Page 7 - Episode 87: Mishton

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

Ashton Kutcher proves to be a monster of a baby-daddy, the lid gets blown off all the fake teeth in Hollywood, and Julia Roberts is revealed to be a bit of a beast. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Just start. Yeah, baby. It's getting hot in it. I'm not keeping your clothes. Please. Oh, my God. Help me. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

My name is Molly Nethel. My name's Marcus Parks. It's not hot in here. I know. I was just singing. It's just been in my head all day. You're just complaining. Like every other fucking person who comes in here.

You're a complainer. I mean, in reality, what's in my head is, you know, that song that Oh, the one that goes like, Oh, oh, oh, oh,

no, it goes, anything could happen, anything can happen. You know it. No, I've never heard in my life. Apparently,

I am five years late in this because I listen to it today and I was like, this song was like overplayed like a million years ago. And I didn't know that. I think it's fun.

Yeah. It's kind of annoying with the, oh, I've never heard that song in my life. It's fun, God damn it. I'm sure it is. I still haven't heard it, so I'm even more behind than you.

Or I just don't recognize it based on you. From my beautiful tunes. I don't know if that's possible, though, so probably I haven't heard it. Yeah, I have a dulcet tone or fucking nine of them. Pieces of crap, your crap ears. Your dulcet tones, that's how you describe it. Dulcet. I can't hit the notes.

I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to look up the definition of dulcet. Isn't dulcet a word? Sweet and soothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dulcet, like dulce de leche. Often. That's what I describe my fucking juice.

I got dulcée de leche. It's sweet, sweet milk. It's often used ironically. Ah. My voice is like dulce. Dilection. Yeah, so there's one thing we could say that we could use to describe you, Jackie.

It would be sweet and soothing. Yeah, baby. You're motherfucking right. Maybe it is appropriate if it's meant to be ironic. Then that's actually the perfect word for your voice. Is sardonic word? Sardonic is definitely a word. Am I being sardonic right now?

I don't think so. It makes me think of sardine. You're being pizza-ish right now. Oh, my God. You're being a real... You're being a real pepperoni pizza. Oh, bitch. I'm being a bony fish.

Boney fish. Rich in Omega 3. Bidges. Better a source of protein than tuna. Get my bones in your teeth. When you eat me. When you eat me. Sardonic means grimly mocking or cynical.

Ah. Mmm. You are sardonic. Just you're not being sardonic right now. Not currently. So congratulations. You were both... The Zalcernic?

Yeah. Wow. Grimley. Oh, I remember the word grimly. Because it's like, was it Ed Grimley? I'm playing a real word game over here in my head. Reassociation over on your end of the room. Yeah, Ed Grimley.

Yeah, Martin Shore, that thing. Yeah. He went, oh. It was weird. He had that dumb haircut. Yeah, he had the dumb hair cut. cut the tall pants. I'm going mental I must say.

Yeah, I must say. That's right. Now I remember. I thought we have cleared that up. Well, let's get to some celebrity news. All right. No more free association for me. If you're one of those people who always figured you'd be totally willing to let

Ashton Coochard father your baby, are you? No. Well, even if you were. He's still, he looks like he's 14 years old. Yeah. An annoying 14 year old. You look like a man. Okay.

He's got like, he even has the haircut of like a 12 year old from 1978. Yes. That is true. But it's working for him. I guess. I mean, Milaguna is, you ought to think again if you want him to be your baby daddy. All right.

We're not going to think about it again. I know you're not going to, I didn't know you didn't think about it in the first place. You really thought we thought about it? I don't know what people think. You know what we think. You know our types, Marcus. You follow us religiously. Well, think again.

All right. I'll think about it once more. Think about one more time. No. No. Yeah. Yeah. Sources tell radar that Coutcher is driving

pregnant fiancé. Mila Coonis insane. trying to dictate her diet and exercise choices and sulking when she blows off exercising or juices, juicing with him. That in general is possibly the most aggravating thing a significant other could ever do. You imagine like, you won't exercise with me. You're getting you fat. I'm like, go fuck yourself. Fine.

Where are you geusing with me? You big me, you go you fit, girl. You're going to fit one. I'm like, yeah, I am. and I'm not going to juice with you. This damn juicing. Everyone with the goddamn juicing. What's it with the juicing?

I don't know. Is it just drinking juice? It's just drinking fresh juice. Like a lot of juice. You juice your vegetables, you eat your fruit. Oh, really? That's the, I work with vegetarians, so they say that, because you need the pulp and the fiber from the fruit. But with the vegetables, you just need the nutrients.

So you juice your vegetables, you eat your food. fruit. And then you don't eat anything else. And then you don't eat anything else. That's the thing. There's this man. I watched this show about I think it was a long infomercial for a juicer. Now that I think about it, but it featured a man who was like

Australian and he was like, I was fat sick and nearly dead. And then I started drinking juice. And then he just drank juice and nothing else for like six months and then he was like an emaciated skeleton. I have you know, I have thought about juicing. I've looked into it.

