Page 7 - Episode 359: This Too Shall Pasta

Episode Date: June 25, 2020

This week on Page 7: someone needs to stop Gwyneth Paltrow, Flavortown is the capitol Ohio deserves and in celebrity conspiracy corner: is Justin Bieber a LIZARD?Oh we're squawkin up a storm over on our Patreon page! Support us today - Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I'm doing this tonight. You're probably gonna start a fight. I know this can't be right. Hey, baby, come on. I loved you endlessly when you weren't there for me. So now it's time to leave and make it a love. I can't take no more. Ain't all I see you out that door.

Baby, bye, bye, bye. I love it. And this is what you're saying. To the child. This song is dedicated to Molly today. I didn't say that at the top of this, but I'm saying it right now because that's what you're going to say to the baby. As you close the door, as you're trying to get her to go to sleep.

It's fun because every week we've been doing page 7 right after Molly desperately tries to get both of the children down to sleep. And it's kind of fun sometimes because just the look of a true tired desperation on her face. And so I've been calling my life a shift lately. Like, oh, my shift is over. The shift is roughly 6.30 a.m. to 7 p.m. And then I'm like, okay, my shift is over. Now on to the next shift. Now it's your shift is done.

But the shift is called life, I think. That shift is called life. Yeah, that'll be the title of my memoir. But you know, look, we're still laughing. And it's like in sync. Remember when we used to listen to it on the Walkman? and then it would skip and how angry it used to be because the CD would start to skip. And then you realize that now that that problem in life is almost absolutely nothing in comparison

of what you have to deal with many, many times a day on a daily basis. I would love to date myself. Holden here. Hi. Oh, hi, guys. Yeah, welcome to Big Seven. A man of many hats. Yes, Holden McNeely, the magician of the podcast is here to extend.

That's what I always call you. Yep. I do want to date myself and say, I showed up in New York City after college with a disc man as my primary source of music listening on the go. Wait a minute. Unless you are significantly older

than I think you are. I think that you're not just dating yourself. You're like announcing how not with the times you were at that time. I also had like a flip phone self-wale. Well, I remember, no, the iPhone happened while we were in New York. Yeah, that's fair.

Flip phone is fine. iPods were round, but iPod. Early, those early iPods were cool, but were very expensive and we're not like, well, first of all, nobody even knows, like has iPods now. I mean, I remember getting to New York and being like, wait a second, I could have my entire music catalog, all of the CDs I own in my pocket. That's insane. Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. Like, for sure.

You're right. It was like a. It was just, I like was just making the transition. My first big purchase in New York City was definitely. like a MacBook and an iPod, like after I got my first full-time desk job, which was horrible. But I did work with Mr. Henry Zabrowski at it, which did make it better. And every day, every day we would get into a weird fight about where we were going to go for lunch that day.

And it was, we just had a very strange relationship. I heard about it. I heard about it from both of you every single day. I always had lunch. And then Henry would scream about how much ketchup you would put on your french fries. Because I would be like, I want cheese steaks. Because we'd always go to 99 miles to Philly, which doesn't exist anymore, but that was where Ed worked. And oh, my God.

And it was so sad. So one day we went to get cheese steaks. This is so dark. We walk in and we're like skipping in. We're in a great mood going to get our cheese steaks. Always in a good mood getting cheese steaks. Usually saved it for Fridays. And we go and we're like, and Ed just has the look of depth on his seat.

face really what's wrong and he's like look and we turn around and there's just this very sad family of people standing uh it was like a married couple and their very young son watching their his grandfather get loaded up into an ambulance and i'm laughing because it was in front of us the store they were in when he had i guess a heart attack whatever was literally called surprise surprise Surprise, surprise. Irene, but all. Every time we walk past it, we'd go, surprise. I'm like, ha, ha.

I guess old guy had a heart attack in the store. And not only that, but did. Henry and I proceed to eat our cheese sticks, like, just sitting there watching this, like, incredibly sad scene. Because you only have a certain amount of time. You got to go back to work. In New York, there's no time. There's no time to be sad about anything.

You got to get back to work. work, you can't accept. You can't think about that for the rest of the day. That was like my first three years in New York in a nutshell. It was just like bizarre tragedy that weirdly had a weird sense of humor about it in its own chaotic way. Like just the fact that the store was called surprise

surprise, we're there to eat cheese sticks. You came in in like a particularly good mood that day too. We're like Ed, what's up? Hey guys. We're like, what's wrong? You're just like, uh, and just like nodded. We just turn around and perfectly framed in the window facing the street.

was this scene. I love surprise, surprise, because you never knew it was going to be inside of surprise, surprise, because it was just stuff that fell off the back of a truck. So you had no idea. So it would be a whole wall filled with huge industrial size bottles of dawn. And you're just like, I don't know why. Why do they have so many? Where did they all come from?

Surprise. But, you know, it was a surprise. You never knew what you were going to get, which is not surprisingly not a good model for keeping a store open in a new. York City. Yeah, did that close? That probably closed, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, that closed long time. I mean, it was in the East Village, like prime time traffic area, too. So, it was so funny, though. God, that was some of the worst years of my life. But I will say now that you are old, Holden, I think that you are a lot more fun now that you are so lame, because I can do things like sing the loneliest girl from Carol and Tuesday to, which is the anime that we both

watched from Netflix and there is a very sad girl song in it and every time I listen to it I text Holden about how sad I am when I listen to the song because really you're just my 12 year old gal pal everybody check out caroline tuesday on netflix I'll just I'll go ahead and do it because I've really gotten it down to a tea can you feel my can you feel my can you feel my tears they won't try can you feel my tear drops of the Loneliest girl. Wow. The loneliest girl.

Devastating. She's the loneliest girl. Absolutely beautiful. Check it out. Carolyn Tuesday on that makes, and he's just so good. Molly looks so upset. That's really sad.

And then I threw Molly this, I'm like, watch these furry videos with Violet J from Insane Cloud Posse and Molly just said they're so tired. I'm forcing her to watch these videos of a furry convention featuring Violet J of Insane Glow Posse and his daughter. And it's just like, isn't it fun?

And she's just like, yeah, yeah, it's just fun. I love an insane clown posse story. I think that they're terrific. And so, and I, you know, I've grown to love a furry story. So it really is our wheelhouse here. But it's, there's just an onslaught of getting ready from page seven at this point of my life. I like, I don't even have any idea what's going on in the news.

And then I'm like, okay, what are we doing? And then I'm just like plunging myself into. the, you know, what has up to now been a fairly non-existent world of pop culture, but it seems like we're coming back? There's like more pop culture news this week. We're starting to come back, but then there are stories like the story that Holden sent to us about this. So this is from 2018, but there's a lot of stuff that's being resurfaced now because, again,

people are trying desperately to write articles online to make some sort of money. So a lot of things are coming back into play. And so Holden sent us this article that was about Violent J. from ICP going with his 12-year-old daughter to a furry convention. And he's so supportive that he had his own outfit built to go with her, with her and her fursona. Now, Holden, you love ICP. Wait, Molly, are you an ICP?

