Page 7 - Episode 349: Badonka Boots

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

We gab about Mariah Carey comparing herself to Jesus, diva animal actors, plus we invite Lexe to join us in our quarantined couples corner. Want even more Page 7? Check out our Patreon page! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's an oldie and it's a goodie. Yes, she's bringing back walking out, walking all broken glass. Beep, beep, beep, beep, bee, bee, bee, be walking out, walking out broken. Beep, beep, beep. You were the sweetest thing that I've ever known. Bringing a little too much soul to it than Annie Lennox would have liked, I'm assuming. This is, throw it out there, another week that it was a bit of a four song because Scatman has been stuck in my head for about a week and a half. And I don't know what's worse.

Quarantine or having Scatman stuck in your head for a week and a half. Welcome to page seven. I think it's Scatman. Hello, my name is Holden. And I did my thing that I do when I get way too drunk, which is what I did last night. and I went and watched a bunch of Taylor Swift live and music videos and so I woke up with

Someday I'll be living in a big old city And all you're ever gonna be is mean And then it's like yeah but like maybe being in a big old city Is not amazing right now but that's fine And it's okay But it is I am living in a big old city And all those bullies are just mean.

What a sweet drunk behavior that you engage in, Holden. That's like, you're like, instead of getting drunk and surly, you just like get drunk and go get sad and watch Taylor to Swift songs. Yeah, well, I don't get sad. Apparently, like, Lexi came out and I was blasting Wildest Dreams on my headphones with my hands up. I was, like, worshipping the church of Taita. I had my hands up in the air, and I was like lip syncing to it and stuff. I'm going to go ahead and say it's one of my favorite parts about you. I'm going to say it's one of my favorite parts about you is that when you get too drunk,

you like to sit and watch music videos over and over again. And maybe this is giving too much in detail about your marriage. But I was definitely staying at your place one time. And I walked in, I think I was outside on the phone talking to Jeff. And I walked in and you and Lexi were slow dancing to the lover music video in the living room. Both crying. and I could get gone for like 10 minutes. And then I burst into tears because it was such a beautiful sight.

We're all just so drunk. And I love sitting, I miss sitting and singing songs with you at 3 o'clock in the morning and pissing off all the neighbors. Yeah, it's super fun to do. So my name is Molly Neffle and I have a, I guess you could call it a quarantine confession. Oh, we're jumping in early today. Okay. It's about songs in our head.

It's not that spicy. but it's I find myself as I get ready for bed at night every night for the last at least week like alone in my room which not totally alone because the baby is there but like just doing you know doing my brushing teeth taking contacts out feeding the cats etc I find myself with the absolutely unignorable driving memory of the B-side song from the saved by the bell Zach Attack dream episode where Zach is dreaming that they have a, that they become

famous on the top 20 with Casey Kasem and Zach attack becomes very successful. And the main song that everybody knows from that episode is Friends Forever. But the other song from that episode... I remember you and Marcus used to sing that song

a lot. Yeah. And I'm sure I've mentioned this B-side on the show before because when I was like eight, I thought it was a fantastic song, a song that only appears on this episode of Stap of the Bell. Nowhere else. But it's called Thought We'd Always Be Together. And I can sing it for you as you want, but it's what I have in my head of my name.

I would love a tale. Yes, please. I don't. I actually elect for Molly to not sing. I want the song and I win. It is Zach and Kelly. It's a duet. And he goes, thought we'd always be together.

And then Kelly goes, I was sure I love. would last. And then together they go, Ooh, looking back to yesterday when we started out, did we ever have a clue What love was all about? Get it, girl.

They didn't have a clue. They didn't have a clue. And there is like a whole verse That comes after that and I remember all of it Just from watching Save By the Bell On TV like after school when I was a kid I've never like rewatched it streaming Like it just is in my brain forever, and it comes out at 11 o'clock at night when I go to bed.

I'm sorry, I do have to make mention of the fact that I can see your husband sitting behind you who has shaved the sides of his head completely. Yeah, what's going on there, Molly? And it looks like he has a mohawk. Yes, my husband is shaving his head. Every time he goes to take a shower, he shaves more hair off. It's such a weird. It's such a weird amount. it's been shaved. It's not all the way shaped. It's halfway shaped. It looks like, honestly,

from the profile, it looks like his hair is the shape of Florida. It's well, it's shaved on the other side of his head too. So it's like a, the problem is he wants me to do the back and I've been afraid because he he shaved my head just the sides in the back and it looks great. It looks great. Yeah, he did like a really good job. And so now he wants me to shave the rest of his head. And you'll see now his back of his hair is just normal. But then the top is just increasing. he's like shaving the sides. So he looks like an 80s bad boy, like, because it's kind of mullity.

I'm very impressed. I'm very impressed. What a bully in a Nickelodeon cartoon would look like. He looks exactly like what a bully in a Nickelodeon cartoon would look like. Yeah, I keep saying he looks like a late 80s bad boy, like in a nice way.

See, this is the thing. This is what I am, I'm starting to get the itchies and the scratchies because last week on the Twitch stream, Lexi also shaved Holden's head, Not shaved it, but gave him a haircut. And you know what she also did a great job. Yeah, you look great, Holden.

It looks so good. She did a great job. And then, of course, Gwen Stefan gave the haircut to what's her husband's. Gwen Stefani also gave a haircut to Blake Shelton. Blake Shelton. He is now, he is growing out his mullet right now. He was allowed to grow back his mullet that Gwen Stefani said as a way to signify, quote, unquote, hope for COVID relief, which doesn't make any fucking sense.

But I will say the foundation that he is a huge part of is giving millions of dollars. So that's why it is more funny that he's growing out his mullet for hope, which I think is very fun. So she also shaved the size of his head. See, I don't know how you guys were able to allow your partners to do these things. I'm begging Jeff to let him give me hair cut. But the problem is that I just, you know, I drink a couple glasses of wine. And I start going, better watch out. I'm going to get you in your sleep,

and he still won't let me cut his hair. I mean, it's, you got to do it, right? I mean, you have to, I mean, I guess you can just let it go crazy, but my hair looks stupid when it gets big. It gets all kind of froy and weird. I know, I've seen it like that before when you were very broke. Yeah, I used to, or I think it was more that, like, I didn't have a car and couldn't get to a barbershop.

I'm also, I have weird jitters when it comes to, like, going to a barbershop for the first time, which is ridiculous because I have a very easy, simple haircut request. You know what I mean? That's not. No, I think that that's completely fine. I mean, you're talking to also a person that usually will at least cry a little bit every time I get my haircut.

Oh, you're one of those. Yeah, I used to every single girl who sat at the hot girl table at one point during the school year would show up with short hair, completely just in tears, surrounded by all all the other hot girls that secretly hate her and talk bad about her behind her back and go, oh, it's okay. And you were one of those as well. Are you admitting right now that you and Molly get together and talk bad behind my back just because I'm a hot girl?

Is that what you're saying? Wait, in this metaphor, do the three of us sit at the hot girl table? Does just Jackie sit at the hot girl table? I'm pretty sure Jackie sits at the hot girl table. Let's just be honest, okay? And Molly, we may sit at the same table, but it's definitely not, and that's not. Not because you're not attractive. It's because you don't have that hot girl flare.

Never have. You know what I mean? Wow, did you just say flare instead of bitchiness? I really appreciate it. Yeah, you don't have that energy. That B-word energy, I'm going to say, the Jackie exhibits. Yeah. And your breasts aren't as out as humanly possible like Jackie's are right now.

I mean, mine are very out. I'm one of the few people left who still likes low rider pants, which was a real staple of the hot girl outfit in early 2000s. I love low rider pants. That's true. Oh, my God. My body doesn't support it anymore. Now that I've had two children, I can't wear low rider pants anymore.

But that's always people over here in the mid-2000 teens were being like, ooh, high-wasted pants. And I was like, low-rise all the way, baby. I'm still in 2003 at the high school hot girls table. I can't do it. It makes my gunt protrude too far out. It doesn't cover enough with the lowriders, although I will say I have been thinking about giving myself a belly button piercing. Of all the things that we can do in quarantine, I could definitely start piercing some stuff because I don't know about you guys, but I've been getting stone to the point every night that I start thinking of all the things, the projects on my body that I can start working on. And I think that piercing needs to be one of them.

