Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 101 & 102: It's Riverdale, Geoff!

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

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for this, are you? Two words for you. Super powers. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to Riverdale Roundup. Yeah, we're a week and a half late and $20 short. But I'm here with Jeff. Jeff, how are you doing? I'm doing great. I mean, worse since seeing those episodes, but better in other way. Why do you say worse like that? Because it hurts. It hurts my brain. It hurts my heart. It's the best show on television. And it punishes me for loving it. Sorry to be late, guys. We're trying to struggle to figure out MJ's schedule. And now

here we are just going to do a Riverdale roundup. Yeah. You know who doesn't have kids that is going to grad school? Us. One of us. Yeah. So we get to watch two hours of absolute bullshit.

Gobbleygook. We are back. So if you guys remember, let's go back in time a little bit. The last five episodes were in Rivervale, which is the alternate universe. But somehow, and you know what, I'm really glad that it did clarify it. And it's one of the only things I think Riverdale has ever clarified is that it has opened up some sort of portal and now magic does exist in Riverdale. All of the other shit didn't happen. Yeah. All of forget about it. It didn't happen. Nothing else that happened in Rivervale is real. Except. Except.

that... Some key elements here. Except that an additional alternate version, alternate universe version of Jughead was able to call through and make contact. Because the very first thing they talk about in the episode is they're sitting around the table and Betty says, I got a call. I couldn't make out the voice, but it was a man's voice and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's right. Was that Jughead? I mean, wasn't it a Jughead who made the call in episode five?

I don't remember. It's very hard to keep these things in your head. Thank God, Jeff is sober. Really, I think that what we need in this. And part of the problem that MJ and I have is that both of us are huge stoners, and sometimes we both forget about things. But I forget that Jeff has a pinpoint memory. Is that?

Like a steel trap. Yeah, like a steel trap. Pinpoint steel trap. Same thing. Yeah, and I'm very scared of it. Scared of my mind. Yeah, it's just like a black mirror episode that I live in. bring up every single fight.

I don't. No, I'm talking to the Siri inside of your brain. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're welcome. So now we're here to talk. So I guess it was drughead. That called through the alternate time zones. We're going to call it a time hole.

He called through a time hole. Are you talking about my... No. I do lose some time in there. Yeah, and that is. No, this is serious. We're talking about Riverdale. There's no sex in Riverdale.

Unless you are any of the people that live in Riverdale. And it's, I'm just, so I'm looking up some of the recaps right now because we watch both of the episodes back to back. We are going to talk about both of the episodes today. And yes, they do kind of run together. So if you remember the end of season five, there was the explosion. Splosion. Spillusion.

Hiram is now gone. And I'm going to go ahead and say this. And yes, I am jumping ahead to the end of the second episode. Yeah. So please don't listen to this. Don't listen any further than this if you haven't watched the first two episodes of the return. Because I know that you really care about spoilers. If you are listening to Riverdale Roundup.

Shout out to all the people who are listening to Riverdale Roundup who do not watch Riverdale. I love you people. Some of the best reasons of why it's great to do a show with your fiancée is I just took my shirt off because I was hot and I can do that. Hell, yeah, you did. So I just want everyone to know that I will be doing the rest of this episode shirtless. So I don't think there is no way that Hiram Lodge is dead. There's no way Hiram Lodge is dead.

We didn't see it happen. How many times did Hal, quote unquote, die? And he never died. Okay, you say that. However, Hal did quote unquote, die. Now we saw him die. Sure, but how long did that take? So, like...

Seasons. I know. I mean, like, this was the same thing I was saying when I was watching Game of Thrones, too. Like, you don't think a character is actually dead until you've seen the corpse, and, like, sometimes you just don't see the corpse, and then the show ends, and you're just like, oh, they're actually dead. You don't know that they're only dead until the series finale.

I want to watch the light leave his eyes. I will... I refuse to accept it. being real until I see him dead. Well, then you need the same sort of proof of death that Veronica does. Oh, don't even get me. Okay, now I'm sorry.

I'm just completely jumping in. We need to talk about the superpowers. So. So, explosion. Explosion, right? And then all of a sudden, everybody's like, but how did you survive? How many times did they say, but how did you survive? Exactly.

Yes. I think it was the entire episode. And Argy's like, oh, no, just laid on top of her. Like, we'll make a little. No, no. Yeah, first he says that we, like, went, like, or we ran downstairs when we hit underneath the table. And then his, and then Uncle Daddy takes him to the house, shows him that he would be dead if he was under that table. And it was like, you're full of shit, aren't you?

You're full of shit. I maintain that I dislike Uncle Daddy. I still don't care for him. He'll never be Fred. No, he'll never be Fred. He is technically one of the few responsible adults left. But isn't he still a prison escape? Sure.

Like that conviction doesn't go away just because you started helping with your nephew's construction company. I mean, where was Percival Pickens before he got to town? But we're not at Percival Pickens yet. Not just yet. So Archie and Betty and Jughead were all in the same. Excuse me. And bingo. And bingo.

Bingo the dog whose all four legs were broken in the accident. But. That's 28 legs and dog legs. Baby. No, bingo's four. fine. Don't worry. Everybody's fine because they all have superpowers now. They don't know it until they start noticing little things. Like Archie realizes he's gained 20 pounds in a week. Oh no. I actually wrote this down because he says, I gained 30 pounds in a week. And I just thought

back to the holiday season. It was like, 30 pounds in a week sounds like a light week. I'm overweight. I should stop eating so much. Hell yeah, baby. Stick in the landing over here. Nailed it. Master comedians. I love you, baby. Love you.

