bull, Goodfell. I mean, come on. You know what I mean? And so it's just absurd. I mean, it goes, the list goes on and on and on. I mean, all of the most memorable films and actors and everything lost out to something

you've never heard of for the most part. You know what I mean? And it's because of this antiquated system where you have people who are in a movie that I've never, that probably, I'm going to say does probably suck at the Jackie Baby is misremembering the film. How dare you? It's very, very good. You know, that we're in Hollywood that is forgotten.

that are making the decisions. It's very, I love old movies, but it is clear that the Academy is extremely out of touch and makes terrible decisions all the damn time. And for them to cite specifically J-Lo, Eddie Murphy, and who is the fourth besides Adam Sandler? I mean, they also said Beyonce was unworthy. Yeah, Beyonce.

And they said Beyonce and Adam Sandler, they said they're talented in their own ways, but is that what the academy is about? Right. Fuck you, dude. Right. And also, too, yeah, the whole stipulation, well, they need to be in another really good movie for us to give them the Oscars.

Like, what is this secret fucking stipulation that you're not sharing with us? I was never, then why don't we have a, why don't we call it that? Best actor in a second really good movie. You fucking, I'm going to go and say fascists. when they said that they were upset because they said that Eddie Murphy was campaigning too hard for a nomination it's because he's making his comeback

that's why he's campaigning so hard also do you think that that is his individual decision or do you think it's a whole team of people that tells him what to do to campaign to become an Oscar nominated person which Dolomite was a great movie also people campaign all the damn time leo de Caprio's been campaigning for a fucking

Oscar since 1997. Do the right thing. Spike Lee is probably best film incredible lost and this was Spike Lee had to say what film won best picture in 1989? Driving Miss. Mother fucking Daisy. That's why Oscars don't matter because 20 years later who's watching driving Miss Daisy? Yeah. Spike Lee was extremely extremely good last year about that. Yeah. I mean, yeah, right. I remember this came up last year because of Green Book. The Academy loves a movie that makes them feel like they're, like, not racist. And represented. That was a movie about older gen.

I mean, of course, the Irishman's going to get all the love in the world. And honestly, I love the Irishman. But of course they're going to vote for it. It's about old people dying through the lens of, like, the gangster film. Of course, they're going to fucking be all about that movie. And if you make any movie called The Old People and make it really good and have a bunch of really good actors in it. It's going to fucking get nominated, period, with a bullet. Let's burn it down. Listeners at home burn something down.

But then there's things like Little Women, which was a very good movie. But of course, it's easy to give them noms. But they deserve it because it is a very good movie. But it's an old school classic story. I just think our listeners should choose an inanimate object and set it on fire. That's all I'm saying. Or break it. Or break it. Do whatever. I mean, no or go. Go into another room and breathe. Just breathe in and out. Three options.

Fire, break it or breathe. I wonder, pick the most exciting one of those. Oh, my God. Is it breathe? Because breathing is exciting with the way that it helps you communicate to the other parts of your body. I'm going to go ahead and say this too right now, a pet peeve of mine.

And maybe this is because I had an ex. You used to do this when she would, like, drive me into a madness. Don't say just breathe to people. Don't say just breathe to people. You know the other thing? I'm so sick of seeing this on Facebook comments. Don't say big hugs and somebody said for it.

First of all, they shouldn't have posted a sad Facebook comment. They should, you know, communicate to the people around them, not posted online for weird cheap likes. But you know what? If you really want to hug that person, the least you could do is reach out to them on the fucking phone and say something. You know what it sounds like, Holden? Sounds like you need big hugs.

Oh my God. That sounds like you need big hugs right now. And I think that maybe Molly you might give him, maybe he needs some big hugs. I can't be there to give him the big hugs. You know, I was going to say. say holding big hugs. I'm not going to give you a big hug.

