Page 7 - Episode 86: Juicy Spicy

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith get a divorce, the Biebs gets baptized in a local bathtub, and Sting is reported to be a stinky, stinky man. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Molly? Help me, Marcus. Yeah. This week I need help too. Every week, Jacket, say, help me. Every week, Molly, say, help me. Just help me, too. This week, I say no.

Why, Marcus? Did you just turn French? No. Every week, I just a help, me. I said, no. Then that's it. I don't say, pu. Pansavin.

Pah, V. Don't. Get your French out of here. Do it. No. To eat what? Molly? Nobody fucking eat something?

Start the show! Oh, no! Start the show! Welcome to Paige Zepin, everybody. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Nuffalo. My name is Marcus Parks. Apparently, we're always needing help.

And Marcus is upset about it. Always they say, help me. Help me. Help me. I'm in France. Oh, these are just... All French, if you will. Three of the worst.

Worst. accents I've ever heard. I think we're doing all right. It's just Monday is a hungover day. Yeah. Forever. And as I will always be. Yeah.

Yeah, I suppose so. Maybe. Right? I'm usually not hungover on Mondays. Maybe you're the one that's having the problem. Maybe you're the one that needs help, Marcus. Because it certainly ain't us. Because we're having a good time because when it's warm outside, you drink all day and you smoke

out day. That's what I'm saying. I can't stop myself. I have a problem. I pointed out to Jackie last Monday after three days, after she had described a three to four day period of drinking, I said, this is how benders begin. And then it was alerted to me that that's actually how benders go on.

That's how benders end. That's how benders end after three or four days. No, man, it's been solid. I have been having a time. I mean, I'm having a great time. I look great, right? You look fantastic. I wish everyone at home could see how good I look today.

Yeah, you got your summer look on. Yeah, I got my summer look. Eyebrows. Yeah. Looking all right. Yeah, I have eyebrows. I haven't drunkenly shaved them off yet. That is true.

Congratulations. I'm keeping your eyebrows through this nine-day bender. Can I read myself on the back? I'm doing pretty good. Oh, you know who's not doing good right now. Uh-oh. We got a divorce in the news. Oh.

Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas. I love it. After 18 years. I love it. Good God. Yes. Are now officially divorced. She looks so bad.

She looks so bad. She looking real bad these days. Man, remember milk money? Of course. She was so fucking hot in that movie. Oh, she was fantastic. Her and Ed Harris. I love how the movie language you guys have with each other,

but I just am so love it. Well, I thought that that movie would be like bad enough that you would have seen it. Yeah, because she wears like a Pocahontas outfit. Yeah, I'm showing a picture of her right now. She's a hooker, right? Yeah. Yeah.

She's a hooker that is like hiding out in the house. And, you know, Ed Harris is the grieving father of a fucking dead-a-shed-s-shit wife. And the kid needs a new woman. fucking mom. And now he's got this new like hot mom, but they have to pretend like she's not a fucking prostitute. Young Frank and his pals get an idea

for the ultimate and excitement. They decide to pull their savings bicycle to the nearby big city and hire some woman of the streets to strip for them. Things don't work out that simply, but they do meet V, a hooker with a heart of gold.

Oh my God. Who ends up giving them a ride home. Soon, she's living in Frank's Treehouse. unbeknownst to Frank's widowed father Tom, who thinks she is one of Frank's teachers. Soon, however, the evil waltzer comes looking for V. I could really go the rest of my life without hearing the phrase hooker with a heart of gold.

No, go on. Hooker with a heart of gold is great. She taught them so much that summer. Living or not tree house being out there, Hey kids, why are you coming here? Let me show you with a double dip. Well, they do. There is a scene when she shows them, like, the boys, her tits.

Remember that scene? That is true. Good for her. And, like, because they really wanted to see. She's like, you want to see it? And she, like, opens up her shirt. They don't show it. Sucks for us.

Yeah. And they all had their little fucking 12-year-old of Hardies. Hard 12-year-olds. I don't think that they would be able to show that in a movie anymore. I feel like that would be, like, child porn. Yeah. feel like there was a couple of movies like that in the 90s that involved like women, like adult women being like, okay for the little boys I'll do it.

And then like doing something really sexual, which is completely inappropriate. Not okay. No. Not okay whatsoever. However, I will say pretty okay. I'm down with that. I'm totally down with it. Yeah.

I mean, kind of. They got to learn somehow. And it's not going to be for me. I'll tell you, but not this time. Never again. Also, is it just me or does Ed Harearrow? always have to be like serious dad who's suffering from a trauma in movies. I think he's hot.

Like mostly I'm thinking of stepmom. You're thinking of stepmom because in Apollo 13, he was the hard-nosed leader of the Apollo 13 program. He was so hot in Apollo 13. In the stand, he played the general that was responsible for the world ending. And then in the Truman Show, he played pretty much the same character he played in Apollo 13. Yeah, that's why I was in love of them. I just want a hard-nosed man to tell me the hoods and the whats. I still need that.

Anyone? Takers? Ed Harris? Can I have one? Ed Harris? Who I really want is fucking Antonio Banderas. He's single now. He's single now.

And Marquez was saying he's probably going to be looking for somebody young. And I'll tell you what. Until August, I am 26 years old. And that's pretty young in my fucking book. Give me a shot. Do you remember Zorro? Humana, hamanna, homina, hamana. I remember Catherine Zeta Jones and Zorro.

Also fucking hot as shit. Hot as shit. I thought he was so attractive. I mean, let's be honest here. Philadelphia. Gay. But you know it's my thing. Oh, I know.

It's dad. I definitely know that's your thing. It's been too long since I've seen Philadelphia. I have seen it. I just don't remember how hot Antonio Banderas was in it. But I believe you. I mean, he's a dreamy man. It was his first American movie.