I have about seven tattoos drawn out of what I want to get. And I'm probably not going to get any of them, but most of them are food related, as you've. can imagine. Right. Have you ever given yourself a piercing, either of you ladies? No. No. I have a friend who over the drunk years has gotten very good at stick and poke tattoos and they now have given themselves and their partner like many like increasingly complicated like stick at home stick and poke tattoos and they have an awesome new quarantine one. But this is like a like a skill, a drunk skill, but a skill that they've honed over a decade. And I'm so jealous because I want a tattoo so bad

and I'm finally done breastfeeding and I can't get one. So I think that self-mutilation for art is fun, but I'm also afraid to do it because I don't know how to do that. It should not be like, uh-oh, I have to go to the hospital. Not to a hospital. Yeah, I never actually got anything pierced. ever in my life, but I did accompany my friends in high school. I went with them to watch them get their tongues pierced.

And you have to do that with just the straight up, like you don't do that with like a gun or anything. You have to do that with just a straight up steel needle. They clamp down the other side of your tongue. I remember because I was very close to getting a tongue piercing and I also went with my friend. They take your tongue, they pull it out. And so it's clamped to the end.

And I remember asking them, I was like, has anyone ever ripped off the tip of? of their tongue because they get so scared. And the guy looked at me, he's like, I mean, not really. I was like, well, that's not enough of an answer for me. Because I'm very scared of it. And I'm sure that probably doesn't happen very often, but I was too scared,

and I didn't go through with it. Once is enough. It was like some body horror shit, like, for sure. It was really rough to watch, but very exciting and thrilling and fun to watch. And then they got so like swollen, and I think one of them got infected and, like, he couldn't talk.

Like, you can't talk for a week. And, like, it's just so crazy. It's so crazy. Although it would be fun to call up Henry Marcus and Kessel and be like, I can't work for the next week because I do it so I can be cool. I would definitely need you to do podcasts with me that week, sounding like that. For sure. I mean, it is, but yeah, it was so, I was like, what are you guys fucking thinking, dude?

this is insane. But it's so sexy. Yes. Tong rings are still to give better... To give better lick-lick or whatever, I guess. Yeah, I do think the tongue-ring looks sexy. I do.

I like, there's a lot of body... I've never really particularly wanted a body piercing. I'm not sure why. Because I think that they're like mostly very attractive on other people. Like, I like people with lots of piercings. But I've just never... I've always been more of a tattoo person myself. Right, right.

You tattooed people, too. It's like you can't just get one. Whoa, were you lumping us into a fucking group right now? There's something about the tattoo. That's why I'm almost more afraid to get a tattoo because apparently I'm just going to obsess over it and want to get as many as humanly possible if I just get one.

That's what it seems like to me with the tattoo situation. Nah. It's just, it's always, you're always thinking about your next tattoo, I feel. No, that's true. Once you do one, you're like, yeah, yeah. You know, you just want to. chase it. I only have two. I stopped because I couldn't decide the next one to get, but I've been

thinking about it for the last. I think I got my last one like 12 years ago and I'm still been thinking about it the whole time. And now I'm ready. Marcus is, shout out to Marcus, he's covering up one of his, Marcus, Marcus made some maybe some mistakes at a young age tattoo wise. And he's getting one of them covered up right now. It looks incredible. It's this epixel art, Castlevania tattoo. That's showed me and it's sick, cool looking. And it's getting, I forget what, they had to like travel pretty far. I think they had to go out of state to the place they went. And it's so cool.

So it made me want to get one, actually. It was so cool looking. Ah, hold in. Let's go get tattoos. I just, this is what I always say about the tattoo. If I had my druthers when I was younger, I would have got, my tattoo would have been Professor Frank from the Simpsons, holding a couple of beakers. saying that monkey's going to pay.

Now, I get, I get it. What's the problem? What's the problem with that? Because I don't even watch the Simpsons anymore. I don't, it's like so, Professor Freak is like so far from my, what I care about nowadays. You know what I mean? I don't have a let it be tattoo. What are you talking about?

Yeah, and that's maybe a problem. No, this is the best thing about tattoos. We spend our whole lives being like, oh, when I was young and dumb. And I love that a tattoo was just like, I was once young. and I'll forever remember that I was young when I got this tattoo. And that was why I didn't get all these tattoos I wanted when I was 22 because I was like,

oh, what if I'm 30 and I don't like it? And like maybe there's some that I'm glad that I didn't get. But also I love when people have like the one that they got when they were going through something rough. I have three of them. And when they were 18 and idealistic. Yeah, I think it's great. I have three that I look at and just like,

oh, yeah, y'all. But you know what? They're all stories. And that's why I decided now is going to be my time period of life that I'd like to get really, really dumb ones. Yeah. Because why not? Yeah.

Well, I mean, you have the really good tattoo places, too, out there. I guess we have really good ones. You guys have great tattoo plates. The only problem is it's very expensive. It's very expensive. And, but I will, okay, I Holden-McNeely, do pledge to finally get my great Malenko insane clown posse tattoo as soon as quarantine is done. Ooh, okay.

I'll get my one and you can get your one. And I'll get mine one, okay. And we'll join the Dark Carnival, or at least I will, join the Dark Carnival for good. For real this time. I've got other things to do, like stare at Mariah Carey's social media. Because y'all, y'all, y'all, I don't know. Do you guys follow Mariah Carey on Instagram? I now do because of you, because of...

I'm going to do it right now, so I don't forget. So throughout last week, which to some is the Holy Week, every day she was posting up songs as the countdown because on Sunday which happened to be Easter also was the 15th anniversary of the emancipation of Mimi so every

day she was singing songs just in her robe as the countdown to the emancipation of Mimi and I'm fairly sure that she was likening herself to Jesus Christ who in some religions

comes back on Easter and I think that that was part of her emancipation so she went on Joel Osteen's Easter service over Zoom and sang the song Hero and she dedicated that to all of the essential workers

but then just sang music from the emancipation of Mimi for her to remind everyone that was the 15th anniversary of the emancipation of Mimi and essentially if Jesus Christ can come back so can she and amazing

amazing I believe. I have not believed in a long time, and you know what I believe now? It's definitely a one-to-one scenario. After watching Jesus Christ Superstar on Easter, I definitely agree

that what happened sort of to Jesus is very similar to what happened to Mariah Carey because they... I imagine, yeah. Yeah, the Romans are the record company. Uh-huh, yeah. Yeah, I was going to say, who's Judas? Oh, Judas is her ex-husband dog.

Whoa, oh my God. is her ex-husband, who's the president of Columbia Records, who later completely gave her music to Jennifer Lopez, who's Pontius pilot. Whoa, now that is the live version that I want to see. I will go, I will pray to that. Please. Yeah, I did not think that I needed another live version of Jesus Christ Superstar

because the Sarah Borrellas John Legend, Alice Cooper one, is so fucking good. But it turns out I want, Oh, it's so good. Isn't it so good? Did you have so much fun? We really enjoyed it. The Judas in that.

Oh, so good. First of all, all I could think about was just how badly Jackie would love to have sex with that guy. It's true. Yeah. And then also how damn, talented he is in every aspect. That guy is so good. Now I have to look up the actor or I'll feel bad for not. He's from Hamilton, I think.

Speaking of people that Jackie always wants to kiss, I guess it's time for, what do we call it? Quarantine Confessions with Lovers? Yeah, quarantine confessions with lovers. That's not at all overworded. It's not overword. Quarantine Confessions with Lovers. Brandon Victor Dixon is the guy. And yeah, I do believe you are correct

that he also was very known, well known for Hamilton. Dreamboat. Yes, he is a dream boat. Also, Pontch's pilot in that is fucking... I like that he barely has any clothes on, you know? Yeah. Ben Daniels. Both of them are so good.

Alice Cooper is hilarious though because like he barely moves. Like he couldn't even get Pat more than a strut out of him for the curtain called even though everybody else was like sprinting onto the stage like, what's up? He just got to like slowly sauntered it. Anyways, yeah, quarantine confessions with our lovers that we will share segment part of the show, I think would be a good title. No, it needs to be snappier than that Holden. Clip clap. How about

divorce? Is unblindfolded. I like love is unblindfolded. That's what it is. Love is unblindfolded. That's what it is. Love is unblindfolded corner. Because you know what?

