Page 7 - My Secret Santa WATCHALONG

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

On this special Christmas watchalong, we are told the tale of a mother that will do anything for her daughter, who likes when there's a fresh sheet of gnar pow on the slope and they can be the first to shred it, and this Claus will do whatever she can to keep her daughter shreddin'.Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's the holiday season And we hop and hop and we bop and bop and bop and to and fro and ip and out And then you eat and then your feet And take all your snow and put it in the blow We'll be coming down the chimney now Let the combine down the chimney now Thank you, thank you We got it there in the very end

I don't know why I needed You know, I know a hundred thousand Christmas songs Why did I sing the one I didn't know the words to? I don't know The one that doesn't exist, do you mean You know, well you know with the hoop-de-hoo And the whoop-de-bubbs Oh sure

And then you get on your stuffs And I don't know the words to it though I see that is a deep cut And you know what else is it deep cut? The 2025 Netflix film we're watching because I don't know what people are watching these days, but we did choose the new Christmas, as Jackie called it, the new one on Netflix. You know, I wouldn't even say it's like the holiday movie of the year because here's the thing. So many of these apps, they put out their own holiday movies.

There are a million of them. But here's the thing. you know last year we had hot frosty the year before we had that one brandy movie with the dead kid best christmas ever thank you so much but also if you are listening to the audio recording of this you are more than welcome to continue listening to the audio recording of this or if you would like if you you know maybe you don't pay for netflix and you never fucking will and we understand you Come on over to the Patreon. You can watch us, watch My Secret Santa over on the Patreon.

So come hang out with us. Just like we did for Adam's Family Values, you can see our beleaguered faces watching this beleaguered movie featuring Tia Maury. Tia Maury, but it is just, you know, she's not the lead of the movie. She's not. So we will see. But, you know, what's wild about the movie is. movie we're about to watch is that it has a good rating on Rotten Tomatoes. So will it be good?

I don't trust it for a goddamn second. And I, that at first, I did pitch it to MJ that I was like, is this going to be too good of a Christmas movie? But does that exist in a Netflix Christmas movie? I don't know. I don't. I can't. I mean, if this is a good, I don't know, I'll, I'll eat my hat. I'll eat my Santa hat. Don't. It's too big, MJ. You're going to choke. It's very fluffy. And I will eat it if this is a legitimately good new Christmas movie, because that's just not something that happens. But we're about to find out. And if you are in your car, just listen to us, watch it.

It'll be a great time. And if you want to watch it at home, get out your Netflix. And if you want to watch it without getting out your Netflix, get out your Patreon. And we're going to have a class. Yes. Get yourself a candy cane inside of a fucking hot chocolate. Put it in hot chocolate. Stir it.

Put some booze in there, you know. Ooh. Do whatever you want. How are we talking? I don't know. I don't care. I love this. I love this energy from you, MJ.

I'm a little sick. I don't think I have the flu. I'm willing it that it's not the flu. I'm just, you know, I'm embracing the holiday spirit. I love it. And yes, we do both have Santa hats on, but I guess we are the equivalent of the elves before Christmas. And Santa's like, you, ho, ho's better get in front of the Kha,

ha hamra and you better watch yourself a goddamn ho ho holiday movie and you're going to enjoy it and i don't care if you're sick mj nobody cares you're going to be ho fired yes we're going to have frivolities we're going to enjoy a spirit of sorts i don't know because i didn't look up what my secret santa is about we don't know what's going to happen i i maybe is she schopen santa Dead kid? Dead kid or no dead kid? Or is it too soon to tell? Whoa.

You know, or do you think, though, we could also sprinkle it in. Is it just dead family member? You know, because, yeah. There's a lot of dead family members out there in these holiday movies. Yes, that's true. And even though neither of us is getting drunk tonight, I think we could come up with the drinking game rules while we watch for the listeners. I mean, I'll definitely talk along if that's what you'd prefer.

Because, you know, here's the thing. This is, like, right now, you guys. are watching this and or listening to this either the day before Christmas or a couple of days before Christmas. And I hope that you're not at the point in your holiday season where you want to set the Christmas tree on fire. And if you do, take it outside first. Don't do it inside of the house. We don't want like any kind of gremlin's kind of situation. So just remember, before you set it on fire, take it outside. And now it's time to start. Maybe this will be our new favorite Christmas movie, MJ?

Maybe it will. It's like in the Muppet Christmas Carol when, you know, when Kermit starts the kind of traditions and Gonzo says it was Christmas indeed. And I feel like that's us right now. We're watching some stupid fucking movie on Netflix. And now it is truly Christmas. Christmas indeed. So come on, everybody. Warm yourselves by Furs. Because we're about, I'm going to do in case you are just watching with the Netflix. I am going to do a three, two, one start, and you're going to hit play at the beginning of me saying the word start. So I will still do this just so that we're all on the same page, everybody. Okay.

Are you ready for this? I don't know. We might be different afterwards. We might be the same. One of those two things will happen. Or exactly the same. One of the two. Or, I don't know, something much worse.

But let's hope that's not it. Anyway, everybody ready. Get your clicker, finger precipitory, all right? That doesn't make any sense. Just be ready for it. My Secret Santa. My Secret Santa. Three, two, one, start.

Just saying the title again because it's forgettable. You are correct. Howard Bronston. Netflix presents. This is the top echelon. of Netflix budgets. Yeah, this is, this is, there's some production happening here. I mean, is it production or is it stock video?

I don't know. I think, I'm pretty sure they've taken these videos before. Yes, yes. See, oh, we're at the cookie, okay, we're at a cookie place, so we're cross the cookies off the list. Okay, we got the cookies. Some blonde. Everybody take a toke. We've got cookies in the house.

I looked up this bitch's name. Alexa Breckenridge. Oh, Alexandra Breckenridge. Uh-oh, she's unhappy with the state of the cookies. Oh, is she going to be a career woman? Oh, God, she obviously hates Christmas because she's a career woman. Or does she love Christmas because she's a career woman? Either way, she's a bitch.

Yeah, you're right. And those pine needles are going to get in the food, and I'd love for the health department to come around. All right. The boss's name is Mr. Klotz. That's close to Klaus. Oh, God, a disturbing low. Klotz cookies needs to downsize.

Scrooge, is that you? In front of everybody. This, sorry, bitch. C-list Melissa Joan Hart look-alike. Whoa, MJ. Love Sick MJ Roast style. Get out your chestnuts. Say, yes, I am watching Mary X-Mass featuring the actual Melissa Joan Hart.

Did you actually do it? Yeah, man. I can't wait. We will have talked about it already now on celebrities, but I got a lot to say about it. Oh, God. Dead Kid? Missing kid because she's a career woman Missing kid

Where did my child good? I don't know I've been I've been I've been working too much Who's got the time to make sure That it becomes a thriller That it becomes like a gone girl style thriller Oh my god go off Put that kid on the train

Where's my fucking kid on a train Oh she's worse than a career bitch Jackie She's a poor Oh god She probably can't even have a fault to put a wreath. She's a pabo. She's a pablo.

