Page 7 - Episode 360: Bartha Stewart

Episode Date: July 2, 2020

We're exhausted with celebrities this week but we love this week's celebrity conspiracy: Is OJ Simpson Khloe Kardashian's real father?!?!?!Join us in eat, pray, loving at home by supporting us on Patr...eon! Get weekly bonus episodes and other goodies - Patreon.com/page7podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:08 This goes out to old milk puke over there. We belong in quarantine together, still working forever. I love you, Molly Neffle. And you know what? I kind of enjoy you as well, Holden McNeely. Welcome to page seven. Thank you much. It's me, Alden there.
Starting point is 00:00:57 Welcome back to you another swift backlin. bang dang in episode of eight seven. Oh no it's like we're on Splash Mountain. We're not even talking about that yet. I wish that the world could go back. A hundred years in time.
Starting point is 00:01:15 No, no, that's very scary. No, it's square dancing hay baling, afternoon of fun on night. You're about to get thrown into the fucking blackberry bush. Holden said we have to make each other laugh emoji on this episode. And this is what this is what
Starting point is 00:01:31 he does when he says that. These two were screaming about the apocalypse just now. I'm just trying to have my white claw and forget and forgive. He's trying to light in the mood. Yeah, I'm trying to forget. Molly and I were both yelling at each other about life, about everything. And Holden just sitting there using the emoticons through Zoom to show his reactions to the point though that we both did laugh.
Starting point is 00:01:57 And we, uh, Holden and I were busy making jokes because Molly has just. been covered in puke by her child. And I also made the joke of been there. And Holden said that that was his nickname in high school, milk puke. Milk puke. Milk puke in high school. How about this? I get it.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Quarantines got you down. The fact that half the country doesn't really think it's a thing, giving you a frown. But why don't we sit and say this? You can't go anywhere. But you can still eat. You can still pray. And you can still love. At home.
Starting point is 00:02:31 Let's talk about it. All of those things at home. How are we doing those things at home? I will start. Which is interesting because there's a book about travel. But yes, we can do it home. Yes, exactly. But you can't,
Starting point is 00:02:39 but we have to do the opposite of what the book is. Okay, Julia Roberts. You travel inside your fucking don't. Yeah, dude. So praying. I meditate. After my workout, I take a shower. I lay down as naked as possible next to the air conditioner.
Starting point is 00:02:55 And I focus on my breathing and I block out the world. Sometimes I think about sexual things. and makes it difficult to get through because then I just start obsessing in these weird ways, but I try to do that, right? That's my prey. Wait, what do you obsess about sexually? I imagine some masseuse comes into the room.
Starting point is 00:03:15 That's fun. Oh, then why do you get upset about it? But like it, no, no, because I'm trying to be mindful. I'm trying to be mindful. Not trying to be mindful. I'm trying to be in the moment. I'm trying not to be in some fantasy where a buxom masseuse walks into the room
Starting point is 00:03:28 and is like, oh, What would you? I don't know what she would say. I've never been in a situation like that. But I say the code word, filthy owl or whatever the code word is, right? Sounds like you're in an October fest. There always is a code word.
Starting point is 00:03:42 I know that's how it works. And then that's when they know to sort of do the thing. Ladies, I don't need to get into this. But either way, that's what I do. I meditate. I meditate to pray for my eating. Spaghetti with meat sauce. All right, we're talking.
Starting point is 00:03:57 I'm heating up. I'm chopping up a clove of garlic. I'm heating it up on the stove till it's fragrant. One clove only? Isn't it? Yeah, you need multiple cloves. What do you? Paris Hilton?
Starting point is 00:04:09 I'm sharing my, I'm giving my soul to you guys. I'm bearing my figured of breasts to you guys. Okay, keep breasting. Okay, and I cook the meat, and then I make the sauce. It's the garlic and the shallots, and I cook it all together,
Starting point is 00:04:22 and then I put it into the sauce, which is just usually a mixture of two different bottles of sauce. and I add some thing, I add some Italian seasoning, and I make it good, right? And I give it to my fucking wife, and it's delicious, right? Love.
Starting point is 00:04:36 I'm asleep, yes. Love. Let's talk about love. It's the little things that we do for each other. Keep it clean. We, it is, I'll just say, it's the tiny things. And I did pretend to be a bartender. Are you talking about buying miniatures and leaving it all over the house for Lexi to find?
Starting point is 00:04:55 I leave tiny. I fashion little wooden figurines of members of her family and I hide them throughout the house for her. That's very scary. Yes, it is scary. And sometimes love is terrifying, isn't it? Wow, you know what? You are right.
Starting point is 00:05:12 Eat, pray, and love with Holden McNeely, all from inside of your own home. I never even thought to do it. Why go to Italy when you can sit on your fucking couch and stew in your own juices? I'm a regular Barfa Stewart. You are Barpa. Milkbuke.
Starting point is 00:05:30 I was Milkbuk in high school, Barfa Stewart in college, and now I'm just Big H. And you can call me Big H or you can leave me outside because I ain't coming in unless you call me Big H. Big H. Who likes to eat, pray and love.
Starting point is 00:05:43 That's what I always call. Isn't that beautiful? So anyways, but we were discussing just before about some of our celebrity fatigue that we're facing. Yeah, we're having a little bit of it, but you know what?
Starting point is 00:05:55 That's all right. I will say, so I do want to talk about this at length that I was so angry. So y'all, if y'all listen to Pop History, we just did an episode on The Princess Bride. We ripped into it. We were just like, how much we fucking love it. Lo and behold, I had no idea that Quibi was releasing essentially a socially distanced movie of celebrities doing different scenes, of the entire movie in chunks of the Princess Bride. And I wanted to hate it. I was immediately so angry about it.
Starting point is 00:06:29 I was like, oh, great. So happy that celebrities are doing another fucking bullshit thing that I don't care about. That is not helping anything. That is not making anything better right now. But I digress. So I downloaded Quibi. And they are making it better. They're giving all the money, a million dollars to the World Central Kitchen,
Starting point is 00:06:50 which is what I raised money for in my 12-hour stream. Thank you. You're welcome. Celebrity Holden also did his part. Completely correct. And I thought that, I didn't know that, though, going in. I immediately thought it was another imagine video. I thought it was another, and I've witnessed it, looking into the camera video.
Starting point is 00:07:07 I thought it was just some other bullshit of some sort of attention seeking. And it's actually really delightful. It's sweet. It's actually people that love Princess Bride. And to the point that, like, there's very pregnant Sophie Turner and the Jonas brother that she is married to. and she is dressed as Dread Pirate Roberts and he is Princess Buttercup and their corgi is dressed like an R-O-U-S.
Starting point is 00:07:31 It is a door. I mean, it's wonderful. It's all done via social decisions. I love that it. It's not Joe Jodas. It's the Jonas brother that she's married, dude. Who cares which one is? I appreciate that.