Apparently really cleans you out, gets you back going. But I wouldn't do it. If it was like juice and cigarettes, sure, I could do that. Or if it was like juice and 12 beers, I could do that. But other than that, or like juice and meatballs. You could do like a juice shandy, like a half beer, a half fresh juice. Yeah, and I'll fucking juice the shit out of that. Yeah, I'll do a juice shandy.

Yeah, but at the same time those juices are so fucking expensive, but they got all the fucking money in the world. She's already so tiny. She's not going to get big. Well, what he says, what people say, the sources, says that Ashton has always been weird about Mila's diet. Yuck. Even before she became pregnant.

Yuck. Oh, it's not okay. Ashton is really hard on Mila because it's also, but it's also because they've known each other since they were kids. No. So there's always been a weird and sometimes mean brother's sister dynamic to their relationship. Ew. Well, how does knowing someone since they're a kid give you the excuse to police their fucking diet?

I don't know. Oh, that is so, so not okay. I can't even, do you imagine, like, eating something and, like, a significant being, like, you sure you want to eat that? Oh. I would, I think I would beat them to death. Definitely at least a few punches. And I feel like in this case, it's, I'm sure that it could go, like, both ways in terms of,

I think in any relationship it could go both ways in terms of gender, but there's something about being, like, a famous hot woman and your husband being, like, make sure that you stay skinny and hot. That's like even grosser, you know? Yeah, and it's also, it's like she's a great actress too. Right. You know, like she's good at what she fucking does. Yeah.

Just let her be her own fucking person. Yeah. Ew. And he wears trucker hats. Someone should you fucking tell him he shouldn't wear trucker hats. Get a haircut. Wear tighter pants. Yeah.

Remember that for starts. Wear tighter pants. He looks like he's got fucking Jankos on half the time. Yeah, he is. He's stuck in the 90s. Really? Is he a Jinko guy? He is a 90s dresser.

I think it was because he was famous in the 90s. He's still famous. Yeah, but. But for what, really, besides that movie with Natalie Portman? That butterfly effect? Yeah. I feel like it was more so that he was fucking Demi Moore for a long time and now he's with Milakuna.

Agreed. It was punked. Oh, he was biggest. Oh, being in a fucking asshole. Yeah, right. And again, we're talking about at least 10, 15 years ago, punked, right? That was a while ago. That was a while ago.

I think that was 2004. Remember the Jamie Kennedy experiment? Oh, yeah, I remember that. I remember that because I watched an episode of it a few months ago. I don't remember it. It was on YouTube. It was really bad. Jamie Kennedy, you remember the like fucking little shit from Scream?

Yeah, he was awful. Was he Randy? Yeah, I liked Randy. Yeah, that's right. You did like Randy, yeah. I don't like him anymore, but I liked him in sixth grade. Wait, like sexy liked him? I liked skinny dudes.

Molly. You talked about this like a month ago. I don't remember that. You guys were mad then, too. Good. You know what? At least I stick to my fucking guns. At least I know what I fucking fail.

I don't even remember what it looks like, to be honest. I just... Rat face. I think I was like, well, I don't like David Arquette. Well, yeah, but that's not the one. It's the fucking psycho boyfriend. Skeet Ulrich. Oh, yeah.

That kind of had a Johnny Depp thing going for. Yeah. Yeah, Skied Oldridge was a poor man's... This is we're looking at a picture of Jamie Kennedy today. So ugly. He's been unemployed since Scream 1. Looks like it. So Scream 2, I guess.

Yeah, he was a stand-up. This is the Jamie Kennedy that you knew and loved. Yeah, see, he's not so bad. Molly. He's not so bad. Please everyone look up Jamie Kennedy from Scream and look up pictures of what he used to look like. He's getting worse.

He has gel in his hair. All right, yep, I was wrong. And then you can watch as he gets fatter and fatter as the years go on. Very, very young Jamie Kennedy is less. Anyway, what was the Jamie Kennedy experiment? I can't defend my head. It was punked, except Jamie Kennedy was doing it and like being like characters. But it was really, really bad.

It was on the WB. Oh, Lord. It was like the bottom of the payroll. Every aspect of punk, but like downgraded by several levels. Oh, my. My God, you know, in 2010, they were going to revive Punked and replace fucking Ashton Coocher with Justin Bieber. Oh, my God. Wow.

Well, because he is, I mean, he has that same kind of little shit. He does. And he has the same stupid haircut. He does. Also, Justin Bieber right now, I saw him recently because I was watching So You Think You Can Dance. And he looks on it? Yeah, he was like introducing the street crews, which give me a break. Jesus Christ.

He's not street. No. He is the opposite of street. Yeah, never been. He's Canadian. I don't know why he thinks he's so thug. Yeah. He's a little boy who's never actually been anybody because he was plucked as a little boy and then just turned into a creation. But he looks right now, he looks exactly, the way he dresses,

he looks exactly like the episode and Say By the Bell where they have, Zach has that dream where Zach attack the band becomes famous. And then Zach actually looks like specifically like the part in that episode. where Zach leaves Zach attack to go be his own famous singer. No, but you haven't seen this episode? No. I just really want to save by the film.