She's late with the rent. She's the Bob Cratchett. But is she the Bob Cratchett? Are the kids, frogs, and piggies. How? Oh, what? I don't think so, bitch. You know, it doesn't sound like that's at the top of the list of things that we should be paying for. Sorry.

It sounds like an expensive habit. How are we going to afford it? I just lost my job. What's that number? Oh, she's a Lea Michelle as well. We should have watched the Lea Michelle one. Is this a number? What?

I did shut down, Jackie, for watching the 2012 Lea Michelle Christmas movie. Because the only reason to watch it is that Lea Michelle is in it, which is a bad reason. Yes. But also people recommended it, which is a good reason. Oh, I'm changing myself to accommodate your poverty. She's used to being poor.

How do you like that, mother? Bad mommy. You know she's bad because she can't afford things. Just for the record, we're about to make fun of this mommy and we're not actually We don't actually feel this way. condemning poor mothers but in this world she's a failure oh man when you're trying to sell stuff back to the vinyl store and this man i know him too he looks like teddy rucksman turned into a man

right doesn't he have the dead eyes of glass beads yeah yes he does. Oh my God, bitch. Are you in the screaming kittens? Come on. What I love in a Christmas movie is how quickly things happen. Like, they're already falling in love. Knew it.

And she's in the screaming kittens. Kittins. Jackie, you wrote this movie. I wrote this movie. Surprise everybody. I'm the Santa of this movie. I'm poor I mean honestly though

If you're in the band Sign it Let's get Oh we're gonna have to do one more show Is this gonna be one of those Christmas movies Where we got to want We do one big show Empty your drink at the end

If there's one more show Whoa out the gate Teddy Rucks spin Keep it in your fucking pants It has to happen fast, Jackie. Even though it's the length of a regular movie, there's no time for character development. You're right.

And then there's that poor guy. Yeah, that's like a poor man's version of an actor I can't summon right now. Like a John Cusack and a high fidelity? Yeah, I guess so. I guess he would be more the... Whoa! Hey there, girl. You could be a screener.

dreaming kitten and a mother. Oh, he's back in town. They're going to get hot chocolate. Oh, they want to go get a cup of hot chocolate. That's good. You guys have seen a Hallmark movie before. Why go out for a drink when you can go out for... I think if a full-grown man asks me to go out for a hot chocolate, it would really depend

on the situation. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because some men, I feel like... like, is that a cup of shit? Did you warm up shit? Yeah, where are you like a weird? If I've been hanging out with Holden for too many years.

You've been hanging out with Holden for too many years, but I feel like if a man asked me out for hot chocolate, this is so judgmental of me, but I'd be like, are you like a religious freak, you know? Like, why? That or are you three boys wrapped up in one boy in a trench coat? In this trench coat with the popped collar. Yes, that's right, you guys.

It's Christmas and we're trying to get mean tonight, all right? How many boys you've got in there? I, now my fear is that this movie is going to do exactly what we discussed on celebrities, which is like a imitation of what makes a Hallmark movie magical without being what makes a Hallmark movie magical, which is cheapness and poor production.

I think this has that. I'm pretty sure it has that. All right, all right, all right. It's like you cannot pull. possibly try too hard at a movie like this. No. Oh, he's a cute brother. He's a cute brother.

Everybody looks like an imitation of a famous person, though. And that is what makes it a hallmark movie in a way. That, exactly. That's when you get the off-brand, you know? This is an off-brand Jason Bateman. Okay, I could see that, yes. The guy in the record store was like an off-off-off-brand Jack Black, you know.

You're right. You're so right. I don't even know I can say what off-brand the lead actress is. Yeah, I'm just like, she is an off-brand woman. She's like a white woman. I do think she's off-branded Melissa Joan Hart, but I can't figure out what the main guy is.

Two plain to even. Oh, so she has to work at the academy so that she can get a deal on. And then she's going to be stooping a snow. border? She is going to become an indentured servant to make her child's dream come true because that's what a good mom does. Uh-oh, T-Mowary.

Sister, sister. Where's your fucking sister? Why aren't there both of them? That's my question. Yeah, if they're not together, I don't want either one of them. If there's one, I need the other. I imagine they're probably very sick of ever hearing that. Too bad.

Oh, that's a lot. It's a lot. There's always a big to-do list. Exposition. Exposition. Okay, so there's lots of things. Here's the stakes. There's just snowboarding happening.

Yes, yes. Scene one, we got the character development. That's done. Don't expect more. Scene two, we get the stakes. Oh, it's imitation, whoever you are. Daddy? Is it Daddy?

Definitely daddy. Wow. Disappointed daddy. So he is the son of the daddy that owns the snowboard house. And he's a loser who likes punk music. I wonder, do you think that off-brand white woman A is going to have sex? I'd rather have sex with daddy. I wonder to have sex with daddy to help the kid.

I would. If she has sex with daddy, that would be a twist I don't expect. Yeah, you do. When I look at her, I do think dog shit. Oh, a job. I need a job. Oh, my God. You there, girl, I need a job.

Who does need a job? what oh my god are you going to put on a fat suit you're going to pretend to be an old man that that will be fun we're going to get some drag happening santa drag and then and then wait a second he's a bad boy this man is far too old to still be doing these things things he's a he's a he's a bad oh is he just a rich fuck-up this character should be 25 years younger or else i don't want to fuck him um his mother died jackie oh so it's fine that he's spoiled we got a little bit more character development i thought we were done yeah you do buddy because you're fifty

five years old and I'm about to die so if you don't do it now I don't know what to tell you yeah no it is a bet he's way too old to be like a fail son you're so old this is not charming also why isn't he wearing like a fucking red sweater or a green sweater misunderstood because he's not christmas yet okay all right you wait till the spirit done takes hold All right. Fair. See, he's a free spirit. He's a free spirit and he is going into retirement right now and you need to validate his feelings. He's a fail son. You're going to kill your own son? You got an Italian job your own son? Okay.

Is he gonna, oh, do we also get to kiss Tia, too? Are we fucking Tia? Where's daddy going? He's just testing us. He's got to go off to do daddy things other places. Yeah. He's like a D-list Luke Wilson. I know, but again, he's like the Luke Wilson in the movie Old School, like many years ago, you know?

Yeah. Are these fuck-ups usually this old? I know if you're talking like succession, right? But I'm talking Hallmark. Right. You know. That's not true. You see the old weird ones, too.

Honestly, like in the Christmas spirit, that one, he was weirdly very old. I do feel like the men and a Hallmark movie are between. 35 and 45 This full-grown adult child Also fall in asleep With the Santa hat on Hey, are you making fun of wearing a Santa hat, Jackie? Do you fall asleep with the Santa hat on?