In our three homes, we are all quarantined with family and roommates and in some cases children. And I thought that would be nice to hear some quarantine confessions of what's been going on in our lives now that for today, what does Lexi have to deal with now that she's stuck in a home for day number, I think 34, 35 with her husband? Mm-hmm. Well, it's surprising. And maybe I'm just codependent, but like, I'm not sick of him somehow.

Whoa. I know, right? That's huge. But, well, I mean, yeah, it's sweet, but it's also like, what does that say about me? That's really terrifying. And I've been thinking so much, I'm just like, and he's told me, he's like, you are up my ass. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't help it. I really, at this time has been such an opportunity for really examining sort of diving deep into my own psyche and realizing how codependent and much more of an extrovert than I.

I thought that I was. Yes, I walked out of the bathroom the other night and Lexi was in the living room just looking at a picture of me and just singing, I don't know how to love him. And I was just like, Lexi, what is happening right now? Have I become your Jesus? And she was like, I'll never be. You know what I mean? I get it.

That is not true. I woke up next to Jeff the other morning and we had slept for a really long time and I woke up and I was like, I missed you. And he's like, you missed me while I was to sleep next to you. And that's when I realized I needed to go for like a walk out to the porch. It's a problem. And and, but we did go out big for also, Lexi, I think one of her big things is she's really like wanting to kick things up a notch. We did a full Easter celebration. I think this is directly inspired by the cageiness. And we died eggs. And we did an Easter egg hunt. But she. She made up all these rules for the Easter egg hunt.

So we had to write little things to do for each other, both sexual and non-sexual. And put them in the Easter egg and hide them in an... And I hid mine in the living room based off of a coin toss. She hid hers in the bedroom. That's very cute. And it was the first two that you found if you got to get from the other person. Mine's really smart, which was, by the way, I had Lexi write on one. made for a day.

And she was like, is this a mommy thing? I was like, no, it's sexy because it's made. And so she'll be sort of taking, she'll be kind of at my beck and call for an entire day. Look at you. It's made for an evening. Made for an evening.

It's the day. I know. I do not, I did not write anything sexual in that. Nor is the made for a day. That will be sexual. That will be sexual. I'll be the date. I'll be right.

Yeah. I mean, if you want to, Yeah, I mean, I'll be sort of the owner. I'll be like the Arnold Schwarzenegger, where I'll be like, oh, I'm married, but the maid is so sexy. No, you do it like in true lies. When, remember, you love that part in true lies. I used to Jay, my, big old Biner. I hate that I know this.

I should just say boner. So furiously and enthusiastically to the Jamie Lee Curtis. strip scene that may have actually given me my penchant for heels that scene is one of them for sure. Your very unfortunate penchant for heels I never wear them

I hate heels. So I'm like one of our first dates it was like date number three or something like that it was like you know I was like you know I really like heels I think it was a little further in than that because you like bought heels for this and you put them on and we made it a block down the street and she collapsed.

I ate it. And I laughed so hard. Instead of saying, oh, are you okay? He just stood over me and pointed and laughed. That was so funny though. And I was like, I will marry him. And I just said, just take them off. Do you have flats in the purse?

Just put the flats on. This is not going to work. And I didn't. I chose to ruin my stocking. I mean, it's the hard, it's the hard lessons that we have to learn in trying to, you know, I think that it's fun though when you open up about things that you're into and you try it. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. And I imagine there's a lot of things that don't work, especially when you are trapped in a place with someone that you love.

So, Lexi, do you have any quarantine confessions about specifically your relationship? Or do you have any quarantine confessions of things that you didn't think that you would ever find yourself doing? But now you do and you don't blink an eye. She wrote stuff down. She has a list. Look at this. She's prepared. Oh, she's got all this.

Well, something that I've realized. What's on the list? Yeah. Lexi's got that list. Lexi got that list. I am a compulsive list maker before all of this happened. We have lists all around the house. And I am terrible at time management.

And I've always been like, oh, the one thing I just, I need is time. I just need more time to accomplish all of these things on my list. And Holden is so efficient with his time. and I'm just like, how do you do it? He, like, actually will complete a to-do list. I have never completed a to-do list. It just goes onto the next page. And then I just have to, I run out of space.

I have to just make a whole new list. Of course. But that's the thing. I think therein lies the thing. My to-do lists are never longer than, like, 10 items for the week. And they're usually the same things. And I know exactly when and how I'm going to get them done going into the week. Like, I know what days I'm going to do the X, XYZ.

You over list. That's your problem. You got to do less list. You got to do the simple thing. I'm an over-lister as well. It's so funny because Holden has such chaotic energy, but I'm also like not surprised. You're like chaos and order, you know, like that fucking Dungeons and Dragons graph. Like you're both chaos and order.

Like it doesn't surprise me that you're going to get a do list done, but it also does surprise me because you are chaos also. Yeah. I am both lawful and chaotic. I like to keep a very organized space. and it helps me think more clearly. I like to keep a clean space. I lived with Ben Kissel for how many years and somehow did completely lose my mind.

But I do. I like to keep a need or I like if my environment is good to go, especially these days. Yeah. Especially these days. Well, that's the thing. And so now that I'm stuck here, I'm just like, oh, great, I have all of this time.

I have all, you know, I'm just really going to tackle these lists. And I find myself adding a little tiny things to the list just so I can check it off so I can feel productive. You know, take your vitamins. Yes. Check. That wasn't hard, you know? Yeah, right.

So I need, like, the little affirmations, but I need, like, the positive reinforcement. But at the same time, it's just, I still can't get anything done because I'm spending too many times, too much time making lists. I like to put fun little evil things on my list, like, kill a boy or something like that. Yeah, yeah. That is usually fun. There's the chaos part of it. of it.

You know, just something fun like that, you know what I mean? But not actually maybe do it probably. And if any police officers are listening. But so what is on your list? Yeah. Oh, well, all of these like home improvements. Oh my gosh. Now that I'm stuck here, this is my workspace, right?

It's just like, oh, I have, we need to redo the kitchen. We need to really up the color scheme in the kitchen because that's important. If I hear about wire management one, one, more time. Wire management, Holden. Oh. His wives are chaos. I'm going to buy her a dog to get her to stop.

Oh my God. We've got wire management. I've got wire management on my to-do list also, Lexi. I'm with you. Oh, God. It is just, I hate wire management. That is exactly my anxiety is wire management. It is just dealing with like a bunch of tangled up wires.

I just can't sit still. It's like I walk around the apartment trying to get something accomplished and I just find more things that need to go on the to-do list. I know, and then when I'm having my day off, you give me to-does all throughout it and I get more stress out and I say, today's release me from this relationship. Clinton has weird laws for his

day off. It's like, I can't even talk to you. I can't, I'm not even allowed. You can talk to me, just don't talk to me about as stressful stuff that I have to do. It's not a day off. It's like, it's a different style of a day off. That's not true at all. No, my God. This speaks to a very important thing about Lexi.

She does not know how to chill and take a day off. She can't do it. She's incapable of it. Hold, you're treating this like it's April Real's Day right now, and it's not. April Real's Day is not for Sunday. By the way, Alexis will be joining us for April Reels Day, so it's going to get so real, y'all. Guys, yeah, you should join us on Sunday. April 19th, Holden and I will be doing our Twitch stream of April Reels Day, and now I'm scared,

because now I'm scared that Lexie's going to be on because it gets. It gets real. It gets very real. Spoiler alert. Lexi's going to tell me that I have a drinking problem. More on that. On Sunday, though.

We'll talk about... Again, the callback to me getting hammered and going ham on T-Swift tunes for sure happened last night again. That's always the tell. You know I am blackout hammered if I am... It is three in the morning and I am unable to contain. myself when it comes to singing Taylor Swift songs out loud. It's true. But, see, that's delightful and cute.

I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind because my quarantine confession is I decided to start writing down stand-up bits when I'm very stoned. And they are not funny. Are you going to try to do stand-up after this? I don't know. You should.

I don't think so because none of them. what I'm writing makes, it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. I definitely wrote down new civil war fashion, sexier, skimpier, cold mountain. That's the kind of things that I'm writing down. I want to see if the world erupts into a civil war. I hope that the fashion is really sexy, cold mountain. I found after we had our talk and TV discussion, check it out on patreon.com. port slash page 7 podcast. $5 a month for bonus episodes every single week talking TV. Jack and I talk about TV.

