Page 7 - Episode 99: Chew On It

Episode Date: May 10, 2015

It's Renee Zelweger's new face time! We talk about the transformation at length and visit our nu metal years all at the same time. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yeah. It's like just like late night just like put on a bunch of fucking music and just dance. Because I feel like every time we go to a wedding the next day, you hurt so much because you had so much fun. It's like no, you don't have to worry about steps. You don't have to worry about fucking anything. Just dance. I would fucking totally do that. And then also make it like women only to begin with just to make people comfortable with being able to be themselves.

Baby. Yeah. This guy with burnout. Yeah, baby. We'll have fucking conglines. We're gonna fucking get into this fucking trip. Yeah, I'm burning off the weight. All the calories are leaving my body right now.

Yeah. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Dethel. My name is Marcus Parks, and you're listening to Burn, Baby, Burn, over and over and over again. Hey, baby, burn. Burn, baby, burn. Yeah, man. Burn, baby, burn.

Burn, baby. Burn. Oh, no. I'm in hell. I'm in a hell. I'm in disco hell. Actually, I did find that on YouTube. The description is, this is what you will hear while your eyes are picked apart by hot pokers in hell. Yeah, I love it. 26 views. Oh, that's only 26. I don't understand. And the only picture is just fire. It's just a picture of fire.

And that's a really good picture of fire, though. Very beautiful picture of fire. Welcome to page 7, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, man, I've been really big into Reddit short, scary stories lately. I love it. It's just really short, scary stories. And one of them, which is like kind of in my head, which I didn't even think that it was going to affect me so much, was about a dude that was really nervous about going in for LASIC eye surgery.

Oh, God. And he was in it. And then, like, as he's in it, and they, like, have his eye pulled back. they had cut into his, you know, ball or whatever, whatever. And then all of a sudden they heard something on the radio and that it was a nuclear, like, apocalypse. And he hears this, like, crash. And the doctor went outside.

And then all of a sudden they realized it was, like, a zombie attack. Ooh. That, like, it, like, he just saw the zombie come in. But he had, like, this scalpel and, like, his eyes were, like, completely, like, pulled back and stuck in his chair and he's like, so the nightmare that I thought was going to happen turned into a much bigger nightmare and the last thing I saw was like

his saliva dripping down onto my face. And like I'm not that big into zombies but that kind of creep me the fuck out. Yeah, that's creepy as shit man. That is extremely. It's like, zombie apocalypse is scary as enough but like think of yourself like where would you be

when it happens? What if you're fucking strapped down to a chair? Can't you fucking anything about it? What if you're fucking? Yeah, man, what if you're fucking? What if you're at a gyno appointment? Can't run? Yep.

I know he's gonna eat first. Chew on it. I regret what I said. That's the most disgusting thing a person could say during sex. Chew on it. No matter what they're talking about, even if it's a nipple, don't ever say the phrase, chew on it. Chew is a verb to be avoided. Oh, chew on it.

Oh, God, that makes me fucking grr. You did this, Wally. You did it. And I regret it. Believe me, I regret it a lot. Well, you know, there's somebody else who might be regretting a couple of decisions here and there. I don't know if she's regretting them. Renee Zellweger.

I mean, this is all over the social media today. This is just, I mean, And this just has blown up. Renee Zellweger showed up the red carpet at Elle's 21st Annual Women in Hollywood Awards at the Four Seasons Hotel in California yesterday. And she looks, boy howdy, different. She got a new face. New face. She has a new face.

It is insane. I looked at the picture where it was like, nah, nah. That's just a weird picture of her. And then scroll down, scroll down just every single picture. it is she had must have had complete reconstructive face surgery. Botox. So much Botox. That and all right.

So rip the pictures apart. I'm looking at them back to back of what she used to look like. So her eyebrows are a completely different shape of what they used to be, which probably means that they went in to wear her like flappies where her eyes were all like squinto squints. And they fucking ripped all that shit out. They must have like either filed down. the bones or reconstructed the bones because that is what makes

your eyebrows look the way that they do. That's where your eyebrows are because of the shape of your skull. Yes, and so they must have gone in and fucking rip to make her eyes more open and also her cheeks have dropped. Yeah. That's great. Like one of her

most defining features. Yes. But the cheeks also helped push her fucking face out to like a little puppy. And she looked like a puppy. But I think it's so funny that they made fun of her for looking like that for so long. And now they're going to make fun of her if we're looking like this. Well, this is one of the better jokes I've seen today from comedian Jim Tooth was like,

basically everyone spent every minute making fun of her like pucker. I'm having an allergic reaction to shellfish face before. And now everyone's making fun of her new face. She's probably got a new face and reaction to everyone couldn't stop making fun of her old face, you know? Yeah. And now everyone's making fun of her old face, you know? Yeah. out of her new face. You know, Jackie, I think you really

have a point with the eyebrows there, because I'm looking at a side-by-side picture, and either her eyes have been raised or her eyebrows have been lowered. Can we see the side-by-side? Look at this right here. It's very obvious. Also, it's the arch of her eyebrows. Yeah. The eyebrows, they used to arch upwards.

