Page 7 - Episode 92: You Just Got Scolded

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

The rumors surrounding the Jay-Bey breakup swirl stronger, Jenny McCarthy's son calls the cops on her, and 47 people are hospitalized for alcohol poisoning at a Keith Urban show. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Doug made me get rid of all my corks. You were going to make a cork board? Yeah, I had all these fucking corks. I was going to make a goddamn cork board. He threw away my goddamn corks because he said I was never going to do it. And I say folly on you, boy. My name is Jackie Zabroski. Oh, my name is Molly Neffles.

I'm Marcus Park. I'm corkless. Fucker? You can get more corks. Oh, can I? I like the cork I had. You gotta know You gotta drink wine like every night

Until you get enough corks To prove that you can make the cork board Now you have to make it out of vengeance So yeah now I'll be a whino I'll be like you did this to me You bitch that shit You fucker As I'm like putting corks into a fucking

Empty picture frame One at a time After each bottle that you finish Put it right back Slowly but surely you fucker And just got to spit some red wine at him every once in. Oh yeah.

It's the summer, Marcus. I'm drinking white. Oh, of course. Spritz. Yeah, I need my spitzers. I'm going to have my spitzers. It's actually not a bad idea. They want to make some fucking spritzers.

Yeah. I got all this mint. I got so much mint. What are you doing with all that mint? It grows like wildfire. Really? I got all this fucking mint. Great.

Yeah, it's great. But what do you do with the mint? What do you do with a mint? With a man that doesn't like mint in food? Mohitos. Mojitos. And spritzers.

And spritzers. Yeah. That's it. That's it. I tried to make a watermelon mint feta salad. Yeah. I mean, go fuck me, right? No, I've heard of those.

It was great. But he doesn't like it. It was like, well, you bought me all the mint. How about chocolate? Does he like chocolate mint? You can make a dessert? No. No.

You can put some in your pocket. I can put some in my pocket. Yeah. And then the minty fresh smell will follow you all the day long. I picked some and I put it in a satchel and I put it into my dressing. because I thought I was going to make it minty. But what it did is it had to dried up. And then I had to put your fucking dried ass mint.

Getting in all my goddamn clothes. I didn't put it in the right satchel, yes. But I'm trying to be fucking a homemaker over here. I'm trying very hard. I know you're drilling a lot. I'm drilling. I'm really trying to have my shit together is the thing. That's like my theme right now is like, get your shit together.

Get those piles of wood out the corner. Put them up on the wall. Put him up on the wall. wall. Man, I am full on single dude. Yeah, you're a very single dude. No projects. Just fucking hanging around. You know, having a good time, playing some dark souls, eating lots of cheese. Have you been shitting though, Marcus? I have not been shitting on a regular basis. Single men. Single men don't shit. Yeah. Is what? Right? Yeah. Well, I don't shit very often anyways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never, I've always, I've always, no, no, my entire life. I'm like, once a every three days. Really? Yeah. My body burns things.

Very, very fast. Every three days? Yeah. Sometimes four, sometimes five. Oh my God. And I never feel bad. Like I never feel constipated. No stomach pain. No, nothing like that. Been that way since I was a kid. I need that. Can I get that? You want to poop less frequently? No, it's not that. It's more the burning off of everything. Yeah, yeah. It's just an intense fast burn. No, I enjoy my poopie. I enjoy my boopy time. Yeah, I don't mind. I don't think I would want to reduce the amount times I poop. No, I'm fine with that. All bodily functions are a nuisance. Even burping or, ooh, sneezing, I love to sneeze. Sneezing is the only good bodily function.

Sneeze makes you feel great. Well, yeah. Except getting a sneeze trapped is the worst feeling. It's the worst. I had that happen earlier today. You fuck. I had a bunch of flies buzzing around me and they went and then I just couldn't sneeze. I just sat here staring at a dude just going. It never came. I hate that.

It's the worst. But there's something right now that we thought would never come. No. We thought this would never, ever come to this. They were our golden couple. Maybe if we don't talk about it, it's not going to happen. I think the more we talk about it, the less likely it is to happen. Oh, yeah, I like that.

That might be true. It's kind of like if you clap your hands, the fairy doesn't die. You're right. Yeah. The fairy of their love, because love isn't real. It might still be, but signs are important, pointing to know as Beyonce is reportedly apartment hunting without Jay. I just can't. Where's she doing it?

Yeah, where? Yeah, you're in New York. Here in the city. Tell her, you know, I got a free couch and she wants to crash on my couch. She is more than welcome to. I could not think of a more hilarious situation than Beyonce. I'll be her new J. I'll be the J to her bay.