We are the outcast and that, though, I think because I know a lot of people, I think I may have watched some of that episode because someone tried to force me to play a Save by the Bell drinking game. And I never watched Save by the Bell. So it's like every time he talks to the camera, take a drink. And then

I didn't give a fuck, so just shut it off. was like, how about we just drink instead? How we just regularly drink? Yeah, do we need a reason to drink? But I would totally play a same-by-the-bell drinking game. This episode with Zach Attack was my favorite episode. I even liked the songs that they played. Well, yeah, because they were all in a band together, right?

That was a specific episode we were watching. Yeah. It was like every time they start to sing, then you take a drink. They had a song called Friends Forever. Yes. But in that episode, there's like a bad, the conflict is that Zach, like wants to go off on his own and start, uh, be,

I don't know, somehow he ends up on his own. And, and he looks exact, he like is so 90s. He's got big vanilla ice hair, big, like sparkly shoulder pad, shirtless,

uh, like, and that brings us back to the president. Yeah, well, and Casey Kaysam is there. And the Zachatat for Union concert. Oh weird.

He just fucking died. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. This is the, oh my God. This was my favorite episode. So, much. This is the Zach Attack playing Friends Forever.

When we were so young. It's definitely not them singing, by the way. Wait, so do you know this song from listening to it independently or just because you've seen this episode so many times? The second one. If there was a CD, I would have bought it, but there wasn't. Yeah, I saw this. We will be best

I like it because none of them are actually playing the instruments either And you can tell Not at all Not even trying It also doesn't sound anything like that No That's not what Kelly Kapowski sounds like

She was really hot though She was the hottest She was really really hot She was at one point in my life She was like the hottest Girl in the world Yeah I don't think that any of the dudes

Were attractive though I think it's why I never got into it Oh, see, yeah, Zach Morris was mine. But, yeah, I thought Mario Lopez and Screech, obviously, were disgusting. I thought all three of them were, I think it's why I was like boy meets world better, because older brother Eric, yeah. Young Eric, though. Older Eric is depressing.

Really depressing. See, that minds me of like your thing for Jamie Kennedy. I thought that you would like older Eric. No. He had gel in his hair. Older Eric was like 30 and still living in the house. and like only friends with his two younger siblings. Have you seen the new show yet?

I saw clips of it. It's on? Girl Meets World. It is the, I don't know if it's on yet. I just saw like clips of it online. I don't know if they've released the whole thing yet. It is Corey and Zepang. I've grown up.

Now they have children together and it's about the children going through like middle school and high school. It is bad. It looks really, really bad. I think it's going to be real bad. It's only on its second episode right now. But people were like,

obsessed with the fact that was coming back. I'm sure you were probably too old to watch Boy Meets World, right? Absolutely, yeah. I thought it was great at the time. I think Mr. Rfeeney is in it too. I've gone back and watched a few episodes of Boy Meets World in my adulthood, and my conclusion is that it is a terrible show. Yeah, yeah, it's really bad.

I definitely loved it as a kid. And it's like a poor man's wonder years. They literally were like, let's take this lesser savage and cast him in a lesser show also about like Americana. But it was on for a really long time. And Ryder Strong. Rider Strong was also a dreamboat. Yeah, young Eric and Ryder Strong, sign me up.

Marcus, are you signed up? Oh, I'm signed up for some Topanga. Yeah, she's got bust. Yeah, she's got bust. She's got bust. Yeah, she got bust and butt. Yeah, because you grow up bust all over there, butt. Right, right, right, right, right.

Yeah, Danielle Christine Fischel. Yeah, baby. That's her name. That's her name. She looks good still, too. She's fucking so hot. Yeah. It's the lips.

Ooh, I don't know. She has really good lips. Yeah. I am looking at a picture right now that is fucking terrifying, though. Too much lips? It's the eyes. Look at her eyes. She's got dead eyes.

She's got dead eyes and a dead face. Yeah. I mean, she's been involved in the Boy Meets World Underpress since she was like eight. It probably really killed her soul. Yeah. Well, that'll happen. Man, I'll do anything for that money, though. do whatever you want with me.

Take my fucking soul away. Give me that fucking money. You know, back to Mila and Ashton. Oh, yes. Or Mishton and A. Mishin. Mishin.

We can call Mishin. Yeah, I like Mishin. She'd made a good point. She was on Letterman the other night. She made a good point. And this bugs me too. She said she hates it when people say we're pregnant. Like when Guy says like, yeah, we're pregnant right now.

Yeah. That bugs the fuck out of me. You're fucking not pregnant. Yeah. I hate that. Yeah. I think it's. That is disgusting.

Yeah. It's just so weird. Does he say that? He doesn't say that, but she brought it up on the show. Oh my God. Independently. It's really, I mean, it's like that. Also, yesterday was Father's Day, and there's something about women, or not women, just people in general that call their father's daddy that really disgusts me.