We watch. I realize I drunkenly wrote down notes to myself to bring up later to you on talking TV from B-Stars. I wrote down two things and they are these two things. I could never eat you, Haru, is the first one. And the second one is, I'm not going to cheat myself, but I am going to surpass you as a woman. Oh my God, Juno? Is that a quote from Juno? I think so, yeah.

Mamma Mia. I want it. You know what? Every wolf on it. I'm throwing out there. Every wolf on B stars. Both the wolves, I want to have sex with. All right.

So we got so far away from your fun list. No. What's on your fun list about confessions? I think it's just more of a revelation that I, no matter what, will always have a problem with being a compulsive list maker and still not having enough time to get things completed. It's just, it's like, oh, you think that you're going to have all of this time all of a sudden And no, it's just your your characteristics, your personality trait is just magnified times a thousand when you only have one other person or nobody to deal with.

Yeah, I just love that you don't think that a day off would generally involve chilling, watching movies, playing video games, and not working. Honestly, I agree with Lexi because we did that. We're trying to schedule a day off for Jeff and I to take off so that he can do a bunch of house drawers for me. But that's because when we're working and we work six days out of the week, we're just staring at our computers. Right. Right. See, Holden's day off is like, it's like I'm going to have to wipe his butt for him. No.

I do the dish. That is so untrue, but it's just the problem is you are incapable, especially during day offs, of either picking a fight with me or telling me what to shit I have to do. I believe what you're trying to say is that your wife is a go-getter. She's like, we need to clean the apartment and I'm like, I'm down. But tomorrow, I will do these things. Write them down. I will be like, please write them down. She is vacuuming at three in the morning.

She is like, and this is the other thing. She gets cranked on at like 10 p.m. I think it's great. And starts doing house chores and stuff. And I'm just like, I have a cutoff. This is the other thing we argue about all the time. That's a great person to live with. You want to live with somebody who's like, oh, I can't stop cleaning.

That's fantastic. It's amazing. You should send Lexi over to Molly's place. It is great. I do appreciate it, but I just get stressed out a little bit, or she's just like we need to talk about this important stuff and it's like, it's midnight, I'm done

for the day. That's my cutoff as generally 10 p.m. You want kids? It never turns out. And this is what she says. And I say, I don't have kids yet. So I don't have to deal with it yet. So don't, that's the other thing she'll do. You guys have to move here, Lexi, and we will raise that child together. And

it's going to be great. That is the other thing that she will do. She'll bring up. She'll be like, well, you won't ever get a day off when we have kids. And I'm like, good, okay. So let me have my day today. You need to practice. No, no practice.

Nah, I got to, I got to weigh in on the, the holding side. There is no, well, you're both right. There is no day off. And so you got to just, you got to just live in that sitting and doing nothing for, and stare at into the middle distance for as long as you can. Thank you, Molly. It's a precious commodity. But also, Lexi is correct in terms of.

A day off is it time to do cleaning and home projects? I really have a little bit of both of you guys in me. I feel like I identify with both of what you're saying so much. See, this is all you need. You don't need to download Quibi to get Chrissy Teigen's relationship court show. Just listen to this show now. You don't need Quibi because I'll tell you what, I'm not fucking downloading Quibi. I refuse to pay for it.

But sorry. You know, it's just, it's one, Sunday is my light work day. And that is the day for Choring. and these sorts of things, Alexis. I love your Schitts Creek relationship. But now, Lexi, I got to know, how do you feel? I know that you guys celebrated Easter

and you had such a great time watching Jesus Christ Superstar. Now, I just heard that there's going to be a movie coming out where Paris Jackson, and yes, that is Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris Jackson will play Jesus Christ in an indie flick that is being directed by Bella Thurton. Thorn in which Paris Jackson plays a party girl with a Jesus fetish who gets mixed up in a drug deal gone bad and escapes by dressing up as a nun. Now, do you think that that is something that you would want to watch?

That sounds like a garbage fireman. Yeah. Not for, you know, I'm not like, oh, it's blasphemous. It just sounds awful. And hilarious. So yes, I will watch it. Absolutely. Why not?

It is a movie that I just saw, it was like an hour before we started recording. And I was like, excuse me? Excuse me? As I kept reading it. Don't worry, guys. Bella Thorne says it's going to be like early Tarantino. So I am very, you know what? I think that I'm starting to, I'm hoping that Bella Thorne is living the life like a Paris Hilton.

That I think that she knows exactly what she's doing. Am I giving her too much credit? Yes. No, I think I am ready to think that about Belethort. I'm not sure what to think about Paris Jackson, though. I'm a little bit that, that, I have yet to. I mean, there's no way. She's mentally damaged from her situation.

I'm sure she's great. Slish, like, has any career outside of being Michael Jackson's child, right? No, apparently she was in Jared Leto's band 37. to Marr's music video. Of course. And she also was in the black comedy flick Gringo, and I'm not aware of that or, and I will never watch the 30 seconds to Mar's music video. Not that I'm even necessarily against it, but, you know, Jared Lito is just so hot,

but so wayward. Yeah, he's wayward. He is very wayward. But Lex, do you have anything else that you would like to share? I know that we had a whole list, but don't worry, you're going to come back because we got more time. and I'd like to hear more. There might not be enough time to do all your projects,

but there's always enough time to tell us some shit about Holden. Ben Kissel said one thing that I agree with, and that is that everyone should have a day. And I will stand by that. And every time Alexis tries to force a day of doing, a day on, as you will, over a day off on me, I say that to her. I say everyone should have a day.

And you should have a day too But you won't give yourself that day You gotta have a day Put that in your pipe Maybe that's the thing You need to be put more stuff in a pipe And maybe that's kind of what it is too A little bit

I just I just get too bored too easily I can't even watch a movie Without having an extra activity So I mean really That's all I have in terms of confessions It's just insight Which might be dull

But at least it does throw Holden under the bus alone. Yeah, I mean, we need it. We needed these times. Thank you so much, Alexi. We love you so much. Do you have anything that you would like to plug? I know you guys do your marriage chest Twitch stream.

Yeah. Well, now, because I need more intellectual stimulation, I started studying to be an advanced chess tutor. Hell yeah. If anybody wants some chess lessons, I'm doing them internationally. Hit her up. She's doing them over Zoom. and if you are dying, like we were just talking about this,

if you are dying to get your kid some time off from your kid, you can make that happen via these chess classes that Lexi's teaching throughout the week. She's really good. It's cool. What's neat, and a lot of people are dealing with this right now, they're actually around their loved one during their working hours and getting to see that version of them.

And for me, that's been a real joy because I get to hear Lexi working with children, and it's so wonderful and she's so good at it. So hit her up, yeah. Thanks, yeah. That's my plug. Alexis Robbins is Gmail, I guess, if they... Sure.

Yeah, go for it. Lexi, do you think that a 23-month-old could learn chess? Well, we do have a program that starts at two, so... Okay, she's close. Oh, pretty just around the river bend. I mean, it's all storytelling, so yeah. Yeah, it's all storytelling-based chess lessons. It's kind of neat.

It's really cool. And she does all the voices and stuff. Wow. Yeah, so it's a lot of fun. Wow. All right. I'm actually going to do this. Cool.

Awesome. Hell yeah. All right. Thanks, guys. Bye, Lexi. Bye, Lexi. Bye. I love you, my love.

I love. She's so good. You know, some might say too good. I will say I'm, this is a forever hope that I will desperately try to win your wife away from you. And I like that I'm open about it. I like that I'm open about the fact that I will be there when the marriage crumbles. And Lexi and I will raise children together. Thank you.

you're actively trying to sort of, and it's like, and everyone's like, I can't believe, what do you want me to be with? Some evil sort of Gryffindor-like person, woman. Yeah, of course, it's like a little, yeah, a little lizard woman. One that I call her, yeah, I call her Miss Giz because I'm scared to call her lizard.

