Page 7 - Episode 346: Getting Quorny

Episode Date: March 26, 2020

Uh-oh we're getting quarantine horny over Christopher Meloni in a kilt, Idris Elba's new song and Molly reveals she is the only Love is Blind fan who is team Jessica. April 1st! Watch Jackie perform The Blair Witch Project with Scripts Gone Wild. Listen to Jackie's descent into madness as she reads Modelland on Patreon.  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Somewhere in the darkness, the gambler he broke even, but in his final words, I found an ace that I could keep. You got to know when to hold him. Hello. No when to fold up. No way. No way to walk away. No when to run.

You never count your money. When you're sitting at the table, there's time enough for counting. When the deal in the deal in. done. I know so many people don't really care, but I have to say, pour one out from my Kenny Rogers because no matter what, this fucking month just keeps destroying us over and over again. And yes, I may have cried for a couple of hours. And yes, I definitely sat and listened to Kenny Rogers for at least, I almost said Kenny Powers for 24 hours straight.

Kenny Powers also passed away. That's right. No, how dare you. Ex-baseball star turned school teacher Kenny Powers also. That's not true. A reindeer ran him off the road and stabbed him. Kenny Powers is still alive. And Kenny Rogers has passed away and the world mourns yet again, Jackie, for another idol of yours.

It was a really, it was a rough one. As y'all have been listening for years, I am a huge Kenny Rogers fan, the Zabrowski, House of Zabrowski, our big Kenny Rogers fans. And it was a sad one. And it really got me because I immediately sent it to Molly and Holden was Dolly Parton talking the next morning after he passed. I cried. I was taking a big, mean, nasty dumper,

and I put that video on. And I have not ever cried while taking a shit. But there's a first for everything. You've never cried while taking a shit. Yeah, what? You do all the time? I've definitely, I have cried while taking a shit before, for sure. If you cry for long enough, you got to take a shit eventually.

Right. I guess that's true. Molly, that sounds like I just sit on the toilet and cry alone until the shit comes. Now, I don't want to get too lost in shit talk, but of course we are, if you live in New York especially, I mean, we are elbow to elbow up against each other, my wife and I, and I, and I think the gloves have finally fully come off in terms of just blasting ass in the that bathroom without any a band. I used to try to put music on, but lately it has just become too much.

And I just, I just, I just, um, abashedly shitting in front of my love. So many different changes happening. I know for me, my- Also, welcome to page seven, guys, by the way. Whatever. We'll throw, oh, we'll throw it to page seven. Whatever. Jackie, but you've been experiencing your own version of that by growing out your eyebrows.

She's so brave. Whoa, don't, don't just say it so. so slovenly like that. This is something I wanted to introduce today. These people don't know that I'm growing out my eyebrows. This is a big fucking step. So what's the history here? Tell me about it.

Yeah, I've never, Molly, do you pluck your eyebrows at all? I'm really bad at maintaining things. I do, I look so much better when I pluck my eyebrows. Not like, my eyebrows are dark. They're fine. They're like, not bushy, but they're like, you know, anything, if you, like, put a little bit of attention to it, it looks a little nicer. And there was a while, I'm going to say ages like 26, maybe 23 to 26.

And when I was young adult in New York City, that I was like pretty good at doing it, like, at least once a month. And when you were a gal about the town, of course, we remember those days. When I was a gal about the town. When you were hitting that club scene, you were going to all those clubs. I remember that, waiting out line for, online for hours, you know, wearing the right outfits. All the clubs that you would go to. Yes.

Yes. I love it. But, yeah, so I am familiar with the world of maintaining my eyebrows, and I am more lately familiar with the world of not maintaining my eyebrows. So welcome to the club, Jackie. It is crazy. It's scary. It's a scary new world for me over here.

And, you know, I want to say this, Holden, don't you have a snicker face over there? Because you... I support! I'm supportive! His mouth open a gate. I'm supportive. All.

I thought you brave. There are a lot of gender. Every gender. Every, there are so many people that pluck or do something to their eyebrows because eyebrows, you know what? It's the beauty standards that are the problem. Yes. It's the beauty standards that are the problem.

I was going to say, I've never even thought about plucking my eyebrows. Jackie, I'm guessing when did you start plucking your eyebrows? How long has it been before? Good cue. 13. since I've been 13 years old. And the problem is that, again, the beauty standards of eyebrows have changed.

And I am an Italian girl. I got thick. I got a thick everywhere. I am covered in hair. And it's a lot of maintenance. And I've been meaning to anyway because my eyebrows are overplucked because back in the day,

around the year 2000, thin, very thin eyebrows. I remember this. Yeah. I used to be very self-conscious about my eyebrows. Yeah, to the point I'd see some girls in high school and be like, are there even, is it a, you know what I mean? Did they draw it?

Or like, it would be like just three little eyebrows. Did someone shame you into a brow and plucking the brows? Me too. I have an older sister. Oh, okay. For me, it was homecoming. It was either homecoming or prom. I don't remember which year of high school.

But it was, I must have been like my freshman or sophomore year of high school. I was young and innocent and didn't know all the different things I was. to be self-conscious about yet. I was too busy being self-conscious about, you know, five things. And then I went to get my hair done. And the hair person was like, well, surely you want me to do your eyebrows too, right? And I was like, what? No.

Everyone in the room has been throwing up about them. So of course, you need me to do this at you, to you, for you. And can I fix the shape of your head? because the mayor just called of the city and the mayor's mad about the size of the shape and the size of beauty head. And it leads to it leads to like

you know your eyebrow hairs are always growing in and so it can be a real thing that you can really fixate on and obsess about and as it was for me for long enough and then it kind of fell off and I went through Jackie what's your process? I went in high school I did maintain them and I would tweez them and I would be totally obsessive about it.

And then when I moved to New York, I was like, oh, I'll do waxing. And then the terrible people were like, let's thread them. And I was like, I'd rather die and get my eyebrows threading. The threading, yeah. The terrible people who do eyebrows. The threading, it's, I would choose many other, I would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than have my eyebrows threaded. It makes me feel like less, I don't want to say of a woman.

It makes me feel like less of a strong human being. the fact that when someone was like, threading doesn't hurt, and then I got half of an eyebrow threaded, and I was in so much pain I thought I was going to die. I was like, it's on my face. It's face pain. It hurts so badly that I had to stop her. So now I've always been a plucker.

I've been a twaser. And you can't do the waxing because, I mean, I told you about my friend that had the Brazilian done and then got the huge blood blister under her lady. Yeah, I actually do remember that. I always think about that. I always think about that. I know that that was just a poor,

there was someone that didn't know what to do it properly, and I'm aware of that. Right. But still, but you never know. And with waxing, I'm always afraid they're going to take the whole eyebrow off. That's true. Yeah.

