Page 7 - Our Little Secret WATCHALONG

Episode Date: January 2, 2025

It's a new year during this holidazzze break and a new resolution of not saying anything if you can't say anything nice, so here's a watchalong! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Ready for the show. Oh, my God, MJ, I didn't quite look at you before we started. For those of you that are not watching our video, MJ looks like they are trapped somewhere in some sort of toy warehouse. Wherever they are, it seems like you've been kidnapped and I don't know if you need us to come and get you. Yeah, I can't say the phrase trapped in a closet anymore. phrase has been canceled. Right. So it's, well, we'll call it Santa's playhouse. Santa's. Oh, Santa's Playhouse.

That sounds way filthier than. Santa's playhouse. That's not even a thing, by the way. Santa doesn't have a playhouse. No, where else does he play, Holden? Yes. Take me to Santa's Playhouse. It's like, I'm the Holden on this podcast, bro.

So I don't know what you're trying to do right now. You're right. You're right. No, listen. Okay, it might be January 2nd where you people are. And is that a time when many of us have moved on from Christmas? Sure. But here at page 7, it was a short Christmas season.

Okay, we only had three friggin' weeks because of how late Thanksgiving was. So it's happening. It's happening, guys. It's happening. You know, we have to have it continue into January. And also, if you got all the way to January 2nd and you didn't watch our little secret, Well, now we're giving you the opportunity to. So am I currently pouring a bunch of fireball into my cup?

Yes, I am. Christmas maybe only comes once a year. Not. But you can still enjoy a little bit of Christmas residue. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's what we're here to bring. I'm sticky with Christmas over here.

This is Christmas residue. We are bringing to you in your ears. And for patrons, this will, also be a video on the Patreon, correct? Holden. Yeah, so if you're listening to the audio of this and you want the full experience, go to our Patreon. $5.

You can watch us and the movie. And so it might be even more of a pleasant experience for you. So check that out over there, patreon.com. It's like p.com forward slash page seven podcast. But I think it's about time we get this party started. We're in for an hour and 40 minutes of it. And I need to know what happens in the post credits because apparently they're building a hallmarked cinema.

universe. Oh my God, really? Oh, it's a new Christmas Prince universe kind of thing? Or a nef-I guess a Netflix cinematic universe. Never mind. I need to, you know, I know nothing about this movie. I don't know. All I know is it's going to be a zero of these. Holden it was like, what's it called? I was like, I don't know. Our little secret, what's so annoying is Jackie's getting up liking it. And I'm going to be like, why is God like this? You know what I'm going to not like it. I'm going to love it. In every conflict, there's at least one bitch.

A huge bitch, a silly bitch. A little baby bitch, a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is. I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out who's the bitch. We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries.

No topic is off limits. Does your coworker flirt with the boss to get ahead? Is your bestie having her destination wedding? on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy? Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties? Come on, there's definitely a bitch in your life

and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us a voicemail, and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life. Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us.

New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the last podcast network, so subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or website. wherever you listen. And tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network Twitch channel where we'll be taking your calls live on air. Help us, help you figure out Who's the bitch? So let's do three to one and then I hit play on the beginning of start.

Get your remotes ready if you're listening at home and you want to sync it up. So here we go. This is our little secret on Netflix. Yes, our little secret Netflix. I'm about to do it. I'm about to do the count. down right now. Three, two, one, start. And I opened my team. You went start. Oh, that's wise. Absolutely.

I did it earlier. You've got the, seeing some snowflakes. This is the story. I just heard that. So there you go. There's your sync-ups. I'm going to sadly ask for it, Holden. I know you hate them.

But if we could get those subtitles, that would be great. Oh, God, I hate a subtitle. No, I'm just kidding. I'm fine with that. Holden doesn't like to read. Also, also, what are we drinking? Right now I'm drinking hot cocoa spiked with Rumpelmans. Rumpelmans, a 100-proof peppermint schnops.

That's fun. Yeah. I'm drinking a mojito, which is not seasonal. Whoa. That's what we're doing. Okay, so this is about a platonic friendship between a boy and a girl, and they just had a great time in their childhood. and then it turned into a love.

The kind of love that can get you through anything, MJ, which I don't even know what kind of love that is. I don't know if I've ever felt that love. Because sometimes Lexi isn't very helpful getting me through things. Sometimes she is. Sometimes she just goes, well, you shouldn't have, you know, drank too much last night. And I'm just like, this isn't helping me right now.

Too much schnapps. Too much schnapps. Avery, that's my brother's name. That's my brother's name. Your brother. And Logan? Okay. Wow, they're really dropping a lot of expo up top.

I felt like I didn't really pay attention. I know. I already fear that I didn't pay attention enough. I know. I feel like we miss something. It reminded me of the almost completely useless animation in the beginning of Joker La Fala Dew, which was so dumb and so pointless.

Oh my God. Okay, we're in December 2014 right now. Logan's drunk. Oh, he's drunk. Oh, no accent anymore, Lilo. All right. Who's this? guy.

Not a blimish on it. He's a human walking filter. He looks doctor. His appearance looks doctored. Man, the cinnamon toast crunch, you know, drink that I'm drinking, it's just too much. It's rum chata, fireball,

and pomegranate seltzer? No, I added some ginger seltzer. Yeah, well, that's better than pomegranate. Spike a cocoa, bro. They're drinking Miller Light, Well, everybody. Wow. That was the sponsor of the movie.

Is that Miller? Oh, yeah. I thought it was course. Oh, no. Where is she going? She's going away. She's going to London. That's where she's going.

England somewhere. Why is he drunk? Yeah. Well, I think they're together, but I don't think he means all the way in terms of fucking. I think he means all the way in terms of marriage, Jackie. I think you should fuck my daughter. Too late.

Wait. Whoa. Wow. What's up in your mouth, Grandma. I know this man from somewhere. Right? Yes. What's he from? Is that?

That is not, I'm going to shoot myself in the mouth over here. Whoa. Oh my God. She's holding a gun up to her mouth. No. He looks like Mr. Fitz. He does look like Mr. Fitz. But he's hotter than Mr. Fitz.

Is that the rapist teacher? Pretty little liars. Fresh on the mind. Sorry, statutory rapist. Yeah. Yeah, pretty little liars. Is she studying abroad? Or something?

I want studied abroad. Give her the lingi. And then she said, That was not very good a lingi. Oh, the mother's dead. Mother's dead. Who was that other lady? He helped her through her mother's death.

That's what they said to begin. Oh, I missed that. Thank you, Jackie. Gotcha. Who was that other woman? Will she appear in the film as a ghost? Good question. What's the name of this movie?

Again? One simple wish. Is he about to propose? Our little secret. Oh, no. He's going all the way. You're drunk. In front of everybody.

You're drunk. Don't give her a reason to stay. She obviously has this trip imminent. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yikes. Oh, that's his mom. Oh, no, buddy.

