Page 7 - Episode 361: The Brandy Man Can

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

We're all sippin on liqueurs up in here as we goss about Hamilton, Paris Hilton and Kanye West's presidential bids and the new Unsolved Mysteries. Want even more of the gab fest? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's a port on a western bay, and it serves a hundred chips a day. Lonely sailors pass the time away and talk about their homes. And there's a girl in this harbor town, and she works laying whiskey down. They say, brandy, that's another round. She serves them whiskey and wine. The Zella say Brandy You're a fine girl What a good wife you would be

Yeah, your eyes Could steal a sailor From the sea This goes out to Holden because he only drinks Brandy now He's a disgusto that is Mr. Brandy Man and I can't believe how much he loves it

And he loves the zaniness that comes with it and he bathes him. He bathes him himself and brandy every day. Holden drinks, Holden drinks many different things. He drinks wine. He drinks beer. However, the brandy man, when he appears, he drinks not beers.

He drinks your fears. And brandy. The brandy man can. The brandy man has been showing up on our jack and ease Twitch streams every week. And the brandy man is true. really terrifying. I like his intention. I like his need to destruct.

But I think that most of all, I'm impressed with the amount of brandy that you can intake without wanting to die. Indeed. Brandy is a difficult mistress. I've always said I've wanted to someday wearing some sort of like velvet robe, throw a glass of brandy into a fireplace full of flame and curse a lover of mine.

I know that's becoming more noratificance I am very happy with Lexi. Maybe she will become a turncoat on me. Oh, no. Also, I'm Holden and Molly's here too. I'm Molly and I'm, I want you to describe the taste of brandy to me because is it a liqueur or is it a liquor? I'm not sure because I've been drinking a liqueur called Irish Mist and I feel like maybe you and I are like,

are, you know, brandy siblings. Coored up. You're like cord up. Wait, Irish mist. Yeah. It sounds like the tears of lepracons. Irish mist is a drink that the adults in my family

would always drink on special occasions out of like special shot glasses that only came out for the special occasions that had very cute little shamrocks on them that my grandma had. And I was always like so intrigued by it. And I recently. asked my folks about it and they were like yeah we still do have Irish mist we drink it like on the regular and I had to had no idea and so then they got me a bottle for my birthday or something and it rules it's like

whiskey but with sugar and it's fucking fantastic oh no I'm looking up Irish miss so it's a more sugary whiskey it's quite sweet it's a liqueur oh but it's also 70 proof so it ain't no schnops. It's like, it's whiskey but sweet is basically how I feel about it, at least. But I also am a real, you know, noob when it comes to, I mean, I'm not noob. I've been drinking for a long time, but I don't know how to describe different alcohols. So I'm just like, this is nice. It does make me have a headache the next day, but it's still nice. Oh my God. I guess I could also join y'all in the core hores category if we're shortening the word liqueur. I realized that, um,

I guess I am also a part of because Henry's been making me drink limoncello. Ooh. I've been wanting to be a person who drinks lemon cello. I don't know if you do. The thing is that I'm obsessed with the limoncello LeCroix. And I had to convince Henry to like it. Even though he's a LaCroix boy, he's not always into the off flavors of them. However, the limoncello is amazing with tequila.

And so he got the idea that maybe we should start drinking real limoncello. So we got real limoncello. He gave it to me and we both drank it. And it is sweet. I think it's supposed to be mixed with something else. I don't know if you're supposed to sup upon it. Yeah, same with this Irish mist, by the way. Irish mist, I'm almost certain it's supposed to be in a cocktail with other things, for sure.

No, I don't think so. I think you just put it in a little glass. I mean, maybe, I don't know. I've only ever seen people drink it out a little glass. I don't think you're supposed to necessarily shoot it. I think you're supposed to sip it. But I got a lemoncello at my birthday. We went to dinner at a wonderful Italian restaurant near the hospital where I gave birth.

And we've been in love with it ever since. And they brought us a lemon cello's. And it was just lemon cello. It wasn't mixed with anything. But do you sup? Is it a sipper? It's a sipper. It's like a dessert.

See, man, I love port. I love a dessert alcohol. And I think that Irish Mist is meant to be enjoyed after a meal. like a dessert, like a classy. But you're just enjoying it at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. And that's also okay. And that's also okay. I will say, you asked me about the taste of brandy.

Brandy, I do feel like it's sort of in the whiskey family. And it's almost as if you poured a whiskey onto a dog and let the whiskey run down its hair and into a cup. And then you drank that is kind of, I feel like, how brandy is maybe made. Does it have the hair in it as well? Or is it just like a wet? With a strainer that removed, obviously, there's no hair in my bottle of brandy.

Obviously. If there was, though, if I could get hair wit, I would, you know, if I was at some cheese steak place that sold dog hair brand. Is it like any pulp or no pup? Yeah. Pulp or no pulp? Pop or no pup. So what's the appeal of it?

Is the appeal that it makes you into the brandy man only? The taste is not good is what you're saying. Yeah, it divines you as a word I would say. I don't know if that's a verb I could use even, but it divines you. I believe in our Twitch community, I believe it was Diarrhea City who came up with because the brandy man can, he mixes it with lumps and makes the word taste sad.

And I enjoy the song, and now I sing it whenever Holden becomes the brandy man. If you were in a standoff with the cops, you said, just fuck it, I'm just going to run towards them and get shot to death. If you were a brandy man, you would be able to take about two to three extra bullets before you drop to the ground.

Oh, okay. Yeah. It's all in the finesse. An extra layer. It almost gives you an extra layer of protection, but not as much as like math or PCD. That's how I feel about like, like, what's that, that jug wine, you know, is that Pisano? Carla Rossi. Carla Rossi, yeah.

Oh, my God. We used to sit around. Dude, we would. That is Holden's jam. Pre-brandy man, that is all Holden. I bet I wouldn't even be able to stomach it, dude. But yeah, we would just, because it was so cheap. And you get this giant jug of wine, so we would get like two or three of them and just sit around like bohemians in my apartment, like listening to jazz music, just passing this massive jug around, like slamming for the jug, just chains me.

I could talk about life. Honestly, disgusting in hindsight, but kind of romantic a little bit. Oh, what a nice memory in a COVID time to be like. I used to just pass around a communal drink and just spit into it and then pass it to my friend and then they'd spit into it. Oh, what a dream. Yeah, what a dream. I'd pay $100. to do that right now.

There you go. I mean, you know what? I'm sure I will start spitting in your drink soon enough, Molly. Don't you worry. You get any kind of booze close to these lips. And baby, oh, I start salivating. Beautiful. Upsetting?

Yes. By beautiful, I mean upsetting. Man, I feel like I'm becoming the brandy man, even though I'm just drinking a wine spritzer right now. I get easily, easily help you become the brandy man. It's a beautiful thing. You just drink brandy. And there's plenty at the liquor store. They never run out. Because I don't think a lot of people go in and go, come miss some brandy.

That's the only way you can. I need brandy. Brandy. And they're like, ew, why? So were you inebriated on brandy when you saw Hamilton for the first time, Holden? So let's get into it. I can't believe. Here we go. I was just complaining about how it's like, I thought, just like with Taylor Swift, I was like,

I thought I was supposed to like this. And then I genuinely did like it. I saw it with Lexi. You love it. We laughed. We cried. From the very beginning, for some reason, there's something about the, like, if the music does hit you right, I think from the very beginning, you just get kind of like, whoa,

like, awe, like, kind of awe inspired a little bit. Like, I was weirdly emotional from the beginning. I was like, this is not good. I will say, too, though. I'm weirdly emotional about a lot of movies these days because I'm fucking a cage, fucking animal, okay? Yes, everyone is upset. And also, I do want to say sidebar real fast.

