Page 7 - Episode 344: The Loneliest Book Club

Episode Date: March 12, 2020

We goss about Dolly Parton petitioning to be on the cover of Playboy, Willow Smith's anxiety-inducing performance art, and will Jackie strangle Holden because he won't stop touching his face? Need even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon for weekly bonus content - Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This goes out to you, coronavirus. Looking at my own reflection, when suddenly it changes, violently it changes. There is no turning back now you've woken up the demon. Let me get up, come on, get down with the sickness. Get up, come on, get down with the sickness. Get up, come on, get down with the sickness. Get up. Come on, go down with the sickness. sickness, open up your hate and let it forward to me.

I've been singing this song a lot. Now, was that appropriate? Is that appropriate? I'm trying to get rid of it. I wanted to be gone. I'm going to be honest with you. I have been very stressed out over the last few days, and that made me smile truly down to my core, Jackie.

Sometimes we have to smile. I hate to jump right into stories, but, well, Weird Al Yankovic's not going to allow you to do that because he refuses to do my. to do my corona parody of my Shrona. I mean, it is a bit obvious. He takes the high road, man. Yeah, take the high road. It's too serious of a threat.

Also, I think it is good. I appreciate the fact that he even was like, no, I'm not going to do that. And I was going to rewrite the lyrics to it. I was like, well, you know, weird Al's not going to do it. This is a very, as I'm getting more and more terrified of this situation. You know, this really isn't the time to make jokes about it. So at least, why don't I put my hate into it the way disturbed?

wants us to. Yeah, exactly. I don't think they were singing about a happy situation when they were singing down with the sickness. No, I don't think that they were welcome to age seven guys. I'm Jackie Zabrowski, and currently I am virus-free. I am Holden-McNeely. Name your status.

I am Holder McNeely. I am virus-free. Patient number 047, hashtag pound sign, which is the same thing, 4-2-3, and this is a nineer in there? Oh, God. Don't give out your number, because. because people are going to replicate it and they're going to be your personality

and that's how they're going to get into the quarantine zone. I am a clone of myself. I am quarantined right now at home. My name is Holden 2 and I am here to be funny to you both. Yeah, last week we discussed AI and influencers and now this week we got to make it happen.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Pull the trigger. The chicken crossed the road in order to get into the other side of it before his body explode, on impact from a car. Oh, God, Molly! My name is Molly Neffle, and there's at least two good pop culture memes that are coming out

of this, which is the songs that you should sing while washing your hands. I guess it's one. Yes. Happy birthday twice, right? But also the refrain to good as hell will do it. There's a couple of other ones. Of course, you can do Lil Peep as well. I know I've been doing that.

There's a good, so there's two. There was a, I think it was the week. E-work bathroom had a list of in the bathroom of songs you can sing that take 20 seconds, but there's also the meme of like the hand-washing chart and then the lyrics are distributed throughout. And my favorite is the mountain goat song this year, which is like, I love that song. I broke free on a Saturday morning and then through all through the different steps. And so that.

Of course, Lopee, baby I can make you rich. Baby I can make you that. Molly, we've been talking about this. Baby, I can take you out, but you ain't not. Come in back. I'm sorry. We watched the Lil Peep documentary. Everybody's everything.

And so Holden is now obsessed with a little peep. Yeah, I'm weirdly obsessed with a guy with face tattoos that thinks about being a sad boy. I'm sad. Raps about, rather. I'm a week behind you guys in talking TV. Maybe I'm two weeks behind because I was going to ask if we could just cancel everything today and just talk about love is blind. But I know you guys already covered it.

Have you, how far have you seen the talk back, the reunion episode? Oh, no. I'm still in, I am. We're still ahead of you on that, though. So everything, we still have the knowledge. Yeah, so you can't talk to. I'll give you a love as blind corner. You want to rant for a couple minutes?

Yeah, rant for a couple minutes. Right now? Give it to us. What's Molly's thoughts? Get it out of your system. Yeah, what are your thoughts? It's just so, everything is terrible and this is so wonderful. It's really, what my friend said is like, this is the perfect television for our collective

descent into madness. Like, everything is going to absolute dog shit in this country and this light. Like, everything is bad. And last night I just watched Love's Bun and I just felt so safe and so good. It channels everything that was good about the earliest and shittiest of reality television. It's obviously completely fucking awful and insane, but it's so fun. And it just makes me so happy. And I just want to, like my friend is watching it, he came over over the weekend to see the kids.

And we just got into like an extremely excited, vigorous conversation about whatever's going on with Carlton and Diamond. And so it's just like, I feel so happy to have something like this in my life. So I really just want to thank you guys. What do you think about Jessica, who we call mean girls? Ooh, Jessica, I'm going to be honest with you. Jessica had me thinking, do I look like a worked 34 the way that Jessica looks like a worked 34? And I know that that is extremely catty of me to say. But I am Jessica's age.

And I just, she's trying. It's not that being 34 is bad. It's the trying. It's the trying to look 25. Yes. And it's rough. And so she makes me feel very self-conscious about being a fellow 34-year. You know what it is?

I think it's that she's dehydrated. I think she needs to drink more water. Drink more water. Yeah. Switch out the wine, girl. Drink a little more water instead. That scene where she pours herself the world's largest glass of wine. She's like, he's a fuck boy.

It is, I, she can put it away. And I will say, I will. I know that person very much of like when you're like, I love hanging out with you, I love getting drunk with you, but then there's that one drink that tips you over the edge. And then I really don't want to be around you anymore. And you'll see that more and more as the episodes go on.

Spoiler and the talk back, she gets a little bit called out. And at one point she's just like, that's not fair. I was served whiskey that night. I was served whiskey that night. So I think that that's really important. It's like, you've been slamming it down.

ladies. Yes, also you're 34. You should know how to drink. Yeah. Yes. And if you can't drink whiskey, don't drink it. Yeah. If that, oh, are you in a volatile situation

where you're like surrounded by all this drama and craziness? Yeah, that's the time to slam down some whiskey. If you know you've got a weird problem with it. There's so many things to talk about with Jessica, but her sex baby voice. And are you talking about, Molly? And how are you feeling since yesterday? I know you guys are like leagues beyond.

pods, but in the pods, she turns on this sex baby voice and then she turns it off because it turns out she's not attracted to the person who she ends up with. But her sex baby voice is really making me very, very, very uncomfortable. Yeah, it is interesting what some people think might be sexual to other people and then it's sort of just not on the radar on the map. It's almost like no one ever communicated with her in a way to be like, this is actually what you could do to be fun and sexy, and this is sort of a scary baby voice that you're doing. I will say, I do, I'm such a sucker for a reality show that's just like, you know what, get them really drunk.

Yeah. I know that that's lots of reality shows. That's so many. But I do like it when it's like, these are, they're not 21 year olds. Most of them are at least older, so they usually know how to drink by then or choose, they know how to drink and they choose to not listen to that. And I think that it's fun when someone that knows how to drink chooses not to listen to it because we do that every once.

It wouldn't be really throw it away and you get really drunk again. You're just like, I know this me. This me was me for 10 years straight. But now I'm just visiting this me. So I'm going to get extra crazy. I will say, you know, I think I want to, we need to up the Annie. We've had enough of people just getting hammered on reality TV. Mushrooms.