Like a gila monster, like you open up the door and you're, and it's just like, hello, I had this is McNeilly. It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, don't scratch me, please, uh-oh. Gila McNeely. Oh my God. Then you guys could have a reality show called Gila McNeely

and not that that is Lexi. I'm saying about your third wife. Your third wife will be Gila McNeil. And we'll call it Gielin with it. Oh, Gila, McNeely. That would be so good. And she teaches you how to bury eggs in order to make them hatch.

I would watch the shit out of that. And things of that nature. All right, fine. As soon as Lexi leaves me, I will find some sort of evil reptilian woman to satiate everybody's need for me to be with an evil person. I think that that sounds amazing. And then you guys can compete with, I know that I just want to bring up the fact that I am very excited about on Disney Plus.

I said this because I thought Molly would get a kick out of it. They're doing this family kids cooking reality show called D.R. chef that looks so cute, where the family spends a day in a Disney park. And then at the end of the day, they compete to create dishes based on, like, the idea of, like, create a meal based on the movie Aladdin. And they have to use what they have to, like, create a meal inspired by different Disney things. And I'm going to watch the fuck out of it. See, I'm surprised because don't you hate children on television. I don't know.

I hate, I don't like it when children sing. And only when they're specifically singing in a manner of, like, that's like, I had sex with a. boy and I understand that. And that's the kind of thing that drives me crazy because someone sent me an amazing video. In fact, multiple people did of this family that did a rendition of Les Mizz singing one day more, the quarantine video.

Yeah. Amazing. That was really sweet. Amazing. Yeah, Jackie hates children who sing like they've been told that they are the next Mariah Carey. It's vibrato that she has a problem with. So, which one god, the Thanksgiving movie, Love Actually.

Correct. Even though I really do enjoy, I like the kids playing the drums. But I hate the, you know, the tween boy parts that do this like, you know, I makes me think of the producers when they do like the swastika type dances. When the tween boys with the frosted tips do that across. And if you know Love Actually, you know exactly the part that I'm talking about. Right. That drives me crazy. That drives me mad.

But like a little boy playing the drums, amazing. Really? You don't have a problem with the little boy playing the drums. Yeah. I say bang away. No, I say have that. What about when a boy plays like a flute or like a cello? Is it instrument based?

No, it's not. Although I will say I'm forever, forever pissed off that my mom would never allow me to learn how to play the saxophone. Because all I wanted to do is play the saxophone. And surprisingly, it had nothing to do with. the Simpsons because we weren't allowed to watch the Simpsons. But I wanted to play the saxophone. And my mom's like, now I was an adult, she's like, can you imagine from the other room just hearing,

ah, she's like, I would have killed you. And I get it. That's also what, that's a family preservation. That she wanted to make sure that she didn't kill me in my sleep. And I appreciate that. I get that. I get that. Yeah, I want to, I will someday fulfill my wish to,

but purchase a full drum kit. for one of my friend's kids who I want to fuck over. Oh, Molly, you wait until those babies get older because you had to stop me for Christmas of what I really wanted to buy them. But that was mostly because they're too young, but you wait.

Molly, you are still the only friend of mine that has kids, and those kids are going to get some obnoxious presents. Hell yeah. I mean, I feel like early childhood toys are so obnoxious that I would like, Like, I'll take a sax. I'll give my, give it a saxophone.

That's fine. You know, like, I have a fucking toy called a happy apple that just sings, because I'm a happy apple. I'm a happy apple. Do you hit that just once a day in quarantine? Just like a, I just, I need to, someone get her the happy apple. Someone get her in the happy apple. Yeah, it laughs.

Getting is convinced that it's the same voice actor who does the voices for every single talking children's toy because we have like this fucking happy Apple we have this dog that talks we have like and they all have the same it's the same voice it's got to be the same voice actually how do I get that game stay for 18 hours do all of the and it's like you know oh that's my

heart like they all have this like really like the dog if you touch different parts of his body he'll tell you and be like that's my hand are you getting them are you going to get them a Furby Jackie

well Now that that's in my head, I wasn't, but now I might have to. I might just have to. And no, it's definitely more instrument-based because I know I've definitely told the story many times. Holden, stop sending me the Skype emojis. The time when Henry was so excited at Thanksgiving, not Thanksgiving, at Christmas, and he got this huge box. He waited all Christmas Day.

He's opening up all these packages, and he really wanted bongos. He wanted bongoes so badly. Why did he want bongos? He'd already gotten a guitar the year before that he never used. And he wanted bongos. And it was the last present. And he thinks that it's bongos. And he opens it up.

And it was pillows. And it was pillows on the inside of the box. And I wish I could find the picture because I remember I had a wind-up camera and I took a picture because I knew that he thought it was bongos. And I didn't tell him that he wasn't getting bongos. And he just the lift up of the pillows with the most upset look on his face of all time. That is amazing. Please find that.

And I have that picture. And I have that picture somewhere because that is true disappointment. When you open up a present thing and it's going to be bongos. I can't believe that there is an alternate timeline where you are a saxophone player and Henry is a bongo guy. Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad. I would hate Henry if he was a bongo guy. He would totally.

No, he'd be a make a great bongo guy, a hacky sack guy. bongo guy. Well, back when he wore the Deshiki and the cowboy boots in college, if he was Sporting's upset of bongo drums, dude, it would have been over. Yeah, have a shembe on his back. There goes Henry. Buh, ba, ba, ba, ba.

Under the sea. Is that what you're going to do? Under the C. I'm allowed to spoil it now because I decided against getting it for him for his birthday, but his birthday's coming up, and I will tell you, I was very close to buying him a steel drum. and I think that it is going to happen in the future, but I'm scared that Natalie is going to hate me

if I buy him a steel drum. So that he can just go, bink bong, bink bong, bach, bach, bong. That steel drum too will just be another addition to their useless room in the apartment. Because throwing it out there, steel drums are more expensive than you think, and I'm like, well, I'm not doing this as a fun gift. I don't have that, I don't have steel drum throwaway money,

you know what I mean? Yeah, you're like, you're looking. looking at a couple hunts you're looking at a couple hondo at least a couple hondo at least a couple hondo it looks like wow but that's cool i kind of ooh uh oh i should okay back out do you want to steal drum now nope no i don't i'm done i'm not looking at that anymore do do do do that's literally just to play under the sea i'm only going to learn that one song it's like it's my day off lexie i got to put I can't clean. No, even learning something is not a day off.

That's a day on. You are to lay down, move as little as possible, play a video game, watch a movie, indulge, eat, order that takeout. You know what he mean? Yeah. No, I hear you. I like work hard, play hard. I appreciate that about you. Yeah, for sure.

Or work hard, do nothing. Yeah, right. Relax hard. Playing hard. for your 20s. Relax hard. I am not into it anymore. If I'm going to go out, my idea of going out,

because I know Carly is always trying to get me to go to this dance night. Oh, I dance until five in the morning. It's my fun dance night. You have to do it. I'm like, the last thing I want to do is being a room full of horny single people all just kind of rubbing up on each other,

trying to pretend like I'm enjoying myself while dancing. No, I hit an hour and a half of dancing, and I'm like, I'm going to die. I'm good. I'm done. And honestly, you know what? I have a weddings-only policy. Although I love a dance party.

That's my, it's not even a secret. I just love it. That's like my favorite thing on earth is a dance party. I always want a dance party. I never find one. And weddings bring it out in people. And I wish that it was something that happened much more often. I know it's special because it doesn't happen that often.

But I'm the opposite of you, Holden. I wish it was a wedding dance party all the time. And my wedding anniversary is coming up, which is going to be sad because this year, of course, we can't do anything. but next year it's going to be my five-year wedding anniversary, and I was thinking I want to rent a fucking weird New York City party hall and invite everybody plus Holden who I invited to my wedding and then just play the same exact playlist that I played at the wedding

and just make everybody dance as if it's my wedding. Is that too much? I like that. No, I'm there, please. Because it's wedding adjacent, okay? Also very interesting that Molly did not invite me to her wedding, but we'll talk about that some other time. but very wedding adjacent.

We show up as long as I'm in the suit. Maybe you guys should even renew the vows even or whatever. But that's the only time I feel comfortable dancing. There's something about weddings that that's really the way to go. I don't want to go to like a hipster dance night where everybody's like, oh, everyone's trying to like be sexual in a way that sort of astounds and infuriates me. Maybe are you just upset because you feel like you can't be that kind of sexual? And maybe you should just let yourself loose and then you can be that kind of sexual.