Tonight I will M.J. We need to talk about this. White woman A You haven't any feelings? Are we gonna get a monologue? No. We're looking at our phone. We're making a phase she's got to go become an employee guys I think she's getting the Santa idea I think is she really going to put

Yeah okay Are they like that match make a match make me a match Part of Mrs. Is this just Christmas Mrs. Doubtfire We've got some really generic gays That's something that now we can add to the new, like, checklist of a Hallmark movie is, like, poorly developed generic gays. Yes. Just to check it off a list.

Gays. And here's the bad fake Christmas music because they can't pay for the rights for the real ones. It feels like a Christmas song. It's kind of Christmas, I guess, but also cheer. And I am smiling. We are experiencing a Santa Mrs. doubtfire montage, you guys. I...

All right. All right. Things are looking up, Jackie. I know you're not drinking tonight, but if you were, I think we would empty it. I just hope that the bad boy's son finds out she's Santa Claus

while he's like on his knees in front of Santa. Like, I want him to fall in love with Santa Claus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we might be going there, Jackie. All right. It is, we have fully gone Miss Doubtfire. The gayest know how to make a realistic face mask, just like, what's his name for Mrs.

Doudfire, Harvey Firestein. That, wow. White Woman A did a little voice. I've just been watching, I love this Santa lineup. A bunch of losers trying to be Santa. You know what I think we need? We need some bitch in here. Tia Mowri wants to kill herself.

Oh, yeah, but Tia Tau, I mean, Tia Mowri is the comedic relief, though. Yes, but I'm going to say she's not fully present. Oh, oh, no, I see. I think in her head she's somewhere else. Oh, my God, her fake. I am a Santa Claus. I am a Santa Claus woman. No, I mean, I'm not a woman.

I mean, I am just a Santa Claus. I can't believe it's Santa Mrs. Dowfire. Why didn't they name it that? Honestly, don't lie to us. falling for Santa they should have called it fucking Santa in a queer wear they should have called it fucking Santa and I don't know for some reason

I guess it wasn't as accessible worldwide like I think fucking Santa just didn't have the quite ringed it How about this queering at Christmas? Now that I'd be into That sounds like we need Some tugs of some sleigh bells Yeah, because we're going to start off wanting to fuck Santa Claus And then we realize she's white woman A

And that's fine Yes We want to fuck them both Yes Yes Oh, yeah, you're starting to, oh, does it hurt in your chest? All right, we got to, we got it. We're queer in Christmas.

The Matthew Lane. Oh, because he's a famous fail time. Also, which bathroom are you using? Are we about, like, you're going to have to really work on this? In fact, I'm worried she might get into trouble in a different capacity. This is what I'm saying. Dependium on where she is. This is what I'm saying.

I'm just like in a year defined by horrible gender panic. It's, it's 2025. I just wrote a paper on all the bathroom bills in schools right now, you know, and I'm just like, Santa Claus are you keep yourself safe but I don't need to bring that analysis into this no I'm gonna put it I'm gonna put it on the shelf I understand where you're coming from because you'd think that a movie written obviously like two months ago they probably would know better but they don't it's okay it's Santa Mrs. Delfire I'm scared about whatever is going to happen to Jimmy.

Like, is Jimmy going to be broken? Because I don't want to see that happen. Are we, do we need to rename the movie TransPanic Santa? You know, that's all I'm asking. Especially in the changing room. All right, this is the last time I'm bringing up Transpantic Santa. I'm not going to say it again. It's an alternate title.

Who are all these men? This is because the snowboarding, MJ... All these old men? This is what conservatives think trans people want to do. Right? I feel like this is... I'm trying to not see this as only cringe. Like, I'm trying to not cringe into my Santa hat,

but yeah I need to stop thinking about it like it exists in the broader context of the world I know it's just like between this and then we also had football Mrs. Doubtfire this year yes we did we had football Mr. Defire now we have Santa Mrs. Doubtfire oh can we see those double Tiger back tattoos, sir? I'd love to take a closer look at those horrible tattoos. I missed it. I wasn't even seeing it.

Also, what is this shirt? The stripes are too wide. And then with the pet, this is, with the gloves, you just haven't thought this through, you stupid bitch. Stupid bitch You're going to get us all killed Because like that's the thing You want, yeah

Like you should Think about how many people live in fear Doubtfire Santa Jesus Christ I can't I can't It's okay This is a

this is the characterization her Santa Claus her Santa Claus voice is so bad he's Santa Claus he's Santa Claus that's the type of chip Her voice sounds like if you put an alligator into a garbage disposal like it is just like Like, has white woman A ever met a human man before? Yeah, no, it's like, do an impression of a girl trying to sound like a boy who is eight years old.

That's what you know. Whoa. Shake them, Jimmy. Shake them, baby. Like a Charlie Sheen, Elon Musk hybrid? I guess. Like a famous fail son. Yes. Who everybody hates. A little Chet Hanks in there?

A little Chet Hanks. Throw a little Chet Hanks in there. Oh, I thought Tia Mower was breaking the fourth wall looking right at us. I was ready for her to bring me into the world. I'm ready. Tia, if you need us, we're here. see mj i know you were saying oh this has a bigger budget look at this scene yeah does this movie have a bigger budget they just like set this up outside of a hotel that they didn't even like rent

to film at they just like can we use the front of your hotel at the middle of the night i also like because we know that all these movies are shot in the middle of summer and i love how fake and rampant the cold, like the cold air coming out of their or like with the warm air coming out of their mouths is? Yeah. What did they do

to the Christmas tree? They're going to set this mountain on fire and clause a global warming event. Don't bring that up. January is coming. Fire season's coming again to Los Angeles, MJ. Listen, this is a a movie that's touching on topical subjects.

All right, Jackie? God, are they going to come here and they're going to burn down our state because we're, we're, all of you with your transpanic Santas? Transpanic Santa's going to unleash hell that you don't even, can't even anticipate. Oh, yeah. So you're going to hold up this grip to everybody? She's the... Yeah, yeah, that's daddy.

They couldn't have found somebody who could do a different voice than this? Any white woman who could do a better voice. Is this what I sound like when I do audiobooks, guys? Like, is this what you're having to listen to? I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do this to you. No, the requirement for being in a Christmas movie is to put about 60s. percent of your acting bonafide's in there, you know?

Yes, you're right. And you give it your all every time, Jackie. How many people are trying to stup Santa in this movie, do you think? You mean sexy lady, sexy ladies, like, you've been... That one. Yeah, the potential, you know, you got to hand it to them. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

bitchy snowgirls oh you're a pavo mom get away from me like if my mom walked up up right after that happened get away with your cheap coat What is wrong with him in general? Is he actually a snowman turned into a man like hot frosty? We just don't even know that this is a sequel to it because honestly, that would make the most sense.