Oh, I hate it already. That's my brother's name every time. She says it. Uh-oh. Again, I always say this. Just say yes at the public event. At the public event. And then quietly cancel it later.

Yeah. But then for the rest of the night, she'd have to deal with, like, all the congratulations and stuff. It'd be pretty awful. Whoa. He really does look like Mr. Fitz. Now I've got to look up.

Well, let's, yeah, let's look at it. You're looking it up? Yeah. Oh, don't you weaponize my dead mother. No. Whoa. Bad, Logan. What, ab, wait.

Oh, yeah, she's freezing. I was like, what, what's going on, Jackie? I was watching the movie, but then everything sees, so I don't know it. I see. But you're not seizing. Oh, he's so mad of her. What a bingingus, am I right? Big bingus.

A little mucky muck! Big fucky muck. Yeah. He's a real drunk monkey man. It is, Mr. Fitz. You're kidding. Damn, he hasn't aged today, huh? He has gotten younger.

Yeah. He's gotten younger. What the fuck is he Benjamin Button? All the women who are underage. Right, right. Is helping to age. Oh, look, she can barely cry with her plastic face. She cannot cry with her new face.

I get it. I want to look like that too when I cry. It must be so, she must be using so many, like, mouth muscles just to push those, those little corners back. I can't believe Mr. Fitz is here. I love when I don't have my car keys just going, car keys!

Ice bucket challenge. Oh, so time has passed. Oh, maybe there was a filter on him to look younger. Ah, maybe. Because that was 10 years ago. It was 10 years ago. Right.

I might show this down a little bit. Oh, right, with the mark. All right. They going to do COVID? Yeah, are they going to do COVID? Good question. 2019. Oh, get out of here.

Elon Musk. There you go. At Thunberg. That's my idol. Bernie and his mittens. Love Bridgerton. Wow. Not mentioning.

Are we not going into COVID? We're going to erase it from history. Okay. Too controversial. Squid game. Probably two. I remember what was going on when I was watching Squid Game. It was very upsetting.

Wow. This fucking row. Really jumped a lot, huh? Yeah. Wow. Amazing to do a history montage of a short window of time. Did Elon Musk sponsor this fucking opening? Oh, I got it.

Taylor, eras. Wow, they mentioned eras, but not COVID. Okay. Interesting. All right. I'm in love with, can we just watch eras? Why are we watching this? We should watch eras.

Okay, that now looks like Mr. Fitton. Whoa, she has her own consulting firm. Okay, bitch. Oh, and he's an architect. All right. He's an architect. What an impossible duo.

What a just absolute odd couple of these two. Uh-oh, quirky friend. Again, if you're writing a Hallmark movie or a Netflix movie or anything like these and this like, you know, horny, kind of bad, holiday movie, let me know if you need a quirky best friend. I will. Yeah, a wet, chubby, horny man, you know, that's a dad that's sweaty, a sweaty dad that keeps

talking about is nut, you know, explosions. The dad who can't make himself a sandwich, you could do that. I can super make myself a sandwich. I know, but if you could play the role of an incompetent dad. Oh, oh, oh, I would just do that the whole time, I guess. No, I know you can make a sandwich. I know you can make a sandwich for other people. Oh, yeah.

I refuse to do that, but I can do that. I can't believe it's Mr. Fitz, Jackie. I'm really proud of you for knowing. Thank you. Thank you. We haven't watched that show in a long time. It's his mouth. It's his dumb.

They didn't, like, age him down for the opening, did they? I think Jackie's right. They must have had a filter on him. Right? So I was right when I was like, he looks like a walking filter. Yeah, you're right. You're both right. Well, I was a little more right than she was.

Do you think that the question? quirky friends are gonna get together. I love when the quirky friends get together. I wish one would fall like fuck a dog or something. You know what I mean? Switch it up. Get some farm animals in here and like a goat side love thing with like the librarian, you know? Oh, she's a boss bitch.

Oh, so she's in a relationship where they barely even talk to each other. They're both so busy with their work. They're both so busy. Power couple. Who's this minks? This is exactly the type of person Mr. Fitz would be with. What a shit, girlfriend. Because I think the problem with Mr. Fitz is that his head is really big,

and it didn't look big in the flashback. So did they shrink his head in the filter? They must have. Got a large head. Is she a high schooler? Is that, are they just bringing that back in? That's why I've said she's amics. She looks like much younger than him.

And for her, did they just give her Botox the day of the flashback shooting and then just let it settle. Yeah. I think the filter didn't work on her because her face is... Is already, yeah. Different type of face. She looks great. She looks great.

I'm not trying to... Yeah, I feel like, do, do, dog women. There was just, I just feel like she got... There's a group of women who got done a little dirty by their plastic surgery, and I think that she might be in that group. I think she looks better now than she did in the past. Yeah, I think that's right. But I think that's just that she seems better, you know.

Is he dying? No, he's just moving. Oh, but mom is dead. Dead mom. Still dead. Wow, she's still upset about it. Couldn't he had gone through the pictures? Yeah.

I know this actor, too. The dad, who's he? Yeah, I was trying to figure it out too. Oh my God, she got fucking old. Yeah, she was old 10 years ago. Although she looks exactly the same. Yeah, I think she's just acting more, you know, out of it. I get you, bitch.

Wacky Grammy. Love it. Wow, what a sad life. What a sad. Is this a new girlfriend? Oh, maybe. I need to look up who this dad is. It's going to drive me nuts.

Yeah, please, thank you. I want to be able to summon it from my own mind. but it. So you're saying she hasn't been back in town for Christmas, the town in which the man she was with, they were best friends, they were kids, has been living in this entire time.

All of these movies are premised on the idea that no one ever comes home for Christmas except for this one time at which they come home for an entire month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, once a decade. Oh, dead wife who, right? Yeah, I know, right?

Get that D-Sed, bro. Oh my gosh. he's the dad from revenge. Dad school? Revenge. Did you ever watch that show? Revenge, the beach, sexy beach.

I remember when you were watching revenge, but no, I never watched it. Oh, I watched it during the pandemic. The mom hasn't aged at all either, so you know what, thank you, Netflix, for not fucking with the mom. Yeah, bro, get some of that Lilo Espresso, you know what I'm saying?

from his mom. A little Sabrina Carpenter reference. Ew, I hate this guy. Yuck. Why did she not know how to hold a bottle of water? Don't like him. Well, then they've succeeded. They like that.

I don't like his hair. I think that's what they want. I think they want us to not like it. Wow, what an idyllic. Oh, look at that house. That's my problem. I get too lost in the fat. I just start thinking about how I don't have a house like that.

This is what I, this is what I thought about that the entire time, the Brandy movie last year was happening because it was such an exquisite house. Yeah. So, Jackie, got any predictions for this one? Dead Child? Kristen Chinoward. I know her boyfriend fucks Kristen Chenow. Isn't that his mom?

