Page 7 - Episode 95: Confuse the Squares

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

The gang catches up on the last couple weeks of gossip including the celebrity nudie leak, the death of Joan Rivers, the new Royal baby, and the brand new lineup of The View! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Like it. Like it. Gimmy, gimme, gimme. I'll write that song. Give me that butt. Give me that butt. Hey guys, we have been gone for fucking ever. My name is Jackie Zavarowski.

My name is Molly Neffel. I'm Marcus Parks. Life just got in the way. You know, it's just like those thing celebrities. You know, sometimes life creeps in and your projects go out the window. Celebrities, we're just like them. We're just like them. Oh, my God.

Put us and us weekly. Us weekly. Us weekly. Us in my weekly. A lot happened while we were gone. So much has happened. It's crazy how much has happened. I haven't seen the nude pictures yet. You haven't? No. None of them?

None of them. None of them. Give me a Jennifer Lawrence. Please. I hear, are they hard to find? I think there was a concerted effort after. Basically what happened was when they leaked, they were impossible not to find. Like I was trying to just read about it on Twitter. Like, what happened? And then, whoa, hey, there they are.

See, I was away when the whole thing happened. And I was up in a place where there was no internet. And when I got back in, I'd missed the whole fucking thing. And then I tried to find the pictures. And there were none. I think that after there was a good amount of, hey, maybe we should not, you know, just put these everywhere. And it's breast. It's fucking breasts.

I don't know how you feel about this, Molly, but I'm sure that you do. I sure I do know how you feel about it. But I thought that it was a little weird that it's all about, you know, I know that it's about women and like showing women's bodies. And it's this, they made it into this whole women thing. But what has changed? I mean, I don't want to see. It's like I love Tim Riggins, but I wouldn't get off looking at a picture of him sitting with his dick all. flappy and not hard.

I couldn't agree with you more. Everyone knows that all these women have bodies under their clothes. What's the big audience deal? And also, I just don't think it's like a woman thing. And it's just like, this guy was able to do it and he fucking did it. And it's like, it's great because people kind of want to see it. I would say that the thing about it, even though we know that Jennifer Lawrence is hot as hell and has a naked body under her clothes, that the thing, the sinister thing about leaking the nudes is that it's like a, you know, people, it's like shaming.

so much shame with having like being a woman and like wanting to be sexy it's like oh you're dirty you're dirty dirty dirty see i feel like if someone found a nude picture of me and blasted everywhere and everyone's like oh look at this picture i'd be like man everyone wants to look at a picture of me naked look at that fucking thing look at how many people want to look at me naked there you go i'm showing uh them a picture of the selfie right now i mean there's good breasts there was a lot i mean the day of like they're who man uh you could see there's like eight of them. There's a whole lot of them.

But that was about the only one that I can find now. I guess they've scrubbed him. If you gave me about... If you gave me 10 minutes. I'm sure. If you gave me 10 minutes. And she's not the only one. Like there was a lot of them. Yeah. Emma Stone found hers.

Those are pretty great. The Jill Scott one, like Jill Scott. Hers were leaked as well. Kate Upton. I don't know who she is. Big breasts. She's a model. Big breasts.

Yeah. a super hot model. Pretty much all she does. Isn't she also a boarder of some sort? She got snowboard or something. Doesn't she do something like that? She got snowboarded, yes. She's snowboarded.

No, no, she got water boarded. That's right. Yeah, she got water boarded. She does something. Doesn't she do something? Or am I thinking of the hot, who's the hot, like, Olympian that everyone went Boonoo's over? Oh, yeah.

Michaela something? Some maybe. Yeah, yeah. Her pictures were actually. actually underage, she was underage when her photos was a child porn, which means that she should be technically under the letter of the law, feed charts with disseminating child pornography. Yeah, because those laws are getting used to put kids who sect in jail going back to the shaming people for having sexualities and especially women.

But if you're fucking 13 years old, you shouldn't be taking care, taking pictures of your breasts. Yeah, but getting a sex offender pornography distribution charges is going to help you. Yeah, you're going to help. Hang on help. but I do I guess I'm not saying that like well they shouldn't take them if they don't want anyone to see them because I know that there should be some semblance of privacy however if you are taking a picture of something

and it goes up into something referred to as a cloud what is that I don't fucking know what it is it's out there it's up there and whether you delete it or not it's there I don't know what it means but people out there do know what it means and you gotta watch out for that shit I try to get all my stuff off that cloud I hear you on that I don't know

what it is and I don't know how to stop my stuff from going up there. But I saw a tweet that I thought was powerful and succinct, which is, you know, if somebody robbed your bank account because you use online banking, people wouldn't be like, well, you shouldn't have used the internet. Right. You know, because the internet is just how life works. It's just it. It's just out there. And I think along similar lines, I mean, I haven't sexted, but 90% of the people I know have. Like, sexting is just how people communicate. And the internet is, is how people communicate. So I think it's just, you know, I think, uh, I think that it's not so surprising that, that a beautiful woman took a picture of her own body.

So does it make me not want to see the pictures, though? I mean, the women, I'm a human being. Yes. But then I would say, I would, from my feminist stance, I would say, ask Jennifer Lawrence if you can see her naked body. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Let me see a press. And if Jennifer Lawrence is like, like, you know what, Jackie, Marcus, just for you guys, yes, here's the picture. I bet you would. Yeah. I bet you fucking went.

And then we can all celebrate and look at the picture. Yes, and then we can't rejoice, absolutely. But if you guys want to find it, I got shit out there. Yeah, yep, I got shit out there too. I think mine's on a VHS, so I don't think that's anything that a cloud is going to be able to get. But I am definitely on a VHS somewhere. Luckily, no one has the machine to adapt it to play on. any sort of device that we have now.