Starting point is 00:07:42 This is the problem. We're at this point that I, we talk about celebrity culture. And I have been struggling a lot with my idea of how I feel about celebrity culture. Of course, this show is so much more than that. But I've been having these weird mental breakdowns about it because it's like, I don't care. I don't care about what you think. You are not tapped into normal society. You don't understand what people are going through or what
Starting point is 00:08:08 people are doing right now. And a lot of them, and I'm not saying all of them because there's no, it's no reason to lump everybody into a thing. I'm not going to get into a diatribe right now. But he was because I was looking at Quibi and I was like, oh, great, I got to pay for another fucking thing just because I want to watch this. And I open it up and I say, see Chrissy Teigen's Judge Judy show and I got so angry about it
Starting point is 00:08:31 I got so mad and I'm not saying this is nothing to do with her as a person but her persona it just made me so mad that I was like I was staring at my phone terrified Jeff goes like who gets a fuck about Chrissy Tegan who possibly cares about what she has to say
Starting point is 00:08:49 oh I'm so glad that you can go to Walmart to buy your Chrissy T-Kee-Kee-Kee-Kee-Kee fucking pots and pans. And I lost my mind about it. I'm now fine. And obviously, I'm not going collected. He did some eating, some praying, some loving. I need all three.
Starting point is 00:09:05 I need to get a little Julia Roberts up in here, I guess. Yeah. How are you going to pray? How are you going to eat? And how are you going to love celebrities again, Jackie? I got to, I guess I have to pray about it. I guess I have to eat hot dogs until I get to my final understanding. You pray and you eat at the same time.
Starting point is 00:09:25 You eat the hot dogs and you meditate on one certain concept. In this case, it will be celebrity. Yeah, I call it the body of piggy Christ as I eat my hot dog. And I know that that is offensive. But really, I'm eating his body and his lips and his asshole. And isn't it great to eat all parts of Piggy Christ? Yeah, it's totally, that totally works. I'm struggling right now.
Starting point is 00:09:55 This is a podcast about celebrities and the ingredients of a hot time. So I was talking to Molly and Holden about this before we started recording and I was like, I can't talk about this on this show. No one wants to hear about this. But I feel like a lot of people are going through this right now of looking at celebrity, of looking at influencer culture and looking at, and I try, I always want to be positive. I try to just be a positive person, just in general. And whomever wants to listen to me,
Starting point is 00:10:25 I hope that they take a smile away from anything that I have to say. But the idea of celebritydom is really starting to break apart at the foundation. We're never going to lose it. And it's because we're doing the Earth a Kitt episode this week. And we're talking about this. We're talking about the idea of blacklisting and cancel culture. And how there's no, cancel culture is nothing new. People used to just be disbarred from being a celebrity.
Starting point is 00:10:53 whenever somebody decided that they wanted to do it. Especially if they had like leftist, anti-racist, or communist politics, right? Like, it was totally canceled culture. It was just only directed at people who were like fighting for more equality. Right. Or Eartha Kitt who was just trying to speak out against juvenile delinquency and how it coincides with the Vietnam War. And she was blacklisted because of that.
Starting point is 00:11:20 And it's just the idea of now that people have to. to do heinous things to get blacklisted. And yet, at the end of the day, there was a Golden Girls episode that was taken off of Hulu because it had blackface in it, but they had mud masks on. It was mud masks on. Yeah. Yeah, it's blood masks on. This is like a thing where I feel like there is, there's a lot of people like engaged
Starting point is 00:11:41 in, so there's so many, I feel like there's a lot of things that Jackie said that I'm excited to respond to. And I feel like the celebrity thing is like that there is like a, a. I hate to, I feel like there's like a bit of a class war thing going on. Like look at all these rich-ass people whose job is to be rich in public. And everyone else is suffering right now. And so it's hard to like celebrate their wealth like usual, right? And, you know, in terms of, you know, there is no celebrities and corporations are not capable of engaging with actual meaningful struggle or change.
Starting point is 00:12:18 Hence the gushers tweet about how gushers cares about black lives by absolute faith. of all of the corporate tweets. Gosh, yours of course, Jackie's nickname in high school. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, baby. Definitely fruity and definitely chewy. But also, on top of all that, right, you have this, like, weird response to something that nobody asked for.
Starting point is 00:12:42 Like, oh, we took off this Golden Girls episode for Blackface, and it's like, I hadn't seen that episode. I didn't know that it was a mud thing. But, like, literally no. they took off Gone with the Wind, right? And that is like something, it's like the worst of all worlds because then you have people who think that like
Starting point is 00:12:58 PC canceled culture is coming for them being like, oh, we can't even have gone with the wind anymore. And it's like, no, literally no one is saying, like, cancel gone with the wind. But like what people are saying is like, oh, wow, we like, look at how racism has a history, look at how it has manifested in pop culture, look at how normalized it's been.
Starting point is 00:13:18 And we need to become more aware and we need to try and dismantle it. of systemic racism, which is something that, you know, and a lot of people are just being woken up to this idea. And I think that it's great that people are at least starting to wake up to this kind of idea, but it also doesn't mean to take down the mud mask episode. Yeah, there's a performative action difference here. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:13:39 It's performative versus actual solidarity. And like, what people are asking for is to, like, defund the police and fund, like, programs that invest in, like, community development and safety. and resources for like poor people and black people of color. And instead, Netflix is like, we hear you and we have taken away the girls and girls. And everyone's like, what are you talking about? Like, nobody wants that. No.
Starting point is 00:14:07 Hulu, whatever it was. Every streaming platform has had their own terrible response to this. Though I will say, going back to one of the stories that we did have in the docket to cover, I'm for the Splash Mountain thing. Yes. And I think that the idea of changing the changing Splash Mountain, although I will say as a kid, it's still
Starting point is 00:14:26 one of the few rides that would make me sob, but not because I was scared, but because you think the rabbit is dead right before you drop. Spoiler alert. And that's really where my brain was at. But Splash Mountain is based on Song of the South,
Starting point is 00:14:42 which is a very racist Disney movie that actually, I don't even think it's on Disney Plus. And it was released on home video. immediately. It is something that is a scourge on the Disney history. Of course, they've got quite a few in there. They've got plenty.
Starting point is 00:14:58 I mean, and if you go on Disney Plus and look up some of those old movies, they even have disclaimers. And I am actually glad, and I would prefer that. Put the disclaimer up top. We don't support this anymore. But this was what we did in the show. Right, right. Own it. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:15:14 Put that before the community episode. I don't think you actually need to put that before the Golden Girls episode because I just don't think unless they make some joke, racial joke in it maybe. It's certainly possible, you know, it was the time. But right, I completely agree. Put up a thing, you know, because then again, everyone's like, whoa, what, I can't watch? You know, my example is a, it's a wonderful life, which I have watched every single year my entire life, right?
Starting point is 00:15:39 And I had never learned about racist tropes in films until I got to college. And then I learned about, you know, the Mammy character in movies. and then I watched It's a Wonderful Life for, you know, the 21st time. And then I was like, oh, wow, that's really bad. And it doesn't, it didn't mean I stopped watching It's a Wonderful Life, but it did mean that I'm, like, extremely uncomfortable and unhappy that this was, like, during those scenes. And, like, I'm like, I watch the movie and I enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:16:09 And I sit with the fact that this is in every, that racism is inescapable because it is in all of, it is in everything, right? And that, right, like, don't, you. You don't have to cancel it, but you do have to talk about it, right? Yes. And like the changing of it, I think it's awesome that they're changing it to Princess and the Frog, the Splash Mountain Ride. I love Princess and the Frog.
