Page 7 - Episode 91: Dolly's Wet Ride

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

Kim and Kanye hire a body double for their baby, Prince George turns one, and Mel Gibson has a secret gross sex tape. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I am a man. I am not a robot. Is that it? The flight of the Concord? No, it's some, uh, little, it's a rapist. It's a rapist. Oh. A what?

Ah, a bit of a rapist out there. I don't know. He's a tiny one. He's got gold teeth. My name is Jackie Zoroastke. My name is Molly Neffle. I'm Marcus Foxx. He's talking about little John?

Maybe. No, I am not that same. I am an alien. Oh, Deltron 33. 30? No. Someone a little more mainstream than that. MF do. No, I don't know these names. I would know the name if you said the name, but none of those are the name. That's informative. Yay, we're back. We're back. And you know what? I want to start off today's episode with a little vindication. Over on the side of the old Marcus Parks here. Just got a comment on my Facebook wall.

You guys can, you know, you can go out And you can put, you make friends with us on Facebook. Make friends. This one's from Soren Markwart. And Soren Mark Twart, he says, Catching up on old episodes of page seven. And Gerber Meat Six are the shit. Fuck the haters.

I just ate a jar of them shits the other day. We ate a jar of them. You can't have to eat them. There's not that many. There's only like seven in a jar. Because they're baby-sized. So for an adult person to feel full, you have to eat the whole jar. You're not even that full.

So is it jerky? It's jerky in a jar. No, they're little soft peonies. Like a little peonies. They're wet. They're in a juice. They're definitely. Do you drink the juice afterwards?

I used to. I tried it a couple times. But at one point I was like, hey, listen, I'm too old for juice drinking. Man, you know what you do? If you're really broke, just take the juice. poured on a hoagie, puts a mayo on it. There you go, you got yourself a sandwich. That's why I always save my weenie juice.

Yeah, for peony, peony, peony sandwiches. Peanie peony sandwiches. Well, thank you very much for being on my side, Soren. I very much appreciate it. I don't know if you really supported your case with the message. Yeah, also this means that two separate adult people decide it had the, and maybe more, had the thought process of being at the store, seeing the baby food meat.

and deciding that is what I want right now. There are much more than two. Trust me. If any of you out there also enjoy Gerber Meek Sticks, please send me an email at cavecomit radio at gmail.com. I'm going full-on campaign on this. Well, you know, I guess you got to have something to believe in. And you have a great Rod Stewart shirt on.

You can only believe so much in that. Teeny-Penie is part of Marcus' important beliefs. They're the only part of my belief system. I believe in nothing until today. I saw, actually this morning saw a clip of a man whose penis is about an inch long. A micropeas. Yeah, it was one of those micro penises. Yeah.

They are small. And now that's what I think of. So maybe you should look up pictures of that while you're eating your penis. I mean, I don't really need to. I remember when my penis was that size. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Soft wet. Soft wet and just a little like digly dangly.

Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uncomfortable, I'm sure. If it's a nub, it's got to be uncomfortable. Oh, well, you know, I don't really. I didn't know anything else at the time. Thankfully, I've grown to Vienna sausage size. Good for you.

I don't have to worry about the Gerber Meat Sticks anymore. I am full on. My can's got a metal top on it. Wow. It doesn't pop. They definitely don't pop when they open. I don't know why we're in such a good mood today. Oh, don't.

Oh, I can't. I can't. Only divine intervention can save Jay-Z and Beyonce's marriage a close or a source close to the couple says. I can't believe it. It can't be true. It has to be some cruel opportunist. What are we going to do? Do you think it has to do with Solange?

I mean, it could be. A lot of people are saying it's Jay-Z's fault. Oh, no. Something was wrong, clearly. Solange maybe gave us a glimpse into the crumbling foundation, you know? Well, it says that some people are saying the Jay-Z big cheater. How could you cheat on her? Yeah.

How could you do it? I mean, I know you're on tour a lot. I know it's a lot of, you know, it's long distance. It's hard. But then you look at even just a goddamn picture of what your wife looks like. Yeah. There is no one better than your wife. And if Jay-Z cheats on Beyonce, there is no way that my boyfriend will never not cheat on me.

You know, I don't look like Beyonce. Although, let me run this by, a friend of mine told me, I don't know what study this came from, but some study said that men with super hot, awesome girlfriends are more likely, like, you know, something, a girlfriend that's really, really impressive to other people, they're more likely to cheat because they feel insecure. So it's not actually about not being attracted to the person. It's about them not feeling like a big man. So that's why they cheat.

You know, I could see that. I could also see another side of it where you got like a super fucking hot girlfriend or wife. And you think, you know what, if I can get her. I can do better. Why stop there? Yeah. Yeah. Why don't I just keep climbing up that ladder?

You motherfucker! Jay Zee, I'll kill you. I'll kill you. Don't hurt her. Well, the source told the New York Post, after a while, Jay was out doing Jay and Bay was out doing Bay. Got to. After Blue Ivy was born, it was going okay. but they made the classic mistake of thinking a child would change everything and help to rekindle the initial fire and it did not.