Now they're kind of flat all across. Her eyes are her eyelids, the top eyelids, have gone upwards closer to her eyebrows. They pulled that shit out, man. And her mouth is smaller. How do you make a mouth smaller. Yeah, her mouth is definitely smaller. If you look at none of these pictures

is she actually smiling, showing her teeth. She's got pursed lips in every single one of them. She really does have a new face. How weird. Her eyes are higher. Her eyes are definitely higher. Like, they're closer to her eyebrows. Maybe it's a fake. And you can... Maybe it's not her. Well, that's what I also was thinking, you know, there's all

this... I haven't seen the movie yet. But I know, you know, there's all this gone girl bullshit going on right now. I haven't seen the movie. I really want to see the movie. But what is? If René Zellweger, Illuminati, dead. Ooh. What if she is fucking dead? And this is the closest they could come.

And the closest they could fucking find. And, oh, no, it's all plastic surgery. Exactly. If they're like, the Illuminati's like, everyone will know it's not her. And they're like, we'll just blame plastic surgery. We've been laughing at women for that for years. Oh, they'll never know. They'll just blame the woman.

Do they wear white hoods, right? Is that what the Illuminati wears? The Illuminati? I don't know. It's like a cool. Ku Klux Klan kind of thing. No. They just,

you know what they wear? You're thinking of the Ku Klux Klan. You're definitely thinking of the Ku Klux Klan. You know what they wear, man? They wear fucking business suits, man. That's the Illuminati wear. Yeah, you know what they wear? Jay Z masks because he's one of them.

I fucking know. Jay Z is definitely one of them. The diamond, that's the Illuminati diamond. Or it's a pussy. Yeah, it's definitely a pussy. It's a pussy. But it could be the Illuminaity Diamond. Oh yeah, man.

I think, I think Renaisal Weger is dead. Okay, the thing about was it. Renais Zell Wigger's face is that before was it Bridget Jones when she gained weight, lost weight, there was already a discussion about the differences in Renézell Wigger's

face from when she was skinny Renee Zell Wigger or Bridget Jones, Renaisal Wigger. So she already had up to two faces. Yeah. And now she's abandoned both of those faces for a completely new third face. But also it's not even the weight, like even like in the old pictures when she was

very thin. Look at her fucking jaw line. The jaw line is completely different as well. Like her face is not round anymore. Her face is now horse. She paid money for horse face. Yeah. And you can

and look at these wrinkles on her face. Like the laugh line wrinkles over here. It's her cheeks, her wrinkles stop at her cheeks. It's extremely unnatural. And part of her face, one of her wrinkles because we're looking at a full on frontal shot here. And the wrinkles

on one side of the face don't match the other side. Usually. Usually usually those two lines are similar. Yeah, they're very symmetrical. It's deeper on this side, yeah. Yeah, it's deeper on the left side than it is on the right side.

It looks like they brought her out of the chair in, like she's like, oh fuck, I have to go to this red carpet. We have to finish this. There's no time. Get it in there. Leave it. No one will scrutinize my face. I'm Renee Zelle.

Also, her hair line, which could be getting older. But I also, because a lot of the pictures are comparing her to the Oscar win, which is like a long time ago. I think it was an Oscar win. But it was like 2003 or something. It was a while ago, the ones that in the first article I was looking at. So I started looking into 2010, Renee Zellweger. And she still looks exactly the same. I mean, you know, older because my boss was arguing with me.

She's like, yeah, but people's cheeks sometimes drop when they get older. And I was like, this ain't older. Hairline ain't older. The hairline is also different. Completely different face. And I think that, do you remember who said that joke about that she asked for a... Yeah, I don't remember, but the joke was that she transplanted Robin Wright's face onto her body. She has Robin Wright's face.

It is very horrifying. It's perfect. It's perfect. It's really her. It's perfect. Except like not as... sexy because I think Romero is really

fun and it's so weird because her eyes are so unnaturally open. It's horrifying. Or she saw the devil. Maybe she saw the devil and that changed her face. Yeah, and it moved her hair back. Yeah, and it made her a face horse.

Horse shaped, excuse me. Yes, horse shaped. It's a weird, it's a weird transition. I wonder if she, is she going to get jobs because of this now? Good question. I mean, she doesn't have She's got no job now. She don't got star power.

Like she doesn't have the Renee Zellweger face, which is so, well, I mean, besides looking almost exactly like Joey Lauren Adams, it was a very recognizable face. It was. But again, it wasn't all, it was always a controversial face. She did look like she was having an allergic reaction a lot of the time. Or maybe was the face a put on face for all those years that she puckered hard. Or maybe like her ass hurt all the time. and it was something that she decided like, oh, if I look like I'm sucking

on a sour fucking dick, then maybe I'll get jobs, which she did. So maybe it was just years of pretending that she can't pretend anymore. Maybe she stopped eating shellfish or peanuts or whatever was that was causing their own. It's gluten. It's probably fucking gloating. Well, you know what?

We are going to have some sort of resolution to this. We can see what happened to her face. We can see how long ago this happened because she has a movie coming out next year called The Whole Truth. So we can see once this movie comes out, at what point her face changed. If this movie comes out and she has old face,

then we can see that it was a very rapid change because it's in post-production right now. It's with Keanu Reeves. But if she has new face... Oh, that means we have to watch a movie with Renee Zellweger and Keanu Reeves. Yes, we do. I'd rather not know what happened.

And James Belushi. What? I'd still rather not know what happened. I definitely would rather. not know. We can watch the trailer. You can watch the trailer. You watch a trailer. It's like when you're in a play and you can't get a haircut. It's like if you're in a movie, you

can't get radically reconstructive facial surgery. Unless it's like the lakehouse, then you can do whatever you want because it's like, oh, where's this mailbox coming from? You know what? She hasn't been in a movie since 2010. Because she's been getting new face. Yeah. She's had new face years. Yeah, maybe it's been a year-long process.