So I think that you're saved. Hopefully. They find it though. Have that. I give you my permission now. And if you find it, come on over to my place. I got a VCR. I would love to watch.

I mean, I don't know. At the time, I didn't want to watch it, but I'd probably watch it now. Just to see a little tykey me. How old were you just to make sure that it's... Oh, I guess no. It's illegal, huh? Would it be?

Were you under 18? Yeah, I was under 18. Yeah, that'll happen. Hey, I mean, I was under 18. That's when you fucking... I mean, I'm not Kim Kardashian. That's when you make a sex tape. Right, exactly.

That's when you do those things. Yeah, I mean, this is why all these silly teens are sexting each other, and then they're getting in all sorts of big trouble. They're silly teens. They just don't know. Give me a breast. Give it a breast. Silly teens are like, hey, I've got a hot body. I want to share it with the world.

And, you know, it's up for debate whether they should or not. Yeah, exactly. The jury's still out, but there is an actual jury. That's a lot. There is a literal jury out on this one. Yeah, so that was a big thing. It was a huge thing that happened. And, you know, Joan Rivers died.

Man, it's just upsetting. I really wanted to go to the funeral. The funeral was here in New York on Sunday. It was at a temple, I believe, in the Upper East Side. And it was exactly what she wanted, which I think is awesome that she had written in her book that she wanted a red carpet affair. She wanted the whole fucking thing.

And I forget exactly which singer it was. It was an old school singer that she wanted to sing at her funeral, but he was too ill to sing. And it ended up being like, everybody fucking came out for it. There were like hundreds and thousands of fans everywhere. And it was a big old like roast, right? Like a bunch of people told jokes and stuff. Yeah, it was jokes. It was a show, which is fucking awesome.

That is so awesome. Yeah. Except Broadway won't dim their lights for her. Yeah, why won't they? They won't fucking do it because they're all fucking greedy juice. Maybe not all Jews, but they're all greedy, that's for fucking sure. Why won't they, is it something about her, like, not having status as, like, a... I think I'm sure it has to do with money.

It has to be. Oh, really? Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Dimming the lights, that means they don't have shows, correct? I'm going to check it out right now. This is, like, as, like, show business people, I feel like we should know this and I have no idea. But usually when you dim the lights for someone, I don't know if that means we're all of Broadway, but usually

it means in a small time that you're dark that day. It's a dark day. Yeah. No, that makes sense. Which I would understand that if that was a thing, they didn't want to lose all that money, but I feel like that would generate more money in the fucking long run. Of course. If you dim your lights for fucking Joan Rivers.

Yeah, and it's Joan Rivers. I mean, there is really only one, you know, and she's just like a fucking godmother. And how devastated must molester Rivers be? Yeah. Like, I'm Like, I can't even imagine.

Like, I can't even imagine going through that in general. But, like, oh, my God. They were so fucking close. Yeah, they sure were. And I found the name of the singer that she wanted to sing, Bobby Vinton. Yes. And Bobby Vinton, he was the guy that sang Blue Velvet.

Oh. Wonderful. And she said that she wanted him to pick up her head and sing Mr. Lonely. I think Neil Patrick Harris ended up singing it. Oh, really? Yeah, he sang a few different. No, no, no, not Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman.

Hugh Jackman. He sang a bunch of songs. He sung, they were all songs from like the boy from Oz, stuff like that. And I know that Meryl Streep went because she also wrote in her book that she wanted Meryl Streep crying in five different characters. But I know that she did attend. And so many people went and that's fucking awesome.

I really wanted to be there. I was pretty devastated. Please, please watch piece of work. Yes. It is on Netflix right now. I think they put it back up for this. Absolutely. I have never seen something that made me so,

so rejoiced and rejuvenated in the craft that I've chosen, but also horrified at the same time. Absolutely. At the time, 79 years old, and used to look at her calendar, and it was just show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show. And she's like, a day without a show is a bad day. Yeah, she hated an empty calendar. An empty calendar.

She's like, that was death to her. Yeah. And she went out like a fucking bandit, man. And it's terrible to lose her so soon, but at the same time, at least she went out like that. So soon, she was 81. But she was still going, man. Yeah, that's it. She was still fucking going.

She was tweeting about Rihanna three weeks ago, you know? Like, it's not. She did an hour at the cellar, I think, the night before she died. And the night that she went. Or the night before she went into surgery. The day she went into surgery, she had to show the next day out in, I think, like, out on the island or something. So it was just supposed to be a routine surgery. It wasn't plastic surgery.

It was a throat thing. Because she had nodules or something? She has what we have, Molly. And that's what's horrifying. It's something that I have to eventually go in for, and it ended up just going wrong. And I think that they might be under investigation. Yes, they are.

Oh, really? Because she ended up going into a medically induced coma. And so many people were like, oh, yeah, right, she was going in for plastic surgery. She would have fucking said if she was going in for plastic surgery. Of course. She didn't hide it. She's not like that person. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I could not agree more about piece of work. It changes. I mean, for me, I just, I didn't, I didn't, even though I had been doing stand-up for, you know, a few years by the time I saw it, I did not realize everything that she had gone through. I didn't realize, because. With Johnny Carson. With Johnny Carson. And being just boxed out. She was blacklisted.

She was pushed out. I mean, like the way that I was describing it, uh, to try to like explain it to like non-comedy people, I was like, pioneer does not do the word justice. Imagine a pioneer who is facing every step she takes, a wall comes up and then every wall has like a bomb in it. Like that's how much resistance she met. She was in the 60s. She was on television telling jokes about abortion. What is that? Like she, I mean, she was, she paved such an insane way for, like, for all of us.