No, so now Archie's getting all fat, but it's not fat. It's muscle. He just says, I'm denser. I'm like, you were pretty dense to begin with. And now, also, Betty, because of the explosion, we don't know why has real murder vision. I have been saying murder vision for years. Well, she had murder vision before.

Remember when she got all squibbleys? She would get squibblies. She would like manifest her dark betty serial killer gene. Well, that was serial killer genes. It's different than murder vision. But the serial killer jeans was part of the reason why she had her murder vision. But now the murder vision. Murder vision begets murder visions.

And now she has literal visual murder visions. Well, not literal because if you think about it, it's threat vision draft. Because she only sees the things that are threats to her and they put off a red aura. Yeah, I get it. Like the random nurse she saw at the hospital who killed another nurse. Yeah, exactly. There's so much murder in this small town. It's shocking.

On top of this, Jughead loses his ability to hear. This whole episode, in the first episode, it was genuinely just upsetting. It was crazy. It was him trying to cope with the fact that he lost his hearing in the explosion. And even though Betty and Archie and then we find out bingo have superpowers now. Bingo, the invincible dog. I can't wait for M.J. to find out superpowers. I want to make them just guess before they watch the episodes.

Oh, yeah. Have MJ do some, like, cold. predictions of the next two episodes. It's going to rule. Just to see where their mind is going to take them. So he can't hear anything and he goes to the doctor. He's 98% deaf in his left ear. 87% deaf in his right ear.

So what does he do? He has to write about the story of the explosion. Because everybody needs to know about what happened on Elm Street. Very different kind of Elm Street in this instance. But he can't write if he can't listen to music, Jeff. I'm saying, I'm making a. jate, but actually this part was genuinely very sad. Yeah, it was like, it was like a very serious, upsetting character arc in the middle of like,

whoa, wow, I guess I'm Riverdale's dumbest new superhero. He is Riverdale's dumbest new superhero because he can punch really hard. He can punch and I'm dense. My favorite was when, like, they were trying to see how strong and how much he could take. Betty just got his hand in a clamp vice. Yeah, that was right at the beginning of like episode of the next episode. Was that in the next episode? They all run together.

Because while all of this is going on, so what did make it through from Rivervale? It is the witches. Yes. So everything that happened with Abigail Blossom did really happen. The curse did really happen. So in this episode, Cheryl is trying to, she got out her reverse candles.

And you know, man, you gotta save those reverse candles for when you really need them. Yeah, so anyone who's looking to take care of us for our wedding, we have reversing candles on our wedding registry.

I assume we've just got a bucket full of curses waiting for us and we're gonna need. You're making it light about this right now. The second he said, I was like,

should we get some reversing? What if a curse could be? put on us and we don't what we need to light the candles. Yeah, but then what if your young ward is inhabited by the spirit of your ancestor and keeps blowing the candles out, Jackie? It's like they're not even watching the show. It is interesting that you do bring that up because, yes, Britta, the young gay ward of Cheryl Blossom that lives in her house of witches with Nana Rose, of course.

So Nana Rose, the most deranged face acting I've ever seen. Nana Rose is rapidly becoming my favorite character. I love, I've always loved Nana Rose. There's like one writer in the Riverdale room who's upset with the storylines and then writes in the most like direct, annoyed sounding dialogue. And they're just like, great, let's give it to Nana Rose. So she's trying to reverse the curse because she also was going to like read about the curse. And she's like, Nana Rose, you got that paper that the curse was written down on?

I burned the paper because it upset you. Chaos rings. Like, oh my God. Is this Antichrist? It's not. It's still Riverdale. It's still Riverdale. I can't wait for them to do an Antichrist musical episode.

Oh, God, what musical episode are they going to do this year? I am scared of it. So the reversal candles don't work because somebody keeps blowing them out. Of course, she thinks it's Nana Rose. It's not. It's her young war. who is inhabited by the ghost of Abigail Blossom. So what does Nana Rose do?

Wait, is that in the first episode or the second episode? Okay, so I just need to point out right here that when she realizes that she is inhabited by Abigail Blossom. By Abigail Blossom. She goes to Nand and she's like, do we need to perform an exorcism? And Abigail's curses, no. We need to perform a banishment. We got to get rid of this bitch.

And what does a banishment mean to Nana Rose? It means scoop out the cursed. Scoop it right out. And then just slap it into Cheryl Blossom's brain dish. Yeah. And now she's all full up. Yeah. I just have a question about that scene because it's Nana Blossom who is wheelchair bound.

She is 300 years old. Yes. And infirm. And Cheryl, who weighs 109 pounds if she's soaking wet. Yes. How did they tie up Britta who was on the football team?

How did they tie her up? Especially when she's possessed by a evil witch. But that's the thing, is that Nana Rose, I think, is much stronger than you give her great. You know what? I think she's also much denser than you would imagine. Well, see, now I am going to bring that up in a little bit because I believe it is at the end of the first episode

or the second episode. Oh, yeah. No, it's part of the way through the second episode that we watched where Nana Rose slights Abigail. Abigail locks her in a room in Thornhill in a room full of hay. Did Abigail bring hay into the house just to me? She is filled with a lot of hatred, so I do get it. She just wants to be with her lesbian lover. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey. I get it. Yeah, this is a great. This is a great show. So now Abigail, if lives inside of Cheryl, Cheryl is no more, quote unquote.