Are you a juggolette? I'm not technically a jugglet, but I have extreme admiration for their class politics. I think that they're like an extremely righteous group of, of fandom. And so I have a lot of admiration for the juggalo's and juggolettes, even though I have not ever listened to an insane clown posse song aside from the one about magnets. I know the one about magnets. I would definitely recommend the album Great Melenko or the album Riddlebox as a good start. We could talk about the lore with the six Joker cards to end the world. But I will just say another great recommendation if you'd rather just learn about the

fandom. I always recommend this book. I love this book. It's called You don't know me, but you don't like me. And it is about a guy, I believe he's like a vice reporter maybe. Either way, he's like one of those reporter guys that went around and followed ICP fans and fish fans for like a long period of time and wrote a book. And it's so great because he goes back and forth. And what's fun for me is like I both enjoyed the whole juggalo thing and I was a fish head like in high school and early college.

So it really tapped in for me. Is it similar to like the Hunter S. Thompson like Hell's Angels? Like kind of following them with that kind of way? That's cool. A little bit. Hell's Angels is a great example of, yeah, it's following these counterculture movements. And just getting into the background and like really, you know, especially like just telling very personal stories about these different kids that, you know, decided to like devote their

lives to insane clown posse and the scene and everything and fish and all that. you really learn there's a ton of great stories that go along with it. So anyways, I like blew through that book. I just enjoyed it so much. But have you purchased one of the fuck your rebel flag ICP shirts yet? Yeah, those rule. Hell yeah. This is what I'm saying.

It's fun. Like when they're counterculture politics, I feel like, see, my problem is growing up again. I know that I've said this on here before. Growing up in Florida, I have a very specific idea and I've interacted with many, many juggaloes and jugglets that I will say I didn't like but that doesn't mean that all of them are and now that I've been as an adult

in talking like this and talking to Marcus and Holden and then being introduced to a bunch of a whole other community of juggalo's that they're so much more different than I thought they were growing up in Florida you know there gets a very specific idea in your head so now all of that has changed

so I'm trying to get more into ICP because I dig the idea that they really do accept you. It's a very accepting community. Yeah. I mean, right. Like, when I was in high school, it was just the, like, I feel like the shorthand for people who liked ICP, you know, was the, is the like, not okay term of, like, white trash, right?

It was like, oh, that's a thing that, like, poor people like, poor white people like. Right. And, and so I had this kind of, like, you know, dismissive idea about people. people who like them. And also, obviously, they're weird. Like, the clout makeup is weird. Yeah, well, I didn't like boy band girls. Sorry.

Well, you're... But I'm saying I was wrong. I was like, I had a judgmental and dismissive relationship to them that was so limited. All I knew was, like, those, that band looks weird. And the people who like them are this type of, you know, negative stereotype that I have. And then when I was in college, I did an internship at a children's theater company with a bunch of high school kids and a bunch of the high school kids

had siblings who were in prison and they were all ICP fans and they were all there were girls like a bunch of like teen jugolets and it was like such a like philosophy for them and it reminded me of how I felt in high school with a different you know I mean how much more dignity do I have to stand on

as a ska kid who found meaning in the horn section right and I was like oh yeah this is just like kids who are finding like a really, really strong sense of community and meaning in the music that they're listening to. And then with Jugglers, it comes along with this whole other set of like, yeah, like class analysis.

And I was like, I had this whole conversion where I was like, this actually is extremely awesome. And it's just like a fandom, but it's even more than that because it's this whole community of acceptance and welcoming and like real kind of like proud class solidarity. It's like really, really interesting. Which is why I think it makes so much sense of violin, Jay is so supportive of his daughter's for Sona community.

Yeah. He wears face paint for everything he does. I mean, of course he would support dressing up in a crazy costume. You know what I mean? He's inspired so many people to dress up and wear face paint and so like that. I will say with the Confederate flag shirt, I feel like it's the same as having a red hat with like an anti-you know Trump slogan on it. It's like it doesn't matter because the Confederate flag is still on the shirt.

Yeah, I understand. That's why I'm not running out to buy it. but I do appreciate the shirt. The sentiment is good. You know, the way that they've been. Yeah, totally.

And anyone else who wants to buy it. But, uh, yeah, fantastic stuff. And, uh, it's so shocking to me.

It's like, I always kind of like them as a joke, but also kind of legitimately like them because I, my, me and my friends were just comedy nerds that loved anything, just weird and insane. And it was like, this is insane.

Like, what are these guys? I don't even understand. Like, they're clowns, but they're like, dirty rap dudes, you know what I mean? I will say the commitment to the makeup choices are a very, very inspiring, especially with how much sweating they all do. And I love leaning into

trashiness. Yeah. I do love it, absolutely. And also, come on, who can, with lines like I'm Violin J and I'm back like a vertebrae, I mean, come on, that's good. That's just good. You're right. We're giving them more of a chance. We're open. We're open to you. your community, Holden. I'm considering doing a full Twitch stream where I just listened to every single album in the insane clown posse catalog.

At least the studio albums, obviously I can't run through all the bootleg live shows. That may actually last for 12 hours. I may do it at some point. We'll see. I hope you guys would join me though if I did that. And I got to say, I'm not trying to alienate any fish heads out there, but if I had to choose

between fandoms, I would choose Insane and clown passy 150 times over fish. And I have, I'm sure, like, a number of close friends who are fish people. But like, I remember a couple of New Year's days ago, my friends used to have a party on New Year's Day, like a daytime, everyone get together,

if you're hungover, if you're not. And this person was, this was before I had been pregnant, but I think it was when I was trying to get pregnant, but this person there was pregnant. And I was like, oh, what did you do for New Year's? Give me your baby. Did you do that? Okay.

Get me the baby inside of you. You're going to be a Rebecca DeVorne. I only say that because I remember like not knowing what it would be like but that I had been thinking about it a lot. And I was like, oh, did you like stay home and just watch a movie or whatever? And she was like, well, my husband is a big fish fan. So we went to a fish concert at Madison Square Garden. And I was like.

And she had to be sober? Did you get? Were you sober? Like, and she was like, yeah. I did, I was, I'm pregnant and so I was sober. And it was like a six or seven hour New Year's Eve, Fish concert, sober and pregnant. And I was like, I'd rather be dead.

Like, oh, I'd rather be dead. To the extent that fish concerts sound fun, it is only related to the amount of drugs you can do is what I hear, you know. Many drugs. I will just say that I would definitely, if I had to go to one of those two shows, I would definitely pick and sing clown posse. Yeah, because it's going to be really interesting. And I feel like fish concerts is not going to be as interesting.

No, it's like going to a wean concert sober. You can't go to a wean concert sober. I feel like it's illegal. I think that they test you to make sure you're on drugs before you enter the establishment. Or else you're just going to frown. They definitely take some blood. They definitely take some blood. I'm pretty sure it's for that reason.

But I don't usually ask when I go. I just give them my blood. You know, they say, you know, the stomach or the rump. I do the rump. Always the rump. For some reason, they don't do the arm. It's very bizarre. Very bizarre.

I'm already getting drunk, ladies. We're sipping on some wine over here. Imagine what kind of drugs we're going to have to be on when we go to Flavor Town. Wow. Flavor Town. I can't wait. If you guys have been on the internet, you have seen that Guy Fiati fans. want to rename Columbus, Ohio

to Flavor Town. This is my fight song. This is so funny. I definitely have, if you go to change.org, there is a petition to change it because people are against the idea that it is named after Christopher Columbus. And I think that my favorite part,

and then since this is where Guy Fieri, not where he hails from, but it's where he was born in Columbus, even though he is from Northern California. You know what I mean? Check out the pop history episode on Guy Fiatty, if you'd like to learn more about Guy Fieri's childhood and upbringing. See it, right?