How would you possibly think that, though? Yeah, that's ridiculous. Whoever thinks that is silly. How would have having a baby, a screaming alien that lives in your bedroom, aid in your passion? You know, when we all think of our parents, you know, that's when we really think of romance. Parents are not the picture of romance. No, God, no. You know, there was, I didn't hear about this, but apparently on June 28th,

Bay changed the words to resentment in a way that led some people to believe that she was calling her husband out, not stepping out with other women. I mean, oh, God, she's probably in so much turmoil. What are we going to do? If they're not going to last, no one's going to last. I know, I know. Them and then Amy Poller and Willard Nett. Oh, that was devastating.

That was devastating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had one of those relationships at one time. You know, we were real good together, but it didn't work out. We broke up. Everybody was saying, well, love isn't real then. But you know what, people? It is real.

It moves on. It goes, unless if you and Doug break up, then love isn't real. It is. It's not real. Yeah. We're all screwed. Yeah, man, you know, we're just like Bay and Jane. You know, they're the king and queen of pop, and we're the king and queen of trash.

Trash people No His brother and They're the king and queen Trash people You guys are like the king and queen Of country music Sure and drinking

Tall boys King and queen of tall boys Now that That is the most accurate description I could Give to you guys So if we break up No more tall boys

In any of our lives Nope we'll find someone to replace We got to do it for us I don't care who I got to fuck I'm replacing you I don't care who I got to sleep with I don't care what horrible person I have to get into a relationship

with there ain't going to be no tall bore shortage in this country America America I wonder what are they going to do after this who are they what's going to happen what's going to write albums yeah they are going to write a lot of really good albums but what about Blue Ivy

she's not going to get any better looking and then what's going to happen And she's going to come from a broken home. They all come from broken home. Yeah, that's the thing. Nobody in normal life stays together, much less anybody in Hollywood. But I really don't want that to be true of them, God damn it. I think it'll last.

We need to write letters. Yeah. To Jay-Z, Beyonce, or both? Both. And to Blue Ivy. Just give her support. Just so she knows we're with her. Yeah, let's draw a little picture for Blue Ivy.

Yeah, that would be nice. She's cute. Just an ugly baby and a type. She's like, this looks like you, but we still love you. She's not ugly. She just looks like Jay-Z. Yeah, man, and he's pretty ugly. The only thing makes him really handsome is that I'll got money, money, money.

Him on his yachts. Damn. I want yachts. I want multiple yachts. Yeah. I don't know if we're going to be able to achieve that goal, but we might. Yeah, it's because of the ports. Because the ports are small.

Ports are small. It's New York City prevent. Yeah. Yeah. If we got yachts, we'd have to move out of the city. Yeah, get to the city and go to travel. We got North Carolina. We'd have to go to North Carolina or something.

I get motion sick, so I don't even know if I could live on a yacht. Yeah, that would be rough. You know what? Let's just scrap the whole idea. Well, we don't need to now. Maybe another time. Let's grab it. Why don't we set our sights on that 93 Nissan Ultima that we've been working on?

Okay. Yeah, let's set our sights on that first. We can park it down by the river. And no one will touch it. We'll be like a yacht. We could roll down the windows. all the time get that nice ocean smell in there. And just listen to a lot of Jimmy Buffett on the cassette deck.

Can I drink in the back seat? Mm-hmm. You bet you can. Perfect. But don't get out of the car because you might get arrested. Oh, yeah, that's true. I want to listen to Pontoon. I've just had to talk about it on here.

A little big town Pondoon. Anyone wants a really good summer song. Listen to Pondoon. Yeah, I mean, it was a good summer song two years ago, but you know what? It's still a good summer song, Marcus. I still appreciate it as a summer song. I'm sure you do But you know who's really appreciating summer right now?

Oh, he's playing at the butterfly farm He's at one year old It's Prince George Oh, Prince George You're silly baby He hit one year old yesterday Where does the time go? I remember talking about that baby

Just the other day on this show I remember talking about when she got pregnant Oh my God Remember when she wore the same dress in a month? Oh my God Bring that back Remember that? I remember that.

Yeah, Prince George. You know, the photos, though, aren't brand new. They were taken 20 days in advance. 20 days. So we don't know what he looks like at one year old. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's like a totally different age. Yeah, it's a different baby.

Oh, my God. Is he cute, though? Oh, he's so cute. Look at him. He's really poly. Oh, look at those cheeks for Pete's sake. He's cute. Oh, he's really, really cute.

Yeah. He's really cute. I wonder if he's going to start losing his hair already. I wonder if he's going to get any of those inbred jeans. Oh, my God. Oh, royalty. Yeah, I hear a lot of heresy that Kate Middleton is battling a bit of the anorexia. Oh, no.

Yeah. I think that you just, I think bitch she's saying got time to eat. Yeah. I don't think she's anorexia. I don't think she's choosing and shit. Yeah. I don't think that Will is helping very much. Yeah.

Didn't we even hear an article about that about how he's like? like, I don't know how to raise a baby. I'm a man. I mean, this is not his job. He is a prince. If she's going to be a queen, you know, that's our job. To raise the baby? Yeah.

I think her job is to hire another lady to raise the baby. I'm sure they have multiple people for the baby. Oh, many, many people. Yeah. And when the prince says that he doesn't know how to do it because he's a man, he means that he doesn't know how to do it because he will be king. Because he's a prince. Yeah.

He can't. He could have just as easily said, I'm not a comment. Yeah, I'm a special man. Yeah, but a lot of men feel that way anyway, so why shouldn't he feel that way? I think, yeah. I'll go that. Men are the princes of their own domains.