And then you can't go back because this is the problem. So now it's going to be months of me trying to desperately grow them in because I have very thick eyebrows, and I should just let them be natural. Yeah. But then you're talking about what happens to see. Now, hold it. I wonder if you get the same thing.

barber because when I go get my hair done, which is why I usually cry, they now shame me because I don't dye my hair. Okay. And they're like, you know, you should really deal with these grays. It's like, nah, bitch, I like salt and pepper. No, I am considering shaving my beard off, though, I will say, because what I've been doing before is just going to the barber like once a month, month and a half and just having them clean up the beard for me because I'm nervous to do it myself.

But no, they are these old Greek couple. They're musicians. I love them. They're around the corner. Does she touch her breasts on your back the way, Henry? No, not the same Polish woman. To the older Eastern European woman. Yes, I had her too.

I had the back breast woman as well. And it was very comforting. And she would just press her breasts up against his back and he'd like it. Yeah, yeah. It felt good. It was a comfort. It was a mothering thing, not a sexual thing, Jackie. So please, for a millisecond.

Can it be about moms? Horny, horny, horny, horny, who's horny, who's horny. Corny, that's what I'm calling it. I've been calling it. corny times. So now we have this old Greek couple, and I actually like the lady better. She does me better.

And it takes 15 minutes, I never cry. And I just go, and it's right around the corner, so I just go right there. You never cry. I never cry. It takes 15 minutes. It costs $11. Well, you guys know I've been,

I've been toying with the idea of going to the Ukrainian barbershop in my neighborhood and asking them to shave my head. And for $11 also. Do it. Now that opportunity. has been squandered, but we don't have real clippers in my house, but we do have a beard trimmer, which Gideon has done an incredible job giving himself kind of a, like a gradual, he just like takes off more hair with a beard trimmer to his head every day.

And he has kind of one, like he has a bit of a, of like a foahawk. And I'm like amazed at what a good job he's doing. And I don't know if the beard trimmer has the power to actually shave my whole head, but we're going to find out. Pull up, Brittany. I want to see it. Pull a Britney. And you better document your entire hair meltdown too.

I want to see a whole thing. I mean, I understand. Molly is sick of people taking her picture all the time. She is sick of having to be made up every second of the day. She's about to have a 2007, Britney. And I get it. I'm here for it.

I'm here for too. I think the world is about to have a 2007. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Or is it 1927? What year was that? No, what year was that? No, 2007. Yeah, it was.

2007, right? God, what a weird time. Well, I was thinking about it because we're studying Lady Gaga right now and just that whole movement in like fashion pop shit was so crazy back there. And the eyebrows, that's when the eyebrows started getting better.

And now it's too late. It's too late. And it's because someone made a comment about how thin my eyebrows were. And then someone defended me because she's a woman in her 30s. Every woman in their 30s is problems with their eyebrows because we overploced.

Right. Overploced. I get it now. So do you think that, Overplucking has permanently changed the shape of your eyebrows? Yes. For sure. Really?

Look at those gammers. I could see them from a million miles. The problem is, is now the hair, so I'm on week three of growing in. But the problem is that the hair is coming down like by my eyelids. I'm going to go ahead and say right now, though, you look completely fine. Like, I don't know what's in your head. Thank you. But your eyebrows, look, if you had not said anything to me, I would not have noticed one iota.

So do not I think a lot it's probably 90% of it is in your head. I think that was the nicest thing you have ever said to me, Holden McMillie. You're also fucking. What are you going to say? What are you going to say? So I wonder how much closer to divorce are you guys? Like do you think are getting closer? Divorso, as Paul calls it.

We've definitely had to set down some new boundaries. We recently put in orders for fancier headphones with noise canceling. abilities for sure. I think, you know, a one-bedroom apartment, Jackie, so we don't even have a porch to walk out on a fight. You know what I mean? It is. There are two rooms to choose from.

Lexi's essentially set up shop in the bedroom during the day to do her work. I'm out here. We've definitely fought, but we are, I think we're actually learning. I think we're actually more, like, connected right now than we've maybe ever been to a certain degree. And I think we're starting to learn just like what it's, means to give force space upon each other. Like before it was like Lexi would have to work overnight on Wednesday so I would just

have that built into my week. You know what I mean? But now it is like very much a known thing. I mean, we don't have a kid though. We don't have, you know what I mean? We don't have these kind of problem solving shit that Molly has and other people have. So for us it's relatively easy. But I do think we were, I'm going to say at each other's fucking throats for a few days

there. And now we're doing a lot better. It's the hump. You gotta get past the hump. It's the hump of being together all the time. What about you, Molly? Are you considering divorce from your husband? We are all,

our interpersonal relationships are strong. I would sell my absolute soul for an outdoor space. Yeah, yeah. I would murder, I would handily murder somebody right now for an outdoor space. I get it. A yard specifically. A balcony would be great. but I don't think my kids could really run around there

the way that, like, I need a place to run my toddler. Molly, Molly, I'm going to say something to you right now and it's going to change your entire perspective and actually make you happy about your situation. Imagine no possession. It's easy if you try. Doesn't that make everything better now, Molly? Are we just like the celebrities?

Are we just like the celebrities, what the celebrities are doing? Because I don't know if you guys know this, but this is a celebrity gossip podcast. The problem is that the celebrities are either in hiding or annoying the fuck out of the world right now. There is no in between. I've got a list of people I'm mad at who have really nice yards to go back to what I was saying before.

People I'm just fucking furious with J-Lo, people who are like, oh, I'm trapped at home, and their whole home is a yard, you know, their whole fucking mansion is built around a courtyard. I will say, I think that you guys should re-watch Marriage Story, because when you watch Marriage Story and you put your venom at me, because Marriage Story is about L.A. versus NYC, they feel like this puts in a different light

that doesn't this make you kind of want to move to L.A. a little bit more? But the celebrities make us hate L.A. a little bit, too. By the way, so the Imagine video came out, I think, right after our last episode. Yes, immediately after. And we had just been like, oh, Jennifer Garvey. singing thing was nice. And then I saw that and I was like, I don't think this is nice at all.

I hate it. Very upsetting. So tasteless. Absolutely everyone. It's so absolutely tasteless. And this is the problem is that I think in week two of not talking to other people and watching these things online, it is enraging people in the way that so much of our culture,

in American culture, we idolize celebrities. We have them up on this pedestal. I mean, we've made, this is my living. and then there are times like this where then how do we as a culture turn on them so quickly and me included

I'm not pointing fingers that you watch it I'm just like go fuck yourself it's the sheer I know that everyone is like processed this fucking video already but I have to speak towards it because I haven't gotten really talking about it with you guys

I think my main thing that I'm upset about even more so than singing about imagining no possessions in your giant mansion. Even if they shot a video in the bathroom. Was it the smirks? Was it the fact that we all had these self-satisfied.