It's weird. We're pregnant. Daddy. I love you, Daddy. Yuck. No, that sounds like a fantasy. that you're playing out. You're not talking about your goddamn father, that's for sure.

Yeah, adult women who say mommy and daddy, sorry, adult people, yeah, either gender who call their parents mommy and daddy. Although that's really creepy. A dude calling his mother mommy. I've heard it. Yuck! Like a full-grown man? Yeah.

Mommy? Like adult siblings talking about their parents and being like, oh, have you talked to daddy? No, I talked to mommy. Oh, my God. Please, you weren't friends with them, were you? I, you have to stop immediately. They were associates. Associates.

That's not the word acquaintances. I like associates better though. I didn't work with them. They were people that I knew. Boy, Huffington Post is really weird. My associates. They were just people that I knew, but I did find it a little bit strange. Yeah, mommy and daddy.

That's so weird. If you're going to say we're pregnant that I feel like we have to like make sure that the dude and the relationship is forced to go through whatever the woman is. Even if it's fake. Yeah. Like put a bunch of saline in his ankles so it's like ankles get all swollen. Yeah. And make him wear a ponch around. Give him a kidney stone.

Can't drink. Can't take any Advil. Yeah. Can't fucking do anything. Yeah. And then yeah, exactly. Shove a bunch of fucking forks up his pinky hole when she's given birth. How about that?

When dudes say we're pregnant. It makes, it just, it, it, it, has, I have this gross picture in my mind of, like, the dude's dick attached to this big pregnant belly. Oh. Because there's, it has to be some sort of weird symbiotic thing. It's like a vacuum hose. It's like sucking the baby out. Yeah. And that's the only thing that makes sense in my brain for some reason. Interesting. But, you know, I mean, my brain does some weird things. And it ain't going to fit outside that peepie hole.

It ain't going to fit outside that peepie hole. It's too small. Yeah, I remember thinking that when I saw the movie Jr., I was like, does he? give birth to the baby through his penis hole? And I don't think anyone wanted to answer my question. C-section. Pretty easy answer. C-section.

Yeah, I don't think I actually saw the movie, as much as I saw the movie poster for the movie Jr. I really like that movie. She's a great. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. No, that's twins. With Danny DeVito?

Yeah. Yeah. Actually, isn't he, no, Emma Watson. No, Emma Thompson. She's in Jr. Oh, I love her. She's the other scientist. Right?

Yeah. I believe so. Well, I mean, we're about to find out. a lot about Junior. And Danny DeVito was in that too. Was he really? Yeah, yeah. The tagline,

nothing is inconceivable. For those of you out there who have never seen or heard of Jr. It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger. Where were you? Yeah, where were you in the early 90s? In 1994, come on. As part of a fertility research project,

a male scientist agrees to carry a pregnancy in his own body. This starred Arnold Schwarzenegger. Where did the baby live? In the belly. I think they implanted a uterus. Oh, they're good. They fucking just threw them in with a bunch of stomach.

Hospitalable environment for a baby. And Arnold Schwarzenegger spent time in obstetricians waiting rooms to learn how pregnant women behave. So that's weird. So you mean you just learn how to complain? Hey, pregnant women. They do complain a lot. For good reason they have an alien inside of them Yeah man I wouldn't want an alien inside of me

We were talking about that yesterday I remember when my sister was pregnant I saw the baby's hand press out from inside of her stomach like saw the outline of a hand And I almost threw up I was like that's disgusting I was just like stop it's beautiful And shot all pissed off

Do you still think about that when you see the now child No, not so much It's more so like every time I look at my stomach Which I tend to try To not look at my stomach no matter what anyway Is there a baby in it? No, it's just budge What if all of a sudden

I just saw a hand come out? Oh no! Man I just kind of wish You know the stories about like I didn't know I was pregnant stories? Yeah I think that could happen to me With the about that I complain

And how I'm always like uncomfortable I mean I drink it out of me at some point But I feel like all of a sudden you go to the bathroom He's like I'm gonna take a big shit Remember that and the woman goes to dig a shit And she fucking had a baby in a toilet bowl I think I'm worried that's going to happen to me

I'm going to take a shit Oh man that's shit out of A baby. Oh, it's a baby. Oh. Oh. So, I mean, they love being born in water anyway. Mm-hmm.

May I as well fucking shoot it into a toilet. I think upright is also some people are doing their upright baby. And then your maternal instinct helps you catch it before it falls to the ground. Supposedly. Helps you? Makes you? I don't know. I mean, that helps you.

That's a risk. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I want 100% guarantee that the baby's not shooting out of me and onto the ground. God, those videos are the wrong. worst watching women like standing up naked just like screaming screaming screaming is they're like holding on to something or they're like out and like oh oh Marcus are you looking up have you never seen any of these videos before I have not natural trial birth no interest in giving birth

oh man it is primal it's really gross wow all right yeah you're going to have to uh oh lord We're going to have to watch this. Oh, Lord. This woman is standing up. See, you could be wearing a t-shirt, though. She's all naked. She's holding on to a door jam. Oh.

