Page 7 - Episode 97: My Body is on Fire!

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

Amanda Bynes is once again arrested for a DUI, Donald Trump is tricked into retweeting a picture of two notorious serial killers, and of course, Lena Dunham is being terrible again. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yeah, there's our Molly Neffle. Molly, Molly, Molly. I'm not a ghost. Not today. Not today. Not yet, maybe. We're all going to be ghosts soon. My name is Jackie Zabrowski.

My name is Molly Neffle. My name is Marcus Parks. Welcome to page seven. And we're going to be the last. I'm going to make a super song like mine out of you. You know, don't stop me now. Yeah, yeah, great song. We were singing it earlier, but no one joined me.

Singing it, that's fine. I mean, I was like, you know, having a good time. Having a good time. That's great. I'm familiar with Queen's greatest hits, but not as familiar as I should be with their slightly less great, but still great hits.

So in other words, you know Bohemian Rhapsody and under pressure. Which is fine. Which is fine. I thought that I don't want to know more. It's just that I haven't pursued it actively in my life, and that's not me. Would you like to know more?

I would like to know more. Listen to Don't Stop Me Now because that song is, it's the best song to listen to if you're like having a bad day or anything, putting that on just like, yeah, man, fuck yeah. Yeah.

Love it. All right, I will take note of that. I need more inspirational music in my life. That's not Scott. Scott, Molly. Not anymore, but when I was in high school, that was my like, fuck you guys.

That was, I like raged out to Scott. Did you like do the kick dance? Oh, yeah. It's called skanking, Jackie. Jackie, thank you, Marcus. You're welcome. I was a fantastic skanker. You know, I could never really do it very well.

It's so easy. All it is is like skipping with your hands out and in place. I couldn't do a skipet either. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. Skipits are very difficult to do. Skippets are very difficult to do. That is true. Did you ever master it?

I don't know if I ever had access to a real skipet, but I would try to like rogue skip it on a hula hoop. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That I think I could do. But a real skip, I think, is more complicated. And it has that, like, a pedometer that counts. Yeah.

And also it slams into your leg. You don't do it right. Yeah. It definitely punishes you for fucking up. Yeah, it really does. And then it spins around and hits you again. I have to say, though, I bought a hula hoop. Really?

It's not going well for me. You just bought one? Yeah. So it was talking to be about how they had lost a bunch of weight while hula hooping. And I was like, what? Fuck, yeah, man. I'm going to hula hoop. And it's really difficult to do.

I think that the person who said that to you was just messing with you. You think they just wanted me to get a little bit. Just wanted to picture you in your apartment furiously hula hooping. Well, I don't have any hips. And they're like, oh, well, that doesn't matter. And I think it fucking matters. I think it matters just a little bit. Yeah.

It's definitely an advantage. It's built in. But I got hips and I've never been able to hula hoop. I think I don't have the sway. Yeah. I'm pretty good. I bet you're fucking are. Of course you are.

I got my child barren hips. Oh, yeah, baby. Keep it up. Got my mother's hips. You just start hula hooping. I will not. For weight loss. For weight loss.

Oh, for weight loss, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need to shed off some of these extra. I got nothing. He's got nothing. He's got nothing. He's the tiny. I'm lean. I'm lean.

You're lean. You'd be surprised how lean I am. Sirloyne ground beef. Ah, sirloin ground beef. I like that. 85% no fat. As a non-meat eater, I don't know what the, what the metaphor is. It's, you know,

celery stick. Okay. Yeah, I'm a celery stick. You're the celery stick of meat. That's what I am. It's the celery stick of meat. Absolutely. Well, with celebrity news, we got a celebrity that hasn't been on

our lips in a while, but it looks like we've got a celebrity that's about to start taking the L.A. County bus, Amanda Bines, has a D-Y on her record. Number two.

Another one. Another one at 3.30 a.m. on Sunday. An officer pulled her over and found that she couldn't complete field sobriety test. She was arrested for driving under the influence of a stimulant, and sources say that the stimulant was Adderall. Okay, here's my question. I have not been to L.A. So there's that. Why wouldn't you, if you were rich, just pay for a cab to take you to your places if you were that rich?

Stubbornness. Fancy cars. fancy cars. Also thinking that you probably get away with it. The thing is, is that, wait, so she wasn't drunk, she was on Adderall? Seems like she was on quite a bit. Enough Adderall where she couldn't pass a field sobriety test. Ew, man.

Then shit, what? That's crazy. I mean, it's like a lot of cocaine. Adol and cocaine are extremely similar. I know, but I did my fair share, and I have to say, it made me a better driver. At least at the time, I felt like the best driver, because I was so focused on driving that I was She's like, yeah, no one can get past me. I'm the fucking best.

I'd imagine those are the times that you listen to never going to stop. Never going to stop it. Never going to stop it. At the field sobriety test. You're like, hey, B, C, D, F, G. I'll do it all. I'll do it all. I guess.

