Page 7 - Episode 347: Man's Little Butts

Episode Date: April 2, 2020

We gab about Post Malone's virtual beer pong tournament, Ina Garten's cocktail recipes and we share our quarantine confessions. Join in on the madness over on our Patreon page! Supporters get weekly bonus episodes and other goodies.  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You are my fire, my one desire, believe when I say that. Bumpa, bumpur, I do. What do you, do? Nothing but a mystic. Tell me why I'm a page seven. You know, I didn't mean to sing as much of it. it. Oh, whoa, oh, hold it. I mean, when you feel it, you got to live it. When I feel it, I got to let it out. You got to love it. That's something I learned from my brother.

Welcome to page seven. We just, we were feeling that. I felt that electricity between us across the country in three different rooms. You should have seen my hips gyrating thusly. That was such, I feel I have to lay down after that. Well, I don't know if you should lay down after that because I think that means that you need to go, um, you need to do a little bit more ring fit if that's what's taken you out. these days. But welcome, guys, and welcome to quarantine edition week number three, four, I'm not really sure at this point. Three, I think it's three. Week three,

we're getting a little, a little bit crazy over here. Oh, yeah, we've been doing accents over here. Molly, would you like to do the rest of the episode and an accent, if you will? Oh, I could absolutely do the rest of an episode in an accent. Oh, is that an ambulance taking another sick person?

to the hospital, molly. I'll get him out of your window. Relentless ambulances in New York City. Silly, silly, silly sick people in New York City going to the ambulance schools. That's very scary. It's very Dickensy and what we're, you know, it feels like we should be, I keep thinking of that fucking tweet that makes me furious that was like, remember, Shakespeare wrote King Lear when he was in quarantine.

I'm Miss Havisham. You know what, bitch? I'm gonna put every clock to the time that my quarantine began. I'm gonna sit here in a wedding dress that's going to decay. Ms. Havisham knew what the fuck was up. Put me into an attic of some sort. I am love lost. Too much?

I got nothing for that. I got nothing. Oh, you guys don't want to riff on Miss Havisham? I don't have a knowledge of the text enough to riff off of that. Great expectation. Maybe you guys should be reading great expectations. Maybe that's what your fucking problem is. That, you know what? I've been trying to figure out what my problem is. I can't believe you finally just figured it out. I thought it was like my need for food and supplies and all, but that sort of thing. But in fact, it is actually that I'm not more familiar with the text that is great expectations, Jackie. Thank you so much. Pip. Pip is a bastard. But welcome, guys. And we are, we're all, we're finally back and we are. We are all. We're all. feeling well because Holden, and I'm not talking about a before three month mark that like, oh, before the three months, you don't let everyone know Holden's not just fat. He actually is juniored himself and he's having a baby. Holden was a liar in our fucking midst. I just want to say this right now. I'd like to apologize to my disdain. I was a little over the top about the imagined video. And yes, it was because I was secretly having COVID. So I just want to apologize to see ya.

and gal and Will and everybody for telling them to go fuck themselves with such a great aplomb. Yes, I would like for them to go fuck themselves. I was going to say, let's not walk it back too much. I'm still furious. No, no, no, no, yeah. I'm saying just how angry I was was because of the fact that I was actually feeling that literally the fatigue symptoms during the last week's recording and not telling anyone about it. But I'm fine.

Lexi's fine. again new lease on life I just went on a four mile jog and it was one of the best runs I've ever been on everything smells better everything tastes better now that I have my smell and my taste back it is the world the plums of the world are sweeter

and I am here to say it's great that you know now I'm happy that I can't go anywhere because it doesn't matter because I no longer feel like God is holding a giant boot on my chest My favorite part is that when Holden and Lex told me that they had been experiencing this for the last two weeks. Now, I talk and I work with Holden five or six days out of the week.

He assumed that I had absolutely no idea that something was happening. Well, you didn't care. You thought I was secretly mad at you for some reason. Well, because that's how I, someone that works with someone so closely across the country. And I was just like, well, he's not like, we are very open with how we feel about absolutely everything. and you were being so weird about everything. And then I would just sit and I would sit and I would talk to Jeff and be like, I don't know what's going on.

I don't know if I did something. And he also keeps saying like if Holden is upset about something, you know the second he feels anything that he is upset about something because I appreciate your open communication. And I normally am, but I literally didn't even tell my own parents. I didn't want to free people out. I would talk to you, you would be like crying randomly about the crisis that's happening. I didn't want to add fuel to that fire.

I also, it was selfish. I didn't want people hitting me up around the clock asking me how me and Lexi were doing because I was trying to get my mind off of it every way that I possibly could. Because it just, I couldn't let, like, I've never felt that level of anxiety before. That was incredibly, and it wasn't for me. I was like, I'm going to ride this out. I'm going to be okay. It was for my wife who has asthma, has immunodeficiency issues, has all of these things

that they say are like, make her like the, number one candidate to be, you know, in the worst place to be right now is a hospital in New York City. It's like the worst place to be right now. So, yeah, anyway. No, I completely understand, especially because you say that it was two weeks of the, of the worst, but what I will say, and I appreciate, is that it's not like you lied to us and we're still going places. You guys went nowhere. You completely quarantined. You did not leave your house. You did exactly what you were supposed to do, and it took over two weeks, and you're finally feeling better. That's the thing about it that I think people don't get is that, like, it's not just,

like, what I never felt at death's door, and honestly, nor did Lexi really. She got a worse than me, but like, we never had to go to the hospital or whatever, right? But it is just the fact that it is two weeks. That is such a long time to be sick with that. And it is two weeks of you can't smell anything. Not only that, shit actively tastes bad. Shit actually actively had a bad taste. I think when people say they lose their appetite,

I think it's more because just shit sucks to eat. And just like, I would cook a meal and halfway through, I'd be like, I have to go lay down. I'm fucking exhausted. I cannot finish. Now, Molly, how similar is this to being pregnant twice in two years? Is this a lot similar? Does two weeks seem like absolutely nothing?

in comparison? Well, yeah, I can't remember if I've complained about it on this show or not, but I feel like I've been social distancing for about two and a half years because of all of the pregnancies and children's. But somebody actually very helpfully and inspiringly was like,

you have done this before, that means you can do it again, which is nice to remember in the times of feeling like I really can't believe after all this time that I felt stuck at home that now I'm truly, truly stuck at home. But, yeah, I feel like Holden's story is like important for a couple of reasons.

One is that because the biggest thing to me, obviously in America, it's way too widespread to do contact tracing. So it's like if there was a couple hundred cases in New York, then maybe Holden you should have contacted everybody you saw in the last two weeks or whatever. But there's no everybody in New York, operating assumption now is everyone has it or everyone has been exposed. So there's no there's no contact tracing because it's gone so far. far here. But I feel like the biggest thing to me is that there is such a mindset in this country that you have to, that you should work if you're sick and that there's something kind of shameful about being sick and that you should still do your stuff. I wanted to please the world. I wanted everyone to be okay and not worry about me. So I was like, yeah. In order to stop doing

podcasts and stuff, I have to tell everybody. And then not only is everybody stressed out about this thing, but they're also not going to get new content from me and also be worried about me. I was like, I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to suffer through it. This is also why you got yelled at. You got Jackie yelled at because I immediately was like, why didn't you? Tell me. I would have forced you. I would have forced you through. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I needed to work. The work got my mind off of it. If I wasn't working, then I was just stuck in the mental place of like, you have it. You have it. You have it. You have it. Like that chance. That was in my head over and over over you. You have the evil man's disease. You have an evil bat's disease.