Yes. And I know that everyone has been saying this and everyone's like, this is kind of like, Push the death, but please, the love of fucking God, watch her clips, pay homage to her, realize what you fucking did, because we wouldn't be sitting here if it wasn't for her. And the worst part of, I'd be sitting here. You'd be sitting here. Fucking little white Southern boy would definitely fucking sit in here. But like I did not, you know, when I, when we were kids, she was just like a joke on the red carpet, right, who like would get made fun of on SNL and like everyone made fun of her plastic surgery and, oh my God. Mad magazine. That's all I knew her from was just like,

She got ripped in Mad Magazine every month. And she fucking loved it. Oh, yeah. And she, yeah, she, I mean, she coped with it all by, you know, developing this, like, incredible. I mean, it obviously made her all so much stronger, but, like, you know. She crawled out of a fucking grave. The industry put her into a grave. And she fucking dug her way back out.

Yes. That she is a name that everyone knows she is as famous as she ever, has she ever dreamed of me. and she fucking did it and it's like do you have it in you? I don't think I fucking do. I feel like after all that shit with Johnny Carson I'd be like okay I'll be a mother now

I'm assuming a mother and I'd be like fuck this and she didn't yeah and she didn't do that and everyone tried to make her into a joke and everyone tried to be like oh she's such an idiot for getting plastic surgery you know what she was a fucking woman getting older and no one in this culture wants to see a woman getting older and then she used it man

and she fucking just used it great yeah and then she used it yeah but she was just every piece of shit that was thrown at her, she took it and fucking threw it right back. It was, and made it a weapon out of it. It was unbelievable what she did. So at least, I mean, she went out the way that she did, and I think that it's terrible to say,

but I think it's better than watching her get too old to perform. I think that she would have wanted it this way. I think that you're right. I think that, you know, yeah, 81 of the line. She went out having like a show, the next day. Right. You know, like she wasn't fucking going quietly into any fucking good night. I think that's true.

Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, on the one end, I could picture her doing another 10 years, on the other hand. She would have, I mean, she would have gone and she was just going to keep going. Yeah. But I think you're right. So who's going to be the third comedian to die? Oh, don't. Yeah, now we're on comedian death watch.

Don't say it. There's going to be another one. I hate it. We were gone for Robin Williams, weren't we? Yeah, we were. That's one of three. Two of three is Joan Rivers. Who is three of three. I'm going for Drew Carey.

Nah. He's gotten his shit together. He doesn't have his glasses anymore. He's fine. He's fucking fine. I know, but I'm going to say it right now. Drew Carey, unexpected death. You think so.

Oh, yeah. If he had eyes an unexpected death, I'm fucking look at you, Parks, man. Someone wanted to win this non-bett that we've got going on. Well, I'm not fucking winning Jack Nicholson. Oh, my God. Don't. It's going to be this year.

Is it going to be this year? I mean, we're already in the fucking ninth month. Yeah, man, we're in September. What happened? What happened? Where did it go? We haven't done this show in a month. Are you kidding?

We lost one month. We lost it. We did. August is just gone. It's just gone. You know what? And I don't even really remember August that month. On Sunday I was like, man, you know, like August, man, just started.

And it's already like such a, going to be such a long month. And my friend was like, it's September. August is gone. Marcus, it's September. You missed 30 days. I do want to throw it out there. I did just get my People magazine of the Brad Pitt

Angelina Jolie wedding pictures. Oh, that's right. They got secretly married. They got secretly married at their chateau in France. I think that's great. And you know what? Their kids are great. Why is everyone always given their kids such a hard time? The only thing is that she let them draw all over her dress.

Great. great. I let my students draw over my shirt. It's great. Yeah. I don't. It was a little too indulgent. Oh. Oh. It was like a Versace Drey. It was like something that like was it very expensive. I know they got the money. I know they got

that money. I know they got that money. But then you look in the back it's like they ain't even old enough to draw good. You know what I mean? It's like lizards and shit and like oh my family. Fuck that. That goes on a fridge. Not on my wedding dress. Yeah. If they are allowed to draw on a $20,000

wedding dress. How do you think those kids are going to act in the supermarket? Okay. You are... $20,000? I'm going to guess fucking bump that. Maybe $70,000. Maybe $100,000. Yeah, you get those kids in the fruit aisle. You'll see how good they react then. All right. I didn't think about the money aspect and teaching them to value money. They definitely probably need that. But the creativity part, I think, is fun. Sure. Have them draw on the tablecloth, the reception.

Draw on like a headband or something. Yeah, table class is a good idea. It does seem like they are very good parents. I mean, the kids were very involved in the wedding. Yeah, they're so cute. And all the pictures are really beautiful. I think, you know what? Which no one is talking about, and I think that it should be mentioned,

that her, their biological daughter, Shiloh, was wearing a little tuxedo. Shiloh. Shiloh, is a kid after my own heart. When I look at the top Shiloh. That is exactly how I dressed when I was a little kid. I think that kid is so awesome. And I think it's total bullshit how people are like, what does Angelina Jolie let her child be themselves?

She let all of them choose what they wanted to wear. They all had like weird silly hats. One of the younger ones wore something that was her favorite dress in her closet. Yeah. You know, it was like that part of it I thought was really fucking awesome. They actually let the kids be kids and be themselves and not panic that they have a little girl who wants to dress in boys' clothes, which I am like so many hats off to them for that. Because they're in the public eye.