Thank you guys so much for everyone that reached out to me. last week and throughout this week, and I apologize we're being so upset. But thank you guys so much for giving me the ability to get some of that off my chest. And then, you know, we got to, sometimes you got to push it back deep down in there. And I just want to say to everybody that reached out, you know, yeah, whatever. Don't you whatever. Don't put them in whatever jail hold in. Don't you put just because you're almost incapable of feeling unless you're the brandy man.

I want to put them all in whatever jail. No, no, no, but going back to Hamilton, it was one of those things where I'm just like, this is supposed to be amazing, right? And then I watched it and I was like, yeah, this was amazing. I cried, genuinely cried at the end. And I didn't even think I would, but I was like just called. And I think it was more just like the fucking vocals in this, the choreography. It was just so beautiful to me.

The, like the sisters or whatever, their stuff was just so beautiful to me. I mean, the whole thing, though, I did thoroughly. enjoy it. Funnily enough, my one thing is maybe I would actually could imagine a better Hamilton than Lynn Manuel Miranda. That was like the one thing where I was like he's a, he's great in it. And obviously he wrote an amazing thing. Like he, I think he did amazing work. But I could actually maybe see a better Hamilton there than him because it's like, it's just a lot for him to take. I feel like, well, he took six years to write it. So he should play whatever he wants to play in it. Okay. does do a good job.

I'm not saying like he, it was like glaringly bad, but like if I were to give a critique, I would say that's the one. But yeah, it's so funny. And then the second that I'm like, I watched it,

I loved it, it made me cry. I go on Twitter. And guys, it's really cool to think that musical sucks now. And I just, just like it was cool

to think Taylor Swift sucks. So it's just like, okay, I guess I'm bad again. I guess I'm weird. You're bad at it. I guess weirdly in this day and age, even though there's far worse things,

obviously to shit on and, you know, through social media, I'm like in the category of shitty people that like this like massively successful sold out through 2025 world touring incredible thing. And I texted with my mom about it because she loved it too. And it was a really nice way for us to communicate with each other to have a nice excuse to talk about something that brings us light in this world. But I guess I'm a fucking bastard, Jackie. and Jack. Holden's canceled.

This, honestly, I thought it would be about something much worse. I've been waiting to cancel Holden for years. Oh my God. And I did not think it would be about Hamilton. This is it. We finally can't handle him anymore. We thought it was going to be the government-regulated lie detector test that I was going to have to take in 2022.

But no, it actually ended up being my love of him. Ooh, what kind of questions do they ask for the lie detector test, though? I did. You don't even know. It's going to be given to us by a. fucking cyborg, dude. It's gonna be awful. Oh no, man.

It's gonna be a robot just being like, who are you attracted besides your boyfriend? That'll be like one of them. That'll be one of them. Anyone that moves. I haven't seen Hamilton on Disney Plus yet.

And I think that there's two main things I want to say. One is that if you like Hamilton, it's totally fine. No one's gonna cancel you. And of course, I love. I love everybody who loves musical theater. and I support anybody who is moved by musical theater,

I think it's great. I also think there is a kind of person who rises to the top in terms of the loudest type of person who likes Hamilton, who kind of makes it their identity, especially what it was like, you could only get tickets for $500 or whatever. Those people, I think, might be where the ire should be directed at.

And I guess the third thing is that the critique of Hamilton that I do think is interesting and not at all worth getting into on the show is that like perhaps it is like a complicated thing to paint, to tell a story about the founders of this country as heroes, even though this is a kind of reimagining of it. And I think that that actually is like a really interesting question. Like should, do these people deserve this type of reimagining or this type of retelling?

And I think arguably they don't. And I think that's the good critique of it. Especially with like all black cast and all this kind of stuff. I totally get that. Right. The reimagining is obviously trying to do something interesting about the fact that all those people were slave owners, right? But I think that when it comes down to it, they were almost all slave owners. And that's, I think, the main critique.

But, yeah, I mean, musicals are great. And, you know, Lynn Manuel Miranda's, you know, knows how to charm the pants off of people. And I think it's fine. And I've uncanceled you. Thank you. And she's holding a wand right now, by the way. She's holding her uncanceled wand. And it's lighting up.

It's lighting up. It's lighting up. It's like, yeah, the wand is a white claw. It's lighting up. It's incredible. I'm almost feeling like, I'm just holding a wand. I actually just think that's a bottle of Irish mist. I think that he's missing.

Oh, I got it. It glows. Disturbing. Disgusting. But anyways, Jackie, yeah, by the way, I'm talking to two people who don't like Hamilton who've never seen Hamilton.

So maybe we'll check back in when you've actually sat down and watched the musical maybe. Ouch. Throwed under the bus. We are. Throwing under the bus we are. Can I still quote Yoda?

I think that that's something that he said in one of the newer ones. and yes, I haven't seen it. I've seen parts of it, and I was feeling very upset on the 4th of July because, you know, of just my, of, I was betwixt. I love the 4th of July. This year I didn't, I think a lot of people understand why.

I really just wanted to eat hot dogs in silence, and it was on in my house, and I was getting frustrated just that the idea of everything, you know, when you're just being a pissy, patty. I was being a pissy paddy on the 4th of July. I wanted to eat my hot dog in the dark. And I didn't. I did eat my hot dog in the light.

I wish you had. But Henry overcooked them and all of the moisture came out of them. And I had to dip my dehydrated dogs into mayonnaise because I couldn't put them into the bun because there wasn't enough meat to bun ratio. Fuck you, Jackie. But that's a whole other stuff. Wait. Last week on Jackanese in the chat, you asked me, did I give Freddie ketchup with her hot dog like it was something I shouldn't do? And you put mayo on a hot dog?

I love mayo on the hot dog. I like mayo and I mix mayo and mustard. I've got my mayo stirred. And I put my mayo stirred on the hot dog, yes. But also, I do want to congratulate your child because we haven't brought this up yet, who has eaten their first hot dog. Yeah, she's finally a hot dog kid. my kid is if you want to know

what being a parent is like right now just imagine somebody who will absolutely not reliably eat any one thing more than once but maybe mangoes maybe it's only mangoes and then you buy all the mangoes and it's like

absolutely not you know and so never a mango it's really an adventure and so and I was like I was like I'm at a I'm coming I got to feed this kid you know five times a day. I'm coming up empty.

And so I've tried to resort to like real kid staples, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, mac and cheese. Sometimes they're wins. Sometimes they're not. But when she ate now. Then you get some afterwards. Yeah. And so she has now, hot dogs seem

to be on the, on the temporarily approved list and it's very exciting. And I felt, you know, I don't feel anything but negative feelings about the Fourth of July. Other than I loved hanging out outside and drinking and party and outside and all that. But obviously the origins of the holiday don't mean anything to me,

but a hot dog party, yes. And so I was very happy that I could serve the kid a hot dog on the 4th of July and at least feel like I was channeling the summer 2020 that I can't make exist, but that I am dreaming of. She was wearing a swimsuit, even though we don't have a pool. That's great. She was in the hot dog.

It's fine. Spray her with the sink water, and then it's like she's at the beach. She also doesn't know. And the fire hydrant. So that was a big win. The New York City Firehydrant summer is a summer that I, you know, that's like the main reason to have kids here.