You should have been sleeping. Yes, you should have been sleeping. Upside down. I did. I slept upside down, by the way, the entire two weeks, like a bat. And, you know, I kept singing, I'm the Batman. Ba-da-da-da. Be-ba-da-ba-ba.

Fuck you, Holden. Fuck you for getting that stuck back in my head. And you know what's funny is I will forever associate the document. series Tiger King with being sick with COVID and that it makes so much sense. I think we all will. Right. Even those of us who, you know, don't have it will always, there is no, Tiger King is just the COVID documentary now.

And what a, what a fever dream of a documentary series. It is like perfect for happening during this pandemic. Because the whole thing feels like, am I in a nightmare? Who are these people? Why are they doing the things that they do? Why do they have the tattoos that they have? Why? I'm going to get property of LPN tattooed on my mound next.

He got it covered up. He got it covered up. And then getting covered up with a gross-looking bull's head. That didn't completely cover it, yes. But he did get it covered up. And I know that everyone in the world is talking about Tiger King. Of course, still. Because again, this is what we've got right now.

And isn't it crazy when the world, world stops that we all, weirdly, all cross so many different, whether you love it or whether you hate it, most people have consumed Tiger King. And isn't it a weirdly beautiful thing to be a part of? Like how the entire world hated cats. And I think that it is like reminding us that there are things that we can get behind of again, whether you love Joe Exotic or whether you fucking hate it. You at least know what happened in the documentary. Although I'm still only halfway through because half of my house is not watching it. And so we are opting for extraordinary homes when we are watching together.

So that means we have to steal our time to watch Tiger King. So I'm working through it even slower than I usually work shit. But I'm still in it for the long haul. I'm proud of you. Speaking of Cats, you just reminded me. Someone sent me a tweet that is literally titled Cats the Butthole Cut. I'm watching it right now. somebody put but holes on all the cats in the trailer for cats.

Oh, but it's not the true butthole cut. I don't think it's the true butthole cut, but it is absolutely disgusting. And it is absolutely a thing that someone made. Oh, God, I just saw Rebel's. But, cat buttle. Oh, no, they put nipples on you and McAllen! Where did they put the nipples, like where human nipples would be? Like, eight, like a eight rack of nipples.

Or where the cat's nipples would be. Down the stomach. Mike, I will say that I have two cats and one is a boy and one is a girl and they both have very prominent nipples. Right, right. That always threw me off with petting the animal when it has very prominent nipples because I'm always like, ugh, ugh, like when I said it's like rub his tummy, rub his tummy, and you're like, oh, but there's nipple, it's like a nipple minefield.

I don't want to touch those nipples. I don't know the level of sensitivity for cat nipples, but neither of my cat seems to care. Okay. You know, maybe I'm just saying this, but I think that even in. just having this conversation, I'm realizing something, is that outside of human beings, I think that I feel about nipples the way you feel about feet, Holden. Oh, okay. I am very creeped out by the idea of nipples.

It took me a long time to get used to them on humans. Right. Because it makes me think of, it's like, oh, I shouldn't touch those. That's where the baby mouth goes. That's where the kitten mouth goes. That's where the calf mouth goes. And I'm scared of touching nipples. And I know that my beloved goosh comes from nipples, milk.

But I'm not drinking the hot milk out of the fucking slappers that they got under there. Because you ever get in there, you start squeezing? You know what it is my problem? Nipples are so hot. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. They are quite warm.

I think I know what you mean. As the only gestational person in this three-broseph, person conversation. I think I know a little bit about the mammalian feeling of nipples and producing milk. And it's fucking weird. And I don't like it. And I don't want to think about it. And I will say I'm not breastfeeding anymore. And it's fucking rules. Congratulations. Oh. Did your nipples get hot? Or am I making that up? I mean, it's almost like such a specific experience when you're, for me, it's such a like, now that I'm done, I can't even really imagine that I ever did it both times. And then when I

had to do it again, like I did it the first time. And then when I was done, I was like, weird that I ever did that. And then as soon as the second baby was born and I did it again, it was like riding a bike. And I was like, oh yeah, I remember how to do this. And then now I've only been done for like, maybe four weeks. And I'm like, I'll never think about that again. And I don't remember anything about it and I will try to forget everything. And I know that a lot of people don't feel that way. A lot of people feel very amazing about it and makes them feel very in touch with themselves and their babies and all of that. And I did not feel that way. And I am just so thrilled that I do not have to hold like a living person up to my body and then make them live via that. I will also like to say that

I spent a lot of time when we were recording our episodes and in the same room with you while you were making your pump pump happen and that's pretty that's brave what I did yeah oh yeah I that's what you did I it's it's I it's I would do it everywhere because you just have to right you're not but this again my right my brain right now if you ask me right now would you breastfeed in front of Holden I'd be like no no but but in the moment you just have to and so you're just like I guess I'm breastfeeding in front of Holden you know you don't even think about it it's it's a sink or swim It's survival nature, much like those wonderful tigers kept by Joe Exotic in his Zoom. Just a phenomenal documentary series.

My question for both of you right now is do you think that Carol Baskin murdered her husband and fed him to a tiger? 100%. But, spoiler alert, but 100%. Yes. Spoiler alert. But yes. What are you saying? It's like episode three.

If you haven't fucking watched the series, You either don't want to because you're afraid of like Seeing animal abuse and I get it Which is extremely fair Which is fair Or I'm numb to it and that makes me evil and that's fine, I get it Or you you're just Sleeping, I don't know what you're doing

You just, you know, so at this point you need to At least watch the first fucking episode There are some people like Amber Nelson Beautiful Amazing Amber Nelson on the brighter side Who does not own a television She doesn't have a computer, and she is, man, she's reading, she's been cutting her hair. She's been, I think, taking strolls. She has a phone?

She has, yep, she's got a phone. And so, you know, she hasn't watched Tiger King. It's not everybody's cup of tea, but as people that is someone that I love watching exactly what is coming out, the second that it comes out, it excites me when everyone is watching the same thing, especially when you see celebrities start their battle online, because all those ridiculous celebrities are now bored as well, trying to duke it out over who is going to play whom in the Joe Exotic fictionalized movie. I love this.

I absolutely. I hate it. There is no actor who could do justice to any character in that documentary. What makes it so good is that it is just, like, they've just happened to make a documentary about the three, most fucking crazy, interesting people. But like, interesting in a bad way, but they're just the most remarkable people. There is no, I don't want Tom Hanks or who went, Tom Hanks.