Guy Fieri? Give him the respect he deserves because soon he will be the mayor. I see he goes right to being the mayor of New Flavortown. I think my favorite part about this petition is not only is Guy Fietti getting attacked as if this was his own idea, but also the people that are brutally mad that someone would dare

say, they're not going to change the name of Columbus, Ohio to Flavortown. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. And it's so funny because people take it so seriously about the implication that it will be named

to Flavit. Yeah, I fucking signed the petition. I did it. It is so perfect because obviously, number one fuck Christopher Columbus right his statue should be torn down and his monument should be renamed and what's so great about it is that so often the defense

is like oh okay yes sure he like was a committer of genocide but what it means now is like pride in Italian American heritage this is what Andrew Cuomo said a couple weeks ago

and it's like no one doesn't. Like, no one is like, yeah, Columbus, but I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, pretense is that this is like Italian American pride. And Italian American pride, fine. Watch Goodfellas. What are you talking about?

Yeah, exactly. There are so many other great Italian-American icons. And no one is thinking about that when they think about Christopher Columbus. They're thinking about the genocide. And so it's so perfect to be like, oh, we'll honor Italian Americans. How about Guy Fiatty? It's like such a perfect, like, perfect way to take. the reasoning for protecting Christopher Columbus and then just be like, what about this guy?

Oh my God, I love it so much. Shit over, shit over, chit all over it. But in the most fun way possible. And I just, I love it. Because it's like the idea of Flavortown even coined from when Guy Fiati was looking at a very big pizza. And he said, 10 years ago, I'm there in a diner. And I said to the guy, he made a pizza, I think. That looks like a manhole cover and Flavortown.

Because I'm thinking it. By the way, Flavor Town's enough. But the fact that he added the manhole cover metaphor, just like, I couldn't believe when I read that. Knocks that whole thing to the moon. I mean, this guy is on another level, dude. I couldn't compete. Could you imagine making that many?

That was like five food puns in one statement. He is the poet laureate of food puns of hard time. He's like the Bob Dylan of, He is. He is the poetry. If anything, I don't know anything about the town of Columbus, Ohio. If anything, I think that maybe Flavor Town should be reserved for a town that is more famous for diners driving the dives. I just don't know.

You know, it's like any town could be Flavor Town. That's the great thing about Guy Fieti's work is that there are flavor towns everywhere in this great country of ours. Absolutely. I really need, I'm definitely going to get a crass tattoo. some point of a Flavortown in my body. And you could just guess where it's going to be. And, Molly, based on what you've just said, I have just started a petition to change the name of our country to the United States of Flavortowns.

Flavor Town. Holy Moli! That'll make me a patriot, man. Yeah, let's, I'm a proud member of Flavortown. There's a lot of things I love about this country. And Guy Fiatty embodies many of them. How do I get Guy Fietti to start saying? you gotta be soup and me.

This is what I need in my life. Oh, my God, you know he will. He says things like his seafood is so fresh, it'll slap you. What is that mean? I think first you gotta get him sporting big Jackie's t-shirts on his shows. On his very shows, you know he would wear them.

I want to say thank you guys so much for all of the amazing big Jackie's t-shirts ideas that we have been working on. I am just, man, the best part is trying to convince your brother, boss to get you to be able to make these shirts. I was like, he's like, no. He's like, I don't want to make shirts about your, your vagina. I don't want to, I don't want that.

I'm not talking about your vagina on the shirts. It's more of a masturbation pun than a vagina pun, I feel like. I mean, it's definitely, you know, it's, it's a lot. I really, I've enjoyed some of my favorites were big Jackie's seafood shack, clam jam, thank you, ma'am. That goes out to Dorothy Zannet. See that one. That's so good.

On Jackanese, on our holding a nice Twitch stream, our Twitch community has been really helping us come up with a lot of fun ideas. It's just, I'm really, I just, big Jackie's fried chicken sticking bones and greasy boxes

since 2002. I love it too because everyone remembered that my, I lost my virginity in 2000. into so a lot of these shirts are going to be hailing from the beginning of my of my openness and uh there's just i'm very excited about what's to come with big jackies and hopefully how do i get oh god we saw this sign today we were we were honking towards people inside of the road that had like black lives matter posters and one of them said um this two shall pasta and i need to find the person that wrote this two-shell pasta

because I think together we would be unstoppable you gotta be souping me you damn right this two-shell pasta that was like alongside the Black Lives Matter protest signs like that was just like along for the ride I think it was just something that was like well we're positive this two-shall pasta

doesn't make any sense I think it's great you know oh Jeff was so upset so mad at this two-shell pasta which is of course why I've been saying it so often You gotta be souping me with that And you know what, if we're gonna be selling big Jackie's merch I guess we should probably step up our pussy candle game y'all

Because when is Paltrow, what? You know what though? You know what though? And we're talking about it on our podcast too. She actually, I'm starting to turn. I'm flip-flopping now. Are you brilliant? She's a brilliant marketer.

I know she is. I know she's good in marketing. Those are going to sell in a second. They cost $75, by the way, or at least the other ones did, right? And they sold out in two seconds. Just paying $75 for a candle alone is crazy. And I know that candle's not big enough

to be one of those really expensive good candles, like Bed Bath and Beyond sells. I know candles. I'm homing me early. I know my way around the candle factory. What's your favorite candle scent? Favorite candle scent? Lately, we've got a very good citrusy.

It's like a citrus pine scent. Also, ash and smoke has been a good one. Check out. Patty wicks, patty wicks, or paddywax, paddywax. Really good. Are you sure that sounds like some sort of, is this not a porn thing? No, no, no. We, we, because of quarantine, this was a wreck for us. Paddywax was a wreck for us. We were like, we need to up our candle game because we are in this apartment all the time, making it stinkier and stinkier by the second. So we need to be lighting these candles up,

left and right. So yeah, we got a bunch of candles. We actually need to order a bunch more because we're finally running out. We've been lighting. Amber and smoke. Yeah, I'm looking at the paddy wax right now. I'm a big, I love. I love a candle, but that's the thing, is that, yes, it is another $70 candle. And yes, we are talking about Gwyneth Paltrow. We're going Goop Doewe over here.

Goop duet vaginal candles. This one, though, smells like her orgasm. Now, I get it. It's a joke. I know it's a joke. I just, I look at her and I don't think, huh, what a kidder. I really don't. And you know what?

And I was just watching Knives out. I just watched Knives Out too. Isn't it great? Tony Colette's character makes me think of a goop where you just like, ugh, okay.

Yes, oh my God, Knives Out was so fun. I feel like I really I really missed it. I was like, I didn't watch most of the Oscar movies this year and I was like, okay,

I've heard of Knives Out and then I watched it and I was like, this is like a romp murder mystery. This is exactly what I like. It's very good. Yeah, somebody online I saw it the other day was like,

Knives Out's overrated. I'm like, But Knives Out was just straight up a really good murder mystery. And maybe sometimes it's good to have something like that. No, and that's why it was so well written. It was just sucked you in. It was so well done. A part of the mystery genre that we're missing now,

I feel like there's just so many now, so many jukey mystery movies, which like I'm into juke in. You know, juke all over the place, Mr. Plot. I'm fine with it. But this one, I'm just so waiting for the juke. And then the juke, it's like, it's just the movie's very good. I'm not going to say anymore because I don't want to give everything away, but it's very good. So speaking of murder mysteries, how many, over under on this, how many do you, people do you think Winnet Palo has paid to be murdered?