Oh, interesting. Is this April Reels already as well now? So now we're immediately, am I sexually, are you going to be sexually frozen again? I don't know what I'm going to say to you on April Reels. I'm like nervous. I don't know what I'm going to say. I'm too afraid to attend April Reels. I like don't want to know what you guys would tell me.

Molly, you want in? You are coming in, girl. I'm thinking about it. I had a great time with you guys on the stream the other night, but I don't think this is going be like that. I don't think this is going to be a bad time. This is real. It's real. It's when we stop being polite. And we start getting real. It is our own real world. It's nuts.

I think about it all year long now. This is the thing. You guys, you guys have like two decades of friendship to like bolster this to you. Like, I feel very close with both of you. But like, you know, the only reason you weren't invited to my wedding was because there was a couple years there where we just didn't see each other that off. And that was where the wedding fell. Honestly, it wasn't a snub. I actually like... It wasn't a snub.

I'm not sure. I honestly, yeah, I don't feel like I have adequate data on you to reel you properly. Like I'll give you probably some softball reels. You know what I mean? But like you need like two decades of trust underlying the realness, you know. Yeah. And hatred at times. And real true hatred.

Love trust and hatred. Yeah. I think that is the difference, Molly, is I've never hated you. Mm-hmm. I have hated Holden before. That's why we are so tight now. That's why I think why we are so fucking tight now. Because we have screamed, screamed at each other.

But Molly and I, Molly just, you're like, to me, you're like, I want to say a warm glass of milk, but I don't like warm milk. You guys know I put ice in my milk. So I'm going to say you're like an ice cold milk for me. Well, that's going to be one of them. Stop putting fucking ice in your fucking milk. I don't anymore. I just drink smaller cups of milk so that they stay cold. I drink really fast.

But something. something that somebody said to me recently that has been resonating with me as a Midwesterner, good God, is that to have conflict can create intimacy and to have a fear of conflict such that you will never have conflict

with people that you're close to actually keeps you like further away from them. And I think that that is very hard to internalize depending on kind of like, you know, what kind of conflict associations you have. But I think that that's actually something that's very nice about your guys' friendship is you work together for so long.

And Jackie and I worked together for so long too, but you guys worked together doing sketch comedy as long as you guys did is a different thing. I'm like, you have to have conflict in order to, like I have my friends who I worked with creatively, like I've had conflict with them and it's like, it does bring you closer, you know? Well, maybe Molly, you should show up

and maybe this is our time to fight. Maybe this is the time. Maybe we have things we have to say to each other. Maybe it's time. I will say, I always say this about my last relationship. our number one problem, which I thought was like the best thing

about our relationship was that we never fought. And I would go, our relationship's so great. We never fight. And it's because we weren't communicating. And it's because she was internalizing all of her anger towards me

and not like throwing it, vomiting it on me, essentially. You know what I mean? Whereas she should be. Of course, there's so many things about me. It's mad. It would make any woman go mad. Well, it's also the age

you have to grow up and eventually realize with me where it's like, I know I'm a handful. I'm like three handfuls. And I'm a lot more aware of what my issues are now so that I can be a little bit more present in the fights as opposed to like, what do you mean? I'm fucking perfect.

You should be happy just to be with me. Which is what I weirdly fucking thought in my early 20s. I am a queen. Yeah. So, celebrity conspiracies this week is actually an addendum to last week. I would like to,

every episode at the end, I would like to ask you if, whether or not you think it to be true. Okay. So returning to last week, yes or no, do you believe that Avril Levine was replaced by a lookalike named Melissa in 2003? Yes. Wow. Really? Of the ones you said last week, that was the one I was most compelled by. Yes.

Because she has not been around much. And so I'm like, you can convince me because she just. not seem to have had a personality since 2003. But she, isn't she, like, married to, like, the dude in Nickelback or something? Yeah, she's married to the guy, Nickelback. Also, you have to do this. Wait, was that right? Did I really just pull that out of my ass?

Yeah, yeah, you didn't know that. Yeah, she is definitely married to the Nickelback guy. I knew it was something. Oh, I'm fucking awesome. But you also need to go watch the music video called Hello Kitty by Avril Levine. Okay. It is about her love of Japan. It is so cringe-worthy.

I used to watch it just to give myself shivers of cringiness. So watch Hello Kitty by Apple Levine. It is upsettingly embarrassing. And so that actually makes me believe it even more because it's so unearly early Avrilavine. It's like this cutesy, I love Japan thing. And so... She's a whole other person. Like she's a whole other person.

Do you believe that? Paul is dead. Do you believe that Paul McCartney died in a car crash on the 9th of November in 1966 and was secretly replaced by the Beatles by a winner of a Paul McCartney lookalike contest? Jackie, you go for it. I think no. Just because I think that honestly, this is me pulling another thing out of my ass, that John Lennon would have capitalized on that and would have used it for the Beatles as opposed to trying to hide it.

that it would have made him seem like a stronger lead off the bond. I agree with what Molly said last week, which is like, I think the real error in this theory is that they would just grab somebody who won a look-alike contest because the odds of that person also being an incredible singer and performer. And the fact that Paul McCarty has done tons of live shows since that time makes, favorite part. Zippo sense. So yes, I also, Molly.

I want to believe. Yeah, my answer is that I want to believe because I think it's a really fun, like nothing I love more than a conspiracy theory that has like 20 different like textual citations where it's like, look at the album cover of Abby Roe. That's my jam. I love that shit.

So I want to believe, but I just don't because, yeah, I believe the man can sing. And that's enough to have me convinced to tease the real guy. The theory that I want to believe is that Taylor Swift is actually a clone of Zena LeVay, daughter of Anton LeVay, who founded the Church of Satan in 1966. I want to believe it so badly, yes. I want to believe it so badly. But of course, I do not either believe that.

I don't know. I think I kind of might throw a chaos on there. I think I kind of believe it. And that's, I mean, my heart, if only. And Molly. This is another. want to believe, but the side-by-side photographs look zero. We are fucking X-files up in this.

Zero. All right. Well, that will be Slub conspiracies. Next week, join us when we talk about Beyonce being a member of the Illuminati, but I will do some deeper digging on that one, and I'm very excited. Please do. I don't want to say that I already believe that, but, I mean, I guess I implore you. Try to believe me that I, try to convince me that I shouldn't believe it. is what I'm putting onto you. That's, yes. I'm in the same.

I'm glad we're approaching this with a kind of enthusiasm of wanting to believe. Oh, yeah, baby. I want to believe. Just like I hope that you want to believe in the list. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Well, today we are doing 16 animal actors who were difficult on set. Now, this really stems from the fact that, man, I just can't get enough watching Frasier.

And I remembered that Eddie the dog from Frazier didn't really want to be there. And of course, man, everybody got that dog during the run of that show. I had that dog. I had a Jack Russell Terrier. And I did a lot of research on that particular dog. Also the actor, if I remember correctly, in the movie My Dog Skip. Oh yes, Moose was all over the place. Apparently, lead star Kelsey Grammer didn't exactly get along with the dog.

Due to the amount of time it took to film scenes he was in, and the fact that Moose would often stay in his trailer and pout. He says, I do draw the line when somebody says, oh, he's such a good little actor. That's it. He's not an actor. He's a dog. He doesn't always get it the first time, and we have to stop and go back, which I think is a little bit of a stick up his ass, because you are, yes, working with a dog

and yes, there are dogs, there are animals very much that can be trained to be actors, but at the end of the day, a dog's still a dog. And Jack Russell's, and I know because I fell in love with Jack Russell, I didn't even watch Frasier. I think it was my dog Skip that made me want to Jack Russell, I'm not sure.

That and Wishbone. And Wishbone, of course, right. They're incredibly, gorgeously cute, wonderful, very smart dogs, but they're not like a golden retriever where they're just like, I'll do whatever. Like a Jack Russell is like, I'll do what I want to do. I can't believe they're like screen dogs because they're too willful.

And they're also fairly hyperactive for the most part. Oh, yeah. That and also try and tell a monkey what to do, specifically a capuchin monkey, like Marcel in the show Friends. Now, I forget, did you guys watch Friends? Of course, yeah. How do you not watch Friends? I never missed it when it was on Thursdays.