I can totally see them being like, you have to be a kid. little girl for the cameras. And it's really cool that they don't do that. They don't at all. And like they all walked with her down the aisle. And I thought that whole inclusion of family. Family is very important to them. And I think that's pretty great.

Didn't even throw up. You need little kids? I don't think so. Kids throw up a lot. And for no reason. They're not like kid kids. They're all over the age of like four. I don't think.

No, kids that'll learn throwing up. Up till 10. They throw up for no reason. Molly, back me up on this. The thing is I don't think they throw up all the time, but they can't tell when they're about to throw up. Like, you know when we're about to throw up, we can find a bathroom.

Yeah. Kids will just wait. Unless we're really drunk. Right. Yeah. But, but, like, I haven't puked, like, not in a bathroom since I was about 12, I think. Whereas, I don't know. I pukeed in my purse in the back of the cab a few years ago.

You were drunk. You were very drunk. And you found your purse. Yeah, I found my purse. And I puked in the purse. If it was a 10-year-old, that kid would have just sprayed puke all over the right seat. It's not that they puke all the time, but when they do, they don't know what to do. And they're just like, woo, they don't know about directing it into a vessel.

Yeah, they don't know how to control it into a disposable vessel until they're teenagers. This is a very, are we going different? I have a very big side. This is a side. This is out of nowhere. It's like a big dish of macaroni and cheese. kind of said. Yeah, it's like, except it's like macaroni cheese on the side of like a Mexican fiasna.

I've been watching a lot of Inkmaster, which is a reality show on Netflix. I've been hearing from Doug. It is a, it is hosted by Dave Navarro. And it is a tattoo competition show. Very interesting. I realize all of my tattoos are very bad. But I believe that Dave Navarro owns Rockstar.

Rockstar is an energy drink. And it is very highly endorsed on the show. And they keep have people fucking pukin while they're getting, because they have human canvases to work on their tattoos for the competitions. And they keep fucking throwing up because they're pumping them full to rock star to sit down to get a six-hour fucking huge tattoo. And they just keep throwing up because you're drinking all these energy tricks. Oh, stop drinking the energy drinks when you're getting a six-hour tattoo. You need to like hydrate.

Yes. And then like, and then it'll be like the tattoo artist to be like, oh, my client keeps throwing up and I have to wave them to throw up. I want them to feel better. But I'm like, give them some fucking water, man. Water. Don't let him drink the rock star. I know that it's endorsing the entire show, but you got to put the rock star down. Yeah, that's going to lead to some serious lawsuits later.

But I just want to throw that. It's a very entertaining show. And speaking of things that constantly throw up. Uh-oh. There's a new royal baby on the way. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. It's got to be a princess. Please, God give me a princess.

All the people on the TV are calling it an air and a spare, which I think is very insulting. How dare you? Very insulting to the baby. Very insulting to Harry. I mean, you do have to have an air and a spare. Just in case. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

You have to. It's insulting, though. But I like it. I was talking about it at work today. My boss is like, oh, Irish twins, which is very funny. You know, it's like, almost nine months after they can immediately get pregnant again, they're going to be basically Irish twins. Yeah, I got Irish twins in my family.

I got Irish twins in my hometown. I love that phrase. Love it. Yeah. So if it's a baby, well, it's going to be a baby. I'm going to hope it's a baby. If it's a dog, I don't know. What am we going to do?

Either a baby or it's the moon child prophesied. It might be like that Will Ferrell sketch when the full-grown man comes. If it's a princess, though, what if they name it Diana? Oh my God, wouldn't that be a thing? They're not going to name it Diana. They can't, no. They can't, no. But wouldn't I love it?

Why, is there like a prohibition on naming? I mean, you can't. It'd be weird, especially after, you know, the grandmother had the first Diana killed. It would be pretty awkward. And she had her killed. But don't, I thought that was a thing that people do, unless you're Jewish, in which case you're not supposed to name a kid after somebody who's still alive. Like a grandparent.

I thought, name your kid after somebody who means a lot to you. Or if she has another boy, she's going to be compared. She's already compared to Diana so fucking hard. It's just going to be, she's going to be done. She is Diana. She will be, she is a reincarnated fucking weirdo Diana for the rest of her life. So that's why I pray. Yeah.

I pray she has a princess. I'm also sad for her and her morning sickness slash I'm so afraid that if I'm ever pregnant, I'm just going to be puking everywhere and all the time. I really fucking hope I do because I need to lose that way, you know what I mean? I got a baby on the way. I got a fucking beating out because you know I'm going to be eating for two. But you won't have like the royal hospital to take care of you. Oh yeah, I got them.

You got a royal hospital? Yeah, I got nine. All right, good. Nine doctors on call. I'm fucking throwing up. Give me IV. Get my fucking rock star. Can they find, like, a royal, like,

THC pill to give you to help with your nausea? Or is, I don't... Has that been debunked yet? Can pregnant women smoke weed yet? I don't know. I'm not going to get pregnant until I can smoke weed. That's the thing. If I'm going to be puking all the time.

I don't know. I smoke weed with a pregnant woman once. Her baby turned out fine. She's like six now. Great kid. It's fine. It's good enough for me. Yeah, man.