She's locked inside. She's locked inside of a mirror? She's kind of just in the walls of Thorne. No, I think that was just what Abigail sees when she looks in the mirror. She sees Cheryl freaking out. Oh, okay, because it seems that they put her spirit inside of that amber spider. Yeah, that'll probably be like the, key to like returning Cheryl to

because I will say Britta ain't having it Britta don't like Abigail Blossom she wants Cheryl back she is tacitly going along with all of it though yeah she yeah but she's I think that she's going to be the one that tries to undo the curse and I don't know if that's going

to be a good thing or not because while all of this stuff is going on we didn't even talk about the gang war that has begun because Archie now that he's super Dense went in and killed like 15 people. Yeah.

So like the ghouly. Well, let's back up. Back back, back, back, back. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Fangs and Tony are together. They are bisexual still. Yes. But they happen to be in a heterosexual relationship.

That is not me saying this. That is one, almost an exact quote. What did they say, Jeff? They brought over Kevin because Kevin, you know, starts to sing. Used to bang fangs. Used to bang fangs. They were planning on having the baby together. And then Kevin was like, nope, fuck this.

And Fang's was like, alright, I guess I'm just a hot single dad. And Tony was like, well, I'm already having your baby. And we got so much a comment being by and serpents and all. Yeah. And now they're in a relationship. Yeah. Kevin starts the scene by saying something only Kevin says, which is, as you know, I've always wanted to perform on Broadway. He's always talking about it.

He's always talking about it. And he's going to dip out. And then Fang's in. T.T. are like, well, we should just let you know that we're in a relationship now. But then Fangs gets to say the perfect line of just like, just so you know, we are

still bisexual and proud to be part of the queer community. Which is like, and they slow it down to that cadence. So weird. Because I think the writers were terrified of like being hamstrung for I guess

erasing the queer characters in the shelves. I mean, they kind to have and now though I think them bringing it back with Cheryl aka Abigail Blossom who if you remember used to bang Tomasina

back in the day so now they're bringing so it's not like Cheryl's not just a crazy aloof witch that lives up in the hills she's a crazy aloof witch that lives in the hills that wants to bang Tony Topaz and I am here for

it so she wants to get her love back. Yes, because T.T. is the descendant of her love from back in... Thomasina. Thomasina. They're very vague about what year Abigail's from. Sure, sure, sure, young, in the days of yours,

you mean. Because she sees Fangs and remembers that, oh, God, what was his name? Firmpe. Fangs was a... Big Firm. Oh, God. It's something with an FF. It's like Fennie. Fennie is Fenley.

Something like that. Fur to fur. Back in the day, in the days of your, with Tomasina. Pirate murderer. He was a pirate murderer and he murdered her Tomasina. So how dare she be with this offspring, offspring, offspring of her murderer? Her murderer. And they have to, but so all of this.

I think we're still blending the two episodes. Are we blending the two episodes? A little bit. Why did Archie kill all those gooies? They killed the ghoulies because they finally figured out that it wasn't Hiram Lodge. Well, that Hiram paid the goolies to plant the bomb under their bed. Yes. He gets this info from T.T. and Fangs.

So he goes and he just shows up at their place and then apparently beats the shit out of every gooly in the state. But doesn't kill Twyla Twist. And yes, Twyla Twist is the new head of the gooies. Yes, it rules. It's a great name. She's doing a great job. I'm happy for her.

I love her. I immediately love her. The next seat after beating the shit out of all the goolies, he shows up at home and meets up with Betty, and he is cartoonishly covered in blood. It looks like he ripped them apart with his bare hand. He looks like Bruce Campbell in the first evil. dead. He's just head to toe covered in fucking corn syrup. It's just ridiculous. Like, how have you not

killed these bed? No, I think he must have killed all of them. How did he get out of there alive? I don't think he killed them. The show wouldn't have Archie just like out of nowhere be murdering people off screen. Would they not? No, they would milk him murdering people. Come on. Oh, I just imagine him getting literally milked. I was like, well, what do you mean? They're just going to milk all over his vicarious. You get to pay for CW Plus for that. Give it to me, I need it all. So this is all happening. So that was him going after them to be like,

hey guys, you've tried to explode me and my girlfriend and my friend. Now we've got superpowers. But why would you let anyone know that you have superpowers? Well, you didn't say I have superpower. It's one dude against a bunch of other dudes? Yeah, do you know how sometimes there's one dude who can beat the shit out of 15 guys without taking a lick. You know how that happens. That's real.

Yeah. So what ends up happening? Twyla Twist calls up Tony and fangs and says, Tony and fangs, we're now in a gang war. So it's an all-out war. What are they going to do with baby Anthony? Don't worry. Kevin's going to hang up his Broadway dreams for just a little while longer. And joined the police force with his dad. Daddy. He's going to babysit little baby fangs and he's going to be a cop. Yeah, he is.

It's great. It's just like going and being on Broadway. You know, like being a single guy with someone else's baby and a cop. With your ex and like with your ex child as well? Yeah. Because like let's not forget like, Franks and Kevin were going to have that baby together. Yeah. And he just fucking noped out of there.