Because that's why I was looking up 2010 because that was the last time I could find good face of her. Yeah. I mean, that's the last time she had face. This is what I was doing at work today. This is creating a lot of like identity questions. Like, are you still you if you have a different face?

I mean, obviously you are, but I think I need higher cheekbones. What if I get really pronounced cheekbones? Like, you know, and I start, what if I get René Zelle in her face? I wish the listeners could see the face Jackie was making this now. I feel like if I lost it

And then you just smush your entire face forward Swish it And then I'm a movie star Put me in the Meamy What's the Jerry McGuire line? Oh, that's not her though Show me the money

No, not that one You had me at hello Oh, you had me at a loom Yeah, yeah Man that movie sucked Yeah, that movie was awful Rewind to that movie Why did everyone like it so much?

I have no idea. I liked her a lot better in me, myself, and Irene. Right? The movie she was in with Jim Carrey. That's when they were boning. Was she in that movie? Yes. They were boning?

They boned. No, she was, I think that was it, yeah, she was in me, myself, and Irene. That was when they were boned. That's right. And right before that, she was a nurse Betty. Oh, yeah. Yeah, with Morgan Freeman and Chris Rock. Never actually saw the movie, but I do remember it being on the shelves in the local video store.

I remember seeing it in Pasoenka. I see it and just going, nah. I'm going to go right past Nurse Betty and go and rent natural born killers again. Yeah, so good. So good. And Bridget Jones had a whole cult following around it. It was fine. I get it.

You fall down a lot. You know, just because you're talking to British accent. I'm Bridget Jones. Slumsy British lady with a puffy face. I get it. She wasn't even that fat. She was. She won't. No, no, she wasn't.

No, in fact, she wasn't. She was not. That was one of the things I didn't like about it. I was like, we're all to pretend that she's this, like, fat lady no one would like. First of all, which is a problematic concept to begin with. Second of all, she looks fantastic. And also, even though he was an asshole, she should have continued to bang Hugh Grant. Because, man, nothing's better than fucking a dude that is an asshole. And Hugh Grant.

I thought you were going to say, nothing's better than fucking Hugh Grant. I mean, Colin Further would bang any fucking time. Oh, yeah, she's got a column for a thing going on. Call him, Amy, Amy. He looks like the dad from Boy Meets World, and he always will. Ew, you're gross when you say that. He looks just like him. No, he has brillo pad hair, and he's got fucking tiny beetle eyes.

I hate that guy. Who was the he and who was the he? The dad from Boy Meets World. No, Colin Firth, Pride and Prejudge's. You didn't want to bang Colin Firth? He's always reminded me of the dad from Boy Meets World. Always. You cray.

I don't even know. No who you fucking love anymore. Not Cray. They look exactly the same. They want to bang Jamie Kennedy. They look similar. They look similar. Do you have a side-by-side here?

I don't have it. I can pull up, I can pull up Colin Firth. They look very similar. They look very similar. Thank you, Mark. No, no, no, no. I won't even look at the picture. I won't even look at Colin Firth for Jackie.

There's Colin Furth. Sexy Sex. There's the dad from Boy Meets World. He's got identical twins. No, he has Renee Zellweger Newface cheeks. That's the dad for Boy Meets World. He's got fucking new cheeks. They're identical.

I thought the first picture was Dad from Boy Meets World. You are not so. That first picture can't be Dad from Boy Meets World because he's wearing a suit. Yeah, yeah, he's gone places. Yeah, and that dude only wears like flannels and shit. Always flannels, yep. Always buttoned up shirts. Yeah.

That guy always plays a dickhead in films. Is he in anything? Dad from Boy Meets World was Mean Dad in American History X. Yeah, yeah, he was mean dad. Really? He was mean dead. Really scary. really scary as a boy meets world watcher.

Man, I loved American History X and you know what? I thought Ed Norton was hot in it. Oh, me too. Had a hat, hot. I mean, I always think Ed Norton was hot, but he's especially hot in that movie, which is disturbing because she is in the United States. Man, give death this moochie rewatch.

It is so good. Love that movie. And also the other night, we watched Scream. And it is also, it is a good, scary. Scream is fucking amazing. It's on Netflix, man. It is a good fucking scary movie. Scream is fantastic.

It's a scary movie for horror movie fans. It is a good movie. You want to fuck Jamie Kennedy, so that's why you want to watch it. Not anymore. Only as a sixth grader. And that's all I can think about while I was watching it. And I was like, Molly wants to fuck Jamie Kennedy. What about Skeet Ulrich?

You kidding me? He's disgusting. He looks like somebody too. Who is it the Skeeter? No, no, no. He looks like Johnny Depp. He looks like Johnny Depp. Yeah.

Like tall, skinny Johnny Depp. So sexy. in that movie. God damn. Doug was convincing me to try and go as Matthew Lillard and Skeet Ulrich in Scream for Halloween. I was like, I can't even be Sydney. You go as both of them? I can't even be the girl. No, I would

be Skeet Ulrich, you would be Matthew Lillard. That's a good costume. Have you seen... But he wants to have the TV on his head. Have you seen Skeet O'Rich and the craft, though? That's why I think he's discussing because he's scary. Yeah, I know. That's sexy. I want someone

Bad! Especially this time of year, I want someone's going to, ooh, you bad, I'm a witch. I want to rewatch that craft. You know, you like the craft? Yeah.

