Page 7 - Falling for Christmas WATCHALONG

Episode Date: November 24, 2022

Give up with us on Falling for Christmas! Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser are going on TOUR! Dates and links to tickets at lastpodcastnetwork.com Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm MJ. And I'm Holden from the Page 7 podcast, and we're going on tour! That's right, we're touring all up in this mother freaking country. I'm fake cursing so whatever, Jackie. Just say the filthy F word already. And we will say the filthy F word when we come to your town. That's right.

We're coming to Texas, the Midwest, the Northeast, and then right back here in Cali, baby. For ticket links and more details, visit lastpodcastnetwork.com. That's right, Last Podcast Network.com. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present. Release the butthole cut. Wait, that's really what we're calling the tour? Absolutely. Release the butthole cut.

For more information, go to Last Podcast Network.com. Yeah, that's how I started the show, show, show. Welcome to our Thanksgiving edition of page 7, where we watch the new Lindsay Lohan movie. falling for Christmas because we are seeing the resurgence of Lindsay Lohan in our lifetime, and I, for one, can't believe it. It's a Lohan ascent. It's getting, I think, positive or at least fun reviews.

Fun reviews. People are having fun. People are just saying fun. Yeah. They're just like, it's fun. It's fun. They're like, it's not a nightmare. No.

You know, because we've all lived through the Lindsay Lohan life arc. She's, I think, exactly me and Jackie's age. And so we know we personally identify with what it must have been like to be 10 and then be, you know, whatever happened between that. And now we know it wasn't good. But now we're back. And I'm happy for her because we all know it wasn't her fault. The industry set her up to fail. And now the industry is setting her up for success to fall for Christmas.

We love a comeback story. and you know Lindsay you know what is a beautiful actor the weird thing with Lindsay is though like what was parent trap and mean girls I mean that's it right I mean was there anything it was like just those two movies were so fucking I know who killed I know killed me so stupid I love that was that was the downfall but that was the downfall right that was the beginning of the end she also did life size like she did a bunch of like Disney movies She was a big part of my childhood because I watched all of the Disney movies she did. Yeah.

And she even tried to grow up because I remember there was that movie Georgia Rule that I think had Jane Fonda in it. That was like her turn of like trying to be like she started trying to be dramatic. Felicity Huffman, Jane Fonda. Yeah, in 2007.

Worst title. I mean, could not come up with a more. boring title. You might as well call it Starbucks the movie. A troubled young woman is set to live with her grandmother for the summer while hiding a secret that could potentially tear a family apart. I'm surprised Taylor Swift's like mom isn't in this movie. It's so Starbucks.

Wow. And it's like a draw, it's like a family drama. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And you know it's not going to be Starbucks and that is falling for Christmas. I don't know if you've read. I have not watched the trailer for falling for Christmas, but I did read the log line, which is essentially she falls, she gets amnesia,

and then somebody's going to fall in love with her. And MJ classically had the idea for this filmic experience many years ago. And, you know, you should probably sue, I think. You should sue. I'm not going to keep bringing it up, but I am going to say one more time that I already wrote this movie with my brother years ago. It was a slightly different premise, but it's basically the same.

Amnesia played a heavy part in the plot. And I am just going to just simmer in my... anger about this that we didn't get around to writing this Lindsay Lohan vehicle ourselves, but it's okay. It's actually fine. This is like a hallmark movie with Lindsay Lohan, which I think is really what we need, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, it's exactly what we need.

Yes, but was the person with amnesia a spoiled heiress in yours? Ah. Our premise was that the girl breaks up with a guy, and then the person who got broken up with gets in a skiing accident. That's the thing. It's the skiing accident. It's a skiing accident that really makes it. But yours ends with Obama getting elected, right?

That was the whole thing, right? And it ended up being this political statement. But then the person who got in the skiing accident has amnesia doesn't remember that they have been broken up with. And then the person who broke up with them feels so bad that they don't remember that they stay around and feel like I can't break up with you now. You just came out of a coma. So they stay around to kind of help and nurse them back to the health so that they can break up with them again.

But then they fall in love in the process. It was a great idea. It's a good idea. We still got time. Patent pending. Don't take it. There's still time. Make it for Hallmark in three years.

As if they don't reuse plots. Yeah, yeah, exactly. This can't be the first movie about a skiing accident that leads to amnesia and it won't be the last. No, damn straight. There you go. We're not bringing up Natasha Richardson, even though it still comes to mind. It sounds like we are breaking her up. I just did.

Maybe I just peppered it. But, you know, if there's anything in this. this MJ that you are triggered by because you've already written it, please feel free to, because if there is a time for you to get into your past baby with your brother, but I mean that in a creative sense. I want this to be your reckoning. I want you to be able to get it out.

Maybe I'll be inspired. You know, maybe this won't just be like us drinking cocktails and watching, falling for Christmas right before Thanksgiving. Maybe this will be the, like, creative kick in the, ass I need to write my own screenplay. There you go. I mean, it's, if now is the time, absolutely,

you know, this is what, I was going to use, you know, an author that's been canceled as an example, but, you know, you got the kids and everything and you take the kids to a coffee shop and you type, tibby type, tiby type the screenplay. That's how you get it done. What author are you? Yeah, what? That's all.

J.K. Rowling would take her baby to yes. Her, definitely her, guys. Her baby. I thought you were going to say, He's talking about Woody Allen and his kids. And I was like, what are you going? When she used to bang a 16 year old while writing his screenplays, I think is what happened there. But, but yeah, Jamie would take her baby to the coffee shop. And while it napped, she would tippy type her.

Harry Potter. And then she lost her mind 20 years later. And she went insane. Her and John Cleese just said, you know what we should do? Ruin the things we're associated with for a bunch of people. We make something great. Why don't we shit all over? We lost our fucking mind.

We're a bunch of bullied people. We should just fuck all of it up. Anyhow. I do want everyone to know I am drinking a spooky mistake, which again is Fireball with apple cider and an orange lacroix because it is seasonal as well as feels like you're just drinking apple cider, which is why it is a mistake. Yeah. We're festive up in here.

I am drinking a topo chico, tropical mango, the worst flavor of the spike topos. but still. You hate the mango. I'm actually better. I can stomach it better than Lexi hates the fucking mango. I can kind of stomach it. You can't have a mango. Would you remember?

I already told them before this. I remember. I mean, oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I hated that sketch so much. God, I hated that sketch so much. But, uh, oh, mango. How dare you? But.

Yeah, you're going to think about it every time you look at this. It was just the same sketch every week. I got a bit for you. You can just offer the one to let's. that topos to Lexi every week. And then every time she says, no, you can say, well, you can't have a limo. You get to have a mango. You get to get you don't mess with the Zohan.

Oh, no. What are we doing now? If I walk away, I will be making, um, a drink I just named in my head is called the Grove. It is vodka, quontro, limoncello, and a little bit of, uh, lacroi. I call it the Grove because it involves with a lemon liqueur and an orange liqueur. That sounds nice. It is nice.

I'm drinking a whiskey mule, which is just whiskey and ginger in a can, but I've also very classily got the like... But you are sucking it out of a mule's mouth, which is very upsetting to watch. I've got the thing of Fireball that I left in my recording space last time we watched Scream on Halloween. And so I've also got a little thing of Fireball. And I also haven't drank in, I don't know how many days it's been. It's been quite a long time because of the COVID. but I'm fully recovered. I'm not on any liver-altering medications.

Hell, you know. Feeling great. And I think that I can safely enter into just a slightly less sober mindset to watch this Lindsay Low Hand movie. I almost watched it when I had COVID, but I decided I could not go in there with my full capacity. Well, I'm so glad you waited. No, you got to wait.

Imagine if I had watched it and we were watching it, I'd be like, you guys, wait, wait to see what's going to happen next, you know, you don't want that. Or you'd have to do that thing with the spouses have to do where they have to pretend they haven't watched something because they snuck watched it. I've done that before. Oh my God. What I was going to say is get cozy with us. Yeah.

Get a drink. Yeah. If you imbibe, if you or get something else, get another substance that you enjoy. Put some lotion on. Put some lotion on. Yeah. Put a face mask on. This is, this is going to be, we're having a slumber party experience.

Yeah. And if you happen to be drinking and you want to take a picture of yourself and tag us in it, I think that would be great. Let's pass on the cheer because I'm feeling, even though it doesn't, sound like I'm cheerful right now. I'm feeling very cheerful. I love, I actually love the day before Thanksgiving, like, and I guess this is coming out on actual Thanksgiving.

I love the whole week of Thanksgiving energy. Yes. You know, like the day before Thanksgiving is if you travel back home, like, that's the night that everyone goes back to the hometown bar, you know, and then friends with Christmas. Friends with Christmas, exactly. That tradition hasn't continued into my adulthood, but like, my brother and I always hang out the night before Thanksgiving to like do, prep the potatoes. I love the night before.

and the night of going to a bar, the Christmas night. The Christmas night bar is second only to night before Thanksgiving. When it's all over and you're fucking done. Yes. My brother and I would go to this awesome bar that served really good wings in Charlotte.

And man, it was filled with so many sad people. You sad people watch, which is fun. I love Christmas night bar. Maybe Christmas night bar is my favorite, actually. I think there's something nice about, like, one thing I'm kind of feeling because I'm feeling a lot of pent up,

like just things have been really like winding up in a wild ways, I feel like in the final throws of this year. And I actually had this realization like, I kind of get to just give up soon on like 2022. Like I'm done. Oh, on the year. Unlike. Yeah, yeah.

Holden. Before we watch this movie, do we have to have a conversation? Do we need a pause? I hope a ghost visits me on a bridge because if not, I will be probably not around. It sounds like you need the three spirit. Sounds like you need a little bit of Lindsay Lohan in your life. There's something about just being like, fuck it, it's the holidays.

We'll deal with it in January. Totally. You know what I mean? Like, there's just a nice sense. I just, I like, I cuddle up to that, like a big warm teddy bear. Absolutely. Or like a woman, you know what I mean? Or a big warm woman.

Yeah, with like huge ones. Like where's the room? I can't see the room. They're so big, these cans. You know what I mean? We gotta kick this pig, y'all. Let's do it. Let's get it to it.

He's got big cans. We're going to watch it. Give up with us. I'm falling for Christmas. Up with us. All right, so let's do a count in. We'll go three, two, one, go. Okay?

And on the go, and we'll describe what kind of stuff that's happening. Jackie's disappointed that you're saying go and not start. Oh, okay, not start. You're like start. Jackie always says you press play at the beginning of the words start. Would you hear the...

Three, two, one, start. When you hear the... That's when you hit play. At the beginning of the... the word start. I might say start. I might say go. Wow. No, you're going to school up everybody. No, I'll say start. All right. We'll do three, two, one start. We'll describe a couple of things that we're seeing at the very beginning and then we'll just let a ride. You guys ready? Get it ready, everybody. All right. Three, two, one, start. It's the most stressful part. I know. Netflix, the ba-b-b-b-b-ba.