Let's get some mushrooms in there. On the goop reality, the goop show. And that was just upsetting because it was people crying. about their fathers. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't see more of that, but in a love contest. I mean, the thing is, the camera's right there. That's the other thing with Jessica being like, I would serve whiskey.

It's like, listen, I have embarrassed myself with whiskey too many times to count, but I try to not do it if I know I'm going to be in front of a camera crew, you know, because you got to keep your wits about you a little bit if you know that this is going to be put into a television show. Of course, Molly's nickname in college, Molly's shenanigans, which was a lot of fun. Get a little whiskey in her. She turns into shenanigans. I feel like if you take mushrooms and you're surrounded by a reality show, television crew, you're going to absolutely flip out.

But then you take them into this colt, right? It's very floral and beautiful. And there's like a wood hut. No one knows why it's there, right? And then there's this big stone and they have to jump off this. I'm talking about midsum. I'm making it a midsummer reference. You saw the movie?

You saw the movie? I was thinking about, no, I was just thinking about again, because apparently also Gigi and Damien, so we talked about this a little bit on talking TV, the way that they got cast in love is blind is by getting catfished online, and also apparently Gigi did. So I knew Damien did because he was talking to a girl on Tinder,

and she's like, hey, let's move this conversation over to my Instagram. And he's like, okay, So he goes on Instagram and she's like, actually, I'm not this person. I am a casting director for this reality show called Love is Blind. And I want you to come beyond it. And apparently, Gigi, it was the same thing, that it was something in her DMs. Apparently she was drunk and hanging out with friends. And it was like, somebody slid in her DMs and was like, hey, you're really pretty.

Like, would you ever, like, do you ever want to, like, find your true love? And she was just talking about how she couldn't find anybody to date. And she was so over the dating scene. And she saw it and she was like, oh my God, this is like a kismat. This is just exactly what I needed in my life. And it turned out to be a casting director for Love is Blind. And that led to her falling in love with a talking, walking, two-by-four plank of wood. So it really is kind of amazing that love is real.

How forgettable are those guys, though? All of the guys are not handsome, not one. And they're all literally two-dimensional. Like, not even just personality-wise. Like literally you don't, you cannot see a, if you look around them, you don't see anything. They're the size of paper. They're flat. They are so flat.

And several of the women are very, I think almost all of the women, Jessica, being the main exception, the big exception. And Amber being the other big, although Amber is hot. She's crazy. Amber's hot. But all the women are very, very pretty. Yes. And have a modicum of personnel. Even say what you will about Jessica.

She's splashy. She stands out from the. She's your funky friend. Yeah, she's your funky friend. Whereas every guy is like they sound the same. They look the same. They're all regional brand managers. Yeah, no offense to people who are regional brand managers.

How do you? Cameron is a scientist of vague abilities. Oh, my God. Cameron is going to kill somebody in their sleep. Cameron scares me the most. He taps into this like sad boy, but not the kind of sad boys I like. Like the kind of sad boys who are like, all of these guys are like,

they will be my wife. Like I have this really creepy, like, like, what they expect from a wife. See, but Molly, you never dated in your 30s. And that is, I mean, not to speak, speaking of just my own personal experience, that was almost every date I went on, man or woman, they wanted to be married. And maybe it's just Los Angeles. And I think maybe that had something to do with it. I don't know.

And it was, it was one of those things. It's like second date of just like, yeah, I'm just thinking like six months I'd like to be engaged. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just because I'm in my 30s doesn't mean all of a sudden I'm like, I want to jump into marriage. I have to have it right now. And it was very weird, which is I just like, I could always put me off. So I feel that that is, so maybe it's not just L.A. Maybe it is something that it's just, you know, they finally want to have the woman.

I also keep mixing it up because I was just watching Married at First Sight as well, the first season of Married at First Sight. And I keep confusing the people in it because they all want to get married. The same exact premise. All the guys I know are a bunch of dirty hounds that had so many filthy pounds that they're just ready to be out of the game and just knowing what they're coming home to. You know what I mean? You just are so disgusted with your own genitalia by that point.

It's been through war. It's like saving private Ryan. But most of the boys, many of the boys. Saving Ryan's privates? Yeah, saving Ryan's private. Many of the men, I should say, even though they are, 24 is a boy, in my opinion. They're young. The boys are like, young, they're like 27, 28, you know.

Poor, what's his name who, with Jessica? Yeah, Mark. Mark. Oh, God. Run, Mark. Run. But this is the lesson. She is the lesson learned.

And everybody needs that. And everybody needs that at least one relationship where it's like, oh, that was the lesson I had to learn. And now I've learned my lesson. And now I'm going to look. Now it's, you know, it's the red flag. Like, he had to learn what red flags look like. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yes. And you know who didn't learn their lesson? The world when they were watching the movie contagion that came out. Oh, right. I think that no one learned their lesson. Did anyone know what I watched it for the first time? I just watched it. I'd never seen it before.

I was refusing to watch it primarily because Quiddith Paltrow is in it. And that is not fair of me because she is, I will say, spoiler alert, not in it very much. That's a great spoiler alert. And it is directed by Steven Soderberg, which is what I thought. And he is fantastic, of course. It is, of course, a very good movie. And what's cool about it is that they actually had a scientific advisor for the film. her name is Tracy McNamara

and she was brought in to make the film as scientifically realistic as they could in a supposition, hypothetical situation. Now she was brought on because she was the veterinarian at the Bronx Zoo who helped discover the West Nile virus and played a huge role in pushing the Department of Defense to investigate the disease.

So that's why she was brought on because she was one of the first people to see that it was. back. I'm very scared. I know. Why are we doing this? This is not the time of play. Because it's all I can think about, guys. I don't want to have a lot today. But you have some fun disturbing news about how it's impacting the entertainment industry. Yeah.

We can have a round about it. So we had all the sad people who didn't get to go to the thing they wanted to go to because of the thing. And all the people, yeah, at South by Southwest, which has now been canceled. And think of all of the, like Holden was talking about before we started recording, the young filmmakers who's now like dreams that was a huge thing for them. Now it's all dashed. And the musicians.

This is the kind of thing where you get a manager. Like this is where you, if you get into South by Southwest, kind of like what Just for Laughs more so used to be than it is now. And South By is evolved in the same way it just for laughs to be honest with you. Kind of probably already have men. But either way,

South by Southwest equals your big break. Like it's one thing to have to cancel a tour you were planning on doing after you're already successful. But my. heart just goes out to all those people who stood to gain incredible exposure at Southby, you know? And I even saw headlines saying like, because it was canceled this year, they had to lay off of, what, a third of their staff already. This may be the death of Southby, this cancellation. This may actually end it forever. They had to cancel that.

What I, I, there were Elon Musk's. Elon Musk also came out and said that he's like, you know what we do instead of Coachella? Let's do like a mega rave cave instead. He's like, let's get a huge cave and just put a bunch of people in it with a bunch of drugs, which I think is fun, but also how everyone dies. And even Coachella has now been delayed. And the Cannes Film Festival, it might also be canceled. We're not sure yet. All, like most K-pop bands have stopped touring altogether.

I mean, I didn't even know. And what I will say, the good thing that has come out of all of this fear is that I didn't know the Amazing Race was still on. But that production has been halted. Good for them. Very responsible on the incredibly longevity fuel, the Amazing Race Show. I have not thought about that show since I was in college, I think. At least.