They're so happy with themselves. But I think it's actually the sheer laziness of using that song because there's literally nothing in that fucking song. I think that it all even speaks towards what's happening here. Not even remotely.

remotely. And it was written by a fucking bigillionaire who beat his wife. Yes. Yes. It's just like, go fuck yourself. But we need to put our, I mean, we should be thanking Gao Godot because we needed something to put our fucking rage towards. Yes.

Yeah. I think, but you're absolutely right, Holden, and I think that the, and Jackie, what you were saying about that we idolize celebrities. Like, there is something about the class war that has really been catapulted to the. front and center in the last two weeks. Yeah, because like all these celebrities are like, oh, stuck at home, L.O.L. What day is it? Meanwhile, I've never seen you post a post that isn't from your home. You're always home because you don't work. So, and your home has 20 fucking outdoor spaces. So like, what does being stuck at home mean for you? You're not losing any money. You're not,

your movement hasn't been restricted. Oh, do you want to take the test? You can get the test. Yeah, right. Do you want, you know what he mean? Oh, yeah. Do you have, you probably have a team of people who can bring whatever you want. If you want a fucking frozen pizza at three in the morning, I'm sure they'll make it happen for you. It's just not the same. Madonna.

Oh, don't even. We must discuss the Madonna videos. Y'all, if you have not watched Madonna in her bathtub giving these PSAs at this point, please stop and watch it right now because we're all home. You may as well watch it. We're not going anywhere. And her, she's in the bathtub. What is wrong?

Like, what, was she on something? Well, you know, I get what she's trying to say, but it's fundamentally still completely untrue. Yeah, she, first of all, yeah, idiotic to post a humbling video about coronavirus and your fancy milk bath covered in jewelry makes no sense. All the candles. And then it's talking about how the coronavirus is the great equalizer. We're all the same now.

Fuck you, bitch. No, because you have the $34,000 to go get tested if you think that you might have. I know what she's saying there. I know what she's saying, but I don't care. She's saying that the coronavirus will come for anyone. If you're a celebrity, you could get it. If you're a fucking homeless man, you can get it. But at the end of the day, this actually has been the opposite of a great equalizer.

This is actually really shown who has all the privilege and who has none. And it's actually been much more of a divisor, a divi, a divi, a devids. A devising. A diviz. It's a diviz. Devis. Yes, please, speak like my people. I know. And I don't like talking about things that make me angry, but I couldn't, we couldn't

not speak to this because it is something that everyone, I mean, how can you not be enraged by it? The one thing that I will say is that it is a great equalizer in the, the fact that we, as anyone that is not a celebrity, does look at these videos and get just as upset as each other. Because at first I was still like, I mean, you know, they're doing something. And then I fell on. I mean, it was like, fuck.

Yeah. The least amount of work as possible. I was thinking that too. Like, last week we were like, so good that Tom Hanks told the world that he has coronavirus so that people will take it seriously. And now we're like, fuck off. Fuck off you with your test access. Fuck off.

But it's like, it's true because they, like, all these celebrities are getting tests and they don't have any symptoms. And all these people out here sick as a dog and they're like, don't even come to a doctor. You're not getting a test. Right. But I do think it's very cute though when Danny DeVito put out his PSA and not staying inside. That was cute. That was great. Apparently, which I think that is, it's almost like a sad thing, right?

that Governor Cuomo has to go to celebrities to ask them to make videos to get people to stay inside. So Danny DeVito and Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller all made videos encouraging people to stay inside.

Now again, Robert DeNiro, I'll do anything, but you know he didn't want to fucking do that. We all know that even Danny DeVito didn't want to do it, which is why it makes me like them. They were doing it because this dude asked them to do it. And so they're going to do it.

Any celebrity that is saying, stay inside over and over again, even if they're sitting in their mansion like Arnold Schwarzenegger, I'm all about it. More the more the mirror of that shit. I don't care how big your houses. Stay inside, stay inside, stay inside. That's the only thing we need to hear right now.

That's the only thing you need to be saying. I don't need your fucking feel-good song. I don't need you. Even though I did love Idris Elba's like rap, I thought was kind of cool. So Idris Elba, which if you follow, I believe it's DJ Dress, D-R-I-I-S. He has put out music in the past.

I really enjoy his music. music videos, but he did put out a track while being quarantined. That, of course, was a little self-serving. Right. I enjoyed the fact that he put it out because he was just sitting in his living room. And he and his wife now are both testing positive for Corona. And he's just, and he put out this track, look up the Idris album, Quarantine song. I'm not going to try and read the lyrics of it because I'm not going to do it justice.

It is not the best written song I've ever seen. But as someone that's just sitting in his house, you know what? Slowly going insane. He's doing a great fucking job. Which also, speaking of, if you want to go slowly insane with me, please pop over to our Patreon page because your girl Jackie has been releasing chapter by chapter a model land audio book. And it is available over there for our $5 patrons.

And I'm losing my mind. Everybody has to deal with this quarantine in their own way. Jackie, this is your way. For me, it's just playing video games. It is a 600-page book. And it's really, I appreciate it. I appreciate me. Because you know, right now we're going to say things I appreciate me right out.

You're becoming the thing you hate, Jackie. I appreciate me for doing it. No, because I laugh. I appreciate you for doing it too. It makes me laugh, and at least something is making me laugh in between my bouts of being terminally depressed. And, you know, we got to do some things for ourselves. And you're right.

I'm not learning how to play the loot But I am growing out my eyebrows And I am reading Modaland as an audiobook There you go My eyebrows are a horror show right now Oh, oh God What if I just, I think I might just shave them off Yeah, I'm kind of like... Yeah, I'll shave my head

You shave your eyebrows And I'll shave my... Cabin fever Fucking dick hairs And then we'll all be bald in some way I think that sounds great I keep trying, I keep coming at Jeff with the clippers Pretending like I'm going to give him a haircut he doesn't like the joke.

He thinks it's not a good quarantine joke because I'm pretending like I'm going to shave his head in the middle of the night because I think that's very funny. Right. I feel like I am going to need to at some point get Lexi to give me a haircut though. I mean, it's going to have to happen, right? I definitely can't go to the olds that I like to go to because they should be shut down and I think they are

and either way they're old. You know what you should do? You put on a blindfold. Lexi put on the blindfold. We'll do it over a Twitch stream. I will tell her where to go with the clip. Oh my God. And how hard to press down.

We are so going to get there in like two weeks. The streaming thing is about to get so weird. And I'm looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. It is insane the kind of things that I feel like we do create for ourselves. Whether regardless of how much time you have and honestly, the fact that we're all so fucking broke right now, I feel like I'm getting very creative. Now we, so everyone's watching about your television right now. Jeff and I have created a theme for ourselves.