That's probably what it was. She's probably so fucking tweaked out. Yeah. And like, you know, probably also name dropping. I meant of like, I'm Amanda Bind. You can't fucking do this to me. Oh, yeah. And the arresting officer said that she was, quote,

out of it and dishevelled. Poor Amanda Bind. That's because she's been living. in a fucking cage for the past nine months. She was living with her folks. I thought she was taking walks with her mom doing well. She moved out and is back on the weed train and she's gone off her medications for,

wow, I didn't know this, schizophrenia and bipolar. See, that's what it is. It's not the adorals. Yeah, it's just that she is schizophrenic and bipolar. Lord, she's probably self-medicating or maybe medicating and self-medicating. Also, I'm sure, like using adorals a way

was like, oh, I don't need that medicine anymore. But this one makes me focus and gets rid of all of that. It's like, it doesn't get rid of it. It just makes it more heightened. It makes you crazier. Yeah. Man, that's crazy. Ooh, yeah, and I'm looking at her mugshot right now.

I don't know if, I mean, I'm saying she definitely needs a little bit more hair dye going on. Isn't that the same mugshot? Or does she just, I mean, she looked, I thought that was the same one. This is the old mugshot. Yeah. It's sad that I knew that. It is. I think it might be.

sad. It may be. Well, at least she wasn't wearing a wig, though, right? They weren't talking about her wearing funny hats or disguises or anything. So that's kind of nice. No hats, no funny disguises, nothing like that. But the schizophrenia of bipolar disorder makes a lot, I didn't realize it was a hybrid of the two. Right. That is a, I mean, at that point, we're not just like, oh, she's all stony and a child star.

Like, she obviously has, like, you know, she needs some support. Yeah. got a lot of problems. Damn. Very real problems. Why? And all of that on top of being a child star. Yeah.

Why did they let her move out? Her parents apparently let their conservatorship over her laps thinking she was doing better, but others believe this is not the case and say, quote, things started going haywire since she moved out of her home. Damn, man. That's insane. Yeah. But I guess it's hard to keep someone under your trap for that long.

Right. She's an adult. She's like our age. Yeah. Yeah, I imagine that even, yeah, even if your child is, you know, struggling, if they're like, I'm not staying here, you can't really make them. Yeah. Man, that shit's crazy that she got caught again. Mm-hmm.

Girl, what you doing? Get your shit together. Oh, she ran a red light and stopped in the middle of a T-shaped intersection. Oh, no. So, yeah, she ran the stoplight and then immediately stopped. So apparently she was focused on something else other than the road. Oye, yoy, probably everything else. Mm, my God.

Maybe whatever was going on. outside of her head, man. Adderall, I think, is one of those drugs that probably makes you think you're a fantastic driver. I was great when I was doing it. Thank you very much. She couldn't even complete the series of hand-to-eye coordination tasks that they ask you to do.

Like, look up, touch your nose with each hand, that sort of thing. Couldn't even do that. Ooh. I think it's more probably didn't want to, right? Could be as she was just being a little bitchy. Yeah. Or that she, you know, her. body.

Yeah, in some sort of, you know, state that she was not interested or unable to do it. Yeah. Well, they're not going to get the toxicology test back for 30 to 60 days. What the fuck? What, then what's the point? I don't know. How is that not something that the turnaround is not 40 minutes? Like, you can get a, like, isn't like the...

Backlog. It's a backlog. There's a lot of people in Los Angeles. A lot of toxicology test to do. Yeah, a lot of people getting fucked up and driving their car. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And she didn't, like, kill any.

So I guess they can't like up the ante of getting it back. No, they really can't. I mean, she is on probation still from a reckless driving conviction last year. But in the scheme of important things, Amanda Binds is really only important because of her weird celebrity status as opposed to her like imminent danger to others. Although obviously fucked up driving isn't it. Yeah, it's pretty rough. I say put her in another movie. I want to see her before.

I say bring back that Nickelodeon show figure it out where the kids had talents and Amanda Bynes and that kid from Pete and Pete tried to guess what the talents were. Which kid from Pete and Pete? The younger one. We're doing a show with him on Saturday. You are? Yeah. And he was on Roundtable a couple of weeks ago. Really?

Yeah. And older Pete was on Abe Lincoln's Top Hat on Sunday. That comes out later on today. How about that? Which I heard word on the street because I've been hanging out with Danny Tamborelli a few times now. He's like back in the comedy scene here. Really? Look up man boobs.

And he's fantastic too. It's pretty funny. He does sketch comedy now. So Murder Fiss has kind of been like they've been doing shows together. But I hear that older Pete is not as tall as everyone thought that he was. He is a little bit shorter than me. I can't believe. In my head, he's like tall, stringy dude because it's like he's everybody's collective older brother.

Not that I think I might be about a half an inch taller than Henry, but that doesn't count. I mean like, you know, like real old. older brothers. Yeah, but Danny Tamborelli, to be fair, is a little bit shorter than you are. Yes, that is also true. Is that right? He's also a small man. He's pretty short. Yeah, yeah.

So maybe I guess that's how it worked. I think so. But was he nice? He was very nice. I always had a crush on older Pete. Oh. Still looking good? I mean, he still looks like a Pete.