It's like Survivor's still a thing, too. It's so absurd. It's in its 33rd season. You're kidding. No, isn't that ridiculous? The Amazing Race is as old as Jessica. And she's too old to be with that 24-year-old, and we all fucking. know it.

We're going to face challenges when we get out into the real world. I know we will. I mean, I'm 34, 24. And especially, have you seen the conversation here where she's like, but when I'm going to be 60, you're going to be 50? And when I'm 50, you're going to be 40. And she's going to do that over, it's like, okay. We get it.

She did say, I will say, she did say that, like, the producers really push the age thing on her for whatever that's worth. but whatever. I don't know. But then all of these, I think it's fun. So Molly had sent us the video, the short video of because now the view, Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, I'm sure most shows that have a live studio audience are not having their studio audience for now because of coronavirus. But there's a video of Whoopi Goldberg saying hello to everybody at the view, even though there was nobody in the chairs. And they showed the chairs and they showed Whoopi Goldberg.

and she kept going, good morning, good morning, good morning, nobody. Welcome to the view, welcome to the view, welcome to the view, welcome to the view. Is that what she always does? I don't think so. I think she was playing it up. I think she was playing it up to the empty chairs, but it really is dystopic. It's like, I mean, she's clearly making a joke, but it looks like she's,

it just looks like we've all lost our minds. Right. As we are all about to do. It would only be more dystopic if it was just a bunch of like robotic hers in the audience, just a bunch of whoopies just being like, You are correct. We are watching a TV show. Welcome to the view.

We are welcome. We will be talking about female woman things now for the next hour. Thank you for your welcome. I just also clicked on this link that was talking about how difficult it is to date right now as well. Because it really is going back to, I know we made the joke up top of this episode of saying like, hi, I'm Jackie. I am virus free currently as much as I think I am. It makes you think of contagion where you have to have the bracelet.

of saying whether or not you've gotten a shot so that people can actually talk to you or interact with you. This movie had scared me. I know what was going to. It actually is a smart idea to watch the movie or read the movie. Don't do either.

I don't want to do either one. I've also been watching pandemic on Netflix as well. Why would you, yeah. Because I have said this before and I will say it forever that as part of my anxiety issues, when I get very scared of something, I try to learn as much about it as possible.

So to quell my fears, which is why I was not dealing with it for a while because I am very well aware that media likes to ensue fear and ensue panic, which is why I was like, all right, I'll be fine. Everything's fine. And now that it's getting like crazier and crazier, I was like, I need to know,

I need to know more about what's going on. I need to see where it's like, I think it's good because I've started like wiping off my phone and things like that because I should be doing that. And it's, but it is still scary because I still do my day-to-day things and you have to keep living, but I need to know what I can do to protect myself. Speaking of confronting your anxieties, by the way, this just, just hot off the presses that you sent to us, I would never want to do this in a million years what Willow Smith is doing. Oh my God, this, y'all, this is nuts. And I don't know how she's doing this. So Willow Smith is spending as a way to bring about to alight people to, I think it's a mental illness awareness that is also getting money for a mental illness campaign,

as well as her debut of her new album, Anxiety. And also to confront her own anxiety, which I mean, oh, God, she is putting herself in a box for 24 hours. Yes. I really like both Jadid and Willow Smith. I think they're super interesting young people, and they have been for a long time. And when you sent this, I was like, this is like really. She's like truly making it weird again, and I really appreciate that about her, you know?

Which is cool. Yeah, I think, I mean, I think it's a really cool thing that she's doing this. I also have a feeling she's going to, like, maybe freak out and just be like, I got to get out of here! It actually reminds me of a story that I wish I was there so badly, but I was not in college.

Some friends of mine put on a production. This was like before I even got there, put on some production. And one of the friends ate at, like, a bunch of acid. And at the end of the play, the friend is like in a coffin. And just in the middle of this funeral scene,

the guy just freaks out, busts out of the coffin in front of the line. It's like, I gotta get out of here. It just like runs out of the theater. Dude, that was someone in my ear, too. I think it was after you left. I believe we were doing Marat Sade. Are you talking about that same one?

I think it's a different story. I think he had done mushrooms though. Uh-huh. Because he's done mushrooms. And in half of the. show he was in a straight jacket so then like as he's just

like starting to flip the fuck out because why would you ever do mushrooms while not only performing in a show but also where most of the show you're in a straight jacket but wait to be fair play the tape back I think about 15 minutes ago you said they should give

mushrooms to people who are doing reality TV I said that personally I said it wasn't me I say put him in a straight jacket but I'm just saying Jackie's day, why would you ever do that on stage? Being in a reality show is essentially like being on stage. That's my only point. There was another story.

Although, technically Holden and I have done mushrooms and performed on stage. I would defer to you guys then. But there was another story where a guy just did a bunch of stuff the night before, I think, some acid or whatever. And he thought he would be over it the next day, but he didn't. And all of a sudden he was like backstage about to go on as Rosencrantz in a production of Hamlet. And everybody noticed he was acting really erratically and weird.

and then the director of the play is named George Judy, wonderful guy. He comes backstage, he's like, what's going on? And the guy just looks at him, he goes, we can do this, George, just me and you. And George is like, what the hell are you talking about? George is like, all right, I need you to be away from me right now. I need this man to be not near me right now. We need to find a replacement for Rosencrantz. He had like a southern act.

Much love. All right, I'm just going to need you to be as far away from me as possible. so somebody could remove you. We can do this, George. Just me and you. No, you can't. You're Rosencrantz. You definitely can't.

Unless you're doing Rosencranes and Gilden Surter, Ted, but that's fine. Maybe y'all can figure it out. It's so funny. I luckily never did that. I've definitely, like, gotten too high and been in a sketch show. We definitely purposefully,

on two different occasions, did mushrooms and performed. At least I know, I don't know if you did it both times. Unfortunately, I did, but that was part of the show. Yeah, that was part of the show. It's different. One of the, well, and we, the reason why we did it twice, I think, is because we kind of had a false start the first time.

We're like, I think Henry, like, freaked out a little bit. He was just like, he was like, couldn't figure out how to get into his next costume. And he was like, we're done. We're done. It was like one sketch in. And he was just like, we have to be. We're done with this. I did an entire sketch sitting on the edge of the stage out of the light because I couldn't handle how bright the light was.

So I didn't interact with anyone. I just sat on the edge of the stage and just told, said my lines out into the audience. But you know what? Still did it though. Yeah. We got through the second time. And I cried for about three hours after it. Oh, I think I... That was just because I was scared of Kissel. I screamed with laughter for like three hours.

I turned into the Mad Hatter that night. That was the craziest trip I ever. But I literally was like laughing so hard. I had no idea where I was. But that is... I hope that they won't be on mushrooms inside of this box because Willow Smith and her art collaborator, Tyler Cole, are doing this performance. art exhibit. It's going to be, this is written up, it's going to be in the Museum of Contemporary Art in here in Los Angeles, starting, I believe, I don't know if this is today or next Wednesday,

but I really would like to see it. So they're going to be, so both of them are going to be inside of this box with one window and then three of the other walls are going to be made with canvas so that they can draw and they're not allowed to speak to each other. They can only talk in grunts and screams, they wanted to be very primal. And every three hours, they're going to shift emotions, which I don't really, I don't really understand. They said they want to process their anxiety through paranoia, rage, sadness, numbness, euphoria,

strong interest, compassion and acceptance. Holden, you touch your face again. I'm losing my mind. I can't, I can't not touch my face. And it's making me fucking crazy because I'm, thinking about it now and I'm touching it more now. According to Contagion, you touch your face two to three thousand times a day. Is that the stat?