Forget the fucking last J. I'm the new J baby. Oh, Justin comes to the, your roommate Justin comes to the rooms. Hey, you, my auntie? I like Beyonce. You won't do a gravity phone yet. Aren't you, Beyonce?

I don't like Beyonce. He doesn't like Beyonce. I don't like Beyonce. I don't like you. He would say it to Beyonce. He would. I'm gonna like Beyonce. Beyonce.

You definitely would. Oh, that's the funniest thing. Oh my God, she would teach me how to be a woman, though. You know how to be a woman. I currently am having to teach myself how to walk in high heels. Oh, God. I have to do it for a project. Really?

And they said, hey, what are your, like, how big are your favorite high heels? Like, how high? And I was like, my flip-flops. And so they didn't think that was very funny. and so they told me that I needed to start wearing at least two to three inch heels and get used to walking in them and I was just like It's torture people. It's fucking torture people.

It's a fucking project I got to do because I got to be a fucking pretty girl. And I don't know how to walk in high heels. Me neither. Never have. I don't know how to. I've tried so many times too. People are always like, you'd have to try. You should try it.

It hurts. It hurts immediately. Immediately. If I put myself in a situation, sometimes I'll be like, I'm going out, I'll just wear fucking heels. And then I go out and like, I'm like, I won't have any fun tonight because I'm in such pain. A block

later. A block later. So I need Mama Bay. I don't know how to do it. Someone teach me how to do it. I need a new mother. I have one recommendation and only one. I'm not your new mother, but it's just one word. You be my new mother? Wedges. Yeah, wedges. And wedges are,

you know, I got, I hear the wedgies are in right now. I got a little bit of wedgies out there. They feel much better than any pointies. I'm just, I don't know if wedgies is what these peoples is looking for. But you can start with a wedge wedgie and then work your way up to a pointy.

I think she's got a very good point here. I think that's great advice. Shut up, Marcus. No, I'm looking at pictures of wedges right now. It looks like a great idea. Yeah, they're not as bad. They look cute. Yeah.

And they're hip. They're hip. Right? I can be hip. I just want Beyonce to live with me and teach me how to be hip. She would teach you, though, and she would teach you how to walk.

Oh, man, and like look really good. Ooh, you guys could do a dance montage where she teaches you how to dance and at first you can't do it. But then after a while, by the end of the song, you dance with Beyonce and you're doing fucking moves together. And then later on the film, when you have to get your boyfriend back,

then you two guys do a dance scene on stage together, and then he falls in love with you again. No, wait, except in this formulation, in this formulation, that means that Jackie and Beyonce's dance would win Jay Z back, which would be amazing, right? Because Beyonce is the single one, which is, I'm not

saying it couldn't happen, but I'm just saying it is a little bit funnier that way to be like Jackie's presence is the thing that wins Jay Z back. That wins Jay Z back. I love this. He watches Beyonce dance with Jackie and he's like, I gotta take Beyonce dance. I can't please you turn that ogre into a real life

woman. Now I'm just like like, Arar, Arro, Ro roo. She can't talk, but Damn she can dance. Let's put this end of production today. Oh, and seriously, I would do anything to watch this. But the problem is it has to be cast with the real Beyonce. Otherwise, it wouldn't work.

It won't work. And the real JZ. And the real JZ. Oh, Lord. Page 7 listeners, start writing letters. Please. We all write letters. It's genius, Jackie.

Genius. Let's start getting a Kickstarter campaign going for this. I'm ready. I'm ready for it. I'm ready to learn. I'm ready to begin my life. And I'm ready to help her keep her life the way it is. You know, here's a little bit of a silver lining in all this.

It's possible that these rumors aren't true. I don't know, Marcus. It is possible. The New York Post is reporting all these rumors. It's all on page six. But other media outlets are saying that it might not be as strong of a case as the New York Post puts it out. One of them says that 80% of the quote, about their relationship.

From the inside sources? One single inside source. So not verified, Molly, you're a journalist. All the single sources? Yeah, I mean, anonymous unverified sources that is one person. I didn't go to journalism school, but that doesn't sound very solid to me. No, no, no, no. Well, you're right for the Guardian.

You're a journalist. Yeah. You're much more of a journalist than anyone I went to college with who was in journalism school. I'll take it. I'm learning as I go, but I do know that sources with names are important. Yes. Because when that's an anonymous source, I think that is code sometimes for... Sometimes, but sometimes someone that's just a little too scared.

Yeah. And I, you know, I have respect for them too. They're just a little too scared. These people are powerful. Jay Bay? Man, Jay Bay could fucking put the axe down. Not my house, though. Oh, man.