Yeah, blah-ba just happened. White. It's white. And yes, we were talking about the cast. White as the cast of this film. Yes. All right, what are we seeing? We're seeing. Dreamy music playing.

I have the captions on. Clouds and Dreamy Music. How amnesia is she gonna get, y'all? I also need to turn the subtitles on. Netflix presents. That just went away. In association with most in picture. Yeah, that just popped up.

All right, cool. I think we're good. You should be with this at this point. Oh, look at these peaks. Can we watch Frozen the thriller horror movie instead where they get stuck on the ski lift? I'll watch it anytime. I love that fucking movie so much. Oh, look at the silk.

What is she a dave? I mean, yeah, right, she's an heiress. I can't do silk pillow cases. Just throwing it out there. Uh, yeah. Yeah, we were in that the Bell, the like Beauty and the Beast suite at, um, that Airbnb we went to for Natalie's birthday. And everything was silk.

I was sliding off. I was just like, and we're hammered going to bed. I'm sliding around that thing. Like I'm at a fucking water park. That's why you should have been in the high school musical room. Oh, man. Natalie. Natalie, Madeline and I were.

We're in bunk beds in the high school musical room. And every morning I would wake Madeline up on the drums. Because there was a drum set in our bedroom. And I go, Wake up, Madeline. And then one day she woke up first. Now in hindsight, I would have loved that room. But because now I'm a huge high school musical man and fear not high school musical fans,

I will be forcing these two to watch high school musical three at some point in the future. It will happen. Yeah, we're going to watch it. I know people want us to watch it. We're going to watch it. We just need it to get our Christmas on a little bit. Everyone says it's the best one. There's an actual musical in it.

That's huge. You said that about the second one. No, no, no, no. This is the third one. You'll see. Tell me what we're seeing. I want to make sure we're all in the same place. We got pink.

Now we've seen a Jeep limo. Okay, perfect. A Jeep limo, the song ends. Uh-oh, British. Who is that? He looks like, what's his name? He looks like Colin Havet. Oh, oh, Alan Cumming.

He kind of looks like Alan Cumming. Yeah, he doesn't like Alan Cumming. Oh, cabaret, right? What a great movie. is a cabaret. I know it. She does look very strange in her face. I guess it's... Well, she's gotten a lot of plump-plumpies.

Yeah. She's plumped. Like, I actually feel like she looks older than us, you know? How old is she? I think she's my age. Are you fucking kidding? Man, she's seen some shit, bro. Wait, I looked at up. She's 36.

She turned 36 on July 2nd. I would have guessed... I would have guessed 45. It's honestly, we've talked about this before. It's same with Kylie Jenner. I think when you get... that much done on your face that young? I think that your face just kind of grows differently as it ages.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it looks like an aged face. Looks like she has a mask on. Right. That's what I'm glad she's also, one of her comeback roles is the mask three. They just felt she was perfect. But she's only playing post mask on person. She's not playing the pre put the mask on person. I will say she just asked if that was pleather or vegan leather and I got someone that gave me up, like the dirtiest look I've ever gotten when I first heard vegan leather and I was like, isn't that just pleather? And she looked at me like I slapped her in the fucking great. Well, it's LA, baby. That's LA. I didn't know that there was a difference.

You can't be asking questions like that in LA. That's like asking, you know, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like if somebody killed somebody at the mafia hangout. You know what I mean? You get, you get capped for that. Oh my God. I'm feeling Lilo right now. because she just said, I want people to know me for more than my last name. I'm just like this. Amnesic. Is amnesic the word? Amnesiac.

Amnesiac. Like Radiohead. Oh. Right? Am I crazy? Am I stupid? All I know is a friend of ours is trying to get us to go on a ski trip. And I was like, can I be the one that stays in the lodge?

Yeah. If I go on a ski trip, I will not be going actual skiing. I will hang out in the hot tub, in the lodge. I have no interest. I'll make food for when they come off the mounds. I felt this way before my brother broke his back skiing, and now I really feel this way. Your brother broke his back skiing?

Yeah, dude. Oh, my God. He was almost fucking in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He, like, fucked his back. Had to get, like, helicoptered to the ambulance. Oh, my God. How terrifying. I mean, I'll be a...

You should tell that to these people that are having just laughabouts with their ski. He was being nuts. He was, like, racing his friends and stuff. So it was a little, you know. Yeah, but that's what people would do with me. He was, like, high octanes. Like, these fuckheads.

I used to, weirdly enough, in Dubuque, Iowa, there was two different ski mountains. And so I used to ski, like, every weekend for a while. And it was really fun. But also, I was a high schooler, so I was a fucking idiot. So, like, it's a miracle. And pliable, though. Pliable.

Yeah. Because in high school, you can literally, like, bend in half. Yes. Have you seen that crazy video of that girl doing a backflip? she's like a gymnast. And she doesn't, her top half doesn't flip. Oh my God, the legs. But her legs flip.

What? No, I haven't seen it. Let me try to find out. I'll just at least tell you where to find it. It is the craziest thing. It doesn't even, everyone around her's like, what that fuck just, like, what was that? And she even looks up, just like, oh, like her whole, you know. It's awesome, dude.

Wait, so that's daddy, right? That's got to be daddy. Yeah. He looks like. evil. He's wearing a black turtleneck. So yeah, you know he's the bad guy. Or air, he's the air.

And he's got a fucking, he's got a... Yeah, he's not drinking cocoa. He's drinking schnaps. What are you talking about? This guy drinking cocoa. Yeah. I love how many hot drinks they are always drinking in a Hallmark movie. It's my favorite thing.

If I drink that many copies in a day, I would be dead. I love a hot drink, but schnops, I always wanted to get me more shitty and it, it like never gets me shitty at all. Shnaps is like to, even pepperman schnapps, it's like if you drink more than one drink with a peppermint shnaps, you will feel awful. Yeah, I have to get like belly sick to get it all, like a buzz.

Although putting peppermine schnapps in a hot chocolate when you're like looking at Christmas lights, like that is, oh, it's great. Oh, it's my everything. It's great. It's just, it's like. Oh my God, look. Yeah, she looks good.

She looks good. Oh, it's red and green. I love this shit. By the way, I was talking about this with Lexi, talking about the filler and stuff. Also, it gets to a point where it only looks good if you're wearing, if you're wearing like a full face of makeup. So yeah, I think,

Have you looked at Stacey and Darcy, the Silva Twins from the 90 day? Have you seen them recently? Oh, God, help us. I mean, they're balloons. They're balloon people. They look, yeah, they look like, you know, a really good balloon artist at a children's birthday party was like, and they were like, make us a face of a rich woman.

All right. So this is the man, she's going to fall in love with. Yeah, Bumbling Boy is going to be. be the one who she falls for. He's the assistant to daddy. Yeah. And he's also the one saying he just said like, you know, other people would like to ski other than like,

you don't have to just do world class things. So he's like the every man. Uh-huh. Yeah. We got every man and then we got rich rich boy. Rich, bitch. Daddy. Oh yeah, and that's the boyfriend? Is that who she was on the phone with? Did she say Taz? Is this name Taz?

God. He's a bad boy. He's a bad boy. Oh my God, he has such rider's strong hair, doesn't he? Yeah. The good, the good Evern. Yeah, he definitely has

rider strong hair. It's definitely 90s hair. I will say I love Lindsay Lohan's Christmasy giant sunglasses. Yes. Oh, so she's a big, I'm assuming vegan or vegetarian

because of like they had made the leather comment. She doesn't do bacon on the salad. Got you. Oh, it's not tassies. He has the classic... It's Tad. Yeah, he has the classic dickhead at a ski resort name, Tad.

So funny. And Beauregard, Belmont is the name of the dad. Yes. Great. See, this is... It's not a Hallmark movie if it's not just so heavy-handed. Like, beating you over the head. So over the top.

It's like you're playing like a child's board game. You're playing like Candy Ladd. Totally. Everything is just like, I'm the strawberry princess. Yeah. You're like, why? What the fuck? Yeah, exactly.

I mean, does Netflix do it better now? I mean, is that where we're at? I mean, Christmas prints is pretty great. My impression is that Netflix was like, wow, everyone has organically decided that they love these truly terrible Hallmark movies. What if we take that terrible aesthetic, but like spend more money and get slightly better actors? Well, the key with Christmas is there's just,

it's a time where everyone's in the house and there's just TVs are on in every room, but you don't want anything on that you're actually invested in. I mean, so that's what you just literally like, this is just the colors red and green. Yes, everyone's always wearing red and green. Constantly just being flashed at you and to make, you know what I mean? So it's- I hate that I love it. I love it so much. I love all this dumb bullshit.

I love it. I love it so much. I invest fully into my Christmas doesn't start until after Thanksgiving technically. I will kind of say that. I don't get down with Mariah on that. I don't, I feel like. I feel like she's, I feel like she's taking your day, Jackie, a little bit. Just like Winnie took your birthday.

She took your Thanksgiving. And your wedding. And your wedding with the first steps. Thanksgiving is my day. Thanksgiving is the only thing people talk about right now is Winnie's first steps. No one talks about your wedding. No one talks about it. No one talks about it.

I was like, did you hear Winnie took her first steps? I'm like, I'm her dad. So yeah. I think I heard about it. I was in the room. I agree that Christmas doesn't start until after Thanksgiving. But since the pandemic, I have eased that.

I used to have a hard border that was like, I don't listen to Christmas, I do not entertain Christmas spirit until the day after. And the border is open now. You're right. I don't,

I just don't aggressive, I don't pursue it until literally like Thanksgiving ends. That's his daughter and that's his dead wife's mother. Oh, you got to have a dead wife. Absolutely. It makes them emotional.

Yeah. Oh my God. And it's also, Lohanan, she's like, I know who killed me. Oh my God. And then also with like, you know, not having a mom thing. It's like parent trap all over again. Oh, my God.

And also she did freaky, was that Freaky Friday good with her and Jamie Curtis? Yeah, it was pretty fun. Yeah. She remade all of like, I loved those movies when I was a kid. I was just older when she remade them. So I didn't really watch them. But like I loved a OG parent trap, an OG freaky Friday. I forgot that both of those were remakes.

Totally. I just love... He's so sad around Christmas, imagine how sad to you! He's so sad, and I love that in these movies, like, no matter who you are, your entire... Every character, no matter how inconsequential, their entire house is decorated for Christmas. Even Beauregard Belmont!

Look at his place! Yeah. Holds that fully... Well, but he just pays the help to do it. But that's, I love... One of the things I love about Christmas is finding yourself in random places that are all Christmas decorated, you know, like hotel lobbies,

and especially when a bar has Christmas decorations. Yes. Oh, or when, like, the little towns, like, around L.A., like all the little, like, smaller neighborhoods put up the Christmas lights on the streets. On the streets. Yes. Oh, I live on, like, the main street in my neighborhood now when the lights are right outside our place. It's so nice.