So he was like that Latin. fucking sexy ass gay man and he loved Tom Hanks he loved him there's a picture of him during Philadelphia Oh yeah he's kind of ugly in there Oh he that picture is cute That's better yeah

He's a young that is a young Antonio Banderas Oh yeah Funny he looks older in that picture than he does now Yeah Yeah is he still looking good So who filed Does it say who filed it? She filed

Oh Oh come Citing irreconcilable differences. Man, and it's just because he probably couldn't look her in the face anymore. It weirds me out so much when, especially when famous couples, more so than normal couples, when people get divorced after like 18 years. Isn't it weird? I feel like you grow, it's natural.

Isn't it even more natural than being together just for a few years? I guess it should be. Because at that point, they just want to fuck somebody else. I feel like it's it. Yeah. And they don't want to cheat on each other Or they probably have many times I feel like if you've made it past

I guess there's part of me that's like If you make it like past two years And beyond like 10 years You should just be able to be like happily ever after You know what I mean? I just wanted to not 18 years like and then

But I'm sure that it's for the best You keep changing What it says the reason why they stayed together for so long Is that Antonio Banderas deeply Catholic So he doesn't want to get divorced and also they have a daughter who is now 17. Oh. So, and you also think about the, you know, the whole wanting to fuck other people thing.

Antonio Banderas is Antonio Banderas. And Melanie Griffith, as you can see, from this picture is turned into quite the lady gremlin. Ah, my God, she is. She is the gremlin. Yeah. She's the lady gremlin. I mean, you say people throw that around a lot because the lady gremlin really is.

I mean, she is, I mean, that's a cautionary tale. for plastic surgery if you ever see when. You see a lot of women walk around with the Botox looking like the lady gremlin, but yeah, Melanie Griffith. If it wasn't, man, if she just would have aged gracefully, would have been a beautiful, beautiful older woman. Can we please just look at fucking

Diane Keaton? She looks great. She looks really good. Has she not had worked at? No. Really? I mean, that's what, at least that's what she claims and also, she does look old. I mean, she's got the jolly shit. So even if she has had work done, which, I mean,

sure a lot of people in Ollie would have, then it was minimal and it was enough so that you couldn't tell. And I feel like isn't that the point of plastic surgery? Is that you want to look tighter but you don't want anyone to know you got it done? Yeah, here's a picture of Diane Keaton right now. Who? Yeah, she looks real good. Yeah, yeah, she looks real good. I mean, definitely, you know. Definitely older woman. Yeah, she's got some saggy. And she's got the wrinkles and, you know, she's got the laugh line, she's got the crow's feet. Although you remember that, I remember this is, I think this is from that weird time where she sang that child song to Woody Allen. Oh, yeah.

Remember when she was like, make new friends, but keep the old. And everyone in the audience is like, oh, stop it. Stop it. We're pretty sure that he's a child molester. And then she was like, one is silver and the other is gold. I think it was at the Academy Awards this year. It was. Yeah, that was not too long ago.

It was so embarrassing for everybody. No one talked about it. It was one of those that just got swept under the road. Like, seeing that picture brought it back to my head and I was like, oh, Diane Keekin and I feel weird about you about that. But generally speaking, I agree that she is like, I want to look like her when I'm old. I also want to look like Jessica Walter from Arrested Development when I'm old. She looks great. She looks great.

Yeah. I want to look just like her. Why couldn't some people just have some dignity, just age your dignity? Because of Hollywood. That's why Hollywood's like, suck it that. face in. Otherwise, you have no worth anymore. Terrible. Pinch it. Pinch it. Why don't you pans it? I mean, we say that nobody does it well and nobody actually gets out of the other side of

the plastic surgery been alive. Maybe some of them do. And we just don't know. We just don't know. We just don't know. Interesting. Which is great. Everyone should go to those doctors. Because I'm sure Diane Keaton has had a little work done. She must have. Yeah. She's ever, All of them have had a little work done. They've had something here and there. I wonder what it feels like to get Botox. I kind of want to try it. Well, you can.

It's temporary. Yeah. Temporary. But what is it? I think it's poison. It's bogealism. It's like what you get from cans if they're not, if food isn't canned correctly.

And so it makes you tight? Yeah. So you could also just poorly canned some homemade foods and eat that. See, I'd more rather that, and then I get it from eating. rather than needles. But they just put it into the certain spots, right? They just squeak it in.

Into the forehead, into the lips. This is where I'm going to be wrinkly. I can already feel it, right between my eyebrows. You do furrow your braw. Yeah. There's one person that we know furrows their brows. I don't like that. That's a side effect of my job.

I disapprove. By the time I'm 40, I'm just going to be one big frowny phase. Your wagon finger is going to be broken by this. But I'll have big smile lines because I do spend a lot of time smiling, even though I spend a lot of time frowning too. It's terrifying. Oh, man. But Botox, you know, they make $2.9 billion in Botox.

Jesus Christ. Billion. Billion. We need to become a Botox doctor. I think that's what we're missing. our lives. Yeah. Together out of this, here's studio.

Yeah. You know, Parks and Nebraska and Nethel. The old memorably named Botox back. PZM. Yeah. PZM. Yeah. I love that.

And then we'll just start, um, we'll get some cans in here. We'll just smash them. We'll grow our own Botox with cans. I think that we're revolutionary. I think we are. We're going to be bazillionaires. So, two, to loo to all of you out there in the radio waves. Well, we've got some local news here.

Or at least it happened locally. Justin Bieber was just baptized in a bathtub here in New York City. Yeah, you said that before. And I was like, what? Baptized what? As a Christian. Is it because he said a bad word? It's because he said some bad words when he was 13, yes.