It's like how hot frosty we kept being like, does this man have the cognitive ability to consent? And this one, we're like, is this about locker room gender panic? But this is why I like to watch these movies with you, MJ. Well, this is usually... People would accuse me to be in a wet blanket, but I'm just seeing how I'm just calling it like I see it, okay? I think it's funny. And also, usually I'm watching these by myself, so I'm usually screaming this at the television by myself. You've never told your...

daughter that you were in a famous band you've never told her never brought up the band that you were in unrealistic moms are people also that is insane are you kidding me mj are like don't you love sharing with your kids that you do fun things yeah no i that's it that is a that's whoever wrote this script that that is unreasonably pisses me off you're going to raise an entire child

without ever mentioning like this pretty good part of your life? Is someone going to find this van and be like what's happening? I

all of this is very scary. It's the drag transformation van. Everybody loves Christmas. Mrs. Doubtfire. We've talked about this. It may as well be a

horror movie. And now it's like, is it even scarier? So not only is this person lying about who they are, they're lying about who they are, to be close to a bunch of children, you think they would have done a couple more background checks. This is what conservatives think we dream of. Oh my God, she's also, she was a baker, but she's also a copywriter of sorts. Yeah, and I think more than anything, she's a bitch, you know.

Oh, whoa! Where are you getting the bitch from, MJ? She's telling everybody what to do. She's like, she might not be a Catherine Heigel in terms of career woman, but she is a Catherine Heigel in terms of her bossiness. You're right. Look at that Santa. She's a bad Santa.

Bring in his improv game. Bad Santa. At least it's not like the movie Bad Santa because then that's a different kind of bad Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. And then you're going to be put into prison because you lied to be around children. You know, just because you're a mother doesn't mean you can't go to jail for that.

Yeah, right? Yep. Maybe I'm being in the wet blanket now, and I apologize. You know, there's, it's hard to process this in real time. Uh-oh, her tummy burst. Ew. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, my God.

If I thought Santa was giving birth to a bunch of beans, I would have flipped out. Everyone should be flipping out. What's wrong with Santa? Why are their beans coming out of his pussy? She's pissing beans. Beans out the holes of Santa. No, we're not gonna circle back to the beans?

Okay. Yeah, no, it's all, it's all very Mrs. Downfire, but like just so much worse in an interesting way. So much worse. How does this have a 79% on Rotten Tomatoes, Jackie? You know what, MJ? That's a really good question.

I'd love to know who's out there giving great reviews to this movie. Because, yeah, we thought it was going to be too good. I'm going to say my merry little X-Mass can mop the floor with this movie. I enjoy that. But I think that's because I would do anything for Alicia Silverstone.

We'll have already discussed it. I have to explore this with you. She wants to fuck Santa? She wants to fuck Santa? Everybody's going to want to fuck Santa. Why would you bring this lie back to your apartment? Yeah, you could have changed,

before you got back home, that would have been a good idea. Also, you could have looped your daughter in, who's clearly old enough to keep a secret. And also, why does this woman just want to fuck this old guy that's being Santa? Well, you don't know anything about this person. It's, some people, that I can suspend my disbelief for, you see a hot Santa, you want to fuck the Santa. I don't know if I've ever, outside of Kurt Russell, I don't know if there's ever been a Santa I want to fuck. You know what? I don't like about this is that the reason she's bad at being Santa is because she's a mother and she's trying to give useful advice to the kids. And isn't that just like a woman? Isn't that just like a useless, annoying woman? MJ. Isn't that just like a useless annoying woman? Yeah, but Santa's coming off as a jerk. Maybe because,

Because beans are coming out of his holes. No, Mr. Lane is not. Tia Maori. Fix it. Yeah, I would be getting drunk as Santa all day. If I'm Santa, I'm wasted. MJ, have you seen bad Santa? I have not seen bad Santa. I know.

I know. I know. It's a big, big oversight. It's just, I only make that. big smile just because someday I'll get to see best. Bernie Mac is perfect in Bad Santa but you definitely should watch it.

Oh good, another Christmas movie in 2025 about domestic labor. It's because this Santa knows it's a woman's world. It's a woman's world and we're lucky to be living in it. see she's bringing her politics to the job and that's what makes her bad she knows what it's like to be a working mother and nobody wants to hear it and everybody wants to you to clap that trap that trap and have sex with them as santa claus close the mouth open the legs that's all we care for a woman about on the holidays and it's a good thing he doesn't know your

a woman or else he'd be saying that to you right fucking now I'm pointing at Santa by the way for those that are not watching at home I'm pointing at Santa. Shut up so I can have sex with you. God, because once I find out you're a woman I'm going to put my

penis inside here. But I want you to keep the suit on. Oh, he wants the suit on. I can't believe she's falling for this fail son. He has done nothing. Oh, what he's done is like her. Oh, he likes her. So now we have to like him back because we have nothing else to offer.

Because a single woman doesn't have a lot of chances. Take anything that is thrown their way. And remember, does it matter if you hate them or not? It's all you're going to get. He's your only chance, white woman A. You don't know anything about her either. I've spoken to her twice. And that's my favorite part is that I don't know anything about her.

You keep calling her screaming kittens. I don't know if you remember what her name is. I wish that he was better dressed. I wish he was like younger, hotter, and charming at all. Yeah. Sorry, maybe not even younger. I don't even, I just, he looks bedraggled. He does, but I do think it is part of the, part of the project is that the man can't be that hot.

Oh, fake, fake, fake fire. We about to find out? We're about to find out. No, not yet. The other thing is I can never tell how long I've been watching a Christmas movie because the plot is so poorly constructed. I'm like, it could be about to be over, or we could be just beginning, I don't know.

I think that's a thing. For anybody that doesn't usually watch movies like this, which I don't know if you'd be watching this much of a movie if you don't usually watch movies like this, while they are formulaic, they do always, I feel like something comes out of a weird gait at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never know exactly what's going to happen even though you do.

I love these generic gays who are just always there. Yep, always ready to work. This, it, they wish. Always. he's ready to serve these gays. Do you think that they really think that they were on par with the Mrs. Doubtfire?

Like, do you think that they watched it beforehand to, like, prime themselves? Man, if they watched, I don't think these people have ever seen Mrs. Doubtfire. Maybe it's for the best. Don't tell them about it now. There's just, you know, again,

it's like a disorienting lack of charisma. Like, most people, can't make it as any kind of actor without having some level of charisma. And then there's this cast. She's going to go be weird Santa to her daughter. Santa mommy. Yeah, she's going to give annoying advice that she wouldn't listen to if it was mom. Ew, because she's just random, weird, creepy Santa.

I want to not be poor. Oh, please. You want your mom to get a boyfriend? No, but... Okay. All right. Okay. Okay.