What if Jay came to the door and was like begging for Bay back? And I went to the door and I said, not tonight, Jay. Not tonight. You need to get out of here. You need to get out of here. And I push him down the stairs. She's a piece of shit that he is. Even if anything, you know he's cheating on her.

You know he's cheating on her. Yeah, I know. You can't trust the cheater. Sometimes you can trust the cheetah, but it depends on the cheater. I don't know of J. What kind of cheetah that I can trust? So Lange would come over and the three of you could hang out Oh my God, and we'd sing harmonies together

Oh Ladies Ladies Ladies Up here See it up here No, I'm your bass I'm down here

I'll be down here Beyonce you'll be here Oh my God We'd all wear really short shorts I think that's something I'm missing I don't have enough ass coming out of my shorts. And I think that's something that Bay could fucking teach me about.

She'll teach you. I mean, she'll definitely teach you how to choose the right shoes to make that ass nice and tight. My ass would be jailed, jail, jeline, jeline. I do not trust the New York Post. How dare you? I'm a-Cathalie and Hoda. The devil. Oh, Kathleen and Hoda, they're in the daily news.

Oh, my God. But I'm still going to go into Phidlain. The devil, you say. I'm not saying the entire New York Post, although I might be saying that. But I'm saying in this instance, I do not trust the New York Post. If that is the only newspaper that's reporting this stuff. It is definitely the only newspaper that is reporting this stuff. I've seen a few mags.

I've seen it. They're rag mags. Oh, yeah. But I've seen a few mags. Are they citing the New York Post? That's a good question. No, no, no, no. But they are also saying that Kate Middleton is pregnant with a girl, which she is definitely not.

So. Yeah. And I've also seen some mags lately that say that Kate Middleton, like, had a baby and killed it or something. Yeah. I mean, the maggots. The mags have been getting a little. The mags are liars, I think. Yeah. Well, they're all liars, but they're also truth-tellers.

Except for People Magazine. People magazine is the best. Yeah. People you can trust. Yes. But I think that we should take the New York Post with a grain of salt or a margarita that is covered in salt. Oh, yeah. I would say a margarita is worth of salt.

Take the New York Post story with a margarita that is salted. And you can get the best margaritas in Queens at the Creek in the Cave, 1093. Yeah, baby. Margaritas. Jackson Avenue All out-of-town visitors If you see me here at the creek I will buy you a margarita

Wait, I just saw you Does that mean I get a margarita? Are not an out-of-town visitor I'm from a lot of places You are Jackie's from Florida Yeah, I'm from Florida Friend and co-worker

Fuck me Oh my God I just, I'm upset I'm really upset And I wonder Where is she looking for apartments Did it say? Yes, that's a good question

I mean, it's all very vague. Yeah. Extremely vague. I heard that they have an apartment building down by Barclay Center. They have to, right? Like a fucking penthouse or something. Oh, my God. Well, I could see that.

Yeah. I mean, it's a nice neighborhood. Yeah, it is. I was just there on Friday. It's a very nice neighborhood. Barclay Center looks like a big basket. It does. I mean, it's a very ugly.

A rusty basket. Yeah, it's a very ugly, ugly, ugly stadium. Yeah. But it's still nice. It's still fun. It has grown on me a little. bit because I'm like, okay, there's concerts there, there's basketball games there, yeah, it's not so bad.

I'm mostly for the basketball games. You're mostly basketball games? Yeah, I love the basketball games. Corset. Big men hitting a ball, putting in a net. Swish. All right, well, let's move on to our next story. Ginny McCarthy?

Man, that fucking bitch? I can't wait. So she is gone at him a lot. No, I don't think she's going to be gone. I think she's staying. She is firmly planning her ass in the news. Now she's saying her son called the cops on her. Good for him.

And for good. Autistic, no vaccinated son. Good job, little boy. You did a great job. You ran it out your mom. His name is Evan. All right. And I might dislike him just as much as I dislike her.

I don't know if this is the autistic one. doesn't she have multiple children? One's autistic and the other isn't? I think you might be right. Yeah, I think so. This is the kid right here. This is Evan. People with autism don't look any different than people without autism.

Yeah, but he's ugly just the same. Yeah. But I don't know. I think that there might be at least two kids. Yeah, I think so. And I can't remember how old either of them are. I can't either. Well, I can check that out.

But that fucking kid has a foahawk and fuck that. Yeah. Oh, I like little kids with footh. I don't like little kids with fohawks. Definitely the autistic one. All right. Who called the cops? Yeah, who called the cops?