Wait, wasn't he already baptized? Is he getting, is he born again now? Well, apparently he's never gotten baptized. Never got baptized. Yeah. What a piece of shit publicity ploy. Isn't it weird? Yeah, of all the things that he could do, why don't you go help kids or something, do something, do something.

You're so fucking selfish. Anything else, yeah. You paid some fucking priests that probably got hard while he was dipping you. into the fucking bathtub and then poof now he's a good man he just got washed of all of his sins well he did do a week of intensive bible study oh weak and that is hard prediction he just got baptized to distract from all those racist videos that are coming out where he's like saying really racist things yeah when he was 13 oh that's when those videos are from yeah yeah people are talking like it said that it happened last week's like no he was 13 i said a lot of racist things when i was 13

You know why? Because that was 13. Yeah, and you wanted attention? Yeah. But wasn't he still famous when he was 13? Yeah, Usher was already his BFF by the end. And Usher said that he hasn't always chosen the path of his greatest potential, but he is unequivocally not a racist.

He's just an idiot. Oh, he's an idiot. We didn't know that. Thank God Usher was here to tell us. That's so ridiculous. Poor Usher, though, is in this position where every fucking stupid thing Justin Bieber does. Usher has to be like, all right, you guys, don't be mad at me for making him famous.

Yeah, he said some racist shit. Yeah, he crashed his car. Yeah, he pissed on a girl or whatever. No, that was her Kelly. He pissed in a bucket. Missed a bucket and then made out with a girl. All the things he's done, poor Usher must be really on the defensive. Yeah, he has to be just dealing with that every day.

Like, every time Justin Bieber does something stupid, I'll bet somebody's like, Usher, are you glad you made him famous? And Usher's like, he was a good singer for. for free say. Did you see him play drum? Yeah. He's great at it. Yeah, Asher, unfortunately, is going to have the Beaver Albatross around his neck for the rest of his life.

Oh, yeah, baby. Or at least for the rest of Beaver's life, because he's definitely going to die before, I sure. I think he's probably going to die young. I think he's going to die very young. He's going to die young. As Keshe would say. I mean, I mean, we would love for him to turn into some sort of pathetic Leaf Garrett character, but I don't think that's going to happen. he's just already got too much money.

And it's not going away. And just to empathize with Usher for a second, Justin Beeper really was a talented young man. Extremely so. Fame fucked him right up. As it will fuck anybody up, especially in the music business. I think maybe child stars, child actors,

they can come out the other end of it. That's possible. It's happened. But there are no child singers that come out of it the other end. That's a good point. Maybe Leanne, rhymes. Brittany Spears, man.

She went to hell and came back again. She came back and went back to the top of the charts. She crawled her way back. And I believe in her. Yeah. I have a newfound love and respect for Britney Spears. If our definition of surviving is Vegas show, then that is, it's true. She made that month.

She made that money. Her fucking hair grew back. She's got panties on. And good for her. I think she's got panties on. We hope. Well, I mean, patootie, patotti.

Yeah, so the, yeah, the whole controversy of his of the, you know, the racial slurs and all that type of shit is that apparently a man had demanded $1 million from Beaver or else he would release the videos. Beaver didn't give it to him.

Interesting. Where did he get the videos from? They were outtakes from the movie that he was. released like two or three years ago. Really? Something like that. Yeah. It was outtakes, just like stuff long, long time ago.

Guy found the outtakes and said, all right, well, give me a million dollars or I'm going to release these. And he released them. And Beaver saved a million dollars because nothing has changed. Well, yeah, because it was, because people were talking shit and then he got fucking baptized. Yeah, right. Exactly. He was like,

oh, I'll save my million dollars and I'll get fucking baptized. I don't get fucking. I don't get fucking. I don't believe on God. I don't care. Yeah. In our heads,

Justin Bieber talks like Justin Bieber talks like Jackie's boyfriend's brother. I recognize the voice very well. I really like that voice. I don't care. I don't get back to him. Yeah, sure.

Fuck God. I mean, I love God. Which one am I supposed to say? Sometimes someone make me K-Con. What a piece of shit I bet his mother was there too His mother looks like such a piece of shit too

Beaver's mom Yeah man She's so young Why did people have children so young? No condoms Yeah They're fertile If she

If no condoms They're Christian Why wasn't he fucking baptized? Yeah I'm actually I'm surprised Right I'm not baptized And I have rarely

Kill her I'm not baptized either Oh my God I'm doing a podcast with He I feel like growing up I was the only person I knew who wasn't baptized. I felt like a total weirdo for not being baptized. No, no, never got baptized.

My dad didn't get baptized until he's like 40. Oh my God. Yeah. Be careful, Marcus, don't take communion at a church. Otherwise, he'll go to hell. That's what I've been told. At a Catholic church? Yeah.

Okay. I've never been to a Catholic church. I'm fine. Or at least not for services. I've gone to take in the splendor and the beauty that is the Catholic Church. Did you fucking a pew? Yeah, I've always wanted to fucking a pew just to say, yeah, man, I'll fucking that pew over there. Yeah, I've wanted to fucking a confessional booth real bad.

Oh, yeah. I just feel like the word pew is so disgusting. I feel like as I was getting fucked on the pew, I'd be like, pew, pew, pew, pew. Pew, pew. I imagine that's just the noise you make during sex anyway. It is. It definitely is.

It's my favorite word. Pew. It's also I'm talking about like if he stinks too. I'm saying P you. No. Pew. I think that the phrase P.U. Is disgusting.

Yeah. I have thought about that phrase in a long time. But anyone that says it can go to hell. P.U. It is. It is. It is. Ew.

It's just like, I don't like the word stinky either. Maybe it's the whole genre. Gen. What was the last one? I don't know if the last time we've heard the phrase P-U. You know what? I don't know why there. And I'm trying to Google it, like, what the origin of P-U is, but it's, what is, P-U?