Yeah, older Pete was definitely the fox year of the two Pete. No offense to Danny Tamorelli. He was just a kid. He was a kid. And that's, you know, he's attractive man now. I bet. But I do think, you know, it's like, It's the red hair.

I think that's why I had a redhead thing. The Pete's. Yeah, the Pete's. Yeah, that and your brother. Ew, he's not red. It's blind. Strawberry blind. Strawberry blind.

Ew. Marcus. Yeah, and my grandfather, right guys? Red-headed grandfather. You know, actually, Amanda Bines, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia last year. In July of 2013, she stripped her burning pants off during a wildfire and told a witness that her witness that her,

Her gasoline-drenched dog was hurt and needed help. Yikes, man. Man, Amanda, I thought all this time we've been, I mean, people, not only we, but people have been making fun of her. And I feel like making fun of somebody who's just like a drunky, you know, weirdo child star is a totally different game than making fun of someone who has a very diagnosable and specific mental illness. But I mean, even back then we were saying like, oh, something's got to be wrong with her. That's right. But I do think that it's like, well, it's easier to, I feel like spin it in the media to keep. all that stuff hidden and be like no no she's just been doing a lot of drugs

rather than like actually having something you're right because like the whole like oh she's high thing is like you know listen we all know what weed does to you it does not make you act like that right yeah yeah and I think we did talk about that yeah yeah at the time you know that being that just being high is not I've never done anything that weird when I was high yeah I'm definitely thrown up yeah yeah definitely thrown up yeah without a doubt I think the weirdest thing I tried to do was climb onto a wall backwards with my feet up first while I was listening to Don Ellis cover Hey Jude because it's really intense and I couldn't stop laughing.

And I thought that if I climbed up to the ceiling with my feet, then maybe I would stop laughing. And regained control over my body. I was in college. Okay, please tell me you were young. I was like 20. This wasn't like last week or anything. That would be rough. Yeah.

I didn't really. I started smoking weed at a young age. Stop for a long time. Didn't start smoking good weed until I was in college. So once I finally started smoking good weed and got turned on to the jazz music. All of the ways the jazz music is opened up to you, especially when you're listening to jazz music that's like a 20-piece band and it's really tight. And like bha-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bbbbbb with weird time signatures.

That's going to make you try to crawl to the ceiling backwards. I'm sure. It's so funny how your relationship. with it changes though as you get older. Because the idea of being in your late 20s and early 30s and smoking with somebody and having them be like, I'm going to crawl up the wall with my feet is like, man, settle down.

It's where on with you. In college, totally reasonable. Totally reasonable. And my friends all pointed and laughed and we all had a great time. Yeah, because I feel like if that's what you were and like it continued to be that way, you probably would stop smoking weed by now. Yeah.

That's how you always. That's how you react. It's like I'd probably quit if I didn't just like chill out and watch a bunch of ink masks. Which I gotta stop watching Inkmaster guys. I'm having tattooed dreams. I'm having dreams about Dave Navarro. And I don't know what to do.

I didn't even know who really Dave Navarro was. He was. Until I started watching Inkmaster. In Jane's addiction and later iterations of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Oh my God, believe me. I know because I have been tortured with it by a one Mr. Doug whom I live with. It was like, you don't know Dave Navarro? cue the fucking later on

like red hot chili peppers That'd be one hot minute That he refers to as RHCP And then That's attention Which I couldn't give Two fucks about

But I'd rather just watch him on the goddamn show Here's a little bit of Dave Navarro for you Do you remember this song muller? I do you know my friend in sixth grade Was really obsessed with Dave Navarro She thought that he was like dreamy

And there's a lot of people to think he's like sexiest man ever. Yeah. Greasy man. Super, greasy. Yeah, that's what I remember.

And I, listen, I love some greasy guys. Is this what you've been listening to, Jackie? Oh, yeah, man, me, marooned to do, do, do, do, do, do. See that time, there's a lot to pop it, that's up the barrel play. In the barrel plane. Oh, yeah, baby. Totally whacked it to this video. Oh, you whacked it.

I thought you said you were. whack into this video? That's your new. In this video. We might be listening to Dave Navarro, but it is not the 90s movies. I was whack into that, man. I was dope into it. No, there was a bunch of really pretty girls in every single frame of that.

And they were all in bathing suits, and they were doing these real sexy dances. And a couple of them had like these balls. And they were dressing these like skin tight gold outfits. And it excited my 12-year-old penis. Ew, gross. Yes, it's gross. Also, I am still hung up on the idea that your boyfriend calls it R-H-C-P. Why?

I had no idea. Because it's easier to say red-hot chili peppers? Not really. It's too familiar. It's just too familiar with a good-H-C-P, man. He used to ride a skateboard, though, so I feel like it's fine if he calls it R-H-C-P, as long as it's not something that he says every day. Yeah.

No, then it's fine. Like once a week. Yeah. If that. If that. Put some RHCP on the serials. No. It's 4 o'clock.

If he comes home with a vinyl of it, that's where I draw the line. No vinals of RHCP in my house. Well, speaking of musicians, we got a bombshell from Miss Stevie Nicks this week. I love Stevie Nicks. Ooh, she confirmed a longstanding rumor. She was once pregnant with Eagle's frontman, Don Henley's baby. What a fun musical baby that would have been that one. It would have been a super baby.