Good job, little boy. Yeah, he called the cops on her for texting and driving. And he was right because texting and driving is lethal. I wouldn't call the cops on my mother. I wouldn't, unless she was Jenny McCarthy. I would not advocate calling the cops on anyone except for annoying famous celebrities. Yes, sure, sure, sure, sure. Because she'll be fine.

They're not going to, like, brutalize Jenny McCarthy. Yeah, no, no, no, they're not going to brutalize Jenny McCarthy. So then this young kid, what you're saying is that he has his own cell phone. Certainly. In which he called the cops with. The kids these days all have their own cell phone. They all have their own cell phones. Yeah, and he's 12.

So, of course, yeah. And he's also the daughter of a rich woman. So he's got a cell phone. Oh, that kid looked like he was like seven. I mean, that's probably, no, that is, actually, that is from this year. That's from May. Jesus. Other kid.

Which, which fucky has that one? Just because you're autistic doesn't mean you're ugly. I don't mean anything about autism. I'm saying that specific kid. That one is ugly. We've got a lot of autistic listeners out there. Oh, yeah, no. I'm down with that.

A lot of sense. That kid is very ugly. That's a horrendous looking child. Jenny McCarthy has a very small face. I'm just saying maybe it's genetic. It's the breasts that attract them, though, correct? The breasts that attract the men to Jimmy McCarthy? I mean, I think she's got the full package myself.

Her face? be nice. I thought she had a horse face. I thought she has a little... I kind of like horse faces sometimes. A horse face on the right woman can be pretty fucking sweet. I think you're a horse lover. I think you're a fucking fucky horse lover. But sounds like...

Also true. Yeah. But it'll be fine. So I wonder who she was texting, what she was texting about was she driving in behave badly?

poorly. Texting and driving, I hate to sound like a real, you know, ninny. Ninnie boo-boo, but texting and driving is dangerous as shit. I will agree with that 1,000%. The little boy was right to do something about it. And probably he said, Mom, stop texting and driving. And she was like, you're a little boy. You don't know what you mean. I don't know if my 12-year-old was like, ma'am, stop texting and driving. I'd probably slam his face and the fucking... What if you had a beer in your hand? and you were driving, it would be the same thing though.

Yeah. You would be mad. Except no, if I had a beer man, I was driving, I'd be smiling. I'd be happy. And then I would be like, you're right, I should probably put the beer down. Yeah. If you were driving with a beer, that would mean it is 1992 and all was still good with America. Yeah, baby.

Drink it with that bad. Was it legal to drive with a beer in 1992? Man, it was legal to drive with a beer up until like the late 90s, early 2000s. Really? Yeah, the open container laws are very new. I remember when we went on road trips, even like an hour-long drive, my dad would fucking bring a six-pack in the car and we just fucking head on it. Road sodas.

Yeah, road sodas, yeah. Wow. Yeah, bars used to have go-cups or you just go in for a go-coys. Like, one for the road was literal. And give me one for the road. It's just one. Yeah. Give one for the road.

Yeah, or six, whichever. Yeah, seven, whatever. Yeah, one drink of alcohol never leads to another. No, no, no. A man knows how to take care of himself. And if he says he can drive, he can drive. As opposed to Jenny McCarthy, who is a woman that can't text and drive. Of course, I'm not advocating for a police, you know, police pulling over everyone who texts and drive. But I do think that it should be as stigmatized as drunk driving.

I definitely as stigmatized. It's not wearing your seatbelt. It's definitely getting up there. Yeah. No, it's pretty fucking awful. But you know, her reaction to this is pretty fucking awful too. You know what she did? She grabbed her son's phone and threw it out the window.

Yeah, fuck you, Jenny McCarthy. You'll just buy them a new phone, first of all, because you're rich. Yeah. Second of all, your son did the right thing. Yeah. Just throwing a fucking temper tantrum. Man, and I think the fact that she admitted that she did that is insane. Yeah, that's very funny.

Deny, deny, deny, deny. She told the cops, presumably, or the press. I don't know which is worse. This was all revealed on a serious show. Series XM show Radio show called Dirty Sexy Funny God and she's still, Meg, go away. It's her own radio show.

I'm done. Yeah. I'm fucking done with her. And that kid, man, you, if your kid calls the cops on you, your kid hates you. Twelve is a little young to hate your mother that bad. Yeah, and he called the cops on her twice that day

because she stopped the car, went outside to have a smoke, left her phone in the car. He called 911 again and said, My mom abandoned me. Really? Yeah. Oh, well, that's kind of an autistic thing there.

Yeah, he may have just been scared. But at the same time, Jenny, I think you're right, Jackie. I think that it sounds like the son does not necessarily trust Jenny McCarthy. Not at all. Would you? No. No, of course. I wouldn't trust her as far as I can throw her.