Their castles. Kings of the castles. I'm still a prince, but one day I will be king. Yes. I also saw in a, I was on an airplane yesterday and I was reading a okay or an us, one of those trash piles. And it said that they were thinking about getting prego again. I mean, there's been a lot of talk about Prego talk. I mean, he needs to have a sibling.

A little friend, yeah, just like Will and Harry. Yeah, and what if, you know, George dies? Don't you fucking dare. Hey, I'm just looking out for the crown here. I know, for the crown. It's for the crown. But the thing is that, I mean, you gotta give him some slack. He's only one years old.

Yeah. You know, it's like, I'm sure they'll pop out another one soon. Yeah. It's like, wait for the two year mark because Harry and William are two years apart. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know that Wanna marry Harry got canceled after like three episodes? I don't, did it even go to air?

Oh, yeah, did I watched all three episodes. You did? How was it? It was, they just got the dumbest American girls. And they're like, oh my God, I never had a hot. Oh, my God. And also like 15 of them didn't even know, when he walked off the plane, didn't even know who it was. That was, yeah.

It's pretty great. And, like, they made this, like, fake British castle out in probably California or something. And it was all, like, stereotypical. Like, they had a British butler. And they had, like, a maid that wore the regular maid. And they're like, oh, my God, this is what it's supposed to be. This is what it's supposed to be. Did they put the women on a plane for, like, six hours?

We're dropping them off in L.A. No, they all took limos there. They took limos there. Yeah, that makes sense. So they just brought Britain to the United States. Yes, we're making our descendant to L. Heathrow Airport. You are not in the United States.

I hope you have your passports out. But, you know, we're just going to go right past customs. We're in the part of the U.K. where they do drive on the normal side of the road so don't even worry about that. And this is the part of the UK that we like to call Little America. So everybody

is going to be speaking with American accent. Except for your household staff. They all have fake British accent. Really British accent. And also the opening montage of the show was just like showing him and it's like he's so poor. He's actually

really poor. And it like shows him riding a bike. He rides his bike to work. He only makes $120,000 a year. It's so funny. It's so funny. It's like just trashed this fucking guy. It's pretty great.

He's a ginger. It's over now and I don't know what's going to happen. I wonder why it got canceled other than the fact that it never should have gone on the year. Also, all of the episodes were an hour long. Whoa. So it was a bit long. A lot of those are an hour long, though. I remember Joe Millionaire was an hour long.

Yeah, but at least it was kind of entertaining. Like, these girls were so dumb that it wasn't even funny. It was just like, they had two girls that went to grad school, and they're like, say smart. I think she's a smart girl. It was really sad. As opposed to. Yeah, man, the fucking, they were all like bartenders and waitresses.

All right, well, let's go back to one of our favorite couples here in America that are doing fantastic with their baby. Kim and Kanye. Yay. I love them. I mean, well, I like Kim. I think Kanye's on my non-ye list.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, I think I put them on my fucking not yay. That's where I was going. Not-ye. Not-ye. Well, they're doing something a little weird, but I get it.

You know, a lot of people do things like this. But they have shelled out $500,000 for a body double of their baby. Do a lot of people do things like that? I don't think anybody has ever done anything. This is what dictators do.

This is what Saddam Hussein did. So that they could hide and stuff. Yeah, so they can hide. So they can throw other people off the trail. And if anyone decides to assassinate them, then they usually assassinate the body double. Now the question is, is like, what parents are allowing their baby

to be a non-person That is a really good question. Oh my God, that is horrible. I didn't even think about that. I didn't even think of that either. What does that say about? Man, it's like, that's rough. That just means the Jackie's maternal instincts

are much stronger than yours and my paternal instinct. We're thinking about Kim and Kanye, not the actual human person. It has to be the baby. It's a baby double. So the baby is never going to be, they're going to call a baby

by a different name. Oh my God. They're going to refer to the baby. Like the baby's going to have a half lifestyle as Northwest. And another half style is what? Is the baby getting? Baby from a bayou?

Probably a fucking poor shit baby that they're taking out. And then like every few months are like, no, you can go live it. You're fucking. Yeah, he probably gets weekends off. She gets weekend. Oh my God.

What are they? I hope the baby gets the money. Yeah. I doubt it. Yeah. This is a, they also got a look like nanny.

See, I feel the nanny. I mean, so really, when you think about it, this kid's still going to be in the care of a nanny. Right. So, it won't be really that much different from other babies of celebrities

in Los Angeles. I guess. So maybe they're just giving the opportunity of celebrity babydom to another film. Do you want your baby to be cared for by a semi-famous nanny? Or a fake semi-famous baby? A lookalike of a semi-famous name. She's probably not even a nanny.

She's probably just some like, some model. A bartender or a waitress. I love it. I mean, it's a pretty good idea. I'd love to watch the audition process. I'd like to see what they went through to do it. And I wonder, is $500,000, is that for both? Is that for one?

I don't know. All it says in the story is that they shelled out $500,000. And I wonder for how long the agreement is. like what if the baby looks like Northwest now, but by the time they're three or four, it doesn't look like that. We got to follow this story. Yeah, we do. Also, I want to see side-by-side pictures. I'm sure they won't put them out because it's probably all under wraps.

Well, I'm sure the Paps, as they call the Papparazzi. Ah, yeah, the Paps. I'm sure the Paps will release photos like, here's Kim and Kanye's body doubles. Yeah. Yeah. And they'll ruin the whole thing anyway. Oh, yeah. And you know what?