Yeah. You heard what I said. Do you want him to fuck the mom? Yeah. His own mom. You heard? What I said. I want the ghost of the mom to do a to A to A.

She's being maybe. Okay. So you're just going to keep it and try to reinforce this narrative of her boyfriend having sex with his own mother. What is this round table? I'm just saying, look at them. I get it.

It's the most, like, the most chemistry of seeing the whole movie so far. And she's all like, popular. Sometimes there is an overbearing mom who puts her hands on her son a lot. You know, we're all met. Yeah, yeah. I do not have one of those.

The same party. Oh, the same party. Yes. They're going to end up with this ain't funny, and he's going to be like, oh, I miss you. And he'd be like, oh, look, look, look, look. I can't believe how he was hot in the flashback and now he's ugly again, but maybe that's just because I know that he's Mr. Fitz and I hate him. Are they with a brother and sister?

Are they with a brother and sister? Is that what's going on? Maybe. Is Lilo with a, I think so? His girlfriend is the sister of her boyfriend? She just said my dad, so yes. Ah, see, this is why we need all three of us. And she also said, don't worry about my brother.

He's always trying to fuck my mom. It's whatever. But also, this girl is a bitch. She seems like a bitch. She's fine. I'd watch her with a couple dogs. I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

Uh-oh, there she is. Hey, she might fuck the architect, the love interest. Yes, mother. I guess, mama. It's like Robin the frog. I love that. I always, whenever I see Henry go, my favorite brother.

Well, there appear to be a number of brothers. Uh-oh. I got new guys in the corner, Pugas his guts out. Oh, because you want to save a little money on break pads. You could just tell them. You didn't need to cut them off.

Oh, it's going to be so. You could just clear up this whole. Well, I guess it is called our little secrets. That's their little secret. Well, I think their little secret's going to be when they give it a lick and a snick off behind the Yule log. I'm just happy Kristen Chenoweth is in this

because I didn't know she was. Yep. I agree. Wholeheartedly. Bitcoin reference. Of course. I hate it when these Netflix movies try to be topical, though. Yeah.

Oh, there's being Uber topical. Here we go. We got her back. Whoa, would you like you glad that Kristen Chinon is the movie why? Because I like her. Popular. Well, whatever's new girlfriend might be hot, but she has small breasts.

Damn it. And I'm sorry to go there and be like that, but it's true, damn it. She's been at the tanning booth at least. Thank God. Why? Why? What I'm talking about? Lindsay, you're being weird, girl.

I mean, Avery. Well, she's still in love. with him. Avery McNeely. You think she's still in love with him? Yeah. I mean, that's the only reason why you would lie, right? In this specific instance.

Yeah, you're right. Oh, yeah, like you were the teacher and you were S-Ring a student in a different show. Whoa. Okay, brown suit. I'd call him brown suit for the rest of the night. I like the brown suit, too. I don't like it on him. I don't like him.

I don't like anything about it. At least he made the effort. He didn't. She forced him to put it on. Man, this cocoa rules, dude. Man, nothing makes me angrier. The bottle looks so evil. Then somebody that you have to force to put on nice clothes to go anywhere when they're like, no, won't do it.

Right. Ooh. Tim Curry. I mean, Tim. Tim Meadows. Whatever. I would love that. If Tim Curry is here.

Yeah. We're talking about him alone too. earlier and he appeared. Yeah. And Carla. I like trusting nice, but I don't have it. I don't feel good in the clothes I have anymore. I need a total redo.

Yeah. I feel like a fat ham and everything I wear. Tim Meadows, you're just going to pretend to be a normal person in this movie. MJ, can I pay you to go to a spray tanning place to get like an intense spray tan? Can you imagine? It would look like I was doing cultural appropriation. In the middle of winter, yeah, it'd be a real ariada of you. I just wouldn't.

But it would look, oh, I can't even imagine. I've never ever tried. That would be so funny. We should do a video series where you go. Go to the what the real housewives do. Oh, so they're going to bang. You could feel the tension, cutting like a knife. Oh, my God, dude.

I don't even know if she's wearing a bra, dude. You're looking at everyone's tits tonight, Hold on. It's not that type of knife. insane right now. I think it's this 100 proof schnapps. Yeah, usually schnapps is weak. Yeah, rumplements.

The bottle looks evil. It's like a black label. It looks like something like an evil tyrant would like have in his liquor cabinet. All right. Well, I'm taking it easy, but I'm going to have a little taste of fireball.

I love taking it easy. Girl, what is your problem? Screw the fireball. She's looking up down the 18 year old. Who was? This bitch. Oh, this bitch.

Where are we at with that, MJ? Are you going to let your daughters drink some wine with you when they're like 1920? Oh, yeah, of course. 1920? Yeah. 18? Okay.

How low are we going? 17? I mean, my family, Gideon's family, I feel like at Passover, I feel like usually they give the kids some wine at Passover by the time they're 16 and, you know? Okay. A little bit of wine. 16. Do you, are you not looking at how the mother is speaking to the son?

Is no one else concerned what she just said? What, what did she just say that made you think that she wants to have sex with her own son? What I certainly know, I know who I want to have me. And she like was looking at her son. This is very funny that she's, this is very funny that every portrait she's like highlighted in every portrait. I can't wait to do that in my family. I just want to get out of everybody else. Could you add a little more just around this area,

a little more of a light effect? I feel like those portraits were straight up AI, by the way. Definitely. You're going to bring the shit up when you're the one lying to him? I know. Obviously, he thinks she's pretty if he was with her a long time ago. Also, Lindsay, take your makeup off. You're getting into bed.

Yeah, right. If you're going to bed with that full face of makeup. Yeah. Yeah, this is how I wake up too. Yeah, that's how. Like, I have full makeup on. I'm out. A little dog named Veronica is very funny to me, though.

I will say, that is my writing. Wow. I love it. Also, you do not live here and have never been here before. How did you even know that was the coffee? I know, how is she making the coffee? Yeah, why is she the one? Whoa.

that you want to have fuck with your own son, Kristen. That's my brother's name. I love that Kristen Sheddawick gets to be the evil one. And what planet would this happen? And what reality would? You woke up the next day and you're going to send the girlfriend and the boyfriend. This is always, this is why I love how they're here for a month. They don't have a Christmas tree yet.

Most people come home two days before Christmas. They're here for a month. It may make everybody go off and do random chores and random constellations of social networks, and it always leads to fucking. Welcome to Hallmark movies. It's great at being a bitch. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she is. Love it. See, they already have a Christmas tree. They're just getting another one. Oh, sporty girl. She's going to be cold. Whoa, tree lot. It really doesn't take a real time.

What? What? What? What? This is this? I'm the happiest Christmas tree. It does sound like they drugged a woman and put her in the vocal booth.