Starting point is 00:16:30 But also, another, it's one of those things. It's like, then make its whole land. Do a New Orleans section of, or like a theme, or like a jazz themed kind of section of the, of Disney World. Because this is putting a Band-Aid on shit. Exactly. Again, I know. I know we need to be. I need, we need to be funny.
Starting point is 00:16:50 And I apologize. It's just... You're being funny. Yeah, I am I being funny? You can be funny. Am I funny? And engage with the world. Make a silly noise before and after every serious statement.
Starting point is 00:17:02 You'll be fine. Okay. I'm having a really, um, quite a thick bout of depression over the past couple of months and it's very difficult for me to be funny now. Squirt, my, quack, quack. I'm getting nervous about how deep my depression is becoming. I am very upset with the way therapy. I am very upset with the way this has all been handled, and I cannot stand to see my friends upset,
Starting point is 00:17:33 and I can't stand to see people just not understanding what is an overcorrection of what is not? Oh my God. It's like you're singing on my way. Also, if you guys don't know, Holden really hates the song Rusted Roots on my way. I do. And it really makes me happy because all I have to start doing is,
Starting point is 00:17:58 um my way. Um, do do do do do do. It makes it just so furious. It makes me upset. I would like to retry out of my heart. Um, two things. That song's awful. And I'll tell you what,
Starting point is 00:18:11 you can feel like your wife is your best friend. I'm not telling you you can't feel like your wife is your best friend. I'm just saying, A, maybe don't even write the big diatribe about how much you love her and just tell her in person instead of writing it on Facebook to get points. I like writing it on Facebook because I want everyone to know how much I love my partner. And B, if you're going to do that, maybe write something other than she's my best friend or he or whatever. This is not gender inclusive. Write something other than you're my best friend because everyone fucking writes.
Starting point is 00:18:42 You're my best friend. If I could cancel anything, it'd be literally just any of it. just writing a diatribe in the first place, and expressing your love to the world. I love him. This is my problem. This is my whole thing with this thing. Okay, let's get into the Facebook faux pause, all right?
Starting point is 00:18:58 Because I know this is the real important stuff. Of course, I've been desperately waiting. I was like, when is he going to yell again about what he doesn't like about Facebook? Okay, this is what goes through my head when I read up diatribe like that. What about the person who's reading that who is really sad and lonely right now? What about the person who's reading that that lost someone recently? That's who I think about when I read your gushy post about how your husband is your best friend. Okay?
Starting point is 00:19:26 That is what it is all about, all right? That's all I'm saying. And that's your too real moment with Holden. You can call me just eight H. Big age tells the truth. But you don't think that Lexi is your best friend now after all this time having spent glued to her side for three months? She's definitely... Having no contact with any other friends?
Starting point is 00:19:47 Yeah. This is the thing. I would say we are definitely forced to be best friends no matter what because we cannot be away from each other. We literally have to be around each other. And it is true. But we're getting along well, I think. No fights this week so far. That's cool.
Starting point is 00:20:05 That's wonderful news. We fought last week though, which is a bugaboo, a bit of a bugaboo. Have you ever tried slipping on? a very intense bout of depression because it really lets... You don't fight as much because you don't have the energy. And I think that it is a fun thing to think about.
Starting point is 00:20:25 I mean, I think that you need to actually try something Lexi and I've been doing lately. Mermaid Day. One of you pretends to be a sexy, fun mermaid. You wear the mermaid slip the whole day. So it's hard for you to get around, which is fun. You're kind of dependent on the other person a little bit to carry you from room to room.
Starting point is 00:20:42 And then the other person wears like a wet suit. like a yellow fisherman's suit all day. And it has the pipe, the corn cup, he's like, Oh, save me, me, my. And we switch it up every week. Depends on we flip a coin to who gets to be the mermaid that week. I can't even imagine how stinky your wet suit is. You are Mr. Stinky Wet Suit, and I know it,
Starting point is 00:21:09 because I know you're not going to wash it out. And then you're going to be sweating inside of there because you're not going to be in Pacific Ocean Temperature Waters. So you're just going to be in it and you're like, uh, uh, uh, looks like there's a mermaid crying on me living room floor today.
Starting point is 00:21:26 You know, because she's usually very upset about Mermaid Day. Does she go, uh-oh. But anyway, if you're a celebrity, go fuck yourself.
Starting point is 00:21:36 Yeah, that is the mermaid's, yeah. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Um, but either way, I just think,
Starting point is 00:21:42 um, if you- But Molly, are you best friends with Gideon right now? I like this question This is a scary question Well again And I'm gonna say this again
Starting point is 00:21:55 For the zillionth fucking time We're grown adults And I don't think grown adults And I think you just have a lot of friends And I think that's sad Holden I just think it's ridiculous I think some people have best friends
Starting point is 00:22:09 And that's great But I've never really had One best friend I've always had Make New Friends And Keep the Old one is silver and the other is gold Which is actually we all know which one is silver
Starting point is 00:22:18 And we all know which one is gold Honestly you guys both are in my gold category Oh wow Molly's kind of ish in my almost silver category In a weird way Because we've gotten so much closer from doing the show together Moving on up Moving on up
Starting point is 00:22:34 To the silver Wait so you're saying was Molly bronze before? She was a bronze ass B word before Yeah Holden and I had years where we didn't see each other I'm also throwing this away because the coloring of my skin, I look a lot better in silver than I do with gold. So I keep silver, I guess I keep silver above it and you guys are both silver. I can't. Okay, I'll take it.
Starting point is 00:22:55 I like silver better than gold in terms of like jewelry and stuff. Like my wedding ring is silver. I mean, I agree with Holden's absolutely obsessive feelings about this because my biggest annoyance is heterosexual men who say that their wife is their best friend and then want some. sort of high five for having a girl best friend. There's like an undercurrent of it. Like, can you believe my best, she's my best friend, a girl. And that's the thing that really annoys me. And it feels very childish.
Starting point is 00:23:27 But like that only, not everybody who says their wife is their best friend is that person. But we all know that that person is like, can you believe it? Yes, because I have lots of male friends. But Jeff, I think, is my best friend. And that's because he's your closest friend. Jeff, I love you and you're my best friend. He's one of your close friends. You're one of my close friends, Jackie.
Starting point is 00:23:48 But I also think your partner isn't, it's not that they're not your friend, but like a friend is different than a partner, right? And the weird thing about quarantine, if you are lucky enough to be quarantining with somebody who you love is they now are not only the role of your partner, but they also have to be the role of your friend. And that might be fine. And some people might really be living for it. But also it might be hard because some people really need. need other friends too. Yeah. I don't think it's healthy.
Starting point is 00:24:18 I don't think it's healthy to, I guess that's a big part of it, right? I think Molly, you're saying the same thing. It's like, you should have friends and a wife or a girlfriend or spouse significant other, right? Like, those are two different things. I think it's unhealthy to conflate the two. Also, here's one more, and I'll get off of this after this, but how annoying is this
Starting point is 00:24:38 phrase that I read in every one of these posts. Thank you for being born. Thank you for existing. Oh. Go fuck yourself. I don't agree with this one. Go fuck with yourself with your love. That's why if you notice,
Starting point is 00:24:54 I don't say shit on National Sibling Day, I don't say shit on Mother's Day, I don't say shit on Mother's Day. I like doing it. I know you do. And do it all you want. Everybody do it. But all I can think about is the person who's so sad about their not father.