But that's the thing. You can't get body doubles for Kim. No, of course not with that ass One in the world Body on that woman She has got a good ass It's the best It's pretty insane

There was one of the younger bitches claiming that she was the hot Kardashian Now I saw it on one of those trash magazines I saw it on the cover And I was like bitch You're 16 That's what I said to myself

You get some Ooh this makes sense You know who else out of body double Surrey Yeah, I mean, you know, she's an alien baby Yeah, that's... Right, and also Scientologists were involved Yeah, and that whole thing

Heard recently, Katie Holmes, not in relationship, and she ain't looking. Well, I don't know, blind items said something different. Oh, damn! Damn! Gotta believe the Peps! They say that she's in a relationship with a married man.

Damn! And she ain't sending nothing. Damn! Oh, that's why she's not looking. Pima, all right. All right. You want it on that home rig? When you get out of some analogy, then you want a home wrinkle.

Is that a homewrecked? That's the sound like putting some on the wraps. Oh, yeah. I like that. Covering it up. Oh, yeah. You know, and there's a fucking neighborhood out there in Los Angeles where Justin Bieber lives. Yeah.

New neighbors, they are covering their asses. Uh-oh. Speaking of covering things up. So, Bieber, last weekend had 75 people on Saturday night over. Okay. Well, it's Saturday night. He had 20 people over on Sunday. Neighbors said that the elevators and hall smelled like marijuana.

And one neighbor put it, there were bimbos lining up to do drugs in the lobby bathroom. Bimbos. Police came to the building six times. over the weekend and they told residents they can't arrest anyone for a misdemeanor unless they actually witnessed said misdemeanor. So what the cops have done

is they've trained Bieber's neighbors in the ways of the citizens' arrest. What I don't understand is why doesn't Justin Bieber have his own house? Yeah, that's a thing. A condo, I suppose. Justin Bieber should just get his own fucking house in the middle of nowhere.

You know what you do with it. Then he can have bimbo's a plenty, man. Lives in a condo in Beverly Hills. Geez, Lou. Probably does it because of this kind of thing because he likes to make a ruckus. He does. Man, I hope these citizens arrest the shit out of them.

They should outfit him with, like, handcuffs and, like, bulletproof vests and mace. Are you allowed to use mace with citizens' arrests? Okay, but here's the thing is that Justin Bieber doesn't even respect the authority of the police. How is he going to respect the authority of the citizens' arrest unless they use excessive force? That's what I'm saying.

I'm said they're going to use excessive force. Tie someone up with a zip tie, throw them in the closet. until the cops get there. Yeah, or get one of those riot shields and just mow them all over. As far as I know, this is all completely legal. That's awesome. As long as you're just yelling, citizen the rest, citizen the rest!

That's great. And then they should get like a bunch of RVs in there, not RVs. R TVs. Ah. Our four-wheelers. Oh, ATVs. A-TVs. I'm an outdoors girl.

I'll tell you, I have done my fair share of facing down those riot shields. and they are scary, but I do kind of chuckle at picturing a line of riot shields outside of Justin Bieber's apartment. That would be pretty great. Pending everyone in. I think that that would be kind of amazing. Especially bimbos. Yeah. Oh my God, what do I do?

Someone don't go away. How am I going to get out here? I'm going to do my bow cat. Does anybody have any blows? I'm bored. I think, yeah, man, just bust it up. Get in their fucking bust it up. Yeah, man.

Bust the shit out of that thing. I guess you can't break a bunch of their shit. Or they should do like home alone them where they play, have a bunch of tricks and like a bunch of like broken glass and stuff like that and just like trick them, trick them, trick them, trick them, trick them, trick them. And then they want to party's there anymore. And all the girls would be too scared.

They don't know how to get around, you know, the paint cans flying down the hallway and shit. Oh my God, there's a gloatheum. in my hair. Oh my God. The doodab is hot. I can't even. I think it's a great idea.

I'm making it to a movie. It'll be fucking great. Yeah, that would be a good movie. All right, it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Mark God's got to have that list. Celebrity-owned tourist attractions. Ooh.

All right. I mean, we're going to start with the biggest one. Dollywood? Dollywood. Yep, she bought a steak in the Tennessee theme park, named it after herself, and the rest is history. The nearby town Pigeon Forge, now even hosts an annual Dolly Parade. I have to go.

Have to go. I mean, I feel like at some point it's going to go away. We need to get there before it's closed. I hear a lot of great, weird things about that place. And, you know, it's by a place called Pigeon Forge. Sounds great. Yeah, they got a water slide there. Yeah, is it?

Yeah, it's called like Dolly Splash Zone. It's called Squirtin' Dolly. Yeah, baby. Dollie's wet ride. Yeah. It's actually called Dolly Woods'

Splash Country Water Park. Okay, all right. Same. You know, I like Dolly's wet ride. Dolly, you calm down to Dolly's wet ride. You're going to have a wet ride. Sleep and slide. It won't be good, but it'll be wet.

Oh, bad. All right. I got to fight. Oh, man. Some of the rides are the Fire Chaser Express. Yeah. It's the nation's first dual-launch family coaster, blast and riders forward and backward. Cool. There's the amazing flying elephants. Wow. It's pretty much self-explanatory. It's like a dumbbell ride. There's the barnstormer.