Ho, ho, ho, and he. A ho ho. It's like the Santa from a Christmas story. I don't want to hear about you ho-ho's in a he-hees. What? What a funny bit. He's making decisions for the family. This is where you lose the plot

because they just said go get a tree and he's like not even. And he could have gone to. He's not even a part of the family. Just follow the director. directions. Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, he's...

Obviously, they wouldn't just make him pay for the tree. So we're adding another, like, another conflict kind of game, another game on top of the game. Another rom-com conflict. Yes. Ooh. Oh, sensitive subject. What are you... Yeah, I love it.

I love it. Hey, hey, get them. she's young. Wow, two times they're going to cast this actor as predatory. I told you she is kind of on the other side. Why is he like, what a, man, I'd be so bummed if that was my lane in Hollywood. Maybe he's really good at it for a reason. Does he like, can we look him up?

What's the actor's name? And can you Google actor's name? Does he like him young? Right, Mr. Fitz. Yeah, you're looking him up trying to figure it out. First I bet anyone has Googled Mr. Fitz in a decade. Google's like, are you sure you mean Mr. Fitz? You sure you don't mean Mr. Schitts?

I got a video of a guy shitting into a bowl and eating it called Mr. Schitts. That gets Googled about 100 times a minute. So he's like, I'll help Erica like you if you help me with my business proposal. I feel like, and I feel like this happens often. Okay, she's of age. Wives of age. I feel like it does, this happens often with these. movies too. They didn't quite get us there with the preamble before the modern, before the current day

to be like, oh, I get why these people had something good that they lost. Definitely. Like all we got was like he was too drunk. Yeah. It was like a really awkward Christmas party. Right. It was a shitty. We just saw a shitty relationship. Yeah, they had that animation up top. But she was moving away though. You know, that's their lives are going in different paths. I think it's because they went with a very vague animation to explain all that as opposed to showing us. I mean, the movie's already an hour and 40 minutes long. I don't think it should be much longer than that. No, I know.

I'm just saying they could have established it better than with that weird animation. They could have actually, like, shown them having fun together as kids. We've got a deal. It's a secret deal. Our little secret. I hope the jacket thing means anything for later. I just really do. I hope that the jacket thing...

Maybe he's got, like, weed in it or something. Yeah, yeah, some like that. or like a gun used in a murder. That'd be a cool edition. That would be upsetting. There you go. Weed. You're not going to look at it.

There's so obviously we'd. Wow, Jackie. On, odd point. Thank you. I think he's setting her up. I think he's setting her up to look like a crazy person. But this is the jacket of the 18-year-old, though. No, I know, but I don't know.

Maybe. She's chomping on those gummies Look at the bag That's my brother's name Whoa Even Mr. Fitz can't make Kristen Chenu With like Lindsay Lohan Oh it's gonna be fun to watch Lindsay Lohan act high

That's fun Uh-oh She would not be chomping down on those gummies If she wasn't somebody who could handle her weed What? She didn't realize they were weed gummies She didn't know? No, we're the only ones that know Was she born yesterday?

I mean, yeah, kind of. He wishes she was, I'll tell you that much. Is she going to endear herself to us again, guys? I mean, she did last year with her Christmas movie. I know. It's too bad she can't really smile. Well, it's not her fault. Yeah, no, I'm not, that's my last dig at her new phase.

If you truly had no tolerance and ate like an entire bag of gummies, you would be comatose. Yeah. You wouldn't even be... Yeah, you wouldn't even be a little giggly. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fun. Her pretending to be high is fun. It's funny. I think that's funny. I like it. You'd think as a huge stonerary would annoy me when people acted high in a movie, but I think it's always funny.

Yeah. I also, I would love anyone else who was born yesterday and is extremely confused by like why she's acting weird, like not realizing the guvies were weird. Yeah. I do like the name. Unicorn jerky. I can't believe that

it wasn't immediately obvious that that's just us being stoners, I guess. There's a bag of gummies. We all knew that they were obviously weed gummies. Yeah. But also good for Netflix. Oh, it goes there. Oh my God.

Yeah, they'll go there. Weed. Ew, you look like a turd baby. This boy, I hate him. And I hate him more than fits. Really? Yeah. Her boyfriend, I just kind of want to punch in the face.

Wow. I'm too consumed by my rage at Mr. Fitz. You would literally not even be able to leave the bed you sat down. And you'd think that you'd be having a stroke or something, right? Yeah, you'd be like puking and like... Yeah, like I've never dosed myself not knowingly, but I've always wondered what that would be like if you're not a stoner and then suddenly you're very high, how scary that would be... I told you guys about what happened during Fourth of July last year when I dosed myself and I, with my... mushrooms and I really thought I was dying for a bit. And what was it again?

You just didn't realize how much you were taking or you just didn't realize there were even mushrooms in it? No, I knew there were mushrooms in it. I just thought I was microdosing and apparently I didn't microdose. So it was not what I expected. Yeah, you macro-dosed. Yeah. Don't talk to the altar boy, Fitz.

Get out of here. Yeah. Yeah, inappropriate. Is not allowed to talk to any children. Yes, I'm talking to any young. None of them. None of them. Who wrote this?

Leonard DiCaprio. I mean, what's going on here? Whoa. Laced. Laced. They were appropriately branded with THC. Yeah, they were a clear label. I would never eat random.

I am annoyed by the idea that like weed is this like, crazy drink, you know what I mean? She's like gummies with weed in them. I like she's not overdoing it. Yeah, she's doing everyone to know. being high in church is very, very bad. It's very weird. One of my favorite, a simple man,

one of my favorite scenes in a movie ever. Have you guys seen that? You guys see that, right? Coed Brothers. No. Yeah, oh yeah. This kid gets way too high before his own bar mitzvah.

And it's Coen Brothers movie, the way that the scene is filmed, it is so anxiety-ducing. Why does Jesus Christ look like the doll from Rugrats? Doesn't Jesus Christ have that kind of hair? Susie? Or no, Susie the friend.

Angelica's doll, yeah, yeah. What is that doll's name? Susie was the friend. Wait, why are the... She's supposed to speak. I thought she was hallucinating. Why does she have to speak? Yeah, why does she have to speak?

This is not the worst depiction of what it's like to be high, though. It's actually pretty good. Not a bad. It's not terrible. Like, how did she even get dressed? Like, you wouldn't even be able to get dressed. I can't imagine having to go to church with your partner's family for the first time anyway.

Yeah. Hmm. This is fun. Yeah, this is fun. I like it. It's cool to see these Christmas movies grow up a little bit, and everyone knows. Everyone knows.

Yeah, it's cool to see. see this mature a little bit and get delve into some more risque. Yeah, this is fun. Themes. Uh-oh. Why did she have to? I know we missed it because we were talking about. Why does she have to give a speech at the church? Because Chris and Cheney would ask them to.