Stop that. It's bad. You can't touch your face that much. I will say I profusely watched my hands. I will maybe not profusely. I watched my hands right before this recording. My hands are absolutely crumbled to dust there. She's got talents at this point.

They're more like a bird's hand than like a human hand. It's very bad. They're nubs. I think is there a toilet in the box? Because that would be anxiety. I don't think that there is. I think so people are allowed to watch in 15 minute intervals, which leads me to believe that they will be able to take breaks as well as like step out if they need a minute because as someone that has a fairly high rough anxiety disorder. I can't imagine being in that situation whatsoever.

I don't think I'd be able to process it or handle it and I think that I would have a mental breakdown inside of it. Yeah. But that's fun. Like that's like a silly thing. That's like me. That's like, mella, silly girl. Silly girl, it'll be in the box.

This is just the silliest, nuttiest episode we've ever done. There's just no dire consequences underlying everything we're talking about. And also, no, I can't think about that fucking anything without being like, well, what if one of the people in the box has coronavirus? Right. Maybe nothing will ever have to happen again. Touch your face, Molly. You know you want to touch your face.

Touch it. It's itchy, isn't it? Nose is a little itchy, right? Don't. I'm currently holding my hands behind my back. You know what's the opposite of this? Molly, I couldn't believe how this was tailor made for us. Yes.

That the Property Brothers is the opposite of what we're doing. Property Brothers is coming out with a new show called Celebrity I-O-U. and they are going to bring on celebrities for every episode and what they're doing, which I think is really beautiful, is that, it revolves around Hollywood A-listers expressing their deep gratitude to individuals who have had a major impact on their lives by surprising them with big and, of course, emotional home renovations.

The first series, the first season of the Feel Good series will feature Brad Pitt as well as Melissa McCarthy, Michael Boo Blay, Rebel Wilson, and Viola Davis. Tell us how you really feel, Jackie. I already forget. What was the name of that really emotionally manipulative home show

with that handsome guy, you know, and he'd be like... Handsome Home? Are you talking about Ty from trading spaces and are you talking about Move That Bus? I know it's not called Move That Bus, but I... I believe it's called Handsome Home

by Guy Barbarious. The what 24-hour home, 24-hour makeover? What the fuck is it called? Handsome Barbarious. Extreme. Makeover Home Edition. Thank you. All right, Oprah.

It was very emotionally manipulative, and it would be like, this person is a teacher, and the teacher's students had cancer, you know, is like that type of thing. And I feel like this takes that emotional manipulation of, like, a celebrity being like, I had a parent, I had a teacher. And then also it brings in the fucking property brothers, who, by the way, I can't stop thinking about Damien from Love is Blind being like the fourth property brother. It's all in the jaw. He has that mouth.

But so the property brothers are combining their absolutely lack of charisma with the emotional manipulation of extreme makeover home edition. And Brad Pitt, it is exactly a show made for us in a laboratory. Oh, yeah. So I can't, I'm going to watch television. But also, so it was Ty Pennington that did the extreme makeover show. And I also, I was obsessed with him from trading spaces. But did you know he also wrote a book called Life to the Extreme,

how a chaotic kid became America's favorite carpenter. Chaotic kid. What do you talk? Sounds like garbage. I think I want to read it. Modaland, by the way, just update. Model land is not going well for me. It is a bit of a slog.

And I want y'all, let me know where you guys are at out there in the internet. Because it's the loneliest book club. I can't, it's difficult. It's difficult. So, just so, with the just amount of, and I'm sorry, I have not started it yet. You're a bastard, but I will say, I will say, just with the amount of stuff that that article said was in the book, I just cannot believe that it could be a slog because it just seems like it throws such nonsense bullshit at you.

It's such a rate, but it really just is boring? Poorly written nonsense bullshit is still poorly written. It is fun, but it's more the kind of. fun that I look up from it and want to be like, did you just see? Did you? Oh my God. And then I just keep reading. But when you're doing it alone, it's like, what am I doing to myself? Why am I doing this to me? I feel bad that I haven't read it. Yeah, because people keep like tagging us on social media and then I'm like, oh my God, I have to get model land and read it. And I just haven't done it yet. I just want to do the audiobook for it so badly. Yes, that is what needs to happen. Because that whole and I can just

listen to you read it. Yeah. Wouldn't that be great? I think that I would get sued if I just did it on my own time, I imagine. Something that was well written, and I'm forcing this into the episode because you made me read this article, this mayonnaise article is ridiculously overwritten. But if it wasn't overwritten, it wouldn't be interesting. But because it's so overwritten, this is, of course, how millennials killed the, how millennials

killed mayonnaise by Sandy Hingston, and it's in Philadelphia, what, city life? What is this? I just want to say thank you. I believe this brought my attention through Facebook. I just want to say thank you to you guys because this article is ridiculous. Can I read you my favorite passage that really, I think, sums up how over... Does it begin with my son Jake, who's 25? No.

It's Mayo. Okay. Yeah, but you can read that one after... He's a practical young man who works in computers and adores... macaroni salad. I'm sorry, no, no, you go. The origins of this contentious condiment are hotly debated.

Is its name derived from the city of Mahan on the Balearic Island of Minorca where the Duke de Richelieu's chef unable to find cream for a sauce to celebrate his lordship's successful siege during the seven years war, substituted

an emulsion of eggs and oil? That was one sentence. Or is it a Mastardization of bayonets from the Gaelic town renowned for its tasty hams. Whatever, either way, the dressing had crossed the Atlantic by 1838 when Chi-Chi Manhattan Restaurant Delmonicos offered both lobster and chicken, quote, mayonnaise on its menu, mayo spread, ha! To the more common man, after the invention of the mechanical bread slicer,

just in time for sandwiches to be tucked inside brown bags and unwrapped in the lunchrooms of the nation's factories. Manna's at this point was still mostly handmade, whisked up by wives as needed, but the culinary horizon was shifting. I can't. The fuck is that.

It's such a long article. Clearly there's something more to this river of resentment than a missable mixture of eggs and oil, and it's obvious to me that this condimental divide can be traced to young folks's rejection of what

they sneeringly consider a boring white food. Do you think 23 and me and my heritage and all those other DNA testing companies are flourishing because people want to find out that their ancestors came from Aberdeen? Hells no. They want to be from Marrakesh or Manchuria or Malawi. It's the same with condiments. I'm not part of the elderly Mayo masses. I'm Turkey and Swiss on Chabata with Sizaki, Chipotle spread, and a little basil pesto. That's who I am, damn it. My sandwich, myself. What?

What? It's so funny. Nothing sticks out. Mayanase isn't bland. It's artfully blended. It's an evocation of the era I grew up in, of the homogeneity of that old dead American dream. Oh, no. Oh, it doesn't help that I don't like mayonnaise.

You don't. That's proving her thesis. Molly. I am. I am the millennial who killed mayonnaise. But Molly, just because something is old and white doesn't mean it's obsolete. Look at Shakespeare. Look at me.