That sounds boring. Is it an angry loss? No, you can enjoy the same breathtaking moments that Darren stunt pilots in the 1920s might have experienced as they zoomed over the fields of nearby farms. That sounds boring as fuck. Barnstormer. You can take the little loggers and training out to Beaver Creek. Oh. Or they can soak their toes and soak up the good times.

I bet it's a very clean park. Because probably no one goes there. And then there's blazing fury where an out-of-control fire is just minutes away from engulfing this 1880s town. What? That's terrifying. And it's all, is it all zitt in olden times? I don't understand. Well, except for the busy bees.

I could for the busy bees and the flying elephants. Yeah, yeah. The busy bees, the flying elephants, they seem pretty modern. It doesn't seem to be Dolly Parton-th-themed. No. No, I mean, there's the Calico Fault. schoolhouse, which gives you a view on how many schools appeared in East Tennessee during the 18th.

So, boy. So boring. Just imagine being trashed and walking through this part. Well, I mean, there is some Dolly themed stuff. You can go to the Dolly Parton Museum that's called Chasing Rainbow. Ooh, Chase and What? Chasing rainbows, Jesus.

Because she's always going to be chasing rainbows. Yeah, I know. There's Dolly's Home on Wheels in which That's her bus So we've got a museum and a bus Yeah, the Dalliwood Express It's all just stuff named it's a train There's a, ooh, there's Granny's Garden and Pigpen

Is it a petting zoo? Yeah, it looks like it looks like it's just a bunch of pigs Man Oh, there's no lemon twist Once you spot the giant lemonade pitcher you know you're not far from the lemon twist. This is the worst I've ever heard of.

This is the worst of me. It's all just a, it's centered around like pilots, like airplanes and logs. There's the little logger's landing. And it's more log stuff. Oh, there's a piggy parade. No, wait. No, the piggy parades just kids riding in little pig plots.

Oh, I want a piggy parade. I want to watch them march through the park. Biggie parade, piggy parade. It's a piggy parade. Oh, and they also got a church. Oh, right. You know what? Never mind.

I take it back. I don't want to go to Dollywood. We've got water slides up here. I take it back. Yeah, I don't need to go to Dolly Splash soon. Yeah, there's not a whole lot. Yeah, the only thing. Oh, there's the Southern Gospel Museum and Hall of Fame.

That could be fun. That would be fun, yeah. Yeah. I guess I thought it would be more music. Yeah. Less pigs and logs. I have not seen. More songs.

But they got the lemonade twist. Come on out, the lemonade twist. I've not seen a single music themed ride. But we can see her RV. Yeah, yeah. You can see the fucking place where Dolly sweats for three months out of a year. Fucking slicking it in the back. Schleckin it.

Don't come back here now. Don't worry. Don't worry, Dolly. I don't want to. We're good. She has a new album out. Yeah? It's a little, she's getting up there.

Sure, her voice sounds great, but there's one song that it's like, chew, chew, chugia chugia chugia get on the train. I'm just like, oh no. She's been going to Dalywood too much. That place is like a lousy train. It was recorded at

at Dalywood. Well, the next celebrity attraction, there's the Miramichi golf course, also in Tennessee. It's Justin Timberlake's golf course, and it's also an Abadon Society approved sanctuary for birds. Oh, well, it's fine.

Birds are fucking birds. Birds, golf, that's fine. That's fine. There's the Francis Ford Coppola winery, which I've been to. My folks love that wine. It's a great winery. It's in Sonoma, California. I went there on the snootiest, tutiest family vacation that I've ever taken.

Your family? Yeah. My parents love wine. Oh, okay. But it's more like, you know what? This Thousand Flyers won right here is much better than that Chardonnay I had earlier. They talk about it. They know their shit.

That's awesome. Well, my mom can't drink anymore. But my dad He'll drink it. He'll drink for two. Yeah. Nah, he's actually just moved on to vodka world and he's good.

That sounds awesome. We go there. Tito's Vaca. Oh, no, I don't want to go there. He loves Tito's Vocka. It's the only thing he drinks. Good for him. He loves it.

Yeah, I've got some Tios. You can buy it in a plastic gallon. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you can. But classy men opt for the glass. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. There's the 40-40 club. Of course, that's Jay-Z's nightclub.

Oh. Oh, is it? I wonder what he does at that nightclub. I wonder what he fucking does there. Let's in bimbos. Bimbo's that he fucks. I don't trust him. I'm against him now.

Well, let's just move right on a dash. Which is owned by Courtney and Chloe Kardashian. Oh, okay. Oh, wait, those are the young. No. No, that's not the young ones. Oh, no. Those are the middle ones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's cool. What is it? Clothing bout bout. Oh, really expensive clothing for big butt women. I'm sure it is. Yeah, I ain't got that big butt. Ain't got that money. Don't come in here unless you got a big butt, unless you got a big butt.

See, I thought when you said Dash at first, I thought you met the, what is he, retarded grandchild of Sarah Palin? That would be Dish. Is it Dish? Dish. Is it Dink? Dort. It's Dort. I was like, you gave a retarded baby a television. Dangabing.

I think it's like... Trigg. Trig or Tron. Tron. He has Down syndrome, I think. Yes, he does. Yeah. Tung.

Oh, that's a good baby name. Tung. Tung. This is my son Tung. He's got Down syndrome. Is that short for something? Nah. He's big for a tongue.

