Page 7 - Episode 358: You Gotta Be Soupin Me!

Episode Date: June 18, 2020

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Well, this opening goes out to not only Ed Larson's Waterpark's playlist on Spotify, as well as living in 1991, because we are researching in love and color right now. But back in school, we used to dream about this every day. Go to really happen? Or do dreams just fade away? Then we started singing them. They said it sounded smooth. So we started a group, and here we are kicking it just for you.

Oh. Oh, down fill is back again. B'nan-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-n. Not too hard, not too soft. I love Motown-Filly. I know that I've said this before. I love boys to men. I still love boys to men.

I listen to them way too often. But Motown-Filly is such an amazing summer song. welcome to page seven and I really hope that Motown Philly just got stuck in your head as well I will say this I am Holden-McNeely I will also say this the first two tapes

I ever owned two cassette tapes were gifted to me and they were Michael Jackson's thriller but luckily I wasn't neither cute enough nor a good enough dancer to be spun into his spider's web and also boys to men coolly high harmony and I fell in love with that song

I was so excited about that one song, all the other love songs that was like, whatever. But Coley High Harmony had me not just on my feet, had me up on my toes. Yeah, but Coolly High Harmony also has it's so hard to take a goodbye to yesterday and also has the end of the road on it, which are two amazing songs.

Yeah, but the problem was I only associated those songs with walking up to a girl, asking her to dance, and her making up some weird excuses as to why she wouldn't be able to dance with me. Oh, my pockets are filled. I must go unload my pockets. That's what I would say if you would ever ask me to dance. Molly, how about you?

How was the middle school dance scene for you? That's the thing. My name is Molly Neffle and my relationship to boys to men has honestly, honestly, it's like evolved from, as I have established many a time on the show, I was a bit of an alienated hater as a child. And so I was not only like not into pop culture, but I was like, if it's popular, it's probably bad because I was like so alienated.

Yeah. So many years you guys lost out on. I know. I feel like, I mean, and 90s, there was a lot of really good pop culture in the 90s, you know? And so. But I also, you know, absorbed a lot of it too and liked a lot of it too. But I had like a chip on my shoulder.

But I thought Boys to Men was. middle school dance music and that's it. And it's only as an adult that I have come to be like, what are all these songs that move me so much when I hear them at dance parties or weddings or in the street playing from people's cars? And then I've really had like a kind of second coming, if you will, to boys to men, which I am really happy to have had. Oh, and just there's just so many different ways that you could get. I'm so glad that you found them eventually because I just like, Like, I love when they spoke to you at the beginning of the songs. I love the songs that started with a, baby, I know you're hurting.

I know you've been pined for me for real long time. Like, before the song even begins, how do you not get full? Why are you not folding? I'm folded. I also left all of this, again, I think I said this on the Spice Girls pop culture, on the pop history episode that we did. I also pretended like I didn't listen to this movie. music for a long time.

And so I was listening to my Popper Roach and my Lincoln Park and my slip knot and I was like, oh, that music's like for girly girls and it sucks because, you know, it was a different time period. And I didn't realize you could like both. I thought you could only have one. I had that too. So I would listen to the tape alone in my room. Yes, right.

My transition to like, rather, like around sixth grade, I decided I want to be popular and so I kind of like did popular drag. I started wearing dragon shirt, baby teas. Grew my hair long. My arms were always too fat for baby teas, which is why I was always against baby teas. Because the fat, if you were a fat girl and the baby tees, the fat goes up and under and it becomes like some sort of barrier

that holds the sweat in even more to the baby teas. Baby teas. I now feel that baby teas, they're just, they're not, they really are only flattering on like a, like a, 75 pound fifth grader, you know. Right. Wait, Holden, do you not know what a baby tea is? Yeah, I'm looking it up right now.

And I'm trying, I don't know. I think as I wrote dragon shirt, it wants to give me a Dragon Ball Z array of T-shirt. I should just write Baby Tee. Dragon shirts and baby T's are two different phenomena from the 90s, but I had them overlapping. There is a couple of different types of dragon shirts. A real dragon shirt is like a shirt that really centers a dragon,

and has like a wrap around. Like Gadzukes. Did you guys have Gadzukes at your mall? Oh, yeah, but I could never fit into any of their clothes, so I never went in. I just stared at it from afar. Like Gadzukes had a whole wall of dragon shirts, like velour button up flaming dragon shirts.

Like that's a real dragon shirt, but also in the circa 1997-98 era, there was just a thing of just having like kind of like a vaguely, like, you know, maybe racist, kind of orientalist, image of a dragon on like a sexy shirt. And that's what I'm describing. Like a sex, quote unquote, like a sexy shirt.

Like a cap sleeve. A baby tee was just like, yeah, it just had tiny ass little sleeves and it was a short shirt. It didn't go down far enough to your pants. No. And now I wear my little crops. That's because I wear a skirt almost all the way up to my breasts. That's the only way I can wear a crop. But what about the no fear shirts?

Which I'm certain we have talked about no fear on year before. But have we talked about it with you holding? I feel like you were a. a no fear kind of I definitely wore a lot of no fear shirts. You know, I'm definitely,

I will say, I'm definitely a fan of the beach store and I'm a big fan of the difficult t-shirts at the beach shop. You mean like Paxon?

Are you talking about Tommy Bahama? No, Paxon. Oh yeah. I'll take a Paxon. I wish Tom. No, not Tommy Bahama. That's a different generation.

No, I was walking, no, I'm talking about walking. I have this very very specific memory. I know this kind of going off of No Fear a little bit, but I had this very specific memory of going to every single beach shop in Myrtle Beach because my brother was intent

on finding a very specific t-shirt of Bart Simpson as Michael Jordan. And we could not find anywhere. We found plenty of shirts that were of Bart Simpson being Michael Jordan. But none of them for some reason were the one that my brother, I guess, saw somewhere else. And so I just remember being exhausted.

hoping to play putt putt golf or and that's a problematic shirt i'm going to go ahead and say that that my lordman uh bart simpson shirt and yeah so i just do remember that but i do also have a fond memory of at one of those shops convincing my mother pleading with her to get me a ren and stumpy shirt where uh i believe it's ren or maybe a simby is vomiting all over the place and i think the vomit spells out blowing chunks. Oh, that's, I want that now. It's awesome. And I had to plead with her, but of course, I could never wear it out of the house was the bargain we finally made.

Oh, that's a fun. That's such a weird thing that parents do, the in the house, out of the house thing. It's like, why do you have to hide your shame in the house? There were so many things that we were allowed to do in the house, but not out of the house. We're like, why? I don't understand. I got that we weren't allowed to make like home videos in the, in the, grocery store with our huge, you know, you had to use your entire arm to hold the video camera

up on your shoulder. I get that. She knew we were going to break it. But other than that, where it's like, why can't I do it out of the house? I hate to say it, but there are no, it does not seem that there are any image results for the blowing chunks t-shirt that I do remember so fondly back in the day. I'm devastated. Are you talking about, and this is a type of store we have definitely talked about on the show before, are you talking about like souvenir t-shirt stores? on beach strips like Duval Street, like that type of novelty. Because incredibly, the audience of page seven,

the last time we talked about this type of store, which I also love, I fucking love these types of stores. I describe being like a teenager and being on vacation somewhere and being at one of those beach stores with the souvenir t-shirts and seeing a shirt that said that was like the type of graphic

that has like the bathroom logo you know like the circle for a head and it said MySpace and it was a guy sitting at a computer and then it said to my face and it was somebody sitting on someone's face and I mentioned it on the show

the last time we talked about it on page 7 being like I love these stores I love these kind of shirts and somebody found it several people I think found the image of the MySpace to my face T-shirt and sent it to me, which, like, truly made my day. That was one I never bought, but it still lives with me.