Starting point is 00:25:08 And so I don't fucking say shit because it feels like gloating to be like, I have a healthy family. Look at me. Look at me. I love gloating about it. No, I make jokes, though, at least, about it.
Starting point is 00:25:24 That's fair. And I feel like I, even though I've been like happily married and before that happily in a relationship with Gideon for like a long time now, I still, I feel like the, there's still a part of me that identifies as like a sad single person. And so I never really think like, oh, other people might read my post and think. and feel lonely and sad that they aren't with somebody. Because in my head, it's like the same thing as like how every kid who was a loser when they're young always still thinks they're a little bit of a loser or still has that identity,
Starting point is 00:25:56 even if you're now like cool and have friends and whatever. Like there's always part of me that's like, oh, well, nobody likes me, you know? And then there's also always part of me that's like, oh, I'm single and alone. Like, you know, it's not like debilitating, but like that I feel like I always remember how it feels to see other people happy and love. and be like, what if that never happens to me, you know? See, I do the opposite way, though, where it's like, I look at that stuff. And even when I was in my unhappiest, I'd look at it and be like, you know what, man,
Starting point is 00:26:25 at least somebody's fucking getting some. Really? I was always just so resentful. And I think, Molly, I think you're 100% correct that I don't think I've ever gotten past those years in middle and high school that were so terrible, that were just so lonely. And I was so hopelessly romantic without able to actually. lay something down, you know what I mean? I think what you needed was to become a bully.
Starting point is 00:26:50 Maybe you should become a bully now because really it helps. Oh, you should meet my other Twitter persona. Cherlington. He is a real trick. I don't want to be Cherlington, please. I just want to say I appreciate that Holden has that part of himself but didn't let it, you know, turn him into an insult, right? Because there's certainly plenty of boys who felt that way when they were young.
Starting point is 00:27:14 boys who feel that way when you grow up into men and then just instead of having a little sad like I did and like Holden did and even a big sad instead of just having a kind of inward sad they had an outward you know violent or an outward rage or an outward hate and that is not okay right yes 100% and I think we could actually bring this back we can actually connect this loop back to the celebrity resentment that's going on oh I thought you were about to say back to net Flicks's floor is lava, but yes. But yeah, but I think that closes the loop there is that I think we just described in a different sense what is happening with people and celebrities right now is that we're
Starting point is 00:27:58 seeing them be like clearly fine because even when they're sending their heartfelt message and they're trying to act like they're in pain and not in a good way and maybe they're not. I'm not saying that, but they're acting concerned right in these video messages and things. But you
Starting point is 00:28:14 see their really fancy bathroom or backyard or living room. That or what I was just screaming about, where I might have to travel soon, not against my will, and they can get on a jet. They can get on a small plane. And a lot of people don't have that opportunity. And I think that's a lot of where my anger is coming from of feeling so helpless and looking at people that there is a class disparity where people that can
Starting point is 00:28:42 afford it can do still whatever they fucking want. Right. 100%. Just like we were talking at the beginning of this. They can get tests back when nobody could get a test, right? They are stuck in there.
Starting point is 00:28:54 Oh, I've been in my house. Fucking, was it J-Lo had a like, oh, we've been on the house so long. Here's a picture of my child on like a hoverboard rolled around in my beautiful yard. And it's like literally what are you complaining about? And I don't even want to do that because I know it's hard. Like they're.
Starting point is 00:29:09 And also they have different difficulties. Right. And also, yes. It doesn't have to be, just because it's differently hard for me doesn't mean it's not hard for you. Like all, but, but there is, it's hard to feel a kind of collective, uh, struggle with people who will be absolutely fucking fine no matter what because they have all the money, you know? Right. I think it's part of the reason of why I've mostly been watching reality television. I think it's because in filling my time, it's knowing that like people in reality television don't get paid a lot of money.
Starting point is 00:29:39 Yeah. And we're screaming at them. because they're so flawed. And they're willing to show, they're bearing their flaws to us. They're putting them in front of us. And as opposed to showing us their perfection. And I think that that's what we're getting a lot of
Starting point is 00:29:54 from the celebrities. And then also it's like people want to talk about virtue signaling. I think way worse ever than something like that is this concern signaling that we're kidding. We're so concerned. It's the same thing that pisses me off about, I love signaling in the relationship thing. Because it's like, who's that for?
Starting point is 00:30:15 Who are you doing that for? You're doing that for you. You're doing that to get points. And you fucking know it. You know you're doing that to get points with your spouse. You know you're doing that to get points with all the people that are truly fucking suffering right now. You're completely right. I'm glad that we're having this conversation.
Starting point is 00:30:30 Thank you guys for letting me feel safe to be able to talk about these things because it's a scary thing to scream about, especially as people that we work in. celebrity culture. And Molly, you were saying this too. We started this show because we didn't know anything about celebrity culture and because we're making fun of it. We're making fun of the idea that Goop can sell a $70 pussy candle. It's shit like that that they can get away with that technically is brilliant marketing, but also let's have a smile so that we don't have a coup against the classism. But, you know, we've been doing this show for a long time. Maybe it's time for a Sometimes you get a little angry.
Starting point is 00:31:10 I was just reading an article today about how Kanye West transformed Kim Kardashian's bathroom, which was already beautiful, into an enchanted forest for no reason. What do you mean? What do you mean? How many people are going to be evicted this month? Do you know how many people can't pay their bills?
Starting point is 00:31:31 And you, oh, good. He turned it to enchanted forest. And the thing is that he didn't fucking turn into enchanted forest. He paid for somebody. else to come in, to design it, to do all the work. If he went out on his fucking hands and knees and grew that forest and planted the forest in the bathroom, great. Good for you, but you didn't. And so, you know what? No accolades for you today. No accolades for you today. Am I too angry? I've been doing it. I've been also trying to figure out where to put rage. It's a very
Starting point is 00:32:03 alien emotion to me. And it's hard, it's hard to know what to do with it. I, This is not celebrity related, but in terms of like, I got somebody posted in one of my parenting groups today on Facebook, like, oh, can't go to the playground? Turn your basement into a playground. And it was like, you know, pay $15,000 to have this business come in and turn your basement into a fun playland. And I'm like, I'm a member of a million fucking parenting groups and they all annoy me for different reasons. But one of them is in Park Slope. Parents, I don't live in Park Slope, but Park Slope is like a very wealthy neighborhood in Brooklyn.
Starting point is 00:32:41 And people just keep posting totally normal-ass posts that are just like, oh, we're moving out of the city. If anyone wants to look at the listing for my, you know, two-bedroom, one bathroom, private entrance, a little backyard. We can't hack it in the city anymore. We're going to the Burbs. And then the listing will be for like either like $7,000 a month for rent or like a, like, you know, 3.8 million.