By the way, there's a special, like, Christmas pop-up bar that happens in L.A., like, in the middle of the summer, like, every year. Oh, that's fun. Lindsay Lowhans. I have a dead mother as well. Oh my God, really? She's looking at a snow globe talking about her dead mom.

Oh, my God. I mean, I assume it's a mom. Yeah. Got to be. What is it about the snow globe that brings out the haunted memories? You know what I'm saying? It's like...

Or it brings Santa Claus, like in the Santa Claus. Ah. That's how you bring Santa back. My kids today on Disney Plus saw like an ad for like the newest Santa Claus movie. Yes, the show. And they were like, can we watch that? And I was like,

we can watch the original Santa Claus, not today, but that will be, I was like, we will watch them all. Yes, I'm saying, I saw that in the theater and loved it. Ever since I watched Hocus Pocus with them, now I'm like, I want to watch real movies with them and it's gonna be really fun.

The second one, what were you about to say, Jackie, the second one is really good? The second one is bad, but the third one is so atrocious that it is actually, I think the second one is where he becomes like a dictator toy, which is actually kind of scary. My mom is obsessed with them. So I've seen all three of them like a hundred times.

Maybe I'll have to throw those on in the background during during. It really is like that's my favorite. And it's like I don't even want something I've seen before too. I want like just the weirdest, dumbest. Hit me up, man. I enjoyed Harold and Kumar's Christmas. That was fun. Ooh, that's fun. Also it fits a genre I've talked about before. One of my favorite genres. watching movies very specifically made to be in 3D and 2D. It's always hilarious. They go, whoa! They do all this stuff, but it's not doing anything.

It just makes me giggle for like... Do I need a hat like this? Sure. I mean, this is very like dumb and dumber ski lodge. I would love dumb and dumber ski lodge chic. I mean, that would be... Of course Lindsay has to sing. Of course.

Does she... She used to sing. Oh, shit! He's giving her notes. Gave her some notes. And do we know what this character's like deal is aside from being a rich bitch? Is she a actor or something? She obviously loves Christmas.

She loves Christmas. Her mom's fucking dead as fuck. She ended up falling a bunch of henchmen push her in a big vat of green poison goo like how Joker became the Joker. So I'm pretty sure actually he, not Heath Ludrick's passed away, but Joachim Phoenix is going to make an appearance later in the film. Christmas horses. Yeah, there always is a sleigh ride. Oh my God, look at his hair. This is kind of what happens to my hair if I don't cut it.

Yeah, are we, by the way, are we into this guy in a lusting way or now? It's just not doing nothing for you. It is not doing anything for me, but it sounds like it's doing something for Jackie. You know, here's the thing. In a Hallmark movie, you got to put it off to the side. In real life, IRL, no. But with the amount of Hallmark in Lifetime Christmas movies I watch, Some of the dudes are real duds.

And this human is not anywhere near. Like, at least he's got the beer. You're right. This is the thing that Netflix offers that Hallmark and Lifetime can't, which is that they have better looking people. Yeah. It's true. It's a key part of a Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movie is that all the people in it look.

Must be beautiful. Medium to terrible. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Looks. And that's okay. I'm not saying, I'm saying this is someone with D-List looks. I'm just saying if I if you're like you look at someone and go oh the magic of Christmas and your panties fall off like I want to give me something to look at it's just great to have a whole movie because movies are supposed to be made with beautiful people a certain type of beautiful person so it's really pleasing to me to have a movie just made with a bunch of people who don't look that good you know I actually think it's great she doesn't like this kind of Christmas it's gonna end up being Tad's fault huh for how she had's a bad he's a bad dad dad yeah I wish he had gotten, he's totally doing Dan Levy, too.

They should have just gotten Dan Levy. I was going to say, it's probably coding him as like a fancy queer boy. It's like they're totally coding him. That's exactly what it is. This is too infaminate to be your boyfriend. I don't really code it up, really. I'm just, I was thinking about, well, the only thing I do is like I'm my parents' son around them, for sure. Like, when I go to Charlotte, I code for Charlotte.

That's the only time I feel like I, like, change. Yeah. because I'm even fairly accurately myself on like streams and stuff. I mean, there's a bit of a change, but I don't talk about like what I do if I were president, right, or anything like that, you know, because that would make people upset. Uh-oh, he's about to propose to her. I can't. Yeah, it's the thing. And then she's going to, yeah, this is when it happens.

Spoiler alert, but I saw the trailer for this film. And I know that this is when it happens. Yes, I've seen the trailer as well. Don't do it. Look at that rock. That's a pretty fucking fat, chunky rock. It's too big. Just put one of those rubber, like, ring filler things on it until you can resize it.

We all know how this works. Even though Lexi gave me her ring finger size, it was still too big. Can you imagine just like, yeah, not even saying yes and then like immediately having to take pictures like that? Yeah. Oh, that's why I did Alexia. Oh, magical grandmother. Is she going to bone this Santa? He's definitely Sanct.

I hope she votes. I love that there's always a real Santa. Yeah, there's always a real Santa. Oh, shit. We should be drinking to the Hallmark Christmas drinking rules. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what are they? Hold on.

I like that how aggressively we're calling this a Hallmark movie, even though it's a net. I know, even though it's completely a Netflix. But they know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. He put his finger on his nose, just like St. Nick. Just like Santa does. It's real Santa's Bigley Christmas music with bells.

Well, this isn't the one that I've looked at in the past. A character's name is related to Christmas. Someone disses fake Christmas trees. There's mistletoe. A newcomer partakes in an old family slash town tradition. You see an ugly sweater or tie. Someone gets snowed in. Someone drinks hot chocolate cider or eggnog.

A big city person is transplanted to a small town. A magical deal is made with Santa or an angel. There's a reference to a dead relative. Jingle bells is played. I think we can do dead relatives. Dead relatives. Yeah, we've gotten that one. Oh, she goes.

There she goes. This is the problem. With every drinking rule online, there's way too many. It should be like three things. It has been three or four things. Right. A lot of things. All right.

So now Tad is falling. That's not even all of them. She's followed. There's also finish your drink when the Christmas cynic is filled with holiday spirit. It starts snowing on Christmas. Also, take a shot. when you spot Candace Cameron Bray, Lacey Sharbert, or Danica McEller,

or the main characters fall in love. So, get ready for when they fall in love. We're going to take a shot. That's funny. So Santa caused this woman to be almost killed. Is that what we're opening with? Like, Santa smiled, touched his nose,

and then the flurry started. And then a woman almost died. And then two people are almost dead. Almost died. Yeah, but the one guy, we don't, he's whatever. Yeah, we don't care that he's dead. It's a good thing she's wearing pink.

Righter strong. was going to find her almost dead body and bring her back to life. But also, would you want on your romantic horse drawn carriage just be loudly like, I'll have that to like with some stranger? I'd be like,

don't look at me. Yeah, I was going to say like, who does something like that, like rides around a little thing and like scream sings. I mean, I guess with kids, I've done that. If I was like,

this is like the Love is Blind season three when they're in the gondola and they're like talking to each other and the guy who drive in the gondola is like inches behind them. Right. I don't want to do that. Did I even see that one?

I'm at their meeting. I'm in the newest season, but they're meeting the families and stuff. Okay, yeah, you're not at the gondola. It's not even a big, it's just like the whole gondola scene. I was like, who's driving the gondola? It's always awkward.

Anytime you're in a situation where there's just somebody right on you like that and you're trying to like be cute. I want to be alone. Oh, she's causing trouble at the hospital. Uh-oh. Of course. Yeah, what is her personality?

You're right, M-Jam. Like, what is her, angle. Like, why should we like her as an heiress besides besides the fact that she's... Yeah, they did not spend much time on character development. It seems like that she is very, she was very close to her mother. The second she started talking about her mom, talking about the memories of Christmas, talking about, so it seemed like her niceness died when her mother died. Ah, got you. So I think she got cold in me and after the mother died. Got you. I'm always wanted to cut clothes off of somebody.

You could probably do it any time. You just got to. to ask permission probably. Yeah, it's just, you know, and then you have to buy new pants and a shirt. I watched a lot of ER as a kid, and I was also weirdly captivated by the idea of having your clothes cut off. I was like, oh, wow.

I don't know what, I don't know. You just cut them off. I think I was like 10 and I was like, sexy, curious, and I was like, would it be cool if someone would have cut my clothes off? No, it wouldn't. It would be in a traumatic accident. Right.

Yes, I think that's why I haven't dreamt about having my clothes cut off. But I was also a very scared young child that turned to a very scared, anxious adult. But didn't you watch ER and have all sorts of feelings stirred up sexually, Jackie? And then I went to an ER, I think, for the first time when I was like eight or nine, and I was like, this isn't like ER at all. Yeah, not sexy at all. Although I do, I have fallen in love with a doctor nearly every time I've been to the ER.

And today I mentioned, today I mentioned to Gideon that I have a massive crush on one of the kids' pediatricians. And he was like, you just have a thing for doctors, which I didn't realize that it was true. Yeah, I think I do have a thing for doctors. And I think we have- Well, in the same way, look at your husband. I mean, he's very, like, he's the kind of person that takes care of people that, like, works to, like, for the greater good. Like, you got that thing. Yeah, I got that thing. I do.

And yeah, when I broke my nose, I was in the ER, I was like, I had just met Gideon. And he was like, should I come and meet you at the ER? I was like, yeah, that's fine. But I was really flirting up the hot dog. Uh, yeah. But also I wanted Gideon to come, but I like the hot dog as well. Yeah, but the hot dock. Gideon can't set your nose for you.

And then when I got ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, which is like a very rare complication from IVF, it was such a rare thing that they had the entire team of OBs, like residents coming in all the time. And one of the people on that team was so hot. And I was like, why are there all these hot OBs? I don't need this. I don't want it.

No, of course not. Especially while you're just like, all your junk is just out. Yeah, it's not a sexy situation. You're just like, no. I know there's like annual visit porn, but I do not want that. I love that they can't find him

and I love that he's trapped in the snow. Yeah, this is nice. He's going to have like a wilderness situation. I will say I get, he's, I, for, in the rare occurrence, he's like, I'm not getting as much hate for him

as I feel like I should have for him. You know what I mean? He's not bad. I think he's just not good for her. He's just a goober, right? Usually I feel like they want me to like hate this guy. I want him to like pants, a squirrel or something out there to make me despise him.

There's more time. Where is she? Beautiful. She's at his bed and breakfast. Ah. Oh my God, he runs a bed and breakfast. And who's this fucking kid? His kid.

But his wife is dead, but his kid's dead. His wife is dead. Yeah. The wife is dead, but in the grandmother's. That's the grandma. Gotcha. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.

An eagle flew down and pecked her eyes out. She bled out of her head. It's crazy. It's in the trivia on IMDB. They don't explicitly state it, but. Uh-oh, ugly sweater. Take a drink. Take a drink.