Yeah. I feel like the show really glossed over that. And I think that's yucky behavior. It is yucky behavior. and also just leaving your kid with somebody else to go deal with a gang war. Yes. Is also kind of yucky behavior. So that is all, that's the only place that the gang war goes to in that first episode.

But all this time, Veronica knows that daddy had something to do with the splogies. And so she wants to go after daddy. Because daddy's up, I am shocked that Mark Consumption. didn't show up for this episode. That's why I'm pretty sure. There's no way he's dead. I don't know, man. It seems like they...

Because how did he die, Jeff? The Russian guy shot him in the head four times and set his body on fire. But a hit out on her father and then Reggie's dad has a heart attack. And so because Reggie's dad has a heart attack, she's like, oh, I shouldn't kill my daddy. And she calls the Russian murderer, and the Russian murderer is like, too bad, so sad. Too bad, real good at my job. He was very good at his job. It was a great Russian accent of mine.

Yeah, you did. Well, he did a lot better than I did. So now she can't change her mind because daddy's already dead. Mm-hmm. And then, like, oh, man. Because I wrote this down because at the very end, like, uh... Is it Hermosa telling her sister, because blood will have blood? No, no, no.

Well, it was that she lied to Reggie because Reggie knew about the hit, and then she comes back, and she's like, I called off the hit. And so making her a murderer and a liar. And then the beginning of the very next episode, she's like, J.K., I totally had that hit go through. Yeah, and Reggie's like, you know what? I may not be as dense as Archie, but yeah, I kind of figured that out. It's just why? And she says, I didn't want you to judge me. It's like, you killed your dad.

Yeah, bro. You little fucking teeth. What's wrong with you? But also while all this stuff is happening, I completely forgot that bitch-ass Glenn from the FBI this whole time. So Betty realizes she's got threat vision and that she is almost sexually assaulted by her ex-boyfriend Glenn. Which like Glenn was like never like a super cool guy in any of his scenes. I thought he was more just a worm-o and not a fucking. Not a horrendous creep.

Yeah. So, like, out of nowhere, which, like, I guess that's sort of the message. They can come from anywhere. The creeps are everywhere. I mean, that is kind of true. You can't trust me. You should just shoot all of them if they ever get within five feet. No.

I'll get you. All right, Will Smith. Whoa. Yeah, I said it. Protect my family. Oh. Never mind. We don't support that behavior.

But any, we do. And what ends up happening after he almost sexually assaults his ex-girlfriend? Betty starts an investigation for sexual harassment against Glenn, gets rid of the other men, and now she's an all-female FBI team. Yeah. And of course. And of course. And of course. Yeah.

Baby. Not a female body, female body investigator. No. Because that's very different. No, that was. Yes. That was, yes. I, so what ends up happening?

They've got this FBI team. They're now going into the murder of the nurse when she saw used her threat. vision, but they end up dropping all of that because what ends up happening is that Glenn is leaving Pops and who shows up but the trash bag killer everybody. TBK.

TBK is back on the seat. And I will say that his outfit is very upsetting. He's terrifying. It is genuinely a very scary character. TBK is very, very scary. And what's what I thought was very fun is I kept thinking as I was seeing TBK it was like, oh man, it feels like

they like aped some of Paul Dano's Ridler for this, because he looks pretty similar, and he acts pretty similarly, just like it is like matter, and we're like, oh, no, wait, the Batman only came out like three weeks ago. There's no way they reshot these episodes to make it more like Ridler. They just happened to stumble across a very effective, scary character. They did a very good job. It's a lot of duct tape. But does he keep it on, do you think? So do you think he just really stinks?

No, I don't think he keeps it. It is trash bags duct taped onto his own box. Into some sort of scuba suit. He keeps the stink in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it keeps it. It keeps it fresh. Can't let me moisture out like a fremon from Dune. Oh.

No, I think he changes it. Because you see that he's that guy, Dennis, who was on the construction crew in episode two, the one who gives Archie the Palladium. He's wearing regular clothes there, and only he's got like a trash back diaper on underneath him. That's not him. Yes, it is. No way. What do you mean that's not him?

I think it's one of his goolies. I don't. You think it's one of the goolies? No, I think it's one of his goolies. Okay, so you're using lowercase g ghoulies. Yes, thank you. It's not. Because in the next scene, we're jumping to episode two.

There's no way that that's him. It's 100% him. No. This is the craziest thing you've ever said. Well, you really think that's just some old guy is TBK? Yeah, that's who most serial killers are, some old guy. No way. He's bigger than that.

that. I think he's got to be stronger than that. I mean, he was doing construction. That guy was kind of, we need to be TBK. He's so much bigger. Or is it that many bags that are wrapped around in? I think it's a lot of bag padding. Wow.

All right. Well, we're going to get there just a second because now my mind has been blown. Because we didn't talk about, I did name drop Percival Pickens, but I will say that that's about it because, of course, the. explosion happened inside of Archie's home. And, oh, I did forget to say that Molly Ringwald finally shows up and was like, I bet it was Fred that was taking care of you and protecting you.

It wasn't your fucking father. It was superpowers. He's a superhero now, Mom. Yeah, go start real. Superpowers are real. Oh, yeah, that's what I forgot that they did. Like, the line that they had of just like, yep, magic does exist here now.