Get the fucking gummies in. Please take my anecdotal evidence as scientific fact. I love it. I'm down. Yeah. I'll stop drinking, but just like let me at least eat some fucking wheat gummy bears and then I'll be fucking chill. I do actually think that there is a bit of a jury out on it because I think that basically

I mean, you don't want to get total. It'll keep your heart right down. It'll keep you chill. Yeah. It might cause autism. I'm going to get one. It's going to be sparkly eyed anyway. Fuck it. Give me some fucking weed, y'all. There's a bunch of women in

Colorado. I should say At least, I've heard of women in Colorado, you know, where weed is legal now, who if they smoke, not like a bunch of weed, but a little bit of weed from morning sickness have been getting arrested, even though it's legal in Colorado, feds are all pregnant women. We're going to take your kids from you. But also, it's your choice to do whatever the fuck you want to do to your body. Your body, yeah. Well, it seems like that smoking weed contributes to lower birth rate.

the kids are more irritable and less responsive to calming. I'm gonna have that. That sounds like a baby. They were more jittery. Nah. We can't make somebody more jittery. And there's higher risk of complications

during the birth. I feel like I can give up. I can give up coffee. I can give up drinking. Give me fucking joy. You have to give up sushi. That's fine. However, you can still smoke

through the first trimester. See, that's the thing. Or smoke weed or smoke cigarettes. Oh, okay. I'll give up cigarettes as long as I can smoke weed. Yeah. I wish that there was something that was exactly like weed, but totally safe. Just eat the fucking gum.

I guess it goes through the pee-p-hole. What is it? And your big, your womb. Uh-huh. It's a blood. It's a fucking veins. Umbolechal cord? Bulkle.

Unbolic. Yeah, I got that fucking bulical. Bollicol. And other big news that we didn't even talk about, the new view lineup has been announced. What? It has? Yeah. You know, I watched the view recently. I was kind of, I was a little bit disappointed.

I think it's fallen from Grace a little bit. I'm nonchalant. Who are the people? Well, the new season starts on September 15th. They're bringing in Rosie Perez. I love Rosie Perez. Yeah, I like her too. Money it's long in a mile.

Oh, my God. Let's watch it happen. I want to be Rosie Perez. Yeah, she's good. Is it too late? To be Rosie Perez? At this point in life, I believe so. It might be.

Interesting. Well, I need to find a nice Latin man and create one. And the other one being added is Republican commentator Nicole Wallace. Don't know we're boring. Sounds boring. She worked for Jeb Bush back in 99. Jeb Bush is the worst piece of shit in the entire world. And she was staff as she was George W.

Bush's she was staff as a communications chief. She's a busher. She's a fucking Busher. Just get fucking Jedda Bush

on there. Have at least a party girl. Yeah. Or just get Elizabeth Hasselback back. Yes. That's dumb. And she also

worked for the 2008 McCain-Palen campaign. I hate her. Can we get her off the show, Marcus? Thank you. But she did

before this, she worked for MSNBC. They need a resident conservative. She's also friends with Katie Couric. Well, I like

Katie Kirk. I'm fine. That's probably Katie Kirk probably opened the door for her, you know. She might be okay.

Maybe. They need the Republican point of view. I know. They need the opposing point of view. She'll be better than Hasselbeck.

Yes. We'll watch. On September 15th, we have to watch it. Okay. We'll try and figure out how to watch it. Let's get like,

can we get bloody Mary's and watch it 11 in the morning when I guess? Sounds great. I fucking love that. Oh, it says September 15th.

That's what? Lex Monday? Yes. Oh, damn it. I'm going to be out of town. Yep, that'll be next Monday. So I've been surrounded by, I've been doing this project. I'm surrounded by actresses all the time.

And I'm currently working with a girl that works in Cinderella the musical on Broadway. She plays a step-sister. I guess, because of, I guess they don't use the word colorblind casting anymore, but it is due to colorblind casting. They're having their first black Cinderella, who is Kiki Palmer, who was like a Disney princess girl. and her mother The girl I know plays a step sister

and her mother who would be the stepmother the bad stepmother to Cinderella is going to be starting on Monday Sherry Shepard And I am very intrigued Apparently she's having a great time with her Not that, you know, she's not a She's never done Broadway before

But I think it's kind of funny Because she's going to have two very white, blonde step sisters, like ugly step sisters, Ciderot is black but their mother is black. And I understand the collarblind casting, but I do think it will be interesting to see.

I think there's just going to be a lot of people going What? That doesn't make, but she's genetics are weird. Genetics are weird. Genetics are weird. I don't think that if you have a black mother that you could be blonde, blue-wide, tall, thin girl either. It's possible.

It is possible. There are very rare instances of white children being born to black parents. However, it happening twice is, I would say, statistically impossible. But I do want to see Sherry Shepard. And race is a social construct largely. You're right. Except when you're talking about genetics. Right, right.

But yeah, right. Genetics are real. Races, constructive. And also people going to see Cinderella on Broadway, which is a very cookie. cutter-esque thing that I thought, I was like, oh, so are you losing the role because I thought they would make it black across the board, but

that's not how it goes on Broadway. I kind of actually think that it, like, the idea of a bunch of like, you know, Midwesterners or whatever being in the seats in Broadway and being like, well, how did a black stepmother have black steps? I have white steps. I would ask that question.

I feel like, yeah. No, it's a normal question. However, I would respond to that. it is a fairy tale. And I just, not that it's not a legit question that people might have, but it's kind of funny. Like, I think it's, maybe it's kind of worth the confusion because it's funny. And also worth casting Sherry Shepard, who's amazing. I think it's definitely interesting.

I feel like it would be more upsetting if it was like, black Cinderella loving a white prince charming. Like that I would be upset about. Although that happens, like, when they cast Michael B. Jordan and, what was it? Which I'm sure will happen on this because the Prince Charming is still white. Black superhero can't be possible. So, like, yeah. So I feel like there's the, like, totally, you know, reasonable, like, whoa, that's interesting that a black mother had two white children question.