Starting point is 00:33:05 for, and I'm just like, it makes me so, I just sit and just, I just stew and I'm just so mad. I'm so angry. And that's not even, those people probably don't even think they're rich, you know, like that's like, probably like normal ass. Especially for where you are and where you're buying. It's like everything is different for different people. And again, everyone is struggling in different ways and I'm aware of that. And I'm always trying to think openly about everyone else has their own struggles and you have to be aware of that. We, we, we, I know that. But there are just some times that you want to scream at the parenting group. There are just some times that you just want to,
Starting point is 00:33:42 the other day, like a child, I came into the office and I ripped up paper. And I did it for like 15 minutes. I shouldn't. The trees, the poor trees. But I was ripping up magazines. Did it make you feel better? It did. It really did.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Because I saw all the paper ripped up on the floor and I was just like, fuck you. Fuck you, magazines. and then I left, but then I had to come and clean it up. So, you know, at the end of the day, you still get punished. This is like, there's a scene, either of you guys watch Little Fires Everywhere? I haven't yet. No, no. I've been digging it.
Starting point is 00:34:15 It's Carrie Washington and Reese Witherspoon, and it's based on the book that's really good. Yeah, I've been meaning to see it. It's good. It's, like, heavy. It might not be the best for any of us right now. But I've been watching it and enjoying it, and there is a scene where she's like a flashback to when Reese Witherspoon is like a young mother with four very young kids, and she just starts smashing plates.
Starting point is 00:34:35 And I was watching it and I was like, ooh, rip up paper. Hello, I'm telling you, I know it's not as satisfying as smashing plates, but it's a lot less expensive. Yeah, I think, you know, we have like a little calm down corner with a little different emotional intelligence things in the... Is that for you and Gideon or something children? It's for me. I actually find it to be pretty annoying when I look at it because it's like, oh, here are some things that help to calm down.
Starting point is 00:35:04 I got it because my friend who works with kids was like, oh, this is really good for my kids. And I was like, oh, I have a toddler who's like emerging into emotions. I should get this. And it's like, when I don't feel calm, I can like count to 10. I can take a drink of water. And I look at it. I'm just like, that won't help.
Starting point is 00:35:19 That won't help. Like, so I do, I get mad at the calm down poster. But maybe ripping up paper would be something that's good. Rage at the calm down poster. I think that's it. I think I just want to write calm down. on my wall just so I can like throw things at it. And I'll tell you what, I think I'd say eat a big old bag of fucking mushrooms.
Starting point is 00:35:42 Yeah, with the kids in the house. Yeah, I think that is a great idea. Or leave the superego. Please eat those dumb ass cats. Yeah, the super ego has been working overtime, that's for sure. Call the cops on your own children. I'd like to do it this week. So, celebs.
Starting point is 00:36:01 Black Pink, that's cool. Oh yeah, no, you wanted to tell us. Tell us about this whole thing. Well, Black Pink, K-pop, super group. I think they really are like the number one K-pop group. Black Pink is so good. They're so awesome. Their new song, How You Like That is a banger.
Starting point is 00:36:17 And the music video just broke the Guinness World Record for the most viewed YouTube video in 24 hours with over 86 million views in 24 fucking hours. It is an awesome vid. Check it out. How you like that by Black Pink. That's really all I have. But I do think it's just, if you really want to turn your mind off of everything and just enjoy the shit out of something for like four minutes, put that video on. Yes.
Starting point is 00:36:46 And also watch their Kill This Love music video because that's another one that you're just like, yes. Cool discovery I made, by the way, if you click the closed caption button, you'll get subtitles for the song. So you actually know what they're singing about. even though like half the songs now I feel like are in English. Like, but still, you'll get the actual context. It's like a breakup song. It's, and it's like a fuck you breakup song, and it's really good. It is a total banger.
Starting point is 00:37:12 I love fucking breakup songs. There's your K-pop corner with Holda-Bing. I'm definitely into that. I mean, it's definitely better than me screaming about the Golden State Killer, which, y'all, I'm in. Silly noises, Jackie, if you're going to do this one. Hi, aye, ah, ha. I'm in a bit of a depression hole, like I said,
Starting point is 00:37:35 and something that's really helping me is not only reading I'll be gone in the dark, but also watching the HBO docu series. That's about Michelle McNamara's obsession with finding the Golden State Killer. And I'm reading the book and watching the show. And there's also my friend, which shout out to my friend, who is one of the producers of podcasts that is also going along with the docu series. Yeah, whatever. have a lot of extra, don't you whatever me,
Starting point is 00:38:04 that has a lot of extra interviews of the people that were interviewed for the docu-series and all of the rape survivors. And it's very crazy because unfortunately the woman that wrote I'll be gone in the dark, Michelle McNamara, who is such a talented person, she passed away before she saw the Golden State Killer, brought into custody. And this docu-series just came out and he just pled guilty after he's got to away with generations of raping and murdering people. And he just pled guilty to over 116 crimes.
Starting point is 00:38:38 And this docu-series is just coming out. And it's so upsetting because I've been so upset knowing that she hasn't been able to see what she has done and how she has helped. So many people, I'm not going to start crying about it because I have been crying about it for a couple of weeks. And I don't like to cry on this show. but also that's why there's so
Starting point is 00:39:07 there's so many layers to this because of that because of this other story about this woman who's I hope they make a feature film about like somebody really competent makes a really good feature film about her story because it's this amazing detective story where it consumed her and in the end
Starting point is 00:39:23 arguably killed her and having that on top that layer on top of this decades long search for this evil, evil man is what's so tragic and captivating and complex about this story. There it is. There it is.
Starting point is 00:39:42 Also, boy dies in the Rusted Route on My Way music video, if you watch it. Yeah, that's weird. Sorry, your sounds just sounded like it again. I just, I don't really have much to say about my current obsession. with all of this information. I just want to say, y'all should be watching this docu-series as well as if you have the time, get the book.
Starting point is 00:40:14 What an amazing writer. And she's also not capitalizing on people's heartbreak and people's trauma. The way that she writes it is not, I don't even know how to explain it. She's a brilliant writer. And she was someone that got so close to everything and it was so truly obsessed
Starting point is 00:40:34 with trying to stop and figure out who this person was and how just, and she's helped so many people with their trauma of saying this is the man that did it and you're going to watch him go to fucking jail for it. Not that that changes anything,
Starting point is 00:40:50 but at least it's something rather than knowing that he's just still, because he's also the person that even 10 years after, many years after, would still call the people to harass them over the fucking phone. So it wasn't just a one-time thing.
Starting point is 00:41:07 This is someone that truly traumatized many, many people. And it's just, it's an interesting thing to be, to succumb to right now and with everything that is happening right now and to just think of one person that really did help. But she lost her life because of it. Pretty much. No, you're going to have to do a noise. E.
Starting point is 00:41:31 All right. Are you ready to do a dumb-ass celebrity conspiracy theories? Oh, yes. See, this is a fun way to shit on the idea of celebrity cult. Is Chloe Kardashian's real dad the murderer, O.J. Simpson? Oh, yay. I've been hoping we would do this one. I honestly might believe this one.
Starting point is 00:41:56 Yeah, I honestly might totally believe this one. Sorry to answer right away. But yes, yes, but Justin Bieber is a lizard person. Yes, I did say yes to that. And we probably, we might think that that's not true. But I think that this is true. So a little background, Chris Jenner married infamous defense lawyer, Robert Kardashian, who was, of course, on the defense team for OJ Simpson in 1978 and divorced him in 1991.