It makes your heart smile. No, this is what happened in all this research I've been doing. I saw a picture of this shirt. I saw some meme, and it was, it's the Tasmanian devil and Bugs Bunny, dressed as Chris Cross on a shirt, and I had this shirt, and I wore it almost every single day. That's my favorite part. It's the lawlessness of the licensing in no shot.

It's so egregious. and so insane. They'll just take any character. And in some ways I hate that. Like definitely the Bill Waterson, Calvin and Hobbs, Calvin Pissing decal. That's the most egregious example to me of like a shitty way of doing that,

a shitty use of a property. But for the most part, you know, going back to Bart Simpson, smoking a big joint, you know, and really just feeling himself unassured is something I can't help but love. and don't get me started about Big Johnson. What?

Do you guys remember big, isn't it Big Johnson shirts? I feel like I just, man, in my head, if it was a different time, we just look over at you and you just have like a huge dildo in your hand. He's like, well, that is a Big Johnson. I can't believe you guys are talking about this type of shop and you don't know what a Big Johnson shirt is. Oh, I didn't know that they had a name.

A Big Johnson shirt is just a series of different, horny, Images and captions. Oh my God, I remember these. Like, forgot. Oh, these are very, they are, there are some tasteless ones. Oh, there's some very bad things. This is the kind of thing, the kind of cartoon you would see on the wall of like a dive bar bathroom. You know what I mean?

I can't believe we've never talked about this. Big Johnson, by the way, it's this little nerdy guy with like red hair who's just this little guy, but he's always surrounded by, let's say, large-breasted women in different scenarios. And this one, it's Johnson Fishing. rods. The boat says catch and snapper on the back of it. And it says it's easy to reel them in when you've got a Big Johnson. Some of these are very upsetting. I regret to inform the listeners that the rest of the show will be spent reading different slogans from Big Johnson T-shirts. I've got one of, it's a big, like a mega truck kind of driving in the mud. And it says,

no holes too deep or sloppy when you're driving with a Big Johnson. I've got one at the golf course, Big Johnson Putters, one good stroke and you're in the hole. I will say that Big Johnson's, I'm going to go ahead and guess that this is a Southern company, that I'm going to guess doesn't exist anymore with the amount of Confederate flags that they have on some of their shirts. But I will say there's one that is a big breasted woman in a time.

Honestly, I love this outfit. She's got these Daisy Dukes on, and she's got a little plaid crop top on, and she's bending over, and he's up behind her with a huge gun, and says, cocked, pumped, and ready to blow. Big Johnson.

You got a Big Johnson bait shack, and Mr. Johnson here, he's got a cup of worms and one giant worms spilling out of it, surrounded by some, I'm going to just go ahead and say large-breasted women. How do you just keep saying, I'm going to say,

we understand. They're all, they're beautiful women with lots of underbreast. You won't need to be a master baiter when she sees the size of your Johnsons. There you go. Masturbator. She's baiting the hook. I also have a one that, Big Johnson Fish Finders, that says, this is seems, I was like, this is how Jackie writes her Instagram captions. It's a straight shot to the honey hole when you got a Big Johnson.

Yeah. I should be making Big Johnson. I'll call them Big Jackie's shirts. And they'll just use quotes for my Instagram. because really I am I mean yeah big jackies I've got the turkey yeah I've got my turkey earrings on the other day it took everything in me not to be like oh gobble on down stuff this whole full of meat because the more meat in the hole the tender the taste and I want to say these things I can't we have to do this this is we have to set do big jaggy they will be far less problematic but just as hilarious with the buns yeah I would love to I mean, there's Big Johnson's lube. A feminist anti-racist, Big Johnson's rebrand.

Yes, let's do a little bit of a rebrand. But I do like Big Johnson's lubs, jack her up, give her a quick squirt, and get ready for the next one. I think that, yes, definitely coming from a woman's standpoint and we do it against the men, I think would be a lot of fun or just against people in general. Although, it's easy to handle her curves when you're pushing with a big, Johnson. Yes, that's Big Johnson's stock cars. I am shocked at how far I have been scrolling down this page and how there is no end to the shirt designs. And these are intricate illustrations, by the way. These are like not like lazy, like these are really well drawn for the most part illustrations. Molly, you got one for us? Big Johnson's contractors. We don't

stop until you get drilled, nailed and hammered. They're so horny. Big Johnson's pizza delivery guaranteed to come in 30 minutes or more. Yeah. Whoa. I mean, that's saying something. That's a whole night of it. No, it makes me think of my love for Ark Crum. It reminds me of it's that same kind of styling that is just so over the top.

Please check out that dock on Arcrum if you've never seen it before because it is a whirlwind of a tale of this old man. And check out, uh, which is the Brewers episode on Our Crum. If you want to hear even more past the documentary about the life of the man for sure. Speaking of problematic people in the, in the world that we can still kind of admire a little bit. Oh, no, is he bad? I mean, if you do, why did he die? Look at his work. Hey, yes.

I just always wanted, I, I, I maybe, you know what it is? As a fat woman, I've always loved that he loved drawing big women as sex objects. And I know, and that's the thing. And I loved that he did. And I know that maybe that's why I loved it so much. And I know that that's not for everybody. But it made me feel like, well, someone out there will find me sexy. It's in the cartoons.

Okay, I'll stop reading Big Johnson shirts now. But I have to read one more, which is because Jackie said we assume they have gone out of business, which has to be true. But a T-shirt company online has one that is a Big Johnson. social distancing shirt that has, it says, Big Johnson social distancing and it's him with a big surfboard and it says, stand back, I don't know how big it's gonna get. I love it.

Big Johnson.com still exists, but I don't really want to give them props. They definitely have a line of political shirts that definitely are not in line, I think, would be. No, it is, no, it is not good. I'd rather make our own. to have a line of Ted Nugent shirts. If that gives you a really. No, I'd rather make her own.

Although I will say these shirts immediately made me think of with the one time I remember, so my dad has motorcycles, he likes red motorcycles, and we saw a man that had a shirt in Florida and it said, if you can read this, the bitch fell off. And that's what it said on the back of his shirt as he was riding on his motorcycle. And guess who made that shirt? Big Johnson. It makes so much sense. Because think about that shirt so often

because what a horrible sentiment. And we gave it to my dad one time as a joke as a present. And my mom was like, hell no. And she cut it up and she used it as rags. Did your dad like it? Was he like, ha? He thought it was funny, but he knew

that my mother was not going to appreciate it. So, you know, we did more of the jest of the idea of it. Oh, God, big Johnson beer pong tournament. Whip out your balls and let's get foamy. All right. I'm sorry. I really, I think that, I don't know if I remember this specific company when I was a kid,

but I remember this type of shirt. And I think that I was like so, like, none of the adults in my life were even remotely the type of person who would ever, ever come within 50 feet of a shirt like this. And I think that I was so, like, it was so, like, intriguing to me. Like, who are the adults? who are buying these shirts. You know? Where do you see anyone wearing them

besides maybe the very day they bought it on the, or the very weekend they bought it at least, on the boardwalk. Oh, go back down to Florida. You haven't been to Florida. Florida, yeah. Oh, that's why I love Florida. They're still wearing them in Florida.