So I was excited to bring her into the fire hydrant. Very nice. And that's pretty awesome. But I will say maybe it's possible in the future that Zelda will eat more because Henry was the pickiest baby alive to the point that my mom, like my mom would have to like take hot dogs and rip the, you know, you have to take like the skin off. She'd rip the skin off it while it was still hot. But also every noodle had to be individually like.

like separate on a plate and that's all he would eat. You only eat buttered noodles and skinned hot dogs. That was all he would eat. And if he was in the mood for it. And I ate everything under the sun because I think it was, you know, in a way of like, I'm better than he is that started young. And that's where you really got to, you got to push that. Like, don't you want to be better than them?

Yeah, Zelda already will eat whatever. And with Freddie, it's like I can't hold it against her because I was an extremely picky eater. So it's like, I get it. You know, I'm a texture person. I didn't like mashed potatoes until I was like 22 years old. Whoa. Do you like the chunks though now? Are you a chunky girl?

Now I'll eat anything. Whenever there's those Facebook memes, I mean, I was a vegetarian for a long time, but like when there's those Facebook memes of like, how picky eater are you? What's your score? One point for everything you won't eat. There's like almost, I don't think that there's anything. I mean, sometimes when I watch Chopped and they have to eat like, Rocky Mountain oysters, like balls and stuff.

I don't want to eat balls or brains. That's balls. That's what that is. I don't really want to eat any experimental meats. Like I still only eat meat here and there, and it's only very straightforward meats. But if you take experimental meats off the table, I'll eat anything now. But it, you know, it took me a while. So I do not have any animus for a picky eater other than the brain space that it takes to figure out how to feed them.

It's like a full time. My brain, I can't, the reason I don't know anything about pop culture is because I'm always just like, maybe a pair. I'm just thinking about it all the time. I mean, I do the same thing, but with myself. I'm like, what am I in the mood for? Which is actually a lot more fun than trying to feed children. Just like what's also a lot of fun is making America hot again, which y'all, guys, we live in the perfect year 2020. this our year of saviorship because I am here to tell y'all that Paris Hilton is running for the president of the United States.

I think that it's a lie. I believe that all of this is a joke. I think that it is a jest unlike Kanye's presidential campaign. I think that this is in jest because what she is saying, got to watch his interview on her social media. Someone asked her, just like, look, what are you going to do about the White House? She goes, I'm going to pin it pink. Oh, it's going to be called the Pink House now. I love those sorts of changes.

I would like to understand a little bit more of what her physical policy is, as well as some foreign stuff. I want to see if she does know any other languages, what delegates she's been in contact with, you know, the standard things that one would need to know. One would think if a reality star were to become the president. Now, of course. I don't understand, but she wants to take the Oval Office and turn it into a heart-shaped office. We obviously live in a world where only reality stars can become president. And if I was going to choose one, I think that Paris Hilton is like rising to the top. I'm trying to think of other reality stars that would even be in my top three.

You know what? I kind of like the nuttiness of a Kirstie Alley. Like if we're going to go for it, you know, I want like fresh hell. Kirstie Alley, Kirstie Ellie. Cursty Alley? I think it's Curstee Alley. Whatever with her. But keep going. What are you against it? I want babies to talk inside of their brains. And I want fat actress to be the head of our country.

I don't actually want Paris Hilton to do it, but I do think that this is just in jest, as opposed to, again, Kanye West, who is apparently for real, you got to read this Forbes. I know. If you want to. read the Forbes interview that he did about his presidential platform. What I'm here to remind y'all is that don't vote for him because you think it's funny, because his platform is very dangerous and very upsetting. And remember last time, don't vote for anybody because you think it's funny. And I just, we got to remember that.

There's a lot of cryptic God talk that is very frightening. if you do actually get into the nitty gritty of this whole thing, a lot of anti-vaccine talk, which is always... No, vaccines are the mark of the beast, which is what she said. Saying the phrase the mark of the beast in a... Mark of the beast. In an earnest way during an interview about your political platform is just an immediate red hat.

I'm sorry, red flag. So just don't do that. Don't do that. And also, if you agree with him, that is fine. I guess it's just this is all, his platform is horrifying. Although I will say he does want to run under

a new party called the birthday party because he says when we win, it's everybody's birthday. That's hilarious. That's a problem. That's how he could win. That's how we can win. The thing about Kanye is you try to quit him 100%

and then he'll say one thing where you're like, okay, that's nice. Yeah. But yeah, no, he's, I, if you had told me in 2012, that I would be voting for either Paris Hilton or Kanye West. I absolutely would have said Kanye West 100%. And the fact that in 2020, I'm voting for Paris Hilton instead of Kanye West

is very hard for me to deal with. But a lot of unexpected things have happened. So I'm just running with it. Yeah. Well, I mean, he does say that just like with vaccines, Kanye says they want to put chips inside of us. They want to do all kinds of things to make it where we can't cross the gates of heaven. And if that, there's one thing I think about.

I think of vaccines and getting into the gates of heaven. Those, I got it. I got a, that's all I ever, a two-pronged brain just like a cat stick. That's what I think about. And he also, if you just please, again, look up about his platform. If you're even considering this, he wants to make Elon Musk the head of space. That's fine, I guess. He's just going to give it to him because they have a bromance.

he also does it he believes that he's firmly against planned parenthood as well as he's pro-life as well which um is very scary right now and uh i i just i'm i'm fumbling my words because all i can't even believe i'm saying these things but in reading it i can just see that like four years ago people like uh-huh don't trump no way he's going to win that's dumb Kanye can't even be anywhere close to this guys I don't think he's actually filed the paperwork but I do think that he would get a bunch of people to write him in if he wasn't on the ballot.

Yes, yes. So it is worth saying don't vote for Kanye even if this is actually just Kanye making everything about Kanye as Kanye does. Yes. And I do appreciate that you're like oh, are you just doing this to promote your next album? And he's like, no, no, no, give him my way. My album is free.

Why would I do this to promote my next album? He is, I will say he's right. He doesn't need to do this to promote his next album. Everybody is aware of what Kanye does. And also when he claims he's going to be releasing albums, everyone follows him to the tea. Yeah, every new, yeah, right. If there's one person who does not need to promote a new album that is Kanye.

Totally, yeah, that's not, I don't think that's why any of this is happening. I think this is happening for far more devious. purposes for sure. Yeah, I think he truly does have some, some bad brain going on. And did you, did you already mention that he's missed out already on nine states, three of the biggest states to be on the ballot for he's already missed out on? So I just, I don't know anything. So Molly, you know way more. I don't know anything about campaigns.

Can he actually run for president at this point? I don't know The latest story that I saw That was that he actually hasn't any Hasn't filed any paperwork No he has like a month He has like a month To actually make this happen

And I mean I think that Not for nothing I think that there are a lot of young alienated people Who don't like You know who feel like the two party system sucks And maybe those people would be like Yeah whatever I'll write a Kanye

And which I actually think is like You know Worth considering A thousand percent. Yeah, like that's not great. And it is a reflection of, I think, you know, it's not great. The entire, I'm not, I'm feeling a lot of not great feelings about the entire situation. And I think that Kanye swinging in on a chandelier is not going to help anything.

You know, because, again, there's a lot of people who are going to be like, what if it's a, what if it's a chandelie? On the chandelie. It's as, or not, Cizia as the VP. Would that change? I'm ready for it. Although I will say that Paris Hilton, when asked who her running mate would be, she said, Rihanna, because she's so fucking fierce. That's great. Sure.

It's fun. I would absolutely, honestly, be, like, thrilled to vote for Paris Hilton and Rihanna at this point. Mm-hmm. But you know who I would follow all the way to the president in the United States? It is Bill Pullman. Because, so the other day we were talking about the movie while you were sleeping. I loved while you were sleeping. while you were sleeping, I believe it came out in maybe like 93 or 94.