It's like when Tom Hanks is Mr. Rogers and it's like, yes, I'm sure you did a great job, but there's only one Mr. Rogers. I'm sorry, there is only one Joe Exotic. There is only one Doc Antle. Who I'm going to go ahead and wager is the creepiest one of the documentary. Just throwing that out there. Agree. And there is only one Carol Baskin, although my group of friends.

friends on our text loop that is mostly about COVID and Tiger King, we have decided that Carol Baskin bears a very strong vocal resemblance to Hillary Clinton. Oh, see, I was also thinking a little bit of the Inagarten, Bearfoot Contessa. It's a very, it's, my problem is, and I think that, like, I would have to pause, pause, not Tiger Pause, I would have to pause whenever she was speaking because I was, you know, there's the brown note that they say that there's a note out there that the second you hear it you shit yourself

for her temperament and her vocal tones make me furious. Really? Really? I think it has something to do with how sedate she speaks how sedately she speaks and it

I want to I want to flip out every time she speaks. I don't know what To a point that I would have to fast forward at points Because I couldn't fucking listen to her speak Does she remind you of someone that gave you trauma in your past? Does she remind you of like your mother or your sister or somebody? No, I think no, because all the people I love the most are the ones that are the loudest

So I don't really know why there's something about it that I'm infuriated every time she speaks I think it's because her tone of voice does not change no matter what she's talking about So, like, if she's talking about, like, when I was a little girl, I just loved cats. And then, like, the next sentence, she's like, well, he was declared missing, and I've never seen him since. And then I just filed the death certificate. Like, she's too calm, you know, only somebody who fed their husband to the tigers could be that calm. Very true. Is it because she stole your fashion sense?

How dare you? I fucking dare you. Just because I have a let it be tattoo. Does it mean I still dress like I have a let it be tattoo? Thank you very much. Although I will say that a good friend of ours, Jermaine Fowler, who was a guest multiple times on the roundtable of gentlemen, did hit us up me and Holden and Henry and Ed Larson from Briderside

to say that we should all do a mockumentary of Joe Exotic. And I guess I'm assuming that means that I would play Carol Baskins. And I don't know if I can do it. Oh, please. That's the movie I would watch. I don't want any celebrity to play Joe Exotic. but if of those four people that you just named, I feel like Eddie is Joe,

who's Doc and who's Joe Exotic between Eddie and Henry. Eddie should definitely be Doc, right? He should be Doc, Edel and Henry's Joe Exotic. Henry's Joe Exotic and then you're Carol Baskin for sure. Oh my God. Yes. And Holden is a thousand percent Jeff. No, you fucking creepers.

Honestly, I would say though, please. I would say though, Germain would be an amazing joke. Exxotic. Germain would be a really good Joe Exotic. Germain Fowler, a black Joe Exotic, he would be incredible, especially when he's screaming at everybody, like all the scenes where he's yelling at everybody would be incredible if that was Jermaine. Yeah.

I think that Henry should play all of Joe Exotic's husbands. Okay. Yeah. That works. And exactly. And let him do the character work. Yeah, all that kind of stuff. I'd like to be the guy that was supposed to murder Carol but just ended up going to strip

club. So I'd like to be that guy. Spoiler, Holden. No spoiler alert. No spoiler alert. See, what Holder really is, and this is no spoiler alert, is the big dumpy do that was in,

well, this is a spoiler. The dumpy do with the glasses. The dumpy do with the glasses, you know exactly what I'm talking about you. Can I say something that I don't want to hurt Holden's feelings? But I kind of want you, in this version, I'm not saying you are this person, but if in this version we make,

I kind of want you to be Carol's husband, her living husband. I mean, the only problem is I don't know if I could actually pose for that photograph where I'm wearing a dog collar. Holden, are you kidding? Us posing for that fucking photograph. I could play that guy. I think in fact, even if we don't make the movie, I think you should have to recreate that picture. That would be amazing.

I do also want to play the, um, I just, I just spoil. I'm just, but the guy that the nerdy guy, you're right, the dirty guy. The dumpy do with the glasses. Molly, you'll see it. You'll get there. The Walmart ammo guy. Yeah. Yes.

You will see. Joe Exotic pulls into his world for a very specific reason that ultimately leads to his downfall. I don't think that's a spoiler. I think that's, you know, we know he falls. We know something bad happens. We know the man falls from grace. It's up in prison.

I will say, gross thing to say, but I do have to admit it as creepy, deep, deep as Doc Antel is in it. The pictures of him. When he, so we're wondering, I know that everyone has seen the headline already, how is Britney Spears connected to Tiger King? Now, in the, what is it, the 2001 VMAs? The 2001 performance of the MTV Video Music Awards, remember the one where she had the Big Python,

and there's a big tiger on stage. What's interesting, which also, we have no idea why, she was sitting next to Carol Baskins in the audience, but who was handling the Typhon? on stage, Doc Antle. And who was kind of like hair band sexy as fuck in that picture? Doc Antle.

And I hate to say that. I hate to say that because I'm not his type to be groomed. You can see his, he used to be a bit of a ladies man. Wow. For sure. Yeah, I mean, I bet you would turn into a fireman if you saw that pole back then. You, you know, speaking of fire poles,

I have been walking past the, Jeff and I have been going on our social distancing walk, you know, our government allotted walk time, and we pass the firehouse that I always pass in my walk to the YMCA, and it's very difficult for me to not hoot and holler at them like a disgusting person, and you can see my pull to just be like,

I don't hoot and holler as much as I go like, doing a great job today, boys, as they're like cleaning the fire truck, and I usually do yell out. things like that towards them as like a, you know, making them feel good about themselves, and I will say that they do. And it's funny to walk past them with a partner of mine because he can feel the pull because I was raised with a police department father who says that you can't date a fireman.

And this is just something that's intrinsically in me. I'm confessing. This is quarantine confessions. Quarantine confessions are back. Quarantine confessions. What are your quarantine confessions? I need one for both of you now. I secretly had COVID for two weeks

I didn't tell anybody. That's a boring at this point. That's a huge one. That's boring now. I know that one. Let me think about it. Molly, you go. What's your confession?

This is tough. It's tough. My quarantine confession is I have not left my house for, I believe, 19 full days. Like literally have not even been outside the threshold of my apartment door because I am living in sheer terror. I put on a mask when I open and gloves when I'm. I accept packages from the door. I'm tipping very well. We did get out a bunch of cash before all this like preppers, like good preppers. And so we are tipping very, very well, like abundant,

like trying to tip, you know, you should just tip everything you have. But I am losing my mind and I'm scared all the time. Yeah, it's very apparent. It's very apparent. Your mind is from them. You're not fun confessions, guys. I said a sexy confession. Well, I've been watching unsolved mysteries at night to be afraid of something else besides COVID. That is a fun. That's fun. Is that leading to any, like, weirdly sexy, what's his name? Robert Stack feelings?

Yeah. I mean, I've always watched Unsolved Mysteries to feel scared, to feel like a kind of titillating at home alone thrill. And so, but I don't think I've ever wanted to bang Robert Stack. But I've always been very drawn to him. I completely understand. He's got mysterious eyes. I will say about Tiger King.

that did bring me back, I completely forgot about hard copy. We watched hard copy all the fucking time. That was a great trip down memory lane. Now I'm looking for more episodes. Just all of those shows, Inside Edition, prime time. I used to watch all that shit, dude. When I was in college, I had my senior year,

I had my own apartment, which ruled. And I lived by myself. and my favorite thing on us to do. I bet you daydream about that situation every hour of every day these days. Dude, I remember when I first got my own apartment, I got buck naked. I ripped open some music.