This is why I love Florida. The troublemaker in my Spanish class, I forget what the shirt was exactly, but he definitely at one point took off his overshirt because he was hot, but he was just doing it to upset. everyone around him and he was wearing a full-fledged big Johnson shirt. And I look over the dude, what the fuck are you doing? And then like at one point finally the teacher saw it and was like, put your shirt back

on and then like I was like I thought he was going to get expelled. It was like a filthy big Johnson shirt. Yeah, he had ball. He was one of those kids were like, how do you have these balls? It's just so horny. Like are there men in their, my question is like, do you buy this shirt for your for your dad? for your, like, for your uncle?

Yeah. Who, like, and if you buy it, are you like, oh, my dad loves big boners, you know? Like, it's just like such a strange, like, do guys buy these shirts for themselves? Do, do you, does a wife buy it for her horny husband who's like, oh, he loves having, wielding his big boners? I got it.

You're weird on the boat. You're just so horny, Ian. I don't know what else to catch you. It's just, you're so, just such a terrifying degree. You scare me with your horniness. So here's this shirt, I guess. I tried to figure out what your interests are, but it seems to be only being horny.

I mean, I'm a very, I'm a very horny person, I still'm not wearing them. You know, that's got to say something. I'm not this horny. Some dad's like beer. Some dads are really interested in vehicles, but my dad just likes to talk about

his big boners all the time. I guess I'll get him a big constant shirt. Yeah, it's bums to me out that they are, I'm going to go ahead and say, incredibly problematic. Yes, very upsetting. But they are, they're funny in a way. Because I want to buy one now so bad and wear it to like a bachelor party hang

weekend. You know what that is? It's an inside shirt. This is an inside shirt. It's a shame, but it's not even an inside shirt because we can't give this company money. Don't give them any money at all. But I do like, apparently, I think it's fun that they have a, they have a partner's edition to the, if you can read this,

the bitch fell off. And I enjoyed it. It says, if you could read this, the dick won't let me drive. So you know what? They got something on the other side of it. That's nice. I like that.

No, we should start talking about this. We've got the new merch website. We're getting new shirts on there for page seven. And I would love a big Jackie's. Big jammies. Just a bunch of sexual in you windows. If anybody out there is listening and you want to create a design just for the love of the show and send it over,

a big Jackie with some kind of a punch. I don't know. Let me think of one. How about just holding up a couple of turkey legs. No, no, no, you know what you do? You have me and I'm really burned on a beach and it says hurting for a squirtin on it with a bird squirting sun tan lotion on me.

Right, right. There's a turkey on everything, Jackie's shirt. It's you with your like legs up riding down a slip and slide. And it says, why ride a slip and slide when you can have a squirt and ride. Oh, that's a bit of a stretch, but I get, I see what you're doing with. It's a lot of words.

How about, how about a couple of birds hanging out, smoking joints or something? And it's like, two in the hand is worth a bunch of, I don't know, I'm just trying to go. I don't know what it is. I love just two in the hand and then the pause. All right. Oh, we've got so, I just, we've got so many,

I'm going to come up with way too many ideas and I'm going to shoot them all to you guys next week. We'll start workshopping our ideas. Maybe a Twitter thread or something where we just start throwing some puns up and trying to figure out the best one. Speaking of dying, I guess. I do want to give a shout out to my brother, Henry Zabrowski,

for, I will say apparently me. What is he? No, Henry. Molly and I upset him last week and I was speaking for him out of turn because he loves David from my lottery dream home. He loves David and he thought that we gave David

too much of a hard shake. In fact, Molly said the same thing. I thought the same thing. I saw four missed messages from Henry. He was like, oh God, what did I do? What is it? Because when your brother is also your boss, you're immediately terrified. And it was him berating, not berating, but chastising Molly and I, that David from my lottery

dream home was a realtor. He won a top realtor of Miami Award. Then he won the HGTV Design Wars Show. I'm reading the text. For the short period of time, he was on the air. He's HGTV's Guy Fietti, but I'm pretty certain he has drug problems, which is why they push the brothers who kiss so hard. That's the property brothers.

of course. And yeah, I saw this text from Henry and I was like, what am I, what sort of business announcement is Henry texting me and Jackie about? Did we, are we being reprimanded? What do we say? And it was just him being like,

let me tell you about David from My Lottery Dream Home. And apparently Henry is watching the ones that I said last week I won't watch, which is the new episodes of My Lottery Dream Home being recorded via Zoom. He's watching them. He's even watching the Zoom ones. Henry Zabrowski watching the terribly sad David in his apartment,

My Laddery Dream Home on Zoom episodes, and is so offended by our portrayal of David. And let me tell you, he might be a realtor, but he ain't a realtor anymore because he literally just goes to town and doesn't live in and goes to people's realtor offices and is like, give me some listings. And they're like here and he's like, great. It's not a realtor.

It's a fakeder. And I'm done with it, okay? If you watched it, you completely understand. He said that Molly and I were both canceled. I don't agree with the fact that he is HGTV's Guy Fieri. No. I think that that is pushing Guy Fieri down into the dirt. No.

He said he also that his outfits are amazing. He's the male Moira from Schitt's Creek, which is wrong. That is wrong. I delight in his outfits, but there he is not. The male Moira from Schitts Creek. I said he doesn't have the hats. And I'm going to go ahead and say, this, Henry, if you're listening to this right now, and I know you are, you're a shit fuck bastard.

You've got shitty breasts. You're a dumb. Your feet are numb because you've got to circulate your blood better, and we all know it, and you're a fucking... Don't you dare shit on my brother. You've got bad hands, and you've got stupid arms. His hands are tiny and perfect. Henry said I had cute little feet the other day, okay? So he gives me a compliment I give him.

His hands are perfect. I just love knowing that he's listening to me say these words to him right now. A you. Mara. Henry, here's the thing about Guy Fietti. It's not just his terrible fashion and his tattoos that make him Guy Fiatty. He is, it's his heart. And the thing that David has is terrible tattoos and terrible fashion.

But he doesn't have the heart. He doesn't have the heart. He has dead eyes. and I will not give this to Henry. No. I won't. No, Henry's wrong. He's not Guy Fieri.

He's a dear friend, but he's wrong. David is, I'm not going to say he's bad. I watch him. I'll, I'm obviously drawn to him. I've watched him for many hours. Yes, but he doesn't, what Guy Fietti brings is a true realness

to a terrible network otherwise that I also watch absolutely obsessively. But Guy Fieri, it's just that analogy. Guy Fietti is just like Guy Fiati is like, you watch the show and you really think that you're hanging out with the real guy. And I got to tell you, I've watched a lot of my lottery dream

home and I have no idea who David is, you know, he's a shell. He is a shell. Yes, he's a shell of a human being. Not that means he should not deserve love the way Guy Fieri does. He just doesn't deserve as much love as Guy Fieri does according to me. And that's okay.