Oh. Whoa. That is a pretty obsolete. By the way, that is not easy. She also does say that mayonnaise is the Taylor Swift of condiments, which I resent. But I will say, I don't love to, you know, I don't love to, you know, I don't love to slob it on, but I'm having a turkey club. I'm

getting mayonnaise on that sucker. Not too much but not too little. Enough. I mean, you all know my mayo boat. You take out the middle of the bagel make it a mayo moat. I want it to have its little pocket. I wanted to know that

it's not only that I want mayo on it, that the mayo is welcome on my sandwich. And I think that part of that is the love I put into my food. I've never recovered from In high school, there is a delicious, wonderful local pizza spot in my hometown of Dubuque, Iowa that has an amazing, incredible pizza called the Taco Pizza, which is like pizza with Doritos on top and, like, refri-bri-beens.

But they also have a BLT pizza, and my friend, who was just a disgusting high school boy, was eating the BLT pizza that was like mayo just dripping out of his face. and I was so unhappy and he knew I was unhappy so he was unhappy so he was really playing it up and like even still to this day thinking about it however many years later I still have like a like a

I still want to kind of double over and die just thinking about the BLTD show I get it Hot Mayo is not for everybody and man I truly understand I will say you just gave me a memory actually I believe mayonnaise was involved because this was at a Wendy's

I had a big crush on this girl named Liz and we got to leave campus for senior lunch in high school. We were seniors at the time, of course. And so I finally got her to go to lunch with me, and we went to Wendy's. And, you know, I knew my numbers back in the day, right, but I got him confused. I ordered from Wendy's a number three, which at McDonald's is a quarter pounder with cheese. But at Wendy's, it is just like this triple beef patty burger. Oh, no.

It was just this giant, disgusting. And I'm trying to eat this thing, and it's just falling apart all over my hands and all over my mouth, just grease going everywhere. She's laughing hysterically at me. At least that's good. I'm just covered in gross, mush, no, it was not good. Not in a good way, Jackie. It's like bad way.

And it was an A, I'll never kiss you way. I'll never give you your first kiss way like you desperately, desperately want me to do way. And it was so tragic. So maybe the boy was having a hard time too. Maybe he had a crush and you ordered the wrong pizza. And he didn't even realize it. I think he just knew, I think he was proud to be gross.

It was one of those situations. I wish I was proud to be gross. It's funny because our thing, we would sneak off campus during lunch and go to Taco Bell, and it was, everything was so, you know, everything in high school is such, like, flirt-loaded. But you're eating just really food that does not lend itself to flirting in high school. Right. No. Wendy's Taco Bell.

All a big, gross, gross. Manet's pizza. We could have gotten, you know, if I was a little bit smarter, a little bit past my years, we would have gotten gotten some tie. You know what I mean? I guess, but I always thought that it was flirting. in the lunchroom to be, I was always the one that if you paid me a dollar, I'd eat anything. So, and I thought in my brain,

I was like, someone's going to see this and be like, wow, she will eat anything. I want to go on a date. What was maybe one of the grosser things you ate? You know, people would make the mixtures, and then I would eat it. You know, and it's like, you don't even know what it's in and then you hit like a chunk.

And you're like, oh, this is like, it's slightly viscous, but I think I can get it down and then you swallow a chunk of something. You're like, I don't know what it was. Oh, the feeling of just coming back from watching the boy eat the hot pizza, the hot mayo pizza. Well, you know, it never got me any dates. So take a tip from old Jackster here.

Yeah, but you know what? I made a couple of dollars back a month day. Maybe coronavirus is just the revenge that we all set ourselves up for by eating the gross foods and being generally so disgusting. Maybe. Maybe. But you know who's never been disgusting in her 75 years alive? Oh, one Miss Dali Parton. So I did go down a little bit of an, I mean, this is a forever worm time for me,

is just watching Dolly Parton videos and just remembering the good things about being alive. And I just put a smile on my face because she was asked on 60 Minutes Australia last week if she was planning on retiring anytime soon. And her answer was, well, I don't plan to retire. I just turned 74. I plan to be on the cover of Playboy magazine again. So what she's doing is that she's trying to get on the cover of Playboy magazine again for her 75th birthday. And how awesome is that?

My favorite part is that they show the picture and she was wearing these sequined pink cuffs and a collar and a white bowtie and a low-cut black corset top and with the black bunny ears. And apparently she thinks she can fit into the same exact outfit, which I bet she could. And can you imagine that? Being able to choose 32 and being able to wear what I'm wearing now at 75, no way. Unbelievable. Yeah. No way. I feel like her and Jane Fonda are really reinventing what it means to be a hot elder, and I think it's terrific.

Oh, my God, Jane Fonda is just impeccable. The most bangable 80 plus that is out there, absolutely. And just so many good. And then you sent these dollyisms out. And I love these so much. I was trying to put a smile on my face because Dolly Barton just has, especially if you don't follow her on social media, please do. Because she's always putting out great things of just like,

I know that girl. And she's like her holding her guitar in front of a picture, like a huge picture of her from like when she was in her 20s. I just love, she's such a delight. She's such a, it seems. And every person that has interacted with her does over exaggeratingly say, not over-exaggeringly say that she is one of the nicest people

you will ever meet. There's so many great little lessons of encourage me here. I love this one. I don't like to be like everybody else. I've often made the statement that I'd never stoop so low as to be fashionable.

That's the easiest thing in the world to do. Which I so love. And she's just all about standing out and being herself and having a sense of humor about herself. I don't think I can ever truly enjoy a celebrity unless they have some amount of a sense of humor about themselves. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I mean, well, wonderful. She says, my weaknesses have always been food and men in that order. Which girl, I hear you. Just keeping it real. If I see something sagging, bagging, or dragging, I'm going to have it nipped, tucked or something. She is still magnolias. It makes so much sense that she was in it.

It's so awesome that her thing is, like, Like, yeah, I'm hot. Yeah, I have a bunch of plastic surgery. Yeah, like, like, if you have, she's just like, I feel like because it's like all these other women that's like, ooh, if they had work done. And she's just like, yeah, I've had work done. Of course I've had work done. Like, fucking deal with it. And it's just so refreshing.

Which also, it just makes, same with Jane Fonda, too, was very open about the work that she's had done. She has said that she's not going to get any more work done at this point, which also her body, her choice, do whatever you want. but what she has had done didn't make her look like an alien or anything. So I think that I think it's something about being very open with what you are doing with yourself if you want to be that keeps you on a level of just like, well, I'm not going to go too far

because I'm not trying to hide it or pretend that I'm way younger than I actually am. Like I'm not going to start blinking my own lips. Right. It's when it starts to edge into addiction, that it gets a little. But as far as addictions go, it's still probably the less harmful avenue

than like so many other addictions you can have. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know why we have like different reactions to different people getting work. Like I feel like when Megan Fox like couldn't wrinkle her forehead, there was like such a,

there was like a different reaction to that than Dali Parton. And I guess it's just because Dallie Parton is just so open about it. She's just like, yeah, I'm not, this is not something that I'm like hiding. This is just what I do. Joan Rivers, I mean, was such a funny. Do you want to give us the anecdote from pop history when they tried to have an interoperable?

with Joan Rivers for her plastic surgery. Oh my God. So her daughter, Melissa Rivers, had brought a bunch of her, like her friends and Jones friends together to talk to her about how much plastic surgery she was having. She's like, okay. She's like, um, if I offered to pay for all of you guys to get something done, get a little nip, get whatever you want done, you're saying you wouldn't do it? And they're like, well, no, no.