And our theme is watching anything that is worse than the pandemic. So we've been watching very upsetting movies. And I will say every time we finish one of these movies, we go, well, it's worse than the pandemic. And that's, like, that's our tagline as I cry. Because we definitely watch the movie Come and See, which is a two and a half hour long. Belarusan World War II movie about a child soldier. And it is upsetting. Right.

And I will throw it out there, guys, if you have two weeks, and we do have two weeks. The Criterion Collection, you can do a trial for two weeks, and there's a lot of upsetting movies on there. I'm pretty sure Grave of the Fireflies is Criterion. I don't understand why. It's on the list. Well, we've been doing, we have to do one a night because there's only so much we can do. I will say, if we're talking about the stuff we love, Schitt's Creek is my therapy. Like, it is my apps.

I don't think a show has been better at getting my mind off things than that show has been. It is just, other than, obviously, Tiger King. But, you know, that end of the night, Schitt's Creek just puts me in the right mood to go to bed. And I, you know, usually can just let everything out and then just peace out. So that's been nice. What are your fun shows, Molly? Yeah, Molly, are you able to watch anything? Yeah, we've been slowly working our way through Tiger King.

Yeah, Molly, I didn't know. Let's talk about it. Well, I'm only two episodes in. That's fine. Yeah, but at first I was sad because one of our cats was at the vet, and I was like, my cat is a big cat, because he is a big boy. He's a very big boy. Which also, everyone, please put out your good energy towards Manface.

Manface was in the kitty. hospital. Yeah, manface is home, thankfully, and is, turns out very diabetic, but is recovering, and we are figuring out how to give him his insulin. Oh my God, you should watch Steel Magnolias, Molly. I should watch Steel Magnolias. That's never a better time than now. Don't let him have a baby. And so I was, at first, I started Tiger King and I was like, I don't want to think about cats and how much I love them. And then within like 20 seconds, I was like, yeah, this is awesome. And so we're watching Tiger King and I am also watching at my brother and his partner's recommendation watching a show that I really am happy to signal boost, which is a show called, a British show called The World's Most Extraordinary Homes. Have you guys heard of it?

No. No, but it sounds very docile. It's perfect quarantine television if you're like really, really done at the end of the day, which I am. It's rough because you are just looking at people's extraordinary homes. When they say extraordinary, they're not lying. It's like a home that's built into like they fucking cratered a massive hole in like a Greek fucking mountain. And it's a mansion built into the hole. You know, it's like that.

And so it's a little bit rough to be like, I don't know when I'll leave my home again. And then you're like watching the show that's like about a home that's like. like all windows, but it is like absolutely fucking perfect, dumbass television that I highly recommend if you like, like, HDTV obsessively like I do. So, yeah, we're alternating now that love is blind is over and my purpose of living is gone. I have found it again in World's Most Extraordinary Homes and Tiger King. Hell yeah. Did you also see, though, don't worry, love is blind has been picked up for two more seasons.

Ah, of course it is. So we will have more. Is the circle coming? The circles also, yes. Hell yeah. So I'll put the circle on my list because I haven't done that. But you guys did not warn me how sad the reunion would be. I think what I have been telling people is watch love is blind.

Don't watch the reunion. Why? Dude, why? It's sad. It's sad. They were exploited. Poor Jessica. I mean, honestly, poor Mark.

Poor Jessica. Of course, Molly. would feel this. Are you out of your mind? Listen, I don't like her, but she's so sad. It takes away the veneer of like a bunch of idiots

wearing hem necklaces, and it's just like human beings sitting in a room being humiliated together. Well, then why did she kept saying about the age difference? Yeah. Well, I think that was the production. Jessica's bad. But I will say it is at least cool

that she kind of takes the blame for some stuff humbly. And I do, that did help me. me like her a little bit at all. So that was good. Yeah. And like Amber, I mean, the question is, who's the craziest fucking person on that show? Amber, hands down. Or is it Gianina? Gianina just is on. I think Giannina isn't crazy. She's just, loves attention. And she's like, she's on this show. So she's just like, I'm in a real life soap opera now. So I'm going to like act

like that. Like the whole time with during the wedding part, I won't give away what happened. but when she like makes him like sit down and like has this whole epic scene with him and she's like running it like it's just so over the fucking top also I know that if I had been banging someone for just a couple of weeks and did they said you're like you know how when you're saying that I'm the best sex you've ever had and I never say it back if someone said that to me dunzo yeah hell no but then I guess I'm not fucking you anymore right Figure out a better way to have a constructive conversation. And then we can talk about our sex life. Hell no. Right. Yeah. She's the craziest.

She's number one. Amber's number two. Jessica, honestly, number three in terms of craziness. Well, she's not crazy. She just has a drinking problem and she's like petty and shit. You know what I mean? That's not crazy. She's just,

you're talking about holiday. I don't have a drinking problem. To be fair, to be fair that night, they fed me whiskey that night. To be fair. So. I know. Although that sound might made me wonder like exactly

how tanked are the producers getting them like strategically. Did you notice every time after they would get back from their little love room, they would be just slamming red wine. So much wine. I will say, I don't think that's strategically though. I feel like that they,

if I was in that situation, I'd be fucking hammered. Oh, for sure. I think there's more just like a way of like, I mean, they have no internet. They're not watching TV. They have nothing else. You're just going to get fucking.

and hammered, right? Just start wrestling each other. Sure. It's a missed opportunity because I feel like, Jackie, if you and I were to, and holding you too, if the three of us were to be in that situation, we would just be like, let's treat this as a funny thing we're going to do, which surely a lot of reality stars must be performers who are like, this is my way in or whatever. But based on the reunion episode, it really seemed like a lot of these people were like really

like wanted things to work out. Yes, they went in looking for it. it. And I mean, in the same way that everyone in Tiger King wants things to work out. Because I will say, I saw a tweet that someone said, I've got a great idea. It made me think of your ugly duckling

idea, Holden. Why don't we do like a love is blind type thing, but with all big cat enthusiasts. And I would watch... That'd be amazing. Walk out of it, because I'm going to throw it out there. Watching Tiger King, I didn't realize

how much a... Honestly, I think it is just a love for any specific animal too. It is a cult. They are all cult leaders and they are a part of a cult. And I have to say, I'd be in Joe Exotic's cult. I'm saying it. I'm fucking fucking saying it. For $150 a week?

Get out of here. At least he pays them. It's a fascinating. It's just like Love is Blind where you're like, oh my God, I don't know who's who is worse. But of the three of them, I would definitely follow Joe Exotic. I think Doc Ansel might be the worst. I will throw that out here.