I'll say what, even you, but you know what? The difference there, you looked at me in the eyes and said big hugs, which still was not very effective, but typing big hugs in someone's comment, just let's get rid of it in 2020. I will go against you, though, because you don't have everyone's number. And I, I, uh, a couple of days ago, DM someone because I saw that they were putting their pup down. Thank you. And I was very, very sad.

And I DM them because I was like, you don't really know me, but I want you to know because I cried. You know when you look at someone that posts about their pup every day or their cat every day and you feel like you know them? Like, I loved this dog. And I liked watching the videos of this dog every morning. And then I saw that she was putting the dog down. And I cried for like an hour.

For about a dog, I don't even know. I just like to watch the dog's videos every day. But what if you're, and maybe this goes back to my problem of not knowing what to do with, you know, anger and sadness. What if you see someone saying that they have to put their pet down and you're so sad by the news that you just avoid the entire thing? Because to even think about it makes you so sad. I'm like that. That's okay too. That's okay too.

And tell them that you're sorry. I do that. Because you're so sad. You're cutting to the core of me right now. I super do that. Just avoid it. I'd rather say nothing than big hugs because then I'm going to have to think about how awful they must be feeling. Right.

And I am thinking about it and I want them to know that I have such. solidarity with them that I am avoiding it for the pain. 100% I'm like that. But I don't think it's healthy of me either. But I do want to say I want to send big hugs out to Drexel because I love Drexel and I never got to meet you Drexel but I love you.

What was your favorite thing? What was your favorite thing? I love the way that he walked. I love the way he walked. He had silly little legs and I like how he walked and I liked that his tongue hung out of his mouth and it was very cute. She's crying. I cried when they put down those damn

or one of those other cats, those, you know, what are those damn cats? You know, Jellicle. Lilbub and another one. You know, the dogs, I mean, the cats that have like a disability, so their tongue sticks out. A grumpy cat? Grumpy cat. And then Lil'bub, I think those are the two ones. And I was so sad.

And I didn't even support those cats' careers. I think the cats, most cats probably don't want a career. No. Dogs, I think, are like all about that life. but I don't think cats were. Oh, and when boo passed. Yeah. What was your favorite thing about boo?

Oh, my God. His little, he looks so puff. He looks so puff. He always looked like he had little eggs on. That's what I hate about him. What? I don't know. I'm sorry you're going through it right now, Jackie.

You know what? I feel like we're all right now. Last week was the angry episode. This week, I think we're starting to embrace that winter chill. The sadness is creepy. keeping in on us. I mean, Marcus always talked about it on his birthday, his birthday, which, happy birthday, Marcus.

Happy birthday, Marcus. Which is clinically and is according to a lot of statistics. It is the saddest day of the year. The 19th of January? The 19th of January. Because there's no end in sight for winter. Yeah. There's not even an end in sight for January.

Yeah. Like, it is just such a brutal month. Like, taxes are upon you. Health care is an issue. The holidays are a distant memory. at that point. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, January 19th is like, it's measurably like the worst day the year. It's the heart of the city. Everyone's sick. I was sick. Yeah. That day. Yeah. Everyone's upset. But you know what makes me happy? Do yourself a favor and look up pictures

of Henry Winkler at the SAG Awards. Oh, my God. So heartwarming. And how old dad excited he was. There's all these pictures of him, like, of him pointing, like he had someone take a picture of him pointing at Brad Pitt behind him because he was so excited to be standing next to Brad Pitt and that he's next to him and there's public but like like actual paparazzi pictures of him right next to Brad Pitt taking a picture of Brad Pitt on his own phone standing right next to him and just like pictures of him holding Scarlett Johansson's hands and talking really excited to her he took a bunch of pictures with Joaquin Phoenix and he was just over the moon. I I love Henry Winkler so much and I didn't think that I could love him more after a rest of development

And then I watched Barry and I was like, holy shit. How is my esteem for Henry Winkler constantly growing? He's just wonderful. Oh, he's so good. Between him and Stephen Root. I've always loved Stephen Root special because of news radio, obviously. But I mean, Stephen Root and Henry Winkler combined, I would watch them do absolutely anything. I just want to hang out with them.