And that's all right. We can't give the same amount of love to every person. There's nobody. I'm trying to think because I watch a lot of HDTV. Like the people with the most heart and soul, I'm afraid to say, are Chip and Joanna Gaines. And everybody else on that show is an absolute shell of a human being, with the exception maybe of Hillary from Leverter Listed, who is like a huge bitch. But I think she's her authentic self. And also her contractor, Eric, who I like have like a fantasy. Like if I wrote fan fiction, I would write fan fiction about Hillary and Eric from Loveter Listed. that's just like her, this like bitchy designer and her like, like, carpenter man who tells her how much things are going to cost.

But I just don't think that there's anyone on that network who has any soul because I'm sorry to say that I don't think selling houses, uh, involves the same level of soul that making food does. Yeah, I completely agree. Where do we go from here? We've talked about Big Johnson. We've talked about Henry. Um, we've talked about, uh, lottery dream home. Jackie, where does one go from this point? I guess we could really talk about the merchandise that I received from Paris Hilton.

I finally bought her masks and I don't usually give poor reviews. You know I enjoy Paris Hilton and her life choices. No. But I will say, yes, I bought a sliving t-shirt and yes, I purchased a mask that says that's hot on the mouth. guys don't purchase the mask. It was a waste of money. And what I didn't realize is that I guess if you, I also

just for everyone to know in general because I did not know this, if you screen print over a mask, you cannot breathe through it. So there was no, there's no reason to wear the mask because I was out in it and I put it, I got out of the car

and I put it on and I went to breathe in and it got completely sucked up into the back of my mouth. Have you had to have this experience yet with a mask yet? Not yet. And then the cloth gets on your tongue. I don't have any.

I've not also worn a mask with a logo or a smiling mouth or any of these cute masks that I'm seeing with any kind of art on them. So I think that might have something to do with it. I would say just beware and look at how it is screen printed before you purchase them. I waited for a very long time and I was so excited about getting them. And they don't work. I'm going to take them and I feel like I'm back in middle school. I was going to like cut it out and safety pin it to something.

It's like a backpack or something. I don't know what else to do with it. Like, what do you do with something like that? I want to repurpose it. You were going to get one very successful Instagram post out of that. And then you need to just let burn it. Let it die. I just, I think, I like the colors.

It's like Barbie colors. And also, again, because this is actually a show that all three of us have watched an entirety, I have some heartbreaking news for everyone about too hot to hands. Handles. Heartbreaking. You are just the bearer of bad news. Someone has to be it, okay? You are the bad news bear today.

Sometimes love dies. Do I need to sit down? And Francesca and Harry have broken up. Oh, good, what? That's good news. That's good news. She deserves better, and I hate her, but she deserves better. Both of them deserve better.

I really do think, but don't you remember, in the tell-all, he proposed with a ring pop. And you know what? I think that that would be cute in some instances, but not in this one. You know what I mean? Yeah, I actually love that they're, I'm sure they're not actually emotionally dealing with anything right now because I don't think they have many emotions, but I actually do, am happy that both of them are maybe put to a test right now because I really surely do dislike

them. You have them to grow. I love it too. She threw him under the bus. She was like, he left me. he's been cheating on me. He's the one that did this. And cheap man.

This is, it goes just back to all my feelings about like how, like, like, she is a million good, she's a terrible person, right? She's a gazillion times out of that guy's league. Like, how is it that everyone on that show wanted to bang Harry? He's a 13 year old boy and a 13 year old boy's body. Like, what was going on with that?

I had him. had him in college. I had that guy. I could name him right now, but I'm not going to name names. But I had that guy that was like, why is every girl that is hot, that is in my class or in, at college with me, in the theater school, having sex with this guy. And he's clearly using pickup artist tactics. He's clearly like doing all this obvious stuff. And doing the negging thing. And I hate, I really, I dislike it. I disagree. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't you, Jackie. What exactly? You know who exactly what I'm talking about. A thousand percent. I don't like. I don't I don't under, I personally, I know that it works for some people.

I personally don't understand someone that makes you feel lesser than, that puts you down. I don't think that's attractive. That doesn't mean, and I like assholes, but you can be an asshole and not put someone down or condescend to them when both of you are on the same level. Nothing, and this is going to sound nice guy-y, but I promise you, it's not, nothing makes me more upset than when I would be hanging out with one of my heart. lady college friends and she'd be like ugh he's the worst

he's just so shitty he just and then confirm and literally says everything I feel about this guy and then I watch her walk out the door with him three hours later it's because you are the nice guy best friend I mean you've always been am I though am I really that nice but it was it was more this

it was just like you know what's happening why are you go like but I guess the other day I don't know what it is just the big dick energy or whatever it is. But this is the thing, like, I definitely have been attracted to and enjoyed, like, a Trist's

with, like, unabashed, you know, assholes. Man, Trist is such a nice way of saying, just like, ugh, like a heave-ho in a dirty corner of a book. I only see Molly's college experience being, like, a Jane Austen book. You know what I mean? It's just her.

You remember Molly when she was in her early 20s? I remember. I remember us both being like, oh, what did you do last night? And then you're still like, you're just still in the clothes from last night trying desperately to record an episode of a podcast in a sweaty room where you're both just sweating out tequila and just like upset with yourself. I hate to break it to you, Molly, but you smell like a trist.

That's nice, though. That makes me think of like a Catherine the Great where they put a bunch of perfume on after days of not showering, though. I'm just saying, I feel like the thing about like, you know, liking assholes as like, yeah, there's like people with confidence, people with a certain type of vibes, energy that are like, that sometimes are in the same vent diagram as assholes. I get that. But like, Harry is a big, doofy man child.

Like that he is like, he's just like a doofus. He's just a big dumb. Like, I just don't understand. And she's like this like, kind. I'm baffled. Okay, all I'm going to do, okay, I'm going to throw, this is what I'm going to tell you, Molly, to get you, I think, a little more clarity on this. I just remember the shitty friend and how easily the shitty friend was able to manipulate Francesca. Yeah.

Haley, Haley was the best person on Too Hot to Handel. She was absolutely the best. She was like, I hate all these people. I fucking can't stand them and I can't wait to go home. But also, why did she think, we're not going to go down that, but why did she even get on the show? I love her. What do you think this show's going to be? The show was called Too Hot to Handle.

You think, like, you think that this is going to, like, blow your mind with who you're going to meet? She was hotter than all of them, and such a terrible bitch, and I loved her. And yeah, but, yeah, she was just like, tell me, tell me your secrets. And Francesca was like, okay, yes. Francesca is a, is a, is a, somebody who seeks approval from people, for sure. A breathing doormat is someone who is so. easily swayed to be an evil or good person.

I think that it's all in the people around her. She is pure environment. Yeah, she didn't have a lot of confidence too. If she's around good people, she'll probably be a good person. Yeah. But if she's around evil people, they will taint her to their whims. Yes. I think that, you know, the whole Pete Davidson thing,

the people say, like, oh, it's just that he's tall. And, like, I like a tall guy. But, like, I think that with a hairy, it really was just he was tall. He looked like a fucking 13 year old. And also it was the Australian accent. Yeah, the Australian accent. And I really, I think that's what, not, I don't think that that that doesn't like make my, my, my britches go down to my ankles immediately. Because I'm aware of the fact it's like, no, no, no, no, no. Let's, I want to meet you first. You know, of course, looking at them from afar, oh, there used to be, oh, this beautiful woman. And she always wore

this, like, big cowboy hat that would come in to the shop that he used to work in. Oh, man. Sorry, I just went down an Australian. All right. Well, either way, I just, I think you're... But she owned businesses and she was smart. There's a difference. You're missing two things, I think.