That's a good movie. He was nominated for Best Supporting Actor and Scream by the Saturn Awards. He's really good in that movie. He's great in that movie. The movie is really good. I want to rewatch that, definitely.

Yeah, it's a solid movie. It's a solid movie. It's a solid movie. Loved it when I was a kid. I loved it even more as an adult. I just remember when I first, I first watched it when it first came out on tape, and I, and we had watched a lot of scary movies growing up, and it scared the fucking shit out of me. It's one of my favorite horror movie experiences, written that one when I was, when I was in, I guess it came out in, what, 96?

I think so. Yeah, something like that. I was, yeah. I was, yeah. I was, yeah, that was 1996, yeah. Yeah, I was nine years old, and I watched that movie, and I was horrified, but also wanted to fuck the shit out of Skeed Ulrich. I knew then. It was like between Christian Bale and Skeed Allrich.

I was like, I am heterosexual. I'm shocked, but I am. Yeah. For me, it was like everyone else was shocked. I was heterosexual. But I was. Because Skeed Allrich. Neff Campbell, man.

Yeah, Neff Campbell's really sexy. She was. But, I mean, but really Rose McGowan was the hottest girl in Scream. That outfit is rough. The outfit that she gets killed in? Her is so bad. We were talking about how all of the outfits are like coming back now.

And that, I was like, that one won't come back. That one will, it is a sleeveless turtleneck sweater with a weird satin pattern skirt. Yeah. And she looks so fucking hot. Her pants are so fucking good. I mean, they're just like, oh, they are fantastic. I'm glad that the garage door. The sleeveless turtleneck

era is over. Although apparently body suits are coming back and I don't know how I feel. Oh, they've been back. They've been back. You've been doing an American Not Urban Outfitters. American Carrel. They got them all over the place. So do I need a body suit? Body suits?

Crotch snaps and everything. What are you talking about? Crotch snaps, high-waist. It's like a leotard. It's a... You know a bodysuit. Everyone in the 90s wore a bodysuit. I never did because fat girls can't wear potty suits. Sweet Cheeks butt lift her body suit. Well, I would wear that one.

Let's see the picture. Look at that. No. That is butt out, all everything else tucked in. It's a one piece like... Wait, does it go through the butt lift? Zoom on it. The shape of an old-fashioned men's swimsuit from the 1920s, but with the butt cheeks.

Yeah. You know, I wear those, I have the old-fashioned long jaws. That's how I wear all winter long. Really? Yeah. Where do you get them? I found them in the back of an abandoned department store. Okay.

And they're great. I've been wearing them every winter. Was it on a dead man? Because that's what it sounds like. Yes, I wear a dead man's underwear. I've seen them. It looks like a dead man's underpants. Does it have a little drop seat in the back?

It has a little button that you open up so you can poop through it And it works great I've pooped many a time for that You don't poop through it I poop through it of course what do you think I'm gonna take off my top Yes like any decent human being You take it off That's what the poop slot is for

You don't poop through the poop slot Have you ever seen an old cartoon? Yeah Little babies have that cute little poop slot Yeah it's a poop slot Not once if I got poop on the sides of the poop slot Yeah fucking right Not once

Let me see your fucking poop slot I'm not wearing poop slot pants right now. Well, I want to see it next time you're wearing it because I want to really get in there and see. Get back to me in November. I'll definitely be wearing a poops lot. I want to detective your fucking boop slot. Yeah. You wear it under your clothes?

Yeah. Yeah. Every fucking in the wintertime, it's every day. That's what gets me through winters in New York. A one piece? Yeah. Skin people can do that, though. Fat people can't wear clothes under your clothes.

Oh, God. I wear like four layers in the wintertime. You got to wear clothes on top of your clothes. Yeah. That's what I do. If you're wearing clothes on top of your clothes, technically the clothes underneath your top clothes or underneath your clothes. Oh my God, you just blew my fucking mind. When you're wearing clothes under your clothes.

Checkmate, mock ass. Don't, man, my queen. My queen's so free. If you're trying to hide the fact that you're wearing layers, it just looks like you have an extra layer of body, which is the problem. Yeah, no. So if you're wearing a lot of external layers, people are like, oh, she just looks like folly. But if you're wearing one under layer, people are like, she got an extra inch thicker. She got fatter.

She got fatter. What are you wearing that you're adding an extra inch to yourself? Silicon. I only wear silicone layers. You know that. I think it's about perception. It's really like a centimeter, but people want to see a centimeter and say,

she got an inch fatter all around her body. Those fuckers. They're all fuckers. Yeah. There's a lot of fuckers out there. Speaking of fuckers, it's time for the list. Oh, my God. Who's on the list?

Who's going to fuck? Gotta have that list. Let's fuck. It's people who love to fuck but don't like to do it in the eyes of God. It's celebrities who've never been married. I love this. Oh, that is good. Yeah.

Eyes of God, who is it? Doesn't exist. Well, Oprah Winfrey, we all know that one. She's probably the most famous single lady around. Although I'm not convinced that she's fucked. What? Because she doesn't, doesn't she have a really platonic relationship with Stedman? I imagine she's too busy to fuck.

Yeah, exactly. And that's a woman I admire. Too busy to fuck. Yeah, man. She's too powerful to fuck. You imagine every time he probably takes off her fucking panties, he sees that vagina and he's like, oh, no. Oh, thank you. Too much for me to please.

