Page 7 - Episode 98: Spring Fever

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

We cover the 7th Heaven molestation scandal in depth and talk about Rachel Ray's alleged proclivities, plus Gerard Depardieu is a psychopath. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Is balanced. Are we good? We're good. When I see the happy faces, Somali Magami, seven. I can't believe you guys didn't watch this show. My name is Jackie Zabowski. My name is Molly Nuffalo. I'm Marcus Parks.

I never did. Never did. The song has been in my head ever since the news dropped. I can't get it out of my head. Yeah, babe. Yeah. It's so good. It's so bad though

I I happy faces smiling back at me 7th heaven I mean you pick it up real fast wait this is the best part Where can you go

When the world Don't treat you right The answer is Yeah it's fucking not. Not for anyone that has ever met Stephen Collins. That is for sure. Disclosure. I think I'm not sure the difference between

Touched by an angel and 7th Heaven. Touched by an angel had, um, oh. Uh, what was his name? The guy that was in Bonanza, or was it something else? Yeah, Michael, something. I was going to make you a Harry Tubbin joke. Who's it? The spiritual, beautiful black woman

that's in it, too. Oh, man, I can't remember. Touched, I never saw Touched by an Angel either. Me neither. I never saw that. Touched by an angel had the supernatural element to it, while Seventh Heaven was about a pastor and his family. Nothing to do with religion is just like,

oh, they don't use protection so they have a million kids. But they all take care of each other. But it wasn't like a Christian rock television show. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, it was very loose about, I feel like, that he was a pastor. Yeah. That was kind of in the background. It was more about like, oh, Jessica Beal is a tomboy, and she doesn't understand why the boys like her.

She's playing basketball. And then they have like twins, like three seasons in. It's like, oh, they're still fucking. And like, now we have to deal with these fucking two kids. And there's Happy the Dog. Happy the dog? Yeah. His name was happy.

Okay. So, see, in my head, Seventh Heaven was always creepy Christian. But that, but I may have been overreact. acting. I mean, it's a very bad show. But it's not as evil as that. I see. And for those of you who may

not know, maybe someone doesn't know about this, but the lead actor in Seventh Heaven, the man who played the pastor. The father of all of these children. Yes, the father of all the children admitted in a therapy session a couple years ago that he molested

a fair amount of children in a fair amount of different locations across America. Have you listened to any of the tape? He says the word penis often. Oh, if we're about to listen to it, I'm going to tape my headphones off just so you know. It is just the word penis is all. It's like, it's very upsetting to listen to.

Question, why, if he disclosed us in a therapy session? I mean, the therapist has to be going to jail. Right? You're not, is there, I don't know about the law. No, I did read up on the law a little bit. there was here can talk amongst yourselves

says according to one law professor unless Collins starts talking about the tape itself he should be able to keep the testimony and the tape out of the trial Oh so out of the trial but how did we all listen

to it? Well the confession was made in 2012 and TMZ said that the recording was legal they said we're told her lawyer advised her it was legal to secretly record the conversation because in California, you're allowed to secretly record conversations to gather evidence and the other person committed a violent felony. Really?

Even in therapy. Interesting. I guess that makes sense, though, because... I mean, it's a good thing. Yeah, that's, I mean... But according to another law professor, he said in couples counseling, both patients hold the privilege to privacy and either can assert it. Thus, the wife cannot waive the husband's privilege.

only her own, it would be up to Colin's lawyer to decide whether to object but he should be able to keep both the tape and the testimony out of the trial unless Collins starts talking about it. Whoa. So as long as Collins completely ignores the fact that this tape exists, then he can keep it

out of court. Whoa! That's so hard to do. Not as hot as his penis was apparently which was very hard. Well, he actually said it was semi-semi-hard. He was sort of hard. I think he I think the quote was sort of hard.

Lord, what a monster. And so, so this, so he tells his therapist, and he told his therapist this during couples counseling. Yes. Good God. And like you hear his wife who had, I guess, had like part of them working through this thinking that this had happened once, find out that this had not happened once. Oh, good God.

And it happened more than once. And listening to her find that out as well. Like, I mean, I had to shut it off. Like I was just like, because. all I could think about, not even him and talking about it, which is terrible, it was her. I was like, I can't imagine hearing my husband of how many years

saying these things. That is horrible. And now having all of America and the world hearing it as well. Oh, my God. And it's like, that's horrifying. And people are bringing up the whole seven heaven things like, that's not even anything to do

with it. It's like, he didn't molest those actresses. It's, I mean, that's not, like, that's not what this is found. sitter. Another one was just a child that happened to be around. He did, I mean, he had a fairly wide swath. Yeah.