Starting point is 00:42:22 So a little over a decade of a romance there. During their marriage, she had four children, Courtney, Kim, Chloe, and her. Rob. After this went down, Robert went on to marry two more times. Jan Ashley in 1998 and Ellen Pearson in 2003. He died of esophical cancer not long after he married Ellen. Both Jan and Ellen have said in the past the Robert Kardashian confided in them that Chloe was not his biological daughter. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Here is the evidence for. Kim and Courtney are both much, much shorter than Chloe. and have pretty different complexions. Robert was 5-7, OJ, 6-1. Ooh. Also, he murdered that woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and the dude as well. And tweets, and just tweets in Florida while he plays golf.
Starting point is 00:43:14 Chloe had a maternity test done on the show keeping up with the Kardashians in 2009, as she felt she may have been adopted. The maternity test proved that Chris was Chloe's mother. However, no DNA was compared with her other siblings as per whether the paternal DNA matched for the father. Wait, so why, see, that actually makes it even deeper. Why would they do a maternal test and not do a paternal test?
Starting point is 00:43:40 I don't understand, like, if you believe that you are adopted, that makes complete sense. However, if you're already going in there. If everyone's already deciding this. Get one of your siblings, as I understand how DNA works, you could get one of your siblings who would definitely have the DNA from both. And then you could be like, do I have the exact same DNA as them? I watch Forensic Files. Oh, I want to do that with Henry. I'm going to say, Daddy.
Starting point is 00:44:02 Daddy, you're not my daddy anymore. So back during the time they were married. Chris and Robert and O.J. and Nicole were very close and went on a lot of vacations together. During an interview with OJ's manager for In Touch Magazine, I believe, he said that, quote, Chloe could be OJ's kid and that whenever he mentions Chloe's paternity to OJ, he just, quote, Giggles. A side-by-side comparison pick of Chloe to OJ's daughter. Ladies, look it up if you'd like.
Starting point is 00:44:34 OJ's daughter, Sydney, and Chloe Kardashian look kind of similar to each other. Gonna go ahead and say that. But also, did this also include the fact that OJ definitely in, I think multiple interviews, has gloated about how hard he used to fuck Chris Jenner when she was still married in a hot tub? Whoa, I didn't even pull that up, yeah, but I'm sure. Yeah, I mean, I just think this is just straight up. Oh, wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:07 His daughter and Chloe Kardashian actually do look fairly similar. I mean, both gorgeous, but like that's crazy. It's also hard because Chloe Kardashian has had so much surgery that she now has a completely different face. Different face, yes. And she's trying desperately to look like. her sisters, which also, I mean, you know, I'm completely down with plastic surgery. I think that's, I think, you know, you do, you boo, take care of yourself. But she, she just looks just like her sisters now, which not that that's bad, but like,
Starting point is 00:45:42 you were beautiful. You're so hot. Y'all are so young. Yeah, and she looked more, she looked, you know, I feel like she actually looked interesting, like, as a person who didn't look exactly like her sisters and didn't have the same, like the completely out of a... Cookie cutter face, yes. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:45:59 The cookie cutter out of a magazine face. And when I saw the new her new face, I was like, well, I literally couldn't pick her out of a lineup of any of the other, you know. And I guess that's fine. And it must be hard to feel like, oh, I'm the one who's tall and who looks different, like for sure, you know. So, yeah, like if I could afford to get plastic surgery at this point in my life, I might. So no judgment on that.
Starting point is 00:46:21 But it is, I feel like there's a little bit of a layer to that be like, oh, this was the sister who looked totally different than everyone, and everyone was speculating about it, and then she just went and got surgery to look exactly like them. Yes. Chloe Kardashian responded to an Instagram comment saying that she looked white in a picture back in 2016 writing, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:46:40 Some days I'm OJ's daughter, others I'm Robert's daughter. Hmm. Wow. What a weird shadow to grow up under to be like, you might be the daughter of the famously terrible, awful O. Jay Simpson. And it's not like fun. Like, Ronan Farrow's obviously Frank Sinatra's son. Like, that's like fun.
Starting point is 00:47:00 Like, this isn't fun. There's nothing fun about being O.J. Simpson's child. No, and I would do anything within my power to try and distance myself from said rumor for sure. I would definitely get reconstructive whatever because I wouldn't want to be his fucking daughter. Right. So, ladies, it's a yes. I think I already know the answer. It's a yes for Molly. Yes. I think it's a yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:47:24 I think it is. That's, it's a very, it's like, I feel like it's a very condemning thing to say, but it's not her fault. It's not her fault. She didn't do anything to her. I just, it's kind of, I feel like it kind of adds up just like Justin Bieber, a thousand percent is a lizard person. They saw him at the airport. He was changing shape, scales, turd-covered scales all over his body. Flames all over my face.
Starting point is 00:47:54 It was so obvious. So fucking obvious. This was a good one this week. You're knocking it out of the park with the celebrity conspiracies. But it's not too late to get ready for the list. Who's on the list? Jackie! Jackie!
Starting point is 00:48:15 Got to have that list. Sixteen times actors completely rewrote their character. Yeah, I've been fighting some good ones because, you know, all you got to do is let the government do its job and be talking about these lists and click on every list you find. And now all of my advertisements are fun lists. Isn't that pretty but also kind of convenient at the same time? Yes, it is. Did you know that Tom Cruise reportedly drove The Mummy to an early grave? Tom Cruise's insistence on rewrites for 2017's The Mummy
Starting point is 00:48:54 are rumored to have caused the movie to tank, which I don't think that was a reason why. In the original script, Cruz and the monster were meant to have an equal amount of screen time, which didn't sit well with the Mission Impossible star. Cruz personally hired two writers to help rewrite the script, which was changed from a summer horror flick to an attempted action movie.
Starting point is 00:49:18 sidebar, did you guys see this version of the mummy? No, and I will also state that this was supposed to launch and relaunch the Universal Pictures Cinematic Universe. We were supposed to get like the old black and white. They were trying to do Marvel. They're going to do like the creature. Wolfman, Creature Black Lagoon, and do like an Avengers style probably situation
Starting point is 00:49:39 where they all met up with Dracula and everything because that really was the first cinematic universe ever made. That launched all of it. Like we wouldn't have probably the Marvel Cinematic Universe without what they did with all these crossover movies and all this kind of stuff. But the mummy tanking just straight up ended that completely. That's too bad because I would love to see more of the universal monsters. It's like if you're going to reboot something, I guess. If you're not going to come up with a new story, I guess.
Starting point is 00:50:09 Let's watch more of the universal monsters. I do think it's kind of fun because Frank Walsh, the film's supervising art director, said about Tom Cruise. I've heard stories about how he drives everything and pushes and pushes, but it was amazing to work with him. The guy is a great filmmaker, and he knows his craft. He'll walk onto a set and tell the director what to do. Say, that's not the right lens. Ask about the sets. And as long as you don't fluff what you're saying to him, he's easy to work for.
Starting point is 00:50:37 Does that not sound like a terrified, guarded response to what was happening? That is great. Everything he just said, it's like, oh, but that's great. What a great thing to do. Tell the director what you're talking about. That's terrifying. He's great. He has men stand outside of my house.