Sandra Bullock falls in love with this man who's in a coma because she helps him because she works at a subway station and helps him and pretends to be his girlfriend. But then falls in love with his brother while he's in the coma who's Bill Pullman. That aside, I'm in love with Bill Pullman. And I think that he played a great, watching Holden's face, try and follow Mike. train of thought is delightful. Holden, what do you think about Bill Pullman? You know, I think he's a dude that's definitely been around the block. I think he has, um, have his fair share of,

Are you slut shaming Bill Pullman? Bill Pullman? Yeah, he had his fair share of Strange. You know, I think he's definitely intercontinental with his strange. And so I support him as America's dad and America's president. Wow. And he is, I mean, if you watch it, I'd say he's a great president. So if we're going to start throwing names into the ring, I think it's Bill Pullman, because somehow he has gotten even hotter than he was in the 90s.

Did you watch the PSA? He put out the very silly PSA as the President of the United States telling everyone to wear their masks. And he looks so good. That you know what? I'll put a mask on right now. I'm inside of my own house and I'll wear the mask. I'm surprised because I've never thought that Bill Pullman was never my type of daddy. But I do think that he has gotten better with age.

I will agree with that. You looking at the picture of that bearded daddy-de-daddy-daddy-daddy president. I mean, it's between him and I'm not usually a Michael Douglas person, but I went, and I am the president. Remember from the American president with him in Annette Benning? I am going, I'm having a bit of an Annette Benning moment right now, because we've been researching Mars attacks. And I kind of want to talk about getting some strange.

I think I would actually be interested in intercourse with her. Yeah, any day. Annette Benning is gorgeous. Watch the American president. I'm sure it doesn't hold up. But it's your dry business. I did think it was funny. My roommate finally did ask me.

She was like, you know, you reference Mr. Holland's opus often. Do you love Mr. Holland's opus? I was like, I think of it. I have a love-hate relationship with Mr. Holland's Opus. I think about it. I mean, even Holden, I still say it means asshole to each other. At least

once a week. It's one of those movies I saw growing up. A, I think I saw it at least twice in the movie theater just because I was a bored kid with nothing else to do and just wanted to get out of the house. And then it would just like watch it when it was on on HBO. And it was one of those things where I'm like,

I don't even think I like this movie. But I've seen it. it more now than a lot of movies I like. So it's like stop. It's that type of movie. It's like stop. It's in that genre. Yeah, it's that genre.

It's always on. It's always on. I'm going to put both my two movies like that are both stepmom and Jack. It's like it's on. Both so sad. Jack is a great choice. Jack is a great choice for that. I'll watch it if it's on.

I don't know why, but I will. And Mr. Holland's opus is in the same category. Yeah. So upsetting though. And stepmom is still one of those two that gets me. And every time that I put it on, I usually try and shut it off before it gets too sad. But the entire movie she's dying. So sorry, spoiler alert.

Yeah, stepmom's real sad. Fucking spoiler alert. Another one I'll throw in that category, actually, even though I bet people would disagree with me. Who's afraid of Gilbert grape? Oh, yeah. It's totally in that category. I've seen it 10 times. It always puts me in kind of a bad mood.

And I'm just like, what's eating Gilbert Grape? What's eating Gilbert Grape? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just like, why do I keep putting myself through this movie? It puts me in a shagree. But I am afraid of Gilbert Grape as well. I'm afraid of his power and of his charm. Yeah, same with the, same with the powder.

Another one that's like that. Too many. It just puts me in a terrible mood. And yet I'm just watching every time it's on HBO and I don't know why. There's something about being a kid when you're like 12. you like want to watch a movie about something bad happening. This was, I found this when I was teaching and the movie, oh, what's that freaking movie with a kid who wears a helmet,

came out a few years ago. He wears a helmet because he's got like a face, like, you know, a disability. Richard Helmut. It's the kid from, it's Richard Helm. It's the kid from room. It's called Dick Mitz on the side. The movie Wonder, right? Are you talking about Wonder?

Yes, yes, yes. And all of my like, all of my like, all of my like fourth and fifth graders were like so into wonder and it totally reminded me of like my relationship with like jack and stepmom which was being like 10 or 12 and being like I want to watch a movie about like what if something was like dramatic like it's it's you know it's like it's like it's like it's like a family drama and it really like the like vertigo of being a kid and being like what if I want to like explore the feelings that come with thinking about something that is unfamiliar and scary to me, you know, and I guess that that's what art

is supposed to do, but that's totally what is me and stepmom. Like, this is terrifying and I need to, I need to fall down with it, you know. I feel that way about the, I know that I've talked about this on here before, but I've been wanting to rewatch it lately, and it's Benny and June. That's another one of those hands down that was so upsetting that I used to be so into, talk about another one of those Johnny Depp movies, because I was so in love. with both Mary Stewart Madison and Johnny Deppant. And then as I got older, I was like, this is, wait a second. Oh, this is not, I don't know if they should be having sex.

But that sex scene I thought was so beautiful. And I was like, that was around the time that I think I was starting to download a lot of very slow porn images online. And so I just loved the beauty of the sex scene. And I believe the song was have a little faith in me. me, right? The, when the road or is it night moves? It's either night moves or have a little

faith in me. I think it's When the road gets dark and you can no longer see Remember that? Yeah, I remember. You're lying. You're lying. But also Aiden Quinn, hachi, maji.

If we're talking about the 90s and we're talking about watching things to purposefully get upset, We have to talk about unsolved mysteries. I'm a broken record. I watch Unsolved Mysteries to get scared in my house alone in the morning. It was on at 10 in the morning on Lifetime, and I'd have to close all the windows,

and I didn't care how light out it was outside. I would be absolutely terrified for the entire rest of the day, and that's the feeling you're supposed to have when you watch Unolved Mysteries. And if you're not scared to be alone, then you're not really watching Unsolved Mysteries. I think, and I know this is, Holden even said he was going to be our referee here.

I've watched the new Unsolved Mysteries. Okay. All right. So we're getting into it. Are we beginning the debate? Is that what we're saying right now? And I have watched it. I have watched only one episode,

but I did watch the first episode. And I enjoyed it. So just putting that out there at the beginning. Let's do a point, counterpoint. I think I put my, oh, I have my phone right here. I put it off to the side so it wouldn't distract me. but I will bring it back into the equation. Who wants to go first?

Let's just say since Jackie's being a negative Nancy. I'm not being the negative Nancy. I think I might be being the negative Nancy. You're me the negative Nancy. I'm the busy. Okay, Jackie's not the negative Nancy. Jackie hates Hamilton. She's the pro-Polly.

Unsolved mysteries. So we will let her, we will let you go first, Molly, so that she can get her rebuttal. and you have, I'm going to give you, actually, I'll give you 45 seconds, and your time starts right now. Unsolved Mysteries is supposed to be an amalgamation of four to five, uh, poorly told mysteries. Three of them have to be actual murder mysteries. Two of them have to be supernatural or ghost stories. Uh, and they have to be reenacted by the actual victims of the crimes. It has to be hosted by Robert Stack. and it just has to be just a kind of,

you don't need a deep dive. It's the most shallow of dives, just enough to make you terrified. All right. Time. I get it. All right, Jackie, I am penalizing you for not liking Hamilton.

You get 40 seconds. Oh, that is not fair. But fine. I will be dealt the hand I am given. And go. See, the thing is that sometimes we need the deep dive so that we can learn more about the case. I was invested.