We're sorry calling him Tung because his don't go in his mouth. Tap of my name. Oh. Which member of the Harry Potter cast was recently overheard referring to one of their fellow former castmates as, quote, that cunt. Wow. Yeah, that is, but, you know, it's Britain, so, you know. They say it a lot there. Yeah, they say it a lot there.

It's not, it doesn't quite have the same fucking, umph as it does here in America. That cunt. It's got to be that weasily round. The Johnfellow. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, it's the ginger. Grint.

Yeah. Rupert Grint. Yeah. Was it talking about. Hermione? Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. What a dick.

Well, I mean, she seems like she definitely could be a cunt. You know, she's got that cunt face. Yeah. I'm talking Britain version of a cunt, not American version of cunt. Kind of until she doesn't seem like a bad person. No. But I think it was, I saw the first 10 minutes or 20 minutes of perks of being a wallflower. And I was like,

I just liked her as Hermione. She could just say as Hermione. I was fine with her as that. She's kind of a bitch. Hermione's kind of a bitch. Yeah, I could see that, though. Good for him. Getting it out.

I mean, not that he's doing anything with his life or going forward at all, but he was the cute one. I'm going to see what Rupert Grint is doing these days. Yeah, he's a grint. Yeah, why don't you just stop being such a fucking grint? Grint bum. He was pretty cute, though.

Ooh, he was the voice of Josh and postman Pat the movie. Oh, that is. Oh, he was in that horrible fucking CBGB's movie as Cheetah Chrome. Cheetah Chrome was the lead singer of a band back at CBG. So he's really not doing anything. Oh, man. No, he was a Charlie Countryman into the white. Right now he's working on Moonwalkers.

Let's see what fucking Moonwalkers is all about. Oh, man, it doesn't even have it's with Ron Perlman. So Ron Perlman's pretty good. but man, there's not even description on this right now. Directed by Antoine Baudu Jacquesette. The only thing that he's ever done is he did a short called Wacky Races in 2013. Oh, Lord. My mom still wants to bone run, Pearlman.

I could see that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, still to this day. Yeah. He's got a big mouth. And he's a weird-looking dude. He's a weird-looking dude. Yeah, he's a real big man.

He was the Hulk? Wasn't he a Hulk? No, that's your thing to Lou Farragno. He was Hulk. Oh, I'm talking about Lou Furrigna. Not only am I thinking about him. I'm fucking talking about him. Yeah.

No, no, no, no. Rom Perlman is much different. No, he's the one in Sons of Anarchy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's real ugly. Yeah, he is a hideous. Oh, my God.

Yeah, he's really ugly. He's great in Sons of Anarchy though. Yeah. Then what does Lou Farragna look like? Lou Farragno, yeah, he's the Hulk. He charges $50 per autograph. Oh, man. I'll get one for my mom.

Be like, you still want to bone him on? That's all right in the car. when I send it to it. That is Lou Forigno right there. Well, they look really similar, in my opinion. Yeah, I could see. I could see you making that mistake. Thank you, guys.

Yeah. Because I know who Ron Perlman is because of Suns of Anarchy. Yeah. I mean... I was like the correction when somebody says, oh, you're thinking of someone so to say, oh, I'm talking about... Oh, yeah, I'm talking about Lou Foreroy.

Thanks for understanding. Next up, this former A-plus list, mostly movie actor, who gets to stay as A-list because of his name, spent about $100,000 setting up his own private porn movie this weekend. He's out of town and hired a group of women to participate with him being the star and had a crew film The Whole Thing. Family name. He's a famous kid. Oh, he is. No, he wasn't a famous kid. but he is, I would say, the biggest Australian actor of all time.

Oh, well, it's not Mel Gibson? Yeah. What? Yeah. No. Yeah. What? Yeah.

Oh my God. I've got a story to back this up. Oh, my God. He was just in the Czech Republic. Oh, my God. So it's lady boys. Oh, no, no, you're thinking of Thailand. They're all the same.

No, no, that's Russia Esk. It's more Russia-esque than Thailand is. It's Eastern European. Yeah, Thailand isn't Russian-esque at all. It's Eastern Europe. And if you are a porn connoisseur at all, see, I'm not.

You do not. I mean, well, I would expect you. I mean, actually, I do kind of expect it to be. I mean, not when it comes to Czech Republic. I expect you to be more than Molly. Yeah, that's true. So when are we to be able to watch this? I have to watch it.

Yeah. I mean, that'd be fucking fantastic seeing it. Do you think they'll get it out? I mean, if it's out, then everyone in the world's going to hear about it. Also, if it's out, Marcus, we'll find it. If there's even five seconds of it out there, I'm going to find it. He'll find it. I want to watch it.

I know how to get these things. All right, cool. Yeah. I think that's going to be so gross. Yeah. I wonder if he's the only dude. I'm sure he is. Yeah, probably.

Yeah, he would be too insecure slash homophobic to have. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Then I wonder if it's just like, if it's just him pounding lady after lady after lady. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure that's what it is. Like maybe an orgy scene.

That's so sad. And just going more and more and more. He's so old. I really hope those girls got paid a lot of money. Yeah. Maybe they didn't. Maybe they didn't. I don't know.

I mean, I'm sure they had to get paid a lot of money to keep their fucking mouth shot. That's true. So at least we know that if you have to fuck Mel Gibson, you probably got paid a good amount of money to do it. I'm sure you got paid a real good amount of money. All right. As long as they get paid.