That's nice. Yeah, teenage girls famously just opening up to Santa. Yeah, one that they've never met before. Yeah, it's a person they don't know. Mm-hmm. Because honestly, if I were 15 and Santa Claus came to sit by me, I'd be like, get the hell away from me, you freak. Why the hell are you talking to me?

I'm not a fucking child. What are you trying to look down my shirt? Get out of here. And maybe I was too much of a bitch when I was 15, but no way would I be talking about that. because she's a mom day after day because she's a mom she's a mom she's just a shitty mom shitty mom shitty Santa yeah you're being yeah honestly I would fire that Santa yeah stop fire the Santa you're being bad at it you suck you take all the joy out of being a child you just like a mother does Jackie yep takes all the joy out of all children's one somebody's got to do it oh now but she's going to use her mom power to make a child feel better keep it moving your job is to keep it moving

oh maybe I'll ask for that for Christmas aren't you thousands of years old why are you still scared of the dark Do you need to talk to a professional? Wow, a woman has value. Ew. Look at that. Only when she's dressed like a man. And that is what we've learned here tonight.

A woman can be useful. On Rotten Tomatoes. Why is this 79% on Rotten Tomatoes? You know what? It's Tia Maori. She's doing her best 60%. She's barely in it. There's only so.

what she can do. And when she is in it, she looks like she wishes she was dead. Yes. As she should. As she should. She's correct. She's like my comfort. Like I see her and I'm like, oh, thank God. Thank God, yeah. Or else I really, but like, did Tia, is that how this movie got sold? Tia Mowri is a bitchy hotel assistant. Okay. And it's like Mrs. Dalfire. Yeah, I know they already redid Mrs. Dalfire this year, and that was stupid. But what if we did it again? And there's a kind of like Elon Musk-style rich loser who can't do anything right.

Oh, she's being a mom. But he sounds like a bit of a troll, but, you know, I guess we're fine with it. See how they handle it? Ah! They did not invest in an acting coach for this character, and that's all right. Ew. We're going to. Jackie, you love this.

It's a child singing and faking a stutter at the same time. They cured her stutter, Jackie. They cured it with song, child songs. How do you feel? This is a great. I think, you know, I'd love to get a medical professional. I'd love to. Speech-language pathologist, sound off.

Yes, if we could, like, it is, I'll bet this is a thing that singing might be helpful. I'm sure. Ways in which to help, I'm sure, it is just, but a little, it's just a little cringe. It is, it is, it is. I wish that hadn't happened. I do. Yeah, I wish editing this film. I could unsee it.

I wish I could unhear it. I just like Oh, they've posted it on Happened. Oh, good. Look at this fake ass social. And I'm so glad. Good.

Post this. Yeah, good. Get this little girl out there. I hope you didn't ask if it was okay. Why? I love, I also love the timeline of Christmas movies. Everyone's getting their tree on December 23rd for some reason. Everyone's making travel plans on December 24th.

Yes, to get to the hotel to see this Santa because he sang the stutter away. We must see it. I think we do need to start referring. I mean, what's happening, T.Mari? Just staring at the picture of her? Timauri is getting suspicious. Yeah. Yeah, because this Santa is just like the dope is suspicious.

Dope is suspicious. You remember? Hugh, man, that's fun. All right, we have now, we're entering the Transpantic Santa portion of Transpanic Santa 2025, so everybody just get ready. It's fine. Man, is nothing else going on? this town?

Man, if I found out my mom was doing this when I was 15 years old, I'd be like, mom, I think you need to go get evaluated. I think that we should talk about this. And I think that something else is going on. She's doing it for you in your snowboarding career, Jackie. Is it? is it for her in the snowboarding career are you Santa

yeah great question why didn't you is that child 28 years old this could does seem weirdly old oh Do I have like an aging filter on my eyes this evening? I feel like I'm having a lot of problems.

I think it's because everyone in the movie looks not good enough to be in a movie. And I shouldn't say that about this 15 year old. And I don't mean that. Because they're not bad looking. They're great looking. None of the like people in it are bad looking at all. It's totally fine. They're all beautiful people.

It's just the acting is so generous. that it really is it's so and movie stars look a certain way i saw gail simmons at a children's play space this weekend they just they don't look human you know so then when you have people who do look human in front of the camera on a movie set you're like what's wrong it's like the glow in the sims like if you're a celebrity in the sims you glow yeah yeah yeah you know it is kind of like that exactly and it's the glow of being able to be as tight as you want to be yes totally how does she have the time to be to live both lives i mean that's a mrs doubt fire problem but yeah good question i mean he didn't do well with it either i love that they're going

to fall in love with her having spent no time as herself i think that's perfect you know i want I think he wants to fuck Santa Claus. This is what, like, I feel like this is what we're learning about this movie is that he's willing to have sex with her instead, but who we, like, we all know he's envisioning Santa Claus. Yeah. And I feel sad for him because I wish he could have that. Yeah.

Yeah. And I, but I feel happy for her that she doesn't have to be loved for her, for who she is. Or that she doesn't have to have a very weird sex scene with her. dressed as Santa while having sex If we don't get a fucking makeout scene with her dress

as Santa I'm gonna eat my hat again I want to see that old bitch sucking on get that candy cane

have I been reading too much smut just the right about thank you I can't stop yonning I can't start yonning

once I start once I pop I can't stop. I'm not, it's not happening again. Nope. Zips are closed. Zip it. All right. The obligatory walking with hot chocolate scene is part of the hallmark checklist.

MJ, you don't understand how difficult it is to do if you would just watch finding Mr. Christmas. You could see how difficult it is to try and ice skate in a scene or get on a horse. Yeah. and have to say a line. This man has to walk with an empty cup. Do you know how difficult that is? What do I need to watch before we record on Thursday? It's not finding Mr. Christmas.

You're making me and Adam watch it. Oh, gay hockey. Heated rivalry. Heated rivalry. The good thing I'm in love with Santa Claus. Look path. T.M. Marie. Why show the Apple?

It's crazy that they could show the Apple logo, but then all of these search engines are all these like bobo-ass. I think I know. But I think it's funny. It's just like I love the juxtapism. I feel like it does make it inherently funnier. Yes. Yeah.

Again, I do think that there, this is somewhat, self-aware, 30% self-aware? Yeah, I think you can't do this genre movie without being self-aware. The problem is just that the self-awareness ruins it. It's better when no one knows, when no one's it on the joke. I don't know if they know though how bad it is. I think that's, I don't think they know how

that it is. I don't think they would have agreed to be in it or make it. I mean, I say that, but I'd make this movie. Yeah. I I would love to do Santa Claus, Mrs. Doubtfire. Yeah. You kidding? That's pitched to me? Of course I'm going to say yes.

Yeah. But I also would make sure that that if I'm put into a fat suit, I want a big fuck scene in that fat suit. And I wanted to be obviously latex. I want it to be long. I want it to be squeaky. I want it to be warm. I really think that we've got to get at least a kiss in the Santa suit. I don't think we're going to get a fuck, but I think we're going to get a kiss.