Putting the father in quotes is fun. And you'll laugh at you. Come on now. again. Oh my God, no, I can't now. Whoa. Everybody's going to start to sing. No.

Oh, no, MJ loves a stand and sing. MJ, don't like this. Let's not like this. No, you can't. Yes, it's going to turn in a screen. The bully in me makes me, the bully in me flip out. Them singing this would not save.

It's a whole more Christmas movie old that is not meant to be realistic. Oh, my God. Liberation. Yeah, they just know how to do it. It's either a musical or it's not. That's how I feel. I think it's hard to believe that everyone in the church

knows the spoken lyrics to celebration, but you both think so. It's my brother's name. But we'd like to offer you a full side scholarship. Despise this. Holden's mad that they're having fun. Yep. I'm mad at the way in which they chose for her to have fun.

Is she still high? It wore off. Take that, Kristen Chenoweth. Whoa. Up staring at her so lovingly fits. Bro, it's supposed to be a secret. Lord knows when a man loves a... Oh, look who's speaking the lyrics of the song now, Holden.

When a man loves a woman, you want to keep going? I'm not going. Now I'm not starting, and then you're going to clap, and then we're going to be able to perfectly sing it. Maybe I will. And it'll be really moving. I'll cry. I'm about to eat some fucking weed gummies.

Then you'll see how bad a talkover can be for a movie. Whoa. When is it over? You know, I'll just be doing that the whole time. When does it end? What's happening? That's just what I do anyways, though. The rumplements making my belly feel all weird.

Yeah, my bet. Yeah. 100 proof. We'll do that to you. Nothing to do with all the sugar and the cocoa and the rumplements. Yeah. Definitely not. Love a good template.

Can you stop critiquing her every move? With every single thing. Look, this is, but romance could happen via verbal abuse and a mental and emotional abuse. Sometimes that's people's love language. Maybe it's because of the horrific loss you experience as a child. Fair. And what's wrong with that? Right now?

Get out of my ass. Yeah, get in mine. I want to have sex with you, Mr. Fitz. And I'm a full-grown man. I know that's not your thing. You like underage girls, but I want to make it real with you, dude. Oh, you don't want to make one more comment about the cookies? You don't want to make one more fucking comment.

Out of here. Like, you didn't start this. There's always like a really nice heartwarming scene in a dark kitchen late at night in these movies. And it always reminds me of how in my house, like, it was me and my brother. and our friends coming back when we were adults drunk and, like, eating the leftovers loudly in the kitchen, you know? Did you fall asleep? I love this.

This is great. Yeah. I love any kind of Hallmark-esque movie that every other line, I'm like, what are you talking about? But that's usually the ones I love the most. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. How do you fall asleep, like, eating cookies,

sitting in the most uncomfortable, like, bar chair? Yeah. drunk, yes, don't know. Is Jan, like, are Jan's hands always on your chest, Holden? What? Are Jan's hands always on your chest? On my chest? You know we don't touch at all.

You know touching's not on the menu. Maybe I'm a little jealous of the physical intimacy that the mother has in this film. Wow. Do you think Kristen Shunerworth was, like, hitting on these dudes hardcore, by the way? Oh my God, don't feed them to the dog. What are you doing?

It's toxic. She's going to murder the dog? Just because you're embarrassing. And I thought someone's going to fuck one. I didn't want to eat a kill one. Half the cookies only. It's fine. Ah.

Oh my God, they're going to have to take the dog to the vet to get its stomach pumped. Well, there's nothing in the dog's mouth. Yeah, but they're not going to do it just in case. They're not going to know that. You bitch. None of that was necessary. She's destroyed all her goodwill. Horse nang. So there's a horse of the... There's a horse of the hospital.

They just, man, they went for... They went for it, huh? With this cast. Dr. Spichemann. Yeah? He looks like he's dying. Yeah, he does. Wait, who is that again? Spichemann.

Dr. Spichemann. Chris Parmell. Yes. What is happening? She's going to try to make it so that they don't do all these horrible things of the dog. Makes me like Lindsay Lowe and Moore. I like that she went to that extent

so that the dog didn't have to get its stomach pumped. See, I would have, if I had had problems with the mom and mom had an annoying little dog, I would be thrilled at the prospect of watching the dog get its stomach pumped. But it's not the dogs fall into hell. Well, if the dog is being annoyed,

if the dog is punishing the dog. I like the other dog in the waiting room. Yeah, that's a nice dog. A kangaroo? Is it shot in Australia? All because he has, she related. She's making them. Why does she need the stick?

Why does she need the wooden stick? They're listening to Holy Jesus music at the vet. Oh my God, charge her $3,000. the way you would. Wasn't my brother's name? He is going to charge him a lot. Yep. Yep.

You better believe it. There's something wrong with Chris Parnell? Yeah, something seems wrong with him. Or maybe did he just get like, is he like mussely? I just feel like he looks sickly. It looks gaunt. Will Kristen sing a song for us this film? He's got to.

Right? I don't know. You really hated the singing before, Holden. Because it felt forced and unnatural. It's a Hallmark movie. I know, but I just don't like the clap. I just don't like the whole, I'm allergic to it from long ago. That is funny.

I do love musicals. I hate that moment in a movie where everyone starts like clapping and. I know you hate merriment of any sort. Uh-oh. I'm missing a bunch of gummies. We ain't wrong. Why? Yeah, oh, is he going to try to have lust with her?

Oh, naughty, naughty. Yeah, get him to the gummies that you ate. Oh, boo's right. Yeah, you owe him. I mean, you kind of owe him. He's 18. It's not easy to get those gummies. Yeah, you got all that weed, dude.

Can't believe these people could have just been like, oh, what a coincidence. We used to date. There's no reason to. to not. And then the movie's over. God. So, yeah, if you're,

they just ordered four vodka shots. He also looks like Seth McFarlane. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, he does. I think that throws me off, too. He, like, kind of looks like family guy guy. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, and then there's the hot one that used to date the Ugo. Yes. Right. He still likes her. It all work out. Hensity between them. He's so hard right now.

Her P word is so double you right now. She's very hot. Absolutely. But she's not 16, so Mr. Fitz isn't, doesn't even see her. I get that noise. They're going to get back together. What's going on? Who's Barb?

Yep. Oh, yeah. The dad? Dead dad. Who gives a shit. Her boyfriend is slinking on his ex. Right. They're having that slink.

Slink. Oh, like, you should fucking have that face, bitch. What have you been doing this entire time? Yeah, you've been slinking on your ex. Yeah, I'm not going to call you a bitch, but Jackie called you a bitch. For sure, Jackie just called you a bit. It's a slinky, slinky, slinky Christmas. It's just slink, slunk, slunk.

Oh, you're going to leave. They're gonna leave him with the axe, huh? She's so thrilled. She's gonna put his wiener inside her little. They already been there, done that. This is about love, Holden. Were they to gather together or just childhood besties? No, they were together.