Thursday, must see TV, Friends, Seinfeld, ER, but I have not rewatched it streaming since then. I will say,

I never really understood why specific, I mean, I know that Ross was like into animals, paleontologists, doing all that kind of stuff, but I was like,

Ross wasn't cool enough to have a monkey. And that's always what I really honed in on about the show, friends, when I was obsessed with it in the late 90s.

And apparently, Marcel was not a great castmate. Or actually, she, I apologize. Marcel is actually Katie the monkey. Katie wasn't very professional to work with, often eating worms, vomiting, and pooping wherever she liked.

David Schwimmer, who played Ross, told Entertainment Weekly in 1995 that he hated the monkey. I wish it were dead. Whoa. Never mind. I don't like David Schwimmer anymore. Get fucked. That's the end of that one.

You just had an entire conversation. with yourself. I'm getting really good at it in quarantine times. I will say that. There was like eight emotions in that. Now I want to see the movie Wild because apparently Tiga the Lama from the movie Wild with Reese Witherspoon in it, which,

shocking, Reese Witherspoon doesn't wear a makeup in it. But I am currently watching little fires everywhere. So now I'm in a bit of a Witherspoon asance of myself. Do you recommend? Do you recommend? I was curious about that one. Give me more time.

Okay, I will give you more time. That's good. I hope you hate it because I honestly have too much to watch. But I will say I did see. I did see Wild. I read the book and the book is fantastic. Oh, really? So good, but I have not watched the series yet.

And I floated it by my house and my house said too serious, which is fair. But it is a fantastic book and I highly recommend the book. I did see Wild and really enjoyed it. All right. Well, then I'll watch it, but apparently the llama was uncontrollable. And the elephant from Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom. So this is another fun movie foray of my household. We're either going to do Indiana Jones or Star Wars next.

And spoiler alert, I don't think I've seen either one. Wow. So I don't know which one to start with. Which one would you recommend? Congratulations that you get to watch both of those for the first time. For you, I think you're going to be more into Indiana Jones. Start with Indiana Jones. I think you will enjoy that more.

What was so funny with Indiana Jones with Lexi, she had never seen it before as well. And I was like, oh, let's do it. Yeah. And we watched the first one. And she's terrified of snakes. Can't even look at if she sees. Why would you make her watch that? Even I know that there are snakes in it.

Well, I told her, I was like, look, there's a big snake part. Just close your eyes. And I will just describe what's happening on screen. So when that part happened, so with that part happened, I was like, I was just like, dear, oh my God, there's just so many snakes. He's surrounded by the snakes. They're all trying to get up. All right, he's climbing everything. I can, I just cannot describe to you the unfathomable about snakes in this.

It's really true. Spielberg kept. saying more snakes more snakes I mean there are so many snakes in that scene it is like absurd so I'm just I'm just going I'm just telling her I'm just like it is just ridiculous how many snakes are

surrounding him in the scene right now it was so funny I was laughing my ass that was such a fun time but um yeah that we did an episode I believe on on that and uh for Wizard of the Bruiser and uh I apparently they had they had to like bring in at even more snakes. Like Spielberg was just

never satisfied with the amount of snakes in this scene. Did you choose this because of the next item on this list? Well, I think it's kind of fun because the world is now realizing that the movie Roar exists

which we had discussed, because of Joe Exotic, we had discussed this movie because I was obsessed with it I don't know, maybe like a year and a half ago the Tippy Hadron movie that Melanie Griffith is in, if you have not seen Roar and you can handle people

legitimately in real time getting ripped apart by lions I think that you should watch it because it is a very interesting movie but of course Roar is on the list no I did look it up because I was watching an episode of Frazier and I remember that

Moose was a bad dog to work with that's funny dude Frazier is Molly I'm I hope you maybe decide during like some kind of downtime to check out Frazier again because I love Frazier. I think Frazier, I love, especially Niles. I love Frazier.

Frazier holds the fuck up. I love everything about it. I don't know if it's just because I also work in radio, and so it makes me feel good what other people say, that they love Frazier. It's dry. I'm not saying it's not a laugh a second. It's so funny.

I think it's quite quite fun. But it's such comfort food. I got. I think it was this is when I had my week-long nosebleed, and I was like, I was just laying on the couch all day. And I, Frazier was like the one thing that just made me like,

took my anxiety away and just relaxed me and just, and I think there's just something about the way that that comedy rolls out. It's just so soothing. I absolutely, absolutely love that show. So yeah, definitely check. And it's all on Netflix,

I believe. Okay. Maybe I'll do it. I like, I mean, I feel like 90s sitcom, like, structure would be very comforting right now.

Yeah, like cheers, dog, even go early. Cheers, watch all of cheers if you haven't yet. It is. It's so comforting. It is comfort food, the TV show. Like, it is just so, you can set your watch by it. Oh my God, we're going to talk about this on talking TV, but we just started the show Veep because I haven't watched any of it.

Veep is a nice. Both of my roommates were like, I am very, I wish I could watch this again for the first time. And so we got like, yes. I'm ready for it. That's why I said congratulations earlier. Yes. Was because like, congratulations.

Getting to watch Star Wars and Indiana Jones for the first time is just going to be awesome. My problem is the same with the problem is when I watched all those Marvel movies, which are great and they're delightful. And as I asked with Star Wars, I was like, well, they're like, it's like brother's sister kissing, right? Doesn't it get like kissy weird? Doesn't it get like? And I was looked at with empty eyes of the fact that it is. not sexy. That Star Wars isn't sexy and Indiana Jones isn't sexy. So how do you really sell me on it?

Indiana Jones is definitely sexy. That's part of why I chose Indiana Jones. There's always a love interest. The love interest in the first movie is a badass. You're going to love her. Okay. Yeah, it's very, I think Indiana Jones is very sexy. Is that Kate Capshaw? Is Temple of Doom the first one? No, no, no. Temple of Doom is the second one. And she's okay. But no, no, the first one is Raiders. But yeah, yeah, she has problems with the elephant. Did she deserve to have her dress eaten by the elephant? It is funny because in the movie, she like hates the elephant. So that kind of works. Oh, that does work. That's kind of cute. Also, it's Karen Allen in the first one. And she is Oh, from Scrooge. Yes, she's amazing. She's so sexy. Scrape them off, Claire. You want to save somebody?

Because she's like a badass. I'm ready. Yeah. Yeah. And then in the third one, it's like this blonde Nazi woman. And then the dad, the dad is in that one, of course, played by Sean Connery. But I think that it's your time. I think it's your time to shine in the darkness. Oh, my God. I can't see any shining right now because I think I'm maybe, I'm going to speed it up because we're going over. Maybe going. Blind! Items. Ah, we can't say. Yeah.

Oh, I have a stick and I have some elements of things that help me during this time. Great, get that stick out, bro. This A-list, mostly movie actor who also directs, has been hosting people at his home to hang out and play cards. It is a rotating group of five to ten people, and the reason why it pulled is this is a blind item. Can you believe, could you fathom six months ago? This being a blind item? It's insane. A man is having five to ten people over to play poker.

That is detrimental. That's fucking, fucking, fuck down. Fucked up, Holden. He's... It's so funny. I just, I laughed so hard. Is this Tony McGuire? No.

I like his directing more than I like his acting. And it didn't even say that he's a director. He... George Clooney. He, no, but kind of similar-ish. Guy Ritchie. He was bad at being a superhero. People did not like him at it.

Ben Affleck. Yes. Good job, Molly. Wow. Of course, Ben Affleck is having people over. What a Ben Affleck thing to do. It is a Ben Affleck thing to do. You can't.

Social distancing. I will say, though, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Tom Brady, Adam Sandler, Sarah Silverman are throw poker hands to raise funds for feeding America. So they also have been doing that. But apparently he's also having people over to his house. But yeah, they're doing Saturday, April 11th. So it already happened. They did like all in for feeding America and online poker tournament.

together, which that's cool. So I'll give him his do, but this do-do bird is being a real turd bird having people over. Is being a turd bird right now. Next up, the foreign-born A-list rapper found out the threesome partner with her husband, is a female woman with her husband.

The threesome partner was hooking up with him outside of it, and that was all it took for the marriage to come crashing down. She's born in Trinidad. That is the foreign part. Rihanna. No, fuck off. She's known for her having quite the romp. Quite the romp.