The guy with the harem of women, that guy? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It is so bugged on. I know everyone has seen it all over the internet because we are all stuck inside and I think everyone in the world has watched it. Yeah. And it is so good.

Yeah. It really is what a way to get your mind off whatever the fuck is going on right now. Because I found myself just being like, what are you talking about? I don't know about you guys, but I certainly sat and watched Joe Exotic music videos for a while. Oh my God. Here, Kitty, Kitty. Here, Kitty, Kitty is one of my favorite music of all time.

The Tiger, Five. I love his style. I love everything about it. It is, I, and I, but also I think that there's something. I've been journaling a lot more because I'm trying to see the difference of how I react. Hey, Holden, it's for my mental health. How I react to things that I'm watching while in quarantine, because I will see. say, I'm immediately like, I feel like Joe Exotic would take care of me.

I know that I'm just going to be loyal to. And it's the way that, like, I feel like my brain is working that I'm watching things differently than I would if I wasn't in quarantine. You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. I have, like, a running kind of list in my head. Like, I am so grateful to have, like, my children who are just, like, beacons of, like,

light and joy and like especially my seven month old who like does not even give a fuck that a quarantine is happening. Right. She's just like, oh my God. We're spending so much time together. This is great. Like it's like such a delight. And my toddler is like young enough to just be like she's definitely restless.

But like, you know, she's just like so fun and funny. And it's like so. But there's like, you know, there's this part of my head that's like I remember what it was like before having children. And if I was quarantined with before having children, I was. would spend four hours watching Joe Exxatic music videos and it was cool, you know. Going down worm time holes for sure. That is really what this is all about. And just finding these little nuggets like Tiger King to just get lost in has been so useful and so

important, I think, right now. And we're watching Justified right now. Talk about another little nugget to get into, which I wish that there was more to it, but I really appreciate it. And I want more people to know about it. Call the number. 5-5-5-M-M-A-G-I-C. There is this a hotline that you can call. It is for free. An illusionist named Jeanette Andrews is offering magic by telephone. I called.

I did all three of the tricks. And as you're going through it, yes, you do realize what they are doing. And it's kind of fun, though. Did you guys call it? It's delightful. Why are you looking at it? Be like, I'm crazy. I don't trust magic, so I did not call.

Oh, why don't you trust magic? I don't believe in it. You're a bastard. That's what I'm going to say. And I can't wait because you're going to move here, and I'm going to force you to go to the Chris Angel show in Vegas whenever Vegas opens back up again, because he has a new mind freak show out,

and I want to go see it. Can we make a promise right here, right now, while we're recording that when things are open up again and it's safe to travel, that the three of us are going to go have a fun. weekend in Vegas. Dude, I would love to. I've never been to Vegas.

And I don't even want to gamble. I just want to go see dumbass shows and stuff. Oh, yeah. No, I don't want to give. I've also never been to Vegas. I want to go to the Magic Mike show. Sure. Yeah.

Okay. Celine Dion's show. What happened, Jackie, when you called the hotline? So really what it is. So you either, they ask whether you have, if you have a deck of cards or if you have a dictionary or if you just have your hands. And depending on what you have on hand, they do an over-the-phone illusion magic trick that you have to, that you follow the instructions that they tell you to do.

And it's just something you can do alone. And I really enjoyed it. Like I did, the first one I did was I didn't have any props with me so they could figure out which hand you were holding up. So having to do with all of these like different questions. And afterwards I was like, she's right. And I said it to myself and then I ended the phone call. You're like, that killed about 10 minutes. It is at least it's fun. It was inspired by the 1969 exhibition, Art by Telephone, which is featured at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago.

So it's just magic by telephone. I think that, see, it's these kind of things, that last week I was trying to find this with celebrities, but now I'm trying to find it outside of celebrities. We're looking to the artists. We're looking to people to give us a, just something fun to occupy our time, with. And I think that it's so great that so many people are out there learning new things.

Of course, you know, you see your goops out there with her mask and her rubber gloves on. She's like, I think it's actually great for us to sit and learn a new language and learning I had a blind item about her because she was, apparently her company has been desperately trying to keep her from releasing like a natural COVID cure or whatever. Oh my God. And she posted an Instagram photo of her in like an $800. really dumb-looking outfit that was all like kind of casual looking

and everyone like screamed at her until she took it down because they're like fuck you why are you like getting up there with an $800 outfit when everyone's like fucked right now financially so that was a whole fun situation but yeah she's just like but I'll tell you what I'll give you something fun to do Jackie

are you ready for it? Well it's not going to be the Olympics but sure yeah yeah here's something fun to do it's just listen to this you make say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one. Yeah, you're not the only one. You're not the only one. You're not the, oh, oh, only one.

That was the best one that people would really ham it up for their section of song. Did no one tell Galcadot to not do it? I'm sure they are now. Why didn't they tell her not to do that that was a bad idea? My favorite tweet was from our friend Sachi. I brought this up at Jaconese was that she said on the two. It was just like, if you recently saw that Imagine video that you're seeing evidence of something without a producer. There's lots of producers out of work right now.

So definitely consider hiring them before you do something like this. You know what I mean? It's so true. It's like because there was no, because she's sitting in her house and there was no one there to stop her. You know what I mean? And then she sent a thing out and Jimmy Fallon's just like, do we have to do this? Are you sure? All right.

But then it's like things like Jimmy Fallon are, he's doing some of his shows from home and he's having like his little girls be the band

and like bringing on his wife. It's like, which I think is kind of fun. To do your show. In that experience, it is fun to see how creative people can get

because like the view. The view is horrible right now because everyone is quarantined in different places. I just wanted to throw it out there. We usually, do a show that is across the country in different places. People don't realize that that is a skill you have to learn how to do.

It is a skill to have to be at the same level of energy as another person that's not in the room. And I think that celebrities take that for advantage and they're like, oh, well, I make millions to do it. So it must be pretty easy to do. No, dude, you have to really pay attention and you have to be able to connect with another person to perform in separate places and, create a cohesive project.

I'm also judging everybody's homes behind them. Yeah, of course. For sure. Like, not only the celebrities who are posting, like, their Instagrams of being like, oh, stuck inside with my seven gardens, but, like, also people who are like, yeah, like doing their little webcam videos, but in the back, you see their, like, very, very, very nice home. As opposed to, I'm going to assume that maybe was a hotel room that Christopher Maloney was in

when he took his quarantine kilts. shots. But look up Christopher Maloney in his quarantine kilt because mamma me yes please gets me corny for it. I do keep saying corny because I think that

quarantine horny is a whole other side of horny because you really do you have to be inventive you have to be creative as someone that I we desperately try to do weekly date nights to keep a magic alive, even if it's just going out for an evening.