Yeah, that would have been a good baby. Yep, and that's what the Fleetwood Mac song Sarah is about. Oh, my God. I love Stevie Nix so much. See, there's Fleetwood Mac is coming to Madison's Ware Garden next week. And I'm very, very sad because the nosebleed tickets are $100 each. So that's not going to be happening. And I don't think that it's fair.

But I did have the pleasure of seeing Stevie Nix perform with Tom Petty. And that was pretty fucking amazing. That sounds good. I was, I was fucking tripping fucking balls, man. I had so much acid I could barely, I mean, I thought that I was walking on my hands. And she came out and she flips her hair after like, during the middle of the Tom Betty set. And I just burst into tears. And I remember screaming my body's on fire while I cried and laid on the ground in the grass while she sang with Tom Betty.

But I was screaming. It was at Bonarue. All right. Not out of the ordinary behavior. No, no, no. But I was so excited. I pissed myself. And I didn't know it until the next morning.

The next morning. I had no idea because I thought my body was on fire because I was so excited. And I thought it was just the flames. But it wasn't. I'd piss myself. Oh, my Lord. But it's like that, you really love someone when you feel that way about them, you know? I mean, I was in a very specific state, but I really felt it.

You're saying you would have basically done the same shit even if you weren't on assets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just would have been a lot more composed. And probably wouldn't have pissed yourself. Let's definitely say probably not. You're not taking that off the table. Very excited. Very excited.

You know, it's hard to hold sometimes. Oh, man. And it's a little bit. Oh, I'm too excited. I'm too excited. I peed a little bit. But man, she should have kept that baby. Yep, she had an abortion.

They had a serious two-year affair, and Henley didn't try to force the issue. But she was deeply upset about what she considered his fast and easy consent to her decision. She's like, I'm going to get an abortion. She's like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Sounds good. I mean, it's for the bit. Like if you're not in a place to have the child, you know, it's like you're a bugging, you're a, you're a superhero to a lot of fucking people.

You're out there. It's not really the time to have a kid. Do what you got to do, you know, even if Don Henley is involved. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of weird. I guess I would have fucked him, but I probably would not have. Don Henley or Joe Walsh. Who are you going for?

Ooh. I kiss Don Henley. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Joe Walsh is a little, I mean, he's a dumpy man. Yeah. But he also seems like he'd be a lot more fun to hang out. He'd be more caring.

He'd be much more caring. I believe he'd really like spend a lot of time downstairs. Yeah. And do it happily. Don Henley, I don't think he'd even come close. Oh no, he was a pumping and stomp it. You know what I mean? You fucking get in, get out like an ex-on.

But you know, it's probably hard for her to even come out with all this much later. Oh, God, yeah. But I hate to also think that it could really easily. be publicity for the tour that she's on right now. I'm sure it is. You know? And because she's old, so people don't even see her as a sex symbol anymore,

even though I still do. Right, it's probably, she probably, I would imagine you'd feel a lot safer talking about something that's quite still like controversial and like loaded and sometimes people are still real shitty about it when you're,

when you have a bunch of time from it and when you're not a sex symbol. Yeah. But, you know, I think she still looks great. She's not. She's I mean she's old But she's eye Yeah yeah yeah

Because she doesn't look She's not tight The way other people I mean she's She is older She did a bunch of fucking drugs She had a great fucking time And she looks at

Yeah and that's okay Yeah that's fun That's a good way to look old Yeah man And she's still fucking performing Yeah I mean selling places out That she is

And you know what Good for Stevie Nix Yeah God bless you Steve Nix I want to talk about something that Donald Trump did. Uh-oh. Oh, this is, you know, near and dear to my heart,

of course. You're talking about big dog Donald Trump. Big dog Donald Trump. He got fooled into retweeting a picture of notorious British serial killers Fred and Rosemary West, possibly the most brutal man and woman serial killer team in history. Now, okay,

quick, what did they do? They just like murdered a bunch of people? people. They murdered 11 women in the 1970s. They had a sex dungeon in which they kept these women. They murdered their own daughter. They killed these people in the

most brutal way possible. And Donald Trump retweeted a picture of them with the caption that said parents who passed away always

said you were a big inspiration The guy tweeted to him and said, Hey, my parents always said you were a big inspiration to them. Do you mind retweeting this photo in their memory? And it was a photo photo of Fred and Rosemary West. That's hilarious. And of course, Trump is suing the guy. He's suing the guy.

Yeah. What? He said, well, he said he may sue him. What? I don't even. He might sue him. What are the legal grounds for that? I guess, you know,

prankery? Or like a social defamation. I guess so. Faving himself by retweeting it. I mean, I sue you for Tom Fulery, sir. You messed with me. One degree of messing with Donald Trump. I'm the king.

You don't mess with Donald Trump. You got that much money and someone fucks with you. I mean, you're able to be like, I'm going to erase you now. Yeah. You know. Yeah. I mean, he's not going to win. Yeah.