Her relationship with Stedman just reminds me of like Ina Garten's relationship with Jeffrey, where it's like she's always talking very fondly about him, but he's never around. But Jeffrey is gay and everyone knows that. Which Jeffrey? Jeffrey. Bearfoot Contessa's wife.

Bearfoot Contessa's wife. He said wife too. I said wife and he said wife. Wife, wife, wife. Husband. Cheryl Crow, three broken engagements, no actual marriages. Oh, man, well, one is a steroid user.

Mm-hmm. One is Kit Rock. Yuck. I put your picture way. You know what? I like that song. And you guys can judge me and I like it. You took like a one-sentence journey there

where you started off making fun of the song and then finished by telling it so much you like them. You mean making fun of you mean paying homage to? Yes. Because that is what I was doing. Sorry. I misunderstood. I misinterpreted.

I just want to have a picture of kid rock by my bed. And I'm Doug's side. I have a picture of Cheryl Crowe and his side so that we can reenact the song every night. But you're a kid rock and he is Cheryl Crow? No, I am. What? Because you said you want Kid Rock on your side. No, I'm Cheryl Crow.

I'm Cheryl Crow. You know what? That's the thing about Cheryl. What's the thing about Cheryl Crow? Well, this is not her good stuff. You need to listen to her beginning stuff, all right? Her first album is pretty great. She was a backup singer.

Didn't you watch 20 feet from stardom? Was she? Did you watch 20 feet from stardom? I didn't see it. I did not. What is wrong with you, people? I mean, do you want to hear, like, the real good stuff? I mean, the act of killing should have won the Oscar.

But 25 feet from Stardom did win the Oscar, and it is on Netflix. And you guys should really want it. Watch it. Yeah. I do want to watch it. Yeah. I mean, the act of killing definitely should have won. I didn't even see it, but God damn, it was good.

You haven't. Marcus, what have you been doing with your time? Well, you know what I've been doing with my time? A brave, mosquito. No. I just been a heaven far. This is not one of the good ones. This is not one of the good ones.

Don't you dare Gang up on me Really well done assholes They work very hard Those backup singers And they work to get Where they are

And no one listens to them This is special Yeah You know what all I want to do is have some fun I don't know where Oh someone knows the lyrics To the song This song

Whoa I really like this song It's a fun song Yeah it came out when I was like 12 or something like that. Have you listened to the picture song lately? The picture song? Yeah.

I put your pictures away. Oh, the Kid Rock one with Kid Rock. No. The one with Kid Rock. No, I have it. Let's listen to it. It's not a good song. I love this song.

Yeah, I feel like you're going to want to walk this one back once we listen to it. No, oh, I listen to it often. But I listen to it by myself and I sing all the words. It is about, you know, long distance relationships and how hard it is when someone's on the the rope. And, you know, they're out there and they're doing it. and they're being a star. Oh my God.

That's so good. Wait, is this Cheryl Crow's part. See, you don't listen to Kid Rock's part. You listen to Cheryl Crow's part. And it's hard for them. And they were together when they made this song. And isn't that beautiful? Okay, so we're going to bring in some Cheryl Crow on this one.

Let's see. Tell me something. Just ain't run. Yeah, man. She's been doing cocaine and whiskey And it's not a good thing to do Once again If you had a web if we had a webcam in here

You'd see Jackie Raising her hand up To find the pits Man it is a good fucking song Man It is a good fucking song It's like this is I understand her

I get it You get shell crow Yeah I just went to L.A. for a few days I know what it's like being away from the one you love. And you know what? That's why the engagement didn't work out. It's because she's on the road

and she's got it to her job. And he's not because he is not working that much. Well, yeah, no. He was on the road for Mitt Romney. At one point, he was working a lot. He was. Yeah. I saw Kid Rock work hard.

He was my first concert. And that man worked hard for that him and those strippers and that midget that he carried around. That's the other couple of costumes Doug and I were talking about. Go and his kid rock and he made me watch a bunch of videos. What's the midget's name? Joe C. Joe C.

He was like, I'll be Joe C. He'll be Kid Rock. And then he made me watch two hours of video of Kid Rock and Joe C. Two hours. He found that much footage. There is that much out there. Joe C is not that good. Didn't Joe C pass away?

Yes, he's dead. There were a lot of memoriums for him. Oh, yeah. Everyone loves him. What did he die of? Yeah, being a fucking small. Being real, yeah, being too small. Yeah, complicated, health complicated.

Yeah, yeah. Too small. Yeah, too small. He really, he really shouldn't have been on tour. Oh, and by the way, and he didn't know. And he was doing. There's a full minute of,

a full minute of ball with Tobod to bang to bang boogies before the song actually kicked out. My name is king! Yeah, this song's pretty great. This song, I used to blast. And I was like, I'm so bad ass. Man, I'm feeling so fucking bra. Biggie digger, digger, and the booggin said up-knock the boogie.

With the ball to bang to bang, dingy-diggit, digger, digger, digger, digger, digger, the boogie said, I'm not the boogie. It's so much of it. Molly, when you were watching your classical dancing movies, did you listen to getting it from? Did you go from Fred Astaire and then go out and get in your, like, fucking 80? 3 El Camino and fucking blast this shit while you were driving the fucking drag smoking a cigarette being cool as shit. Yeah, man, we were cool as shit. Going down to fucking backroads drinking some fucking cores dry.