I want to be in the same room as them. I want to feed off of their energy. These pictures of Henry Winkler are so cute The only thing is I don't think I would be that excited To meet Joaquin Phoenix That's the only No, but he's just such a... It seems like Henry Winkler has like grown into

Like he's just realized how How excited and how proud I think he's proud of himself To get to, like he's worked his entire career To become respected Yeah Yeah, I can't wait to be like an old goof You know, that's, I really want to be like an old famous goof

Right, it's so fun And everybody just is like So clearly happy to see him, you know, and he's just, he's just a part of it, but he's a fan. It's so good. Love it. This is a perfect segue into this week's list, which I had a lot of fun while I was reading it, guys. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

It's a list of tweets of 30 times people met celebrities, and it was a bit awkward. And it's pretty great. Like this one person that said, Tom Hanks asked me how long I'd been working at S&L. I replied, since the beginning of the semen, I mean season, and turned fire truck red.

Just as I thought, now I have to go home and kill myself, he replied, Matthew, that was so awkward, it made me sperm. I mean, squirm. Classic Tom Hanks.

Classic Tom Hanks. How cute is that. Had a short person. moment with Danny DeVito in New York City. We bashed into each other walking in opposite directions. When you're short, you rarely make direct eye contact with anyone. We startled, then wordlessly laughed and hugged and went on with our business. My friend just said, what the fuck was that?

That's pretty good. Would she popped into Danny DeVito, then hugged after work. I love these. These are sparking fucking stupid-ass joy for me right now, Jackie. Thank you so much. This is a little candle in our sad. Yeah, right. I know. any sadness.

I met Prince William at a nightclub several years ago. After a few vodkas, I built up the false confidence to say hi. But instead of saying hi, I panic and said, Your grandma's on my money. I bumped, literally, physically bumped into Michael Keaton and loudly gasped, oh my God, Batman. That's good. That's got to happen to Michael Keaton 20 times a day.

It's got to be the best, though, to be called Batman all the time, has got to be the best. Yeah, I hope that it has never actually gotten old for him. No. I met Steve Carell and wanted to be different and not ask about the office, so I decided I'd ask about what minions were like on set. But I got nervous and accidentally asked, are minions yellow in real life?

And he was so confused. And there's a picture of him with this dude that he's just like, what is possibly fucking wrong with you? That guy has big, nervous Steve Carell energy. I met Jude Law And the only thing I had on me for him to sign Was a pad of penguin paper I was 21 at the time

So in that anxious rushed moment I said, will you sign my penguin paper? He looked at me laughed And happily obliged And there's just this cute penguin Which also, wow, where do you get the penguin paper from? Wait, who is that? Steve Jobs

No, Jude Law Toad Loh. More fun than Steve Jobs Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh God and oh my God Craig Robinson probably when my friend took me and Craig Robinson's

photo and said pose like your pastor and first lady and there's just a very awkward pose of this woman really close to Craig Robb. I love Craig Robertson so fucking much. I just want to kiss him on his big old face. Jackie, now I heard everything. You're going to get spanked and not in a fun way.

That's it. That's my list. That's what you get. That's my list. Thank you so. Oh, my word, the sadness has not just affected my heart. Oh, no. It hath the done affected mine eyes.

No. Can sight really mirror the emotions one fields deep down inside of this? I think it can. This is the best one he's done yet. I think it can. Were Shakespeare's soliloquies not enough to temper the heart of the wickedly depressed out of love? I think it was. Oh my God!

I think I'm going. Blind. I know. Oh, we can't see him. And now you must. Apparently, even when he is in the same town as his wife and offspring, the A-list singer-slash-actor, stays in a condo so he can, quote, focus.