Is it P-E? I guess P-E-E-W. P-U. Like, P-U or like P-U. Yeah, I thought it was P-U. Like, P-U. That's what you are. Like pointing at you?

There's a whole online argument as to how you spell P-U. But there's no origin. I'm trying to find it. And you have to like dramatically plug your nose and have your fingers out unless you're going under the water.

Ew. He ate it. Stinky. There are a couple of explanations. Just a couple. First explanation. It's a shortened term for putteo, which is Latin for

to stink. To stink, be rodolent, or smell bad. The other one is that it's actually spelled P-I-U, P-U, but is often pronounced as P-U, it's the root of the Indo-European word poo. It's definitely not this one. Meaning to rot or decay.

Pugh. Pugh. Pew Pew Pew You have to let your mouth slack jawed Pea

Ew pee you This is the weirdest Ask Yahoo I've ever heard How much pee in a pool would kill you Oh man A lot When a pool full of urine kill you

is what I want to know. I guess it's the urine plus the chlorine. The chlorine cleans it out. Yeah, what's the answer? How much pee? It looks like it's going to take quite a bit. Good. Two parts water to one part part chlorine.

Would probably burn the eyeballs out of your sockets and make your skin peel away from your bones. What? If you and 3 million other people could get it at this pool and unload your pee into it before your body's melted before the crowd crushed you to death and before you drown from the massive tidal wave of pee, yes, you could feasibly die of cyanogen chloride poisoning

originated from chlorinated water. Let's try it. Let's fucking try it, y'all. Let's get a fucking P-U-O-thong going, man. P-U! P-U! Everyone get to the poit, time for P-U. It's one for P-U, man.

You know the person who wrote that entry, that answer, was just like, send. And then, like, really triumphantly. Yeah, I did it. I have done my work for the day. Call it a day. I'm going to go call my mother. Welcome, America.

I left my mark. Oh, speaking of mothers, we got a new one on the scene. Lil Kim. You guys love Lil Kim, right? I love Lil Kim. I'm pretty indifferent to Lil Kim. I like her. She's also looking right.

rough around the face as well. She's looking very rough these days. And it ain't baby way, you know what I mean? No, it is bad plastic surgery way. Yeah. Is she? Little Kim's been around for a while, so she must be only in her like 40s maybe, right? If that.

If that. Late 30s or 40s. Yeah, yeah. Lil Kim. She just had a... She's busting one? She just busted one out. Busted out a baby.

Named the baby, little girl. Royal Rain. Two words or one word. Two words. Two words. Like rain as in R-E-I-G-N. Rain.

Oh. Yeah, that royal rain. Why Royal Rain, you think? Why don't I just call her Princess Kim? Princess Kim, Kim, Kim is her name. I don't mind the name Royal on its own. If it's like a blue ivy situation where it's shortened to blue, Royal.

Royal, Royal. Right. Or just. Roy. Roy for a baby girl is a little bit. Yeah, it's like maxi pad. It's like maxi pad fucking, what's her name? Also, it sounds like Royal Pain that show on USA. Yes.

That's mostly what I was thinking of. It's just really sad. Also, why? Do they need the publicity? Is that what this is? Is the publicity thing? I guess so. I mean, the guy that she had the baby with, I don't know him.

His name is Mr. Papers. Oh, yeah, Mr. Papers. Sounds like a fucking immigration officer. And I doubt that he is. I don't know what he is. It was like, I was thinking about Mr. Rowland Papers. It's probably Mr. Rowland Papers. My name is Mr. Rolling Papers.

Rolling Papers. Roland is a name, right? Rollin? Rowland. Rollin? Yeah. Rollin papers. Rollin papers.

Rawlin papers Mr. Papers though It does sound like a character And a children's book Yeah Mr. Papers You need to go see Mr. Papers Oh Mr. Papers is here Mr. Papers is here

Oh lookie and now Got all the papers What kind of papers is he have Time magazine? Pabom magazine Us legally New York Times New York Post

New York City Why Mr. Papers Who is the person who name their kid Maxie again? Maxpad. Jessica Simpson. Jessica Simpson. Maxipad. Yucky. You know,

I think celebrities just have to be special. They gotta one up each other. Yeah, you can't just name your son Jim. No. I mean, he could, but then you ain't cool. Royal Rain. I wish she had named her kid Royal Paines, but with the R-X, like

in the USA Today show. What I say? I love the show. Royal Rain Papers. My baby. These names are Royal Pains and Burn Notice. Where's pushy daisies? I'm going to call up Uncle Wings to come pick them up. All right, start for the list.

Who's on the list? My guest's at that list. Celebrity's strange pre-fame jobs. Ooh. Yeah, this is a good one. That is good. Cindy Crawford chucked corn at a local fair for $4 an hour. What? Where's she from?

Corn country. Corn country. I hope it's Iowa. Somewhere in the middle. Yeah. I'm guessing Nebraska. She's looking good still too, man. Yeah, she looks great. Man, you could fucking play quarters on that ass.

You know who's another woman who looks great? Jane Fonda. She does look good. She, I mean, she old. She is old. But she looks good. I wonder if she's gotten work. Illinois.

Illinois. That's where she's from. Close. No cigar. Illinois. She got discovered Shucking corn at that. In the middle?