She doesn't even look that pregnant. Not really. Ew. Ew. Oh, God. Is the baby going to come out? Who's videotaping this? Oh, no.

Oh, God. I don't know if I can't. Oh, my God, the baby is coming out of them. There's no one there to catch it. Yeah, who's going to catch it? Oh, and there's all this goo coming off. Oh, no. This is going to traumatize me forever.

I mean, the noise is kind of sexy. Oh, my God. Oh, my Lord. She caught it herself. Oh, my Lord. Wow. I mean, it slipped right out. Yeah, that one came out real, real easy.

Yeah, that was like a magic trick. She was really good. I've seen other ones, men, where the women are, like, grabbing it. She's like, ah! Oh, God. I get, I scream if I hit my funny bone today, and I was like, fuck. Fuck. You imagine.

I just imagine me, like, swinging a knife around. God, I'm a catcha! Yeah, somebody has to videotape when you're going to be hilarious. It's going to be hilarious. It's going to be hilarious. I'll volunteer. Oh, my God. I'm going to try and cut you.

Because Doug's going to be busy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to be drunk in another room. Oh, I got to be the one. Yeah, yeah. You could be drunk too. Okay, I'll be drunk. You got a videotape.

I'll just be, yeah, I will be drunk. That's the thing. I feel like at that point, if you're giving birth, you can drink during the birth. right? I think that'd be fine. I think that'd be fine. It's like last minute. You gotta get through it somehow. Drink through it.

I think an epidural is basically like a beer and a shot special right into your spine. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be fine. And get drunk. Yeah. Now that's what I'm talking about. Take some fucking bars. Get all fucking barred up. And then take a shot of tequila. Now that's a strong child

All right, it's time for the list Oh my God, who's on the list? Yeah, got to have that list Yeah Stars whose perfect teeth are fake Oh God Oh Lord Hillary Duff, she wears veneers

No, she doesn't Yes she doesn't I always thought What's a veneer? Is that like on top of your normal teeth? Yeah, I think so Interesting Because I was obsessed with Lizzie McGuire.

Obviously not that in themselves. And her teeth were a little Wonkers and now she's got Chompums. She's got fat chompoms. Oh yeah, man. She's fucking chomp, chomp. Oh yeah, she's got some pretty great teeth. But yeah, a veneer goes, like a dental ceramic that goes over all your teeth.

Sounds unpleasant. Jennifer Garner. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, she does, she wears veneers to help hide a quote, pronounced gum line. What does that mean? Too many gums. Too many gums. Are there pictures of her without the veneers?

Let me try to type in Jennifer Garner. Gumbs. Ew, gross. She's got tiny little teeth and too many gums. I mean, that's. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Although she's got too much teeth in the picture. She had too much sheets. She went from too much gum, too much sheet, but they gave two fucking something in the middle. You find a balance. I think she looked bad before. Oh, man. She was ugly when she was young. Look at that one.

Which one? This one underneath it. She had glasses. I totally would have gum for. Yeah. I think she just had bangs of glasses and a bad sweater. And a bad sweater. It's so much gum.

Jennifer, that's a bad sweat. You got to fix that sweater and fix your gums. Oh, yeah, girl. Oh, but no. A couple years later, she was able to, you know. Yeah, she can fucking kick it with the dicks. Yep, she dicked it with the kick. Yeah, baby.

Yeah, you know who else got fake teeth? Who? Leanne Rhymes. Oh, man, it's because of all those drugs she does. And they, some people say that a little bit too big for her mouth. Oh my God, do they fall out? We used to have, our grandfather used to do that where like you'd be talking to them and then he would like pop out his fake teeth to scare you

and then underneath it was all like the dead teeth. It was pretty gross. Yeah. I imagine that's what she does. Yeah, right. I have just like, boca, boca, boca, boca. No! Yes, she looks weird with her new teeth.

Like, look at this. Like, she's, she looked just totally fine with her old teeth. She's actually much prettier. Now she's got like kind of a chimpanzee look going on. Yeah, she looks exactly like when chimpanzee look. And he's grin and really is out of malice. Yeah. I thought about getting veneers.

Maybe now, no. You shouldn't. You don't need veneers. You're fine. My teeth are bad. No. No, they're not. Not like that.

You look so weird. Just like big, straight Y, T. Yeah. Ah. Yeah. You know who else? Denny Moore. Shock.

She's a fucking piece of them fake. Duh. Oh, I'm sorry. That just, like, came from my fucking soul. You on the other hand are not famous. And then the least. They go, they go. Yeah, yeah.

Boy, Demi Moore, she's replaced Sarah Jessica Parker in the road trip comedy, Wild Oates. Oh, no. Who else is in the movie? Jessica Lang, Shirley Maclean and Judd Hirsch. See, that cast, I love it. Don't fucking put Demi Moore in there. No, no, no, no. What are you talking about?