Also, deeply hallmarked movie to be like, we'll have some non-white people in the movie. They'll just be completely secondary characters. Yeah, servants. They'll be the servants of the film. They'll be servants. There'll be hospitality. Yes.

Okay, I'll stay in this Airbnb. Yeah, I do want, this is the thing, I do want my home to look like this is the problem. I want all the sheets, all the bed spreads. Oh, well, good, a fake raccoon. We got to drink for that. Ah, we got to drink for that. That was definitely on the list.

Drink for a fake raccoon. Why would you be that scared of a raccoon outside your window? I know. It's not. It would be cool. Yeah, you'd be like, oh, cool, a raccoon. Oh, that's fun. jumping. It's trying to like break the glass. That's cute. So sorry, I talked to a rural hospital

scene. She doesn't know who she is at all. No, no. Correct. Got it. But they have her makeup, and I feel like you could at least know that she was rich based off that. I don't know if they, like, did that on purpose to get to that. But I feel like when you immediately be able to tell if someone had money or not based on just the makeup. The kind of makeup they have? Oh, yes. Right? Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. That was such an eye opener. It was like almost as crazy as finding out y'all like bleed once a month or whatever, but like... You see a LaMere product in the ass. Finding out like how much makeup costs was such a mind blower as a guy.

Have you looked at... Have you ever looked at LaMere before? No, I mean, I can't even... The tiniest little jar, it's lotion, it's tiny, tiny, tiny jar. Even the travel size little tiny jar is $100. Wow. What does it do? It makes you young.

How long does it last? How long does that last? You don't need a lot of it, but if you get like a... size a 16.5 ounce is $2,500. Oh, my God. Oh, good. There's like a weird man in a cabin. That's also a trope.

Also a trope. Oh, man. I need to watch grumpy old men. Oh, I need to watch. Holds up. It's a good Thanksgiving movie. Yeah, I should definitely do that for my Thanksgiving movie list. I like making a little list.

I think we made a list last time. That's kind of like my 31 for 31 is the holiday. movies. Like, I like to make a big list and just put them on back to back while I'm, like, doing bullshit. I barely watch them. Which, which Adam's family is it, Jackie? That's the Thanksgiving one. Uh, two. Adam's family values, rather. That's a great one. I know, I'm gonna kiss and I got excited. That would be great. Yeah, there's something kind of going on, though, right? I felt the same way a little bit when you came in. How much, let's put place bets right now. Is the reveal going to be that the fiancee is actually gay? Is actually gay? Would they go for that,

though? I mean, I guess I, I, I, I, I always see Hallmark as like this like evangelical thing, but I mean, they don't, you know, and I know this is Netflix, but still. And they mightened not, but they might, they mightened. Ha, there's a Netflix came here. What a plug. What a plug.

Self-aware Netflix. Why, we, oh, I should watch some more Netflix after this. I'm glad they reminded me. I mean, also weird, don't look inside as someone's like, she could have just been naked. Yeah. Oh, there's the kid. Well, and also get out of the people's rooms.

And this is a good question. Like, if you go through amnesia, like, do you maintain your personality? This is what I wonder every time there's an amnesia movie. Like, do you maintain your personality? Is it really possible that you just wake up completely functional with no other brain damage and you just don't know who you are? I think that that might happen sometimes. I feel like I've heard a podcast about this or something. Yeah, yeah.

Like, I wonder how much of your personality, like, Like how much of you is in there when you have like... Isolated memory loss doesn't affect a person's intelligence, general knowledge, awareness, attention span, judgment, personality, or identity. Personality, so yeah, yeah, keeps it. But they can lose absolutely everything about who they were before? Or identity. What is that? What does identity even mean in that, in that sense?

Well, just have to ask some sort of a scientist. I'm going to hit up a couple of amnesia scientists for post-films. interview. Oh, they're looking at picture of the dead mom. Lindsey Lohan's going to be like, I have a dead mom. I have a dead ass mom, bro. She got fucking lit on fire in the Vietnam protest. What about yours?

Self-immolation. This is a tender moment holding. Yeah, yeah. They used her picture for a cover of the Rage Against the Machine album. So what about your fucking mom? Oh, she is a good person. Yeah, this is a cute scene, actually. I'm moved by it.

I'm going to be moved by so many things now because I'm fucking parents. So I'm going to be like... Right. So annoying. Lizzie Lohads talking to the kids. I totally, like, I can't handle it anymore. I was watching King of Staten Island the other day and I got so fucking tearyed up at the end. I'll bet.

Talking about the dad. I can't deal with like real emotional dead parent stuff or kids stuff. It's so hard. I know. I can deal with like full house and Disney movies having a dead... Yeah, like this is fine. I hope her mom dies again. And then it's like real.

Anything about the parents. I've, I fucking absolutely fall apart. No, she's not. No, she's not. I don't think you would do that with the end.

She'd be like, I knew how to cook. Yeah. I don't think that's the thing. Oh, God. So that's so funny, by her being like an idiot

about stuff, they're going to realize that she's loaded is the whole, what's going to go down to the next like 20 minutes. I get it, yeah. But listen, cooking an egg and olive oil is good. Sure. Oh, yeah.

Not in that much olive oil. No. Oh, she looks at a little. I put a little olive oil down. I mean, if we're doing scrambled, I put a little milk in there. Kids and fluffy. She just knows.

But eggs can be acid reflux now. She's going to be like, oh, bacon's so good. Oh. Oh, I'm a bacon. That's, uh, I'd, yeah, love it. It's a pro-bacon movie. Take away her morals. How are they going to handle veganism in the rest of this movie?

I'm so fascinated now. Are they going to be like total dicks about it? Yeah, probably be total dicks about it. Ha, ha, ha, she doesn't eat bacon and she's eating bacon. She's going to be so sick. She lots of meat is really good and she knows it's good. Who is that? I feel like I know that actress.

Yeah, I was going to say the, The person on the right definitely seems like somebody we know. And that guy's a total. What's his name, knockoff? Oh, what's the comedian's name? The blonde-haired comedian. John Early? Who's in the Taylor Swift music video.

John Early. John Early's. It's like a total John. Everyone's like a knockoff of somebody else. Like the other guy's totally doing Eugene Levy. That's the John Early. Totally. It's like they just hired the stand-ins.

They're like, let's just use the stand-ins. They're way cheaper. They look just like the guy. Every time I have to type in this movie into my phone, I forget the name of it. Falling for Christmas. Falling for Christmas. Yes. Cast.

We let it on the moon. Are they just going to steal that? Oh, it's Lindsey Lowe and sister. Oh. Really? Yes. Oh. Oh.

I would love to see the budding romance between the two of them. Or if it turned into like a, just part of this movie was, a horror movie. I wish they would do try stuff like that more often. We're like all of it's a homework movie, but every time they cut back to this, these two guys, it's like a horror thriller. It's like actually really scary. Yeah, that is a great idea, actually. I would have a genre mix like jarring genre mix. Yeah, that would be fun. Or if they were gay, that would also be fun. I just want to see what it would look like. I'm sure it would be like not great. It would be like oil and water, but it would be fun to have a movie that was half a comedy, half a horror thriller.

Yeah, I love that idea. It just cuts back and forth between the two would be fun. I mean, honestly, though, it's not as separated, but Cabin in the Woods is definitely up there. Cabin in the Woods is up there, but my concept is like there's two different scenes happening, essentially. There's like this one over here and this one over here. Like we're with Lindsay and the boy,

or we're with the ex and the man in the cabin. And just every time we go to the man having, it's straight up a horror movie. And every time we cut back to Lizzie and whatever, It's like, maybe that's how we change your movie, MJ and we can sell it. Yeah,

that's what we'll sell it. Yes, it's part romantic comedy, part horror. It reminds me of a concert I went to. I saw Weezer and Flaming Lips and like Flaming Lips

would come out and do three songs. Then Weezer would come out and do three songs. And it kind of sucked as a format. It was so jarring. But especially because we were tripping really hard on mushrooms and we were really into the flaming lips part of it. And we were like really kind of not into the Weezer part of it. And so.

And the audience. was kind of the opposite. So it made us like even more frustrating. It's a funny pairing. It's a weird pairing. It's a weird ass pairing. It's a weird to destroy. It wouldn't be a weird pairing as bad if they did their set and then the other one did their set.

But it was jarring because of the... I am enjoying watching her try to make a bad. It's a little bit... I'm having a little bit of a cringe reaction to watching like Lindsay Lohan try to like do comedy. I just kind of... of want her to just be a bitch. Right.

To it, you know, but she is, I gotta say, I'm enjoying watching her. Oh, no. She knocked the skis over. Like, I don't think she's a great, like, slapstick comedian, but. No, but she's trying. She's committing.

I think she is, like, overall, I am truly enjoying her. And also, I like the fact that he's like, if your toilet brush gets stuck in a toilet, it makes no sense. Yeah, this is not. That would never happen to a million planets. people.

Has no one ever cleaned a toilet before? I mean, how? Do we need to call the continuity people on this film to write a complaint? I don't know why I'd call them to write a complaint, but, you know, you can do the math. No, don't put it on the thing and then grab the thing. Well, that's the thing. It's like, you're just an idiot then if you're doing it. Then you're just like, what did she do?

Don't understand. She put the detergent on the big blanket and then grab the blanket and started like wrestling with the blanket. And it got in. So now with the whole. The whole detergent fella. The whole detergent is in there. It's just funny because, like, I love when they equate, like, rich to just, like, basic stupidity.

Like, there's no way. I get that she wouldn't know how to cook. There's no way she wouldn't know that, like, putting the detergent on top of that blanket would not make the detergent knockover. Right. But how do we feel about someone falling in love with someone with amnesia? I feel like that she doesn't. It's not going to know the real her. No, because she hurt.

I'd see you proved that she would because I asked the question about personality. if the person, I wouldn't, it wouldn't matter her background. I mean, that's with the whole angle of the movie. But she's a part of the evil family that's taking away his bed and breakfast. Yeah, but how sick would it be if you fell in love with someone in amnesia? And they were like, oh, by the way, found the real me. And I'm fucking loaded. And we're set for the rest of our life.

How many more bed and breakfasts would you like? Yeah. You want fucking eight more, dude, while I suck your dick. Oh, she's going to be really good with the kid. Yeah, that's the part that's good. Get us. And be the mom. Oh my God.

She'll remember her mom. Oh my God. I just got chills. Yeah. And then this cat with human tits is going to come out and be like, don't stop smoking kids or whatever. It'll be beautiful. What?

Cat with tits. Edible says what? Oh, she's having a memory of her mom. Uh-oh. I remember the mom when I fell in love. I said. They should have gotten, like, footage of actually Lindsay Lohan as a kid for this flashback. Yeah, true.

Plenty of it. Her singing and dancing for attention, just anything to get the parents to look at her. I'd like her. I'm glad my mom died. Like, I'm glad her, I would like her version of that. Yeah, but that's her only memory. She remembers her mom. She remembers her mom.