Absolutely. She got discovered chucking corn at that fair. Really? I had a bunch of people discover me shucking corn. My mom didn't tell anybody about because I was shucking them hard,

shucking them hard. And I put butter on. Put butter on up. And I went, and then, ding. Just so the listeners know, Jackie is doing the motion

of moving your head down before you. Wow, Cindy Crawford was valedictorian of her high school and had an academic scholarship to study chemical engineering at Northwestern. Are you fucking kidding me? Hot damn. She dropped out after one semester to pursue modeling full-time. That's amazing. Man, I read this little article about Arizona State University

where it's the biggest place for amateur porn and for girls dropping out of college and like to do modeling services and they show their like student IDs on these amateur porn sites and they keep getting in trouble because these girls are getting kicked out of college for doing all these amateur porn things

because the college is known for doing amateur porn work. Well Arizona State's known as being the biggest party school in the nation. I think Florida State's pretty close. Florida State's up there, absolutely. I think Arizona State's at the number one Pizs my guns

Tiss of my party guns I got schooled in drinking Oh my God It's a cry for help We're going to have a talk No I don't need one Marcus

I need any of you guys Give me my beer Ellen DeGeneres Sold vacuum cleaners Door to door Oh my God That's so charming How old is she?

Oh my God Yeah also that is An occupation That died out in the 50s Yeah Yeah that's a weird one That is really weird Man she and Porsche

Recently completely Decorated their like Huge insane home And it's gorgeous See it like Like if they divorced After 18 years Wouldn't you be heartbroken?

I would be dead I never want them to get separated. Yeah, me neither. But also, if Portia Dorasi wanted to give me a call, I don't answer. Go throw Antonio Baderas to the curb and then get me a little bit. She'd be good seconds. What do you think?

No? I think your boyfriend would still be more upset about Antonio Banderas. Yeah, definitely. Portia de Rasi, he would understand. I hope he'd be happy for you with Portia Daraisi. I bet she's spicy. Juice-wise. Juicy spicy. Yeah, juicy spicy.

Full of spice juice. Chili flakes. Flikes. Fucking red. Next up. Hugh Jackman. He performed as Coco the clown at parties for children. Oh, my God. He said that a six-year-old once called him, quote,

Terrible. Oh, that's adorable. Terrible. Teawable. You too. YouTube Apparently he was hopping all over the Tony's last night Oh was he?

The Tony's. We didn't talk about the Tony. I don't give a fuck on the Tony. But I do have to I did have to mention the fact. The Tony's were yesterday and I don't care. No. Molly, I bet you have gone to a Tony's party in your day though.

You know, you are right to bet it but I don't know if I have. Really? I mean, I have a full, on theater kid, but I don't know if I have. Oh my God, we used to have Tony parties.

It was dumb. Yeah, it sounds like it. Yeah, and we would sing to each other and eat a bunch of food and then stay up all night, doing cocaine. But man, we was singing, baby. We was singing. On time?

On beat? On our own time. That's all that fucking matters. This is a theater. They're all just singing Broadway song super fast. Well, Matthew McConaughey, while living in Australia, got paid to shovel chicken manure out of cages. Of course he did. So cute. I'll take my shirt off while I do it.

Oh, my God. Sure he did. I bet he did. He's probably, huh? I am horny today. Yeah, man. You have been getting laid? I have been.

I think I've just been too drunk to remember it. That will happen. You know, it's one of those. Yeah. I'm fine, everyone. Everyone, I'm fine. Brad Pitt handed out flyers while dressed in a chicken suit. Outside of an El Pollo loco.

I like the restaurant. I'd rather go there. I bet he looks good in chicken suit. But he looks fine in a chicken suit. He's looking weird these days. I read a whole, there was a whole interview on Angelina Jolie and people and she's, she is a weird bird. Yeah.

Yeah. I think they're perfect for each other. Yeah. They seem both really weird. Yeah. But weird in a fine way. Yeah. Yeah.

I think I like them a lot. I think I would be sad if they got divorced. I think I might too. And they also, what I like about them is that they let their kids be themselves. Yeah. You know, I think that's cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Be the kids. A bit of kids. Sean Connery. He was a coffin polisher, a milkman. So old.

And a... He was a streetcar operator. Yeah. He was a coffin polisher and a milkman. Oh, my God. God, that was a job. Who cares? It's going to the fucking ground.

Jesus Christ, buy a buffer. Oh, they didn't have electricity back then. It was a telegraph operator. Oh, coffin polisher. I'm a coffin polisher. Oh, I'm the coffin polisher for today. My name is Sean. Corner?

You'll remember me. Right now I'm just a coffin policy. But mark my words, a hundred years from now, you'll remember me. A hundred years from now. Nothing wrong with being a coffin polisher. I would love that job. Next up. I bet you would take that job today if it was offered to you.

Part time, coffin polisher? I do it on my days off. Oh, that's sad. Oh, you just talk to the corpses. I run Canadian Comedy Radio. Also, I polish coffins. I polished coffins part-time. Just like Sean Connery. No, Sean Connery was a coffin polisher? I am too. That's one of the many things me and him have in common. I was also in Indiana Jones in the last crusade.

Well, in monkey spirit. Who else had a job I would have loved? Whoopi Goldberg. Her job was to put makeup on dead people. Ooh, like Dan Aykroyd and my girl. Yeah. In preparation for their wakes and funerals. Also, the movie Bogus is now on Netflix. I believe I'm sure that I've talked about it before, but I did just notice it on Netflix.

It is Whoopi Goldberg and Gerard de Pardue. Oh my God. And Gerard de Pardtie Pardue is the imaginary friend of Haley Joel Osmond. What? Whoopi Goldberg's like an orphaned son that she took on? This before or after the Sixth Sense? I think before.

Really? For some reason, you know, it's one of those movies? I've seen it about 50,000 million times. I don't know why. Yeah, that's weird. I mean, I know you've mentioned it before. I don't remember you talking about it. It's on Netflix now, and I am positive it doesn't hold up.