The story follows a widower and retiree who goes on the run after accidentally receiving a $5 million life insurance check. Jessica Lang and Shirley Maclean and Judd Hirsch, I mean, you know how I feel about ordinary people. I know. I think that that sounds like a stellar cast. Demi Moore is just going to be.

be on there just be like, I'm in Avan. Ew, she's a cretan. I hate her. She's creepy. And I mean, Sarah Jessica Barker is pretty weird too. Yeah, but I like her better because of sex in the city. Yeah, and because of Matthew Bradrick? No.

The Christmas movie. Sex in the city. Family Stone. Family Stone. You guys will never understand. He just as watch it. I mean this casting news is actually this is on the same page

the guy that played Loki Tom Hiddleston Yeah He's gonna be playing Hank Williams Oh yeah In the biopic Yeah I saw the light

I think it's gonna be great Yeah I was just talking I was talking about that the other day And then he went on and on about They should have had a Hank Williams Biopic by now But

Yeah You know At least they're making one now Yeah And he is a hottie Hank Williams No, no, Tom Middelson. Ah, yeah.

They're going to have to probably hug him up a bit. Yeah, Hank Williams was a bit of a goofer. He was a goof. He was a goofer, man, a hardcore goofer. Living in a whole goofer.

Of course, Tom Cruise had horrible teeth at one time. Yeah. But then got them all fixed up. You can almost see it just by looking at him. Yeah. So apparently,

Edge of Tomorrow, which is the movie that he's in right now, which is that he keeps dying and coming back to life and having the same day over and over again. I saw the preview for it. So it is very similar to Groundhog Day. Yeah. And the main woman in the movie is named Rita,

which is the same name as Andy McDowell in Brownhawk Day. Wow, what an oversight. I think they may have done it on purpose, I guess. It's a weird homage. Like, we're basically stealing the premise for your movie. And like making it worse. Yeah. Yeah, making it worse.

Tom Cruise is there and we'll take your name out of some sort of homage. Maybe. Apparently the movie was pretty good though. Edge of tomorrow? I've heard from a few people that it's actually really good. Like people who hate everything. Mike Lawrence, who hates everything and everyone. Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise. That's what I think. I can't get past it. Yep. Nope. No. You just look at him and you just see blind. And on Roundtable, I was also thinking about Phenomenon with John Travolta.

I forgot about that movie. Yeah. Remember that when he was the angel? No, he wasn't. No, Michael was when he was the angel. He was Michael. Phenomenon is when he had the powers. Yeah, yeah.

But those came out within like three years of each other. And that's similar marketing. I think it was within a year. Like Magic Joan Travolta marketing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Phenomenon was a movie where he played like just a good old small small. old town fella. This is after film fiction. And it was around the time though as powder.

I think it was. It was very similar. Well, this happens a lot in Hollywood where Hollywood, like they'll have, certain studios will have these scripts on hold. And if they hear that there's a movie coming out of a certain kind, then they'll go ahead and rush their movie out as well.

That's why you had like two pre-Fontaine movies within like six months of each other. Interesting. Yeah. That's why like, A Bug's Life and ants came out at the same time. Yeah. They say that's why they'll never be a Harry Houdini movie

because every studio has five Harry Houdini scripts. Oh. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It is. Oh, and by the way, John Travolta, he has played an animated dog before.

He played the dog in Bolt. I have no feeling about it, but I do know that we discussed it last week. We did discuss it last week. I don't remember that movie. I looked it up. I even looked at the movie. poster and I was like, oh, I don't remember it at all.

Yeah. I don't know. Might have been a drunk in summer. Probably. Probably. Yeah. Also, I don't really like cartoons for the most part. Yeah, well. Except for Bob's Burgers, which is so fucking good. Watch the season. It's so good.

All right. So Michael and Phenomenon came out the same year. Really? Within like a couple of months of each other. Wow. Yeah. No wonder you thought that they were the same movie. And it was, I mean, they weren't weirdly. Remember that there's that scene of him in Michael where he like takes up his long trench coat and he's got huge angel wings.

That was really weird. I remember that film very, very well. It was very popular in Texas. Really? It was an extremely popular movie. Why? Was it set in Texas? It was filmed in Texas.

Oh. Yeah. But it is very, very strange that that movie was so popular. Hugely popular. Remember when the dog died? Yeah, and he brought it back to life Yeah, but it was at the detriment to himself

Oh my God He brought back the dog But then he lost some of his wings Because he brought back the dog And then City of Angels was around that time too Yeah, with Nicklaus Cage right? Yeah, and Meg Ryan Yep, I remember that

God, men to late 90s What a horrible time for art I mean, it was all bad It was really all bad Yeah And nothing interesting really was happening around that time No, boy bands Yeah. That was about it.

95-96. I think Pavement put out an album. I don't know what that is. They were a pretty good band. Oh, yeah. For a time. For a time. For the time. Now you listen to him, it's kind of hokey. Yeah. Remember how everyone fucking loved Green Day? Green Day sucks. All right. It's time for Blind Night of.

Yay! We can't see them. All right. First up. said the most boring sex she ever had was with this former A-plus list mostly movie actor who's also an Academy Award winner. He drank his own pee. Oh.