Three. Give us the range. You don't, we just want to pull it out. Jackie says three. Jackie's throwing three down. I think three. I'm going to say over three. Okay.

Wow. Especially with a woman whose orgasm smells like tart grapefruit, Neroli and ripe cassis berries blended with gunpowder tea. and Turkish rose absolutes. You know when you walk into a room right after someone just had, like, nasty sex? You know when you walk in and you know someone just had sex in that room? That's not what it smells like. It does, and by the way, if I did smell grapefruit in a room after people just had sex,

I would throw up. I hate grapefruit, Holden, not a big grapefruit fan. Wow. Unless it's the flavor of a white claw, which weirdly enough I love, that's my favorite flavor of white claw. He does love the grapefruit whiteclaw. I just can't wait for you to move here so I could always give you. you my grapefruit white claws because I hate them. You don't like the grapefruit white clothes. And I'll give you my shitty mangoes. No, and he gives me the mangoes. He hates the mango. I love

the mangoes. I hate the mango. It tastes like butter soda, which one would think would be good, but it's not a good kind of butter soda. Also, though, the Bud Light Seltzers, unfortunately, have a brettie aftertaste would not recommend either. I haven't not tried them yet. I'll throw this out there. Save it. Don't do it. Smearn off seltzers, the red, red, white, and berry, I think that they're around for just limited more time. And we're, we're, We are not sponsored by them any means. I wish we fucking could be. But they are goddamn delightful.

Okay. I'll check them out. I'll seek them out. But in the meantime, I'm going to be saving my $75 and not spending it on the smell of Gwyneth Paltrow's orgasm. But again, if they could really, if they could get the scent of a room of two people that drank too much that it is just sweaty, gross sex where you're like trying to have sex and you don't even turn the air conditioner on.

You know, like, oh, like, slippy, slidy, viscous sex. You put that into a candle? I'd be intrigued enough to purchase it. That's the thing. If you're going to be, this is exactly, Gwen of Paltrow's pretending like she's so brave, being like, oh, it's my orgasm.

Make it smell like actual sex. That's brave. Make a candle that really legit smells like sex, and I will maybe tip my hat to you. But don't be like, oh, it's my vagina. It smells like pine. No, it doesn't. Be honest.

It reminds me of when I got these Teenagerie Reds Scratch and Stiff stickers and the smell was pizza and it smelled a little bit more like vomit than pizza and it made me want to throw up. But that's legit. It smelled horrendous. You know what I mean?

But it smelled like pizza, more like pizza than something fresh. Like those Harry Potter jelly beans that really legit taste like burgers. Like make a candle that actually smells like an orgasm and I will tip my hat. Because we should demystify these things. We should be like, yes, sex has a smell.

I don't think we actually need to make a candle that smells like it. There's no heroism in that. But at least do the thing you're saying you're doing. Don't be like, oh, it's also grapefruit. Nobody's sex smells like grapefruit. No, no, no, no. No. It would be B-O smell.

I don't know how you recreate that. A tinge of bleach. If you're talking about man come, a little bit of bleach in there. Bit of a bleachy smell. See, I think it's more of like, I think, you know what you do? You get those bud light seltzers. You pour them all over the candle. You let that bready, that bready smell sit for a while that's also kind of fruity.

You turn the bud light seltzers into the candle and that's some old thumb right there. Or get creative with it and be like, it's actually a mix of like whiskey, cigarettes, you know, deodorant, latex. and like sheets that haven't been washed in three weeks. You know, like, be honest. Well, you bring up a good point. You bring up a good point, though, Molly. There's definitely different categories. There's one-night stand.

Ooh, that's fun. Yes. I would even go as far as, because you're describing one-night stand in your 20s. Yeah. Yes. Then there's one-night stand in your 30s. Then there's married couple. Yes.

No, but then there's also one-night stand in your 40s and 50s, which, you know, that's a fun one. But then there's also, like, I want it. I mean, I don't want it because that's a, a very creepy thing to smell. But like, or what about the parents of two young children that have a night away from them? What is that?

That's a different one. That is an odor. That's a choice. That is odor. If Guine Haltrow put out a line of 10 different candles and it was like, yes, you know, one night stand in your 20s, it smells like the five cents are

whiskey, weed, cigarettes, B.O. and old boxer shorts. And whatever like, like, um, some TV show smells, I don't even know, you know what I mean?

Like some TV show you've seen a million times smells like, like, like, GGI or something. Yeah, and then, yeah, right, like,

you know, Law and order SVU. Bring in the, bring in the consultants for what a 50, a one night stand in your 50s smells like. I'm not quite sure. I assume that it smells great. It's like for breeze.

In my brain it smells like George Cleodon. Yeah. Yeah. Higher standards is what it smells like. And that's a whole other choice. I think that's a personal choice. Really good laundry detergent. Oh, now I want to do like, you know, like all those celebrities get when they get to choose their own perfume, like when they're smelling all the different scents and they're putting scents together. I want to do that of my sex for a candle. And then you put it on and then every time Jeff smells it, he's like, oh, I guess we're about to have sex. You know, it's like a tricker. Right. It's like Pavlobs candle. It's Pavlobs fuck candle. Because you could associate, you know, scent is a strong, emotional and memory smell. Like, you could be like, when I think about sex, these are the four smells I could name.

I think that everyone could probably do that. And that would be kind of fun. But I just truly doubt that Gweth Paltrow is actually smelling grapefruits when she's banging. Maybe she's banging in her, like, California backyard and there's literally. legit grapefruit trees, in which case, congratulations, your life is better than all of ours, you know? That or what I matter. I imagine that she puts on a grapefruit lotion

and then lays back and stares off into the nothing and just waits for it to be over. So maybe that's why she does smell grapefruit, because there's no sweating involved. Because I don't know about y'all, but the second I start, any kind of anything, immediately covered in sweat. Dripping.

Dripping. I think it's just the classic metaphor or whatever, example rather of the new wave health fad. It's like put whatever label you want and make it as eye drawing as possible and fill it with whatever scent or chemical or natural essence you wanted to have and just be like, this makes your breasts turn upside down. And then people like, oh, I don't know what. Yeah, and they drink it and it doesn't actually do that, but it will get them to purchase it.

And so, of course, saying like, this is what I'm like, I'm waiting for the day where every time I wake up in the morning, I have to push my breasts out of my face to drink my first sip of coffee. Yes, like you're hiding in the bush. Yeah. You're like hiding in a stealthy way or something. Say it's my thirsty thrush. Is that what it's called? No, thrush is a disease, right?

Thrush is yeast infection. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, not thresty thrush. Thresh? No. I need to look into my thick vegetation language. I'll circle back, though.

We'll get back into it. But I do have to know. Put a pin in it. Molly, how do you feel about the new unsolved mysteries? There is a reboot of unsolved mysteries. There are six episodes coming out on July 1st. Do you think that it will have the same joie de vivre as the OG did? You know, I watched it and I got mad immediately because it's just not what Unsolved Mysteries is.