How many times have you watched it since you found out it was on Netflix? I haven't watched it yet, but I have been perched upon the edge of my seat. awaiting the day that I will watch it. I have to watch it by myself though because Doug won't watch it with me. Yeah. I know you've mentioned it because the link is purpled out. I don't remember you mentioned him bogus,

but apparently we have talked about it before. Unless you're looking it up on your own time, which I don't blame you. Yeah, the story of Haley Joel Osmond, the son of a Las Vegas magician's widowed assistant. Yes. This mother dies suddenly in a car accident And Albert is sent to New Jersey

To live with his mother's foster sister Yes. Harriet. So many complicated. So much. And the plot revolves around Albert And his imaginary friend named Bogus Dor de Per do,

A French musician Who helps the boy cope with his transition. Oh, I'm so grossed out by Gerard Deppard Deppardue I can't even, I don't even want to. But as a French invisible, man. It's not too bad. Wait, so,

so Harriet eventually sees bogus too? Yeah, and does she fall in love with him? I'm not sure. He's not real. He's not fucking real. Whoopi Goldberg. Oh, Lord. I actually really want to watch this.

It's so bad. Ooh, it was a flop. It was it. It had a $30 million budget. It earned $4 million. A $30 million budget for that? Well, you know, they had a lot of magic tricks to do, I guess. Yeah, and Jared Deppardue and Whippy Goldberger are some big names.

Couldn't save that movie. At that time, they were somebody's. I guess so. I guess Gerard DeRadreux, man. Yeah, Greek card. Jared Debru, before he pissed on that plane, remember? Yeah. Is that what happened?

Yeah, he pissed on a plane. He pied out himself in a plane. Oh, who hasn't? Not Gerard de Perdue, because he has. I have not. Oh, yeah. And I haven't either, but... Yeah.

Well, but too deep a time. Oh, man. All right. Well, you know, it's time for blind items. Oh, we can't see him. I love this one. This A-list movie actor who rarely changes clothes has been making his neighbors angry

because he's been shooting every squirrel that comes through his backyard. He's a pilot. Johnny Depp? He's shooting squirrels. He's fucking sitting with his clothes. Oh, no, he's real baddish by show. He doesn't like to change clothes, doesn't like to shower.

That's why he married a French woman. That is exactly why he married a French woman. And that's why he looks like he does all the time. It's gross. His hair is really gross. It's gross. I've never thought that he was attractive, to be honest. He just lives a life.

Except, in what's eating Gilbert Grape. Yes. And in the retard movie. Mary Stewart Masterson, Aidan Quinn. What's Eating Gilbert Grape? No. Another one.

With Mary Stewart Bass. Yeah, where they played night moves. Working on the night moves. Oh, fucking Benny and June. Benny and June. He was on that movie too. Yeah. Because I was going to say developmental disability

is also part of what's eating Gilbert grape. Yes. But he's not the one that's weirdo. Yeah. That's Leanne. Leonardo DiCaprio. I was quite a tragic. I was too busy being a tragedy to Eleanor DiCaprio than Johnny Depp.

Leandro DiCaprio in what's eating Gilbert Grape? I mean, it was during my later. Oh shit. Oh shit. You just got caught in the parks cage. Welcome to the parks. He's still handsome as fuck. I don't have anything to apologize for.

I mean, I know you're liberal, but. developmentally disabled person? I wasn't actually, I didn't need his, it wasn't a real person who I needed their consent to get in on a relationship with. Oh, so she doesn't need his consent. He was a fictional year. You're in the parks cage.

You're welcome. I knew the parks cage. I'm a sick of my Jackie on you. Jackie. Gilly, yummy, yum, yum, yum, yum, you just said that you like Johnny Depp. in a movie where he was developmentally disabled. Yeah, but that was a fake kind of developmentally disabled.

Yeah, he was more quirky. Yeah. Yeah, Leonardo to Caprio. He got me straight up. Yeah, and he was also covered in chocolate for most of the movie. I don't know if I've seen the entire movie, to be honest. You should watch it again, and then we'll have a conversation about you being attracted to him with that movie. I was attracted to Leonardo DiCaprio, generally speaking.

I mean, I was always attracted to Tom Hanks, too, but in far as good. Gump, I wasn't really into him. Plenty of people were, though. I mean, you know, but to-a-sutti. I got two words for you, Jackie. Yeah, two words, P-U. Petit.

Aw, you know the scene in what's eating Gilbert Grape where he kills the grasshopper? Oh, and he's so sad. He wasn't, you know, in the movie, he wasn't supposed to kill while they were filming it, but he killed it. Oh.

Well, he wasn't supposed to kill it, actually, while they were filming it, but he ended up killing it anyway. So the sadness was like almost real sadness? Yeah, they had animal protection agents on set to make sure he didn't hurt the grasshopper. Really? They still killed the grasshopper. You know, you have to pay for that shit. We were talking, we were looking into that for murder fits. We're like, oh, we'll just slap on there. No animals were harmed in the filming of this. And you can't do that. You got to pay the fucking government. Regulations. To get the fucking

thing. It's like, we're not hurting anybody. To be honest, I think it's good that there's regulations. because otherwise any old, I'm not saying you guys. No, I know. Any old gang rascals could make a movie and then say no animals were hurt. I'm cute. I'm due the rabbit. I just hold it. I hold the rabbit. Is it the rabbit?

Blind items? Yeah, blind items. Yay! Here are two fun or not so fun facts about one of your favorite music artists of all time. You already know that he's married. However, that commitment apparently ends as soon as he hits the road. He makes sure he has a new hooker arranged wherever he stop on the tour. Wait, a hooker with a heart of gold or just a regular hooker?

Well, apparently not with a heart of gold because they all have to sign non-disclosure forms. Just a person who's looking out for herself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? You don't want to stand too close to him. Why not? He stinks. Oh, be you.