In Waterworld. Oh, Kevin Costner. Worst sex she ever had. Of course. She said she was so bad. I didn't know that they fucked. Yeah, that's gross. A lot of people fucked.

Kevin, Kevin Cot. You're doing me, my ass. Ew. Kevin Koster looks like the most boring person of all time. Yes, agreed. I've never understood the hot Kevin Kostner thing, even back in the 90s when it was... A little bit in the bodyguard.

A little bit. A little bit just because he was a little boring. It was more of the boring thing in bodyguard, but he was a bodyguard. He was supposed to be boring. Uh-huh. So that was like a boring hot? Yeah.

But then, like, dances with wolves happened. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even think I ever watched it in the world. I think I watched the first 20 minutes of it. And I was like, where are the wolves? I want more wolves in this. Well, there was that super hot woman who ended up being on Battlestar Galactica later.

She was pretty great. Yeah. She was all fucking dirty and Indian. Ew, you love it. I love it. I love a dirty woman. Ew, Marguess. I don't know.

I like having sex outside, get all covered in, dirt. Are you talking about like a Pocahontas? Are you pulling a Pocahontas right now? What's a Pocahontas? Like John Smith, Pocahontas? Like a savage. No, it's nothing like that.

It's just about, you know, being all dirty. Okay. Yeah. Can't get that here in the city. You cannot do that in New York City. No. One sitting outside of New York City out in some forests. It was wonderful.

Got all muddy and dirty and naked. The soil here is toxic. Yeah. Yeah. It's so gross here. I mean, I know nobody here. wants to get any at New York City soil near their genitals. None of us want that.

But when you're out in the woods of Virginia, Virginia is sure. Yeah. I do it in another non-toxic city. Yeah. Or preferably not city. You imagine just fucking on a sidewalk? Bushwick.

It's just like a hot side covered in trash. Trash. My trash heap. My fucking pit bull turds. Ew. Tert. Broken glass. Well, yeah.

broken glass, you know, you use it to your advantage. Next up, this married Academy Award nominee winner actress was A-plus list back in the day and part of a famous family. Now she makes commercials and is pretty whiny about everything. What she wants you to believe is that she's straight and narrow. What she won't tell you is that she got so wasted on LSD one night during the filming of a movie that she took on four dudes at once and she was legendary. This one's a surprise.

Erin Brockovich. Whoa, Julia Roberts. The pretty woman herself. Wow, four dudes with a mouth that big. It's easy. One in the fucking front hole, one in the back hole, two in the fucking boca.

You know what I mean? Fucking in that fat mouth. Especially two tiny weenies. Would you know they was tiny. They could probably get three in there. Like sucking on a goddamn Jolly Rancher.

Oh, I like watermelon and grape. Wow. And fucking odd. She's tripping the whole time too. Dude, that's awesome.

Like gang bang tripping. Man. I don't know. Actually, I don't know if I can do that. Yeah. It would be. fun for a time until it wasn't fun

anymore. Yeah, it would stop being fun at one point. I hope that Julia Roberts was just like so, like, I finally let it lose, yeah. And then I woke up the next morning and didn't regret it, but was like, yeah, I fuck it, that, you know, I won't probably do it again, but I'm glad I did it. Yeah. Four dudes,

that's, that's so tiring. Four dudes is a lot to work with. Too much. Yeah. This is not enough holes. Unless the dudes are also into each other, then that's, Fine. Hands too. Yeah,

you have two hands, yeah, but you gotta be working it, working your hands. Probably working your fucking fucking goddamn automated baby

to hole. Weh, wee, change my dipey. She doesn't have a fucking diaper on it's

filled with dicks. Next up. I don't have anything to add. That's, period. This game of Thrones actress, who is a big part of the show, has a video she made with a boyfriend, which shows her completely tied up and involved in all types of S&M activity.

She also frequents an S&M club in London on a regular basis. Ooh. It's great because it could be any one of these women. It could be Breyan. It could be Circe. It could be Sersy. It could be Dineries. Is it Sonsa?

It could be agreed. No Sons. because she's a minor. Oh, damn it. I would love to see you're all tied up. Out of all those. And I apologize, Molly, for briefly leaving you out. Yeah, if you pointed them out to me, I'd recognize them, but I still don't care.

So go ahead. So, Brienne. What do you think about her? Oh, my God, I would love it. Is it please, is it Brienne? It could be Brienne. It doesn't say which one is. It could be any of them.

Or, I don't know. Agreed? She is feisty, but in real life she's really hot. She's my favorite. Is that the dragon mother? No, that's the redhead. The wildling. She's my favorite.

Oh, yeah, I like the red head. Yeah. I don't think, see, I don't think it's Denarius because Denarius wouldn't be nude anymore after I think the second season because she didn't want to and she was so good that they complied. So she hasn't been naked a long time, which sucks.

Yes, it does. She's like. There's plenty of naked out there, but you always want more angles. Man, and she is, she's got everything. She's the dragon mother. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, she's hot.