There is no slick. There is no, like, it's not Unsolved Mysteries if you don't have the original victims of the crimes reenacting the horrible crimes that were done to them. I'm sorry, but this is like true detective style. It's like so like, ooh, true crime. And it's like, in a way, Unsolved Mysteries was ahead of its time because now we're in this like slick, sexy, true crime genre where everything is true crime. And so bring back Unsolved Mysteries and probably I'll watch it

and probably all enjoy it. But there was no Robert Stack, obviously, because he's dead. No. There was no, you know, 80s. moustaches. There was no, like, really uncomfortable talking head interviews with,

you know, victims' families. It's like all of the things that make unsolved mysteries unsolved. It was just a nice, new true crime show, and that's fine, and I, for some reason, like that shit, but it was not unsolved mysteries. Don't call it

Unsolved Mysteries. That's exactly what I was thinking. The thing is that I will watch this show, but they didn't need to call unsolved mysteries to get me to watch it. It is a whole other ball game. We like Unsolved Mysteries for a very specific reason. And it is not the fact that it is sleek and sexy. Right.

It really is. It's almost like it's like a fuck sash this Unsolved Mysteries trailer. You watch it and I'm just like, ooh, it's so sexy. And it's like, right, again, the key part of Unsolved Mysteries is that every hour has, I think, five. I don't know how they split it up for the hour long. television session because it's not four, which is what you would think. It's usually five or six.

It's like a weird number of stories. And always at least one or two of them is an extremely like phenomenon. Like what, where am I looking for? Paranormal. Like, you know, there's always a fucking ghost one. And then there's always like, you know, gelatinous goo fell from the sky. Yeah, is this all just going to be abduction stories? Yeah, it's all going to be like missing women.

Like, you know. It's trying to just be. true crime. By the way, what the, what the fuck does, do we have to do with Hollywood to get last podcast on the left a true, a comedy true crime show where they do funny reenactments and stuff and like comical, you know what I mean? And make it like ridiculous and play into it. And oh, I know they've been trying to probably pitch that for the longest time. And it's just like, can you just give them this funny show, funny take on one of these shows? a parody version of these?

How immediately would that sell? It's like crazy to me. This is the kind of thing where as someone that I almost always like to be upset, y'all know how often then I watch Dear Zachary. I like to be upset. But in the past, I'm going to see two and a month. I can't believe you watch that more than once. I know, right?

That's the crazy. That movie ruined me for like a week. I wasn't the same person for a week. When I watched that movie, I was like, what have I done? I'll never be able to forget that I watch. this. You give me an ordinary people. You know, you give me something upsetting. I love it. But the

times are changing. Life is changing. And even I, over the past month and a half, two months, have almost completely stopped watching upsetting things because I need to break from upset when it comes to what I'm watching on my

screen. So I would kill to have something that is silly fun to watch. That is also true crime. Because I love true crime. Well, don't murder a person over it, I mean, please. No, I won't. I'm not strong enough. Mentally or physically.

You never have to worry about that. Speaking of true crime, I can't believe we've never talked about this on this show before. Have you guys seen the true crime show that is on H-O-N, which is where all the really bad true crime stuff that I watch is, like Forensic Files, but there's a show called

very dangerous people, very scary people. I should look up the actual name, But anyway, Donnie... I believe it's called very scary people. Donnie Wahlberg hosts it. And he just... Oh, I even just see the still of Donnie Wahlberg's fat, thick, fat.

I just... I'm sorry, I don't mean to say fat. It's just that this one... This picture of him in the still, if you look up very scary people, it doesn't even look like him. He's trying to look too thick-necked. That's really what it is. He stands in like a brick hallway and reads like...

sentences about John Wayne Gacy. And yeah, the whole time that I watch it, whenever I see shit like this, I'm always like, why aren't like the boys doing this and not Donnie Wahlberg? How? How is that not happening? Because he's the Donnie Wahlberg. Molly, hello. Every time we think of it.

Have you heard of Walburger his family restaurant? Every time I speak. He's got his fingers in a couple of soups. It's very scary people and also the Walburger restaurant. Souping me with that. shit. You know it. He is. Talk about he's the little princet of Flavortown. He wishes that he was. Because Donnie Walburne, every time I think about him, I think about when Henry was on that episode of Blue Bloods and Donnie Walberg kept tickling him against his will. And Henry's like,

he got to stop. Was that the one where he had the bong? No, the episode of Blue Bloods, no, the bong one was when he was on the Law and Order episode. And Henry's in this one episode of Blue Blot's. I don't I never really watched Blue Bloods. All I know is at the pie shop I used to work for, made pies for the end dinner scenes. And apparently, Donnie Wahlberg likes to tickle. And very uncomfortable.

I don't like to be tickled already, but if someone I didn't know and I'm on the set of something was tickling me, I just feel like I'd eventually just think, I'm done. I can't do this. I don't care how much money it is. I don't think I can do this anymore.

Right. I can't. I think when I'm, my worst nightmares is being held down against your will by people and just being tickled to when you're just screaming for people to stop doing it. You know what I mean? I know there's worse things out there. Oh, there's so many worse things out there, but that is a rough one, especially if you watch the documentary tickled, which, whoo. Yes, which is amazing. Ooh, ooh, oh, really opens up or watch Riverdale. Either way you get a glimpse into the world of

tickle videos. Oh, you know, man, y'all, this is just sorry, complete sidebar. We were so fed up with Riverdale by the end of Riverdale, and that was at the beginning of May, and now I just, I can't wait for Riverdale to come back, because I think it really encapsulates the true, I need nonsense a little bit more now than I did then. Well, you guys got my text, of course, about the anonymous person who passed me along a press release that they got from a friend of a friend about the finale and next season of Riverdale. I think that pretty much solves it. I don't know how much I've allowed to say legally about what you guys read,

but I was so gleeful and happy to get to send you guys that. Holden is evil. Holden is evil. And I think I actually, you know what, I think that it will be, I'm going to still watch the hell of it. And I think that it will be

interesting. And they'll go, they're going to bypass the college years, we don't have to worry about them in different towns. Yeah. And the city stuff. I thought they were really going to be in like New York City or Chicago. No, they're coming back to Riverdale. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it, and I will be ready once the show starts.

Hopefully, you know, if Hollywood actually can stay open the way that they are planning for it, too. But I am going to watch the hell out of it when it does. Molly? I mean, if Jackie's watching it, I have to watch it. But I have to say, I don't have quite as happy an attitude about it. I think it's going to be trash. But I'll enjoy it. I enjoy watching trash.

You know, Jackie and I used to watch Pretty Little Liars every week, and I really looked forward to it. And sometimes, Jackie, I find myself missing Pretty Little Liars. I do miss Pretty Little Liars. I miss it. Well, then there's, you know, don't worry.

I've been filling my time watching Married at first sight instead. So don't worry. There's still trash out there. There's still trash out there for us. By the way, the newest season set in not only my hometown of Charlotte, but also my wedding venue.

This has been the most thrilling enjoyment of a reality show ever where I am watching them all get married for the first time without seeing each other in my actual wedding venue that Lexi and I got married. I am so thrilled about it. I cannot tell you what a fun watching experience that was. I get so mad. I get so mad at married at first sight. I get so mad at it because I cannot stop watching it.

Even Holden was like, oh, I watched the episode when they all get married at the place where I got married. I was like, you can't stop there. That's where it gets interesting. I want to see how they interact with each other. God damn, the fucking science of this show, it makes me so interested in it. Well, would you also be interested in the fact that Justin Bieber is a lizard? Yes. This week's celebrity conspiracy is a bit of a doozy.