The other, the other. No, no, not these two, the other two. The other two were also together. Okay, they were together together together. What is going on here? Going back to her father's house. Hmm. Because it needs to get shown, but she didn't have the keys.

It needs to get shown on Christmas Eve. Oh, she's going to move into the father's house. She's going to have to buy it, and then they're going to have to move in it together. Oh, my God. Be in love with each other in it. Oh, my God. But does a ghost live there of an old lady? Ah, it's your mother.

It's going to be something like that. I mean, Jackie predicted dead kid last year, so who knows? Maybe Mother Ghost will show up. Mother Ghost. Or what if it's like a time reversal thing? Like they have to go back in time to stop something or happening to like so that the like, you know, World War III doesn't happen or something.

Yeah, and that's their little secret. It's a house full of memory is Mr. Fitz. Don't go in there. Yeah, that's their little secret. Yeah, there's not a 15-year-old in the house, though, Mr. Fitz. So I don't know if you'd be very curious about it indeed. Wow, this is a really special moment to share with you guys. This is the type of shit that I cry at now, but I'm not crying now.

Don't worry. Right. You can let it out, MJ. I will. Let it out. Let it out. Oh, I'll help you. The wizard and me.

That's not the song. That's not the song. How does it go? Where's it in me? I like to watch me. Where's it in me? Can you, did you see? Also, he wants to be.

boink his new lady in a different spot. There ain't another wrong with that. Yeah, more like boinker, if you know what I mean. She's a real pick. She's not an oinker. Keep drinking your rumplemans. I've been drinking my vince. She has a job in a different city.

And now I've got some things to say to the family. I've got some speech to make to the family. Yeah, we're here for two months. So don't work. We've got time. I'm not rubbing my eyes because I'm crying, by the way. I yawned and I get teary-eyed when I yawn. Okay, so it was back to the opposite.

I was bored. You're moved by this scene. Yeah, a bowel moved. You should probably go to the breastroom. With a shit and a fart, it's a merry little, yeah. Someone's singing a lot for someone that hates the songs in the movie. Yeah, and then other people in the room didn't start clapping with me and stuff. We did in our brain.

Callum would never call. He would text. He's 18 years old. They don't call. Oh, he's in the back. He's drunk. Oh, they picked him up. He wasn't hiding in the back like a serious phone.

Yeah, I also thought he was hiding in the back. No. He was a weird time. He picked him up. It was a weird transition. It was a weird transition. It's like that riddle about like why everyone's flashing their lights at you and you don't know why.

because there's a serial killer in your backseat and everyone can see except you. Oh yeah. Go do something that you used to always do just you guys. Oh my God. Go do it. Go do something that you used to do

just the two of you. You know you want to. You knew each other for forever. Remember snood? Play snood together so you can get the farthest. I loved snood. Oh. M.J. Snood.

I don't know what you're talking about. Fucking. God damn it, man. It's just matching three-like little faces. Yeah, little faces online. It was like one of those browser games. Oh. There's an app for it now.

Yeah. It's not very good. Or you'll get sick of it quick. You'll be like, anything from that time, you'd be like, this is, I've got a thousand better versions of this. Nice watch. We were talking about watches today. Whoa.

I still can't believe that book costs $2,500. I'm so mad. He stopped the. Girl. He sure did. You cheat on your partner when they are there visiting your family for Christmas. How people cheat on their spouse on their wedding day. Oh, God.

Jesus. Yeah. That like happens all the time. Their little secret. I got scared that I heard footsteps in the law office, but it's just people upstairs. Oh, thank God. Yikes. In Sanctus Clayhouse.

Santa's Playhouse. I'm not alone. Santa's Playhouse. So we're just like, you don't know what snood is. Are you watching our little secret in there? Oh, I like this one. I was going to kill you and slice you into bits.

But instead, let's watch the movie together. Oh, is this a podcast? I don't like podcasts. I'll kill you instead now. Is she covering for her bad brother? Well, she said she got home at like one-ish, so to be fair, she might not even know. Yeah.

I don't understand what the lie is here. He got in at like 5 o'clock in the morning. Oh, it was like 5 in the morning. Oh, so he was up early working? He was up all night long working, and then he looked at his watch and it said almost 5 a.m. Oh, it did. I noticed the watch, but I didn't notice the time. That's what it was.

It was after 5. What the, who's, but it's weirder that he was working until 5 in the morning. He's got to get the proposal done by Christmas Eve, Holden. Also, it's probably like December 1st because they come. come so early home, you know, and they're here for so long. I will say Mr. Fitz has zero chemistry with that, Minks. Zero, none. But also, Lindsay Loan has zero chemistry with her fucking dudzo either.

Correct. Do they have chemistry, though? I'm going to say, unfortunately, I do feel like they have a little bit of chemistry. They have the most. A little bit. That and also the dude with his ex. Yeah, the dude of his ex have chemistry. Yeah, it definitely made me

a better chemistry than whoever was the other guy. Who was the guy last year? Forget about. Some schmo, I don't know. Some schmow. Whoa. Yeah, why lie? Why lie in front of Mr. Fitz, though?

That was an obvious lie. Whoa, girl. Oh, don't be against the snitch. Well, I don't know. She's kind of right. But he's kind of right, too. She is right But also I think it's because she still is into him

So she thinks it's inappropriate for him to be telling her this Because if you weren't into him You'd be like, thank you for snitching On my most likely cheating fucking boyfriend Yeah Yeah, this house I'd throw it all away for that house Actually, I don't know if I like the house

It looks weird It's fine It's too big Because like if I'm gonna have a house like that I want it on an estate You know what I mean? Right, right, right Not in like a neighborhood.

Oh, generic proposal to you, generic proposal to you. It's in a binder. Words, words, proposals. A mentally bill. A design, words, words, proposals, proposals. Just admiring your work. It's quite the proposal. You came into his room and picked up his work and looked through it and you're not together.

And even if you were together, that wouldn't be okay? On Christmas Eve. Oh, I'll bet it's something so thoughtful. Uh-oh, it's a picture. Because they were all the same. Did you see all the other ones? Yeah, they were all the same. Is it a new kind of family picture?

The sun is not awful. Like, nobody's enough of a thing to be what they're being portrayed as, right? I don't think Chris Chinorth is coming off as awful enough. I don't think the son is coming, the young son's coming off. It's heavy-handed. It's ham-fisted. Not that fits would ever let you.

Awkward. I do wish they'd talk about politics in these. And why is his ex and her parents there at dinner? Are they their family friends? They're all old family friends. Uh-huh, okay. But is, yeah, what day is it? So, like, I was thinking that was a Christmas Eve.

Is it Christmas Eve? Is it Christmas Eve? Is it Christmas Eve? No, this is Christmas. Eve. I want to see more of Tim Meadows. Are you guys a ladies man, man? Oh, yeah.