What a fuck. It was a grab bag for him. Oh my. Oh. Yeah. And, you know, I was, it was very weird because recently they had done like a reunion picture on Instagram and I was looking at him. I was like, man, he's aging pretty well.

That's what I thought. Because he's a fairly attractive man. It's like, oh, who. Dude, man. And he looks, he does kind of, he's got pedophile head. Is it the forehead? It's kind of the forehead. Yeah, he kind of, you look at him, you're like, it does, it's no surprise. You look at the guy as, like, oh, yeah, of course that guy touches his little kids.

Yeah, fucking pedophile. And it is, I mean, obviously, thank God he didn't, you know, heard any of the cast members, but it is a little bit fucking creepy that he worked with a bunch of kids forever, right? Like, that is creepy as hell. If I was a parent of one of the kids on 7th Heaven, I'd be like, dear Lord, just like if you're a parent of a kid and, like, you know, a Catholic church that's been implicated in something. It's like, man, I fucking trusted you, you know?

As far as the kids go, these kids at how he's actually hurting them now is because all of the seventh heaven reruns are being pulled. They're all losing their residuals. I mean, Jessica Beale alone, she earned upwards of six figures in residuals from the show.

She still, just because it ran all the time. But what about the other ones that aren't as successful as Jessica Beale? That's the thing. Jessica Beal will be fine, but the other They're fucked. I mean, I'm sure they have other things and the Lord knows what their lives are like. But still. I mean, that's a huge fucking hit to take for something that you didn't even do.

Yeah. Like that's not. I feel like there's got to be some kind of contract negotiation they're able to do that like you just get no more residuals. What an interesting thing though because like on the one hand I would be like, yeah, pull it. That bastard shouldn't be on TV anymore. On the other hand, I'm like, don't fuck over all those actors. Like I don't know where I stand on like whether they should pull it or not pull it, you know. I mean, the entire appeal of the show is going to be ruined.

People aren't going to watch the show. They did make, you know, business-wise, the right decision to pull it off air. And also, yeah, and also like messaging PR-wise, of course, to be like, we will not tolerate this. But that does totally suck for the other actors. But hopefully there was probably going to be a way for them to come together and go against Stephen Collins financially. Yeah, maybe they could get a lawsuit out of it. of it, like, theft of services. If they wanted to, I bet they could.

God, yeah. Because that sucks. Man, yeah, see, in terms of, like, shitty 90s family programs, I was a full house person, not a 7th heaven person. See, I didn't think you had to be either one moment. I don't think it was a choice either.

You know, like, you can eat apples and you can eat oranges. It's true. It's true. It wasn't a camp, like, you had to choose one. Yeah, I like Franks and beans. And that's okay. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be surprised to find out. I mean, I guess Bob Sagitt has just showed himself to have a creepy sense of humor,

but not be an actual creep. Right. Important distinction. But that show was, I mean, any show where it's like, look at all these grown men hanging out with all these children. It's a little bit creepy. Yeah. There shouldn't be any kids in anything.

I say no more kid actors, nothing. I'm totally fine with that. Yeah. I don't want to look at them. I want nothing to do with it. And creepy things always happen to kid actors. They get taken advantage of by adults. You're right.

Just have kids, you know, have 20-year-olds play seven-year-olds. You can do it. He's makeup. It's already happening on Friday Night Lights. 25-year-olds are playing children. And all these adults in Friday Night Lights in season two anyway. Molly's watching Friday Night Live. Why are all the adults fucking the children is what I don't want to know?

Season 2 has a bunch of grown-ups, non-high schoolers having sex with high schoolers. Because all adults want to fuck high schoolers. And it happens a lot. Does it? In Texas, oh, God, yes. Adult? Yeah, you had dudes in their school. Especially football players.

Dude, you had dudes in their 30s banging girls that were like 16. Like guys, at least in their mid-20s, banging girls, they're like 16, 17, some as young as 14. And it's generally accepted. It is fucked up. And it's one of those things where even in high school, like we used to hate it because all of these old creepy fucks were taking all the girls. Really? Yeah.

We didn't have any girls, like especially in Rochester. Like I didn't date any girls in my hometown. to go to other towns because for some reason in our town there was this weird culture of high school girls hooking up with and dating older dudes I mean it's part ways because there were no

dudes when I was in I mean it's for the most part what is these guys are like you know they're in ranching or something like that and so there are no women their own age in town so the only females that they have to copulate with

are in high school. See, I was totally thinking, like, because in Friday Night Lights, I know this is a diversion, but in Friday Night Lights, it's like all these young boys, like sophomore boys, and they're sleeping with all these adult women. And I was like, if the gender roles were reversed, this would clearly be predatory,

but apparently not necessarily. I guess so. I don't know. Yeah. It's terrible. But that is, but also, obviously, all the actors in Friday Night Lights are just clearly not children. And so I'm like, I know that these are actors

who are not children, but the characters are children and all this adult child fucking is upsetting me, but I guess in real life that happens to. But also, hey man. Little hot. But also fucking loosen up, my head. Duncan, I know your hair's short, but let it down.