By the end of the first episode, I want to know what happened to Ray Rivera. Where did he go? All of the signs point to the fact that he didn't commit suicide. What happened? And it opens your eyes to the fact that this shit can happen anytime. You can just go missing and people are like, oh no, no, this happened. And it's like, no, no, no.

There's no way that happened. and watching the fight to me is so interesting in the human experience that I've never... Molly wins! No, I'm just kidding... I don't think that is true.

I don't think that's true. In the spirit of debate, I actually agree with... It's the anti-spirit of debate. I agree with everything you said. It was a great episode. That is the anti-perity of debate. It's a...

It was a... I enjoyed watching it. It just was not unsolved mysteries. It was... I understand. a different show. Yeah, that was like a... Yeah, so I was going to ask.

What are the key differences here in terms of the original and this remake? Even if you are going to go deep, you know, deep dive or not is actually kind of irrelevant because, as you guys know, my favorite episode of Vancell Mysteries is the deep dive on the case of the prisoners who tried to escape from Alcatraz. And so a deep dive is fine. So I take that part back. I think that what the difference is is that there's no narration. Obviously, Robert's Jack, we're not going to have the reanimated corpse of Robert's

tag narrating it. So that, that's a dream I have to let die. But there's no, I guess if I had to pick one thing, it really is that you have to have just an absolutely baffling non-mystery thrown in there. Like, you have to have like somebody who just like, yes, right, somebody who just like, you know, wants, is a hundred years old and wants to find the, you know, five-year-old sister who went on the orphan train to the Midwest. And then they find. find each other. It's like you need, you know, or just the story about doors closing in a haunted house. Like it needs to be a little bit supernatural.

Uh-huh. Yes. And it just needs to- This is true crime. This is all true crime stuff. This is just, this just could have been any, literally any other well-done good true crime show. It was just like, here's a really intense and interesting mystery. Right.

Which is totally fine. And it is unsolved in the sense that they don't exactly know what happened. It seems they will have more super-nostic. stuff though in the future is what it seems. But I completely understand what you're saying, Molly. You are completely right. It takes the schlock out of unsolved mysteries and puts a polish on it that just makes it an upsetting show to watch, which I love to be upset.

And I would add that the schlach is not purposeful schlach. And that's why you can't recreate a show that was 100% earnest, yet 100% ridiculous. Like this is just this is just. a well-done show. And on South Mysteries was just a fundamentally, I think, not a well-done show. And I think that that's really like the disconnect. The fun of it. It's, it, it, it weirdly makes real, true crime like campy somehow. Like with corny reenactments and stuff, that would have been what if they purposely did corny reenactments and stuff. I will say, yes, yes, yes. One cool thing, though, and I know that you sent this to us, Jackie, is that they are actually taking tips and they've already received some

useful tips to send to the FBI. And at least they're still doing that. I think if they didn't do that, I would have zero respect for this whole situation. But at least they're staying true to that part of it, which did make the show come alive, I think, in a big way. Just like America's Most Wanted, you know, it was like the thrill of like, I could actually solve a fucking murder watching this. Perhaps it's you. Which is that is the fun side of it, that you can still be an active participant in it. and also to follow these cases now

in a way that we couldn't do when Unsolved Mysteries was on the air that like I never looked up any of the thing it's like how do you look it up back then pre-internet? That was always the scary thing that you'd be like working at a hotel or something and you're watching America's Most Wanted

and the dude who just walked in and got a room like is the dude. He's the guy. Yeah and that's what makes Unsolved Mystery so spooky you know because it's like and then all of the updates because everything story on Useld Mysteries is now updated because they have been around for so long.

All the updates are like 12 minutes after our broadcast aired, somebody called and we, and it's like, it is, and for some reason, I feel like there's like America's Most Wanted, there is something about the like manhunt style of America's Most Wanted

that always made me like pretty uncomfortable. But Unsolved Mysteries, sometimes it was Manhunt, but again, sometimes it was like, you know, have you seen this nice boy who has a, who wants to meet his school teacher from the year 1928. Yeah.

And it was like, we need more levity. Yeah, exactly. Some of that. We need some levity and some spookiness. Yeah. That's not just straight up murder. Yeah. And it is spooky.

I'll tell you what is also spooky. What is it holding? The possible fact that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck never wrote Goodwill Hunting? Oh. Oh my God. is the intention that they found the script? Well, I do love the play Matt and Bin, and Lexi actually performed this play

at the People's Improft Theater before all that stopped. And the play is literally about the script just falling from the sky onto their lap. And for good reason that this play was written because one of the pieces of evidence is like, they never wrote anything like this again. Like ever again, nor did they even like. collaborate in this way again, which is kind of baffling.

Can I do a confession alert? I've never seen Goodwill hunting. Whoa. Is it the kind of thing that at this point in my life, do I need to see it? Yeah, I would watch it. I loved Goodwill hunting. I think I still love Goodwill hunting. I saw it fairly recently for some reason and I still liked it.

Yeah. And I did not think, I was like, this is going to be a movie that meant so much to me when I was 12 and is not going to hold up. And I don't think it meant as much to me as it did when I was 12. But I was like, yeah, this is well done. And in fact, it is so well done that it's kind of baffling that it is a Matt Damon and Ben Affleck project. And their first ever thing.

And it's just a really tight script, too. Like, if you just look at it from a script writing perspective, it is a very airtight script. And also, Jackie, if nothing else, it is one of Robin Williams's best performances in a film. See, this is why I always confused it. which is an abomination, I think. I always confuse it with a movie with honors, which has Joe Pesci and Brendan Fraser and Patrick Dempsey.

I can't believe you're bringing that movie up because I was literally, before we changed the subject, I was about to bring up with honors as another one of those movies that you would want. And we like, why have I seen this movie so many times? So many times. I've seen so many times. For no reason. I've seen so many times.

It's not very good. It's kind of boring. It's got a very predictable outcome. There's nothing really in it that is inspiring or like, good. It is the anti-goodwill hunting. And yet I've seen it probably more times the Goodwill Hunting. That is so upsetting. So anyways.

So here we go. Part one, the script and the Oscar. During his final year of college at Harvard, Matt Damon wrote 40 pages of a screenplay in a playwriting class after being tasked to write a one-act play that took, then took the script to his childhood friend Bid Affleck, and together they finished it, and this would eventually win them in Oscar,

and the rest is history. Or is it? This is a man named Bernard Cohen's side of the story. Bernard Cohen graduated from MIT in 1962, and has been a lifelong NYC resident and a man who wears many hats, artist, writer, waiter, bartender, chauffeur, and movie extra.

All this is to say, failed actor. Whoa. One day, while hanging out at a... He wears many hats, Holden. Okay? Failed back. We all wear many hats. That equation equals failed actors.

One day while hanging out at a Columbus bakery, Cohen claims he met aspiring producer Chris Moore and told him about a movie in which a janitor is also this math genius, an idea he got from a gifted frat brother who went to MIT starting at the age of 16. Cohen said, I thought Moore was someone else and started talking to him. him. I asked, do you know someone younger who could help me finish it?

He also said, I didn't have anything in writing. It was all verbal. I didn't even ask for a part, but I said, when it wins best original screenplay, I want to thank you, and I want you to finance my next film. None of this happened,

did it? The evidence against. What we already said, the fact that Damon and Affleck were first time screenplay writers, just kids really at the time and they win an Oscar for the first thing they do, this puzzles many. The fact that either Damon or Affleck did not write much of anything else over the next 20 plus years after they won the statue led more folks to be skeptical. I would be as well.