I just turned up the volume as loud as possible. And I danced around my apartment because I could. Yeah. It was the only time I've lived, truly lived alone, like with no roommates. It was a studio. I lived alone. was in St. Paul, Minnesota was like pretty cheap, relatively speaking, and my best friend lived

next door. So it was like not lonely. And he would come over every night at like 11. And we would just like have wine and chill out. And it was like, but I, but I lived by myself. And kissed. Did he kiss? Did you kiss? Did you speak sexually with your best friend? Did not. I was dating somebody else at the time. Oh, okay. You weren't blinded by science with your best friend sexually. I loved to watch. I did not have cable. So I loved to watch, but it was back when you could still have like regular analog, you know, whatever the came through the regular TV. And I loved to watch Access Hollywood and drink like a full bottle of Trader Joe Chardonnay.

Like every night at 630. That was just, that was my simple pleasure. Yes, absolutely. And isn't it all about simple pleasures these days? I bet you would pay God a million dollars to be able to spend one week back in that situation. It's, I mean, I am, I am blessed because I know that. A lot of people are writing out this quarantine alone and don't want to be alone. And so I feel very, very blessed to have a fullest house.

And I also am blessed to have like a relatively large apartment for New York City, like not like rich people, not like people who are celebrities who are like, oh, I have COVID and I'm just quarantining in my basement, which makes me very angry. Because I'm like, oh, and you're a three-story townhouse. Oh, how hard. But there is, even in my relatively large. New York apartment with the amount of people who are here who I am so blessed to be around.

I do not remember what it is like to be alone. And I'll learn again someday. But it is a distant memory. I learn again someday. It's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Good Lord. Now, Jackie, can you please just have sex with the fireman already

because it's making everybody upset? I know. I know. Well, I think the best case, I'll just dress up God Daddy. That's what you need. Yeah, have you ever had him

dressed up like a fireman? He's done a ghostbuster. Why doesn't he do a fireman? I haven't done the fire. We need the hose. See, that's really the big thing we got to get. I mean, what's your strategy here? Okay, let's say I'm a fireman, right?

Oh, hard day putting out fires with my big, mean muscles. Yuck. Oh, hello, madam. Oh, me? What? The fuck was that, Jacket? Let's try this again.

Let's try this again. Oh, God damn. It's hard to get this wet jacket off from my sweat, sweaty abs and everything. Oh, hello, madam. You've decided to visit me in my fire station. Yeah, I like to come in here to bet the dogs and also the Dalmatians. What? That's also a dog.

Nailed it. That's also a dog. Nailed it. Nails it. Mollie says I nailed it. I'm in. I know how to flirt. If there's one thing everyone knows about me, I am so good at flirting. I am just, I'm a streamlined flurter from the head to the bed.

That's what I always say. That's my flirt. By the way, by the way, the way that's seen ended was I distract her with small talk while calling the police. That is completely understandable. Really why I was being so tripped up is because I had opened up the link to L.A. based illustrator Marco Bernard is out here on these streets doing God's work for us by creating the Pride Land Project, which if you are wondering, does he take a bunch of Disney feline characters and make them sexy? The answer is yes. I love this headline. It says, we've reached the

horny for Mufasa stage of quarantine. Thank you very much, A.V. Club, because Yes, squid. They are very, they are like, what is it called? It's called like the streets, the clothes on the street, streetwear, streetware. They are wearing streetwear, clothes on the streets. Very hot.

I don't know. I just want to, the headline is definitely capturing quarantine feelings for sure, but I also want to push back on the idea that people haven't already been horny for cartoon characters. For decades, people will talk about how they want to bang the beast all the time. Yes.

Who we slamming? Who are we slamming, ladies and gentlemen? Is Ariel too young? Not anymore. Now she's all grown up, but I think that now she might be one of those siren-crones. I'd make love to siren-crown Ariel. Well, I like it too, which I have thought about it a long time, he started creating this project because he's been binging tailspin, and I haven't seen tailspin in a minute.

I'm assuming it is on Disney Plus, but I bet that sexy bear. That's still Balloo, right? Yeah, I think it's a crossover. I'm in. I mean, y'all know that I've got, my problem is, his grown-up, Mufasa is definitely my thing. I definitely kick it with Timon and Pumba for sure. Have you watched any B-Stars? I think I'm going to watch B-Stars this week and talk about it on talking TV

because that is an actual horny animated animal TV show. Because that's another show that he's been watching of why he's created this project. Now, I don't know anything about B-stars. is it an anime? It seems, it has like an anime look. It is, okay, it is a Japanese manga series for sure that was adapted. And it just seems like a bunch of adult humanoid animals. What, Legoshi, a large gray wolf, is a timid and quiet student of Cherryton Academy,

where he lives in a dorm with several other cardivorous students, including his outgoing Labrador friend Jack. As a member of the school's drama club, Legoshi, works as a assistant. stage hand and supports the actors of the club headed by the star pupil Lois, a red deer. Out of nowhere, Tim, the Apaca, alpaca is brutally murdered and devoured in the night. By the way, this is like kind of a Riverdale thing.

Setting off a wave of unease and distrust between the herbivore and carnivore students. At the same time, Lagoshi has a faithful encounter with Haru, a small dwarf rabbit, and begins developing complex feelings for her. Whoa. Yeah. So it's sexy. It's got a murder. There's only so many of these shows I can watch as someone, I was talking about talking to TV.

I started watching Elite. There's only so many sexy mystery shows I can handle in one go. But I will say Molly throwing it out there. I know you don't have the time for it. But Elite is definitely something that would scratch your Riverdale itch while we wait for them to come back from hiatus. Yeah, man, we're in Riverdale Seventh Circle of Hell right now. We don't know. They're supposed to come back in mid-April and, and as well,

As far as we're concerned, mid-April is the largest question mark in the history of time. Right. The worst problem in the entire world is that it's not even like we're going to like becoming a plenty while watching it because it will be the headwig and the angry. Oh, Jesus Christ. When they come back. Oh, see, it's funny because it's like the universe, this is so many terrible things, but it's like the universe knew that we needed love is blind and Tanger King as for our collective descent into madness.

And Headwig, the Riverdale musical episode is exactly the opposite of what we need right now. So I'm not sure that there is enough jizzy in the world for that. Which, by the way, throwback, I am drinking my first jizzie on the show since what, probably circa 2016. Fantastic. Welcome back, baby girl. I was also, it's funny because I think that spiritually we're talking to each other. because I'm calling it a tizzy right now. I got my tequila soda.

So I've got my tizzy, you got your jizzy, which of course a jizzie is what I drank. I'm going to say at least 10 of every single day for about eight years, which is three fingers of gin and soda water and a bunch of limes in it. Beautiful. I was an alcoholic. For sure. But now I feel great.

I think that's why I'm so hot is because I don't drink liquor anymore and even just half of a one, my, like, I feel like I'm burning up. Like, I'm just like, I forget how hot liquor makes you feel. I mean, I will say, and you look like an animal right now. You mean like, like a beast? Yeah, if we were in the woods right now, I'd be like, shoot her, shoot her.