And that's physique. And I think the most important thing that you guys are missed. The most important. And even though it's blind, it's so important. Confidence. The blind... It's the confidence. Yes.

Confidence. Yes. And I'm also going to throw a third one in there. A Santa Claus level jovial horny. that exists in that guy that I think women are drawn to to to say like this guy wants to have a lot of fun and he wants to have a lot of that fun completely naked with me in a bed for however many hours I would like for that to happen no that's true that's fair he's just like he's a big Johnson in a human form he is a big Johnson through and through he is a joke a sex joke yeah he was a human While having sex with you for as many hours as you're willing to. Which that sounds great. I think that there should be laughter and sex if that is something that you are into.

I think that is delightful. I think having a foray of such is delightful, but there's only so long you can have that if that's not something you want. She was a little bit older than him. I got to say that. And I've been in that relationship, quote unquote, I guess, before, if you can call it a relationship, where you're just like, well, this isn't going to last, but yeah, that's funny now.

Sure. Again, like, this is why I say, Trist. If you get into something and you know what you're getting and you're like, yeah, this guy sucks, but I'm going to do it anyway. Like, that's totally. You saying the word Trist and putting Trist on what I'm thinking of of what I've done my past, it's just like, it's a highfalutie. It's a nice way of saying just like, oh, oh, just sweaty. Sweaty fucks that you regret. But, yeah, I mean, it is it is a tisket, a tasket, put that boy in that lady's basket.

Yeah, that's just the way it's going to go down. I hope that she'd get some sort of like crazy deal in Vancouver or something. I mean, you got to say, gorgeous. Gorgeous. Both of them are very, very attractive people. Dumb as rocks. The best thing about love is blind, no, not love is blind. Too hot to handle.

Sorry, I watched them. I can't even believe. How dare you? I apologize. Best thing about two hot to handle is that everyone is so dumb that there's not even any interiority that you can like worry about, you know, like, whereas like the reunion of love is blind actually kind of like upset everyone in my house because it was like really, really difficult to watch. And there's just no, there's just no like they're there to worry about with Francesco or with Harry.

I don't think. Right. Well, speaking of dumb, are you guys ready for the dumbest damn celebrity conspiracy theory this side of the Mississippi? I am definitely intrigued. Does that have to do with Elon Musk and his sex life? No, but there's, I could not tell you how many weeks there is a new blind item about Elon Musk and Amanda Hurd and Grimes's sex life. It is just... Amber Hurd, yes.

I've read... I've read into so much of it. And every time I find myself doing, I'm like, why am I even reading this? I don't care. I don't care about this. It is every week I do blind items. There is at least two stories about that, by the way.

Couldn't even possibly care. Couldn't care. But do you care about whether or not Marissa Tomei won the Oscar? Oh my God. Wait, for my cousin Vinnie? Yeah. Well, I guess we are stuck in the 90s. Right?

I thought that she did. Well, maybe she didn't. Back in 1993, Marissa Tomei won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her performance. And my cousin Vinnie, a major upset for both Joan Plowrite, who did Enchanted April, and Vanessa Redgrave, who was in Howard's End, who were both big favorites to win. Before that, she had only been in a few bit. roles in movies, one soap opera, and one sitcom, but still beat out folks like Judy Davis and Miranda Richardson for the trophy. Also, also, my cousin Vinnie was released over a year before the ceremony took place, and if you know anything about the Oscars, you know they have a

terrible memory, and anything that's well before Oscar season usually gets, the snip. Whoa. Put this big Johnson in your fucking brain. The rumors started as printed in the hot. Hollywood Reporter in March of 1994. A rumor is currently making the rounds in Manhattan fanned by no less than the former son-in-law of a distinguished Academy Award winner. To wit, that last year, Marissa Tomei received her Oscar statue by error with a resultant scandal about it soon to be exposed, much to the shame of the Academy. According to the rumor, it happened because Oscar presenter, Jack Palance, hadn't been able to read the name written in the the secret envelope when he was on stage

announcing 1992's best supporting actress winner instead of asking for help so saith the tale it was Palance who arbitrarily called out Tomé's name instead of the actual winner What's hilarious though is even though this is the article that really

spurned the whole thing to like a global or at least a countrywide rumor the article even goes on to immediately debunk it because which led to an article in Entertainment Weekly that printed, as the rumor goes, award presenter Jack Palance inadvertently read the name of the final nominee of the teleprompter instead of the name of the envelope. And depending on who tells the story, the winner was either Judy Davis for

husbands and wives or Vanessa Redgrave for Howard's Inn. But they both say the same thing afterwards, which everyone seems to just ignore, that Pricewater House Cooper, the accounting firm that does the whole, you know, has the briefcase and handles all the tabulations of the ballots and the winners and the envelopes. They all, there are two members of that firm that also know the correct winner in order to correct the announcer should this happen. And of course, we saw this happen. With Moonlight and Lawlin. I was going to say, I was just looking this up as you were explaining this. It was like, so what happened with that then? Yeah. So, so this is clear. I hate to tell you this. Spoiler alert. This is so debunked.

Like, there's no truth to this rumor whatsoever because of those things in place. And also, Marissa Tomey is fucking great. I love her so much. Yeah. And you know what? Vanessa Greve Redgrave is amazing. Howard End, delightful. But, you know, my cousin, Vinnie, that was like the beginning, the movies like that don't

get Oscar nominated all that. Exactly. Let other people win. But that's why the rumors started because, because, you know, all these things, politically for the Oscars, don't check out. relative newcomer, you know. Right, they don't usually do that. Early in the season, like all these things kind of line up.

And it's not like a prestige film. It's on a period piece. It's none of those things, right? And it's a comedy. So like all of these, it's just all these things are so un-Oskar that people just couldn't handle the reality that Marissa Tomei would win for this. She said in the past that she found the rumor to be quite hurtful, as anyone might feel. Yeah, of course, that sucks.

But she also rules because this is. what she said in her monologue on SNL in October of 1994. Before we start, I wanted to say something. Just wanted to clear the air. There's this crazy rumor. Some of you may have heard it. Some of you may have not that when I won the Academy Award for my cousin Vinny that I didn't really win the Oscar. That because Jack Palance accidentally read the wrong name off the teleprompter. But that's just absolutely not true. I won the Academy Award fair and square and I was just the happiest I'd ever been. Since I was named Miss Teenage America, thank you, back in 1987, the year it was hosted by Jack Palance. Or three years later, or three years later, when I stepped up on stage to receive, though I didn't think I was even eligible for it.

The Heisman Trophy from Jack Palance. Anyway, the only award I ever felt slightly guilty about was when I was 16 and I was named employee of the month at Roy Rogers Restaurant by the assistant manager, Jack Palance. Anyhow, now that's out of the way and she goes on. By the way, fuck everybody for starting this rumor because Tomey is one of 21 people to be nominated for the actress and a supporting role trophy three times or more. Damn. So I love Marissa Tomei. She got the wrestler and I forget what the other one was. You can't, how can you feel anything but 100% positive feelings about Marissa Tomei?