Offspring. It's not celebrity offspring. It's just a normal child. It's just a child. He's weird. Hugh Jackman. No, he was in the news recently for a bit of a scandal involving hands. It's an A-list singer.

Yes, more of a singer than an actor by far. Was it a gropey scandal? Not a gropey scandal. A drunken night of sensuality. Oh, what's the name? Justin Timberlake. Absolutely. And Jessica Beal.

Hollywood life. Hand scandal. Handle. It's the handle of the century. And scandal. HollywoodLife.com reported seeing him with his son, H4, and Jessica Beal in NYC, all smiles just two months after the handholding scandal. There was actually another blind item about how all of his social, like, flirty social media comments on Jessica Beal's posts are creepily done by his own PR team. Which is weird.

That is weird. But I could also see it. I mean, I imagine he doesn't have the time to be on social media all the time. So I do understand that. and they're trying to make up for what he had done. Because that, I mean, again, we talked about it on here. I've never, hold, and we've been drunk many times together. I've never held your hand on the inside of your thigh.

But I did tell you that story about how I got blind drunk when I, in college one time. And I guess I think I thought my neighbor was my girlfriend at the time. And I was like giving him weird soft back rubs that I was told about the next day. Yeah, you know. So it had things happen. And that was a man, by the way, that I did that too. That's great. I feel like it's not so rare to have accidentally reached out

and rested your hand on the leg of somebody who isn't your partner. Right. But then you correct it. Right. And you don't do it on a balcony in front of a bunch of paparazzi in New Orleans. And especially when you are a billionaire famous person. It's so embarrassing if that's all that happened was just handholding. It's just so not worth the downfall.

All the bullshit. Yeah. Just awful. Well, anyways, that's... the first blind item prepare for more like a cataclysm upon your soul please sir I want some more yeah extra extra read all about it

this music manager okay okay you fuckers this music this music manager is trying to rehab his own image through a documentary about a client that the manager had final cut on it makes the manager appear to be some type of angel when that is clearly not the case. Is it that fucking guy who abused

Kesha? No. Okay. Different pop singer that's spoken out about getting fucked over by a manager recently that I love. Taylor Swift. Maybe. What's the doc series, though? It's not Taylor Swift's new documentary coming out January

January 1st. I can't wait to say it. I can't wait to say it! But it's not that documentary series. Everybody's got a documentary series right now. Paris Hilton, Taylor Swift, and who's this other pop singer trying to make a big comeback right now with the documentary series coming out? Oh, wasn't Taylor Swift? That's not the answer? It's not Ms. Americana. No, he didn't have final cut on her documentary. Whose documentary would he have final cut on that's still a client of his? There's a big doc series, big pop star comeback. I will say male pop star.

Comeback? Yes. Comeback male pop star? Oh, baby. Give me more clues, moss. Oh, baby. This pop star is really baby in... Justin Bieber? Yeah. Can I go ahead and publicly say that I am grossed out by the yummy song?

Thank you. I was just in a cat last night. And I was like, what the fuck is this song? Yummy. The only person who can say yummy and have it be sexy is Sierra. And Mr. Peanut. He's dead. Jesus.

God, January is that? He died today. Good. But Sierra can say that song, you know, yummy, all in my tummy. And it really works for her. You're right, only her. Only her. It made you say it made me want to jump out of a building.

Is it yummy? It's yummy. It's yummy. It made me sad. We're on the first floor because I now have to climb several flights of stairs before I can jump out of a building. Level up. Level up.

Level up. Level up. No, Sierra can do anything. She could say anything. And it'll be sexy. Justin Bieber singing about yummy. And it's about Haley Baldwin's vagina. Yeah, it's supposed to be about his wife.

That's fine. I just, I'm really not into it. I usually listen to like the top songs of the week, and I try to keep abreast of that. And that song came on. I didn't know who sang it. And I just looked at it. I was like, ugh, yuck, yuck. I'm not, I'm very much not into it.