A bunch of hot, hot people fucking each other, basically. So I don't know why I'm complaining. That was scary. It was like the bell tolls one. This makes me think of Stephen Collins Man, I would always watch Seventh Heaven Right before Gilmore Girls Because always on after school

It would be Seventh Heaven, then it was Gilmore Girls Fucking love Gilmore Girls It's on NetFus right now Every single season, I love it I've seen every episode many times At risk of inviting another terrifying fan art graphic By the way, thank you to Judith for the amazing Reba Neffel

That was good. That was scary but great. I had a good friend in high school who always told me that I reminded her of that Gilmore girl's girl, Rory. No, you're no, Rory. She doesn't open a mouth when she talks. Yeah, no, no. Oh, wait, you look like her? Yeah.

No, no, no, you're much better looking at Rory. She has a little tiny mouth that she doesn't open when she talks. She's got big eyes and she's got a big forehead. And a tiny mouth. Yeah, and like ugly hair. good legs though very nice legs see I don't have good legs at all so that's where the difference that's where the real

difference is I guess you guys have similar eyes I mean eyes you both have big blue nice eyes that's pretty much it yeah well your friend was a fucking yeah and you can tell them that but also I always thought Laurelise he can take that to the bank yeah cash it

what did you think about Lorelai I thought she was the hottest one yeah I thought she was the hottest one Yeah, I thought she was hot. I thought she was the hot one and Rory wasn't the hot one. Yeah, I don't think Rory is supposed to. No, my friend wasn't telling me this in a like your hot way.

Are you sure? Maybe this is something you need to rethink. Maybe this is something you need to dive into your past and think about. These are like the only two celebrities I've ever been told I look like that small mouth girl from Gilmore girls and Reba McIntyre.

Luke is really hot in the show though. He wears backwards hats, plaid shirts. This is another show I never watched. Oh my God, you never watch. Gilmore Girls? How do you feel about Do you ever watch Joan of Arcadia? What are you?

It was on at the same time. My mom watched Joan of Arcadia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I watched a couple of episodes. This was a, it was, yeah. Wasn't it all on WB?

One Tree Hill? These are like, I'm doing a word association with television shows that remind me of the Gilmore Girl. But I never watched Gilmore Girls when it was on television. I only watched it when I was on after 7th Heaven at 5 o'clock. I forgot. channel that is. Definitely the WB.

No, it's not. It's like one in the... UPN? Something with kids. It's like family. Something family. Fox Friends family. ABC family.

ABC family. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That has all the crazy shows. ABC family. And that's where 7th Heaven still to this day was played all the time because I was at home. And I'm like, this show is still, they still do 7th Heaven Gellmer girls almost every single day. Definitely. And also reruns of stepmom, which I watch for like to play in high school.

Yes. Yep, absolutely. Oh, so sad. Their shows these days are Ruby and the Rockets. What? Make it or break it? Apparently they did an adaptation of 10 Things I Hate About You. They had Melissa and Joey, which is, I guess, that went to, Melissa and Joey and Baby Daddy were both ABC Family original movies.

Ah. Yeah. Melissa and Joey and Baby Daddy? Baby Daddy, yes. Separate. Separate. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was fun.

Melissa and Joey dash. Baby Daddy. Melissa and Joey star in. Baby Daddy. Baby Daddy. It's like where are the Lawrence brothers? You know? Yeah.

That's a real question. They are busy being in Boy Meets World confusingly. What is happening with that? Have you watched that? No, I haven't watched it yet. Girl Meets World. Here's the thing. Every time I rewatch Boy Meets World, which I do when it's on, it is, have we had this

conversation yet? We might have. I used to, I mean, don't get me wrong. I've always watched that show and I always will. It is so terrible, though. It's not a good show, but I still watch it. I'm not saying I won't watch it, but it's just not a good show. I haven't watched it since I was at that time.

But Eric is still attractive, though, right? Except for when he gets older and he's really creepy. Really creepy. He talks about adults hanging out with children. Yeah. He is just an adult who's hanging out with high schoolers, even though he's getting older and older and he cuts his hair. And Ryder Strong isn't that hot?

Isn't as hot as I remembered him. And he was in something. I was watching cabin fever. Is that the scary movies in Marcus? Who? Writer strong. Writer strong. Hot friend from Boy Meets World.