Yes, it was so funny. Doesn't it? It's Britta. Yeah, it's Abigail explaining it to Britta. It's like, well, as you can see, my young ward, I'm magic and now magic's here. And Britta's like, oh, cool. As if she wasn't sitting in on the curse being spoken just days prior. I mean, that's just like three women reading a whole parchment.

You don't know that the curse is doing stuff until it's doing stuff. You're damn straight. And it certainly is doing stuff. Now, we don't know who Percival Pickens is, but he did try to buy Archie's childhood home. Yes. And they were like, nah, dude, it just got all exploded. And like, we're not going to sell this to you right now. Yeah.

And then right afterward, Archie says, don't sell it to this random British man who walked into our house who we've never met before. But also, who is random British man? But please keep saying. Sell it to me. I still have my army money. And I never touched the college funding. you and dad put together for me, which is the least surprising thing I've ever found out. Of course you didn't.

Of course you didn't, Archie. That's no surprise there. So now Archie owns out, but why did she even sell it to Archie in the first place? Like, what does it fucking matter? Yeah, I don't. That's going to, that has to come into play at some point because Percival Pickens, they are now, I'm assuming they are setting him up to be a new big bad. Yes.

So in, all right, so jumping to episode two, right? Yeah, aka episode seven. Yes, episode, yes. Episode two of the two that we're talking about. There is another city council meeting of the four random people that were just assigned to be run to the town for no reason whatsoever. And also. There's the gang leader, the house mom, the girl who owns the diner who's never lived here before. You know, the real pillars of the community.

Yeah. And a runaway from prison. Oh, Uncle Daddy. I forgot Uncle Daddy's on the council. So I also, I did kind of forget that Veronica did stand up at this council meeting. It was like, so my dad got like murdered. But yeah, just so you guys were wondering. And no one else shows up to the funeral except for Reggie.

Like none of her friends go to the funeral. announcement at the city council meeting, which is still being held in the El Royal Boxing Club. Ah, yes. Where the orphans used to live. Where the orphans used to live? Yes. And it's at that meeting that Percival Pickens walks, like stands up and introduces him to the town. I'm very British and I have ideas for your town. And I'd like to do my British ideas for your town. I don't think it was that refined, but yes. Exactly how he sounded, baby.

Oh, my God, you're right. I am a stoner and I was mistaken. So what ends up happening with him is that he is also, so now that Abigail, aka Cheryl, is trying to figure out what happened to all of the people that never left the town in 150 friggin years. Is that how long ago she was burned at the steak? I mean, I'm going to assume 18s. We were burning people at the steak in 1870. I don't know what they do.

We had telegrams. It's Riverdale, Jeff. I don't know what they do over there. So now that this dude shows, why, what year do you think it is? I mean, we were burning, first of all, there were never any witches burned in the United States. That never happened. And then secondly. This is the podcast for this.

And secondly, I care about history. We only hung witches here. Never burned them. And it was like before America was even America. Well, everybody burned her alive, okay? And now she's pissed. And she wants to go get back at everybody. I would too.

And she especially wants to get back at Percival Pickens because Percival Pickens was one of the religious guys. Do they say explicitly state that in the episode? I'm pretty sure they do. I don't think I would make that up. Because I remember that they had like flashbacks to each other time that Abigail recognizes someone, but they didn't have a flashback for him. However, Alice Cooper, after Percival introduces himself at the meeting, she's like,

are you related to general blah, blah, blah, pickens? Yes. Percival Beckins makes his introduction, and yes, Percival promises he's not there to cause trouble, but with luck and hard work, Riverdale could become one of the greatest and most prosperous towns in America. And I think that he is a witchfinder general. He has to, he has to be. Which is going, he's going to go after Abagnan.

Which is a real job people used to have. And I frankly think we need to get back to it. Jeff likes history. Back better. We need more witch finders. No. There's witches out here. You need to cut them out.

Stop pointing at me. Are you a witch hunter general? No. I would divorce you if I find out that you are and I need you to know this now. I'm not. Okay. No, no, that's all you need to know. Well, don't worry about it.

Personal Pickens is going to be coming after us all pretty soon. But I am- Oh, you witches better watch out. Whoa. And I'm looking forward to Abigail, probably, I'm going to assume at some point, killing him very slowly. Yes. Let's get a rule.

And that's going to be awesome. Because this whole episode, Abigail has also been trying to win back Thomasina, even though, oh, she's. with somebody, oh, she's got a baby. Exactly, yes. And she doesn't care about those things. She wants Thomasina back. Pretty great. But while all of this is happening, now Veronica's trying to deal

with the death of her father, quote unquote, and I will keep saying, quote, unquote, because I don't think that he's dead. I mean, where did it happen? She received In the Pine Barons of New Jersey. She received a voicemail of him right before he was

murdered. He sounded completely fine. I mean, I would not be shocked if he is alive. However, I would also not be shocked if Mark Consueless could, Mark Consueless, I mean, just could not be fucked enough to go and show up to set again. If he just never wants to deal with these nerds ever again. And that's, and that voicemail that she got was the last bit. He's like, fine, fine, I'll get, I'll, I'll, I'll show up to the recording booth. This is the last thing. It's the last fucking thing, guy. Yes. And also, I meant to say earlier when they put Nana Rose in the Bale of Hay Room,

in the Hay Room, it was because she had referred to Thomasina, aka Tony, as serpent tracks. Oh, yeah. Man. She's a loyal girl. I like that. I like that about Abigail. What does Abigail say? I will have Riverdale back in my thrall. I will have my revenge on the offspring of my enemies. But first, I will have Tomicina back by my side and death. anyone who stands in my way. It is shocking because Abigail is literally no different from Cheryl. She just now needs to be introduced to characters instead of knowing who they are. Yes.