Did you also see how upset he was because apparently Taylor Swift and her team kicked Justin Bieber out of a gym last week? I heard about this. Because he was working out and she went in And her team kicked everybody out of the gym So that she could use the gym But included Justin Bieber I'm surprised that he would not have enough clout To like if I push back a little bit on that

You know what I mean? I know it's Swift is swift but I think that he probably just didn't want to deal with it Which actually does make me respect him That he wasn't like do you know who I fucking am Which I feel like Justin Bieber What accent was that? It started as like a Brooklyn accent

And it ended British. That was... You know? You're a fucking arm. Do you not? Broda? Do you know who? Who is the manager?

You guys still haven't guessed this wine item, right? Oh, no. We haven't. Who's the manager? Who managed both Tisway and Bib. You don't know his name? He has a very punchable name. What do you ride on?

You ride on something. A horse. Oh, wait. That's right. Scooter Braun. I looked it up, I cheated. I cheated. Scooter Braun.

And the Justin Bieber doc series is called Seasons. It's set to premiere on YouTube on January 27th with new music, taking a look at his 2017 breakdown leading to tour cancellations, his marriage to supermodel, Haley Baldwin, and his big attempted a comeback. Scooter Braun said, no one's ever grown up in the history of humanity like Justin Bieber. Scooter, what the fuck does that even mean? I have reread that sentence eight times and I still cannot tell you what that is even. telling us. I feel like McCauley Calkin might beg to differ. Yeah. I think he's trying to say

because of the way that he rose to fame through YouTube, but like, he grew up like famous in the spotlight. That's true, but Michael Jackson might have it. He's certainly not the first famous fucking pop star. Yeah, that sentence means nothing. That sentence, yeah, I've never grown up or no one, I'm sorry, no one's ever grown up in the history of humanity like Holden McNeely. No one's ever grown up in the history of humanity like Jackie Zabrowski or Molly Neville. We've all grown up in the history of humanity. in a unique fucking way. That's what makes us human, you fucking psycho.

There's only one, Justin Bieber. I know that he's been through a lot, and I know that he's done a lot, but then he's a 25-year-old that already has two documentaries out about him because he already had rise to fame. Right. There was that huge, there was the other...

Which I heard was really good. I mean... It was very good. It just, I mean, it also, there's believe... Wait, so there's three documentaries. Wow. Already? Wow.

This makes me want to watch the Katie Perry documentary. I want to watch that too. It's so good. It's supposed to be really good. I haven't seen it either. The one from years ago, I mean. If there's a new one, I don't know. No, no, no. The one you're talking about.

Also, though, you guys, Miss Americana, it's coming out, January 31st. It's very exciting. It's also, I, you know, because, like, dry January will be over. I've been cheating plenty, but whatever. It's dry January, and, like, it's just like, really? I get real tanked and watch the Taylor Swift. It's just really exciting. Back when I was in middle school and I was very depressing.

I always said have something to look forward to and it's like You have to have something to look forward to I think it is you are right Everyone should have something to look forward to No matter how big or how small You should always have something to look forward There you go

And that is So A fun For us to I'm not watching it with you I'm putting this out there right now The only thing that annoy me is I saw a headline being like

She's finally going to like put to bed all of the drama with like Kim and Kanye and like really talk about it. I'm like, I'm so sick of fucking hearing about it. She talked about it in Rolling Stone. She, I just don't even think that's the most interesting story about her life. Oh yeah. By a fucking mile. I don't understand why we have to keep, she has to keep answering questions about it and stuff.

It's such a dumb high school drama thing that happened that I don't even give a fuck about. Yeah, it's been put to bed. Nobody cares anymore. But anyways, but I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I just think it's like fun to have something to look forward to. Here's the last one. This A-list singer-slash judge is pregnant. I was wondering why I hadn't heard any cocaine use tips about her recently.