And then puking on the fucking console. Fuck yeah, baby. Because you don't know how to drink yet. Yeah, baby. You know, sometimes I think that we were all weird enough that we would have been friends in high school and then moments like this make me think we never would have been friends in high school. We probably...

What's his line? It's like, I'm a full big tall with a 10 inch dick. Yeah. He did not have a 10 inch penis. That would have been anatomically impossible. Why did we like that song? Like, I love that song.

Dude, I loved that whole... The whole album, loved it. God, I thought it was like the most badass, groundbreaking thing that I'd ever heard. And there's a real... There's a couple real sad songs. I'm like, dude. I fucking get you, Kid Rock. Yeah, man.

That's what I fucking listed a picture of you fucking times and you really fucking get him. I mean, that's why it was so popular because he knows how to write music that like 16-year-old dudes. Yes. And a girl. And a girl.

One girl. There were a couple of girls of the Kid Rock concert. Yeah, there were definitely girls who liked Kid Rock. A bunch of girls that were in a Kid Rock. Like a ton of them. It was the same in my Papa Roach face.

Yep. Yeah. No, I saw Papa Roach in concert as well. Oh, yeah. I did you. I mean, I only paid attention to one song, but. of course. Oh yeah.

I mean, you had to have heard some Paparoach, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I know the music

you're speaking of. I'm not, I am aware. It's not new to me. Yeah, I know. I know it. Losing my mind where somebody would

tell me I'm fine. Losing my side, losing my mind with somebody would. It's not a lack of familiarity that that fuels my distaste. Yeah, but did you like fucking air guitar to this? Did you learn how to play this on guitar? Did you have like lyrics of this as your AOL instant messenger away message?

Because I fucking did. There are so many listeners right now that are so disappointed in us. No. Are you kidding? There are so many listeners that and we're like, yeah. There's way more that are like that. Yeah. I mean, at this fucking station, there's plenty of people out there, yeah, that listen to Papa Road, listen to Kid Rock, listen to motherfucking mud vein. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah. Oh, I have to show you. I bought the, well, Henry, Henry and I went to Halloween Horror Nights, and he said I could get whatever I wanted.

He told me about it. So he bought me these tentacles that I wore on the top of my head, and it made me feel like I was the lead singer in, oh, my God. Slipknot? Yes, Slipknot. And then that was while I was singing Slipknot songs while these like Rob Zombie Strippers entertained us while we waited in line for the haunted houses. It was fucking great. Oh yeah, man.

Slipknot, I thought Slipknot was the coolest fucking band in the world. So cool. Yeah, I mean, come on, man. How could you not fucking love this? I think Slipknot's the one from Iowa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had an album called Iowa. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can see. I'm the white and me I felt the air I saw guitar is out there know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about.

So, that's where I listen to Kat Stevens. So that's where I've evolved into. I went from me. Matt and to, you know, Yankee Hotel Fox Trott is probably the best album of 2000. I mean, really, if you let's sit down and listen to Kid A, it's one of the greatest albums that has probably been recorded. I never went

down that path, but give me a good Simon and Garfocal song. You know who I was listening to a lot yesterday? Jim Crocee. I live Jim Grouchy. That just means that are we getting old? No.

No, I still live. Listen to the hard shit, man. Molly, I feel like I just need to let you go. Not like let you go and fly away. Are you getting us go? You're not getting rid of us. Molly, don't. Is this my way home?

Don't let me go with the peace. Let me stay home. We're on episode 99. You can't fucking let us go before 100? I just mean let you be you. Oh, let us be us. If you want to sing out Oh my God

And if you want to be free Be free I love him Herald and Maud sucks No I like it Grosses me out Yeah It's so grosses me out

Yeah It's a real weird movie I've never seen it but it looks weird It's really weird It shouldn't be Every time I say it's weird It's sweet It's a boy fall in love

With an old woman And she kind of falls in love with them back. Yeah. It walks that line. Good music, though. Yes. Yeah. Anyone else on the list?

We really came down from us. I'm sorry. It's like Cheryl Crow, I can't just let that go. We went from Cheryl Crow to Slipknot in like five steps. We did. Yeah, that was a journey. That was pretty fast. I'm sorry, Molly.

No, no, no, no. Don't apologize. Yeah, thank you for, you know, for, you know, for, humoring us. I knew you guys in high school. I didn't have any negative feelings against you. We were both outcasts, but we were just in different circles. Yeah, your hats were floppier than ours. But I didn't have any zippers on my clothes. I did. I'm sure you did. See, I was a closeted zipper clothes person, but I didn't wear them. Do you have like safety pin? I mean, I know this is a different No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spikes. A lot of spikes. I had a couple of spike bracelets. Yeah,

I love spikes so much. I wore a ball chain necklace, but I did wear a purple robe to school for about a month and a half. I was more twinkie shirt girl with the plaid shorts. I was plaid shorts. Plaid shorts. We all had plaid shorts. I still got them. A different pair.

I got a new pair. Don't wear them. Diane Keaton? She's never been married? Good for her. Pantsuits. I love them. She looks great.

She looks great. Yeah, man. She's getting old. and that is good. She rocks those pants suits really well, though. I wouldn't even call them pantsuits. I just call them suits. I need one.

Yeah, I know. You look great in a pantsuit. Wouldn't I look great in a pants suit? You look fantastic in a pants suit. I want a well-tailored one. Yes. Yeah. And the gloves, I don't think I could wear gloves,

but she rocks the gloves hard. She does. She looks good. But is she, but that's who is she with? Does she like Poyser Girls? She's a dude lady. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She likes the lady, or likes the dudes. Well, yeah, she was with Woody Allen for a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. You know, Winona Ryder's never been married? Interesting. She was engaged. Who was she engaged?