And in this case, it is difficult. We have roommates. We're stuck in a house. So we're trying to come up with new ways to get corny because you don't want to lose it. You can't lose it. You can't lose it. You can't lose it. I mean, but that's one guy.

I mean, we're about a, I just feel like there's going to be a lot of babies coming out of this whole thing. A tweet that I saw that was very, very good said, any babies who are born nine months from now will all be first born children. Because nobody who has kids thinks it's a good idea. To have kids right now, yeah. Everyone who has kids right now is like, help me, help me, please. But like, people without kids are like, let's fucking have a baby.

That's a great idea. Hell no, I'm even too scared to foster a dog, even though if there's a time to do it, it is right now. But I was just like, but what about how will we feel after the quarantine? Right. But how am I going to feel like, will we have the, because right now you're right, we have the time. Let's do it. But the reason why we didn't get a dog before this is because we didn't have the time to get a dog. So, or the money to get a dog.

So how will you feel post-quarantine? People are going to have all sorts of decisions that they need to reckon with that they made in the quarantine. I'm buying a car. All right, but then we're buying a car? I'm going to make a bunch of financial decisions in this quarantine because who knows what's going to happen afterwards. And I also certainly didn't know that Christopher Maloney had a six-pack. I did. Where have you been?

Have you never seen him act in anything? He's like, I'm Mr. Shoulders. I mean, he's definitely got the shoulders, but I didn't know he had the stomach to go along with it. See, the last thing I saw with him in it, which is a great quarantine show, if you guys have not watched it yet, is the show Happy, that I believe was on Netflix,

and I'm assuming is on Hulu now. But he's in the show Happy that is based on a comic book. I'm very upset that it was canceled because it's fucking great. But he plays a drug addict, alcoholic like schizoid detective that's looking for his daughter.

And it's great. It's ultra-violent. But he wasn't exactly his sexiest in that role, surprisingly. I didn't know that he was 58, but I love that the link you sent when you click on it says Christopher Maloney, 58, shows off his crazy six-pack. I think it's so that you can remind yourself that you want to. Like, that's why everyone's like,

well, I'm not going to get into that. You know, 60-year-olds are also really sexy. I want to give you $100 right now. I just want to say what you're about to say. Damn, I want to know what problematic shit you were about to say. I am two white claws deep. It is nighttime. And that's another problem, though, y'all.

I don't know about you. Quarantine mouth is going to also be a big problem. Because you can say things inside your home. that you can't say other places. I, for one, am glad that the rich people have it better when it comes to this virus. So that's a holding McNeely hot tape. Absolutely. Whoa.

I say let the rich eat the poor. I say let the class war begin and let us just system. And I'm in the, I'll be in the poor group to it. I'll be like, take me, shoot me in the face, Idriselba. Of course we're in the poor group. What do you think? A thousand percent. Take my plasma and give it to Idraselba.

Yeah, rap me to death, these are Selba. Speaking of rapping, by the way, I also really loved Rita Wilson's amazing Nottie by Nature Hip Hop Hooray rendition. That made my day today, to be honest with you. I got like... It is great. Rita Wilson is a national fucking treasure, and she rip-wrapped the fuck out of Nottie by Nature's song. And my favorite part is that Nottie by Nature came out and was just like, hell, yeah, all of their fans loved it too.

Because it was flawless. Great. She did the entire song. and it is a fucking really hard song. And not only is it flawless, she did it effortlessly, you know, and it's crazy. As someone, I know that she is the mother of Chet Hanks.

So maybe this is why Chet Hanks is the way that he is. And I will say that I have told Henry multiple times that I am quarantine Chet Hanks of the Zabrowski family. I'm a fucking, you know, I'm a wild card. I'm like Betty on Riverdale. Every family with more than two kids, maybe even every family with more than one kid has a chat. But definitely every family with more than two kids has a chat. Are you the chat? Oh, I'm definitely the chat. I'm the chat. I'm the chat.

You're the chat for sure. Oh, of course. Yeah, but what about you and John, though, Molly? John's the Chet. I think we're both Collins, honestly. I don't say that proudly. I think we're just both very. My brother is so the Colin, dude. Oh, yeah. See, I get him. See, I think Henry and I are both the chets. So this is the problem.

Think about the nightmare my mother had to go through. Yeah, your family got two chets. But Rita Wilson has definitely, like, supported him via comments on his social media before. As a way of saying, like, we do love you no matter what you say, you know? Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Now, there are some fun project. Now, I do want to, this is, I guess, some self-profess.

promotion here, which, you know, I feel a little weird about it. But there are some fun things, projects that are coming out. And next week, I'm going to be a part of doing a drinking game version of reading out the movie of the Blair Witch Project. Where? What? It is, if you follow on Facebook, it's going to be on Facebook. I work with a group often called scripts gone wild. We do live drinking game shows of reading movies live in front of audits.

and this one is going to be done over Zoom and they are at every show that they do is for a charity This is for doctors without borders and also if you don't have to it is free But if you like Scripps gone wild on Facebook You can see it next week on April Fool's day and it's not a fool April Fool's day at 730 Pacific time 7.30 p.m. And it will just be streaming free on there and I'm playing Michael So interesting, Blair Witch, though, Blair Witch is like highly improvised. So I guess they just pulled the script.

I guess they just, it's more of a transcription of the film because, yeah, so Wizard did an episode of Blair Witch. You might want to check that out before watching Jackie's rendition of it to get a little bit more insight. But yeah, they essentially just gave the cast the equipment. They'd give them their mission for the day. And they would be super hands off to get that. really raw vibe. So they were just lost in the woods, wandering around. They were like,

you know, and they would tell each other's secrets to be like, you're getting mad at this person and this person, you know what I mean? And like, there was like a game they were playing with the cast and then the cast. That's fun. Yeah, yeah. So that rules. Yeah, heavily, heavily improvised film. Well, most of it is going to be me with a flashlight sitting in the dark in front of my computer. And we're going to have a word, like when I did Nightmare on Elm Street, the word was sleep and every time they said the word sleep everybody had to drink and every time you misaline because you

are drunk everyone has to drink it is a fun experience and I think it'll be a fun you know it'll be a fun performance you see how it goes that's awesome yeah that sounds great I'm gonna tune in so I'll be posting about that on Instagram at Jack That Worm and on the

Facebook group hell yeah page 7 I love but I guess now that I'm done with a little promotion it's time for the list Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Well, I wanted to keep it a little light and a little fun.