Yes. I hope it speaks to you, Molly. This one goes out to you. Because I'm a believer. Is that way? Oh, yeah. Because, but do you believe in a lizard? I want to believe.

So here we go. Yeah, lizard lover. You lizard friend. Yes, Justin Bieber discovered it just 13 years old by Scooter Braun when he posted YouTube videos and performances of cover songs and has gone on to rock. the world with his big hit such as Baby and Sari and you're welcome

he had major success back in 2015 with his album Purpose and went on a world tour at that time but remaining dates were cancelled in 2017 quote due to unforeseen circumstances was he molting

was that the unforeseen circumstance I mean these the accounts are here and I think you're going to be very interested in some of the quotes from some of the many people involved in this situation. In Australia, one of the stops on this purpose tour was Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne, and most importantly, Perth. And there was an article published by Perth now that was quickly taken down with a headline that read, hundreds of fans claim they saw Justin Bieber turn into a giant

reptile. So allegedly, the story claimed that police had been called by distressed fans who saw, quote, gross colored scales all over Bieber's body. And this is actually when he arrived at the airport in Perth. One witness said, quote, all hell broke loose in the airport after Bieber shape shifted in front of his fans. Here's another quote. There were girls hiding in toilets crying. Guys were running for the exits, jumping in taxis to get out of there. Witnesses, this is one of my favorite ones I've done. Witnesses Saw Bieber, quote,

with a black stripe down the middle, he grew a few feet taller and had big gross colored scales all over his body. What? And quote, big scaly claws that were lashing out angrily. Oh, he's an angry lizard?

That's even worse. Yes. And here's a report from a local skater. boy that saw him outside of his hotel. Wait, did he say see you later boy? Yes, he said see you later, but it didn't matter because the lizard can't speak human languages. See you later, boys. He saw him outside of his hotel that same night.

So that very night, this is after the airport stuff, and the skater boy said this, he's hanging around with this big guy, his bodyguard, I guess. And we were just staring because he kept turning into a huge reptile. His bodyguard was pointing at us, shouting that he'd kick our teeth in if we didn't put our phones away. Other descriptions included, quote, greenish brown claws and, quote, turd-covered-colored scales. Oh, he's a, he's a shit lizard. As well as, quote, really big, like, way over six-foot, slitty little reptile eyes, curves, and covered in scales. So many people watched the transformation.

Oh, what? Wow. How is he not doing better at hiding these things? Yeah. If you're not familiar with the reptilians, this is a conspiracy of a reptilian race that controls our society first coming into prominence by former BBC sports reporter David Ike, who claimed that the members of the British royal family were nothing more than reptiles with crowns. And I do believe the last podcast, boys, went down. deeply into this theory. Ladies, thoughts, opinions.

I like the lizard people conspiracy theory. It is a lot of fun. And I think that I like that he only did it in Perth, Australia. I think that there's no better place to be a lizard, you know? No, and I wonder if,

go with me, that maybe he was a lizard, and he had his final molt, and that is why now he is a man of God. that has settled down with a wife and that he says that his whole life is different and that he was a completely different quote unquote person before the settling down. But maybe it's because he had the final, I don't know, transformation, surgery required,

who knows to make sure, or maybe finally got the perfect cocktail to make sure he didn't inadvertently change again. So does that make his wife a lizard as well? Good question. How can she, can a lizard write a whole song about a non-Lizard's vagina is the real question. I don't know. Or maybe is a lizard's pussyhole yumier than a human's pussyhole. I don't think I'll ever know.

And isn't that sad if a lizard could talk and eat someone out? Would they say, yummy, yummy, yum. Yeah, and yummy, yummy, I think is the biggest case that proves it. Although, especially with the tongue, and maybe that's why he's very, I'm assuming maybe he's very good at eating now and he gets that tongue in there. And maybe I don't know what happens with the lizard's taste buds, but it's got to be different than humans taste buds, right? Gotta be you. Sure. Yeah, I'm sure I could do some research on that and come back to you.

it next week. Denser, denser than a human's tongue. I think, you know what I'm going to say it? Hands down. A thousand percent he is a lizard. I get it. I didn't even ask the question. Jackie is already there with it. Already found her grips. I'm there. Many people said that they watched their information. Multiple witnesses. Multiple witnesses. If a man is changing that quickly in front of other people, what else? Is there another option? Yeah, multiple witnesses does really put the, that's the nail in the coffin, I think. Do you believe Justin Bieber is a lizard?

And do you still support him in the way that you did? If so. Ten minutes ago before I knew he was a lizard. Yes. I'm going to say, is it a cop-out to say again my answer, which is always I want to believe, but instead this time it's I want to believe. Whoa.

I want to believe that he is a lizard. I mean, no, it's not a cop-out, but it could be. I don't know. I think that it would be awesome if he was a lizard. I think that it would explain not a lot, but at least some, about, you know what, no. Lizards are probably more consistent people than Justin Bieber. Yeah, I think that he's a lizard. I think it's great.

Wow. Wow. Wow. And do you still support the music of the man? You know, my thing with Justin Bieber has always been, I have a lot of compassion for him because he's just a little kid. And it turns out he's not a little kid anymore. He was just a little kid when he got famous and I think that kind of paralyzed him there. But it turns out he was just a little lizard.

He was a little lizard that was peeing into the janitor's buckets, you know? So I actually don't know if I like this because I think it might make me less able to empathize with him because I don't know what it's like to be a 13-year-old lizard the way that I know what it's like to be a 13-year-old human. Well, you know what, Molly? It's not too late now to say sorry. You know what? Because he's got scales all over his body. Because if you like the way I eat those flies, well, baby, get going eat those flies.

Yeah, see? All of it can be, oh my God, he was trying to tell us this whole time. The entire time. We weren't listening, and now that we are, we are here for you. Mold for me, mope for my bitch, mope for my bitch, that'll be the next one, and I can't wait for it. There you go. That is my conspiracy theory corner. That was a good one. That was a really, really good one, Holden. I felt really good about it.

That was a really good one. He grew six feet tall and he was in like, did all these people. And the turd colored scale. The funniest quote. I'm like, can't, thank you for this bounty this week, celebrity conspiracy. Yeah, that's very much so. I know. I feel like I gift, like I made enough sacrifices. that the pop culture gods are like, all right, we'll give you some articles

you want to talk about. How about that? Some dumb shit that we can talk about. Like, what is on the list this week, guys? Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. We're finally doing it. We're finally getting to it.

It's the 10 movies where the actors had real on-screen sex. This goes out to you, Holden, McNeely. I know that you were waiting for it. I'm just so curious. This is such a bat-shit crazy thing to do, in my opinion, during the course of filming a movie that I just need to know. A brown bunny was the only one I was aware of. I just don't know why.

I guess you go the next level, but I don't really know why you would do it. And it seems that, or at least, I mean, it seems that it is consensual. I haven't looked into each one of these movies, but it really does seem like Brown Bunny, which is what we're starting off with. Now, Holden, have you seen Brown Bunny? Of course not. I heard it's fucking awful, but I just knew it as that terrible movie where Chloe Savini

ends up giving an actual blowjob. Actual blowjob. And I'm glad that she's since, like, I feel like she's really reclaimed her career in a lot of ways, and I really appreciate Chloe Savini, but this was, I'm going to say, maybe a misstep. It was an interesting time in her career. Brown Bunny premiered at Cannes in 2003, and the audience was shown a film that guaranteed

they would never forget who Chloe Seveny is. In the film, she gives her co-star Vincent Gallo an actual Beech that's short for Blowjob and has since confirmed that it is indeed real. But she's so good in Big Love, even though Big Love falls off after, you know, season three. But she's great. She is so good in Big Love.