She's really hot. She's sexy. How about Joffey's mom? Who's she? That would be Sercy. Her as well, I would very much enjoy. She would probably. But Marjorie.

Oh, Marjorie. Wow. What has she been in? She's the one that marries Joffrey. Okay. Yep. What else has she been in? Natalie Dormer.

Because she looks really familiar. Uh, yeah. Oh, man, she's so fucking, she's got so much good things. And those outfits? Mm-hmm. Ah, every single time. Yep, she was, uh, she's going to be in the new Hunger Games movie. She was in the Tudors.

Oh, the Tudors. Yeah, the two. The two doors? Two doors. That was another sexy show. She was in Casanova. Flawless City of Life. Masterwork, W.E., Captain America.

Po, Rubicon, long way from home. Rush. The counselor, the riot club. The two doors. Wow. She's been a lot. Yeah. No, I don't know any of those.

Me neither. Fucker then. I really hope. Yeah, right? I really hope. I say Brienne or Xerci. Yeah. I say, I say Brienne.

Brian's a big one. I actually say... Oh, I like her. I actually say you greet because that's what I want. Yeah, the redhead. She's the hottest. She's the hottest one.

I don't know her mouth. I like her mouth and her forehead. See, I don't know. Wide set forehead. Yeah. I like it. It's the red hair. It's the red hair.

Go ahead. Just say it's the red hair. I got a thing for redheads. That's fine. It's a fact. It's fine. I can't do anything about it. It's a fact.

It's a fact. your virginia you're a red-headed girl, you're going to be in the redheads. You're red-hats forever. Yeah. It just ain't going to go away. But, you know. Ew. I don't like that throat talk.

I ain't going to be too concealing. I hate that. That's what I go here. Ew. Redhead fucker. It's fun. It's time for the gay idol. Who's gay?

Who's gay? Who's gay? Who, H.A list actor and closet case. And his B-C-list actress actress, wife slash beard refused for the first time to do their kooky sex marriage counseling sessions saying that they're one step closer to a divorce. She's privately told her family that she wants a quick divorce but her husband is thinking otherwise. Also

expect to see them in public together in the next few months putting on a happy front despite them officially splitting. Will Smith and Jada Pickensmith? Yeah. Whoa! I can't believe I was right. It could also be Jantra. I was gonna guess Jontra. I was like we can't have two Jantras in a row.

This makes three. There's three in a row. Yeah. Yeah. So it could either be John Travolta and Kelly Preston or Will and Jada Smith. I think it has to be Jantrae because Jada Pinkett Smith

is not a B or C list. Is she? I put her a B. B plus. B plus. I mean the only movie I can name. Smoking hot. She works still, doesn't she?

The only movie I have. can name and she was in was demon knight. Oh, and set it off. You ever see C set it off? No. It was about these, her and Queen Latifah and some other chick. They were bank robbers. Yes, I have seen that movie. It's pretty sweet. It's pretty sweet movie. That was like 15 years ago. Yeah, it was a while back. I saw it on BET the other day. I love BET. You on hell date. I love hell date. I think that, I just think that Will Smith and Jada Pinker, Smith, even though they are also weird, are just like so many leagues above genre and Kelly Preston in terms of like quality. Yeah.

Oh, I'll agree with that. I guess. I don't know. I think I hate them. Really? Yeah. Maybe hate is a strong word. It's just sad.

Yeah. With their kids and everything. Oh, their kids are cute. Yeah. Weird and cute. No, they're bad. They're going to be bad. You just like, because they flip your head.

hair banging forth. I went my hair back out. Yeah. They're cute. All right. Well, that's all we got for this week on page seven. Man, thank you guys for listening. Thank you.

Oh, yeah, she was in Ministers Society. She was? Yeah. Ronnie. And she was in Scream. Mm-hmm. Scream 2. Scream 2.

Yeah, I remember that. Joe, she was in the nutty professor. Miss Purdy. That's right. But all of these movies were like 20 years ago. Yes, that was 1990. Yeah, that was 20 years ago. B plus.

All right, B plus. B plus. If she's a B plus, though, Kelly Preston is like a D-minus, right? Yeah. We got to get out of here. Thank you guys for listening. My name is Jackie Zerreskes. My name is Molly Neuf.

I'm Marcus Parks. Well, I'll talk you next week. Meow. Hi, this is Abel Galaeus Shaman, and I just wanted to tell you I'm going to be doing a week at the creek, June 28th to the 29th. It's at 7 p.m. It's totally free. I'm going to be previewing my Edinburgh show here in New York, and then I'm going to move to London, so you should come and see it because it'll probably be the first and last time you get to see it. The show's called Abelagulia Shaman.

It's pronounced Abelaglia Shaman, and it's a show about how much I love my parents, which is really not a cool show. But it's also about sex and men and three sons. and sex, but I'm pretty proud of it. It kind of shows it may be cool to hate your parents, but it's even funnier when you don't. Again, June 22nd to the 28th. It's a free show 7 p.m. Come on out.

It's going to be a lot of fun.