She did it. Connor Oberst for a little bit. Mm-hmm. Johnny Depp she was engaged to. Yeah, because he had a, uh, he had a Winona tattoo for a little while.

That's right. Yeah. And that was the whole Edward Cisorhands thing. Mm-hmm. That's understandable. Yeah. And Connor Oberst. Yeah.

Now that I'm thinking about it, Connor Oberst is the next logical conclusion from Edward Cisorham. Yeah, it makes a lot of fucking sense. Man, I still think that, I don't know what he looks like now,

But I stand by my undying love for circa 2004 Connor Oberst. Boy, he looked good. I couldn't get into the Connor Ober's thing. Now, you're going to give me flashbacks. Yeah. You're going to give me flashbacks to the guy I dated in college. This is what I was doing when you were all doing that pickup truck stuff. Oh, my God.

Oh, no. This was, yeah, 2005. I was so fucking into this album. I thought this was one of the best. best albums that had ever been made. You're making me. Oh. I love this album.

I let you know. I love this album. He's one of the ones I can't listen to, Marcus. I can't listen to him. I went from Slipknot to this in six short years. Thank you. Connor Overse is one of my no-noes. He's my no-no-bursts, man.

You're no-burst. Everyone's got the music they can't listen to. That's the music I can't listen. I would trade in everything. I would put it kind of on my list too, yeah. But it's just because of a boy. Yeah, it's because of a girl for me. Really?

See, I would do any, everything I've ever worked for in any career I've ever had. I would trade it all in to have the life of Connor Oberst. Not the depression, but the music. Would you still fuck, you mean like the fuck fuck fuck? No, like to be him? My love for him wasn't combined. I want to fuck you and I want to be you situation.

All right, not the depression because obviously he has very, very serious depression. issues, but I just like his music so much. I don't think he's depressing issues. I think he's just boring. I think it would be nice to be a singer-songwriter. Yeah. Do a lot of thoughtful. See, I dated the guy that wanted to be Connor Oberus. Yeah, no, that guy is bad.

That guy is bad. I've dated that guy, too. He's bad. Wasted a lot of years of my life thinking I wanted to date a guy like Conor Oberst. I was wrong. I was absolutely wrong. No, I didn't want to be Conor Obers. I just thought that he spoke for me. When I talked, when I thought about this girl, yeah, it was like the first day of my life.

It was really something. It was really something. I really love that song and that album, though. It's good. God, that relationship burned romance out of me for a good tin. We're so bad the world. Tell me I'm fine. Yeah, let's just get a little.

No, you're going to go back to it. Yeah. Let's just get a little bit of a pallet pleasure here. It's fine. I'm not my palatclosure. But I realized that I need you. Yeah, yeah. And I wondered if I was wrong.

I love it. I mean, come on, Molly. Look at this video. Oh, no. No, my name. He's a sad clown. No, I don't want this. And he's a devil man, but he's playing an intraman.

Yeah. Everybody out there, go out there and do yourself a favor and watch the video for Big by my name. No. Really scary Oh God, that's so awful Coal chamber, all those types of guys Yeah, it's very bad Oh man, that all

That gave me like fucking like It gives me the willies That gave me the fucking digger Yeah, I don't like it I feel it's like different feelings For both but very different Yeah extremely different feelings Very but upset all around

Yeah yeah Yeah the bright eyes like that's just up I just feel like upset and sad and heartbroken. But with Mudvane, I just feel really angry. Yeah, the sad, angry version of myself. Yeah, sad and angry and misunderstood.

Oh, my God. I was so misunderstood. We were all just seeking understanding in our music. Yeah, we were just, you know, me and Jack, you were just a lot angrier than you were. If you want to sing out, sing out. If you want to be free, be free. All right, it's time for blind idols.

Yeah, thank God. Thank God, we can't see him. God, that fucking, that was an intense list. I'm upset. That was a really intense list. My chest hurts. We went through a lot. It's just like every time I look at my tattoos and my let it be tattoo and I live peacefully, it's like the Connor Obers comes into the back of my head.

I'm just like, get out. God, I'm going to go fucking weep in the bathroom later. He's in your ear like, this is the first day of my life. Good. And just like, why don't you love me enough? You wrote me all those songs and you left me. That's fine. I'm fine.

I'm fine. This, the infamous hacker, who's been Lincoln nude photos of stars, including Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, and Rihanna, released alleged photos of a naked Kim Kardashian. Kanye flipped out and yelled at her, how dare you? Because apparently the photos were for another man. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It ain't all that big of a stretch. Maybe there was a reason why they didn't show up to the wedding. Jay-Z, motherfucker.

No. Possible. The thing is, if you have Kanye, where are you going to go? Up. The only way that's up, J-Z. That's right. Only plays that is up from Kanye is Jay-Z. He's the only person cooler than Kanye.

Yes. And I don't even like Kanye, and I know that that's the fact, that Jay-Z is better than Kanye. He's cool. And I think, yeah. Well. Wow. What an interesting, because I think Kanye's hotter. Yeah.

But except Jay-Z's awesomer. But Kanye's music is awesome. I'm really working through something here. Yeah, but the entrepreneur in Jay-Z is what makes me attracted to him more. Yeah. And the angry face, you like angry-faced Kanye? I think Kanye is really handsome, and I think, think his music is totally awesome.