But I think it also might, like, the overlap of, like, people, you know, like I said, it's a, it's a play about a fairy tale. But it is tourists. It is for people that have never seen something. I feel like it's going to be. Let's blow their mind. Let's freak them out. I mean, really, I think most people's thoughts like, guys, like, why is there?

And then you tell them, it's like, oh, it's like blindcasting. And I think the first thoughts of most people was like, huh, didn't really think that went through, did they? Must have been blind. Freak out the squares is my response. It's going to freak out the squares. It's just weird to freak out the squares with a Disney production. I don't know if it's going to freak them out. I think it's just going to confuse them.

Confuse them. Yeah. Confuse the squares. I think it's going to confuse them. I don't know if there's a whole lot of, like, bigoted, you know, racist people going to... Broadway. Like, to go into New York City for their, you know, vacation and going to Broadway.

But I feel like they would go see Cinderella the musical if they did. True, true. I just thought it was so interesting. Something I never really thought about ever. So I just thought it was interesting. And casting, yeah, I mean, yeah, colorblind. I actually don't know about that about, like, the principles behind colorblind casting. But that's an interesting, that's an interesting thing.

I feel like, yeah, confused the squares will be the cousin of freak out the squares. Yes, it's the cousin of them. It's the weird cousin that drives into New York and doesn't understand. Leave the squares scratching their heads. And vaguely unsatisfied without really knowing why. And I'm able to concentrate on the performance because they can't figure out why there's two white step sisters. Although if Sherry Shepard is there, she's going to not leave him unsatisfied. And playing devil's advocates.

Cherry Shepherd is playing the evil stepmother. She's playing the stepmother. She's playing the stepmother. Apparently on the show on Broadway, it is not as like evil as the, they're more like dopey, silly. But still, Sherry Shepherd is much shorter, squatter. And I met this girl, she is the antithesis of me. I mean, she is, except that we are both white. She is very tall, very thin, big blue eyes.

Interesting. It is interesting. That is weird. Well, see if anyone cares. Yeah. In the future. In the future. Now it's time for the list.

We love the list. Oh my God, I've found a song. Gotta have that list. Five left-handed celebrities. Ooh, okay. All right. Is it Tom Hanks? It's not Tom Hanks.

Is it Jack Nicholson? It's Robert De Niro. Ooh. All right. Close. Yeah, yeah, close. Angelina Jolie. All right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Paul McCartney. Interesting. Did he play left-handed instrument? I don't think he did. I think he learned how to play it right-hand. Whoa, he's so smart. Oprah Winfrey.

Damn, and she's an entrepreneur. I'm surprised she didn't talk about that more often. Oh, no, she keeps it under wraps. She doesn't want to be too different. And then finally, David Bowie. Oh, man, I'm fucking, I have to see David Bowie before he dies, man. I mean, we talked about it in here, right? He's going out.

I mean, he's yet. Bowie? Yeah. No. How old is Bowie? He's in his 70s yet? He's, I forget what it is. He has something.

He's going, I mean, I don't know if he even performs really anymore. Yeah, he's definitely, he's got like Parkinson's or something like that. Yeah. Wasn't he just a young man in the 80s? Yeah. I mean, no, he was just an androgyn his fun time. He's 67, you know. And you have to think, he's only 67?

I thought he was a lot older than that. Yeah, 67. He's got to start pretty young. Also, yeah, like 80s, I mean, you gotta remember 80s fucking 30 years ago. Yeah. That was a long time ago. Right? Right?

I'm fine with it. Are we fine with it? I am. I mean, not page 7's official editorial stance, but my official editorial stance is, I'm okay with the 80s being 30 years ago. All right. Refute me. I have to. I'm just scared of it.

That means that we're approaching our 30 years. which I know you've already healthfully coped with. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm almost 32. I'm fun. That's great, though. I like a guy who can, especially a guy, but a girl too, who can cope well with entering

their 30s when guys are like, oh, I'm so sad. I'm entering my 30s. I mean, it also helps that I look like I'm 22. That's true. I didn't think 27 was going to affect me as much as it did, and it did. Yeah. I'm not in my fucking mid anymore, man. I'm late.

Late. I'm hitting it. I have to be famous. I'm 28. I'm full on in my late. Yeah, man. It's weird. It's weird how I've never fucking cared.

Someone asked me the other day how old I was. I knowingly told them I was 26. I didn't lie about it. That is the honest to God first time I have lied about my age. And this is where it fucking begins, man. You meant to lie. Yes. I chose to lie.

I said 26. It wasn't a oops. How old am I? No, I said 26. I think I'm going to be 26 for a few years. I think this is where it. it starts. 26 will be your,

that'll be your... That's my number. I want to stay my mid. I don't want to go into late. I'm going to just say 26. My mom had a little refrigerator magnet that had a... It had a skateboard on it and it said, 39 and Holden.

I love it. That's cool. She didn't want to get 40. No, I don't want to. She's almost 60 now. Back then. One of my little students told me that her mom's birthday cake had a question mark on it. Oh, I love it.

I'm not going to love it. Yeah. That's cute. No, it's fine. I don't know. Early 30s, come on out. Yeah, you're doing good. I think I'll be fine once I hit my early 30s.

I think it's just these late twins where you hear all the bad story. I'll admit, I had a bit of a time in my late 20s. More of a time when I hit like 29 that I did with 30, but definitely have more of a time with 31 than I did with 30. I don't know. There was something about 31. We're heading into rough terrain, Molly. I think it's the anxiety about turning 30.

That's the problem. Not 30 itself. Yeah. It's the career goals. It's just like every year produces more embarrassing memories and more things to feel bad about and more things to kind of just chunk into your head and more anxieties in the future. But you know what? I can't handle it. Yeah.