Oh, Jackie's going to get emotional. Oh, God. I didn't mean in the context of the movie. I'd love Lindsay Lohen to write, like, her, like, this is. how bad my childhood was. This is why the Jeanette McGrady book was so good. I was like more people, people can't do this, but more people need to do this.

Right? She also had a special, God, it was originally a one woman show in L.A. Which I didn't know. Yeah. I wish I had seen that. Wow, I didn't know that. Yeah.

She ran it a bunch in L.A. and then like turned it into a book. Really? Yeah. Man, good for her. I would have fucking loved to have seen that. Oh. Oh, Lindsay.

Try to cry. See if you can move your face. Well, that's the thing, though. And you would, okay, you said general knowledge, too. So you would remember, like, if you were a really good cook before the amnesia, you would naturally, like, walk into a kitchen and, like, be able to cook. No how to cook. Those skills are probably still there.

Yeah. Then maybe she should try going shopping. Yeah, she'd probably be really good at all. Really good at it. But, see, my movie is good because it's about two people who already were in love, just re-remembering how to love each other. And I love that too. Yeah.

I just came, there's that one woman on Love is Blind who's like, I never wear the same outfit twice. I know. And she clearly comes from, she clearly comes from like a ton of money and this and the other, which is fine. But the part, it just started getting me think like, God, I could not imagine enjoying just the act of shopping that much. I know. And I really, it's so exhausting to me to shop that much.

Alexa, I really want to like her. But when she said she never wears an outfit more than once, I was like, oh, I'd really turned the tide for me a little bit on her. And I don't care that, like, she comes from her family with money or whatever. She seems like a sweet person. Yeah, her family's, I just like, that just makes you go like, ugh, it's just so, it's also, I hope she gives her, you know, I would like to assume she gives her clothes the way that she doesn't use a charity. If you don't ever wear the same clothes more than once, why you even need a closet, bitch, just buy shit.

And then give it away. Throw it out. Yeah. I hope that was her, her, I hope it was hyper. I don't know. I've known somebody like that who literally would never wear something more than once. But also that just means you have to shop. I just couldn't my eyes glaze over thinking about like how much you just of your time you spend just looking at price tags. And if you wear high quality clothes, you're paying what? $200 a day minimum? Oh my God. Oh yeah. Good Lord. Just the price of doing business. I straight up stop listening to you guys and was just watching. You're just watching the movie. She just blow her nose.

Why did she blow her nose and hand it to him? That's not something that maybe because it was his handkerchief. Ah, thank you. Yeah, Jackie's getting into it. All right. I'll focus, Jackie. Is that what you want? You want me to focus?

No, no, I don't want you to focus. I'm just, I'm pathetically getting into this. I'm glad it's work. Honestly, I'm just happy because that means hopefully other people feel that way. And Lindsay Loham will have like a win for once in 20 years. This is definitely a win for her. Everybody's talking about this movie. I think it's a win for her.

It was in the top 10 on Netflix. I'll give you some roasted chestnuts. I'm sorry. Yeah, it seems like it's people are into it. Because, I mean, how long has it been since she's had a W? If she's 35, it wasn't since she was like 17, right? I mean. Yeah, Mean Girls was 2003.

It's been a while. I think Me and Girls was 2003. I might be making that up. I mean, she did dance on that boat, and people liked that little video of her doing that. Yeah, but they liked it because she's falling apart. Right, they liked it because she was clear. She was emotionally, she was drunk.

2004. 2000. Wow, 2004. What's you doing, Jackie? I'm not smoking. I'm not getting really into this Grinsett's movie and smoking weed. By the way,

by the way, my opinions on shopping are idiotic because I spend hours playing like video games and shit. Like I do shit that would make other people like... I wasn't going to throw stones. You know? I think everybody's got their thing. I support people who like shopping

and who like to look at. I think it's a, it's an art and a skill. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I do think the thing of like never wearing something more than once is hard to get behind just from like a... Just a...

Malls just drain my energy in this way that reminds me of like being on a film set for really long time. Like I can't describe. It's like a different kind of tired. Oh, yeah. I get very upset when I'm in the mall. I like it for like 15 minutes and then I'm very crazy.

I don't want to go be a mall rat with him. Were you a mall? By the way, I was a total mall rat, though. Oh, yeah. When I was a mall rat? Definitely. What was your mall? Mine was South Park Mall in Charlotte.

Kennedy Mall. There was only one mall, but it was called Kennedy Mall. Were you a mall rat at all, Jackie? No. What was your hangout? Like, what was the hangout to somebody's house? We spoke. weed cars. We just sat on the beach. I did a lot of that too. I did a lot of driving around.

It was kind of before, it was like the pre-weed days though. It was like when you really didn't know that weird pocketed time where you're like, what the fuck? I was always so busy. I've been busy since the beginning of time. Like I would go from school to play rehearsal to work. Right. Like I was just like, I didn't have like the like, I don't think I've ever had the like doldrums of like whole summer with nothing to do. Like my mom never let us have that. And it caused me to go into a weird depression at one point. So I think it was probably for the best to stay busy. And that's something I had to learn.

My parents did not make me do more than they should. I mean, I will say it was pretty resistant. I think a middle way was probably the best way. I think if we had a middle way between the full neglect of my parents and the way to up your ass of your parents. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I had a great time just wandering around the mall. I would just get a pretzel.

But I will also say we were like trying to get. cigars so we could smoke cigars and stuff. Yeah, we did stupid shit. Yeah, we were like being bad. I mean, I had my first cigarette at like seventh grade. I mean, not that you weren't fucking around with that stuff too, Jackie, but I mean, I, I didn't smoke cigarettes until I was 18. Oh, okay.

I waited until college. I hated cigarettes. That's why all my friends couldn't believe I started smoking. It was just because. It was totally an idle hands thing. I mean, we would just like, we would just figure out how to like be bad if, because We just had nothing else going on. Starting at the age of 13, though.

So there's also there. I was smoking something. The thing about these movies that really does it for me is that I, like, grew up in a town that was really a small town. And, like, I was in all, I was in band. I was in choir. And, like, it was kind of like this. Like, there was, like, always ceremonies, various choir things for Christmas. Like, there was events all month for Christmas.

And he wants her to sing, not like, Tad. Tad who doesn't want her to sing. Tad didn't want her to sing. But I like Tad's, I feel like Tad's notes are really good. And I just think he's good at... You're a bastard. Just think he's good at giving notes.

Oh, what a cozy room. Oh, with all of her, oh, stuff he's sleeping on the billow. Is that kid have a king-sized bed? Good guy. Yeah, it's a very big bed. What the fuck? Why? I'm so excited to get to that point.

God damn it where I just go tuck it tuck it I'm sorry to tell you hold it but it is not the way that

it's not there we're not there yet my bedtime routine for my three and four year takes so long I just hate that but it's like

more fun than it is with a baby because it involves like books and conversations yeah at least just talking and not just like shashi shish shish

shash that's why I turn to an Irish person shosh shh shh shish shishishish shish shah shah shh shah I'm just rocking.

It's awful. So true. Oh, are they going to fucking get a nut off? Be like, here, I got some nutmeg for you and she looks down. His penis is like coming. Yeah, it's like actively coming. I got to try that sometime. That's the new dig of the popcorn.

Who on earth, by the way, I love that that's even a thing, the dig of the popcorn thing. That would hurt so much with the kernels and the salt to put your, penis and popcorn. Oh, I always wished for it, though, when I was young. But it would have been if a woman had put her hand in a bucket of popcorn and squeezed into a penis, it would go, ah! Like, it would hurt so much. Well, you're not squeezing when you reach you.

Well, she, hey, what do you do when you put your hand in a fucking big, you, you, you know, I mean, I guess it'd be gentle, but it would hurt. It's like a claw machine. Yeah, it's like a gentle claw machine. I think that. I mean, sometimes when I'm hungry. I'll fucking get violent with it. She learned to make the bed and now she knows it. And that's, you're cooking now.

How can you be cooking now? I can't believe it. Oh my God. What? This is always a trope in these types of movies too. Like no one does that. No one like flips the. I know.

I never fucking flip my panties. You know what I mean? Only if you work at like a pizzeria, do you like flip things and stuff in the air? Like until you learn, I will say, until you learn how to flip it and then you do it. And then you do it? You do it a little bit? What do you flip though?

I just don't even know what I'd flip. Like what it, like grilled cheese. I can grow it pretty high. Do a flip. And pancakes, whenever we make pancakes and stuff like that. Although it's more difficult with pancakes because you've got the splatter side. So I usually do it with more French toast stuff. All right.

I guess what's funny to me is like that's a part of the learning how to cook part of this, whereas like that's just like not how it has anything to do with how to cook. If she just put frosting on my face, talk about my expensive creams. Like, like, excuse me. There's no sugar on this face. You see this tiny thing? This costs $100.

$100. Do you get it? Do you use it? Like, is it good? No, I've never, no. I've worked for people that had it, and I've tried it before. And it's like, oh, it's lotion.

Yeah, right? It's just, yeah, it's just luxury. Well, you know, that's the weird thing with stuff like that and status. I just don't have that in me like needing things to show status in a certain way.

Whoa, he's a good skier. He's not like the other skiers. Oh, oh, look at that. He saved her. Man, it's so funny, I never once wore a helmet when I was skiing.

That's very scary. You should. I know, but this was, you know, it was the fucking, it was the 2000. It's like, you know, we weren't wearing helmets. Well, with Lilo's insurance, they're going to put a fucking helmet on her, all right? Those premiums probably were rough.

Oh my God, she's got the spirit. Yeah, where did Santa go? He just kind of pieced out, huh? I also love about Hallmark movies that no one works for the entire month of December, you know? Like, it's just like people's Christmas vacation starts so early. Yeah, early. Oh, do you remember when Christmas vacation was like two weeks before? Christmas and like, oh my God.

That was so fucking good. I don't think it ever was. I think it just felt like it was when you were a kid. Yeah. You know, it's like, it was like a full week before Christmas, but then you had like a full week like after. The full week after. That's the shit.

That's the real year's and then it was back. Oh, but that feeling. That feeling between Christmas and New Year's, I love that time. Oh, that, that feeling though when you got back, man, from Christmas break and you're just like, you spend about half the day being like, look at all the shit I got.

And then you're just like, man, we're fucked till March. We just got to sit here and learn. I get weird flashbacks and stuff thinking about when you go into school and stuff because it was like, I'm like, did I like elementary school? I think I thought it was okay. Fucking hated middle school.

Lots of stuff will come up for you as you think about these things. Why did, even elementary schools like, why do they have to be so drab in these weird ways? You know what I mean? I get, I don't know. I don't know how to describe it. Why? What do you mean?

They're not drab. They decorate all the hallways. It's like the concrete floors and the weird windows. Yeah, all the decorations are great. But I feel like the decorations are being slapped on like what feels like would be a prison. Also, I saw some meme that was talking about, like, remember when it was a big part of your life to like, for kids to just like vomit somewhere? And then they put the dust on top of it. Like, that was the part of your life.