Whoa! Judge on the voice, probably? Maybe, and singer. I don't know what she's a judge on. Don't judge me for not knowing what she's a judge on. I think that we should judge him for one. What's the judgment then? What's the verdict?

She's pregg. Yeah. Is it Kelly Clarkson? No. No. No, she gets a hint. I could say it, but you just guessed it immediately. so I'm going to hold back on it in a second.

Alicia Keys. She had a documentary made about her. You just talked about her. Katie Perry? Yeah. Oh. Hey, good for us. There you go.

Go for her. Maybe pregnant, not doing cocaine. Go for her, not doing cocaine. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I got, you know, at this point, they're just kind of tepidly positive feelings about Katie Perry. Sure.

There used to be much stronger. I see her out there hawking them shoes. Yeah. And them sandals. The shoes are bad. Oh, baby. But at the same time,

I feel like, ugh, the blend of her and Legolas is probably going to be pretty great. Oh, right, because she's still with him, huh? Yeah, dog. That'll be fun. Yeah, that is an upgrade

from Russell Brand. I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. And, you know, yeah, Brann, you know, he's interesting to listen to, but I would say, yeah, get that Lego loose.

Yeah, baby. You get that little loose, you get it tied again. And suddenly sadness gives way to joy as the darkness unveils its filthy musk. Hazzaw! But smell that it has surrounded me by its dirty ass. Wet ass smell that it's covered me in just, oh, stinky farts and fucking dirty shit bombs. I don't like farts. I don't like farts.

And it's now. no longer. And I can see again, you guys are released from blind items for one more week. Thank you. You have a release for another week. It sounds like Holden has that thing where your two senses are intertwined, you know, like where people can like taste a musical note. Yes. You have that with sight and smell.

I have that with sight and smell. And I'll tell you what. But smells make you not see. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what happened. And everybody, you're welcome. And thank you. Thank you so much.

And thank you guys for joining us this week. and be age seven. I had a lot of fun and I smiled, like most of it, except for the part when I was crying. Yeah, when I made you cry. And then that part I was crying. So, yeah. Yeah, that part I was crying and I'm sorry I cried.

Maybe, you know what, now finally, I think I've opened up the floodgates. I think it's because of pop history. Now I feel like my brain is like, oh, we can cry on podcasts, and now I can't stop it. So you're welcome and I'm sorry. Did John Waters episode make you cry? John Rivers part.

Joe. Yeah, I cried. And people are like, why are you doing this to us? And I was like, I don't know why. But again, I blame dry January a little bit. My emotions are a lot more available right now for all the world to hear and see. And I think that everyone is happy about it. My name is Jackie Spruz.

You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And we can cry more there if you guys want. And I'm Holden McNeely. And you can find me on Twitch. com forward slash Holdenatorsho, but also yo, y'all, seriously, though. But guys, Patreon.com forward slash. Page 7 podcast, I'm sorry, is super cool. All the cool kids are doing it.

Every fifth person gets a little bag of coke in the mail. That's not true. It's not true, but it could be true. If we get enough support, we can start doing that. There will never be true. If you guys would have find that, I will give you the cocaine myself. I'll show up at your door. Just fucking give us $5 a buck.

That part of it is not true. My name is Molly Neffle. I'm MJKL Kat on Instep. Also, I will. say never trust any cocaine you get for five bucks, especially to get it in the mail. No, or the mail. I will be cut in that. It's going to be anthrax.

Right, it could be anthrax. No, it's all very scary. I said if they're in the tri-state area, I'll fucking give it to them. But also, don't worry. It has nothing to do with Coke, but you can listen to page seven for free on Spotify, guys. No cocaine, only Spotify. And don't forget, remember, remember the 14th of February. On February 14th, we will be scooting on over to Spotify,

but you can download and listen to all of our episodes right now if you got a hoosy-daisy about it with a free account. So go ahead and follow the whole last podcast network on Spotify to get new episodes as soon as they come out. That's the ASAP I like, not as sticky as normal sap. We'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.

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