I'm like, what if I did that? And she paid for all of them to get something done. I'm like, everyone wants to better themselves a little bit. A little graphic. That's so nice. Just to get them to stop having an intervention with her. That's awesome. A little stocking stuffer.

If you could get one thing done, what would it be? Get it done. I don't even know. Maybe I'd get my ass tightened. Tightened or would you want it bigger? Maybe tummy. I feel like my beer belly is the thing that bugs me right now. So you want to get liposuction tummy tuck?

I guess. Yeah, I guess I'd probably do that because I don't really have. have a pro i don't think i think i think i'm a beautiful boy i think you beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful holding i think that i'm a beautiful boy with lots of love to give i just don't know where to put it magno you have a good mr holland's opus reference you know i think about mr hollins opus way too often i literally just thought about asshole it means asshole it means asshole that's part of mr holland's opus it's like you know it's like a thing in it which i feel like people i don't know why I've seen Mr. Holland's opus.

I'm going to say 20 plus times. You know what it was. I know exactly why we did. Because it came out right at the time when you were a bored as fuck teenager and you had nothing better to you than you just like go see the same movie in the theater for the third time, even though you didn't even really like it that much.

But like you just like, maybe I'll get to make out while watching it this time or at least get out of my house. My parents are screaming at each other. You know what I mean? That's how I ended up seeing what's the movie I saw twice in the theaters. Pay it forward. Also, I feel like Mr. Halland's Opus is one of those movies that was always on TV on, like, after school times and Saturdays, which is how I ended up seeing Stepmom probably upwards of 15 times.

Oh, so many times I would watch Stepmom. And also, I would get so angry because in Mr. Hollinsopis, he falls in love with that young girl whose name is Rowena, and he write Rowena's theme in it for her. And Henry used to call me Weena when I was a kid. I'm like, stop, I'm not. Weena, weena, it's Weena's theme. And I hated it when he called me Weena. Yeah, it's interesting how much emotional abuse Jackie suffered at the hands of her brother. I like bringing it up.

Well, he just forced me to do this show with him for the last podcast Patreon called Good Pud. And he forced me to answer questions to be able to eat this pudding that he purchased. And then we ate a bunch of pudding. And all I heard, all I saw online the next day were people just being like, Like I shouldn't have listened to that while I was hung over. I just wanted to throw up. It made me so sick to my stomach. I saw that too.

I was like, oh, no, what happened? It's just the sounds and the Zabrowski siblings slurping on fucking pudding. This is the second mention of you eating viscous things this episode. That's the quality content we're giving to the listeners of LPN. Just pudding slurps. It will be on the page 7 Patreon soon too. So don't worry. Everyone will get to hear it.

I'm a texture person. So that mayo and pudding, honestly, in the same category for me of like, no, thank you. Well, that's why I was upset because one of the things he gave me was a flan and not a pudding, and I don't like the texture of a flan. I don't mean either. And I will get some Chipotle later and then take a big dirty shit and record it. And then you can hear that on Patreon, just $5 a month. Oh, that's yuck.

Just by grunting. Because that apparently is where we're headed with this now. No, I feel like you take very quiet. shameful. I try. Well, it's New York living, man. I don't know if you guys have a system or maybe you have a bathroom that's more hidden than ours, but I have to throw on some, like, some Spotify music or something. You know what I mean? I just throw something on. She knows when I'm doing a two. Yeah, you got to try to get some white noise going. In high school, I used to turn on the hand dryer. Well, I miss fans in the bathroom. That's what you used to have. You had a fan. Yeah. Flip a switch.

Not only does it suck out the stink smell. We don't need to get into this, but the normal. You know, give you that same. Yeah, please. People need to hear about that. I think that it's cedar. When I first moved into the home that I live in now, and it's crazy, I believe that the wood is cedar. We have wood in our bathroom that you light afterwards, and it is better than any, like, poo-peri, fabri, like, anything else. It's this piece of wood that makes it smell so good. And I think that it's cedar.

And it's, I was just like, why don't more people do this? It's so smart. Every time you talk about your life in LA, it just sounds so much, like, materially nicer than our life. You're like, oh, my, like, open window is, like, right near a lemon tree. And we have this cedar in our bathroom. Like, it just sounds like a life of, like, material luxury. But, Molly, doesn't it just sounds so, like, whoa? You're right.

It is boring to live a life that I refer to my life in L.A. as... I think that living in L.A. is 20% easier than living in New York. But it doesn't sound. very keeping it real. And I think over here, we've got a little bit more keeping a real. That's right. I'm not as miserable all the time. And definitely, like, there are things where I'm like, I wish this was harder to get done.

Like my laundry or like grocery shopping, you know? Yeah, we're keeping it real over here, especially with the global pandemic. Yes. Sharon's face. Be careful. Everyone, be careful in the public transportation. Make sure that you're washing your hands and you're using the hand sanitizer. Fine. I guess I'll stop playing.

Cough on the boy. That's my favorite thing to do on Fridays Just go around and cough Find a boy and cough on the boy I hate how I've had to change my life's Autopsy Derby now It's hard to make business as usual Has to come to a halt and cough on the boy

Has to be the first casualty. Really should have gone a long time ago I've almost got arrested several times You're about to buy I'm about to be the boy in the bubble Over here be like I think that you should Because also I believe it's the 25th anniversary of the movie outbreak as well, which let's go ahead and say it. We all know

it's not as scientifically proven as contagion is, and it doesn't hold up as well, but I mean it's Dustin Hoffman and Renee Russo. How do you say no? Okay. I'm not going to watch it, so you can't tell me on it right now. No way I'm watching it. No, I won't. I don't think you should watch it. Now with little

babies at home. It's very scary because it makes you not want to touch anything. Are we? Or even look at anyone. I love this fun pop culture podcast. I love how fun it is. I'm scared. I love how How fun is, Jaggy. Oh, the fun to show it. Down with the sickness.

No! Down with the sickness. Up with the wellness. Up with the wellness, I think. Up with the wellness. You want to turn about it? Up with the wellness. Yes.

Now put the wellness. Now put your hands on your face and rub them all over the place. Now put your hands on your face. Right? I was singing this while we're watching contagion last night. I just kept singing. the world. Wash your hands.

Because it's a death train, a death train. Death train. Death train. Choo-choo's coming through and it's not fun. But you know what we can do that is fun. It's the list. Oh! Who's on the list?

Jackie, got to have that list. We are going down. This is for you, Molly, because we didn't get to talk about kid but man, we are going to talk about it even further next week. Because we were talking about TV's wildest dating show concepts. Because I've been going, because after married at first sight, I have really been going down quite a bit of a hole as of late. So, wildest TV dating shows,

we are starting with who wants to marry a multi-millionaire that came out in the year 2000. This notorious stunt will forever live on in. the annals of reality TV infamy. In a one-off primetime special, 50 women competed to say, I do to a multi-millionaire, quotes, they had never met. Darva Conger ultimately won,

quotes, the right to marry Rick Rockwell, but soon after, his net worth came into question and past allegations of domestic violence surface. Oh, Jesus. Conger quickly got the marriage annulled, and Fox never aired another edition. Why don't, I don't understand. these things. We watch these television shows. Everything else we do in our lives, we have like 20

background checks to get anything done. This is also, this is a problem on 90-day fiancee currently. Why are there not background checks on the people that are on reality shows? Why is that outside? Like, even if you were on just a regular television show, you have background checks. Your even, your health is even looked into to make sure that you are healthy enough to be covered by on-set film insurance. So why are there no background checks? Well, this was the Wild West. We're talking about the year 2000, and I just think that it was a little bit crazy,

a little bit looser back back back. That's fine, but it's still happening. Yeah. The fact that it's still happening is a very good point. But right, this was, I think I remember who wants to marry a multimillionaire because this was the last time I sat down and watched reality TV. It was Joe Millionaire time.