Because you're 31. Because I'm 26. Because I'm 31. 27. I'm going to help you accept this, Jackie. I am 26. I'll go 25. Don't make me 5.

fucking go 25. I'll say 25. You know, 25 was totally shitty for me though. It's all shitty. I'd rather be. I'd rather be 28 than 25. Man, I was so sad when I was 25. Mm-hmm. We should have made it by now, guys. No. Depends on what you mean by making it, you know.

Well, I know I ain't gonna have my fucking kids dress right on my wedding dress. That's for fucking sure. Writing on the wedding dress. Why would you write on the wedding dress? It's cute. But then you can't. I can't wear it's not even like something you can pass down. Are you going to wear a wedding dress again?

She's Angel Angelina. God knows. You're going to be like, oh, I'm going to a cocktail party. I'll reuse that dress I spent $20,000 on. No, it's a wedding dress. You use it the one time. I think I need a chateau in France. I think that's my problem. Give me a chateau in France.

You can fucking write on whatever I fucking got. You can write on my shirt that I'm wearing right now and says, I don't do mornings. And it has a duck on it. And it's in its fucking bathroom. And it's hair drying. It's bunny. That is what I'm wearing. I'm 27 years old and I'm wearing a shirt that says, I don't do mornings.

Let's talk about the fact that the girl wearing the I don't do morning shirt is judging Angelina Jolie for having her kids right on her dress. On her $100,000 wedding dress. I support Jackie. Thank you very much, 26. All right. All right. Time for blind items.

Yeah, we can't see you. This C-list actor with almost A-List name recognition from an acting. family is probably the only guy in his super conservative church who attends in full makeup. Give me the smile again. Oh my God.

Robin Thick. Or Allen Thick. Is it Alan Thick? No. It's Kirk Cameron. Oh, church. Hello. Church. Church. Got to get the church in there. Man, that guy is so weird.

So weird. I talked about it on this show that I love post-apocalyptic reading. Yeah. And that I don't know if I've talked about in here that I bought the first three left behind books because I didn't know it had anything to do with church or religion. I don't know whether you've already told me that or whether I'm just not surprised. Yeah.

I had absolutely no idea. It was like, oh, Kirk Cameron's behind it. And I remember I read the first one and I was like, wait a second. And then I started reading the second and was like, oh, my, this is about Jesus Christ. This is about a fucking fake other book That other people believe in And I was so mad That I had paid money for these books

And I got duped And I was I mean I probably was I think I was in high school I was like when they first come out And I was so mad I thought I was like Oh these people disappear Oh this is great Fuck those books

Fuck your Jesus Christ Kirk Cameron you pray And then his fucking Candid, what is it? Candice Cameron? Yeah, from full house. Even more, Cray. Cray, yeah.

Equally Cray. Oh my God, is she equally Cray. She had this. There was a whole article about her in People Magazine a few months ago. And she is just as Cray as he is. But in old, like, she's very much about fitness. She's very much about God. And like, she's very.

Dead eyes. Wait, let's see. Dead eyes. She is very. Oh, Lord, how dead. She owns her. children. Like, they're not allowed to wear certain things.

You know, she's very, she's very much. And I know that sounds like, oh, she's just being a good mother. She's not. No. She's completely controlling of her family. And all these pictures of her, like, in her house were just so horrifying. Please look her up. She is just as crazy as he is.

I want to read that article. Everyone's least favorite full house cast member. Oh, totally. Although, even behind Stephanie had a hard time. No, I would say even by. behind Stephanie. I'm going to throw it out there. You think so?

Oh, yeah, I'll take Stephanie over DJ any day. Really? Oh, yeah. That's rough. I'll even take Kimmy Gibler. Oh, totally. Over DJ. But I'll totally take Steve any day.

You don't know what I mean? Eleven. Hello. I'll even go so far as to I'll take Uncle Jesse's wife over DJ. Lori Loughlin. Lori Loughlin, who was, you know, pretty cardboard. She's iffy. Pretty, you know, two-dimensional.

in the whole show. I mean, you know, no one was really all that flashed out. We're talking about a steamrolled show here in terms of dimensionality. So that is a damning indictment of Candace Cameron. Yeah. Yeah, but I'll always

take Uncle Jesse. You know what I mean? Yeah, he's in the yogurt commercials now. He's old now. He looks the same. He does look the same. Whatever fucking plastic surgery doctor he has, call that guy, man. Hasn't changed his haircut. He looks exactly the same.

There's no way he hasn't had plastic surgery. Yeah. He looks exactly the same. Exactly the same. Weird. Sexy. Next up, what permanent A double plus diva has a bizarre ritual involving her backup dancers. Once they get to a certain age, they get to live in her house for a few months and call her mommy.

It's more like a help me help you situation, but she's never bedded any of the guys, surprisingly. Well, A double plus. A double plus diva. Are we the Franklin? Nope, nope, not that kind of diva. Like big, tall, been in movies diva. Been acting a lot. A lot of acting in the 80s.

Full black hair. Anymore. Oh, you know her. Teva. Just a half-breed. Share, baby. Share. Oh, my God.

Makes her call her mommy. Mommy, her male backup dancers, brings them into the house, lives with her for a few months. That's so weird. There was another option for Madonna possibly being the target of blind on him, but it's definitely share. Madonna wouldn't want to be called mommy. Because there were all those pictures of... Lord's. Is it Lord or the boy?

What's the boy's name? Rocky, Rocco, something? I mean, it might be Rocco? The picture of him holding all the bombings. She wants like she's cool mom. Yeah. Like the kids drink. The kids are like completely, you know, they are star kids.