A gay Santa kiss. Oh, my God, yes. And then maybe it'll be in front of the obligatory gay brother's brother relationship. And they can go like, oh, and then they'll say something gay. And they'll be like, see, we're doing it, guys. Yeah. Did you see? Yeah.

Give us our accolades. Yeah, then they'll be like diversity, check, check, cookies, check. I wonder if that ever comes back around. Do you think she's going to make him cookies? Great question. The cookies were a real red herring. Red herring, had no idea. Oh, she's happy because her mom is going to fuck that fail son.

Yes. And hopefully she cheats on him with the old woman in her building as Santa Claus. And is it cheating if you're Santa Claus when you do it? Oh my God, go up there and blow them out of the water, bitch. You know what we might get, Jackie? We might get sexual harassment of Santa by the super. Good. And then that checks off a lot of boxes,

like landlord sexual exploitation of Santa Claus. But like we're also fine with it because technically he's not a being of our world. so I guess to some creepus that makes it fine I'm gonna say it like I want consent if I'm gonna have sex with a being of any sort

always yeah even if made up of any kind of like ethereal substance you know always oh he's gonna put it together because of the chapstick because of the unicorn chapstick

are you Santa Claus Checoves Chapsd Chapsd Oh my God, it was the chapsick the whole time. The chapsic, which is age inappropriate for her and her daughter. For her also, why does anyone in this have it? Yeah, her daughter's too old to have that chapsic.

Way too old, ambiguously old. Might be up to 22 or 23. Oh my God, does she have trauma? What's her trauma? what's her trauma She's got trauma Didn't even include the last minute trauma Oh my God

Oh you forgot your chest You finish the bowl, finish your drink Last minute trauma Dad of the kid died Was he in the band Somebody died I died while I was on stage Is she a good?

My kid died while I was on stage. Oh, it's his career trauma? Whatever. Yeah, but also, yeah, that's life, bitch. Jerk off motion. You can go play guitar on the weekend. She's fucking 15 years old. You've been spending half the day pretending to be Santa Claus.

you don't understand my career died to go through what you did being in a band and then growing up yeah everybody did that becoming a single parent a lot of people have like done things when they were young and then stopped doing them it's fine that's it I mean I thought this was going to go hard I thought we were about to find out so like what like

let's on earth some shit that's it Yeah, she was once in a band And now she's not in a band Jackie Be sensitive I also used to be in a band I used to be in a band I'm in a band anymore I used to be in several bands You know what, don't bring it up

I will run away Oh my God MJ stop if you're going to cry I'm going to cry I'm running away from the stage And yeah my name was bad mama bitch And it was really I can

I know that giving up on your dreams is sad. I just really thought that it was going to be. I thought we were going to get a one-two punch. I thought we were going to go Brandon for a one-two punch. I was Randy. Best Christmas ever dead kid. Uh-oh, she's on jobization. Jabization. And she looked through the eyeballs of Santa Claus to find through jobization.

She did a couple of... The woman? Reverse Google image searches crossed over with what I did. Eyeballs jobizations? oh my god she was she was trying to fuck santa landlord she should have

yeah she should have fucked the rent from santa claus she absolutely should have really leaving money on the table no you are not girl I love her.

You love the slutty landlord. I love her, yeah. She's always ready to have a sex. Sexually inappropriate landlord. She saw a stranger stranger one time. Wow. And she's just dressed ready for him at all times. Good for her.

No one takes care of my kin. It is four. 4 p.m. You're putting your 15-year-old to bed. This, I feel like this is like a Michelle Trackenberg situation in Buffy where I'm like, is she supposed to actually be like eight. Dude, you got to see this. This season is stranger things. It's like this kid is supposed to be like 10 and she's so obviously 14. And I think she's supposed to be less than 10. I feel like she's supposed to be eight and she's 14. I guess I'm glad they don't try to like young them up with technology. You know, I guess that's good. Righteous gemstones?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, but that's, I'm not trying to insult this teenage actress if she is teenage, but she does look old, sir. Then, oh, my guitar. Oh, my God. My guitar, I'm, I'm, I was, oh, my God, it was literally right there.

I was young once. The love is time when I was from. When I was truly won. And our future walls forever I would never come on done I can't sing along as I don't know the words Because I always pass forward through that part And there you cared for me

I will sing the whole fucking song This is that moment This is the when love is gone moment Since we're not meant to be Except they really kept it short They kept it tight And God bless them I just got excited

Because I haven't seen Muppet Christmas Carol yet I know I haven't Because I get to watch Muppet Christmas Carol soon Yeah Who are you? Oh the meany this if this was like if this was like if this person was talking to me again i don't mean to break this up again i just feel like was i too much of a bitchy teenager like if you

were that age wouldn't you be like why the fuck are you talking to me right now like i feel like no you're right did i just get raised by like new yorker parents that like i I, there's no way I would have accepted someone talking to me this way when I was 15. No, I think teenagers are pretty famous for like, not wanting to talk to Santa Claus about their personal problems. I think that's fair, Jackie. Oh, God. You're going to tell Zoe's private life. Ew, don't triangulate.

I feel like this is, ew! Mommy, you're doing it bad right now. I'm going to tell your bully that you've never met your father. I'm going to show her. Don't tell the bully private information. Oh my God, MJ. Yeah, no, that's what you should do, guys. Dress up like Santa, go find your child's bully, and then tell them their deepest shame that they have no control over and see if that helps.

Oh, my God. also if i found out that santa was spreading shit around town about me i'd also go beat the shit out of santa i would have taken a back to it well don't worry the rest of the town's gonna be beating the shit out of santa when they find out that santa's a woman yes so join the angry mob of people with a reason to beat the shit that well it's not even i don't give fuck it's more just the lie i you know i'm not not a transphobic person at all. It's just I would find it very weird if someone, and I understand it's different for people

that, like, I understand. No, no, no. Of why people feel they have to lie and why people are terrified. I'm not saying that. I'm saying in this instance, this context, this context only. It's a recipe for a Simpson-style angry mob for everybody to go get burning pitchforks and come after her. I think that's how this movie has.

the end. Just because I'd be like, what else are you lying about? You've been giving advice to all of our children. But also, again, all, I think they would all lose a lot because nobody did any background check. And I think, except for Tia Maui, who did it with jobization. After the fact, With reverse searching Santa's eyeballs. Yeah. No, and it is fair to want to have background checked your Santa, honestly. I think that's, you do want to know who Santa is when you hire him.