Yeah. Who wants to marry a multimillionaire. It's so multi-millionaire now. I was like, I feel like that's not even that impressive in our society. Yeah, same with, what was it, $10,000 for winning the circle. I was just thinking, I was just like, that's fucking nothing. Especially with the taxes that could take it out of, that's nothing. That's barely worth your time.

Yeah. But it just makes me think of 90-day fiancé because currently, Molly, I don't know if you're aware of this, but on 90-day fiancé before the 90 days, there's a person that is allegedly has many counts of very bad things against him that is on the show, so there's a petition online to try and get him. kicked off the show because he has apparent it's like allegations of kidnapping

rape, abuse sexual abuse like all these and I don't know if it's true or not the internet does not know yet but he's coming out and being like my past is my past and that was my past like no no no no no no no no no that's not your past that's we should know these things anyway

Wow do you guys remember date my mom because I did watch this television show which is why I wanted to do this list. It is date by mom. The premise of this one is right there in the title, folks. Contestants went on three separate dates with three mothers who tried to get the contestants to choose their age-appropriate son or daughter, sight unseen.

So you had to date the mother to see if you wanted to date their child. Oh, that is a great idea. I remember it, but I don't think I watched much of it. I would absolutely watch that, though. I would love to try and find it again. It's from MTV, and it was on between, which also makes sense between 2004, 2006, which is the end of my high school experience,

was when I was really doubling down on any kind of reality show I could find. And also, Molly, I had never actually seen the masks from Mr. Personality before. They are bad. We're going to have to include this in some of our social media representation of this list this week because they are scary.

They're like gladiator masks. The only thing that's showing is their mouth and their chin So at least you can see if they have a flavor saver or not because honestly I see flavor saver I'm out personally. I've never heard it call the flavor saver before. Yeah, you go to lick down there, see what else is going on. Yeah, the Mr. Personality masks are crucial. Every time in Love is Blind when they say this experiment has never been done before,

I always want to say, but it has been. It has. It has been done. Although you can see the woman. You can at least confirm that the woman was hot. You can see the woman and you can see the person's business. their body, yes. And their eyes, which I feel like is a big part of it too. Windows of the Soul.

This one kind of piques my interest. It's called Chains of Love. This short-lived effort took its title maybe a little too literally. A dater was actually chained at the ankles to four prospective matches for four consecutive days, eliminating the least compatible matches one at a time. The bizarre S&M concept made it an instant lightning rod for criticism, and it was pulled after just six episodes. But it did feature a lockmaster who put the chain in a ritual room.

Maybe it just needed to air in a post-50 Shades world. I'd watch the hell out of this. Yeah, I would watch that. I do remember the next one, which is Temptation Island. This is from like last spring, right? Yeah, 2019 to the present. What came back? And Fox, yeah, 2001 to 2003 initially.

I knew it looked familiar. I was watching the commercials for this last spring, and I was like, wait a minute. I remember this. What a evil, evil show. It's just a bunch of hot people on an island and they try to get him to cheat, right? Yeah, because they're sexy singles

and having the island as well. It's a horrible concept. It's so evil. I've never actually watched it because I do, I am against, I do have some morals when it comes to watching reality television shows, and I think that is. is a little, almost a little too evil for me.

The same with, I'm going to say, 45% of the TLC channel. There's a lot of things that I think is a little, I think it's a little gross of how they get into people's lives and what they do to them. But then there are shows like the show, baggage. Okay, yeah, what is baggage? Because I want to talk about the littlest groom, which is after that as well. Okay, so what is baggage? Oh, no, baggage.

Is that what you guys were just making the face? I thought you guys were making the face at what I was saying about TLC. No, no, but what you're saying about TLC goes hand in hand with this picture. I was like, I thought I was big. I was like, no, I'm very, I can, even I get upset about these things. Baggage is this guilty pleasure believed in ripping off the band-aid right away, letting daters know what their potential partners' most embarrassing secrets or pieces of, quote, baggage were before they made their choice.

Like say, I eat whole sticks of butter, which is the one that is the picture. And that's why I needed to talk about this. And of course their baggage was represented by literal pieces of luggage. Hey, it was hosted by Jerry Springer. So no one would ever accuse it of being subtle. It ran for five years. Wow. Five years.

Man, I will say I miss that about being at my parents' house who have every channel under the sun. And the game show network has some weird shit on it, like the show baggage. But I guess we need to, this is the very upset face that Molly and Holden were making about the show. I'm assuming the littlest groom. Yeah. Able is a morning for this discussion.

Jesus Lord Almighty. Let's be thankful we now live in an era where an offensively ill-conceived show like this would never see the light of day, which is not true. Again, look at the TLC channel. Fox, of course it was Fox, took dwarf Glenn Foster and matched him up with both women of his height and average-sized women in a bachelor-style competition for his heart. It only ran for two episodes after someone apparently came to their senses. Think about what a waste of money to produce this show.

Hire all the people, do all the casting, run it for two episodes, and then have somebody be like, oh, you know what? This is absolutely atrociously offensive. Let's pull the plug. Like, we could have, think about what we could have done with that money. I love that it only ran for two episodes. Like, even in 2004, when everything was worse politically. People are like, oh, I don't know if we should do this.

But you know, everybody on board thought it was both hilarious and incredibly creative. Oh, yeah. And it wasn't until the first episode aired and there was blowback, probably from many organizations. Just many human rights groups and things. And they're like, oh, wait. But he's okay with it. It's like, well, that's not. That doesn't.

I can see the president of Fox being like, so you're telling me humans feel these feelings? Yes, that's what we're telling. you, they feel happy, they feel sad. You can make them feel marginalized. You can make them feel bad. And these feelings, they are bad. You're telling me that this makes us look like absolute assholes? Yes, I don't get it.

That's what I'm telling you. That's what I'm telling you. Can I please, sir, can I take the dog costume off? Can I please me also be treated like a normal human being just because I'm your assistant? I think the littlest groom is the last one we are going to cover on this list because I don't know, is it getting darker in here? List what list? I can't see the list all of a sudden.

Oh, God. What can I see the list? I'm clicking. I'm, look. Oh, my God. Is this some side effect from some pandemic? I think I'm going blind. I don't know.

Items. We can't see them. It's just scary in these times. Yes, it's scary. Yes, and these will terrify you. This A-list actress slash director who all of you know, tried really hard to land the directing gig for

this long, long, awaited sequel to a haunted holiday favorite. An executive from the studio in an accidental reply all email said there was no way a woman was getting the gig. So it is a female woman. She's a director.

She was an actress first and then she became more of a director. Has too many kids, arguably. Angelina Jolie. And what is the haunted holiday favorite? Scrooge? No. Haunted.

It's a Halloween, obviously. Haunted Halloween. I love that you said a Christmas movie. I immediately was thinking a scary Christmas movie. I was thinking a scary Christmas. Think of a movie. It's for kids. Everybody, it's kind of become.