Pull her off the side of the road to smoke a cigarette, which is like, I appreciate you don't smoke cigarettes around your kids. I understand that, but give me a fucking break. Wait. I'm an avid. smoker and you wait see if fucking get home. Yeah, leave the kid on the side of the road.

Leave the kid the side of the road. You can have a cigarette outside of the car. Especially a kid with special needs. Who might not understand why you're doing this or might like really want to go home. Yeah.

That's ridiculous. Man, she is such a fucking bit. What is it called dirty, sexy bitch? Close. Dirty sexy, funny. Oh, I want to. Can you call into this show? You know, you might be able to.

Man, we should fucking call into this show give this fucking woman a piece of my... You know, she ruined my view. She ruined the view for me. I had to stop watching the view. And I love the view. She's gone. I know now she's gone, but I can fucking feel her pussy presence.

I can feel the fucking slime she left on the goddamn seat. They're testing out new co-host right now. Yeah, I know. Yeah, over the next couple weeks. Every funny woman in New York City is buying for that spot, man. But it should be you. It should be you. No, he's given me a call.

It's bullshit that they haven't called you yet. I tried. I asked my manager, he said no. Let's move on to some Keith Urban News. Okay. In Boston a couple nights ago, 46 people received medical treatment and 22 were hospitalized

for alcohol-related illnesses. How old were these people? I don't. I understand 18 and under, sure. That's why so many. But a Keith Urban concert, Jesus. Those people were not under the age of 18 or 21 or 40,

probably for that matter. And they probably got let loose one night like fucking raccoons. And they got into too much trash. They ate too much fucking trash. Ninnia around with all their fucking raccoon friends. And then they got sick. And that's what happens when he eat trash, Marcus. Yeah.

I know it's what I. happens when you eat trash. Oh, Jackie needs to have another show where she just scolds people for their various moral feelings. That could be our page 7 bonus show. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Scolten by Jackie.

You're going to get scolded. You just got scolded. I want like a light, like a thunder clap. Every show it's the same raccoon metaphor, but for different Different people. In different circumstances.

All right, well, it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Yeah, raccoons, got to have that list. Who surprise celebrity weddings. Oh, this is fun. Yeah, the ones that we never saw coming. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, they didn't tell nobody. You're right, that was very surprising.

And they were able to keep it under wraps because they had it at Bruce Willis's private villa. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah. That's random. How? I don't know. I guess that Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis made friends during the filming of Armageddon. Oh.

The only thing I can think of is the only time they work together. You are correct. He's like, baby, you want to marry me? My friend from Armageddon has a place. Oh, my God. Stipersimi, is it Steeper Shamed? No, Bruce Wells, all right, I'll take it. That's fine.

It's fine. I mean, I would have preferred to Stevie Shammany. Well, yeah. Yeah, that would be, if your beau was like, you want to elope with me, we can go to Steve Buscemi's house. I would be like immediately. Yeah, we can go to Steve Buscemi's Brownstone over in Park Slope. Oh, we'd love that.

Or John Tutoros. I saw John Tuturo over in Park Slope one time, throwing ball with his kid. And I just like stared at him from across. And like, I don't do that very often with celebrities, but I'm like, God, I just want to talk to you. I just want to fucking talk to you so bad. Play ball with me, John Turro. Another couple that got clever with it.

Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew. Bradrick. They wore all black and told everyone they were attending a party that turned out to be a wedding. Aw. But people came to it? Like they invited people to it? Yeah, they invited people to it. And then they kind of skirted the paparazzi just saying like, hey, you know, we're just going to a party. Turned out to be the wedding. Oh, that's smart. Man, their kids are so fucking cute. Are they? Disgusting. Really? I don't know about their kids. Twin girls. And they're very like fashion folks. I mean, they're very Carrie Bradshaw. But they are...

They're both carries. I mean, they're totally carries. And they are so cute. Oh my God. Okay, yeah, they're pretty fucking adorable. Look at how cute they are. Oh, my God. And they're just so like fashionistas.

I know this other choice. That's a fucking Carrie Bradshaw thing. But it's fine. Something's been forced upon them and would be forced upon them. But they're little girls, but they're fucking having a great time. Yeah. Even Sarah, Jessica Parker, looked happy in that picture. And she's got a horse face.

Do you like Sarah Jessica Parker's horse face? No, her, like I said, some women have good horse face. Although she's really beautiful in Family Stone, so I'll give that to her. But that's just because I love that movie. I think I'm going to watch it later. Oh, they had a surrogate. Really? Mm-hmm.