So today we are doing 17 adorable facts about animal love. Who's ready for some just nice and I don't know because I haven't looked it up and maybe some of the facts are made up. But maybe they're not made up. And isn't that a fun game to play? I can't stand how excited I. I am about this. I know. Almost as excited as he was when he found out that I was growing out my eyebrows. So brave. That's so brave. You guys know that when a male penguin falls in love with a female, he searches the whole beach to find her the smoothest, most perfect pebble to present her

as a proposal. That's beautiful. If she approves, she puts the stone in her nest. And if she disproves it up her fucking ass. Yeah, yeah. Then she pecks him to death. She rips him apart with her beak. It has nothing to do with quarantine. It's just that she's fucking pissed. Mm-hmm. Do you guys know the cows at best friends? Oh, why don't you marry it?

Next. Sea otters hold each other's paws as they fall asleep so they don't drift apart. That's neediness, abandonment issues. Next. Oh, my God. See, this is from someone that is too scared. You're not a cuddler Wait Molly, are you a cuddler?

Who's not? You're not a cuddler? Of course you're not. You're like, you're probably like, I need to curate my space. You know? First of all, I can get a little stinky in the bedroom. Second of all, yeah, we snuggle for a little bit, but then it's like, all right, bye. I get it, but I'm just, I can't help myself.

I'm a fucking, I'm an annoying cuddled bug. Like, I'm a borrower. I want to get as close as possible. I want all my skin touching his skin. Is that gross? Yes. Did you guys know worms communicate by snuggling and squirming all over each other? Holden is so disgusted.

Yeah, because it's just like, what is this shit, man? Yeah, will dolphins have names for each other, making them the only animal besides humans that are able to identify fellow creatures with a distinct sound that we know of? That's beautiful. That's nice. You know that swans swim beak to beak and that they tend to stay together forever. God.

Can you say you three tell me this list later? Because I got it. Everything. Slaved to it. I am trying. My God. Well, maybe you should take a little bit out of my fucking Leo book, you bastards. Because lions can have sex for up to 20.

hours straight. Jeez, Louise. That's, hold it, don't act like that's not a fun fact. That's interesting. It's an interesting fact, for sure. It just is troubling to me the thought of having sex are 20 straight hours.

I feel like that's one of those things, too, that you think that that would be great. Yeah. Like, I can't even, like, I hit, you know, I hit the, like, the hour mark and I was like, okay. Right. I'm done.

Yeah, we're done. We did it? Yeah. Also, did you guys know that beavers spend as much time bonding with their life partners as they do building dams? And you thought all they did was build dams? Yeah. They fucking don't.

They also spend time bonding with each other. Why are you angry about it? Now I'm getting angry. It's sad. No, beavers, I knew this because a friend has a house, a family house, like in the woods, and there is a beaver that he's been tracking and telling us a lot about beavers. And the beaver that is near his house is like a bachelor beaver, but it's so sad because they like build these homes for like to mate and so this beaver needs a friend oh my god i'll be

a s beaver friend yeah you should go burrow and things i'll burrow you could build a hell of a dam yeah i think it'll be cute and also male barn owls woo females with screeches and gifts of dead rodents before we move i just don't want to get now i've heard everything yet because i have a question regarding the snuggling and the weighted blanket. Does the weighted blanket impede snuggling? No, not at all. The weighted blanket only improves your life.

The weighted blanket speaks... The weighted blanket has its own language. It speaks to you. It says... You are the Joe exotic of weighted blankets. I don't fucking trust for a second. No, it does not impede sleep. I think one thing that can be a little fresh...

And it's more of central air problem. I think if you're a little warm, it can be kind of annoying to deal with. because you're sort of like, it's so heavy to like take it off and then you want it back on. I mean, it's been kind of hard to find a good balance temperature-wise sometimes. But if the temperature's right, dude, you better fucking think. God, they exist. Because like, if you're spooning and you're under the weighted blanket, do you have to, like, hoist yourself away when you're done?

There's a bit of a, but that's good. It builds muscle. It's like a little bad exercise. It's kind of nice. That is sad, Holden. That is your muscle. building is taking the weighted blanket off of you.

We all got to build muscle in the quarantine. Absolutely. Oh my God. I don't know. You are, I mean, I just, I feel like you are putting meth in your weighted blanket. The way that the way that Joe Exotic, I'm assuming puts meth in every straight 19 year old boy that comes onto his

farm. I mean, they have, they have very few teeth. I think that I need to get the, I asked Jeff if he would find it attractive if over my pussy I had the property. I had the property. owned by Jeffrey Adams. He said no.

He said he's not attracted to that. And I said maybe you don't love me enough. And that was one of our fun quarantine fights. See, quarantine fights are different than regular fights. Because you can fight about anything. Yes, they mean nothing. They mean nothing. You can fight about absolutely anything.

It really does mean nothing. And that's it. That's my facts. Those are my facts for you. Imagine all the items. It's easy. If you're blind, imagine all the gossip that makes celebrities cry. Oh my God, there's no gossip, guys.

There's nothing going on out there, guys. This celebrity didn't leave their house all week. Blind. Items. Oh, we can't see them. All right, everybody, feast your eyes on these items, you little imaginers. Oh, yucky, yuck. Although I do have to watch that.

You said on Disney Plus, isn't there like an Imagineer thing on there? Yes, it's just called The Imagineers, and it's about the history of the Disney parks, and it's fascinating. I'm going to watch that. And it's like a multi-part series, so there's tons of content. There's like an entire episode on the Haunted Mansion. It's awesome. Highly recommend that. The Momager didn't tell anyone she was going to leak the recording.

Apparently, there's a whole lot of anger within the family right now about that. Chris Jenner. Yep. Of course I had to shoehorn. I mean, we don't have to dwell on it too much. Big stuff going down. Explain it to Molly because I obviously for a reason didn't get into the Tuseway Kanye shit. But at least give a rundown.

Give a rundown. Honestly, I'm sick of it myself. Like, I can't believe it's being brought back up. But the full audio recording of that crazy Taylor Swift, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian thing was leaked this past week. week. Years and years afterwards, it essentially in so many, in certain ways, shows that Taylor Swift was telling the truth. And apparently many suspect that Chris was the one that leaked it. And we're not sure why. And by the way,

Taylor Swift comes out, apparently she liked some Tumblr posts that sort of were like mean about Kim Kardashian. So people are like being like, oh, she's the evil too. Snake, snake, snake. But essentially they started the Kim, Kim and Kanye are over party hashtag on Twitter. Kim Carter. So tell you what Taylor Swift comes out. It's because also on top of everything, no one has anything to be taking care of their brain.

Right. So Taylor Swift comes out. I'm like, look, I'm not going to answer questions about this, but like through some shade at them being like this recording that was taken and completely edited down and ruined me and my friend's lives for a couple years. I'm not going to speak towards that, but here's a link to where you can help donate for the coronavirus and everything. Then Kim Kardashian comes out and is like, does this whole diatribe on Twitter that is just like, how did she's lying again and she's doing all this stuff and just goes on this whole fucking rant.