Is it Johnny Debs again? It's not Johnny Devin. This one's a singer. Someone who traveled with him described it as the worst body odor in the world. The weird thing is, he actually prides himself on his own stench. He thinks that other people should want to be near him

and smell his pungent sense. Ew. He says, you don't want to stand too close to him. Don't stand. Don't stand. Don't stand. The police?

Sting? Sting? Of course. Of course. Sting is like I fucking stink. It's just, I don't know, man. I am down with a musk, sure, I guess. I've been told I have a very fetching musk.

There are certain musks that are fine, but there is a time when a musk bridges into P-U. Yeah, full-on P-U. I got four letters for you. P-U or B-O, whatever you prefer. Or P-U. Pia.

Maybe we just adds one word. Yeah, I dated a guy who had a powerful, powerful smell. And it was like just you couldn't get past it. You liked it? No. Oh. How long did you had a hippie guy? No, not at all.

It was really surprising. Strange. It was like, I mean, granted, we weren't, it wasn't like there was a big connection anyway, but like, you know, we went on a couple of dates. He was really great, really wonderful. But I was just like, you smell specifically. and it didn't go away. I can't handle that.

I can't do it. Yeah, the bad smell? Yeah. Gotta have a good smell scent. I'm down with Musk, but once it goes past Musk, I'm like, all right, but you need to cover that up. See, I get disturbed by my own smell sometimes. Yeah.

Because sometimes I do, I'm like, hey, all right, that's not bad. And then I'll go off into shitland and I got to go take care of it. I don't know if it was talking to on here. When I was walking up the stairs, it was hungover, shock. But I was walking up the stairs at Union Square, and there was a woman walking in front of me, and I could smell her crotch in front of me as I was walking up the stairs behind her.

And you know when you smell a crotch. Yeah, oh, yeah. And it was a crotch. And I'm not saying, like, oh, she probably, like, oh, it's like a period crotch. It's like, no, she was dirty crotch. And it was, I almost threw up. And I just straight up, I couldn't handle it.

I had to stop on the stairs like an asshole and let someone go in front of me, because I couldn't walk behind or anymore. That's a fact of life that we just don't talk about as New Yorkers, is that you are nose to butt level with people every day of your life. Yes. Yeah, that's true. Walking up and down those stairs, it's nose to butt, man, especially if you're in Manhattan.

See, I think I've been blessed with a really weak sense of smell, which is really important for New York. Oh, yeah. I'm rarely bothered by smells in New York, really rarely. Which was why it was especially noteworthy to be with this guy, and I was like, you just smell. Oh, my God. So if he smelled you, what did he smell?

I don't like to other people. Right, right. But I like, for example, I've never had the experience of smelling somebody on the stairs. I just luck, I mean, thank God because what you've described sounds intense. It was awful. I have an extremely strong sense of smell, which is why I smoke so much. Yeah. It's the only way I can live in New York City.

All the ladies, independent, throw your hands up. Free, free, free, free. Thank you. That was the response for that. I think. Right? We've all got our justifications. I should be on see, man.

Next up, this A-list rapper Mughal producer celebrated his recent big score by dropping 200K on a car for his boyfriend. I snuck a gay Adam in there. Oh my God, who is gay? He was gay. Rapper producer. Rapper producer, Mogle just had the biggest score making him the richest man in hip-hop. Drey? D-Drey's so gay.

No, Drey's so gay. Oh, yeah. This rumor's been around. By Dre. They just picked it up by Apple. Yeah, Dr. Dre. Yeah, he's been in the gay rumor mill for decades. Really? Yeah.

Oh. For him. Yeah. He's got the fucking bling, y'all. He does, man. He wouldn't lose nothing. Yeah, I don't, I mean, I guess no one would really care about him. I mean, I may be in the community of, like, the hip-hop artists, as they call themselves.

Yes. The street rapists. The street rapists. I don't believe they like to call themselves rapists. No, but I mean, it is a term that I have heard. I think if Dr. Drake came out, that would be the best thing that could ever happen to hip-hop. Yeah, I think that would be great.

I want to say good for him, except that, of course, it's always a bummer if somebody is gay and doesn't feel like they can come out. Which is why we talk about these gay items, because it's a bummer for these people to have to live in the closet. Especially you have everything you ever want. Like you've worked so hard to get to where he is. Be you, man.

Yeah. Fucking buy that fucking expansey. Spancy car. That expansey car. Spancy car for your spoyspan. Expansy. Expansy. It's all in one.

It's expansive. It's all in one. Well, if you're wondering why I snuck that gay item in, it's because we got two today. Oh my God. It's the summer. It's the summer. They come crawling out.

After several years on the job, the male assistant slash lover of this married A-plus list movie actor has moved on to another job. And this leaves an opening. Blow job. Oh. Is it blow job? And he likes them in their early 20s. Oh, it's two weeks in a row where we got a gentry. A B.

Oh, man. Get it. You get it. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. A plus list? I don't know. That is pushing it. It's pushing it.

Very hard. It's definitely pushed it, but everybody in the world knows what John Trott is. A plus recognizably. Yeah, recognizably. In terms of like respect, though. No. No. Projects.

Or work. Right. Anything. Or family life or, you know, life choices. Pronunciation. Yeah. All of that. It's a C-Mibus.

Abedal Dazim. And dins amiggled. Man, you feel like Scientology quelled that really fast? Or do you think that America just moved past it? Adel Dazim? I haven't moved on. Because it'll...

You keep talking about America, but I'm still laughing about it. I love it. Because my students are always singing, let it go. And children, I was just at a barbecue with some kids' families. They were singing to let it go. And every time I hear let it go, because it's everywhere, every time. I just picture John Travolta being like,

please welcome the wickedly talented Adela Zim. Not her name. Man, you know, I am pretty proud of myself. I have never heard the song, let it go. I don't know if I've ever heard a studio recording of it, but I've just heard children sing it. I've never heard it either. I'm really happy about it.