Because she's so tiny. Yeah, she's so tiny. How would she carry twins? Her little tiny hips. Mm-hmm. But that's why the girls are so cute. Oh. Because it's Matthew Broderick's fucking poot.

poot-poot inside another woman's eggs. It may have been her eggs pulled out of her, injected with Matthew Broderick's poot, put into another lady. I think that's what it was. Oh, is that what it was. That's what the really, really rich people do. Yeah, that's expensive, right? That takes a lot.

Yeah, it's like 100 grand. Man, you imagine taking out your tiny eggs. It's, from what I have heard, it is intense. Intense. Yeah, it has to be. Yikes. Beyonce and Jay-Z, they had a secret wedding in Manhattan, only 40 guests.

Didn't they have it on an island? No, he bought her an island. I don't know if we can talk about their wedding. I think it's a dark day for us all. When was that? How many years ago was that? Four. God, it just feels like their reign has been... It's like the Ottoman Empire. Yeah.

You know, like you never know you're going to see it go. Like, you thought the Ottoman Empire was going to be forever. Yeah. No, I think you're right. Yeah. We all thought the Ottoman Empire was going to be forever.

I remember it well. Oh, man. Let's see. Next one up. Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore. Didn't even take a break from touring. Wait a second. Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore are married.

I totally forgot about this. I didn't even know this. I didn't know that. Not only did I forget about their marriage. I forgot about the existence of both of them. Well, I love Ryan Adams. I still listen to Ryan Adams. Heartbreakers still. It's really fucking good.

Both great out. But Mandy Moore. They've been married for five years. What? Hala Jesus. What is Mandy Moore? She's just the wife of Ryan Adams now. Yeah. He is a genius. He's very good at what he does. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's a terrible person

but a great musician. Why is he so bad? I'm not. He's so bad. Well, am I confusing him with that other movie star Ryan who's not Ryan Ryan Reynolds? Ryan Reynolds. Who's married and Blake Lively? Oh, okay.

Blake Lively's a woman? Yeah, Blake Lively. Are you being a bad girl right now? No, I'm not. Who is it that Blake Lively just got taken under the wing of, like, fashion and, like, life with Martha Stewart? Martha Stewart and Blake Lively have become really good friends. Is someone looking at us weekly? Mr. Marcus.

All right, it's time for Blind Anna. Yay, we can't see him. This former A-list, mostly movie actor, who is an Academy Award winner slash nominee, is much like an old character he played and spins his days walking and digging through trash cans and then turns in cans for money at the end of each day. What?

The movie, down and out in Beverly Hills. Oh, I can see his face. I can see his face. This is all on you, Jackie. I don't know the movie. I'm sorry. What else is it? The Hulk?

I know big eyebrows, right? Real big eyebrows. I know. What's his name? Yes, what's his name? Nick Nulte. Nick Nolty. Nick Nolty?

Yeah. Crazy, crazy, crazy, man. Well, of course, man. Ever since that fucking, um, what's it? The mug shot. Yeah, the mug shot. Oh, yeah.

I know about that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you remember Crimson Tide that is a good movie? Crimson Tide? You never see Crescent Tide? He's not in that.

Crimson Tide? He's not in that. Nick Nulte? He's in the Prince of Tides. The Prince of Tides. The Prince of Tides. with Barbara Streisand. Yeah, Barbara, yeah, with old Babs.

Oh, my God, and his sister. And then, oh, my God, and Barbara Streis, she's a psychiatrist. They're like, oh, it's all fucked. Yeah. It's all fucked. Yeah. But he's got that southern charm.

I was also thinking of the mirror has two faces, but that's a different Babs movie. Yeah, and the man without a face, that's a Mel Gibson movie. They're all wrong. No, no, no com. No com. It's just ROMs.

It's just ROMs. It wasn't even ROM. There was a little bit of a ROM in there. A little bit. I mean, it's a boy and a man. There's a boy and a man, but then there's also the mother of the boy in the man. That's right. It's a little bit of ROM in there.

Yeah, the Man Without a Face, that was a weird one. That was a weird one. That was a weird 90s movie. Do you know, are you familiar with this? Man Without a Face. It's a kid with the big nostrils. Yeah, real big nostrils. There was a movie in which Mel Gibson played a man who got into a car wreck that killed his family many years early.

and half of his face was horribly disfigured, horribly burned. And so he's a recluse, and this little boy somehow ends up friends with Mel Gibson, and he helps Mel Gibson to be a... To learn how to love again. That's a good elevator pitch. If you were going to sell me that movie, I'd be like, make it. It's kind of weird, though, because he's a recluse and he's kind of a creep, and then this boy starts hanging out with him.