Right. And also horny feelings. Yeah. And especially when you watch Untamed Heart, she falls in love with. a man who has a baboon heart. I love that movie. It doesn't hold up. But Rosie Perez, Christian Slater,

Marissa Tomey, are you kidding me? Man with a baboon heart. If you actually want to see the hottest, nudist Marissa Tome sex scene, that that is going to happen. And before the devil knows you're dead starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. Holy shit.

It's a really dark movie. And Phillips Seymour Hoffman's amazing. It'll make you sad because he's obviously pastoral. God, he's just such a good act. It's so difficult sometimes to watch him and stuff because I know that many people die too soon. But every time I look and I'm just like, man, man, especially him as an older act. Like, he would have just gotten better. It makes me very sad.

Jackie, I got to see him live in a play called Jack Go's Boating at the Public Theater. And it was one of the coolest. This was like years ago. I don't know. This was years ago. and it was one of the highlights of doing a cool thing in New York for me. Wow. I love.

Yeah, it was awesome. I love. Yeah, but then you watch things like Patch Adams. What the fuck? So ladies, do you believe true or false, Marissa Tomey winning the Oscar? She won it. Jack Palance did a great job.

I think she won it. I will not bad mouth Marissa Tourmet, no, or Jack Palance. And also, it has a great job. hashtag Moonlight is my best picture. Because that is another one that no fucking way. Yeah. I mean, Warren Beatty definitely messed that up. But I don't think that Jack Palan should be put in the same category as Warren Beatty here.

There's something about it being Jack Palance, by the way, that makes it a little bit funnier. What is that? I don't know why, but it's just hilarious. It's such a funny person. I can't figure out why either, but I think that there's just something about his vibe that seems like. It's so perfect. It seems like he absolutely could have done it but also I'm just going to believe that he didn't

You know what it is in my brain Why it's kind of fun? I think it's because of City Slickers Yeah, that's probably what it is. And that is like as a kid I knew him from City Slickers even though he's known for so many other amazing things But City Slickers was always what I thought of Jack Palance from City Slickers is the Big Johnson of movies Fun, dumb, macho, stupidness.

Man, I just wish they were just, man, blowing those gold chunks all over the back of Daniel Stern's wife in it. But, man, we didn't get that opportunity. All right, I'm fucking done. That's great. If we've done nothing else in this episode, we've brought the big Johnson of into the parlance.

Like we have to use that as a kind of like a metaphor more often. That's what I wanted to bring up my new catchphrase. You gotta be souping me. I saw I was. I saw your Instagram post about this and I was like, I don't want to even talk about this with Jackie. I don't know. I was stoned out of my gourd and I was looking up,

I was looking at pictures of Garfield. Because, you know. And I saw a gift that, said, you gotta be soup in me while I was looking up the Garfield pictures, and it is a, it's a, it's a can of soup with a cat face on it,

and I think it's this bad tomato on it. And then it spelled in, almost like the blowing chunks, Holden, it's spelled in the soup, it says, you gotta be soup in me. And I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. There's only a couple days ago. I said, I

took screenshots of it, I said it to Henry, I don't know what it means, I don't know where it's from, you gotta be soupin me. And then I'm trying to figure out, what is it? Like, what is stupid? It's supposed to be like, you gotta be kidding me? Like, is it like that? What am I missing in the pun of you gotta be soup in me?

And I think it's so funny, and I keep saying in my house, you gotta be souped me. And no one likes it. My roommates don't like it. My partner doesn't like it. No one likes it. Maybe it's the Big Johnson that's swirling around in my head right now, but I feel like you gotta be soup in me

is kind of like, You got to be like actively trying to make me horny. I guess, but then why is it a can of tomato sauce with a cat on it? Yeah, I think that it's something worse. I think it's like you got to be shitting me, but just with soup instead. I think it's just. Why? I don't know, but that's why it's worse.

Because it makes no fucking sense. And it won't make sense no matter how hard we try. I feel like that, look, look, the cat obviously vagina, right? The pussy or whatever. right, is what I'm thinking. Yes. And I'm going to, all right, I'm going to go with the tomato soup. I'm going to make a Hail Mary pass some sort of period reference.

No. You guys are overthinking this. Like, when you're on your period, you don't want to have sex? Is that like, oh, well, you got to be soup and me. I said it was a Hail Mary pass. I said it was a Hail Mary pass. I'm just trying to be so. Connections lie, all right?

That's all I'm trying to do right now, okay? I don't leave my house anymore. I don't know what's happening in this day. You know what? Not today. You got to be stupid me. You got to be. I've been laughing about you got to be stupid meat for days.

I think it's so funny. I think it's because my brain wants anything to laugh at that is so dumb and inane. It doesn't make any sense that I've gone into this weird void that I didn't know it still existed in my brain. You've got to be soup in me, guys. I, uh, thank you. And so if you guys know, if you're listening and you're like, oh, I know what you got to be soup in me means.

It's almost like at this point I don't want to know. Tag Jackie. I think I like living in my, you don't need to tag me at all. Jackie's the one who really needs to know. No, I think you got to tag me in anything this week. I don't want to be tagged in nothing this week. I'm going to get tagged in the 200 things that are like, you've got to be souping me.

And that's fine. You can tag me if you want to, but you can really tag Jackie twice. I think it's great. See, I looked up souping and I don't think this makes any sense. Apparently on S&L there was some sort of sketch and it says when teenagers drink expired soup

in an effort to get high. I don't think that's what this is. Like it's like, I don't think that's what soupin is. In this context. A Google search of you got to be soup at me, literally brings up absolute gibberish. There is no... It doesn't mean anything.

There's soup recipes for damn sure. You definitely can make a bunch of soup. But anyway, guys, it is time for the list and you gotta be soup in me. Who's on the list? Jackson! You gotta be soup at me. Oh, you gotta be soup at me.

We are doing completely bonkers casting suggestions for famous movies. roles. There was one in particular on here of why I needed to read this list. Jackie. So I started finding these insane lists on, I never look at Facebook, but every once while now all of my ads are just weird lists, which is kind of fun. I will say, Jackie, I'm a little upset because I was actually legitimately looking forward to, to the point where I was going to look at it up myself, the list of movies that had real sex in them. Oh, it's because I haven't seen love yet. Oh, you can do them if you want to watch Gashmer. Let's do this, but I hope we can

get to that list. We'll get to that list. We need to see more of the movies on it. I don't, I haven't seen so many. All right, you know what I'll do? I'm going to send you guys the list. Thank you. And we got to watch some of the movies by next week. That's good. That's going to be our homework. All right. I'm not watching Brown Bunny, but I will watch one of them. Okay. Steven Segal could have starred in Tim Burton's Batman, down with Stephen Seagall. However, this is kind of fun. Pretty much every time the role of Batman is cast, some four, of controversy erupts. The internet got Superman at the news that Ben Affleck would don the black rubber bat suit,

and keep in mind that this was back in the days before we even knew about his huge tattoo on his back. But before that, back in the 1980s, pre-internet comic fans had a veritable meltdown over the news that Michael Keaton would star in Tim Burton's Batman. But he wasn't the only one up for the role. In addition to nerds, the folks at Warner Brothers weren't thrilled with the idea of Mr. Mom as the Caped Crusader. Specifically, they wanted to cast it with an action star.