She is like, now I can't think of Chloe Savini without thinking of Big Love. Yeah. And Vince Agallo, this really tanked his career and he was doing very well up to this point. Buffalo 66. Oh, Buffalo 66 is so good. Very experimental though, actor-director type. So, yeah, that makes sense.

And then there's Lie with Me. I've never heard of this movie before. And so we're doing this also more of a ways like, let's look into this stuff if you guys are curious. Lie with me, if the Sex and Lie with Me looks real, it's because it is. Lauren Lee Smith, who you may know from the L-word, and Eric Balfour, who has appeared in Haven and 24,

confirmed that they really got it on for this movie. And I will say the picture makes me want to check it out. See what's going on, but almost as much as it makes me want to check out Caligula, which I have never seen Collegula. We should watch it. I've never seen it. It is so infamous. I didn't know it featured actual real sex.

I just knew it was horny A.F. Me too. and I think most people are aware of the film. I've never checked it out, but in 1979, it is a film about the fall of the Roman emperor. It was produced by a guy named Bob Gutiione, who just happened to be the founder of Penthouse Magazine. That probably makes the fact that this movie features

some pretty intense unsimulated sex on screen, just a little less surprising. While Helen Mirren and Malcolm McDowell star in the film, they aren't in the graphic sex scenes. Those were filmed in private. it and then edited into the film. Now, I just don't think that just because you're the founder of Penthouse magazine, that means that you're definitely going to have unsimulated sex scenes and a movie that you're

producing. But I get what they're coming from. And even in this picture, just looks like a lot of fun-colored Roman robes and a lot of laying-about sex top. It is known as that horny sex movie for sure. For sure. I'm definitely curious about it. I'm actually, I didn't realize this next entry was also.

a real sex movie and also have always been curious about this movie because it is essentially his follow-up to Headwig. It's John Cameron Mitchell. I had no idea that there is real sex in the movie Short Bus. It was a team effort when it came to the authentic sex scenes in Short Bus, an erotic drama from 2006. Director John Cameron Mitchell, yes, from Headwig, encouraged the actors to have real orgasms in the provocative film about people who go to a sex saloon. In fact, he jumped into the action himself by going down on a woman in the final scene. Whoa!

There's lots of butts in this picture. So many butts. So many butts. You know what it is, too? Again, and I know that I bring up the astronaut's wife a lot, but there is something about, I think, that harkens back to being younger and having to seek out sex in movies that still tantalizes me. It titillates me

And knowing that these people are having actual sex When in reality We all have access to many, many ways of watching porn We can watch people having sex At any point in time But there's something about how it's just like You're not supposed to do that You're not supposed to be doing that

This is a professional situation That I imagine if I was in like I talked such a big talk But if I was put in that situation It'd be like, oh no, no thank you No, no I'd rather not That's how I've always felt about on-camera sexy stuff. I'm always like, I am an artist.

And then when I'm like watch sex scenes, I'm like, no, no, I won't, no, don't make me. Absolutely not. I've made like, I've definitely made, you know, private tapes before. But I can't imagine people actually. I can't even imagine anyone. I don't think I'd ever be in a situation where anyone would ever kiss me on screen. But if they did, I'd still be like, ah, oh, ugh. Is that how I

Is it too late to say sorry? And then I'll start singing Justin Bieber And they'll be like, is she having a stroke? And I say, yes, I'm having the stroke. Someone called the ambulance. Jackie's turning into a lizard right in front of both eyes. She's becoming what she's six feet tall And she's got cum covered scales.

Jackie Brider says that she will do a sex scene But she will only do it while singing Is it too late now to say sorry? Although I imagine that would be a great awkward moment of something that I would almost surely do if I was too drunk. But anyway, romance, 1999's romance. It is the first mainstream movie to feature a fully erect penis. Swing! It also contains lots of nudity, masturbation, and explicit oral sex.

And is a film that is frequently pointed to as one that changed the way non-pornosex could be shown on screen. Thanks, romance. Never heard of this movie before. Never heard of this movie at all. Me neither. But now I'm going to seek it out, just like I'm going to seek out the movie, Intimacy. And another movie I haven't heard.

Where have I been? As somebody that loves to watch sex, intimacy has remained a surprisingly mainstream since its release in 2001. The film features Carrie Fox providing some pretty serious fallatio to her co-star Academy Award winner Mark Rylance. Okay. Okay. Okay.

You bet. I'll take it. Which one is Mark Rylance? I'm looking at this. Oh, that's my... Wow. Okay, I'll watch him get a beach. He's been lots of stuff.

And then we got... Then there's love. Gaspard knows beautiful 3-D fuck movie. Yes, it is on Netflix, if you dare. And then also this one, guys. Little Ashes, not heard about this movie. But apparently, Robert Paxton plays Salvador Dali. And he, for real, jerks himself off.

I need to see this. Have to watch it. We watch him actually come. And I just, it makes sense as Salvador Dali. But I imagine he, like, in reading all the interviews I've read with him, I bet that that was something he encouraged down. Not as interested in that. Really?

I love this, the picture they use, this really bad still frame of him. Clearly in the heat of the moment with a really bad painted on Salvador dolly mustache and it looks so funny. It looks pretty rough. Yeah, I guess I just don't want to watch Robert Pattinson be Salvador Ali jerking off. Like, I'm not against, in theory, but in actual practice, I just don't want it. I will watch it for you and I will let you know. I'll just tell you, you know, oh, you should watch these minutes of it. If you dare.

And then we're going to round it out with The Idiots. This is a Lars von Trier movie that I have not heard of. Me neither. Right? It's the same director. I've seen Infomaniac, Volume 1, which many speculated featured Shia LaBuff having real sex. But instead, his face was CGI. onto a body which was having real sex.

And in 1998's The Idiots, you can't see the actor's faces, but there is a scene during one of the orgies where there is certain penetration. Wow. Are you tantalized? I am so hard right now, Jackie. You look it.

You look it. There's something about, oh, at the end of a podcast, when you're covered in sweat, and you feel so gross. You did, man, there's nothing quite like, Ooh, getting all hard at the thought of penetration. I'm more hard at the thought of a cold shower more than anything.

Well, yes. I can tell that it's hard, but I cannot see it. Oh, no. It seems to have escaped my vision. Oh. Not only my genitals, but the screen on which you ladies are on and everything around me has become, oh my God, I think I'm going blind. Blind items.

Items. We can't see them. We can't see them. I'm sorry. We say blind. We say blind. You say items. We say blind.

All right. Let's rev it back. Let's try it again. Don't. I cannot hear. And I also cannot see. I think I'm going. Blind.

Blind. Items. Oh, we can't see them. Yeah, whatever. All right. This is the blind. items this week. Okay.

Here we go. Starting off with number one, we've got the permanent A-list diva everything in her mind should watch out for that new woman in her life. She is getting super chummy with the diva's boyfriend and is saying as much to her friends too. And your clue is she was recently featured on a hilarious blind item that involved a photo. Mariah Carey? No. Beyonce. No.