And the mother's just like, what? Oh, my God, I'm in love with him. So that part's kind of weird. Oh, really? Yeah, that is weird. Yeah, like, oh, I'm going to fall in love with this man who can now be a father figure to my child because he never had a father figure. But, like, what's my kid doing over there hanging out at this fucking weirdo's house all day long? How did my child? That never comes into a fucking play.

Yeah. No, it never does. It was Nick Stahl that played the kid. Nick Stahl, big, a big fucking nostrils. Big nostrils. He was in Carnival. He was in Sin City. Oh, remember the Tarn Feather.

Oh, my God. Everyone should watch Carnival. Again, I reiterate. Always. Once a year, I think I say, everyone should watch Carnival. Yeah. I concur every time. Thank you.

Next up. This is good news, by the way. This is a happy one. Is it? Is it, Marcus? Well, depends on your point of view, but I think it's a happy ending. Okay. This former B-list, mostly television actress,

who is on a very long-running, very hit, ABC sitcom in the 90s with two A-listers then and now spends most of her time on her farm growing pot. She played the daughter named Becky. Whoa. Lori Metcalf. Whoa. She's growing weed now.

Becky from Roseanne. From Roseanne, which is weird because Roseanne is fucking growing a bunch of macadamia nuts. Yes, true. And she, all of it, there's like a big Oprah special with Roseanne. Yep. On the nut farm with Roseanne or whatever. Yeah.

Something like that. Or going nuts or something. You know, I was totally wrong on this. Lori Metcalf was not the daughter. Lori Metcalf was the sister. Jackie? She's the weed grower? She's the weed grower.

Well, that makes even more sense. Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. A ton of sense. Yeah. And that's a very happy ending for her. That's a very happy end for her. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. She had some. She had some. good roles here and there, you know. And now she's live out of her days, man. Living out her days, just fucking growing weed. Can I start that now?

I want to start living out my days growing weed now. Yeah. Can I do that now? Very early. Is it too early? Although I know a lot of people do that. They just go out to California. They harvest. It's a little bit of a working. Look at me. I'm a harvester. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a farm girl. You do look like a natural harvester. Yeah, I'm

a harvester. I can put on my boots and my gloves. and get out there and... Nothing else. I'm going to look around. Probably. You look like you'd be a good squatter. Yeah, I got good thighs.

Yeah. I can squat too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to be a farm girl with me? Yeah. All right, we're going out there. We'll get matching hats. Oh, my God.

Well, I'll send y'all out to back to Texas and y'all can be our new designated squatters. I want to do it with weed, though. Can we grow weed? Yes. Okay. I'll have to make some calls. All right, make some calls and we'll figure that out.

And then I'm going to be gone forever. Like, I don't want to ever see you guys ever again. Don't call you. Yeah, do everyone call me ever again? Yeah. All right. All right, cool. Good.

Next up, this television host, Deal only has one more outstanding issue. New Girl has gotten almost everything she wants, except her old job title. current girl doesn't want to give it up. It's certainly making for an interesting power struggle behind the scenes of this daytime television talk show. The view. It's definitely the view.

Who's the new girl? Rosie. Uh-huh. Whooppy. Oh my God. We knew. We knew this was a day would come. Down with Rosie, up with whoopee always.

Yeah. Whoopi always. Whoopi and forever. I'm gonna get it fucking tattooed on my chest. Whoopi forever. And that goes for my sex life and for fucking Goldberg, man. Whoopi forever forever. Now, I've been watching Star Trek recently.

Again, Star Trek the next generation. Whoopi's fantastic in that. I didn't know she was in that. She plays Guyin, the bartender at 10 Forward. Oh, she's a bartender? She's a bartender and she gives the best advice. I bet she does. I've never seen a single droplet of Star Trek.

Have you seen? Have either of you seen Trekkies? I have not seen it. I haven't ever seen Star Trek and we watched Trekkies recently and it was so much fun. Yeah? Yeah. It was so much fun. It's an older movie, right?

Yeah, it was made in like maybe the mid-90s. Yeah. It's super 90s-y. It is such fun. I totally, totally, totally recommend it. Netflix? I think it is on Netflix. I think it was either, we did either on demand or Netflix.

All right. All right. Sounds good. I had a really good time with a Jones Town Dock the other evening. Oh, yeah? Very similar to Trekkies. I'm happy for you. Yeah, it was pretty great.

I mean, you know I love Jonestown. I'd watch that, though. We all love Jones Town. That's great. Yeah, the reenactments are really bad. What I highly recommend is just watch the Sacrament instead. The Sacrament, which is highly based on Jonestown, whether they want to admit it or not, is one of the best movies I have to say that I've seen this year.