Some of the names floated for the role included Alec Baldwin and Harrison Ford. Then someone suggested Stephen Seagall, who had starred in Above the Law, but had yet to write the world's worst piece of literature, which I guess he wrote. He's not good. He's not a good man anymore. I'm glad he wasn't Batman. He's a bastard. Now, what is kind of fun, though, is Bradley Cooper wanted Jack White to be in a star is born. instead of casting himself Bradley Cooper.

So he wrote it, like he was thinking about him the entire time that Jack White was going to be, which I thought would have also been kind of fun. I am a Jack White. I enjoy Jack White and I enjoy his guitar skills. He didn't, so Bradley Cooper didn't want to cast himself in it. But while he refused to divulge who at first, Cooper admitted that he wanted a real-life musician to play the part. Maybe Cooper wanted Jackson to have more of an escaped ghost from an old, timey photo vibe, because we later found out that the musician in question, the person that wrote

this kind of fun, very mean. We later found out the musician in question was Jack White from the White Stripes. Apparently, the studio wasn't happy with a living Tim Burton character starring in the movie, while one of Hollywood's handsomest leading men sat behind the camera with the rest of the uggos, so they nixed the idea. this is the one this is the one that I really wanted to share with you guys Kanye West

wanted Danny McBride to portray him in the Kanye West story This is a good one It's I was This is, I was very taken aback So we all know Kanye West From interrupting award speeches To recreating Tattoine

To house the homeless Pretty much everything the dude does raise his eyebrows so it's not totally surprising that Kanye was planning on making a movie about his own life. But given our cultural tolerance to being shocked by Kanye's antics, his choice for who should play him in said movie was almost impressively random. Danny McBride. According to McBride, Kanye phoned up the Eastbound and Down Star out of the blue to ask if he would portray him in an upcoming film.

While McBride thought it was a joke at first, Kanye later traveled to his home in Charleston, South Carolina. to pitch him the idea of starring in a movie based on Kanye's life, which seems odd, you know, because Daining McBride is white and neither looks nor sounds like Kanye West. McBride theorized that Kanye thought of him because of the sense of ego he's able to portray. Sadly, Kanye's film project eventually fell apart,

not unlike his plan to help the poor with fictional space huts. So we didn't get to this story today, but he's also entering into the line of skin care as well, which I guess he can do anything. I guess the world is his oyster. I don't, hopefully, honestly, if it's men's skin care, I think that's fucking great. I think that there should be more men's skin care products. Yeah, will it be male-oriented? Not sure yet.

There's just something that came out, that is something that he is looking into and that he wants to get into. I think that I think there would be good because there's not a whole lot designed for you know skin that needs different things so I think that that would be great

It's what it's the way I feel about is like I hope that's the case because if not Kim Kardashian Beyonce and Rihanna Kylie does too and Kim Kardashian and Kylie did both have skin care lines

and make it Maybe I said the wrong Maybe Beyonce doesn't But yeah, and Lady Gaga does. Lady Gaga does. She has house labs. There's just so much of that happening right now. And I just don't see where, unless it's maybe specifically for men or specifically for some more specific purpose.

It just seems unneeded, unnecessary. I, you know, I think he just wants to have his toe everywhere, just like Bob Hoskins would have if he played Wolverine. Which is originally who was going to play Wolverine instead of. Hugh Jackman. But Bob Hoskins turned down the role, which I understand. He realized that it really wasn't for him and that he needed someone that was a little bit younger. I am very intrigued by the idea that Eddie Murphy was the first choice for Candyman. That would have been awesome.

Yeah, that would have worked. I don't know. Did I yell about this in happiness? Have you guys seen the trailer for the new Candy Man? Dude, even the trailer made me like, ooh. Candy Man is one of my favorite movies. It still holds up. Rewatch Candy Man if you want to be scared.

It is a great movie. And so Eddie Murphy could have been the first choice, which, I mean, Tony Todd, again, even says it in this. Tony Todd is Candy Man. But I think that it definitely would have had a fun, creepy edge. So it said even while Eddie Murphy was a long shot, his salary at the time was double the film's entire budget. Even when they were auditioning for the part, producers wanted an Eddie Murphy type. which seems kind of weird considering that they ended up with a menacing, baritone voice Tony Todd, not a wise-cracking comedian.

Though, to be fair, even in three murder-filled movies, Candyman never did anything quite as horrific as unleashing Norbit into the world. Don't you shit on Norbit. Don't get Jackie started about Norbert. I will say, going back to the Kanye thing, if you do watch Jamie McBride's character in Eastbound and Down, and think about how that could be applied. It's that confidence.

It's that bad shit confidence. While also being hilarious. And it does speak towards Kanye knowing that he's ridiculous a little bit. And that makes me like him slightly. Yeah. I know. And I get, I enjoy.

And I love the fact that he was like, he just flew to his house. And I was like, I have a proposition for it. Wow. I think, I mean, that is,

it is fun. And it goes against everything we know about Kanye, which is that he takes himself incredibly serious. Seriously. So it's, it is an endearing thing for him to have wanted Danny McBride to do it. Yes. Yeah, there was another kind of in the same vein. There was Seth Rogen has a really fun story about how he ended up meeting Kanye West. It was like him and his wife and her girlfriend at the time, forget what it was.

But either way, and Kanye was just like, you want to get my limo and just like listen to my entire new album with me? And he was like, yeah. And just like, Kanye just like put on his entire new album for him and his wife. See, that's what I want to. that's like that's the only interaction I want to have with Kanye is to just be like you want to just like get drunk and listen to your music and your limo like that would be awesome it's why I'm in between about Kanye because everything I read it's like as someone I was having a conversation with someone where it's like you love Paris Hilton because you believe that what she does is a shit and that she is a different person when you actually talk to her than what she puts off as as her character that she leaned in that she's actually a good person, then why don't you feel that way about Kanye? And I think it's because I don't know that much about Kanye. And to me, it's a more scary where I know that Paris Hilton is not going to start a cult.

And I worry that Kanye could. And that so many people would jump on board because of that also weirdly down-to-earth presence he has. I don't know that much about him, though. So I'm keen to look further into what he does. to see if he's actually, in my brain, evil or if he's a good person. Right. My thing with Kanye, no, I've definitely, like,

spilled something here on the show talking about how much I'm defending him. And I guess my thing with Kanye is I have no idea whether he's good or evil, but I feel like there's also, maybe less so now, but maybe still now. There was a dichotomy of, like, is he smarter, is he dumb?

And I'm just, like, very firmly in that Kanye is very smart, Like Kanye is. Oh, he's very smart. I just don't know if he's evil or not. Yeah, he's like, and that he's talented. And I feel like that, I feel like there was a, he's so weird that there is such a desire to be like, I feel like there's a big strain of like, oh, he's just a fucking like dumb luck idiot, like

the rest of the Kardashians or whatever. And that is the thing I really want to push back on. Like I feel like the dude is very smart. He's very talented. I have no idea what else there is. But I do feel like it's worth like. making a distinction about that, you know? I call it chaotic neutral.

I think he really is chaotic neutral. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Right? Yeah, no, I completely get it. I need to look more into what he does that also just doesn't make the headlines to figure that out for myself because I don't know why.

I just don't trust him. Well, I don't trust my own eyes right now, guys. I am really having a hard time seeing things. What? Uh-oh. Son of a fucker. I think I'm going. Blind!