Is it because of my eyebrows? I did want to throw out for everyone out there. Thank you so much for my eyebrow, love. It is, it is an uphill fucking battle. They look fine, Molly. They look fine. They look great. Right.

Yeah. I'm not sure if they look remotely different from what they looked like last week. No one can see this, but I'm going to get really close. Fuller, more luscious. Look at those. Yeah, they look fuller. They look better. Yeah, they look great.

They look great. I think I agree with Holden. They look better. Whoa. Thank you guys. Also nice eye shadow. Honestly, I was telling Molly the other day. I called up Molly.

I was like, I fucking hate Jackie's bullshit-ass eyebrows. And then you were like, I'm growing them out. And I was like, oh, my God. Thank God. Because I even made a special secret. phone call to talk shit about you because I thought your eyebrows. No, you did. You did.

Do you make a Facebook group? He said, I'll say it, Molly. They're too thin. Yeah. Too thin. Too thin. Well, I'm glad that I started this just in time. Yeah.

I was like, I was like, she's got some fucking, um, backstreet boys ass eyebrows. Oh my God. Speaking of Backstreet boys, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all. The I heart radio living room concert that Elton John hosts. I am in a weird standstill right now of how I'm feeling about the change in celebrity culture and as we were watching this unfold. But I will say that Elton John hosted a bunch of a bunch of different artists singing in their living rooms of just a bare bones performance of a song. And Backstreet Boys was included in that. And it put a fucking smile on my face.

It puts such a goddamn smile on my face. Please look up clips from it. I highly recommend the Backstreet Boys version because they're all in their own separate living rooms. And even Kevin is like dancing with his kids as they're like hitting the tambourines. I really, really enjoyed Camilla Cabello's performance with Sean Mendez. And of course we got our Mimi. We got our fucking Mariah Carey who is just all dressed up as if she's not in quarantine. and sings her song like the diva that she is.

But my favorite part was when Elton John called up Lizzo on the phone and they had a phone, a FaceTime phone conversation. They sang together. He told her how much he respected her and what she's doing in the industry. And watching their friendship in real time, it just put a light in my heart that I think I needed right now. Yeah, I think that. I am surprised by how heartwormed I find.

Like I said before, the whole people should be churning out. Like, the idea that people need to be productive during the quarantine is objectionable to me because people are dealing with like, you know, panic and grief and lots of things. But I also do find myself being very, very moved by, you know, the like pieces of like legit, you know, art that they aren't doing just to be like, look at my shit that I'm doing, but to actually just try to make people feel better, I am finding myself moved by the fact that we can feel so connected, even by,

you know, looking at the Hollywood squares of Zoom screens, you know? That's what I love about John Krasinski's YouTube show, The Some Good News Show. Yes. Which I think is like, it's like so perfect. Like do more people should be doing stuff like that. Where it's,

we're going to focus on the positive of this. We're going to collect. and show videos. And he's a great person to do it because I feel like he exudes a warmth and a humanity. Like celebrities, they're just like us.

Like he actually feels like one of us a little bit. And I think that that I really glad that you linked the Krasinski. It's called Some Good News on YouTube because it feels like he's actually just legitimately trying to make people feel better and not just starving for attention or whatever it is.

You know what I mean? Right, because he doesn't need it. And it's really adorable. and if you look up some good news, it's him talking about positive news and giving out thanks to all of the essentials that are out there working right now. And even saying essentials makes me feel like I'm living in Snowpiercer. But he is, it is an adorable. I am essential number 457-2. Request to please move to the front of the train.

It scares me. It scares me. That's why I haven't watched the platform yet that's on Netflix because I keep watching the trailer for the platform. and it's all about the trickle-down economics, and it's scaring me right now. But in some good news, he does tell stories about people that are coming together in times of COVID,

and he also celebrated the 15th anniversary of the office by having Steve Carell on as the entertainment correspondent, and they just laughed and shared memories about working together on the office. It's also very DIY on purpose. He had his daughter's color and drawn color, the logo, for it. It's very much acute

send up to how we're all sort of DIYing it these days. Like, we are right now coming from our apartments recording this episode. And I'm seeing Molly inside of her creepy tiny room. And Jackie and her fucking L.A. Mansion. And then me and my kitchen living room. Please. My kitchen living room.

My kitchen living room, as you can see behind me, yes. And since Jackie brought it up, I mean, as we were joking about the sirens at the beginning, but it is like very fucking awful to be in New York City right now and hear sirens all day. And so if you are a page 7 listener and you are working through this because you're an essential employee, either because you're a grocery store worker or an Amazon worker or a pharmacy worker, or of course, if you are a first responder or a doctor or a nurse or any of the many, many, many people who are essential workers, we either because you really are an essential worker or also because some people's jobs are just making

them come and saying that they're essential workers which in which case I hope that you can stay home but but for the people who really are essential I mean I you know I hope that everybody is getting fucking triple pay especially grocery store workers and like people who are have been fighting for years to get fair pay and who we are now relying on to stay alive but we are so thankful to you and hopefully if you are working page seven can be something that is uh you know keeping some goofs in your ears just you know through all of this thank you so much thank you thank you so much for saying that molly because i uh yes we talked about it because i wish that i could give my thanks in a much bigger way and you know we can't all be a t sway which i'm gonna throw it

out there holden mcneely your girl is out there giving lots of money and is not asking for media attention about it. She's giving millions of dollars. People are shining a light on what she's doing. Yeah, yeah. Millions and just the fans. She'll just see fans say, fuck, I can't pay my bills and she'll just hit them up on PayPal and be like, saw your post. Here's 3G. Yeah, Lil Nas X is doing the same thing. He was like, tell me if you're struggling to pay rent, and I'll Venmo you. Hell yeah, I love seeing that stuff. And yeah, I do really appreciate, I don't want to harp on her as I tend to all the time. But I do appreciate what I see when I see her actions.

I think they speak far louder than words ever could. And I'm never disappointed. And I'm not even looking for that. I just like her music. But I also do agree with what she does. I know, but she's also, it seems a very good person. Yeah. And who else is a great person and who I fall in love with more and more every day?

Post Malone. Because I love the idea of the ballina cup. Post Malone is setting up a virtual, interactive beer pong tournament with other celebrities. A lot of celebrities are NFL players. I don't know any of them. I don't know any of these people. But we've got sports illustrated swim models. We've got major league baseball.

That's what the MLB. Man's Little Butts. That's what I also call them. MLB pitchers that they are getting together. And everyone that is a part of this virtual beer pong tournament is giving a lot of money to become a part of it. And whoever wins it, the prize includes a commemorative trophy and a wrestling belt. And all of the money will be donated towards charities that are fighting COVID-19 right now. What a dumb fun way for celebrities to give money.