And I don't think that she would want anyone calling her mommy, but I would take share saying that because of the whole fucking chastity chas thing. Yeah. She was never into it. She never supported it. Yeah, she was, I think, a bad mommy from that whole time. Yeah. So now she needs to be new mom, but she doesn't fuck them, huh?

Mm-mm. Doesn't fuck them. It's just a full-on. just, mommy, I want sandwich. She, oh, was it? Or I assume. Yeah, no. It was realistic. She married Dwayne Holman.

Yeah. I had no idea. You didn't know she married Dwayne Olman? Yeah. From the Allman brothers. I had no idea. The kid's name is some like hippie name. They had a kid together. But Doug was reading a Dwayne Allman, you know, biography. And I was like, she married Dwayne Allman?

That's crazy. Yeah. Cool chick for a time. Man, mommy. Mommy, mommy, mommy. Now she's mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. Next up, as key as she is to the success of this very hit cable show, this multiple Emmy nominee slash winner has been threatened with replacement

because her drinking is out of control, and she's blacked out from drinking on set several times. She's a very rare visitor to the blinds and never about her drinking. Played Patsy Cline once upon a time. because I haven't seen it yet and I want to see it so badly I see her face American horror story Jessica Lang

Jessica fucking Lang Oh yeah No way Play such a great drunk in season two Oh maybe she's a drunk But you know what? Brilliant Brilliant

Needs drinking needs drinking to do what she fucking does I'll take it I will take it Jessica Lang is the most perfect person next to Connie Britton that exists in femaledom, I believe. Yeah. I don't know much about Jessica Lang's work. That can't be about Connie Britain.

You'd love Jessica Lane. You'd love Jessica Lane. Anything that she is in is brilliant. I want to watch American Horror Story. I'm just scared that it'll be too scary. Not the first season. The first season watch, you will love it. She is brilliant in the first season,

but I want to watch a Patsy Klein movie. She was Oscar nominated, I want to say It was her and who It was Ed Harris It's a fantastic movie I must see it It's on HBO Go What's it called?

Oh it's about a Patsy Cline story Yeah, it's called Sweet Dreams Which is even More heartbreaking She had so many great movies The Postman always rings twice She's amazing

Cape Fear She is so good in Cape Fear. October is coming up. Anyone that is listening that has not seen Cape Fear, not the original, the original's great.

But I'm talking about the Robert De Niro. Nick Nolte, Jessica Lang version of Cape Fear, is one of my top five movies of all time. Really? Yes. I love that movie. I love it.

My goal for October is to spend more time with you guys watching horror movies. Okay. Oh, great. Yeah. I will. Do it.

Let's do it. Horror movie time. Oh, you know, watch the entity. Oh, ooh. Love it. Yeah, I would like to do that. You know what? We're coming back with a bang, because we got a John Trada.

John Trotton. Ooh, and he's being naughty. Oh, my God, how naughty. Is it a massage naughty? It's even more naughty than that. Is it pilot naughty? It's even more naughty than that. How naughty is it?

It's truck stop naughty. Oh, that's not. This married, former A-plus list, mostly movie actor who is hair challenged has been spotted. Hair challenge. That sounds a funny way they say bald. I love it. He's been spotted more than once at a truck stop where he meets up with a hooker. He met there a few months ago. Our actor wears a cowboy hat and sometimes a fake mustache.

Midnight cowboy. He thinks people can't recognize him when he dresses like that. Or maybe he's playing some kind of character. Oh man, it's midnight cowboy. The other option for this one was Nicholas Cage. John Voigt. No way. Nicholas Cage. No way. Nicholas Cage.

Judge Revolta, he was in Rhinestone Cowboy, not Midnight Cowboy. I was thinking that he was just playing Midnight Cowboy. Like that was his fantasy of getting Midnight Cowboy and being like, this is me, baby. He was in a totally different Cowboy movie around the same time. Oh, I didn't know. I've never seen Reinstone Cowboy. I have a neither, but I'm also about prostitutes. Like, is it also sexy time in that? I don't think it's sexy, but let me see if I can find the...

I was talking about somebody about the gummy bear movie the other day. Yeah, gummy bears me, urban cowboy. Urban cowboy, yeah. John Travolta stars as a young man from the country who learns about life and love in a Houston bar. Is he getting fucked though? Hard hat days and honky talk nights. John Travolta, urban cowboy. I remember urban cowboys, but I remember the cover of urban cowboy at Blockbuster.

Ooh, here's a sexy detail from it. Okay. Patrick Swayze taught John Travolta how to do the two-step for this movie. That's not sexy. I thought he's like, Patrick Swayze sucked John Trull so hard so he could put on that cowboy hat. That's the logical progression. That's teaching him how to do the two-stats. That's true.

Marcus is right. The two-sap, while some may not think is in a row. erotic dance can be very boot and scooting. Yeah, once you put a boot scoot in there, man. It's a gateway. Oh, yeah, it's a gateway into it because, you know, you clasping the arms, you got the hand around the waist. Yeah, man. You're getting some rhythms.

Next thing you know, your dick is thrust hard into his throat. Let's the record show that Marcus was wheeling his wheeling chair around. Demonstrate. Left, left, left, right, left, left, right. Man, you better watch out. You're going to be teaching them next. Oh, maybe. Oh, I could use the money.

I guess that's it for us this week. That's it. Man, what a fucking bang. We will be back. It's good to be back. It is so fucking good to be back. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Neffle.

I'm Marcus Parks. Watch Joan Rivers clips. Get into it. Fuckers.