I don't want it in my head. Yeah, that's fine. Because I know it'll be in my head. Yeah. We only hear what John Trau's next few projects are? Sure. All right. His next one is criminal activities. Four young men make a risky investment together that puts them in in trouble with the mob.

Is he one of the young men? I think he's probably the mobster. Okay, good. Yeah, and they all have to suck them off to get out. Yeah. I just wish that they were all like such a heinously gay plots. But the thing is that the mobster is gay. No, no, no, not the actor.

It's the mobster that's gay. It's not the actor. Next is after that, a three dog life. Adapted from the New York Times best-selling memoir by Abigail Thomas, chronicling how she rebuilds her life with the help of three dogs after her husband suffers traumatic brain injury, leaving him with no long or short-term memory. So he's the brain injury one.

Probably, no, he's probably one of the dogs, Jackie. I would love to see him. It's an animated feature. I would love to see him act like a dog. A wolf. A wolf. That's my dog. Impression. Thank you guys. Well, he's not going to be playing a dog, but in 2014, he is going to be playing

a gummy bear. Oh, no. Gummy Bear, the movie. Bouncing here and there and everywhere? 3D. Uh-oh. I don't know. See, the television show I loved, I think, because everyone knows the theme song. Yeah.

Gummy Bears. Bouncing here and there and everywhere. Why are they making a movie about gummy bears so late? Because it's 3D. Then they can fucking pop. They can fucking pop at your face. Says Gummy and his friends. Oh, no.

A vegetarian vampire bat. A cat and a chameleon fighting to save an alien planet from destruction. Never mind. I have to see it. I'm sorry. Look at the fuck. Look at the poster for it. Oh my God. This is. The most revolting thing I've ever heard of.

Oh, man. Is there a trailer, Marcus? I don't think, no, there's not a trailer yet. All I know is that. Please look it up and please look up the picture of it and that looks disgusting. Somebody should tell them that gummy bears aren't vegetarian. Ooh, man, this is bad. Geloton.

Whoa. So you can't eat Jell-a-putting? Mm-mm. Wow, gelatin. Mm-hmm. That isn't a lot of candy. Good candy. Interesting.

I didn't know that. Yeah. Because it's made from like bones, isn't it? Yeah, bones. Bones. Yeah, bones. Yeah, bones.

But no, it's a vegetarian vampire bat. Yeah. Which aren't all, for the most part, the vampire bats are. By definition, they are not vegetarian. Oh, I guess because they eat blood. Yeah.

Blood is not. You can't do blood? Blood's not fine. But what about? then why didn't they make it a fruit bat making a fucking fruit bat you're making a fucking gay and shit fruit bat give John Travolta the job

I'm sure he struggles that's his whole thing that's gonna be his whole comedic thing Oh Jesus Christ I'm a vampire bat but I'm a vegetarian And a cat and a chameleon? Yes a fighting chameleon There's only three people cast

In the movies so far Who are they? John Travolta Ella Blue Travolta and Kelly Preston. Oh no. It's a Scientology movie. I think you might like it.

I think you might like it. Oh no. No, that sounds bad. That's horrifying. We have to stop it. It's going to end up to stop his movie. It's going to end up to date the children. Oh, it's Harry the Camelian, Vampiro, the Vampire Bat, and Cupcake the Cupcake.

We have to stop this. It has to be stopped. Oh, man. In a faraway universe, a top secret. test version of a deep space video game is delivered to gummy bear. And by the way, gummy bear is just his name. Oh, so it's not a brand, like, it's not a brand of gummy bears. No, it's not like, it's not like Disney gummy bears or like, it's just his name is

gummy bear. And that's it's, oh my God. His name is just gummy bear. He's just a green gummy bear. No. It's just gummy bear. And it's written by George Gallo. We have to end this project.

Yeah. Is there a petition we can sign? Maybe we can send some letters. This has to be stopped. Gummy Bear, the movie cannot be made. No, we have to stop it. We'll start a petition. I don't know how.

I don't know. Molly, talk to your lawyer, boyfriend. I've never started a petition. Let's figure this out. We have to close it down. And then maybe we can get John Travolta on the show. Yeah, to defend himself. To defend himself.

Why are you making Gummy Bear 3D the movie? Because that's what the poster says. Oh, 3D. Stealth Media Group and collaboration with Oscar General Productions, and Spice Factory presents, John Travolta is Gummy Bear, 3D the movie. You can make you a John Travolta vehicle,

John Travolta, that's fine, but don't make it about fucking gummy bears. Oh, with your kid and his fucking wife, your pseudo-wife? Yeah. Oh man, maybe they'll have the ghost of his dead kid too in it. I just have like old family videos

of recordings of him. He's like, he's still alive. He's still alive. That's another one of my John Travolta impersonations. He still laugh. We have to stop it. Okay.

The noun needs to be stopped. We need to find out if anyone that's listening knows how we can shut down this production. Email us to Cape Cove radio and OGMI look up. Please do. Please, because I don't want to see

Gummy Bear landing in Mimi Yaya's bedroom. That or I would love to violently protest it out front of movie theaters. Yes. I mean there needs to be Or with posters. Yeah. Posters, there might be gummy bears

involved. Yeah, we'll do a sit-in. Yeah. And we'll watch the movie over and over again until we go insane and then we'll show the government what he's doing to people because when the date, mark my words, if I join Scientology,

it is because of that movie. And I blame the movie. You will hear this now. and I want to shut down if I joined Scientology and you guys are going to find me and you're going to kill every Scientologist you can find. Done.

All right. Now I feel better. Now I'm fine with it. All right. That's it. I guess we'll end up. And we're going to get out of here. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

My name is Molly Neff. I'm Marcus Parks. And I guess we'll see you guys next week.