It was just normal. Yeah, yeah. I love it. Elementary school is my happiest, as a teacher, that was always my happiest place. But it is, you know, all the elementary schools in New York City look, they all have bars on the windows. You know, there are all these huge institutional looking places, but they're full of love. So I love, full of, yeah, yeah, exactly. Elementary school.

I think a lot about middle school. She just opened up a drawer in his desk, took out something from a box, and was like, why isn't this up? Get out of his shit. Yeah, don't open up a drawer in someone's desk because you get talking about it. We gotta pay attention. It's from his dead wife. Yeah. Have they had love making it?

They haven't even kissed yet, right? Oh, no, no, no. But they've had long glances. People, Christmas plays such an outsized role in the dead person's personality. That's really, listen, I love Christmas, but when I'm dead, I hope that you're not just like, uh, MJ loved Christmas.

But I guess it comes up at Christmas time. Yeah, that's when it comes up. Yeah. Or if someone hates it. Christmas that you think about them because they hated Christmas. Like all the ornaments, you know, it's like I store all the ornaments with the Christmas stuff. I wouldn't keep it in my desk, but maybe I would for my dead wife. Maybe I would. Yeah, and if you had to decorate an entire bed and breakfast.

Yeah, that's true. Yes. Put it in a bin. That's the problem with all these beautiful Christmas decorations. You got to take all the time to put them up. Then you've got to take them all down. Yeah, you got to have a garage to store that many. That, again, also just feels so sad to me too. There's something so, you know,

which is why I love songs like Tis the Damn season, right? But like there's always something so, there's an underlying moroseness a little bit, right? Because it's kind of part of it. You're constantly, especially as an adult, you're constantly like chasing the feeling of how good Christmas felt as a kid. But then when you actually try to think about your childhood,

you're like, I don't know if it was even that good then. You know, like you're just like, it's this feeling of how good it could be. I fucking loved it, bro. I loved it. I mean, even like as I got older. It's an ideal, you know? It's like a myth. It's a fairy tale that you're always like trying to capture in real life.

Yeah. Yeah. And then you think about it though, because mine weren't. My holiday seasons are. Right. You have this weird thing where like they would implode and be terrible. Always. Somebody's always crying. I mean, my mom would cry at least once.

Like my mom would have a meltdown crying so she like she rarely cried. She would do it at least once during the holiday season. But I don't think it was anything close to like your. You know, my mom just wants Christmas to be perfect. And my mom kind of would do that too, and that's why she'd have a breakdown, right? Yeah, of course, because it's not going to be, like, stop, let it go.

Yeah, just, just chill. What does perfect even mean, too? Yeah, it's all good. We're all here. Everything's fine. Yeah, everything's fine. Like, what was, what were like the sillier freakouts over it not being quote unquote perfect?

Like, do you remember any, like, silly ones of those? Yeah, like what would be like the, I think it blocked it out. I just blocked it alone. It is. It is just like a nebulous feeling of like, well, something's going to go wrong. Right. But like what wins anything ever fully just? I remember like four or five years ago, my father didn't preheat the oven and I thought my mom.

See, exactly. That's what I was looking for. That's what I was like. How long does it take to preheat an oven? It takes like 15 minutes. It does. And she like I, like, and then it was like the world ended. Like it was like it's like it's like kind of thing. God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Other things are going on. Remember when your father didn't turn on the oven?

I'm like, yep, I remember. It's the pressure. It's the pressure. It's the pressure. My mom is like that too, and I'm just like, why are you freaking out? Because you have to, like, stay up later to make, like, chocolate chip cookies.

Like, what are we doing here? Like, who cares? It's chocolate chip cookies. Well, that's the thing, because it's like, when you have a mother that is, like, the most mothering mother because it is, like, it's like, she wants everything to just, like,

everyone to be, have the hallmark Christmas. That's just not light. But we all know now the only way to have Hallmark Christmas for the mom to be dead. It's true. But yeah, yeah, it is so funny. I just don't feel that pressure at all.

I just never stress out about those days. Even at Thanksgiving, like I don't get stressed about the timeline or anything. Part of it is that I've done Friendsgiving for the last 15 years and so I always get twice the amount of practice at Thanksgiving. but I'm just like, it's fine. Like, if something's a little bit, like, not as hot or whatever, like, it's fine. Like, it doesn't have to all be perfect, you know? Oh, I don't, yeah, I don't give a, and there's always going to be something that I, I don't

give a shit. Yeah, like. It's just if it's like, oh, God, there was one, I don't even know if I can talk too much about this. I went and visit, like, the other side of the family for Thanksgiving. And, like, they were, they were clearly just having a bad year or so it's not, it's whatever. But it was, like, the most depressing Thanksgiving.

Like, we sat there, like, one of them just, like, lost their job. The other one, like, everyone was just, like, so bummed out. I was having a great time as I was, I think I was on a trip with my buddy. I think we were, like, going to Disney World or something like that. And I had to, like, go there for Thanksgiving before our Disney World trip. We had a bunch of weed. We were going to smoke and, like, ride on the rides and stuff. We were at this, like, resort. And yeah, I just remember being like, God, damn, this Thanksgiving sucks. Like, fuck me. Everyone was just such a bad mood. It's not a lot of, you know, it's that, you know, it's that sound of like fork scraping plates, you know, just hearing that a lot under like the no talking.

Don't get, I get, I'm like way more of a stressed out parent than I thought I would be. I thought I would be like the cool parent, but I'm not the cool parent. But I weirdly, it's almost like I achieve my, what I always hoped I would be as a parent on holidays because I'm like, I feel like I actually thrive. I'm like, this is the time and that everybody gets stressed out and I'm not stressed out. It's for me, it's the everyday shit where I shouldn't be stressed out, but I am. Yeah, that was kind of what I was talking about, like, I know I sounded weird earlier when I was like, oh, there's something about like just giving up around this time.

But what I mean is like, I just, I put all the stuff behind me when it comes to like my general situation with life. And I just go, fuck it. It's the holidays. Let's put on movies. Let's just hang out. It is a release for me. It might change.

I feel like I'll have a little bit more pressure than the future. Just like, give Winnie a really good Christmas, like, because I look back on mine as great. But I'm not going to be like, make, you know, you know, staying up till three in the morning making enough cookies for the office banquet party or whatever the fuck like fuck all that yeah but part of it is also that i'm just not as thoughtful as i wish i was like jackie is probably going to be jacky is going to make cookies for everybody because she's just that type of person you know that's the thing too yeah i don't have that i'm not happy about it i'm very thoughtful just extremely thoughtful and my mom is like that too she like it does

everything all this stuff makes sure i'm going to be the one having a fucking mental breakdown on Christmas. Like, that's the problem. With the thoughtful one. The thoughtful one is like, I'm just gonna become my mother and then I'm going to be the one. Like, thank God, Jeff is just such a chill human being.

Yeah. He keeps me so chill. It's such a funny sense to me, just like, I have to make sure everyone's happy and it just makes everyone miserable. Everyone miserable. Right. Yeah. Oh, the dead mother.

What would be happy is if we just, like, stopped and just sat and watched a movie and... This is rough. Did you hear what he said to her earlier when he was like, she's trying to do a fundraiser for the bed and breakfast. And he's like, what do you know about memories?

Because, like, she wanted to invite people back and do, like, a memory-filled thing. And he's like, you don't even remember your own name. And that's what got her upset. Gotcha, gotcha, got you. I was reading that part that where he was like, a shot a cop, a shot of police officer in 1994. I thought you were suggesting

that he said that to his dead wife's mother. But no, no, no. He said to say that to... No, no, no. The dead wife's mother just told him it's okay to let her go. Good for you, Dead Wives Mother. What's in this book? What's the book?

So this is like it's memories book, memories of the past, of people that have stayed there. So she's trying to do this fundraiser where they invite everyone who has ever stayed at the North Star and do a fundraiser to like make sure it doesn't go under.

Gotcha. So it's also a trope, a different trope of doing like, the town comes together to save the small. I also. So love that this bed breakfast has to have a very Christmas themed name, even though every other month of the year, it has no relevance to anything that it's called the North Star. Oh, yeah. Oh.

So many Christmas outfits. Imagine having this many Christmas outfits. Oh, my God. It's just, well, that lady does from Love is Blind. I mean, I used to be in a relationship with a girl. Except I don't think she'd have Christmas ones. Yeah, she probably does some. It's very, very Jewish.

Yeah, yeah. Very Jewish. It would be fun to have a lady like that as long as everybody could afford everything. She would shop for my ass and I wouldn't wear a different, I'd get to wear a different outfit every day, which would be kind of fun. I would like that. I do like Alexa. I got to admit, despite my distrust for only wearing an outfit once, I do really like. She's probably my favorite woman in the hall.

You got to have, he even said it in the episode. He's like, well, if she has to have a thing, that's a pretty okay thing. Yeah, that's a fine thing. That's kind of what I'll say, too. She has to have a thing. And even though her family is so rich, I really like her family. I just like Alexa.

I love her family. I love her family. I want to be a part of it. Her dad. Well, you could be rich and not horrible. I mean, I knew a lot of rich great people in like Charlotte. No, it's not that you can be rich. Of course you can be rich and not horrible,

but they're just like, like the dad keeps being like, it's really important to us that you can keep up with our lifestyle. Right, right, right, right. Like if you're the type of rich that's like it's not okay to not be rich. Yeah. And then if he was sad to me, I'd be like, it's all good. I'm going to do my best. And then you're going to die.

And then I'm going to get a bunch of your money. Yeah. And then I'll definitely keep up the breath. Life stuff. And he was like, oh, okay. Oh, that's right. But of course, I'm sorry, if you're marrying someone on a reality show, you should sign a movie. Yeah.

If you're married someone in a reality show and your fucking bones loaded. Yeah. Sign a pre-nup. You know, here's a thing. We're two-thirds of the way through this movie, right? Yeah. I think I fucking love it. I don't dislike it.

They definitely don't dislike it. If they stick the landing, I will watch this every year. I'm just throwing that out there. Watch it every year. Wow. I watch it. I think you might like it. Status?

That is insane. Well, because again, Holden, the thing is that I don't think I even talk about it on talking TV. I have Christmas movies on all the time. I love it. I do it too. Thanksgiving? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, starting Thanksgiving.

Starting Thanksgiving, I just have a lot. Watching every year is like, it's like, it's like, you know. It doesn't matter because I watch so many of them every year. It's not like you're sitting down and watch it. You'll add it to the rotation. Yeah, it's just in a rotation. No, there's certain, what I would watch every year is holiday at handcuffs, though. I had such a good time when we watch holiday.

Yeah, I have a, you know, I have different blocks and I have a problematic block of Christmas movies, so that we do that on Christmas Eve morning, uh, morning. We do all the problematic ones in a row. I was so sad because this morning I was like, oh, I'm going to watch what movies do I want to watch with the kids? And I was like, oh, home alone. Hell yeah. And then I just remembered how violent it is.