And she's now explicitly magic instead of implied magic. Honestly, I'm completely here for it. I love it. All I've wanted was this show to start doing some crazy bullshit that makes no sense. Previously, they were trying to justify their crazy bullshit. And I think that was a mistake on their part. I think the show should just be a constant stream of inexplicable gobbledygook being shot at our eyes at 300 frames of second for 22 weeks out of the year. Yeah, probably.

What other things go down at the funeral of Hiram Lodge? Oh, well, it's important to note that at the funeral... Abolita cannot know that Veronica killed her son. But her godson totally can... He's fine with Errador. Cousel Aaldo comes into town. And man, it's really crazy how just the way that it makes me think of my mom going, Musaerl whenever she is about to put some mozzarella onto something.

Heraldo comes in, he's very quiet. We don't know why. Why is he so quiet, Jeff? Is it because he's also a killer? Yes. Surprise, surprise. Surprise. If someone's quiet in this show, they're a criminal.

They're a criminal. or they are a previous criminal like Uncle Daddy, who was also very quiet, even though he was just stooping Alice Cooper, but maybe they dropped that? Or was that in Rivervale? Oh, God, that I don't remember. I think that was a Riverdale thing.

I think it was happening. Dale or Vale? Dale. Oh. I think that was happening last season. Who knows? Interesting. Who knows what happens in this world?

I literally am supposed to be the one that is supposed to keep track of these things. And I've got this steel trap up here. He's got the steel trap. So what ends up happening? Hermosa, blood for blood, sends the same Russian killer after Veronica. But what ends up happening?

Eraldo comes in, shoots him in the head before he can kill. Makes a truly remarkable shot because he shoots her, he shoots the Russian killer from the floor of the casino up through the window, like a floor above and like 60 feet away. center of the fucking forehead. Incredible shit. Herado is an unstoppable killing machine. So don't worry, Veronica ain't dead yet,

but she does know that Edmosa is now going to be going after her blood for blood. Thank God that we couldn't keep Mark Gonzalez in the show so we could just have Veronica and Hermosa going after each other. Just over and over again. I didn't even bring up the fact that Hermione came back for a little bit, but she was on the real housewives

right now. I loved it. Hermione, honestly, I kind of. kind of love her character now that she is a real housewife. I think it really made, like, they really just dropped all of how badass she is and just made her such a vanilla character. Yes, she's lost all pretense of being badass. She used to be mayor. She's an incredibly accomplished woman. Man, remember when she was shed up in that hot sheriff? Oh, fuck, yeah, she was. Yeah, bro. But a season and a half on real housewives that she's lost

any credibility and she's just like an empty-headed, vapid woman who is weirdly super cool with the fact that Veronica had Hiram murdered. You know, well, in her brain, she quote, the man that she loved died years ago. But in a much more real way, he died a couple nights ago when her daughter had him murdered. He's definitely possibly maybe dead, quote unquote. So now. Ooh, do you think she's not? crying as much because she knows Hiram's not really dead.

It could be that or it could just be the plastic surgery. That maybe her eyes just can't quite. She's had too many facelifts and stretches and Botoxes that those ducts don't pour no mo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're stretched too tight. Yeah, I get that. I've heard that that happens. Yeah, I've been there before.

Sometimes your ducks get too tight. Yeah, they do. And while all of this is happening, they're having the funeral. they're getting through it. Abolita is really sad. But TBK is still out for revenge. Hell yeah, yes. He goes after Glenn.

He kills Glenn. And through this whole episode, or he doesn't kill Glenn. No, he kills Glenn. But he, before that, he was sending pieces of Glenn to Betty. It's my favorite ska album, Pieces of Glenn.

I guess it's not Scott. No, I was thinking of pieces of Glenn. of you. Oh, right, right. Sorry. So, Betty TBK is a torturer. He is.

Betty looks through photos of Glenn's car when she gets a package. She opens up and finds a bloody and severed foot. So she doesn't think that Glenn was killed. TBK is keeping him

somewhere and dismembering him piece by piece. It's his preferred method of killing so the victims suffer. So even without a mask, Betty should be able to see his threat. vision.

Absolutely. So she ends up getting, she has an interaction with TBK. But she doesn't see any threat vision on him. No murder vision with TBK. No, so does it mean that he's not going to threaten her? Well, no, he says when, a little bit later, when he goes after Archie, he says,

I'm Betty's blind spot, which, what? Betty's blind spot. He's been fucking surveilling her that closely that he's intimately acquainted with her murder vision. Or maybe is he Archie? I don't think that's... What if he's Archie? I mean, that would be incredible. But I wish that was true.

So you really think it's that old guy? Yeah. Okay, we need to talk about the Peladium. Obviously, we got to talk about the balladium. Yes. So Archie puts together a nice little rag tag group of... of volunteer construction workers to help him.