And instead of those two, I would recommend that you spend the full 40... No, I got 10 minutes into that recording of everyone dying at Jones Town. I got 10 minutes in. I can't believe what was it? You Ed and Ben Kessel. And Dan St. Germain. I'm talking about the Jones Town death tape. In case you didn't know, they recorded the last 45 minutes of all these people's lives.

Absolutely not. And I recommend if you want an extra bonus while you listen to it, smoke a bunch of weed and look at pictures of the devil. See, I got 10 minutes in. And I'm insane and I can only get 10 minutes in. Baby's because I was doing it by myself, but I don't know if that's what the case is. I think I've clocked three or four listens on it. Yeah. Well, I had to edit

it down for a last podcast episode. It's 45 minutes long. I had to edit it down to a good, like, three minute greatest hits. Oh, Lord. And that took a very, very... Gotta have the greatest hits. Yeah, like, leave this goddamn world. Yeah, no one knows. Jim Jones had a list. Yeah, well, I'm not

going to... Remind me once we're not recording anymore, not because it can't be recorded because it would take too long. This this cult guy there's great recording of a cult guy from the 90s I don't remember the cult but he makes a list of all the music that is forbidden and

he like keeps mispronouncing the names of everybody so he's like Stevy Knicks it's really great it's like four minutes long straight yeah it's really good all right now it's time for a gay item who's gay

this closet at A list just about everything he touches never runs any errands for himself. A few weeks ago though, he was driving himself which is rare and stopped at a Starbucks and fell in lust with the guy working there.

Our A-lister now makes a Starbucks run several times a day just to talk to the guy. American Idol. Brian Seacrest. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's a sad one.

I feel like he's... It's a little pervy. It's pervy, but also like it's too young to not be able to be himself. I agree. You know what I mean? Like I understand the older ones. Like even like Tom Cruise, you know, they're all like of just of that other generation of it wasn't quite okay to say it yet.

Ryan Seacrest is of our, right? Isn't he in his early 30s? I'm checking his, uh, well, actually, he's going more towards late 30s. He was born in 74. Oh, oh, he's 40. Yeah, he's 39. Oh, wow. About to turn 40.

In my head, Ryan Seacrest will always be my age. You know, because it's like watching things. Like, I always thought he was my age. Oh, so I guess you're right. No, but I hear you. I mean, he's young. And also he's like, not only as a young, but he's surrounded by young people all the time. Which is also something that I think makes it easier to be like, hey, people come out and it's totally fine.

And like, life goes on and then they're happier. So it's not, he is, he is relatively young. but he's also around youth culture. It's not as if he's like only hanging out with like homophobic, you know, grown-olds. Older dudes. Yeah.

This is a completely side thing. I watched Gravity a few days ago, hungover, which was very rough for me. I would puke. And I, Sandra Bullock this week, celebrated her 50th birthday. God, damn.

You watch that fucking movie and tell me that that woman, which at the time was what, 48? Are you kidding me? 48? She turned 50 this week. I looked at myself and I felt disgusted.

I hated myself. I was like, oh, I'm 26. There's no reason for this. No reason. She's fucking 50 years old. She just looks so smooth and soft. The entire movie. 50 years old.

50. She is so tight. In that movie. It's insane. Sandra! Fifty years old! I had to say it because when I saw that on People magazine, I was fucking digging out.

Hanes fucking shit. I was reading my People magazine. I saw she celebrating her 50th birthday. And I, this close to putting a fucking gun in my mouth. She takes heinous sheds too. Man, oh, God. Jackie, if it makes you feel any better, I like you a lot more than Sandra Bullock.

Thank you. But she was great in the movie. I haven't seen it. I'm going to puke if I see it. She was great. You would. I almost, we had to stop halfway through because I almost had to throw up. You guys should have seen that shit in 3D. I wouldn't be able to do it. I can't. No, I wouldn't be able to do it.

I mean, I couldn't take the train afterwards. Oh, Lord. Yeah. Split a cab afterwards. But it was, yeah, it was amazing. One of the best movie experiences I ever had. Really? But I think hungover never. Molly's just not interested.

I'm sick just thinking about it. It is rough. I'm glad he had fun. No. And I don't get like sick, like, I don't get motion sickness very often. Buh. Look. Yuck. Woof. My middle name is motion sickness.

Is it? Molly. And coming next to the ring, Molly, motion sickness never. It just cuts to me and I'm like, oh. I trust me, she's stronger than she looks. All right, everybody.

Thank you guys for listening. my name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Motion Sickness Network. Hi, Marcus Parks. Yeah, man, 50. Let's go shoot ourselves in the head.