And the fact that we will all be able to watch, said Ballina Cup. And then I started thinking about it I think it's actually fairly easy to set up a virtual beer pong tournament If you think about it You have your own cups in your own house And you zoom each other To the point that I think that we should be doing this

As a friend group Let's do it for our next episode I love to let's do it At my house we are out of beer So I can't it won't be a jizzy pong Because that would kill everybody So I'll try to figure out a way to get more beer before that. I mean, what you can definitely

do is instead, which is what I've definitely done in the past, is put water in the cups and you shoot the water or you don't shoot whatever's in the cups because actually that's bad for germs anyway. So you just keep the water in there and you just keep a

shot glass next to you that you either take little shots or you take sips whenever you wish. Okay, that's smart. See, this is how we do it. And then we keep all the balls from getting the germs in our mouth. So I just just wanted to say thank you to post below. See, these are the fun ways.

These are the anti-imagined videos that people are putting together to try and raise some money and to get the word out and for everyone to stay home and to stay safe. Hell yeah. But a lot of them are also having fun with it like a one miss Ina garden. Is it Ina, Ina? Ina. I think it's Aina. If it's Ina, this is like how poor Chrissy Teigen's last name is not actually Teigen, it's Tygan. but she's just Chrissy Teagan now regardless

because everyone's used to it that way. I feel like Ina Garten is Ina. But no, she says barefoot with Ina, so it's Ina. Okay, so it's Ina Garden. And of course, it is the barefoot contessa. And even though I'm always waiting for her to say, hey, there you cool cats and kittens, she's never going to say it, hopefully,

unless she gets cast, and this is my big money casting move. And she has been on her social media accounts putting out recipes every single day, of great healthy things you can make with pantry staples. And this is, she doesn't have to be doing this. And it's things outside of the box that I would never think about.

And I would say give it a shot because talk about another way for someone to give back of just including things like that of, I don't know, I don't know about you guys, but I definitely ate ice cream and a frozen pizza for dinner last night. So I'm having the craziest. It was like two in the morning the other night and I just heard Alexei was like, I want Taco Tuesday.

I want Taco Tuesday. I just started screaming and she was like, okay, we'll get tacos. And we're doing tacos tomorrow night. And I think we're going to start doing a normal taco night. But there's a lot of interesting cravings I've had lately. And I love getting these new recipes because I'm trying to open up. I didn't realize how much I ordered in and went out to eat. But it's an absurd amount, especially here in New York.

Now I'm like craving all sorts of like home cooking style stuff. And so I love these recipes. They're great. But also, Ina Garten is getting hammered. And she was trending today because she is so used to making a big van of cocktails for everyone. Because you never know who's going to drop by. And she said, oh, nobody's dropping by. I saw that.

That's why she has put out. She says, I know, this headline reads, Ina Garten quarantines with massive cocktail recipe. Oh, she and Jeffrey have been putting it back. Jeffrey is used to being able to leave for a long time. He needs it. How else is going to get his release? Crawling out of the skin right now.

So Ida Garten used an entire bottle of vodka mixed with a large amount of, I don't know how to say it. Contra. Contrault. Contrault. You know what to mean. Contrue. Cranberry juice, cocktail, and fresh line. juice that she mixed in a gigantic shaker before pouring into a larger-than-life

martini glass and she says stay safe have a very good time and don't forget the cocktails I love her I love her I think that she's I think she's perfect and I think she's scary in a way that makes me nervous yeah I agree with that yeah she she she is definitely the content that everybody needs right now we all knew that she just wanted to get wasted by herself starting at six in the morning anyway. And so now we have that confirmation. Yeah, although she says that she doesn't, she never drinks while cooking. Uh, uh,

whatever. Wrong. She always, she says, I'm a terrible drunk. No, this bitch is the one that's like, never cook with any wine that you wouldn't drink.

And then she opens a wine, she puts it in the chicken and she's like, oh, now I can drink it. That bitch is lying. The entertainment I also need is the cast of the nanny, reuniting to do a reading of the pilot live on stream. I can't wait to watch that.

How great is this, guys? I think it is kind of funny because it does speak to as someone that follows, of course, Fran Dresher on every social media outlet that I am able to. She has been winking at the fact that so I think that it's only available in like Quibi or one of those. It's an app that I do not have and don't have access to that you can watch most of the nanny on and people keep hitting her up just being like where can we stream the nanny i wish we could stream the nanny and she just kept saying there's good news coming out there's good news coming out so

everyone assumed that she meant that the nanny was coming to some sort of streaming service and that was not the case in reality she was revving people up because on monday april 6th she and the first the original cast of the nanny are going to reunite for a virtual table read. I love it. That is awesome. That's like this is the thing.

I feel like for people who are alone and quarantine, like I feel like it's really nice that there is like, you know, good shit like happening all the time. To, for people who, you know,

feel like it's hard to escape or impossible to escape what's actually going on. I feel like, keeping it interesting. Obviously there's not like people filming new shit right now and there's an abundant source of things to stream, but I really love that there is like,

that there is stuff like this happening to kind of like be there for people. And I am going to watch the fuck out of it. I love her. I love her. I'm so excited to watch it. And I don't know how they tracked everybody down, but I'm happy that everyone is down to do it. And it is kind of fun to see what creatives can do,

with their back against the wall of just like, but I want to make shit. You know, you do things like reading Model Andand, which again, I've hit about page 200, and I can't believe there are 400 pages left. I don't know how I'm going to read the read.

I don't know what's going to happen. And that's been, it's a scary, it's like being in a mine field. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. But on that news, it's time for the list.

Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. I mean, we've got multiple lists here today, and I don't know which one is the best. So I'm going to let you guys choose. This is a choose your own list adventure today. We are either going to do the worst Easter candies. We are going to do the inventors that killed,

that were killed with their own inventions, or the most bizarre documentaries to stream during. quarantine. I vote Bizarre documentaries. Same. Wow. Wow. I really thought you guys were going to go with the six inventors that were killed by their own inventions. But don't worry, guys. I'm sure I'll use it next week. Because of course, the 10 bizarre documentaries that you should be streaming right now, I was, you know what, I was impressed with myself because I've seen almost all of them on this list. And there were a few new ones that I think that I'd want to check out, which is why I wanted to share it with everyone. Of course, number one,

we've got Tiger King. And then number two, of course, abducted in plain sight. Oh my God. This movie, I couldn't even finish this movie. Oh, Jesus Christ, this one. Yeah. It's just nonsense. It makes no... You're like, people like this exist. Yeah, that's just...