Oh, she's got a rump on her, eh? It's not, no, no, J-Lo doesn't rap. She's got a great ass. Ferdney's not from Trinidad? No, I'm just thinking about her ass. I'm just thinking about asses now. This is the problem. You put in somebody's ass in my brain?

She's a rapper. Megan Nostalian. No. What did you just say, Molly? No, I'm just thinking about who's got a big ass. I mean, I was staring at pictures of Cardi B earlier, but I know Cardi B is born in the Bronx. My favorite song of hers, my favorite rap, God, I'm so bad at this. My favorite hip-hop segment of hers is on a Kanye West song.

You are the oldest man. Oh, Nikki? Nikki. Mickey Minaj. Good work, Molly. Okay, Nikki Minaj, of course. And her husband Kenneth Petty, rumor is that they have broken up less than a year after their marriage. She changed her Twitter handle from Miss Petty to the name of her latest single.

And apparently it's because this threesome partner has been given Spanx while old Nicky's outside. Talk about communication. It's all about communication. You gotta talk about those things. Mm-hmm. Communication. It's a motherfucking monster. That's the song I was referring to. Last but not least. Oh, right. I forgot about. I love these for you guys. Because of a recent project, this closeted A-list almost network actor is being called out right now for being a hypocrite. And he's on a show that you guys talk about all the time. Who on Riverdale's A-list, Jackie? No one at Riverdale is A-Lis. Could be. Skeet O'Ridge. Who is just in a movie and stuff. KJ. Epa? KJ.E.E. Appa. KJ.E.A.A. is not A.L.

He is nowhere near. He's not even a little bit A list. He's in a big religious movie. I still believe. I have been one in my house. Talk about this, Molly. Yeah, I don't want to watch it. When you fucking put it out, I have desperately tried to convince my house to watch I still believe. And no one will watch it with me. And I'm not going to spend $20. to watch it by myself.

Yeah, I have Zippo. Let's have a Netflix party and watch it together. I'll watch that shit. Okay. All right. Actually, I think you can do it on via Amazon now, too. Somebody told me you can actually do the same thing with Amazon as long as you both have like an account.

You know what the thing was is that with the Netflix party, which I know that it's not actually from Netflix. It's like an independent person that put it out. It's not like a FaceTime. It's a chat room. And I just, I already chat. I chat while I'm watching shit anyway. Yeah, we can just have a text.

loop. Yeah. It'll just put, but isn't it the idea that, you know, you have a Zoom meeting or whatever it is or Skype or whatever

off to the side and you're just able to perfectly sync the film up together. Oh, okay, I guess you do that. And then whenever, like, let's say somebody has to go to the bathroom, you can pause it.

I think that's kind of the idea, right? Or like, or like, let's say if I don't, I'm streaming, it's probably not even proper to do. But in that case, like, if we were to do,

you know, a group watch on something like that, we could pause it to make fun of it or something. I would love to do that because I still, if we wanted to watch, I still believe all three of us would have to rent it for $20. We are not giving that movie $60. Yeah, no, we cannot give that movie $60. Even though I would love nothing more to just get wasted and watch K.J. Appa in a Christian movie. It's against my, it's a, you know, in these times you come up with weird principles and that's one of my weird principles. I will not give that movie $60. Yeah, no,

that's against my religion. K. G. Epa said, every time I try and plan my career out, something comes by that completely throws me off like a faith-based movie. Never did I ever, one, want to do a faith-based movie or two, imagine myself doing one. But that made me realize that it's not about that. It's about what inspires you. I hope that I can keep having opportunities to do work on projects that I'm inspired by. I feel like at the end of the day, if you're doing that, then you're winning in life. Also, Appa said, the music was also one of the things that had me second-guessing myself. I don't see myself as a singer.

Even still, I don't. I was scared to sing, but I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to do it. I'm going to give it a go. And I think that's just because he's like closeted and all this stuff. And then I don't know, maybe doing the, I don't know what I mean. He's a Kiwi, so you have to reread that entire monologue. But I'm like, I just take whatever opportunity.

comes with limbs. I never sue my soon. Every time I try to plan my career out, something comes by. There it is. They completely throws me all like a pipe-based movie. No one ever makes fun of Americans. That's great. I think it is.

It is, I'm excited to watch it. And I just, you know what, I feel like Molly and I's life is about to change because tonight, I know that you guys will be listening to this. after the release of the Headwig and the Angry Inch episode of Riverdale, which is tonight. Wow. And so next time you guys talk to us, we will be different human beings because we will have witnessed greatness on Riverdale. And this is before. This is Molly and I before.

And I don't know what we're going to be like after. There's a before and an after for many things. I am able to see once more. Welcome back. Everybody welcome back. And this is also our time of the episode. I wanted to throw out a couple. Thank you.

Again, thank you to everybody that is out there and fucking working their asses off and putting themselves and their loved ones in danger every single day. I wanted to throw out a shout out to Ains D. McDennis. A Ains D. McDenis? I don't know how to properly say it. I just want to say thank you so much as a mental health nurse. I can't even imagine what you were dealing with every single day because I know that I got bad brain and doing these Zoom calls with therapists is not quite the same.

I also wanted to throw out a happy fucking 30th birthday to Stephanie. Stephanie, you know who you are. Your amazing husband, Eric, hit me up because Stephanie is turning 30 on 420 this year. Yeah. Which I imagine you were fucking so goddamn excited about. But you should still be excited about it just because it's a quarantined birthday. You know what that means? That means you get an even bigger, crazier party after the quarantine.

I think that that is the only way we can get through this kind of stuff is reminding ourselves that just because we can't celebrate right now doesn't mean that the celebration can't be even bigger later on in the year. So I just wanted to throw out a happy birthday to you in advance. And also to Katie, Jesse, and Marco, who is a Canadian firefighter. And, yummy, mommy, I'll take some. I just wanted to say thank you so much for. doing all that you do.

Every town should just have like a crazy block party for all of the birthdays like as soon as we're able to get back out there. You know what I mean? Yes. We'll just do it for one foul swoop, a weekend long, crazy ass. Crazy party. Like the set, like how the kids get all, all the kids get cupcakes on the same day for the summer birthdays at school.

But like, it'll be like that, but way better. Believe me. I completely understand because I also, my birthday is the middle of August and no one ever was around for my birthday. And I'm not traumatized by it. December 28th. So go whatever yourself with that. Because I am perfectly in between Christmas and New Year's.

Yeah, you can also do whatever. I just, wait, you're December 28th. Just real quick, just so you guys know, someone tagged me in a gelicol name generator, and I tagged you guys on Instagram for it. The last letter of your surname and the date of your birth, you guys can look at my Instagram story for it. I think maybe I should just post it in my, I'll post it on the page 7 LPN. So technically, my, according to this, my name, my gelical name is Awuga Dots.

That would mean that Holden, your name is Razima Wamba. Rasma Wamba. No, you're Rumpel. I'm Rumpel. It's the last letter of your surname. Oh, last letter of your surname. Oh, no, no, I was wrong. So you're Rasmata.

No, no, no, wait, your eye. I'm grizzle dots. Gridle dots. Griddle dots. Grizzle dots is pretty good, but mine is the best. Mine is badonka boots. Oh, that's real. Can we only ever call you bodonka boots ever again, please?

Wait, Holden, yours is what? You'll be like the Nicki Minaj of our cats cast with badonka boots. Thank you. Thank you for indulging me in that, and I got very excited about that. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this extra long episode of page 7. We had, you know, once we get going and the fact that we get to talk to each other and we miss each other as friends, we just do we won't stop, we can't stop, but just like Miley Cyrus. Thank you guys again. This has been page 7.

My name is Jackie Zabrouse. You follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can find me on Twitch.tv. Holtenaders Ho every Friday night at 6 p.m. ET. Jackie and I do a stream together for three hours. also check us out on Patreon Patreon. patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast weekly

episodes plus extra stuff lately because you know we've got extra time so check it out on there get crazy on there Molly I am Molly Nuffel and I am MJK LKKT on Twitter on Instagram we love you guys thank you so much be safe out there

and I hope that you feel my arms around you because I'm giving you a hug through tears right now. We love you and we'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.