I think that's fair. I wish to live in a world where people don't have to lie about, you know, and I understand why it does happen. This bitch just wanted a job. Yeah, no, I don't care about Santa's assigned gender. I do care about whether or not they are. liars deceiving an entire town for their financial gain oh my god it's the pierce brosnin scene they are doing it beat for beat

what are oh my god it's gonna be oh god is somebody gonna choke like is that like is that how it's going to what's You're right We are It is literally the Pierce Brosnan scene He can be in two places at once You guys we can make a new movie

We can make a new movie It's 2025 we could do a new movie We could do a new idea We could try something new I love They didn't even try to make it any deeper And it's very funny because to me Mrs. Doubtfire is not transphobic

And somehow this movie is transphobic It is Or it's not transphobic But it's like making me on comfortable in a way that is that that fire doesn't a town and the way in which it's the locker room scene it's just like you're really going to do a gender locker room well we're going to see what happens we're going to see what happens aren't we i think it's m j it's good tackling things you know tackling big themes for the holiday you want things to feel timely for sure

I want Tia Maui to have like a, to go postal and do like a workplace violence. When that's how many, yeah. And yeah, she's going postal. That's how timely it is, you know. It's all the things you don't want to think about at the holidays, you know, all wrapped in a one. I'm not saying. What if she just, like, takes her as a hostage or something, you know?

Oh, that's kind of fun. Something's got to happen. It is, okay, this is, this is the Pierce Brosnan scene. Oh, I'm... And I just... I'm so tired. I'm not yawning, but I'm tired. I get, I know, but you have to keep the holiday spirit within you, MJ.

I'm spiritually tired. I can't believe we're doing the exact fucking Pierce Bros. outfire scene. I'm really, you know what? I'm glad we didn't look at what the, we didn't look at what this movie was about at all. I'm so glad. I think it's for the best we didn't go in knowing this. Yes. I think if we had known we maybe wouldn't be watching this movie, but I'm glad we're watching this movie, even though it's upsetting. And he wants to have sex with Santa Claus. Has he put it together yet? Did you just see, did you just see how he was just like, like, like, sex wincing at him?

Yeah, he looks with more attraction at Santa than he does at White Woman A. Then he does at the fucking Woman A! I want him to accept that she's both and then have sex with each side. That's how you do it. how you do it that's what has to happen it's the only ending i'll accept all right so if this is mrs downfire to a fucking tea except for being good one is good and one is bad oh what what happened no it's just your roast oh your roast but what's gonna so is it also going to end with a choking or is there going to be something else i know you already asked this question but now i'm asking it

you have previously said the same thing but also now i'm there in addition and i wonder as well and i share the question i just love the monotone at the end of finals we have not solved for that yeah or do you think it's going to be like it could end with a choking or could end with a fucking I won't accept anything else If not, I'll riot Not to the Capitol No, let's take it to the Capitol

I want to take it to this snowboarding academy Oh, maybe it was just a little bit of My Fat Sue You've got a little bit of fat suit, hot. Pat suit, just... Oh, uh, my name is... All right, how many times back and forth do you think that we're going to go? Oh, my God, it's going to be too much.

It's going to be more than three. It already is. You know what the difference is between the other scene is that one? it is it's it's such heightened it immediately heightens and then it's over it's such a good scene in mrs doubtfire and this is making me so angry i like let's just talk about that scene i want to watch i would kill my christmas wish is to be watching mrs doubtfire right now except even then i feel like then i feel like we'd be upset more for the fact that like you know oh he just never did anything as a father?

Like, he just was, like, I feel like we'd be upset for different reasons. I don't even hold it against him. Do I get my dream? Do I get my dream? Does it look like Santa's having sex? Wow, gay, sex for Santa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Santa is having sex. Yes, it does. Fuck me, Santa, fuck me Santa. Fuck me, Santa. This is great. I love this.

Okay, all right. All right. This is why it has 79% on rotten tomatoes. Gay sex for Santa. Gay sex for Santa. All right. And he's okay with it. Green flag.

I bet. I'm hoping the look is not for homophobia, but the look is more for... He's about... Is he... What, he's got to bang one out real fast before he... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I feel like that would be my look of confusion.

I do think, I will say, despite my upset throughout this movie, I do think that this movie is not actively homophobic. Actively trying to be. But I'm glad that we got to that answer. Yeah. Because honestly, for a little bit, I don't think either one of us knew if that was going to be the case. And you know what's fun? It's not only gay sex with Santa, but it's sibling gay sex with Santa because that is her brother. Yeah, so that's a lot.

That is a lot. And that's, and that is, they earned their 79%. But he doesn't know that's his sister. That's true. But we do. Uh-oh. Tia! Go postal.

You're going to tank your entire career, T.M.R.E. Loudly in front of everybody and show that you put all those people's children in jeopardy? Oh, she thinks that she doesn't know it's her. Yeah. All right. My career. Yeah, Tia. Oh, she's the career woman. She's the career woman.

She's the career woman. That ain't a career woman. It's fucking, it's obviously not white woman A because she's really destroying. But also, why didn't you just keep baking? Oh, no. There it is. Whoa, there it is. There it is.

There it is. That's great. That's a fun way. That's the choking scene. Okay. We had a daughter with a broken neck. Excellent. Wow. Oh, so you're going to be nicer because she doesn't have a dad? I feel like I'm happy for them. I'm happy for them. Or did she push her down? Oh, you're that bitch. You're that, you're that bitch. You're that bitch. MJ.

Take off your face. Take off your face. Yeah, take off your face. Take it off. Wow, we didn't get a choking. in lieu of choking we got broken neck and I'll allow it as long as we see some face and then we fuck yeah in front of everybody and you know what don't rush her to the hospital let her let her neck stay broken for a few more minutes yeah yeah don't worry this is way more

important that there's dramatic you know exposure show us face she's got a I feel like yeah this would be this that's crazy and do you this is the trauma that we didn't see from white woman a she just inflicted it on her daughter we got to see that trauma happen yeah she's honestly the scheme of things had a relatively trauma-free life of just like having a nice time when she was young and then having a family and but now she has let her daughter have a broken neck and then got her really confused. And destroyed the trust that they had. Delayed medical attention.

And this guy is like, I guess I do want to fuck them both. I still want to fuck them both. That's why I wanted to fuck Santa this whole time. Yeah, I hope she still has the fat suit. Thank you, Daddy. Daddy. Thank you. Think of the lawsuits.

The lawsuit. Yeah, T.Mauri. Destroy his career. Destroy his career. You're out of the family. Boy! Well, that was nice, wasn't it, T.Mauri. Are we thankful for that stupid fucking guy?

Because honestly, you were partially to blame. Largely. Yeah, because he wasn't even in charge of bringing people in. No, it was her, but he was being a hero. Paranthesis is sarcastic. Yeah. Yeah, she was lying about who she was and like everything else, but. Whoa, divorce.

Divorce. Oh, it's divorce. Divorce. Oh, you mean that she has that much. more on her fucking back. She's a career, bitch, Jackie. She has to have the career. You're right.