He's not going to get anywhere probably. But so the guy, it was definitely Tomfoolery on the man's part. Yes. And he just had no idea. But also, if he had no idea, which is kind of silly, but I probably wouldn't know what they look like, A. I know that he's a lot older than I am, and he probably should have looked it up or something.

But he did retweet it. Mm-hmm. Like if it was a real thing, he did retweet it, and that's kind of nice. That's only because he's a narcissistic dude who, he was like, who said something nice about Donald Trump, retweet. Yeah.

He said, I thought I was being nice to somebody, are either parents. I guess this teaches you not to be nice or trusting. sad exclamation point I hate it when people say that sad you should probably get off social media he's too old to be on social media

way too old his Twitter feed is a fucking train wreck and also let's have a little laugh at the idea that Donald Trump just learned not to be nice I mean give me a fucking break oh I was been nice my whole life I will stop now

yeah right and you know it's a pretty innocuous picture of them. This is Fred and Rosemary right here. It does look like a normal picture. They look like very normal people. Man, they're the ones that had a sex dungeon? Dude, they just looked like a mom

and dad. Yeah, they were very much out of the blue, but they were brutal. Whoa, that's crazy. Oh, man, they were so bad. We're definitely going to be doing an episode of last podcast on these two. No, you have to. Yeah, yeah, we have to now. But yeah, Donald Trump, I just like it. Someone played a pretty good goof

on him. Yeah. And good for them. Yeah, good for you, person who goofed Donald Trump and who's now getting sued. I don't think he'll sue him. He's going to forget about it in two days. I imagine he's got like a big room like Scrooge McDuck, right? And he was like, I'm upset. I'm going to go swim in my coins.

Yeah, no one humiliates Donald Trump. Swim, swims. Oh, these coins hurt. I should get a pool. I imagine Donald Trump has the ability to just dream of something and it just exists. Yeah, I wish there was a pool here right now and then like a bunch of staff comes in and start spraying the water. And they set up a pool, yeah.

Hmm, good pool. Thanks. Up, up, up, hop, hop. That's what the staff says. He makes them all hop. All right, time for the list. Who's on the list? Yeah, got to have that list.

Celebrity ghosts. Ooh. Yes, in honor of October, which is now officially here. It's October 1st, the day that this one is coming out. Where did the time go, guys? Oh, no, but rents do, everyone. Go and bring it up. You're bad.

You're a bad man. I am bad man. Michael Jackson, a TV crew claims to have spotted his ghost at Neverland Ranch. Ooh, he's got to. Yeah. Where else would he go? Yeah, right. He's not going anywhere else.

He's got the kind of presence that even if somebody, somewhere he's like in some kind of nothingness, he's just like wills himself to get back to Neverland Ranch. Yeah, absolutely. Marilyn Monroe, her ghost has been cited at her grave, and Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel. Ooh, that's just she fucked there a lot. Yeah. Did she live there too? I can't remember.

We covered this in our haunted Hollywood episode, but I really can't remember off the top of my head. Man, she's a ghost, though. Yeah. Still dead. I hope she's having fun. She's got to be boinking. There's boink, right?

There's boink post-life. Got to be a boink with other ghosts or boink with real-life? Oh, man. It would be so great to take over somebody's body and fuck, like, whoever you want if you're a ghost. Like that's what heaven is. Yeah.

That's what my heaven would be. Like you can go into anybody's body and fuck them. Yeah, but you can only do it when they're fuck them while they're blackout drunk. Ooh, that's kind of fun. Or when I was thinking like if they're just in like a kind of, you know, hypnotic trans love state would also. You could be like, I don't even remember that I was possessed by the ghost of Marilyn Monroe. That's how good that fuck was. Well, also, she's probably pretty good.

So I'd be fine with that Mary Monroe take her for my name. I don't know. You don't think so? No, I don't think so. Maybe back then they didn't really have to be. Maybe, yeah, maybe they could just, she could just kind of be there and Joe DiMaggio's like, yeah, fuck it, pump it. Although Joe DiMaggio guaranteed not a good fuck.

Definitely not. That man did not fuck well. JFK though, give me, gimme. Oh, yeah. See, I would assume that Marilyn was good because I think probably most women, because it was like so shameful to be sexy. I'll bet that a lot of women were like, I'll just, you know, be here. here and pretend that I'm not enjoying this or actually not enjoy it.

But since Marilyn Monroe's thing was like, I get to be sexy, I assume that maybe that meant she got to enjoy sex a little bit more. I bet she made great sex noises. Yeah, I bet she was really good. seducing. Yeah. Yeah. She did live at the Roosevelt Hotel for two years while our modeling career took off.

Okay, so we got that. Next up. John Lennon. Some people say Paul McCartney said that he is claimed to have seen John Lennon's ghost. Really? He says they write music together. What?

Oh no, it sounds like he's trying to get some fucking sales. I didn't just write this John Lennon helped me write this. It's like you guys didn't even write together well when he was fucking a lie. You're fucking kidding me? Yeah, they're not going to get together in death. Fuck that.