Not as hot as you remember him. Not as hot as you remember him. Was he? Oh, I know it that asshole. Yeah, I know that asshole. Doesn't he just look like some jerk? Oh no, he's in parenthood. Parenthood.

Yeah, yeah. He was fucking Lorela like Gilmore in parenthood. Really? But he was in cabin fever. Cabin fever. Yeah, yeah. I didn't you say a cabin fever? I think you said cabin fever.

I thought you said cabin in the wood. Sorry. No, no, no, cabin fever. Cabin fever. Yeah, because I noticed on Netflix, there's a cabin fever too. Spring fever. And I was like, this can't be any good.

This cannot be any good. Cabin fever, too. Spring fever. A high school. Fromm faces a deadly threat of flesh-eating virus that spreads via a popular brand of bottled water. Oh. I was very close to watching it on Netflix last night. But instead, I do have to highly recommend, but also not recommend, but also recommend.

This movie called Patrick. I think it's called Patrick Evil Awakens. It's on Netflix right now. It is a really high Rotten Tomatoes rating. It has Tywin-Lannister in it. and it has the girl from your next in it, like the awesome, amazing girl in your next, which everyone of you have not seen your next,

and I'm talking to you, Molly, Molly doesn't like scary movies. It is an amazing movie, also on Netflix right now. I love it. But Patrick is very, very bad, but very, very fun. And I highly recommend you watching it if you're looking for a really bad scary movie to watch on Netflix. A coma, he's in a coma, and he kills people with telepathy. in a coma and he kills people with telepathy. And Tywood Landiscer is the bad, scary doctor that keeps him in the hospital, does

crazy experiments on him. Yeah, the tagline for it is, he's in a coma. Yet, he can kill. That's the tagline? That's the elevator pitch. He can't kill. Yet, he can kill. Wow.

The elevator pitch is like, dude, coma. But he can so kill people. Telepathy, baby! And they're like, just take out one or two words. You got your tagline. You're done. We got the art. All right.

Send it through. Oh, man. It was fun. Wow. Apparently, it's a remake. Is it? The original was made in 1978. Man, and it's made in Australia.

It's an Australian movie, so it also has like a high, weird concept. Like silly? Mm-hmm. Very weird. Wow. But I recommend it if you're looking for a good. Good time. All right.

All right. Well, let's move on to our next story. Mr. Gerard Depa-Dippe. Oh, that guy. Apparently, he has just released a new autobiography. It's called That's the Way it was. Oh, God. Is this the one where he reveals about the 14 bottles of wine a day?

Or was that just an off-the-cuff remark? Among other things. Is it all about bogus? It's just chapter 14. bogus continues And then the next one is my father the hero Remember that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the next one of that is I want to fuck my kid Because that's what that whole movie's about Something to do with Paris possibly Oh yeah, yeah, probably French, French, French, French. Most of my knowledge of Gerard Depardue comes from a French class in high school Where we would just watch French movies

That were weird and too sexual For American children to understand They were all starring Gerard de Perdue. He was in all of them. They were all weird. Are you sure your French teacher just didn't have like a hard on for Girard de Bardo? I'm not sure.

I mean, in my experience, American people who love, well, not all of them, but many of the French teachers I've had are American people who love, who are like francophiles. And there's always something just a little bit weird about those people. Yeah, it's like you can eat cheese and wine and not. teach French. Yeah. You can handle that. And you can teach French even and not be like, oh, every sentence I say begins with, well, in France.

Yeah. Then go fucking live in France then. Right. Go teach English in France, not French in America. Like that woman that married the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that's how you do it. You love France.

Marry the fucking Eiffel Tower. Wait, you love French language so much. Why don't you go marry the Eiffel Tower? Oh. It's already taken. You fucking piece of shit. You're too late. George DePardre d'Pardue was a fucked up dude.

Apparently he used to rob graves. Him and a friend would dig up bodies and lutham for clothes and jewelry. He used to mug his prostitution customers. Oh, by the way, I skipped over that part. He was a male prostitute in his 20s. He says at 20, the thugging me was alive and kicking. Ew. And his mother tried to kill him in the womb.

He said that his mother tried to use knitting needles to abort him. But later on, she allegedly said that she was, quote, fond of him and to think I almost killed you. Question. Have we considered whether or not Gerard Depardue is a pathological liar? We have not considered that. Because, well, you can look at him and be like, yep, that guy did all those things, which you can. Because he looks like a man who's lived a life. Yes.

It's also quite possible that he's just a liar. It is very possible. And he also says that he can't sleep without being dead drunk because he is obsessed. He says, I'm, quote, obsessed with the racket in my body, the beating of my heart, the gurgling of my intestines, my joints cracking. I must drink so as not to hear it, so as not to go mad from it. Yeah. Settle down, Jared. Yeah.