Yeah. Cohen maintains that he contacted more after the Oscar win, but that quote, more acted like he didn't know anything and told me not to call him again. I was double-crossed. You can't do it the way I did it, obviously. I figured it was such a ball of fire. It didn't matter what I gave away. Or I figured I was such a ball of fire. He thought he was hot shit at the time. So he was like, whatever, it's fine.

And now he regrets it because he's a waiter. Uh, that's what you get, you liar and you fraud. Damon's silence, the final chapter. Uh-oh. When the New York Post reached out to Matt Damon about the controversy, a spokesman told them, Matt is unavailable. He is currently out of the country on an extended holiday with his family.

Interesting. Very interesting. I agree with you, Holden. Thank you. You don't even have to ask the question. I think they wrote it. I think they wrote it. But you can disagree with me if you want.

Why don't you, why do you think they wrote it? All right, I'll at least say this. This guy having this basic ass idea and telling someone about it in a diner means nothing. It's the part where you sit down and you write an entire screenplay that's really good. That is the hard part. I think a lot of people who fancy themselves a writer thinks that their precious idea will be stolen a pounced from them by accidentally talking about it with other people.

But it's like that's not the part that's hard. The part that's hard is when you sit down with your great idea and actually make a script out of it. That's why I even... Do you know how many times I've brought up the idea of the MIS? doing an all-black version of La Miz, call it the Mids, we'll set it in Haiti. Great idea.

During the French takeover, this is the best idea that exists. And yet still, no one is taking it and phone with it. And if you have, please let me know because I want to come see it and I'd like to be able to at least be the stage miniature of it. See, this is where, I know it's a great idea. But this is where you gotta stop being a hater, because this is exactly where Lynn Manuel Miranda comes in. That's the part where you're fucking up right now.

Because he writes it. Because he writes it. You sit down you collaborating with him. You make him do all the rip-wrap stuff. You just kind of... I'll get him on the phone. Yeah. I'll get him on the phone.

Exactly. You bring the breasts. He'll bring the rest. The best. Yeah. The rest. Yeah. I'm always bringing the breast.

I do think that there is zero evidence that Ben Affleck or Matt Damon can write other than this one movie. And so I do think I'm in the I want to believe camp here because they're, Matt Damon is a good actor. He probably has some depth to him. I don't think that Ben Affleck is as deep as a, you know, a shallow pool. Yeah, but don't you remember the peacock tattoo, Molly? I don't know if you can write something that good and then not show any interest in writing anything for the next time.

I'm going to go ahead and throw a couple out there in terms of at least Ben Affle. he has screenplay Reddit for the town, which he also directed, which I did actually think was very good. Also, Gone Baby Gone, he has the screenplay credit for and that was also pretty good.

Let me look at Damon. And that Damon's got to have a bunch of screenwriting credits, right? Maybe. I don't know if he does. That's the weirdest part because he was the one who was like the flagship of Goodwill Hunt.

Maybe I'm about to eat my hat and he's actually written a bunch of shit. Oh, this is hilarious. They both have screenplay writing. credit for a movie called The Last Dole, which is currently filming. But other than that, and he wrote Promised Land, but I don't know, I never saw that one. It's not hard to imagine writing a successful movie with somebody and then not ever working with them again.

That's quite easy to understand. Oh, well, all right, I'll watch Goodwill Hunting and I will come back and I'll give you guys. I'm not going to watch Goodwill Hunting, but I might. Watch it. I might look it up. I would love to talk about Goodwill Hunting with you next week, but also unrelated and I don't even, maybe I shouldn't even put this out there because we all got a lot going on.

But we have to, if we continue our Gilles-style movie watching club, which I want to, multiple people have now contacted me to say that the next movie has to be chasing Amy because it's another Ben Affleck movie where he's trying to date a lesbian. And I think that we just have to only watch movies where Ben Affleck is trying to date a lesbian from now on. I will say the main character is Holden McNeil.

I was a big Kevin Smith fan. Yes. I was a big Kevin Smith fan too growing up. I also have a similar story to Chasing Amy. One might argue as well. And so that's also weird. And people call that out a lot. And, but I will say chasing Amy does not hold up.

I haven't seen it since high school. I've seen it not too, too long ago. It doesn't super hold up. I still love mall rats. Like I have a special place of my heart for mall rats. It's ridiculous and probably problematic, but I do just absolutely kind of love it. But they definitely wrote that movie, so we can give them the accolades for that, or we're in the movie, and made the movie.

But now it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Also, also, breaking news right here live on page 7, Kate Hub. Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are said to be reuniting for a remake of Death Becomes Her with Robert Downey Jr. as the earnest role of Ernest Melville, Minville, and most importantly, Lady Gaga to play the mysterious and wealthy socialite, Lizely von Ruman. I need to wrap my brain around that.

All right, so Lady Gaga is going to be the Isabella Rosalini character. Okay. And... And Hudson and Anne Hathaway. And Hatt... That's my problem. That's my problem with it. That's where my problem lies.

Are you a Hathaway Hater? I know what? I'm not a Hathaway Hater. Hated Ann Hathaway. Death becomes her is four character actors. That is not a movie. And I enjoy, you know what? And Hathaway also did a great job.

Lamey Miss. She's good at what she does. But that's what, I think that there are just so many other opportunities to give that amazing fucking role to someone else, which is, again, why I keep. talking about how much I love Perry Mason, because Perry Mason, the show on HBO, has been plugged in with awesome character actors. And that is the only part that kind of drives me crazy. And that is just my go-to feeling about that. Anybody else? Right? I love Death Becomes Her. It's one of my favorite movies. And I guess Robert Downey Jr.

will do well, but also, have you rewatch Death Becomes Her lately? Death Book comes... I need to rewatch it. Is so good. Bruce Willis is so good in it. Everyone is so good in it. I like the campiness of it. Oh, they're going to destroy it.

Oh, they're going to destroy it. I'm trying to figure out who's directing it, but I can't find it quick enough so we can move on to the list. Why are they remaking it? Why are they remit? All right, that is just, that's sorry. We'll get back, I got to get back to the list.

I'm sorry. last week's list. Now I'm mad. Now I'm angry about it. Now I'm upset. They can't take away the past, Jackie. Whatever they do, they cannot take away the past, okay? You'll always have the original. We're always going to have the original. And we can't also take away the past of the possibility that Chris Farley could have been Shrek. But again, please listen to the Wizard and the Brewser episode on Shrek to hear more about that. Because today we are talking about the Times Actors completely rewrote their characters, and yes, we would be remiss if Michael Myers was not on this list. Because again, if you want to hear some more dirt on Mike Myers, please head over to the Wainsworld episode of pop history as well.

But Mike Myers completely changed what he was doing for Shrek because originally Chris Farley was supposed to have it. You tell the story, Holden. You know it better than I do. Well, Chris Farley, of course, passed away in an untimely manner. he had actually done there you can go on YouTube and listen to his take on the character because he'd done a bunch of work on it I think like a lot of work on it I think even maybe three quarters of the film were finished or something like that and then he was replaced by my by Mike Myers those poor sound engineers because then after that he got through like did he get through all of it or through most of it and was like actually I should do a Scottish accent which

honestly I mean I do think is probably better at the end of the day really makes the character defines him, but yeah, they definitely had to re-record it again, all of his dialogue. So much. Don't get. Yeah, I'm a bit of a Shrekhead over here, even though, yes, I have just seen the first one for the first time, and it was delightful. But something I have oddly seen too many times that is on this list is the Pelican Brief. Talk about mid-90s. It's another one of those. Definitely in that category, yep. Yeah, I would say, This doesn't put me in as bad of a mood as the other movies we talked about, though, but it is a movie. I'm like, why have I seen this so many times?