Amy Winehouse Her ex was so troubled by supposedly seeing her ghost in his home that he moved out. Was he also out of drugs? Oh, Pidori is the drug king of the aughts. Yeah, you're using that band The Libertines? Oh, I like that band. Yeah, they had one good album. Okay, no, they had one good song on one mediocre album, but it was a super good song.

Yeah. But yeah, he is a drug man, and everyone is surprised that he is not dead. Interesting. Yeah, Lucille Ball, probably the funniest goat. Yeah, she'd be fun. She haunts her old Beverly Hills home. That, I could believe. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. She'd be just be playing jokes. Yeah, and just pestering people. Flood in the bathtub or the shower stall. Like, oh, Lucy, ay, y, y'all. That's all you have to say to get rid of her. Just go, Lucy. Oh, guys, I'm explaining, do-do.

And then she just whisked herself away. Until she comes back. Yeah, she's like, I'm so tired of that. Think of something else to say. Why, Lucy? Oh, why you want to do that to me? Oh, my God. When are they going to recreate that?

That's going to happen soon, right? The I Love Lucy remake. Like a biopic? Yeah. Where that at? I'm sure there's one on Lifetime. Probably. I don't know what actress could.

All right. Yes, you're right. There was a. I have a back my question. I'll do it. Give me the job. Yeah, you can do it. You could just suck me in.

Just, right? This way, Photoshop me down and then give me red air. Yeah, big red wig. Yeah. There was a movie of the week in 2003 about Lucille Ball called Lucy and Rachel York, who was also in Happy Feet. That's a penguin movie. She played one. She was in one.

episode of Hannah Montana in 2008. She was... She's a bitch that didn't deserve to play Lucy. Yeah. That's what this girl. She was in a couple of episodes of Higley Town Heroes. Oh yeah, Higley Town Heroes. She was in an episode of Riba.

How's that? All right. I'm fine. I'm fine. What? I'll take Riba. The page seven editorial stands is, I'm fine with Rima. What's wrong with Riba?

I don't know. I'm not saying that there's necessarily something wrong with it, but I don't know if we approve of it. She's just sassy. She's sassy, that's fine. She's a sassy molassy. When I was like in elementary school, third or fourth grade maybe, it was picture day. And the photographer who was taking the pictures was telling the kids like a movie star that they looked like, oh, you look like Tom Cruise, you look like Mill Gibson, whatever. He was lying to them.

Yeah, he was. And it got to me and I was like a very weird kid with short hair and boys' clothes. I didn't look like anyone. You say you look exactly the same as you do now. Exactly. And thank you. And I sat down and I was like, what celebrity do I? look like and he was obviously just had nothing.

Oh, at least he didn't say a boy. He said Reba McIntyre. Aw, it's definitely, you definitely don't look like Reba McIntyre. Not one thing. But sir. Don't, eh, no, there's none. She's got a little sparrow face. Yeah.

Yeah, but she's got like. I don't know, you both got the big eyes though. Do we? I thought she has little beady eyes. No, she's got big, beautiful eyes. Yeah. I mean, she's a beautiful woman. I mean, yes, she's, I got no problem.

with Reba McIntyre. She's a beautiful woman. She is sassy. But that's my relationship with Reba McIntyre has always been informed by that moment between that me and that photographer. It's weird when like adults say that kind of thing to kids because I remember that I had a teacher that told me I looked like

Melissa Joan Hart in the face and I was like I mean 300 pounds and I brushed my hair out so I looked like a fucking Furby or a troll doll and I told me I had the face of Melissa Joan Hart.

I was like, that is wrong. I know for a fact that that is not true. I think that you are a much better looking than Melissa Joan Hart. I find her face to... She's got a rat face. She's a little bit like sad all the time. It's a little bit... Yeah, with the big lines down.

It's like, at least give me... If you're going to lie to me, give me a better looking looking. Like, say Jennifer Love Hewitt without the neck. Well, yeah, the neck that attaches to her chin. So, I mean, you know, it's like I don't have that neck, but it's like, lie to me then. There is zero resemblance between the two of you, but really, I'm not just saying this because I know you, I will take your face any day over Melissa Joan Hires. Thank you very much. I'll also take your face over Reba McIntyre.

Thank you. Well, last up, the ghost of Kirk Cobain allegedly haunted a computer of a 24-year-old bartender. of a 24-year-old bartender from Essex, England. She said the trouble began when, quote, Kurt manifested himself on her screen and demanded she, Give us a kiss, love. What?

Give us a kiss, love. But Kirk Cobain didn't talk with it. He would not say that. That's not how we talked, though. You give me a kiss. You're giving me a kiss. That to Kirkobane. sounds like. Yeah, yeah. He got all Italian

after he fucking put a shotgun in his mouth. You give me a kiss. I guess he went to sound weird. Yeah. If he did, you know, have a shotgun in this mouth. So do you think that you believe her, Marcus? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. As a paranormal expert, yeah, rock stars, haunt computers all the fucking time. All the time.