Items! Oh, we can't see them! Wait, is my mother the fucker or is my father the fucker? I don't remember at this point. Either way, here's your first blind item. With the firing, there will be no marriage. The wedding was only going to happen if it was televised, free and they were paid for their participation.

Give them both lie detectors and ask the bar stars if the couple ever had sex. the answer would be no, Jackie. It's not Stasi. You said Barr. It's absolutely Stasi Schroeder. But no, she has. She just came out and she's pregnant.

Really? And Bo Clark, this was the blind item I pulled. I didn't even know that happened. Oh, yeah, no, she just released. No more Instagram. Like, she's not doing anything as she shouldn't. She's been shamed away. But of course, that just means that the fact that her PR is still,

even though they're like, PR dropped her. But yet, everybody knows that she's pregnant. Interesting. how that happens. Very interesting how that works. So apparently her and Bo Clark's relationship is a total lie. They celebrated the engagement

at Lisa Vanderpump's house and were not shy about posting the whole thing all over Insta. He also, he proposed to her as a surprise on the show. On the show. As well, which is where it makes, I can't even, I would, I would die.

Like, that is not, on a reality show? Right. Very odd. Well, there's your first fine item. Here's number two. This foreign-born A-plus-less singer when she actually releases music is so paranoid about her offspring walking in on her having sex.

She hooks up with her current boyfriend only in her car. That's kind of fun. Wow. This is kind of a fun one. This is a fun one. This is a silly one. Yeah, it's a silly one. When she puts out music.

When she puts out music. Who is somebody who is super A-plus, doesn't do a lot. lot of releases might have a release on the rise that we're very excited about. Foreign born. Rihanna? Rihanna? No. No, she's of kids.

Wait. And we're excited about her music release. Do we know who her boy is? Is it a famous person? I don't know who her current boyfriend is. I was actually surprised to see the word boyfriend a little bit because she's going through it right now. Born and born.

A plus. Adele? Yes, Adele. Hey! Is that a fun one during quarantine troubles, huh? Wow. She got to have such a huge house, though. Come on now.

By the room in the house. There's places to go. There are places to go. Man, I only hope the best for her, and I also am very looking forward to her next album. Jackie, say it right. I wish nothing but the best for you. Fucking in the car, ladies and gents.

Fucking in the car. Man, I was just talking about this. I was like, was I saying this on year where car reviews should include how you can fuck in the car? And I think that that is something that people would want to know. Carfax.com.

You know, like, oh, there's enough room up front for multiple people. Like, you can get on top, you get a bottom. Fuckability. in the cars because not every car is fuckable. And I think that people need to know these things. As well as Yelp reviews for restaurants. I love the cuisine, but that bathroom was a terrible place to give head in.

I mean, I have definitely meant many bars I've had sexing. Wouldn't eat the food again, but would fucking the bathroom again. Oh, that or when you go to the nice places. Oh, you know the ones that have the cubbies that like have like a wicker door? Yeah. Like you can tell like anytime there's a cubby. with doors that are like that are painted with like slats in the doors yeah that's a bathroom you want to fuck it yep that you don't usually get to last blind item of the night very big

johnson themed episode i'm such a big johnson i'm sorry you just described two different scenarios that would make a big johnson teacher in the car and in the bar big jackies big jackeys we're gonna work on it I would love submissions from listeners for Big Jackie's T-shirts. That tagged me twice because I want to see every, oh my God, people are going to be so fucking funny. It's going to be awesome. Describe the caption or describe the image and then give us the caption for Big Jackie's T-shirt. I love it. Oh, my God.

In her new single, this foreign-born A-list rapper confirmed what I already told you that the permanent A-list rapper slash wannabe NFL owner, has been cheating on his wife. Tanya again? No, same kind of realm of people. Jay-Z? Yes, is the WAN-A-N-FL owner. Oh, wait, what does he want to own?

In her new single, this foreign-born A-List rapper confirmed what I already told you that this permanent A-List rapper slash wann-B-N-Fel owner has been cheating on his wife. So, Beyonce. Oh, so the rapper, is it Nikki Minaj?

Yes. What? Some think Nikki Minaj's remix, of her song Say So, Fire Shots at Beyonce. Oh. Which may be starting like a really big feud, by the way, guys. She wraps, why are you talking about who body fake with all them fillers in your face? You just full of hate.

That real ass ain't keep your word I can't say home. Now you looking silly. That's word to silicone. Ooh. Whoa. Which does kind of... Ouch, out. Who else could that be?

I'm sure there's other people that that could be about, but like, let me repeat that again. Why are you talking about who body fake? So I guess that means... Beyonce did a remix of Megan D. Stallion Savage just two days before this. Which also, I will say it's a great. It's a great version of this song.

In which Beyonce rapped, if you want to see some real ass, baby, here's your chance. And that might have been a shot at Nicky. And so two days later, And by the way, this part of the verse was added to the song late. So late that Spotify and title had already uploaded a version without this bit where Nikki wraps. Why are you talking about who body fake with all them fillers in your face?

You just full of hate. That real ass ain't keeping your word I can't say home. Now you looking silly. That's word to silica. Whoa. Obviously word I can't say is what I said, not the word. but yes yeah yeah um that is that is who that might be a huge huge like just throwing this out there i think i'm ready for a feud this

summer i'm ready to follow a feud i you give me give us something obviously even if it is just PR of both teams working to create something i'm fine with it yeah we need i'm fine with it i hope they don't actually hate each other because i want everyone to love but if they are, I'm here for it. If they hate each other, I feel like my, my 2012 self is going to be in such discord, because that was really the last time I was like really deeply listening to Nikki Minaj a lot. And I still listen to Beyonce a lot, and I still like Nikki Minaj, but I feel like that's just, you know, I want them both to be happy and successful.

I mean, also, Nikki Minaj is friends with Lil Nas X. So it's like, if we're going to be talking about this, it's like, I mean, I love Lil Nas X. I was just reading an article about their friendship as well. So I don't know who I'm going to choose. Wow. But I'm definitely going to watch it. Play the fuck out.

Give us some goss for the summer. Give us the goss. We need it. We're over here reading every big Johnson shirt ever made. I know. Look at what we can come. Ladies and gentlemen, that is my blind items. I am absolutely with.

vision again and it's amazing. Thank you so much ladies for participating. Welcome back. And wine items yet again. You gotta be souping me about that shit. Thank you guys so much for joining page seven this week. I mean, I guess I'll be just out on the streets covered in soup. You can find me. Just follow the trail of soup. Check me out on Twitch.tv.4. slash hold naters ho. Every Friday night to do a stream with Jackie. More importantly than that, Patreon.com forward slash Page 7 podcast. There is so much content on there. I'm not even going to just say it's a weekly episode with Jackie and I.

It is so much more than that. Jackie is pumping it out like she's pumping out that suit, Big Johnson. Molly, what are you going to? Helping out the suit. Oh, you got to be souping me. You can follow me on Instagram, MJK. Elkat. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm.

Thank you guys again so much for joining us this week. I hope you are having a delightful day. I hope you are staying safe out there. We love you so much. Our hearts and our positive energy are with you, and I hope you feel my breast. All right. I'm getting ready for Big Johnson.

You got to be stupid meat. We love you. We'll talk to you next week. I don't know how big this thing's good again. Bye. All right. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

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