Other than I grew up in a very John Grisham household. My dad's a lawyer and an epic book reader. Love John Grisham. But I even might, one of my first books I ever read was the client. Like first, like, adult books. Like first, like, big, big boy books. That was one of the first movies I remember seeing and being, like, really, like, titillated. Into it, it's like a long came a spider.

All those weird movies from the 90s. I'm dropping good names today, guys. And apparently, Julie Roberts used to get a lot of shit because there was no romance betwixt the two in 1993's The Pelican Brief. Though Denzel Washington and Julie Roberts were originally meant to share love scenes, Roberts later revealed that they were cut at Denzel Washington's insistence. She says, I've taken so much shit over the years about not kissing Denzel in that film.

Don't I have a pulse? Of course I wanted to kiss Denzel. It was his idea to take the damn scenes out. Denzel Washington later revealed that he refused an on-screen romance with Roberts due to his concerns about offending his audience with an interracial relationship. This is in 1993. Unfortunately, that that isn't even that long ago that he had to worry about this. He says, black women are not often seen as objects of desire on film.

They've always been my core audience. Denzel Washington explained. So that really makes it such an awesome hero move of him just being like, no, we're not doing this. Yeah. And just even, it's crazy though. Ninety-three was not that long ago in my brain. Wow. You know?

That's actually a good, that's the most interesting thing I've heard about the Pelican brief, to be honest. I know. This is also, spoiler alert for the very, for the very important movie, Rampage with Dwayne of the The Rock Johnson. I have seen. This is another movie I've seen a couple of times. I saw it in the, I believe I saw it in the theater incredibly high. And it was right on the money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's exactly what you want to. Exactly what I paid for. Happy to give them money again if they want it. And apparently when Dwayne the Rock Johnson first read the script, he said, so the script comes in and I'm reading it. And at the end of it, George dies. I'm like, no. Did I miss something?

He continued. I don't like a sad ending. Life brings that shit. I don't want it in my movies. When the credits roll, I want to feel great. So, after sitting through a meeting in which the filmmakers tried to justify George's demise, Johnson finally put his foot down. Either George lived or the rock would walk.

Thankfully, the writer's acquiesced Johnson's request. An audience was spared a teary ending. Such a silly, that what a fun thing to throw your weight around about. I love this story. I think it's delightful. I love the ways that people can actually put their foot down and have it mean something. Or, you know, in the case of Crispin Glover, he insisted on cutting his character's dialogue in Charlie's Angels. Throw it out there, I forgot that Crispin Glover was in Charlie's Angels.

Anybody else? Yep, yeah, I didn't. Man, have I even actually watched that movie? I remember the music videos and stuff, but. Did you know that Harrison Ford insisted on the end of his Star Wars character? You love Star Wars, you're nerd. Oh my God, it's my favorite thing ever. You know what's funny is I have not seen the final film to end the new trilogy.

I was just laughing about this the other day. It's free. It's on Disney Plus. I've seen every other one like in the theater. Like, you know, you know what I mean? There's just something about it. Like everybody was like really disappointed by it. And I'm just, I think I just have so much fatigue for that franchise.

I'm just so worn out. I saw solo in the theater. I mean, you've heard me try to trek through them, and I was like, I'd rather keep watching Indiana Jones if I have to pick one. And I did, and I pick Indiana Jones. I love the original trilogy, and I have enjoyed even the newer trilogy.

I think Solo took it out of me. I was like, I just, if I have to watch one more heist sequence of a rebel, or not a rebel, of an empire encampment, I'm gonna fucking do one myself on my on on on on on on on a bank and fucking you know what I mean and just like go that chaos route is it just I get it every movie they sneak into an empire base to rescue someone or get data they gotta get out and then it's shenanigans after that but anyways I had caught wind of this that it was actually his idea that he really fought for in order be and I I think by the way spoiler alert but I I for that film but I I I I think that that was the way to go for that movie. Yeah. For sure. Harrison Ford wanted him to die.

He said, I think it's a fitting use of the character. I've been arguing for Han Solo to be taken out for about 30 years, not because I was tired of him or because he's boring, but his sacrifice for the other characters would lend gravitas and emotional weight. Even though I know that how I feel about Star Wars, I am aware of Han Solo and what he means. And I do agree with him. I get what he's saying. You wanted that heroic ending for this character

that has shaped so many other franchises as well. So I completely understand it. And I dig it. That scene was sad as hell. Even though I think that Han Solo was a bit of a asshole, it was a very, very devastating scene. Yeah. And I don't know anything about it.

But I bet that I would have been sad, I think. and apparently I'm going to talk about this because I weirdly talk about another one of these that I've seen a lot but it's on the later side the movie The Departed Another one of those that was on HBO I think it was because it was on HBO

all the time when I was in college So it was around the time that I had like just the television on I would also say that The Departed I personally have stated before I think it is one of the most rewatchable films ever. There's something about the pacing of it, the way that music is used in it. It is just like, if it is on and you end up on watching it, like, you will not be able to stop until

it ends. It is like one of those films that just never lets you go. Really? It just, it's like, it's snowballs. And apparently Jack Nicholson helped create his character for it because originally he said he had turned down the movie the first time it came to me because the character didn't really exist. But Leo, DiCaprio, and Marty talked me into it. I guess he can say I was attracted to the company. He says, Marty is very free with his ideas and very receptive to yours. We built this character layer by layer until we had something that fit inside a great genre film, but also push the envelope until the movie becomes almost operatic. And I love that because he's completely right. This is why the part of it is not usually my type of movie that I want to watch over and over again.

I like sad movies. There's something you're holding, you're completely, I watch it every time it's on. It's a weird. I don't have cable anymore, but if I did, I would watch it all the time. I love it. Yeah. Just so, it's that and Goodfellas is his other one that's like, man, I just can't stop watching it if it's on. I just am glued.

And it's the pacing. It's the way that Scorsese paces like a gangster film. It's just like, it just is, I really think it's so bad. It's like a magic trick he does to just keep you like totally engrossed in what's going on at all times. So that's fun. What's not fun guys is though, I feel like I need to, I feel like I have, what do they call it? Not a stigmata. What do they call it when you see spots and stuff?

Oh, yeah, blindies. Stigmatism? Stigmatism. And a stigmata. I have a little whole, little marks in my hand. Stigmata. I think I'm going. Blind!

Blind! Items! Oh, we can't see him! All right, I'm gonna run through the first one really fast, okay? It took three months, but this A-minus list mostly movie actor from an acting family where he is lower on the list, rotated out the four strippers who had been living with him since the start of lockdown. Daniel Baldwin.

I'll say this acting family very associated with Wes Anderson films. Luke Wilson. Luke Wilson? Luke Wilson getting those strippers in and out of there. Is he lesser than Owen? I guess he is. I think he'd be a little lesser than Owen. Either way.

Not nice. This is a bit of a throwback one, but I love he love he love this one. This is referring to a film that came out in 1999. Let's see if you can get the name of the director and actors. Every year I am hopeful that someone will finally face charges for killing this permanent A-list director. The reason he chose to cast the two leads in his final movie is because he assumed they would do everything to protect the director. It is why he shared his story to the female lead of the film. His story was the story that people have been hearing more and more over the past decades.