It's the eyebrows. If he could just relax. Well, he's got a decent amount to be angry about. Everyone treats him like he's an idiot. Well, it's because he acts like a kid. You act a fool. You act a fool. I'm going to treat you like a fool.

Smart boy. Listen to his lyrics. That is the truth. Laying down the truth. He's a smart man. Don't be acting a fool. He's a very smart man. I shouldn't have even called him a boy.

He's like 38 or 39. He's a smart man. He is a writer. Everyone treats him like he can't speak. English, but he's like a very gifted writer. He's got a lot to be angry about. No one takes him seriously. That's why he's always frowning. But I would understand why Kim would send Jay-Z sexy pictures. I think that you have pinpointed that another person cooler than Kanye is Jay-Z. I think that's correct. Yeah, I think so. Next up. At a premiere at the other night,

this former almost A-plus list, mostly movie actor who is in an Academy Award winner nominee had his significant other service him with her hand during the movie. The people next to them could not believe it was happening. But then again, with this guy, anything's possible. There's a lot of convicts. Convicts on this air. I mean, con, con, air. Makes me think of Nick Cage.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. No. I was like, I mean, it was con air Nick Cage, but kicked. Somebody gave Nick Cage a H.J. during a movie? During a movie, yeah. That's cool.

I just thought it was going to be someone younger or much younger. Much younger than that. I was thinking. I was thinking like a young new person. No. No, no, no. He's just... That is gross.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, man. His O face has got to be so disgusting. Narlie. Yeah. I imagine. Yeah.

He just screams with all the thing. Ah! That's what I'd like to hear. Yeah. That's how you know you're doing it right. Staying in the hotel room next to Nick Cage. That's a lot of. all you're hearing all night long. Yeah, you want to hear screams.

Yeah. Gutterall screams. Yeah. Watching a movie next to that guy. Ugh, gross. Yeah. Would you rather be on the sitting next to Nick Cage or sitting next to the woman giving him the hand job? Woman. Yeah. Well, no, I guess Nick Cage, because if I'm going to see it, I want to see it. Yeah. You know, like, I want to see the whole fucking thing.

I would be taking pictures. I would be, I'd probably get in there with it. I didn't, we just like, just like, help out. Take the balls. Tickle the taint. Anything. Stroke his hair. Flick his nipples. That would be good if the person on the other side of Nick Cage had to start a stroke.

Stroke in his hair. It's like, what are you going to do? Make him stop? No, they're watching you get a fucking H.J. It's your fault for doing the H.J. It's your fault for doing the H.J. in the movie. Yeah. It really is.

He didn't even use a bucket of popcorn to hide it. No. I mean, that's actually going to make more noise. No, next to it. Yeah, it's like shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Yeah, but I feel like you would at least use the, the bucket of popcorn to hide it a little bit on the side. Maybe it was.

I mean, it doesn't give that detail. That's true. It's time for our happy this time gay item. Ooh, happy gay. Yeah, this is a happy gay. This looks like this might work out. She has never been shy about shock in the world or keeping a secret. She can do both.

Right now, though, she might be hiding the biggest secret out there. Only back in L.A. for a few days before heading out again, this closeted A-minus list mostly movie actress got married to her girlfriend. Oh, how a certain portion of fandom will go crazy when she finally talks about it, and she will. Little girl, interview with the vampire. Drew Barry, no.

Christian Dunst. I don't know what I did Drew Barry more for a child actor. Oh, fuck, I actually, I fucked this one up. No, it's Twilight Girl. Oh, um. Kristen Stewart. Kristen Stewart. Okay.

I was like, I don't give a fuck about it. about Kierston Duntz. I don't like her. But Chris and Stewart, that's great. Different, different Kirsten, different vampire. That's understandable. It's very... It's vampire movies. It's, you know, there's an R-Switch,

you know. Wow. What happened to Rob Bettson? I mean, I knew that was gone a long time ago, but... And apparently she is overly happy right now. Oh, good. That's great. She should come out. Yeah. And that was... On her own time, but she should.

Yeah. And that was... just today. Just a couple of hours ago. There was a story that says Kristen Stewart is quote, overly happy right now. Maybe she'll stop looking so surly. I was just about to say that. She's so, she's scowling all the time.

Yeah, and even when she smiles, she doesn't look like she's smiling. Yeah, she doesn't smile. She doesn't smile with her eyes. She looks cute though. Yeah, she's cute as far. She's a very pretty woman. I just feel like, yeah, she's, I feel, it's the smiling with the eyes. That's what it is.

It gives you the dead eyes. She doesn't smize. And I think that smithing is a big part of making you look like a human being in an animal. It's true. It really does. And not like an alien or something. Because she looks like an alien. Robert Patton's and also doesn't smize.

And so together they just look like a vampire. Yeah, they're dead-eyed fatties. Dead-eyed skinnies, I guess. But fatties in my eyes. That's all we got for this week. All right, man. We accomplished a lot, to be fair. We covered a lot of ground today.

I feel really good. I mean, all we can hope for is that Renee Zellweger isn't dead. And God help us, that's her. And hope that, you know, in the next few years that I can take on the face that she cut off. And I'm going to look really good. I'm going to have anus lips. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Pollyne Fark.

My name is Marcus Parks. And if Renee Zellweger is dead, best to look to her replacement. Yeah, man, you got no shoes to fill. Thank you.