Aha. Man, she's really late. I feel like she's like Austin Butler. Now she's going to keep acting like Santa Claus. We're like, Mom, you're not. him stop doing it mom i'm sorry i just i can't i can't get out of it and she starts like eating cookies all the time he's like i just don't know and then i want to see that sequel as she descends into madness and she doesn't know which one is real and which one is fake her becoming the lison

butler of santa claus is a great idea jay Oh, then this poor bitch. No, this bitch. You're never going to find love, honey. You left her hanging. Oh, what about daddy? What about other daddy? Oh.

You wrote this movie. So I want to have sex with you. You're right. She's got to get with Hotel Daddy. Wow. Put the fucking guilt on her. Yes. Damn.

Who is it? Man, I would never fuck with that bitch. Damn, cut her to pieces. Ouch. Ouch. Woo. Mixed sports. I am angry at how bad the fake names are.

Mixed 40s. Whoa, and now... Now I'm taking it for no reason. Yeah. Become a career man. Look at how cold they are, MJ. There's no way it's the middle of the summer, MJ. You get to be the general manager of this hotel.

And isn't that great because she worked so fucking hard to get there? And she's just going to give it to you. She's just going to give it to him. Because you didn't work for it at all. And he did one nice thing. She's our career woman. Why is she giving up? I know.

And she needs to support her daughter. She's going through a divorce. Yeah. Sunpeaks has been him and Santa. How long is it? is Christmas. There is a distracting of like cold air

coming from there. It's like the hot air, like right? They're all sucking on dry ice or something. It's so over the top. It's very funny. Yeah. I just imagine, yeah, they just have a bunch of dry ice. They're like, burn up their mouths.

That's why they're acting like that. They're being tortured. It's the dry ice. How does Jimmy feel about all this? Jimmy was the elf that was working with Sand the entire time. Jimmy's not getting any more character development, Jackie. He's done. We got, I think we got two to three lines out of him and that was it.

Honestly, you know, pretty big cast. Yeah, do it at the microphone. it's okay he's the one that's trying to watch out for all the lawsuits he's like and he's like please get her background check the sands her i feel like i feel like daddy would probably kick her off the property indefinite i think that that's i think you you you cannot uh impersonate somebody if you are working with children i do think also So imagine having to tell your 15-year-old, sorry, you can't go to the snowboarding academy anymore because I fucked it up. Because I did a crime that involves children.

Hey. Because I did a crime that involves children. Sorry, I just let it sit for a second. Yeah. Yep, because she did. But you know what? She was in the screaming kittens when she was young. And remember?

I think we're going to bring the band back together tonight. Oh, yeah. She's at least going to play, and then it's going to make everything okay, right? I hope they play. I don't want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. Why were they in a bakery up top? Like, wow, I really thought it was going to come back to baking at some point.

Nothing. You know, she would have lost her job at a week anyway if it was just a Christmas cookie bakery. Yeah. I've never believed a love story less than a Christmas movie, and that's saying a lot. I feel like even that's a lot. That is a lot. I think having your first date on Christmas, it could be the most romantic thing in the world, or it could be very annoying. Yeah, it could ruin Christmas forever.

How about a son? Oh, shit. It's like running back. Yeah, MJ. I told you not to traumatize me. And then she runs off screaming. Yeah. My trauma is that I'm not the bad anymore.

MJ, if you were in this situation with your trombone. Trumpet. Trumpet. I thought you were saying trauma. Yes, my trumpet. Trauma. Yes. but also trauma.

Is this why she got the role? This is why she's a famous punk musician. What's your question about my trumpet? Would I do it? Would you be able to do this? Like, be like, MJ, one more show. Unfortunately, trumpet really is not like riding a bike because it requires muscles.

It's more like doing gymnastics. You cannot just come back to it 30 years later. Do you think that people that do gymnastics would hear you say that and be offended? Probably, but it just... I think it's funny because I know that lip muscles. Do you hear this guy singing? Is this why he got the job? I don't even know if this is their voices, Jackie.

Oh, we do have to find out if this is their voices. I am upset. I, oh my God, if you were 15 also watching this happen, I'd just be far away. My, my body would be there and like, but my, my brain would be elsewhere, you know? Yeah. Jimmy, though, really having a blast. I mean, right now my body's here and my brain is elsewhere. I'm like, this is somehow making the whole movie worse. I hate this part

I hate this part Even though we all knew it was coming We knew it was gonna No the second we heard you It was gonna happen But it's upsetting I mean I'm glad At least she didn't try to do

Like a punk version of it Because then it would have been I think that was a punk version Don't tell That was a punk version Oh but look now they're gonna really know The Meeting of Christmas Because they're gonna spend Christmas

At the Poor apartment Oh wow She's an executive director. She, this is. And the gays are there. But you know that they're different, though, because the gays are there,

and they're in this. Yeah, they've had a change of heart. Oh, he's got a dead mom. I do agree that that actor is not a child This would be such an uncomfortable Christmas I really want to not do that right after all this She's introducing Daddy Hotel Suck that rich knob

Suck that rich knob What's going to happen when Daddy Hotel buys this apartment complex and fucking evicts everybody who lives in it? Just so that she can have it. He's going to gut the whole thing, give the whole thing to her. Love this for her. He sure is. Put them all out in the cold. Put him down the street.

Let him go to the ski. Oh, we got a coog. Yes, bitch. Go off. All right. Suck that. Rich. Knob.

Yeah. Go, go, go, go. Gug-go-go-go-go-g-g-g-g-gug-gug-gug-sog-a-luck-gug-sogill-lug-a-snog! And now, thank God, they are wearing red and green. You were right. Yeah, when they're saying ho-ho-ho at each other, and I feel like that's... He is going to make her bust that out, and I hope they have fun with it. I do hope they have fun with it.

I hope they bring in some roleplay early. They're going to need it. That's the end. 79%... Oh, is this... the punk I guess it's just rock and roll

that was a joke I guess it was a rock and roll version not a punk version generic song right MJ we're not going anywhere okay I'll watch it again

I'll watch it again and has Alicia Silverstone and Melissa Joanheart okay I love this knockoff Rudolph song to the naya yes We're not paying for it.

We're not paying for the real one. Is this punk? Never heard punk. Like they, I feel like this to them is punk, right? For sure. For sure. Thank you guys so much for, wow, for joining us for that. You know what, MJ?

I've come full circle. I'm glad we watched it. I definitely I definitely hated it to a point that I enjoyed it. And I just want to say, thank you to everybody. We had a little glitch there, but it didn't happen until the very end,

and that's okay. You guys have a wonderful, wonderful rest of your holiday. I wish we could get, oh my God, you know we're going to get. I'm sure you guys have heard us talk in other places. All right, love you guys. Oh, happy, holidays to you. Hope you're making it through. And oh, hope you really enjoyed my secret

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