See, I think that that's what's so fun is that so abducted at plain sight, it is on Netflix. I think that a lot of people remember what it's about, but if you don't know, the summary is when I don't, native Jan Broberg was 12 years old in 1974, her neighbor began to

take an unseemly and inappropriate interest in her. What begins as a disturbing portrait of predation, quickly spirals into an unbelievable and audacious attempt to manipulate Jan's entire family. It is, I still think that this beats it out for the past

year of craziest documentary. And I'm going to throw it out there over Tiger King. I think it might be over Tiger King. Yeah, it's less enjoyable. Yes. Did watch the Tiger King by a magnitude of one million. Yes. But it definitely,

you're just like, what? Over and over again. Yes. Very upsetting. Now, these other ones are more in the fun world. Have you guys seen

the wolf pack? Yes. Love the wolf pack. I love documentaries, so tell me about it. It is on Hulu, and it says, confined to their apartment

in a Manhattan housing project for years by parents wary of the world outside their door, so they were kind of kept captive. The seven Angulo siblings developed an understanding about life through movies. The Wolf Pack depicts their attempts to cope with reality

after finally emerging from their involuntary exile. So essentially, they were kept inside of this house and were able to watch as many movies as they wanted so they would reenact the movies using, like creating their own props and stuff like that in their own house. And then when they're finally able to do whatever they want to do, they didn't know how to live their life anymore because they lived their entire life inside of this small,

Manhattan apartment. Yeah, it's fascinating. Feels perhaps a bit too close to home right now. I mean, it is kind of fun. Maybe you should be recreating some scenes from some of your favorite movies, Molly. Like, what would you do? I'm legit concerned that I'm going to go outside

when we can finally, when I feel safe to go outside again and I'm going to like burn alive in the sun. I get it. No, I do completely. But you're not going to burn in the sun. There will be a time. You will leave your apartment again in at least six months from now. I can promise you that. There you go. Yes. Yes. And the scene that I would do from a movie

is going, you know, it's going to be any, any scene from any Gene Kelly movie. Ooh. Yeah, but then, so what are you going to do? Are you just going to strap, um, tap shoes onto the babies? Yeah, I'm going to pretend that we're all tap dancing. I will be Gene Kelly and they will both be Donald O'Connor. I did show Freddie her first Gene Kelly, uh, dance sequence this week. Did she love it? She did. Yeah. I, At first she was like, no, no, because she wanted to watch, you know, we've been watching. My friend is a pre-K teacher. He's been making dance videos.

We've been watching that. We've been watching some, like, YouTube, like jump like a fucking kangaroo shit. But then I was like, oh, you know what? As long as we're watching screens all day, let's watch Gene Kelly. And at first she was like, not interested. And then she was like, more, more, more. So I feel. Awesome.

I feel pretty happy about that. By the way, my answer is. I would make the wolf pack with Lexi and I. We will be the children making home movies of famous movies. And so it'll be very mad at. You need the wigs, though. They all have very long hair. I should start recording myself because I know that I have told you guys

and I want to keep you up on my tap dancing journey because the tapaholics, who, that is the people I've been courting that I want to go take classes with have been putting all of their classes online. No shit. tap dancing along with them. Molly, I should send it to you. Send it to me! I'll send it to you.

It's very difficult and there's no way I'm doing it properly, but the best part is that there's no one here to watch me. Yeah, and there's no tap shoes coming to my house, so I'll just... No tap shoes. Who knows whether I'm tapping or not? Who knows? You do it with you sneakers. They encourage it. But let's get through some more of these, but yes, I'm going to send that to you, Molly.

You're going to fucking love it. Of course, we've got three identical strangers on here. which was another fun doc that I have seen. It is about triplets that were born in 1961 that were then separated for the first 18 years of their lives. They had no idea that the other ones existed. And when they reconnect, it's a joy. But the movie quickly switches gears

to explore the question of why they were separated at birth to begin with. It's that investigation. And the chilling answer that lends three identical strangers, It's bittersweet, haunting, atmosphere. That is on Hulu. It is great. I've seen ads for this and it looks so fascinating. Yeah, I got to watch it.

I haven't seen that. See, this is why we're doing this list. These are things that you've got to remember. We've got to fold into us because also never forget. Hashtag never forget. Mine of Forget is tickled. Which I definitely reference in Riverdale and it is a documentary about a man that makes fetish movies against, well, not against these men.

will, they go into it for the money, and then it is used against them. Yes. And this is about a very nefarious man. Yes. And that is on Hulu. Very fascinating. The next one on here, I've actually been dying to watch, which is hands on a hard body, which is about this competition in Longview, Texas, where participants agree to

keep one hand on the vehicle at all times, the last person standing wins. I've heard of this competition. I believe they did it this American life based around this competition, and it sounds like a complete fucking nightmare. And it's what people will go through to win a competition of this sort and how psychologically just nightmarish a competition like this can be because they are literally hand on this truck for fucking days. And it's crazy, crazy, crazy stuff.

I think this should be illegal. I think it has since become illegal. It might be. It seems like this footage is a little bit older. but you can apparently find it on iTunes. I'll skip ahead a little bit because we've got to talk about but where the Slender Man, which is about, of course, the two Wisconsin girls that came to a...

Is it good? It is way better than the movie. I will say that. Sorry, sorry. Do not watch the Slender Man movie. I mean, because you know what it is? I love bad movies. It's just kind of boring.

But this one is interesting because I didn't know a lot about what had happened with these girls that I think everyone has heard the story of these two girls in Wisconsin that decided to appease the Slender Man, which is an internet source boogie man that they, to appease him, they decided to murder one of their classmates.

And these were young girls too. And this one I definitely want to talk about because I remember when Holden watched it and then I watched it and it was, I kind of blew my mind a little bit, the perfect bid. Love it. Price is Right Superfan.

Ted Slausen spent a lifetime analyzing retail price tags in case he was ever called up from the studio audience on The Price is Right. What happens when he gets a little too close to a perfect showcase showdown? Guests will keep you on the edge of your seat. You can watch this on YouTube. And what I love about The Perfect Bid, which I think it's not, I think I saw it on Netflix, but what I love about the Perfect Bid is that it is light. It is not going to bum you out.

Some of these other documentaries are heavier. The Slyndermann one I've never watched because I was like, am I in the mood for this? Do I want to watch a story about two young girls killing another girl? It's interesting. Whereas perfect bid is just fun, man. It's just a fun, silly romp.

By the way, I'm surprised tabloid's not on this list. I know you watched that recently. My God, tabloid's so good. It's so good. What's the description? It's a crazy woman takes like a Mormon guy on a kidnapping spree. Molly Neffle. She is a beauty pageant queen

And she's gorgeous And she falls in love with this Mormon dude And he's like, I'm Mormon And I don't think we should continue in this relationship I'm going on my mission And she's like, you're not going on your mission You're staying here He goes on his mission

And she fucking tracks his ass down To go get him because And she claims that the Mormons have kidnapped him Even though he went of his own volition And then she kidnaps him And I'm not going to spoil it. I don't want to spoil it. But it is definitely, and it's weird though because the documentary is so good

because it's almost lighthearted, even though she steals a full grown man. I got to write this down. I'm already sending the list to Gideon because we're like so sad about what we're going to do when we finish Extraordinary Homes and Tiger King. One of one of these many ones I think that you would very much enjoy. Yeah. All right. Put tabloid on the list.

Wait, did something happen with the video feed? It seems to be blanking out on me. I'm not sure. Oh, my, I can hear you still, right? You're still on Skype, right? It's just that the view of the video feed seems to have gone dark. Wait a tick. I can't see a thing.

I think I'm going blind. Bindoms. We can't see them. Shout out to Lexie, who is behind Holden shaking her head. disappointedly as he does this bit. Disappointed in his very existence. I love their marriage. This serial cheating married Ryan Seacrest wannabe who is also getting back into acting

has a woman who meets him every morning at 10am for sex. The wannabe calls it, quote, going to the gym. Whoa. Carson Daly? No, he likes to sit in seats backwards. Mario Lopez. Yes, Mario Lopez. Yes, Mario Lopez.