And, like, my poor little, like, 2020 kids who are used to, like, watching media that isn't terrifying. If they watch Home Alone, they're just going to be like, yeah, they might be old. How old for Hum Alone? You not supposed to hit someone with an iron. How old? How old for Home Alone?

Because it came out at the perfect age for me. I think I watched it when I was five or six. I think my kids could watch it. 1990, so I was eight. That is the perfect age. Yeah, I was four. I mean, listen, it's fine. It's just so funny because the media that kids now consume is much more like cater to, like,

not be terrifying and violent. Yeah, it was like movie people wanted to, like, make the parents' lives a living hell, like on purpose with the movies they were putting out there. Like, yeah, this is going to make them, like, be real crazy when they get home. Like I still feel uncomfortable with the final scene of Home Alone with all the vial. Like I actually still have like a visceral reaction to the vines. I love it. And I feel like my kids will have such a hard time with it.

But the rest of the movie they will love, you know? So maybe I just, maybe we just talk about it. You create a fake ending. What was the show that did that where it created like fake like endings to movies and stuff to protect the person? That was in something. You should do that for that where it's like you have a fake scene at the end where you hire a couple of. buddies to like come and walk through the door and be like, we're sorry, we didn't mean to try

to rob your house. We realize that's a bad idea. It's like credits. Or like do what I did with Peter Pan, which is as I was like, you're allowed to watch this movie, but we're going to stop it when it comes to the racist part. We're going to talk about why we're not going to watch it. We're going to fast forward it and then we're going to keep watching it.

And so obviously, Home Alone, it's harmless. It's just like, it's much more of violence than I think a 22 four-year-old is used to. And with Winnie, I'm like, we're going to only watch the racist parts. And it's, we're just really going to live in it. And we're going to really just get the guilt going. I just pointed her while we're watching, oh, you did this. Oh, they found him. And I love it because he's sticking up for him because he was poaching. Like he was like hunting or

whatever. And he's like, this man saved my life. If he's arrested, I'm arrested too. My question for Jackie is what has to happen to this movie to take it off of your, I'll watch this every year. It has to not stick the landing. Like, it has to be really, like, I want that kiss to give me chills. Okay. Okay. You need a kiss that will make your, your breasts boil. Yeah. Let's see what we got. With spirit. Not like in a sexual way. With spirit. Yeah. Yeah. We got a little less than 30 minutes left. It is, it's, it is a very good movie of its type. I will give it that. What about, I mean, I don't know, though. I don't know if I could put on a movie every year that attacks veganism. How do you feel about that? I know. I don't love the bacon.

You are talking to the hot dog ambassador of the southwestern region of the United States. I feel offended for my vegan constituents. It's just funny because if it had been somebody who didn't eat bacon for like religious reasons and they did that joke, it like definitely would not be okay. Yeah, yeah, for a vegan. You know, it's just like, ha ha ha, she likes bacon.

So I wonder, and it's also they never went back to it. This is her, she's all that moment. So let's enjoy that. Oh, this is, she's all that. You got the camera zoom in, eyes on the downstairs walk. That it must be called that she's all that like camera moment. Gotta be. You know, surprising, her accent has gone away.

Remember when Lindsay Loanne and then that weird accent for a while? And she said, I just talk like this now. Yeah. Yeah. She has gone on a journey. And still, and she's still taking the ride, man. I mean, this is just the beginning of a whole new phase in her life. I can't fucking believe.

she's 35. I know. The work is tough, but she does look, okay, I've actually... It's not even the work. I just can't believe how much shit she's been through. Yeah, she's been through a lot. And she's only 35. I think at first I was a little bit weirded out by her face because it does just look like, not like her face used to look, but now I'm looking at her. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, you're beautiful. It's fine. You look great. Yeah. Also, full face of makeup. Yeah. Before it was the, it was still full face of makeup, but it was the I'm in bed makeup. Oh, uh-oh, are you tingling?

It's a good song. She's acting the shit out of this scene. Yeah. Oh, she's done nothing to throw me off. Yeah, performance-wise or anything, this whole movie. No, the only thing was like the slapstick. I was like, don't do slapstick. Yeah.

Everything else is. I mean, it is a home. I feel like every homework movie has to have like a goofy moment. Totally heavy-handed slapstick. That's like really cringe. It's part of the genre. They seem to have pretty decent chemistry. Yeah.

Uh-oh. Imagine this man must just be like, wow, I'm acting aside Lindsay Lohan. Yeah. Yeah, dude. On her comeback, I mean, at least. Oh. Yeah, an honest kiss. You hate to see it.

They're always wearing pea coats. Really got to have a nice peacoat to be in a hot collar movie. Oh, my God. Oh, this is the George Bay. This is the end of it's a wonderful life moment. Why did they all just show up just now? Because they're having the memories party. Because they're stuck behind a snowplow on the way up the mountain.

Oh, crudete. This is the problem with the ugly sweater trend, though. It's like you don't know if the holiday party is like a, should I be dressed up in like a formal wear or should I be wearing an ugly sweater or should I be wearing Christmas jammies, you know? Yeah, you got to ask. You got to ask. I always usually go formal.

I think is just the way to do it. I go like, but I go like the lead as, as, as unformal as possible in a sense of like, it'll be a nice sweater, but we're not going to do like a suit, you know? Yeah.

I miss, comfy formal. Pre-pandemic, my, and pre-kids, my December was just full of like hopping the holiday party circuit. And I really did love that. Oh, yeah.

Although I've never, I always wanted, like, the dream of, like, a corporate holiday party. Yeah. Like the diehard party. Yeah. Yes. Or the love actually party. I've definitely done them.

Yes. Getty images, when I worked for them, that was a giant, you know, corporation with photography or whatever. You ever get laid? No. No, I don't think I ever, did I ever lay up with anyone from a job? I don't know if I ever did. I had a couple of close ones with like

Like there was like a girl I floated with a bunch At the Peter Ria in Tallahassee But like no one at like a corporate job There were a couple crushes though for sure But yeah Yeah they would throw some fucking ritsy ones This is such a George Bailey moment Yes

It's in Bill's house It's a gym's house What a weird movie, man. Hey, why, you need money. This is just like that. That movie is so... I'm getting chills. I'm going to watch it every year.

You better not say anything about It's a wonderful life right now. Shut your mouth. No, no, no, no, no. It's not bad. It's a great movie. It's just, it's just... It can be both great and weird.

Yes, it is weird. But it's perfect. Flawless. The best movie ever made. They really are giving them all... See, This is like scream for other horror movies. It's like this, but for other Christmas movies.

Oh, yeah. Because this guy is no George Bailey. He's no George Bailey, but he's a good man. He is a good man. I got to say, I am not super-whelmed by this leading man's hotness nor performance. It's like fine, but, you know, I'd give it a... Honestly, though, if he was an amazing actor, it would make Lindsay Lohan look like shit. Yeah.

I think it actually kind of was perfect. Yeah. you're right. And it's one of these. No one should be super really good. Right, you're right. Homemark Netflix film. They all have to be a little,

it has to feel a little community theatery because that's kind of part of the allure. The hottest guy at the community theater. Yeah. It's like a local movie is like what it has to feel like. Yeah. My dick. It's not his dick.

That's not the special guest. My mother-in-law, like I love it too, like one, you just not be talking about her. Uh-oh, the bad boyfriend is back. Hell yeah, dude. Shenanions. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

I was expecting this to happen, like, way earlier in this movie, by the way. Yeah, I actually forgot that she lost her memory. I was expecting it to be like a back-and-forth kind of tug-a-war for like half this movie. Between, like, being hanging with the rich people and, like, going back to this guy. Oh, he's not going to like that. When I was trying to close your ski place. Jake Russell. like Jack Russell Terrier

The dog? Hey, after Frazier, they became a huge hit. You're right in Wishbone. Frazier and Wishbone. She got to remember that she's a huge bitch. Jake Russell.

Jake Russell Terrier. Jake Russell Terrier. What if he like turns into a dog? He's like, I have a magical dog. I would even say, I think one thing I would, I could see, I feel like would improve the movie for me if it was a little,

took sillier swings, you know? It kind of got, it got really silly for just a second there. Yeah. With the raccoon and everything. Like I was, then it kind of became normal. I don't know.

I think they're sticking it so far. I'm with it. I'm with it. It's just a personal thing. I just wish they would go. Tad's back. Silly. She's going to leave her family.

She's going to come back. But also, like, why can't she just stay for the party? Yeah, right. Also, why didn't Tats? like take a shower before coming to get her. Yeah, right? But now they have like Love is Blind music.

Where's Sarah? It was Sarah, but it's really Sierra. Sierra is her real name. Sarah is the name she chose for herself. Okay, so I guess they're playing off of like she kind of knew what her real name was. She kind of remembered. So I was about it's like very coincidental.

Doesn't this sound like a love is blind interlude song though? It does. Yes, totally. Love is a risk. This is a thing I was. I think I might, I think I might just as a, to try it. Maybe I'll do it on TikTok or some, but I want to try to take those scenes and write my own fake love is blind music. Yes.

The man doesn't like you because you're pretty mean. You know what I mean? Just like, do you like say what's happening in the scene in a song, but like make it more like. I need self-confidence. She didn't like it that you called her. She didn't like it that you called her a nine out of ten. And then he said others were ten out of ten. That was so dumb.

Should you imagine to say that to someone? I know. That was bad. There were 10-od-tint and you're like a night-a-ton. I know. That was bad. He shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't have done that, Cole.

You saved me from myself. Whoa, we're flashing back like what just happened. Yeah, all, you just missed. They just did, while you guys are talking, the entire movie was flashed back. That's so weird. That was a weird choice. And yet perfect for a. Hallmark movie.

Making the bed. I think rich people know how to make the bed, right? She learned how to make a bed. Yeah, but she

wouldn't have done that before. I have to make the bed. Right? Yeah. I'm not a bedmaker. You're not a bedmaker? I feel like

my mind is broken unless the bed is made. Everyone says. Everyone's like, oh, your whole brain is better when you make the bed. I've just never, ever, ever made the bed.

All of it. I mean, just keeping everything in it's in it. tidy. I wish that that's how my brain worked, but it's not. Wait, is that her guy? Yeah. Didn't he look even more like Colin Hanks than he did before?

Yeah. Now he's super looks like Colin Hanks. He went from Eugene Levy to Colin Hanks, like, in my mind. Oh, she's eating bacon, and that's a symbol of how she's not uptight anymore. She changed. Yeah. She used to be an uptight. Yeah, because all vegans are uptight.

We hate bitches who don't like bacon. Wow. They are definitely anti-Vi. I was wondering because I thought they were going to maybe spin it in a way that was like not anti-vegan. But now, they're just holding the line on this one. They don't like vegans. They just don't like it. This movie writer does not like fucking vegans.