Because he's non-unionized the construction. He's not union, which, you know what, Archie, join a union. They've got great benefits, unions with the backbone of society. Union membership has dropped down to six percent of the United States.

What used to be at 36 percent back in the 1950s. Peladium is his kryptonite, Jeff. I'm just saying, I'm pro-union. I feel like you don't care that palladium is his kryptonite. I care deeply. And someone, that information

is going to get into the wrong hands because they're superheroes now. But then... It immediately fell into the handsome serial killer. Immediately fell into the handsome serial killer. It's got to be... But I feel like at some point, Abigail Blossom is going to find out

because she's got those palladium mines underneath the maple groves. Wow. I think that she's going to end up using that against them because she's going to go after them because they are her enemies. But do you think that the ghost or the spirit of Cheryl Blossom

is going to have... help defend them from the maple groves. Maybe that she won't be able to mine the palladium because it's like a piece of her. I mean, I don't know about that. I think that she- You are dismissing me. I'm not dismissing it. I think that Abigail,

there's probably going to be some sort of climax where she's had Betty and Judd or Betty and Archie kidnapped and held in the mines so that they can't use their powers. Oh, that's really good. Like the Cryptoite thing. It's a cave of kryptonite. Cave of kryptonite. I was thinking of, isn't there like a kryptonite prison that they put Superman in?

You know what? I'm going to say yes. Thank you. Because you can't prove me wrong and you never know. I think that sounds good. I think that. I think Lex Luther, I'll write you a letter. You should do that because I better will.

He's listening. Yeah. I know he's a huge fan. Shout out to Mr. Luther, our number one fan. Thank you for listening. We appreciate. Sorry, we're a week late, but don't worry. We got here.

We're here. That's what matters most. So, yeah, the plans, are predictions for what's going to happen. Oh, God, we didn't even finish up with what TBK did. So TBK is actually the construction worker. Jackie does not believe he's actually the construction. I don't think it's the actual construction worker.

I mean, I think it obviously is that construction worker. Well, because we didn't even end up saying that, like, it's because this construction worker finds police. You can't hear, can you hear her roll her eyes? This construction. He's so small.

There's no way it's TBK. There's no way it's TBK. Go on. So this small construction worker goes, hey, boss. I found this palladium. It's not even close. He found this palladium. And it goes, this is worth a lot of money, do you know?

If you find my other piece, I'll spit it with you. Is KJ. Appa in the room? I'm a dad. Yeah, he's here. That's him. Hell, yeah. So. He offers to split it with this guy.

He ends up finding, and then he starts realizing because he gets hurt, because he falls through the floor. Yeah. And he gets hurt, and he's like, oh, it's because he had the palladium in his pocket. It's his kryptonite. So when the dude, this is after Archie ends up getting a call from TBK saying, you, like, I'm going after you next because he's going after everyone that's connected to Betty. I'm going to go after you next.

But somehow he knows about the palladium. because he uses that to take him and oh my god, I forgot about him. Well, no, you know that he definitely knows about the palladium kryptonite because there's a scene where Archie's explaining, I fell to the floor and like, it hurt. That's why I don't think it's a construction worker.

No, at the end of that scene, you see him moving. Yes, which means that he's just stalking them. He was stalking Betty, overheard that conversation, knows that they've got powers, knows that the palladium is a kryptonite. But if he's stalking them, Why would TBK go and offer his donated services to rebuild his home? So we could get closer.

I don't know if it's that smart. Okay, another thing. You know how the show is like just like lousy with references. True. TBK is obviously a reference to BTK. Yes. Whose real name was Dennis Rader. Okay.

And what is the name of that construction worker? I don't know. Dennis. How did you know that? Steel trap. Oh, God. Oh, he's got his steel trap. You should be scared of me.

No, I'm not scared of me. You're too nice. You use your steel trap only for good. You're just like Superman. I'm just like Superman. So then what ends up happening is TBK ends up. Dennis shows up. He's like, hey, boss, I found more of that palladium.

He's like, oh, cool. And then he cracks him over the head with a fucking pipe wrench. I think he was paid to do it. I think that is incorrect. I don't agree with you on that. I guess we're going to end up having to see. I guess we're going to end up having to see. Interesting.

So then Archie finds himself all, like you think he'd drag him to a different place and not just put him up in the fucking attic of his own home. Tie him up in the attic. So he ties him up in the attic and he's got all these tools and he's like, oh, Archie, you're going to see. I'm going to use these tools and you're going to be upset. But guess what ends up happening? Because his entire time, bingo, yes, the dog whose four legs,

aka 28 legs, had been broken earlier. magically his legs healed and he'd been living next door at Alice Cooper's house but Alice Cooper Fah had had enough with the dog because she didn't want the dog in the house anymore so she leaves the dog inside of the house Bingo goes upstairs, go looking for Archie Bingo remembers his dog fighting days

remembers his dog fighting days so Remember when Archie broke up a dog fighting league Honestly I didn't remember until Archie then said Bingo kill And so bingo I'm sorry to say it more like KJ app The bingo! K.

Unfortunately, I leave the KJIPA impersonations to MJ, so I try to do my best. So Bingo jumps on him and pushes him through the wall of that house. Tackles him through a wall. And so B.TK. I'm sorry, T.BK gets thrown through the wall of a home and onto the ground, and he ends up escaping, and bingo's just like, I did it.