Overseas, you know, far away from where they were killed. Yeah. They have to go all the way across the continental United States and across the Atlantic Ocean to make it to Essex England but yeah that fucking happens maybe he just jumped into a computer and rode the World Wide Web over there good point it's probably yeah it's it's the sea and the sky we're all connected and just so you know after the computer is exercised no it won't boot up computers run

I love it but that would be maybe Kirk Cobain actually would be like well if you won't talk to me I'll just fucking destroy this computer that is true just fucking destroy your computer that's actually how we're talking Old man voice. That's how he talked. You ever, I don't really care about stardom. I know.

I wasn't into that at all. Mm-hmm. I wasn't into, like I was fine with Nirvana. I'm down with the music. I'm not a super fan. But him itself, I just didn't find that attractive.

That's not something that I'm into. Ambivalence is not hot to me. You know? Yeah, whatever. Yeah, it's just like, oh, believe in something. Anything. Choose something.

Choose something. He believed in heroin. Yeah, that is true. He did believe in that. Time for blind eye, I don't. Yeah, we can't see him. This A-plus list, singer was seated all alone at a table, eating with five bodyguards facing outward, while the singer ate in silence. She didn't have a phone or anything to read.

She just stared into the backs of her bodyguards with a vacant look in her eyes. She never spoke a word to any servers or any fans. No one approached her. Apparently, she looked really sad. That's so depressing. It's really depressing. I bet you could, I mean, she's around my age. Really sad?

Really sad. Things, you know, she tried making a comeback. Didn't quite work out. Ooh, Britney Spears? You bet you. Oh. Yeah. That's so sad.

Oh, where were her little boys? At least talk to the bodyguards. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And to have five. Yeah. Or order takeout.

You know? Just eat by yourself in your house then. Yeah. Don't just look forward with a vacant look on your face and stare off into the middle distance. Oh, Lord, man. Poor Britney Spears. She's trying, man. She's trying.

She's trying. She's got those cute little boys. Yeah. She has an Instagram. She's been keeping a panties on, you know. For now. Next up, to the outsider, they don't see. seem to have much in common.

The internet doesn't seem to understand their relationship, but it's serious, lasting a lot longer than people thought it would. How have they prevailed? Love, sure. And also, oxy cotton. They're both addicted to oxy and often spend days at home, wrapped up in each other doing oxy back to her old habits. But he's been partying for a long time.

Somehow he manages to make the bare minimum at work, So when they hooked up, she just kind of fell into that lifestyle. It's not like she has to worry about money. And it's not like she has the kind of job where anyone's waiting on her to show up either. She's already a boss as it is. And then there will always be a mirror, a mirror to hold her up. A mirror to hold her up. Creepy old Frenchman, young TGIF star.

Gerard Depardue. Creepie old French man. Creepier than that. Creepier than Gerard de Bardeen. Oh, so much creepier. The picture of these two together frightened the hell out of us. The old man, he is a relative to a prominent French politician. Where is my head?

Dominique Strauss-Con? No. No, I can see it. What's happening to me? Marcus, what's it happening to me? What TGIF show? Full House. Oh.

Oh. Oh. And that older guy. Yeah. Olson. Mary Kay or Ashley? Marry K. And I forget his name.

He's like 48. Oliver Sarkozy. Oh, that's who it is. Of course it's oxy cotton. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I bet they're all like itchy together. Rubbing on each other and he smells bad because he don't shower.

And there's laying in bed drowning in their fucking money. Yeah, she ain't got to go fucking anywhere. because you haven't seen pictures of them around that much. You sure haven't. No, you've seen that one picture in which she looks like a hostage. I mean, always. She always has. Yeah.

And he's like 20 years old than her. Oh, long more than that. I think he's more like 30. Yeah, man. Rough, rough, rough, rough. Rough, rough. Man, that's kind of fun though. Yeah, it is.

Got a fun. You know, at least they don't know what's going on. You know, they don't have to worry about being judged or what they're doing. No. They're just living in a hole. In an oxy hole. Oxy hole. Next up, this A minus list television actress from a hit pay cable show was talking smack about her co-stars and was grateful they had not been nominated for Emmys because it would go to their head and they would want more lines and be an even bigger headache than they already are.

One of her co-stars who was there at the Emmys where this smack talking was being done was spotted by the actress. and she said, oh, but not you. You're great. Yeah. Julia Louise Dreyfus? That's what I was going to say, but no. She's too great. Okay, I was hoping not.

I was really upset. She can't be. Same network. Lena Donna. Yeah. Oh, and then did that whole thing where she doesn't pay any of her openings. Oh, yeah.

I mean, she got shamed in a pay in her openers, but how did she not know? I know. That was very, very toned of. Quick pause into that. where people are like, well, at least she got publicly shamed and dragged through the mud for it. So she's like, okay,

I'll pay them. Give me a fucking break. And everyone's like, well, at least she changed her money. I don't fucking care. She can fucking loose lip her way through anything. You can tweet that, sure. Does that mean you're going to fucking change anything? Does that mean you're going to go and pay the people that you haven't paid in the past? I am not complimenting her for

fucking anything. Ever. It's just, that's disgusting. Yeah. She is so, I forgot, I don't know if this is a, like, I might have been like a Facebook status or something, but I thought that it was interesting that she plays, like she's like, lives life as if

she's on third after hitting a triple even though she was just born there. Celia Copic tweeted that. That's a really, really. I've never heard that phrase before, but yeah, you were, she was born on third and she thinks she hit triple, which is an interesting, it's an interesting phrase. And I think in this case, it absolutely is last.