Where am I? Photo. You know we don't remember from week to week. It's as if we do this in some sort of space bubble. I never remember. I'm so furious that you guys have no recollection of a previous blind item. I'm about to go jump out of my first story window, which would only cause very minor injuries. Yes, and it's going to hurt your ankles.

But then we're going to have to hear you complain about how your ankles hurt because you had to have yourself out of the window. It probably won't even hurt, actually, because it's the first. but she is this woman we laughed about her in a movie Taylor Swift no whatever Jackie Taylor Swift and Joel

or what's his name either way they're in love oh they're in love Joe Alwyn so we're talking about a diva and we're talking about a diva's friend a diva and her very famous husband are in jeopardy because of some new woman. And we recently talked about which diva, the diva with the husband. The diva, yeah,

there was a funny photo situation with the previous. Oh, Jennifer Lopez. Yes, Jennifer Lopez. She's not a diva. Who her high profile Arod. Yeah. After two years of dating, the two got engaged in March 2019. Her and Arod first met at a

Yankees game while Lopez was still married to Mark Anthony, but didn't get together for another 12 years. Apparently, some fucking lady. up in there, I'm going to say BS that's causing a stir. So that's the blind item there. Leave J-Lo alone.

You know, it's got to be difficult. We know that Arod has been the shitty bachelor, toxic bachelor man for a very long time. And I imagine her trying desperately to get him, unless they have some sort of open relationship deal, which I hope that they eventually will. if that is something that they want, I think that it's got to be difficult to wrangle

a partner in that is used to not being tied down. Not to say that that is any excuse because fucking figure it out or don't be in the fucking relationship, but that's just me being angry about past things. Good God, here's the second blind item. At this point, the executives from this cable network are 50-50 on starting with a brand new cast for the bar show. No originals would remain,

including the namesake. It would just be a name. Bar show, you said? Bar show, but it's not cheers. No. Show in a bar. I think you're thinking scripted too much. You need to think outside of the scripted box. Oh, Vanderpump rules? Recently, Lisa Vanderpump has been vehemently denying rumors she had an affair with her employee, Brett Caprioni, started by cast member Danica Dow, when she said, I can't watch the episodes and see the way they weirdly dirty talk to each other and say it's a mother's son relationship because it's not. He's hot, she's hot, and they both fantasize about each other. Lisa responded by saying, I think she's been damn right rude on many occasions. And in fact, I personally have an issue with her, which I hate to make things personal. But when she's

going on television saying I'm having an affair with Brett, that really pisses me off because in all the years with all my staff, I've never put a finger on any of them. And by the way, PSPS, Jackie, bunch of blind items about major just fuck-ups happening in that cast. I mean,

it's just, please cancel the show. And I'm saying, just get rid of it. I don't know anyone that watches it that is pro the show. I only know people that hate watch it and there's so many other things that we can hate watch together. I just think that,

Even Brett Caprioni comes out saying, I was a good guy who made a mistake. And he came out thanking Lisa Vanderpump for the opportunity that she gave him for being on the show. But he also is not being asked back next season either. Oh, God. You know what? I just get rid of it. Can we get rid of it? I'm ready for it to be over.

More 90 day. Can't they replace it with more 90 day? Speaking of which, the three-month show star didn't get her big porn payday, so we'll be doing porn for monthly fans instead. Angela. No. I'm going to go ahead and say this is one that you know, I don't know. This is a season I didn't watch.

But what if it's, oh, I don't remember. I have to look at a picture if I'm going to remember any of their names. She's got a fun. Larissa? Yes, Larissa Dosa Dosa, Lema. Cold tea. Colty. Of course. She's a nightmare. He's a nightmare. They're both nightmares. After a nasty divorce from Colt Johnson, she teased fans last week about starting up an only

fan's account. She will also be on the next season of 90-day fiancé happily ever after, despite the divorce from Colty. Whoa. Yeah. By the way, I have been in. I was just going to say Rose of Big Ed fame also rumored to be doing porn as well at this point. Oh, watch it. I think I've been watching happily ever after and watching Robert and Annie. You know what?

Their love, I think that they were made for each other. I think they were NFEO. I hate him so much. She is thick with child of his child, his child, his sixth child. And you know what? I say Mazel. Sorry, Molly. This is all barely, you know, you don't know.

We just have so we have so much. The last six minutes have meant nothing to me. My whole other life is 90-day fiancé. I know. I should start. I've been really enjoying. all the reality TV I've been watching lately, which is, you know, like you guys know,

usually I'm in the more like the Flavortown genre of reality TV, and lately I've been doing more of the sexy genre, and it's great, and it's fantastic, and I should just do 90-day fiancé. Do you want me to tell you where I think, if you were to start, I would recommend, if you want to jump in, I would recommend you start the first season of 90-day fiancé

before the 90 days. Before the 90s. Thank you, Jackie. I was so ready to argue with you about this, and I absolutely agree with you. That is where you start. Before the 90-day season one, you get Darcy, you get-Paul and Carini. Paula Carini. Don't even fuck with a regular original series?

Fuck it. Okay. Now. All right. Also, what's great about before the 90-day is the more compelling part of the relationship. They've never met each other in person in this case. So they don't know what they're going to be like.

So I enjoy 90-day fiancé OG for a whole. other reason, but I know you have limited time. If you have limited time of the amount of what you can watch, start with the best. Before the 90 days, I think it is such a more fun way of jumping into the psychological aspects of what draws you to a person and why you would want to meet them for the first time and to go somewhere to go meet them. Or, you know, it's like, I think it's a lot of fun.

And I think that's where you should start. Simply the best. Buh, bha, bha, bha, is better. Can you feel my, can you feel my, can you feel my, can you feel my, can you feel my tears? They won't dry, but I can definitely see my own eyes again. I can see you. Welcome back. Congratulations.

Welcome, welcome, welcome back. Guys, we did it. I am cursed with a loss of sight and a regaining of my own site every single week. It is both terrifying and special. Yeah, but you know what? I hope that it makes you see the rest of your life in a different way. I really learned something today, guys, about that. Yeah, of course you did. You guys, thank you so much for joining us this week. I had some time. I had some time.

Yeah, some time. I had some time. Jackie's become her caveman persona. I enjoy time on show. I make wood sticks brush together to make fire. And the popular stars of today are very funny to speak to us. I love you guys so much. Thank you for joining us again this week. We will be back next week. This is page 7.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. I'm Holden-McNeely. Check us out. Twitch.tv. Fort slash Holdenaders Ho. Friday nights with Jackie can't miss it 6BM.E.T. But more importantly than that, Patreon.com forward slash.

Page 7 podcast. Jackie is smacking it out of the park with the extra content. It's unbelievable how much stuff is on there for you to listen to. Thrilling shit. So check it out, Molly. I'm MJK. Alcat on Instagram. And also, if you guys have anything that we are getting close. We're about three-fourths of the way through the Kylie and Kendall Jenner book, Rebel City of Indra, the story of Lexx. Olivia, it is not, it's kind, it is 10% Nah, it's 25% better than I thought it was gonna be at this point in time and we are in the throes of it. I just want to see big ups to everyone that has been with me throughout all of this. I'm also now looking for other, hopefully, public access books to read.

So if you guys have any, any books that you want to hear me read or try and give me a big, you want me to take it for a spin, any fan fictions, hit me up. I love you guys so much, and we will talk to you next week. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors,

you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.