Congratulations. You got the ages later reference. Thank you. Also, Lopez was recently criticized for filming he and Mark Wahlberg's gym session at a public gym in L.A., along with a handful of others last Thursday. Therefore, completely disregarding the safer at home order in Los Angeles. So he can go fuck himself. I just can't believe there's a gym that is still open. I think they, like, bought it out for the morning.

But they're, like, with a bunch of people and stuff and they're filming there. So dumb. Just do what you're told to do. Buff out. This is... All right. Get right for the next stupid one. Whatever.

I'm ready. This permanent A-list diva tried to get the L.A. zoo to open for herself and family and her entourage. The zoo said no. Was it Mariah Carey for her birthday? Yes. Oh, because we forgot to talk about it. It was Mimi's... We think her 50th birthday this week.

And the video... The videos of her... her kids, which again, she just pushes her kids behind her and like struts her stuff out in front. And man, I just fucking love Mariah Carey so much. What a fucking dave. I love that. She did recently post a very funny video of her wearing black plastic

gloves with the Lysol can working out and singing on an elliptical with the hashtag dim gloves. Dim gloves. You know what? I would rather see that any fucking day over the goop. the pictures of goop with her face mask on and her big rubber gloves on going to the farmer's market and I love all of the trolling that she's getting

of people just be like, don't you take all of your natural immunobosters? Why are you so scared of getting it? It says that it completely gives you immunization against viruses, so what are you so scared of? Here's the last one. This was very apropos for our little show. There are literally tens of millions of dollars

available to him with a phone call, But this parental unit of a celebrity is asking the public for money using the celebrity's image and name. Lady Gaga's father. You got it. I saw this. I saw this. Father, Joseph Germanada went online, started a go-fund me for $50,000 to pay his restaurant wages and to pay his employees after it was shut down due to the pandemic, which caused a huge backlash because everyone's like, are you fucking kidding me? Lady Gaga's your daughter.

And I think she like co-owns the restaurant. And Gaga said she had no idea who was doing this. Oh, wow. Super apologized and everything. Yeah. So hopefully she stepped in and fit the bill. I'm not footed the bill. I'm not really sure.

But either way, I thought it was apropos because we, of course, just put out our first part of the Lady Gaga pop history, which has been a lot of fun to do research on lately. I'm trying to find. I forget who it was. There was another celebrity that was also in the hot sea right now. because he's like, if we could just together raise a million dollars, then this company is it going to go under it?

And everyone's like, you do it. You can do it. You or get some of your friends to do it together. What do you mean you're asking people? Just so much of the population that is out of work right now, I feel there's a lot of anger right now. And I really, I'm trying to deal with it. I'm trying to journal about it.

Anger is okay. It's anger is the emotion that I'm the most scared of. But right now, and this is why I said, Holden, we don't have to roll back our criticism of Galgado too much. Anger is okay. Too much. Right now, there's a lot of things to be angry about. Yeah, for sure.

I don't like sweet potatoes I've found. I hate them. So, fuck off, sweet potatoes. Get your fucking dick sucks somewhere else. This is the quarantine confession I was looking for. You know what, Holden? You know what? fucking sames.

Yeah. I don't like sweet potatoes. I wish I did. I love this. You don't like them either? I have tried so many times to like sweet potatoes. So many times. They suck them. I hate them.

No, let me make them for you. Let me make them for you both and I'll change your mind. Holden, we have to be, we have to at least have a part of our heart that's open. I will eat it and I won't look you in the eyes, Molly, in case I have to spit it into a napkin. Wow. I will eat it. Wow. You are going to spit it into a napkin.

That's a serious level of distaste. I'm going to go, I'm going to go right under the napkin. I'm going to make that sound. And whatever. And waffle fries. Curly fries. You don't like? Just normal ass fries.

They're amazing. No, no, I'm saying all of those types of fries are incredible. Get out of here with your B word sweet potato fries. Whoa. I wish that you weren't so wrong about this, but, you know, it's okay. See, this is what I mean. We are headed, this is our time, but I'm worried about next week what my quarantine confessions are going to be because

I'll be worse. I'm spitting fucking truths over here, y'all. I will say this too. Quarantine confession, when I hear Lexi teaching children in the other room, it makes me want to give her a kid really bad. Oh my God, that's so cute. Because she's so cute. It makes me really like want to fill her with my seed.

Well, and she looks truly disgusted at the way that you said it. You just make it sweet. Then you just immediately dash all of her wet efforts that she was putting out there towards you. And I don't blame her. Thank you guys. Thank you guys for joining us this week. If you've got some quarantine confessions, throw them our way. This is the time.

Confessions. This is the time. It is the countdown. The countdown begins. Happy April Fool's Day. And the countdown now begins to April Reals Day. We've got 19 days left until April Reels Day. Yes, very excited.

I'm definitely working on the things that I have to say to you guys. And Molly, you're going to be around for this one. So I do expect you to come in with some real things that you would like us to fix about ourselves. Yeah, and they need to be dangerous. April Reals Day, I thought maybe it was canceled this year. Not canceled? No, no. I will say I do love how April Fool's Day has clearly been universal.

cancel. I love it. No one is giving a There was like a member of BTS that tried to say like, I'm in the hospital with COVID. Oh my God. As a fucking April Fool's

there was like, get out of it. What are you possibly doing? I will say it was kind of fun. I saw Danny McBride this morning. This is an evil one, but it is, I did maybe laugh. Danny McBride this morning

woke up his kids, got them ready to go to school, put them in the car, drove them to school. And the kids were like, but dad, but dad. The schools are closing. Nope.

Nope. It's a regular day. Takes him to school. In front of the school, obviously everything is closed down. You look back at him and he goes, April Fool's, the school's not open. And you're actually not going to see your friends in person for probably about six months. And then they started to cry. You're crying at that.

That's not the April Fool's. That's just reality. That's what reality is right now. Boo. Boo. Boo, Danny McGrath. I love him. But boom.

That's funny. That is traumatizing. I imagine he probably didn't actually do it. I'm assuming he didn't, but it was just funny looking at his Instagram this morning. And him talking about it was pretty funny. That's hilarious. I do love Danny McBride a lot. I love him.

And I love you guys so much. Thank you guys for again joining us this week. We've got more content coming at you. Don't you worry. Because it's the only thing that makes my brain bugs. Stop screaming. It's the only thing. And Holden in, Lexi,

I'm glad that you guys are feeling so much better. My name is, I too, Marowski. We love you, love you, love you. I am Holden, Neely. Catch me on Twitch.com. T.B.4.S.Hol Nader's Ho. Jack and ease is still ripping and rocking so strong. In fact, a lot more people have been watching lately

because what the fuck else are you going to do? And more importantly, patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. We are putting out so much content, weekly talking TVs with Jackie and I, and this whole Model-Land thing, you've got to check it out. Five dollars a month, that's all it takes, and every little bit helps.

Thank you so much for that. Molly? I am MJK. L Kat on Twitter, Holden, I'm so glad that you and Lexi are feeling better, and I'm so thankful that both you and Jackie are, you know, here to ground my quarantine confessions. Our pleasure. I mean, I just hope that, yeah,

I expect more next week, Molly. as the descent into madness continues even further. We love you guys. We'll talk to you next week. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.