He goes, I remember my dog fighting days. Hell yeah, dude. But now he's got superpowers. Super dog. Super dog. He's like, honestly, another reference to fucking Superman, Crypto the Wonder Dog. Oh, does he have a super dog?

There is a super dog. That's really fun. It's pretty sweet, actually. He could fly, too. That's all. I mean, I think that bingo might be able to fly. God, that would rule. At least a little bit.

That would make sense why he didn't fall out the fucking house after he knocked TBK through the wall. And then through all of the upsetting sides. story of Jughead. It finally comes to a Jughead at the end of the episode when all of a sudden he can hear Tabitha behind him and he's like, oh my God, I can hear you and he gets up and then turns out he can hear her thoughts. And I'm not talking about that ho over there. I'm talking about what's inside her brain.

Yep. And now all three of, I'm sorry, all four of them have. of superpowers. What the fuck was in the bum that exploded? And why do they have superpowers? I don't know.

Is it going to go? Is it witch hunter general? It's good. I think the witch, all right, if we're throwing predictions out. Because you got, I just real quick, Percival Pickens, right? Which hunter general came into the house that was not his, that had just been exploded and said, can I buy this house? There must

be a reason. There's definitely a reason for it. So I don't know like, was it the Gullies plus somebody else? I don't know. I mean, you remember that the impetus behind Rivervale? Impetant?

The impetus. Thank you for laughing at my non-juritus. The impetus. Behind Rivervale was that the explosion had created some sort of break in the universes. And now Rivervale was a separate universe that had

broken off of Riverdale. Okay. So you think the powers come from River Vale? Yes. Oh. I think that in the multiverse splitting and then closing back in on itself with Jughead placing that call to save Archie and Betty's life, Jughead ended up letting, like other multidimensional Jughead let magic things get through. Magic obviously in the form of Abigail Blossom and also in the form of comic book

superpowers. Oh, so do you think that they're going to maintain the superpowers through the rest of the season? I hope so. I really do. Do you think other people are going to also get superpowers? I don't know. Because I don't hear me out. I don't want it to become just another CW show, though.

No, I don't either. I want it to be a couple of people with superpowers. Obviously, they're going to, like, hit a bunch of, like, the superpower at arcs. Archie's probably going to amass another army of orphans to become Vangelantes with. Are there more secret orphans in Riverdale? Archie will be on his, I think, 12 vigilante army. I think Jughead is going to use his mind reading powers to do some sort of like super covert journalism shit. He's going to be like a spy journalist.

And Betty's obviously going to use it for more murder vision. Well, because she's about, Betty's about to leave town because she's trying to draw TBK out of Riverdale. Is she still going to follow through with that, you think? I think so. Oh, man. And then she said she's going to circle back, which I don't know what that means. That's called... Isn't he just going to follow you back?

So I think that... That's called the vacation. She's going to go out and then she's going to kill TBK. She might be trying to do that. So hopefully we get some... Is it Hal Sparks? No. Not Sparks.

It's definitely not Hal Sparks. I've done it so many times. I think about Hal Sparks too. I think I think about House Sparks more than Hell Sparks thinks about Hell Sparks this much. Hal Cooper. Her father. Right, because he's so protective. Is it an uncle of some sort?

Whoa. You think that Dennis, the construction worker, is somehow maybe related? Right. I mean, that would be pretty sweet. Right. That would be pretty sweet. Because he's very protective of her. And I mean, she's the only one that has gotten away from TBK.

And in my heart of hearts, I wish it was an alter ego of Betty. Yeah, but we know that it's not. Now that we've had a scene with both of them in the same scene, we know that he's, that TBK is not bad. I mean, he'd be great if it was all inside of her mind, though. That would rule, God, like a high tension thing. Yes. Oh my God, that would be sick.

But I'm pretty sure it's not that. No, no, no. I guess it's Dennis, the construction worker. What is this look? What is this? I believe you and I support you. It doesn't sound like it. I believe in all of you guys and I support all of you guys.

And I don't know if I support every single decision of the Riverdale writers, but I do know that I am here for it contractually until don't worry, got picked up for another season. Thank God. Oh, thank God. Where are they going to go next? I wonder if they're all just like, like, I feel like at this point, the writers are probably like, please don't bring it back. Like, we don't know where it's going to go. Superpowers? I mean, they may...

Did you expect superpowers? I mean, we've always joked that something crazy like that was going to happen, but like, now it's superpowers. Now anything's on the table. And I can't wait. Thank you so much, Jeff. Thank you for having. For joining us. And any last final predictions?

Last final predictions. I think that there's going to be a magic fight between Abigail and Percival. Okay. I think that's going to happen. And I think that there's going to be some sort of like Avengers defenders fight with Archie, Betty, and Jughead versus gooies. Ooh, okay. Or that, ooh, maybe Percival Pickens will help them try to defeat the powers of Abigail Blossom. But then they realize Percival Pickens is also evil.

Well, you think they get hoodwinked by the witch fighter general? I think there's going to be double hoodwings. I keep saying Witchfinder General. We don't know this for sure yet. I think I like it, though. I hope so. I think I like it. And I love you guys so much.

Thank you so much for joining us on Riverdale Roundup. And thank you so much, Jeff, for joining us. Who knows, you might be back next time. Who knows? I don't have a baby or grad school. Oh, thank God. Love you guys so much. We'll talk to you next week.

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