I watched a lot of SNL during his era, so I always appreciate him. I gotta go back and look. That was another one in my awkward spank-bank years of like I would rent ladies man because there was a scene or two in it that was. With sexy ladies. Yeah, and gorgeing. But then I had to deal with like Tim Meadows just kind of being there in the room. Meanwhile, Lindsay Loit has not held up her end of the deal at all.

She has not helped him at all with his proposal and it's due today. And all he's done is help her. Whoa! The dad and the family friend. Oh, it's so many little secrets. Chris is Chittoward's the only one that's going to be left on the lurch. Maybe Tim Meadows. Unless she starts kissing on her son.

Summer Night's cream indeed. You know what if Jackie? fucking called that one. No, the son's not going to want to effort because he wants the daughter, the family friend daughter. Yeah. The daughter.

Ooh. Yeah, Jesus, he's having a loveless marriage. What do you say? I would even just be like, we have an agreement. That's all you have to do to be like, we have an agreement. We're in an open marriage.

But the rest of the family doesn't know, so don't stir the pot. Right. Also, yeah, you're the fucking boyfriend. I would just be like, I didn't see. anything, bye. Saw nothing. I will say nothing. Yeah.

You're gonna make, like, no, no, no, no. No. This is not your place, buddy boy. You need to learn your place, Mr. Fitz. It's with other peers of your own age. I just feel like he's just grooming everybody to be the... Yeah, he's even grooming the elders. Yeah.

I hope he didn't give her like a picture of her and her mother or something like that because I feel like that's inappropriate in front of someone else's family. Although I guess they didn't know that each other was going to be there. I feel like this whole secret Santa thing

is a little weird. You know what I mean? Last minute. Very last minute. Why did he give her weed gummies in front of the entire family? Yeah. Who did that?

Wrap them all the same. Yeah. I think Mr. Fitz did that to fuck Callum. And by the way, they were all conveniently openable without unwrapping them at all for the sake of it being a movie.

Why not just peek inside really quick? Yeah. Yeah, that's what happened. He got mixed up. But why would you give that family secret Santa, Mr. Fitz? I don't even get this, like, who got what thing? I don't even understand.

Yeah, I think that... Did he mean to give her weed gummies? Right, and did he, did Mr. Fitz mean to fuck up Callum? Just invited the mom? Mr. Fitz's mom and grandma. Because she thinks he's about to propose. Ah. Lutz you looking off in the distance.

Like, she's looking at it. Something is pretty funny. How do you even pass that off? All you had to do was have her not say her name. And then you could actually pass this off, but she already called her her name. Blow it up. And I will say, singing in a church, fine. This is one of those, like, extremely avoidable situations.

There was literally no reason to lie about this. Yeah. Yeah, it was so weird. Why? Why lie? you slept with a different woman two nights ago. Yeah.

Whoa. Yes, get all the secrets out, bitches. How can a tiny dog do it if a... It's all coming out. Yeah, get it all out, guys. She knows. Oh, but Tim Meadows doesn't know. Oh, ha, ha.

Yeah, see, they do have an arrangement. Well, there you go. There you go. Except Tim Meadows wasn't in it on it. And the other dad didn't know that Chris and Chinterworth was, Oh, just clap and sing already. I mean, if I was 18 and stoned, I'd probably feel the same way. Oh, yeah.

Like, let it all burn to the ground. Please. How many rooms do you think that house has? A million. I bet it's an impossible house. The more you walk its halls, the bigger it gets. It's like house leaves. Never heard of it.

Yeah, probably. You don't know how to read. You're just the lead to-in-shell. Yeah, don't know how to read. That's why he doesn't like close captioning. Yeah, because you're a little bit of shell. And someone say, I'm smarter than the most people for being able to get through school and college without being able to read at all. You were too busy.

Sucking Cock. Whoa, okay. Tell me more about that. That's how you got through your classes because you couldn't read. It's so you're just like, there's one thing I can offer, and then you offered it, and that's how you got through your glasses. I want to know all about it. Who's Barb again? The real estate agent?

Real estate. Did she just put in her offer? I mean, to be fair, Mr. Fitz has bent over backwards the whole movie to help Lindsay Lohan, and Lindsay Lohan has done shit for him, so... Right. He doesn't really have anything to apologize for, except to that bitch, the other one. the young young. Yeah, for having an emotional affair with Lindsay Lohan and never talking to his girlfriend once.

Everything taught the young young how to I mean, listen, I don't want them to be together, but he has not, she is his girlfriend and he has not spoken to her for the entire time they've met this house. Wow. Well, he's got to explain to her the birds and the bees so that he can then have sex with her.

No, he explained it to her 15 years ago when he found her in middle school. That's right. This is a continuation on from pretty little liars. Bit of little lies. Big little liars. For your eyes. Yeah.

For your eyes. Oh, man. Being alone in an apartment on Christmas Day sounds delightful. Oh. Wonderful. I'm sorry. That was just. I know.

It's so bad. I felt that. I just felt that visceral. It's peaceful. It's very peaceful. It's very peaceful. It's a lot of apartment. I hate to break it to you.

Oh, my God. really peaceful. Oh, but there's no magic. You guys have magic. We have no magic. Yeah. It'd be pajama day. We just, yeah, I'd just wear PJs all day.

It gets so high. I'd get depressed near the end. But then I'd just drink it off. It's the dad from revenge. It was Mr. Fitz. Oh, it was her. Mr. Fitz bought it for her. Why did he say that like he was about to orgasm?

Yeah. It's, oh. Yeah, are we on? to catch a predator right now? What's going on? Wait, so... Who's made the offer? He put it in the offer?

No, so she put it in the offer. Oh. She did. She did. Oh, yeah. She offered it to Barb. Barb was like, okay, we're going to find out.

I'll stop talking. Ooh, oh. No, no, I want to hear you continue to guess at what might happen in the next two minutes of this movie. But Daddy. I'm having his baby I'm not my

you should see you see your face that You gotta watch eras Oh now you're gonna look at the proposal Generic Now she's gonna look at it Now you're gonna look at the proposal After it's all ruined

Is he even still there I thought he broke up with her Yeah why are you going back to this house No one there wants you No one wants you here This kind of fun Construction proposal Lifestyle Complex

Yes, words, vocabulary words about buildings. No, it's a complex, you see, where you can enjoy your lifestyle. Oh, yes, buildings and buildings. I would love that. Oh, Maggie Rogers. Okay, shelling out the big bucks. I'm learning that's a new trip. It'll be a bunch of bullshit generic, like fake music the whole time.

And they buy the one song. But then they'll get one notable song. I'm so glad they're doing a montage. Wow, a montage. What happened in this movie? That's just pretty bold. see a montage in the last 10 minutes of this movie. It's a plot montage.