Just have another drink. Take a fine. Take a step back. It's just that fucking whole thing. French thing where they over exaggerate everything. And they take themselves so seriously. Yeah, I think it's all bullshit. I never would want to read this.

Who's going to read this fucking book? Moms. And French teachers. And French teachers. American French teachers. Oh my God. It's like also, who gives a fuck about Gerard de Part two? Yeah.

Frankophiles do. But still? I think so. There's not a new one. Don't they have another one yet? I think he's like the big one. I think he's it. Which is weird because he's not attractive.

And I don't find him to be an especially compelling actor. No. He's not ever, like, I just don't understand. Yeah. Why is he still someone that we say his name? Yeah, great question. Monthly, at least. Yeah, well, he keeps doing weird shit.

Yeah. Like when he peed in the airplane. Yeah, that was weird. We got arrested for being drunk on a scooter. That was weird. You know, I guess we're just, we all have a little Girard de Pardue in all of us. You know what I mean? Um, petite put.

On petite putt. We got a petite putt in my fucking poohge, man. Lop pooch for fucking Gerard D. Dude. I like it. All right. Stamp of approval from Marcus Perks. All right.

It's time for the list. Who's on the list? Yeah, got to have that list. Seven pairs of celebrity roommates. Mm-hmm. Mm, yes. First up, John Kusack and Jeremy Piven. Oh. They were childhood friends and lived together in Chicago.

Oh, how cute. I thought Jeremy Piven was leagues younger. Yeah. It just took him a very long time to become successful. Interesting. And apparently, no love lost between those two when John Cusack got famous, apparently was a bit of an asshole. Yeah, I mean, John Cusack has asshole face. Yeah, he does.

He does. But also he is like kind of asshole. that I really appreciate. He just seems like an asshole who, who like one of those rare assholes who's like, yeah, I'm an asshole, but I'm usually right and awesome. Yeah, I feel like he has that same, like,

fathead syndrome that John Travolta had. You know? Yeah. It's like his head is fat, but nothing else is fat. Now. Yeah. No, I hear you. Yeah, yeah, it's a real fat head.

He's got a fat head, but he never had a fat head before. Wait, right now he has a fat head? Yeah, I mean, he's kind of, yeah, he's definitely got a fat head. I mean, look at that head. That's a fat head. It's not that much fat. I mean, it's a pretty fat head.

I mean, if we're going on a scale of, you know, fat head to really fat head, he's on fucking, like, pretty fat head. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty fat head. See, I would say Gerard and up Arduh is like 11. Well, he's got fat head. He's always had fat head. Turn the stamp up to 11 type of fat head situation. I mean, look at him as a young kid. Like, that's say anything.

That's thin. That's thin head. It's long head. Long head. It's definitely a horse head. It's definitely horse head. It's a big head. It's a cylindrical head.

But now that head is started to become an oval. May I put out perhaps the problem is big head small face? Because Joan Kusack has big head small face. Yeah. Kind of like a Haley Joel Osman. Oh, God. Yeah. Real big head, real small face.

Big head small face is an affliction that takes me. It's rough. Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy. So maybe his head's getting bigger, but his face is staying the same side. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

Poor guy. But I still don't like it. Yeah. No, I don't know. We don't have to like it. No one said you had to like it, Jackie. Tommy Lee Jones and Al Gore. They were roommates at TCU.

I almost just did a spit tank just now. Oh, no, not at TCU, Harvard. Excuse me. Still. They were roommates in Harvard and are still good friends to this day. Oh, that's nice. That's fun. Yeah, it's a weird little parent, isn't it?

Yeah. I bet they were so serious. Yeah. It's like lighten up. I'm sure every time we walk in room is like, oh my God, Al and Tommy together, yikes. Totally. I'll bet they stayed up until 4 in the morning and like really deep conversation. Oh, that was just boring. Like no girls anywhere near them. Nowhere fucking near them. But I bet Tommy Lee Jones probably felt up Tipper at least once or twice, right? I think Tommy Lee probably got more girls than Al did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tommy Lee, it's like, yo, it's my buddy, Tommy Lee. This is Al. Yeah, and I was like, hi, guys. I want to be a politician. And I bet he went by Albert in college, too. Albert Gore. Oh, yeah.

No, he's a little bit endearing ever since he totally lost the election. He got a lot looser after that. He did. I saw him speak live after the election, and I was like, you are a rock star. Where have you been? Like, it was like you finally could relax. Yeah. Grow out of beard.

Yeah. All kinds of fun times. Divorce tipper? Did he divorce tip? Oh, that's, I forgot. Yeah, they got divorced. Oh, my God. I'm sorry I made that joke.