The director had recordings, both audio and video from dinners and parties. He attended or hosted. He had hundreds of pages of notes. All of those were used to make his final movie. The female lead of the film said the director often told her there, were a group of hundreds of men around the globe who all knew each other's secrets. There is no way out for any of them. You are in it until you die. The director wanted to expose it.

He wanted to expose the life of those men. He wanted to show the world what was happening. What he showed was a very watered down version of it. He couldn't make it any more powerful if he wanted to get the movie released. Oh, he shot a lot more scenes that really shone a light on things, but he was forced to make cut after cut.

He was killed because of that. movie. Too many secrets exposed too much knowledge in the hands of one person who was not in the group. What group are we talking about? Is it Scientology? Scientology is into play here, yes.

1999. Scientology? You said A plus director? A, one of my favorite directors of all time. Stanley Kubrick. Yes. What was Stanley Kubrick's last film?

I am amazing. I am the best. Everyone throw me a parade. And what was that final film? Eyes wide shut, baby. About the secret sex cult. I'm so great. And Scientology does come into play

because he was hoping that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman's Scientology connections apparently would keep him alive, would save his life from this secret organization of sex. But wait, who was going to kill him? Not Scientology, a different organization? The creepy masked people. that have sex in bad ways.

I want to do like a seven-parter on Stanley Kubrick. I want to rip Stanley. I want to get into it because he's one of those people that I'm so, I'm so intrigued by. Yeah, and I don't know like really enough about him to know whether or not. I know he's not a good dude. but I want to know everything about him Well you can learn a lot more about him on Wizard and the Bruiser We did an episode with a movie sign with the Mads

You only did one episode? I don't know if we did, we may have only done one So we could always expand on it in the future Jackie All right then fine we'll do Scientology and Stanley Kubrick We'll just do a whole episode on that What you can learn a lot more about Scientology on the last podcast on the left Sounds like every other podcast on the network has done what you're trying to do with this. What do I get to do?

I want to do one. Which one do I get to do? You have to do Barbie. I'm fine. I'm fine with Barbie. I'm not fine with the measurements in conjunction without people are supposed to be seen. But fine. I'll do Barbie.

Okay? You're all going to get. You're all going to see it. I'll do eyes wide shut to make everybody watch eyes wide shut again. I'm going to make everybody get back into it because everybody. seen it. Everybody's seen it. I've never seen eyes wide shut.

I actually, it's kind of not looked at in the best light in terms of his, especially in comparison to his other films, but I actually do enjoy eyes wide shut. It is spicy spicy. I kind of want to get horny and watch it. You should. It'll make you feel like bad horny though, we'll say that. But like, that's kind of fun.

Yeah. It's upsetting horny. Don't worry, Molly. I'll give you many, many other things if you want to get good horny. All right. The final one. The messy is what happens when you don't get your lover to sign an NDA and then break his heart. Also, when he started hinting at it a year ago, is when you could have, you could have put a stop to it or tried.

That A-list acting couple is probably on a mission this week to get everyone else to sign something. Big power acting couple. The lover of the woman is a man who is now, outing them because they have consented to a fair situations. What? So they are still married, but they are being outed because they have an open relationship within a Hollywood that no one's supposed to know about.

Yes. They're A-list couple? A-list, like a power couple, acting couple. Oh, acting couple. So it's not A-N-Bay. Acting couple. How old are we talking? Are we talking like Kirk Douglas?

They're older. Or not Kirk Douglas. I feel like they don't age, so it's hard to tell. But they're definitely from back in the day. You used to watch the man actor on a fun sitcom back in the day with a fun opening song to the sitcom that was fun. Are you talking about Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith? Jackie on fire tonight, yes.

And the lover is August Alcina. Singer August Alcina recently claimed he had a love affair with Jada Pinkett Smith. And that quote, I actually sat down with Will and had a conversation due to the transformation from their marriage to life partnership. He gave me his blessing. Alcina also said, I totally gave myself to that relationship for years of my life and I truly and really, really deeply love and have a ton of love for her. I devoted myself to it. I gave my full self to it.

So much so to the point that I can die right now and be okay with knowing that I truly gave myself to somebody. It's why I love Red Table Talk. I will say this every day until the day that. that I die and I can't, I have no one to ever talk to about the goddamn show. I love Red Table Talk. Yes, it is with the evil Facebook. And yes, I'm not happy about that. But I do watch it on YouTube instead.

And it is Jada Pickett Smith and her daughter and her mother talking real shit. And I feel like this is the kind of thing where they can be open about this. This is a part of a relationship. don't really understand at this point why choosing to not be monogamous is such a oh my God like what do you mean? If they have an understanding

what the fuck does it matter to you? And this is why I still think the statement is true that back when I used to listen to Dan Savage's Savage Love and he would say everyone always says like polygamous relationships never work and yada yada yada and his response to that is always like they do work. Those are just the ones you don't know about. Right. Because no one speaks out about their healthy polygamous relationship.

And just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean that it doesn't work for everybody. There is a spectrum. Everything is a goddamn spectrum. It's things like that. It's just that kind of stuff was like, oh, we're going to tell what, that they are both choosing to have an open relationship. There's nothing to tell. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with them being able to do that, especially in Hollywood, with all of the fucking things that they have to get through and all of the pressure that has put on them to stay together. I imagine that you don't, if I was in Hollywood to that extent, I probably feel the same way. That always reminds me, Jackie. Every time you talk about that show with Jada Pinkett Smith and Willow and the grandma, it sounds so

fucking good. And I, last time you talked about it, I was like, I need to watch this. Because the idea of like three generations of women, you know, talking about like really intimate family and sex and relationship things is so cool and so fascinating, but I haven't watched it yet. So I got to put that on the list. The psychology behind it, the episode in Jada Pinkett Smith brings on Will Smith's first wife and she cheated on the first wife with Jada Pinkett Smith and they have an open conversation about it. Yes, that happened 25 years ago, 30 years ago. And, you know, and And they talk about it. And now they have formed a friendship and a relationship because Will Smith has a son

from his first marriage. And it's, it is an open communication that took generations to get to. But I know that it should be prostituted. But if they are choosing to do that, it's an interesting side of humanity to witness. Super awesome. Yeah. Sorry. That's my high horse.

Take it. High horse. Right it. I like the Smiths. I like those kids. I always say on the show I like those kids. They're so weird. And I think I might like Will and Jada too.

They're weird as hell. But I think I might like it. They're weird as hell. Thank you guys, though, so much for joining us this week. Hell yeah. This is super fun. And again, I do want to say thank you guys for listening last week and reaching out. And I do want to throw a special shout out to Laura Lomenaco.

I hope I said that your name right, who sent me these amazing, amazing. amazing palettes from Anastasia Beverly Hills. And I asked if there was, I was like, I don't know what, like, how do I help? I just want to repay you because I cried for about an hour and a half when I opened it. And she said nothing. I just needed to say thank you. I love you. And I really appreciate people, us having a community, even though we can't be around each other.

But we can still reach out to each other. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah. If you want to support us further as well, patreon. dot com forward slash page seven podcast five dollars a month so much bonus content at the very least a bonus episode of jacky and i talking tv but there's so much more than that being pumped out via especially jacky also twitch dot tv ford slash hold naters ho check out uh on my live stream especially with jacky friday night six p mt again that's twitch dot tv forward slash hold naters ho molly i am

mj k l cat on instagram and my name is jackie spruosky follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. Come hang out with us on Fridays. We have so much fun. Our chat community is unlike anything, and they welcome you with open arms. We have, and you can meet the Brandy Man

because the Brandy Man is alive and well, and he comes every Friday to give the world a sparkle. We love you guys so much, and we will talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.

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