Starting point is 00:50:55 I think they're a Scientologist, and they wait for me to leave so that they can hand me pamphlets about how to be a better person. I love Tom Cruise. I love him. I love him. What is it? What is it? Stalin era? Tom Cruise.
Starting point is 00:51:16 I think that hopefully people could talk more freely about. Edward Norton, Molly, this one goes out to you. Yes, please. Edward Norton only agreed to be in the Incredible Hulk if he could alter the script. When Edward Norton was first approached with the role of Bruce Banner, he wasn't interested. After meeting with the Incredible Hulk's director, however, he agreed to the role
Starting point is 00:51:36 under the stipulation that he would receive a great deal of creative control. This included the ability to submit rewrites to Zach Penn's original script. Though Norton did submit his script changes, he discovered that a few of them were actually used in the film's final cut. And what did he say? What a director Louis LaTierre claim? We had a meeting where I go, okay, we have to find solutions. And then we were screaming stuff and everything. Maybe somebody walked in, a PA or somebody walked in, somebody who's not used to it or having a conversation.
Starting point is 00:52:10 And Edward was like, no, Edward's very vocal. So they were screaming at each other and people were watching them scream at each other because he didn't get his way, so he flipped the fuck out. Yeah, it bums me out that he is famously an absolutely terrible person. Yeah, just a difficult, difficult dude. Because I want to kiss him. Right. Yeah, I mean, I still want to kiss him. We don't have to work with him. We just got to kiss. I can kiss him and never talk to him again, I guess. Yeah, I hope that this is a good story because I love Alan Rickman. And Alan Rickman rewrote parts of Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, at a Pizza Hut. I just love you saying that because it reminds me of when we would actually go and dine
Starting point is 00:52:58 inside of a Pizza Hut. And I would play at it. They had a NeoGeo cabinet. I would play Samurai Showdown at my Pizza Hut. I loved that game. And I just, I remember the buffet with the dessert pizza. Oh my God. See, that's why I love Cece's Pizza's Pizza and Pizza Hut.
Starting point is 00:53:16 I would go and I would eat pizza until, oh man, fucking call me pukeza. That's what everybody would call me. Because I would. I'd fucking pukeza everywhere. Milk puke and puksa. Pukza. I see a bit of a through line going here in terms of your nicknames, Jackie. It's so unhealthy.
Starting point is 00:53:35 It's so terrible. I fucking love a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. I would go sit in a corner booth at a Pizza Hut right now. I would pay as much money as I could to do that right now. Are you kidding me? Book it, man. I fucking lived for Booket. I used to swallow books whole. And then I'm going and like, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:53:56 Give me your fucking questions. I'll answer every question about the book that I read. And then I get them pizzas. I still have all the pins where you get your stars for each book. Four books of pizza. That's not bad. But Alan Rickman said prior to filming, Robin Hood, he confessed to friends that some of his lines as the sheriff of Nottingham were terrible.
Starting point is 00:54:19 So over a meeting at Pizza Hut, he asked for help in making his lines more manageable. Rickman recalled that he asked one of his friends to have a look at the script because it's terrible and I need some good lines. So he did. And, you know, with some kind of pizza and bacon and egg going all over the script, Rickman then presented the changes to the film's director, Kevin Reynolds. Egg, wait, wait, stop. What, Pizza Hut? Pizza has. This is we're talking about some artisan pizza.
Starting point is 00:54:47 We're talking about a regular ass pizza. What kind of pizza is eating a breakfast pizza that's got egg and bacon and like fridge toast on it? The fuck is going out of here. Are you judging Alan Rickman right now? Because it sounds like you're judging Alan Rickman. Or like Alan Prickman. I love Alan Rickman.
Starting point is 00:55:05 If you want to put eggs on his pizza, he can put eggs on his pizza. Just watched, because Wizard the Brewers doing Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. So we just watched, rewatch the movie. him as Marvin the paranoid android is so funny. He plays a depressed robot. He voices a depressed robot. And it is the funniest part of that movie. Alan Rickman is so good in so many ways.
Starting point is 00:55:25 But more like Alan fucking sick man. He makes me sick. You're a bitch. You're a bitch. Oh man. Even just thinking about eggs on pizza, it just makes me think of Ed's story when Ed and Henry went to Italy for a friend's wedding. And Ed got, it was like a 90 degree.
Starting point is 00:55:43 day and it was the middle of day and Ed decided to get the one that had eggs all over it and apparently the eggs had gone sour and then for three days after, in the heat with no air conditioning because we are Americans and we're used to our creature
Starting point is 00:55:59 comforts. He just puked and shit on every train they went on and now that's what I think about, whatever I think about runny eggs on pizza. Anyway. Ed has gotten more food sick more times than anybody else I've ever known because I just think he pushes through.
Starting point is 00:56:19 I think he knows it's bad. He knows. I remember you got food sick from eating sushi and I was like blown away by this. He got food sick from eating sushi and I was just like, what's, uh, it's like what happened? He was just like, I just was hungry. So I just, I just ate it really fast. And like, I'm like sushi, you just consumed like, you slammed a bunch of it in. Like it was a burger?
Starting point is 00:56:42 You don't eat sushi. Like it's a burger. Sometimes you've got to slam it, man. You just got to open up that gullet and let it fucking swim right down. Like a cartoon cat with a fish where you put it in your mouth and then you pull it out. The bones come out. Disgusting. I'm good.
Starting point is 00:57:07 There's a lot of fun things on this list. I'm going to finish this one out, but we're going to come back to it next week. So Alan Rickman and his friends rewrote it. He brought the new script to the films. director Kevin Reynolds, who agreed to sneak in his edits into filming. Alan Rickman says, nobody knew this was happening except for him. And I knew it had worked because as I cleared the camera, I saw about 80 members of the crew holding in laughter.
Starting point is 00:57:34 So he made it good. He's great as the sheriff of Nottingham. It's difficult to not say Sheriff of Roddingham. Because unfortunately, I think I've seen Prince of Thieves or Robin Hood men in tights way more times than I've seen Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. And I think that's the same for most people that are our age, I'm assuming. But there you go. But now we're going to keep going with the show, depending on if Holden can see anything.
Starting point is 00:58:04 I can see really well. You can see very well. You can see. Zero issues seeing right now. So I don't know. Well, I guess we got to, is it like a parrot where we have to put some sort of some sort of wool over him and tell him it's night time? No, I'm just, I'm seeing this week.
Starting point is 00:58:22 I just can see this. Oh, you didn't see last week. That was just a, it was a momentary blindness, is what you're saying. Now, now you can see fully. And do you feel that your life is brighter because of it? Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Something. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:58:38 Have I just? Uh-oh. No, actually, I'm completely able to say. Oh, no, okay. Well, I guess that we could just keep going. Do you want me to cry again? Because I'll cry again. Don't fucking tell me I can't.
Starting point is 00:58:50 Wait, wait. I've been starting to cry. No, no, no, I can't. Something's happening. It's like with my eyes. Do you feel sick? Earlier, I accidentally, I came in them and now. I think I'm going blind.