Yeah, exactly. If you only spent $100,000 setting it up, that's not a whole, I mean, that's what, like, maybe $10 grand per. But setting it up, does that mean like? Maybe that just means production cards. Yeah, and all that. Not included in salaries for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Boy, Mel Gibson, one night in Prague coming next year. Is it, are you able to pay women for sex in the Czech Republic? I mean, you can do the porn. Yeah, yeah. Porn's absolutely legal. Oh, I guess porn is porn. Yeah, yeah, porn's porn no matter what. Cool.

For them. All right. Well, I don't. Yeah, as long as they get paid a good wage, then, you know. Yeah, here's him getting off the plane into the Czech Republic. Look how excited he looks. Also, look at the American flag backpack. Oh, my God.

That is the most American douche bag. He looks like a frat guy. Yeah, but he's Australian. Remember that. Oh, yeah. do, what did he get jacked up? You think he's fucking using the roids, man? I'm sure he's using the roids. Yeah, but look

at him. Like, that's, look at his face. Oh, God, he is a creepest man. Pitchering him having a boner is disgusting. It really, it churns my butter that I used to be attracted to that man. Yeah. Because I was. I can't deny it. Everybody was

back in the day. Back in the day. What women want? No, that was, it was over by then. Come on. Yeah, yeah, no. Me too, yeah. I didn't want it. He knew what women wanted.

He put on the bra. Oh, man, he's like, I want to see what it feels like. He did. And then he knew. All you have to do is put on the bra. Yeah, then you know. And then he know what it's like to be a woman. Yeah, everything.

All women, too. I know what it's like to be a woman. A few times over. Good for you, Marcus. Thank you. Speaking of which, over when I was in Texas over the break, a couple weeks ago. My nephew, who's 1560 now, helped me clean out this storage space where there was a lot of my old college things.

And, of course, there were a lot of actual hard copy photographs in there because I went to college back in the days of disposable cameras and whatnot. So a lot of hard copy photographs. I did not remember dressing and drag that much in college. Oh, fun. But there were a lot of instances of me dressing up and drag in college. Nice. would be a really attractive woman. There's one picture that I wish I would have kept

because, man, I'd fuck me. Good for you. Thank you. I like this. I'm really happy. I'm happy with what's coming out of your mouth today. Yeah, thank you very much. Yeah, twice and dresses, once and a jeans and a nice fucking shirt.

That would be great. Yeah, that's when I looked the best. Yeah. Yeah, my hair was kind of like a little bit long, so I was just able to actually get like a woman's hairstyle. And you're thin, felt. Yeah. with fucking fantastic ass.

I caught a couple of dudes checking me out. How? You should. Yeah. Yeah. Do it. Well, I'll do it again. But I went from cool Uncle Marcus to New York to weird Uncle Markets.

Especially Texan teenager. Oh, Small Town Texas football playing teenager. Yeah. Oh, no. I mean, he's way past that. But yeah, it's, yeah, I don't know if he wants to visit me anymore. Because it used to be it was all he wanted to do was come and visit Uncle Marcus in New York. but now that he's got, and he also saw pictures

of like all of my friends in college like all these like weirdo kids and punk kids and all that. So now I think I think he might be a little frightened. I think he just needs to dress up and be free. I think he needs to fucking dress up and be free man. Yeah, man. I think he needs to learn. I think we need to

batten down his henches. Let's kidnap him. Bring him up here. Show him around for a little while. Don't tell my brother. Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Do not tell him. Yeah. Get him Get him drunk for a week and a half. Yeah. That should give us enough time to open up this kid's third eye a little.

Yeah, man. We'll fucking, we'll get the visions into his head. Cool. Next up, this A-List singer who is known for not wearing many clothes, has been going to church and says she's going to switch to a Christian singer and is a completely changed woman. So far, she's been at it for about a week. Give it another month.

A week. Yeah, that's not very long. Is she older? She younger. She doesn't wear a lot of clothes. Miley Cyrus? Oh, no. She's younger, but not Miley Cyrus younger.

Hmm. Yeah. Give me a genre. Throw genre at us. I'm just going to say her little monsters are going to be a little upset about this. Oh, God. You're kidding. Man.

That's weird. She just wants fucking attention. It's because no one. cares about her anymore. Oh, what a fucking bitch. Good move. Yeah, it's a good move. I mean, it's a good move. She's very good at it. She's good at the game.

And that's what I like and hate about her all at the same time because I respect what she does. She's really good at it. Yeah. Except that like, it's like, girl, just be you for a sec. Where's the you, girl? Just be you. Just for a sec. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like that.

She even dresses up her dogs now. It's like, you. Where's the you? Just, you know, it's okay. She's dressing up her dogs. Yeah, you just got to calm down for a second, man. Now she's going to be all Christian. How do you go from that?

This really disappoints me. I spent too much time defending Lady Gaga, and I think that this is just annoying. Pretty cynical. Yeah. Very, very, very cynical. Yeah. Also, isn't she Jewish?

I thought she was Jewish. No, no, I double-checked. Oh, okay. She is not Jewish. Okay. Yeah, you're thinking of Amy Winehouse. Oh, yes, I am. Yeah.

Who died two years? ago yesterday. Or was it two years ago? Maybe three years ago? Maybe three years ago. Yeah, I think it was three years ago, but yeah, she did. Wow. All right, it's time for our gay guy.