Nightmare before Christmas? No, it's become a cult classic, I think, more so. Hocus Pocus. Yes, Hocus Pocus, too. Variety announced that Adam Shankman will direct it and is currently in pre-production on D-Brontery production on Disney's Enchanted sequel titled Disenchanted, which will be coming out on Disney Plus. Shankman also did 2007's hairspray and he did choreography on films like The Wedding Planner and Buffy

The Vampires Slayer. But apparently an exec said a woman's not getting, which by the way, if I would have, I don't know, one of the movies I would definitely want a female director on would be hocus pocus too. So I don't really understand that. It's like such a female driven thing. Yeah. That like women love. But then is it definitely going to happen?

I guess, yeah. Variety announced that he will direct it. I just, I already am not sure if we need a sequel to Hocus Pocus. And I don't think any of the OG stars have confirmed, by the way. And so that's another thing. If they get all three of them, I'll watch the fuck out of it. That is for sure. But I highly doubt they will.

No, no, no, no. Why do I, yeah, why do I super doubt that they will? No, these 90s reviews, they're always missing at least one person. Think about Fuller House. Yeah, I don't trust it. I don't trust it. Well, I hope the terror from that first blind item have not made you go mad.

Oh. Here is the second one. Try not to deceive your own mind. I don't want to. As I have been telling you for some time, this A-list singer-slash-network reality host was done with her boyfriend cheating and essentially the two split

before discovering the life of it. The singer confirmed a lot of that. Life event, recently, she confirmed this life event. Singer, big clue is network reality host. Christina Aguilera? No, but close-ish. Jessica Simpson.

No, never mind. Different time, a little bit late after that time. After that time period, reality show host. Is it the same? I'll just say one word. Shoes. She's got them, huh? She's got shoes.

Or, well, sandals. Oh, Katie Perry. Yes, Katie Perry in Orlando Bloom. Shoes was very bad, but I get it. Last week, Perry revealed her baby bump in a music video, which I saw. I enjoyed for her song Never Worn White. And that was kind of how she revealed it. Maybe a little tacky, but whatever.

I don't know. It's kind of cool. Yeah. Yeah, you know. And in an interview with Ryan Seacrest, she recently said some things that allude to the friction, literally saying friction, that's probably why I said. the word friction. She said there's a lot of friction between my... She alluded to the friction by saying the word friction. There's a lot of friction between my

partner and I. But you know, I, you know, she alluded to her scuffle mups. There you go. There it is. By saying there's a lot of friction between my partner and I, but that friction breeds something beautiful. And also she said that they quote, get down to the mat and come back every time, which just sounds like they fight really meanly and badly. So I think there might be some tension going on there. But they got pregnant, so now they have to double down. Orlando Bloom is like a, if you took Russell Brand and then like put like re-drew, like the same artist like re-drew like the same character, but like revised him a little bit and made it better.

Right, right. Yeah, pretty much. In fact, even Russell Brand just had a, I think he was almost kicked off of a flight because he had a tantrum on a flight, which love it when just a full-grown human being has a tantrum in public because they're not getting what they want. Especially on a flight. It is just the fucking dumbest place to freak out.

You will end up on a no-fly list. That will ruin your life if you end up on a no-fly list. Dude, I watched this viral video of a, I think she was like 11 or 12, that this family took her phone away and she had a complete, like, violent meltdown because her mother took her phone. away and I was just like I can't even imagine.

By the way, people having meltdowns on airplanes. One of my favorite public freak out type videos. Unless you're on the plane though, because then it's terrifying. Yeah, to watch, not to be a part of, but just am endlessly fascinated by people who have the fucking gall to flip out on a plane. But usually it's like, I think it's a lot of just alcohol mixed with like Xanax stuff. Yeah, people are not at their best. Or taking some sleeping pills or something,

and then they didn't go to sleep. You know what I mean? And they're just, like, completely out of their minds. But it is fun to watch someone get dragged up play. Just be like, ah! Like, you just love public rules. I love them so much. I love them so much.

So here is your final one. Prepare your soul for it may burn in the fires of deceit. I don't want that. I know. It's actually not that bad at all. Oh, okay. That's cool. Has anyone told the foreign-born B-list singer who is pregnant that LSD counts as a drug when you are pregnant?

Foreign-born what list? She is pregnant, high-profile. She's a singer. It said B-list. I think she's closer to A-list at this point. Is it Grimes? Yes. And by the way, you didn't bring it up, but I actually also read that article before you even sent it about her pregnancy diet, which we will talk about.

but yes, Grimes and Elon Musk, who is the father of the baby. She recently shared her pregnancy diet with Harper's Bazaar, which includes $39 caffeinated cubes called GoCubes. And also, quote, I make this thing called butter toast, which is where I melt a stick of butter on a plate, and then I put toast, and then turn the toast over, so the toast is completely saturated in butter.

Then I put a little bit of jam on it and eat that. It's actually incredible. And then there's also a recipe she makes that she calls sludge. This episode has been awful for our description of food. Yeah, of food. A lot of viscosity in this episode. And which she takes a, quote, a ton of veginaise and you take a ton of saracha and mix it with chopped vegetables. And that's sludge.

And so what do you think, Molly? Could you take LSD while pregnant and be okay? Would you recommend it? Well, this is our public health episode. and so I'm going to say, I'm going to go ahead and say that's a note from me, dog, about the LHT pregnancy. Well, blind items are done

and I hope you had fun. Now let's all go outside into the sun and maybe get sick, but we'll still be okay in the end. Maybe not, though. There will be casualties to total 100%. It's a pandemic. It's a pandemic.

It is in multiple countries. It is not stopped. It's a pandemic. I hope that, you know, maybe the show alleviated some fears. Yeah, I bet it did. I really bet when they put on the fun pop culture podcast to get their mind off of maybe some things going on right now. I bet that's exactly what they were screaming for. I'm sorry, guys, my anxiety can't allow me to not talk about it.

Maybe we at least could distract you with disgusting descriptions of food. You'll never want to eat again, and then that'll be, you'll focus on how hungry you are. But you'll never want to eat because you're so disgusted in food. general. It's okay. Even in the in this world, even pop cult, we're all interconnected. Even this virus is interacting with pop culture. So we can't leave it out completely. Yes, exactly. Thank you, Molly, for not virus shaming me the way that Holden has been doing. I'm sick shamed. He's touching his face. Oh, he's touching his face. Molly, get out of the room. He's touching his face. We love you guys. Stay safe.

out there. Keep clean. We're going to get through this. Just like, what was that, David Gray? I'm got to get through this. I'm got to get through this. Remember that song? No, you get nothing from us on that.

David Gray. That's the most generic man's name I could think of. And then the most generic pop song hook I could ever think of. Daniel Beddingfield. Thank you very much. And just pop on some Daniel Beddingfield. It's a real song. I got to get done this.

I think that would make me want to jump off a bridge, which would at least alleviate any concern about the virus. You're welcome. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. Thank you guys for listening today, and I hope that you sanitize your earbuds after you listen to this, just in case we don't know what's in our ears. And you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm.

My name is Haldemanely, and I say everybody go out there and do the monster mash. And while you're doing that monster mash, check us out Twitch.tv.tv forward slash hold night or so but more importantly Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast

for just $5 a month you get weekly bonus episodes come give us your support, your love, your feelings. Molly. My name is Molly Nuffalo.

I'm MJK L Kat on IG. We love you guys. Be safe. We'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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