Oh, my God. Here's a weird one, Michael Douglas and Danny DeVito. Oh, they wasn't had fun. I bet they had a lot of fun. They lived here in the city. A very small apartment together in the 60s. Oh, well, Danny DeVito doesn't need much room. Yeah, I'll be.

that that was a lot of fun. Michael Douglas said, Danny was sloppy. Oh, he was like, no, no, no, no,

actually he was a great roommate. He said it was a magical time. Well, I don't know, that's a little much, magical. Maybe magical, you know,

Danny DeVito's doing one floor over the cuckoo's nest. Yeah. He's doing that stuff. Michael Douglas is, I mean, I don't really know what he was doing in the 70s,

but, you know, we can find out pretty quickly what Michael Douglas was up to at this time in the 1960s. Well, I mean, he was always famous for being Kirk Douglas' son. Yeah.

Yeah, he was just doing stuff like Cast a Giant Shadow where he played the Jeep driver. He played Carl Dixon and Hail Hero. And Adam Gaines at Adam at 6 a.m. He didn't work a whole lot in the 60s. Yeah, it doesn't sound like it.

Yeah, he didn't do a whole lot. I think Danny DeVito was actually doing better than Michael Douglas. Wow. At the time. Oh, not anymore, yeah. Yeah. No, actually, no. No, I was saying... No, I was saying... No, I was saying...

he played a thug in Dreams of Glass in 1970. I would go ahead and say that probably Danny DeVito is doing better now than Michael Douglas is doing it. Yeah, I would say that too. Without a doubt. You know, having more fun. Yeah, for sure. And he produces, he's a fucking amazing producer, produces a ton of great movies. And he doesn't have to deal with crazy fucking Catherine Zeta Jones.

Ugh, God. Yikes a loo. Yeah, I think that Danny DeVito's in that sweet spot where he's, like a kind of joke about himself so he can do whatever he wants. Yeah. You know, like there's no expectation for him to be serious whatsoever, which must be liberating. Yeah.

Absolutely. Next up, Christopher Reeve and Robin Williams live together at Juilliard. I read about that. I read about that. That's really sweet. They're both great. I read about like, it was like right after Robin Williams died, there was a little excerpt of, I figured who was talking about it like right after,

Christopher Reeves went through the accident that Robin Williams showed up and just like joke joke joke had him laughing for like like for the first person that was able to make him laugh since the whole thing happened and had been like 10 days or something

and like he just sat and they just like closed the door and they just like laughed all day oh it looks like it's not going to be a Superman 5 yeah it's like things like I imagine but like things like that that actually they had that relationship that he just needed someone to come in and make fun of the whole situation with him.

And that was Robin Williams. Wow. Yeah. That's really powerful. And then there was Judd Apatow and Adam Sandler. They lived together. Appetal said that living with Sandler was like living with the comfortable naked guy at the gym. Apparently Adam Sandler was naked most of the time.

I can see that. Yeah, I can see that too. I'm not surprised one bit. Not thrilled either. I'll bet that that was a real like, you know, bro house. Yeah. Not thrilled, not fucking surprised. I'm not thrilled and I'm not surprised.

I'm not upset. We watched like, it was on television or watched like 40 minutes. No, it was at a bar. 40 minutes of Big Daddy. Yeah, I used to love that movie. It's pretty funny. I love that movie. I hadn't seen it in such a long time and I would just like, I mean, I was also drinking.

But I would. We had a very good time. We also rewatched Step Brothers the other day, which, please give it another watch. It is a lot of fucking fun. Yeah, I would love to rewatch Step Brothers. Yeah. Love Step Brothers. That's a fucking...

It's so funny. I love it. It's so funny. Yeah, I used to love a lot of Adam Sandler movies. I forget that now, but I used to love Adam Sandler movies, for sure. Yeah, and you go back, I watched Billy Madison again about six months ago. Yeah. I still laughed.

Yeah. Even though I knew pretty much every joke by heart, I still laughed. Yeah. Yeah. I could only imagine seeing it for the first time. Oh, my God. Yeah, it'd be wonderful. Yeah.

Time for blind item. Oh, we can't see him. This A-list, mostly movie actress, was spotted arguing with her husband, and then she started pointing a finger at him and got more and more invocal until he finally bent his head down and followed right behind her as she smiled in. Satisfaction. Been in a whole bunch of movies, probably the best one was election.

Oh, Reese Witherspoon? Yeah. She was also like, I saw just like a blurb on Us Weekly of her in her new interview being like, after my arrest, I wasn't what everyone thought I was, but then you realize that I'm not what everyone thinks I am. It's like, oh, go fuck yourself.