I'm less surprised by that because it's like, oh, bladdy, blahty, blah, they get together. Reaching now. Now keep coming back. Oh, no, I'm doing the thing. Come on. And I'm okay. He's clapping, hold his pop, and Jack.

He's got a lot. And we are singing at all this most time. This is no other way. I'm still dancing at the end of the day. Clap, clap, clapty clap on. Holden likes it now. Wow, time is passing, everyone. Time is passing.

This is so appropriate because we are in the new year as we are listening to this. Oh my God. So this is a new year's movie. New Year's movie. It makes sense. But I feel like we're going to jump to next Christmas. Or is she going to fall in love with that guy with the long hair in the back there?

No, he's already sucking on somebody. Well, maybe she's into that. Maybe she's attracted to a more because of that. She doesn't have anyone to kiss. Poor Lee, Lowe. What if it just ends right here. Das barbecue. What is it covered in vinegar?

Das barbecue. Das barbecue. Das barbecue. Remember the barbecue we had in Texas? It really looks like that exact place. It does. But I guess they all kind of look like that. Whoa.

Oh, quirky friend. I'm sad there wasn't more with the quirky friends. Oh, yeah, quirky friend. Lifestyle complex. Ah, building, buildings, words and buildings. Yes, I will give you money for your buildings. I'm just letting everyone know what's going on in the scene. Punching nudes.

Oh, he's dressed up as a reindeer. These are photos of your wife with the man. I'm glad they don't show it. The whole lifestyle. Oh, she included the drawings. Oh, she included his little drawings. Well, that said trap on it. Yeah, you know.

Where else are you to keep the girls? Holden, you got to keep the girls somewhere. It can't just be a pen. It's got to be a trap. And this is where jigsawls. Why did he invite the guy whose concept he's not using to the meeting? You know what I mean? He's like, I have invited you both in his meeting to tell you I hate your idea and I like this guy's idea.

Yeah. Get wrecked. Whoa, Tim others. Because I think this guy's going to have sex with young women. And that's what I'm looking for in this company. I want a lifestyle complex that invites predatory behavior from older men. Younger and younger. Drop a picture of a building and have sex with a child.

That's what we look for in architecture. He drew a picture of a lake, so I'm hiring him. Oh my God, it's almost like he should work together with Lilo to create the perfect business together. Yeah, well, she's got a mortgage to pay now. She owns a home now, yeah. On her own house. Get out! Get out here.

He's going to propose. And he's drunk again. That'd be amazing he just slams into the room. She looks younger. I love her. I love her. She looks younger when I'm drunk. That's better this way.

The more I drink, the younger she gets. Right now she's about eight years old. Oh, Howard. Maybe he'll propose working together instead. The sex. What was your dad telling me to have sex with you? finally have sex. But she's not a child anymore.

I don't understand what he sees in her. Our little secret. Bro. Wow. Really? You're going to do that? Wow. Wow. Before you even kiss.

There is. I love you got to. All right. Wow. It's a Christmas fucking miracle. Is this credits? Can we clap? Can we clap?

And then just credits, huh? Or is holding it to be mad if we clap. One year later. Okay, there you go. One year later. She's not all knocked up, is she? By the way, that song Celebrate, that's like a car commercial song at this point.

Like, they couldn't have picked up better. Cool in the gang? Like a child would know it's cool in the gang. Right. You know. You loved that part, Jackie. M.C. Lame Chay loved the clapping, more like crapping.

And Jackie loved that part with the Cool and the Gang kid. We all loved the part where she got high, though. Yes. And yeah, she didn't play getting high Too hacky Oh, is he stooping her? Whoa. Swing a swing a live.

Swing a share him. Yes. Swing a swing a live. Oh, she's talking about the cookies. I'm sorry. I thought she meant Cheram as in she was pro being open. Share your man.

Share your man. Share him. Wow. Big married, married, married, really moved fast on that. Really moved. I think the movie should have been two and a half hours. Oh, we're going back to a cartoon to tell the story if they get married.

Wait, and you said this is starting like a new line of movies? No, I was kidding. Oh, you got the excited. I was making a joke about a post-credit sequence like because that's the Marvel thing. Gotcha. I got excited. I highly doubt there's a post-credits. No, they're in shit.

Nah. Nothing. I was going to say, I liked last year's better. I was going to say, do we like this. Last year's better. I remember feeling more positive feelings last year than I'm feeling right now. Yeah, but I like that everybody was cheating on each other. I do like that.

I like that everybody was cheating on everybody. I also will say, I think Mr. Fitz being a part of this really took a lot of out of it. I think that's right. He was with like a little joke was he was with someone too young. Yeah. Yes. I think that that really took us out of it.

And I think it was, I think we were never going to come back from that, honestly. No. And that's not Lilo's fault. I do think I enjoyed Lilo a lot, just like last year. I think she did a great job. I think she did a great job. The only down part was when she was trying to cry. But I, you know what?

She really tried and that's not on. People should get an Oscar for how they applied those fake tears to her face. Yeah. For sure. Well, it goes to the mom, which I'm disappointed in. I know. I'm sorry. the mom.

No, the mom. You know, I had a good time. But I will say, Mary Gentleman is much, much better.

I will say, it would be refreshing to see them really go for bigger comedy moments than they do. I feel like every comedy moment is such a

soft jab, such a like kind of a whiff. Well, you have the kind of movies. The edibles part was the funniest part.

I like the edibles part, but also with these movies, they're really trying to get such a large swath of people to enjoy this movie. You know what I mean?

So bland. Yeah. It has to be bland. Yeah. So it's kind of cool that where weeds really come a long way. Weed has come a long way. That they would put that in and it would be like, you know, because most now, even olds are like, oh yeah, I've talked too many of those.

Yeah. I mean, mind you, Hallmark and Lifetime movies were like made for hyper Christian people. So taking that formula and making. That's also a Netflix thing. We can get a curse word. Right. We can get a little cool in the gang. Lots of cheating.

Infidelity. So I was here for that. Yeah. A couple more people of color than we normally get to experience. I mean, Candace Cameron Bray would never be in a movie with Edibles and cheating. Never, ever. Well, thank you guys so much for joining us for your, I don't know, maybe it's the first movie you watched of the year. And I'm going to assume great start.

But you know what it means? We're only going up from here. That's true. Because it wasn't the worst of these movies I've ever seen. that's for damn sure. I was entertained the entire time. And I really liked all the cheating. So I'm pro cheating in these movies.

Yes. Not in real life, but in these movies, baby. And I'm really, honestly, my favorite part is the fact that now Tim Meadows and Kristen Chenoweth in my brain have a lot of sex. And you can't take that away for me. So happy New Year, everybody. Happy New Year. Thank you for joining us on our first episode of page seven of the.

the new year and 2025, I'm feeling alive. And I hope you do too. We will be back next week and we can't wait to talk to you again soon. I hope you enjoyed our little secret. Oh, we're getting out of you. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Bye.

This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.