And everyone's just like calling her and Kanye rats. And it's this whole thing that apparently Chris Jenner's the one who damn released it, which I'm like, what? Why? Well, I don't understand why it's happening. It's, of course, I think in the wake of everything it's going on, a very dumb thing to even be going crazy about on the internet. But again, yeah, people have need stuff to this. But of course, that's why. It's because they weren't in the news for anything.

And what a time to do it. There's nothing else going wrong right now. So everyone has to talk about it, which is why it's so frustrating where it's like, it's such, I think when everything has been paused. It's so high schooly. It is so high schooly. And it's like your grown adults, guys. Like, what are you doing? It is so juvenile.

Yes. Yeah. So anyways, I had to. I had to make mention of it, especially just because the Chris Jenner thing. Of course. I feel bashful because I had not heard of this at all, but it's because all I do is look at news about coronavirus. So I'm actually very grateful for this.

That and also the fact that you are in your home with two children under the ages of two. I have 12 hours in the day when I am taking care of kids and then try not to look at my phone about coronavirus. And then I have like four hours at night where I eat, watch Tiger King. and then do not try to not look at my phone about coronavirus. And so that's how my schedule, my personal quarantine schedule. You want me to start sending you articles that have nothing to do with coronavirus every night because I'll do it. Yes, and Holden, I know that that Animal Crossing is a switch game, but if anybody can tell me a phone game that I can play before I go to bed that will stop me from looking at fucking news about coronavirus right before I go to sleep, please.

I've had, I like games like Candy Crush. Molly, you gotta play Snood. I talked about this months ago because I was obsessed with it as a kid. It is just a point and click game. It is very easy because I can't play anything other than that. Great. And it's free and you can play it on your phone.

All right, I'm sold. That's what I need. I need something that, see, this is I need, I need the T-Sway Kanye conflict. I need anything to make me think about something else. We got you. We got you. Thank you.

Well, here's another one that I need. has nothing to do with the coronavirus. This A-list director in his corner of the movie world, and I will say it's the horror world, who began as an A-list something else in the entertainment world, has made his image on rebellion, but once tried to have a skate park near his home removed, even though it existed before he moved, before he ever moved there.

And it's not Joe Hill. No, he used to be a musician. Well, he's still kind of it, but like, yeah, and then he became up. Rob Zombie? Yes, Molly. Congratulations. I got. Rob Zobbie.

I can believe. So Zombie and his wife, Sherry, had been complaining about a skate park in their town of Woodbury, Connecticut, making too much noise. It cost a bunch of money to put it up, which was raised by the town and the children and parents. Zombie said some really crazy articles and popped up making claims about, quote, hating skaters and quote, hating children. None of this is true, and it makes me sick that someone would print such lies. There is a simple matter going on in which we are trying to find a solution that will make everybody. happy. Unfortunately, someone decided to turn it into a whole ugly event. What a bummer.

Because it's hilarious because you're Rob Zombie and you're being that old man that's complaining about the skater kiss. I guess that's why I just didn't expect him to ever do. Because he is, I know he's very strict on his veganism. He's very strict on lots of things in his life. But I didn't think that he would be strict about a skate park. Well, apparently it's, yeah, they've already

gotten them to reduce the operating hours, closing it on Sundays, which is like, what the fuck. And are making changes of the park to try and reduce noise with these like special fences and stuff or like muffled sound. Oh my God. That makes me want to write a letter because I want to say there is a time that we can write letters.

I don't know if you all know this or if I said this yet, but I definitely wrote a letter to the Glad Bag Company because the trash bags that I purchased kept breaking and they had a lot of holes in them. So I wrote a fucking letter to the Glad Bag Company because I got time. I need to write a letter to my, the paper towel distributor. Right letters. Every time I rip a piece of paper towel off, like half of it comes off.

It makes me fucking furious. Right letter. Why would you design paper towels like that? Why would you decide them like that? It's easy to test it. It's easy to see. What are making you crazy? What's making you crazy in quarantine?

That is a normal everyday thing that shouldn't possibly make you crazy. Please let us know. Because it makes me feel less crazy knowing that other people or I almost had a breakdown about the bag. Like, I couldn't believe that there was another hole in the bag, and the bags were already breaking. I bought 200 of them. Right. I don't have time for this. Right. I'm a monster.

All right. Here's the last one. This is just kind of a funny story. I don't even know if this is, like, whatever. This A-list director, who is an Oscar winner and almost film festival judge once tried to cut and line at a bar. Instead, he was physically picked up by an unimpressed

employee, carried to the back of the line, and told it, doesn't matter who he is. he had to wait in line like everyone else. Whoa. He is kind of a small guy. He's a big basketball fan. Tom Cruise. No, it's a director.

And he won an Oscar recently for being a director, actually. Pretty recent. Oh, Spike Lee. Yeah, Molly, killing it today. Wow, killing it. So, I don't know. That was just like the most innocuous, unabraceive blind eye if I could possibly find. That's cute, though.

I could just picture Spike Lee being so mad. Yeah. I like it. I bet he was so pissed off. Oh, so mad. Oh, my God. So mad, dude. Well, thank you guys.

I think we learned some item. And I'm no longer blind. He's not blind anymore. Oh, we're so happy. I am you are, we are, he is. We can't people stick together. See, they should have done that. I am the egg man.

Goo! I am the egg man. Goo! I am the wall. Russ. Go-go-co-coo-coo-go-oo. Stay inside. We did good guys, and we didn't cry the entire episode.

Thank you guys so much for joining us. And I apologize, you know, that these celebrities are in hiding. And if you find anything fun that's not about the coronavirus, let us know. And you can hit us up because we are definitely around. We love you so much. Thank you again. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me on Instagram at Jack That World.

and I will put up the information on the Blair Witch Project that will be on April 1st, no fooling. I am Holden-Magnol. Find me on Twitch.tv. TV forward slash Holdenators Ho, Molly. I'm MJK.L. Kat on Instagram. And if you want the wonders that are the one, the Model Land audiobook.

Kallat and crushing it. I've been reading a lot, okay? I've been reading a lot into microphones. Sitting by myself, sitting by myself staring at the wall. But stare at the wall. I'm staring at a picture of myself and Greta the Gremlin. That is what I have behind my computer.

The model land audiobook is on Patreon. Go to patreon.com. page 7 podcast. We also have our talking TVs on there. We threw up our episode that Henry and I did of good pud. And I think unfortunately he's going to make me eat more pudding in the future. I'm not happy about it, but he's doing it. We love you guys so much.

Thank you so much. I hope y'all are staying safe. We are desperately trying to stay safe and trying to keep our brains busy and I think that we're doing and doing okay so far. We're doing it. We love you guys.

Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.