Fuck you, you piece of shit. She sounds awful. I've never been super impressed with her. I mean, election was fucking amazing. Election was great. Yes. I mean, can I like Sweet Home Alabama? But I think it was more so.

Legally blonde was pretty fun. Legally blonde was fun. But, I mean, it wasn't because, it was never because of her in any of the movies that made it good. Yeah, I think that that, you know. I think that might be fair. She was the worst part of election.

Yes, she was definitely. I mean, Chris Klein was better than her. Yeah. Of course, Matthew Broderick carried that fucking movie. Oh, good. a good sex jacuzzi scene. Yeah.

Blow job? Yeah, yeah. I couldn't remember I couldn't believe the day that Becky took me back home and gave me a blowjob in our jacuzzi. Yeah.

I watched election when I was a high schooler with my parents, so I need to rewatch it in a different context. Oh, watch with your parents. Yeah, I think I only watched part of it in the left room.

I would promptly leave the room. Yeah. Probably when she's saying, fill me up. Fill me up. At some point I was like, all right, this is not sustainable. I've got to go. No, that absolutely cannot happen.

Next up, this permanent A-List singer making yet another comeback had to have corrected plastic surgery after a recent surgery hit a nerve, which left her face sagging on one side. Whoa. Oh, yeah. I mean, she's one of the singers of the singers. Singers of the singers. Like one of the singers of the singers. Bet Midler. I mean, well, I mean, you're getting a little close there.

Not Aretha. No, not Aretha. I mean, Celine Dion. Beanpole of a woman. Beer? Yeah. Whoa. Really?

Very nice. Calling her a bean pole, huh? She's a bean pole? Yeah, she's definitely a bean pole. She has a straight line. She used to be. She's the definition of a bean pole. Yeah, I guess you're right.

I would more think half-breed, but that's fine. Yeah. Well, I already used half-breed in a former blind eye. with Cher. Oh, interesting. Man, that's rough. It's like,

then don't go. I hope you didn't go back to the same fucking doctor. If they had a nerve that made half of your face sag, go to somebody else. See, I'm in this trap

where I keep having the same problem and I keep going to the same dentist only because since they keep giving me the same problem, they'll treat the same problem they keep giving me for free. Oh, I guess that's true. But if you have a bunch of money.

Right. Yeah. Shera probably has better insurance than I do. Or at least some money to cover it. I hope so. If you're getting plastic surgery, you know? Yeah, I hope so. You might as well just fucking go for the gusto.

Next up, while the husband of this A-list celebrity talk show host was getting his penis pierced for the second time. What? Where else? Yeah, how do you? No. I knew a dude in college that had seven piercings in his dick. Like all the way up the shaft? Yeah, man.

His dick looked weird. He had to sit down to pee because it would just spray every one. Yeah, it was pretty funny. Yeah. It was really weird. I don't think that anyone wants to fuck that, but maybe I'm wrong. I mean, his common law wife sure enjoyed it, I think. I mean, I guess it's ribbed.

Yeah. Would they have the bells on the, like the barbells? There was some spikes on there. Oh. Yeah. No, never mind. I mean, I guess I would rather in his shaft, though, than Arthur was ball sack. Like, that's a man, you know.

don't trust. I don't think you can do that. I got seven pierces on my ball sack. My bullsack. Oh my God. And other news I feel no pain. So anyways, after this A-Less Celebrity Talk Show host, the husband of this A-List Celebrity Talk Show host was getting his penis pierced for the second time. He said that he doesn't even live in the same house as his wife any longer and they haven't got divorced because her cooking show is hanging on by a thread. Oh, this is going to make you happy. Rachel Ray.

Yeah. Oh, of course he has two piercings in his dick. Yeah. Oh, my God. He cheats left and right. Oh, just fucking leave her at this. Oh, my God. Why don't you have sympathy for her?

She has the same vocal problem we both do. I have no sympathy for her. Why? I do not like her. I do not support her. Why? And this dude has fucking cheated on her so many times. Really?

That it's like, just leave him. Why are you, what are you so scared of? I think, calling it now. lesbian and too scared to admit it because of her solid conservative fan base. Calling it. That's interesting. Calling that.

I'm calling that. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to leave her because she's probably threatening him that she can't handle it that knowing that her being married and in a stable heterosexual relationship is a good amount of her appeal to probably a lot of her followers.

And it's true that they never, whenever she talks about her relationship, it never is passionate whatsoever or even loving. It's very much like he likes to eat my food. I was looking at pictures and stuff on her when I was working on my SNL character for her and almost every picture is either of her by herself or her with her dog.

Very few pictures of her with her husband. Yeah, they don't have a passionate relationship. Oh, wow, I find a big old list here and this has zero sources on it, But a big list of gay and buy females in Hollywood. Rachel Ray is by, apparently. Tyra Banks, lesbian man hater. Whoa.