Who's gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, who's gay today? Ooh, when this former A-plus list country singer passes away, it won't just be his girlfriend and his ex-wife who show up with a claim to his estate. Apparently, when our singer drank, and he famously drank a lot, he also hooked up with guys and one of his steady hookups has a will signed by the singer. Oh, snap. A plus old, I assume, country singer? Oh, he's an older one, yeah.

He is, he's, I don't know if you know him, but I'll play one of his bigger hits. I'm going to have to defer to Jackie since she's the country expert. No way! No way Yeah Yeah Is it? Of course I can't remember

I know exact tight jeans Bigger up with a big Oh man And those fucking rhinestone jeans He's got to be He's fucking got to be I have a signed picture of him Up in our bedroom

Oh no no Close You're thinking of Dwight Yocom I think of Dwight Yocom Which would make a lot of sense That would make But he has that same like trill Like you're

Yep it's close He's definitely a contemporary I'm talking about Randy Travis. Oh, man. In the country scene, I feel like anything goes, though, man. Yeah, it kind of does.

I thought it was Dwight Yocom. Dwight Yolkham would have blown my fucking head off. Oh, Dwight Yolkham, I would have told you before the show. Oh, my God. I wouldn't even have been able to keep that one under rack. Well, because Dwight Yolkham has those, like, man, his moves. He uses that butt, man. He, like, that wouldn't surprise me one fucking bit,

but Randy Travis, that's interesting. Yeah, Randy Travis is real fucking interesting. And he's like signed with Will with some other dude? Yeah. That's intense. Yeah, and that song was called Forever and Ever Amen. Whoa. It's about getting married and staying married.

Whoa. Interesting. Oh, yeah. Queer in the country scene, Randy Travis, right on. I mean, it's hard, man. It's all conservative. They can't do that kind of shit. Yeah, yeah.

There was one, it was the bassist and the Calman he played us this one country singer from the 70s that was openly gay. His name was like lavender or something like that, like Johnny Lavender. But he didn't get anywhere. He didn't get anywhere. Of course he didn't. But yeah, he was fucking awesome. And that sucks.

No, there's like zero that I can think of. No, of course I can't think of. I'm telling you, the fucking country community and the hip-hop community, there's so much in common. They have a lot in common. It's very weird. And also it's just like, just let it happen. It's insane.

But I mean, I know it's culture. I know it's a whole bigger thing. It's the whole thing. Yeah, it's like the fucking rap music, they got M&M, country music, they got Charlie Pride. Both very well respected in the communities. But the races are not really that represented in each place. And they also, country music kind welcomes hooty in a little bit. man I was just listening to Darius Rucker's solo album yesterday don't

Judge me please because I I was doing it because I was interested Because I didn't realize that Darius Rucker who was hooty from Hooty and the Blobfish Got into country shit yep and it is bad It's real bad it is so bad but I had no idea He does a version of Wagon Wheel that like song everybody loves Yeah and I'll play a little bit of it for you you'll know once you hear. And I was just like

in my head I was just like ta-ha Yeah It's just Uh huh Everybody And Wagonwell is a fucking

I love that song Oh the old Crow Medicine Show song It's like Real fucking awesome This is no reason for All of his songs Are really really bad on the album

You know he won I think he won the country music Grammy For this song Yeah It's so weird hooty Hooty I saw him at the county fairgrounds in my hometown. As hoody or as Dary's Rockwell?

As hooty. Oh, okay. Well, did you cry? Did you let her cry? It'll cry. Or was it about time? Did you call around? Yeah, man. I listened to a lot of hooty just because they were on the Friends soundtrack that I owned.

Well, now they're coming out with that new Friends episode around Thanksgiving. They're coming out with a 10-year reunion episode. Really? Really. which I ate it. I was obsessed with friends. I mean, I'm so embarrassed about it. I'm embarrassed about it now.

We all are. But it's coming out on Thanksgiving and you know I'm going to watch that shit. Yeah, we're all going to watch it. We're going to watch it. Yeah, I hope we do it. I'm going to watch it. And I'm going to be sad because I'm watching it. Oh, it's going to be sad.

And I'm sad because you can hear the like millions of dollars that are rubbing together as they do the episode. Yep. Oh, that's going to be sad. Anyway. There might even be a new season. Season coming. No, they shouldn't do a new season. That last season was rough.

Yeah, it was real rough. And everyone looks rough. Much rough for now. Yeah. It's definitely, actually, no, it's definitely not going to happen. Yeah. Well, essentially, I don't think Matthew Perry would do it.

Mm. Because he's so, he can't do movies and stuff anymore. Why not? Because of all the addiction and everything that he had to, like, overcome. Oh, Jesus. Now he's built his whole life back up together.

Oh. I found it. It's a hoax. They're not doing the episode? They're not doing it. Or the season? No, they're not doing the episode. They're not doing the Thanksgiving episode.

It's a hoax. They're not doing it. Is this sadder than watching the episode or not sad? They're not doing the episode. I read 61 facts I didn't know about Friends today because I thought they were doing the episode. And it was on BuzzFeed and I liked it. Oh, no! I'm out of here.

I'll see you next week. All right. I'm Marcus Parks. I'm all in a little. Jackie Zabrowski. Whatever. I'm going to watch Hold episodes. Fuck everybody!