Starting point is 00:59:10 Oh, you can't see him. I really can't believe you came in your own eyes. Yeah, it is. horrible. When you get cum in your eyes, your eye is red and hurting. Those are bad. It is, it hurts quite a lot. I just, I was really ready, I guess. I was really excited about the various memories I've had of
Starting point is 00:59:32 Sports Illustrated swimsuit editions. You were trying to meditate. Next thing you know. Trying to meditate. The masseuse came in. She was like ooh, ooh! I was like the filthy raven calls in midnight, which is the code word. And then she She's just like, ooh. And then did she tell you something really sad and serious? Because it sounds like she made a silly noise.
Starting point is 00:59:56 Then she talked about the death of her entire family and a train accident that happened just last week. And then she made another silly sound. And then she sort of used her fun hands. All right. I'm going to say this. I cut one of them. I only have two for you this week.
Starting point is 01:00:12 But they're happy blind items. Oh, good. So it's like, I will just say, Timothy Shalame, he's got Beards and he's gay, right? Probably. Right? Is what everybody says. I will watch whatever he wants to That was the one that was like, I was just like,
Starting point is 01:00:28 I guess this one. Timothy! I don't care. He's my fucking new Lori. I don't care what anybody has to say. I love Timothy Shalameh. And yes, he is conceded, but you know what? He's good at his job. So we'll just move past that one.
Starting point is 01:00:45 Here are the other two, though, and I think you'll really enjoy these. It was apparently not that many years ago that this foreign-born permanent A-list singer had a drunk make-out session with this royal. It puts a new light on their current drinking nights together. Rihanna? Not Rihanna.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Foreign-born singer, British Royal. Well, it's obviously Harry or it's... I'm going to assume it's Harry. Adel? Yes. Prince Harry and Adele are getting hammered together. The two are known to be good friends. They're now neighbors.
Starting point is 01:01:16 They live like five. minutes away from each other. Apparently, according to a source, the two have been over at Adels enjoying her bar, while Megan, who is not thrilled about it, is not around for these sessions. They're not banging. They're just getting drunk together? Well, who fucking knows? But they're hanging out and getting hammered together, which I think is really fun.
Starting point is 01:01:35 That is really fun. But also, in an interview back in 2011, she admitted to having a big crush on him in the past. She said, I'm off to Prince Hard Air. I know I'll say I wouldn't go out with. the ginger, but it's Prince Heddy! I'd be a real Duchess then! I'd love a night out with him! He seems like a right laugh!
Starting point is 01:01:57 I would, again, watch the hell out of that type. I don't know, though, because it is rumored that Adele is dating skepta and talk about another tape that I would... I'd almost rather watch that tape. But that's a whole other story. And I also think would rather
Starting point is 01:02:17 throw Rihanna into the mix because Prince Harry and Rihanna work together often on their like charity organizations outside of America that's another runner ooh that's juicy and that gives me
Starting point is 01:02:31 naughty naughty feelings and I mean Adela Adele is looking great she's so much fun we know she drinks like a fish she has good times I would love to hang out with her at her bar in her house
Starting point is 01:02:44 that would be so fucking how fun would that be That would be so fun. I've never thought that I wanted to get drunk with Harry. If I had to choose any member of the royal family, of course, I would choose him. But, like, I've never been like, oh, I'd need to get drunk with Harry. But I have been like, I need to get drunk with Adele, you know. And him with Adele, like, Adel, like loosening him up and making him fun, Harry.
Starting point is 01:03:04 You know what I mean? That makes me like him much more. Like back in the day. Yeah. Remember when Prince Harry was always getting in trouble for, like, banging in hot tubs? Yeah. The wild card. For sure.
Starting point is 01:03:16 And then the masseuse comes in and you're just like, you know the code word. You know the code word. I like this accento for the masseuse that you've been used. I mean, I'm trying to give her no actual. Yes, no, no real accent. And I like, so that nobody can be like, oh, that's you being bad. Bad. Don't you be bad.
Starting point is 01:03:41 All right. So the next, this next and last one, I hope. is true. I really truly hope is true. This foreign-born A-list, mostly movie actress who is an Oscar winner slash nominee, recently held a gun to a man's head while they were having
Starting point is 01:03:58 sex, her version of role play. Wow. Think about... Angelina Jolie. No, but similar tack. Good guess. Similar tack. Badass lady action star. Shirley's their own. 100%.
Starting point is 01:04:13 And this actually is also a a great excuse for us to talk about a story that we didn't talk about last week. She recently called out Stephen Seagall and Howard Stern when I make a movie like The Old Guard at night I'll go online to watch fighters or watch people fight. And you always
Starting point is 01:04:30 come across that odd Seagal video of him quote, fighting in Japan. But he really isn't. He's just incredibly overweight and pushing people. I have no problem talking shit about him because he's not very nice to women, so fuck you. We don't want to fucking fight like men. We want
Starting point is 01:04:46 to fight like we would fight and figure out what this looks like. We want to fight smarter. We want to fight in a way that makes sense and we want to do it in a way where we're still part of emotional storytelling. I hope she holds a gun to a dude's head while she fucks it. Man, and reading so many, it's often that Charlie's Theron is talking about how she is single and she's like, and no people will talk to me. I just want to bang. I just want to go on dates and people think like, oh, I'm better than she's like, I'm not. I just. just want to go on dates. I just want to have a great sex life. I'm going to go and say I'm insanely intimidated by her so I totally of course you should be I am everyone so foxy to me and she's so
Starting point is 01:05:28 badass I'm so intimidated by her she's totally in my like top at least top five maybe top three for like celebrity women of that type crushes. Oh, I love her. Wow. I hope it's true as well but I guess that's our entire episode. I guess. How fun is that, Jackie? I like it. It's always fine. It's always fine if you just make silly noises. Eat pray love, y'all, do it at home. All three of those things at home. I love it. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week. Yes, things started getting a little bit real. Just like Like we're in the real world, except none of us have to live together. And surprisingly, none of us have ever had sex in a hot tub.
Starting point is 01:06:26 There's been a lot of fucking talking about fucking in a hot tub. We couldn't even live together if we wanted to. No, we're all very far apart. And we would give each other all of our kisses every day. Wouldn't that be fun and very sweaty? I'd like to think so. We love you guys. Thank you again.
Starting point is 01:06:47 My name is Jackie Zabrowski. And you can follow me on Instagram at Jack. that worm. You can follow me at Twitch.tv. for it slash Holdenators. Oh, I do a show with Jackie there. We have fun on Friday night, 6 p.m. ET. It's very fun.
Starting point is 01:07:03 You should be there. You should come and hang out with us. Also, I do want to say that this weekend on Sunday, at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, we are starting up our new bi-monthly stream that I'm doing with some ladies. Hell yeah. With Holden's wife, not that she's just Holden's wife,
Starting point is 01:07:19 but her name is Alexis Robbins and she's perfect and she's better than Holden. And I'm also going to be doing it with Carolina Hidalgo, which you will know from no dogs in space as well as the LPN family. And we're having a Twitch stream every other Sunday at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. More information will be in my Instagram. Patreon.tv.com forward slash page up a podcast.
Starting point is 01:07:48 Check us out for bonus. content if you want to support us further in the show, $5 for weekly content every single week. I know that was redundant, Molly. I am Molly Nethel and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. We love you. We'll talk to you next week. Bye, everybody. Bye.
Starting point is 01:08:08 This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.

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