Wait, is Rachel Ray out by, or this is like a blind item, suspect? This is a blind item. This is a message board on lipstick alley.com. I see. I see. Interesting. Penelope Cruz and Selma Hayek, apparently.

They were lovers for a while. Is it because they looked so similar? I mean, that would probably have something to do with it. Right. Like looking in a mirror. If Rachel Ray is queer, she should just come out. That will be great. Yeah, but think of all of her support.

It's not like liberals that are out to support her. It's, you know, it's not that. People who are at home cooking for their husband. Right. Yeah, they're not going to lie. But on the other hand, those people at home are also watching Ellen. And they might be queer too. But Ellen doesn't count.

Yeah, Ellen is kind of the exception. At this point, honestly, it's like Ellen is the exception. When it comes to that. For them, which is funny because Ellen's totally not, it's not like Ellen is like apologetic about her queerness. She's just like the person who everyone's like, well, she's fine. People are just okay with them. I'm not talking about Ellen.

Exactly. Interesting. That is very interesting. Yeah, whereas like Rachel Ray would take a whole set of like evaluation for people to be like, but I thought that she wasn't. Is it because? Is it because Rachel Ray is attractive and Ellen, not so much? I mean, you go.

Well, I think that it's because, like, looking at Ellen DeGeneres and Portia deRossi's relationship, that a lot of people see that as a heterosexual relationship. I mean, because she is such a strong, masculine woman, not masculine woman, but like, she just a queer person. She's just a confident that, like, dates a hot woman that I feel like people just don't even see it. Yeah. And I feel like being homosexual. People have a, yes, I think that people want to box queer relationships into heterosexual, like, frameworks. Like, they want to be like, well, that here's Ellen and here's hot.

That's the man. That's the woman. Exactly. Yeah. Right. And I think that somebody like Rachel Ray is like, I think that people would be like, well, people would be like, like, support. Like, people would feel that they had been misled somehow. Like the trade.

They've been tricked. Because people have a certain very simplistic framework of what a queer woman looks like and would be, I think, thrown off if they learned that somebody who, you know, even if Rachel Ray is by, like, if she's like somebody who, like, talks about her husband and, like, yeah, you know, kind of presents a certain, like, straight aesthetic, like long hair, like skirts, whatever, then they might be like, wait, but that's not what I expect to see when I see somebody who likes girls. you know. Now you really think Rachel Ray is boner-worthy, Marcus. Yeah, absolutely. Really? Even with that mouth?

Yeah. And that thick Midwestern accent? Yeah. Yeah, no problem with either of those things. Of course not. I think she's cute. That's why I think she's just like a fun. Look at that. Look at that right there. Oh, I know what she fucking looks like. Oh, put some clothes on you, bitch. I think, is that photoshopped? It looks like it's a lot.

No. No. No. There's no way she would take a picture holding a turkey in her underwear. There's a whole, she did a whole spread in F.HM. What? Why is she wearing her underpants holding a turkey? That doesn't look anything like her. That doesn't look anything like her. Marcus?

I call bologna on it. Do you? Yes. No, I'm still fine with her either way. You can fucking dream. She ain't got them tits. I think she's cute, but in a like cute, cute way. Go back to Milakunis.

Like, that's something all. Yeah, Milakunus is hot. I think it's Miley Cyrus. No No way You Yeah That's Miley Cyrus

That's Miley Cyrus No that's Miley Cyrus Fucking told you That's Miley Cyrus I think Marcus is right about this Fuck You fuck! Yeah

I hate that picture Destroy it Why do you hate it Because of how it makes you feel Doesn't make me feel anyway Doesn't make you feel good I would be fine If it was Miley Kuna is making me feel that way

Not if it was fucking Miley Cyrus bitch. Yeah, you've revealed to Jackie that Miley As Cyrus can be just a little bit hot. Yuck. Only when she's brunette. All right, fair enough.

I'll take it. All right, that's all we got for today on phase seven. That was good because that was basically like a gay item. Yeah, that was pretty much a gay item. Yeah, that was a little bit of a gay. Yeah, yeah. I figured we'll just, you know,

that's a real good place to end it. U.BU, Rachel Ray. That's all I got to say you. We love you. Slash hate you anyway. I hate you so much, but you be you. It's not about your sexuality whether we love you or hate. No, not at all.

It's about your cookies. It's about your overall, personally. My name is Jackie Spruzzan. My name is Molly Nethful. I'm Marcus Park. Go out there, watch Kill more girls. Kill more girls. It's so great.

It's got a fat girl on it. She's not as pretty as a thin girls, but that's okay. That's okay.