I was just like, that's it. Like, I mean, yeah, that she like wants everyone to think that she hit a triple. It's like, no, you fucking did. That said everyone who used that absolute bullshit that she did to be like, also she's like fat and a bitch. I'm not a fan of that. No, I know that you're not. But I mean, a lot of people were like, here's an excuse for me to say a bunch of sexist shit.

And that's bullshit, but it's also bullshit what she did, right? Yeah. She doesn't deserve sexist bullshit, but she did deserve to be called out of it. Yeah. And let's not forget the original bullshit. Let's not get mired up in all the side bullshit. She's terrible. Let's just remember

Let's focus on that Let's focus on the main issue here Which is Lena Dunham is terrible I still haven't seen anything Lena Dunnens Ever did because I just don't want to know Well you can judge her by her actions then Which makes you even better impartial observer Yeah and I mean of course

Of course not paying artists is bullshit Of course absolutely couldn't agree more Yeah yeah yeah well I mean not paying artists Especially when you can pay them That's the right I think that's the biggest thing. Like not paying artists when you don't have the money to pay them. Like, say here at Cave Comedy Radio, we're a bit of a poor collective.

That's one thing. We're working together. We're working together and we're all doing it. But someone who makes as much money as she does and chooses not to pay performers or even worse, doesn't even think to pay her performers. Right. That is terrible. Yes. Yeah.

If you're so disconnected that you don't even think like, oh, so how much are we paying these people? If you're so disconnected, nah. Right. And I don't, yeah, I don't even know, like I said, I don't even know whether she's talented or not. So in terms of. She ain't. She ain't. She ain't.

But, but yeah, it shows you how much, it shows like if you've never had to think about money. Like that's what's so clear. Well, why would I have to pay them? Money's not a problem. Right? Like that's, it portrays that mindset when you just don't have to, at that level of never having to have to worry about money. Yeah. Yeah, I get that.

Well, this week, instead of doing a gay item, we're going to do a new item that actually we can start doing these days. We're going to call it the one degree of separation item. It's going to be about people because we're starting to get to know some celebrities. All right. I like it. Yeah. And so these are celebrities that are one degree away from us here on page seven. I love it.

This actress is C-list for the moment. But in about two months, and this is a quarter. from September. So this is that, you know, we're catching up on blind items. Or this is from August, actually. Okay. We took some time off, so we're still catching up on blind items. But in about two months, that would be October.

Yeah. When her new network show hits the air, she'll be B plus. She's one of the leads on a sitcom. And last night at a party, she was literally the best thing about the night because she kept running up to A-listers and would try and act cool, but inevitably start gushing. about them and asked to take a photo and she was ear to ear smile all night. Next year, after her show has been on the air for a season, it'll be interesting to see how she's changed.

How cute, first of all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Network show premiering this Thursday on NBC. This Thursday. Yeah. NBC. Actress. Yeah.

We know her? We know someone who's in the show. Oh, my brother. Yeah. Oh, and Kristen Milani. Yeah. Milliani? Milliani.

Milliani. Yeah, Milliani. Milliani. Who I've heard wonderful things about her. Yeah. She was in Wolf Wall Street, but she was also in How I Met Your Mother. She played some, like, small thing that, like, was a semi-recurring person. Yeah.

But, man, Henry Gush is about her. So she's just wonderful. I hope your brother is the link to all of these one degree of seven. Forever. Either him or Michael Chase. We know two semi-celebrities. We can go through Jeffrey Ross too. So we know Jeff.

So we know three. Okay. Yeah. So we know three. Yeah, we know three. And for the moment, we may know more in the future. True. I mean, I know Megan Boone who's on Blacklist.

I've met Megan Boone. And she apparently just had pictures. I mean, I guess I probably shouldn't bring this up, but nude pictures were just released of her on Reddit. Ooh. And I am trying to get Henry. to send me a few nudes of himself so that when

he becomes bigger, I'm just gonna fucking sell that shit. Yeah, you want to be in control of those. Yeah, but I just don't know how it's like, do I change my email address? Do they think I'm related to him or married to him or so I have to get like an anonymous email address and hopefully I'll make some bucks off of that.

Well, best of luck to you, Jackie. Thanks guys. I'm really, really holding out for this one. I think that's what's going to make me a star. You're a rising star too. We're all rising stars here on page 7. We're rising. We are.

There's a one degree separation that we are the fame. Right here on Cave Comedy Radio. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Nuff. My name is Marcus Parks. And don't forget about the sausage fest this Sunday. At start going to be start at 5 p.m. here at the Creek in the Cave 1093, Jackson Avenue here in Long Island City. Off the 7 train and the G train and the E train.

It's going to be great time. We're going to be here all day. Driggin all day. Eating all day. It's going to be great. It's why you show up? You can record that as a theme song for the sausage wrestling. I will and I'll play it before every show.

Thank you. They will fucking love it. We'll talk to you next week. Goodbye. Bye.