And all the vegans I've known have not been rich. I'll tell you that. Yeah, that's the other thing. That's not like a trope of a rich person. Not at all. But maybe if you spend too much time in L.A., you know what I mean? I feel like it's a thing where L.A. There's a stereotype of like L.A. people just like avocados.

I mean, it is true. It is every, there are five Pilates studios, like, two, in a two block radius from me. Like, and juice stations, there's, like, literally just stations where you go to get more of the juice, the fresh juice. And it costs, like, $20 for a, it's like the lotion. So she's supposed to be kind of like a Paris Hilton type? Yes. Yes. In terms of her fame.

I mean, I think literally because they are the Hilton's and he is a hotel magnate. Yeah, he's all hotel magnate, so it's totally that. Ew, it sounds like he wants to boink his daughter. Well, I think he might be indicating that he doesn't really like this boy, right? No, he doesn't. He knows she doesn't love him. He definitely owns like an Army Hammer's dad chair in that, you know, somewhere in that hotel. No, he doesn't.

The amount of times that you bring up the Army Hammer's dad's chair. It's striking. It is. It's a striking fig. I know. Once you learn about it, you can't forget it. It's a nutty thing to have in your home. It's a wild fig to own.

How many weeks of Christmas has it been? You know what I mean? How many years been long are they wearing these different holiday outfits? I feel like this has definitely been done, but that would kind of be a fun one of these or like not one of these kind of playing on one of these where people, I think it has been done. People realize like they're just in a never-ending like Hallmark movie. essentially. Well, even, I always think about it when I watch National End Poon's Christmas

vacation, which is also on my yearly watch list because of course. The family comes by like December 18th. Yeah, yeah. And they're there for so long. They're there for so long. That's what I go home this year. I'm home for December 18th. That is, oh, it's your, it's, that's the griswolds. But that's also, that's also because it's like the retired old people are coming to them. Yeah. So, I mean, they're kind of, They can just get there whenever. Yeah. Yeah. Which would be awful.

Or if you were remote, you can just literally bring all of your work with you so you don't have to spend thousands on an air flight. Yeah. That makes it because it's terrible to travel on like the 23rd, you know. Yeah. Yeah. It's also just like five times more expensive. Yeah. But I do.

I love flying on Christmas Day. I actually love it. It's so nice. No one's at the airport. It's so chill. like, and you're just done, you know? It's just you do Christmas and then you're absolutely done. Yeah.

That day. It's, I love it personally. You didn't have a chance to tell him because you were in a fucking amnesia episode. Yeah. Yeah. Ugh. It's the way he speaks. I think it's the, the turtlenecks, man.

All bad dad's, rich daddies. Yeah. Black Turtle Beck and a Hallmark Christmas movie. Jackie's getting emotional. They're bringing up the dead mother again. It's a real dead mom prom over here. Just. I knew that line was coming.

I was waiting for it. Yeah. I'm not going to allow this movie to make me cry. I can. So so far, Tad hasn't turned gay, but let's take a new bet whether Jackie cries. Tad's bad, baby. Tad's bad. Bad heterosexual Tad.

Yeah. I bet he likes vegans. The foes rigging off the hook. Honestly, it's a great way for her, like, in this day and age in 2022, to have a Christmas movie be like, how do I help them? I'll use my influence to promote their business.

Like, that's great. I'm like how it's used to reality when they call them up and go, give me a free room, and I'll post about you because I'm an influencer. Yes. I like the weird chain thing. Is he a soldier?

Like, what does that mean? Yeah, I think I actually like it. Jack is cool, but I don't think he deserves to wear it. But it makes him look like he's like an officer of some kind. Yeah, bitch, give it back. Give it back. Go for you. Go get your boy.

Yeah, bitch. Yeah, whatever your name is. I need him to be more unlikable, man, because I just don't, I'm like. feel bad for him. You love Tad? They're just not good for each other. He's not a bad man. They're just not good for each other.

I feel like he needs to be... Oh, Tad. Okay, there you go. Give me something. Hey, guys, I said the social media. This is just such a cartoonish character. There's just no way you can really feel anything from one way or the other.

Yeah, I just wanted to... And this kind of character in a movie like this, I wonder him to, like, kill a dog in front or something. You know what I mean? Like, damn, he's odd. You should definitely not be engaged with him. Now I just feel kind of bad for the guy. See?

I told you he's going to be a little bit gay. Yes. He's gay. Drake. Was he gay with the old man in the cabin then? I'm telling you he's been a little gay this whole time. Maybe he's by. That's how they get out of it.

They didn't need to make him evil. They should make him secretly gay. And now I'm completely fine with it. He was faking being straight for... No, I think he's just a bisexual. I think he's a bisexual man. Or pan, yeah. They exist.

No, I know, I know, I know, but, you know. Oh, look at his, ooh, I like that pullover sweater. He's got underneath his general's jacket. Yeah, I do like one of those big neck sweaters. Yeah. You know what? Costume person, I think, did a pretty decent job on this film. Yes, agree.

You're not talking to her. You're talking to that guy. Talking to the driver. Class out. Oh. You have other plans with a different man, because you're gay. Yes.

What if he's like, but what if he was like, can I get in on those plans? Yes, he's right there. And the three of them just go have a suck competition. Nope, Santa Claus. He gets a phone call. Someone escaped from the mental asylum.

That's not Santa Claus. He's making chestnuts. It's just this murderer. There's a murderer who looks like Santa who's been disguising himself in all the Christmas villages. He keeps making these nuts. He likes to pretend when things happen in the weather, it's his doing.

Okay, we have reached the ultimate scene. Yeah, they decide to stay. What type of acting are we about to see? Uh-oh. Right, but maybe he could. I'm glad. I'm glad that this is, I, at least I hope this is not in any kind of razzy contention. I think she's done quite a good job.

Yeah, she's done great. It's a good movie. She's not, like, not a flat line or a weird thing. There it is. Significantly better than your average Hallmark movie. Yes. This is great. I really enjoyed this.

I love that Tad got with the bellhop, dude. That was great. That was a good... I actually really like that. Swing there. Because they weren't gross about it. They were just like, oh, what about this guy instead? Yeah.

Yeah. It's great. He said her. He said. Now, why would Santa specifically care about this one rich woman and her incorrect love choice? And he's the hometown boy, and he's helping the hometown boy in the family and make it more love. But why is the dad so happy? Dad just really did not like Tad.

Because he didn't like Tad. He's actually not a part of the trope and not a bad human being or a bad father. You know, I think it's because he ended up having sex with Tad like a long time ago. so he's like, yeah, he's like mad at him or whatever he didn't call him back. Falling for Christmas. Nice. Wow, it took this long for a title card. Good Lord.

I, um, wow. Oh, bloops. Bloopies. Some bloopies. Wow. What a 2000's move to put in the bloopies. Love it. Love the blooper reel at the end during the credits.

I used to love the bloopers when I was a kid. I thought they were the funniest shit I'd ever seen in my life. And in the post credits, they introduced Galactus as the future of the... I was wondering if this was. Yeah, if it's the future of the franchise. No, no, I'm sorry. I've not you, what you were saying. What I...

This is the jingle bell rock version from Mean Girls. I knew. That's why I was like, is this? And I looked it up and it's like, Lindsay Lohan asked for this song to play at the end of the movie. Oh, that's so funny. This is great. I love this movie. I really enjoyed it.

That's nice. That's really nice. That actually takes it from like a 9 out of 10 to a 10 out of 10 experience for me. This is great. So it took it from a Zanab to a Ravid? Yeah, took it to me from a Zanab to a colleague. You know, if Zanab wasn't so unkind to Cole, I would not be Team Cole. That's my problem.

She is so unkind to me. Right. But he's also an... He's such a dude. The apartment, the state of his apartment, when he gets... Yes. When he gets... Talk about make the bed.

You didn't, like, clear the sink before you left for, like, a four-week filming. I can't believe... I can't believe they just stole that joke from Dumb and Dumber. The man walks on the moon thing. I guess they cut it or something. He just went... We landed on the moon. Oh, yeah.

And it was like an homage to it, too, but... But it's just still just the joke is in it in this... movie. I hope they had a great time making this movie, man. I hope that everyone was like, you know what, Lindsay Lohan? You are a human being who deserves respect. She looks like she's having a fun time. I know.

I'm happy for her. I'm really happy for her. Is anybody crying yet? I mean, I feel. No, I didn't cry. No, no crying. I feel delighted, you know. I feel charmed.

That's those fun. I see, it's just like, it could have been more gay, is my only note. Oh, of course. Sure. I think it could have been more, a little more wackadoo is my note. It looks a little goofier.

And I just added it to my watcher every year list. Wow. I think you know where I fall. Falling for Christmas. You fell for Christmas. Well, next up it has been down to earth with Zach Ephron, so I'm not going to watch that. Uh-oh.

Had to me love is blind Japan for me. Yeah, that's one I got too. Interesting. Thank you guys so much. I guided for half a. a minute, kind of forgot that they were recording. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, there's a lot of characters of silence.

We apologize. If you're someone who's just kind of listen to this, like, just hear the commentary without watching it, then I would say, go back and enjoy it. It's great. At least put it on while you, like, wrap presents or whatever. It's a perfect background movie to a Christmas tradition. It certainly is. Wow.

We have found a new tradition here at page seven. Yeah. I think we'll watch this every year. I don't know if it should. be, should it be, we watch it every year? I don't know if I need to pay that much attention. No, I don't know if the three of us need to watch it every year. But it's a page seven tradition in the sense that all three of us are coming our own

way. Yes. No, it passed the test. We'd be watching it every year if it was a complete shit show. Yes. But it's not. It's not a holiday and handcuffs. It's the best compliment we can give it.

We don't want to do one of these with it every year. That is the, that is actually a nice. And I really am happy for her. She deserves it. I am. I actually weirdly happy for her. Keep it together, Lindsay. You could have a good second half of your life.

If you just reel it in, girl. We all had our hard times in our 20s, girl. You got this. Totally. And ours weren't televised every second of the day. But ours were recorded though. Yes. That's different.

That's a different thing. We got audio, but that's different. Thank you guys so much for joining us. And I hope you guys have a great Thanksgiving. And we will be back next. week and there's not going to be any Lindsay Lowen, or maybe there will be. Who knows? Who knows?

What kind of news is going to happen between now and then? And I'm not going to be tiered up through it. Love it. Or maybe I will cry through the episode. I can't guarantee that either. Hell yeah. Have a good one. We'll be back real soon with more stuff.

Do we plug? I don't know. Hold on Natives on Twitch. Last podcast network. Check out the tour. We got so many dates coming. And page seven podcast at gmail. I don't know.

Yeah, join our Patriots. I love this. Oh no, it's Jackie on Twitch. MJKLCat. Patreon. On Twitter. com slash page 7 podcast. Love you guys so much and we'll be back next week.

Oh yeah. Bye everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.